VEER/ABHAY
Namaste, main hoon Veer Singh. (Greetings, I'm Veer Singh). I'm twelve, and I'm a Punjabi. I was born in September. My family primarily hailed from Amritsar, but my ancestors migrated to New Delhi over time due to the Partition of Punjab back in 1947. There's a common misconception on whether we can speak Hindi or not. Well, there are Punjabi Hindus and Punjabi Sikhs. The Sikhs can speak Punjabi fluently, but the Hindus primarily speak Hindi, although they come from the same heritage and background. I belong to the latter.
"Pagri" (turban). This gave us an identity, and it was one of the rules we had to follow according to our religion. My relatives sometimes say things to me in Punjabi, and I can't understand a word of it. I've become more immune to speaking and understanding Hindi. I have black hair, doe eyes, and I wear a "kara" (traditional Sikh bangle) which indicates utmost devotion and sincerity to God. Indian families are known for celebrations, singing, and dancing. It's always a colorful and vibrant occasion. Wouldn't want to miss it if you travel down here.
Our food variety is endless, and once we start, it will take a long time to finish. Kids are lovingly referred to as "Puttar." My father was the eldest son. I called him "Papaji," my uncles "chachaji"and aunts"chachiji."
Gagan chachaji and Rano chachiji were the parents of Baani, Gunjan, and Preet, my cousin sisters. Mohi chachaji and Lajjo chachiji were the parents of Jeet, Balwant, and Yuvraj, my cousin brothers. Bhagatveer Singh was our grandfather, who we lovingly called "Darjee."
I suppose the real fun started when we were at the table. It was a pretty sight to see my aunts and mother trying to get all us kids to eat well .... Although Arjun, my older brother, found it a bit overwhelming.
"You didn't even start eating?! Have parathas (Indian bread) and take some paneer (cottage cheese) with that. Don't you have to build your body?" they asked as they loaded his plate.
"I will eat what I want! Please!" he pleaded with folded hands.
To be honest, I love eating everything served at the table. You could describe me as a bottomless pit. I guess I take after my dad and uncles. Couldn't understand why Arjun was quite fussy. He is the eldest child. I call him and my older cousin brothers "bhaiyya."
We are polar opposites. Arjun is trying out to make it to the Delhi Cricket Team. I love playing cricket as much as watching it on TV. It's quite a sight when all the men gather in our house ground and play. Arjun always planned the setup for each match. I always found cricket the most exciting sport even though hockey was the national sport in India because the rules were simple. But that didn't mean a bit of cheating was encouraged ... and so was rule-bending. Now, this happened when Arjun appealed for LBWs (cricket lingo).
"Darjee! You are supporting Jeet?! I'm appealing, and you're easily rejecting it? This is wrong," he said, shaking his head.
"No, Arjun, I'm being honest," he said.
But as Arjun turned, he winked at me. "Papaji, Mohi, and Gagan chachaji, you've become old," said Arjun, frustrated.
"Son, just watch. I will field so well that Jeet or Balwant will get out, just like that," Gagan chachaji said, snapping his finger.
After ten balls, eventually, Jeet did get out. Looks like chachaji had kept up his word.
"Did you see that? ... Once we promise something, we will make sure it happens. Now, will you accept? I want to eat. I'm hungry!" he said, rubbing his tummy.
Like Indians in general, Punjabis are known for their food, hospitality, and welcoming nature. A Punjabi will never deny assistance to anyone, even a stranger. The husbands are demanding of their wives, who are busy doing household chores the entire time and are ordered not to speak much. Punjabi women drape the traditional scarves around their heads. They are known as "duppattas and chunnis."A lot of kids referred to their Moms as Mummyji. I didn't. For me, it was simple: "Ma."
"Did you see how I fielded and played?" I asked as I sat beside her.
"Yes, yes, you field very well." She nodded and patted me.
"Then why doesn't Arjun praise me?" I asked sadly.
"Forget what he says," said Ma shaking her head. "I know you, my little Veer."
"Veer, after a few years, we will get you ready to play cricket just like Arjun," Papaji said as he looked into the mirror, wrapping his pagri around his head.
He had long hair, but I never got to see it since it was tied beneath the pagri.
"Yes, Papaji."
Papaji, Gagan, and Mohi chachaji were known as "Sardars" who referred to each other affectionately as "Veer Ji." (Veer is a name and also used to address "brother" in Punjabi). They loved their thick mustaches and manly beards. Although we all ate dinner together, the men had their quota of fun and drinking. One night, I heard them laughing and babbling as usual. If there is something a Punjabi can't live without, it's alcohol.
"Diljit, do you remember when we went hunting, how fun it was?" asked Mohi chachaji.
"I got off the horse and quietly hid behind the tree. The lion was right there. After that, I lifted the gun like this," he said as he gestured. "I fired the gun, and the lion ran away."
Papaji laughed.
"Yes, I was there too," said Gagan chachaji.
"You were, but after listening to the gun go off, you fell off the horse!" laughed Papaji and Mohi chachaji.
"Hey, give me a peg of alcohol," asked Papaji.
"Yeah, yeah, it's fine ... now just stop with it already," said Gagan chachaji.
I couldn't understand their sense of humor, but OK, whatever made them happy.
"Did you ever think what happened to brother Baldev?" asked Gagan chachaji.
"Chhup!" (Silence) shouted Papaji. "Remember, we promised that we would never take his name in this house?" he said.
"But do you ever think about where he is and what he's doing?" asked Gagan chachaji.
"Yes, maybe," said Mohi chachaji and Papaji.
I ran back into the room since I didn't want anyone to know I had eavesdropped. I was curious and didn't think twice that I could be landing into serious trouble. After all, the youngest kid in the house is known for doing that.
The girls loved to whisper and giggle at the table. It was always some girl talk that neither the boys nor I could ever understand. If the elders scolded us boys, they would laugh. I guess they enjoyed seeing us in trouble. In a Punjabi household, it's too late for you to decide what you'd like to eat. Your plate is already loaded and given to you. You have to just eat. Try to bargain but trust me, it's a battle you don't want to fight. I thought I could take a chance with Darjee regarding what I heard since I was his favorite grandchild.
"Darjee, can I ask you something?" I said.
"Yes, tell me," he said as he ate.
"My friend's name is Baldev." I paused.
As I looked at him, he began coughing.
"Veer! You don't know what to ask when!" scolded Rano chachiji, before giving him a glass of water.
"No problem, why do you ask?" he said as he drank water and patted his mouth dry with the table cloth.
"I like that name very much. Why did you name me Veer?"
"Veer is a nice name," he said.
"Baldev is a good name too, right?" I asked.
"Yes," he said.
"Then what happened to Baldev chachaji?"
There was stunned silence at the table. Everyone looked at me in shock, especially Darjee. He had never been so stern as he was now. Ma grabbed my arm and marched me upstairs. She began hitting me on the way to the room. I was scolded.
"You will not take that name in this house, got it?!" she yelled, dragging me inside the room.
"But why? Who is he?"
She shook her head and sat down next to me.
"He is your other uncle. But he left this family and went away."
"What happened?"
She took a deep breath.
"Look, whatever I'm telling you, listen carefully. After that, you will not ask questions. Understood?"
I nodded.
"Your dad had three brothers. His youngest brother left this house because he didn't adopt the rules and customs of this family. Darjee said that all his kids would live in this house together. No one would go outside Delhi or India. But Baldev chachaji wanted to go outside the country and explore this world. And when he expressed this desire, Darjee expelled him from this house and severed ties with him."
"So easily?"
"Yes," she said, standing up. "Remember one thing. Our honor, name, respect, and dignity are everything in our family. If we break this, then our life can be taken. Beware, we will not speak about this."
I nodded in silence.
There was not much talking in the house for the next few days. I, for one, stayed a lot in my room, which Arjun and I shared. Our school was big where all the kids would go and study. Arjun was twenty years old. Our age gap was eight years. The other boys were between the age range of fifteen and seventeen. So were the girls. All of them were very studious, except me. I would always get scolded in class. Hinglish was the language spoken at school. Yup, you guessed it right, a mix of Hindi and English.
"Veer! Eyes on the board!" snapped Ms. Ahluwalia, my class teacher. "You're always looking outside the window. Turn to page 45 and read the first paragraph."
"Yes, miss!" I replied.
I swiftly searched through my school bag, but I hadn't brought it. I had not even taken out my book yet as I looked at the table. I guess I forgot to put the books in my bag according to the schedule for the next day.
"I think I didn't bring it," I said as I scratched my head.
"Didn't bring it? Leave my class right now!" she said, pointing her hand outside.
"But Bunty will share his book with me. Chalega na?" (That'll work, right?)
"Don't try to act smart with me. Out! Right now!" she yelled.
This wasn't unusual. I always did stand outside the class at least once a day. It was either because I forgot my book, talked too much, or didn't do my homework.
"Why do you always do this? You know you could be hit for this at home, right?" asked Bunty.
"Don't worry, this happens at home all the time," I assured.
Personally, I didn't like any subjects at school. I wished to become a chef. According to the people in my house, it was a feminine thing to do, and it was never encouraged in our family. Women cooked, men ate and did all the work. Papaji, Mohi, and Gagan chachaji spent their time hunting, plowing the fields and loved farming.
The haveli (mansion) was where generations of our family lived. The only happy time was when it came to eating food since we just ate and there was no discussion about work or school. We just had fun and cracked jokes. This spread was to die for. There was paneer masala, parathas, rajma chawal, butter chicken, dal makhani, and the great lassi to top it all. But unfortunately, I couldn't enjoy it. Ma had an announcement to make at the table.
"Veer, you aren't paying attention in school. I've only been hearing complaints. But did you observe how all the others are studying at home?"
"Yes," I sulked.
"So I have decided that Gunjan, Baani, and Preet will teach you. Jeet, Balwant, and Yuvraj don't have time because they have a lot to study. Understood?"
My cousins left to get everything ready, and now I was under pressure to eat fast. I sighed after finishing, got my books, and went to the study room.
"Baito!" (sit) they said together.
Although I had great respect and fondness for my sisters, I didn't appreciate being bossed around or teased. And they did that a lot. I guess that's one of the perks of being the youngest in the family.I yawned after a while and asked them a question that baffled them.
I called them "Didi" which is used to refer to elder sister affectionately.
"Di, did you ever think that you wanted to become a chef?" I asked.
"WHAT?!" they all said at the same time.
"No, really! Our moms make such great food. If we learn from them, then there's no reason to study, right?"
They looked at each other in shock.
"No one can make money from cooking food," said Gunjan.
"Food can be made by anyone," said Baani.
"And even if you get a job, very easily you can be replaced," said Preet.
"Why? What do you mean?"
"I mean, in this world, there are so many people who can cook food. Better than you, and even they aren't employed anywhere. What will you show people differently?" asked Gunjan.
"I know I'm small, but in a few years, I can also become like Arjun bhaiyya and follow my passion," I said.
"Focus on studying. We will look into what to become and what to not become later. But if you want to pass in school, then you have to do this," said Baani.
My favorite sweet was gulab jamun. I especially loved it when it was made by Ma.
"When you make it, can I help you?" I asked as my eyes lit up.
"No, Veer—"
"Please? Please?"
"But the recipe requires the use of hot oil, and your hands can get burnt," she said, shaking her head as she adjusted her shawl.
"Give me the easy part. And what is hard, I will watch, that's it," I said smiling.
Then came the most awaited day, and after I'd successfully helped in making it, I couldn't wait to tell all the elders. But Ma grabbed my arm before I ran to the table.
"They can't know. You wanted to learn, I showed you. Now keep quiet," she said in a serious tone.
"Okay," I said with my head down.
Everyone enjoyed the gulab jamun. But I couldn't get any praise for what I did simply because cooking was a profession that was looked down upon. There were so many successful chefs from India representing India wherever they went. Why couldn't I be accepted and encouraged for my passion? I headed to my room to sleep post-dinner.
"Arjun bhaiyya," I said, sitting on the bed.
"Yes, tell me," he said as he changed his shirt.
"Do you think that I'm fat?"
He walked over and sat next to me on the bed.
"Not at all. You're fine. And if people say that, then don't listen to them. With time, you will also play cricket and lose weight. Don't worry."
"Do you really want to be a cricketer?"
"Yes, I would feel great. It's my passion."
"But don't you think there will be a lot of competition in cricket?"
"Yes, of course, but that doesn't mean I will accept defeat and sit down. I have to fight. Maybe victory will come days later or very soon. But it will happen. I'm confident of it."
"Do you think of Uncle Baldev?"
"Sometimes. Why ask?"
"If ... in your life such a phase approaches, what will you do?"
"Meaning?"
"Meaning, if you break the rules of this house and family, knowingly or unknowingly, will you be prepared to face the consequences?"
"Yes, maybe," he said, looking at me.
"Even if the punishment is death?"
Arjun looked at me, shocked.
"Who told you all this?" he asked with raised eyebrows.
"I was just asking ... randomly," I said as I looked down.
"If you want something from the bottom of your heart and you don't get it, but your heart tells you and also knows that you didn't commit a crime, what's the need to get scared? I don't want to be a coward. I will face the truth. And the same thing about death, if it's meant to happen, I don't fear death."
He turned off the lights, and we went to bed.
We had a significant age gap, but he was a great brother. The next day, I heard him and Ma arguing in the room.
"You will not do that! You know what could happen, right? You are putting our reputation at stake!" shouted Ma.
"It doesn't matter to me," he said calmly.
"But it does to me! You're my son!"
"Arjun! Come down!" called Papaji from downstairs.
"This is my decision now, whether you like it or not," said Arjun.
Before he stepped out, I hid inside our room. What were they talking about? And why was Ma crying? I went to her room to ask her what had happened, but I didn't want to risk getting in trouble again. I let it roll off my back, thinking she was exaggerating. Because I bugged him, Arjun took me out with him to hang out with his friends on his days off.
I wanted to see other people besides family. But this time, it wasn't normal. He chose a secluded spot and told me to sit inside the car. He gave me his phone, so I could play games on it, but after a point I got bored. I noticed a girl talking to him through the rearview mirror. They were laughing and smiling at each other as they conversed joyfully. They hugged, and Arjun kissed her on the cheek near the end of the conversation. I witnessed all of this, but as he sat in the car, I pretended I didn't notice anything and continued looking at the phone.
He talked to me as if nothing had happened. But ... I was curious and couldn't help but ask. "Who is that girl?"
"Who? Which girl? Nobody." He shrugged.
After a prolonged silence, I couldn't hold back longer. "I saw everything," I said softly.
The remainder of the ride back home was silent. It was strange because Arjun never had any friends who were girls and usually had his boy gang with whom he had the most fun. But I being the annoying, nosy kid I was, wouldn't stop pestering him, and out of anger, he slapped me. I began crying and didn't say anything even when Ma asked me what had happened.
"He wanted to eat ice cream. And I refused. He made a fuss, so I slapped him on his cheeks," said Arjun, glaring at me as I wiped my tears.
"Veer! You know that ice cream from the streets can spoil your health, right? Why don't you ever listen?!" said Ma, applying ice on my cheeks and then hugging me.
Without saying anything further, he just walked away. I wasn't scared of Arjun, but I felt that he had hurt me. He and I used to get into arguments. Luckily it never turned violent. I respected him.
One day all the cousins wanted to play a game.
"Oye, Veer. Get the cards," said Jeet.
"But I don't know where they are," I said as I rolled my eyes.
"Yes! I remember! They're in the almirah of your room," said Yuvraj.
"OK, I'll bring it. But you will teach me how to play, right?"
"Yes, yes," said Balwant.
I went into our room. Arjun usually locked the door of his almirah before heading out, or even if he was at home. But surprisingly, it was unlocked. As I began searching for the cards ... out popped a diary.
Pages and pages of entries daily. Looking around to make sure no one had seen me, I quickly browsed through and realized it was Arjun's. I swiftly put it back, closed the almirah, took out the cards, and left the room.
"Here, take it," I said as I handed it over to them.
Although we played cards, I wasn't able to focus. I was bothered and in deep thought about the purpose of Arjun's diary. After playing, I headed to the room and pondered about the diary. Arjun was back, reading a newspaper and playing on his phone.
After explaining why I'd opened the almirah in his absence, there was an uneasy look on his face, and he certainly appeared to be hiding something. He awkwardly excused himself.
My hunch was clarified when he came back.
"Today onwards, you will not open this almirah without my permission."
I had to somehow get hold of the diary and read what was in there. I was curious and couldn't help but figure out why he was hiding something. I was sad because my mind told me not to. My heart wouldn't listen to me. The almirah had a code that was required to unlock it. A few days later, I secretly hid under the bed to see his code to open it. I got it! It was 7346. Arjun had to head out of the house for a couple of days to train. Since I knew he wouldn't be home, I took the chance. I quietly unlocked the almirah in the night with the flashlight under the pillow and began reading.
What I assumed to be daily entries of normal activities turned out to be entries of secret meetings, love quotes, love letters, and pictures of a girl named "Simran." I snapped the diary shut and dropped it as my hands quivered. I was dumbfounded.
Papaji had begun to seek out a perfect bride for Arjun, who was the combination of being from a reputed family and following the same morals and values.
As we reached the girl's house, we were greeted with open arms.
"I am Baljeet. This is Karamjeet my wife, my kudi Mahi," said the man.
Kudi meant girl in Punjabi.
After introducing the whole family, I could see Papaji proudly put his arm around my brother with great pride.
"This is my munda (boy), Arjun."
But instead of expressing much enthusiasm, Arjun hung his head down, finding reasons to look around and avoided eye contact. It wasn't until Papaji nudged him a bit further that he managed to fake a smile.
Mahi served all of us something to eat on a tray. This was a custom common in other Indian cultures as well. The families interacted for a while, but I observed Arjun very closely. He was the least interested, trying to distract himself by looking at his phone the entire time, even when Mahi tried to make conversation.
Rishta" (relation) had been fixed. Papaji had given the bride's father his word, and abiding by that promise was more precious than his son's true happiness. It was the weekend, and Arjun had left town for cricket practice. In the spur of the moment, Ma called me to the kitchen for something, and I placed Arjun's diary under the pillow I slept on. It was a mistake I would regret no matter how much I wish I could try to take it back. Papaji was searching for a flashlight, and Arjun had mentioned earlier that it was under my pillow.
By the time Arjun reached home, everyone was well aware of what had happened.
"What is this?!" screamed Papaji holding up the diary.
"Yeah, I love Simran," Arjun said calmly.
"You had an affair with another girl inside our own house?! What did you think?! We'll let you marry her?! Didn't you even think about where she comes from?! Look at our societal status and nobility. Woh Kuttiya." (That bitch.)
"Papaji! Watch your tongue!" screamed Arjun.
Papaji slapped him.
"You only think about your societal status, reputation, and family name. You don't have feelings. Baldev chachaji must've gotten tired of listening to this all the time! That's why he left this house! He didn't want to spoil his life."
"OY!" Papaji screamed, lunging to hit him.
"Enough is enough. From this moment on, this boy has no relationship with this family," said Darjee.
The others were shocked, but I wasn't since I knew the truth and had given Arjun away. Darjee's say was the final decision. I began crying, begging others to forgive Arjun and punish me. I could hear Arjun marching upstairs, getting ready to pack all his belongings, preparing to leave.
"I will only marry Simran, and if you all reject her, I will leave this house, and we will still make our life together!" he stated before he left the house.
As he left, I continued to plead not to punish Arjun. But Papaji was so angry he didn't listen. He managed to convince Arjun to get back home, and he believed with time Arjun would understand, and he would coax him into getting married to Mahi. The next day, as it was darkening, I heard Arjun call Simran, and though I pretended to be asleep, I heard him whisper.
"You know what to do, right?"
He was gone. I lurked in the dark right behind and saw him leave the house. Papaji woke up sometime later, dressed, and shortly before he headed out to the car, I could hear Ma weeping in the room. Quickly, I ran down and hid in the trunk of the vehicle. Inside climbed my uncles and headed out in search of Arjun.
"It's reached the limit! We can't let this happen!" I could hear Papaji scream.
"But brother," I heard my uncles say softly. "He is your son."
"I know ... but I have to do this."
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