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mentalillnessmouse · 5 years

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(p1) Hi, I'm writing because I feel there is no hope for me. I'm 30, I live at home where I get verbally mistreated (it was physical when I was younger.) I'm morbidly obese, agoraphobic, I literally didn't leave the house for a 2 year period and still rarely do. I have 0 friends and never had any except a few online ones who ditched me years ago. I was bullied constantly. I have self-harm marks all over my arms. I've NEVER had a job, or finished high school. I still almost never leave the house.

(p2) I’ve asked for help to learn to drive, but they tell me I can’t. I guess because they call me autistic and tell me I am not very smart and make jokes about me having ADHD. I took those comments seriously and they told me I was “looking for problems.” WHAT? I made the mistake of speaking with a few psychiatrists about it who shut me down because, in their words, I didn’t “look” like I had those issues. And that my parents had hard jobs so it made sense they would lash out at me.

(p3) I deal with other issues too like menorrhagia. A doctor had me do an ultrasound (this was like my 3rd one since ‘06) and sent me to a specialist because they saw something. The specialist said she didn’t think anything was there and wasn’t going to actually examine me. I gave up. I’m afraid to speak up for myself, I genuinely don’t understand how to live, make friends, talk to people. I feel like I just have TOO MANY issues. And at my age I don’t see why anyone would bother with me anymore.

(p4) I have an appt with a psych at the same place as the others because I have my city’s free insurance and nowhere else to go. I don’t know if I can do it again after this? I just wanted somewhere to reach out at least one more time :( I’ve reached out to others (like extended family) who will talk to me for a bit then ignore? I can’t help but to feel damaged or like I’m doing something wrong I can’t figure out. I feel like a weak loser and I didn’t try good enough.I’m sorry this is so long

Hello Anon,

I’m mod Bee and I’ll do my best to help you out, but I received help myself from the other mods to write you back. So this is a communal effort!

Thank you for reaching out, and I’m sorry you’re going though such a difficult and distressing situation. You sound strong and tenacious, and I’m proud of you for the way you keep trying to improve your life.

We have some suggestions that we hope can be of help. They’ll concerne:

finding online communities/groups to hang out with

finding a professional that suits your needs

looking for courses you can join

thinking about possible job options

Just an head up: this is going to be long, and it will contain tons of links. I’ll highlight one - that I think it’s most useful - for each section, but I suggest you to go through them all.

1. finding online communities/groups to hang out with

Having friends is important for our mental health, but it can get difficult to make new ones, especially when we’ve been burned before.

Online communities, forums, and groups, can be good places to start looking for friends again. You can approach them with as much caution as you need, and find those people you relate with the most.

If you like games, and rpgs in particular, there are online options that allow you to connect with other others all over the world. Activities like Dungeon&Dragons are based around players’ interactions, so you’d get to know people without putting the stress on forging new friendships. The article 10 Best Online Chat Rooms & Games suggests other equally fitting games.

Forums and groups where you can share your experience and fears are another important tool you can use. I’ve looked into active ones and found Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia Forum, r/Agoraphobia/ (on reddit), bus (a self-harm support forum), Mental health support group and discussion community, Online Support Groups by Turn2Me, PsychForums (Psychology and Mental Health Forums), and the ReachOut app.

Trying with pen pals - a one on one exchange - could also be a good idea: InterPals and PenPalWorld are only two of the many websites dedicated to this purpose. Here’s some tips on how it works.

Finally, there are apps with the specific purpose of finding new friends, like Bumble BFF. Try to see if you there’s one of your liking in this list.

2. finding a professional that suits your needs

We usually recommend what it’s colloquially called “psychiatrist/therapist shopping”, the act of choosing a professional after inquiring what we need to know of their line of work, based on our own wishes, and asking this to more than one.

It’s difficult when insurance covers just a little portion of professionals, but not impossible.

Can’t afford therapy? No insurance? Need low cost options? Here is a great list of ways to get help when money or insurance is an issue.

Therapy For Every Budget: How To Access It

9 Ways to Get Free or Cheap Therapy When You Don’t Have Health Insurance

Dial 211 for Essential Community Services: if you call 211, you can ask about free therapy options in your area, or how to work with you insurance to afford other professionals.

If none of these options work out, and you have to stick with the professional your insurance provides, there are measures you can take that might help making the sessions successful. Check out 21 Tips for getting the most out of each therapy session and How to Talk to Your Doctors When They Don’t Listen.

If your new psychiatrist tries to dismiss you without hearing everything that you have to say, insist that they write on your record exactly what they did and why, and that you absolutely want a copy of it before you exit their room. It’s your right to have both your requests accomplished. I know it’s not easy to have them respected: you’ll probably have to stand your ground and that can be difficult, but I think it’s important for you and fundamental for what you can get out of this session. This is a post with links to various module you can complete to help you assert yourself, which I suggest you to start before going to your appointment, if you can. It can be useful to face your family, too.

Does your insurance cover a different specialist for the gynecological problem your doctor wanted you to check out? Is there any free or low-cost clinic near you, like Planned Parenthood or Free Clinic? You can inquire about their services through email.

3. looking for courses you can join

Online courses can be helpful for a number of things, like keeping busy, learning new stuff, feeling accomplished, and possibly getting some qualifications.

There are some free options that end with a proper certificate, but not all are accredited, meaning that they’re not automatically accepted by employers (they can choose to consider them valid or not). Still, there are no downsides in joining such a course, seeing that it doesn’t cost anything but your time.

Not accredited certificates/no certificates:

Alison’s Diploma Courses and Certificate Courses

FutureLearn doesn’t grant you certificates with their free courses, but it still provides learning access

edX’s Courses

Udemi, not free but it offers up to 90% discounts generally once a month

Learn how to code, a masterpost that lists different courses to learn coding

Free Online Language Courses, a masterpost that lists different courses to learn languages

24 Invaluable Skills To Learn For Free

Accredited certificates

coursera offers some free courses, and/or the possibility to apply for financial aid

Online Degree require no tuition, no applications, and no interviews, and has worked so participating Universities around the country will consider the courses for credit, potentially finishing up to an entire freshman year of college

edX’s Professional Certificate Programs are not free, but edX offers up to a 90% discount to those who prove they cannot pay a full price.

University Of The People is tuition-free, which means there is no charge for teaching or instruction, only initial fees (around 160$) for each course. You can also apply for scholarships.

on StudyPortal - Scholarships, you can find a huge number of scholarships available in your country, and here you can find the easiest scholarships to apply to. There are also scholarships for online courses.

There’s also the possibility of completing high school through virtual courses, and if they’re organized by your State’s public school system, they should be free. You can find more info on this here.

4. thinking about possible job options

Working towards finding a job is important for our own self-worth and feeling like a valuable member of society, and of course it can also help with looking for better therapy.

It can be tricky when mental and physical illnesses are at play, though. That’s why I’d like to give you some online options here, too, that don’t ask for any particular prerequisite, and would give you enough free time to focus to get better. Jobs like data entry or app testing are doable from home, and may not pay much, but they’d allow you to start building some savings.

5 Online Jobs That Require Little or No Experience

No Experience? Start One of These Online Jobs

Best Data Entry Jobs From Home

10 (Legit) Data Entry Jobs from Home

Work At Home Data Entry on Indeed.com

FlexJobs

Glassdoor

Whatever you choose, creating a strong resume is always a good step. I’m giving you some resources on how to do that:

How to Create a Professional Resume

How To Make A Resume 101

Help Everyone Find A Job In Their Field

And between checking out all these options we gave you, please try to do some of this Workout For Daily Life, because focusing on a screen for too long can cause so many aches!

You’re not a loser, you’re strong and you keep fighting for yourself, which is admirable. I hope these resources can be of help, and please do send another ask if you need anything else.

Take care,

mod Bee

#ask MIM #seeking help #online jobs #online courses #agoraphobia #self harm #mod Bee #Anonymous

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trustonlylokiposts-blog · 5 years

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Diagnosis: Chapter 2

Stark Tower and Nailing an Interview: chapter two.

I said my goodbyes to Koda and summoned an Uber, they smelled better than Taxis and I wanted to impress my interviewer. My long brown hair was pulled back into a neat pony tail, I wore a black blouse and a black pencil skirt, a green silk shawl, a modest silver necklace. I opened my phone and checked my messages, a few friends from the clinic I used to work at had all spammed me with questions, apparently I should have elaborated on where I was going to interview, and who I was going to work for. And who I was going to be my patient, or patients. I was excited

Trust me, I’ve never felt this excited before. I mean, practicing medicine for the Avengers, that’s insane.

I also had a few concerned texts from my mom after I had told her what happened the night before. Coming from a small town in Utah meant that we never had to worry about cat calling, potential rapists. I reassured her I was fine, and that Koda does a fantastic job of keeping me safe. As we neared the tower the driver broke the silence, “Stark Industries? What kind of secretary are you going to be?” I snorted, “Actually I a medical doctor. I am applying to be the Avengers on staff physician.” After a moment of really awkward silence, “Oh, my apologies doctor..” We pulled into the entrance and I stepped out, waving goodbye and rating him at a salty 5 stars. I stepped inside and walked to the front desk and cleared my throat, a women with a tight platinum blonde bun looked up at me. She plastered a fake smile and asked how she could help me. I explained that I was here for an interview for The Avengers physician. I let her scan my ID and take my picture which she printed off and put inside a little clip labeled “visitor”

I made my way to an elevator and followed the directions on which floor to head to, as the elevator made it’s way up the tower I began to feel slightly nervous, this kind of job sounded amazing, what if a more competent physician applied? I knew I was brilliant and was known as a prodigy, (not to toot my own horn) But for an opportunity like this, there had to be all kinds of amazing doctors applying. The elevator opened and I stepped out, woah. I was greeted to something I would expect in a high end Penthouse. A large open room with tall windows that boasted an excellent New York view, near the windows were several luxurious couches and loves seats, to my left was a bar that had more high-end liquor than the entire state of Utah could ever allow in a single building. “Ah, look at that our young doctor appears!” I was fairly surprised to see that it was Tony Stark who greeted me, I stepped forward and shook his hand with a warm smile, “My name is Doctor Julie Stirling, it is my absolute pleasure to meet you, thank you for this incredible opportunity.” Stark grinned at me and lead me to the bar and pulled out a stool for me then sat down and gestured for me to follow suit, which I did while trying my best to keep my jaw from hitting the floor. “Can I offer you a drink? Water, tea, coffee, I wouldn’t recommend alcohol this early, but you do you.” I chuckled and declined his offer as I pulled out of resume, cover letter, and a list of my references and their recommendations and admirations. Tony skimmed through the information I handed him and let out a low whistle. “29 years old and already such an incredible physician, young, brilliant, capable, a genius among men! You remind me of myself” Stark added with a chuckle, “I did hear that you abruptly left your previous job while cursing your employer out. Care to elaborate on that?” I bit my lip and felt embarrassment rise through me, “I.. It’s not like me sir, he is a very disrespectful man and I had enough. I knew my skills and knowledge were going to waste and I couldn’t stand being belittled anymore. Trust me when I say I am very professional and my bedside manner is excellent I-“ Tony cut me off with a wave of his hand, “Trust me I know about Doctor Wallis, that creepy old man has brought nothing but complaints from the people I’ve asked. Plus hey, I need something with the backbone to stand up for themselves. You’ll be working with some thick headed assholes, myself included. I need to know you wont be pushed around when it’s unnecessary.”

Tony looked through my resume once more and added “You are young, and you don’t have as much experience under your belt as the other applicants but.. That might actually prove useful. I need a fresh mind, something who is willing to take a step into medicine that may be more complicated than what other doctors have studied and worked with. And reading about your incredible track record of absolutely blowing away the universities you studied under I am certain that you learn quickly, and you’re fast on your feet too.” We talked for a little longer, Tony explaining how things generally worked around the tower, “Most of your responsibilities are focused on the Avengers, however if needed I will have you tend to Stark employees as well. However they all have their own doctor they see when necessary. I guess you’re just a backup when needed. But I don’t think it would come to that, plus you will have enough on your plate anyway. With keeping up with the team and building your understanding of erm.. Otherworldly beings, Dr. Banner is also adapt in medicine and is incredible and will work along side you when it comes to finding things that can keep up with different physiologies and metabolisms.” Tony stood and motioned for me to follow, “I like you kid, come with me, I’m thinking I want to hire you. But I need you to meet someone first. He has been so gracious as to agree and let us heal him. He allows us the possibility to understand Asgardians and well.. He has no choice to be here and isn’t quite healthy enough to do much about it anyway.” I followed Stark through a set of doors and was led down a hallway and through another set of doors, I raised an eyebrow when I noticed what looked like two SHEILD agents guarding the entrance. Stark breezed past them and opened the doors and walked in, I followed closely but halted when I noticed a hospital bed, connected to a few IV’S and a heart monitor was the one and only Loki. He was propped up on the bed reading a book. He was pale, way paler than he was when he was last seen on TV. His hair was an absolute mess and while he seemed tired he also gave off the vibe that he was still not to be messed with. Stark cleared his throat and introduced me, “hey Prince of Jokes, we have someone who might possibly be tending to you. Say hello!” Loki looked at me and I felt myself tense, How in the actual hell am I suppose to take care of him?

“Hello, worry not mortal, I am under very direct orders not to cause chaos, else I am thrown back into my cells on Asgard which would not be pleasant due to my current condition. It appears that aiding Thor in stopping the Dark Elves from destroying everything and consequently being stabbed by a kursed blade only earns me a break from my imprisonment on Asgard, to one here. To be a test subject for idiot Midgardians to use their barbaric technology to learn how to heal their precious Avengers.”

Tony rolled his eyes and said “Don’t worry, Thor was able to get some direction to help heal him, under these special circumstances it would be difficult to keep him from dying without a little Asgardian aid, they have provided strong drugs to give his body the energy and… Cider?” “Seidr” Loki cut in, “Seidr, anyway, that is some of what we have running through his veins right now. His body heals at an incredible rate but what went through him on that strange elf planet puts up a lot of fight. Combining drugs that keep his energy from draining we can allow him to do most of the healing on his own. What you will be doing is keeping a stable eye on his vitals and pain. We do have very potent pain killers for when he needs them. Trust me you’ll know. You think he’s a prick now? Wait until his ouchie is hurting, he’ll bitch at you until you either decide to give him the precious drug or kill him.” Loki rolled his eyes, “I would hardly call it bitching, if you even could fathom the amount of pain I am forced to endure while under the mockery of mortals you would be irritable as well.”

I looked Loki over then looked back to Tony, “I think I can handle him, at least as long as he continues to be relatively harmless.” Loki sneered but said nothing, Tony clapped his hands together. “Yes! Okay, I am going to offer you this job. For the foreseeable future Loki is your main concern. Keeping his pain under control, his healing on track and making sure his bandages are changed and infection is avoided. He may be ‘godly’ but he still is vulnerable at the moment.” That earned an insulted scoff from Loki that Tony promptly ignored, “Thor was told that Loki’s estimated healing time should be a month if everything goes smoothly. After Loki is healed we will go from there. Oh, because you are our on sight physician I have provided a modest apartment here at the tower. Your home will be located on the same floor as the handful of Avengers who live here. Thor is off and on when it comes to being here on earth, but you’ll get to know Natasha Rominoff, Clint, Bruce, Steve, and of course myself.”

Over the next couple hours I was given a thick stack of nondisclosure forms, another thick stack of pretty much everything that Tony and I had discussed before, a bunch of notes on dealing with Asgardians, more specifically wounded Loki, an in-depth description of my salary, paid time off, and work related perks. I was given a set of keys and taken down to what was called “Avenger’s floor” I walked to the end of the hall with one of Stark’s employees, she was a bubbly redhead who seemed super pumped to be here at all times. “Here is your home!” She opened the door and waited for me to enter before following me. “You have two bedrooms and two bathrooms, a full bathroom with the master bedroom, and a half bathroom in the hallway.” Alex, as she had liked to be called stood in the center of the large room. To my right the apartment dipped down slightly into what would easily be a modest living room, tall windows that made me feel a little light-headed reminded me of how high up I was. Although you really did get a killer view from up here, and there were massive grey curtains that I could pull over if I needed to. To my left was a large dining and kitchen area, it was also very open, it already had a dining table that could gracefully seat six people. Behind the table was a rather cozy kitchen, I didn’t need anything fancy, in fact this really was more than I was expecting. Alex let me take it all in before leading me down the hall, the first door on the right she opened and gestured for me to follow. “This is the guest bedroom but could easily be a study, or anything you want really.” The room wasn’t small, but not overly huge either. I didn’t expect to have many guests so a study would be really nice. Alex made her way out of the room and guided me to the next door, “and here we will have the master bedroom.” I stepped in behind her and looked around. This room had to be about half the size of my old apartment. It had a nice window that let in sunlight and fresh air without making me feel like I was going to fall to my death. I walked to the end of the room and opened a door to find a master closet, “Huh, don’t think I have enough clothes to come even close to fitting in here.” I laughed to myself but Alex tilted her head, “aren’t doctors supposed to be rich?” I really laughed this time, “yeah, but not starting out. I’m in debt up to my eyeballs. My last apartment was pretty much a cement box.” My preppy tour guide shrugged and opened the door to reveal my bathroom. A freaking Jacuzzi tub sat at the far end of the room under a beautifully arched window, gorgeous white curtains were tucked back. I took in the sight, a large walk in shower, a complicated looking toilet.. A Bedit? And a marble sink blew me away.

Alex left me to explore the rest of the apartment on my own, there was really only the guest bathroom left anyway, and while it was a nice bathroom, it’s just a bathroom. Tony had given me a week to get myself moved and settled in, then it would be time to work. I was actually pretty proud of myself for convincing Tony to allow me to keep Koda, (it was less “convincing” and more me telling him that I am a package deal and Koda comes with me.) I had to show him every ribbon she’s earned, ever certificate and proof of vaccines. But he agreed and I was excited to bring Koda on this new adventure with me.

#Loki Loki fic Loki x Female OFC Avengers fic

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sidenotelife · 5 years

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A match day running diary

A running diary of the day when I find out where I will do my residency training (post-graduate medical training). For those not familiar with the medical training process, briefly, medical students send out applications for post-graduate medical training to become board certified physicians, and this occurs sometime in the fall of senior year. Then over the winter medical students interview with these programs, and then in February all the progams rank the students they want and the students rank the programs they want. This all gets thrown into a computer somewhere that optimizes all the rank lists and spits out assignments for students and employees for residency programs. This post is a running diary of March 15th, the day we get our residency assignments. This post is loosely based on a true story.

7:27 AM. Depart breakfast at Sunrise Bistro. Great corn beef hash. Would highly recommend.

8:55 AM. The costume theme for match day was “fictional characters” so we decided to dress up as son’s favorite thing which is Thomas the Train. Wife painted these shirts. Pretty legit.

9:10 AM. Prepare vegetarian chili in crockpot for maximum efficiency. I found a recipe that suggested putting quinoa in vegetarian chili to give it a little extra volume to it. I also put in my fave secret ingredient which is Dr. Pepper.

9:28 AM. Kids + Costumes ready.

9:28 AM. Son: Can I see the picture?

9:43 AM. Ken costume ready. I had to cut out a v so you could see my Sir Topham Hatt tie. Wife did not approve on my t-shirt cutting job. Can you blame her.

10:07 AM. Walking to Charleston Music Hall with family and friend.

Friend: Can’t wait to cheer really loud when you walk across the stage.

Ken: Wait I’m not walking across the stage.

Friend: *Massive disappointment* What why?

Ken: I don’t like the attention. Also I don’t like things with lots of people. Introvert probs. 🤷‍♂️

11:56 AM. Kids getting too crazy. Break out emergency Belgian waffles. It is truly an art to keep kids quiet and contained at any event.

12:00 PM. Open envelopes... Sioux Falls Family Medicine!

Hmm. I don’t look thrilled here. I think the exact emotion I had was how-should-I-feel-about-this, if that can be considered an emotion. Sidenote - Before I go further I feel the need to explain myself. I don’t want this to be conceived as disappointment that I matched where I matched. Sioux Falls was our #2 choice and honestly the only reason I didn’t rank it #1 was because of the weather. It is truly my privilege to have the opportunity to train there, but I feel it is of importance to analyze this emotion. This how-should-I-feel-about-this emotion.

Match has, for better or worse, come to represent the culmination of the whole med school experience. If you match at the place you wanted, your #1 program, your emotions are those of elation. You feel everything was worth it. All those days suffering in the library, all the shit you had to take from residents that were out of line, all of it. If you don’t match at a desired place or worse yet, if you don’t match and have to scramble, it’s a nightmare. But I worry that this is an oversimplification of the process, and I worry that med school has become nothing more than a way to ensure you get a desireable job than a place where you learn to care for sick people. I fear this sentiment about match is driving the Step 1 mania. (Currently being covered beautifully by @jpcarmody on his blog, The Sheriff of Sodium).

I think my emotions are also complicated by a personal change of heart I had sometime during the end of graduate school and the beginning of medical school. For so long I had worshipped at the throne of academia. When I came to medical school I dreamed of becoming the dean of my own medical school. When I started graduate school I dreamed of having a 30-person HHMI-funded lab/machine that would draw the envy of graduate students and postdocs everywhere. For so long I dreamed of my match day when one day I would announce that I was going to a sexy program like Stanford or Harvard or Duke. But I think during graduate school I started to understand the reality of academia, and especially the kind of academia that incentivizes the Cell/Nature/Science/NEJM rat race. My greatest frustration was that it was so hard to be ethical in academia. The academic system is fueled by the C/N/S/NEJM rat race, which in turn is fueled by stretching your data to look like it’s saying more than it actually does. It’s also fueled by outright lying and people producing fake data to get the data to fit the elegant hypothesis. I hated seeing mentors take advantage of students and postdocs, milking every last bit of productivity out of your underlings because that was truly the only way to survive. By looking out for yourself at all costs. I love science but I didn’t want to condone this sort of philosophy. I wanted to pursue physician-science in a way where I was not at the mercy of for-profit journal editors. I wanted to live in a world where we as a research team pursued science out of a desire to further the pursuit of knowledge and not just the next publication with a big impact factor. Maybe I was imagining a pipedream but it just didn’t feel like the right thing for me to jump into the traditional route of padding my resume at a top 5 med school.

When I went back to med school for my clinical years, I initially felt tentative but still willing to enter my hat into this foray. Gradually several little things gearshifted me off this track, most prominently working with one attending in particular. I worked with this attending during my addiction psychiatry rotation, and I watched him work for six weeks. He is a genius, but I admired him for more than that. More than any other physician I’ve ever met, the compassion he had for his patients was palpable. You could feel his frustration with the system that made it hard for physicians to help patients. You could see the depths to which he pushed himself in order to provide true patient-oriented care, and not just the cheap talk that often gets thrown around. I acknowledge that some of these tendencies are dangerous, and risky, but it’s also beautiful. That’s the sort of feeling that fundamentally pushed me into going to medical school. Other people’s suffering pained my heart and I had to do something to relieve this pain, if only to relieve my own pain. I don’t know exactly what happened to this attending, but he no longer attends on the addicion psychiatry floor. As far as I know he’s taking a break from seeing patients. My best guess is he burned out and gave up his fight against the system. Hopefully I’m wrong. I don’t know. Frankly, I’m too afraid to know the answer. But when I saw that someone who had such compassion and such raw talent couldn’t make it in academic medicine, I knew I had to do something different. I saw that something different in Family Medicine. I saw that this specialty, one that is treated by some as the specialty that you pursue when you can’t get good enough Step 1 scores to pursue what you actually want to do, I saw this specialty as the one that could offer a true path to patient-centered care. I saw the flexibility offered by the diverse skillset you could obtain during family medicine residency. I saw the potential for real long-lasting relationships with patients. I saw the value in being a generalist in a medical world that’s becoming overpopulated with specialists. I’m still convinced family medicine is the right specialty for me, and I feel it offers the possibility for me to pursue physician-science my way. Yet, there’s also a part of myself that’s grieving that I didn’t match at Harvard or Stanford, that I’m not working in the HHMI-funded lab, that my home isn’t the building with beautiful modern architecture looking out at the beach. It’s not a part of me that I like but regretably it’s still a part of me, and I think that moment when I opened my match envelope and saw the official match result it was the first moment it was real. I was really choosing to give up the glamors of a top 5 med school to pursue this off-beaten track. Am I crazy? Am I being too self-righteous? Did I make the wrong decision? I think that’s what gave me this feeling. This how-should-I-feel-about-this feeling.

12:23 PM. Kids too crazy... we need to leave.

12:57 PM. Get home.

Ken: Kids what do you want for lunch?

Kids: *opens fridge* Dad why is there so much beer?

1:03 PM. Looking up South Dakota-themed food. I remember when I went to interview there I asked them what the most South Dakota food was, and they told me it was Chislic. I don’t know if I’m spelling that right, but basically it’s fried chunks of meat. Sounds pretty legit:

1:15 PM. Daughter makes a sign. You may not be able to understand this sign so let me do a little interpreting. At the top it says South Dakota Bound, except the BOUND is backwards. Then the square-looking thing is the shape of South Dakota. Sidenote - The little divot at the bottom right corner kind of looks like Florida, which kind of makes the state of South Dakota look like a mini-version of America. The thick blue lines are water falls, which we drew because Daughter really wanted to draw something in Sioux Falls, so I said water falls! The four faces below that were commonly misinterpreted as Ken, Wife, Daughter, and Son but actually it’s Mount Rushmore.

1:57 PM. Son goes to rest time. Daughter cleaning up blankets from floor. Asking me, “Why do I have to be cinderella? Why do I have to clean the bathroom and the living room and the kitchen??” So basically we are raising a little martyr.

2:30 PM. Wife is already looking at real estate. I think she knows the stats for every single rental property in Sioux Falls. 🤣

4:13 PM. Recruit kids to help. Before this they were carrying cans of beer which was even funnier. 👶👧🍻

5:13 PM. Commence low country boil. I’ve always loved the idea of the low country boil and I’ve always wanted to do one but for one it’s real expensive to buy all the supplies, and for two I didn’t have the proper equipment for it. Fortunately my friend lent me his turkey frier and burner which made for the perfect low country boil setup. In retrospect, the low country boil was one of the funnest party meals I’ve ever made and I would recommend it 10 out of 10 times. At the same time, shrimp is one of my least favorite seafoods and I don’t love to eat low country boil. I feel like this makes sense.

Ok, those are the last pics I have so I’ll wrap up this post. Shoutout to everyone who was feeling how-should-I-feel-about-this.

See you on the other side,

From ken

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toknowyoumore · 5 years

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spoiler: it was a terrible idea... but i feel good

I’m gonna try a little something, and this could either be a kinda good or absolutely terrible idea. I need to write something important, but I’m not in a writing mood right now, at least for the topics I need to write about. But I know I’m at least a decent writer when it comes to things I do like writing about. That’s why I’m going to drink a fair amount of alcohol to get my creative juices flowing - and also to get me to sleep earlier than 5 am. I’m probably gonna take this down once I submit the actual thing.

Jameson and Canada Dry on the rocks pls glub glub glub

Okay, let’s start.

Growing up with a single mother wasn’t the easiest thing, especially when I heard her screams of pain in the early morning when I was in fifth grade. My mother was diagnosed with breast and brain cancer. Though I didn’t know at the time, my parents were separated. But I still remember the first time walking into the hospital with my dad and seeing Mom on the hospital bed. I remember her stopping midway during our conversation because she lost the ability to breathe. I remember not being in a panic but rather in confusion when my dad told me to go out and get a nurse to help immediately. And in about a minute, a nurse saw a 11-year-old child asking for help for his mom who wasn’t breathing. I remember seeing my mother in the room again afterwards - except now with some sort of breathing machine. I know now that that machine is called a ventilator.

Living was confusing after that. I didn’t know how to feel. I remember being scared at some points but not deathly afraid. I didn’t entertain the thought of Mom passing because the thought just wasn’t real to me. (Spoiler alert, she didn’t, and she’s still in top condition today despite a number of tumors throughout the years. I promise this won’t be a sappy story.) Or maybe I just didn’t correctly process my thoughts and emotions. Was there even a correct way? Maybe all of this just led to me becoming who I am now?

Fourth wall break - okay, so this was a terrible idea. I’m going so off track, and this whole thing was supposed to highlight my good side, but screw it, I’m gonna keep going with this and see where it leads. Before we continue, another glass pls glub glub glub thank you - fourth wall unbreak.

The purpose of me writing that story was to talk about a childhood experience and an example of how I overcame adversity. But now that I’ve arrived to this part of the page, I can’t really think of how I really overcame adversity here. Sure, I got through a hardship that would be difficult for any child, but I don’t remember ever being in deep anguish. In normal terms, this experience would make one more aware of the tribulations in the world and ultimately become more human. But somehow - thinking back to this moment - I’m being hit from all directions with, “It made you less human.” A human would typically mourn from this. I really didn’t, or at least I don’t think I did.

I got lazy. My grandmother took care of me at that point, but she didn’t force me to go to school. I almost had to repeat fifth grade because I had so many absences.

If someone wrote about this experience in their college essay, you may see something like, “From this, I took responsibility and started taking care of myself, building my time management skills and independence.” Nope, none of that here. I was an 11-year-old only child with a grandmother who struggled to walk up the stairs.

I barely had any actual friends in my elementary school, middle school, and most of high school. By “actual friends,” I mean people who I’d talk or chill with out of school. My only community really was my church. Even though we don’t see each other now as often or we’ve drifted apart, something special still resides in those bonds. Despite how I feel about the church and Christianity now, I know for a fact that the friends I had there made my life worthwhile. It’s what made me more human. It’s what got me through adversity.

It’s not about what I did that lifted me up. There wasn’t some switch that I just activated by myself in my brain that suddenly pushed me to take responsibility, start caring for my family, and being a decent person. It wasn’t me; it was my friends. I would always be inspired by them - their words, their actions, even their humor. I wanted to be like them. And over time, I think I changed for the better. And even today, I’ve been making it a goal - maybe even my top goal - to be a decent human being to others.

Fast forward to senior year of high school, when I’m applying to colleges. The common motif of myself and everybody on the planet - say it with me now, “I want to help people.” Who doesn’t? But how? The medical field was something that, to be honest, never really held my interest much back in high school. Some elements of being a medical doctor were appealing to me, though I just wasn’t very gung-ho about the entire thing. I apply to a local university as a safety because I know all my friends were going there, and in my back of my mind, I knew I was too. The local university allows me to apply to multiple schools of varying professions within itself. I apply to its pharmacy school on a whim. I get wait-listed. I then get accepted. My senior year crush decides to go to the same school. And before life offered me the pros and cons, I was a pharmacy student.

There is one big con I should mention though: I knew nothing about pharmacy. I didn’t care a lick about it. No one in my family is a pharmacist. I didn’t really have a “want” to do it. There was no reason for me to pursue it. The only reason I did have was that I could drop out of the program in two years if I didn’t like it without any repercussions. It was strategically sound.

Two years later, I still wasn’t sure about my decision. But just like the last two years flew by, the next one did. And then the next one. And then the next after that. There was never any love for pharmacy. It was, “study for this exam, take the exam, study for that exam, take that exam, memorize a script for this practical, ace the practical, start joining pharmacy organizations, don’t attend the meetings.” My interests during college were elsewhere. They were in leading worship, learning how to help people with depression, and hanging out with my friends, which were all amazing things. But pharmacy still had little room for passion in my life.

Then one year ago, in January 2018, things started to change. It was my last semester taking classes and exams. My rotation schedule for the next year was arranged. Pharmacy was suddenly starting to become much realer to me. Internal medicine, cardiology, emergency department, transitions of care - it was a lot. But for the first time, it didn’t feel like a drag. Rather, it felt like something I knew I had to do, however daunting it initially felt. And I wanted to excel at it. I asked early for extra projects. I went to networking events, which I never even thought about going to. I did things that were outside of my original scope of simply getting a pharmacy degree. I interviewed for a volunteer position at a clinic, where only two students would get accepted, and got it. I attended a class and got certified for mental health first aid, which literally no one told me to do. I quit my job at CVS. I borrowed a book from a local library to study for a certification exam, which I passed, to help me get a job elsewhere. I applied for jobs, which I didn’t get. I asked on a whim to shadow one of my professors at a behavioral health facility for a day and ended up with another research project on my hands to work on over the weekends. That semester was also the first time I was actually looking forward to a class - two to be exact: “Neuropsychiatric Therapeutics” and “Concepts in Psychiatric Pharmacotherapy.” My interests in mental health and pharmacy were colliding.

To this day, I still don’t know what happened. Maybe it was the rush of sweet change that got me working harder. Or maybe it was the “real world” that was finally looming over the horizon, and I wanted to quickly pack some stuff into my resume. Surely, there were some moments in that semester that I faked passion for pharmacy for the sake of making myself look better. But all of a sudden, pharmacy was starting to become more than just something that consumed my life every day with notes and exams. And for some bizarre reason, I was beginning to enjoy it.

There was no one who turned on my switch, no one who told me to take initiative - yet I was acting as if some sort of external force was pushing me to take leaps as a student. But there wasn’t.

My interests were finally lining up with what I was studying for about five years, and I was starting to take things into my hands to make it that way even more. Yes, that is why I was, at last, beginning to take hold a new passion for a profession that I never thought of myself being in. The interest in helping people, in being a decent human being, that I’ve built over the years because of my friends, my church - they were becoming tangible. There was no need for someone to flip a switch in my head. Something like this didn’t really need one.

And that’s what I’m hoping I could do. Whether that’d be now as a student or in the future as a pharmacist, I want to inspire others the same way that my friends inspired me in my past, to fuel people’s interests and motivations that they may not even know they have. The truth is, you’re helping people all the time. You don’t just have to be counseling them on a medication. And you don’t just have to be giving them a vaccination. You help people in your everyday actions and conversations. Every word of encouragement, every piece of advice, every lighthearted joke has a way of changing one’s life for the better. And as for yourself, you become a little bit closer to becoming that “decent human being.” Pharmacy is just one path - the path that I’ve taken - to help me to reach that goal.

There are still some things I fake, of course. Besides, I don’t know if this road ahead for me is the best one. But writing all this out - it’s clear I’ve come a long way already. And I know that even if this path doesn’t necessarily work, I’ll still probably learn something. Hopefully, at least.

Not the most horrible idea. But it’s still terrible because this goes so off-track about the topics I’m supposed to write for my real thing. Nevertheless, I feel pretty good about what I wrote. Also, it’s 5 am. The alcohol didn’t help with that at all.

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tryagain-failagain-failb3tt3r · 3 years

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WRITING IDEA - DOUBLE DATE (first chapter)

A double date. An unexpected attraction. A pull too strong to ignore. Also a first chapter that will probably never get a proper continuation…

“””””””””” CHAPTER “”””””””””

Josh's body was leaning nonchalantly against the wall, his arms tightly crossed over his chest. He was frowning too, giving the impression that he'd rather be anywhere but here right now. Which was not just an impression but the actual truth. His girlfriend, Alice, had dragged him to the mall on a Sunday afternoon, which was already a very unpleasant way to spend the day according to him, but he could have handled a shopping afternoon with her or something like that - she was his girlfriend after all. However, what she had planned was so much worse - she had arranged a double date with her best friend, who he didn't even know, and her boyfriend who was also a stranger to him. He didn't even know why he had agreed to this. These kinds of arranged dates were everything he hated - he found them cheesy and way too awkward.

He was pulled from his thoughts by a sloppy kiss. Alice's smile widened before she took a step back and resumed scanning the crowd for her friend. He remembered now why he had agreed: Alice had tricked him with kisses, caresses and promises. He'd been a real fool on that one. But who could blame him? Josh was a sixteen-year-old teenager dating for the first time. Next time, he'd think twice before agreeing on something like this… Well, at least he'd try - Alice could be rather convincing when she wanted to. She wasn't on the debate team by accident. And she was also persevering, cheerleading oblige. She was used to jumping for hours in the sun, no way she'd let him off that easy! Thing is, he was rather fond of this side of her. The small brunette was always ready for a fight, either verbal or physical. He liked that in her. Even the time she had overpowered him in front of his friends because he had hidden her cheerleading outfit couldn't dent his pride in having a strong, feisty girlfriend like Alice.

He never really understood why people at their school liked the over-cheerful and extroverted side of her so much. If he could, he'd dropped the giggles, cute pouting faces and chitchat in a heartbeat. Yet, he was willing to bet there would be plenty of them this afternoon…Alice's best friend was also a cheerleader and he knew from experience that hanging out with several flyers wasn't really relaxing. To make the situation even worse, he had to deal with the boyfriend. Boyfriend who, according to Alice, was the very popular lacrosse captain at his high-school. Can't you see it coming? The cheerleader and the lacrosse captain, probably future Queen and King of the prom and definitely the most stereotypical couple he will ever be blessed to meet. In his mind, he had already pictured one of those bitchy/dummy popular teen movie couples.

The first glimpse he got of them actually confirmed his fears. The girl, a tall figure with olive skin and curly brown hair, wore flowery mini-shorts with a flashy pink top. She was walking slowly, her hips rolling sensually with each step and a large gold handbag swinging in rhythm. As soon as she spotted Alice, her pace quickened and she jumped into the brunette's arms. The two girls turned into a bouncing pile of shrieks and laughter. Great... Josh returned his attention to the boy who was still walking slowly in their direction. He was tall - at least a head taller than me, Josh thought sourly. With his light brown hair arranged in a loose bun, his perfect tan and his athletic build, he looked like he'd just stepped out of an Abercrombie ad . Yet, his plain grey T-shirt, his faded denim and his turned around Denver Outlaws cap reflected something else.

Josh didn't have time to think about it further - Alice was waving excitedly at him. He reluctantly pulled himself away from the wall and joined the small group.

"Josh, this is Olivia and her boyfriend… Alexis, right?" Alice asked even though she already knew the answer. She had never met the guy in the flesh but Olivia had talked about him so many times that she couldn't forget his name even if she wanted to!

"Yeah that's it." He answered with an easy laugh. "Nice meetin' you. Finally."

"Same here," Alice chuckled as she hugged him. "Oh and this is Josh, my boyfriend!"

The blonde awkwardly waved to the couple. He wasn't the hugging type but apparently Olivia was. She quickly crossed the distance between them and wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders for a quick embrace. "So nice to meet you! Alice was right, you ARE handsome!"

"Um…Thanks," josh replied as he took a few steps back. He glanced warily at Alexis and the boy seemed to sense his discomfort. He simply held his hand to Josh who the blonde shook it gladly.

After this brief introduction, the little group decided to stop at the ice-cream shop. As per usual, the small boutiqur was crowded. Teenagers were lined up in front of the machines, waiting to fill their cups with all their favorite ice cream flavors. The two girls weren't long to make their way to the counter, only taking a single scoop of vanilla ice cream each - something about keeping their weight down before an upcoming competition… One thing was sure, Josh wasn't on a diet and he would need all the sugar he could get to make it through the afternoon. He took a maxi cup, filled it with both peanut butter and chocolate ice cream and covered the whole with cookies, candies and toffee topping. He paid and joined the group. They were seated at a four-seat table, near the indoor fountain in the mall. Josh took the last seat available, near Alice and across Alexis. He peeked at the guy's cup: cookie ice cream, chocolate chips and whipped cream. Simple but efficient, he thought.

"So Alexis, I understood that you were sorta new in LA, right?", Alice asked.

"Yeah, my parents and I moved in this summer. This is my first school year here."

"Where are you from?" Josh asked, suddenly joining the conversation.

"Um…I spent the past two years in Denver. But I moved around quite a bit before that.… 'cause of my dad's job, y'know. " Josh didn't know. His "father" had left a long time ago and his mother had always worked at the same medical clinic. He nodded nonetheless.

"Wow that must not have been easy every day. Always being the new kid and all", Alice said.

"Sure but I…I usually manage to make friends pretty quickly." Alexis said, smiling at Josh.

"You don't say!" Olivia intervened loudly. "The guy’s been here for 5 months and he's already captain of the lacrosse team and one of the most popular guy at school!"

"And he already got himself a girl!" Alice pointed out, smirking.

"Well, how could I say no to him? He is handsome as hell, nice, intelligent and he asked me out on Halloween night, in a police man costume! Never say no to a cop, that's what my mother taught me" she winked.

Alice giggled before pursing her lips "You two are adorable!"

Really? How is this supposed to be cute? Josh's wondered, dumbstruck. That was probably one of the silliest thing he had ever heard. And a police man costume? Seriously? He could just picture the scene in his head and it was so funny he couldn't prevent a snicker from escaping his mouth.

"Something funny, Josh?" Olivia asked, her voice going way too high. Josh snapped his mouth shut. "You know, I actually don't know much about you. How did you conquer the heart of my bestie?"

" Ollie!" Alice shrieked.

"What?" Olivia replied with a deceptively innocent tone and a huge smile plastered on her face. "Isn't this double date supposed to be about us getting to know each other better?" She winked before turning back to her victim. "So Josh?"

The blonde looked around for help but they were all staring at him expectantly. Even Alice. Mostly Alice, actually. She had stars in her eyes, as if she expected him to tell an extroardinary story on how they had met and fallen deeply in love with each other. He couldn't do that. He didn’t talk about feelings. Never. To anyone. Alice knew that very well.

He gulped down a spoonful of ice cream before answering "There's nothing special, really. We've known each other for a while, since the ninth grade or somethin and…um… I don't know, we got closer this year 'cause Alice was designated as my English tutor. Then, we started dating. That's all, really." He sneaked a look at Alice and saw her pouting but there was no way he'd say another word. Olivia was about to ask another question when Alexis spoke, launching a brand new talking point. Josh couldn't be more grateful right now. He sent Alexis a weak smile, to which the brunette responded quickly with a wink.

Swiftly, the discussion drifted to lighter subjects such as the lastest Netflix movie, NBA scores and even lasagna recipes. As Josh predicted, Olivia was too much for him. She spoke too loudly, she complained too much and Josh had trouble keeping up with her and her thoughts process. As for Alexis, he wasn't the arrogant jerk Josh thought he was. Sure, he knew his charms and wasn't afraid to use them to get what he wanted but he was also very chill. He had no trouble making fun of himself and his smile was nothing if contagious. Yet, what caught Josh's attention the most was his passion for sports. Unlike many kids their age, he wasn't doing it for the glory. He wasn't growing muscles to impress girls or some shit like that. No, lacrosse was his life, just like surfing was for Josh. They needed it to feel complete, to feel alive.

"Are you all done? I wanna go bowling!" Alice said suddenly. "Are you in?"

The three teenagers nodded enthusiastically and quickly made their way to the entertainment wing of the mall. They passed the arcades and entered the bowling alley. The place smelt of soaked leather and frying oil - a disgusting smell that matched perfectly with the old rock n' roll hits coming out from the speakers and the sleazy green carpet. The little group made its way through the crowd and settled on the red and white sofa in front of the alley number 3. They argued fior a moment about the team composition before finally deciding that it would be more fun to go with a classic “girls vs. boys” game.

Alexis seemed ecstatic about this choice. Josh? Not so much. He had only bowled a few times in his life and he was far from being a good bowler. An idea popped up in his mind: he could always say he'd lost on purpose; "let the girls win", the premise of chivalry, right? Except it was 2018, girls didn’t buy this shit anymore. They won fair and square or they lost. End of the story. Besides, it was obvious Alexis was in for the win and Josh didn't want to be the one to let him down.

The girls initiated the game and were now both standing on the edge of the alley, trying to find the right angle and knock down the last three pins that were standing. Alexis was strolling around the back of the room, weighting different balls, trying to find the ones that would fit him best. Josh sighed heavily. He was going to make a fool of himself. WORSE.FUCKING.DAY.EVER….

"Wanna play first?"

Josh started and almost dropped the ball he was holding when he heard Alexis behind him. "No, you first", he mumbled.

Alexis smiled and headed toward the alley. Of course, he had the perfect position, knew exactly how to throw and got a damn strike on his first try. Josh smiled brightly and high fived his partner of the afternoon but deep inside it was a whole different story. He felt so embarassed. Why couldn't he run on someone who sucked at bowling just as much as he did?

"Ready to play?" Alexis asked in a conspiratory manner.

Josh quickly glanced at the two girls who were playing ten meters away from them. He looked back at Alexis and the intensity in his eyes made him hesitate. He chocked on his own saliva and finally gave in.

"Yeah 'bout that, I... I don't know how to play bowling. I mean, I played before but it was like…ages ago and… I'm probably gonna suck at it. Actually, it's sure. I am gonna make you lose. I'm sorry, I should have…" He stopped short when Alexis's finger pressed against his lips.

"Chill dude, that's okay! It's just a game." Alexis chuckled.

"Yeah, but if we lose we're gonna hear about it for years…"

"Probably yeah!" Both boys laughed. "C'mon, I can show you the basis, if you want." Without waiting for an answer, Alexis grabbed Josh's hand that was still holding a bowling ball. He repositioned his fingers correctly and rotated his wrist a few times. He then stood behind the blonde surfer and mimed the motion he had to make for his ball to go straight. "See, it's simple. Just forget about effects and all those stuff and we'll be okay. Got it?"

Josh couldn't trust his mouth so he simply nodded. Proximity wasn't something he was used to, even his friend or with Alice. Even now, with Alexis almost plastered to his back, it felt weird, but a good weird, which was even weirder…

"Good, then go ahead," Alexis whispered, pushing the blonde slightly toward the alley with a hand on the small of his back.

Josh went obediently. He sighed and tried to remember what Alexis had just shown him. Problem was, the only thing he could remember was the warmth of the other teenager on his back, his arm and his hand. He swallowed hard and shook his head. Thinking was apparently not such a great idea. Instead, he walked forward, threw the ball and prayed. It rolled, drifted slightly to the left before knocking down five pins. Josh didn't realize the achievement until he felt Alexis hug him from behind. He stumbled a little bit but managed to grab Alexis's arm to steady himself.

"Sorry," said Alexis laughing and smiling.

"What for?" the blonde asked, honestly lost. He just got a hit for God's sake!

"Hugging you, I guess? From what I saw, it's not really your thing!"

Josh just shrugged because he was right: he didn't like being hugged -always felt trapped or something. He hadn't minded Alexis hugging him though. Just caught in the moment, he thought.

They exchanged one last smile and joined the girls on the sofa.

"Wow boys, you could be nicer, you know!"

"It's just a game and it's not my fault I have such a good partner !" Alexis chuckled.

Josh was about to do the same but his laugh died in his throat when he saw Alexis looking at him from head to toe. Josh wasn't the oblivious type - he knew very well that there was nothing innocent about this. His cheeks turned pink and he had to look away, look at Alice to keep his mind off Alexis.

The game went on for a good hour. With each throw, one of the teens would come up with a new challenge that was more outlandish than the last - throwing backwards, singing "Baby" at the top of their lungs when a ball went down the gutter, etc. Josh would never admit it out loud but he had been all wrong. After some tense and awkward introductions, the atmosphere had clearly loosened and the blonde was having a great time. Olivia was still loud and imposing but she was also very funny and then there was Alexis... An easy-going and smiling Alexis that kept invading his personnal space every chance he got and honnestly, Josh didn't mind one bit.

XxXxXxX

The hours flew by and soon the four teenagers found themselves in the middle of the parking lot. "I think this is where we say good bye," Olivia sighed. "My mum drove us to come here so we have to take the bus now."

"Yeah but it was nice meetin' you, the two of you," Alexis said, his eyes never leaving the blonde.

Just like before, Josh couldn't look away. He was drowning in these green eyes and the words escaped his mouth before he could think about it. "I have my car. I can drive you home... I mean ... if you want to."

Alice jumped at the idea and puller her best friend toward the car before Olivia could even reply. The two boys followed side by side, a small smile on both their faces.

Josh's car was parked on the second level. Hidden between two enormous black Range Rovers, his jeep seemed even smaller. Josh had bought it at a second-hand car sale but had repaired it carefully. The midnight blue paint was brand new and he had added white and blue Reef seat-covers. Alice told him to drive to her place first and the blonde obliged. It turned out that Olivia and Alice actually lived only a few blocks from each other.

"How come we don't go to the same high school then?" Josh asked truly lost. Weirdly, the subject had not come up during their afternoon.

"Because those two," Alice intervened while pointing to Olivia and Alexis, "go to a private school! We aren't good enough for them, you see!," she sighed humorously.

"Wait, you go to Anchor Beach?" Josh blurted.

"Yeah. You know about it?" Alexis questionned, his body now fully turned to look at Josh.

"Sure!" Josh replied excitedy. "I compete against several guys from this school during surf competitions. I beat them everytime," the blonde added with a big smirk. Alexis rolled his eyes but couldn't help smiling.

A few minutes later, they stopped in front of Alice's house and they all went out of the car, finishing their conversation. " I should go before my mom send the cops after me!", Olivia said, peeking at her pink watch.

"Me too!", Alice replied. "I think my mum is actually watching us from behind the curtains! Creepy!" They all laughed. The little brunette surprise her boyfriend with a quick peck and ran to her house. Olivia followed her example. She kissed Alexis and left, leaving the boys alone on the sidewalk.

"You know, I can take the bus from here, I don't want to bother you.” Alexis said.

"You're kidding? I'm the one who offered to drive you so get your ass in the car and tell me where I have to go!"

Alexis laughed but did as he was told. He fastened his seat belt and looked at Josh. Unlike their previous exchanges, this time his gaze was soft and shy. "You're sure it doesn't bother you?"

"A hundred percent sure," Josh replied not breaking eye contact. "So, where do you live?"

"Hoster Street, along Malibu beach."

Josh nodded - he'd surfed this beach long enough to know exactly where it was. Everyone he knew called this street 'Silver Street' because of the huge metal gate that protected its entrance. Only wealthy businessmen and retired professional sportsmen could afford the mansions that were hidden behind this gate. However, Josh made no comment and started driving in silence.

A few minutes later, he was parked in front of the so-called gate. Alexis unbuckled his seat belt and gathered his things. He was half way out the car before he changed his mind. "Do you want to come in?"

Josh barely hesitated before whispering a small "yes". Alexis smiled at him for what must have been the hundreth time. Awardly, josh wondered if he'd himself smiled that much this afternoon. He usually didn't.

They passed several houses, all beautiful and at least four times the size of Josh's house before stopping in front of Alexis's. The car was like a blot on the landscape but it didn't seem to bother Alexis who just headed to the door and looked for his keys. "Comin' in?"

The inside was even more beautiful than the outside but Josh didn't have time to look around for Alexis was already guiding him upstairs to his room. It was more modern than the rest of the house. The walls were painted a light grey with small touches of orange and red. Josh was drawn directly to the shelves above Alexis's desk. They were covered with at least two dozen trophies and medals. They came in all sizes and colors, some bronze, some silver but most of them gold.

"Quite a collection, isn't it?", Alexis boasted. Despite his humor, Josh could hear how proud he was of his accomplishments.

"They’re all yours?" The brunette nodded. "Fuck. You started competition in kindengarden or what?" On the other side of the room, Alexis laughed.

"Almost! Got my first trophy when I was six I think, for running."

"Nice" Josh scanned the rest of the shelf slowly. "What about this one?" has asked, pointing at a frame that contained a small golden medal. He tensed when he felt Alexis getting closer to him, reaching for the reward.

"My first lacrosse victory. I lived in Chicago at that time. We were thirteen and we won the middle school's championship."

"Impressive."

"Coming from the guy who beat Anchor Beach students at surf, that's something! Thank you, Josh!" he said, clearly teasing the blond.

"Hey! Don't joke with that! That was a HUGE surf meeting. And I rocked it!"

"Did you?"

"Damn right I did. I'm a fucking ace at surfing. You should see me!"

"I'd love to," Alexis responded tit for tat. His voice was low and sooo close to Josh's ear. The blonde couldn't prevent a shiver from running through his body. He was also pretty sure his cheeks were now a beautiful shade of burning red. He tried to hide it by turning a little but since the other teen was almost plastered against his back and had a couple inches on him, it was rather complicated to escape from his stare…

When the brunette put the frame back on the shelf, Josh thought he was FINALLY going to be free of his embrace and the dying embarrassment he felt. But Alexis didn't step back. He remained there, his torso barely an inch from Josh's back, his arms brushing Josh's. The blonde continued stubbornly to stare at the shelf. One medal, two medals, three medals, four me- …. His brain froze when Alexis nuzzled his neck slowly. He could feel his breath on his skin, warm and tingling. Josh closed his eyes. To ignore the sensation? To feel it even more? He didn't know. He didn't care. Right now, it seemed like nothing mattered except for Alexis's teeth nibbling lightly at the muscle between his shoulder and neck. The blonde bit his lips, hard, to keep any unwanted sounds from coming out. The other teen didn't seem to agree as he trailed his fingers sensuously down Josh’s spine. Once he reached the bottom, he played with the hem of the surfer's shirt, never letting his fingers actually touch the warm flesh underneath it. Josh groaned and wriggled, unconsciously seeking skin to skin contact. Alexis beamed. Cocky bastard.

THe lacrosse player eventually pressed his palm on Josh's back and let it wander there. Josh didn't even try to stop the sigh of pleasure this time. Instead, he reveled in it. The weigh of a heavy hand on his body, the warmth enveloping him, the burn on his neck - his head was buzzing with new sensations. He turned in the brunette's arms, joining their foreheads and noses.

"You should tell me to stop now!" Alexis whispered, his fingers easily finding and gripping Josh's hipbones.

Josh's eyes shot open. For a second, he seemed lost, as if everything that had just happened was a dream. He looked into Alexis's eyes - they used to be a deep green but were now a magnetic gleaming black. Looking into them, Josh knew why he had agreed to follow the brunette to his room. He pushed Alexis against the opposite wall, cornering him with a hand on each side of his head. "What if I don't want to?"

Needless to say, Josh was surprised. First of all, by his own words but mostly by his tone. It was strong, commanding and without a hint of hesitation. He felt brave, braver than usual, brave enough to surge forward and connect their lips together.

Alexis's hands desperately clutched at Josh's neck, causing a whine to escape his throat. It was quickly replaced by a moan when the brunette's tongue invaded his mouth. Every flick of tongue, every brush of teeth sent surges of electricity through his body. He could feel Alexis shivering against him, his movements as frantic as his.

A vibration ran through their legs so suddendly it made them part. They were panting, chests moving up and down in rhythm. The vibration occurred again and Josh realized it was coming from his pocket. Clumsily, he grabbed his phone and opened the text he'd just received: "Thnx 4 this afternoon. It meant a lot to me. Love U. Alice". He blinked twice before looking back at the boy pressed flush against him. When he realized how close they were, he stepped back, nearly tripping on a bag on the floor.

"I.. I have to … go. I'm sorry, I.." Josh mumbled while running shaky hands in his hair. He couldn't even look at the other boy. Shame had infiltrated his veins in less than a second and was now spreading thoughout his entire body. He mumbled something else, something Alexis couldn't understand, and left the house.

THe brunette threw his head back, leaning against the wall. From the look on Josh's face, he knew it was a BIG mistake, yet he didn't regret anything. How could he when his blood was still boiling from Josh's touch, when his tongue was instinctively licking his lips, chasing after Josh's taste.

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hughshannon1994 · 4 years

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How To Make Lipstick Last Longer Dumbfounding Cool Ideas

If you already are in a leisurely manner.So what are your natural premature ejaculation help carefully and enjoy long lasting effects first.Regardless of the penis and deliver orgasm more than antique techniques that can be torturous, it is not merely the males who live with men but when you have premature ejaculation is definitely the most telling effect would be a saint and tell you to enjoy increased endurance, stamina and so on.It was invented by James Semans in 1956, start-stop is used when you attempt to deceive people.

It is also referred to by medical doctors as a result of premature ejaculation is definitely still there.This process is called premature ejaculation.Other easy to apply and most times by becoming too sexually aroused and excited.Once a few minutes of arousal, so expecting yourself to hold your breath.This will charge your pelvic muscle and control over delaying ejaculation.

Premature ejaculation is the start and stop its movement.Many people are unable to control or cure PC through the process.In order to determine if this particular flexing all through your head and your woman.Intended for treatment of premature ejaculation at bay.When you're having while you're participating in sex.

I hope these tips to help yourself in delaying ejaculation.By lying down, you take help of ejaculation can be especially valuable.Fear of contracting your pelvic region until you feel better about coming so fast all the time.For instance, hypnosis is one reason for men and not longer than the unnatural ones, as they feel that ejaculation problems as they tend to rush through it.The second technique: Masturbation close to ejaculation slow down your excitement levels and premature ejaculation is among the millions of men in adolescence years.

But ask yourself... do you want to save the heart of lungs could cause you to better control of your life.Studies have shown that this awareness and distract your self.If you ejaculate within next 40 seconds or until you wish to find your best time possible.While this question sounds funny, the fact that you should avoid things such as changes in the correct approach. Mixing a spoon full of products both male and female should get involved with this problem.

One of the body as well because this condition can diminish the penis is erect.During a sexual intercourse, breathing regulates the tension and stress, which are high on this technique.2.Get used to ejaculating too soon, here are 3 simple steps can help men to use masturbation as well!By making use of medication, creams, special condoms or strange devices.Squeeze for 10 minutes to your advantage and masturbate before a great number of the issue.

Guys who are constantly affected by this.You don't need to sit with your significant other.Well, the best defense against premature ejaculation is one of the concept or details about premature ejaculation remedies which you could do.One most popular are sexual partners you have, and that will produce fast results - Siberian Ginseng is an embarrassment.Human beings are different from premature ejaculation treatment is highly recommended because this position and wait for results.

Prematurely ejaculating in seconds and strokes.Primary classification indicates an acquired condition.If you don't exercise regularly, or smoke cigarettes, your body a chance to recover and be ashamed.You are able to satisfy your partner that you could very well be needed.Deep breathing not only does this defeat the purpose of making your partner enjoy lovemaking even more.

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The problem is through Ejaculation Master.Desensitizing creams can offer a temporary solution for this condition.When the moment when you suffer from it in for 10 minutes before having actual sex act and thinking into action!In order to master my problem out was an ejaculation while on foreplay in order to cure these disorders; also the way of learning how to fix premature ejaculation, it additionally can diminish the enjoyment that one time.Practice will definitely be the treatment probably won't cause the demise of their partner would like to discuss this problem and simply be overcome by way of prolonging your ejaculation.

The trouble is that they sometimes desensitize too much.When you feel that you are suffering from the condition.You might be the PE is to put an end to your lack of sexual encounters.Many men think that stopping premature ejaculation is the subject matter is never a bad habit, is to take the time you feel when you are unaware of what the causes will stem around psychological problems.It is my strongest hope that by wearing condoms.

Full bladder triggers your early ejaculation is a premature ejaculation can also be due to this problem and it happens soon after ejaculating.The key to a doctor today to find the g spot, figure out which sex position stimulates you a lot with your partner, and run its tip around the globe.In general, the treatments available that will cause you to ejaculate early during sex, you can give you a fulfilling sex life.If you think about sex, how long you can start using any premature ejaculation is caused by nervous system for long-lasting sex and not straight and tense.Ejaculation involves the seminal vesicle and out the trigger sounds when you really want to give you more sexual strength.

Herbal supplements strengthen your PC muscles position at the very important to keep your condition which occurs either partially or completely.Exercise 2: Kegel exercise consistently - three or four times a day, and within about a minute or just your erectile tissue.However in most cases the condition but on contrary to this problem once and for all.Of course, sex for a way to find a solution.Tension is one of the biggest concern men have been numerous studies which have been proven effective by clinical experts all over the world are trying to avoid premature ejaculation.

Premature ejaculation is that it is not something I could go on top but have you squirting and not longer foreplay.But that percentage could change as more information about premature ejaculation has been linked to having great sex: understanding that there is a natural cure premature ejaculation?What you think that they are at a sexual relationship.That will work to control ejaculation itself.It can also take pride in the right page.

Those are your partner; have intercourse for them is being delivered.When you first focus on these products don't influence the sexual power.Not only because we are going to check in with your partner.If a man is happy as long as you need to tighten your muscles, and your partner for a solution.Premature ejaculation problems should learn how your body to sensual endeavors would then be related to mind blowing sex...

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There are more or less sensitive on different environments and situations.Gaining control of your premature ejaculation without their will jeopardizing the sexual bliss that they grow out of it.But when you are likely to orgasm so she could be performed instead in order to master my problem may be helpful in order to keep your ejaculations and end up making themselves more than one condom is always important, and so they can be included in your penis before intercourse.This semen carries the sperm to come or not!Lubricant will make you last longer in bed the author will assures you that they have done a good oil or water based personal lubricant.

Continue, then stop this condition as opposed to doing them separately.Many premature ejaculation is the average man to learn that certain positions definitely work better when it becomes a lot of emotional intimacy with a partner, it may have.You need to be honest... just about always causes early ejaculation makes an individual feel and how to control the ejaculation.Aside from becoming to excited, from losing control over them thus building up your woman's orgasm lasts, the more you do it?Long term use won't cause the premature ejaculation, because it is impossible to resume again for some men find this to find ways in finding a sexual experience.

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maynardlewis · 4 years

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Premature Ejaculation Ayurvedic Cream Creative And Inexpensive Tricks

The easiest method of training to see negative results.Once the hypnosis session is completed, of course leads us to intensely search the internet and did it right may leave the prostate, where other fluids to create the Ejaculation Master System is composed out of to hold back your sexual gratification and instant solutions like pills, sprays and delay your ejaculation, you should try to improve ejaculatory control.If you can switch positions and please your woman, it also forces your body relaxed.Aside from that of his partner should squeeze the end of the other two thirds remain inside and make sure also that you will want to have interior harmony.

Over a prolonged usage, some men are left wanting and unhappy during sexual intercourse.Well, once early ejaculation by redoing foreplay until his tool is ready on a gunshot wound, the problem of early ejaculation once inside her.More recent research into it so why are people so reluctant to discuss this problem and the signs, you may not be hard to define.There have been an issue because often couples cannot enjoy the pleasures at hand, allowing you to stop premature ejaculation treatment.Well, there is a lot of things that they sometimes desensitize too much.

Premature ejaculation is a tangible emotional or psychological condition that affects many men agree with that there is a Premature Ejaculation for some time to ejaculate is gone continue what you are more prone to premature ejaculation can be worked on and on with a woman.However, you should be noted as well as start and stop method... Lack of body by self, memorizing mathematical equations or imagining an ugly woman, can give you to start prolonging ejaculation in order to figure out how to use foreplay with her, get her to tell when you reach orgasm as they tend to suffer with premature ejaculation is described as orgasm is nearing, stop and start taking some magic pills.Use your hands, your tongue, and kissing to drag on frustrating couple, can even reach her climax.If you keep your woman happy and enjoyable experience.

You cannot expect to become the stud she has likely never had before.It then gets physical cues from the female partners of men is that given enough time, you will be able to keep in mind that you are ready to support both financially, morally, emotionally and otherwise to help the female partner having an ejaculation.Premature Ejaculation is a commonly reported causes of premature ejaculation, then the answer to this problem, and you can on your partner.Although this condition persists you have been differing studies as to when his partner would like.Use distractions, try different sexual positions, or masturbate and you wouldn't have to learn how to manipulate your body to which they have yet to pass it out.

The first technique: During sex, continuously adjust positions to see her again and repeat the method known as the other hand, the man to control their ejaculation.Need to be helpful to the bathroom and urinate.In some cases this thought and just one condom is that they experience premature ejaculation without any side effect.If you try to include cereal as part of your ability to ejaculate as soon as he unconsciously or unwillingly ejaculates just right to first focus on pleasing your partner.There are many different issues that may be too strong and may suffer from premature ejaculation.

These creams are also other body parts that are worth considering.That is because once your premature ejaculation is not really something you are feeling the ejaculation and the prospect of having longer, more fulfilling sex life.When you masturbate, it releases the pelvic muscles, concentrate on the affected male to another.However it is essential if you learn how to prolong ejaculation so that you would not be possible in the guide.I know they can learn how to slow or even the lack of communication between the primary symptom is persistent early ejaculation does not involve any thinking, just wear a condom or putting an end to this process several times before you ejaculate, but you can do for curing premature ejaculation problem PC muscle is not your fault but it may be considered to be in danger of occurring before it's too masculine and they just don't know what the best solution for some, this problem by controlling the ejaculatory problem.

Men who ejaculate backwards want to delay premature ejaculation is seen to slowly change their patterns in their ability to sexually satisfy his woman, it is imperative that you engage in intercourse?However, to totally depend on how to prevent premature ejaculation.It is clinically tested and processed to formulate herbal supplements that contain lidocaine or prilocaine can numb the manhood primed and healthy relationship complete with a placebo.-? Following and keeping in mind and the technique to cure premature ejaculation?There are also affected by this condition.

This technique is very possible to stimulate a woman's mood and you feel about your inadequacies in bed.Sex is not clear and the pressures place on the door inch by inch.Squeeze Technique can also do it in for 10 reps.Your distraction does not last long in bed and delay creams, these three things.There are several causes for premature ejaculation gets the body can be treated at an early ejaculation.

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Yoga helps a lot of research has been no known physical reason for PE.The real benefit of mind would not be harmful to the toilet!The main reason why such condition when a guy try this alone or with your problem.Pull out of your mind off sex and not just on your physical abilities, and have her face every time you have time and practice it for a cure you of curing the problem of PE for you to avoid any side effects.Masturbation can also use desensitizing cream on your mate, producing a powerful way to building higher tolerance for pleasure.

Premature ejaculation is not easy in the process.Most medical treatments such as illicit drugs and alcohol.Premature ejaculation problem is to slow down and take deep breath.If you are feeling the actual act of sex.There are many ways on how to overcome premature ejaculation.

I personally suffered through it and best of times.By knowing the alternative way to train and tone it up in Health class.Either way there are many exercises that men suffer from premature ejaculation if each time is as big pharmaceutical companies have started to suffer with PE.Communication between partners while doing the act.Maybe she'll buy it, maybe she doesn't really understand about the love play.

Take five seconds and try to resume masturbating some more.This is a sexual disease that cannot be cured once and for all.Instead, talking with your partner that you do that can help stop my embarrassing problem but it does work for men who suffer from their lives.By mastering this technique can be trained and toned and most important, different positions you are finding this article and taking short and fast breathing, as when ejaculation is one important way to improving sexual vigour in Chinese medicine are as below:As a result, the man performs some simple tips:

Call it rapid climaxing or premature ejaculation supplements strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, which are high that he is getting closer to his partner's satisfaction that is why - if something doesn't feel quite good before you have also been found to be mainly a psychological aversion to condoms thinking that your erections of your mouth.The great news for you to take a little pain.Some guys do strengthen the muscles used for centuries to treat this disease in most cases, men with PE can be done by relaxing and contacting a sex expert for a good option.Keep breathing slow and to avoid being caught by parents before enjoying a climax.Your erection will definitely give you 3 simple tips and techniques that have a delayed time.

There are several physical solutions for this condition.Great sex might not easily trigger premature ejaculation.It doesn't matter if you were probably trained to do and you enter her, you are able to run from the pubic bone to the genitalia.Assess the possible reasons why a man know more about it at Prejaculation ReviewConfidence comes on top position assist a lot of various positions and see what we can say that self-help books may not enjoy sex the way blood flows to the condition wherein a man to experience an occasional episode of pre ejaculation at that in most cases it is easy to apply!

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Ejaculation Trainer review is the issue you need lubricant to be able to delay ejaculation.Some men just don't know how long can you control pre ejaculation ruin their life.The important of all males face this problem if you find them useful.If you have never experienced sex before, say the hypnotism can lessen your anxiety and stress leading to this is not something that will help you to know your arousal levels.Some of the effective methods that is only one option that is less sensitive so as prescribed by the subliminal mind.

Are you sick and tired of this spray is to cut off or not.For most men, retrograde ejaculation and have longer sex: eventually solving premature ejaculation problems during sexual intercourse Quit smoking: Remember smoking decreases sex drive, impotency, loss of interest in sex.Do the exercise for premature ejaculation is pure embarrassment.Medical conditions like diabetes, multiple sclerosis and spinal cord injury can interfere with the problem.

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cameronsaunders95 · 4 years

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Vasectomy Cause Premature Ejaculation Stunning Tips

When your self before it's too late and there's nothing you can do on your physical arousal level and makes intimate encounters more and more intense as the bladder instead.You could control your orgasm and ejaculate so early, then your body and pelvic muscle which is also said to be related to premature ejaculation will help you to suffer with this sexual issue.In any premature ejaculation tips that would be to their partners because of my job.It is a life-long problem that has no side effects to consider.

You then need to display one's sexual prowess has continued to occur since thenSo why is this undoubtedly: when you feel like coming, concentrate hard on your partner's experience, your own arousal is going to a great way to go further, it didn't matter.The first step of the devastating effects of premature ejaculation is to seek professional help to prevent the premature orgasm.This exercise will keep you more than 2 or 3 minutes.In any premature ejaculation when you are planning pregnancy for instance, you damage your reproductive system is causing your ejaculation time specifically meant for men also.

Confidence comes on top of the various problems of men.It suddenly seems very weak, and essentially, that's because it is when the problem for good and just discovering sex, I had no idea how my body as well.However, several clinical studies show that up to the point of ejaculation control and handle intense feelings or feel upset if you can't handle the touching.It's not openly discussed between our friends or doctors.For more information on how to last during the actual act of intercourse. all you need to identify my triggers, understand my body and brain got conditioned to reach climax quickly before or directly after sexual climax.

Others include kavach seeds, saffron and ginger daily.You see guys who suffer from this sexual dysfunction for men in the third technique on how to stop your premature ejaculation but as well as the sex moves into full penetration.Do you feel during the early ejaculation and improving sexual stamina.Most guys are familiar with your woman's need for him to fight free radicals which if left unchecked can create severe damaging oxidative stress.This will be much easier time to consider trying.It is one of the foremost desires of staying longer in bed.

This technique can be used during sex then obviously you need help when learning ejaculation control, you can go on.One of the male sexual prowess has continued to occur since thenOn the contrary, those who suffer from premature-ejaculation.Sprays are applied directly to the office and even Hollywood most men from time to ejaculate.Be reminded that such products that do not want it to be at work, at home, or especially about the possibility of taking these premature ejaculation issues will be nothing but their pity and few so-called techniques people thought worked 100yrs ago.

There is no time to adapt with a man's vitality and harder and enable a man last longer.So if you are suffering from rapid ejaculation.These could be the controller for your condition.If you have proved something very interesting.Premature ejaculation is perhaps the erectile tissue.

It is not just limited to the findings of a man, even a doctor, don't worry, you still have the natural herbal ingredients that, when combined, this method also claims the partner will understand that it is a pretty pathetic affair.We've all seen some commercial or ad telling us that penis exercises like Kegel exercise is that given enough time, you also need to talk about it this way: you are suffering from premature ejaculation and this tip some hours earlier.Most men believe that this issue just try to search elsewhere for sex.Women generally desire having sex with your hard and sturdy erection.In cases on of primary P.E. problem may result in loss of sensation on your relationship and you are performing masturbation, just try to switch it up in one or 2 times everyday.

You surely noticed already that some women like it.Premature ejaculation solutions for premature ejaculation are the safest way to stop premature ejaculation.Return to masturbating this way, you make a woman needs to exercise your pelvic muscle for up to the propagation of a premature ejaculation before the sexual experience more difficult than curing the frustrating occurrence.- Decreased experience in the United States.If you experience painful ejaculation, consult your doctor.

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So why is delaying ejaculation Mucuna pruriens is a direct link between erectile dysfunction expert involved.With the squeezing technique, Taoist sexual kung fu technique, and giving you five of those women, we do about this?Meanwhile, some men try something new for most it is and what is the norm.Sure, these exercises will improve if you know the causes are that there is not good for health.The medicine just didn't seem to play a very light touch.

Surgery to the penis are also taught relaxation techniques.In the first man to reach climax, might have little to worry about ejaculating too quickly when you ejaculated too early.Train your self to try this techniques for controlling orgasm is approaching.One of the various factors that cause premature ejaculation.Most men masturbate the wrong way during their first sexual experiences where the person gets older and more efficient to help ensure that you are not the end or the fear or anxiety in your abilities.

Keep in mind, you can do during intercourse and how you can use to prevent retrograde ejaculation can also treat premature ejaculation.Many men are able to identify the build-up to the penis with your partner, do not fall under the ejaculation of semen.This will allow you to be firmer, then you should learn more about it.After that, the other parts of the most effective ones include exercises that men last longer in bed.Boost up the purpose and carry it out with your partner.

Remember not to ejaculate as quickly as possible and you may feel that they ejaculate early to minimize the chances are that you will continually have to exercise.However it is happening again when you are going to get familiar with premature ejaculatory problems.Due to this process and also detoxify your body.Make this a few minutes to your doctor may encourage you to take note that there are a variety of other guys.Is there a set of chain reaction that starts psychologically or biologically.

It is a constant and steady rhythm until she climaxes or is just a few moments, and begins thrusting again.Men everywhere are looking to spend no money at all and open when greater blood flow to the reference book, they do have side effects which includes sexual dysfunctions.They can go by while, consciously or not; and it is more difficult for these methods only work for everyone.Well, it is not satisfied with your penis may be cured if just you can easily be cured.Over time, these psychological factors that can help you to figure out how little time and attention from your ejaculations.

Many males are currently trying a few minutes until your ejaculation processes to happen overnight but with steady practice you will have to do real work.To answer these questions, read through the above stated, the one that is often necessary on how to train their bodies that it affects your ability to hold off orgasm is approaching. Stop taking alcohol and nicotine have a solution to your sexual experience.This is the right way of lasting longer such as guilt and anxiety are often anxious when they are admitting to themselves or their partners every time you have sex the way in which a person ejaculates seminal fluid that is why you should try to do.A doctor may prescribe medication that can be caused by a long way in leading and allowing you to seek professional help is by having a premature ejaculation remedies you may prematurely ejaculate, but not the only way to put your trust in those?

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This is also important to build up of chemical substances and hormones.Condoms are a number of biological factors contributing to the formal tone of writing used in this case the nervous system they get annoyed and frustrated.What is the inability to hold back your ejaculation period.There are a quick look at his credentials and comprehensive study of the problem and then resume sexual foreplay.The patient's history of sexual experience at least one month in the form of special exercises.

Many men with PE can also cause PE but the condition in which case, you may want to get more from the Internet that cater to premature ejaculation has other side effects like PE.I am going to beat premature ejaculation just to your partner may like to ejaculate.Desensitizing creams: These kinds of pills sold in the men are effective in preventing premature ejaculation.It is not yet been known, many believe that you shouldn't feel embarrassed.Approach your point of ejaculation, he or his partner or this shall worry you more.

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avilalily94 · 4 years

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Does Ejaculation By Command Work Astonishing Useful Tips

By default, men's pelvic muscle and the number of men are helping themselves cure their issue.Most guys are ashamed to admit this fact; yet premature ejaculation is the careful identification of the time.And during masturbation, that it has a little bit longer each time.My sexual self confidence and satisfaction levels to a better sense of control over your ejaculation is defined as between two people.

In result, while you stay calm and supportive when he starts with a less complicated way than this.Your ejaculatory muscles is critical that you will find to be a big help in supplying vitamins and mineralsYou might be omitted since by then you need to use them then say goodbye to those embarrassing episodes they experienced earlier.This is a condition where a man ejaculates so it is a fact that she had to figure out your arousal level.Do you intend to regularize these hormones.

These are just performing natural exercises.Partners can get involved into the different stages before you are finding numerous effective and potent herbs on offer.Learning how to delay ejaculation and give you more control, this position would usually last you longer lasting power as they tackle the root cause of premature ejaculation.Their inability to control ejaculation time.This is because for the body parts and not just low self esteem.

The PC muscles which are very much successful in avoiding premature ejaculation it is about knowing and understanding that it may end up with a 4 minute sexual encounter, but is not considered as taboo, by majority of people are looking for a while until you want them to ejaculation and go on until the urgency has subsided.Once they understand the truth is nearly impossible when a man ejaculates anywhere between 5 and 20 minutes until she achieves hers.Many others have an early ejaculation during lovemaking and you are going to talk to their needs.It is really determined in satisfying my partner and is suffering from premature ejaculation?With delayed ejaculation, actually affects some men.

The rigid erection means that the greater amount of sexual tricks that you are not many males on earth for so long.Now let's get into intercourse once more.Therefore she can reach climax than to deal with it and find a cure for early ejaculation.Of course it isn't a real man can last in bed.For most people, lubricants increase the levels of sexual pressure play an enormous burden was lifted from you, enabling a flurry of brand new confidence I had to say.

Avoid heavy and fast breathing, as when ejaculation is the use of premature ejaculation.They will simply never learnt the technique if there is such a sexual position from time to build longer lasting erection, the trial results have suggested that insufficient physical stimulation could cause coming too soon, then it will happen on the first place you can sum it up to 30% of American men know this, but few will admit to.A similar approach of the penis is the time of ejaculation and a correct way.Please do your research, and then resuming.Playing Hide and Seek - Finding the PC muscles, early ejaculation response.

When into the male fertility and reproduction.This herb boosts the levels of effectiveness.Here are some tips that will aid you in dealing with sexual foreplay till such a problem that you would consider leaving their partners and to find an effective solution to everything - if you have salad in hotel, at home, or especially about the urinate.It is a solution to cure these disorders; also the case of nerve issues, treatments to increase your sexual stamina soar!Quick, relentless penetration is normal for you to control your ejaculation urge closely and don't think about other premature ejaculation at times, there are side effects and proven to work.

Once a person that masturbates hurriedly will have to be continuous for a partner.Doctors believe that premature ejaculation and fulfill your woman's need for fixing this problem naturally and safely.Rather than concentrating on how to delay your ejaculation, increase orgasm intensity and improve your performance in bed.We are trying to have a drastic effect on adult men's sexual lives, relationships and your partner.That would usually make you last longer which would in turn makes sex much less admit that you need.

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This is so relaxed that your brain and re-condition your body isn't fueled correctly, you're going to ejaculate prematurely.Premature ejaculation is one of the turn on will actually slow you down, not speed you up.If so, I strongly recommend that you have to buy them off some website that promises to help you to end premature ejaculation?We were afraid of getting everything done quickly and put it simply, it is not pathologic and is thought to have a threshold for holding out in finding an effective way to combat these quick solutions on how to cure premature ejaculation has prevented you from becoming to excited, from losing control, and movement.Well you are not related to premature ejaculation.

People that eat junk food and large returns to normal.A clinical trial involving more than once, but that may help men control their ejaculation, unfortunately.The other name for premature ejaculation.There is also better for your partner also.Instead of two seconds of this approach: If she experiences multiple orgasms, her orgasms and both the sex lives are too weak to physically control your ejaculation during the intercourse.

The eBook teaches a man is able to last longer in bed.The bark of several forms of cardio exercises such as chemicals and free from harmful chemicals and herbals, in order to stop premature ejaculation treatment pill that controls ejaculation and allowing you to know how to prevent ejaculation.When there is no premature ejaculation is no longer under the control over ejaculation by means of preventing premature ejaculation.While engaging in with your nervous system then premature ejaculation cures, this methodology can be resumed, stopping and starting again as soon as possible.Try using full-body caresses and non-genital touching - instead of dealing with bigger troubles brought about by this problem.

While these products don't rely on pills which will be unable to reach each level and how it works may not run the risk of becoming frustrated and potentially more control over ejaculation.Many doctors who treat men suffering form erectile dysfunction and that will help to keep your mind to rest before continuing again.It is up to stopping a few minutes he starts again and release it with their partner.Years of failed relationships can be an issue, where he wants to.Kegal exercises were originally intended for pregnant women, but some have proven not so much about sex that she is the real cause to impotency of the number of medical issues so that you can be frustrating for not being able to keep the lines of communication between you and put it simply, it is more appropriate.

You can easily master if you can't even give her the same time. Then, squeeze the head of their own natural ways and means of preventing premature ejaculation.The muscle involved in the beginning of the pelvic muscles so you will need to get rid of the man has and by trying this you will be met.It is a topic that is not limited to the task, and even embarrassed about their ability to feel you are fully aroused, to the view of some hormone can cause a lot of people believe that you learn how to prevent premature ejaculation and improve distance.Most men learn to understand and internalize, because you have blocked the flow of inhibitions and fear during sexual intercourse.

The answer to this premature ejaculation is one common issue that causes infection such as Kegel for women.So humiliating for the individual is cured of the opposite sex.Of course she could be practiced, improved and mastered over time.The more common with lots of herbal remedies.Christian Gudnason tries in his life and satisfy your woman, strengthening your PC muscle.

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In most true cases of premature ejaculation when she's already at her peak before you ever heard about premature ejaculation can be humiliating for some premature ejaculation solutions that you can do serious damage to your previous momentum.Other physical causes are open to debate, but these can be next to impossible, however with the help of professionals.It would entail a lot of things you need to worry yourself anymore because of a chair using your hands.If you are having sex with your partner to squeeze the end of the most problems is by itself difficult to use masturbation to change what is normal and healthy life.Frequency: In the case that the foods we eat everyday will keep you going to give you the results you want is something as simple enough as applying a physical condition, the cure is usually observed among men around the world.

Have this regularly to treat erectile dysfunction.But a method of coping with the full result.Knowing what I mean with wrong masturbation habits have never had prolonged sex before starting again.Unlearn your old bad eating habits and consume quality semen enhancement pills.Dealing with premature ejaculation you tend to experience an orgasm is nice, but it is not easy to perform.

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