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mindninjax · 3 years

Text

Opposites Attract

Soulmate AU

Pairing: Bakugo x Reader (College AU)

Rating: M for Mature

Warnings: Smut (18+), Exhibitionism, fingering, dirty talk, size kink

Word Count: 8.1K

A/N: This is my Secret Santa Gift for the beautiful @messwriting. Lee, you wonderful beautiful human. Alright so I’m not going to get all mushy in the author’s note here because I’ve already gotten super mushy in your DMs MULTIPLE TIMES to where we’ve CRIED TOGETHER bahahah. But please please know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You are an absolute rock star with the purest soul and ANYONE who comes in contact with you is the luckiest person on earth. Thank you so very very much for being my friend.💖 I hope you enjoy! P.S. Don’t come for me for my lack of soccer knowledge. I don’t know SHIT about sports bahahah

As you get closer to your soulmate you can gradually hear their thoughts clearer and clearer. When your eyes meet, their voice sounds clear as day

Your soulmate is an asshole.

Of all the people in the world of course it is your luck that your soulmate turns out to be the cockiest little shit that ever did exist. How self-deprecating, humble, quiet you, got a forever partner that is loud, cocky, and slightly selfish, you have no idea.

It’s definitely a strange feeling, finding him completely unbearable but not being able to physically want to be away from him. The “pull” of soulmates is a strong force, only the most stubborn of people can ignore it and go about their lives.

The ghost of his voice echoes inside your head as he approaches you. A chance encounter on your trip to Japan for a study abroad opportunity, you two meet in front of a ramen shop. You feel the pull stronger than it ever has been, and you're ready to see him. That is, until a particular blonde man brushes past you in a rush to get into the shop.

“Move it, extra,” he grumbles, shouldering you out of his way.

The burning hits immediately and stops him in his tracks as he turns around to stare into your eyes. For just a moment the world seems to stop and be complete all in one. When your eyes meet, the voices in your head become louder, like you were right in each other’s ear.

Are you serious, the idiot standing there blocking the door?

Geez, could he have hit me any harder?

His voice brought comfort and fury with its intrusion. With your voice in his head, he’s instantly annoyed at how soft spoken it is. It is the complete opposite of his normally boisterous tone.

Katsuki Bakugo. He’s on his school football (soccer) team, the star player, center forward. Recruiters are already scouting him despite not being finished with college yet. He’s being set up for success in every way and he doesn’t go a minute without bragging about it and letting everyone know.

You, on the other hand, are quiet, a bit shy but an adamant and thorough worker. Your grades are perfect and your studies are the most important thing to you. You rarely seek out any attention, being content with watching from the sidelines and taking in information. Your voice reflects that, never truly yelling about anything unless it’s about something you enjoy.

In conclusion, the two of you are complete opposites.

At the start, the two of you try to ignore each other. When you hear his rude comment in your head, you immediately apologize and move out of his way, leaving the ramen shop in a hurry to get away from him. Confrontation scares you and you do whatever you can to avoid it all costs, which includes letting a very rude but attractive man call you an idiot and push you out of the way.

He stares after your retreating figure, both confused and angry as Kirishima places a hand on his shoulder to ask him if he’s coming in.

What’s her deal?

You hear him question as you quicken your pace around the corner and back to your dorm. The next few days are as awkward as your first meeting. You both keep running into each other at the same places. Not on purpose, clearly, but the fact that your minds are connected now seems to keep drawing you back to each other. You start to believe your favorite places to study are the gym and the nature park, which are places you’ve never studied before, and he starts visiting the library more, claiming it’s “easier to focus” there.

It isn’t until he finally stops you from hurrying out of the gym for the third time that week that you two actually speak to each other.

“Hey, dumbass, you gonna run from me forever?” he says, grabbing your hand and pulling you back towards him.

For the second time the two of you stare into each other’s eyes, and you’re able to actually take in his features. Ok so you admit, he’s very handsome, hot even. His muscles are perfectly framed in the black tank top he’s currently wearing, and you’re sure he’s flexing a little to show off. The way his hair is currently plastered to his forehead from sweating during practice makes you lick your lips quickly and the cocky smile he wears surprisingly works for his features and draws you in.

Heh, glad you like what you see. At least you’ve got good taste.

And just like that, he ruins it by opening his mouth—well, figuratively. He pulls you in closer to his chest, wrapping an arm around your waist to stop you from escaping. You take a deep breath before flashing him a smile and responding,

“No, I plan on running at least until the end of the semester when I can go back home. I try not to make a habit of befriending assholes.”

Your incisive tone catches him off guard and you use it to your advantage. The quicker you can get out of there before he starts something, the better. It probably wasn’t a good idea to provoke him but he was a jerk. You slip out of his grasp and leave him standing there dumbfounded while the rest of his teammates within earshot laugh and make fun of him.

“Damn, Bakugo, you just got BURNED,” Sero says as Bakugo turns to him, glaring.

“Looks like the Great Bakugo can’t get whatever girl he wants. Not even his soulmate wants to be with him.” Kaminari laughs and moves away as Bakugo swipes at him.

What a fucking asshole! Good, I hope he’s embarrassed, he needs to be knocked down a peg anyway. Soulmates—yeah right. How the hell is this going to work between us?

He can hear your frustrated rant inside his mind as he watches you stomp away from him. He doesn’t want to admit how much your words bother him. His soulmate can’t stand being around him? It’s a huge blow to his ego and now he’s pissed. He huffs out an angry breath as you get lost in the crowd. Fine, he’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.

As the weeks drag on, you and Bakugo don’t see much of each other anymore. In fact, he makes it a purpose of his to not go to the places he’s drawn to. Your thoughts haven’t been on him either. You’ve been really focused on research for a presentation coming up at the end of the week. He’s really impressed at your organization and dedication to your subject. It seems to mean a lot to you, and you’re putting your all into making sure you get your point across and educate your peers.

Ok, so maybe you aren’t an idiot.

You roll your eyes as you sit in the library, scribbling notes and typing away at your laptop. You’ve gotten pretty good at blocking out his thoughts and ignoring him, but sometimes a sly comment about you will slip through the mental barricade you’ve put up. He chuckles when he hears you mumble to yourself, “Shut up, I’m trying to study.”

He gasps a bit at your answer. It’s been days since you’d even acknowledged his presence, and he admits he likes the feisty tone.

Ah, so interrupting your studies is what’ll get you to talk to me? I’ll remember that for the future, princess.

His deep voice rings in your head, distracting you momentarily at how it draws you in and makes you want to hear more of it. The stupid pet name makes you cringe and you’re annoyed at how it also makes your heart flutter.

You probably say that to every girl.

He chuckles again before you shake your head to pull yourself back into focus on your presentation notes. They’re almost done. The amount of time and work you’ve put into this project is equivalent to how much of your grade it’s worth. Focus. You can do this.

The day of the presentation comes and your heart is skipping beats. You’re so nervous you’re shaking. You’re prepared, you’ve memorized everything, you know this topic like the back of your hand. There’s no need to be nervous, right?

Wrong. Your mind is filled with everything that could go wrong during this presentation.

It’s only 30 minutes, you think to yourself. You spend the rest of the day hyping yourself up, taking deep breaths and listening intently to the other presenters. Bakugo has been unnaturally quiet in your head today. Maybe he’s respecting the fact that you’re so nervous you could throw up, or maybe he’s just too focused on practice right now.

There are some times when you’re able to see a few flashes of what he’s seeing when he concentrates hard enough. He’ll focus on eating breakfast and you can see what he’s eating, and if he really focuses you can even taste it. The soulmate business is really weird. Either way you’re grateful for the small break and you’re hyping yourself up for the presentation.

When it is finally your turn, you walk with confidence up to the podium. The large lecture hall goes silent as you command the attention of the 100+ students. You’ve got this, you say in your mind, take a deep breath and start your presentation.

The first few minutes of the presentation go well. You only see a few people not paying attention, but for the most part, you’ve got them all interested. You haven’t stumbled over your words once and your professor is nodding occasionally at the fact checked and seal-tight information you’ve provided.

When you’re more than halfway done you hear a small groan in your mind. You hesitate for just a second while speaking, but it isn’t noticeable enough for anyone to think there’s something wrong. What’s going on? You wonder as another groan echoes in your mind. Is Bakugo hurt? Did something happen? Is he stranded somewhere? You try to continue through your presentation, quietly calling out to try and get his attention in your mind. You freeze when a zip of an image passes through your mind and your professor has to ask if you’re ok.

You reassure him you’re fine, apologizing for your unprofessionalism and blaming it on the fact that you felt a sneeze coming. You try to brush it off, forget what you think you saw but all of a sudden the groans in your head are louder and more frequent. The rhythmic grunts and wet noises provide a sense of dread. Your face heats up in embarrassment when you realize what ‘s happening and you desperately try—but fail—to block him out.

Fuck baby, you feel so good around my cock.

His voice is louder than it’s ever been in your head and you’re ashamed at the first thought that flies into your mind.

Is this fucker cheating on me?!?!

The laugh that follows your question is full of victory as it passes through his clenched teeth. You have to remember to keep going with your presentation—there are only a few slides left.

Oh come on, princess, is it really cheating if you rejected me, your soulmate?

Bakugo continues moaning loudly in your mind while grunting out curses and lewd noises. Your blood boils. You’re pissed with him and pissed with yourself. How dare he? He spends most of the day quiet then forces himself to be loud as hell in the middle of a very important presentation? And damn him for making you sick with jealousy at the idea of some other girl having sex with your soulmate.

I hope she gives you crabs, dick.

As you stumble over the next few slides, trying to regain your concentration to get through the end of them as quickly as possible, your mind is flooded with images. They’re so vivid it’s like you’re in the room watching him. He’s in his dorm room, lying on the bed shirtless. The room is full of posters of his favorite pro athletes. The dorm is tidy with only a few books on a desk and some family photos in picture frames. You can smell the fresh pine scent of the diffuser in the corner.

Your attention is pulled from his surroundings when you see what he’s actually doing. His admittedly large and thick length is pulled out and he’s stroking it seductively, smiling to himself as your mind becomes flustered.

Like what you see even more now, don’t you baby?

You choke, physically choke and cough in the middle of your presentation as Bakugo spits into his hand and pumps his cock, letting out a prolonged exaggerated moan. It sends quivers straight to your cunny and you clench your thighs together behind the podium as you try to catch your breath.

You understand now, he’s fucking with you. Making you think he was with another woman and now trying to distract you with this little show of his.

There’s nothing “little” about it, princess.

He growls in his mind and increases his pace. The precum beading at the tip of his cock glistens and you’re wracked with guilt at the lewd thoughts popping into your head. You try really hard not to be impressed with how pretty it is, how you wish it were your hands sliding up and down his dick. That thought makes its way into Bakugo’s head and the grunt that escapes his lips is genuine as he also starts to picture your hands around him.

You breathe in and out of your nose quickly, trying to slow your heart rate down and finish up the presentation. As you come to a close, Bakugo speeds up groaning and cursing through his teeth. He lifts his hips into his hand, picturing it as yours as he moans your name and spurts cum all over his chiseled abs.

When your professor gives you a warm smile, tells you “great job,” and motions for you to take your seat, you shuffle back to sit down. Your panties are soaked and you try to relax your heart rate as the image of Bakugo’s torso and his teasing laughter recedes to the back of your mind.

You’re steaming, grinding your teeth as the next person takes their place at the podium. You won’t be able to do anything until your class is over in an hour and a half, but you make sure to hold on to all the anger you’re feeling right now. Your foot taps anxiously as you try to pay attention to the other presentations, but all you can think about right now is finding Bakugo and slapping the shit out of him.

When class finally ends, you race out of the lecture hall. His pull guides your feet so you don’t have to concentrate on weaving through the crowd of people. Your body knows exactly where to take you while you filter through what you could possibly say to him when you see him. Before you know it, you're standing at the door of the small weight room where Bakugo and a few of his friends are wrapping up their session. You stomp into the room, ignoring the confused looks of his teammates.

“How dare you?” you scream at him, trying to get in his face despite how tall he is. He looks down at you, seeming unbothered by your fury and laughs at you.

“You wanna elaborate? I left you alone like you wanted me to,” he says, shrugging and turning away from you.

“Do you have any idea how important that project was? How much of my grade it was worth? How important it was to me that every student in that class listened to me and took my information to heart?” you scream at him, getting yourself worked up. You try to hide the crack in your voice, but he picks up on it immediately. The smug smile melts from his face as he watches you, but you don’t give him the chance to say anything.

No, this time he will listen to you.

“Of course you don’t know. Because you’re a selfish asshole who only thinks of himself! Did you even realize what I’m studying? It’s to help people, to spread awareness! I’m trying to help and what are you doing? Fucking around like you’re some horny teenager!” you finish as the hot tears fall from your eyes.

Bakugo is mortified as he watches you cry with an enraged expression in front of him. He honestly thinks you look beautiful showing this much emotion over something you’re so passionate about.

“Oh, you’re really serious about this,” he whispers as the rest of his teammates try to shuffle out of the room.

That’s it, you are sick of his shitty attitude, of him not taking you seriously. Maybe there’s something wrong; you two can’t be soulmates. Not if he’s so naïve that he can’t see how much this means to you.

He hears that and reaches out to you, wanting to show you that’s not true, but you slap his hand away and move away from him. You’re about to run off again but this time he grabs your arm and he doesn’t let go. You glare up at him, looking from his hand around your wrist to his deep crimson eyes.

“Let me go,” you say through your teeth, trying to pull out of his grasp.

“No.”

You’re shocked, the audacity of this man. How dare he do all of this and then refuse to leave you alone?

“I said let me go, Katsuki,” It’s the first time you use his first name and you don’t even realize it. It falls naturally from your tongue and it sounds glorious to him. He could hear you say it over and over.

“And I said no, y/n. You can’t keep running from me, you idiot! We’re soulmates!”

“I don’t care that we’re soulmates!”

There’s a pause between the two of you as both of you breathe heavily in anger, your words echoing through the empty weight room. You’re still furious with him—you think—but with the events of the day and the fear of breaking down completely in front of him, you give in to the desirous pull and melt into his body. In a second, the two of you are on each other, slamming your lips together sloppily as he pulls you into his strong arms.

He moans against your lips and you hear a few thoughts you’re sure he didn’t mean to let slip out.

Fuck, your lips are so fucking soft, just as soft as I thought they would be. Finally, you have no idea how much I wanted to kiss you.

The honesty in his words surprises you. The entire time you thought he was selfish and rude, but he keeps a certain softness to his character hidden behind his mean scowl and harsh words that you think you can pull out of him. It’s that thought that makes you press into his hard body more, giving in to the arousal you felt during class.

His hand fists into your hair and presses your lips closer to his, forcing his tongue in your mouth. A moan tumbles from you as your thigh brushes against his length in the sweatpants he wears. You hook your arms under his pits and scratch at his back through the fabric pushing your breast against his chest. He groans into you as a string of curses flow through his mind as the desperation for each other builds into dripping lust. You take his lip between your teeth as he pulls away slowly, panting and watching you with lidded eyes. He’s letting you make the next move, giving you full control for once as he waits to see if you will run away again.

So what do you want to do, sweetheart?

“Shut up, Katsuki,” you say, rolling your eyes and pulling him back to you. His hands travel to your ass and squeeze, digging his thick fingers into the fabric as your kiss becomes wilder. You moan again as his fingers massage and claw at you, yearning to feel your skin. You both think of the same idea at once; you jump and wrap your legs around his waist and he catches you in the same moment, the two of you never pulling away from each other.

He walks you to a small closet in the corner of the room that holds more weights and dumbbells, opens the door and closes it quickly behind him. He steps over them and pins you to an open wall, grinding his now full erection against your warm center. Your panties and leggings are still wet from the show he put on earlier and he laughs cockily when his hand slips to rub over your clothed slit. You moan at the pressure of his fingers as he smiles against your lips, reveling in how he’s able to make sounds like this come from you.

You reach down to the hem of his shirt to pull it over his head quickly. You lean back, anchoring yourself against the wall to marvel at his strong, lithe figure. His muscular arms are glistening with sweat from the workout and the veins are prominent. His broad shoulders contrast his tiny waist and it looks as if his body is an arrow that points straight to the main course. His sweatpants sit low on his hips so you can see the “v” and the small tuft of blonde hair. A sense of pride washes through you as you look at him and before you can catch it you know he hears your thought, Damn, I’m lucky he’s mine.

Your thought pushes him over the edge, he drops your legs making sure to keep you pinned against the wall as he pulls your leggings and underwear down and forces your thighs apart.

“Fuck you’re already so wet for me baby,” he says kissing your inner thigh. You bite your lip to hold in the whimpers, but when he bites into the skin of your thigh and licks to soothe the pain you let out a loud yelp followed by a wanton moan.

His fingers ghost up your leg to play with your clit as he leaves love marks all over your thigh.

You arch into his touch as he lets one thick finger enter your walls. He pumps it in and out before replacing his finger with his tongue.

“You taste so good, baby, better than I imagined,” he says between licks. Pants and curses tumble from your lips. He switches between fucking you with his tongue and sucking on your clit. When you feel like you’re about to burst, the sound of a door opening in the distance and a familiar voice echoing through the empty weight room stops both of you in your tracks.

“Hey, Bakugo! Are you still in here?”

It’s Kirishima, one of Katsuki’’s teammates. Your eyes grow wild and you slap a hand over your mouth as you hear his footsteps get a bit closer to the closet. You look down to Katsuki who’s covered in your juices as he looks up at you trying to hear what Kirishima will do. When he catches your eye and sees the slight panic on your face he grins sneakily. You know exactly what he’s thinking as soon as he does and you give him a scolding look.

Don’t you dare.

Aww come on, princess. Why don’t we let him know we’re together now?

He licks a long stripe up your pussy and it takes everything in you not to moan his name. You tighten your hand over your mouth and fist your other into his hair as he slurps wildly at your dripping cunny. Your whimpers only encourage him as he hears Kirishima call out his name again.

The footsteps get closer to the door and you have to bite your lip so hard it almost bleeds to hold in your cries of ecstasy. Katsuki shoves two fingers into your clenching walls and it’s enough to cause you’re undoing. You cry out, no longer able to hold in your ecstasy and you can hear Kirishima pause shuffle in your direction.

“B...Bakugo?” He asks in a small nervous voice.

He gets up wiping his face before yelling through the door, “Get the fuck out of here, Shitty Hair, I’m fucking busy!”

You don’t even have time to listen to Kirishima’s retreating footsteps before Katsuki is standing in front of you again. He rips your hand away from your mouth, “I wanna hear you scream my name this time, baby.” He pulls his pants down, lifts one of your legs and enters you in one swift motion.

You oblige in his request, screaming his name as his thick cock fills you. He’s so big and stretches you out so much you’re not even sure he can fit any more. But you’re proven wrong when he starts thrusting deeply into you. He sets a quick pace pulling your body closer to his as he fucks you passionately. He’s so lost in his pleasure he doesn’t speak aloud, his thoughts become a stream of consciousness that is more emotional than you’ve heard come from him before.

Fuck you’re so tight. You feel so good, baby, Fuck. Mine all mine.

His grunts and your moans mesh together to form a chorus of pleasure as the sound of your slapping skin sets the beat. You can feel the pressure inside you building again, and your nails tear into his shoulder as his pace quickens.

“I...I’m gonna cum,” he grunts through his teeth. You can’t speak, preoccupied with the second intense orgasms wracking your body but you manage to think I’m on the pill before your pussy clenches around him and drinks in the ropes of cum Katsuki releases. His hips snap against yours once more and he holds it there, riding out the pleasure before dropping you leg and pulling your face in to kiss you. You kiss him back before pulling back and panting,

“This…doesn’t...count as an…apology.”

He laughs as the two of you redress and leave the closet.

Your phone buzzes next to you as you scribble notes in your notebook at the tiny desk in your dorm room. You glance over to it, and then flip it over so you can keep your concentration as you plug away at the assignment in front of you. The phone buzzes again and you roll your eyes but keep at your notes. Who’s texting you this much? Maybe your roommate texting to see if you’d meet her at a party.

The phone buzzes one more time before you pick it up to see who’s texting you. It's three texts from Katsuki.

“Hey.”

“What are you doing right now? I’m going to take you out.”

“Dammit, y/n, don’t ignore me!”

You can feel the annoyance rising in him as you read over the messages and smile to yourself. You text back a quick response to let him know you’re doing homework and place the phone back down. Not two seconds later the phone buzzes again. You don’t check it immediately, wanting to at least get through the question you’re working on, but the angry growl in your head distracts you.

You know I try to give you privacy, but I don’t like being ignored, sweetheart.

You scoff and roll your eyes, Sorry I don’t drop everything when you text like all the other girls you’re used to, but I have work to do. I don’t expect you to come every time I call.

You hear him huff uncomfortably in your head, There aren’t any other girls, stop saying that. And I would...if you called. There’s a twinge of sadness when he says the last phrase and you immediately feel bad about it.

It had only been a day since the two of you had sex in the closet. You both didn’t speak about it much when you parted ways, but you also knew nothing really needed to be said. You’d accepted him as your soulmate and you were willing to work through being with him. But you were also a bit hesitant. You didn’t know anything about him except what you’d heard from some of the students and your first impression of him when you two found each other wasn’t the best either.

Hey, you were standing in the middle of the doorway looking all dumbfounded.

Still not an excuse to be an asshole.

You pick up the phone and text him back. “Is this an apology date?” The chat bubbles pop up before you can look away from the screen.

“It’s whatever you want it to be, princess, but I figure we need to talk a bit so you can stop accusing me of being a player.”

You laugh a little to yourself as you click away at the phone screen. “You are a player.”

Another growl in your head comes before a harsh knock on your door makes you jump. You know it’s him, you can feel the pull coming from the door. You look down at the tank top and panties you’re wearing. This man just had his nose in your pussy not even a day ago and you’re worried about him seeing you like this. Classic you.

“You gonna leave me hanging out here or are you gonna open the door?” he says from the other side.

You open the door and he looks you up and down. He takes in your curves and cleavage and swallows before looking in your eyes. You take the chance to look at him as well. It’s amazing how he’s able to make the simplest outfits look hot. He’s wearing a black v-neck shirt and black sweatpants, but he wears it like he’s modeling sports gear.

“You gonna get dressed?” he asks, moving into your dorm room and closing the door. He’s so tall and he smells good, like fresh pine and balsam. When you don’t answer him, he puts his hand on your shoulder, breaking you from your stupor.

“Where are we going?”

“Coffee. You can bring your homework if you want, but I want to get to know you more,” he grunts, grabbing a cardigan from your bed and throwing it to you. You drape the cardigan around your shoulders and grab a pair of leggings. Katsuki watches you pull the leggings over your ass, marveling at your nice figure silently. When you’re finally dressed, he stuffs your notebook and textbooks in your bag and slings it over his shoulder before opening the door and motioning for you to walk through.

The coffee shop bustles with studying students, calming indie music and the smell of fresh coffee beans fill the air. The two of you start off trying to find a table. You both get into a tiny argument when he suggests a table in the middle of the room over the tiny table in the back corner of the cafe that you chose. Another tell of your differing personalities. He agrees to the table in the corner just because he would like a little privacy when getting to know you. As you pull out your notebook and textbooks, Katsuki comes over with your drink orders.

“What’s that you’re working on?” he asks you as he takes a sip of his latte.

“A mock lesson plan for my Global Issues course,” you answer, not looking up at him.

He cocks an eyebrow and takes another loud sip of his coffee before asking, “The fuck does that mean?” His tone isn’t harsh so you know he’s genuinely curious when he asks. You look through your notes as you explain,

“World issues, you know some of the things they are always discussing or debating on the news? I want to teach a class where I inform students about them and discuss them.”

He watches you scribble away for a bit before he asks, “Why don’t you practice the lesson on me?”

You finally meet his gaze and his eyes are burning with curiosity and a hint of something else behind it. You’re a bit dumbfounded at the change in his behavior and expression, but you admit the softer edge he’s giving off right now is endearing.

“Sure,” you say, handing the notes to and turning your body toward him. You scoot in closer to the table at the same time he does, and your legs touch underneath the table. You can feel heat pool in your cheeks as your knees knock into each other. No matter how much you try to tell yourself you don’t want to be around him, your body and your heart reach out for him constantly.

You start your mock lecture, speaking to him as if he’s a classroom full of students. Your voice is clear and confident and your information is backed up by research and facts. When it gets to the discussion portion of the lecture, Katsuki surprises you by answering your questions with insightful ideas and giving you a few suggestions on what to add to your plan.

Katsuki watches you intensely, his focus completely on you. His crimson eyes bore into yours, study every way your lips move or your eyebrows raise when you’ve hit a topic that you’re especially interested in. He appreciates the slight look of surprise that you try to hide when he discusses the topics with you and uses the information you just provided as evidence to his statements. He wants you to know he’s paying attention, that he’s willing to learn everything he can about you. There’s something about you, not just the fact that you’re his soulmate but every one of your qualities is appealing to him and he’s never felt like this before in his life.

After you’re finished, you get up to refresh your now empty cups. He looks at you begrudgingly, thinking about how annoyed he is that you’re stealing his opportunity to be a proper gentleman. You wink at him and smile, “When I come back, it’s your turn.”

When you come back to the table with the two drinks, he’s still reading over the notes you took and your heart flutters at his dedication. His eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes dart across the page so fast you’re amazed that he’s reading words and taking in information that fast. He doesn’t react when you put his drink in front of him so you clear your throat and sit down, sneakily sliding your chair closer to his.

When he feels the warmth of your arm near his, he looks up. You’re about to ask him about his major when he places a finger to your lips and shushes you.

“I’m sorry,” he responds in a low gruff voice. Your eyes widen and he looks away as red dusts his cheeks.

You? Apologizing? Never thought I’d see the day, you think, laughing to yourself behind his thick finger pressed to your lips.

“Shut up. Look I’m sorry for fucking with your head that day. I just...well never mind about that. I didn’t realize how important it was to you…so yeah…Sorry.”

He stumbles over his words and it’s the second time that one of his thoughts is so loud and potent that it slips into your mind even when you know he doesn’t mean it to.

I don’t ever wanna see you cry like that again. Least of all because of me.

You try to ignore the emotion weighing down on you when you hear his words and grab his hand to move it away from your lips. Right before you move it, you place a chaste kiss to the back of his hand before placing it back on the table and saying, “I did say it was your turn.”

“What’re ya talking about, dummy?”

“I mean I told you all about my interest, now you tell me about yours. You're center forward, right? That’s a big deal.”

The cocky smile returns and the fire in his eyes is reignited as he discusses different plays and his love for the game. It’s quite adorable seeing him ramble about the rush of slide tackling someone or the feeling he gets knowing that he’s carrying the team to victory. You immediately understand how he felt watching you talk beforehand and it makes you smile warmly, thinking about it.

You admire it a lot and for the first time you both can see something you have in common. The passion the two of you have for your aspirations is what makes you so determined and is what the two of you find most attractive about each other.

“Our last game, Shitty Hair thought we would lose for sure, but I brought us back with a corner shot and we ended up winning,” he says laughing and smiling big.

“Maybe I can come to one of your games and cheer you on. I’ll wear your number like those girls in the drama teen shows do, “ you say, chuckling and joking with him.

He doesn’t realize the two of you are still holding hands until he’s squeezing yours in excitement. A blurry image of you sitting in the stands cheering for him, his number expanded across your cleavage and his last name on your back as he runs across the field scoring for his team comes into focus in your heads and neither one of you is sure whose thought this actually is.

“Erm...I mean if you wanna do that, go ahead; I ain’t stopping you,” he says, trying to maintain his cool persona.

You laugh, not wanting to call his bluff but saving the mental image for future reference.

“So you want to be a pro some day?” you ask him in a serious tone. You’re extremely interested in his plans for the future. The two of you haven’t discussed it yet, but you are a study abroad student for this semester. Once it’s over, you’ll be going back home, finishing your last semester and graduating. You try to push that thought from your mind and listen to his response.

“It’s likely I’ll be scouted. I’ve already been approached by some scouts for a few pro teams, but I told them I want to finish my degree,” he says, swirling his coffee with the stirrer. His smile has faltered a bit and he doesn’t make eye contact with you.

You can feel the doubt in his words. Despite his extreme showiness, he’s doubting his abilities. You’re peeling back the layers to his personality and deep down you can see he’s extremely insecure about everything he does. You’re surprised at how much that pisses you off. How can he not see how good he is? You make another mental note to spend the rest of your time here reminding him of how amazing he is.

“What the hell?”

You’re caught off guard by the sudden harshness that has returned to his tone and you meet his incredulous gaze.

“What the hell do you mean ‘rest of your time here’?”

The rest of the semester passes in a blur. It’s way too fast and both of you silently plead with Father Time to slow down, just a little. You and Katsuki spend almost every hour together, the only times you aren’t together being when you have classes. Coach Aizawa has even allowed you to sit in on the practices as you do homework quietly and watch Katsuki in action. He’s elected to try to spend as much time with you as possible given your deadline and you don’t mind it. You actually enjoy his presence; he knows exactly when to give you quiet time. There isn’t always a necessity to have a conversation with him. He’s usually just content having you sit in between his legs while he listens to music and you work on your lesson plans.

When he does talk, though, he’s asking you about every detail of your life, your family, your friends, what your favorite food is. He likes hearing your voice, while you prefer to learn about his habits, likes and dislikes by watching him and drawing conclusions.

His friends notice the change in his behavior, how soft he seems to be when you’re around. When you aren’t however, he’s on edge, screaming at his teammate's mistakes and getting worked up at the idea of you not being there. You’d had an appointment with your professor on all the work you’d been doing for your Global Issues course, which meant Katsuki wasn’t the best team player during practice.

“Ugh, maybe we should call y/n over so Bakugo can stop screaming,” Kaminari jokes.

“Shut the hell up, you damn idiot! You need to focus on your blocks! You keep missing them!” he yells back at him.

As the end of the semester approaches, multiple scouts reach out to Katsuki and he feels the pressure of finals lingering over his head. Not to mention the idea of you leaving in a few weeks. Even after the three months of seeing each other every day, it still wasn’t enough when he knew you would be leaving.

None of his teammates understood. They had either not met their soulmates yet or their soulmates lived in Japan with them. They couldn’t possibly know how it felt to be that far from them, to constantly feel the pull but not be able to reach them. Granted, neither did Katsuki yet, but they’d never have to consider it.

There’d been so many nights the two of you slept in his bed, where he’d wrapped his arms around you and watched you sleep peacefully in his arms. He’d pushed your hair back from your face, heard you sigh at his warm touch and tried to engrain the scene into his memories for when he wasn’t able to do this anymore.

The day finally arrives, you both pass your finals, you get an excellent recommendation letter from your Global Issues professor, he wins his last game and drives you to the airport. The two of you don’t speak as he drives, just hold tightly to each other’s hands. His thumb runs over the back of your hand while he stares ahead and you trace the veins up his arm absentmindedly.

When you’re at the security checkpoint, he kisses you deeper than he ever has. His lips press into yours so hard you feel like they’ll meld with yours. His hands dig into your hair and his arm wraps around your waist tighter than the belt you’re currently wearing. There are fat tears in your eyes as you kiss him back. Your eyes are squeezed shut and you’re imagining all the times the two of you have laughed and held each other. The sweet tenderness of last night replays in your mind.

You sat on his bed, cuddled together as a movie played in the background. Neither of you spoke, reveling in your last night with each other. You both feared saying anything would make the night end faster, so you sat arms wrapped around his torso and his head buried in your hair. He kissed the top of your head, trailed the kisses down to your temple, jaw, neck and back up to your lips. You gasped into his mouth, not realizing just how emotional you were until you saw his eyes bore into yours. When you saw the haze of tears there, you lost it.

You kissed him hard, pawed at his clothes as his strong arms wrapped around you, afraid to let you go. In seconds, you both were naked and he was above you, kissing every inch of your body. When he made it back to your lips, he entered you slowly and it felt like the day you two looked into each other’s eyes for the first time. Your limbs burned, your core quivered, and your thoughts were clear as you poured your love into each other and moved as one. The world seemed incomplete and complete all at once and you both thought the same thing at the same time:

I love you.

The loud roar of planes and the monotone voice over the intercom announces that your flight will be boarded soon. Katsuki hugs you tighter as your tears stain his orange shirt.

“Hey, don’t be a baby, I’ll be visiting often so there’s no reason to be sad,” he whispers, giving you a fake smile. You look up at him again, smiling as you wipe your tears away.

“Sorry, haha, you did say you didn’t want to see me cry again,” you say as his hand cradles your face and pushes your hair behind your ear. He kisses your nose before looking you straight in the eyes with a serious expression.

“I love you and this won’t be forever. We will see each other again,” he says slowly. He wants it to be known and never wants you to doubt it.

The two of you kiss one more time before you hug him close, slip something into his pocket, and whisper, “I love you too.” You run to the security line entrance and the last thing Katsuki sees before you're swallowed by the crowd is your sad wave.. As he watches the plane ascend from the window, he feels what you left in his pocket and pulls it out. It’s a gold chain with a pendant that says “Always your #1 fan” and on the back a picture of you smiling and winking with your index finger raised.

Epilogue

8 months later

The sound of the whistle alerts Katsuki and pulls his attention to the ball placed in the middle of the field. They’re one goal away from grabbing the lead and his team is antsy, running on adrenaline. There’s a minute left in the last quarter, a minute left to win the game. He looks to each of his new teammates, trying to gauge their emotions and keep them in check. They don’t nearly have as tight a relationship as his college team, but they’re all skilled. He’s only been playing with this team of professionals for a few months, but they’ve managed to win every game they’ve played. He grabs the gold chain around his neck and kisses the pendant for luck, his routine after every play. It hasn’t failed him yet. He can hear your voice clear as day in his head.

Stay focused, Katsuki. You’ve got this.

Forever his motivator and number one fan, as the pendant around his neck suggests. Katsuki takes a deep breath and his mind goes blank as he lets his instincts kick in. The ball is put into play and it begins. His body takes over as his mind only focuses on your smiles, your touch, your voice.

“Take the shot, Katsuki!”

His head jerks toward the sidelines as the ball pistons toward the net. Your voice rings out clearly and not inside his head. He doesn’t hear the buzzer go off, or the crowd cheering. He doesn’t feel his teammates sprinting to his side and clapping him on the back nor does he see when the coach gives him a wink and thumbs up before saying, “Someone’s here to see you.”

He only sees you appear from the parted crowd, running up to him with a smile as big and proud as the sun. He sees his number plastered across your chest and his last name in neat typed print underneath it. He doesn’t register when you tell him that you’ve moved here to accept the teaching position your old Global Issues professor just retired from. All he knows is that you’re here with him, wearing his name and he no longer has to rely on your voice in his head for comfort.

He picks you up by the waist and spins you before bringing you down to his lips to kiss you passionately. Your hands tangle in his hair and pull him closer and the team claps at your reunion. His cocky smile returns when you pull back from him,

“Told you we’d see each other again.”

I hope you enjoyed reading Lee. I love you so very very much! 💖

tag list: @widow-nikki-smith @twicejynxed @love-lost-insecure-blog @hell-ninja13 @gabrann @hi-itsbonny @yunhosblackgf @animeboyscangetit @jessie9008 @halfsquat @sleepybones @bnhahaikyuusimps @4lfalfagarlic @memorieswithinmyeyes @chefakari @softiehawks @bnhathotty @irvingka @animemelanin @clever-username96 @kisskisskageyama @itsnotsoni @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme @lettytheletdown @brithedemonspawn @minninugget @rose-3344 @starrygoblin @simpingovereveryanimeguy @simpingmaize

#Bakugo x reader #bakugou x reader #bnha fanfiction #the smut pile #Secret Santa 2k20 #mistress Lee #marquie writes

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sandrawrites13 · 4 years

Text

my world | | mark fischbach x reader

request: Do you do Mark x Male! Readers? If so, can I request one where Mark and male!reader go on a small trip together and Mark proposes? Sorry if this is too much! I love your writing a whole lot! 💖

of course mark x male readers are game!! this request warmed my heart so much that i had to go watch proposal videos. and then i cried. and now i’m writing this, and will probably cry again. also thank you so much!! :)

warnings: YO GUYS IT’S A GIRL!!! Y’ALL ARE FATHERS IN THIS ENJOY :) also bullying and sexuality discrimination from stupid haters :(, but it’s cute i promise :).

when you and mark both came out to the public, your fanbase took it very well. there were rumors going around before you two came clean, anyway, and it led to a lot of speculation (and hashtags) to trend on twitter, which mostly encouraged your decision to make a video exposing your relationship.

as usual, however, when there were fans, there were haters. and this time in particular, though there weren’t many of them, the ones that hated on you hated on you. they made fun of every insecurity you had.

they called you all the names in the book, especially fag**t. that was their favourite, and it filled you with so much anger that people had the audacity to say that to another human being -- but mark was always there to calm you down, by your side, the epitome of taylor swift’s you need to calm down music video.

you also had by your side ally, who was the love of your life and the love of mark’s as well. you were grateful that no hate was directed towards her, half because you two kept her out of the public (to the best of your abilities), and half because she was only six-years-old and had already dealt a lot in her life.

her mother, your best friend -- lynne -- had fatally died in a car accident when her daughter was two. she left her only child, allison (who you nicknamed ally), under your care and she grew up with you as her father.

your hole in your heart was filled with ally, but more of all filled with mark and her combined, of whom you started dating just seven months after adopting the young girl.

you caught mark multiple times braiding her blonde hair, watching as she glistened proudly in the mirror: “daddy! daddy! look! papa is making me look pretty!”, a giant smile abroad her face.

there were other times he gave her makeovers. or times where you would walk in the kitchen, examining thoroughly the sight of cake batter all over the floor and walls, flour and sugar over your daughter’s face and a plastic crown on her head. your boyfriend smiled back at you, waving his hand and greeting, “sup, y/n.”

that’s what made you fall in love with everything -- with the whole situation. your daughter. your boyfriend. nothing could be better.

except of course, for a very needed vacation and a break from youtube.

which was mark’s idea originally. he wanted to take you and ally out to see the countryside, driving from california to kansas and staying on a farm for an entire weekend.

you loved that idea, personally.

you grew up on a farm when you were little, and you never really wanted to move to the city until you grew up, and adopted ally. after you started dating mark, it became clear that you weren’t going to be going anywhere soon.

but now, you were finally returning back to your home. to your favourite place.

ally was especially excited, repeating like a mantra that she was gonna see “horsays!” (on account of her speech impediment you just found too pure to fix for at least another year).

mark, chuckling from the front seat, wrapped an arm around you while you drove, leaning his head on your shoulder. “you excited?” he asked.

the man never failed to make you blush, as evidenced by the blood rushing to your face as you peered at him, glancing just from the side at the sudden conversation when you had admittedly been zoning out. “i’m so excited, baby,” you replied.

“good. because i am with the two people i love so much!” he exclaimed, booming, as he sat back up in his seat. “and we’re going to go see horsays. and doggies. and chickens. and. . . what’re they called again? the ones that go moo?”

“a cow!” exclaimed ally from the backseat.

“that’s right,” mark said, pretending to hit himself in the forehead. you chuckled, rolling your eyes playfully, encouraging him to kiss you on the cheek. “and ally, since you’ve been so good in the car. . .”

her eyes went wide from the back, her mouth agape as she narrowed her eyes. “daddy. . . do you mean. . .?”

you laughed, already knowing what was about to happen before he replied, as he fished narrowly in his bag, rummaging for a moment before stripping a thin bar covered in a sleek wrapper.

“chocolate!” she screeched. you jumped in reply, raising an eyebrow to your boyfriend.

“you’re terrible,” you mouthed, grinning. he merely waved you away, ignoring your critiques to his childish parenting. “mark fischbach, if you give her that--.”

“thanks, daddy!” she cheered, now opening the bar. you sighed.

“you know she’s spoiled, right?” you asked. he once again returned to wrapping an arm around you, kissing your cheek softly.

“oh, handsome,” he argued. “you know you are too.”

you didn’t respond to him, still in the midst of a blush covering your cheeks as you turned into the secluded farm.

the darkness was only semi-alluding the lights that were shining from the back of the farm, illuminating the beautiful landscape and the barn behind it. ally, a mouth full of chocolate, stared in awe as, when you approached, you noticed the sight of some tables around and food planted on top of them.

“they must have had a party,” you muttered, turning behind you. “alright, come on baby one and baby two. we need to go to sleep. we can clean all of this up in the morning.” you walked out of the car, approaching the trunk. “alright guys. i’m just gonna get the blankets.”

you heard mark mumble silently in agreement, and then his voice disappear as he fell farther from you -- away. you, however, spent your time fishing through the trunk, trying to find the blankets and the pillows you had brought (since ally was too terrified to sleep without ‘blankie’.)

“hey mark, do you know where blankie is?” you asked, pushing some of the other ones you brought to the side to try and find it. “mark?”

there was no answer, filling you with slight annoyance as you continued to look. ally would just throw a fit if you didn’t have her blanket, and God knows that you would not want to hear it.

“mark,” you repeated, harsher as you knelt on the side of the trunk opening, trying to get a good look of the entire inside. “mark!”

still, there was no response, causing you to whip around and narrow your eyes. however, you were numb and frozen when you witnessed the scenery behind you now transformed, all of your friends behind you and mark on one knee.

ally was by his side, her mouth opened wide in shock as she stared between the two of you.

immediately, you almost collapsed back into the trunk, your eyes watering with tears as you realized what was happening. jack, felix, and ethan were muttering to themselves with giant smiles on their faces, the rest of your friends doing similar.

“y/n,” he began, making your heart melt. “y/n l/n, i love you more than words can describe. you are everything to me. you are my universe.” there was a pause as he took a shaky breath, tears now filling his own eyes. “since the moment you came into my life, i’ve learned what happiness was. you made me remember the good in the bad and you helped me learn to love the little things. you are my everything, and i will never be able to give you what you have given to me. ever. but i can try.”

pulling something out of his pocket, you covered your face as tears rolled down the sides of your cheeks.

“y/n, the most handsome boyfriend i have ever managed to have, and the most amazing, caring, intelligent father that has ever graced this earth. . . please, make me the happiest man on earth, as cliche as that sounds, and please, please, take me to be your husband. will you marry me?”

those words came out like a dream, floating together in the air before you collapsed to your knees in front of him, pulling him into a deep kiss and letting your body melt with his. “yes, mark,” you whispered out loud, gasping for air from the amount of tears. “yes, yes! yes, i’ll marry you!”

cheers were let out, you holding each other, smelling each other’s scent, laughing and crying all in the same time, hearing jack’s loud voice exclaim that bob owed him fifty bucks that mark would pop the question first.

that was until you heard a tiny voice from besides you. “what does marry mean?”

when you looked up and were locked with the sight of your daughter, you looked up to your fiance, watching him force a smile on his ecstatic face, wiping his tears. standing for only a moment, you watched him get up only to kneel back down and take ally’s hands in his own.

“ally,” he whispered quietly, holding her face and instructing her to look at him in a gentle, calm voice. “ally, i need to tell you something, baby.” he paused. “i’m not your biological daddy, okay? and i wasn’t there for you when you were born. your other daddy was.”

you remembered the day you sat in the waiting room, waiting for your best friend because her shitty of a boyfriend decided not to come.

you recalled the moment she was born, and you also remembered the day that the will was read, and you were given custody of the young girl.

“but,” he interrupted. “i need to ask you if you’re okay with me being your real daddy. and letting me be there for you my entire life. being there for both of you. for daddy and you. i’m asking you if you’re gonna let me watch you grow into a beautiful, young lady, and protect you from everything.”

all of you were now bawling at this point, as you watched him speak to her in anticipation as to what she would say.

“please let me be your daddy, baby,” he said, the last part hushed. “is it okay if we’re all a big family?”

ally, unable to say anything, wiped her tears and nodded hysterically, making mark’s voice let out a, “yeah?” and then a following, “yeah. yeah!” before grabbing her and pulling her off the ground, twirling her in a hug.

you felt yourself collapse emotionally, and before you knew it, you were running towards them too, yanking them in a similar hug and listening to their heartbeats against your head.

“i love you,” you heard mark whisper in the middle of screams from your friends. “God, i love you so much.”

“i love you too,” you gently voiced back. and you did.

they were your family.

your love.

your world.

#mark fischbach #markiplier #mark fischbach x reader #markiplier x reader #marriage #proposal #bxb #markiplier imagine #a heist with markiplier #ahwm

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fluffy-marshmallow-heart · 5 years

Text

A Twist of Fate ch.35 -Epilogue

The Elementalists au

Beckett x MC (Oriana)

Words: 2171

Series Master List

Complete Master List

I'm sorry to say that this is the end of this series! I have been writing this for about a year now, and it's difficult to let it go, but all things must come to end. Thank you all for reading, commenting, reblogging, and just falling in love with Beckett and Oriana. They are my OTP, and this has been my favorite series I've ever written. I do have another in the works though, and you can also catch 20 Seconds of Courage still going. Love you all, and thanks so so much for the support on this journey!!!

This AU is set after everyone graduates Penderghast, and Beckett and Oriana were never friends. Fate, however, may have a different plan for them.

One Year Later

“Beck, come on, I don’t want to be late!” Oriana shouted up the stairs to her husband.

“Just grabbing a couple more things! Be right down!”

She rolled her eyes before pressing a kiss to the head of their baby girl. “Your Daddy insists on bringing every little thing when we go out. He’s so silly, isn’t he?”

Their baby cooed and Oriana’s heart melted every single time. “Okay little one, we might as well get you in the car.” She was about to open the door when Beckett came bustling down.

“Ready! I think I got everything.”

Oriana rose an eyebrow as she saw him carrying the already overstuffed diaper bag, a swing, five stuffed animals, a play mat, and three more blankets. “You sure you managed everything? You’re not missing the bottles?”

Beckett’s eyes widened. “Oh my god, I forgot the bottles!!” He dashed into the kitchen.

“Yes, very silly indeed.” Oriana murmured, turning and walking out the door to Beckett’s SUV. Almost as soon as they found out they were expecting, he researched and raced out to buy two brand new vehicles, rated excellent in safety and style. Naturally, she thought that was overkill, but he couldn’t be convinced otherwise. They had extended their lease and in the new year were going to move into their new house, that they were having built on the land Beckett had shown her, with the trickling stream surrounded by flowers. They both loved their current neighborhood but needed a bigger space for their growing family, and often visited that place whenever they needed a break from life. Their daughter, Eliana, was born in June on a beautiful sunny day. Beckett had insisted on a name like Oriana’s, meaning the sun.

“Eliana means daughter of the sun. It really can’t be any more perfect. You’ve always been my sun, Ori.”

Oriana had made fun of him at the time, but she adored the way he thought. Their daughter was beautiful with auburn hair and golden eyes, the spitting image of Oriana.

It was going to be their first Christmas as a family, and they were headed over to Dave and Melissa’s house for a Christmas Eve brunch. As soon as Oriana finished buckling Eliana into the car seat, Beckett came rushing out, opening the passenger door for her, out of breath. She couldn’t help but notice that not only did he bring the bag of bottles, he also had two more bags filled with books.

“Beck, we’re only going to be there a few hours…”

“We must read something to her every hour, Oriana, she loves books and I intend to keep it that way.” He huffed before turning around and putting everything into the trunk. “Honestly, how many times do I need to say this.” He muttered under his breath.

“I heard that.” She called out.

“Good.” He replied, closing the hatch and getting into the driver’s seat. “Can’t have you forgetting how important it is.” He teased, except he was completely serious.

Oriana laughed, leaning over the center console and kissing him. “You’re such a dork.”

He just shrugged. “You love me.”

“I do, don’t I?” She giggled.

The drive to Dave’s was uneventful, and before long they pulled into the driveway. “Looks like everyone’s already here.” Beckett observed the cars already in the driveway.

“Shocker. I’m sure the others only brought 5 bags, and not 10, thus cutting their time in half.” Oriana joked.

“Ha ha, very funny. Come on, let’s go.”

Oriana grabbed Eliana while Beckett grabbed everything he’d brought. Ringing the doorbell, they could hear the cheerful laughter of their friends, as well as the other kids running around. Dave and Melissa’s son had just started walking, and he was always getting into things. A minute later, the door flung open.

“Aaaahhhhhhh they’re here!!!!” Shreya shrieked, jumping up and down in excitement. “Eeeeee let me see my little munchkin!!!!”

Oriana laughed as she handed over Eliana into the arms of her best friend. “It’s good to see you too, Shreya.”

“Come on, everyone’s in the living room!”

The four of them walked into the living room where Dave, Melissa, Zephyr, Tom, Jessie, and the three other kids were.

Tom gave a cheeky grin. “Hey guys! You finally made it! Beckett, you sure you brought everything you need? I don’t see your kitchen sink in there, and I really think you’ll need it, because Dave here doesn’t have one. And he certainly doesn’t have two.”

“You laugh, but a portable sink actually wouldn’t be a bad idea.” Beckett mused, carefully setting everything down in a corner. “It would actually be pretty convenient to wash her bottles on the go, and also spray her down when she explodes. I think I’ll look into that idea.”

Tom blinked. “Uh…you know I was kidding, right?”

“A lot of great thoughts start as jokes.” Beckett replied. “But anyways, I’m happy to see everyone.”

“Eliana’s first Christmas. I’m so excited. We’re coming over tomorrow right?” Zeph cooed, taking one of Eliana’s fingers and shaking it as she gave a toothless smile.

“Sorry, Zeph, but after we have our own little Christmas, we’re going over to the Harrington’s.” Oriana chirped. “Maybe New Year’s you can come.”

Beckett leaned in, wrapping his arms around Oriana’s waist and kissing her cheek. “If we still have space left after my parents spoil our little princess.”

Beckett couldn’t even begin to explain how happy he was. When Zeph and Shreya returned from their trip abroad, Oriana made sure to introduce them to the group. They fit right in, of course, they were both so outgoing and easy to get along with. Beckett couldn’t remember why he was never friends with them in college. Seeing Oriana so happy, they welcomed Beckett with open arms. Shreya even cried. Since then, everyone hosted dinner once a month, a potluck where everyone would bring a dish. It was a new tradition, one that Beckett couldn’t imagine not having anymore. His life was so different now. He never felt lonely, and he had a support group he couldn’t live without.

Even his parents had come around about Oriana. When Beckett first announced that they were married, they completely cut off communication. But then one day, when he came home from work, Oriana was sitting at the kitchen table with his mom, dad, and sister. Apparently, his wife had written each of them a personalized handwritten letter, professing her love for him, and that he saved her life on more than one occasion. She told them all about what Beckett had been doing since graduation, and invited all of them over for a sit-down chat, but never told Beckett. He would have been mad, furious even, if he wasn’t so completely awed at the fact she did that, laid all her feelings bare and let his family decide what to do. By the end of the night, everything had gone so well, they announced their pregnancy. Mrs. Harrington immediately latched onto Oriana, thrilled she was getting a grandchild. His father hugged him for a long time, telling Beckett how proud he was of him for forging his own life. And Katrina immediately began talking about a baby shower.

After they left, Beckett cried that night in happiness, amazed with the beautiful woman he was proud to call his wife. She was able to mend the rift between him and the rest of his family simply by being honest and straight-forward with them. She asked for nothing except a chance to show them the life they made, no more and no less, and he would be forever grateful. He hadn’t even realized how important it was to have their support until he received it.

As he looked around the room now, his heart was practically bursting. How did I even get here? How did I go from having nothing…to having everything?

He looked at his wife, who had taken back their child and was swaying Eliana with the beat of the soft music playing in the background. He looked at Dave and Melissa, who were now trying to comfort their son, whom had run into a table and was now crying. He was unsteady on his feet, but adored Tom and Jessie’s two kids, and always tried to keep up with them. Eliana was always watching the other kids, and it was obvious she wanted to join in. Beckett couldn’t wait for the day that she could. She was nine months old now and trying to crawl. It was only a matter of time. Shreya was showing Jessie fashion items on her phone, and Zeph was helping Tom bring out the wine. The other two kids hadn’t stopped running.

Oriana caught his eye from across the room and winked, smiling brightly. She really was his sunshine, and he was so proud to be with her. He sidled up to he, bumping her hip lightly. “Hey beautiful.”

“Hey handsome. You doing alright?”

“Of course.” He answered. “Just thinking about how we got here, to such a good place.”

“I still have my dark moments.” She murmured quietly.

“You do. But they’re part of who you are, and so I love them too. Besides, the main cause is no longer able to try and worm his way back into your life.”

Oriana beamed at him, and he couldn’t help but grin back. They’d come such a long way. He found his thoughts wandering once more, back to the previous winter, Before Eliana was born. She’d received a call from a lawyer who was representing a young woman pressing charges against Chase for rape. It was the same type of situation Oriana had been in. She’d been drugged and used by multiple men, all under instruction of Chase.

Oriana barely spoke for days, crying, and blaming herself for not doing something about him sooner, and now he’d hurt someone else the way he had hurt her. There was no light in her then, and she was barely keeping it together. Eventually Beckett was able to get her to open up, and she agreed to be a witness for the prosecution. She wasn’t the only victim the lawyer had managed to find. There were several more girls who found the strength to put Chase away for a long, long time because they banded together and told their respective stories. Each one a bit different, each one hurt by the same men. Chase wasn’t the only one who went to jail. And because of that, no one had to look over their shoulders anymore. Chase and his friends were locked up and wouldn’t be released in their lifetime. Each received the maximum sentence of twenty years per rape, and they were found guilty on all five of the girls who testified. The judge denied the appeals due to the heinous nature of the crimes. As it turned out, one of the men had secretly taped each incident. It was shocking to see and hear, and Oriana was a complete mess, even refusing to be in the courtroom when the videos were played…but it was undeniable proof, and without it, it’s possible they would not have been convicted. Oriana still kept in touch with the other four girls, and Beckett was so relieved that she had found even more support. She had support in all aspects of her life, more than just Beckett, even though she claimed he was enough. He believed her when she said that, but it didn’t change the fact that having others who have shared your experiences, no matter how horrible, is a comforting feeling. If there was ever a time Beckett couldn’t help her, he knew without a doubt she had so many people who cared for her that at least one of them would be able to help her through the moment.

They were happy. Their friends were happy. Wrapping his arm around Oriana’s shoulder, he saw her eyes turn to gold, and a soft glow emanate from her body. The first time he’d ever seen it was their first date. He hadn’t known it was possible for a person to glow, but then, Oriana wasn’t like anyone he’d ever met before. He was thrilled to call her his own.

Oriana set Eliana down on a chair so she could wrap her arms around Beckett’s neck, kissing his lips sweetly. “I love you, Beckett Harrington. Even with the 10 bags you insist we need for every outing.”

He kissed her again. “And I love you, Oriana Harrington. The love of my life. My heart has always belonged to you, you know.”

“I know.” She said slyly. “Actually…I think I always knew.”

“I’m so proud of you, Ori, truly. You are a remarkable human being.”

“And you, sir, are a sap.”

Beckett let out a hearty laugh. “But I’m your sap.”

Oriana placed a hand on his heart, smiling. “Yes. Yes, you are my sap.”

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qtakesams · 5 years

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Is Traveling Really Therapeutic?

For those of you who haven’t followed my social media this year (I really apologize for how showy I can be on Facebook), 2019 has been a really powerful year of my life.

In the first week of January, I took a weekend trip to Toronto with two of my best friends. We did everything from the driving to the hotel booking to the meal planning. It was intense and so, so much fun. Over my spring break, my dad and I took a week trip out to California, Nevada, and Arizona. We started in Vegas, worked our way the entire way through Death Valley into the Sierras, and back down to Willow Beach. In the span of four days, I fell in love with the Sierras, Joshua Tree, and flying in planes. It was right before this trip ended that I received an email, lying in bed as the sun poked through my window shades, that I had earned an internship in Edgewater, Maryland, with the Smithsonian. Directly after spring break ended, I headed back to school where I remained until May 16th. Over Memorial Day weekend, I moved down to Maryland, where I lived until August 2nd. Two weeks later, I hopped on a plane to move to Amsterdam for study abroad, where I currently sit writing this post.

If you aren’t a seasoned traveler or you don’t have excessive wanderlust, your head is probably spinning from reading that paragraph. I don’t blame you, because my head spun while I wrote it.

There have been summers of my life where I was barely home at all, usually because of a lengthy field trip in June and then vacations in July and August. Yet, this has been the first year of my life where I have truly been everywhere, up and down, side to side. Every minute of every day. Every month had a new place, a new adventure.

I’ve been in Amsterdam almost a full month now (more on this later). Yet, I’m still having the moments where I leave class or get off the tram or open my curtains in the morning and think holy shit, I live here. This city is one I’ve dreamt about visiting for my entire life. Nothing is more striking than walking down a narrow, brick street in Amsterdam West and realizing you’ve seen a picture of it in National Geographic.

I grew up watching Bindi Irwin, Malala Yousufzai, Malia Obama. These young women are all my age, women who started globetrotting before they started high school. Their shows, books, and photos have instilled in me dreams of journalism in the Middle East, making a difference in the animal kingdom, and kickstarting campaigns that work toward reducing sexual stigmas against women. If the amount of traveling and adventure I’ve had in 2019 had taught me anything, it taught me, finally, that the world is big, but I am bigger, and I can do the things I want to do.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how “The Year Quinn Goes Everywhere” ended up being the last year of this decade. In 2010, I was an annoying, awkward, anxiety-riddled fifth grader who had no idea where I stood in the world. In one single decade of the 2010’s, I battled middle school, high school, and over two years of college. I flew threw my teenage years directly into my early twenties where I am now. I changed a lot, in so many ways. Quite honestly, if I had a time machine, I might use it to return to that 2010 Quinn and show her what she’d turn into by 2020. That said, I’m not sure she’d believe me.

This rambling brings me to the purpose of this blog post: is traveling as educating and therapeutic as we are led to believe?

My first year of college, I didn’t do very much outside of academics. Multiple things were occurring in my life that I disliked strongly but didn’t have the courage to end because I didn’t think I could. This last year, a few major changes happened in my life that for once, I welcomed with open arms. Then the spring semester happened. My social life was awesome, and my grades stayed mostly decent, but I felt drained from the life changes and my mental health dipped a little. Not a lot, but enough to feel disappointed in myself. For about a month, (this is my first time admitting this), I strongly considered dropping out of college, not sure if I had what it took to keep going. I told myself to finish what I’d started, to prove to the world that average kids like me could still make something of themselves. I suppose, ultimately, I realized I needed to keep going because 2010 Quinn had kept going, and she’d made it. If I kept going, I would make it, even if it was a difficult journey.

A love of travel is something I think I love, partly, because it runs through my family’s blood. On my father’s side of the family, there are seven cousins. I am the youngest, and my oldest cousin is roughly eight years older than me. Between all of us, we’ve lived in different countries throughout Europe, South America, and North America. Between the cousins and the parents and the grandfather, the 16 of us or so have covered every continent on Earth, dozens of countries, and so, so many cultures. If I didn’t have excessive wanderlust, I’d be kicked out of my family.

I know I’ll get backlash for saying this, but I do not like the way our current governmental administration looks at the rest of the world. I don’t like “America First” or “Make America Great Again”. I dislike these phrases because they isolate us. They prohibit us from the ability to walk a mile in another’s shoes. They imply that we used to be something fantastic and then we weren’t, for a long time. Our administration tells migrants and refugees they are not welcome here or they should go home, when in fact our country is founded upon immigrants and the work, they do to keep themselves alive. It’s occurred to me several times that our administration focuses on these phrases because they have never worried about anything, or anyone, else but themselves.

This, my friend, is where traveling comes in. Just by visiting Toronto, Death Valley, and Amsterdam, I’ve seen ways of life that are entirely different from my own. There are differences in safety measures, environmental protection, and the way homeless people will react to your presence. Differences in grocery stores, the way people hold doors open, and food preparation. Mind-blowing little things you could possibly only notice if you travel to these different places.

In some ways, 2019 has been one giant therapy session for me so far. I’ve learned (thus far) how independent I can be—how well I can take care of myself when nobody else can do it for me. I’ve looked some of my greatest fears (more on these later) in the face and told them to fuck off. Traveling forces you to leave your comfort zone. It forces you to expose the raw parts of you to the literal, worldwide public audience that watches you navigate an airport or a new city.

I’ve cried a lot this year, sometimes from sadness and sometimes from being so happy I cannot contain it all. I’ve smiled so much that I think any wrinkles I started developing have dissipated. Until this year, when I started going on so many trips, I never realized how trapped I feel in my hometown. Of course, I love going home for a few weeks at a time, specifically during the holidays. Yet, whenever I return to the town I grew up in and I drive past my high school, I feel myself reverting back to who I was as a teenager. The overly introverted, shy kid who doesn’t know where she’s going. I don’t dislike this version of myself, but I’m still glad she’s gone, and I never want to return to her.

At the end of this year, I think I’m going to get to look back at my adventures and realize how much I’ve changed. Or at least, I hope so. I feel refreshed and new, and hopefully I’ll give off similar vibes when I come home in a few months. And, I’ll get to answer once and for all if this year was as therapeutic as it currently feels.

Mostly, I hope that somewhere out in space, wherever that fifth grade, 2010 Quinn is, that she can deem herself proud of me. I’m obscenely proud of her, and somehow, I think she knows that.

#studyAbroad #Amsterdam #change #travel #2019

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takespaceblog · 5 years

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#10yearchallenge: Obama’s Inauguration

January 20, 2009, Washington, DC — I stood shivering in two winter coats for hours, alone but not truly, as thousands gathered to watch the first inauguration of President Barack Obama. It’d been an epic journey to get to that point, for all of us. Waking at 3:00 am, almost dying on the Metro when the train sped away and my feet were neither on the platform or the car—too many people and not enough room for another body, a friend’s brother held me while yelling to make room. Hours of lines and crowds and security, frigid temperatures, some complaints but nothing in comparison to what it took Obama to get there. Centuries of sacrifice were finally paying off and I was there to witness it. Having voted in my first election and begged my representatives for tickets hours after he won, I was there to see it—a moment where the world changed for the better.

In many ways, the inauguration marked the beginning of adulthood for me. Just months before my 20th birthday, everything of import seemed to happen in 2009 as I galloped into my twenties without any idea of how little I knew. In the months to follow that glorious day, I’d have my first real break up and say good bye to my first love. I’d live alone for the first time. I’d study abroad in a country where I didn’t speak the language and manage to get around on my own (privet, Russia). I’d somehow convince my classmates I was mature enough to lead them on a service trip to South America. I’d get drunk and smoke pot (kind of) for the first time. A friend would die suddenly. New loves would come along and I’d learn just how complicated love (and lust) could be.

So many things happened and yet it was the before of so many others. Swine flu hit the world and I was quarantined in multiple countries without ever getting sick. Michael Jackson died. Amy Winehouse was still alive, I remember because it seemed appropriate to dressed up as her for Halloween. I learned about Lululemon and Angry Birds and sustainability for the first time. I did not have an iPhone, most people didn’t. I started my first blog. I still ate meat and drank vodka, both have long since fallen by the wayside. Instagram did not exist. Twitter did, but it wasn’t a thing. Blockbuster was still alive, but dying—I remember going to a fire sale, excited to buy DVDs. Now trendy neighborhoods in San Francisco were still up-and-coming, studios could be found for under a grand.

How could I imagine what was to come? How could any of us? Anyone could have told me that’d my twenties would be rough, they probably did and I ignored them. But what was to come politically? No one was thinking Donald Trump. How absurd. If someone had come on stage at the end of that cold January day in 2009 and said, “Donald Trump will be the next person to stand here and be sworn in as President,” we would have laughed in their face, or worse. A Donald Trump presidency was incomprehensible at that moment. Even now, if it weren’t real, it’d be too far-fetched to warrant a fictional story. And yet here we are.

As I think back, I’m sure someone told me my twenties would be hard and I definitely ignored them. Twenty is that forgotten birthday between 18 and 21 that means very little, only signaling further excitement to come. But thirty? A whole sub-genre of self-help literature exists around that birthday. My father says my mother cried. On days I’m feeling particularly bitter I think, “but at least she were already married!” I’m almost thirty and alone. And unemployed; another thing they don’t tell you when you’re twenty and still in college—a career in the arts (even if you have a Masters) is impossible. Actually they did say that, but I was almost twenty and ignored them.

Years passed dizzyingly fast and so too came the good and bad of Obama’s presidency: the first year or so when we worried he’d be a one-term president, the never-ending wars in the middle east, the Affordable Care Act, Bin Laden, the slow improvement of the economy. I watched as I struggled through my twenties—thankful when Obamacare was there to save my life, happily surprised when results were called early the night of the re-election, but mostly Obama was the one thing I could count on in my twenties, a reminder that no matter what happened at least we elected him into office.

During a recent “I’m almost thirty” freak out, I realized my twenties sucked; they do for most people. College does little to prepare us for the real world. Even if my thirties don’t get any easier at least I’ll be used to the uncertainty, the letdown, and the confusion. Why am I worrying? Because society and pop culture tell me too. But my thirties will be better. A lot of my firsts are finally over. I can’t be sexually assaulted again for the first time. I won’t be diagnosed with anorexia or sent to treatment for the first time derailing the plan I’d had since high school. I’ve already been put on antidepressants and taken a job I hated just to get health insurance. I’ve asked the man I thought I was going to marry to move out. I’ve stood at friends’ weddings feelingly utterly alone and I’ve lost a family member I truly loved. I’ve already realized the profession of my dreams is probably not going to work out and I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I know other firsts will come but at least I have these shitty ones (mostly) under control.

Ten years ago, an underdog took the White House from whom many considered to be the worst president of our time. It won’t be easy to do it again, but at least we’ll know we’ve done it before.

#10yearchallenge #barack obama #obama #inauguration #thirty #thisisthirty

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theolivechickken · 5 years

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So… I’m in EUROPE

Jan 9

Alternative titles for this first blog post:

The blind side?

Did I mention that my favorite river is De Nile? As in I’m in denial that I’m going abroad for a semester

The hardest goodbye

The shortest drive of my life trying to make it last as long as possible

¡Sorpresa! So January 9th came out of nowhere

I only cried 40 times

When will it sink in?

I don’t know why I’ve been so emotional about leaving these past few days. I love traveling and exploring new places, and I’m excited for this semester. I think I’m a little nervous for the shock when it hits me that I’m going to be away for four months. It’s not a big deal since I’m away from home and in Redlands for school most of the year. Yet it’s a different deal since my home is now in a different country.

And here’s me being real for a hot minute. I’m sad to be away from Nick for so long. I’m not worried about our relationship but I’m going to miss being in his company and sharing moments with him. Sure, we can always FaceTime (and watch Game of Thrones at the same time). But I think the big difference is that I’m not gone for a short trip or May Term. It’s a lot of time, yet I also feel like it will pass quickly and be over in a blink of an eye.

I’m just hoping to be as “in the moment” as I can and enjoy this experience while I have the opportunity :)

I’m also sad to be far away from my big. If you’re reading this Big D, I love you and miss you and we should travel once I recover from being broke from this trip.

I think I've been prepped all my life for long haul travel because it seems to feel shorter and shorter the more I take trips (especially after doing a 16 hour flight to South Africa). I had my first *oh shit* moment where I realized I’d have to navigate LAX by myself once I got dropped off. Bless traveling in groups but also bless people who are veterans or able to do it alone.

I’ve always wondered: how do people get cold in airplanes? I'm always hot and stuffy and lets cross our fingers that I didn't get sick (midway through the flight my throat started to feel very dry and scratchy). And hey what's the deal with airline food (jokes?) But for real why am I so gassy?

10 Hours later we arrived in London had to SPEED RUN THROUGH SECURITY to make it to our connecting flight to Munich. Actually we made it through alright. Even the workers told us that our flight wasn't boarding yet so we didn't need to stress (but Ayetzy did since her bag was stopped by security).

Jan 10

Alternative titles 2.0:

Walking in a winter wonderland

It's a bit nippy

Hey so what's Germany look like? Idk I couldn't tell you since everything is covered in snow

WOW they actually have seasons here

It feels like I'm in a weird dream where I think I'm just in a different state in the US, but I'm actually 13,000 miles away from home. Also, what the heck is a kilometer? What's the exchange rate from the euro to Dollar? How do I mentally convert Fahrenheit to Celsius? At least I prepped for time with a 24 hour clock. But what's the time difference at home? Also, everything is in German (but at the same time, I can recognize words here and there!)

The houses are kinda cute. They look like the houses little kids draw with the pointy roofs and windows in the middle of the wall. Jet lag has my body all out of whack. I’m starviiiiing and trying my best to stay awake on this shuttle ride to Salzburg so I can fall asleep when it gets dark out and reset my body to a new time zone.

Update: I definitely passed out on this shuttle ride.

Seeing all the snow is low-key a shocker (yes I was expecting snow but nothing in my life would have ever prepared me for this much snow) but I'm excited to experience a different life in a different world. Fun fact: this is the most snow that Salzburg has received in a long time. So our shuttle driver wasn’t able to make it up the mountain to our home. He was about to drop us off at the side of the road and make us walk up in the snow, but luckily Sara, Kaya, and Katharina drove down and picked us up!

Once again, I find myself in room no. 9 (a theme?). I remember walking into our home and immediately seeing the staircase. Kaya offered to help us carry our 50lb luggage up the stairs and I was like “Nah, I got this.”

First set of stairs was no problem. Then I realized there was a second set. We made it up but had to catch my breath. BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE. By this time, Kaya held up the bottom of my suitcase so that I could lift it up the stairs. Thankfully, I’m on the third floor.

Jan 11

We started off the morning with a light breakfast in the Mendel and then toured our building, Monschberg 21. I love it here. It’s quite charming and cozy. We are settled in the backyard of a park and on the top of a mountain, which gives us a beautiful grand view of the city. I better have swol legs from hiking this mountain and climbing 3-4 sets of stairs multiple times a day in the Monschberg.

Our classroom is on the fourth floor (along with a student/study room, a yoga/relaxing room in the tower, a small gym room, and a cozy library). The dining room (Mendel), student kitchen, and Marcus’ kitchen is on the first. Did I mention there’s also a basement? And a dungeon. And a Winter garden (probably my favorite room in the house)!

We all gathered in the Winter Garden for an introduction to culture in Salzburg. Turns out that Red Bull was invented here, and Mozart hated Salzburg. None of the locals really know what the Sound of Music is, but it’s important for tourism. In the US waiters shower customers in unsolicited, overly-friendly conversation and attention, but here you have to flag down the waiters for the check and they’ll leave you alone for the most part (which I could get used to actually). It’s encouraged to sit down and spend time with friends and families at restaurants (and Western food-to-go culture isn’t really a thing). People like to follow rules (especially older folk) so we probably shouldn’t be jaywalking or walking in the lane designated for bikes. We also learned some basic German words and phrases to help us get around town. And people here are very literal. If you ask them how they are, they will tell you how it is (instead of replying with a quick “I’m good” or “I’m fine”).

We took a break to have a delicious home cooked lunch. Marcus prepared pork, fried rice, and a salad. Afterwards, we threw on a butt ton of layers and walked down into the city for a tour. We passed by the opera house, Mozart’s birthplace and statue, Salzburg cathedral, and neighboring shops in the city.

I was toasty for the most part, but when we stood for long periods of time, my toes started to get cold. Also, I probably should have worn a scarf, but I also didn’t die without it. We were also able to explore a bit on our own before dinner. Raine, Aubree, Patrick, and I were trying to find a coffee house (that wasn’t overly bougie), and we stopped inside an Italian coffee shop to warm up.

We tried our best to use our navigation senses to try to find the Mozart statue and then Patrick wandered off and disappeared. We threw some chunks of snow at each other as the locals quietly passed by and then Patrick reappeared with Kaya and Sara. We walked to Zum Zirkelwirt and had Goulasch, Stiegl, and Kaiser schmarrn for dinner. It was also Nadia’s 21st birthday (and Patrick and Savanna had also recently celebrated January birthdays) so we headed to O’Malleys for drinks. I tried a shamrock cocktail and an Apple Strudel shot - both were surprisingly pretty tasty.

For the most part, our group is directionally challenged. I like to think I’m good with directions, but it was also difficult navigating around town at night when major landmarks are covered in snow. We didn’t know where the horse statue was located, so we went around in circles before turning right up the street and finding the bike tunnel back to the stairs by our mountain. A crazy ol’ (schwasted?) Austrian lady stumbled into our path and started shouting and mumbling things we couldn’t understand. It was an interesting spectacle to say the least. The snow started coming down hard and we ended up climbing 100 steps up the mountain and then getting lost at the fork in the road at the top. We ~eventually~ made it home and all in one piece :) Great start to the semester.

#Studying Abroad #Salzburg #Salzburg Semester

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perdizzion · 7 years

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I just happen to stumbled upon ur account and saw that you'll be quitting med school. I have a dilemma that I want to share with someone. Im a newly enrolled first yr med student and classes just started a week before. But I'm starting to form some doubts whether I really want to be a doctor or not. Its not that I cant handle the academics its just that do i really see myself being a doctor in the future and actually feel happy about it.

I dont even know if being a doctor is my dream anymore or just my parent’s.

Hiya! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, anon! I don’t know if my answer will help you or not, but I will try to do my ABSOLUTE BEST to reply!!

Ok so. Med school. Tricky stuff. I’ll tell you a little bit about my background and what I’m up to right now to give you a Good Feel about how things are going after the decision I’ve taken and whatnot.

I got into med school about 4 and a half years ago, and like any student who worked their asses off for their desired universities’ entrance exams, I was beyond ecstatic when I found out that I had gotten in. I started attending lectures, group discussions, student projects, and for the first few years, I felt like hey, I think I can actually do this! The exams were pretty tough, I can’t say I liked pharmacology and neurology, but I passed just fine and so I thought that things were going to be fine.

[Narrator voice] things were, in fact, not fine.

I started having doubts around..3rd year, I think? Everything just started to become so dull no matter how much free time I was using to do my hobbies (drawing and doing art in general) and I think that was when my depression started to really rear its ugly head. I started to miss classes, isolate myself from my friends, stay in bed all day, and the only people that had kept me sane were my family and a few close friends of mine telling me to take care of myself when I was too depressed to do so. I tried thinking about whether I’ll be happy being a doctor in the future, and then I noticed that I couldn’t even imagine myself in a white coat, working in a clinic and talking to a patient.

This is when I finally realized that all this time, my wanting to go to med school wasn’t even because it was my dream. It was my parents’.

I struggled a lot to get through some of the days, but I managed to keep up the facade in front of my uni friends until I finished 4th year and received a “degree”. (In Indonesia, finishing 4th year of med school grants you a “bachelor of medicine” though you can’t really use it for anything yet until you’ve finished 2 more years of clerkship and get a “dr” in front of your name).

Clerkship happened after 4th year. If I had to use one word to describe clerkship, it would be hellish. I don’t know if this is how it works in every country, but in Indonesia, clerkship demands med students to attend hospital shifts with inhuman amount of working hours. We had to do 36 hour shifts every twice a week, and 9 hour shifts every other day. This might sound pretty light to some people, but it was super tough for me what with the amount of additional assignments and exams that we still had to do during our rotations.

After 2 months of clerkship, my depression grew so much worse to the point where my best friend (bless her heart) had to call me almost everyday to help me sleep at night because the thoughts in my head wouldn’t leave me alone. Finally, I called my sister who lives in a different city to fly to where I was living in to take me to see a psychiatrist. It didn’t help because my doctor was super shitty about my condition (“all med students experience depression at one point because med school is just that hard, don’t worry, I’ve been there”) but I did take the meds. And I was planning to carry on with clerkship, until one day the meds gave me orthostatic hypotension (it was one of the side effects of the drug that I was taking) and I fainted in the middle of a surgery. When my mom (who lives in another city) found out about this, she was livid. She flew to my place right on that exact same day to take care of me, though she hadn’t known about my depression yet at the time.

The next day, I told her everything. Like, everything. About how med school had truly been stressing me out, about how I didn’t feel like med school was the right place for me anymore, about how clerkship had been making me feel like I was a worthless piece of shit because the doctors kept yelling at me, about how clerkship had also been making me realize that I wasn’t good with patients and that their lives are literally in my hands and that a single mistake could lead to their death and how I could never live with that much guilt in my life, about how I was so tired of being too sleep-deprived to properly function everyday, let alone to stitch a patient’s cut-up hand back together.

I told her that I wanted to quit. And so I did.

And you know what? It feels amazing.

I’ve been sleeping regularly for the past few months. I get to draw everyday now, and still make money out of doing commissions. I interact with my family a lot more and I don’t check up on them only when I need them to transfer me some money to buy food. I eat three meals a day like a normal human being and it feels so, so good. I applied for a scholarship so I could earn a Master’s degree in biomedicine abroad (it’s not art school, which is where I actually want to go to, but it’s not med school either so I’ll take it), I passed the first stage and now I’m just trying to do my best to pass the next two stages so I could get a full-ride.

Things are okay. Things are good.

Things haven’t always been good, of course. People tell me that I was “so close to reaching my dreams!”, that my parents “must be so shattered to hear that you wanted to quit!”, that I am just “wasting away my potential.” My grandparents called me a disappointment a few weeks ago while telling me that I should just give up on my scholarship application and go back to med school. My dad told me that he wished I could “go back to the way I was and be happy again.” My mom cried multiple times. It hasn’t been easy on my mental health, but honestly? Fuck it. Fuck every single guilt-trip that my parents have had to put me through. Fuck everyone at uni who’s been spreading false rumors about how I quit med school because “I got cancer” or “I got knocked up.”

I absolutely hated how the doctors did anything back in the hospital. The rich patients got immediate treatment, and the poor got dismissed. The mentally ill were mocked behind closed doors, and med students were treated like trash. Rooted seniority where the senior doctors hazed junior doctors were still a thing (in Indonesia, at least). Literally everyone in the hospital had a superiority complex and I fucking hated it. Neither my parents nor my grandparents will have to be the ones to experience this on a daily basis for years though, so fuck outta here with your negative comments about my decision.

I quit med school because I did it for me, and only me.

This is by no means supposed to scare you away from med school just so you could jump into my bandwagon, heck no. I’m telling you this because nobody told me that this could be a possibility. Everybody I knew kept telling me that the only thing you’ll need to succeed med school is firm determination and hard work, and while that may be true for some people, I required a lot more than that, like a stable mental health, a good support system, etc. I failed to meet these requirements, and so everything turned into a shipwreck for me. My other friends, however, who were well-prepared with all of these, are managing to continue med school just fine.

That being said, this answer is definitely supposed to make you think about your decision more thoroughly. One of the most often things that people tell me post-med school is that “you should’ve quit earlier if you hadn’t liked it; it would’ve saved you a lot of time.” I hate the fact that I agree with this. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve still had time to search for a school that was more relevant to my interests and start over from a blank slate. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve been able to graduate from a new school and earn an actual proper job by now so I could help my parents out with our finance. Of course, my parents would’ve been way more harsh on me if I had told them that I wanted to quit so early on, but if you own the privilege of having parents that would genuinely and willingly listen to you, please talk about it with them. I had a friend who quit med school around a few months before 1st year ended; he’s in business school now and from what I’ve heard, he’s pretty happy with where he is right now.

Whew, that was long. I swear I didn’t mean for it to be this long!! Let me know if any of that helped or if you just want to talk off anon with me in general! I know firsthand how this kind of dilemma can eat you up whole, and it’s not a fun experience, so just hmu if you want to chat

Have a nice day!!

#THIS GOT SO LONG OMG LKSDJFSD IM SO SORRY #I GOT CARRIED AWAY #i just....really wanted to explain everything as descriptive as possible #so i could help at least a little bit #aAAA #anonymous #answers

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qorillas · 7 years

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tagged by @latinsimonez! this was really fun to do lmao thank u for taggin me

answer 30 questions + tag 10 people you’d like to know better

-nicknames: ......i hesitate to inform you all of this but my uncle started calling me ‘the squish’ when i was a baby because i was so fat and now everyone on my mom’s side of the family calls me that more than they call me by my actual name. also sometimes people call me ari but not that often and my dad’s side of the family calls me arielita

-star sign: sad pisces binch

-gender: i’m a girl but. idk i’ve kinda been very slightly questioning it a little just to make sure? i’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that yup i’m a girl tho so

-MBTI type: mainly infp, probably like 15% enfp because i get really excited when i’m around groups of people i love and Lose All Sense Of Boundaries. does that qualify me as enfp? i get tired being around most people tho so idk

-height: 5′5.5″ and yes the half inch COUNTS

-time: 10:41pm

-birthday: march 1. when i was little i couldn’t pronounce 1 correctly like i said “much fust” so everyone thought i was saying march 4 tho lmao

-favorite bands: there’s this band called gorillaz i really like idk if anyone following me has heard of it tho :/// also phoenix, vampire weekend, the lumineers, glass animals, purity ring, young the giant, maroon 5, the beatles. i would die for ezra koenig and one time he liked something i tweeted at him and i cried for 10 minutes and my roommate took a video and made fun of me

-favorite solo artists: stromae, damon albarn, shawn wasabi, ingrid michaelson, childish gambino, nicki minaj, sohn, kanye west, lil wayne. gorillaz should collaborate with stromae also like i think they’d be good together

-song stuck in my head: ......the mii channel song but where each pause is uncomfortably long. yes i hate myself

-last movie I watched: wonder woman like three months ago?? ? i like never go to the movies which is actually kind of a shame because going to the movies is one of my favorite things to do ever i know it’s like not that wild but i always get so excited wow i love movies

-last show I watched: rick and morty like the pickle rick episode. someone save morty and summer please i fucking hate beth

-other blogs: @ratqueenofficial is my main! also i have an art blog @ratqueenarts but i like never actually post there so. and i have multiple urls about antigone and about half mexican murdoc hoarded lmao

-when I created my blog: april 6 of this year but i made my main on new year’s eve because my friend came over so we could relaunch.......a semi-popular meme archiving blog whose name i’m not allowed to actually say because mods are a secret.........but anyway my old main had been around since 2013 and i wanted to start fresh so yeah

-what I post about: that son of a gun sure do love those gorillaz. also i post my own mediocre art and make shitposts and memes because i find myself hilarious and i write headcanons and am starting to do fics. but yeah it’s all centered around grillz, and sometimes like 1% damo but never hewll because. i don’t really like him lmao. i think my most common tag is murdoc and i know he sucks but i would fucking die for him in a heartbeat

-last thing I googled: ..........mii channel hip hop remix on youtube and i’ve had it on loop and my roommate hates me but. it’s a fucking bop okay don’t judge me

-following: 939

-followers: 1,233

-favorite color: yellow but like a Very Specific Yellow like strong golden yellow that one might be able to argue is actually orange but Bitch It Is Fucking Yellow (here it is) like half of everything i own is this color which was fun at first but one day i walked out of the house when it was raining and realized i was wearing yellow boots, a yellow raincoat, a yellow beanie, a yellow backpack and was holding a yellow umbrella and it was at that point that i realized that i had a Problem. my friends make fun of me for it rip

-average hours of sleep: half of the week it’s like 4 and half of the week it’s like 14 because of the ol’ depresh so i’m not actually sure at all. probably like 7 if i absolutely had to pick a number

-lucky number: 3

-instruments: classical piano (and i guess keyboard by extension) but i can’t sightread for shit (i’m good at playing by ear tho!), general percussion like bells and xylophone and marimba, i did tenor drum in marching band for like one year but i’m pretty horrible at non-mallet percussion lmao. also i had a vuvuzela for like two years but my roommate confiscated it because “vuvuzelas are not to be played at 3 in the morning, ariel” and anyway i don’t think it really counts

-what I’m wearing: glasses, black skinny jeans, my black x men sweatshirt that has like pictures of the vintage comic panels on it and yes i got it from hot topic don’t judge me for that i was like 14, dark blue baseball cap that says “best dad ever” across the front but i’m wearing it backwards because i’m cool. i got it for father’s day so that i could match with my grandpa

-how many blankets i sleep with: generally like 2 or 3 but at this point they’re all crumpled up at the bottom of the bed anyway so mainly just the big comforter and a throw blanket over that if it’s really cold

-dream jobs: oh man uhh. i used to think i wanted to be like a genetics/evolutionary biology professor and do research on evolution or cancer or hiv/aids and teach at like ucsf or something. or like work for nasa as an astrobiologist, or maybe work as a vet for a zoo. but now i don’t think i wanna do that anymore? to be quite honest if i could be 100% guaranteed whatever job i wanted i think i’d want to be a showrunner for an animated show on cartoon network or adult swim, like not something just with storyboards or animation, but like actually involved in the writing of the show. i’d love to write for a tv show on cartoon network or something like the office or brooklyn 99 or even a story-based video game, or maybe like do something where i get to just joke around and be funny all the time like what the mcelroys or game grumps do but. i have No Idea how to go about doing that and honestly i think jobs like that just happen to people randomly so it’s not really like, a Secure Job Option To Pursue. but i really hope somehow i end up doing something like that. i just wanna do something where i can create something meaningful that i’m proud of and see people connecting with it and feeling happy and inspired and less alone because of it, and maybe liking it so much a fandom or something grows around it. i’d be so fucking happy if that happened.

-dream trip: i really want to go to new york with my jewish grandparents and see where they grew up and all the places they lived so i can finally experience all the places i’ve heard so many stories about? same thing with my abuelitos like i wanna go to mexicali with them or mérida in the yucatán and just see where they came from and where all their stories happened and meet all the relatives that they left behind when they came to the united states. also i think going to like, denmark or england or germany would be really cool? my friend studied abroad in england this summer and her snapchat story was full of dogs and random cows and those are some good things. i would very much like to softly caress a gentle english cow they have beautiful eyes

-favourite food: kbbq? ? ?? Bitch I Love KBBQ. fuck now i want kbbq. also mangoes, and deli sandwiches from the deli by my temple, and jazz apples, and sugary coffee, and sweet corn tamales, and high mountain milk tea with taro qq but sharetea stopped selling taro qq and i’m still salty because of that. and raw lemons because i’m an inhuman monster. can you tell i’m hungry rip

-nationality: american (specifically born and raised californian even though i know that’s not really a nationality but i love california so much you guys im so glad it’s my home) edit: apparently people are puttin in their ethnicities too on this?? ? i’m half american jewish which is. basically white lmao and half mexican idk i look super white tho im so pale rip

i tag @two-chi @drugstore-soulboy @murdoctrinated @murdochub @ephemeralprince @funeralshawls @astronomutual @maccamc @loboluchia @helloitsbees @grimdarkmatt @gorillahz @hewlll and i know that’s more than 10 but this is my house also like. if i tagged u and we Don’t Actually Talk it’s because i see u on my dash a lot and we’re mutuals and i think you’re Super Cool But I Am Too Shy To Actually Talk To You But Yeah I Think You’re Really Cool

#pipe down pipe down #this is super long i'm sorry i love talking about myself lmao

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jaynesromanholiday · 5 years

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Huh. What to say about this year.

I want to say that the universe really decided to pile it on this year. But that’s total bullshit. People act shitty, feelings change, and mistakes are made. Those things happen to everyone.

Honestly I changed a lot this year. I mean, I change every day, but I had some drastic changes within the last twelve months specifically. And sure, change can be super great. But sometimes it’s not very super at all.

Which brings me to a little piece of 24-year-old wisdom--is happy always a good thing and is sad always a bad thing? I’ve discovered so much of myself and others in the middle of the sad parts. Sadness provokes truth and purpose and understanding.

Not that I turned into a token sad girl you guys...please don’t be alarmed. I’m still as cute, vivacious, and charming as ever. But for the first time in my life I wasn’t just happy, unaffected, and agreeable all the time. This year I learned that being outwardly emotional isn’t inherently bad. I let myself be more opinionated, confrontational, and expressive. I consciously resolved to be more of an asshole and less of a pushover.

A few notable things happened this year. I’m writing these as I think of them, and mixing in the bad with the hella tight. And honestly most of these things are so much of both that it’s actually really comical.

I had the opportunity to travel to Sweden, Greece, Hungary, and Germany. Holy shit. Was that seriously this year? Most famously on this trip I rode the train in Berlin without a ticket and was in trouble with the German government for a few months (maybe still am, who knows). All I know is I stopped receiving angry letters in German once I wired them a lot of money. One thing I know about myself is that I don’t particularly like to travel alone--I like to have someone with me to share experiences with. This trip wasn’t all that bad though, and I ended up meeting so many beautiful people from all over the world.

I worked a lot. But I also accomplished a lot.

I met a lot of wonderful people and gained an entirely new perspective on just about everything thanks to one very interesting new friendship.

I developed eye shimmers (NOT FLOATERS, eye shimmers, as I told the eye doctor emphatically for three straight months). No one can really explain why, but the vision in my right eye starts to shimmer when I’m really tired or stressed. Lol.

My parked car got hit by another car...and then got hit again by a snowplow. I also got the worst speeding ticket of my life.

This one is a little embarrassing...I was too confident on an icy night and completely biffed it down my aunt’s front stairs and hurt my back. And it REALLY hurt and it REALLY sucked. And I now I realize how lucky I am that I don’t suffer from physical pain, like, ever. I was straight up depressed after day one of back pain.

I became a crier. I cried more this year than I have in the past ten years combined--seriously, I NEVER cried before now. I feel like maybe I knocked something loose in my brain when I fell down the stairs. Idk, I’m just saying the timeline adds up. In fact, if you see me with sunglasses on, there’s a 40% chance that I’m currently crying, or have cried recently and am covering it up. (P.S. I walked outside after writing this and cried because all that nature smelled so good. Wtf.)

I spent time in beautiful Colorado--I rode electric scooters all over Denver, white water tube’d in Golden, hiked the Rockys, and saw a moose family.

For the first time of any real significance, I disappointed my friends and family...like multiple times. And vice versa.

I went to Vancouver for the forth year in a row this spring, and found it just as beautiful. I also got to visit Hawaii again on this trip and I fell in love. I went to the beach every day and got a magnificent sunburn. I got hand tats. I forgot about all of the crazy things going on at home if only for a week. Most memorably, I tried surfing for the first time and actually caught a wave. (No, I didn’t stand up on the board. It’s hard, okay??) I don’t remember the last time I was so exhilarated and proud of myself.

I went from spending all of my time with another person to moving into a new apartment and living on my own for the first time ever. No one likes my new apartment, but it’s coming together nicely thank you very much. And I still don’t like being alone, but that part is also coming along.

I spent a week in Spain and learned new things about passports, drinking wine, and architecture. We saw some surreal art, aided and abetted in sneaking several Iowa State study abroad students onto the metro in Barcelona, and did not get pick pocketed! There’s also nothing wrong with spending a little extra time in the greatest city in the world (that’s NYC, for you dummies out there).

Don’t worry everyone, I continue to become cockier with every passing year. For real, though, I’ve gained more confidence in my personality and in making choices--specifically in the last few months. And sort of related--I freaking finally lost the Freshman 30 that I gained in college.

I learned that there’s value in slowing down. Spending more time at home. Not overbooking myself. Not taking off from a stop light at 67 mph. Even if I haven’t actually put this into practice yet...I’m working on it.

I know what some of you are thinking, and yes, I intentionally left out the juiciest, most personal bits. Lucky for you, I also started writing down all my best stories this year, so you can read all about it in my memoirs someday.

Cheers to 25!

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cathcacen · 7 years

Text

Broken Bones

Anarei petitions Strahan to fix Lear up post-war. Prompt and some help with Lear’s dialogue/information from @phylophe, with whom I share this AU and our Canon-Verse. XD

Maika is sick. He’s been running around all day, and between ferrying his kid to the Peds clinic and back to his own practice, he’s exhausted. There’s some light throbbing in his temple that suggests he’s had either too much or too little coffee, so when Rei shows up unexpectedly in his office later in the afternoon, he’s more than a little wary and concerned.

“How was England?” He shoves a mug of tea across his desk to her, then leans back in his leather chair, pinching at the bridge of his nose.

“Pretty good.” She wraps her fingers around the tea. Despite having just returned from a holiday, she looks exhausted – perhaps jetlagged, he reasons. Still, there’s a softness about her, warmth in her eyes and joy in her smile. “I got Maika some lavender shortbread.”

He smiles tiredly. “Thanks. I take it you had a good time, then?”

“Yeah.” Anarei takes a sip of her tea, wrinkles her nose, and sets the mug back down. “You okay? You look like you’ve had a long day.”

He groans. “Maika has the flu and the nanny is off on some island vacation this week. I had to cancel three appointments – that was fun. She’s fine, anyway, and I’ve dropped her off back home so Mother can watch her.” There had been traffic between the house, the clinic, and his practice, too. He’s certain he’s spent at least three hours on the road.

It’s worth it. Maika comes first.

“That’s good. I’ll bring the biscuits by later. Mother wants to have tea.” She studies him for a moment, and it occurs to him that he hasn’t seen her this at ease in quite a while now. There’s something different.

He raises a brow. “So, what’s up? I know that face.”

She blinks innocently at him, and the smile resurfaces – just a hint of amusement lingering at the way her lips curl, and the slightly shy and wholly coy manner in which she lowers her gaze to the hands folded over the edge of his desk. “Can’t I call in on my favourite brother to say hello? I did just get back from a trip abroad, you know.”

“Mmhmm.” He nudges her heeled boot with the tip of his loafer. “You say that to Ethan all the time, so I call bullshit. You look happy. Did you do something dirty?”

She bites her lip.

“Oh my god. You met someone.”

“No!” She tries for indignance, but her smile betrays the sentiment. “Well, not exactly. I reconnected with someone in England.”

“You say reconnected, but I’m thinking something else.” He can’t help but to grin at his sister.

As far as he knows, she hadn’t dated anyone with actual intentions since her incident. I’m not ready, she’d said – and no one had thought to push her beyond the occasional well-meant blind date.

Nothing had come of them, anyway.

“There was some reconnecting, and now there’s some introducing.” She peers at him, straightening in her chair. “I’m asking you in a professional capacity. Doctor-patient confidentiality protects what I’m about to say.”

“You’re not the patient, though.” He frowns. “I thought we were through with all the secrecy anyway.”

She looks at her hands again, and the answer suddenly becomes clear to him. “Rei, no.” There’s warning in his voice – not him again.

He remembers it all. He remembers storming the under bowels of the base in which she’d been held as a prisoner of war, and he remembers the way she’d stared at him through half-lidded eyes, dazed and confused behind rusted cell bars. She’d stared and stared, and it wasn’t until they’d broken into the room to get to her that he’d realised she was looking for someone else.

The Wound Man. Lieutenant Sagen.

He grits his teeth. She’d cried when she realised Sagen wasn’t there. After all, he was the person she was most desperate to see.

The sound of her broken sobs are still fresh in his mind.

“I love him, Hans. And he loves me.” She quirks a small smile at him. “I know you worry, but the war’s over.”

“You know, I didn’t tell anyone back then because I thought it was over – that thing you had going on with him.” She’d never directly confirmed nor denied his suspicions. “It was him, wasn’t it? All those years in the army, all those trips you went on – you were going with him.”

Her smile softens, and it occurs to him that he’s never seen her this smitten. It’s an unusual expression on her face, but the joy suits her. “We spoke in brief, after Dzisna. And now that the war is over, we’re free. We can be together.”

He’s come home to you, huh?

He lets out a tired sigh. “You sure you can trust him? You went from being his designated doctor, to complete strangers again, to being his nursemaid from some mission-gone-bad, to sobbing for him on a hospital bed. How sure are you he’s not going to leave you again?” He lowers his voice, leaning closer. “And what about his job? The one that turned him into a meat patty?”

He trusts her to understand his meaning – Sagen is more than just a Lieutenant. There has to be some unfinished business somewhere.

The job doesn’t end until the man does.

She shakes her head – a little too earnestly. “We’re done with that – with the war, with the secrets. I trust him.” Her voice softens further, and she reaches out to take his hands. “I need you to trust me, now.”

“You were waiting for him, weren’t you?” A part of him is impressed. The other part wonders why he hadn’t seen this coming. I should’ve known. “Are you sure you’re okay, though? Being with him, does it bring back… memories you’d rather not relive?”

She squeezes his hands, and he’s relieved to see the clarity in her eyes. “We’ve both been screwed by the war, Hans. But that doesn’t mean we can’t be okay together.”

It had taken some cajoling and a few stories of her time with the Wound Man. He’d wanted a clearer picture of their relationship before he agreed to take on the case. She told him as much as she was at liberty to tell – they’d met when she was still a Second Lieutenant midway through med school, and had kept up a friendly relationship the entire time she was assigned as his doctor in the field.

Their relationship had soured when it became clear he cared too little, and her, too much. She’d returned home for some conventional medical experience, and had proceeded to forget about him for the next two years. Eventually, physically broken up into a human manifestation of The Wound Man and badly in need of rehabilitation and therapy, he’d sought her out at the teaching hospital where she was due to take her medical boards exam. They’d grown closer over the following months, and that had led to them dating throughout her second deployment, up until the bombings at Hrodna and her subsequent imprisonment at Dzisna.

“Your life really is a Greek tragedy, isn’t it?”

“The only tragedy currently bothering me is my unnecessarily overprotective big brother.” She’d shot back.

He’d finally agreed to her request when she’d made it clear she wasn’t asking as his sister, but as a colleague with a vested interest in his medical career.

“The legendary Wound Man, Hans. Are you sure you want me to pass his case back to Dr. Keller? You’d be missing out.”

The cutting-edge Orthopedic implants fitted inside the man had been the subject of much discussion among heavyweights in his field for close to a decade.

She’d handed him the patient chart, lips curled in a smug sort of smile.

It isn’t until he meets The Wound Man himself that he realises he must’ve rubbed off on his sister more than he’d thought.

“Call me Lear.” The man holds out a hand; he shakes it begrudgingly, then pulls up a chair and sits down. They’d admitted him into the hospital hours before to get all the preliminary check-ups out of the way, and his chart is thick with newly-printed results. “And you must be Lieutenant Colonel Tandhekar.”

“Doctor.” He peers over at the other. “The war’s over, and as your girlfriend, my sister says, we’re all free to be ourselves now.” He uses the word deliberately. “Call me Strahan.”

Lear simply smiles in response.

“Perfect.” He flips open the chart, seeking out the pages his sister had once sent him - those filled with familiar designs he’d studied multiple times over the years. They’re beautiful. “Tell me about the implants. Dr Keller e-mailed the designs from your old implants, so if you’ve no complaints, we’ll go about manufacturing new ones exactly the same way. Unless of course, you need some modifications made, in which case - what can you tell me about the person who designed these?”

He can’t help asking - after all, that particular question has weighed heavily upon his mind for years now. Who designed the parts that helped this man to walk again?

“My mechanic?” Lear tilts his head, then supplies, with a bit of a smirk, “He’s a short, pretty bookworm with a wide forehead and droopy eyes.”

“Mechanic?” He raises a brow. Right, this one’s got a mouth on him. Rei had implied about as much. He recognises the obnoxious lilt - from the deeper reaches of memory, he remembers hearing the same voice teasing his sister. Aww, Naveau, you think I’m a work of art?

He peers at the man. “Right, the man who engineered your parts.” Mechanic indeed. How disrespectful.

“He likes to work from the ground-up - look straight at the anatomy first, see what he can come up with by himself, before referring to existing designs. He’s got a few generic ones of his own making by now.” Lear gestures towards the chart in his hands. “You’ve got some of them in there, too.”

“Well, considering your anatomy is pretty messed up at the moment…” He quirks his lip a bit. “I’d like to take a few scans and do some 3D imaging to have a better idea of what we’ll be dealing with in there. Also, I read in your chart that you got shot last year?”

“Bullet’s still in there.” Lear points to his shoulder. There’s a bit of a shit-eating grin on his face. He wonders, if only for a moment, exactly what his sister sees in the man. “My mechanic didn’t want to deal with it, so you’ll have to do the dirty work.”

“We’ll be replacing that entirely.” He glances down at the design specifications for the shoulder piece, noting the instructions for construction. “I also see here that your current parts are made of riskier, more reactive alloys. I’d recommend switching it up, so you don’t run the risk of rejection - your girlfriend’s brought me up to speed on your history, so we’ll also have to monitor you closely for post-op complications.”

That gets a smile out of Lear - one more genuine, he thinks. “That’s what my mechanic said, yeah. He recommended replacing the reactive alloys with lighter, more inert materials now that I’m retired from active combat.”

“Hm.” He flips the pages, scanning through the rest of the designs, then closes the binder and sets it aside. “We’ll get to work, then. Do you have any questions regarding the surgery? Any concerns?”

“Nah.” Lear leans back in his bed. “My mechanic explained most of it well enough. Something about him making sure the parts would stay in place by designing them so my muscles and blood vessels grow over and into them.” He brightens, his grin taking on a slightly sheepish cast as he lets out a vaguely uncomfortable laugh. “Apparently it’s not just a matter of putting the drill on reverse and ripping out the parts.”

“You don’t say.” He purses his lips and fights back the desire to smack the man upside the head. “I didn’t go through eight years of college and med school to drill on reverse and rip out parts.”

Lear chuckles heartily. “Good to know, Doctor.”

He’s halfway to the door by the time Lear calls out. When he turns around, the man asks, “Out of interest - which one are you looking forward to the most?”

The excitement bubbles within. He’s looked forward to this for a long time; to work with the designs of Lear’s so-called-mechanic is to work in the future. “Couldn’t say. I am eager to get you on the road to recovery, though. I think my sister deserves better days ahead with the man she loves in one piece instead of five, don’t you?”

Lear’s gaze softens a bit. There it is. That’s what she sees. “Yeah.”

“I’ll see you later, then.”

He makes his way downstairs. His sister’s inconvenient relationship aside, the Wound Man’s body houses actual medical works of art.

He’s excited - but even moreso, he’s honoured to work with them. One step closer to tomorrow’s medicine.

He gets right to it.

#emmbot writes #raindrop pendants au #anarei ilvait-sagen #lear ilvait-sagen #strahan tandhekar

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sukunussy · 5 years

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i've been thinking a lot about actually using this for some personal writings because i feel like writing it all down might be helpful. i don't know if i believe in journalling or blogging or whatever but i'm sick of just venting to my friends about the same shit over and over and over again so i guess i might as well give it a shot.

my sleep schedule has been wrecked for weeks. i thought i'd fixed it a few nights ago, but then i stayed up and... yeah, just a mess. so i for some reason only slept 5:30am-8:30am yesterday and then stayed up because i didn't feel tired and kinda didn't wanna sleep through the day; i thought i could power through. so, i stay up, rot in my room for a while because i couldn't make myself go to the kitchen to make myself anything to eat. i just. my stomach was growling, i was hungry, i hadn't had coffee in two days so i was feeling it — but somehow i still just stayed at my desk or in bed til my mom took pity on me and brought me a sandwich. (for context, i'd been telling my fam this whole summer that i needed help eating regular meals because my school crisis mode just fucks with my appetite and i always sleep through breakfast. they haven't really been great about it.)

i got tired at like 6pm yesterday and was lying in bed for a long while just idly scrolling trying to actually sleep. i don't remember when i actually fell asleep, but i woke up at some point to put my computer away and then woke up for good at like 1am, i think? i wanted to go back to sleep initially but then woke up too much to do it so i've been up. decided to start watching good omens, finally, which is the best thing i've taken out of the past two days.

so, i haven't really slept, and i'm awake at like 8:30am when my mom comes into my room. my mom uses my bathroom exclusively even though my room is like a 3 minute walk from her room (which is literally right next to a bathroom) because she's grossed out by the other bathroom for no good reason. there's literally no reason. anyway, she gives me a lot of shit for trying to ask her to knock or wait for me to say "come in" when she comes back to my room, but it's a matter of space and boundaries. she's been overinvolved in my life and invaded my personal space a lot because i was an only child in an abusive household where my dad made it hard for my mom to have friends and alienated her from her family.

anyway, my mom just strolls in looking like she absolutely just woke up and goes into my bathroom. mutters a "good morning" because she's surprised she saw me up and 'attem so early. i was watching good omens, y'know, chill as hell. and i've had this talk with my mom about using the bathroom before — she can use it but don't like sneakily come back to use the bathroom and then expect that i want to sit and chat for an hour. it's my room, it's my time, we don't get along very well and i honestly come back her to just... vegetate. i don't wanna be dealing with her constantly.

naturally, my mom gets out of the bathroom and comes over to me. this entire time i've had the episode paused because i get so on edge when she's in my room like i literally can't focus on anything else until she's gone. she comes over, and i'm like on my side in bed, and starts petting me even though i'm trying not to make eye contact because i want her to leave. i just want her gone, i wanna watch the show and not deal with it. she didn't even knock to come in, knowing that i've been getting up weirdly early the past few days. and she starts trying to ask me what's wrong, but i really don't want to talk about it and i tell her as much.

finally, i tell her i'm mad about her just coming in here and then proceeding to linger exactly how i told her i didn't want her to. and coming over to do the whole physical affection thing when everything in my face and body language was clear about me not wanting any of it. it's been a really long time since i've felt comforted by my mom's physical affection. there are moments when i want a hug but as a rule it makes me feel more uncomfortable than anything. that's a more complicated issue tat i could go on about but back to the narrative. she settles on just saying "there's something wrong with you," and then leaves.

but we're not done!

she comes back this time to try to pry out why i'm mad and it just devolves into our typical fights. i'm mad this summer because i got a grant to plan a research trip abroad and my whole family basically fought me every step of the way because i wanted to go to cuba. i'm cuban, i wanted to go to see if i could do a cuban opera for my senior thesis; of course, cuba is a communist country with an unstable regime/economy, so i'm aware that my going would come with some risks. i knew this!! it wasn't going to be some silly vacation for the 'gram!!! but my family being so like aggressively against the trip plus depression plus summer slump meant the trip didn't happen. i missed my flight, ghosted my airbnb, lost $400, didn't make any plans. this happened at the beginning of june. of course i'm still upset by this. i still don't even really wanna talk about it.

i know i could've still gone if i really set my mind to it. i could've planned. i was just wiped out from the semester and i needed the support from somewhere, anywhere, and i didn't have it. it would've been my first time abroad; it's the first thing i've applied for and gotten while i've been in college, the grant i got. i built it up in my head and for there not even to be the slightest acknowledgement that this is a cool thing that you're doing to fend for yourself and hone your craft and reconnect to a heritage that you're simultaneously entrenched and removed in — no, nothing. just my mom saying "when you leave, i'll say goodbye to you like it's the last time i'll ever see you," and my grandma ganging up on me because a friend of a friend was on her whatsapp telling her that cuba has low supplies of toilet paper.

so i'm feeling really fucked up about this. at least i'm still writing this summer. writing is an outlet i always turn to but never know how to manage in a healthy or productive way. (like how i'm writing this having been up all night instead of getting breakfast.)

we have this stupid fight where my mom just doesn't listen to me — i mention a smaller, addressable issue and she zooms out to her failed marriage, her health problems — oh, wait. i forgot the best part. when she walked in to ask me why i was mad, she actually guilt tripped me at first. "your grandmother is getting ready to go to the doctor's office. have you heard about her test results? [medical stuff] she could die any day now of heart failure. you should go say hi before she leaves." like deadass!!!! really!!! this is how she swings in while i am pointedly not speaking to her.

that was what set me off. i called her out for the guilt tripping because, if she's going to stand there and force a conversation, that's what i had to say. so, i cry, she cries and blubbers — at this point i'm so numb to her reactions that it really just frustrates me when she gets like that, sue me. my patience is just... gone with her. all the patience i have goes toward trying not to raise my voice because then at least i know i have the high ground when she starts raising her voice at me. which. i hate! i really don't do well with yelling! who does?

this fight happens. she leaves sobbing that she's a fuck up, because every fight ends up being about her even when it starts about me. even when i was just trying to get her to understand that her forcing herself into my life and into my space isn't something i'll ever respond well to.

leaves me alone for about... 20 minutes. i start writing this post. since i've started, i shit you not, she's come in three times. first, to plead at my door to let her use my bathroom (she left her hairdryer in there and wants to wash up). after ignoring her for a minute as she gets louder, i just decide to let her in because i don't want her to unlock my door with her key or to stand there crying as if i can't hear her. then she tries to talk to me multiple times while she's in my bathroom doing... whatever she was doing. mind you, i was literally just typing away and not paying attention.

she's called me twice and informed me that she also sent a text message saying she'll help me (now) plan a trip to cuba because she doesn't want me to blame her for this forever. she also just came by to tell me, again, about a random doctor's appointment.

at this point, home just feels unsafe to me. i don't have a quiet place for myself. i've lived alone at school for two years and it's like i'm living in a glass box here where my mom could walk in and watch me at any second. i don't want to talk to her. i don't want to talk to my grandparents, who are dealing with health issues and other family issues and consider me locking myself up in my room as some kind of phase i guess? or a tantrum? no matter the different ways in which i cry for help. i don't want to talk to my dad, because he plays nice for five minutes and then reminds me that he's a fucking raging conservative bigot and that he'll never actually accept me for who i am. i don't even know what home is anymore. it's definitely not school, but it's not here, either.

i just needed to get this out. i'm gonna try to eat and get out of bed and go to a cafe in a bit. gotta shower before i leave the house, it's been a few days. maybe i'll update later.

#personal #andy speaks

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sh-lan · 6 years

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i’m always late for these now but oh well

i can’t believe i’m making an ebay account happy new year LOL

Third day of the new year!

Went to hangout with ryan and leighton. They wanted to try marugame udon so!!! Also i saw adam but didnt say hi, oops. In any case. We were like hey let’s do something like walk around! But it rained a little so we bought some cuties from trader joe’s and ended up at ryan’s house and basically sat in his kotatsu for 4 hours then i came home. I also finally know how it feels like when the manga says that your legs get tangled inside the kotatsu. And when you literally cannot get out of it. Plus the feeling of losing the ability to walk because ya gurl tried to stand up after crawling out of the kotatsu and just fell back down What a day LOL

my brain in general has forgotten how it feels like to study …oh dear

Mommy helped me dye my hair yesterday! It’s lighter than i thought but it was the gray ochre color from palty! And it smells like grape hichews Facetimed vania & yuri today and they noticed the color! And then facetiming with dad and he also noticed LIKE WOW I DIDNT REALIZE PEOPLE COULD TELL? <3

I want a lot of cute phone case but idk what and where to get EDIT: i am still having this problem

I just saw the golden year of the dog items from starbucks korea AND I WANT EDIT: also want the starbucks x pantone planner fml EDIT EDIT: did not end up buying anything good job deborah lan

i was right muster merch colors ARE BEAUTIFUL

The muster merch fmu EDIT: clearly i was overwhelmed with the colors because there were two separate drafts in a row lol

The company insists on having two references….

And now they said they chillin with a peer reference SO I PHONED A FRIEND (aka vania) bless her soul

jan 10th l i f e u p d a t e got the first job offer of my life!! (well official full time offer lol) and so it looks like i’m going to portland? :O

Wow i joined a GO for muster merch New year new me and goodbye money 탕진잼 탕진잼 탕진잼

Wow im glad i submitted the form to get muster merch because THEY ARE SO CUTE AND PRETTY. Okay but i really want PCs so i sincerely hope bighit has some sense and ship PC sets abroad when you order multiple other items Also didnt realize the lenticular key rings would be a hot item but seriously they are so much more adorable than i thought?? Jk’s key ring is so cute i cri EDIT: just found out about no acrylic stand )))): EDIT EDIT: didn’t get squat because ARMYs jump all over everything any time anything is released...

finding housing is hard and i can’t believe that i actually see an appeal to living in downtown…

fmu because bt21 getting released online BUT I REALLY SHOULDN’T BUY but also i finally got my package from jen! ugh omg the bag charms are so cute i don’t know whether to actually use them or keep them in their boxes ;__; and she included some mediheal masks! finally also sent vania her tata as a thank you gift~

deokrim stickers are too cute ima buy two sets

And ugh wow i cant believe i chanced upon cornpeu shop reopening im ded Vania and i didnt catch the timing for bt21 and now i’m still dumping money on bts things HAHA EDIT: not even 15 min after writing this, i bought the stuff from cornpeu lel (which couldve been used to buy the cushion so idk man) time to go preorder for deokrim maybe?

Wow my left hand hurts like shit did i really break it playing superstar bts like mom said? No way right

Ahhhh got my muster merch in the mail today and it’s so niceeee *^* Ima stick that washi tape like everywhere LOL

I hurt myself four different times today smh

In portland for the weekend! I deadass ate two packets of honey roasted peanuts on the plane ride over because i didnt realize i was so hungry and now i’m just waiting for the pimples to cOME ;__;

I walked into a stationery store in portland and just. FOUND MY PEACE. jk but i bought some stickers i been looking at online blesssss

No. Tax. Anywhere. (So far)

I had coke last night after my flight and i legit didnt feel tired until 3:30am oops

Omfg i cant believe someone was selling the trust issues photobook by snowpeach in the luce in altis project for $15 last night WOW LIKE THE FEW DAYS I DONT CHECK SHIT, THERE’S ALL KINDS OF SHIT I WANT. $15 is so cheap ;___;

went to portland with alice to check out apartments!!! woot. lots of fun going around/looking at the city. landed on thursday night and waited at the airport for alice and ate mcdonalds/watched the office haha friday: alice had work all day ): so i went out to meet up with yuri and leslie who happened to be out in portland too! walked to the alberta arts district to eat with them at pok pok noi. just walked around afterwards exploring in the rain before getting back home to eat dinner with alice at like 8…lol we went to bamboo sushi in sw and alice treated me to omakase as a congrats on getting my new yob!! woot also did some walking around in the neighborhood - will likely spend quite a bit of time in the powell city of books! saturday: the day we actually went out to see properties! grabbed some blue star donuts and headed into nw district - looked at some apartments and then grabbed lunch at this cute italian place that i will most likely frequent. started talking to alice about stuff and being weak, i cried and then we got free hazelnut ice cream…LOL. it was really good sunday: since we toured places that i actually liked yesterday, we basically just decided to walk around different areas. waterfront park, pioneer square…we spent a while in nordstrom rack and sephora looking for stuff for alice! lol. then dinner again at bamboo sushi and dessert at salt & straw :> monday morning: waking up early to get to the airport for alice’s flight. bought more donuts at the airport for mom! then i sat at the airport watching the office and eating until the airplane ride where i got a whole row to myself~

and that was my portland trip shortened LOL. but~ excited about the new city, definitely excited about the donuts!

Furniture shopping is hard Moving is hard Everythinf comes down to money S M H

Got approved for my apartment today!! #excited

legit on phone calls for an hour getting stuff down and ready. now to wait on emails so i can get to the next step to sign my lease!

It’s been hot in sf like ??? In other news, i put coconut oil in ma hair - let’s see how it feels tomorrow! :O EDIT: idk, it didn’t feel different?

Omg feb 5th: suddenly a day where i can play hard mode on ssbts wow what a day

I just saw the new bts game where you get to “live chat” the boys as the user becomes the manager and takes care of the bois I am literally gonna die All armys gonna die Why do they do this to us …BECAUSE THEY KNOW WE’LL NEVER BE THEIR MANAGERS

Today i threw away my first lip tint because it looked funky funks and was like dying Good bye you were good to me - onto more an new lip tints! On another note. The balenciaga cap is $350??!?!

Being fat today and ordered three desserts with han at creations. And then went to the beach because pokemon but ended up star-gazing and it was niceee

Just came across its it ice creams on IG and since it’s been so hot (cause like spring came early or something??) i want it!! Also, it’s like the only time i ever consume oatmeal raisin cookies (unless they just oatmeal - in which case, delicious) But omg i didnt know strawberry is an OG flavor? Althought mint reigns supreme. But. GREEN TEA??

A BUMBLEBEE FLEW INTO MY HOUSE THE OTHER DAY AND I WAS ALONE AND COULDNT HELP also raided mewtwo yesterday!! Woot. Surprisingly got the gym bonus after much hardwork but dayum caught with only one ball LOL

Ever since that one time on the airplane with the weird ass headache/tension above my left eyebrow….i got like two headaches in a week that were like that. Also in between those, my right ear hurts and honestly…am i broken somewhere cause lel Body please get better

Lmao so last time i put on a screen protector, i cracked it in two days cause i dropped it. And i just put on a new one last week and lo and behold, it hath cracked again but this time, in my purse. I’m so ????? Smh

Landed in portland once again with han for move in!! Woke up super early…. Just went to target/tj maxx to buy stuff. Smh should’ve bought a swiffer and gotten it sent here ): Got a shower rug! THE SOFT SQUISHY ONE. But failed in the shower curtain department cause it’s too short… Makeshift bed with blankets and bed sheets lol…we shall await the mattress coming in tomorrow~ Do have quite a bit of stuff to buy in general…): Anyways. Had a burrito for dinner and like ?!! Aluminum foil gave me an aluminum cut so…ow No internets yet - good thing han downloaded some movies!

My cuticles are dying because my hands are dry and wow this is terribad

Went and bought a shitton of strawberry chocolates for 50% off at cvs MUAHAHA

Went to macy’s (or we’ve been going often since it’s going out of business so things are going on sale) and got the seiko watch i was kinda eyeing last time. ONLY TO FIND OUT (forgot to check on amazon) that it was 38 dollahs cheaper ;__; but. EHHH it’s all good. Seems like the one on amazon has strap problems being too smol so…like, it’s totally chill

February 19th

My first day of work!! Went in earlies and had onboarding for about two hours with amother new hire. Then i returned to my room where i met my coworker and my manager! Both of whom are in the same room and we each have a desk. (Ima have to request a standing desk :O) anywayss. Got a company laptop - thank god it’s not bulky. And then i’ve got two monitors on my desk too! #bless

Then jlw went through more ux stuff with me and i also went to a stand up meeting. Like. Those are real man. Then went to company lunch! Where new hires introduce themselves and i realize that i have never used a dishwasher before and everyone was shookt lol.

Afterwards, i went to a sprint meeting AND BOIIIII PLANNING POKER DOE??? Lololol. I have to say i did not understand a single thing that was going on. Took about an hour and a half…

Anyways. went back in where jlw continued where she left off and then finally let me read some onboarding stuff on my own before she headed out at 4 and then me, leaving swiftly at 4 as well LOL

SO that was my first day! Trying to get everything in order - i hope that everything goes great and that i learn lots and lots! :> although…windows computer already killing me, no wonder people use mouses instead of the trackpad. Also…gotta learn Axure + in depth photoshop so…WOOT WOOT

Oh and we also have a huge snack cabinet i might just become a potato

Light snowfall is so pleasant :>

Bucketlist checklist:

Eat alone - check! First lunch break :> (exciting!)

Watch a movie by myself - check! Love, Simon

Second day - drank too much coffee while i’m still weak against caffeine. It’s 1:26am. HNNNGH

i got really bored at work today because even though it’s week 2 now, i was done with my shit at like 2pm so i just started looking at axure tutorials for another however long until 4:30 LOL side note: might actually do my post-its idea thing then i realize that i didn’t bring any post-its over to portland… also i cracked my screen again today because i slammed it on the counter while trying to save it from falling so did i really save it….

bought rice and shin ramen on amazon lel

Gonna try out my post it idea in the office tomorrow. Hope it goes well 🤞

2/28/17 First ever happy hour but also goodbye party for kyle - also like the first time i talked to him since the one and a half week i been there (minus when we introduced ourselves) but sads cause he was kinda a squish and everyone seemed to have a chill time working with him :/ oh well

ALSO THE FIRST DAY THAT YA GURL GOT PAID $$$ (which is just directly going to rent - oh the woe of getting paid bi-monthly LOL)

Wow i did a great job sticking on my phone screen protector! #yes EDIT: no i didnt. It’s blocking the camera slightly on top smh

Ya gurl cut her finger on a tape measure lmfaooo

Alice came two weekends in a row to help me buy and build stuff and daymn. That was some hard work and tbh i only built a shelf and a bed LOOOOL I think ima go for the sofa + table rather than the desk. I think it might work! Also went to ashun market. Good weekend :>

I went bowling today!! It was an engineering celebration so i thought - why not, let’s be social for a little bit. And it turned out to be fun~ we had some fuds and i played two rounds. And I got a strike in one of the rounds! Woot woot. Anyways. It was enjoyable, not as awkward as i had envisioned. Also i was able to successfully catch the bus home so that was great :>

I think i’m reverting back to my eating habits because there are ENDLESS SNACKS IN THE OFFICE. Oh dear

Really actually thinking about that dicon photobook because the pictures are so nice :<

ALSO FINALLY FCKIN DISCOVERED ELECTRICITY CHARGE ON KWH DIFFERS ON A MONTH TO MONTH BASIS in addition to usage. Wow the things you discover and uncover as you adult

Also city of portland why do you have a base charge of $11???????

Ahhh xfinity wifi was too good to be true Apparently only 5 devices could connect to it at one time. So i guess i gotta shop for internets now…LOL EDIT: NAWP. ALL GOOD. THAT WAS FOR HOME HOTSPOT. WOOT

Lmao my manager went to ucsd when marshall was still called third im

In other news. It looks like my one on one anxiety wont dissipate soon. Esp since last week, the vp of engineering just sent me a calendar invite for a one on one and i literally got stressed out for a straight 30 min before i said yes to the invite and could slowly go back to focusing on work lol…. EDIT: it ended up being around 15 minutes and i did not really enjoy it at all

We are bulletproof pt 2 came on today while i was walking and i still cannot believe that the first lines still got me smiling like a fckin idiot

Ok so i finally talked to this girl at work (who i think is really pretty omfg) the other day and she’d been curling her hair recently and as we were walking out of the bathroom i was like I REALLY LIKE YOUR HAIR And then she said my hair is so straight and healthy - “do you straighten it? It’s really pretty” and i’m just over here crying on the inside because it looks like hay and only happened to be really straight that day for god knows what reason. SO BASICALLY THE STARS ALIGNED JUST SO WE COULD HAVE THIS CONVERSATION Also she said she recently bought a curler that just “does it for you” and gurl i need that because idk how to DO ANYTHING TO MY HAIR UGH

I woke up with the blankets already nicely proportioned off the sides of my bed - so i just crawled out without making my bed today lool

Thought i could handle watching burn the stage but i saw the screenshot of jungkook lying down and it already broke my heart Need to be secluded with some tissues ;__;

A two day trip to see The Rose in seattle or a five day trip in san diego… 🤔🤔🤔

last day of march went to lunch with my coworkers for the first time and i actually enjoyed it! it was fun :> glad that my coworker actually dropped by the office to invite us to lunch~

good friday today because:

lunch was good

really honestly did nothing because we were troubleshooting visual studio

also basically did nothing because double sprint planning and retro LOL

HEADING HOME FOR THE WEEKEND UNTIL WEDNESDAY

#gotpaid

but no joke, on the ride to the airport, i got carsick and i honestly didn’t even know that was possible but if you think about it, i basically haven’t been on any kind of transportation for at least a month… also my uber driver is like some viet gangsta or something that gets pulled into the room every time he tries to go to canada O_O LOL

Deadass trying to save money but The rose concert in seattle, want to make an sd trip, want the 2k18 asia trip But also bts comeback sometime during the first half of the year and SUDDENLY WANNA ONE IS GOING TO HAVE A WORLD TOUR??? Dammit dude DAMMIT

My heart dies a little every time my coworker comes by and invites me to lunch with everyone *ugly sobs* Dies a little in a good way - just for clarification LOL

Mom dyed my hair for me! And it was darker than i thought BUT GREAT. Curiously enough, after two washes…it’s already lightening?? NO PLEASE STAY DARK. PLEASE. EDIT: lol i realized there was another “mother dyed my hair” somewhere on top lel. just for clarification - nobody else dyes my hair including myself cause i am incapable lOL

omfg i just saw the we bare bears x spao collab AND THEN FOUND THE ADVENTURE TIME X SPAO CLOTHES, SO CUTE!!! the jake and bmo hoodie )):

didn’t realize that i missed them so much ;__; we thought we would all die with the black hair but actually they just killed us with softness good thing they didn’t come out with foreheads lOL

okay lol basically that’s it because nothing happens in my life although i realze that i video recorded a lot of experiences and they’re all just video files sitting on my phone and that’s why maybe i haven’t been writing any everyday things down :O will i ever edit them? unclear

in any case - planning lots of fun things for the months to come hopefully!

#mumble mumble #does this count as #spring mumbles #debs in portland #adulting debs

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