Tumgik
#so I'm less likely to make gifs of scenes I've seen already giffed. I don't want to feel like I'm copying anyone....
thelassoway · 1 year
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Ted Lasso S02E05 Rainbow || Ted Lasso S03E01 Smells Like Mean Spirit
What does that mean?
235 notes · View notes
Text
Dracula Season Watch Party: Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
Tumblr media
The centuries old vampire Count Dracula comes to England to seduce his barrister Jonathan Harker's fiancée Mina Murray and inflict havoc in the foreign land. - Dir. Francis Ford Coppola
I haaaaaaaaaaaaated this the one and only other time I watched it because, for a movie calling itself Bram Stoker's Dracula, it sucks ass at adapting the novel. It hits all the beats but misses the themes and adds extra stuff, and Jonathan doesn't even go after the Count with a shovel, ffs. However, it is technically one of The Most Faithful adaptations we have to date, which is impressive considering how much story there is to adapt. And if I stop being such a purist turd.... *sigh* it's a good movie.
Like..... REALLY good. The costumes, the colors, the music, the camera work, everything has such a surreal vibe, and the scene transitions move with something like dream logic. Actually, I think "movement" sums up everything I loved. Shots moving around a scene, SO MUCH gauzy fabric moving in a breeze, Dracula and Mina moving through a crowd. It's ✨pretty✨
It's also horny AF. Jesus Christ.
That being said, I think the criticism I've seen saying this version turns Lucy into a slut is pretty unfair. She and Mina gossip about their relationships (and kiss in the rain, by god I ship it), and she's flirtatious with the suitor squad, big deal. She's never overtly sexual until she starts becoming a vampire, and that's nothing that doesn't already happen in the book. The two scenarios don't compare. One is established friendships that come equipped with camaraderie and intimacy, the other is a corruption. Like, that's literally what's happening, and that's where the horror comes from. As for this version's take on her sleepwalking, we are NOT calling that slut behavior. That's all I'm saying.
Speaking of the suitor squad (Lucy's potential fiances, for the uninitiated), I understand there is only so much you can squeeze into a two hour run time, but I wish they had more time to shine. I need more of Quincey being a manly man with the most golden heart of gold ever. I need more of Jack being the most lovesick and emo wreck of a human with a side of medical malpractice. Most importantly, I need Cary effing Elwes to have more to do as Art. Not that any one of Lucy's boyfriends loves her more than the others, but I feel like Art's devotion to her is given more weight because he was the one Lucy chose to marry, and ASDFGHJKL. You can't cast CARY ELWES, aka WESTLEY THE FARM BOY, of Thee Greatest Movie Ever Made The Princess Bride, and then NOT give him any room to work in that space. He could have eaten that shit up! You know it! I know it! The only people who apparently don't know it are the people who called the shots on everything from the script to the casting, because if we had spent more time with canon couple Art and Lucy and less with fanon couple Drac and Mina, WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL. *insert Adele gif because I couldn't actually find one*
While we're on the subject of Dracula and Mina as lovers doomed across centuries, YES, it's fucking romantic as shit and I've come across the concept in other stories and would have snorted that shit if possible, BUT. The addition here detracted from time we could have spent on Lucy, as mentioned above, and despite what I've said about that so far, I understand why you'd make that call. If there's going to be an epic Gothic romance, it might as well be the focal point of the story and therefore needs to happen between the leads. But.
BUT.
THAT'S ALREADY IN THE SOURCE MATERIAL. IT'S MINA AND JONATHAN!!!!! Jonathan Harker is peak Gothic wifeguy. Dude never stops thinking about how awesome his wife is and how much he loves her, and I can't even think about his refusal to let her be condemned to hell alone and his determination to damn himself with her if she became a vampire without getting in fits about it. He said "fuck God if he doesn't love Mina, he's not good enough for her and I love her enough for both of us," and you think ANY other love story can beat THAT??? They did my good friend Jonathan so so dirty.
On the subject of my good friend Jonathan, I know I'm not the only one who thinks Keanu Reeves would look so. Fucking. HOT. With gray hair. I don't know what they did to him in the back half of this movie, but rather than be disappointed in how fake it looks, I'm choosing to look forward to the day we finally get Silver Fox Keanu.
Other details I loved now that I'm done complaining include Mina's wardrobe echoing Elizabeta's gown in the prologue, red light reflecting off Renfield's glasses when he's talking about his master, red appearing more prominently in Mina's and Lucy's wardrobe as they fall under Dracula's influence, the zoom-in on the bite marks on Lucy's neck transitioning into the wolf's glowing eyes in the next scene, Dracula's shadow moving independently of his body, everything Anthony Hopkins is doing as Van Helsing, and the entire standoff between him and Mina and the brides.
I think I've said all I feel like saying, and it took a full 24 hours to stop talking, so in summary: I DO like this more than I used to, but I like it more when looking at it on its own merit and not as an adaptation. What I like, I really like. What I don't like, pretty much has to do with how it differs from the book. The most important part is that I had fun watching. Even if there aren't any flappy bats on a string.🥂
21 notes · View notes
darklinaforever · 8 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
She's talking about this scene ?!
youtube
But it's ridiculous ! This scene doesn't prove that Donna is inside of the mind of Tentoo ?! It's simply a scene where the Doctor finally understands essentially how much Donna sees herself as less than nothing ! Tentoo doesn't feel everything Donna feels literally, that's bullshit. Already, he's talking about what she thinks, not what she feels. The "I can see Donna, what you're thinking" is literally just an expression (which I've seen used countless times in the sort of moment where one person understands another…) ? We literally see in this scene that Tentoo is thinking about his own memories, and not Donna's, which is what we would have seen if he saw in his head ?! It's literally explained in the rest of the episode that Tentoo received Donna's DNA, but it was she who received his mind (which she judges to be the Doctor's best) ! And to get back to that delusion of “I can see it Donna, what you’re thinking”. You know what further proves that this sentence was simply an expression on the Doctor's part to express that he finally understands Donna ? THE FACT THAT SHE GIVES IDEAS THAT NEITHER TEN NOR TENTOO HAVE NEVER THOUGHT OF AND THAT THEY ARE PLEASANTLY SURPRISED TO HEAR ! If Tentoo is in Donna's head, why the hell doesn't he have the same ideas as her ?! Or why is he even surprised by it ?!
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Also, isn't the Doctor a basic fucking telepath ? If you want to take the phrase in its most literal sense possible there is literally this, the fact that the Doctor literally has the ability to read the minds of basic people ! (Even though this is meant to be a violation, the Doctor has just been reborn with some minimal changes, perhaps he felt legitimate in that context ? After all, he's a more impulsive version of Ten. Although I just think the phrase was nothing more than a simple expression) So how is this supposed to be proof that Donna is inside Tentoo on a mental level ?!
Also, I would like to remind you that the basis of regeneration inevitably involves changes each time. So to say that Tentoo can't be the Doctor because he doesn't act the same as Ten is completely ridiculous. Especially when we assume that the Doctor naturally changes personality with each incarnation. Tentoo is bound to have slight differences from Ten because he went through the regeneration process ! Tentoo, it's Ten who has evolved ! He was born during a battle, which influences his impulsiveness. He was born from the moment he ran towards Rose on that street, which explains why he looks more amused/less serious than Ten. He is part human, which influences his decision to commit genocide because he no longer has the restrictions he had as a Time Lord. He speaks slightly like Donna (during only one fucking comedy moment ?), well the Doctor has always picked up things from his companions, like Rose's accent or Clara's postures/gestural tics. Was he less the Doctor than the previous incarnation ? I do not think so ! Also, I would like to understand how Tentoo, beyond what I have stated, seems fundamentally different from Ten ? Beyond the humorous moment with Donna, he has the same way of expressing himself as he always has and also has the same physical / vocal expressions as Ten ?! How is it fundamentally different ?! How does Donna seem to have any mental influence on Tentoo ?!
Tumblr media
Seriously, find me a single scene where Donna seems to have a mental influence on Tentoo that makes him act differently than usual ? (apart from this brief comic moment where he speaks like her) Don't you think ? Normal ! He does not have it ! Tentoo says it himself ! He thinks like Ten ! Not like Donna ! (Supported once again by the gifs above where Ten and Tentoo are surprised by what Donna is thinking !)
Tumblr media
Please people, share in the comments, because I'm big on bullshit. Who ever thought Donna was a part of Tentoo's mind with this scene ? Seriously ? Has anyone ever thought of this scene as anything other than a simple expression of ultimate understanding between two friends ?! Someone answer me !
Tumblr media
25 notes · View notes
cescalr · 8 months
Note
Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤
I'm going through my drafts because I completely forgot about half the asks I had that I never did <3 whoops! Sorry everyone. And you, bestie. Sorry <3. Gets a little long bc of image size, so I'll put it under a cut.
Tumblr media
So, difficulty here is I've done this more than once, and the list hasn't really changed? FWIW, GTTAU, etc etc. So I guess this time, I'll list favourite WIPS? I mean, FWIW will still be on there, but... still? I'll try not to put any repeats.
Tumblr media
For What It's Worth.
Tumblr media
FWIW is a project I started because frankly there is not enough ronarry out there. This fandom has atrocious taste <3. So I figured, you know. Be the change you want to see, and all! FWIW is my favourite little guy. I will update it eventually </3. Just, er, probably not until after uni's over.
Ab Epistulis
Something a little different from a gif, since we've all seen the same damn five steo scenes like 1000 times already; an old moodboard I made for the tumblr rpc side of fandom!
Tumblr media
Steo my beloved <3 As for the fic; 'If only summer vacation were like in the movies. At least Stiles has the internet to entertain him, right?' It's just a little canon divergent steo au set around the idea of Theo putting in the work to get Stiles on his side earlier than canon. It's a fun idea and I really like what i've got here, just haven't had the time to write more. It'd take a lot of plotting, and I'm, to be brutally honest, a terrible planner. We'll see when I can get back to it, because I definitely want to!
And The Universe Decrees: Second Year.
Tumblr media
Heh. Yeahh....... really need to find the time to get back to this one. Love a good canon divergence.
Better Now.
Another prompted fic! My girls <3. Ginny/Cho coffee shop au in the muggle cliché continuity. it's fun. I really like this one.
Post ST4 AU[s].
Tumblr media
This is... sort of cheating, lol, but they're all in... they're almost all in the same continuity, so it's kind of like FWIW; I think the side-fics amissum and amortencia are part of the fic, they're canon to it, they should be read with it, they're just not in it bc they're not ron pov. This is maybe more similar to GTTAU, though, because some fics here fill in blanks in each other, so they should all really be read together, whereas you could miss AV and Amortencia from FWIW if you wanted to [ :( ] yk? Whilst Herd Culling & Kneel and Disconnect are in different timelines, they're spouses. They need to be read alongside each other to get the full picture. Literally a really important scene for K&D is in HC and will never be shown in K&D bc of the narrator being who she is vs the narrator of HC being who he is, yk? It's. They're married. Do you get what I mean? Anyway; I'm really putting this here for Herd Culling, if I'm being real. Carol sucks to write because she's just so awful, which is why I had to tone down Tommy a bit for some relief from writing an 80s bigot (he's. still a bigot, though. 80s. Indiana. You know how it goes :/), and as a consequence its easier to say I like the fic because it's just more fun to write. Both K&D and HC are about grief, about the trauma of bereavement and how people do or don't deal with it. Carol's spiralling makes her meaner, more self-destructive, and so does Tommy's, but it's expressed in different ways because of their different methods of navigating life, which I think is interesting. Character study is like my favourite thing to do, which I guess wouldn't be hard to notice from my back catalogue, lol, but still, should be noted. HC is an... easier? read than K&D, though, as a result of the content warnings on them both. Tommy's less reflective than Carol, so his internal narration is less direct - less room for him to spout bigoted shit if he's just not thinking in the first place. They're also at different stages of grief. Tommy's just started entering anger; Carol's been angry for a long time, just... simmering in her misery. It shows. They're both still horrible people, though, no denying that. These fics are more of a test of my ability to write a redemption arc for someone that says and thinks reprehensible shit. But it's also a kind of... study of what it was like to live in a time and place like Stranger Things' setting, and how the cultural, social systems at play hurt literally everyone. Plus, yk, Stranger Things' own refusal to really care about intra-season continuity and propensity to ignoring incredibly traumatic events because that's not the character they're focusing on this season, and they don't know how to write consistently for as large an ensemble cast as they've given themselves in a netflix acceptable timeframe. (I miss 22 episode seasons.) Anyway; the ST Post-S4AU is my most current WIP, as of time of typing this out.
<3
1 note · View note
randomshyperson · 3 years
Text
The Scarlet Witch Prophecy - Chapter 20 - Agatha's Memories (Part Two)
Tumblr media
My official gif maker @abimess, thank you.
Summary: As the youngest daughter of Howard Stark, you have ordinary expectations for your years at Hogwarts. Little do you know what adventures await you when your destiny is intertwined with the legendary Scarlet Witch.
Warnings: +16. Adaptation of the Harry Potter Saga, Magical Thematic, Prophecies, Mentions of Violence, Torture and dark magic, Language (swearing and minor/major offenses), manipulation of will, Underage kissing, insinuation of smut with minors, Smut (overage), descriptions of death, aggression, obscurity, angst, fluffy, soulmates analogies.
Series Masterlist ||  Read on AO3 || All Works Masterlist
Chapter 20 - Part XX - Agatha's Memories (Part Two)
You don’t sleep for long, there is a sound of something breaking that makes you blink confusedly as you move on your bed.
Then you realize that it is the wood up your head that is moving, along with a red magic that you know very well.
You look forward, only to find Wanda with an impassive look on her face as she merges the bed into one.
“I’m sleeping with you from now on.” She says simply as she finishes, and you lay back on the mattress, not sure of what to say about that.
You hold your breath as you hear her taking off her shoes, changing to her pajamas next, staring on the roof of the tent as she does it.
She pulls the blanket to lie down, and then is mimicking your position.
"Would...would it be okay if I hugged you?" she asks after a moment, and you feel your heart race.
"I'd like that." You mumble clumsily, turning to the opposite side.
And it takes half a second for Wanda to wrap her arms around your waist, burying her face in your shoulders, inhaling your perfume and making you blush heavily.
Your legs entwine from underneath the comforter, and you feel more secure than you ever have before.
"I'm sorry." She murmurs against your skin. You think she is talking about what happened with the horcrux, and you just nod softly, but she repeats the apology against your ear, intertwining her hands in front of your belly, and you realize she is talking about everything.
"I love you." She confesses next, and you feel your eyes fill with tears.
The hug gets tighter, and you sink your face into the pillow, allowing yourself to cry.
And Wanda doesn't let go, even when you sob, and it takes a while, but you finally fall asleep. And when you do, she stays.
//-//-//-//
You woke up first. And you don’t wanna get up. Not when you have Wanda wrapped around you like this, your face buried her neck, as you both turned around during the night, and now your legs are completely entwined, and you are practically lying on top of her.
And all you do is sink even deeper against her body, sighing against her skin. She smells so good.
"-morning." She whispers hoarsely, still with her eyes closed, her hands around your body moving slowly against your back down and up, and you just murmur into her skin wishing you could stay in that moment forever.
"We should get up." Wanda says after a moment in silence, not seeming to really wish to do so.
"No, thank you." You retort and your voice comes out muffled against her neck, the vibration making her laugh.
"We need to darling, I think we have some lessons. "She says and you mumble softly, the curiosity to pursue the story Agatha was telling is enough to make you pull away.
But when you are about to let go of Wanda, she pulls on your forearm, and you look at her with confusion, but she moves forward and kisses you firmly.
It's slow, and soft. It makes you sigh, so you kiss her back, sinking right back onto the bed as her hands wrap around your hair to deepen the kiss.
When her tongue asks for passage, you see stars, melting under her touch. Wanda smiles against your lips, pulling you by the shoulders to lie on top of her.
But before you can do so, the sound of footsteps catches your attention, along with a soft hiss, and you grumble before pulling away.
Throwing your face back into the pillow, you try to calm your breathing and rapid heartbeat as Agatha strolls through the tent, until she comes to your room.
"Are the sleeping beauties going to get up, or should I bring coffee in bed?" She teases with her arms crossed as Wanda hides her smile as she notices your state. "You two know this isn't a honeymoon trip, right?"
"Stop being so bitter, Agatha." Wanda complains as she sits up. "We'll be right there."
"And a good day to us, ladies." The older witch retorts before leaving.
Wanda laughs softly, turning her attention back to you as you scramble up on the bed to sit down as well.
"How are you?" she asks, intertwining your hands on top of the mattress, and you let your gaze roam over her face, biting your lips against the urge to kiss her again.
"Fine." You murmur half hoarsely, from sleep or lust, Wanda will never know. "And you?"
"Better." She says with a nod, and you feel your heart race. Better with you here.
Wanda squeezes your hand before letting go, and she stands up, looking at you one last time before walking off toward the bathroom.
You sigh as you throw yourself back against the mattress, trying to push away the feeling of her tongue against yours and focus on the fact that you were even closer to completing your mission with one less horcrux to destroy.
//-//-//-//
“Where are we now?” You asked as you observed the surroundings. It’s the entrance of an old garage, in the corner of a city. But the real Agatha ignores your question as she guides you two inside, further into the memory.
Your dad, just a teen boy, maybe eighteen, is inside, working on a large machine, it seems that he was really a muggle mechanic, since there were cars all around, dismantled or not.
"Stark." It is Agatha from the memories who says, and startles your father slightly, who almost drops the screwdriver. But when he looks up, he smiles.
"Professor Harkness!" He says getting up, and wiping the grease on his apron quickly before greeting her. "You really did it!"
"I told you I would come." She says, and you are surprised at the affectionate way she looks at your father, "Look at you, Howard, you're so grown up."
Your father laughs, bowing his head softly. "Thank you, professor."
"I only say that because I've known you since you were a child." She humorously clarifies. "And now you are even growing a mustache. Tell me, do muggle girls like that sort of thing?"
Your father laughs with flushed cheeks, and Agatha follows him. Before they can say anything, there are voices and the sound of footsteps approaching, and soon, two people enter.
Wanda chokes softly next to you. "Mama."
You also recognized Magda, because you have seen pictures before. She had the same appearance as in the photos, and you were saddened by this, because she must have died not so long after this memory.
Erik stood beside her, wearing muggles like the woman next to him.
"Professor Harkness, you made it!" He greets politely, hurrying to shake the witch's hand as she smiles. "It's so good to see you again! This is Magda, my wife."
"It's a pleasure, dear."
The memory speeds up, you want to fight Agatha for cutting off Wanda's moment of seeing her mother properly, but the way Wanda strokes her thumb against your hand makes you give up saying anything.
The scene settles down in what you think is the apartment at the top of the garage where they were, all around a table, drinking beers.
"You guys know why I came all this way, don't you?" Agatha says, and seems to have just had a short pause in the conversation, as if everyone had been laughing before and suddenly got quiet. And the tension only increases with her comment.
Her father sighs, nodding. "There is no daily prophet here, but I have met some travelers. They are talking about a war, Agatha." He says worriedly. "But I want to hear it from you. Do you really think that could happen?"
Agatha gives a humorless laugh. "It's already happening." She says, placing her beer on the table, and straightening her posture. "The minister of magic waited too long. And now, this group, these so-called death walkers, or whatever ridiculous name they are thinking of trying, are everywhere. In the ministry, in the diagonal alley, in the Order."
Your father looks really upset, but you notice how uncomfortable Erik looks.
"And do you really think that's what they're after, Agatha?" He asks. "War. Do you think that's what the walkers are after?"
The teacher raises her eyebrow slightly. "What else could it be, besides chaos and complete destruction of our society, Erik?"
His former teacher is unaffected by the snickering, he just gives a half-hearted laugh. " Well, freedom of course." He says, clearing his throat softly. "See, that time we've been here. New York is fascinating. Things are bad for muggles it's true, but for the rest of us, damn. The wizards are doing just fine. They have so much magic here, so much freedom to study what they want. The ministry encourages the discovery of new areas, gives financial support to researchers!"
Agatha crosses her legs, listening to Erik's speech carefully.
When he realizes that he may be defending Mephisto's group too much, he pauses, straightening up. "I'm just trying to say that maybe a change in the British government is exactly what our society needs to evolve, Agatha."
"You know, when Fury told me he wanted to recruit you boys to the order, I told him that children don't fight wars." She declares and you see the boys widen their eyes. "You two know that Katherine is dead, right? That Nick took over leadership of the order in his mother's place, and the first names he wanted were yours."
Your father nods, as does Erik.
"Well, I didn't agree." She says. "I said I knew other wizards, more experienced, more trustworthy. Wizards who didn't flee their homeland to live the American dream."
"That's not-" Your father begins but the look in Agatha's eyes makes him shut up.
"Nick insisted that I come here." She continues. "He said that you have kept in touch by correspondence, and that you continue to have the same, what was the word, moral inclination. But now I wonder if he was really right about that."
"I didn't mean to say that the walkers are right!" Erik exclaims defensively, looking embarrassed, but Agatha just smiles.
"Don't worry, honey." She says as she leans in. "I think that kind of moral difference is exactly what makes this whole conflict interesting."
"That's sadistic of you, Agatha." Howard comments seriously. "We're talking about a war."
"Don't be hypocritical now, Howey." She retorts with a wicked smile. "You think I don't know who the travelers you've been talking to are? Say, the magical trafficking laws are simpler in America, aren't they?"
Your father locks his jaw, but keeps his face up.
"I did what I needed to do to survive here." He says simply, and Agatha laughs.
"Of course you did." She says. "So did we all. And now we have a potential battle ahead of us, something that could change the course of wizarding life for future generations. Tell me, do you intend to stand here fixing machines and pretending that your friends are not dying for your freedom? And I thought you were tired of this kind of attitude, golden boy."
Your father stands up, enraged. But he says nothing, and swallows his pride. He gives Erik one last look before leaving the room.
Agatha sighs softly, turning her attention back to Erik, who has his fists clenched in his lap.
"You know very well that the situation is not so simple." He says and Agatha smiles.
"And you know it's him don't you?" She retorts and Erik clenches his jaw.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I think you know very well, Erik." Agatha insists. "When I fired him, he didn't stay in England. He came to America with his favorite student."
"Keep your voice down." Erik quickly retorts, looking back a moment before leaning forward. "It's not what you think."
"But I don't think anything." She says. "I'm exactly giving you the chance to explain yourself, before I draw my own conclusions."
Erik takes a deep breath, and turns to Magda, squeezing her hands.
"Honey, can you give us a minute?" He asks, and Wanda's mother looks like she's going to say no, before nodding.
She walks off in the same direction as her father, and then Erik and Agatha are alone.
"Professor Faustus has asked me for support, Agatha." He says. "He was out of a job, and with his name tainted with rumors that no one has proven. And he never treated us badly, so I helped him."
"You kept this from Howard? I thought you were best friends." Agatha teases but Erik laughs humorlessly.
"Of course not." He says. "Who do you think paid for the tickets?"
"Interesting." She says. "Why tickets?"
"Because he was being investigated for the dark magic rumors." Erik says. "The ministry put a blocker on him. Any magic he tried to do would go straight to the minister's notes. And well, he needed Howey's help to remove the device from behind his neck."
"While he was hiding, I imagine he told you about his wonderful ideas."
"No, Agatha." He says. "Faustus just looked tired. And he felt betrayed, mostly by you. But in general, he complained, and studied. Howey and I would work all day, and he would stay in his room, among the magic books, unable to conjure anything, not even a light spell. I've never seen him so frustrated."
"I'd feel sorry for him, if that wasn't his fault." Agatha murmurs and Erik sighs in agreement.
"A few months after we arrived, Howey got it." Erik recounts. "Tivan gave him the materials he needed, and he freed Faustus from the blocking device in his skin. He thanked us, said he'd write, and then disappeared. We never heard from him again, but the letters from Fury started coming in the next months."
"Did Howard suspect?"
"No." Erik says squirming uncomfortably in his chair. "Howard trusted him, mostly because of the way he stood up for him in school. About supporting him to study mechanics, even if no one else would. But I knew I had to be smart after what happened with Raven."
"He tried to recruit you?"
Erik sighs. "No, Agatha. But he will."
"I know." She says. "That's why I came."
" I should have guessed that you don't make friendly visits, even to your best students."
Agatha laughs softly, leaning her arm on the carpet. "You think just because you can conjure a patronus you're my best student, Erik? I helped establish the order of merlin. You are not even remotely the most talented wizard I have taught."
"You are hurting my feelings." The man jokes, making the other woman smile.
"How will this work then, Erik?" She asks. "Are you going to accept Fury's offer? Or will you follow your heart?"
The man smiles, standing up. "That just concerns me, and my wife, don't you think?"
"Actually, no." Agatha retorts without sounding angry as Erik moves to collect the beer bottles and put them in the trash. "In fact, I think you even need to leave her."
Erik laughs in confusion. "Excuse me?"
"A muggle, Erik." She says as if it's obvious. "You're going to drag her into a war? That's cruel."
"Magda is stronger than you imagine."
"I'm sure she is." The witch says getting up as well. "But that is until she is hit by the first spell."
“Agatha, please.”
“Muggles can't handle magic like we can, Erik." She insists seriously. "You know that. A simple stupefy could kill her."
"I love her." He says turning away. "And I'm not going to England without her. If she decides to stay, then I will too."
"That's disappointing." Agatha comments, but Erik doesn't flinch, crossing his arms. The witch sighs. "Then do me a favor. Howard, at least he, needs to go. We can't afford to lose allies."
"I'll talk to him." Erik assures. "But you know that with all that his father has done, he doesn't want to go back to London anytime soon."
"This is so much bigger than a family feud." Agatha retorts. "Tell him that, and he'll feel guilty enough to accept it."
"Your mind games are wicked, professor." Erik says before nodding in agreement, leaving.
Agatha sighs, getting pensive.
Just then Magda walks back into the room.
"Miss Harkness?"
"Hello, dear."
"I just came to ask if you're going already? Erik looked upset, but I can walk you to the door. It's good manners."
The memory shakes until they are outside, and Magda leads her to the same place she should have appeared before.
"Please, before you go, may I ask you something?"
"Of course, sweetie."
Magda hesitates, but takes a deep breath and says. "If Erik stays, what are the chances of this war reaching us?"
Agatha looks at the woman for a moment. "I don't think there is a way to escape what is happening in England, Magda. And if we lose, it's not just the witches who will suffer the consequences."
Magda nods in understanding, then steps forward. "Tell me how I can help you."
"He wouldn't approve, but I can't watch everything fall apart around us. Tell me how I can help."
Agatha smiles, touching Magda's shoulder. You hold your breath, as does Wanda, who also notices the magic in the witch's fingertips, and the purple color in her eyes.
"Leave him, dear." She says. "But it needs to be natural, okay? As best as I can, he must not suspect it was my idea. Erik would never put you in danger, but he wouldn't leave you alone either. So you need to end it all."
Magda has tears in her eyes, but she just nods mechanically. And the memory becomes blurred.
Wanda is tense beside her, and you are silent.
"That doesn't make sense." You mutter. "Carol told me that Magda was in Sokovia, and that-"
"She's not my mother, is she?" Wanda cuts you off, looking at the floor. The real Agatha sighs, as you look at the two in confusion.
"How could you tell?" She asks.
"I don't have her eyes."
It was a funny detail about the few pictures of Magda that Erik had in the Maximoff house. All the pictures were old, because they were from muggles. And they were never sharp enough in detail, just good enough for you to be able to recognize the woman in the recollection.
Agatha laughs softly. "Is that all Erik told you about your mother? That you had her eyes?"
Wanda squeezes your hand, and with the other she wipes her cheek.
"Just show me the truth at once, Agatha."
"As you wish."
//-//-//
You stumble gently as you get used to the dirt floor that has stabilized at your feet.
"Are you okay?" You whisper to Wanda, but she just nods, smiling weakly before looking back at the memory forming in your eyes.
You were startled by the bright lights in the sky, recognizing them immediately as wandering spells.
Someone just fought here, and it was no small fight.
"Agatha!" Erik shouted, approaching quickly, coming from the corner as if he had been hiding until now, and the teacher had emerged.
Wanda also held her breath as she noticed the large cut on his forehead, the blood dripping down his face.
"T-They've surrounded us..." He says breathlessly, his wand in fists as he stumbles to get closer. "We narrowly won and-"
"Calm down boy." Agatha says as she holds his shoulders, working quickly to heal his wounds. "Where are the others?"
"Further away." Erik replied visuvelmettely exhausted. You could tell he was a little older than the last memory, but he was still young. "Back to the mansion.
"Good, they' ll be safe there." She says as she helps Erik stand properly. "Where's Natalya?"
And Erik chokes, sobbing. You frown in confusion, and Agatha makes a pitying face.
"Oh, Erik."
He cried, shrugging. "She was.... She tried to gain ground. She hit four of them at once. But... But she-"
And he sobbed, and Agatha didn't insist, hugging him.
"I'm sorry, Erik." She whispered.
And the memory trembled until they were back on the mansion's dirt path, almost at the iron driveway, the man visibly calmer, though quite shaken.
"Erik, what about the children?" Agatha asks as she stops walking in front at the gate.
The man looks on the verge of tears again, but only sighs.
"I have no idea, Agatha." He says. "No place is safe in the UK anymore. I can't leave the order to look after them, I don't know what to do."
And Agatha looks at him a moment, before nodding. "I will help you."
You see many flashbacks of memories, Agatha greeting injured order members, then going back to write letters, and checking the news. You think you see flashes of fights too, big duels, before everything stabilizes again.
It's Magda in front of you, and she looks more mature too.
"Years ago, you asked me how I could help you." Agatha spoke behind you, and you startled yourself by jumping to the side, and watching intently as the witch touched Magda's hands. "You saved yourself by leaving him. But you will save his life and the rest of the wizarding world if you accept what I am about to ask of you."
Magda's eyes widened, but she nodded after a moment. Agatha waved her hands, and a cart approached you.
"Run away, Magda." She says. "Their mother had a house, enchanted to protect from invaders on a hill in a small country in Europe." Agatha explains as Magda lets out a surprised exclamation at the babies in the stroller.
"They... are beautiful." She whispers excitedly, touching the children with her fingers, who fall asleep innocently. "What happened, Agatha? Where is Erik?"
"The fight just got bigger, hon." She explains. "Much bigger than we ever expected. Your people are suffering too, but they're saying it's natural disasters."
Magda is shocked, but she speaks again. "Agatha, I am not a witch. I can't protect them."
"That's exactly why you can." Agatha retorts, taking the other woman's hands again. "Go to Sokovia. There are no witch communities there. Hide yourself, hide them. You have no idea how important it is to keep them safe."
"Tell me, then."
Agatha swallows dryly, and looks away from the babies. "It's only a legend, but it could change the fate of this war. The girl, Magda, is a powerful witch. A special kind, like her mother was."
"My god, she's just a child, Agatha."
"That's exactly why she needs to be protected." The witch retorts. " She' s fragile, like a crystal to be stolen. She must not be found, promise me you will protect her."
"I promise." She says nodding, but Agatha sighs, and her eyes turn purple, her grip increases.
"No matter what happens, Magda." She says. "You will protect them, do you understand?"
"Yes."
The memory shakes again, and this time, your father is in front of you, and you hold your breath, shocked to see him so close so suddenly.
“You’re a snake!” He accused angrly, but without any movement, his eyes were serious with his arms crossed.
You turn to realize he was talking to Agatha, in a room that had no windows.
“I was keeping them safe, Howard.” The woman said. “I don’t expect you to understand the feeling of desperation, because you have an armored mansion at your will.”
“You used Erik’s grief to manipulate him into believing in you!” He shouted. “I’m not asking you again, where are his children?”
Agatha laughs softly, looking at your father indignantly.
"Are you listening to yourself, Howey?" she teases. "Erik switched sides, accept that."
"Nat died on our side." He retorts. "She was my friend, my ally. And she trusted us to protect the twins, you had no right to hide them!"
"They are safe!" Agatha retorts, and looks at the man with a warning expression. "And I suggest you stop making such a scandal about it, Howard! You don't want Mephisto to find out about the girl's true nature. We're close enough to defeat already."
"This isn't about that stupid legend-"
"Isn't it?" Agatha interrupts with irony. "Then why only now? It's been weeks since I took them. I know exactly what you want with the twins, Howard. You want to see if it's true, if they really can change the war." She says approaching. "I will clear that up for you then, since you clearly have no knowledge at all on the subject. A scarlet witch is worthless until she reaches maturity. If you try to take the magic from the baby, you'll just get a victim. And I won't allow that to happen."
"I wasn't going to steal the child's magic, Agatha. Who do you think I am?"
"I don't give a damn who you say you are now, Stark." She retorts."Not to you, nor to Erik, who can't make up his mind whose side he's on."
Agatha moves to leave, clearly ending the conversation. But before she leaves, your father calls out to her.
"Why are you so committed to protecting them, Agatha?" He asks.
"Natalya was my family before she was an Auror, Howard."
As Agatha leaves, the memory fades, but you and Wanda are wide-eyed, confused by the latest revision.
And the ground is shaking at your feet, and you are being pulled back into consciousness.
//-/-//-//-//
You awaken last, stretching confusedly away from the tree you had leaned against as you sat on the ground to begin viewing the memories watched with the other women.
Wanda is already getting up, to find Agatha standing peacefully looking at the mountainous landscape ahead.
"So, what are you?" she asks the older witch.
Agatha sighs softly, without looking at Wanda.
"Natalya Maximoff was born in Romania, during the witch revolution in the country." She begins nostalgically, a short smile at the corner of her lips. "I found her shaking like a leaf, less than twelve weeks old inside a box of potatoes."
You are shocked, as is Wanda, but you just listen.
"I think her mother tried to hide her. But she got caught in the middle of it. Romania was in chaos at the time, it was a real bloodbath. "She says. "I was there to fight. The English ministry provided special witches to take on a wizard, known as Kang the Conqueror."
Agatha gives a humorless laugh, sounding upset.
"If you think Faustus is bad, it's because you've never met him." She counters. "He was a master nocramanter. He created an army of the living dead, the inferi. It was the worst fight I've ever been in. But we won, and he was killed. For real this time."
Agatha looked away from the landscape to look at Wanda.
"I bonded with the child, Miss Maximoff." She says. "I could have left her in that box, and gone on my way. But I took her in my arms, and only let her go when she was mature enough for that."
"And then?" Wanda asked with emotion in her voice, looking at Agatha with tears in her eyes.
"I found out that she was a scarlet sorceress, but unlike you, she never completed her forging." The witch says sadly. "She died at the age of 20, a year before she was going to do the spell."
Wanda looks down at her feet, crossing her arms as she absorbs the whole story. Agatha thinks this is a good opportunity to keep talking.
"The war was already over when I found Natalya." She says. "The village where I believe she was born had been destroyed in a shambles. And they put her in the box, while the British aurors were doing the stakeouts. I took her with me, I didn't tell anyone." She recounts. "When she turned eleven, I found out what she was. I taught her everything I could, but I didn't let her go to Hogwarts. I kept her at home, where she wouldn't put the students or herself in danger."
You bite the inside of your cheek, surprised that Agatha was able to hide a daughter. But honestly, it wasn't that shocking.
"When she turned 16, she started rebelling, you know how teenagers are." She says. "She left because she didn't agree with the way I saw the world. And I said I would be waiting for her to come back when she realized that only I could help her."
"But she didn't come back." Wanda completed and Agatha sighed, nodding.
"No, of course not," she says. "She moved to a muggle province, and built a house. And ran away from her fate until her power got too overwhelming."
"Did you look for her?" You ask, and Agatha nods in agreement, turning her gaze to the landscape.
"With the war, I wanted allies." She says. "And I really thought I could get to the house of the daughter I hadn't spoken to in years to ask her to fight for me."
"But she accepted, didn't she?" Wanda says and Agatha sighs.
"On her terms, yes." Answered the woman. "Your mother was a smart girl, Wanda. She made me swear under the best intentions."
And it takes a moment for Wanda to understand what was really being said.
"How?"
Agatha sighs, turning to you again. "I took a perpetual vow to do what was right. What would save lives, what she considered right." She explains. "But contract magic is so encompassing. Especially when you say ambiguous phrases like do the right thing, or stuff like that. That's why I was able to get around the spell so many times. That's why it shaped itself with her death."
"That's why you can't hurt Wanda." You conclude in a sigh.
Agatha nods. "The power of the Scarlet Sorceress has always been tempting. But I would never steal it from Natalya, she was my daughter." She says. "But you were just a student. And I wouldn't mind taking that responsibility out of your hands."
"Not even if I was her daughter?" Wanda asks in a mixture of disgust and indignation, but Agatha only gives a humorless laugh.
"Don't judge me so much." She retorts. "If I didn't care, you wouldn't even be alive. Least of all your girlfriend."
But Wanda steps away, putting herself in front of you.
"You didn't do this because you care." She accuses. "You did it because of the vow. Because you will die if you don't keep your words to her."
"Maybe." She says,shrugging. "But what matters is my actions, not motivations. Actions are all that matter in the end."
"I'm sick of this, Agatha." Wanda retorts indignantly. "You think you can say some philosophical shit and get rid of the things you've done? You manipulated my entire family, and you played with my destiny. I'd rather be alone than around you."
Wanda walks off at a brisk pace, and you follow her, not knowing exactly what to do.
Agatha clenches her jaw, refusing to turn around and apologize.
Wanda begins to pack up very quickly, and you stare wide-eyed as she puts Godric's sword into her purse.
And soon you are outside.
"I told you I wouldn't forgive you if you crossed another line with me." She says. "But I realized that there's nothing more you can do besides all the bad things you've already done."
"If you expect me to apologize for keeping you alive so far, you are deluding yourself." Agatha retorts stubbornly, her arms crossed.
Wanda gives a humorless laugh, her hand interlacing hers. "I don't expect anything from you, Agatha. Even if you think it's the right thing to do, stay away from me. And especially from her."
"As you wish, Miss Maximoff."
You notice the tears in the older witch's eyes before she looks the other way. Wanda turns her face to you next.
“Think of a safe place.” She asks in a whisper, and you nod. It takes a second before everything spins around.
//-//-//-//-//
Tag list> @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia || @mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch / @idek-5 // @myperfectlovepoem // @helloalycia // @ENSORCELLME // @AIMEZVOUSBRAHMS // @drpepperobsessed // @sighsam // @olsensnpm // @sxfwap // @table57 // @madamevirgo // @causeitswhatjesuswouldfreakingdo // @emptysince18x // @xastrydx || @yuhloversxx || @ymzki-haruki || @wouldirunofftheworldsomeday || @lostandsearching || @lezzzbehonesthere || @musicinourlips || @chaekhan || @diaryoflife || @nervoustrack || @aquamarinescarlet || @cristin-rjd || @idamaemann || @fortunatelynerdylight || @iliketozoneout || @blackwow34 // @tiny–freak || @spongebobtentacles || @cyberbonesworld ||
154 notes · View notes
lordeasriel · 3 years
Text
ATTWN: A Look at Miss Brent
I keep circling around the idea of writing And Then There Were None meta, like a full, proper analysis of the novel, but I just can't settle down on how to do it, cause I do have many thoughts, but I can't seem to organise them in a way it will make sense. But-
I was thinking about Miss Brent today, and she's not exactly a character I have that many thoughts compared to Vera or Armstrong, but she certainly has my interest. What strikes me stronger about her is her complacency, in a way.
Let's look at the novel first: here's this sixty-something woman, a spinster who takes on girls from local charities/orphanages to train them into proper maids or whatever. It's not an unusual thing for that time based on the rest of Christie's novels, it seemed like a common occurrence for the period. At any rate, she's very righteous, uptight, her belief is almost borderline fanatical, she never hesitates over her "innocence" in front of the accusations, and the thing is: she doesn't deny shunning the girl away.
Unlike the others, who remain resilient on their innocence (Lombard the exception cause he literally confessed right away), Miss Brent never denies that she did refuse to help Beatrice. In her own mind, she didn't do anything wrong - and if we're going there, in its fucked up way, she technically didn't do anything wrong. She had no familial attachment to the girl, she didn't have to do anything for her legally speaking; morally, of course, she should have but we don't arrest people for being morally corrupt lmao Let alone death sentence them. *coughs*
But what gets me it's her complacency. You know, I'm blaming this on the windy day, but thinking about her, sitting by herself almost all the time (including when she died), she never does anything. Unlike the others, Vera included considering how Christie often writes the women isolated, Miss Brent never gets involved in either investigating or helping them to find a way out; she just sits and knits and eventually bosses Vera around or say some mean stuff to someone. She doesn't act, which is odd for us as a reader; I mean, if I was in her spot I would have already made a signal for help, even with the bad weather lmao This book heavily traumatised me anyway--
Miss Brent doesn't act, that's my main point. In her head, I suppose she expects some sort of divine intervention, in its way; not a miracle, but you know, she expected her righteousness guaranteed her safety. She sees the other deaths as punishment, she thinks them all guilty, perhaps not the General or Wargrave, but I've no doubt she considers the rest of them wicked and deserving of the punishment, but never herself. She didn't do anything wrong, she has got nothing to feel sorry for. There is a whole section, where Vera asks Miss Brent if she is not afraid or if she simply doesn't mind dying. To which she reacts exactly like I said before, like she was above them all, like death wouldn't come for her.
Now, I will just vaguely go over the show because I think their choice of handling her was an interesting one. I like most of the choices made by show, except the ending which I'll save for another day of ranting, but Miss Brent in the show behaves similarly, but her background gets deeper. For one there was two key things - I say two because I've seen two different interpretations of this - and they were 1) repressed lesbian and 2) predator. Now, these two could coexist with each other, she could have been taking in girls to take advantage of them, but I don't know, I think it would be hard for her to do that always, so I like to think if repressed lesbian was it, then it makes more sense for her crime and her reaction. It would be related to a feeling of betrayal - "I've given you a home, a job, affection and you still went behind my back to be a whore" - and it's something Miss Brent would probably not acknowledge. She was always too religious, too righteous, so Beatrice probably haunted her more in death than she did in life: no one would believe this ragged girl over any accusations - even if there was consent on her part. But that's just beside the point.
What I mean for the show is, they go in a different direction. Miss Brent's reactions over the murders are a little more in line with her religious dynamic for the show: when Tony dies, she makes a little prayer, she worries about Mrs. Rogers state when she sees her passed out (despite the fact she humiliated her earlier over being meek and weak and so on), she has a judgemental attitude towards Vera, but even that comes from a place of almost understanding? She still judges them harshly, but she is a lot less harsh to the ones she consider less harmful (aka she is absolutely distasteful about Lombard, whose crime is easily the worst crime in the show and she thinks so).
Of course, all of her views and beliefs and behaviours are based on her own lifestyle, so she is a bit blind and biased - when Lombard points out about the missionaries crimes in Africa, after she calls him out; or when she states she couldn't imagine crossing paths with a man like him, despite the fact she knows well enough they're all there because they're guilty - so she is bound to hypocrisy every now and again. But her fanaticism from the book is turned into a proper, religious attitude; she does abide by the Bible, she condemns very little her other companions (I mean, she still judges Vera over her youth and her inertia, she judges Armstrong's lack of calm, she judges Lombard because well, because of his Existence™ lmao) She is, of course, judgmental and vain and arrogant, but this is less cartoony and more realistic. More importantly, because her beliefs are much more ingrained in her life, she is afraid. She is genuinely afraid and that is an important, key change that I genuinely like.
Miss Brent has faith, at first, that they will leave the Island, so she stills acts very coldly at first and of course, she still denies her guilt, she still claims she did the right thing and Beatrice caused her own undoing. But, the show pursues the idea that Miss Brent, upon being reminded of the event, starts to feel guilt: when she is praying she hallucinates Beatrice (hallucionation was a choice they did to convey these feelings, but you could just claim that's a memory in her head); and more importantly, before her death - which happens the day after she hallucinates - her demeanor changes entirely. She goes from trying to stay calm and resolute before the tide, to feeling weary. That's important because unlike Book! Emily, she is fully aware she has committed a sin, and now whether that is her neglect of Beatrice's pleas or her own feelings for her, that's beside the point. The point is this woman realises she is very close to meet her maker and the burden of having sinned wears her down.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Miss Brent also adds "It's only wool" when Vera is pouring her coffee (which I had to crop cause Gif size), which is her redirecting her distress to something mundane (in another scene later, Vera mentions how doing the dishes is a mundane task, which she finds soothing. In fact, seeking a sense of normalcy is a recurring theme for the show, but also for the book) and ordinary. Vera, of course, notices her distress over being hunted; she shares the feeling, and I don't want to focus too much on Vera because I'll talk about her eventually later, but this shows how Miss Brent changes drastically.
On their first conversation after the dinner, Vera's impression of Miss Brent is of an uptight, self-righteous, straight-up cruel woman and she avoids her if she can help it, and truth be told, Miss Brent does act very badly and says bad things, Vera is not being touchy about it. So when Vera lays the coffee tray, she is ready to walk away before Miss Brent addresses her (she even makes a dry remark on "There is no milk, I'm afraid", which is meant to spite Miss Brent's earlier attitude over asking for perfect eggs after Mrs Rogers died and so on), and Miss Brent talks so unlike herself, a weariness that makes Vera reconsider and come back, to pour her coffee. She feels sorry for Miss Brent, because she finally cracked like the others; Miss Brent knows now that no amount of faith might defend her from this killer, because this killer has got nothing to do with a justice kill.
She stays seated, knitting again, but when she reaches for the coffee she hesitates. She realises Vera could have poisoned it (before entering the room, since she watches Vera pouring the coffee), and then she puts it down. There is a sense of danger in her, and she has no desire to die, unlike in the book where she so casually just stays behind, unafraid in her own attitude of superiority. I like this change a lot; I think showing her fear before her God enhances her religious mania a lot more, because she truly fears Divine Judgement, because she understands, deep down, that she did a bad thing; maybe not murder - I mean, it wasn't murder after all - but she still did a morally bad thing. If there is a Heaven, it won't be for her.
25 notes · View notes
iamcinema · 3 years
Text
IAC Reviews #19: Wishbone (2000)
Hey, is anyone still alive out there? I hope so.
Coming off of last year was a disaster, and well, we didn't enter 2021 on the highest of notes. I guess you could say I've been burned out and not having a ton of motivation to do a lot, even with how much I've been grinding on Letterboxd over the past few months. I think I'm ready to come back, and since there's a storm is brewing outside, let's make today a movie night...and boy, do I have a treat for you.
I think I've made it kind of apparent that I have a weakness for terrible, low-budget, trash fires. There's something oddly charming about them where they always find a way to lure me in, and given the scene on Letterboxd, there's a bunch of SOV masochists out there waiting to get their next fix. While digging around for material to cross off my lists on titles to find and add, I was reminded of a terrible, low-budget film that was shot in my hometown over 20 years ago. I'm full of fear for what's to come, and you should be too.
________________________________________
Tumblr media
Wishbone is a 2000 horror film directed by Timothy Gaer and co-created by Michael Fasciana, centering on a woman named Laurie who receives an unusual artifact from her eccentric aunt she acquired from a pawn dealer that causes those around her to disappear when they make wishes on it. Hmm, seems simple enough. Let's what we're in for, and I'm absolutely not ready because the IMDb page says this shit is over two hours long, despite a version on Youtube having it just a bit over 90 minutes. Let us pray.
Wishbone in One Gif:
Tumblr media
This acting is might be the death of me, but I'm not sure what's going to be the catalyst that causes me to fall down the stairs and break my neck: the sound quality, the weird editing, or the music...oh, god what the fuck is the music doing? So much noise, noise noise!
Okay, so let's dig into this before I take too long of a break and I don't come back to this. I've already had to pause the movie a few times to catch my breath or just rewind and go back because there's a good amount that I keep missing because, apparently, the star of the film is the score and not Laurie. This is so, so slow. I've seen a lot of long horror movies, but at least with those, it feels like things are happening. Even Blood Lake had filler that did something to some degree, and with that, it was consistently bad. This movie doesn't even know what it wants to do. So, as a disclaimer, there's a good chance I'm probably missing some key details that I didn't hear because it seems that characterization isn't important if the music insists on talking over everyone.
________________________________________
So, to date, this might be one of the worst horror movies (and movies in general) that I've ever seen and it might be one of the slowest things in the entire megaverse. This is over 90 minutes of, somehow, nothing and something happening simultaneously - if that makes any sense.
This takes its sweet ass time moving along and there's so little pay-off. The majority of the characters are either nameless or we aren't introduced to them in a way that matters enough for us to care about them. It's kind of like with Violent Shit and other low-budget slasher films where the majority of the characters serve no purpose but to be disposable. Next to the two main leads, Laurie and Joe, and maybe a few others, everyone is just forgettable and even then I couldn't honestly tell you anyone's name if it was explicitly brought up. IMDb isn't helpful either, and at this point it just makes me care even less. I'm not sure if my patience has been tested too much with this, but it's kind of sad that I'm more invested in seeing what the background characters are doing than Laurie and Joe - even though I can't really hear what the hell they're saying.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Yeah, I really can't move on without talking about the sound and the music. Why is it always the audio with these movies? This has an estimated budget of $100,000, or $154,779.43 today in August 2021. How do you have the ability to somehow not make this look like a potato for the most part, well for the day shots that is, but you don't have it in you to get a good mic and someone who knows how to mix and edit correctly? I would sort of understand if you spent the majority of the money on talent to cut corners, but this is just ridiculous. Did they use the cameras' built-in mics to catch the audio here?
I feel like I need to interrupt the movie constantly to tell them to speak up because if I turn up the volume, I'm just getting bombarded with this really weird soundtrack that doesn't fit. I shit you not, during one of the kill scenes, the music booming over it sounds like it was ripped from Kevin MacLeod's "lounge" library and then the reverse happens where ominous music is playing over a more touching scene - and that's not even a dig at Kevin as an artist. That's just how inappropriate and unfitting this editing is. The weird fucking thing about this specific kill scene is that it sounds like the audio is stacked, so there are two different instrumental tracks going on.
How do you fuck something as basic as tension up like that? The audio choices are so painfully inconsistent and it doesn't know what it wants to do. There are moments where you can hear the dialogue just fine, but then the music comes in out of nowhere to segway us into the next scene and it starts to muffle things out. If it isn't that, then the dialogue is just so soft that you'd think there was a pillow on the mic or we're hearing them from the opposite side of a sound-dampened room.
Tumblr media
This is what I meant earlier when I said I apologize in advance if I miss anything crucial because I can't make out half of these conversations. So, I'm having to keep going back if I care enough or just having to pause and take breaks because there's only so much I can handle. This means that there's a good amount I'll blank on because I have to keep going back because I can't remember the majority of these no-named characters. Who the fuck are you people? Why am I supposed to care?
If I'm understanding the non-existent rules of the wishbone, you're connected to whoever dies in some way. So, why is any of this relevant to what's going on? If it's random, then it's another reason for me not to care just because some frat kids made a wish at some point. Again, who the hell are you and why am I supposed to lament over them? Why is there so much useless filler here? Did I mention that this is over 90 minutes long and there are *three* fucking party scenes? Party scenes are to Wishbone as ten-minute-long jetskiing and beer game scenes are to Blood Lake.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Oh, speaking of other shit that's annoying. Let's talk about general editing because the sound isn't the only thing that's a mess here.
I swear that almost every single scene in this ends with a fade-out/fade-in shot. Only one or two scenes come to mind where this doesn't happen, and the first time it did I thought my browser was freezing because it abruptly cut to black and then smash cuts to a party scene. I've never, ever seen a movie that abused this that much before and it's on par with something I would have seen made by a bunch of high school kids. So, when we have a moment where this doesn't happen and it plays out normally, it feels like a breath of fresh air. I'm sure this movie's run time could have been shaved down by at least a minute or two if this wasn't a problem, along with all the useless close-up shots that serve nothing to the plot.
It's such a waste of time. I'm so fucking tired. How was this movie's budget $100k? Did they spend most of it on renting the Scranton Police Department for a few shots or did it go towards their impromptu trip to Party City? I'm so tired and I don't care anymore.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Do you want to know what the real kicker is? With just barely twenty minutes left, the whole lore about the monkey's wishbone paw comes back and that's when Laurie and her friend Karen think something is weird. Isn't this whole realization trope that happens within the first or second act, not now with your Great Value brand version of the Dream Warriors?
Also, it's not specified how much time has gone by since the start, but it has to have been at least a week or two. It's incredibly weird how they paint the main characters and the unnamed background ones as such good friends that they don't think it's weird how almost all of them have disappeared - especially one girl who doesn't seem off-put that her boyfriend (or ex) disappeared after getting into an argument at one of the parties and none of his friends could reach him either at his own house.
The final showdown is an utter pain in the ass to get through because the conflict ends as abruptly as it starts and it's so unsatisfying. We get to see the face of our villain, I guess, and then more or less cut to our leads holding hands down the street set to the same looping lounge music we've been dealing with for over 90 damn minutes. Is everyone else who went with them dead? Did they live? Who cares! That's one thing the movie and I can agree on since we never see them again. We end on a shitty cliffhanger that's supposed to prepare us for a sequel, which thankfully never happened.
Tumblr media
________________________________________
And that was Wishbone. Holy fucking shit, I've never been so thankful for a movie to be over in my life. It's 11:07 PM as of tinkering with some minor revisions and I've been in purgatory with this for over five hours, and yet, it feels like an entire lifetime has gone by.
I've raved about how bad Blood Lake was with its incredibly bad pacing, but this is next level awful and a testament to bad filmmaking if I've ever seen it. I expect a lot of the things I complained about from super amateur filmmakers who are shooting on an actual shoestring budget, not people who had that much money to fuck around with. How did they have that kind of a budget, and the most they can give us is bad audio, Windows Movie Maker levels of basic editing, three wrap parties, and a few crumbs of gore that we could see?
This was physically painful to see and I'm in much worse shape having endured it than I would have been if I sat through something liked Boardinghouse, and that has a two-and-a-half-hour-long version tied to it. This is just a marvel and I mean that in a so-bad-it's-bad way, not like how SOV enthusiasts who love this stuff pine over. If I had to give one thing going for it, one single granule of gold that I enjoyed from this, it's the limited shots we get of the area so I could make a game out of seeing what local spots I recognized. If playing I Spy is the only way for someone to endure your movie, then I don't know what else to say.
Wishbone is a hot mess where shit's happening, but also nothing is happening at the same time. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. In fact, I wish this movie never existed or would die in the ether and never return to our mortal realm ever again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have a smoke and hope I don't get run over by a hearse tomorrow.
RATING: 0.5/10
1 note · View note