#so i couldnt dedicate the mental energy that i thought this deserved | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

onigirimsby · 4 years

Text

almost asymptotes (hinata x reader) pt. 1

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Character: Hinata Shoyo

Pairings: Hinata Shoyo x reader

Tags: pining, temporarily unrequited crush

Warnings: none (so far)

Word Count: 1695

Summary: Two times you keep missing each other, and the one time you’re both on the same page

“asymptote”: def. “In mathematics, approaching indefinitely close, as a line to a curve, but never meeting

noun by extension, figuratively Anything which comes near to but never meets something else. verb analysis To approach, but never quite touch, a straight line, as something goes to infinity.”

masterlist ao3

A/N: asgdasggds i couldnt help myself so here. also it was supposed to just be one long thing, but...it got too long oops so it’s now in three parts 🤷🏽‍♀️

High school

You first meet Hinata Shoyo in high school. You were a freshman and he was in his second year. It was hard not to notice him, even though you ran in completely different circles. He was sunshine incarnate, so of course he had friends all over the school. Everyone loved Hinata Shoyo. The fact that he was also a really talented athlete who helped bring his team to nationals was just a bonus.

So, naturally, you quietly nursed your crush for an entire year. You didn’t even give him chocolates on Valentine’s Day. You never even made an effort to introduce yourself. You sort of hoped this crush would pass. Except it didn’t. And after watching you pine all year and letting you drag them to volleyball games all season, they finally convinced you to apply to be team manager.

It didn’t occur to you to wonder why the Karasuno VBC didn’t already have a new manager. They were a popular team. They were highly ranked and went to nationals again just last year. So there should’ve been way more competition, but there wasn’t.

“Hitoka-senpai...what happened to the freshman manager last year?” You asked idly when Yachi asked if you had any questions. She’d already outlined your responsibilities as the newest manager.

“Ah. I was hoping you wouldn’t ask,” she paused to consider her words. “I guess...we do have some...prickly team members.” She said warily.

You mentally ran through the team roster. The volleyball team had grown much larger since Karasuno made it to nationals, and they didn’t show any signs of slowing down.

“I guess being a manager can get really stressful.” You didn’t know much about the manager who quit. She was in your year, but from a different class.

“I hope you don’t regret your decision. From my experience, becoming this team’s manager is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.”

---

You understood now, what Yachi meant by some of the team members being “prickly”. There were definitely some odd guys on the team, but Kageyama and Tsukishima stood out as the most intimidating of the bunch.

“(y/n), the bottles.” Yachi said, drawing you back to reality. You’d been so caught up in admiring Hinata’s prowess on the court.

“Sorry, I’m on it.” You responded before taking the water bottles to distribute.

“You’re way more obvious than the last one.” Tsukishima said. You blushed hard. Did he mean your crush? It was just your first day! Were you really that obvious?! You wanted to fade into nothingness then and there.

“I’m sorry!” You managed to mumble before putting as much distance between the two of you as possible.

“Thank you!” You forced your mind away from the nervous spiral of anxious thoughts. Hinata was right in front of you, accepting the bottle of water you’d handed him.

“No problem.” You said. Looking at him was like looking at the sun, but if you couldn’t do it, then you really would be too obvious. You forced yourself to look him in the eye and hoped your weren’t smiling too wide.

You walked shakily back to the benches when you were done distributing water bottles. You took deep breaths to compose yourself. That was, after all, probably the first time you’d ever spoken to Hinata.

“What did Tsukki say?” Yachi asked.

“Oh! Um, he said something about being obvious.” You admitted. If you couldn’t stop blushing then how were you supposed to survive the rest of your time as team manager?!

Yachi made a thoughtful sound, but didn’t say anything more, so you asked. “He said the ‘last one’ was obvious too?”

“Oh, hm, okay,” Yachi sighed. “I guess I should tell you now. I was hoping they wouldn’t make it weird for you, but I guess it’s unavoidable?” You waited for her to continue.

“You see, the last manager only applied for the position to get close to one of the guys. I won’t say more, for her privacy, but it didn’t work out, so...well...”

“So she quit?” You finished the sentence for her and Yachi nodded.

---

Practice was over and you were walking home with the rest of the team. Everyone started parting ways, until it was just you and Hinata. You were prepared for this, though. You met Hinata because he lived only a little further from the school than you did. In fact, maybe the very first time you saw him was when you were biking to school. You were surprised to see him so energetic in the morning, meanwhile you were struggling with that uphill climb.

“(y/n), I didn’t know you lived so far away too.” Hinata said, turning to you as you waved goodbye to the last person leaving your group.

“Mhm.” You nodded and gestured awkwardly to your bicycle. Internally, your thoughts were racing for a conversation starter.

“I-” Both of you started at the same time, then laughed awkwardly.

“Uh, go ahead.” You said.

“I was just gonna say it’s nice having another club member shorter than me, since Nishinoya-senpai graduated.”

“Oh yeah! I wonder how he’s doing these days.” You said as both of you walked home.

“Hm. I’m not sure, except that he’s not doing volleyball anymore, which is a shame.” Hinata sighed.

“Are you going to keep playing volleyball after graduation, then, Hinata-senpai?” You asked. Saying his name, talking to him like this, made your stomach flip flop not unpleasantly.

“Definitely!” He said, all energy again.

You spent the rest of the walk home discussing his plans to become a professional volleyball player, and you vowed then to help him as much as possible. There was no way you were going to quit being Karasuno’s manager now, which meant there was no way you could confess your feelings and ruin everything now.

---

The school year ended without you ever confessing. Your friends tried to console you. At least you gave him Valentine’s chocolates this year! Never mind that you gave chocolates to the whole team. At least you got to go to a festival with him and you even got to dress in a yukata! Never mind that you went as a group with the rest of the team.

“Hey, Captain Obvious, I think it’s safe to tell him how you feel now.” Tsukishima said when you congratulated him after the graduation ceremony.

“What?!” You blubbered.

“He’s saying he appreciates you working hard for the team, (y/n),” Yamaguchi translated, “We both do!” He elbowed Tsukishima. “But yeah, it is time.”

Yamaguchi nodded in Hinata’s direction and you blushed at the implication of his words. You thanked them both, congratulated them again, and went to Hinata.

“Hinata-senpai!” You said a little too loud out of nerves.

“(y/n)!” He greeted back all dazzling smile.

“Can I...talk to you in private?” You asked, shyly glancing at the other volleyball team members in your year who were congratulating him. They backed away knowingly.

“Hold on, let’s take a picture together first!” Hinata said, and without warning, he pulled you close to take a picture with his phone. His arm was warm around your shoulders and you couldn’t remember if you’d managed to smile for the photo or if you looked like the blushing mess you felt on the inside.

“Aaaaand save,” Hinata said. “So what were you gonna say, (y/n)?”

You took a deep breath and spoke before you could over-think it. “I really like you.”

You watched the blush creep over Hinata’s face. He’s speechless for the first time in the history of you and him and you don’t know how that makes you feel.

“Senpai, please say something...” You tried to say it with a smile but the shaking of your voice and the tears blossoming in the corners of your eyes betrayed you. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. It’s okay!” You started to wave him off.

“I wish you’d told me sooner...” He said, in the quietest voice you’d ever heard him use.

“I didn’t want to make things difficult for the team.” You said. “I didn’t want any of you to lose focus.”

“You’re a really good manager.” He said, smiling shakily.

“Would it really have made a difference if I told you sooner?” You swiped at the tears on your face before they could really fall.

“I’m leaving. I’m working on finding somewhere to train, so I can play volleyball professionally.” He said. You already knew this. Kageyama had been scouted right out of high school, but you knew Hinata wasn’t going to give up on volleyball just like that. He’d already talked about this in the months leading up to graduation.

“I know.” You nodded. “But imagine I confessed sooner, like on Valentine’s day or last year. Would you have said ‘yes’?” Maybe this was unfair to ask, but you wanted to know.

Hinata thought about it carefully. He hadn’t really known you a year ago. Sure, he’d seen you around, but it was only recently that you’d become his friend. He wasn’t sure how he felt. He admired you deeply, because you were a kind and dedicated manager. He enjoyed your company, because you were a fun and interesting friend. More than once, he’d found you pretty or cute. Whatever it was he felt, he knew you deserved an honest answer.

“I don’t know.” He said.

“That’s okay.” You said, forcing a smile. “I’m just glad I got to tell you anyway.”

Hinata couldn’t stand to see you so upset. He pulled you into his arms and held you tightly. He might not have been sure if his feelings were romantic or not, but he did care for you. You let yourself hold him for the first, and perhaps, last time.

“Congratulations.” You said as you pulled away. “And I’m really proud of you, and I know you’ll do great no matter where you end up.”

“Thanks.” Hinata said.

“Goodbye.” You said. You turned and walked away. You saw Yachi watching and waiting from a distance and when you saw her concerned face, you couldn’t hold it in any longer. You let the tears flow freely.

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #hinata shouyou #hinata shoyo #hinata x reader #hinata shoyo x reader #hinata shouyou x reader

78 notes · View notes

crypticarus · 6 years

Text

yeah so because of recent events and all regarding sh/adam here comes this:

This is my last post on this topic.

Either way I tag them as #discourse from now on. I know I am personally very uncomfortable with discourse generally and this blog is dedicated to my art and I actually wanted to actively avoid any discourse. But this is a topic that hits closer to home I need to vent it out.

But mt opinion, long story short is: I pretty much despise Adam because he expected Shiro to choose Adam over his own happiness and so far hasnt done anything to redeem himself. Explanation under the cut.

So, as I mentioned in previous posts: fuck Adam. I'm not gonna dip any deeper into how I think Shiro deserves someone who will be able and happy to unconditionally support him and how I think that person is Keith and how much I love Sheith because of it. I'm not even gonna mention what Shiro deserves or Keith after this.

So, I watched episode 1 of the upcoming season and finally i feel better making a post about Adam now.

In the end, though, it didnt change anything on my previous opinion.

Adam's decision of not waiting for Shiro and leaving him because of the Kerberos mission and because he simply didnt have the mental energy to seeing someone he loves deeply suffer, is selfish but understandable. And there's nothing wrong in being selfish. Although even if obviously the stress people who have disabled beloved ones is nothing compared to what the disabled person has to go through, it doesnt change the fact that it's still stressful and everyone, whether disabled or not, has to decide for themselves what is best for their mental stability and health and if they want to put themselves through such stress or cant. Deciding that you cant doesnt make you evil. Wanting your loved ones to be safe and alive and well isn't wrong.

Still I cant go all "I love Adam!!!" and "he did nothing wrong!!" not because I'd be prioritizing Shiro anyway, but because of Adam's ultimatum and how Adam saw one option as the right and one as the wring one.

"Takashi, how important am I to you?". That's what Adam said. I dont remember how exactly Adam phrased it but after that he outright told Shiro that Shiro would have to choose between having Adam in his life or the Kerberos mission. Between someone who Shiro loved and wanted to be with for the rest of his life or a dream he obviously had devoted his whole life to, the dream of his life. Between Adam or winning the fight against his disability by not going down without a fight. Because we know that there was no hope for Shiro no matter how much he rests and all Shiro could do was decide what to do with his remaining time. (I have an idea of what Shiro's disease is, and if it is then I have some experience with it, which makes it all the more personal to me and makes me all the more angry at Adam and anyone who sides with him.)

And I know some people are okay with giving up their dreams or ambitions to be with their loved ones. Shiro obviously isnt that person though.

Shiro was disabled. Shiro knew it was a miracle he had come this far anyway despite his disease (Adam did say Shiro already broke all sorts of records) and he wanted to go further. He didnt want to stop already. To Shiro it probably felt like giving up to his illness if he had stopped. As a disabled person giving up to your illness is the ultimate defeat. Personally, I'd much rather die. Adam KNEW how much value the Kerberos mission had, that this is the last chance Shiro would get. Yes, it was a life-threatening mission, but Shiro would rather die than give up to his disability, or so it seems to me.

Think about what a miserable life that would be to Shiro. Think about how depressing that would be. Adam would rather see Shiro alive but miserable with no real chance of recovery than what? Dead? No, because no one would want Shiro as a pilot if they thought he wouldnt make it back alive enough and able enough to safely pilot them back. They wouldnt even have considered him, but obviously they did. So Adam would rather have Shiro in regret and miserable surrender for his last few years before the disability kicks in full than achieving his ambitions and being happy and proud. And all because of being selfish? All because ADAM didnt wanna be alone? I would get it if Adam's concern would be that Shiro wouldnt pilot them all back safely, but that obviously isnt Adam's real concern here if he starts iff1 with "Takashi how important am I to you?".

That's what rubs me so wrong with Adam, that's why I really hate him, to be honest. I'm not saying he's evil or a person you should hate and demonise. Adam is just human. But honestly? What does it tell me about you if you absolutely adore Adam after thats all we get from him and you think he did nothing wrong in wanting Shiro to give up his ambitions for him? What does it tell me about you that you'd want Shiro to come back to earth to Adam, who gave up on Shiro? That you'd want Shiro to regret leaving Adam, regret not giving up on himself? If you dont think Adam needs to apologise and redeem himself, if you think Shiro is in the one in the wrong-

If it weren't for the ultimatum, I wouldnt hate Adam. If Adam had just said he couldnt bear seeing Shiro suffer then I would let Adam go like that. If Adam had said he thought the mission is too risky and he couldnt bear waiting for Shiro to come back, I wouldnt judge Adam. If we meet Adam again and he apologises for his outburst to Shiro and means it, Adam redeems himself in my eyes. I still wont like him and I still dont think he's deserving of Shiro. I still wont want them to be together because I think if Adam didnt have the strength to be with Shiro with his disability until the end, then how can Adam be sure to be able to be with Shiro now that he's scarred (both literally and figuratively) from a galactic war Adam hadnt been there to experience and therefore couldnt ever truly comprehend the consequences of?

Adam isnt truly evil for what he said. Evil is a much stronger word I reserve for truly evil people. Because people say bad things under stress, say things they dont mean or regret, voice their thoughts in a wrong way all the time. Or sometimes they mean what they say but think better later, realise their mistakes and make things right. Stress does that to you. But owning up to it is what counts. Owning up to the consequences, owning up to people not liking you for that anymore or leaving you or outright avoiding you and despising you, that's what makes you a good person.

You can tell me all you want how Shiro should think about how his actions make other people feel. That he should have considered Adam's feelings and think twice about the Kerberos mission. Amd I hope he did. If not that was wrong of him too. But we all have to make our choices and decide when to be selfish or not. When to prioritise ourselves over other people. When you have to leave people for the sake of ourselves. Being selfish all the time is obviously not a good way to go, but leaving your life completely up to others and only living for other people's sake and be miserable for it isnt either. If you're going to live to make others happy then do it only if it actually does make you happy, too. Shiro wouldnt have been if he had. He knee that. Or maybe he would have been anyway, but neither decision would have been wrong of him.

Shiro risking his life to achieve his ambitions was part of his fight against his disability. It was part of not giving up. Adam couldnt respect that. He disrespected Shiro's struggles not by leaving Shiro but by forcing Shiro to choose between him, or winning that fight. Thats why I think Adam did something extremely wrong. I hate Adam because I hate people who prioritize themselves over people's recovery and happiness, expect people to, and then have the nerve to not even regret it.

In retrospect it wasnt really Adam giving an ultimatum to Shiro that was wrong. It was Adam expecting Shiro to choose him and get angry at Shiro for choosing his own happiness over Adam's.

Again, if Adam regrets it and owns up to, apologises, then I will hate him less. I will still dislike him, but I wont think he's a bad person. But so far that's not what we got and until we see that I wont think Adam did.

So miss me with all your pro-Adam and Sh/adam or A/dashi posts. Miss me with all the "voltron better end with a reunion and a wedding between them!". It makes me truly uncomfortable to see it. Im not bashin on the pairing either, you can ship whatever you like. I dont think people who like Adam or want him to get together with Shiro again are bad people because of that. I dont think people who understand and not dislike Adam because of his actions are either. I wont hate on people if they dont understand why this is my opinion or simply didnt take the step of spending all that much thought on the morality and seriousness of it. But man am I uncomfortable with people who take Adam's side.

#discourse #this is my last post on that or any discourse i swear #vld spoiler

3 notes · View notes