we all know human vigilante… but what about… slightly human vigilante

Thinking about the lyrics that goes along the lines of “I couldn't hear your silence over the sound of our happiness” again and of course Satoru couldn’t hear anything else they were separated for their missions and spent more time alone and had more time to think.

In that time Suguru kept thinking of all the ways the world was wrong and how he couldn’t find it in himself to laugh again, but Satoru was thinking of all the times he made Suguru laugh instead. Because he could already see the world for more than what it seemed. Because even though he could, he narrowed his world to Suguru and Suguru’s little giggles he got out of him only.

And because Gojo remembers Geto the way he was whenever he was with him, he remembers him happy.

the steddie fics where steve is embarrassingly air-headed and has no clue what bisexuality is even though his best friend is a lesbian are so funny to me (in a bad way). it’s like what’s another way that we can mercilessly infantilize him and make eddie munson (pathetic clueless loser) guide him and navigate the relationship as if steve hasn’t been in many relationships himself?

thinking about her (Gith the Liberator)

Thinking about how much I wish she were the deliciously messy, morally complex, and believably motivated protagonist of a Space Lesbians vs. Empire trilogy instead of a flat villain/historical footnote in the Fiend Folio. Unfortunately, DnD.

You’re drawing ‘The Fowl Twins’ era now? Do you have NANNI and Crime Boss Minerva?

I didn’t really think about either of them very much but now that I’ve drawn them I like them a bit more

I’m not a huge fan of either of these drawings, but the tattoos were fun

Nothing like chilling on the couch, opening google on my phone so I can watch youtube only to find my last opened tab was ‘when to go to the ER for suicidality’ 😭

I’m somehow totally fine now but earlier today I was going for a walk and started thinking about all the crap that’s happened to me and how trapped I feel with my parents recently. I got the worst suicidality I’ve had in years, actually probably the most severe acute moment of suicidality I’ve ever experienced. I was gonna call an ambulance right then because I didn’t trust myself to walk back out of the ravine without doing something but thankfully it passed quickly and I feel normal now.

I should maybe tell my partner though, but I hate to worry them because their ex was very suicidal and put it on my partner in a really horrible way so the last thing I want to do is make them feel like they have to keep me alive. Idk, I should ask them what they want me to do I think. It’ll be a horrible conversation but I think it’s necessary if things continue this way, a worse conversation would be ‘hey, I’m at the ER right now’ or G-d forbid the call from someone other than me.

Ok, sorry if this feels a bit unprompted negativity but given our previous convo about how they write Alcryst (or rather, how they write about him), this short convo feels like everything wrong with it. Which is a shame because I still really like him but this stuff drags him down so much for me :(

Man is displaying deeply concerning behavior and eageress to get himself killed for no reason other than despising himself and yet everyone around him is like "Ah, Classic Alcryst, always so humble and modest." and like- I think Hortensia is the only one to use the correct term: self-loathing.

And while I admit it is kinda funny during battles where he's one of your best units and he's like "sorry i am so worthless...", in the Somniel and during support it feels EXTREMELY concerning and yet no one is treating it seriously and even worse the game plays the funny music because man, self-loathing is peak comedy. DUDE WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING DRAG HIM TO A THERAPIST ASAP HE COULDN'T MAKE IT ANY MORE CLEAR HE'S GOING TO GET HIMSELF HURT

OH MY GOSH WAIT. I THINK. You made something click for me actually I figured out Why his treatment by the writing feels So Bad

Like. This exchange didn't sit right with me either, but I kind of just shrugged it off like, eh, what can you do. Dumb writing will happen. But. Here's what I'm thinking.

I THINK. IF THIS DIALOGUE WAS ABOUT LAPIS. IT WOULD WORK SO MUCH BETTER. Because the thing about Lapis, is she IS very modest and humble, and if that's your first impression of her, it doesn't feel too bad. Because, that's exactly how she carries herself. And as you get to know her, it's very clear she does have self-esteem issues that directly ties into her being "humble" and "modest" -- she has low confidence. And, if you dig deeper, you find the route cause -- she's deeply self-conscious about how she was poor growing up, and I'd even go as far as to say the experience of growing up like that was traumatic for her. It still has lingering effects, where she's constantly scavenging and squirreling things away. (ESP significant when you consider her position is vastly different now -- she's working for royalty. She HAS to have security in a way she didn't have before. And yet, she's still acting as if she doesn't, still operating as if she's in survival mode.)

I think, Lapis' self image issues are handled so much better than Alcryst's. Like, it actually feels like I'm not explaining or expressing it well, but... the way Lapis is, how she carries herself and how her past is such a painful ever-present part of her, it's handled with nuance and care. You can See just how much it still hurts her, you can actually see that she has a Lot of unresolved issues about it, in the way she tries to hide her background and the way she snaps and breaks down if pushed too far about it. And even the way she talks down about herself, it's sad for sure, but it feels grounded. Also, there Are instances where she wishes for more for herself -- wishes, didn't feel this way about herself (esp thinking about her supports w Rosado). It's handled very well.

MEANWHILE, the way Alcryst's issues are handled.... in-universe and by the writing in general. There's. Actually so much to unpack here. But what you made click for me, WAS pointing out how he's clearly engaging in dangerous behavior. Which made me think, OH, he has. Another issue altogether actually. Like... with this level of self-loathing, and this level of Eagerness to put himself in danger. It does read like he could have suicidal ideation. Which. I mean, I know Engage is largely lighthearted, but if they took that angle more in his character, like... I think it would make a lot of sense. He has some prominent warning signs.

Like, I like that you said "eagerness", because it really IS the difference between him and Lapis (and Citrinne as well!). Lapis and Citrinne have resolve, a willingness and deep devotion to Alcryst. They're Willing to endanger themselves for his sake, because they fully understand it's part of their duty as retainers, it's something they wholeheartedly believe in and Want to dedicate themselves to. Meanwhile, Alcryst... he's just not well. Like. It's abundantly clear he's not well.

AND. Finally sort of getting to unpacking like. How this is treated in-universe. I think all these things considered, THAT'S why it feels so bad. Alcryst is showing clear signs of being extremely mentally unwell, maybe even cries for help, and over and over it's dismissed by the writing as comedic AND dismissed by the characters around him as Alcryst being kind, in his own "funny" way. Classic Alcryst! So humble. So modest.

Now, here's something I've been thinking about in all of this... I think, for some characters, it would actually make a lot of sense for them to regard him this way. I'm ESPECIALLY thinking of Lapis. It would make complete sense for her to idealize him, misconstruing these things about him in the process. It's clear she has feelings for him, for one, but also, I think she sees a lot of herself in him -- which may cause her to project onto him, too. Which blinds her, in a few different ways -- the main one being, I think, is how each is handling their issues. Yes, Lapis very much carries her past and the unresolved issues that came with it wherever she goes, seeping into every interaction she has. It consumes her. But, from like. An, "Is She In Any Danger Because of It" standpoint, she seems to be in the clear. I think, maybe, it would make sense, if in all of her romanticization of him and projection onto him, but not quite being in that dark place herself -- it may be very easy for her to look over it or call it something else (his Kindness, Humility, Modesty, ect -- maybe even bravery too, when it's actually just recklessness and little to no regard for what happens to himself).

But for other characters. My god, I wish they could just See it and call it what it is, exactly like Hortensia does. I wish the game ITSELF did that, actually. Because, I think THAT was the thing about Alcryst that I just couldn't place or put words to, how, I do love him, I do think he's funny, and I do like the parallels between him and Takumi -- how, each struggle interpersonally and from various Horrors, but. They're perceptive. And they're kind. But, there was just something I couldn't place, that felt Bad. And I think it is, the writing itself being dismissive and cavalier about the very heavy issues Alcryst is portraying. AND, almost trying to portray the issues as something else? As if it isn't That Bad. It's funny!! Or misguided bravery!! Heroic, even!! Like.... oof. That. Does not sit well.

And like. That's not even to say you Can't make his traits and tendencies funny. Cause exactly what you said, it IS SO FUNNY when Alcryst is one of your MVPs and you talk to him and he's just the saddest wettest poor little guy in the whole wide world like "I'm sorry :( I know I'm a burden :(" like BUDDY..... you are a crit and dodging machine of death and murder and you single handedly carried us to victory LMFAOOO -- ALSO. One of my FAVE moments in my playthrough was when he made like, a PERFECT meal, and he was like. "Oh.... I'm so sorry....... if it's not very good ..........." LIKE BUDDY!!!!!!! COME ON!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S OKAY YOU'RE DOING GREAT I PROMISE!!!!! Little moments like that, and I think in some supports as well if the context feels right for it, I think he can def have funny moments!!!

I'm SO sorry LMFAOOO I FEEL LIKE. I'VE BEEN TALKING IN CIRCLES AND GOING ON SO MANY TANGENTS. BUT. MAYBE. WHAT I WAS TRYING TO ILLUSTRATE HERE. Is it's extremely fucked up actually, for them to write a character who's showing some scary warning signs, only to dismiss those warning signs and say they're something else, even down to silly goofy music like. Espppp in how I just, largely ignored it, dismissing myself as "bad writing lmfao" or "a bit much" but like. While those things could be true, it's so fucked up that like.... the game itself makes you inclined to dismiss it. Maybe only leaving you with a few qualms and a nagging feeling, that something. Isn't quite right here.

Relapsed <- thinking about The Glory (Netflix) again

This is very off topic but- i thought you would appreciate the fact that i'm going to write about the classic to geno to error timeline in my philosophy essay.

IM SCREAMING THEIR TIMELINE IS MY EVERYTHING I HAVE BEEN OBSESSED FOREVER AND EVER IF YOU DONT GET FULL MARKS ILL DIE

(Image: Handshake meme template. One arm is "Deucalion in season 5", the other is "Beacon Hills lacrosse refs". Where they're shaking hands is replaced by the "I pretend I do not see it" meme.)

i’m sorry but i have read The Bear discourse and it’s driving me nuts! to say that there is no chemistry between sydney and carmy other than as friends is just simply Not Based in Reality and whether a relationship is narratively Plausible in our collectively Imagined Future is not (nor does it need to be!) the same as whether you think it would be like a good narrative Choice

WHAT DO YOU MEAAANNN "MID" THAT COMIC GOES SO HARD AND NOT FOR ANYTHING... THAT WAS MY FIRST THOUGHT VERBATIM... THIS GOES HARD. Incredibly effective composition and symbolism and use of values and shadow on the first page ESPECIALLY (I would love to hear what the third eye symbolizes as mentioned in your tags :) ) but. But. But like. Masato being Arakawa's comfort and not recognizing it and certainly not remembering it when he's older... despite how much it means to Arakawa in the moment... owwww owwie

I was gonna ramble about how much it hits home to depict Yoko as non-human because the nightmares that have stuck with the most about my mom were like that But Enough Of That We Get It... at any rate, as always, take care and I hope you get some good news soon!

thank you so much ♪(´▽｀) !! it generally felt like somethin i dont really post (but horror/blood is something i really love and love to draw), so its why i was especially excited to share it and see what people thought: im glad people like it from what i see (❁´◡`❁) ! and im glad the lack of color wasn't anything detrimental- it might have worked better in this instance. maybe.

i dont ever 'title' things per say since i feel weird doin it BUT i guess captions serve as the title sometimes. so the caption 'matrophobia' is really ironic with that whole aspect in relation to masato being arakawa's Everything: on the one hand, it can just be a general fear of your mother, but on the other hand it could also be the fear of becoming like your mother. if i ever intended to go through with a jo variant, 'patrophobia' would for sure be the title with that ambiguity in mind, but (and i suppose in both instances) with this its more ironic here since masato is the one who ends up the most like his parents' abusers- which ultimately just makes things more bittersweet in that moment dont it (´▽｀ ;;;) on top of masato being arakawa's comfort, it's not just masato himself being the only reason: tying back into the alt. meaning of matrophobia, it's also a relief for arakawa in that he didn't turn out like his mother- which, again, makes everything so bittersweet in the end. its like spiders in my brain when it comes to that whole aspect in regards to the arakawa family's history and dynamics...... it makes me insane to be blunt ☠️

ah but yeah ! i decided to make her an actual perceivable monster so people who. DON'T. have issues with either of their parents could get a better feeling of what it is like to have a troublesome parent/s (id rather see wolves in my dreams than my mom on that note- even if they were going to bite my face off ( ´◡` ;;; ) ). i ran out of tags before i could make any more notes i had while drawing （；´x｀） but i do have more and i'll be glad to explain the missing eye bit ! under the cut since it'll just be me rambling bout symbolism ig and its gonna get long (´▽｀;;; )

when it came to the third/center eye being missing specifically, i did it in relation to how the third eye can relate to enlightenment or higher knowledge. definitely just as a result of projection, but its cause all the time when i was growing up my mom would not only assert and act as if Her Way Was The Right Way and that she knew everything, but that i should only go to her if i needed help and no one else could help me- hence it being missing being a reflection of how that notion isn't true (or always true i should say). as en extension, it's also a dig at how enlightened persons are supposed to help others reach enlightenment- yk, guide them. yet, again, in this case, they're only doing harm.

that's all for the third eye bit, but also just some other things i didnt have room to ramble bout last post: i had her lips be torn away to constantly show her fangs since. well. i dont have to explain it i guess: its just meant to highlight the never ending feeling of danger when around her (and the promise of danger). her nose being gone is purposeful too: in animals, the smell of your family's significant and it helps you find out Which One Is Yours right. in her nose being gone- again, more projection and personal problems on my part- it's a way to emphasize the separation between mother and child: 'you're no longer my kid anymore, i can't even recognize your scent'. of course, that's only to the mother: she is the only one no longer able to say they're family because she can't smell that shared scent anymore. in reality, they could very much smell the same, it's just the mother's unwilling to accept that anymore.

i know i mentioned the flowers in my initial post, but her wearing a flower shirt really was convenient since it allowed me to add those thorns and vines. when you have a troublesome parent like that, the feeling of not just being trapped is there, but it's painful- it's not something you can deal with quietly. even if you're not interacting with the parent directly, the thought of their presence or the unfortunate thoughts that come about as a result of having been around them so long are a constant thorn in the side. if i may make a pun ( ´uゝ` )

alright NOW i think i've covered everything i wanted to. without all the symbolism aside, i hope she at least looks grotesque for people to enjoy without the added thought- and i hope i didn't overdue it. in any case im glad you enjoyed it !! i hope you'll enjoy the next comic i get out (❁´◡`❁) if i ever start it and i dont abandon it midway through ( ❁´◡`❁ ;;;)

I came to terms with the Sol kinnie thing months ago now because honestly who gives a shit, but every now and then I'll find myself in a situation where I wonder if whatever it was I was about to do was/is a pre- or post-Guilty Gear interest lol

The most annoying part abt being into TWDG is seeing all the complaints abt the child characters like goddamn calm down they're literally children.

I JUST FINISHED MY LAST HW ASSIGNMENT EVER!!

I graduate this week and I NEVER have to do homework again!!! ...unless i go back to school later in life for some weird reason. I dont know why I would do that tho school has only ever not sucked back in elementary when we had very minimal homework. Any point is!! Im done!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

love starting off a Tag Your OC prompt fill with "so I've given this a little thought" and then proceeding to hit the tag limit with the sheer length of my rambling