Hey yalls so I've been all over the place but lately I've been feeling soft and I realize... I still really like you homies so frequent my blog 💖

So I decided to do some MC drawings both for those who might do a fic/drawing with Mirjami and those I genuinely really like and appreciate their company :>

And these are:

@skyeslittlecorner

@notquitebunnie

@pineapplesneedrights

@lemonivall

I really appreciate you 4 for your existence or just general kindness so I hope you like this 💓

Anyways but don't think that's it; I do really appreciate the other regulars who stop by. I've noticed some of you and I'd love to draw your WHB MCs if you'd like next time or if you're a frequent visitor here ❤️

Now I have a list of those who take priority (IF they want their MC Drawn):

@yuuka29

@flanseal

@himurakenshin25

@ryu21800

@thrones-of-buer

@bakdbfi

I'm gonna do 4 each week so we have 2 Slots available for any of you mentioned who want dibs or any other peeps who stop by my blog ✨️

Just reblog with your MCs and comment and I'll let you know how the list will look for this week!!

Thank you all for being awesome!! 💞

Edit 03/18/2024: Currently 2 Spots open if any mentioned want one lemme know <3

Edit 03/19/2024: Currently 1 Spot available if anyone mentioned wants it! :3

quick edit: I assumed it was obvious but apparently I need to be clear: I don’t hate hades 2 (I’m actually quite excited for it). I know it’s in early access and that all this criticism/analysis could be out of date or wrong by the time the game is done. I am just a person with too much time on my hands wanting to discuss some initial thoughts I’ve had with the game so far (especially since at the same time I’m also replaying hades 1)

look I’m sorry I’m doom posting a little about hades 2 I swear I don’t hate it or anything (honestly I hope I’m proven wrong) but I am a little concerned about some things, here are the top ones in my head:

Hot spring scenes are kinda weird. There I said it. “Oh back in Ancient Greece people bathed together all the time” Artemis literally has killed men for accidentally (not even on purpose) peeping at her and her huntresses. That spring scene with Odysseus is so weird. Like he knew her back when she was a wee baby. Pretty sure Nemesis did too. Like ://////

Speaking of Odysseus, sue me maybe I’ve been listening to too much Epic the Musical (context this musical does not portray Odysseus as a cheater) but Odysseus being so disconnected from Penelope and Telemachus is so disappointing. Like I get it, my man is a bit of a manwhore but like… everything he did in the Odyssey was to get back to them. Especially since you can make a solid argument that his “cheating” in the Odyssey with Circe and Calypso can be considered rape as both women had immense power over him as goddesses and essentially threatened to hurt him/his men if he disobeyed. Sooooooo yeah Odysseus’ characterization seems kind of flat? Like no where near as good as Achilles’ (lowkey I am also terrified the reason they wrote Penelope out of the plot was to make fan service between Melinoë and Odysseus and with the hot spring scene I am so scared right now)

I mentioned it in a previous post so I won’t rant too long but I feel Mel’s lack of proper motivation throughout her fight against Chronos is weird? Like she doesn’t know anyone from the house of hades. She even says as much to Hecate that she hardly knows them and sees her as her mother. Which isn’t a bad thing necessarily, maybe part of Mel’s story is about learning to see herself as more than a weapon in this fight. But like… the problem is that she doesn’t have a personal motivation to the fight against Chronos… which is like the core point of the game???

Some of the art design is weird. Yes we are in early access so this can be explained later but some of the designs are weird. Chaos (don’t get me wrong they look AMAZING and beautiful) doesn’t look like Primordial Chaos, they look like some guy? And yeah sure there are some theories as to why but it still takes away from the sheer presence Chaos had in the previous game. Chronos straight up looks like an Egyptian god not Greek.

A lot of the relationships and story is rather straightforward and could do with more nuance. It’s all just “death to Chronos” and that’s it essentially. For example, with Meg and Zag their relationship was complex (a bit toxic) and interesting. Meg had reasons to be upset with Zag and Zag had to push forward regardless so he can find his mom. With Nem and Mel in contrast it just seems like Nem is really salty that Mel gets to go down and kill Chronos and… that’s kinda pathetic? It takes away from her badassery cause this grown ass goddess is literally complaining to a young goddess about something beyond her control. and Nem says some messed up things to Mel too. And in general I feel it’s like this (with Odysseus too, nowhere near the relationship Achilles and Zag had) is the case with the other relationships too (except Hecate and Mel, that is super wholesome and cute :3)

Eris is a cool character but her curses are such a stupid mechanic and it honestly feels like it is a way to make first time perfect runs almost impossible which is stupid because why would you design your game around the rare select few people that will speed run it??

Overall I am well aware I am being rather critical and over analyzing an early access version of the game, so I am going to keep an open mind. However I do stand by my thought that the game so far at least in my opinion isn’t completely living up to its predecessor, at least from a story perspective.

(This would probably do very well in gif form but here's a block of text instead lol) Ok so the visuals in the Daylight music video that go with the lyrics are really fun, and I wanted to post a bit of a thing of it here.. i probably miss some maybe obvious ones or nods/metaphors an whatever, and there are things shown that relate to the lyrics but not exactly at the time he's singing it that I don't mention, but basically almost every lyric and visual directly relate. And that's really cool so I'm gonna list what I seem. I am failing to come up with a word for it that most likely exists but as @theirloveisgross said "My art school ass loves this" so we're calling it the myartschoolasslovesthis overview for now for now:

Ok so Lyric + visual shown while he's singing it that relates:

I'm on the roof - hes on a roof

You're in your airplane seat - he crouches like as if he sits down on a chair (in the air)

I was nose-bleedin' looking for life out there - he walks out of the celeste venus shes expert not novice camper thing

Readin' your horoscope - girlie in the back reading bigass book she's holding up in the air

You were just doing cocaine - walks by white powdered face bunny girlie

in my kitchen You never listen - stands in front of knife'd daggered wall and shows angrywrittenalloverherface devil girlie wanting to throw more

I hope you're missing me by now - she throws another and misses

If I was a bluebird, I would fly to you - walks past more circusmembers who are up in the air and he does a lil fly dancemove

You'd be the spoon Dip you in honey so I could be sticking to you - lil dip dancemoves, the others up in the air are now hanging face down also both with orangey head thingies very honey very dippy (also most headdresses and accessoiries are honey-ish colored like theyre all dipped in it)

(here its a bit thats not that much directly doing something with the lyrics but ill keep up vaguedescribing whats shown, basically every line he finds a new circus-person he interacts with/mimics:) Daylight, you got me cursing the daylight (Ooh) - me the annoying bluegreen clown stops him

Daylight, you got me cursing the daylight (Ooh) - weightlifting stongwoman and hes acting tough showing his muscles

Daylight, you got me calling at all times (Ooh) - screaming through a thing with someone on the other end who is annoyed on the other hand covering her ears

Ain't gonna sleep till the daylight (Ooh) - gets into a box covered in sky and clouds and pretends to sleep in it - then bambamchaos till the next verse-

Out of New York - he's also waving to a girl in a marching band costume on stilts above him and you see the "a prize every time" sign behind them i have thoughts about this none are remotely direct and obvious anyways

I'm on the comedown speed We're on bicycles - well. hes on a bicycle.

Saying, "There's life out therе" - points to the sky

You've got the antidote - circusact with a snake wee venom

I'll take one to go, go, please - ?looks in distorted mirrors

Get the picture, cut out my middle - crawls at like.. middle-length.. like he cuts himself im half in length.. in between people hoolahooping on their middles

You ain't got time for me right now - there's the sign again behind him that says "a prize every time" (and then past "cleanliness(?) and "peep show" idk bro)

If I was a bluebird - view of a girl in blue with feathers shot from below so the background is just sky

I would fly to you - idk some dance of the bluebird trying to get to harry and being held back by the other blue birds

You'd be the spoon, Dip you in honey so I could be sticking to you - theyre dancing around him and he seems confused and then he starts running away past the mirrors and theyre going after him.. its kinda like the bluebird wants to fly and stick to harry and harrys running away?

Yeap. cool. that was it for the lyrics and the matching visuals and from there it just turns to chaos (what a music video tends to do at that point). coolcoolcool

(some) creepypasta/marble hornets music hcs :)

these are mostly from my own playlist they aren't accurate at all this is just 4 funsies lololol

also i highly doubt anyone will even see this post but if u do drop a song rec plz im struggling finding new music </3

tim (specifically him cs masky is too busy going apeshit 4 music)

old man music but like cool old man music (this is just what my father listens to LOL)

thinks he's got peak taste and snickers at everybody else's song choices

breathe - pink floyd

pet sematary - ramones

the chain - fleetwood mac

aerials - soad

lover, you should've come over - jeff buckley

hoodie

i pulled this out of my ass tbh but imagine 80s fan brian

kinda likes lil peep but would never tell a soul cs he thinks he's too old for it

doesn't rly share his music with anyone bcs he's afraid they're not gonna clown him for it

she's in parties - bauhaus

the brightside - lil peep

the ghost in you - psychedelic furs

messages - a flock of seagulls

hotel california - the eagles (cz y not)

jane

i never rly obsessed over her so this is js based on the vibes i get from the art i've seen of her (so pretty bruh)

echolalia - faetooth

nine while nine - sisters of mercy

closet - fleshwater

engine no. 9 - deftones

frigid and spellbound - spectral wound

nina

no way totally unexpected music

i think eventually she grew out of screamo and scene but never rly let emo go entirely

acid - ghost town

get away with murder - jeffree star (yikes)

what you need - bmth

freaxx - brokencyde (she's been in love with this album since it came out)

vampires will never hurt you - mcr

jeff

i like think that after what he did to his family he just kinda checked out from earth and stopped keeping up with most pop culture, so he's still listening to the same music he did back then.

peak edgy middle schooler vibes

never tires of his playlist

every now and again he comes across something new and gets obsessed with it immediately and probably forever

yen - slipknot

makedamnsure - taking back sunday

don't go - bmth

tourniquet - marilyn manson

crewcabanger - chelsea grin

toby

I-C-P FOREVER WITH THE JUGGALOSSSSSS

still enjoys twiztid even after the beef but secretly because it makes him feel like a poser

also likes jeff buckley but feels kinda cringe for it

the stalker - icp

house of mirrors - icp

my 1st time - dark lotus

2nd hand smoke - twiztid

grace - jeff buckley

liu

same reasoning as jane i know like nothing about this dude and even less about sully so i'm not even gonna attempt .

i fw his vibe tho

eye - smashing pumpkins

the man who sold the world - nirvana

heaven - talking heads

the sickness - imminence (he's gotta be a lil emo come on)

siamese twins - the cure

eyeless jack

this one is kinda hard tbh but considering his hypersensitivity to sound, i feel like he wouldn't enjoy anything too noisy

likes songs with a lot of bass because he can feel the bass reverberating through his body when he wears headphones

soft/airy vocals!!!! he hates screaming

doesn't rly stick with a specific genre just whatever makes his ears tingle lol

a forest - the cure

dark stone - holy fawn

hide and seek #1 - plastic tree

the thing - pixies

collabo - june freedom

BEN

bitch spends so much time on the internet he discovers new music every day

listens to everything but tries to flex the really obscure shit he finds in the depths of youtube (he wants to be cool but it's kind of pathetic.)

his playlist is MASSIVE and a mess, he usually has to skip through half of it before finding something he actually likes

i don't know why but he'd be into haunted mound

plays the majora's mask soundtrack when he can't think of anything to listen to

husqrider - turnabout

fentanylism - opiated devilsperm

starting over - lsd and the search for god

gou zin zan goku - deviloof

ugliest - $uicideboy$

laughing jack

he's old af and probably doesn't get modern music tbh

classical music it is

and opera

i'm not gonna make a whole playlist but he really loves erlkönig because of the story lol

Wips on a Friday

Hi! its Friday! I do these on Friday instead of Wednesday because that's when I get the tags lol.

Anyways tagged by both @mareenavee and @thequeenofthewinter I have both art and writing to offer! It's another Josh week because I need that comfort mer right now. Art

Only a few more elements left on this one!

Putting some more scenes out there. Sometimes I draw his 4E design...The mullet just kinda sticks around though. :) Onto Writing. I started the Morrowind fic! Under the cut because of length!

“Get up scum.”

Teldryn considered a number of smart-ass quips, really he could go on all day, but he decided against it. He instead complied with the Imperial’s request, though standing wasn’t really possible in this part of the hull. He managed an awkward crouch that strained his back and neck, it seemed to satisfy the guard. Or he thought it did.

“Quiet today, are we? Did they finally cut out your tongue?” The guard taunted as he unlocked the flimsy gate. Oh, fuck him.

“Oh, you wish you boot-licking fuck!” Teldryn hissed sticking out his tongue at the guard. He spat in his direction, some spittle landing in the Imperial’s overly oiled armour. It earnt him a swift kick to the gut and a sword pommel to the brow, he could feel the blood drip over his eye…worth it. The guard grabbed him by the arm and yanked him to his feet before slamming him against the bars of the cell.

“If it were up to me, we would have dealt with you decades ago,” Teldryn heard the rattling of another chain, felt it encircle his waist, the metal cold on his bare skin. He shivered, maybe that was the wrong move, maybe this guard was just an asshole but it earnt him another slam to the skull. His nose smashed against the metal bars. He grit his teeth, stifling the scream that threatened to escape his throat. The right move.

“All right, out!” The chain yanked and he felt himself being dragged to the right. Were they moving him again? He followed the guard out of the cell, finally able to stretch to almost his full height. Almost, the ceiling was far too low and he had to bend his neck awkwardly…still, it was better than the cell. They walked in silence through the lower decks, the only sounds were the howling winds, the muffled yells of the crew above deck and the constant rhythm of clanking chains.

He was sick of that sound in particular.

They stopped in front of another set of bars, another hovel in a sea of hovels. The space was heavily shadowed though he could just make out the silhouette of another poor sod in the far corner.

Shit!

“All right, last stop,” The guard grunted as he unlocked the gate, “We hear one peep out of either of you and you’ll lose your tongue”.  He pushed Teldryn through the gate, causing him to fall to the floor as the ship rolled against another wave. He felt a tug, the chain around his waist was being secured to a section of the deck that he couldn’t quite see. He waited as the guard left, gate closing, the click of a lock and then silence. Nothing but the roar of the wind, the muffled yelling of the crew and the groan of the ship. He let himself stretch out on the floor of the deck, he slung an arm over his face, his skin cool on the fresh wound on his face, he rolled his head to the side and examined his surroundings. Rope, some empty sacks, bucket, bones, rat droppings. Exactly the same as his old cell. Maybe they were cleaning it? That would be a relief, there was only so long one could stand wallowing in one’s own filth before it sent you slightly crazy.

There was a shaking of metal, he’d forgotten about the other prisoner. Shit! He instinctively reached for his belt, forgetting that the guards had taken his old shiv during his last escape attempt. The new one he’d been fashioning out of a loose nail and an overly large splinter was still lying in the corner of his old cell. On the far side of the ship. He had a chain! He could use the chain to choke the guy out if he attacked him. He started to run the thing through his fingers, making sure it made just enough noise to be a threat.

The jingling stopped and a silence fell over the two. Nothing but the howl of the wind, the yelling of the crew and the groans of the ship as it rolled through the storm outside. He was tired, and his head was beginning to spin, swim. The ship rolled again and he felt the nausea well in the pit of his stomach. That cold feeling in his gut that just wouldn’t go away. He looked around the cell again, rope, sacks,bones, bucket! The damn bucket was just out of reach! He shifted, stretching out one leg to try to move the damn thing closer to him. He managed to snag the handle with his foot, sliding the damn rusted thing over towards him. He had no idea if he’d need it. There was a roar outside, another lurch that sent him and the stranger that shared his cell flying into the bars. Another hit to his head left his head spinning. His head was screaming. Gods he was over this storm!

The other prisoner muttered something of a similar sentiment. Dunmeris? He hadn’t heard that in decades and if he was honest, he found it to be a small comfort. He wouldn’t let him know that. Never show vulnerability in these situations. That was the first thing Teldryn learned when he was first thrown in prison all those decades ago. Especially when brawn was not his side… and judging by what he could see in the dim light of the cell, he was certainly at a disadvantage here. The other prisoner had to be half a head taller than him at the very least and definitely weighed more. Teldryn examined his options. He could reply, a bad idea at the best of times, that would leave him open to a slew of potential problems that he was not interested in considering. The other option was to remain silent, the safer option, gives the other mer no reason to attack. He could always shake the chain again as a threat, his fingers felt for the links that tethered him to the ship and gave it a shake.

“Do you think they’re letting us go?” the other prisoner spoke, he’d changed to Cyrodiilic though he still maintained a thick Vvadenfell drawl that made Teldryn a little homesick. He’d all but lost his during his lengthy incarceration, being around nothing but Imperials, the odd Nord and that one Breton fellow did that to a person. He hadn’t used his mother tongue since he left Suran forty years ago and he was pretty sure that he was already losing it by the time he was arrested.

The other prisoner coughed, was he seriously trying to get Teldryn’s attention? He wasn’t particularly interested in making friends right now. He groaned in protest but decided he’d reply.

“I don’t know, does it matter?” maybe that would be enough to shut him up.  He laid back down on the floor, placing his arm over his eyes. His skin was just cool enough to provide some relief from the screaming pain in his head.

He muttered something else that Teldryn couldn’t quite hear, wrong ear, wrong side.

“You’ll have to speak up, I’m a bit deaf in this ear,” Teldryn lazily gestured to his left ear, the one with the busted ear drum that never quite healed right.

“Jiub,” really? They were doing names now? He’d rather not.

“Look, I’m not really interested in talking or making little friends right now,” Teldryn grumbled back and turned onto his right side. He didn’t hear if Jiub even replied, and to be honest, he didn’t care, “Just leave me alone.” He muttered, more to himself than anyone in particular. He closed his eyes and tried to push the sick feeling from his mind willing another round of restless sleep to overtake him.

While tagging along with Caelus on various adventures could be widely fascinating, the concept of fighting wasn't one Guinaifen could pride herself in. Naturally, weapon would be drawn and she'd take her place beside him, directing the sharp blade of her polearm in the direction of the mara struck warriors circulating them. To think that these weird things were still around! Man, didn't they have military peeps out here patrolling or something !?

"Uh ... babe, Caelus, honey -" following the footsteps of one of the combat ready figures, Guinaifen's back soon pressed against Caelus', one turning into five there they stood surrounded. What a wicked joke! She had wanted to track down some cool secrets, not this!\ They were so creepy! And knowing that a single strike wouldn't be enough to bring them down only made it worse. A small grimace would twitch on the performer's features, hand parting with the shaft of her polearm to reach for one of her trusty firecrackers.

There'd be a scraping sound coming from one of her feet, golden heel readying to bring up the heat.

"You know --" She'd wheeze, golden eyes shifting between a couple of the marastruck. "if you had any bright ideas babe, I so totally would welcome them because your responsibility as the cool, brave nameless boyfriend is to kick ass ! No idea is stupid enough now, get that head working! "

It was inevitable.

They couldn't just run away from this, right? Five on two... that was a lot of additional feet to catch up with them, even with Guinaifen's knowledge of the various corners and turns around this area. In the end they would catch up and there'd be a battle either way. The bull had to be tackled by the horns (her heart was racing at the thought), and while she didn't know how to wrangle said bulls, Guinaifen knew how to make things hot.

She'd swallow, body leaning away from Caelus' back as the familiar sound of scraping returned, following by a hissing from one of her firecrackers. It was on. There was no turning back now. Flame fizzled along the fuse, grip tightening as she prepared to toss it at the ones before her. Oh, her sister was so going to be furious about this (that thought was even scarier than the marastruck).

" ... I've got enough firecrackers for them," she'd utter to Caelus, a quick glance over her shoulder, "... but you gotta bring the muscle on this, are you with me, Caelus?."

Horrible promises. Vicious promises. For every blade, arcane art and radicalized foundation for survival imbued strong with the legion of The Abundance, Caelus for himself swimming in a pool of collected calm. In a silly and endearing fashion, his Firekiss's growing anxieties managed to distill the lethal air his presence would've suffocated this very arena with. Just as her mouth began to spitball possibilities and potentials, wiring it altogether that she needs him in order to pull through, a soft huff escapes him.

The Marastruck weren't reckless despite their 'transcendence.' Their built foundation of once normal lives serve as a boon, retaining their awareness in the name of survival sharpened. They're familiar with not only the Nameless's prowess, but the shades of influence that are washed over their figures. In particular, both the Marastruck and Caelus in kind knew of Guinaifen's counteracting potency.

She rests under the muted shadow of The Nihility.

For what is survival without will? That searing light was their new life's blood while under Yaoshi's divine umbrella.

A cruelly handsome smile, befitting of the Trailblazer's first Gaze settles on his face. It wasn't bereft of warmth due to who settles by his side. "Don't you worry. Some old adventures taught me a thing or two, primarily with Mr.Yang joining in. ..You have a little somethin'--!" His words find themselves paused, for that inclination of revealing that secret has sent the bundle into a frenzy, allowing their weapons to roar as they shoot forth akin to swift blights.

The transgression of aiming such killing intent towards his beloved was unforgivable.

Simply feeling the way Guinaifen's form tensed at the heightened hostility had snapped him into high movement. One blade, two, ancient spheres of corrupted ki to the usage of a glaive , each of these blessed instruments woven with their golden leaves would find themselves countered. For a fighter of his experience, seconds were akin to minutes as he'd jolt from one place to another. An abrupt punch woven with the Preservation, quickly altering into a wide arced kick would leave to him re-securing balance, returning on the move as the slew of foes found themselves stunned and stumbling, weapons repelled.

One of the Marastruck would find their armor blown clean through with a fierce blow imbued with The Preservation, augmenting his state of Magma Will as an enhancement. That very opponent found itself leaving a body wide crater in one of the nearby shipyard crates, locking it in place.

"They're a special type of flammable to you! Bring it down on 'em!"

...Now that he thought about it.

'How did she get those quickly lit up anyways?'

That idle question would have to wait, for it'd be underneath Guinaifen's expert aim that a trio of their opposition, allowing the fierce cinders to erupt into a beautiful display of violence. Vibrant sparks would serve as the gateway to their personalized hellfire, and Caelus's quick movements would get her hips swept into his arm as he grabs her.

With a firm stomp and hop applied upon the metallic ground, he'd send them both flinging skyward with air time, the last of this group preparing to sent another incantation towards them, only for a violent collision if Amber smashing through their face plate, skewering it on the ground from above. Before its violent rate of regeneration could take place, the crux of the Trailblazer's plan begins as they settle on a Starskiff plateau higher up, his hand being drawn in the direction of the holy lance of Belobog.

Expand and ignite.

A personalized kitchen of chaos would erupt as the combination of their searing hell begins to weave together. Preservation and Nihility. As the shade of siphoning will would dance through her natural affinity, Caelus would establish foundation to the concept, making up for her inexperience of this particular mastery as a steadied support. It caused a dim reality to be made to the Marastruck as the once waning effect of her flames returned and steadied. Thus begins its vicious ritual of devouring that untamed will to live through scalding fury. The struggle, the fall, and eventual immolation as once irate limbs were being rendered to ashes.

Thankfully, their futile struggle of trying to rip their own searing stalks away from the roots would be blanketed by the hazy smoke below. Hardly giving his Firekiss the time to devote too much focus towards that view, he'd direct her attention towards the final foe set upon their metallic grave.

"One more shot!" His hand would then clench as another surge of Path power breathed with vivid life, only for careful aim to be taken as he'd situate his fingers into the shape of a makeshift gun as a scarlet corona focuses upon the tip, waiting for her to launch the final firework.

"I've been getting a little chilly anyways, let's fix that up." His composure felt immovable especially in these dire straits, holding every intention of being a welcomed fountain of strength.

@avaere

Maroon Exists: the blog Topic: Friends

Hey, tis I Maroonagain. This is the first time doing this type of blog things, I heard it's good for me to write my feelings out like this from a parental figure, so here its goes nothing. A big ass issue used struggle with pure daily is Attention, Validation, and Social Skills.

I believed that, yeah, this is mostly on me, I dont really know how to talk to people normally or know how to carry a convo like a normal ass person. Shits been happenin my whole life, so would could blame me. So Imma tell you a tale on how my ass came out of the dumps and kinda got my life on track. I was heavly neglected back in my school years (3-12 apox), mainly because I was the weird kid that no one really liked. Most convos that involved me back in middle basically boiled down to this:

no one wanted anything to do with me. They hated my art, hobbies, lunch, hair do, humor, music taste, even my clothes. Getting validation was very hard at that point in time, because everyone just ignored me because I was the cringe kid. I was a very terrible talker, I struggled to say words right and often shuddered or break eye contact. Middle school just sucked. The only good thing about MS was the fact that back in 8th grade I got put into computer programing class. That was the only point in my life where I felt validated with others and had decent talks, mainly about video games and art which I'm into. It felt like the class was meant for me, because it was a class with a bunch of weirdos like me that didn't quite fit in with other peeps.

It felt like people understood me, as you can tell I got along with that class just fine, and, get this, I actually made A FRIEND that I TALKED TO. Crazy I know. At that point in time I hadn't had a friend sense 5th grade. Want to hear something crazier, he lived apox 5 minutes from me. He was the coolest dawg u wouldn't even believe omg. Every weekend or so I would come over to his house and play Smash or Minecraft it was the coolest. Overtime my friend status start to grow, I met someone from my classes who liked my art, found a kid who loved my weird ass humor. I kinda sort of improved on my talking skills, not by much, but I was improving, I still couldn't keep eye contact with people, but I was IMPROVING. Then I found someone, someone I had a crush on, someone that was so cool like my friend but nerdier and had really goddamn impressive art even of a middle schooler. She rocked my world.

Ofc she didn't know I had a crush on her for obvious reasons, but still, I really wanted to be with her. It seemed like my life was going up and I actual friends. I had attention and I had validation and people to talk to, that all I ever wanted sense the 3rd grade. It left like everything I have worked for from that moment payed off.

But when life giveith

life takeith away

I lost all my friends in a matter of one whole ass summer, why you might ask, well its simple. Most of my friends in the friend group where in 7th Grade, I was in 8th. And the two close friends that where in 8th, gone too. My friend who I used to play smash and minecraft with went to another school and never talked to me again. And the girl I had a crush on had to move to Oregon. The worst part of all of this? I never got her number, I was too afraid to ask. Life's a bitch, aint it?

So okay cut to 9th grade, I had to start back at square one with validation from others. I thought it'll be a walk in the park, just do the same thing I was doing before and I'll be fine. One issue though, you know those kids who though I was weird? Yeah they went to my school, they told other kids I was weird. I was back to being the weird kid that no one liked. Great.

Then for some weird ass reason they found out that I had a little thing called autism. Most people ignored me like the plague. My convo skills suffered and my ass was stuttering even more than I was used to. They called my interests shit, they hated my guts.

One person told me that I was a friend-less freak and that I would die alone.

For the record I wasn't miss-perfect goody two shoes either, I let this shit slide and I let myself get that bad because I was so knee deep in the lack of validation that I just gave up dude. Instead of focusing on myself, I focused on how the fuck I can make people smile and make people remember my name at least. But everything I did made people stay clear of me even MORE. So well yeah oops.

So half of the school year is left, what do I do? Sense I know my ass aint getting friends anytime soon irl and I'm pretty desperate for attention, where do I look? Do I look under this rock?

Do I check in a book?

Do I check in this cup?

I give up and check the internet, maybe that will help.

After searching for a while I found this little thing called Discord, a free program that helped people chat with others with similar interests. I signed the fuck up on that shit with no hesitating at all. My ass was talk to people no matter what. My user name was Waluigi31 and the first EVER server I joined was the pizza tower discord server. My ass was READY to make some friends, online or offline!!!! Of course it wasn't all smooth sailing, remember, my ass had zero social skills and knowledge of how tf friends worked, so basically my first day on discord boiled down to this:

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh. It's a start. Eventually I stared to adapt and grow and learn things on how this fabled mystical program worked. So I set up some rules for myself on a google doc so I remembered the do's and donts: RULE 1: dont @everyone that's annoying RULE 2: dont spam that's annoying RULE 3: if your under 18 do not go into 18+ servers dumbass, they are for mature ass people only (side note: even though I am 18, I still dont feel mature and act mature, working on that tho) RULE 4: KEEP ON TOPIC AND READ THE ROOM IF NEEDED RULE 5: dont fuck every 5 seconds that's annoying After that I was on my own, sure most people ignored me and my presence, but I was noticed and even liked, and that's all that mattered to me. I started to share art and people enjoyed that enough. Looking back on it.

yeah these where terrible sorry. BUT PEOPLE LIKED THEM AND THAT MADE ME FEEL ALL WARM INSIDE SO WHO CARES. Eventually I started to spread my legs and enter another server, it was a tf2 server, dont really remember much about it except that I met my first ever friend there. I don't really remember much about them but they invited me to another server then I met another person and they invited me to their server and then I met someone really important. Their name, Dem Apples. Their mission, start an minecraft smp. Apples was the first ever person that I truly interacted with on a daily basis, and was the first every person that I sort of kinda held a convo with.

I was still hella terrible at my social skills but, fuck, I was very validated and had actual friends that I could hang with. I made a truckload of new friends on that little smp server and it felt like I was part of a friend group, we even had inside jokes that no one would understand (thus moment). I spend new years with their asses celebrating. Then something crazy happened, well, 2020 happened lets be honest. The flu swept the world and everyone was locked inside washing everything they can so they cant get the measles. The outside world stopped, but yet the online world grew. My friendship with apple and others grew closer and I changed my name to waluigi31 to MarioGaming69, I wish I hadn't but here we are. My pfp was the Mario World small mario sprite on a gaming chair that I made in scratch because I didn't have a pixel art maker to work with besides shitty mspaint. 2020-2021 is where i felt my confidence start to grow with friends. Online learning sucked tho, that wasn't good, wish school was just canned for the year because of the fever pandemic but yeah, grades plummeted. I just watched old smosh the entire time.

Okay it's 11th grade now, my confidence is up, my talking skills are good enough, lets make some friends

3 months go by my ass still has zero irl friends

I'm out of options, I have no where to sit for lunch, I'll sit here I guess

Little did I know I just made the best goddamn move of my life

This is where I met the boys, a friend group to call my own. FINALLY. our asses did everything, you name it we did it. Went to the movies. Danced at dances. Went to Prom. Stole oranges. Dumped a fuckton of milk into the toilets. Called each other gay. Found a phone and found a fuckton of porn and said phone. We all lived life to the fullest and I felt as if I had people that actually cared about my ass, for the first time in my 17 year old life. I finally had that validation and attention that I've always wanted. But I got more than that, I made people who where weird just like me, and felt one with the group. I wouldn't trade that year of High for anything. Sadly they where all 12th graders and they all left after they graduated, but they gave me their discord group chat and we are still doing dumb shit even to this day, like watching family guy in a Tesla. If any of the boy are reading this, thank you for making my life not a living hell and making my 11th grade year the best High School year of my life. You guys still continue to bring big ass goofy smiles across my face. BUT THATS NOT ALL BECAUSE IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2022 I FELT LUCKY AS HELL AND DECIDED TO MAKE A FABULOUS TWITTER ACCOUNT

This was a terrible idea and probably made my mental health worse but GODDAMN did I make some wonderful friends on there.

(I love you guys btw your awesome) It seemed like life was starting to get good, until fall hit It started with a cough, my little sister was sick and we all thought it was just the flu or a fever, it was that season. Then she got worse, very worse. We had no idea what was happening to her or what this was, it seemed as if it was worse than a common cold or fever. My mom took her to the doctor and they couldn't tell what it was. Then in September 16th, My Mom and Step dad took my two sister to a Rodeo with some friends. My little sister passed out, they had to take her to the ER. Then they called. She had cancer. This hit me like a truck. They said it was very curable but we didn't know for sure. My mental health dropped, all focus went on my sister and everyone though I was fine so they ignored me, I wasn't fine. I was too far gone for fine. Something new came into my life that day, anxiousness. I started to get anxious about everything. What do people think about me, are my friends ignoring me, what if my art isn't good enough, what if I'm not good enough. At that point I needed validation for something else, to cure my anxious body and to rest my soul. Something that I'm still struggling to fix even to this day. I started to harm myself, I went to the hospital multiple times because of times i tried to kms or talked about killing myself. I was so scared and so depressed that I lost all control of my life. This led to me making the worst mistake of my life, meeting someone and them grooming me. It started with a simple message, then it went into manipulation, then they did sexual acts to me. I was 17 at the time. I was desperate for someone to love me and to have care for me. But one day I realized, I was getting taken advantage of. Without my friends and then bf I wouldn't have made that callout post and to finally be free from them (if you are reading this, thank you, I'm still grateful even to this day you helped me and got me through it). Their effects on me lasted until March when I finally started to talk to my therapist about it and finally get it taken care of. I lost some friends at that time. I'll never forgive myself for what I did. But I realized that its okay for this to happen and shit to suck sometimes, you have to take the bad with the good, and sometimes to get to the end of the shitty ass tunnel of gloom and doom your ass need to run fast and work hard to get to the light outside. After that I decided to improve on my social skills after a falling out I had with a friend, I realized FINALLY in order for a relationship to work, both parties must be involved and also maybe dont rant to the other party without waring. Idk how I didn't know both of those things before but here we are. I ALSO realized that maybe I wasn't a man or a woman, maybe I'm a little bit of both.

After that life started to get sweater, my lil sis got better and was able to get home, she's still fighting cancer but she's kicking cancers ASS rn, I'm very proud of her. After a tough break-up I found a new partner that was the most caring gal in the world (oh yeah did i mention i found love? Life pretty goddamn crazy I know). Met a new irl friend (mittens hi) and have been interacting with them almost everyday, they are fun as hell to talk to. Also met a some online friends too!!!!! they are swagballs. Got a job thats pays extremely well (19 PER HOUR!?!?!?!?!). Overall, shits been banging. I'm still FAR from perfect, today wasn't so hot and I realized that maybe I need to work on actually being mature and work on my mental health a tiny bit more, but I still have my sick ass friends by my side to help me out. Maybe my life aint so terrible awful and gay after all. Maybe it wasn't about attention or validation, maybe it was about my ass getting some cool friends to share some interest with and for them to make me smile and make me feel all happy inside. You shouldn't go through this weird place called life alone, grab some friends they will make a journey funner. Damn my parents where right Blogs are fun to write. That's all for today, needed to get that out of my system, love u all! Have a good Night, Day, Noon, Whatever Until next time!

Song recommendation: House of Wolves by My Chemical Romance Great ass song, love the guitars and the rhythm is nice. Its a solid 9/10.

I play Gyee and i can say that it has very good art (its Itto/Mentaiko main game) but oh my glob is it hard to get a new unit. The gacha is trash, like you must have the 100 stones to get the one unit you want 'cos even if you use 99 stones you will not get it. The story was good until some point and then its just meh, same with the gameplay. And the cool skins? You must pay for them, no free skin for events. Again, the main forte of gyee is the art and most of the 3d models, everything else is just bland. Will still play it just for Alcander, the lion dude lol

Yeah I know Mentaiko is the games main artist I would actually like that game Cause thre CG is like so close to R18

But again yeah some peeps told me the Gacha sucks ass

And not to mention the game has a history of crashes

But who knows maybe I'll give it a try

16: Twinkeyz // Alpha-Jerk

Alpha-Jerk Twinkeyz 1979, Plurex

The Twinkeyz were a late ‘70s Sacramento garage rock band orbiting guitarist/singer/songwriter Donnie Jupiter. They cut a couple of singles in '77 and '78 and the Alpha-Jerk full-length in '79. The LP apparently suffered from mixing and mastering issues, and it disappeared virtually without a trace, taking the band with it. Jupiter would spend some time in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s playing bass in the even more obscure act Lizards, while also building a career in comics under his birthname Don Marquez. The Twinkeyz’ faint legend lingered though; their debut single “Aliens in Our Midst” is a regular on gay punk compilations, and they’re occasionally cited as a forerunner of queercore acts like Pansy Division.

The Twinkeyz were a B-movie Velvet Underground, laconic, witty rock and roll sweatered in primitive synth warbles and (to quote Scott Miller of Game Theory) “enough guitar effects to stun an elephant.” The lead guitarist (presumably Jupiter) is often the only one who seems more than minimally competent, and (although the songs on Alpha-Jerk were drawn from different sessions) the mix uniformly sounds like it’s thudding from a blown speaker. If the choice to self-produce robs Alpha-Jerk of a professional sheen, they also get to do a lot of stuff most producers wouldn’t allow. Nearly every track is studded with odd noises and found sounds, giving it a hand-made texture that suits the peculiarity of the music.

As with Suicide’s Alan Vega, the thing that makes Jupiter’s blunt songwriting distinctive is that it feels like an indoor kid’s idea of cool teenage music. “Strange Feeling” approximates then-current new wave pop, but the flatness of its affect seems to imply having feelings at all is the strange part; “Sweet Nothing” pulls the archetypally dumb garage move of ripping off the title (and nearly the melody) of a more well-known song, like they were trying to recreate “Oh! Sweet Nuthin’” from memory after dad broke their copy of Loaded over his knee. The lyrics about love, UFOs, psychic powers, and cartoons are obviously cute, but sometimes a sick sense of humour peeps through. Referring to weird psych as “bad drug” music in a well-worn cliché, but it’s the right description of “Alpha-Jerk,” a discordant dirge that could be about a kaiju or the Book of Revelations. The noises in the mix resemble the work of a crow leaving shiny bits and bobs on a tombstone.

It's all very good stuff for anyone with a taste for wimpy garage rock, but “Aliens in Our Midst” stands hips and knees over anything else here. The lyric cleverly mixes yarns about literal aliens with uncharacteristically direct anecdotes about queers and weirdos who “turn out okay” despite shitty circumstances, creating an anthem that is sentimental, bleakly funny, and ultimately hopeful in the exact ratio I adore. The campy call and response vocals in the chorus, Plan 9-ass guitar tone, subtly counterintuitive riff… it’s the stuff abductions are made of.

16/365

Sidebar: Cartuneland.com, the bizarre website of Donnie Jupiter (AKA Don Marquez)

As noted, Jupiter/Marquez mostly switched to illustration after the collapse of the Twinkeyz, and he's still selling his art on eBay. His own site, Cartuneland.com, is bewildering and uncanny in the way webpages end up when a brand outsources its content management to an overseas SEO firm. Samples of his fantasy paperback-style art are interspersed with bland stock photography, and the structure of the site is clearly based on a corporate template—only Marquez isn’t advertising himself as a freelancer, and the site isn't connected to his eBay page. The contact and social links are variously empty or broken, and the links to his past comics direct to Wayback Machine-captures from an Angelfire-era version of the site the artist probably built himself.

Strangest of all is the blog which, shockingly, has two posts this month alone—both of them about the Bodhran, an Irish hand drum. Of the six total posts on the blog as of this writing, two of them are interviews with Marquez. The others are ChatGPT-quality posts about general topics in music (e.g. “Connecting literature to art”; “What is a tin whistle?”) and a peculiar first-person story about learning to play the flute, all credited to someone named Rachel George. The idea was probably to pad out the blog with keyword-laden content to help the site become more visible to search engines, but to what end? Is Marquez really all that bent on becoming the most visible hit on “Don Marquez music” or “Bodhran for beginners”? You wouldn’t be able to tell from the interviews, which feature terse answers from the former Twinkey, such as:

Q: Many of your creations are based on classic horror and sci-fi films from the 1950s.

DM: I wasn’t trying to be retro.

Q: What’s missing from the current cinema that makes old films so memorable?

DM: Horror is a broad genre. Horror is a vast genre.

What we’re looking at here is most likely a Fiver contractor’s unfinished attempt to turn Jupiter’s website into a place to sell his original art, but as it stands it’s an oddly perfect web presence for a 73-year-old garage micro-legend and purveyor of swords ‘n’ tits fantasy. If anybody finds Question Mark’s Livejournal, please drop a link in the comments. And Donnie, if you're reading this, get in touch and I will fix your website for cheap!

really hate the attitudes so many of these stupid ass tech bros have on ai art bc ai art is genuinely pretty cool and fun but they act like art produced by ai has the same or even greater value as an actual human artist who put time into developing their skills and shit. particularly sucks bc a lot of the ai generated art in question is using art created by living artists as input and they act like the output is their own special little creation and not the result of an algorithm throwing it into a blender and then pouring it out… also hate that instead of creating weird ass peep the horror looking images they just make white cyberpunk anime girls or some shit

!!!Lonic year in review/Media thread!!!

!!!Art Stuff!!!

!!!Favorite Games I played this year!!!

!!!Favorite new albums i listened to this year!!!

!!!Favorite shows/movies I saw this year!!!

Looking forward to next year!!!

Would like to spend most next year trying to learn/improve my art, I felt i've improved somewhat this year but only a little bit and haven't really gone out of my way to really learn a whole lot, and theres a bunch i would like to learn and experiment with!!!

Hopefully finish chapter 3 of Elegiac!! Its been kicking me in the ass for so long but I genuinely would like to finish it, just very burnt out still 😖!!!

Want to try getting back into game dev stuff again! I want to at the very least make something very small in any rpgmaker software next year!!!

Gonna try to save for college as well!!! I'm quite nervous about going back to school but I'd like to take some art and acting classes!!!

Also want to try making new online friends and engaging more with some cool peeps ive talked to!!!

Normally id make this kind of post last day of the year but felt like doin it now anyways!!!

!!!!!Heres to 2023!!!!!!

2022

~5-10 minute read (depending on how fast you can read i guess lmao)

it’s time!!! my annual recap of the year where i detail as much as i can remember as possible because i will 100% forget most of it in the near future. kind of depressing, kind of fun!

i took a peep at the 2021 post and...my god. ohhhh no. lmaooooooooo

in some ways 2022 was better than 2021. where it was worse, it was worse than i could have ever imagined. i was in a very terrible place for the better part of this year. thankfully, a lot of positive things still happened. so,,,without further ado,,,

i went into this year with, again, lofty expectations. i was convinced 2022 would be uber busy and explosive for WSA. the beginning of the year was rly quiet. it was basically just about recording acid redux and getting prepped for our first tour since 2019. for the first time ever, i was entrusted with drawing the tour ad mat. it was so difficult but i’m glad i was able to contribute. i needed to have that experience because i had never done a piece that big before, and i need to do more of those.

my job situation at the time was FUCKING terrible. anyone who is close to me knows how toxic the environment was at eventide. it was really getting to me. i was making an incredible amount of mistakes and i felt myself shrink every time i needed to be in a zoom call with my superiors. i came to hate my job so, so much. eventually, i lost my job around end of february. i already had a new position lined up (i feel like they knew because i updated my linkedin and they FUCKING said something to me about it) but it wasn’t the way i wanted to go. whereas i was panicking losing my job pre-pandemic, i was just angry i had no control over my exit. 

another thing that cushioned the blow of losing my job was almost being on the b****** album. pulses. wrote to him that i should be on his next record and he liked murder mountain so much that he contacted me. he reached out a week prior to me being let go, and that kicked off a really cool period of the year. so then i get this cool opp, no longer have to show up to this job i loathe, get a month off, accept a new job offer during this short break, go on tour, and come back to a new job. that was probably the best part of the year. it was great because i had zero idea what was coming lmao

getting a month off was a FUCKING blessing. the only huge downside was that my credit card debt became INFINITELY worse. in 2020 i was privileged to be paid to not work for the entire year and it was one of my favorite years of my life. i will take any chance i can get to experience that again, i.e. having a month and a half free from working. i got to go collision with my twitch friends that i FINALLY got to meet in person, finally hung out with donis, bren, frankie and christy after not having seen them in years, took brawly on long ass walks every day, and drew a lot. it was a relief to have so much downtime WHILE prepping for tour.

most of all. in that period of time, i finally started listening to twice. i don’t know if it was just hitting extra because i was in a transitional period at the time, but it only took a week before i was FULLY fucking indoctrinated. i. love. kpop. i love it!! so much!!! like yes, i know i’m mentally ill, but it’s like cocaine. it’s addicting. i spent the year learning the choreo to two full twice songs then the main chorus parts for about 10 other random songs for other groups laksjdl;akjsdf. i literally hadn’t danced since performing arts hs. i only have like a handful of friends i sometimes see who fuck with kpop and it’s killing me lmao help 

i won’t spend too much time on it because there’s like 8 other entries below this one about it, but we spent a week of april on tour with pulses. and IMAY for WCII and it was probably THE best thing that happened this year. our shortest run ever, and our most successful. i am so thankful we got to finally tour again, and it was better than i could have imagined. i really hoped at the time it wasn’t going to be our last tour for the year, but things fell apart (i’ll get to that lmao) so it sadly was our only run.

when i came back from tour, i had my first-ever subathon. i had so much trouble running things smoothly, but it was so much fun. it was a wonderful way to celebrate the folks in my community and everything we’ve done together over the last two years. couldn’t be more grateful for them!!! 

in may we played beers 4 tears fest with a shit ton of our friends and it was chaos. i have never played a set trashed before then, and i will NEVER do it again. oh my god. and to my dismay, the evidence is on full display on youtube. so yeah. we wanted to actually enjoy ourselves at the fest and drink red tank beer, but we had to play fucking last at near midnight lmao. one of our worst sets, but it was a fun day and i’m glad we got to be a part of it.

i also finally got covid! that was fucking awful! and i’m pretty sure i am experiencing some form of long covid. i have never been so tired in my life and if feel winded more easily. it really sucked. i wish i could have avoided it, but it’s absolutely impossible now. thankfully, i didn’t get it again for the remainder of the year.

in june, my uncle passed suddenly. it was so devastating, and he died way too young. he had health complications throughout his life, but i never, ever thought he’d go this soon; they were never life-threatening. in may, i knew he was in and out of the hospital, but my mom was frequently visiting him and insisted it wasn’t crtiical. then, out of nowhere, he’s in serious condition after a procedure and the doctors are swearing up and down they can’t do anything to help him. my aunt and mom had just gone to a second doctor for his opinion and said there was something that could be done to save him, but they couldn’t get him what he needed in time. i still to this day can’t grasp that he’s gone. 

in both june and august, my band was invited to DJ emo nite baltimore (and eventually emo nite asbury, which we bombed hard lmao) which was shocking to us, but considering we’d get to hang with pulses., and the emo nite crew, there was no way we were turning that down. that was such a fun weekend trip to baltimore. for baltimore we were lucky to have our set earlier in the night so that made things a little easier but we still felt so awkward on stage just dancing around with no instruments hahaha. dropping smooth to a room full of 300 emo zoomers was hilarious. afterwards, alexa put us up overnight and cooked brunch for all fucking like 15 of us. it was so so lovely. 

over the course of the year, i got to hang out with pulses. SO often. out of all my friendships with anyone, ours is thriving so fucking hard. we really make this long distance stuff work with no issue :’) for the better part of 2022 they’d make the drive to us, but i made trips down to them in august, october and november. in july they came down to go see thursday with jaime and i. every time we’d hang, we stayed up til like 3-4 am drinking and watching music videos. in the fall, we saw shows in VIP at soundstage together and those shows were even better because we had seats lmao. i got to hang out more with adam, carlos and the emo nite crew more, and i’m glad we had more time to chill!! 

as i mentioned earlier this year, i got a new job. i actually really, really like it. i will never romanticize a job- they’re all going to have their imperfections- but holy shit, i am actually not waking up every day feeling crippling anxiety about having to work. i have ample PTO (almost a month’s worth). i work with really amazing, like-minded people who actually believe in boundaries and having a life outside of their jobs. the work i do feels like it means something. and i am actually not afraid of my manager and/or boss. i have never felt even the slightest bit positive about a past position, but i do here. and these people got me out to CALIFORNIA and SPAIN this year. so yeah, out of nowhere, i get a new job and find out two months after i start that i’m going to los angeles for a few days. then, i spent a week in september in spain, which overlapped with my birthday. normally, i vehemently reject having to do anything outside of M-F office hours (even parties), but those were two of my favorite parts this year. i absolutely fell in love with LA and i did so much exploring in spain. most of all.....i ate so much good fucking food. to think that, i not only got a way healthier work experience with this new position after going through HELL, but i also got to travel? that’s incredible. and i very much adore the people on my team. they make me want to actually... care about my job

my 30th birthday was this year. i tried so hard to rent a place for it but what the fuck it’s SO expensive. so we ended up throwing the biggest rager we’ve ever had at our house. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN and i wish i could have spent more time with everyone that came. karaoke ruled, THE FOOD SPREAD WAS INCREDIBLE (TY TO MY FAMILY AND KRISTEN) and we partied hard as fuck. so many people came through, and it was an honor to have so many amazing people show up for me (even driving HOURS to be there). i have the best fucking people in my life,,,,,ever. i really do. and i’m so lucky.

i never thought this was ever going to happen but this year i ended up joining nintendo noise! truthfully, i had secretly gotten started in like may or june hehe. never ever thought i would end up being a podcaster. i was elated when pete and steve asked me to join as a co-host and i wanted to do whatever i could to make it work. i am obviously not the most knowledgeable guy when it comes to video games, but it’s been a blast getting to talk games every other week with them. pete and steve alone have been my favorite duo to listen to since 2017, and i’ve known pete since 2010. i’ve learned a lot from listening to their past shows, and now being on a show with them. i know i’m really passionate about music, but i’ve also come to realize that video games are equally as much of an important part of my life. so it’s incredible to also be involved with them in this way, thanks to my friends :’) and i get ANOTHER platform to tell everyone that they should be playing digimon,,,,,,

that really cool feature i landed at the beginning of the year ended up not happening. i really thought, “there’s no way after he paid me half and we put in all this work together that he would just ghost me” but he did. but i’m grateful i even got the opportunity, and i know it means i was worthy of getting there. whatever happened was out of my control, and i came to accept that. it’s not my song. i have my feelings on the way the situation was handled, but it’s all in the past. just! don’t meet your heroes, folks!

in september, WSA stopped playing shows to focus on the full length. i don’t know what happened but we just didn’t get it done this year. as of the time i’m writing this, all main guitars are done and fully tracked, some drums still need to be done, and ALL of the vocals need to be tracked (i just got started last night). the thing i try to keep saying to myself to calm my anxieties about it is that- we only get one chance to drop this album, and once it’s out, we get about a week of people’s attention. that’s it. so, if we have to take our time, so be it. but it’s 100% coming out next year IT HAS TO AT THIS POINT LMFAO

and that was really the rest of my year. enjoying the holidays (cosplayed as mirko for halloween :-----) and trying to stay productive. every time december rolls around i try really hard to make it a fun holiday season, but i end up getting too busy :((( december was also a scary month for me, mentally. my depression has been worsening as of late but i’m trying really hard to work through it.

i also realized this year that i have a lot of friendships that have stood the test of time, and it’s okay if we’re not always in sync! i spent a lot of my mid 20′s second guessing the people in my life, but i don’t have to anymore. i know that i have incredible friends who will always be there for me if i need them. so now i just need to learn how to be a better friend to myself.

it was a really tough year, and there’s so much i wish i could do over, but the good that came with 2022 was ultimately really positive. tons of fun gigs, dozens of late nights forcing my friends to watch buff correll, drunk heart to hearts, lots of kind new faces, and an abundance of laughs. i think this year a lot of foundation was laid for 2023 to be really cool. i’m crossing my fingers and keeping my expectations as low as i can lmao.

so if you read this far, i’m sorry HAHA. but thanks? i hope to come back this time next year with some good news. a lot can happen in 12 months.

Yikes, I got man boobs!

with noticeable burgeoning bosom in the offing, ahoy

this baby faced blubbery bosom beastie boy

fast becoming a bra man,

and might hire himself out

as a male wet nurse for employ

ment, cuz when stark naked on shark tank,

I behold two bopping, brewing, busting

flap jacks in search of a frying pan,

which change in my physiognomy doth annoy

but, suddenly spurring,

this ordinarily calm, cool, and collected chap

positing even a more radical income idea

changing ma name to Chester, letting hooters get suckled, though,

methinks they qualify as milk duds

tit two siamese twin guys christened ell and roy

offering accompanied with serving of cookies,

where adipose floppy blimps rank popular as novel cheap toy

where art though washboard stomach, where brestworks didst sprout as if overnight a markedly increased from flat “Joe” six pack chest did an about face, with squishy, mushy, and doughy sprang up without doubt

suddenly forcing a sexual identity crisis, which freaky phenomenon makes me wanna pout

for weird, wicked woebegone affects the psyche of this lviii aged lout

wondering what other transitions,

this fellow may indeed be on the look out

feigning to traverse (in me mind) badgering

rugged hormonal secretion terrain akin to a girl scout

on the prowl targeting a peeping tom,

whose foolery demands clout,

thus this imposed unfair punishment,

as some half assed irreversible decree

maybe hints of other surprises,

yet tubby revealed, which haint no fallacy

possibly being brewed up by a brood

of bruiting imps of the pervert with glee some bot sized microscopic

anti bosom buddy hood stolen the genetic key

analogous to a pesky malware,

virus, trojan horse secrete lee

scheming to transform the sexual identity of me

perhaps waking up tomorrow minus

my little peppy penis , and behold a pussy

should such an outcome prevail,

where media papparazzi

stake out this freak of nature re:

doubling efforts erecting fortifications

in a big old sassy tree,

especially if the press

(i.e. particularly meaning Wikileaks)

discovers ability to experience infinite orgasms converting sexual predilection into electric utility.

"Pure Love in The Caviar Room"

~Here is another short screenplay of mine. I wrote this back in 1995 while working on "Overkill", the darkest thing I've ever done. The events herein are based upon fact. I related them to smart_dog and he said I HAD to write something on these events. And so I did. A caveat: this is really not for the faint of heart. Fade In int. coffee house - day A cool L.A. Java joint. Lots of HIP YOUNG TYPES, hanging out, coming and going. Interesting art. Funky furniture. SOUND of JAZZ on P.A. man's voice(o.s.)         I have this dream every night. At a corner table, THE NARRATOR, 30's, close cropped hair, 'accountant glasses', a type who could cut a throat, or beg for love in almost same instant. He speaks to no one in particular. narrator         I can't shake it. I hate it, it's making         me nuts, but still..               (sips coffee, stares blankly)         I like it. ext. alley - night It's dark and nasty. Dumpsters, boxes, and garbage line the walls. A few bare bulbs cast a fitful light. It has rained recently. SOUND of SOMEONE RUMMAGING in a DUMPSTER. The Narrator comes down the alley, hunched over, hands in pockets. narrator(v.o.)         A month ago I went to a club. The Narrator walks past an OLD DRUNK who is MUMBLING and CHUCKLING to himself. MUFFLED SOUND of DANCE MUSIC. narrator(v.o.)         It was, or rather is, a very special club. He stops before a beat up METAL DOOR. The word "Private" painted in small white letters. SOUND of MUSIC comes from behind this door. He knocks. narrator(v.o.)         How I found it does not matter. A PEEP HOLE clicks open, then shut. SOUND of DEADBOLTS UNLOCKING. The door CREAKS open. SOUND of MUSIC washes into the alley, followed by a BOUNCER, a big biker type. bouncer               (eyes Narrator suspiciously)         Yeah? The Narrator hands him a PLAIN WHITE CARD. C/U the Card: the words "Love & Pain". The Bouncer looks him up and down, then motions him in. narrator(v.o.)         It only matters that I did. int. club foyer - night Everything is painted black. SOUND of LOUD INSISTENT DANCE MUSIC. The ambiance is dark and smokey. C/U Narrator's hand being stamped: The face from Munch's "The Scream". narrator(v.o.)         At first I feared disappointment. He walks down a hall, passes a DOUBLE DOOR with small windows from which lights flash and strobe. SOUND of MUSIC LOUDEST HERE. Suddenly, the doors open, MUSIC BLASTS, and a SHAVED HEAD MUSCULAR BLACK MAN, 30's, in a SEQUINED JOCKSTRAP, and a TALL BLONDE TRANSVESTITE, 20's, very drunk, exit arm in arm, laughing. Before the doors close we get a brief glimpse of WRITHING BODIES. The Narrator looks at the Couple with disdain, but they don't notice. narrator(v.o.)         Some people's taste is so pedestrian. int. 'lounge' - night The 'lounge' is a small dark room with a LARGE ANTIQUE TABLE in its center. On the Table, under a SPOTLIGHT a PRETTY BOY, 20, naked, on his hands and knees. Around the room, against the walls, a MIXED CROWD holding drinks and cigarettes. SOUND of MURMURED CONVERSATION. B/G SOUND of MUSIC. The Narrator enters, finds a place to stand. A BEEFY MAN, 50's, bald, in leather vest, pants, and cap, approaches, places a CAN of LARD on the Table. Pretty Boy looks at him lust and fear. Beefy Man begins to grease his arm. The room grows silent. narrator(v.o.)         Ultimately, I am most interested in things         that I have only heard of. POV REFLECTION NARRATOR'S GLASSES: Beefy Man's arm begins to disappear into Pretty Boy's ass. SOUND of CROWD "OOHING" and "AAHING". FLASH CUT MONTAGE of fist going in from different angles. The Narrator seems mesmerized. int. club hallway - night The Narrator is heading for a DOORWAY. SOUND of WOMAN'S LAUGHTER comes from the room beyond. narrator(v.o.)         And of things that I've never heard of,         or at least, don't remember hearing of. He comes to the Doorway, looks in. int. "caviar room" - night The room is painted black. Against the far wall is a STAGE- LIKE WOODEN PLATFORM, with a SET of STEPS on either end. The Platform is FLOODLIT. Underneath the Platform, a MALE FIGURE, covered with a 'dark substance', is bound to the floor, on his knees. FLASH CUT MONTAGE of a HANDSOME YOUNG MAN, 20's, naked, wearing a collar, being bound in a crouching position to the floor with chains attached to the collar- of the oval opening in Platform above him- of SEVERAL MEN, different types, squatting over the opening, pants down, shitting on the Young Man- of the Young Man, 'Shit Boy', getting hit with shit, being covered with shit. A WOMAN, 20's, tall, fair, and very beautiful, is walking along the Platform toward the center opening. She carries a champagne flute, laughs gaily. narrator(v.o.)         Then, finally, there it was. The experience,         the revelation I had been searching for. The Narrator is transfixed. SOUND of B/G MUSIC FADES OUT. SOUND of HUMAN HEARTBEAT FADES IN. SOUND of WOMAN'S FOOT- FALLS and LAUGHTER takes on a DETACHED ECHOING QUALITY. Under the Platform, Shit Boy waits intently. The Woman reaches the center, smiles down at Shit Boy, who looks up motionless. The Woman looks up, across the room. TWO MEN, a WOMAN, 20's, all attractive, in evening dress, raise their glasses to her, laugh, shout encouragement, but there is only the SOUND of the HEARTBEAT. The Woman looks back down at Shit Boy, sips her champagne, smiles 'strangely'. The Narrator swallows, the SOUND AUDIBLE. With her free hand, she gathers her dress up around her waist, the SOUND of the FABRIC WHISPERS LOUDLY. She plants her high heeled pumps on either side of the opening, stands there, long legs apart, naked to the waist, the trimmed thatch of her pubis dark against her luminescent skin. Shit Boy gazes up at her, entranced. SOUND of HEARTBEAT FADES OUT to TOTAL SILENCE. The Woman moves her hips slightly. A single drop falls. It strikes Shit Boy on the forehead. The SOUND of his LOW MOAN FILLS the ROOM. She moves her hips again. Several more drops fall. Then, with SOUND of HISSING, a steady stream jets forth. Shit Boy flinches at the impact. SOUND of LIQUID HITTING FLESH. Then he smiles, the stream GURGLING as it strikes his teeth and lips. The Woman begins to rotate her hips slowly, carefully. The piss is washing the shit off Shit Boy's face, revealing the handsome young man, his expression beatific. She smiles down at him as she aims the seemingly endless stream of piss. Shit Boy's face is almost completely clean. Her stream falters, dribbles to a stop. She looks at him tenderly, blows him a kiss. He looks up with great emotion, mouths the words: 'I love you'. The Narrator looks devastated. Tears run down his cheeks. narrator(v.o.)         It was the most beautiful thing I had         ever seen. int. coffeehouse - day The Narrator stares into space. B/G SOUND of JAZZ, TALKING. narrator         The purest expression of love I have ever         witnessed. He looks around distractedly, sighs, sips his coffee. The CAMERA begins to PULL BACK. The LOUD SOUND of a CAPPUCHINO MACHINE causes him to jump. He speaks to the CAMERA. narrator (urgent)         The dream. I must tell you about the dream. int. "caviar room" - night The Woman walks across the Platform. SOUND of her FOOTFALLS ECHO. She stands over the opening, lifts her dress. Shit Boy looks up. The stream of piss jets forth with a HISSING SOUND. narrator(v.o.)         It's the same every time. The piss cleans Shit Boy's face, but this time it is the Narrator, his expression beatific. The Woman looks down, tenderly blows him a kiss. int. coffeehouse - day The Narrator sits at his table. TOTAL SILENCE. narrator         I wish I could go back and... (looks at CAMERA)         ..well, you know.               (looks at hands in despair)         But, I don't have the courage. A single tear runs down his cheek. C/U the tear splashing in his coffee cup. SOUND of SPLASH. He looks up at the CAMERA, his face a mask of pain and anger. narrator (accusatory)         And you would!? SOUND of WOMAN'S LAUGHTER ECHOES GAILY in DISTANCE. FADE TO BLACK

the long awaited wip graveyard post

i thought the title was fitting for halloween :p

this post is an assorted collection of all my old thaw wips that i deemed not good enough to post, but didn't want to just rot away in my folder, so now they're here.

enjoy !

-

the Eye post

fun fact: i used the same seven colored pencils for both the thes eye and the tommy one, i just made the grayer shades more emphasized for the latter. thought that was a neat little detail.

q's eye here makes his skin look a lil more purple

i impulsively gave quackity an eyebrow when i didn't sketch it before, and the way it turned out bothered me >:((

not a wip because i absolutely would never give this abomination its own post, but this is basically what my scratch paper sheet looks like when i want to test out how different colors look with each other, and also get a really, Really rough idea of what the final product will look like. this is the process i go through Every time i draw something serious. 😭

peep all 7 colors of the chaosduo's eyes under the thes eye practice

LMAO AND THE THES FACE 8 SECOND SKETCH LOOKS LIKE HE'S ON DRUGS IT'S SO SILLY

can you see me struggling to figure out how to wrap the rune around q's pupil? and also how to make the rune not just Completely disappear bc of how dark his eye is? yeah. traditional art is a pain is the ass sometimes, but i'm still wayy better at it.

also shoutout to @alexanderwesker for giving me an idea of what the rune on q's eye looks like, because i like being as accurate as i can when i draw stuff, so that was very much appreciated!

the part 2 to the hero's journey comic

i went fucking Ham during the hero's journey assignment, so much so that i literally planned like 19 more panels than what you saw in the original post (27 panels planned in total). but then i realized that i had like Four Whole Days to do that assignment, and would definitely not be able to do that many, especially not without burning out.

so i instead settled for the very first 8 panels that i planned (though even then, i had to abridge a lot of it, and also cut slime entirely from it, bc otherwise those 8 would have been 14 whole panels, and i think i would actually die-), since that was just enough to show two different steps of the hero's journey (crossing the threshold and meeting the mentor btw. i could probably do a whole analysis on how wesker's stories fit into the hero's journey if i wanted to, but i'm lazy rn and this post is already pretty long), and that was the big grading requirement. (i got 100% on that assignment btw 💪and my english teacher still has no clue that he graded minecraft fanfiction fanart LMAO) but this one is what i would have included if i had more time on the project, and could include more of the story, but as it stands, i made this one in my own leisure, because comics are fun to do.

anyways, with that little rant aside, i tried my best to make q look younger than quackity, and really accentuate the difference between them. idk how i feel about how q turned out though.

i'm really proud of the paneling, and i'm also kinda proud of the first frame with quackity's face in particular bc i thought it looked cool, like an actual comic book or something. but i couldn't figure out the card physics or perspective and that's what ultimately made me choose to abandon it 💔 maybe i'll try attempting this page again when i'm feeling more daring (as well as the other panels that i still haven't even drawn yet), but this wip has been collecting dust for a couple of months now so i figured i'd share it here anyway.

Palido

i drew palido a bit ago, but bro got somehow managed to get crinkled in my bag, even while literally being Inside of my sketchbook 🤨

it's not Too awfully noticeable though, especially bc the fold isn't On the drawing itself, so i might be able to salvage him and post a finished version someday... but i kinda halted progress on him for the time being bc of it, so here he is. </3

"Am I Still Even Me?"

i 1000% want to redraw this someday, just because i think the idea behind it is so fucking neat.

honestly, this one wasn't too bad at all, especially since i did all of it (besides the bones bc i think my health professions teacher would be disappointed if i got them wrong, and also the rune bc i care way too much about accuracy) without any reference, which is a pretty impressive feat for me and my aphantasia. but yeahh i think it could definitely be better, and really, this drawing was ultimately something that i just drew in class to keep myself busy for a bit bc i had way too much freetime that day. it wasn't intended to be post-worthy or anything.

but i think that the idea behind it is definitely post-worthy. maybe i'll even add a thes and/or youngerbur addition once i get more information about them and just how they've changed yk.

i had no clue how to draw the bones in that position, i probably could've done more research but. yeah no i don't have an excuse, i just couldn't be bothered that day lmao.

i was also gonna bloody q's hands a bit if i ever got to the coloring stage. like a little nod to when he lost himself to Madness. is the blood actually there? who knows, we're seeing it from his eyes, so for all we know, the rune isn't even lit up either, and he's just remembering it being so. remembering the moment he acted so unlike how he used to be.

the bones are definitely there for charlie though, poor guy...

also can y'all tell that i drew the rune in like. 5 seconds. bc yeah.

i had way more wips to share but i have literally no clue where they went, and also the tumblr picture limit is getitng close so ig that's all for now </3

like for a part 2 (whenever i accumulate enough wips to warrant a post, that is)

PureAssFlickin.com: I’m sorry. I regret this title...

... but not enough to change it.

I want to talk about "The Case for Christ". 

Allow me to clarify, the FILM "The Case for Christ" (2017).

Another movie night rolled around, and we couldn't find anything worthy to watch. I had seen a promo for TCFC. I had some nostalgia cookin - this was originally a book which I had read and liked a long time ago. The story is kinda in the title:

An investigative journalist sets out... really, in an atheistic manner, to build a case AGAINST Christ, but ends up becoming a Christian. A pretty cool story (real-life). Worthy of a movie, and worthy of Praphit's Movie Night. Problem was... it's only streaming on something called "PureFlix".

What the hell is PureFlix? I looked into it - well, at least I tried to. Most services, you can get a peek inside, before you go all of the way. PureFlix is heavily guarded. I tried to sneak in, but they were like "Getcho ass outta here!"

But, pretty much, it's all about good, solid, Christian, wholesome entertainment. We've all had those moments when we're watching some movie with kids around, and "oops, there's some cursing", or "oops, there's some violence", or "oops, there's a penis". Then, you try to hurry up and fast forward past the penis, but you hit the pause button by accident. Now, you’re panicking, so you accidentally throw the scene into slomo mode. You shout to the kids to shut their eyes (of course they don't), and somehow you press the zoom-in button (which you didn't know even existed), so now there's a giant penis swinging in slomo, in Ultra HD on your  screen, and everyone is screaming. You've ruined movie night! We've all been there. You don't have to worry about that type of thing with PureFlix. No shows like “Euphoria” here. I get it.

I just wanted to know what else is going on with them, and I couldn't find anything. I was angry. I wanted some TCFC.

I looked it up on Rotten Tomatoes - not great, not good, but not a bad rating. I wasn't expecting all that much. I mean, I think "The Passion of the Christ" was ranked poorly by the critics and only ranked something like 80% by the audience. The audience is Christian. We can't do any better than Jesus on the cross, people! I would have expected at least 95%. What were we doing there? Was it the violence? Should the Roman soldiers have toned it down a bit? Or was it Mel Gibson?? It was probably him.

I was even more angry now that I thought about this, cuz why DON'T I expect more from these types of movies?!

I have a joke that I tell among my peeps that Church is where creativity goes to die. And with all jokes, there's some truth there; with this one, it's all truth. But, why? Christians (my people) serve a creative God! Why isn't creativity embraced and cultivated more in the church? We could spend all day hashing that one out, but I'll say this - the enemy of art is aggressive structure. Of course we need certain levels of structure in life, but with art... let it be loose and free! Let art be edgy, if it wants to be. Let art push the limits, or go beyond the limits, if it wants to. It'll learn, it'll evolve, it'll mature, but let it happen organically.

If there are people out there who disagree with me (in the context of creativity in church), simply ask the "creative people" in your church (if you have any). Ask the young people in your church (if you have any). I'm willing to bet that they'll share my sentiments, with some more added, if you'd let them.

Now, let me get off my soapbox, and get back to PureFlix.

Like I said, I couldn't peek inside, BUT I found "PureFlix Insider" to help me figure out what this entertainment platform is all about. 

POSITIVITY: Sweet! Who could be against positive energy?? However, I did see some influence from Fox News up in there. Idk if Fox has a hand in financial support for this or something, but...

  Now, I'm not getting political; I'm simply saying there's an agenda there (like with all mainstream media). Having an agenda is fine, but for PureFlix (Christianity/ "Truth" /positivity)?? Idk. It made me think of a show idea, which I'm willing to host for you, PureFlix.

We could have a show where I read news articles, claiming to be the truth (from all cultures and political points of view), and when I find an agenda that has crept its way into the objectivity of the story, I call it out, and tell that story to get the hell outta here. Maybe we'll call the show "Go to Hell!" Think of me as your John Oliver :) It'll be the most dismissive show that’s streaming...  outside of this guy’s show:

(Ben Shapiro does not like She-Hulk. He needs you to understand that)

I also noticed that PureFlix is all about Prayer & Faith. Or course! Awesome! The pics I saw on there were kinda... white though. Maybe mix in a lil color. Just a note. I'm not insinuating anything. In fact, I’m trying to help you broaden your stroke to make more money. If diversity doesn’t come from the heart, it can at least come out of greed :)

I’m joking... (not really tho). I would hate for this post to be considered “woke garbage”. 

Then, I checked out the Movies/Tv - YES! however (again), kinda white. Where's Madea at? Isn't there a Mexican character on VeggieTales? 

 I think it's time for him to get his own show, don't you?

Don't be offended by me saying it's "kinda white" - I'm actually being kind when I say that :) And of course there's a place for that type of “culture” in Christianity (I mean that) and on PureFlix, but what about everyone else?

I'm here to help you, PF!

We'll  label all that stuff you've got on there as "Kinda White Though". Maybe we'll get a Tyler Perry or a Steve Harvey section of as well.

I'm thinking we could spice-up some of the content. I'll even use the bible for ideas, so some of you aren't triggered too much by my creativity.

The book of Hosea (in the bible). Here, there's the prophet Hosea, who's married to a prostitute named Gomer. That's a RomCom if I've ever seen one!

We could get a reality show about King Solomon and all of his many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, MANY, many, many wives (and side women).

There's "the woman with the ISSUE of blood" - look that one up, kids. In fact, we'll make it for kids; turn it into a cartoon.

Ooo, we''ll rock some Horror:

"Jason goes to Church" 

He's putting down the machete and picking up the bible.

or

Saw: Born-Again - 

This time, the Jigsaw copycats find Jesus, but take compelling people to believe a lil too far:) Don't worry, we'll blur out all of the good stuff - keepin it pure, baby!

Perhaps "Naked with Bathsheba"(I’ll let your imaginations run wild with what that show would entail) - that'll be for late night. Don't worry, PF. We'll have a quick warning on stuff like that - "Must be married and currently watching this with YOUR OWN spouse". Huh?? Yeah! I got your back, PF!

I also have some ideas for a LGBTQ section, but... you know... baby steps.

I'm offering my help for free (though an offering of a few million might better motivate me... just sayin). I'm here for you! And if you make TCFC 2, I'll even star in it (for kinda free/an offering).

Perhaps that investigative reporter is BACK, and finds me (a mad scientist who created time travel). We decide that the church needs some help from past Bible heroes to get things moving in the right direction again.

We bring back to the present -  Samson (for his super strength), King David (for his battle skills), Mary (mother of our Lord), Noah (power to build shit) and Gomer (powers of prostitution - which honestly, sounds like a great title for another show). Can somebody say "Universe"?? YEAH! I am your tool! Use me! Let’s stick it to Marvel and DC! 

Think bigger, PureFlix!