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painsandconfusion · 2 years

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Anon Ask Lineup!!

I got SO many gorgeous lurker confirmation asks, and wow I love you guys so much. You're way too sweet to me. Ahhhhhhh.

That being said, a lot of you had questions and I said I wouldn't rb those asks, but there were several overlapping ones anyway, so I'm just going to make one biiiiiiiggggggg post answering questions here!

How long did I lurk? Six years or so? Longer? I knew I loved whump since I was a little tiny kiddo, but didn't know there was a word for it (I feel like this is a common experience lol), and started following hero x villain things (also a common experience) that eventually lead me to the whump community. I didn't make this blog (well, the same url - it used to be a sideblog and it moved but I'm counting it) about two years ago? But I only started making my own content one year ago.

Have I ever regretted making my blog instead of lurking? Since I started this one? No. But there was a time before where I made a side blog (same url) and started making some whumpy gif sets? And I loved it and was having a nice time with no one knowing or following me, but it was immediately picked up by the kink community instead of this one. While I don't have any problem with that, I felt like I wasn't in the right place and that no one was really listening and I was getting sucked in the wrong direction, so I panicked and deleted the blog. Cut lurking again for two years before making this one.

Was I ever ashamed of whump? Um. Yes. Still kind of am (I'm working on it), but I grew up in a very religious household, and I'm an extremely kind and gentle person irl, so it felt like this horrific denial both of my faith and of myself. I read a post a year and a half ago or so that clarified the difference between fiction and reality for whump, and something about it just made the pieces fit together again for me. It wasn't long after that that I got started making my own content.

How I moved from being a reblogger to a creator? There was one prompt list (here) that I just fell in love with and had a few ideas to continue? So I did. And it got SO many more notes than I expected and I just........fell in love with it? I found I have a knack for prompt lists - much more than gif sets. So I started making prompt lists. They got popular pretty quick. Then I was challenged to do Whumptober, and I did. After that, I felt comfortable starting my own series and doing drabbles and I haven't looked back.

How many irl people know about whump/my blog? Four who I didn't meet through this. I've told three friends and my sister - all of whom took it FAR more gracefully than I expected. While whump isn't their thing, they're incredibly supportive and generally confused why I'm so embarrassed about it. Oops-

Is my whump fixation purely whump, kink, or both? Uhmmmmmmmm....I like whump. I like whump in any context. That bleeds into kink as well. I don't post NSFW things here because a lot of my readers are minors and I genuinely don't trust the tagging system to keep their sweet lovely eyes off the abominations I create asdlkf. But if I'm in an 18+ area where people are chatting, I'm more than willing to discuss it or put out ideas/content. I'm getting more comfortable with it by the day (everyone has hurtles to get over in self-acceptance - that's one of mine).

Do I use whump as an outlet for something else? I know a lot of people have turned to whump to process trauma, but that's not my story. I have loved it since forever, and my ptsd isn't something I ever want to encounter in whump. I have those tags blocked so fucking hard, I don't want to be triggered in my safe space (that's just me - everyone processes differently). But. I do find that it greatly eases my anxiety and nightmares. If I go a week or two without writing or consuming something terrifying, my anxiety doesn't really have an outlet? And it bleeds into dreams. I often have very whumpy dreams, but I don't consider them nightmares, they're just lovely. But the nightmares? Nope. Nuh-uh. Don't want. It's a very small part of why I write, but it's a lovely bonus.

Whelp I think that's all of them?? Shoot me another ask if I missed one - it wasn't intentions.

Love you all so so much - I'm glad you reached out!

General disclaimer: all these are my own expeiance and do not speak to or dictate in any way how others interact with this community or their pasts - everyone's journey is their own, this one is just mine.

#sand asks #whump community #lurker interactions

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nigthsoflune · 6 months

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In the realm of my universe, she shone as the brightest moon, rescuing me from the depths of loneliness. Our paths unexpectedly crossed two months ago, and the memory remains etched in my mind, lingering forever. Back then, she was a stranger, and I'm unaware of the profound impact she would have on my life.

This is How The Story Began.

Chapter 1: Her.

It was an ordinary day in September. I'm strolling around the time timeline. As my fingers and my wide awake eyes have nothing to do, finally I decided to sending a message on auto-base. A captivating sight caught my attention—this person left a reply there. We talk casually on the timeline but a day after, it was as if a spell had been cast, we could get a chance to talk privately. And the more I talk to her the more her presence sparked my curiosity, igniting a desire to know her better and better. Though her character remained a mystery back then because we didn't have much time to talk, I sensed that she was a good person.

As I continue to delve deeper into her world, I've discovered many things. She possesses an undeniable charm that captivates those around her. Her kindness and compassion radiate from within, leaving a lasting impact on everyone she encounters. With her soft and kind-hearted character, she approaches life with grace and tenderness, always being mindful and lovable. Getting to know her has revealed a person of remarkable character—someone whose presence brings warmth and comfort.

Chapter 2: Him.

He used to feel like a lonely and sad person, isolating himself from others. He didn't see the value in spending time with people because of he is tired being a giver. But everything changed when he met her. She brought light into his life, helped him break free from his loneliness, and now he feels incredibly happy, and he feeling blessed everyday simply because of her presence.

Hi, I wanna tell you little bit about myself! So, I'm not a person who is good at expressing my feelings or myself, I used to be shy and awkward person who always hesitated to say how I felt or what I felt, but that has gradually changed since I'm meeting her, she is the person I really care about. She is very precious to me right now, and I want her to be the happiest person ever.

At first, she may have thought of me as cold and scary person because I'm not really well at expressing myself and also I'm not talking much, it's all because my awkwardness, however, this was not the case.. I simply didn't know how to express myself or how to show my emotions, but as time passed, I learned a lot from her about how to express our feelings, how it can be like that? It's all because I truly felt loved by the way she treated me, she always show me how to love and being loved (without her realize it).

And, that is where I learn to begin, I'm starting to pay attention to what she likes and doesn't like, as well as learn all the little details about her, I don't really talk much honestly, but I'm quite a caring person since the beginning. I always ask how her day was or just what she's doing or whether she's eaten or not, then doing many things together and I'm very happy when she likes it and being smiley all day.

Maybe I'm not a romantic person who can always saying sweet things everyday, but I show my love by doing small things that other people consider as normal. I can be someone who is always there whenever she needs me, I'm always one call away and being her 911. Nevertheless, I am grateful because she can sense my love even in small gestures like that (I'm so lucky to have her), but I really want her to know that my love for her is bigger than anything else in this world, I'm still learning how to show it to her and I promise it will getting better each days, also I'll make sure she is feel loved to the fullest.

Chapter 3: Us.

So, do you want to know who is she all along?

Yes the she on my story is you, a moonlit sky on a dark night, bring warmth and hope by shining so bright. Thank you for being my guiding light and illuminating my dull life.

My Moon, as well as being said, will you be willing to take my hand and walk on the same path with me, making your way and my way become ours?

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inadequate-nefelibata · 3 years

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i don’t know if it’s the right call to write this. i’m like, weirdly out of touch. It’s 4 am here in Argentina, so if this makes no sense. so be it.

but i feel like when it comes to characters like johnny - aka male (almost always white too) characters who are shown to be violent and misogynisitic or classist (or racist), that are eventually revealed to have a pretty tragic backstory, meant to cast all their past behavior in a tragic light - i almost feel like im completely done with those stories. I’ve seen them a lot and, most of the time, the backstory not only works as a half-way redeption, but also tends to change the nature of their behavior into something that’s... less meaningful. It removes them from a larger context. More on that later.

The thing is, I liked johnny’s redeption as it was shown in the karate kid. no, that’s not right. I do feel like his story was left incomplete. we don’t see him get back up. and it is nice to see him trying to become a better person, rather than just having the suggestion that he could have been better without kreese’s influence.

But im just a bit tired of the same-old “gotcha! he was just an asshole because he was hurting all along.” reveal.

Which is not me saying that the writers are wrong to explore how the cobra kai philosophy could be attractive to bullied/marginalized kids. I see how for Tory or Aisha or Miguel the concept of showing no mercy to an unfair world would make perfect sense. especially coming from a teacher they trust.

But with Johnny, i wanted to see a bit of the other side of the cobra kai target audience.

What does that mean?

While Kreese is very good at reframing his lessons to fit all kinds of students, really, the real reason why the og Cobra kai lessons creates so many bullies is because if conviced them of this:

what the hell is that, you wonder? i don’t really like how it looks but i have tried putting it to words so many times so... eh.

It’s the idea that some people are better than other people, stronger than other people. But most importantly, if you’re weak, that changes your worth as a person. Which is why you don’t deserve to escape whatever kind of violence you are subjected to; those who are weak deserve to be put on their place.

It’s appropiate for a metaphor about US imperialism because it represents an idea that has always been used as a justification of colonialism: “the survival of the fittest”. If a group is weaker than other group, it deserves to be dominated. It deserves to disappear.

This philosophy doesnt come from marginalized groups, and it doesn’t really serve them, even if it can be presented in that way. The lines can be blurred, because human history is complicated as hell but. still. at the end of the day, community is what stops injustice. Not trying to make yourself worthy in the eyes of injust people.

Having said all that, i’m switching lanes for a second to the way in which cobra kai is presented in this show. sometimes it’s like the show want us to believe that people, kids, need to have cracks to absorb kreese’s (or johnny’s) teachings. cracks brought on by trauma or unjustice.

and its kind of related to how the phrase “there are no bad students, only bad teachers” gets interpreted in the context of the show.

I mean, Mr Miyagi doesn’t really go to explain it further so we can read it in many many different ways. But in the show, the idea of a “bad teacher” is closely tied to Kreese’s abusive relationship with Johnny. And, yes, that dimension of the relationship is canon, even in the films. Even in the first film.

But I also think it’s possible to interpret that phrase in a more neutral sense. A “bad teacher” is not necessarily an abusive one. It can just be someone who is kind to their students but still passes down the wrong kind of values.

And, considering the fact that the karate kid was making several points about cultural values, the “teacher” doesn’t even have to be a teacher at all. It can just be a family, a culture.

Kids don’t really need cracks to absorb ideas, kids are like sponges. A pair of perfectly loving parents could raise someone who’s not a great person, if they happen to hold harmful ideas.

So, what annoys me about the idea that cobra kai has finally given us the context of Johnny’s actions its that is seems to imply that, unlike the films, they aren’t saying that he was Evil. That they are instead showing us that he was just a product of his surroundings.

There’s only one problem. The films do portray him as kid that was the product of his surroundings.

The difference it’s that it’s not done exclusively throught painful experiences. It’s also done throught privileged experiences. Two things, not one. (And now, he’s just one)

So one moment in the films that gives us a glimpse into Johnny’s motivations its the tournament scene, Which is impeccable, Mr. Zabka put his entire pussy into it 10/10. I will eventually make a post about that.

But I just. I keep coming back to the Country club scene because it says so much about where Johnny is coming from.

See, Johnny is quite literally being told that he is a better option for Ali that “that boy from Reseda”. He’s also specifically using the fact that her parents are classist to get close to her. Which it’s another example of him not respecting her choices. But I also think that he fully believes this.

His background is not some convenient thing, throw in just because. Classism is part of why he is how he is.

Like, look me in the eyes and tell me these people don’t have their own bussiness-like version of “No mercy” somewhere in their vocabulary.

And then there’s his general behavior towards Ali, that it’s not really that out of place, even now, in a macho film about “getting the girl”. She does not want you, but dont worry! You’ll win her over by trampling all over her boundaries. She’ll come to her senses and see how much of a man you are!

Johnny in the Karate Kid is the product of his surroundings, but not just because he’s a kid who’s being influenced by Kreese. He’s also the product of his surroundings as a privileged kid. As a person that is told, not just by Cobra kai, but by the wider society, that he’s more important than other groups of people. It’s his social class, his position as a white man in the US.

The main source of his violence is the idea that he’s entitled to that violence.

It’s why he got so angry at Daniel when he punched back (or sprinkled back, but that sounds less dramatic). It’s why he hates the fact that Ali chose (chose, not was stolen by) Daniel. She chose a boy from reseda who can’t even fight (who’s weak) over him. Therefore putting everything Johnny has been told about his worth in question. (And just, his attitude towards her, the fact that he thinks he can literally force her to talk to him. It’s so so realistic if you think about all those other things he believes about strength and domination.)

In the movies, these notions of superiority are what makes kids (because we see clearly in the tournament scene that they are still just kids) susceptible to the Cobra kai philosophy.

And it’s so frustrating! It’s so frustrating because the writers saw that and apperantly were like “Nope, that’s not enoght. Something bad must have happened to him. This it’s too simple.”

Too simple?

The show transforms the socio-cultural explanation into an interpersonal, individual explanation. He is just A Person who was influenced by A Person. Specifically, a kid in an abusive household who felt prey to a manipulative teacher (And Kreese now has his Own Sad Explanation). At most, there’s some discussion of Toxic Masculinity (or is there, really?) but, for the most part, his privileged background is ignored.

I appreciate that we get to see him trying to be a better person, I really do. That he’s recovering from the trauma his teacher inflicted on him. But I am just so tired of the tragic reframing of these kinds of behaviors. Johnny deserves compassion for the things that Kreese put him throught. But when it comes to the belief that he was entitled to hurt other people, entitled to Ali, he doesn’t get sad points for that.

I just wish we could have seen how a redemption arc would have looked for a guy like that, for that kind of mentality. Maybe then I could finally enjoy a story where a shitty dude gets to grow from his mistakes without feeling like im supposed to pity him for the hurt he caused.

Cause I am so so so so sick of that, Hollywood!

#long post #johnny lawrence #karate kid #cobra kai meta #cobra kai #i will probably reread this and cringe at the intensity later but oh well #rational me it's not awake rn #she can't stop #me #it¿s late though are ppl even awake #anyway i am enraged and i know it's just a movie / show but ahhhhhh #since forever and ever i've encountered this kinds of stories i am #tired!!!!

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babeyvenus · 4 years

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Revival(BNHA OC)

Chapter 1: New Beginnings

Keeping herself hidden from her villainous father, and studying to be a hero for the sake of her and her deceased mother, Sunako Homura pushes her way through countless challenges in her highschool years. Will she lose it all, or lose herself?

Story Genre: Fluff, Angst, Romance, Family/Comfort

Tags/Trigger Warnings: Gore/Blood, Suicidal attempts, Alcohol, Language, Panic Attacks

A/N: figured this was gonna be short, since I had no idea how to introduce her just yet.

_______________________________________________

Aizawa Shouta hushes down the class with a glare and coughs a little. “Now, that you’ve all shut up…we have a new student.”

“That’s kinda the only reason why we were talking, Sensei….”, Kaminari said and flinched at Aizawa’s glare.

“Hey…you can come in now.”, Aizawa says.

_______________________________________________

I woke up, groggily and sighing. I rubbed at my eyes, blinking the sleep away and looked up at my clock with squinted eyes as it glared brightly at me.

5 o'clock…? A larger figure moved past my bed. "Yes, it's five. Get your ass up.", Tatsuo responds to my thoughts, getting into my closet and throwing my clothes onto my bed.

Tatsuo, my 7'2" demonic companion. He's an asshole and like a big brother. He's an Oni spirit I encountered at age 8, so of course, we go way back.

I groan, sitting up. "Why the hell are you so excited to go?"

He looked at me with a confused look, "Why're you not? You're training to be a hero like you've been doing since forever and this school is for you. Now get up."

He's got a point.

I get up, shuffling my feet to the bathroom to get ready. I brushed my teeth and washed my face before brushing my bangs out of my face.

After doing all my necessities, I can hear my aunt bustling about downstairs, moving things around and whining about her misplaced car keys.

“Sunako, you ready? You're gonna be late!”, my aunt called from downstairs.

Aunt Shura, my manager and a fashion designer for Pro Heroes. She kinda helps with the support department with equipment and such.

“Yeah, just a sec!”, I yell, looking in the mirror, smoothing out my blazer before leaving my room.

She looked at me as I walked down the stairs and smiled softly. “I keep forgetting you’re getting older.”

I smiled at her. “Not to mention, I’m gonna be a hero.”

She places her hands on my shoulders, grinning. “You go out there, and become the best hero ever.”, she says.

I open the door, "We'll see."

_______________________________________________

After getting my schedule and information from Principal Nezu, I looked around for my class.

1-A….1-A…..

I looked around the hall with a bug eyed expression. These hallways are long and these doors are huge for no reason. There's no way anyone can be possibly taller than Tatsuo...I hope.

I walked up to a giant door that stood out so much in the quiet hallway, practically louder than any other classroom I've passed. Cheerful, boisterous voices could be heard from the outside.

“You must be the new student.”, I heard a bored voice say. I turned around and looked side to side, searching for where the voice might've come from. The hell…?

“Down here.”, the monotonic voice sighed.

I looked to the floor to see a tired looking man in a yellow sleeping bag.

Where the hell did he come from…??

“This is my class.”, he says getting up and unzipping the sleeping bag. I widened my eyes at the man. "You're-"

“I’m Shouta Aizawa. Your new teacher.”, he corrected.

I bowed after taking the info in. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m-”

“Sunako Homura. I’ve heard about you from All Might and the Principal, don’t worry.”, he says, sighing again and putting eye drops in his eyes before walking in the class. “Alright, alright. Calm down, all of you.”

All Might….knows about me…?

I wonder if he knew– nevermind. There's no time to dwell on that now.

“I hope it’s a chick.”, I heard someone lisp, making me roll my eyes.

Aizawa calls from the other side. “Hey…you can come in now.”

I walked inside, gathering the attention of everyone in the class. I wanted to chuckle to myself by the confused looks they're giving me.

Two certain students seemed a bit disappointed. Must've been the ones hoping that I'd be a girl.

“My name is Homura Sunako. I hope to get along with you all.”, I say, scanning the room.

I shift my weight to my right foot, quickly beginning to describe, “My quirk is Demonic Godai. I can take the form of any yokai or demonic spirit I come in contact with and I can manipulate Earth, fire and metal elements to my will. I can also use those elements as a source of my power."

"That sounds pretty cool.", a guy with a tail on his shoulder praises.

“Homura, you will be sitting behind Midoriya.”, Aizawa says, pointing at a dark green haired boy.

The dark green haired boy, raises his hand with a soft, kind smile, his cheeks wrinkling his freckles. "I'm Izuku Midoriya. It's nice to meet you."

I give him a nod, walking over to my seat. By the time I do, the bell rings.

“Get your things ready. Time for quirk practice.”, Aizawa says.

“Alright! P.E.!”, a red headed boy cheers. I haven't seen anyone that excited about P.E. since grade school.

All of a sudden, a group of students rushed up to me.

“Hi, I’m Uraraka Ochaco!”, a bubbly brunette said first.

“Uraraka, I should go first!”, a tall guy with glasses said. “I am Tenya Iida!”

I waved a bit awkwardly. "Ease up.", Tomohiro whispers to me, transparently standing beside the other students.

Tomohiro, the first spirit I've come in contact with at age 4. He's an Onibi, a shinigami that can turn into a fire orb and spends his time checking on graves, guiding other people's spirits to a "peaceful land".

At least that's what he told me when I was little. He's also very annoying and a know-it-all.

A very pink girl came up to me, grinning. “I’m Mina Ashido, you don’t have to be formal with me, I can already tell we’ll be friends!” More people walk up to me with either soft or wide smiles.

“This is Momo Yaoyorozu, Denki Kaminari, Eijirou Kirishima, Tsuyu Asui, Jirou Kyoka, and Hanta Sero.”, Ashido explained.

“It’s nice to meet you all.”, I say, scanning their faces.

“We’re not making you uncomfortable, are we…?”, Kirishima asked, giving a nervous smile.

I shook my head, returning a reassuring smile. “Nah. I’m used to friendly people.”

They all nod, clambering into conversations.

“I AM….HERE!!!”, we all heard a loud booming voice.

T-that’s….

“COMING THROUGH THE DOOR LIKE A HERO!!”, All Might appears in the doorway.

“All Might!!”, my classmates exclaimed.

“Alright, students. We’ll be building up your heroic quirks today!!”, All Might exclaims.

He holds out a card.

“Battle Trial!!”, everyone exclaimed.

Battle trial….?

He looks at me. “Newbie!”, he clears his throat. “Young Homura! Welcome to UA High!”

I smile and nod. “Thank you.”

“Alright, give Homura some space. Go change and get outside.”, Aizawa says, trying to clear out all the commotion and excitement.

I sigh and look up, feeling like someone had their eyes on me. I look up to see an ash blonde boy glaring at me.

The hell's his problem….? Tatsuo frowned. "Just keep your guard up. And go have some fun.", he says. If you can call being watched fun.

#bnha oc #my art #bnha #poc oc #my oc #bnha kirishima #sunako homura #bakugou katsuki #mha kirishima #mina ashido #mha izuku #bnha deku #deku midoriya #my hero academia #fanfiction #bnha fanfic recs #bnha x oc #shouta aizawa #kaminari denki

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imaginejamesandsirius · 4 years

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hey! so, i love your work, literally im in love with your stories, i think I've read them all like 7 times. I don't know if you are ok with trans characters, but trans sirius comming out to james, (they are already dating) and james being kinda confused at first becouse, how is the relationship supposed to keep going? and at the end he is ok with it, angs and fluff please:))) sorry if i had any mistakes, English is not my first language:)

((A/N: Warning for some transphobia!!! James is trying his best but has a reaction that’s kind of transphobic because he’s never dated anyone that’s trans. He works through it during the fic, but if that’s something that might bother you, you might want to consider skipping this one))

"So," Sirius said.

"So," James echoed. They'd agreed to talk about sex before trying anything. It sounded adult and healthy, and not like anything James had done before. Most of his relationships had started with sex. First time doing anything with a bloke had been because he sneaked out of school one night and found a queer pub. He'd been too young to be going, obviously, but he'd gotten his first kiss there. He hadn't been out to his parents by the time they passed, so his relationships had exclusively been late night encounters and illicit meetings-- not so illicit the older he got, but it had never been open until he started dating Sirius. "I'm- I mean, I'm pretty much up for anything. I've never been really picky. I'm... ready whenever you are, basically."

"Right." Sirius chewed on his lip a little, turning that over in his head. "I should- erm, I guess I should tell you that I'm. Erm. I'm trans. So. Y'know. There's some things I won't be comfortable doing. And er. I know that's a deal-breaker for some people. If it is for you, you should tell me now."

James blinked. "Oh. Er. I don't- er."

Sirius looked a little crestfallen but tried to cover it. "Yeah. I kind of expected that. It's fine. I should- I guess I'm going to go."

He started to stand, but James stopped him with a hand on his arm. "Don't- I mean- I just." He clamped his mouth shut so he didn't keep stuttering. He took a deep breath. "Can I think about it? I've only ever dated... I mean, you're pretty much the first person I've ever dated. And I've only ever shagged- well, people with dicks, you know?"

Sirius nodded.

James dropped his hand, and Sirius straightened the rest of the way. "I just need some time to think about it."

"I can give you a couple days, but James... I'm not going to wait around forever. Either you're alright with it or you're not."

"A couple days is fine," James hurried to say. "That's all I'll need. Thank you." James stood and gave him a quick kiss and flash a smile that was weakly returned-- he didn't want for Sirius to think that he didn't like him anymore. "I'll call you, alright?"

Sirius gave a small nod, then he left.

James threw himself onto the couch. He couldn't do this by himself. He was an utter dumbarse; he knew this. He needed outside help. Remus was trans so he'd be able to see Sirius's point of view on this, but James didn't want to inflict this conversation on him. Remus had another shite to deal with without having to walk James through his insecurities. That left Peter. Peter was probably the better choice since he was the one dating Remus. James reached out and grabbed his phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Pete. I need some advice."

"You're asking me for advice? Bloody hell, the sky must be falling. Alright. What is it?"

James opened his mouth to say 'so Sirius is trans and I could use some advice since I'm bollocks at this dating thing and am only good at sex but it turns out that what I know isn't going to help me any' only to stop cold. He couldn't tell Peter that Sirius was trans. There were rules about this sort of shite. "Nevermind."

"Okay-?"

James hung up on him. He'd apologise later. Who the hell was he going to talk to? He couldn't talk to anyone that had met Sirius, but he still needed someone he was close enough with that he could talk about this sort of thing with them. He scrolled through his contact list. Lily. Bloody hell, that's right; Lily was back in the country. She'd gone to the States for a few years to study, and they were supposed to meet up for tea this weekend to catch up before she went back. He didn't want to wait until the weekend to talk about this though, so he hit call.

"Hey James. Canceling on me?"

"I wouldn't dare. I was hoping for some advice, actually." That she wouldn't have a chance to meet Sirius before she left made this better, because it wouldn't be retroactive outing or summat.

"From me? This should be good."

"Well- maybe advice isn't the right word. Someone to talk to? See, I've started dating someone, and he's trans."

"Alright. And?"

"And now I'm worried about sex."

"A vagina isn't a buggering goblin, Potter."

James rolled his eyes. "I'm well aware, thank you."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I don't know how to... do anything with those parts. Comparatively, penises are much easier to understand."

"I'm sure they are, but you like this bloke don't you?"

"'Course I do. If I didn't, I wouldn't be worrying about this. Listen, Lils, I know this is kind of shitty. I like him and what he's got in his pants shouldn't effect that at all."

"It shouldn't," Lily agreed. "Has it?"

James frowned as he thought about it. "I don't think so."

"Well you're not a total shit-head, that's a point in your direction. Listen mate, you're only going to work past this if you talk to your boyfriend about it. For all you know, he doesn't want you to touch him there, anyways. I can't give you catch-all advice for how to have sex with him because I don't know what he wants. Just- be honest. Open."

"Tell him I need a fucking step-by-step for how to have sex?"

"Yes," Lily said. Her tone was free of judgement. Straight and to the point. Yes, James needed to say that to him-- probably with those exact words.

"That's embarrassing," James muttered.

"How? It's not wrong to admit when you need help. Besides, it'll be less embarrassing for you to admit you don't know what you're doing than try to muddle through it and have someone get upset. Or hurt, depending on how badly you bugger up."

"For fuck's sake, I'm not going to hurt him."

"Maybe not intentionally, but if you don't talk to him, that might end up happening."

"I hate it when you're right."

"Do you? Me being right only helps you these days."

"Yeah, yeah," James muttered. "Thanks for the help, Lils, I'll think about it."

"Mmhmm."

"I'll see you Saturday, yeah?"

"Yep. Have a good time agonizing over this."

"You're such an arse."

"Yep," Lily said again. "You can agonize over that too, if it'll make you feel better. Good luck."

They both hung up, and James sighed. He knew this wasn't going to be a problem. He knew he'd be able to get past it. The trouble was in getting his emotions to sort themselves out. He knew, with one hundred percent certainty, that in the end, this didn't really matter to him. But he couldn't get that through his fucking head.

He didn't know what he was doing, here. He had no idea how to do normal relationships, and he'd thought that was as far as not-knowing-what-he-was-doing that he was going to get in this relationship. He'd figured that sex was going to be the part of this that he was actually good at.

Fuck, that's what was tripping him up, wasn't it? It's not that Sirius was trans-- which, thank God, James didn't really want to be an asshole and Sirius definitely didn't deserve it from him-- it was that James had lost the only good thing he was bringing to this relationship. He couldn't guarantee Sirius a good time-- not at first, at least-- and now it felt like... nothing. It felt like he had nothing. Nothing to offer, nothing to give. Except for the mess of a person that he was, that is, but that wasn't exactly a high value.

"I'm a mess," James said into his phone. He was laying down on the couch because it was easier to talk about the hard shit like that-- maybe those therapist couches had the right idea.

"...Okay?" Sirius said.

Yeah. Maybe not the best opening he'd ever had. "Wow, yeah, should've started differently. Sorry. Restarting," James declared. "Hi, Sirius, how are you?"

"Fine?"

"You don't sound too sure about that."

"My boyfriend said he needed time to think about our relationship and then he calls me acting like maybe he's not alright. So... I am fine, but I'm not sure you are."

James winced. He was buggering this up; was anyone surprised? "Right. Sorry. I'm fine, that's why I called. Or- I guess it would be more honest to say that I've realised I'm not fine but that's okay?"

"...Er. Alright. How about you just say what you planned on and I'll figure out what you mean from there."

"Right. So. Erm." He'd practiced saying this. Why did it have to be hard now? "You being trans? Totally not a problem. The er- problem is that I don't know what I'm doing."

"Like in life?"

"That too, but er, I was thinking more like with this relationship. I think I've told you before that you're the first person I've really dated."

"Yeah, you mentioned."

"Right, so when I figured out that I'm not going to be good at anything in this relationship, I sort of panicked. That's what that was. Also I told one of my friends you were trans because I needed advice, but she doesn't know who you are and you haven't met. I don't really know if that's alright or not but I wasn't getting anything done thinking on my own so I had to outsource- and wow now that I say it aloud that sounds really bad. I'm sorry."

To his surprise, Sirius snorted, completely uncaring. "James, I'm glad you didn't out me unnecessarily, but you and your mates are pretty much the only people that don't know. When I told my parents, they sort of lost it and told... well, everyone in a fifty kilometre radius from our house. Believe me, you're fine. I was nervous about telling you because I was afraid you'd-. Well. Panic. Which you sort of did, but now it sounds like it wasn't about me."

"It wasn't, rather. Do you know what it's like to have nothing to offer? I'm not used to filling that role."

"I'm- I'm sorry," Sirius said, amusement filling his voice. "Did you just say that you have nothing to offer? Is that what you think is happening here?"

"I mean. Yeah. I've met me. I'm a whole lot of fun to be around, but not good for the long term commitment shite."

"Ooo is that where we're headed? Long term commitment? That sounds like it will be a beautiful disaster, between you and me. Mostly me. I find it absolutely hilarious that you think you are the only disaster in this relationship."

"Hey, we're having an important relationship conversation over the phone because I was too bloody scared to have it in person. Clearly, I am the bigger disaster."

"Oh James," Sirius sighed. "You have so much to learn."

"Lily- oh, Lily, that's the friend that I called, you haven't met her because she's in the States most of the time these days-- she said I have to admit to you that you're going to have to teach me about sex since I wouldn't know what the hell I'm doing with you."

"Always a good thing to admit beforehand," Sirius said, and it didn't sound like he was mocking James. Not that James had really thought that he would, but it had been a concern in the back of his head. "Don't worry about it, we'll go nice and slow. As much as I would love to hop right into bed with you, past encounters have taught me to be cautious."

"That doesn't sound like fun."

"It wasn't," Sirius said honestly. "But I'm sure we'll be fine."

"I'm glad you're confident about this, because I'm sure as fuck not."

"Stop being so bloody pessimistic."

"Yes dear."

Sirius laughed. "Usual date night alright?"

"Sure. You want to go out or are we ordering take-away?"

"That's a whole day away; I don't know why you would think that I know."

"Flying by the seat of our pants, then?"

"As usual," Sirius agreed. "See you tomorrow."

#prongsfoot #marauders #fanfic #james potter #sirius black #filled #no magic au #established relationship #post hogwarts #siriuslystarbucks #Anonymous

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applejacks1552 · 4 years

Text

Day 7 - Theme: AU for Rogue and Gambit week 2020

(Also Day 3 - Domesticity)

Entire story can be found here:

#Rogue/Gambitweek2020 #Rogue/Remyweek2020 #Romy #Rambit #AU #Gambit #Rogue

Children of X

CHAPTER 8

The sun was seated on the horizon with morning properly underway, as the twins strategically circled Gambit out on the dusty savannah.

Becca, crouching slightly, cocked her head at Ollie moving her eyes just so, then lifted her chin to the right, communicating her intentions silently. Ollie scrunched his nose at her suggestion, shook his head no, and nodded upward to convey another meaning. Meanwhile, Remy stood stalk still between them grinning and at the ready, a blindfold tied snugly over his eyes.

Rogue and Storm sat off several yards away, resting casually on a sizable cluster of rocks located nearby the disguised entrance to the underground lair. They looked on with mild interest as the kids' “homework” commenced. The assignment for them was simple enough - steal the blindfold. Meanwhile, Remy's job was merely to evade their attempts without leaving the circle he had outlined in the dirt.

The twins rushed him together, Becca attempting a flying grab for his head, while Ollie tried to sweep his legs. Remy dodged them both, smoothly rolling to the left as the kids nearly collided in their enthusiasm.

He laughed, “Good try. But you’ll have to do better than dat.”

As they regrouped for another attempt, Rogue was engrossed with the Wakanden tablet Storm had lent her. She inserted the drive she had smuggled back from her mission and began pouring over a schematic, delighted to find she could pull it out into a 3-dimensional model with the advanced tech.

"Your next target?" Ororo inquired looking over with curiosity.

Rogue nodded, studying the model intensely with a furrowed brow, "Yeah."

Storm inspected the diagram, "Where is this exactly?"

"Just South of Chenjianping ..." Rogue answered. "Looks like a run o’ the mill factory, but it goes a lot deeper down. See?" She gestured.

Storm nodded her agreement. "How many bases will this have been now?"

Rogue was thoughtful, recounting their targets, "We hit the one in Nebraska first. Wasn't much there anymore really. Still abandoned since it was originally blown up. Same goes for the one in the Kerguelen Islands an' the theatre in Seattle, … then there was Paris … Anchorage … All the connections were already closed, though."

“All this searching … when will you know it is enough?” Storm asked in her straightforward, placid manner.

Rogue scowled slightly, “When he’s gone. And for good this time.”

“Still X-Men. Even after all this time. Forever fighting the hopeless cause.” Storm observed with bemusement, looking back to the training session.

Rogue frowned. “Ah don’t like it any better than you do, ‘Ro. But there isn’t a lot of choice in the matter."

“That was not meant as a criticism, Rogue. Just that … I’m sorry it has come to all this. As X-Men, sacrificing all that we have … I had always hoped it meant we could find some peace in our time and that our children might do the same. That they’d be the ones to live in the dream.” Storm reflected wistfully. “They’re getting quite good though.” she nodded, as Becca finally managed to glance a thwarted grab off Gambit’s shoulder while he was avoiding another kick from Ollie.

“Dat’s my girl.” Remy encouraged. “C’mon now, Ollie. Get in here. Not gonna let your old man win now, are ya?"

Rogue smiled, glancing over. “It’s kind of amazing watchin’ them grow. Seein’ what they can do. Ah see myself in them sometimes, 'Ro.” She sighed. “But yeah ... then I wonder … are we doing right by them? Was it wrong of us, bringing kids into all this? The X-Men? The Thieves Guild? Spendin’ their whole life in hiding because of who and what we are?”

“As I recall,” Storm smirked, “It was not exactly as though you and Remy planned this out. Fate made the decision for you.”

Rogue laughed, “Well … fate or not … can’t say Ah wasn’t a willing participant.”

Storm echoed her laugh with a heartier one.

They turned their attention back to the skirmish, where the kids were still losing.

Rogue whistled to them and when they looked her way, she made a twirling signal with her finger. They nodded understanding and paused a moment. She bent down to scoop something up.

"Hey! No help from de peanut gallery!" Remy objected in her general direction.

Rogue skipped a stone past his left foot with a sly smirk and when his head turned toward the movement and sound, the kids pounced on him, barely missing this time.

Rogue and Storm shared another good laugh.

"Jus' tryin' ta even out the playin' field, sugah." Rogue hooted at him in a sweet molasses taunt.

Remy recovered from his sharp roll away, shook his head and smiled his devious smile, muttering to himself, “Dis woman”.

"Seven years is it now? And with the very man some said could never settle down.” Storm observed. “Yet here you both are. And in all this time you’ve been almost entirely on the run too. Hasn't that been difficult?”

Rogue watched as the sparring continued, “Can’t say it’s always been easy or anywhere near perfect. We're apart so often ... too often, really. An' the times when we are together, sometimes it's just about gettin’ through it all an' surviving. And sure, once in a while Ah kinda have the urge to knock him unconscious for maybe an hour or two.” She smirked, “But …” she looked back over as Remy dodged another of the kids’ attempts with a fancy flip and devil-may-care laugh. “Yeah, Ah don’t know what Ah’d do without him.”

“I imagine Remy would echo those sentiments. Even now, the man is still showing off for you.” Storm pointed out.

“Pfffhh, he’s showing off for whoever happens to be watching him.” Rogue noted wryly.

The kids had finally gotten ahold of Remy by each arm, but they still couldn’t actually bring him down low enough to grab the blindfold. Laughing he pulled them over into a heap where the lesson quickly devolved into an all-out tickle war. Though as his blindfold finally fell loose in the scuffle, Remy's eyes caught Rogue’s for a moment and the same intensity was still there between them. The same intensity that there had been back on the beach and ever since their reunion - the building anticipation they were both trying to stave off and ignore.

“Thanks for pulling some strings with T’Challa.” Rogue mentioned refocusing and rifling through the data some more. “Hope that didn’t cause anything … awkward?”

“We have an understanding.” Storm explained serenely. “Maybe you’d call it an arrangement? At any rate, there are some loyalties that can never be completely severed. When you've been as close as we have ... that's forever, regardless the circumstances.”

Rogue wasn't sure exactly of her meaning, but she understood the sentiment at any rate and nodded.

“Just let us know when ya'll need to kick us out.” Rogue answered. "Don’t want to overstay our welcome. What IS this place, anyway?"

"A safe house, of sorts. Or a secret rendezvous spot." Storm answered with a conspiratorial grin. "Depending on your point of view, I suppose."

Remy came walking over to join them, calling over this shoulder, “Why don't ya'll go play for a bit, D’Accord? Let the grown-ups talk awhile."

The kids grumbled about how they WERE grown up, but skittered off anyway eagerly looking for bugs to catch.

"Awww, non. Don' tell me you ladies are over here talkin' shop." Remy groaned, noticing Rogue with the building mock-up projecting from the tablet in her hands.

"Hey now, Ororo is nearly as expert a thief as you are. Ah just wanted to run this by -" Rogue started as Gambit sidled up next to her, his fingers settling hungrily between her bare shoulder blades, and tapped the schematic decisively off.

"The key there bein' nearly." he teased. "Now let’s get back to dat later, eh? How 'bout I go dig out the bottle of champagne I stashed in the fridge and we celebrate this fine reunion wit' a proper toast?"

"Remy, it's barely 7 am." Storm observed in a droll tone.

"Sure, on Wakandan time. But on California time, de night is young an' it's jus' about bedtime for some kids." he smirked, his eyes catching Rogue's again with that same fiery gaze. "Meanin' we can finally relax, neh? Be right back."

He hopped up and slipped into the nearby hideout before either of the women could object further.

Rogue shrugged and grinned after him. "We can get back to it tomorrow. But Ah think we'll need a different strategy for this target. It's one the X-Men have never encountered before and bigger. Ah'd really like your input, ‘Ro. An' Ah know Remy will too."

"Judging by the size alone, a one man mission will not be sufficient. But then what of the children?" Storm looked at her friend with concern.

"Well they ain't comin' with, obviously." Rogue acknowledged. "But yeah, we'll need to make some arrangements. There's no way Ah'm lettin' Remy run this next one solo though. An' Ah know he'll try."

Gambit re-emerged, champagne and flutes in hand. He passed the delicate glasses to Rogue. She cringed as he put his freed fingers to the top of the bottle to lightly charge the cork. It shot into the air and dissolved in a buzzing fushia fizz of sparks.

"See? I've gotten pretty good at dis." he grinned triumphantly and took a glass from Rogue who raised an amused brow at him as he poured and offered the first glass to Storm.

She raised a hand palm out. "Thank you my friend, but I will have to pass."

"Aww c'mon, padnat. Not even one? Can't hardly toast our gracious host dis way." he said, laying on as much charm as possible while he passed the glass back to Rogue instead.

"I have my reasons, Remy LeBeau. Now if you want to be a true gentleman, there's a carafe of freshly squeezed juice in the kitchen." she admonished him a little sternly.

Gambit cocked his head at her, a little taken aback, but recovered to smoothly reply with an over-the-top, "As you wish." complete with mocking bow. He took an empty glass from Rogue and handed her the bottle, shooting her a contemplative look before retreating back to the kitchen.

Rogue glanced at Storm a little uncertainly and took a sip from her glass. Strong of principle though she was, Storm wasn't one to avoid indulging in the simple pleasures of life or to let Remy irritate her.

She was formulating something to say, when Becca slipped up onto her lap wrapping her arms around her mother's neck. Rogue reflexively pulled her baby girl in closer, setting the flute of champagne aside.

"Mama, can we go flyin'?" the little girl inquired sweetly, big eyes demanding her full attention.

Rogue pressed her forehead to her daughter's, rubbing turned-up nose to turned-up nose. "Ah dunno, sugah." She sighed.

Storm laughed with amusement. "So I see Remy has passed more than one of his skills on to the next generation?"

"Ah'll say. This one gives him a run for his money."

"Pllleeeaassee???" Becca laid on thicker and sweeter and was soon joined by a, "C'mon! Can we?" plead from Ollie.

"We're still under cover here." Rogue told them very seriously. "King T'Challa is doin' us a big favor lettin' us stay. So we can't do anything that's gonna attract too much attention."

"One moment, Anna. I think I can be of assistance." Storm interceded, hers eyes clouding over to a bright white and lifting her hands skyward. A thick fog swirled up out of thin air, then spread upward and outward to encase their entire camp in a tall hollow cylinder of cloud, hiding them from view for miles.

The kids looked around with an impressed "ooooohhhh" and ""aaawwww".

"Alright." Rogue caved, grinning at Storm as Ollie hopped up into her lap also. "But after this, it's to bed with the both of ya."

She tucked a child safely under each of her strong arms and they shot off into the sky with delighted squeals and whoops.

Storm was watching them with a satisfied and wistful smile, when Remy rejoined her. He handed her the glass of juice and took a seat, looking up to observe his family and admire Storm's handiwork.

"Thanks for dat, 'Ro. An' for everythin' else. So ... How far along are you, chére?" he asked, casually pouring himself some champagne.

Storm sipped her juice and swirled the glass thoughtfully, glancing sideways at Gambit to contemplate him, then finally answered. "A few months."

" ... A celebratory toast then?" Remy raised his glass slightly, but retained a sober tone.

"Perhaps in time, Remy." she answered with measured enthusiasm.

"... an' de father?" he started, trailing off before finishing the question.

"Doesn't know yet ... because I don't know for certain yet." she calmly explained.

Remy raised an eyebrow and nodded. "An' the King?"

"I'm not going to get into that now." Storm stated matter-of-factly.

"Sorry, chére. Dat things are ... complicated. Also means ya won't be joining us on dis next mission den." Remy took another long sip.

"No, I am afraid not." Storm nodded. "Can we keep this between us?"

"Sure. If dat's what you want. But Rogue's gonna wonder. Think she was hopin’ you'd come with me or her to China." he explained.

"I would not ask you to keep my secret from your own wife, Remy. But until I can tell the father of this child, it needs to stay between the three of us at least." Storm noted.

"We understan' more than most 'bout the need for discretion." Remy observed and gave her a reassuring smile. "If there's anything we can do ta help?"

"There is not. But I'm glad you are here." Storm looked skyward. "It does me good to see what this could look like ... in time."

"Not like you don' have a choice." Remy started.

"I have considered the options, my friend." She interupted. "But with so few mutants in the world, it seems wrong to deny this one a chance."

"The X-ranks be growin’ den, though maybe not in th' way ol' Chuck used ta recruit." Remy barked an ironic laugh.

Storm shot him a raised eyebrow, as Rogue suddenly lit down in their midst with two screaming kids.

"AGAIN!" they shouted in chorus.

"Nuh-uh! Nope! Ah said one ride and then ta bed." she metted out firmly.

"Awwww. Bed?! But the sun is out!" Olivier argued, collapsing bonelessly to the ground in protest, and Becca piled on a sassy and exasperated, "Yeah!" throwing her hands up at the bright sky.

"Don't try my patience." Rogue shot them a look. "It's nearly midnight in California. C'mon now. Tell Miss Munroe thank you and goodnight."

"Thank you, Auntie Ro." Rebecca shot glumly and Ollie added a "G'night." pulling himself up as Rogue herded them toward the hideout entrance.

Remy stood, but Rogue insisted, "Let me get them ta bed, sugah. It's been such a long time since Ah got to. "

"Sure, chére. You get them settled. Then mebbe … we should be hittin’ the hay too, yeah?" his eyes caught hers again.

She grinned and cocked her head at him. "Maybe."

Storm followed their exchange, adding, "I think I'll see if Illyana will take me back to the States with her for the day. I need to catch up with a few people. Then you all can have a quiet place to rest."

"Oh ... uh, if you want to, 'Ro. But don't go on our account." Rogue answered a little self-conscientiously, tucking a loose lock of hair behind her ear.

"Nonsense. I will return later." Storm insisted with a knowing grin.

"Alright. Well, goodnight then. And thanks." Rogue answered gratefully. She glanced from Storm back to Remy, who had both kids wrapped up in a bear hug.

“G’night, mes petits.”

They scampered into the hut and down below. He watched Rogue follow them, looking back over her shoulder at him once more as she disappeared from sight. Then he looked back to find Ororo watching him watching her.

He smirked a little self-consciously, “What?”

“Nothing … just … I’m glad for you. For both of you. Some things, at least, don't change.”

CHAPTER 9

The twins were settled in a room down at the end of a hallway off the central room, one meant for sleeping a small garrison it seemed. Several individual beds were vertically and horizontally stacked like stair-step shelves that jutted out from the walls in a mysterious fashion, independent of any supports, railings or ladders. The ceiling and walls were inlaid with tiny periwinkle bioluminescent lights that faintly alternated in patterns that resembled flowers then trees then stars. Becca, still hyper off the adrenaline rush from flying with Rogue, was already having a grand time of flipping and swinging amongst the many beds like a spider monkey. Ollie had made a solid, but somewhat more cautious climb to the top most bunk, standing there like king of the mountain and surveying his new dominion.

Rogue ordered them both back down to Earth and set Ollie to brushing his teeth at the basin, while she lovingly unwound Becca’s plaits and brushed out her fine, soft baby hair. It was more Remy's texture than hers, thicker and straighter than her own. It still impressed her that Remy had gotten accustomed to braiding it in her absence, though undoubtedly it was no challenge for his talented fingers. There was something unspoken between them … about the things they would carry on for each other in case there ever came a day when one of them didn’t return. Rogue found herself brushing longer than she need and stopped, giving her girl a gentle squeeze of affection. She never figured she’d be good at this … want this … miss this even.

Rogue helped the kids change into their night clothes, the simple garments already seemed worn and to be getting small on them. She would need to pick them up some new clothes soon. It was on her mind more so now than when she had left for her mission - how quickly they were growing. For mutants, growing meant getting closer to the day their powers would emerge in full. And for their children in particular, getting their full powers meant bringing them closer to the day they would be lost to their destiny. Rogue shuddered and pushed the thought from her mind. They weren’t there yet. There was still time. Time to make a difference. And time yet to enjoy all these little fleeting moments.

“What book are we reading then?” she asked, seating herself on the edge of a lower bunk.

"Here, Mama." Ollie pulled a beat-up volume from his bag and handed it to Rogue, climbing into the bunk where she sat. Becca scrambled in next to him.

"Move over!"

"I was here first!"

"Alright, alright ... no fighting or no book." Rogue threatened half-seriously.

Becca stuck her tongue out at her brother, who crossed his arms and huffed at her, but Rogue ignored them.

She turned the novel over to read the cover and chuckled to herself with a roll of her eyes, "Of course ..." then she turned to where the bookmark rested. Pulling it out, she cleared her throat and started, "Chapter 4, The Keeper of The Keys".

The twins listened with rapt interest as she described the magical giant man breaking into the isolated safe house out on a stormy sea, the way he put the human oppressors in their place, and the good news he delivered to their protagonist.

"You're a wizard, Harry." Rogue read in her best Hagrid voice and continued through the chapter as he received his letter and arguing followed and -

"Why isn't there a special school for mutants?" Becca suddenly interjected, looking at Rogue with her piercing eyes.

Olivier, though annoyed at the interruption of the story, gawked contemplatively at Rogue as well, curious for her answer.

" ... well ... there used to be ..." she started.

"But there isn't anymore?" Ollie cocked his head.

" ... sort of ... " Rogue went forward cautiously.

"You mean there IS one?!" Becca sat up with excited interest.

"No, no ... just ... there's a place that ... well, that takes care of mutant kids who don't have anyone to look after them." Rogue explained.

The twins glanced to each other and back to their Mother.

"Don't they have parents?" Ollie wondered.

"They're orphans, right?" offered Becca.

"Lots of reasons." Rogue answered calmly. "Now how about we finish-"

"Is it big? Like Hogwarts?" Becca queried on with more excitement.

Rogue grumbled to herself and massaged her forehead. "No. It's very small and very secret."

"Like Hogwarts." Ollie whispered with awe.

"It's NOT like Hogwarts." Rogue insisted. "Now do ya want ta hear the rest of this story or not?"

Ollie bit his lip, but Becca just frowned thoughtfully.

After a pause filled with silence and giving an *ahem*, Rogue began to continue on with the story again, "Why aren't you supposed to do magic-"

"But WHY is the mutant school so small?" Becca interrupted again.

Rogue sighed and put the mark back in the book, this time closing it in her lap.

Ollie whined, but Rogue reached out to touch their faces and look them in the eyes as she said gently, "Because ... there aren't a lot of us left."

"But why?" Ollie asked, his small brow now also furrowed to match his sister's.

"It's complicated, darlin'. Mostly ... it's because people didn't want to have mutants born in their families a while back and they took a medicine to stop it from happening." Rogue told them honestly.

" ... oh ..." the little boy bowed his head.

"Hey now ... see here ..." Rogue pulled her babies into her lap. "That doesn't have anything to do with us, alright? People were just scared of what they didn't understand. Maybe there aren't a lot of us anymore. But we're not alone, ok? We have each other and we have friends, people like us."

The kids nodded. They'd met a slew of fellow mutants in their many travels.

“But there aren’t any other kids.” Becca pointed out.

“Sure there are, hon. Remember Josiah? When we were on Chandilar? That place with all the tall buildings?” Rogue asked.

The twins just looked at her blankly and Rogue frowned. “Well … ah guess maybe you were too young to remember. Anyway, the point is there are plenty of other mutant kids, just like you.”

“Do they look like us?” Ollie wondered.

“No, stupid. Everybody looks different. Right, Mama?” Becca insisted triumphantly.

“Hey now, don’t be mean to your brother.” She chastised. “An’ yes, everyone looks different and has different powers. Most kids don’t even have powers ‘til they’re older. Just like we talked about.”

“Can we meet them?” Becca was intense and excited again.

“Alright, alright … time to calm down, both of ya.” Rogue shushed them. “Ah’m sure you will sometime, but Ah ain’t makin’ any promises right now. Now lie down and not another peep until Ah finish this chapter.”

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toast-the-unknowing · 4 years

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Hi there, toast. Cutting to the chase: you're one of my favorite writers — not just one of my favorite fanfic writers. your short stories for the raven cycle are some of the funniest, tightest, emotionally devastating, well-crafted works of fiction i've encountered in awhile — better than a lot """"real-world, published"""" stuff. I kind of want to know more about how you got to this point. I think you've mentioned a background in screenwriting? But I don't think that's your day job? 1/?

2/? Really, I'm asking because you seem to have found a way to write regularly — to develop your chops and publish your art in a way that seems emotionally satisfying for you. to an outsider like myself, you seem to have struck a balance between living a life that pays the bills, and artmaking in a way that feeds your soul. you might not feel that way, i don't know. i'm someone who studied writing in college and am now wondering if and how i can still water that seed....

3/? when the reality is i also need to make money to live. i guess i'm curious about your life model right now, and if you're happy with the way you're currently fulfilling yourself creatively. do you want to be a """""published writer""""" someday? is your job one that is also creatively fulfilling, or is it more to pay the bills so that you can do your own creative projects in your free time?

4/4 I know my question isn't very clear, and I'm not sure it's even one question. the point is, i admire you, and you seem to be in a habit of writing creatively, even though i think you have an unrelated day job, and that balance seems mysterious and desirable to me.

Thank you for your kind words, Anon! I have attempted to write something helpful, but it got very long, so I am putting it behind a cut:

Keeping your art alive when you have to work an unrelated job is not easy. Struggling with it does not mean that you're failing, or that it can't be done, or that you won't get better at it down the road. It's also not the sort of thing where you hit equilibrium and it's all smooth sailing from there. I have gotten better at fitting my writing into my life, and I've figured out strategies and coping mechanisms and how to be better at just making myself do it even if I feel "blocked," but there are still stretches of time where it's harder to manage. Those periods don't last forever, and if it sometimes gets worse, it also sometimes gets better.

I suspect you know all of this, Anon, because you sound like a reasonable person and because you balanced writing and schoolwork, which can itself be tricky. I say it anyway because this is exactly the kind of subject where mean little thoughts like to sneak into your head and make you doubt yourself, and I think we could all use a reminder.

There are many writers who will say that you have to write every single day. Often they will say that you have to write at the same time every single day, or that you need to wake up early to write before work. These writers depress and demotivate me, because I don't actually have a writing "habit" in that there's no schedule or daily goal or set of standards involved. Some days I write a lot and some days I don't write at all. Shaming myself about that fact has never been helpful.

What has been helpful: an increased understanding of my writing process. Realizing I don't have to outline? Helpful! Realizing that generating ideas and fleshing out scenes and shaping the arc of a story and making it pretty are all different skills and some days one comes easier than the others? Helpful! Realizing that I tend to have an "a-hah" moment that tells me what the story is about, after which it's easier to write the story? Helpful! Realizing that if I can't think of an adjective or a line of dialogue or a joke, I can just put an asterisk and come back to it later, instead of halting the entire writing process until I come up with it? Helpful!

I don't know if any of these particular things would be helpful to you, because your writing process probably works differently than mine. Somebody out there absolutely does need to outline before they can write, or so I assume from the fact that it is mandated in virtually every book on writing I have ever read. You studied writing in school, so it's possible that you already have a great understanding of your process; it's also possible you have internalized a lot of other people's ideas of what you're writing should look like. Most of what I know about how I write was learned in the last few years, not in school.

It is also possible that you have a good understanding of what your process looks like when that gets to be the thing that takes up the majority of your time. In which case, you probably need to consider your life and your schedule as it is now. I know, for example, that I don't get much writing done of weekend days where I stay in bed late, even though I still end up with more free time than I'd have on a weekday, so if I want to write on a weekend I need to get up. Are there any times of day, or the days of the week, or the places where it is easier to write? What factors make it harder to write? Can you minimize those factors? When you can't, because you livelihood depends on them, can you acknowledge them as a fact of life and forgive yourself for being affected by them?

It's unpleasant but undeniable that working impacts writing. We aren't able to spend the time we'd like to on writing. We don't have the energy and focus that we had in school, when our writing was our main responsibility. Now our primary responsibility is making enough money to survive, and if that makes us sad to think about, well, it's only going to make us sadder if on top of that we try to hold ourselves to the amount of writing we'd do if that weren't true.

It isn’t strictly a numbers game where more time = more writing, which I think can be reassuring for those of us who don’t get as much time as we’d like for writing. I was unemployed or working part-time for the entirety of 2016 and I did not do more writing in 2016 than I am now. I had more time, but I was much more of a mess, as a person, and I wasn't as dedicated to writing. In a counter-intuitive way, I think it can help to have creative outlets besides writing. It does take time away from something that you already don’t get as much time as you want to do, but it means that you have a place to be creative even when the words aren't coming, a place with less pressure and lower stakes. I've done improv pretty casually for the last couple of years, and aside from the fact that I think improv in particular can be extremely helpful for writers, it means that when I've been unhappy with my writing, I could show up to improv and do a silly voice or shuffle around in a crabwalk and know that I had created something.

These are some things that have helped me write while also working: Improv. Mindfulness about writing. Mindfulness about life in general. Prioritizing my writing (guys, I watch so much less television than I used to). Therapy and medication, to be honest. Remembering why I am excited about the projects that I’m working on. Giving myself freedom to start new stories while also encouraging myself to finish old ones. Having an audience to share things with, because it is hard to write without knowing that anyone will ever read what you are pouring so much of yourself into.

It has taken me a few days to answer this, Anon, because I wanted to give a considered response, and also just because adult life! so busy! I keep coming back to the questions of whether I am emotionally satisfied with the writing I am doing, and whether I have a good balance between my writing and my work. Because I really think that I am creatively satisfied right now, and if I am mostly aware of that most of the time, I don't know that I'd really phrased it like that to myself before. If I had then I had forgotten it. And it's a powerful and wonderful thing to be able to say that to myself.

I have a degree in screenwriting, but I have never made a career of it and am not pursuing one now. The dream used to be writing for television. Before that the dream was to be a traditionally published author. Now...I don't know what the dream is. I would like to do original work again some day. I have a novel in my head that is very important to me, whose characters helped me get through some hard times, and I want to give that novel the life that it deserves. I would like to do something with my screenwriting degree at some point, although it will likely never make me money. Sometimes it feels like failure that I don't have a new dream, and that I gave up on the old ones. But for the most part, for now, I'm very happy writing fanfiction. I've written a lot of stories, particularly in the last few years, that I am very proud of.

But I don't actually have a good balance between art and work, inasmuch as my art makes me happy and my work...doesn't. I have a low-level office job in a field that I'm not passionate about or well-suited for. I don't get out of my job a lot of the things that I do get out of writing -- challenge, investment, a chance to be creative, self-direction, fulfillment, purpose. I have never worked a job where I got any of those things, and it is starting to wear me down.

To be fair: "my job pays me a decent wage and gives me great health insurance but it isn't satisfying" is a privileged thing to complain about, and I'm aware of that. I'm also aware that some people handle these situations just fine, that some people don’t mind a job that demands a minimum of energy and time since that leaves them more to put into their art. You may be one of these people! I am discovering that I am not. Getting no sense of accomplishment from my job contributes negatively to my overall mental and emotional health, which is sucky all on its own, but has the additional effect of impacting my writing.

It's a tricky problem, though. I don't, at present, want to make a living off of writing (and such a career would be precarious), but my current resume and skill set doesn't qualify me for much of anything besides the work I'm already doing (thanks, screenwriting degree). Any attempt to find a job that's more fulfilling would likely involve a big investment of time, money, and/or effort in some kind of school and training, and then...I'd be in a job that demanded more from me, and even if it made me happier than my current job does, how much would that leave me to put into my writing?

I don't know if any of this has been helpful to you. It is perhaps not a clear answer to a question that felt clear when I read it but that my mind muddled up along the way. You may find that once you hit a balance between writing and working, you don't mind the day job grind in the same way I do. You may decide that you do want to pursue writing as a career. You may still be figuring out the employment situation at all and my woes may be worse than irrelevant.

But the timing of this ask is funny; I am soon going to apply to an educational program that would prepare me for a new career in a totally different field, and the thought of how this will impact my writing has very much been on my mind. In the past when I've thought about doing anything like this, that question has kept me from going forward: won't that be less of your time, less of your energy, less of you for your writing? I think this is a real concern with a basis in truth: if I get into this program I am going to have a lot less time and energy for anything outside of it, and I will need to again adjust my expectations of what my writing can look like in my circumstances. But I think that this question is also fear and perfectionism talking, using my writing as a weapon against me, and I'm tired of it.

Balance is a funny thing. I'm actually terrible at basically anything that requires balance: biking, rollerskating, gymnastics, ice skating, you name it. I don't see how anyone pulls it off. You can lean too far one way only to fall over the other way when you try to even out. You can take a turn and suddenly the road is uphill or downhill or bumpy, and whatever you were doing before to stay upright isn't cutting it. You can be going along just fine and then, for absolutely no reason, you're wobbling all over the place. But you can also do a hell of a lot of wobbling without ever falling down.

I think it's just about...paying attention to what's happening around you. Paying attention to what you're feeling and what you want. Not getting fooled by something you're supposed to want if you don't actually want it. Figuring out the things that you need, and the things that would make your life better, and the things that you'd like, and prioritize those accordingly.

I sure hope that's how it works, at least, because that's all I've got. I might royally fuck up my life in the next couple of months, but if I do, I'll adjust and keep going. It can't be any worse than fucking ice skating.

Best of luck, Anon.

#writing #Anonymous

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donnerpartyofone · 5 years

Text

This is so not a story at all, so get ready for a whole bunch of nothing about what a gigantic snob I am!

I can't stop thinking about this journey I went on with this person on Instagram. I'm obsessed with the area my dad's family is from, which is this weird tiny Finnish-but-culturally-Swedish, autonomous, demilitarized archipelago in the Baltic Sea. I'm always looking for Instagram users who live there, to see what daily life is like. I happened upon this one middle aged guy, and quickly noticed that he liked comics and genre film, which seemed lucky--the smaller a population, the less likely I am to find somebody with all my "weird" interests. So I followed him, even though I objected to his Van Dyke facial hair and consistently douchey uniform of a trench coat and porkpie hat. Then, I slowly began to realize that I didn't think he had very good taste in general; we generally liked the same kind of cult cinema, but he always seemed to find anything remotely cerebral to be really boring, and he skewed more toward Troma-style attention grabs, which *I* find really boring. His preferred comics ranged from boringly mainstream, to weirdly bad--cheapo revivals of musty old strip comics that absolutely nobody cares about. I knew the very slim population of guys who actually bought those books in the states, old duffers who a) think everything is a collector's item, and b) think their encyclopedic knowledge of e.g. seldom-seen silent era actors makes them geniuses. These guys also usually wore trench coats and porkpie hats, so I guess some things stay the same all around the world. On a side note, there's something distinctly European about loving both stuffy old genre material that has pretty much turned to dust by now (sword and sandal dramas, swashbuckling pirate adventures, etc), AND raunchy "in your face" splatterpunk satire. I can't describe why but it's definitely a thing, I encountered it a lot when I was spending time in France on and off, and it always gave me the willies for some unnamable reason. Uh anyway, I eventually figured out that this guy actually WRITES some of these throwback comics. I was thinking to myself, why the fuck would ANYBODY be obsessed with The Phantom, a property so boring that even in our creatively bankrupt post-everything era, the only attempt to mine it for contemporary interest is that forgotten Billy Zane movie? But no, it all makes sense, because this guy occasionally writes for a Phantom series that comes out of Australia. Let's take a quick look at some covers for that series, which will give us a good idea of why most rational people don't do this jungle adventure shit anymore:

I especially "like" the last one, where the Phantom is fucking some girl in a pool of native blood. The other thing this guy writes for occasionally is a comedy serial that I guess has been running forever, that's another kind of thing that lets me know the limits of my own taste. I guess it's kind of an Archie type of thing about conscripted military service:

The drawings are absolutely hideous, the jokes barely exist, and I don't even know how the scenario in the last one is supposed to have happened--did he phase shift through the tree or something? I had two jobs in the span of about 15 years where I saw all kinds of comics, so I'm not unfamiliar with this kind of thing, I just never ever "got" it. Even when the material is actually good, I never had good feelings toward the hairy, bulbous, hyperactive drawings that characterize a lot of European comedy output. Some of this would be forgivable if it were strictly for children, but Wikipedia tells me that this 91:an series is mostly read by older audiences. I would assume that this is because the existing fans mainly caught onto it in THEIR childhood, but who fucking knows, I have no idea what would attract anybody to this stuff in the first place.

Anyway, I just looked at this guy's Twitter page, and it lists him as a journalist and movie critic as well. I scrolled through about a year's worth of tweets to see if I could find any of his movie reviews. I could not. And, it's not an exaggeration to say that 85-90% of his tweets are just links to obituaries (not written by him) of like, every single remotely show business-y person who died, the second they died. This is another classic attribute of the kind of nerd who cares about Prince Valliant and shit, they always know everybody who is dead and they're really pushy about telling you for some reason. I find all of this kind of understandable when the person is in their 70s or something and has seen a lot of changes in the world, but this guy is only in his 40s or so. It's as if he fell in with a "bad crowd" of elderly nerds at a rummage sale (or at the very comic shop where I worked for many years, because they were all friends with the owner!) and just patterned his whole life after them.

Anyway, I don't really know what point I'm coming to. Probably none, I've just been thinking about this obsessively ever since I realized that this guy doesn't just innocently read bad comics, he actually writes them. I always knew there must be people who wrote these comics, I just never imagined them before, and now I got a whole profile going. Apparently this dude has a couple of screenwriting credits too, but I'm too scared to watch them.

#comic shop clerks of north america by drew friedman

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lovingsiriusoswald · 5 years

Text

Damned

Part 1 | 2 | 3

Fallen Angel!Sirius AU

Heavily inspired by: Fallen by Lauren Kate

Disclaimer: The first few parts will be based from the Prologue from the game, credits to Cybird for that! If the "series" gets too long, go to the "Damned - Sirius" tag for easy navigating!

************

I adore her. So much that I had traded my own wings and my status in the heavens just to be with her. This angered the gods and had me punished. It was forbidden among angels to fall in love with a mortal. We were damned. Whenever we fell for each other, fate would take her away from me and she would forget that I ever existed -- but I don't.

Every 24 years -- exactly that long, not even an extra day or less -- we would be able to meet again. It was a different encounter every time and it excited me, but the thought of her being taken away again the moment I tell her that I love her hurts me just as much.

Through thousands of lifetimes, I still hope that she would finally get to stay, that the gods had already forgiven me, or at least be moved by our love, but it just never happens. I've slowly started to lose hope, but I never regretted loving her. She was worth all of my wings and titles, my immortal life, and the heavens. Hope sparks again the moment I lay my eyes on hers, she would always look much lovelier. She always takes my breath away and I would often see myself just staring at her as she moves.

I love her. I adore her. I yearn for her. I'm forever damned to her.

Today was the 24th year since she was last gruelly taken away from me.

I walked side by side Ray, the King of Spades, through the garden. He was talking about Blanc, who happen to pass by just now, and how he was always in a rush.

I wasn't listening, I was too worried. What if she never came again? It's almost midnight and I haven't seen her anywhere in Cradle. Had the gods finally decided to forget about me? Remove my status? Am I a mortal now?

"Sirius." Ray calls for my attention.

"What?"

"You were zoning out again," he looks at me worriedly. "You've not been yourself the whole day, what's bothering you old man?"

"I assumed you wanted some alone time, I'd rather not meddle with your thoughts. I have to go patrol the area as well." I chuckled and let him shrug his shoulders and continue to walk away from me. I decided to stay in my spot and watched the full moon glow beautifully, she would love this sight.

A shriek came from above and I immediately look up. A lady was falling down from the sky, too quick and too fast. Her screams grew louder and I start to realize what was happening.

She's here, she's finally here!

In Cradle, in a parallel universe. Must that mean she's found a way to get here from Earth? The Land of Reason?

She falls somewhere in the rose garden, in Ray's direction, and a thought had immediately snapped into my mind.

What if I stay a little distant from her, just so she could stay a little longer?

I watch from afar as I see her in the arms of Ray, saved from breaking all of her bones. I saw the look on his eyes on her and I immediately doubted my plan.

"Good, you're alive." Rays says and she stares at him, still lost of what had happened and my heart felt like it was starting to hurt. "What kind of girl falls from the sky? Where did you come from?"

"My name is MC, I'm still not sure how but I came from St. James' Park in London."

St. James' Park? That was when I last met her a couple of lifetimes back, she was a 17th century Victorian noblewoman, the daughter of a noble family from the House of Stuart. When Queen Anne of England had reigned, she had ordered several guards to accompany their families to ensure their safety -- and I happened to be one of hers.

"London? St James'? Never heard of either."

I've been there, several times, with you, MC, I wish you could remember.

I could no longer stand them being so close to each other, my first plan visibly being thrown out of the way. "Ray, what are you doing? Don't tell me you're having a secret rendezvous at a time like this." I smirk as I walk up to them, my eyes focused on MC as she stares back in confusion.

I could get lost in those eyes. She's gotten more beautiful in the past 24 years. I could tell her I love her right then and there and tell her all the stories of the previous lifetimes we've spent together.

But I shouldn't. I can't let her be taken away so soon.

"As if, Sirius." Ray replies and I eye the way he holds her. MC takes the hint and rushes to get off of his arms.

"Uh, thanks for catching me. I'm fine so you can let me down now, if you don't mind." Hearing her voice again, after so many years, had left me breathless. Her voice was silvery and soothing to hear, she was effortlessly good at calming my nerves.

"You just fell out of the sky and you're worried about that? What a weirdo." Ray grins at her.

"It takes one to know one." She was witty as ever. I tried my best to stifle a laugh as Ray lowers her down gently, making sure she's balanced before letting her go.

"Guess you two aren't here for a date then?" I tried to play cool, acting as if I don't know who she is when I've known her so well in all of her lifetimes. She looks at me cautiously, but the same sense of familiarity sparkled in her eyes.

"I haven't introduced myself yet, I'm Ray and this is Sirius." He says as he motions towards me.

"Have you lost your way?" I ask, almost too immediately because I was excited to talk to her again after so many years. She stares back for a moment, before answering. Has she remembered?

"Hmm, I suppose you could put it that way." She says cautiously, her eyes narrowing slightly as she scans my face. I felt like I was in a trance, frozen like a statue as we stare at each other, like Medusa had found a prey. I am more than willing to surrender myself to her spells.

"She just fell from the sky." Ray says with a grin as if it was the most common thing to ever happen.

"She what?" I respond involuntarily, in shock that I'd been pulled out of her trance, instead of being shocked at what he said.

"I'm still not sure how or why, but what he said is true." She finally looks away and I felt my whole body finally relax. I didn't realize that I had held my breath all that time we were having a stare off.

"Then tell me, are you on the Red or the Black side?" I ask despite knowing that she has no idea what I meant, as my role as the Queen of Spades.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not sure what you mean. What color am I supposed to be?" She asks dumbfoundedly. She looked so innocent, I could just pick her up and spin her around and yell to the world of how adorable the love of my life is.

"Hmm. This girl really is a weirdo, just like you said." I tease and smile softly at her. Her face contorts to a frown, her lips pouted, eyebrows pinched together, and her cheeks flushed. She opens her mouth to say something but she immediately gets distracted by something past our shoulders.

"It was nice meeting you two, but there's something I forgot to do and I really need to go. Thanks for saving me!" She gives a quick curtsy before dashing off. I finally see the pocket watch she was holding, it was Blanc's! I watch her run until she disappears at the far end of the garden. And she's gone..

"And the weirdo's gone." Ray chuckles to himself.

"You said she fell from the sky, right?" I ask to myself, without realizing that I'd said it out loud. I wonder how she found her way here. Surely it should've been because of the White Rabbit.

"Yeah, I was just walking by and I heard screaming from above me." I wasn't listening to him. I was thinking of the ways where her clumsy little feet would've made her fall to a parallel universe. She mentioned about St. James Park, was there a magic door that had been there all along?

"Ray, do you think it's possible that she's--"

"Hm?" He says as I trailed off, finally realizing that I'd been thinking out loud.

Shit, think fast Sirius. What excuse can you make?

He leans forward to me and I try to think of any possible thing to say.

Okay, she came from the Land of Reason, that's where the first Alice had come from, people love Alice here in Cradle --

"Do you think she's the legendary Alice?"

FUCK

#ikemen revolution #ikerev #ikerevo #ikemen revolution fanfiction #ikerev fanfiction #ikerevo fanfiction #sirius oswald #ikemen revolution sirius #fanfiction #damned - sirius #fanfic #ikemen revolution fanfic #ikerev fanfic #ikerevo fanfic #fallen angel

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its-morphin-time-xiv · 6 years

Note

TBH, I've always wanted to RP with your Belladonna, she seems interesting,but for quite some time now I've never been able to figure out who, or what, she is? I see a lot of what I'm guessing is the power rangers, as aesthetic posts and I've been trying to figure out how that would apply to FFXIV and its lore? I'm not accusing you of lore breaking, and even if you were it's your choice to play how you want! I'm merely just curious how she fits into the FFXIV world and what she is about. Help me?

Hello Anon! I’m actually really glad you asked, I know with how vague the blog itself is in regards to everything like who, or what she is. And quite frankly, Tags on posts aren’t helping either. The concerns or at the very least, curiosity in regards as to how “Power Rangers” fits into FFXIV Lore and the universe itself are entirely understandable, and I’m always more than willing to explain the reasoning as to why its here, or even how!

I’m more than willing to help explain things in a more clear and concise manner, now with that, please bear in mind that this post might be a touch lengthy, but I hope you understand and that this isn’t something that can be explained with full-clarity without getting down and dirty. I hope that by the end of it, some of the fog has been cleared! So without further ado… Let’s get started, shall we?

I’ll go ahead and place everything I’ve got under the cut, I hope you enjoy it!

–

I suppose we can start from the beginning and that, Bella, the initial character concept was created about… maybe two years ago. Three technically if you just count how long this blog has been standing. Initially, Bella is (was) a Thavnairian blooded hyur. Or rather, for a bit more clarification, is from an Island near Thavnair that could be and is considered part of the island.

Now that we’ve gotten an… okay grasp as to how long I’ve been working on this, we can properly start with things, like where she’s from, then we’ll move from there!

If I could place it on the global map we’ve been given of three continents it would be placed around here, right under the span of clouds within the red circle.

Around there is a fairly good estimate of where I’ve placed the island she’s from, that island being “Gisana” (Yeah, totally original with names, i’m great.) [Not Really] Now, Gisana borrows very basic culture concepts of what Thavnair is, I use Morocco mixed with my own culture, which is Filipino. It’s bit of a homebrew, yes. I take influences from what we know, what we’ve been given, then I slip my own to fill in what gaps I need filled, if that makes any sense.

Now, the island itself is a moderate size, nothing too extreme or anything like that. If anything? It’s about the size of one of the islands there, circled in blue. The island is surrounded by a maelstrom of whirlpools and actual maelstroms due to the unfortunate blend of the waters of The Bounty, and the Dorvos Narrow. Those two create fairly poor conditions for an island’s existence, so much so that the island lays in the ‘eye’ of an ever churning storm.

Something I could equate it to visually, was the storm that surrounded Skull Island in the newest King Kong movie. (If you’ve ever seen that, it’s pretty cool).

The storm itself on the outside and within the clouds were extremely rough, but any sailor with an actual heading and idea of how to travel through the treacherous waters or pilot grave enough to fly the hurricanes could make it through no problem. But solely due to that, this island gets left off the map fairly frequently, which is why it’s counted as nothing in particular outside from just a natural disaster waiting to happen.

Now the reason why the storm remains seemingly like a permanent constant is due to the fluctuations of the aether in the environment, being so turbulent and visceral. Far more than unmanageable than that of Eureka (The Isle of Val) [At least I think that’s what it was called].

Due to the fluctuations, the veil between this realm and the Void is thin, very much like how Eorzea is, except on a much more smaller yet just as dangerous scale of that. This meaning, that incursions of the void are more frequent on the island itself and solely on the island (not counting the water of course).

That’s unfortunate for the inhabitants of the island, which Belladonna was one of them, as a child anyways. Now that’s essentially the ‘Fanon’ locale of where the Rangers essentially originated from.

But not quite yet of where a Ranger comes from, per se. In order to do that, I’ll need to divert our attention back to the island, just a little bit. The Island has been present and weathered the passing of the Astral and Umbral eras ever since the age of Allag. And the people of the island have, through this time collected themselves and united to create one settlement, one city for themselves since they could not bear to leave their island home in the state it is. (That and the storm’s a thing too).

While forging themselves a forever home, they raised walls to keep the demons at bay and away from their people. But walls alone do not protect a fortress, so sometime ago, two of the most brilliant minds there sought to create a tool, a weapon, or even a shield of sorts to defend against the darkness that clawed at their doorstep.

Now I mentioned that the island had been present since the fall of Allag, the “Tek” that the Rangers used are extremely basic in comparison as to what the old Empire had, but it uses old plans and even ideas that they could and would have used back then. Now, I say this because, Nero has a magitek transformation, and Gaius has a powered up transformation too! That only seemed to bolster my idea that or at the very least influence to m that the notion of ‘magitek morphers’ could and would be feasible.

With this in mind and using it as my springboard, I use it to essentially state that the “Morphers” that they use are inherently modified Allagan devices if not further worked with and attuned for the uses that are needed, in regards to Gisana and it’s constant demon plight.

Thusly, Ranger (suits) are created via the Morpher itself, first designed outside by an armorer, then the device essentially borrows the design/uses the armor itself and “stores” it within the device. Sort of like Aetherial de-materialization and re-materialization on the spot, via commands of magick incantations and actual magitek innerworkings. Alternatively, you could describe it like they would use a separate method entirely, like how Allagan teleportation nodes work, and it just gets -teleported- onto your person. Either one works honestly but it gets pretty… mumbojumbo at this point, but it’s a fair explanation on things, at least it is from my perspective.

If that isn’t necessarily as clear as needed, I can further branch upon it, please let me know!

My idea for a city within a wall and the darkness beyond that was pretty inspired by The Last City in Destiny, while the island secluded away, only by natural disaster means was a mix of “Themyscira” and “Wakanda” but also “Skull Island”. More predominantly the latter most than the foremost.

The magitek morphers are also powered by not Ceruleum, but of crystals, more so hypercharged ones. (I am keenly aware of how dangerous that could be in a character/ situation.) But they’re handled on such a far and infantismal level that most characters hardly have to deal with it save for the scientists and Belladonna herself. Crystal shards get reduced and refitted down to be the size of a coin, a “Power Coin”, as it were. Much like how Power Rangers Zeo, Megaforce, Dinocharge, Dinothunder and Lost Galaxy exhibit their Ranger powers and the like.

I like Lost Galaxy because they use ‘beast spirits’ along with crystals. I akin those to soul essences that are also required to properly use a Ranger’s armaments

I hope its been clear, or at least a bit more digestible with this explanation! We’ve still got a little more!

So, lorewise this sits a bit snug in with essentially backdrop and background happenings that weren’t really… significant to anything stated already on the timeline. As the Eras passed, the island suffered, but still most encounters go unnoticed or unrecorded at all do to the hostile nature of the island’s environment surrounding it? Or the denizens within the water below. The island itself could and would become what essentially amounts to sailor’s tales, mysteries and myths you’d hear in passing at your sea-side Tavern.

Sort of like tales of colorful beings in shimmering lights fighting harrowing beasts countless times. Stuff like that!

Now, let’s take this back to our girl!

(Sorry, I just really love this picture.)

From here and below, if I can recall some writing that could pertain and assist with a bit more contextual understanding, I’ll make sure to link it with bold letters to identify!

But yes, as I stated prior, Bella is a character concept that’s been growing and evolving over the course of the past two years since her first… ‘creation’, in a sense. I suppose its also very important to note that much of her story is very much ‘The past doesn’t stay dead’ kind of thing. Some reading may or may not have figured that from my previous drabbles regarding Belladonna. Essentially, Belladonna, herself has been present and around for a long time now. Fifty or so years at the moment, regarding the Game’s Lore Timeline.

That being, from an ooc standpoint, I would run into… rather serious hurdles, regarding my personal life, and to cope, a new concept would be formulated. But I already have trouble playing more than one alt, in regards to RP, i am… poor at attempting it, but I am working on getting better at that. And so, at the time, Balmung was already locked forever™. And I truthfully only had one character to play for a long time. So instead of re-rolling my character and essentially ‘stranding’ myself as it were in regards to RP, I would.. just insert another chunk onto Bella’s timeline. If that makes sense.

While yes, that is a poor maneuver some might say, it’s helped me, in all truthfulness create very memorable moments. But that wouldn’t be without my friends who accept my ideas openly, without them? I might not even have this blog anymore.

But anyways, before I get too far off-topic; Belladonna is a woman who has had a lot of history happen, solely through the past. And what you see now, are mostly new developments and new experiences. I guess you could say, a woman out-of-time, as a possible explanation.

This, however doesn’t explain why she’s an elezen, and not a hyur, as she started, or even why I refer to her as “Mutant” in my writings a lot. You might be sighing and rolling your eyes, but please allow me to explain just a little bit longer.

At her very core, she is still a ‘hyur’. But the reason she is an elezen now, is due to a unfortunate mishap during one of her adventures in which a voidal summoning turns hectic as a Succubus sought to inhabit Bella’s body. Her aether signature already being in turmoil and a rough state in general due to an Imperial sub-project that she subjected herself to in order to.. “keep up” and “combat” the things she fights with her comrades in arms.

She happened upon a very small trace and trail of the Empire’s workings through connections she had gained while living in Kugane and of her own brief Imperial service.

The end result of the use of said ‘project’ gave Bella more drawbacks than features. Having lost all sense of pain, she can push past her would-be limits, even if it means self-harm. Her body wasn’t attuned or conditioned to any capacity for it to handle the testing done, so she now suffers a biological and ‘aetherial’ mutation. Since the project itself deal with matters of using Voidblood and essence to infuse Imperial conscripts / criminals with it for further service of the Imperial Banner.

Learning to live with these new changes, such as biologically having.. a new spine extending from where your old one, being shorter, looking like wade wilson /after/ project x –

– like that, only y’know… “prettier” and with hair. Mildly like a mix of both Wade Wilson and Marrow, if you’ve ever seen them.

I don’t believe there’s any right to call it living, rather than just calling it suffering, because that’s truly what it was. She received extreme chronic pain from her mutations, and.. essentially she wanted an “out”. This was around the time she started really going back to her roots, her roots being… “Rangers”, and the island.

Slowly, in time, despite the rather… negative results she had been given during her time home in an attempt to “cure” herself. And.. possibly to a degree, she got better.

With her already weakened state, she looked to intense and darker means to try and find a way to rid herself of her “problems”. This eventually leading to the summoning and the disasters that came swiftly after. The Succubus, seeing her would-be host in no suitable condition to survive, took liberties and adjusted Bella to her liking. After all.. this is a succubus. The change itself was gradual, a hex on a very slow burn after the situation was resolved, albeit messy.

Slowly she’d see height differences, skin cleansing but some things don’t go away, like the spine. That would learn to stay and not all of her wounds and scars from testing would disappear completely. So she sought after an ink artist, giving her tattoos that coincided along with her scars, some even masking out the worse ones.

And now, she looks the way she looks. Tall, and a bit more happy too.

—

Final Fantasy XIV’s Lore leaves a lot to be user interpreted, even with lorebooks being published. And with the Allagan empire and dark magicks abound, there’s still… lots of room to leave up and open to people to have some creative fun and freedom with.

Knowing this, and using this, and even using the lines from the book(s) themselves, we can come up with amazing stories and do amazing things. All while still being.. in the relative realm of ‘grounded’ to its roots.

[Here’s a link to her about page as well on her tumblr]

Belladonna Slater is a very… complicated character, she strives to learn her place in the world once more but also sees the past calling back to her to be a “Hero” again, hero being a very loose term now since she has grown from lawful neutral to that more of a chaotic neutral in response to just about everything that has happened to her.

But I hope that.. me writing this as an answer to your ask, Anon, that this helps clear the air, if by only a little as to worries and or questions you had. I’d also like to note that this isn’t a complete character breakdown, there are still at least one or two elements of her ‘story’ that could be branched upon and explained if asked.

If you’d like to know about them, you’re more than welcome to ask me, either through Tumblr inbox for the sake of anonymity or even in Tumblr DMs, Discord is also an option as well.

I also do have a document that I have written out in regards to Ranger Corps. I can leave that in a link here below as well. However: The document itself hasn’t been edited or revised since May of this year, 2018. So there are revisions and slight edits to be made. I just haven’t sat down with the time to do it yet. But let it not discourage you from reading!

Ranger Corps - Documents and Information

Anon, I do hope this writing, both the answer to your ask and this document have been able to assuage some of your worries, or curiosities, rather. And if there is anything else from you, specifically, or from anyone else for that matter, that would like to know more, or have a specific question?

You are more than welcome to come and ping me for a conversation!

I love being able to talk to new people, and well… I hope you’d like to talk to me too!

Thank you for your curiosity and question, Anon.

I hope I was able to help.

– M

#Anonymous #logbook #god this took me a few hours to write!#but I hope this helps Anon!

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auviana · 4 years

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The Break that Breaks Me.

I always believed that literature is a window of reality. It is a platform for some reflections regarding with the happenings in the society. For some, it is an escape place where they could be in other dimensions far from the reality they fear from. For some reason, literature gives comfort to those people who feel suffocated from everyone and from everything.

This pandemic results a lot of casualties; it maybe the economic loss or the lives of the people all around the world. At times like this, we are strongly advised to stay in our home for the safety of everyone. The virus spreads like a wild fire; people carry it and pass it to one another without even noticing it. Hence, not going out from our houses is one of the preventive measures in reducing the infected individuals.

No one knew that this day would come; many lost their jobs, and many feel hopeless. Some are quarantined in their two-story homes, some aren`t. The lockdown may be a blessing to others because they could take a break from work and would be able to spend their time with their family; these are the kinds of people that could still live with their lives even without going to work for a day or two while for others, this lockdown is a curse. They lose their jobs-- the only way they could sustain their families. They don`t have any choice but to stay at home and wait for the packed goods.

These are only the two kinds of people affected by this pandemic. However, there are those who seemed invisible from the society`s eyes. These are the people who needed to do something to keep their minds busy from anything. They needed to have a busy mind for them to have no time of thinking of things that could trigger something which could lead to anxiety. And yes, I am one of those people.

I have been experiencing this anxiety ever since when I was in high school. I am known as a brave girl with a cheerful personality; I am easy to befriend with. However, growing up with a broken family wasn`t easy for me. I have no one but my relatives to take care of me. Having my relatives by my side should make me at least a little at ease but I feel the opposite. It was so hard for me to breathe. For the past 4 years I was able to live through that. But everything changed when I go to college. For the past two years, my mental health has been fine. This is because I got the chance to live on my own; it gave me peace. I was miles away from that abusive environment. Everything was fine until one day, not that I want to, but I needed to go home because of this pandemic.

Years have passed but the people I am with are still the same; they give you everything but peace of mind. Screams and curses became part of my daily life during this time of crisis. The feeling of suffocation was tolerable for the first month. I busied myself doing my unfinished paper works, and reading the literary works that must be read as a requirement for one of my courses. And there`s one literary work that really left a huge impact in me; the title of the book is Night; a memoir of Eliezer Wiesel.

Night symbolizes darkness: a darkness of spirit, the mind, and the soul-- a complete loss of hope. Hence, night is a metaphor for the way of the soul was submerged in suffering and hopelessness. Reading the book Night in my dark, four-corner room, made me feel like I was there; it felt like I witnessed the suffering of the Jews. This made me realized that terrible things may happen to everyone. It`s not that I`m glad that others also suffer like me just through different circumstances, it`s just that, it made me feel that I`m not alone. We may have encountered different dilemmas, suffering is suffering, and hopelessness is hopelessness. It`s the kind of hopelessness that makes you feel that there`s no escape; you are trapped forever. However, because of this literary work, I've got the break I needed from the cruelty around me. For a moment I felt the comfort that came from words; I felt the comfort of someone else's experiences.

Just like Elie, I almost lose my faith; I just want to be gone to end my suffering. It`s really hard to cope up when there`s no one you could open up to. During this lockdown, aside from being busy working with my requirements to survive in my program, all I got to do is to stare blankly on the wall or ceiling waiting for darkness to finally consume me. I always have a hard time sleeping at night because I cannot stop overthinking and at the same time praying for this pandemic to be over so things could finally go back to normal and I could go back to my safe place— my comfort zone. Yes, despite the hopelessness that I feel, I still pray because just like Elie in the book Night, he admitted that he struggled with his faith, it was evident that he cannot fully remove himself from it. It is what kept him alive all throughout the Holocaust. I, too is doubtful but I'm still reflecting that there are still embers of faith that remained alive in me, that I can't and shouldn't give up because of being suffocated from everything. I am the Eliezer Wiesel of my own book and I`ll get through this. This lockdown may be affecting my mental health so much but I've found something interesting which helps me busy my mind with; it makes me feel at ease flipping those pages. I found reading as my break from this long break which is breaking me.

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bubblline · 7 years

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so i've recently gotten into haikyuu and your art is so amazing and i 100% ship kuroken because of it. like wow, you really capture their subtle feelings really well. i was wondering if you had any fic recs though? you've dragged me into this hell, please take responsibility.

just so you know THIS IS AMAZING AND I AM NOT SORRY ANON

thank you so much for your kind words Q-Q, I often feel like my art is not enough? like not expressive enough, or just not nice to look at so that means a lot me

okay I’ve read TONS of excellent kuroken in my days and here are some of my favorites. Also be aware that most of these are longer because I love slowburn and you can’t just have that in 3k words but there are some shorter oneshots around too.

The links are under the cut because I have no chill and there are SO MANY

AND PLEASE READ ALL THE TAGS BEFORE DELVING IN

Let’s start with a Classic: How Kuroo found Kenma by @suggestivescribe.It’s a really funny and cute college-get-together-fic in which Kuroo suddenly realizes he’s been in love with Kenma FOREVER and chaos ensues. Oikawa is also Kuroo’s other best friend in this and idk about you but I love me some Oikuroo friendship. This fic is sort of a prequel to another of Scribe’s iwaoi fics, which is also amazing and Kuroo and Kenma do appear from time to time: Conquering the Great King (but be warned that fic has A LOT of smut)

The first multi-chapter story I read with them isSeasons of Love by @nimbus-cloudThis is set after the current events of canon, Kenma is a third year and Kuroo is off to college, they have to figure out how to deal with a long-distance relationship. It’s very well written and a very sweet discovery of what it means to grow up.(There’s a second part too!!)

And from here on out the fics I’m listing aren’t in any particular order

Chamomile and Carnivorous Plants by @ellessey-writes (M) 10k‘There was no great defining moment, no point in time Kenma can look to and say, That’s what did it. That’s when I fell for Kuroo. He just did somehow.And it’s the worst. For so many reasons.’–Kenma needs to admit a few things to himself, and to Kuroo.and the second part Come a little bit closer (E) 13k

this is seriously DELIGHTFUL I love Kenma coming to terms with his feelings and his futile attempts to not be in love

Dream Catcher by @shions-heart (T) 16,9kTetsurou is an Akumu no Seishin, a Nightmare Spirit. His kind absorb the nightmares of humans, allowing them peaceful sleep. Although Tetsurou has existed for centuries, he’s never truly felt alive.Not until he comes across the first human to ever see him.

really really cool world-building, I also imagined this Kuroo a lot like Howl in his raven form. And I think it’s obvious that I love Sy with all the other fics in this rec……..

Thieves in the Night by skittidyne (M) 15,7k“Oh.” The man blinks a couple times, surprised, and looks around at the mess again. “…You live like this?” The amount of raw sympathy in his voice is, frankly, insulting. “Why are you in my bedroom in the middle of the night?”“Oh, I was going to rob you,” the man replies easily. He winces at the mess around him once more. “I, uh, kind of thought you were already hit, and I didn’t want to make things worse for you, y’know?”“Get out.”(( or: kenma gets visited by a stupidly considerate thief, who won’t stop visiting him )).

I’ve laughed so much while reading this it’s 1000% RIDICULOUS but at the same time very sweet and funny. Seeing Kuroo as a catburglar has to be one of the funniest images ever.

Being Human: Origins by @shions-heart (M) 41,7kKuroo Tetsurou is a witch’s apprentice living above The Black Cat, a magic supply store where he also works. When his master leaves him for an assignment in China, and his best friends Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime abandon him for a working vacation on the beach, Kuroo commits the taboo and summons a demon to help him in the shop and help drive back the loneliness that lingers in the shadows.

Only the demon he summons isn’t the type of demon he expects, and he finds himself stuck with it with no idea of how to return it to where it belongs.

I love this universe with its urban magic and Kuroo is just the sweetest in this? He just wants some peace to study?? but boy does he get more than he signed up for

An Ode by manzana (G) 1,7kkenma unironically loves kuroo’s laugh – gross and loud and embarrassing and all.

pure sweetness, I love reading Kenma’s POV and see how he just genuinely loves Kuroo

Step by Step by @dgalerab (M) 14,7kEveryone might think that Kenma is the one that is always following Kuroo, but it’s Kuroo that’s been trying to slip his life into Kenma’s since he can remember. He might get a little scared by the idea of going off to college without Kenma. Kenma handles it.

I love the hc that Kuroo just decided to be Kenma’s friend and then stuck with him, they balance each other so well and I think that comes out in this story

The Start of Something New by @shions-heart (T) 5kBefore Kuroo leaves for university, he realizes this may be his last chance to confess his feelings to his best friend, Kenma.Despite his resolve, actually getting the words out proves to be … difficult.

This was my birthday gift this year and I love it to bits, it’s very very cute and Kuroo my love is just so dense it’s glorious.

Common side effects by @notallballs (M) 38k (not complete)Kuroo Tetsurou is pushing thirty, recently single, and just moved back in with his mother. Struggling to reconnect with old friends, losing touch with his goals, Kuroo feels like his life is slipping backward, and he doesn’t know how to fix it.

A chance encounter with an old friend might just be the sign he’s been waiting for, if he’s smart enough to make the most of it.

This story is slightly different from what I usually read because it starts off rather dark, Kuroo got dumped, hasn’t seen Kenma in ages and is generally in a bad place mentally but it’s so great to see him slowly pulling through all of that and rekindling his friendship with Kenma. Another bonus is Kuroo’s mom in this story, she’s AMAZING. I can’t wait to see what happens next.

How to Save a Life by @shions-heart (M) 18,4kKuroo Tetsurou’s parents are killed by vampires when he is eight years old. Twelve years later, consumed by rage and hatred for the vampire kind, the hunter still searches for the coven that killed them, vowing justice (or revenge).Kozume Kenma thinks he’d rather die than live as a vampire, but when the newly turned nineteen-year-old’s path crosses Kuroo’s, the hunter spares his life in exchange for his assistance in avenging the hunter’s parents’ death.Tension is a string pulled taut between them, and sooner or later something will snap.

Another thing written for me BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH OKAY IT HAS VAMPIRES AND ENEMIES TO FRIENDS TO LOVERS. Kuroo is also a lot harsher and meaner than what we usually see of him but that only makes it so much more satifying to read when he finally wakes up.

Teach me the way home by @icespyders (T) 22kDon’t go far off, not even for a day, because —because — I don’t know how to say it: a day is longand I will be waiting for you, as in an empty stationwhen the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.Kuroo and Kenma grow up in transit.

This fic is ethereal, it definitely succeedes in conveying this sort of restlessness that trains have for me, it’s very episodic and I love that about it because it still manages to tell a coherent story and to be a sort of character study. I really really love it.

Best Friends by @mysecretfanmoments (E) 6,3kEvery evening they walk home together, Kuro smelling of salt and suntan lotion, Kenma’s hands sore from scooping ice cream all day, and it feels nice. Peaceful.He’s glad Kuro came, after all.((During the two weeks he spends manning his uncle’s ice cream booth on the coast, Kenma decides that maybe he likes his best friend back, after all))

Reading this fic feels a lot like hanging out outside in summer, just enjoying the warmth and comfort of the familiar. I can’t tell you how often I read this fic, dozen of times probably. It just captures their relationship really well I think, I also love the setting around the beach a lot

national hot dad alliance is now calling… by @dicaeopolis and @owlinaminor (T) 58,2kSawamura Daichi: What the fuck.

(Or, the captains’ squad interactions that definitely happen outside of canon, presented in Skype chat form.)This isn’t focused on krkn but it’s hilarious and it definitely made me cry too, it’s mainly in chat format but there are a couple of ‘novel style’ scenes as well, I would say this is also a bit of a character study, the authors managed to tell each of the captain’s stories with so much humor and wit but also seriousness when it was needed

Those are not all the kuroken fics I’ve read of course and I couldn’t list every single one i like but I have an ao3 where i save my bookmarks and add new ones when I stumble over anything good

#Anonymous #kuroken #kuroo tetsurou #kozume kenma #hq!!#hq #otp #fic rec

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