Shes so girlypop

Another new blog… it’s been about a year since I deleted my blog. The one I’ve had since I was 18. The one I grew up with. The one I vented on, posted countless pictures of myself, learned about myself. And holy fuck, the amount of shit that has happened in the last year is intense.

I got divorced. C put me through the wringer. I didn’t know if I would make it out, but I’m doing so much better than I ever imagined. He continues to show his true colors - he got engaged less than a year after we separated, his fiancée has attempted to get into a yelling match with me, he continues to put our daughter at risk, amongst a whole list of things he’s done. I’ve learned the art of disengagement and it’s so healing (also, I finished therapy and my therapist told me how much healthier I am now mentally)

I got a new job. I think this happened prior to me deleting my old tumblr. Doesn’t matter as much. BUT I work when I want, and can spend any and all my time with my daughter which has been a complete life changer. Leaving the only job I’ve known for 10 years hurt more than I expected, especially since it wasn’t planned, and I was basically booted out of there due to them just absolutely trying to destroy me, but it was such a godsend of a misfortune.

I sold my house. C’s only claim to hurt me was the house (other than our daughter that we share). He didn’t own it, but wanted a piece of it in the divorce because it was worth a lot in equity. I just said fuck it, sold it, rebuilt my life, and I’m now looking at houses with my partner.

I got a new boyfriend. He’s an absolute gem of a human. He’s made me realize what I want in a partner. He’s made me realize I’m not nonmonogamous. He’s made me realize that I can have a partner that fulfills me in every sense of the term. He loves me, he loves my daughter, and he puts up with the crazy that occurs in my life.

I don’t know if I’ll actually be on tumblr like I used to be. I deleted all social media, except Instagram, because I found out C was stalking me (and even after I locked all my accounts, he made fake ones - which, at 30 years old and as the man who wanted to end the relationship and was cheating on me, is a little obsessive). I just wanted to restart fresh. I’m so happy with life, I’ve never been so full of love and hope and just life in general, and thus, I’m back, I guess?

while the criticism of glass onion being a bourgeois art piece hegemonically negotiating hatred of the 1% into standard discourse is understandable, i think it's important to remember that rian johnson and daniel craig and whoever you want to criticise for making "performative" art about the systemic ways in which the ultrawealthy maintain power and specifically marginalize women of color are far closer in wealth to the average american than they ever will be to elon musk or any billionaire. daniel craig's net worth is $8 million dollars. his WHOLE net worth. you have to multiply that by 19,500 to get anywhere near elon musk's net worth of $156,000,000,000. and that's after he's lost $100bn this YEAR.

it's true that people shouldn't count watching movies as activism and definitely shouldn't see media produced by huge corporations as praxis, but that doesn't mean what political standpoints they do contain lack value or are disingenuous. the human mind is literally incapable of conceptualizing numbers after a certain point, so it's easy to think of hollywood rich and billionaire rich as similar, because both kinds of people live lives that most of us could barely dream of with privileges and access to resources that we will never have. but the difference between a millionaire and a billionaire is the difference between being able to make a movie starring daniel craig and being able to bankroll dozens of politicians and buy one of the largest social media websites used by millions of people daily on a whim

as "rich people bad" movies go, glass onion deals with it REALLY well. the scene at the end when helen destroys miles's house demonstrates a very nuanced understanding of how billionaires maintain power; blanc recognizes and tells helen that even though they found the truth, they can't do anything legally because miles burned their only physical evidence and the courts will unequivocally side with the billionaire. again. so in lieu of any justice system that will work, helen starts breaking shit. but miles doesn't even care that much, because what's a dozen million dollar glass art pieces to a man who accrues that in interest every minute? even when everyone else joins in, he doesn't care. it's annoying, but it doesn't mean anything. so the other "disruptors" stop after they've gotten their minimal catharsis, having done no real damage to his reputation or, frankly, their reliance on him.

helen burning the mona lisa to take him down, and that being presented as the best option, is really significant. as movies go, taking the stance of "destroying priceless art and private property is not only justified and moral but effective in the face of a system that gives you no other option for justice" is pretty damn rare.

it's true that if glass onion or other high budget films actually tangibly threatened the system in any way they would never get funded or see the light of day. but the cool thing about stories, and about art, is that you can't predict the effects they have on people. anti-billionaire bourgeois art isn't direct action, it isn't activism, and it isn't even important politically, but that doesn't mean it has no effect on the discourse whatsoever and can't be important to how people see the 1%

miguel o'hara── a study in security

it's really funny how most of my finals this quarter have me reading so many pieces that relate with the fics i'm writing and the characters i have brainrot over. i'm reading chapter 6 of eva illouz's book, "why love hurts," and the section about how love and security can't always co-exist hit me... because that is exactly how miguel o'hara regulates his life and shapes his influence within the spider-society.

"Security is often seen as incompatible with passion, or even as leading to its demise. But I would argue that this need for “security” and/or for “adventure” is not an invariant constituent of the psyche; or if it is, then security and adventure take on changing shapes in different cultural structures. They are also outcomes of the social organization of the psyche. Security derives from the capacity to control and to predict one’s environment; adventure, by contrast, derives from feeling challenged, either in one’s social identity or in the ways in which one knows how to do things." (Illouz, 219).

rewatching atsv and i notice just how locked and authoritative miguel runs his facility. micromanaged down to the knick-knacks hobie swipes. the differences in lighting and color theory with how miles & the gang associate with different spider-people, being lit in white and warm shades... then we meet miguel and he is in pitch dark with reddish and deep blue undertones. his character design is similar to the spot, where the sketch design is still visible amidst the rendering and coloring. this color palette carries with him and it sucks all his interactions in with it. from berating gwen after miles escapes to watching archival footage of his daughter, it's so deeply rooted that breaking out of that sphere will quite literally destroy what little he already has left and what he managed to preserve.

the man is STRESSED. we see that from his design to his dialogue. he believes he is single-handedly keeping the multiverse together and he expresses it multiple times. he thinks he can't have comfort and duty at the same time, believing that is what it means to be spider-man. it takes away his humor too, pointed out by peter b. when he says all spider-men are supposed to be funny. the only time he really shows any sort of wit is when he interacts with lyla and maybe jess, but even then, it's so dry and sarcastic. (save his interaction with baby mayday bc that man is also a father.)

but he's "okay" with this great responsibility. this is his security because it's what he's able to control when once, he wasn't able to control anything and it left him so badly wounded that it isolated any possibility of change or evolution for the order of things. when miles left, he shouted, "ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS LISTEN!" and then a softer, almost baffled and frustrated, "why didn't he listen...?"

illouz talks about how visual stimulations or even the presence of something we can hear or see can shape or crush the way we look at ourselves.

Research on the impact of media images on how individuals perceive their bodies suggests that images of perfect bodies have negative effects on self-esteem and self-concept because watching these images suggests to people both that others can achieve them more easily (competitiveness) and that others view them as important (normative legitimacy). Media images thus become a source of disappointment through the implicit mediation of what we think they say about others’ expectations of us and about their achievements compared to ours. Widespread images of love may instill ideas that others achieve love when we do not, and that achieving love is normatively important for successful life. (Illouz, 220).

hobie mentioned it before we officially meet miguel. he says miles seemingly has it alright with his parents and stable family life. and someone like miguel, who keeps a watchful eye over everything that goes on with spidermen, knows that. and he's jealous of it, i would argue. he believes as spider-man, there is a required sacrifice or weight of loss to carry.

while it is a very recurring trope with every iteration of spider-man that's been watched or read, miles has felt loss and loneliness. but he hasn't felt it in the way miguel has because what miguel went through is so singular and unique to him. the only ones who may understand what that would feel like would be gwen or even pav, seeing their dimension and/or livelihood beginning to crumble.

but miles has everything... and is also spider-man and i just know that burns miguel. it's not what he believes should be the order of the "spider-man journey," even though happiness and responsibility can and has worked together. example, peter b. and his daughter.

it's inconceivable for miguel to think something or someone can deny him or run the other way. because everyone is primed to understand that it's his way or quite literally, the destruction of everything. nobody can suggest another way. nobody can say no. aside from the doomsday vibes, miguel is also objectively scary when he’s genuinely angry. not even irritated or annoyed. irate. he’s also colossal. he’s mr. property damage. this need for control and this ability to maintain it under his thumb fuels his antagonistic relationship with anomalies or things he sees as a threat to his security. he doesn't like to be challenged, he likes to be listened to because he knows how the multiverse works and what can come out of it if even a single spider-person has a foot out of line.

and with all the hints left over at the end of the film of how miguel may be wrong, that there is a way to fix the multiverse while protecting the people they love, there will be some serious fractures to his security and everything will open up once again.

☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ CHIMERAS BEFORE FEELINGS

Chapter I | Chapter II

Jason Tood x Latina!reader

Action | fluff

Minors DNI, cursing, sexual references

Author's notes: This is the first chapter of the story I've been trying to write for so long! Check the info before reading to have some context 💕

Thank you for reading, no matter if you're a latina or not, just enjoy it 🔥

Here some things I want to share:

Wanna listen to the song Bizarro was signing? Here

Wanna listen to the whole sinful playlist? Here

Wanna see some art of the suit, wig, gadgets and Admena, your inner goddess? Here

Feel free to imagine the suit in the size your want, the same with the skin color. The illustration is only a visual.

You had to admit that the life of a vigilante was exciting. Everyone talks about the risks, how it can destroy your life quite literally, but what about the other side of the coin? Being a vigilante, a hero or anti-hero was indeed cool, however, few people was selfish enough to accept it. If being a vigilante boosted your battle lust, being magical, belonging to the Justice League Dark (from time to time because apparently they couldn't trust an anti-hero like you) was out of this world.

Probably, after being experimented on, your brain decided that you needed power to feel safe, you were aware but in denial because... power itself wasn't bad, despite the horrible things you did in the past (which weren't never your fault, you were just a mere little stupid puppet without will) you had a good moral compass. You'd take yourself to the extreme if that meant doing the right thing, not the politically correct thing, no, just what was needed to be done. That's why you liked it to work with this group of weirdos, exterminating magical threats under your own rules or sometimes Constantine's rules, which were... not rules but a "Do your shit right and don't get us killed"

Your current situation was no different from other situations, yes, probably using Admena's full power wasn't a good idea, her divine aura needed your vital energy to manifest but, fuck it, the job must be done, isn't it? Those words made you smile in the middle of an epic fight against a chimera, suddenly remembering your other team, the misfits you respected, protected and wished all the happiness in the world: the outlaws. You'd be lying if you say you don't have a favorite, but thinking about him just destabilize your mind, energy and dramatic heart, Jason Peter Todd was invading your mind again and meanwhile you were sealing the monster with Admena's aura, you couldn't help but wish your longing was everything but love.

With a deep long sigh you let your body rest against the rotten wood of the church, closed your eyes and tried to recover your energy, Admena even took part of your technology's energy, how ridiculous, you had to become stronger to have full mastery of your power, your mind and yes, again, your dramatic heart.

Artemis, that amazon was a fine piece of art. You probably had one or two wet dreams about her, nothing to be embarrassed of because no one would never know, but jokes aside, you looked up to her, she was strong, determined, a bit brazen but that was part of her charm. Inside the team you had a good dynamic and synergy, you weren't best friends, that was Kath's place but as coworkers you usually complemented eachother.

Once Kath and Constantine arrived the three of you contacted Batman to give a report, the case was still open after all. In the meantime you checked your phone again, Artemis wasn't exactly fond of social media so it was uncommon of her to text you, still sharing pictures or funny things could happen, why not?

With the anxiety in its peak you opened Jason's chat. You weren't really sure what was the problem until you realised something, Bizarro, sweet big Bizarro was using your Spotify account and despite having a bunch of playlists you had one, one with your deepest dirtiest thoughts... Hopefully Bizarro didn't expose you but the situation was pointing in that direction.

You bit your lip with your face contorted into a mix of worry, anxiety and fear, but when you were about to engage in the conversation and put an end to your suffering despite the consequences Constantine opened a portal and you three had to go. The energy was taking time to return to your body, so you stayed at the House of Mystery's gothic and beautiful sofa feeling like a very anxious and tired jelly.

You freezed and then acted in the most immature way. Your body sank into the sofa as your eyes focused on the chimney, angry fire burning and dim light illuminating the dark room, your body and some relics that John kept inside the house here and there. You took off your black gloves hiding your face behind your shaking hands ignoring your phone after evading a bullet Jason shot or that, actually, you shot to yourself. Silence was so noisy.

No matter how warm the living room was, you felt cold and so disappointed, who was James? Who? the only James you knew was the lilac haired guy from Pokémon and still you imagined a whole relationship with a non-existent person, great! Being honest shouldn't be so hard but fear, fear was so strong. Your life was a mess, one that you were trying to hold onto hard but that was crumbling little by little.

Jason wasn't reacting any better. At the beginning the scenario was funny, Bizarro was enjoying himself, then the situation made Jason feel a sparkle of excitement, he couldn't wait to tease the hell out of you and see what would happen, no one ever had created such unholy playlist for someone they wanted as friend. The moment he noticed his thoughts going too far from him, he stopped in his tracks and texted you.

Artemis saw the scene develop in front of her eyes, but once Jason ended up completely dumbfounded she knew something was wrong. Jason placed his phone aside and got ready to take a cold shower, damn expectations. Your relationship rested in a comfortable yet unhealthy uncertainty and neither you or Jason were brave enough to do something about it.

Who the fuck was that James?

UNDRGRND DIGD 055

Memetic by Meityform

ORIGINALLY POSTED DECEMBER 19, 2022 ON UNDRGRND.IO

5 Artists From the UNDRGRND Collection 

UNDRGRND DIGS is a periodical feature showcasing artists that the UNDRGRND curators dig. We sift through the social media and NFT platforms to find the best artists waiting to be discovered. UNDRGRND believes in the artists we feature and we will purchase NFTs from each artist featured.

View the Tezos UNDRGRND Collection

______________________________________________________________

Meityform

AVAILABLE ON OBJKT.COM

These pop-art gifs from Meityform are alive with color, characters, and ideas. Bold outlines of intricate mazes create a backdrop of the focal point of each piece while also playing a role in the message. Each work of Meityform appears to combine the use of an AI program but is edited and combined in such a way that the imperfections are just as important to each composition. Less than one-month minting Meityform is just beginning what will be an exciting and beautiful journey.

______________________________________________________________

Artserge

AVAILABLE ON OBJKT.COM

Artserge has a wide-ranging style. It’s hard to nail down what that style is or which one is his predominant style. Perhaps the easiest way to categorize his work is by looking at whom he works with. We “discovered” Artserge due to his collab with the legendary Ralph Steadman. Famous for his unsettling drawings and paintings in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Ralph Steadman chose Artserge to be one of the select few to collab with. The partnership in Caterpillar’s Dream is a perfect match. Perhaps that is the best compliment to give to, and way to describe, Artserge’s work.

______________________________________________________________

Ainita

AVAILABLE ON OBJKT.COM

Not all art has to depict the melodramatic or the painful. Good art is honest. Ainita’s work is an honest depiction of a family and their happy moments. Moments together that none will remember due to sleeping. A family dancing in the rain or farming together or the children putting on a puppet show/ These moments are happy and true. Any parent would be jealous of these parents who have the energy to give to their kids in this way. And while some may not have this to give every day all would agree this is the joy they would feel if they could.

______________________________________________________________

Blue-mbk

AVAILABLE ON OBJKT.COM

The soft palette and markings of Blue-mbk are in stark contrast to the subject matter in some of their work. In That’s how. we see the simplest way wars are started, or how we so easily destroy and devalue each other. It could be a simple response to a complex rhetorical question like “How did we become this?” Blue-mbk has a way of expressing feelings of isolation during covid with such short clips which makes the impact all the more powerful on repeat. 

______________________________________________________________

Poptone Cyber

AVAILABLE ON OBJKT.COM

These outcast characters in Poptone Cyber’s work all seem perfectly content with the lives they have chosen or been forced into. The motif of introversion permeates throughout. In Hermit, an individual happily finds themselves smoking and listening to music. What tends to drive us towards isolation is fear and while some may see isolation as a curse Poptone celebrates it as a blessing in Blessed by Fear. The biggest indicator that being alone is something that Poptone feels should be celebrated comes from Intrusive, where the world assaults an individual with news from the outside. 

______________________________________________________________

Each UNDRGRND DIGS will feature artists our curators have purchased for the UNDRGRND Collection.

Be sure to follow us on Twitter for more information: #UNDRGRND

hiiiiii guys this is the beginning of a series of posts im writing on why dst means so much to me as an autistic/trans/etc etc person . a very ramble-y simple thing thats been gnawing at my brain

ok so first up is wendy bc ofc it is , shes been my fav for 8 years lol. i feel like she tends to get characterized as a “tumblr sadgirl” or a dramatic kid bc of her nihilistic and flowery (pun intended) way of speaking, but the description for her victorian skin - “Wendy is the queen of strict, socially mandated mourning practices.” - got me thinking about this a whole lot :

wendy barely ever mentions her family (besides abigail obviously). her father only once, and her mother a handful of times, though with uncertainty sometimes (“What color were mother’s eyes?”). she never mentions having any friends before meeting webber. so we can infer that not only was abigail her best friend and twin sister, she was the only person wendy had ever really been close to at all. in her short we see that even before abigails death she was very introverted and withdrawn when shes not around abigail. so losing abigail wasnt just losing her sister, but losing the only friend she had, the only person she was genuinely close to and loved by. this would destroy anyone but wendy was also just a lonely little kid, only 10 years old in canon (possibly younger when abigail died)! shes a kid wrought with unfamiliar and overwhelming grief

so of course she turns to structure. acting and dressing like how youre expected during a funeral, with a set schedule to follow; reading popular poems and narratives crafted with objective literary devices; even taking and wearing abigails old clothing and parting her hair the way her sister used to. wendy is very set on boxing her emotions in by what she believes to be the standard set by people who have come before her. to her, grief should be artsy, clean, something mature that puts you above finding joy in the little things. a Tragedy with a capital t, nothing more and nothing less.

she remains loyal to this ideology because its the only way she knows how to cope. shes young and grief is such a messy emotion, so she just … doesnt deal with it. that, + the “Wendy clings fiercely to the grief over her sister's death, for fear that moving on would cause Abigail's memory to fade.” vignette, leads to this tragic, sophisticated persona shes cultivated bc she cant get over seeing herself as nothing more than only half of a pair

as an autistic person, boxing feelings neatly instead of actually feeling them bc its too overwhelming is something ive done more times than i can count . i also struggle with seeing myself as an actual person instead of just defining myself by my relationships to other people or by how i think people want me to be. i cant think of any other characters like wendy — her writing is handled so amazingly well, she is so nuanced and ive never seen any piece of media tackle portraying a thought process like hers. it means a lot to me and i feel very seen by it, so i wanted to put in my two cents

thanks for reading guys ^_^ i hope this resonates with you guys as well and maybe makes you consider wendys writing in a way you hadnt before. having a great day <3

Unusual Character Associations

Thank you @blind-the-winds for tagging me in this, it's a real neat game!

Rules? Find the Associations of a Character with each Topic!

I'm obsessed with Ametrine from @scorpiongrassfield rn so this is for her!

Seasoning: Does spearmint count as a seasoning?

Weather: A snowstorm, wind howling and visibility reduced to almost nothing.

Color: Deep burgundy and ice blue

Sky: Overcast with a thick sheet of gray clouds.

Magical Power: Undead destroying pyrokenisis.

House plant: Dahlias. you can grow them indoors from what i hear.

Weapon: She usually just uses her powers, her fists, or whatever she can get her hands on. But she'd do well with a knife.

Subject: Math.

Social Media: She's allergic to computers but I can see her liking twitter.

Makeup Product: Mascara.

Candy: Tic tacs.

Fear: Failure.

Ice cube shape: small sphere.

Method of long-distance travel: Driving

Art Style: Impressionist charcoal drawings

Mythological Creature: Fairy

Piece of Stationery: Scissors.

Celestial Body: A star.

---

Tagging, no pressure: @anulithots @captain-kraken @crowandmoonwriting

Hello! I just came across your account and wow, I love your art! Your style is so unique and cute! 🤩

I have a few questions for you, if you don't mind.

Sorry if this is a tough ask, but do you have any tips for a beginner digital artist such as myself?

My biggest struggle is being motivated to do it when I know it will take me a long time to get as good at it as I want to be now.

That is the main reason why I didn't pursue it for so long. I just look back to when I was 13 and think: "Man, I could have learned so much by now and been much better at it. Oh well..."

Thank you for your time 👋

I think the best tip I could give is in two parts! I'm sorry this is so long, but please remember this is my own perspective and advice, since this is what worked best for /me/! ^^ Firstly, a bunch of my artist friends advocated for beginner artists to take small pieces of someone's artstyle - maybe the way they draw eyes, or hands, or maybe even the materials they use or colors they shade with - to help develop and create a more consistent artstyle. This also applies to pose references! Using pose references is okay! My art got so much better once I was able to develop muscle memory and the ability to realize is proportions were likely incorrect. It is actually how I learned to draw! Practice diversity in eyes, noses, face shapes, body shapes, and other features unique to each person at an early stage to try to avoid same face syndrome. Repetition in my own art makes it hard for me to climb my way out of the grave I dug for myself. I actually recently began to work on that flaw. It may look bad or wonky at first, but it is okay. I don't have a single good sketchbook on my hands from before I became a digital artist. However, looking back on those drawings I managed to keep myself from destroying makes me feel more confident in my abilities to grow.

Secondly, I suggest being consistent and working through the plateaus and temporary deterioration of your skill. It took me a hefty 11 years to get where I am, and my art style only met my expectations at the beginning of last year. After years and years of developing muscle memory for my own art style, I now don't need to rely on reference images or other people's art styles to draw. Your art style will typically be 'bad' or 'ugly' in your own eyes due to the high expectations you and others may set for yourself, since you see so many skilled artists on social media. You need to keep your chin up and push through the dark times where it seems you're not getting anywhere with your art! I believe in you and others do, too.

Everyone starts somewhere, and I suggest that you base your success off of your improvement!

So the sociopolitical climate in south africa is unhinged and rapidly getting worse.

For about a year the entire country has been faced with extreme loadshedding (planned power outages to relieve the load on the grid) every single day without pause for hours a day. Many small businesses have had to close because they couldn't keep up with the rising electricity costs while not having electricity for more than half the day and also having to buy diesel to run generators or install expensive price jacked solar systems.

The water grid in Gauteng alone is failing spectacularly, I don't even know about other provinces. Not only is water infrastructure failing faster than they can fix it, the constant power cuts mean that reservoirs can't be refilled in time leading to water cuts as well. On top of that I strongly believe that the water being supplied by Rand Water isn't potable as they claim, based on the recent cholera outbreak, as well as independent companies claiming their tests are coming back horrible.

Politics are insane, with municipal employees purposely striking because a mayor from another party is in power, forcing that mayor out through a vote of no confidence, placing a mayor from a tiny party with no influence (likely a plant from the two majority parties) and only continuing with poor service delivery after the new mayor is appointed, where there was literally none before.

Worst of all is the police, with multiple and frequent documented incidents of police brutality, the biggest recent one of which being about a saps provided security detail for like a minister or something assaulting two men horribly for driving too close to the convoy or something. It went viral on social media and then petered off.

Half a year ago the Gauteng department of police issued an order to all media houses that all media enquiries to the police have to go to the provincial office, instead of the station liaison. The provincial department the contacts the liaison about it, gets the info, and sends it to the journalist, tripling the time it takes to get information but also intercepting any piece of information about any case and censoring it before it goes to the media. What are they hiding?

Now they revoked standing order 156, meaning media are no longer allowed on a crime or accident scene, which sounds like a good plan until you realize that media monitoring being gone means police can now plant evidence undetected, assault suspects without scrutiny, and destroy evidence without anyone noticing.

So now, not only do you have rising tensions in south africa due to the massive gender based violence pandemic, as well as racial tensions because white people are refusing to give people of color an inch, we also have a corrupt government stealing all our tax money and neglecting education, infrastructure, Healthcare and service delivery, leading to infrastructure collapse, an aging power grid and water shortages in one of the wettest years the country has ever had.

We also have a rising cost of living, but no increase in average earnings, white people who used to think striking is barbaric and the eff is a hate group planning strikes with the eff and boycotts of tax payments, we have increasing police brutality and frivolous violent arrests for so much as looking at a car weird, but with decreasing media access for accountability, and now the military is providing "crime prevention wardens" nationwide to "assist in crime prevention".

Bigoted hate crimes are on the rise, though they're small instances they are very frequent, and the "party of the people" the DA are frivolously suing every government official or entity they can think of over half-researched claims without evidence in order to gain influence in a struggling country as "the party that cares and is willing to fight for what's right". They're white supremacists. They have people in high positions within the party publicly making white supremacist comments and using dogwhistles. They want to bring back apartheid.

Black people rightfully want white people to get their asses back to Europe where they came from, but Europe now deems us Africans and no longer White and won't take us back because of racism and xenophobia. Everyone wants to leave and no one has anywhere to go.

We're also stuck between being a brics country, meaning we're economically allied with Russia and China, but our constitution goes against their governments and the us is one of our most important trade partners, and they're threatening us for being allied with Russia, putting us between a rock and a hard place because we haven't developed weapons in decades and would be fucked if either Russia or the us gets pissed because we decided to cut ties with them.

Our unemployment rate is like, probably the highest of any country in the world, and our youth unemployment rate is above 50%. The top 4% of south Africans have like 70+% of the wealth, and the rest are living in shacks built with stolen corrugated roof panels or rotting houses or apartments owned by major corporations or wealthy landlords.

I'm terrified. It's like we're on an parabolic graph, with the y axis being the breaking point, and we're growing ever closer but never reaching it, and I'm stressed constantly just waiting for the bubble to pop and the riots to start and all the loss of life that will come with a full on revolution.

Day 3

Im mad at me how healing wounds is my priority again, a major focus for my attention, when it was healed just before my last relapse. What wouldve been my focus now, that I have acceptable skin?

Probably enduring how my skin is still breaking out, and being clean doesnt look clean or feel clean at all for me, how everything makes me cravy and destroyi and everything is destroyable and my perfectionism gets lit when there are no wounds, but just outbreaks.

.

Im going to sports courses, though, trying to give me a different body feel. I cant be a dainty cute girl, maybe ill look less dirty, if my body was more defined, even though its boxy and boyish.

.

I want to have a good and working skin care routine, nice products that work and a lush looking and smooth skin because of it. I want to know what my skin and body needs.

Skin care routine wise,

nutrition wise with antioxidants and shit, making my outbreaks less and making me more energetic,

exercise and body wise, what my body and mind and skin needs for getting its juices flowing, blood circulation and reducing stress and stuff,

media wise, what does it give me to share and write down, presenting myself officially, even though no one needs to read or react, with ranty-tumblr, aesthetic-tumblr, longing-tumblr..

.

If been looking up nutrition for people with athritis, how to reduce inflammation and stuff.. im very cravy right now, with everything that i want but dont do or am, i know, i just wonder what it takes from me to be able to do all that..

Eating the right stuff,

cooking with herbs that do stuff,

making things pretty,

knowing what to heat and what not.

How can i act different than i do.. i dont do stuff, that i want to, because im too scared to commit to one decision. in every way. but in this case it prevents me from putting shelves on the walls, purchasing real furniture, making places for things, like tupper for herbs and racks for dishes or flatware. even more difficult, putting color onto my walls, getting decoration of any kind, blenders for the windows.

.

At least Im doing my resolutions:

not destroying!

only 1 sweet snack per day (like 1 can of sugary drink, 1 piece of pie, 1 sugared coffee..)

at least 1 urban sports course per day

Other things with a little less priority:

meditating

inquiry and sitting a table

handle things on my own, instead of discussing it with my inner circle

I need to get some kind of clearity, of what I want and what is just a reaction to stress (like wanting to move cities, going to Japan or staying for a job), what do I want to do in the future (what would i like to study and/ or work later), what are my interests (maths, social problems, biologic matters, music, organizing and planning stuff, what is hobby-worthy and what would i wanna do for a job) and what and who do i wanna be, like someone completely different and try very new new things or should i pay more attention to what i think are my limits, to what is stressing me out?

"Who am I when I dont destroy myself" kinda thing.. Right now I really, really, wanna leave, the city or the country and get away, because I feel constricted. What if thats just me, with my own limitation from my addiction?

I miss the sentou and its meditative atmosphere. I miss how alone i was with my thoughts, feelings and time back there. I want that. I feel like I cant think around my people, like I cant find out what I really want.

when I came back from Japan I was so sure that I dont want to and I shouldnt stay in Berlin. I knew, I needed to change cities. and then.. I dont want to blame it on other pleople, but then she got so suicidal that I thought, whats worse, living here, giving what I can, or leaving and living with the guilt? I know and I was told that this was the wrong motive to stay, but I did and I got comfortable here.

The question is, is leaving just running away? or is leaving the healthy thing to do for me, with my way of being and with my circle being a bit.. co-dependent. どうするの？

Inside the World of 'Art Dropping' Imagine while on your morning coffee run, you find a package on a bench wrapped in brown paper, with a note saying there’s art inside. Opening the package reveals an original piece of art, a small, acrylic painting with broad brushstrokes resembling the ocean, or maybe it’s a mountain. While it may be surprising, it’s sure to make your day. This is the goal of Toronto contemporary abstract artist Courtney Senior and her International Art and Found Day, the third annual celebration of which will be held on March 12, 2023. So far, 850 artists from 42 countries are scheduled to participate, with each contributing at least one, if not multiple works. “Art doesn't have to be scary. I think people get very intimidated by the price tag that comes with a lot of art or feeling like they don't belong,” says Senior, explaining that the day “introduces them to this vast world of artists that they didn't even know existed in their own backyard.” Senior began painting in her 20s to help with anxiety and became even more committed after her father’s sudden death. But she soon realized she had made too many of her colorful paintings to fit in her small condo. Senior didn’t have the confidence to sell her work but she had a background in marketing, which led to a lightbulb moment: Why not leave the works for people to take for free? Each has an explanatory note: “Hello, I’m an original abstract painting in need of a loving home. FREE ART #ArtandFound.” Over the course of almost a decade, Senior has placed a piece somewhere about once a month (and sometimes daily during the holidays), and the Instagram hashtag has become a popular way for other artists to give away their work. Senior says she’s heard from more than 50 percent of the people who’ve taken her art and she particularly enjoys the kismet moments, when a piece comes into someone’s life at just the right moment, like when they’ve just moved to a new city. During the height of the pandemic in 2020, she was looking for a way to uplift spirits and inspire the artist community and decided to launch her effort globally with International Art and Found Day. She was happy when some 50 artists initially signed up but was shocked as it continued to grow in the run-up to the first event, with 478 artists in 39 countries participating. Senior isn’t alone in wanting to spread the art. Cities like New York, Seattle, and Portland have been inspired by the Little Free Library movement to create public art exchanges. Many amateur or hobby artists also participate in “art dropping,” and some renowned creatives have made it an integral part of their practice, often to impart a particular message. Australian-born artist CJ Hendry has garnered a large social media following with her hyper-realistic sketches. After being hit with a copyright infringement lawsuit, she made a game out of “disposing” the art she had to destroy. Her signature red boxes have now become a viral phenomenon, with Hendry leaving prints and merchandise in cities around the world. This distributive model also stands out in an age of NFTs and unprecedentedly high-priced art sales, which do benefit many artists but also raise questions about the commodification of art and in some ways make it more inaccessible than ever. In this context, giving away art for free and to complete strangers is almost revolutionary. Senior is also working to expand her “feel good” movement. This year she has partnered with a Toronto company to also place art kits out on the day, encouraging others to embrace their creative spirits. Jo Lonsdale, who lives in Lancashire in the United Kingdom, has participated in every Art and Found Day. Lonsdale took care of special needs kids all her life but decided to pursue her artistic interests after she began looking after her dad. She became hooked on alcohol inks, an unpredictable medium that lets her create modern pieces in vivid colors and metallics. “You don't really use a paintbrush or anything,” says Lonsdale. “You just let the ink flow. And s. it's very fluid, contemporary, and it kind of does its own thing, which I like. Every piece is totally unique.” Lonsdale’s friends soon wanted to purchase her pieces and she began sharing her process on Instagram, where she learned about Senior. “I think it’s a brilliant thing because art can be so expensive. It's nice when it's achievable for everybody,” she says. Lonsdale has left her pieces, which include works on synthetic paper, jewelry, and cards, in the woods around her town and along the waterfront promenade. She remembers a particularly memorable finder who had just lost her mother. The woman wrote to Lonsdale, thanking her for giving “me such a lift. Your talent and heart have given me my biggest smile today.” While she is getting more and more commissions and interest through word of mouth and art fairs, Lonsdale says #ArtandFound has allowed her to connect with artists around the world she otherwise never would have met. Erin Speights, who is located outside of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, also sees the event as a way for her career to grow. Speights took a few art classes in college but really got involved after she made paintings for her stepdaughters’ room. She played around with different techniques and mediums, starting with landscapes and sunsets and expanding to gold leaf and finally more abstract watercolor designs. “It's very soothing,” she says of her work. “A lot of people tell me it's very peaceful and calming and reminds them of the ocean and the beach. Some people say it looks like sea glass.” Now in her third year of participating in International Art and Found Day, Speights enjoys giving hints about where she’ll hide the piece on Instagram and then watching from a distance as someone discovers it. “Even if it's just that one person that finds my one piece, it's really nice to just give back and have that gratitude,” she says. “I personally don't think there's anything better than having a physical piece of artwork that's just so personal in your home from an artist,” says Senior. “It comes with such a story as well: Going around, you find this piece of work, you discover this day, you realize all these other people are doing it. I think there's almost a whole other piece of it than just the artwork itself.” For those wanting to find art on March 12, Senior, who jokes that she herself has never found a piece, suggests looking in high-traffic places in clear view. If you are hoping to spot a Senior original, she will be leaving four of her paintings in Palm Desert, California, and one in her beloved Toronto. https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/international-art-and-found-day-2023

Studio Week 13

This week, I have done a whole big lot of stressing about the work I'm doing for finals. Will I be done in time? How will I know when they're done? What if my paintings aren't good enough? What if I fail my classes and they kick me out onto the sidewalk, never to come back to the Annex again? And so on and so forth, so I don't want to think about the work I'm doing for finals within this update. All I've done is work on that shit and when I'm not working on it, I'm thinking about it, so I'm not going to think about it right now.

I returned to the ceramics studio on Friday, which if you have heard me shit-talking at all the past few weeks, you know is a big deal. I've felt nervous and self-conscious, with a million voices in my head trying to shape what I make. I managed to turn that shit off for a few hours-- no professors worried about if my work is graduate level, or commenting on how I need to make more figures, no one to mentally compare myself to and worry how I measure up. I just made a bunch of little abstract forms-- no dedication to finished project, no planning. Fully willing to admit if something went wrong and needed to be destroyed. I'm happy with how they came out, these little explorations of texture and form and negative space, and I'm really excited for figuring out how I want to finish them once they're fired. Most of all, I feel at home in the ceramics studio again, and that excites me so much to say.

Last weekend, I did a watercolor painting. I have a serious love-hate relationship with watercolor-- sometimes I hate it, and sometimes it's the material I return to for weeks at a time. I think I hate it because of the challenge it represents to me, the way it is so far beyond my control. I have to give myself over to it when I work with it, willing to bend to its will on the page. Or I'm reading too much into that, I don't know. My point here is this: I did a little watercolor sketch, all monochromatic blue, just splashes on a little page; I spent more time waiting for the paint to dry between coats than I did applying that color. I posted it to my instagram (because thats what i do in this day and age) and it received 2X the engagement compared to any other piece I posted in the past month, easily. I'm not saying this to measure my success based on my measly-ass social media. I am not abandoning everything to do watercolors. I just think it's funny how this piece, which to me was so simple and casually completed, just for fun, was so much more interesting to others than my more "deep" "artistic" pieces. Maybe that sense of fun and openness is something that makes my work better. I should keep that in mind.

Local Girl Missing by Lisa Regan (Detective Josie Quinn Book 15)

Through swirling dawn fog, they follow the trail of discarded items at their feet: a tube of glittery lip gloss; a cell phone; a cracked make-up compact, broken chunks of ivory powder spilling into the grass. Then the mist parts—just for a second—to reveal a beautiful young girl on the ground, her pale lips frozen forever in a silent scream…

On a winding mountain road into the small town of Denton, Pennsylvania, Detective Josie Quinn finds the body of a local teenage girl, Dina Hale. The sight of plum-colored bruises gathering around the girl’s neck pierces Josie’s heart, but the discovery of a second girl’s empty purse in the dirt nearby gives her a flicker of hope that one person, at least, made a lucky escape. Dina’s parents are grief-stricken as the town rallies together in a desperate search for the second girl, Alison Mills, who waitressed with Dina at a local hotel. The two best friends were on their way to a shift when they were attacked. Josie was too late

Hitting a dead-end with interviews, Josie thinks she’s on to something when a photo surfaces suggesting Alison was romantically involved with one of the hotel staff. But when Josie arrives at the man’s house to find a bullet in his head, and the house ransacked, the case comes crashing down. Evidence of frantic searching at both crime scenes has Josie convinced a twisted killer is on a hunt for something very personal and precious. And that they won’t stop until they find it. But how many innocent lives will be destroyed before Josie can uncover the missing piece at the heart of this deadly puzzle? And what sacrifices will she have to make to find Alison alive?

My Review: What a ride! It starts with a bang and never stopped surprising me. it was like peeling an onion: there's something on the top but there's core you will discover only after you peeled. It starts with a missing girl and another one killed, secrets. It's one of those cases when you never know who can be trusted. Fast paced, adrenaline-filled, twisty. Lisa Regan delivers a great story, the best so far. It's a page turner that kept me reading till late as I wanted to know what happened. I had fun and thoroughly enjoyed. I loved how Josie is more relaxed and less tormented and i was glad to catch up with the fleshed characters of this series. It can be read as a stand alone but I recommend to read the rest of the series. This one is strongly recommended. Many thanks to Bookouture and Netgalley for this ARC, all opinions are mine

The Author: Lisa Regan is the USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestselling author of the Detective Josie Quinn series. Lisa is a member of Sisters In Crime, International Thriller Writers, and Mystery Writers of America. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in English and Master of Education Degree from Bloomsburg University. She lives near Philadelphia, Pennsylvania in the U.S. with her husband, daughter, and Boston Terrier named Mr. Phillip. Find out more at her website: www.lisaregan.com

Social Media Links: FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/Lisa-Regan-189735444395923/ TWITTER: https://twitter.com/Lisalregan WEBSITE: www.lisaregan.com Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6443334.Lisa_Regan Bookouture Email Sign Up: https://www.bookouture.com/lisa-regan

Buy Links : Amazon: https://geni.us/B0B2KBS3WLsocial Apple: http://ow.ly/FYtm50JkHlz Kobo: http://ow.ly/zsOF50JkGCk Google: http://ow.ly/VwyB50JkHnG

Audible: UK: http://ow.ly/t6hq50Kal5Z US: http://ow.ly/VTsA50Kal5Y Listen here: http://ow.ly/6zCM50Kal60

Hello, if you don't mind, could you write general headcanons of the Mondstadt characters interacting with the zombie sibling (it could be either from Jean/Barbara or Diluc/Kaeya)? If it's too much, it could just be headcanons for Klee or Diona.

I'm so pleasantly surprised how well received that au was

My character limit is 2 so I will be doing Klee and Diona headcannons but feel free to request other characters another time (I will be slow as usual though cause ahahahahahahaa)

It will be Diluc/Kaeya's sibling for the interest of more interestng headcanons

READER IS GENDER NEUTRAL IF I ACCIDENTALY MADE FEMALE TELL MEEEEEE

(also I just discovered how to color text wow I am so bad at social media)

Klee

- Kaeya was responsible for this, he figured you should have a friend to play with and when he was figuring out who he should introduce them to, Klee visited him

- Klee is always excited to meet someone she can play with but when Kaeya introduced her to you, she was surprised to see their blank look that made them seem sad

- Not one to let the people around her be sad, Klee made it her mission to try and see you smile or laugh while Kaeya watched on in amusement

- Diluc is now ready to rip Kaeya to pieces for introducing you to the destructive force known as Klee whenever Jean comes over to tell him what shennanigans Klee got into while bringing you with her

- When she saw them writing in their notebook and constantly checking it she thought it was like her survival rules from Kaeya and shared it to them and asked if she could see their survival rules too

- “Y/N’s the best! Kaeya introduced them to me! I don’t know why they don’t smile very much but they’re so fun! Their older brother is grumpy though..”

Diona

- She overheard about your existence from some of the patrons at the Cat Tail's

- They mentioned how maybe you and her could create fantastic wine to drink with Diona’s talent for mixing and you being the younger sibling to the current owner of the dawn winery 

- This caused Diona to nearly burst out into a rage because she wants to destroy the wine industry! Not make it even stronger! 

- She had decided to try and meet you since maybe if she recruited you then she could be able to destroy the wine industry of Mondstadt because you were so close to it’s main source so with you by her side she’ll be able to do it!

- That was the initial plan, unfortunately for her and her plans to destroy Mondstadt’s wine industry, she grew attached to you

- From having to help you remember things when you two went out around Mondstadt and Springvale when you misplaced your notebooks to really enjoying playing with you, her plans will be put on halt with how you’ve endeared yourself to her unintentionally

- “Y/N is my insider and the secret to how I’ll destroy Mondstadt’s wine industry! Diluc has to listen to his younger sibling to stop Mondstadt’s wine industry!” 

(ngl not really sure how to write Diona)