Piano for the Bedridden

Trying to remember the last time I played hide and seek. The last time I said hi to everyone on the street or saw the girls I spent every day of six years with. The last time my dad picked me up, or my mum brushed my hair. When was the last time I dressed without consideration? There is so much to think about now. I remember falling on the grass at school and making stories with the clouds. Hanging upside down from the swing and realising how big the world was. I wonder on the path of growing when we stop feeling big. I am taller now, smaller still.

apollo justice is completely unrecognizable at home. that is all

the thing about having a best friend when you're six is that sometimes that person is your soulmate and your lives become inextricably entwined as you grow together like two young trees which merge into one beautiful inseparable shared existence for all their lives

and sometimes that person is just who happened to live closest to you when you were six

Steve has the capacity to be mean as FUCK and the amount of times I've thought of him accidentally making Billy cry and then being so remorseful and just "oh...oh baby no" IS NOT ZERO I CAN TELL YOU THAT

OMG YES. i have two ways this can play out:

1) steve and billy are being playful like they usually are, when steve's joke goes a little too far this time. it's still funny but billy's a sensitive boy having a bad day, so he starts crying and steve starts freaking out. he never tells billy a joke for like a month after that until billy yells at him to stop treating him like he's fragile. so you know, this is the funnier scenario...

2) steve and billy, who were both having a shitty day due to work, are arguing about something, which eventually escalates. they're both pretty loud and mean guys so they're just throwing harsh words at each other about the other's negatives in the relationship. when they both start to yell too loud and for too long, steve blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. maybe it's something along the lines of how he now understands why billy's mom left him. or maybe it's something more like steve harshly telling billy he's way too exhausting and that he can't deal anymore.

either way, steve says something fucked up and billy, as an abused kid who has heard those exact words from his father, just stares in shock at steve. his own words don't hit steve until it's silent. his eyes grow wide and he immediately reaches out to billy, apologizing over and over again. shame and guilt fill his chest. but billy flinches back and bursts out in tears before storming out of steve's house.

billy breaks up with him, but after they've both cooled down, they talk about what happened and get back together. this time, they're both more gentle with each other and when they feel an argument coming, they leave each other alone for a while. when they're calm, they come back and talk about it with respect for one another's feelings.

.

Looking at people responding to that video of a high school circa 2002 and realizing that a lot of my demeanor and general outlook has been informed by the fact that id found a solid niche that kept people from fucking with me by the time that i was in early high school. already by then i had slid comfortably into the identity of "smart snarky person who keeps to himself but will deliver a withering take-down the moment you ask him his opinion on anything" that both classmates and teachers found enjoyable to be around. i cant really say it was masking. it was more like an optimized build capitalizing on the attributes that were already there. but also, my high school was just not a place where all that much bullying happened? it was middle school were i saw and personally experienced a whole hell of a lot more of that. to the degree that i thought movies and tv shows depicting bullying as a high school thing was like, fake

too many males getting veneers when really they should be investing in hair transplants if anything

here it is: midnights (broadway version) (i will probably add more songs later)

@anixknowsnothin @redwidow616 thank you for helping me! enjoy!

something’s just not right / there’s hunger in my eyes, but you’re not looking into mine / in the morning light / i wake up next to you, but we’re no longer entwined / i want to love you with a ravenous hunger, tear your flesh into mine / you say you like me, but you’d rather that i listen quiet, keep it all inside / i romanticize a lust for blood and the glint of evil in your eyes / any kind of sign, something to tell me that your heart is burning just like mine / rend me to pieces if that’s what it takes to tell me that i taste divine / there’s something wrong but i just can’t quite place it, leave me on the precipice, i’m fine / something awakening and stirring inside me / i’m gearing up, your pretense in decline / i slice my heart up on a platter and find that you don’t even wanna dine / i gave my soul up, you can eat me raw / diced up and vulnerable, i’m yours to try / you’re glancing to the side, bored, and find that you don’t even wanna dine!!!!

one thing that gets me about the barbie movie is like. they have a scene where the women who played with barbie honestly don’t remember her name was explaining barbie who cares if this guy likes you he stole ur home ruined barbie land and is awful and barbie’s like oh right fuck him i don’t need to comfort him or worry about his feelings then immediately comforted him and walked him through his feelings

@musicalisotope hi im going to. make this a post instead of a reply sorry i have a lot to say on this.

aru sekai is a really. obtuse series. none of its going to make much sense on its own. if it does i need u to share ur brain with me. anyway,

i think if u want to start anywhere i'd say either aru sekai shoushitsu, marshall maximizer, or laboratory.

aru sekai shoushitsu is the very first song its really long & theres so much in it & it sounds like nonsense by itself, however its a pretty complete summary of the whole plot. if u get lost once u hit the fuu lines & after dont worry about it we dont have the context for those yet. it's a lot to take in but once u move onto the other songs it all starts to click together like oh shit thats what that meant. it IS a lot tho. its also the most objective song of all of them; the rest are very subjective to their respective characters' views

marshall maximizer is of course the most popular song but thats not why im saying it. im saying it because it's the first time the concept of losing one's self/ego is really expanded on & thats a very very big part of the narrative. the lyrics it might be harder to pick up on that but the text in the background talks about it in a more direct way. its subjective to the chara's pov but it does a good job of establishing that "person" vs "thing"(no longer a person) concept. important to note this character is only an observer of that.

laboratory is similar its that same major concept of those who are still "people" vs those who arent any more. the difference here being its her experience as she crossed the line between the two. its a lot more direct than the other songs & its pretty easy to see the whole weight of the scenario & because of that it really helps put the severity of the other songs into place.

as for the others theyre very subjective & its a little harder to figure out whats going on. but in short kyuuyaku hankagai establishes its not just a personal risk & its a very long repeating event, shuuen touhikou is mostly to answer the question "well what if they gave up & didn't face the problem", oumen mokushiroku is overall that its pointless to take huge risks to themselves beyond the obvious, unplanned apoptosis is actually showing how the "doing things for yourself will save you" concept works, kanon gets into how precise their work has to be to get anywhere among other things, kugutsu ashura is a wall of words idk why u would ever start there its also weird bc she doesnt seem to be affiliated with the rest of them? an outsider forced to endure the consequences i think. i still have to dissect this one more for sure, & the new one yamete kudasai is kind of similar to laboratory but it shows more of the reasons people are pushed to the point of losing themselves.

there are. a LOT of very small easy to overlook details across all the songs. theres no one way to progress through the story since all the songs build off each other & show off different aspects of the plot & world they live in. & u also have to take into account not all of them are reliable narrators (im staring at the unplanned apoptosis girl in particular). theres also a LOT of details we still need expanded on to get the full picture but i think we're going to get more side context songs before magu moves onto to the fuu song to continue the order in aru sekai shoushitsu. the text in the background of songs that have it is also a major part of the story u cant just skip over it if you're trying to figure out whats going on. (this includes kanon. the original tweet with the decode was taken down but i still have the text saved.... somewhere. i will get that for anyone that wants it. very brief but it gives a glimpse of what the start of a retry looks like as well as why theyre in the situation in the first place)

VERY few people keep up with it as a series most people i see just think the songs sound good & leave it at that so i dont blame u if u do the same but its a very intricate story if u have the time & patience to work it out

also small side note magu's said all the charas have names but theyre a secret until later so they have to have some relevance with whats going on. it'll be a very interesting reveal for sure. we think theres 2 names in aru sekai shoushitsu (saginuma hisame & layla) but we dont know for sure who they are or if theyre even any of the girls in the songs. (best guess is the the shoushitsu chara & kyuuyaku chara respectively). thats not super important to know rn tho. also aru sekai series is a fan given name based on the first song since magu has never once talked about the contents of the series outside of what we get in the songs. (unless directly asked but theyre vague in their answers)

.

Can we talk about how hard it is to form deep relationships when your life is filled with trauma that you have to find a way to reveal to someone new to connect fully

fuck man fuck this fuck all of this i cant fucking believe it

head in hands some of my kids are so. they are So.