this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.
it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?
it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.
as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.
on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.
and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.
and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.
as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.
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I think what really gets to me with the finale is that Merlin was so close to getting Arthur to the lake. Yet, there was no plan beyond that. It's like even if they did get there, who knows if anything would have happened.
The idea that there was still more tragedy awaiting even if they made it, that yeah despite all of Merlin’s magic, he couldn't save Arthur's life.
It was always the possibility of the Sidhe, but there was no guarantee. It was all hope from the start, endless hope that failed them in the end.
Because well, it was always supposed to happen like this anyway... Arthur was meant to die so he could rise again, there was no alternative
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Thinking about the episode where Dipper and Mabel went back in time and ran into kid-Wendy, who thought Dipper was cute, and it was kind of this "wow" moment for him. Now I can't stop imagining a scenario in the familiar au where a married, up-and-coming demon hunter Dipper Pines, along with Bill, have to go back in time for whatever reason to about when he was 12. He figures they should keep a low profile if they want to return to their timeline unchanged, but they end up bumping into Dipper's younger self, back when he was first dropped off and all noodle armed and couldn't really defend himself against the town bullies. Almost as if on cue, a group of kids come up on young Dipper and try to pick on him, only for adult Dipper to ward them away. Older Dipper still considering himself kind of a massive loser with a lot to learn, but his younger self just looks at this strange new-comer and thinks he's SO COOL🤩🤩🤩!!! And maybe follows him around a bit in admiration, silently saying stuff about wishing he were "that strong," or "that smart," or "ever a little cool." And Dipper has that same "wow" moment, but for an entirely different reason. Maybe he did grow up to be everything he wanted to be as a kid, and maybe even the kid version of him wasn't a loser to begin with; people were just serious jerks.
(Bonus points if Stan definitely knows who this flame-wielding stranger that just blew into town is, and seeing how Dipper's grown and matured puts him at ease and makes him more confident that maybe he can raise the twins on his own. Look at the kid go. He did something right.)
Anon, why must you tempt me with new ideas when I have so many WIPs
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worst tropes
men dating women in the same career/field as them an get silent/bitter because she's having a big moment/is more accomplished than him
men dating women in time-demanding careers and then are upset that their careers demand their time
men with podcasts
men dating independent/emotionally unavailable women and then are upset that they are independent/emotionally unavailable
men who can't drive
best tropes
friends to lovers
men who can drive
love on purpose, love that's intentional, love that's not rotten work because it's you
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