the medicated series feat, jamie drysdale. epilogue. (+ small social media post.)

warnings: mentions adoption and divorce!

word Count: 2.1k +

- The Medicated Series: features OC’s with medical issues such as depression, anxiety, physical disabilities such as MS or Rheumatoid Arthritis as well as any other autoimmune disease such as Crohn’s, endometriosis, infertility, etc. (not an autoimmune but you get it).

Two time skips!

Shoutout to @fallinallincurls Thankyou for supporting this little story- it has meant the world🫶🏻

← part three - part one →

────────────

jamie looked down at his sleeping wife and rubbed his eyes, it had been another long night of talking this off season. the couple had recently turned 30 years. last time we saw them they were just getting married. 5 years ago. the couple for some time had been itching to begin a family, but sofia's health had gotten worse after getting much better. now after 2 years of chemo and some luck, she still had not been able to get back to her 'normal' self. whatever normal was. jamie through it all, was a god sent. never wavering. but she knew how much of a toll it took on him. especially, because she knew how much he wanted some kiddos running around. she had gotten very depressed the previous year, thinking that divorce would be the most viable option because atleast then jamie would get kids.though after a few sessions with their therapist, that had been thrown out the door because jamie declared, that he'd never sign the papers. yet as luck would have it, she and jamie had been discussing for the last year that if there was an oppurtunity for them to adopt they would, they wouldn't pass up that oppurtunity.

even a year later, sofia woke up during the night feeling helpless and lost. everybdoy on the team that was around their age had had a child already. trevor and jasmine had been going strong in their marriage for the last six years, and had 3 kids to show for it. sofia felt like she was missing out on life and all that it could posess. no matter how many times she was told that she was already doing enough and was doing amazing, by her family and friends. she had recently put the idea out into the universe that if they were meant to have kids, her health would allow for her at one point.

sofia woke up the next morning to the bed empty, jamie had stirred an hour prior to take a phone call from his brother. who hadn't been able to sleep the whole night. sofia climbed out of bed, feeling her knees crack beneath her before she was able to stand up straight enough to go downstairs. sofia heard jamie on the phone with his brother, and she finally caught a glimpse of him as she took the last step. he was sitting at the kitchen counter, on his laptop looking at emails from his mother. sofia kissed the back of his head, and he turned to look at her. she smiled, walking over towards the nespresso machine and grab her phone. she pulled out her medicines from the cabinet and did her little ritual waiting for jamie to finish. "ok , ill talk to her. thanks, love you too." he said hanging up. sofia minded her buisness, pressed the coffee machine and heard the lovely sound of expresso brewing. she put her medicine container back up and turned around to jamie, as she swallowed them. he watched her as she did so, and she gave him a curious glance. "ah..yes?" she said resting her water cup on her chest. "that was charlie..." he began and she nodded for him to continue. "he uh had something to tell me..." he continued and she nodded, turning around and grabbing the brewed expresso shot. "you know how you and i talked about...adopting?" he asked and she froze. her thoughts running a mile a minute, and turned around slowly. she met his gaze, his ever hopeful gaze. "yes, i do jamie." she said non chalantly. "well uh...god i dont know how to explain it." he sighed, turning around his laptop for her to read. she glanced at jamie for a brief second before turning back to the computer.

she read a short snyospis about a 3 year old girl out of nova scotia, from her mother in law. apparently the girl, had been dropped off at a friend of charlies, and the friend had been reaching out to people if they knew anybody who would like to adopt her on behalf of the county she was in, as he and his wife were the current foster family. her blue eyes pierced sofia's and sofia smiled, before looking back up at jamie. he had those ever hopeful eyes, waiting for her to respond. she set down her coffee and walked over towards jamie, who let her into his embrace. she smiled and nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck. "yes, jamie. i'd like for us to meet her." she stated and he nodded pulling her in for a kiss.

a month later, around july 7th, jamie and sofia took the 2 hour flight up to nova scotia. nathan mackinnon had offered his summer house to them while he and his wife were overseas in london for the month. the couple graciously took up the offer, and settled in for the night. the couple tossed and turned all night, not be able to calm their nerves over the next morning. finally morning came and the two were taking a brief moment together before leaving. "what if she doesnt like us?" sofia said placing her hands on her hips and shutting her eyes as if she was going to cry. "hey hey hey, dont say that. shes going to love you." he said, and she cracked a smile. "shes going to love you too." sofia said reopenign her eyes and smiling. he brought her in for hug, quickly kissing her temple as he did so. he felt her decompress, once she wrapped his arms around him. they left a few minutes later and made the 15 minute drive to the downtown.

they saw charlies friend griffith standing with her as she walked through the mini splash pad they had in the center of downtown. sofia and jamie walked hand in hand together, griffith waved at the two and they smiled. griffith bent down to talk to the young girl, and as soon as she turned around to look at the couple, sofia felt a feeling deep within her stomach that this was meant to be happening. she clenched jamie's hand a bit tighter, and he looked down at her as they were nearing the two. she smiled up at him, before kneeling down to girl's height to introduce herself. jamie froze for a second taking in her kneeling and making sure she wasn't in serious discomfort. he shook griffiths hand before kneeling down as well.

"hi rosialie, its so nice to meet you! im sofia and this is my husband jamie." sofia began pointing at herself then at jamie. rosalie softly smiled before grabbing sofia's finger. so-fi-a ja-me." she repeated and sofia giggled, sitting down on her butt. "jam-ie." sofia enunciated, "jamie." rosalie repeated and sofia nodded. "hi." the little girl said smiling widely, and giggling. "can do something?" she asked broken up and the couple nodded. "ofcourse rosalie! what would you like to do?" jamie questioned, and the girl smiled. "paint?" and the two looked up at griffith who nodded excitedly.

2 months later.

it was halloween when sofia and rosalie arrived in newport beach. she had taken the almost three months to stay in toronto with jamie's family and vist her mom in minnesota and then erik in denver, who retired there once his playing career was over. though, he liked to pop over to dana point every so often. their very first meeting was enough for them to adopt rosalie and were incredibly grateful for how smooth and quickly the process was. the duo arrived just in time as jamie finished some of the last touches on the halloween party decor and food. erik and his wife, jackie were there to the girl's surprise. "who's that rosalie?" sofia said, pointing towards the old manchild dressed in a buzz lightyear costume. jamie was woody, sofia was jessie, and jackie was bo peep. "if it isn't my favorite niece!!" he said nad rosalie giggled as he walked up with 'spide fingers' ready to tickle. she thrashed in sofia's arms giggling up a storm as erik finally took ahold of is only niece. jackie came up behind him and greeted the young girl. sofia walked into the kitchen to find jamie focusing on the food being in the perfect spot. "hi." she mused as he looked up, and his eyes widened. "your costume!" he said freaking out. "its okay, i have it right here in my bag." she said kissing his cheek as she reached over for some pretzels, smirking before walking off towards the powder room to change quickly. jamie knocked on the door a few minutes later with her cowgirl boots, ones that had seen better days. and by better days, one's that didn't include stagecoach.

she walked back out and threw her bag into the garage and would deal with it later. she heard the front door open and some greetings as erik walked into the kitchen with rosalie. "i thought it'd get overwhelming for her." erik explained and sofia nodded, thanking him. "hey sweetie, were gonna meet some people. is that ok?" she said and rosalie nodded. "if it isn't miss rosalie!" she heard jasmine cheer, as she walked into the kitchen. "can you say hi, rosalie?" sofia asked and rosalie said hi. "im your auntie, auntie vicky." victoria said introducing herself. 8 year twins christian and angelie ran up to sofia begging to gain rosalie's attention. "guys, back off duudes." victoria said slightly pulling the twins back. rosalie watched them with inquisiitve eyes. trevor then walked in with callie the two year old, in his arms. "yeah duudes." trevor said grinning and the twins laughed. "hi rosalie!" callie screamed, causing rosalie to smile widely. "this is callie." sofia explained, and rosalie blushed. "hi cal." she said and the three parents smiled. "do you want to play?" sofia asked and rosalie nodded. "how about the playroom?" sofia asked and callie nodded. "you have a playroom auntie?" christian asked and she nodded, "yes its brand new though." sofia said setting rosalie down to follow them. "oh cool!!! new toys!!!!" angelie said and sofia and victoria followed the three kids into the playroom to make sure they settled in ok. the two mom's watched in awe, as the four got along rather well. sofia looked to her best friend and smiled, "thankyou for being there every step of the way. you have no idea how much ive appreciated the help and support." sofia said and victoria smiled, pulling her best friend into a hug. "now you just need some mummy juice." victoria grinned, and sofia said amen to that.

2 months later.

it was christmas in newport as erik and jackie came over from dana point, her mom flew in as well as his parents and brother plus his brothers family. rosalie had settled in nicely to the family and newport, becoming friends with the neighbors and recently the two had begun 'mommy and me' classes at their local gymnastics gym and dance studio. it was currently christmas eve, and after a long day of festivities. jamie and sofia were finally able to wrangle their little one to bed.

after a brief warm bath and some sleepytime tea, the two were now laying down with the young blonde to read, "going on a bear hunt." a staple of sofia's childhood. rosalie was softly snoring at the end of the story and the two's heart just melted looking down at their daugher. just at the two were slowly trying to untangle themselves from the young one, she said the two words they had yet to hear from the little girl. jamie whipped his head towards sofia who was nodding, and on the verge of tears. "mama..." the little girl spoke, and sofia cuddled up to the young one. sofia took ahold of the girl's hand and held it softly. jamie smiled down at his two girls and smiled, "daddy..." the little girl spoke. jamie followed sofia's thinking and cuddled into the little girl as well. he took ahold of rosalie's hand softly, and connected his other hand with sofia's. the two slept the night with their daughter, waiting for santa's arrival.

rosalie awoke a few hours later and saw jamie and sofia nestled in next to her. she softly smiled, before yawning and falling back to sleep. ozzie their 9 year old terrier mix, ran in and jumped on the bed and quickly found a comfortable spot - at the edge of roaslie's feet. they awoke the next morning to the smell of cinnamon french toast and coffee. jamie tickled the little girl causing her to giggle loudly, waking up sofia. she smiled taking in the sight. their little trio were meant to be, after all these years.

—

@sofiajdrysdale: 1 year with our little girl Rosalie😇🫶🏻

Tag: jamiedrysdale

12.7k likes, 300 comments.

•

Load more comments.

@erikjohnson: our little munchkin 🤍

@jamiedrysdale: my girls🫶🏻

@trevorzegras: the cats out of the bag🥹

@jasminezegras: my favorite family !

–

@jamiedrysdale: my favorite memories from the past year🤍

Tag: sofiajdrysdale

134.7k likes, 23.6k comments.

•

@sofiadrysdale: I love our little family🤍

@6erikjohnson: rosalie is my favorite drysdale

@trevorzegras: she’s got you wrapped around your finger

—

And my story is now finished ! Thankyou for the ones that have continued to read this story, it has meant the world 🤍

ok FINALLY finished the witcher

Sorry I'm a bit late, but here's some Lost nonsense from my brain:

If Jacob's & MIB's adopted mum didn't adopt them, then a whole lot of mess could have been avoided.

Also.

Why didn't John's dad just say he was moving after he stole his kidney and see him like once a year? (That way if you need to borrow a lung later down the line the option is is there.)

Also.

If I knew my past self was gonna kill my son I won't let that happen. Screw the time space continuum, I'm doctor who-ing this nonsense.

And on top of that.

How come no one really tried to mess about with time in the 70s? I know there was a bit of "ahh don't effect the future" but like, if I was stuck in the past I'd have a go at screwing around with time. I'd be like suck it universe, there's no Internet and I've got people in the present I care about. I know alot of the Lost people had reasons not to, like Jin's trying to keep his family safe and Sawyer doesn't really have anyone outside of the island. But Julie's sister? Kate needing to find Claire? WHY WASNT THERE A DANIEL FOCUSED EPISODE ABOUT HIM TRYING TO CHANGE THE FUTURE AND SAVE CHARLOTTE THAT JUST MADE THE FUTURE HAPPEN MORE SO THAT THEN WHEN SAYID SHOT CHILD BEN I COULD HAVE BEEN ALL LIKE nah bro thats no gonna help, when instead I thought there was gonna be some funky timeline nonsense that I'm always here for AND THEN THERE WASNT. Also more Daniel.

Last thought (sorry I can't shut up)

Now I'm thinking about it, why was everyone's reaction to Sayid shooting child Ben as a bland "this is bad" ?? Im not trying to say it was good, but its like the whole 'go back in time and kill Hitler as a kid' argument? I thought characters would at least have thoughts? Like no one even talked about it beyond face value?? Or even had an emotion?? Everyone was just like: "this is bad, but let's leave him with his abusive dad" ???????????????

Epilogue Thought: i genuinely thought when Kate handed child Ben over to the Others she was doing to say something to him along the lines of what adult Ben said to her at the beginning of series 3 when they had breakfast together. (My memory is so bad, but it's something like "I wanted you to have a nice memory to cling onto because a lot of bad is going to happen.") And then it was gonna be like a weird time loop thing of who really said it first, like Ben doesn't remember them properly or anything (but it might help why he didn't just ask Jack for surgery help when they first crashed.)

lost spoilers ahead

Okay, first of all, how the fuck did you send a message this long. Whenever I send messages, I'm given a character limit???

If Jacob's & MIB's adopted mum didn't adopt them, then a whole lot of mess could have been avoided.

"Adopted", yes that the's word for it. And yeah... yeah. The entire plot of LOST, down the drain. Isn't it ironic, this show is known for so much daddy issues and all of this fuss was caused by mommy issues

Why didn't John's dad just say he was moving after he stole his kidney and see him like once a year? (That way if you need to borrow a lung later down the line the option is is there.)

Short answer: Because Anthony Cooper is a cunt

Longer answer: it's pooossible that anthony genuinely didn't wanna spend any time with locke at all. as you pointed out, this isn't pragmatic on his part. but he's a dick. he also has a history of not sticking around the people he's conned

If I knew my past self was gonna kill my son I won't let that happen. Screw the time space continuum, I'm doctor who-ing this nonsense.

I've had this same thought. Offense to Eloise, but I'm different.

like, yeah, even if it turns out to not be possible, there's merit in fucking trying to prevent this. like, morally, emotionally, i'd respect eloise if she'd fucking TRIED to not kill her baby boy :(((

legit, same, if i knew i was destined to kill my boy, i'd be like "no"

and at the very fucking least, i'd give the best life possible! which, paradox or no, is what a parent is SUPPOSED to do, eloise!!

not only does eloise not even try to not do this, what makes it so much worse is that she didn't allow him the life he wanted. you know he's gonna die young, bitch, let him have love and piano!

HES NOT EVEN ASKING FOR MUCH. free will??? please???

i Cannot talk about eloise without going on this rant, it seems

and the rest of ur message, i won't copy paste, but what ur saying about time travel. i'm kinda indifferent to a possiblity of them trying to change more but thinking about it, it's odd that they didn't Try more. however this can chalked up to like, not enough run time. but yes i'm all in favour of the characters ties to other characters mattering more. and charlotte mattering more. grrrr

oh boy the ben thing. well, i don't blame them for the This Is Bad thing. because it is. it's very bad to shoot a child. i wanna say, sayid is so fucking out of character when he does this. the writers mishandled sayid pretty bad in seasons 5 and 6, sigh. personally i don't believe its anywhere near okay to try to kill somebody because they're gonna be a bad person One Day. but yeah i am surprised there wasn't more of a debate about this in canon. we have people of different morals here... plus, it's a debate in real life. i'm in the "punish the people who have actually done something wrong" camp

it's fucked that he has to stay with roger though. i don't put that on our losties tho, overall i blame the others. because they could have accepted ben into the others way sooner and they really should have. richard could see this kid was suffering and they let him stay with his abusive dad. that's awful. then again, charles was in charge during this time period so that makes THAT make more sense but ugh

and finally. inch resting... i always saw kate's sympathy for little ben as 1. he's only a child, he's Not big ben. and 2. she grew up in an abusive home too so she sees a kindred spirit

regarding ben's memory, it annoys me how the writers felt the need to erase some of little ben's memories to supposedly Make It Make Sense but i felt that was unneeded. i think it's perfectly viable for ben to remember all the stuff that went down in season 5 but he never mentioned it because why the fuck would he. for one thing, he was henry gale at first, he's hardly gonna be like "oh hey are you the guy who shot me when i was a kid??" no, he'd keep his memories to himself. i think ben keeps a lot of things to himself for tactical reasons so i think the lost writers employed a get outta jail free card when they really didn't need to

Project Widow Soldier

When Marinette first joined her classmates at the age of 11 it was clear that she wasn't what they considered normal. Sure her clothes were fashionable, but there was just something about her that made them second guess themselves. As the days passed they put that unease out of their minds, after all, why should they be scared of someone who was so clumsy?

What they didn't know was they should have listened to those instincts. Marinette was not normal, not in the slightest. She had been genetically engineered by Hydra. Half her DNA came from the Winter Soldier, the other half came from the Black Widow. How they had access to Widow's DNA, Marinette didn't know. She had his colouring but her build was similar to that of the widow's. Not that she knew that. She had been 8 when she had first heard whispers of what Hydra wanted to do with her, the perfect weapon, they called her. One born in a lab from an unknown surrogate and taken straight to their version of the red room. She had been trained and had her skills honed since before she could walk. Languages were drilled into her skull until it became a reflex to speak in whatever language was spoken around her.

That was something they should have remembered when they spoke of the next step of her training, whipping out her class. Well trained she may be but she had her father's true nature. The nature the Winter Soldier possessed when he was still James Buchanan Barnes aka 'Bucky' of the Howling Commando's and Captain America's best friend. Her true nature was kind, caring and bubbly when she was allowed to be, and the mile-wide stubborn streak in her refused to let her trainers take that away from her. When she heard what they had planned for her, she made her own plans. Instead of just taking out her class, she took out the whole base, hacking their computers to delete any and all references of herself, then ran.

She hitched her way to an orphanage in France where she was soon adopted and finally given a name of her own. Marinette Dupain-Cheng. It sounded so much better than Experiment Widow Soldier 1623. Despite having run away she kept up most of her training, firearms were done at night by breaking into gun shops and dismantling then reassembling them against a timer. Other weapons were done by training in a dojo every second night. Hand to hand was done the same way except that was practised by a man who would alternate between watching her and sparing with her. She was always extra careful when they sparred as she didn't want anyone to know her true strength. It was why she always acted so clumsy too, no-one ever thought that the clumsiest person in the room could kill you with their bare hands.

Whenever they had a gym class at school she would pretend to injure herself so that she wouldn't have to participate in them. The teachers and other students simply thought it was bad luck so they ignored it rather than make a fuss of it. She found the classes very easy but after getting herself put up a grade she hid her boredom and simply put in the minimum effort she needed to still get her stellar grades. That's not to say her new life was perfect. There were still those that tried to bully her, but she generally only acted upset to help Chloe feel like she was copying her mother properly. She also discovered that she didn't feel comfortable not having at least one weapon on her, yet normal clothes didn't sit properly when she had a weapon. So she started designing and, making her own clothes and to her surprise, she discovered that not only did she enjoy doing so but she was good at it! Soon she was making all her clothes, up to and including bra's when she started needing them.

Two years after she was adopted and started her normal school career, she met Ayla. Although she got along well with Ayla, she decided to wait a while before deciding if they would be true friends or not. When one of her classmates was turned to stone she thought about intervening but knew that if she did, she stood the chance of being recognised, so she went home only to find a box on her desk. After checking it for traps she opened it, met Tikki and found she could help without exposing her secret to the world. It was in Tikki she found, what she felt, her first true friend. She then met Chat Noir and had to admit, while he needed to work on his comedic timing, he was a decent partner, especially for someone who clearly had no prior training. It was only due to her upbringing that she remembered that she had to catch the butterfly before they started celebrating their win.

When she arrived at school the next day she saw a boy leaning over her seat, at first she thought he had put it there but upon hearing Chloe giggling she realised that it was Chloe that had put it there. Despite this, she knew she had to make a scene about the gum so she pretended to be angry and pretended not to know who he was when Ayla showed her his picture on her phone. It was then that the downside of her training kicked in, this boy, Adrian, was her partner! She groaned and mentally hit her head against a brick wall in frustration.

School continued in pretty much the same way as previous years until yet another new girl joined their class. As far as Marinette was concerned the new girl was lacking in every way. Her lies were easy to disprove, her fashion sense was abysmal and don't even get her started on the girl's hair! When Lila first started to spread her lies, Marinette didn't care. When she stole Adrian's book though Marinette got angry. Didn't she know what Adrian's father would do to him if Adrian lost it? So she followed them and took the book out of the trash, only for Tikki to identify it as a grimoire and insist it be taken to the guardian. Marinette knew Tikki was right but she also worried about what would happen to her Kitty if she didn't return it. So she scanned it into her tablet, made a copy for the guardian and returned the book to Mr Agreste herself, saying she had found it in the trash after seeing Lila throw it away. As she had filmed Lila when she followed them he simply thanked her and sent her away. He hadn't even asked why she followed them!

It made her very suspicious of Mr Agreste but she knew Adrian as Chat wasn't ready for that confrontation so she kept her silence. She took one of the copies to the guardian and started her training as the next guardian. School carried on and Lila came back with yet more stories, she even tried threatening Marinette but she just shrugged it off, she'd dealt with worse.

Three more years past in much the same way, Lila lied, Marinette got ignored and the class seemed to drop in intelligence every time Marinette checked. Tom and Sabine never fell for Lilas' lies no matter how much the girl tried so Marinette was content. Then came the day that Marinette finally slipped.

There had been a difficult Akuma in the early hours of the morning so Marinette was running late. In her haste, she forgot that that day was a “gym” day meaning she needed an injury lined up. It definitely didn't help that the news that the Avengers were in Paris and would be visiting her school had been circulating.

“They all love me and we all text each other regularly but when they here they will pretend they don't know me so that I'm not made a target.” Lila was saying as Marinette stumbled into the classroom, pretending to be out of breath. “I wish I could tell you when they'll be here but they want it to be a surprise.”

Marinette rolled her eyes then finally remembered that today was a gym day and groaned softly. She didn't even have a viable excuse to get out of it! 'Looks like I'll have to try fake not being good at whatever activity they come up with' she thought with a sigh.

As luck would have it the Avengers showed up just in time for her classes gym class. At first, she thought that this would be a good thing, the Avengers would talk to them about whatever and then they would go back to their normal classes. Except that's not what happened. Kim, being his typical self, made a bet with Alix that if anyone in their class would be able to pick up Thor's hammer it was him. This led to a lot of snickering at the innuendo but it also got the attention of Tony Stark aka Ironman so they all had to line up and try to lift it. None of them managed to and then it was her turn. She didn't think she'd be able to but knew she had to try anyway. To her surprise, she lifted it easily. She blanched then did the only thing she could think of, she dropped the hammer and bolted from the room. She didn't mean to run into Bucky but she did and when he caught her, he could feel the muscles she had kept hidden with slightly loose shirts. This wasn't good.

“Alright little lady, what has you in such a panic,” Bucky asked.

“I was able to lift that stupid hammer so I panicked. I catch enough flack from my class that I didn't want to see their reactions.” Her voice came out against her will. Even though his question had been friendly enough, his voice had the same commanding tone in it that some of her instructors had had. He seemed to recognise that her answer hadn't been willingly given and studied her, his eyes showing that he was drawing the right conclusions about her training.

“You were trained. I accidentally used 'That Voice' and you had no option but to reply. Am I right?” His voice was filled with dawning understanding, however, he still kept that commanding tone in it so she felt compelled to answer.

“I managed to get away 5 years ago. I didn't think it would still work on me.” She replied miserably.

“5 years ago? That's when the Hydra base in Belgium blew up if I remember the reports I've recently been able to read correctly. Shield had found it hidden in a mountain under a monastery and three days before they went to attack it, it went up in flames. Was that you? If so, why, that would have been against all your training.” Bucky was still holding her arm so she couldn't escape. In a way, it felt like she was being grounded against her maelstrom of emotions through that contact.

“Look, can we not talk about this here? The last thing we need is for someone to hear this and start rumours about me. More rumours anyway,” her voice was very quiet at this stage.

Bucky thought for a moment then he answered. “We're staying on the fourth floor, I trust you can get in unseen?” He cocked an eyebrow as he said this, so she just nodded.

“What time?”

“22H00”

“I'll be there, though I would recommend having something that can do an express DNA analysis or I doubt anyone will believe me. I'm guessing I'll be talking to everyone?” Her tone was resigned as she said this. Bucky just nodded. “Alright, I'll see everyone tonight then.”

It seemed her run of bad luck was still going strong when an Akuma attack happened just after she had finished her supper and fighting it lasted for so long she only had 5 minutes to get to the meeting. She had 3 minutes before her transformation timed out so she decided to throw caution into the wind.

“Chat, I have to be somewhere ASAP, can I leave the comforting to you?” Chat hadn't had to use his power so he nodded and she swung away quickly. Landing on the correct balcony with a minute to spare, she stepped through to the surprise of everyone in the room and dropped her transformation. Tikki had known she was going to tell them anyway so she just smiled at her as she accepted a macaroon.

The avengers, who had all tensed up ready to fight as she dropped in, relaxed slightly before Thor's laughter boomed around the room.

“So that's why you were able to lift Mjolnir earlier! Well met young wielder of creation!”

She blushed but nodded. “Mind if I sit down? I'm a little tired.”

“Pull up a chair,” Tony said. Then he continued “Why'd you tell metal arm here to have a DNA tester ready?”

In answer, she simply held out her arm and when nobody moved she sighed. “Look, it would make it a lot easier for everyone to understand if they could see that what I'm about to say if they could see I'm not lying and that I have nothing to hide, at least not from anyone in this room.”

That got a reaction out of them. Bruce got up and drew the blood sample needed and ran it, only to let a strangled sound out when the results came in. Marinette giggled.

“Are you serious?!? This can't be right!” he spluttered.

“They accurate. You can check me for any hidden vials etc that could have messed with the results if you want but I promise they are true.” Marinette couldn't help but be amused.

“What's wrong big man?” Tony asked.

“The DNA results say she's Bucky and Natasha's kid but that's not possible!” Bruce's voice was filled with denial.

“WHAT?” Everyone in the room except Bruce and Marinette shouted.

“Read them yourself!” Bruce thrust the result sheet toward them.

“It's true. Oh my god, how?”

Tony was about to make a joke about two people having sex when Natasha shook her head.

“Before you start, Tony, I've never had sex with Bucky let alone been pregnant so it won't be the way you thinking.” She turned to Marinette and simply said: “Explain, now!”

Marinette sighed then leaned back and started to explain about Hydra's project Widow Soldier and how she got away. Halfway through her explanation, Tony had Friday start pulling all the records that he could and shared them with the rest of the Avengers. Friday was a little more thorough then Marinette expected him to be and had pulled up files regarding what was going on at Marinette's school too. Most specifically about Lila Rossi. The team was not pleased when they saw the videos with Lila lying about them and quite a few others.

As the team started to discuss how they would deal with Lila's lies about them, Natasha and Bucky walked over to Marinette.

“So, you're our daughter huh?” Marinette nodded with her eyes lowered thinking that they must either be angry or disappointed.

“Did the serums in us affect you in any way?” Natasha asked.

“I'm stronger, faster and more flexible than most, which helps with being Ladybug but is a pain as a civilian as I always have to hide it, even from my adopted parents. I'm immune to poisons and need very little sleep. Oh, and my eyes are better and my hearing is a little more acute. If anyone found out I was going to blame it on having an active X-gene but I know I don't actually have one.”

“At least you had a backup plan for it kiddo,” Bucky said ruffling her hair. She swatted his hand away.

“Up for a sparing session so that we can see where you at in term of training?” Natasha asked.

“Sure, just know I don't want to go into the hero business full time. I was hoping to be like Edna Mode in the Incredibles, you know? Design super suits for everyone, yet still, be awesome in my own right.” Bucky and Natasha chuckled.

“If's that's what you want sure, but we still going to double-check your level of training,” Bucky replied.

“Fair enough.” She hopped up and stripped off her jacket as they started sparring.

What no-one knew was that a certain Salt-water Crocodile had smelt his favourite teen and had escaped from the room he was in. He had a bad habit of doing that, mainly so that he could destroy and crocodile skin items Chloe had, as well as her shoes. Marinette and Natasha had been sparing for 10 minutes when Fang managed to track Marinette's scent down and break into the Avengers' room, causing them all to freak and reach for their weapons. Marinette and Natasha stopped their spar and Marinette stood with her hands on her hips, looking uncannily like a blue-eyed version of her mother.

“Really Fang? Must you resort to scaring everyone whenever you even think I'm nearby?” She didn't get an answer except for a slight rumble from Fang's chest almost like a purr. She sighed then walked over to her jacket to get her phone and dialled a number.

“Hey Uncle J, you wouldn't happen to be missing something would you?” She asked into the phone when her call connected. When she got an answer all she replied was “Room 416,” before hanging up and sitting down. Fang was instantly half on her lap demanding cuddles.

The team was startled, to say the least, but even more so when Jagged Stone burst into the room. He ignored them his eyes locking onto Fang and Marinette. “Little M! No wonder he decided to go for a walk!” He looked around, “Oh, were you in the middle of a design meeting? I'll catch up later then! We still on for you coming on tour with me for a month when school finishes? Excellent! See you later then!” And with that, he was gone again.

“Don't ask,” was all she said with a shake of her head and a small laugh “You'll get used to it.”

Seeing how similar the man was to Tony the team accepted that easily enough. Marinette looked at the clock and saw it was 2 o'clock. She sighed then looked back at everyone.

“Look do what you want about Lila but I don't want to know the plan beforehand. If I look smug, or if I don't look surprised she'll twist your actions to be the result of me manipulating her. I've got to get home and get some sleep as I have school in the morning, while I don't need a lot of sleep I still need some.” Having said that she called for her transformation and left.

School was as boring as ever the next day when the door slammed open and Tony stood there.

“Sorry not sorry for barging in Ms Incompitence,” he said to Mlle Bustier, “But there is something I need to say to this class. After we left yesterday and saw that Akuma attack we tried to get more information on them. Imagine our surprise when we saw a video on a blog we'd never heard of, a video that contained an interview with a girl we had never met or even seen until we spoke to this class yesterday. We decided to do what little miss tabloid reporter here should have done and did some fact-checking. Yes, there are some facts in what she said but 95% of what she said was total BS. We even called some of the celebs that were spoken about to make sure!” With that, he slammed a wad of paper down on the desk in front of Lila. “These are copies of the lawsuits you will be facing Ms Liar, your mother has copies of them too.” He turned to Ayla and dumped another slightly smaller wad in front of her. “This is your set, same story.” Finally, he turned to Mlle Bustier, “You will be hearing from the education board shortly.” With that, he turned on his heel and walked out.

Marinette sat back in her seat watching as the class slowly processed what had just happened. When Adrian looked at her she shook her head showing she had nothing to do with it. Realising she probably wouldn't learn anything new until Ms Mendeleiev came to teach them, she closed her eyes and thought about her summer. A month travelling with Jagged, the rest spent with the Avengers, who knew what would happen? Either way, she looked forward to the future, knowing she had two sets of parents that supported her and a whole family to meet. Who knows maybe she could even find someone she would be willing to date?

by popular request part 2

If you don't mind answer (Since I'm loving you digging into other answers you give!) What do you think about the show's seemingly Anti-Adoption standpoint? Even when it's for the best interest of the child, or the mother's insistent on it, they seem to do everything they can to convince the mother otherwise. Even when the mother couldn't afford the child at all, and had a home lined up for them, they talked her out of it.

Thank you for the question! Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to, I wanted to attempt a thorough answer but I had a lot going on, so it got a tad forgotten in the drafts.

Your ask is quite a toughie. I don’t know that I’d actually characterize the show as having an anti-adoption viewpoint, I think the show is often trying to be conscious of the way class and other social structures interacted with the adoption system at the time, while also trying to deal with other issues adoption raises. I think sometimes they do well with that, but sometimes, while trying to shine a light on one thing, they manage to fall into other biases. I’ll put the rest under a ‘read more’ as this did get a biiiit long.

Class had (and has, really) a big role in adoption, and views of who “deserved” to be a parent often had harmful impacts. It’s a complicated and difficult subject, and there are lots of factors that can come into play in each case, but shame and other pressures were often usedto essentially force poor and/or single mothers to give up children. Some children were outright taken from the biological mother (or couple, in some cases, though overwhelmingly judgement landed on single women) that wanted them and were trying to keep them. The choice wasn’t really a free choice as they often weren’t given the support they would need in order to make keeping the child a viable option for them, nor were they given support in thoroughly thinking through all of their options and deciding what they truly want. Also, young, single, working-class women were generally condemned for becoming pregnant and were often pressured to give the child up so that they could be given to a ‘better’ family (i.e. middle-class straight couple. Having a British background & being Christian did also come into it).  

Another aspect of portraying adoption is contending with the bias that a ‘real’ family is biological; that there’s some kind of innate bond between people who are biologically linked that is not present between those who aren’t (I’m going to call this the ‘biology bias’ for convenience’s sake). The elements of classism and biology bias (and bias against single parents, homophobia, racism, etc.) can interact in complex ways. Trying to realistically portray negative aspects of the adoption system that aren’t often talked about can result inseemingly playing into the ‘child should stay with their real family’ prejudice. Or it can both critique the class bias and buy into the biology bias. The latter case often takes the form of ‘well I guess the adoptive couple is providing a promising future for the child, it’s just a shame that it comes at the cost of a deeper/truer love, as the child would have had with the bio family’ in media portrayals. Or sometimes the inverse can happen (undercutting the biology bias but accepting the class bias) and you get an attribution of blame instead of an examination of how people are constrained by their situations in a way that couldbe resolved with good social supports, à la ‘those (lower-income) people were just bad parents who don’t deserve a child, the child should be given to a good (middle-class) couple.’ And plenty of other complex issues arise when the axes of race & nationality, physical & mental differences, gender, etc. come into play. It’s really a hard thing to navigate and communicate all of the elements that are wrapped up in adoption, and I’d say portrayals are often in the grey zone.

To disentangle the elements in CtM’s portrayals of adoption, I’m going togo ahead and take a little look at all of the examples of adoption in the show and try to examine what they’re aiming for and what I think they convey. Please feel free to point out if I’ve missed one or if you think I’ve missed elements of one portrayal or have misconstrued things. Strap in guys, this is hecking long. Or jump down to the Tl;dr, that’s fine too.

First, in 1x02, we have Mary, the Irish girl who came to London, was taken advantage of and pressured into prostitution and became pregnant. Jenny tries to help her, but as she is single, poor, still a child herself, and a prostitute, the child is removed from Mary (and in episode 4 we discover that that has seriously mentally scarred her, resulting in her taking someone else’s child in an attempt to regain what was taken from her.) Here we see pretty much exactly what I was talking about above. Society saw Mary as morally unfit (as being poor, a prostitute, and single & pregnant were judged to be personal failures/sins, and there was additional prejudice against Irish people), so there was no safety net for her, no public services provided so that she, even as poor and young as she was, could realistically raise the child if she wanted to. You could say it might be unjust to leave the child with Mary, given her circumstances, but I think CtM is showing that her circumstances didn’t have to be what they were. If she wasn’t judged so on a moral basis, she wouldn’t be condemned to continue in those circumstances and she wouldn’t have had her child taken from her against her will. If she had been given a free choice and support in making it and carrying it out, she may have kept the child or she may have given it up, but either way, the outcome for Mary wouldn’t have been as terrible as it was.  

The second case we see is Doris Aston, in 3x02. Doris is married and has a few children already, and reveals that her current pregnancy is likely the result of an affair with a black man. Obviously, her husband (who is white) will know she was unfaithful when the child is born, and she and the child will be at risk as her husband is abusive (it’s revealed throughout the episode that he is controlling and aggressive, even prior to learning of his wife’s infidelity.) In the end, the child (who Doris names Carole) is taken out of the house, with the husband threatening to kill Carole if she remains. Carole is taken to the Turners’ to foster and then sent on to her middle-class adoptive family.This episode is meant to shine a light on another pressure that results in women not having a free choice in life, particularly around sexuality and children. Divorce was heavily stigmatizedat the time, and it wasn’t easy for a woman to get a divorce from her husband if he didn’t agree to it, especially if the couple already had children together. Therefore, if a woman was unhappy in a marriage, or even suffering abuse, there wasn’t much recourse for her. Yes, in this situation Doris did cheat, but the circumstances of that are complicated. What’s more, as a result of it, she doesn’t really have a free choice in whether to keep her daughter (and sons) and leave her husband (which she wanted) or stay and work it out either with or without Carole. The only real choice she has is to give the child up and hope her husband a) doesn’t find and hurt the baby, b) isn’t violent towards her as a result of him learning about her infidelity, and c) that she can bury her emotions around Carole and essentially pretend she never existed/died at birth. So the episode is seeking to portray the way women, especially working-class women, were unjustly constrained; forced into choices they would not freely have made. Race is touched on only briefly, in that it’s the element that renders Doris’ infidelity evident, and also a mixed-race child is more difficult to place within the adoption system. This isn’t really explored much, as Carole is quickly adopted and we don’t actually really see how her being mixed affects this.An element of this episode that I think they mishandled was buying into the ‘true family is bio family’ prejudice via their attempt to portray the injustice Doris faced and sympathize with her. This mainly comes in near the end of the episode, where they reinforce the idea that Doris is Carole’s ‘real’ mother. Doris herself worries that Carole “won’t know I’m her mother,” and Sister Julienne says “If Carole searches for her mother one day, hopefully records will bring her to us,” Here I think the norm of just saying “mother” as though the adoptive mother Carole will have isn’t really her mother, is partially just because they’re showing that Doris does feel she is Carole’s mother and doesn’t actually want to give her up, however it does play into the biology bias. This is deeply reinforced when Vanessa Redgrave chimes in with a “[Doris] trusted in God that Carole would have a good life with good people who would give her the future she couldn’t. More than anything, she wished she could have kept her because whatever anyone else might feel, it couldn’t be what Doris felt. Her daughter was of and from her. They were a part of each other and always would be.” That could generously be interpreted as Mature Jenny just conveying what Doris believed, but even so, there’s a heavy narrative buy-in to that message, and the message is clearly ‘Doris wanted to keep her daughter and ought not to have been forced to give her up. Biology and gestation result in an inherent, unbreakable bond that cannot be replicated and it is therefore regrettable that Carole had to be given to a family that - though financially secure, potentially kind, and distant from the threat of violence - lack that bond.’ That message again seeks to convey the injustice of Doris’s situation and sympathize with her pain, but in doing so, it implies that adoptive families lack this deep, automatic bond forged via biology and are therefore inherently weaker. They may provide a more materially promising future for the child, but unfortunately, they aren’t as ‘true’ a family as a biologically linked one.Furthermore, Jenny says “[The adoption agency worker] spoke as though Doris had no link at all with her baby,” and notes that the adoptive parents requested no ongoing contact. These elements reinforce the portrayal of the adoption as cold and insufficiently recognizant of how the baby is ‘actually’ the biological mother’s. This bit is difficult, as Carole is not not Doris’s, and it’s totally fair for Doris to grieve for the loss of her daughter. Also, cutting off contact, not allowing any connection at all to the child’s birth family was commonly done and can be a very harmful practice. The adoption agency (and society at large) certainly thought Doris had no moral right to see Carole, as she chose to have an affair and is therefore a Bad Woman and a Bad Mother, and that is justly critiqued by the show. But I think, in this episode, the show is rather clumsy in its portrayal of this complex situation, and manages to imply that the adoptive family (and mother in particular) are kind of interlopers who are only a solution to a problem as opposed to being a potentially very loving family that is just as true of a family as a biological one. Where this reading is a bit shaken is that this is the start of the foreshadowing that the Turners will end up adopting a child, and their fostering of Carole for the night before she is adopted is shown in a very positive light. The whole scene is loving and sweet, and positive comments are made about Carole’s adoption (though sympathy is also extended to Doris.) So it’s a bit of a mixed bag, this episode. Overall I think that it does a good job with the class and sexism elements, but a poor job with handling the biology bias.

The third time adoption is portrayed (3x06), it’s more of a subplot that serves to introduce Shelagh and Patrick to the idea that adoption could be the answer to their desire to expand their family. Colin Monk, Tim’s friend, is revealed to be adopted. Learning this immediately prompts Shelagh to propose that she & Patrick pursue adoption to continue building their family. She comments: “I really don’t believe I’d have to carry a child inside my body for it to feel like ours. If I felt that, it would mean that loving Timothy has taught me nothing.” This is a firm rebuttal of the biology bias and it nicely links step and adoptive families, explicitly espousing a positive perspective on both.The episode does touch on the class & religious aspects too. Shelagh says that the adoption charity she went to was the Church of England Childrens’ Society, and notes: “I think they quite like the idea of us, a GP and a retired midwife. (…) As the lady [at the adoption agency] said, the children have already got off to a sorry start in life, they need the very best parents the agency can find them.” So, again, the show is bringing up the normative judgements around parenting, and the idea that a (straight) professional couple where the mother stays home is deemed morally deserving of children.The end of this episode also sees Patrick getting antsy about the conditions of adoption, correctly foreseeing that (in 3x07) his mental health struggles will cause the agency to deem him less deserving of a child (so here’s ableism coming in to play too.)Overall, I think these episodes did a good job with the adoption plot. They push back against the biology bias while also subtly highlighting who is deemed socially worthy of children in terms of class and health.

Fourth there’s 3x08, wherein the Turners adopt Angela. Here, the portrayal is overwhelmingly positive, with pretty much all of our excitement and sympathies going to the Turners, who are meeting their daughter for the first time. They’re excited about the news that they’re going to become parents in much the same way we see people on the show excited about an impending birth. Holding Angela for the first time (particularly with respect to Shelagh) is treated as having as much weight and love as any parent being handed their biological baby. Particularly, In The Mirror plays, a musical theme that has been used to score previous momentous transformations in Shelagh’s life (and Patrick’s, as those changes are often linked), Patrick says “here’s your mummy,” and Shelagh says “we have a daughter.” For me, that is slightly undercut by Shelagh saying “This is the closest I’m ever going to get to giving birth.” This implies that the experience is kind of a consolation prize, as close as they can get to what they’d ideally want; for Shelagh to carry and give birth to a child that is biologically theirs. I don’t think that’s necessarily what they meant to imply - especially given all the talk before and in later episodes about loving Angela as much as if she were biologically theirs - but that’s how that line read to me. But again, that is largely overwhelmed by the positive tone and emotions portrayed in that scene.Switching into the consideration of the other end of the equation, the biological mother, we have a very interesting choice to comment on the deeply uncomfortable situation that led to Angela becoming a Turner. When Patrick asks what she knows about the situation, Shelagh says: “Hardly anything, just that the mother is only 16 and she was meant to be taking the baby home with her, but at the last minute her parents changed their minds.” Timothy, always involved in the family building (another strong element of the portrayal) says “That’s terrible,” and Patrick reprimands him with a slightly curt “Tim.” Shelagh says, “That’s why they want a speedy settlement, to spare further trauma for those involved.” We, the viewers, are excited and happy about the Turners adopting, and then we’re hit with this slight insight into the other side of the equation. Though “our” family is getting its happy outcome, that results from a terrible thing having happened to a young, single girl (‘Miss Jones’.) We don’t know the class differential here, so there’s not much to work with, analysis-wise, on that front. Here, it’s more that Miss Jones doesn’t really have the option to contradict her parents in this society, which results in her being forced to give up the child she wanted to keep. So again the show highlights the lack of choice women (and girls) had, and hints at the moral judgements around who is worthy of being supported in their parenting project. Interestingly, this actually puts Shelagh (and Patrick, to some degree, though the whole plot really focusses more on Shelagh’s motherhood, which is a whole other discussion) a bit in the moral grey, as her (their) desire to have a child causes them to kind of callously brush past the injustice their daughter’s biological mother faced. Though that is slightly tempered by Shelagh noting that it’s felt that doing this all quickly is the least traumatic option, having her convey this information as they’re all rushing to pick up Angela really gets across how the injustices on the bio mother’s side of the picture just kind of get glossed over in the focus on joy of the adoptive family. We don’t take that bit more time to consider what actually results in the best outcome for all involved. That’s an interesting counterpoint to 3x02, where the adoptive family’s love and joy is glossed over by our focus on the sorrow and pain of Doris Aston. I would say though that 3x08 does a bit better at integrating all these elements, as the hurried discussion of the bio mother is, I think, clearly meant to bring us up short and make us consider that there are elements of injustice in this situation, whereas 3x02 doesn’t really give us much positive about the adoptive family. The following episode does give us some balance too, showing the Turners worrying about Angela’s biological mother while still clearly maintaining that Angela is as loved as she would be if she was biologically theirs. Shelagh and Patrick reflect on this together and with Timothy, and the ensemble decision is to send a letter to Angela’s biological mother (though administrative structures make it uncertain that the letter will reach her), giving her some closure as to what happened to the child she gave up. This serves to send the message that communication in the process of family-building is important, while also remaining grounded in a time where it was generally held that the best thing to do in an emotionally difficult situation was to not talk about it.

In the following episode, the Christmas special, we get the mother and baby home, which switches gear firmly into focussing on the judgement placed on unmarried women who become pregnant (especially young women) and the abuses these women (and girls) faced in the institutions they were sent to. First, there’s the fact that these institutions existed, largely tucked away to reinforce that falling pregnant outside of marriage is shameful and needs to be hidden. Then there’s the medical neglect within the home, the only staff being the Nonnatus volunteers and the drunken matron who runs the place. We see one case briefly where a baby is basically ripped from a young woman/girl who was not yet ready to say goodbye. Of our two main cases, we have one woman who decided to keep the baby though she was initially aloof and uncaring, and one who was totally comfortable giving the baby up and does so. I think a strong point of the episode was pointing out that whole Mother & Baby Home system is a result of and in many ways a reinforcement of the shaming and punishment of young, often poor, unmarried mothers for what was deemed a personal failing. We see this explicitly with Tim’s comment about “moral contagion,” wherein he’s voicing/testing out/subtly criticizing the mainstream view of the time. In England at the time, society operated on the idea that treating these women like any other pregnant women would be endorsing their sin/personal failing, and that would lead to a whole epidemic of this sort of thing, which would obviously be bad. So the episode as a whole is bringing that to light and critiquing it and the actions that resulted from it.On to the two main cases. One is a young woman/girl who decides to give her bio son up for adoption, saying that she’s happy to think that he’ll have a good life with people who love and want him and it’s the right choice for both of them. She is shown to have a supportive mother, indicating that sometimes, the choice was freer. The narrative is telling us that there were cases where - in spite of wider social prejudice against unmarried mothers - keeping the child would have been a viable option, but the bio mother decided that wasn’t what she wanted/what she judged to be the best outcome of the situation, and this is a perfectly fine choice to make.My feelings on the portrayal of the other young woman/girl are a bit more mixed. On the one hand, yes sometimes someone is totally set on giving up a child but their mind changes when confronted by the reality of the newborn. However, this storyline is a bit of an iffy trope and I think using it requires some delicacy. It’s very easy to fall into the ‘it’s your child and you will and ought to have a unique, automatic bond with it,’ which places a judgement on women who don’t automatically feel that bond, whether or not they want that child and whether or not they ultimately decide to keep that child. That normative view of bonding downplays the work that goes into bonding with a child and implicitly judges those whose bond is not automatic, as well as implying that there is a sort of bond that is exclusive to the person who gives birth to the child. On the plus side, that storyline directly contradicts the idea that these young women/girls don’t deserve to be mothers, and that is a point in its favour.On the whole, though I disagree with the ‘automatic bond’ portion of the one storyline, the episode benefits from having multiple storylines highlighting different elements within the overall focus on pregnant, unmarried young women/girls and the injustices they suffered as a result of sexism.

Sixth, we get the case of Marnie Wallace and Dot (and Eugene) Spenlow. Marnie and Dot are cousins, the former is poor, the latter is more middle-class. Marnie is pregnant and her husband has died fairly recently. She’s struggling with how she’s going to provide for this child as well as the children she already has. The main option is to give the child to Dot and her husband, who very much want a child but cannot have one biologically. This gets uncomfortable as Dot offers Marnie financial support on the condition that Marnie gives them the baby when it’s born. Marnie does this but is clearly unhappy about it. When we see Dot and Eugene with the baby, they seem fairly uncomfortable with caring for it/aren’t going about it as Marnie would, though they are happy. Marnie decides she can’t live with this and takes the baby back, and though Dot and Eugene are upset, they come to accept this and give her all the stuff they bought for the baby. I’m not entirely sure what the episode was going for. There’s the theme of poor women being forced to give up children out of financial necessity (lack of resources & support made available to them), and there’s the theme of family pressuring a woman to make certain decisions about her children. I think they were trying to highlight class dynamics, and that resulted in the episode portraying a more middle-class part of a family directly preying on a poorer family member and taking her child. My discomfort with that (and I think it’s a discomfort that many viewers had) is not around Marnie not deserving to have the support she needs to raise a child that she truly wants. Portraying class struggles has always been an important element of this show and a praiseworthy one. The reason this episode drew some criticism (at least, on tumblr), I think, is that the portrayal of the couple who cannot biologically have children feels malicious. It feels like the message being sent is that there’s something virtuous about being able to have children even when you “have nothing but love,” whereas the barren couple is materialistic, not naturally good at parenting like someone who can bear children and inherently unable to provide the love that the bio mum could give the baby. That Dot practically bribes Marnie to give her the baby borders on a caricature and makes me question why it was written this way, as opposed to, say, having Dot and Eugene being portrayed more sympathetically (i.e. not bribing Marnie, offering her help) and perhaps having Marnie struggle to communicate with them that she feels pressured into a choice that she’s not comfortable with. While the situation that was portrayed isn’t wildly out there in terms of things that could and probably do happen within families, the predatory portrayal of the Spenlows seems to condemn them for being unable to have children that are biologically theirs. And that’s not a super great message to send.Oh yeah, and Tom has some feelings about the fact that he was adopted. That part of the episode felt quite tacked on. I think they were trying to communicate that a person who was adopted may have complicated feelings about the circumstances leading to their adoption when they grow up. How do you process a situation in which your biological mother was forced to give you up, but you love and were & are very happy with your adoptive family? What if you just don’t know the circumstances in which you were given up but fear they were traumatic for your biological mother/family? I think those are all very good questions to explore and I would love to see the show do a good job of exploring them. This episode wasn’t it. Putting Tom questioning those things against the backdrop of Marnie and Dot, the negative message of their story casts a shadow over those questions such that, instead of really exploring them, you’re left with the feeling that the show is saying ‘yeah, that was probably a bad thing that you weren’t raised in your biological family.’ I think they tried to provide balance to this by having Tom maintain that he loved his family and had a very normal childhood and he didn’t even think about the fact of his adoption, but I don’t think it worked. I also think that positioning ‘I didn’t even question that I was adopted and never thought about the circumstances of my birth & bio parents’ as the sign of a positive outcome of adoption is problematic. A person can be curious about and care about their bio family and the circumstances that led to their adoption without that being a slap in the face of their adoptive family or a sign that they were/are unhappy/unsatisfied with their adoptive family. Overall, though there were a few good elements to this episode… it was a bit of a trainwreck.

Seventh, there’s the 2018 Christmas Special. In this episode, we get the case of Anthea (Tillerson) Sweeting, who was abused by her father throughout her life and was then turned out by her family when she became pregnant as a result of the abuse. She subsequently formed a family of her own composed of some children who are biologically hers, as well as some who are adopted and some who she (and her husband) are fostering. There is also the case of Linda & Selwyn, a couple living in a caravan who are preparing for the birth of a baby who is not biologically Selwyn’s. Their arc largely involves Linda escaping the cycle of self-blame and accepting that the man she loves and who loves her is fully committed accepting the child as his and continuing forward as a family. With both of these cases, the biology bias is directly contradicted. With the Tillerson/Sweeting situations, we compare a family where the biological father was abusive and the biological family as a whole failed to protect the children (though there are nuances as to the mother’s responsibility in a situation where she too was suffering abuse) to a strong, loving family where the degree of biological relatedness varies. Then with Linda & Selwyn, you have a family where the biological father is not in the picture and the non-biological father is shown to be loving and supportive and very likely a good father. The episode as a whole strongly communicates that it is the choice to love and the continued commitment to one another that makes a healthy family.  

Eighth and finally, we have the 2018 Christmas Special. I’m not going to go into the whole of May’s situation and its portrayal because there’s much to go into about fostering and, while fostering is related to adoption, it’s really a whole topic of its own. There’s also a discussion that could be had about religious institutions and their role in adoption, but that would really go into the role they have in childbirth as well and that is just a whole big other conversation we could have about the show. Also, frankly this reply is long as heck already and a million high fives to you if you’ve stuck with me this far. In this episode, we go to the Nonnatus Mother Ship House and learn that apparently, they run an orphanage. Sister Winifred has a nice storyline with a boy who has disabilities and is therefore unlikely to be adopted. It is shown that children like this were often pushed to the sides and not given the care they needed to flourish. They were also far less likely to be adopted because they have different needs from children without disabilities, so they’re not what people seek when adopting (or hope for when giving birth.) This was a strong point of the episode, as it highlights the ableism in society more generally and specifically within family-building and childcare. Then we have May, who is part of a group of orphans from Hong Kong whose adoptive parents do not show up to pick her up because the prospective father gets TB, so the Turners decide to take her to live with them as a foster child. We learn that May’s biological mother was a prostitute and struggled with addiction and that though she tried to keep May, in the end she couldn’t manage to care for her in the situation she was in. There’s lots going on here in terms of class, addiction, sex work, and international adoption (especially, in this case, the power differential between Hong Kong (a British colony) and the UK (the colonial power in this equation.)) Later in the episode (or possibly in the series), it’s mentioned that May isn’t fluently anglophone and the Turners will have to work on her English with her, but other than that, questions of race, culture, etc… aren’t really touched on. I hold out some hope that these will come up in the upcoming series but I think they could have been introduced a bit in this episode/series. Also on the subject of international adoption, we have the sad (and sadly mishandled) story of the Australian home children. These children were sent to Australia (and other Commonwealth countries) for adoption, but were actually treated more as a source of free labour on farms. We actually did see this mentioned at the end of a much earlier episode (4x01), where four children were left mostly alone in conditions of abject squalor due to a neglectful mother (that was pretty much played straight, we don’t really gain much insight as to what her story was) and after Nonnatus helps them, they’re sent off to Australia where they suffer further abuse. And this is repeated here, the pregnant woman in question loitering around the Mother House trying to gain the courage to enter the last place she was happy as a child and talk about the abuse she suffered when she was sent out from the orphanage within this program. I think there’s a positive to this, in that it’s shedding light on a dark aspect of history, but it seems like there may have been a larger point/concern they were trying to make about international adoption programs and the positives and negatives therein that just didn’t land.So overall, there was a lot going on in this episode, some positive elements around tackling ableism in adoption and orphanage care, and some missed elements in relation to international adoption programs.

Tl;dr (and it’s perfectly fine if you jump down here bctbh I wrote a whole freaking tome up there): Dismantling the notion that someone isn’t a “true” parent or isn’t “truly” a person’s child because there’s no biological link is massively important, as is dismantling the notion that you have this instant “natural” connection with your biological child (in terms of what that implies about non-genetic families, the judgement it holds about people who don’t bond instantly with their biological child, and that it erases the work of bonding.) Dismantling the biases about biological connections is helpful in pushing back against a variety of harmful views both within the context of families and family-building, and more broadly. (I’ve actually done some research into essentialist biases around genetics/”blood” and have some interesting papers on it, so please message me if you’re curious and would maybe like to nerd out about it.)

That being said, it’s also important to remember that not all of the choices around adoption are made freely. As with any form of family building, the social structures surrounding it shouldn’t be ignored. At the time, and even now, class, what is considered morally acceptable in a society, and family structure ideals all play into why children are removed from birth families, and which adoptive families they are placed with. They play a large role in who is given support in making, growing and sustaining a family, and who isn’t. Those structures largely favour(ed) straight, Christian, middle-class couples of British backgrounds and judged as worse or less deserving (or completely undeserving) gay, single, non-Christian and/or working-class people of non-British backgrounds.

It’s a really tricky subject, and trying to communicate that biology isn’t what makes you a parent while also showing how harmful the adoption process could be and how rooted it was (is) in unjust social norms & structures is important. I don’t think CtM always nails it, but I think the show benefits from tackling the subject multiple times, from some variety of perspectives, and with efforts at nuance.

Penance, 2

Direct continuation of this. Word count of this sequel is about 4.4k (the first part was 1.3k), which is partly due to actual dialogue and Chell’s head being a lot clearer than dear Wheatley’s.

Along with what I intend to be apocalypse Chelley feels there’s a bit of swearing, though I imagine if you’re on this site then that isn’t too much of a problem :)

~~

Her running steps fell on deaf ears –  

“WHEATLEY!“  

– and the knife came down.  

Two inches to the left.  

She spent a moment regaining her balance and then started wrestling the hilt from his fingers. Despite the awkward angle – and the steel’s partial embedment into wood – it gave with little opposition and was hurled somewhere into the far corner of the room.

A few sharp clangs sounded as blade hit stone, but neither person flinched. The air was too frenzied for her to pay any mind. Adrenaline coursed through her fibers. The immediate threat was gone, though. She vaguely noticed her peripheral vision returning.  

Chell faced the wielder.  

With him sitting and her standing they were nearly eye-level. She cast a shadow over the length of his body, only the top half of his head illuminated as it stared at her in quiet astonishment – like he was a child, and the thing she’d just ripped away was his most innocuous toy. 

His irises held no sign of intent or fear. More than anything, he simply looked confused. Almost startled. He gazed at her unfocusedly, a frown punctuating his lips.  

It made her furious.  

Chell tried grabbing him by both shoulders before a ghostlike sensation reminded her this was newly impossible. She remedied her mistake, gripping him by the throat and pinning him to the chair’s back with the side of her forearm against his chest. He jerked a bit with the sudden motion. As his head settled, Chell forced him to see her, taking up most of his sightline.  

She had risked her life for him. She’d done that – she’d lost her damn arm to keep him intact, and he had the nerve, the near spite, to try … to erase – to waste – her efforts. Even if not all of it, a good enough amount to piss Chell off. As if it was oh-so-simple for him to shed a part of himself, to lose so much of his autonomy, his competence, his strength, in just the span of a second.

To do what she did.  

It’d been slow-going. The last couple of weeks were inconvenient, to say the least. Demanding, no question, but Chell had managed. She’d had to, there was no way around it, no way to undo what had happened. The medics could bandage her and prevent infection, but they couldn’t repair her. They couldn’t give her back what she’d lost.

It didn’t matter. 

Chell remembered the attack. It was as fresh as if it’d been that morning, and given how monotonous time had been as of late, it very well could have been. One singular stretch, lasting for what felt like forever. She hadn’t seen sunlight since. The only thing confirming the separation of days was the leisurely recovery of her stump, marking time as it eventually stopped bleeding out.  

She recalled the noise up there. She could still hear the yelling and shooting, trajectories concealed through fire and smoke. Billowing clouds had closed them in from the world. It’d felt like an oven, the door shut in on them as the walls grew hotter and hotter.

Chell could smell something like ash, even now if she tried. She could taste the whirlwind of hysteria – and she could hear the whistling. Not from wind. There hadn’t been any wind.  

But the critical point in her recollection, the thing that stood out to her like a crystal in rock, the clearest and most colored portion of this memory, was him. Standing, in the grass, his noises unintelligible but discernibly frantic. He’d been scanning the area – for her, possibly. Probably. 

And he was right in the way of it.     

Chell could never know what would’ve happened if she’d not made her decision then. If instead she’d stalled, or run a different route, or merely called out. She didn’t know whether he would’ve ended up like her or gone off worse – the latter, given where he was. Extent was debatable, and she was neither expert nor seer but if she were to make a guess, which she wouldn’t, she didn’t think there’d have been much left to salvage. 

But that was precisely it. In her mind, the details of his fate ultimately didn’t matter. She’d managed to prevent it.  

She’d made a sacrifice. She’d gone in totally blind, having hardly weighed the situation, but she’d done it. She’d done it – so that Wheatley wouldn’t have to suffer.  

He was here. Sitting in front of her, whole and living. Breathing. Looking at her. 

Shamelessly believing he had the right to suffer anyhow.  

That it somehow wouldn’t make things worse.   

Her teeth clenched harder.  

Wheatley squirmed, his blank, innocent disposition rightfully dropping, but a simple change in visage wouldn’t cut it. He hadn’t said a word this entire time. Physically, nothing was stopping him – his windpipe was allowed plenty of room under her fingers.   

Chell held him carefully but without slack. In that quiet space, deep underground, nothing was relevant except him. What the hell he’d been doing, what sort of warped rationalization could have led him to attempt this. For it to even emerge in his brain and be deemed a feasible option seemed an otherworldly case. 

She wanted his acknowledgment of a mistake. She needed his recognition that delimbing himself as a way to cope – it never could have ended well, or even left things as they were. Chell didn’t want a simple apology as a means of placating her, but assurance that he could handle himself. Quite obviously, from what she’d just witnessed, opening the door to see him sitting there with a blade over his arm…

Chell almost shuddered. That image had shaken her, but it also made her fiercely intent on getting to the bottom of things. 

She wouldn’t chance Wheatley trying something drastic again, as he’d maybe not get so lucky next time. He wasn’t thinking. Even now, fidgeting and swallowing against her hand, Chell’s face impossible to miss, he seemed faraway.   

That wouldn’t do.  

Chell steadied her breath, bracing herself.

“What did you think it would accomplish?” she asked.  

Questions – Wheatley couldn’t resist. Commentary was always offered, or perhaps his presumptions in what he thought might possibly be correct. She didn’t expect the trademark quick response this time, but perhaps some sort of signal that he’d registered. A perk in his brow, a clarity in his gaze – a spillage of quips maybe, coaxed by a question and the implication that she wanted to hear him. Or, in this scenario, that she’d hear him out. 

But he gave absolutely nothing. Her voice, ballistic upon entering the air, lingered and then dropped, unsupported in the half-meter between them. Wheatley was unmoving on his end. He didn’t do anything to show that he’d heard, much less bother to speak, though his mouth hung agape. His eyes were wide. 

As she took note of his countenance, Chell felt herself slipping, just for an instant. The lack of reaction was atypical. More unnerving than she would’ve cared to admit.  

Chell willed herself to cool down, if only briefly. She knew her demeanor was less than friendly – she didn’t owe it to him. But for what she wanted, she might’ve come off too strong. Chell unsharpened her words, though she didn’t loosen the hold on his neck. 

“Answer me."  

And she waited, as patiently as her sanity would allow as she ignored the way her heart hammered. But Chell quickly came to realize that the command didn’t get through to him.    

She remained where she was, trying to echo the words through her gaze, but seconds ticked by as silence festered like poison. They wouldn’t end, one after the next, slowly and steadily growing louder until they were downright ringing in her ears. For much, much too long, she bore it. Chell was almost convinced the sounds weren’t imaginary.

The stretch was taunting, as was he – Chell stopped minding her own expression. Her only anchor was the throat she currently clutched with her surviving hand, but even that seemed to be failing her. Its attached head was looking, still looking at her, with unease, like those blue orbs couldn’t understand what was happening and just gave up. Turned off.

He’d turned off.  

Chell wouldn’t take it anymore.   

She changed her grip, fisting the front of his shirt, and pulled. "TALK!"  

Chell practically screamed the word in his face – she’d had to, if she wanted to break the quiet – and its sheer volume in such emptiness nearly made her choke. Wheatley appeared to hate it even more than she. There was a grimace at the way her voice caught, but screw his discomfort – it did the trick.

He’d winced, and then, his eyes saw her. Finally. After a few lasting pauses, Chell partly expected nothing more would happen, but then – God, that was better – the floodgates began shuddering open.  

"W-w-what did I think – it would accomplish?”

In response to his long-awaited speech, she held firm.

“Well, it…” He blinked several times. In a flash, Wheatley reached back to grip the arms of his chair. He met her with alarm now, adopting a higher octave. “It wouldn’t fix things, that’s – that’s for certain, it, it wouldn’t get y– … your arm back, firstly, which isn’t ideal as, that’d definitely be the optimal case in helping matters. And – and you know if I could, if I could hit some kind of rewind button and put things back, I’d do that. Immediately. No questions asked, no need to stop and think about it. I’d absolutely do anything I could, any viable options I’d go for. ‘Cause, ‘cause if it worked – oh man alive, it’d be a miracle! But … but I can’t do that. It’d solve most of everything but … no miracles here. Except – except, of course, that you’re still alive! That is a miracle, that’s – tremendous, better than … the greatest possible outcome. Except for, uh, being alive and also … coming out in one piece.” 

His notes had fluctuated the whole way through. Wheatley went from rushed to careful, certain to meek. That last part ended on a whisper. He’d attempted to sound matter-of-fact, she could tell, but Chell heard his vocals shake, barely concealed behind their natural fluidity. His irises weren’t doing much better in trying to seem calm – Wheatley peered into her own as if they were the barrels of a loaded gun. 

But then abruptly, his voice picked up again.  

"We – we can’t go back and change things … like you’ve said! Very much remember that. On the, multiple occasions you’ve expressed your … adamance, on the matter. And I agree, there is – that is true, there’s very little that can be done to affect things that have already happened. Sealed in time. But…” 

He stopped, lost. Uncomforted, Wheatley glanced down to her hand after a few moments. 

Chell watched as Wheatley’s brow gradually knotted. When he turned back to her, she was on the verge of letting go. His lids had narrowed. He looked her dead in the eye. He spoke with deliberation. 

“… I have to do something. I can’t try and ignore what’s happened. Not like how you’re doing. Going about, not saying anythin’, treating things like nothing major’s occurred, shutting me up whenever I try and broach the subject. ‘Oh, no, there’s nothing wrong, what the hell are you insinuating?’ Any differences you notice are as trivial as an aching shoulder. You brush it off like it’s a bloody fly in your ear, like there’s no issue at all.”  

Seamlessly, he sat up straighter, and her fist – still grasping the front of his shirt – followed. He leaned closer, searching her expression.  

“But that’s just on the surface, isn’t it? A front?”  

He waited, as if expecting some sort of reaction, some hole in her visage. Something revealing. But Chell wouldn’t give him the satisfaction – who was he to be interrogating her? After the shit he just tried to pull? He’d taken on a different tone, and hell, she did not appreciate it.  

Wheatley went on. “You’re different. You’ve, lost something. More than your arm, I mean – which is enough as it is. But, something else … I’ve noticed. It was important. It was – well, can’t really put a word to it, but it was important. You sort of carried it around and, it made you who –” He faltered. Perhaps she’d glared harder. 

Wheatley struggled to collect himself for a moment, but once he did, the accusation was totally gone from his words, and he sounded more pleading. 

“And – and I don’t mean – you are getting along. Sort of. I – look, the point is, I can’t…read you anymore. I never know what you’re thinking, or how you’re feeling – or, or if you are feeling. Or what it is that you might want or need. I, suppose the only impression I am getting off of you would be your … well, resentment. A lot of that. Emanating off you. Along with – and I know you don’t like hearing this – pain…And walls. Bloody great big walls that you won’t let anyone through. Just put up recently. Blocking me out. Very noticeable.”  

Again, Wheatley stopped. Watched her for some seconds. Chell continued to be still.

“I … I don’t suppose you might know what I’m talking about? ‘Cause, you’re not really being very responsive. To any of this. Apart from, glaring. Like how you’ve been doing. For the past … I don’t really remember how long it’s been, actually.” He attempted a laugh, but it came out more like a cough. 

Chell observed his back slump. Wheatley’s pupils darted to the wall – he was clearly becoming nervous. He tried again, voice roughly cracking over a swallow. “You know I’ve just felt … a bit useless lately … kind of left in the dark … and all…”

“…”

“… God dammit would you PLEASE JUST GIVE ME A SIGN?!” 

Chell nearly jumped. She stepped away, hand releasing the fabric and moving back a few inches on its own. She brought it to her side, fist still clenched. 

He hadn’t been facing her when he shouted. His irises remained on the wall. Immediately, Wheatley froze.

The seconds were ticking by again, and he still didn’t turn to her. His face was discolored in horror. In her scrutiny, Chell forgot to check her expression. 

He was talking again. “I – I’m sorry I, I shouldn’t’ve…” 

A hiccup left his mouth. He was looking incredibly anguished, breath starting to staccato. 

Wheatley tilted his head to the floor and met his hands with his cheeks. Hurriedly, he rubbed at his temples with knobby fingers, but they soon halted. They wouldn’t take back that outburst. 

Without warning, his shoulders gave a harsh shake. She couldn’t see his face, but his digits moved under his glasses. 

He sniffled. 

The only noise in that dark, throbbing room.

Chell never took her eyes off him.  

She was waiting, she supposed. Truthfully, Chell wasn’t certain of how she wanted to proceed. She wasn’t going to leave – she could take with her the knife that was resting in its corner, but who knew what he’d do if left alone. No, she wouldn’t leave – but neither could she bring herself to disturb him. It’d be like tampering with something that had been a long time coming, intervening in the placement of a much-needed piece. She didn’t want to shorten or prolong it, draw attention to herself or disappear entirely. So she hung back, listening as his gasps morphed into barely-repressed weeping, and she waited.   

It wasn’t very long before he moved his face up again. That single light in the room highlighted wet streaks around his eyes, which Wheatley didn’t bother to dry. He looked at her, yet he seemed just about ready to break down again. 

As their gazes locked, Chell noticed the lack of tension she felt in her own face. The muscles had relaxed. She didn’t bother adjusting them now – Chell doubted she could take on an expression of severity, and anyway, the thought of doing so at the moment felt repulsive.   

Wheatley opened his mouth, visibly distraught. “Chell.” That hurt. “Chell p-please, I want to help you. Believe me. More than anything I want to help you. I know I’m being pathetic but, but all I want is to make things better for you. Or as b-better as they can be, but I can’t. Not –” he caught his breath, “not so long as you refuse to give anything away.” 

Chell was finding it more and more difficult to stay focused. Her goal had been plain at the start of this, but now she could hardly keep her mind on the bigger picture. As he panted, she found herself considering his words.

Chell would never call the aftermath of the explosion “nothing.” It hadn’t been. It still wasn’t. But she was managing. She was handling it. She was fine. She had to be, as there was no time for otherwise. She couldn’t afford to be mulling over it – no one could afford her to be mulling over it. 

Wheatley apparently disagreed with that notion. 

Chell left the gruffness out of her voice. “And you thought cutting off your arm would be the solution?” 

He blinked. It was like, for a moment, he’d forgotten about that, or maybe he wasn’t expecting to hear her speak. “Well … well I don’t know! You won’t talk to me, I can’t tell what’s going on in your head anymore, and you won’t acknowledge that you’re hurting ‘cause you’re too proud to admit it. Even now.”  

Chell could see how drained Wheatley was. He appeared to shrink, curling over and shifting away. His pupils went elsewhere again, dull and exhausted. An exhale.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked. “You – you hate me.”  

Chell was surprised. “I don’t hate you,” she pressed.

He didn’t seem to hear her. His eyes were watering. “I just – I just want things to be okay. Please. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen…”  

Before she could determine what to do, Wheatley faced her, fatigued and aged. But that broken cadence carried on in earnest.  

"I know you. And – and I know you’re hurting. But…you won’t let me in. I can’t get through to you. I can’t help you.”  

His sightline dragged to rest on her bandaged stump.  

“I did this to you,” he whimpered.   

Something cold clawed at Chell’s chest.

“No. You didn’t, Wheatley.”  

“I did this.”  

“Stop. I made a choice, and –”  

“But you shouldn’t’ve had to make it! And I know you say that, you’ve made it perfectly clear you’re of the opinion that once you make a choice, you stick to it. But as you’ve probably noticed, I have a hard time accepting that choice when it means you have to lose your fucking arm on my account!”  

Wheatley wiped his tears. His breath was shaky. “I wish … I almost wish you’d let me get bl–”

“Don’t. You. Dare.”

He removed his hands from his cheeks. “… I’m sorry, I know that’s selfish.” 

Chell nearly gave him the affirmative before stopping herself. 

On the one hand, it was selfish. It was implicitly telling her that he didn’t fully appreciate what she’d done, that he’d rather think about what could have happened instead of what did happen, that Wheatley couldn’t find it in himself to let go of that for her sake now, when she was still dealing with the consequences and had to relearn the most basic practices. 

But on the other hand, she thought wryly, Wheatley was hurt. He was hurt, much more than she would’ve thought, and he was hurting on her behalf. He felt guilty, like he was the one who’d forsaken her. 

He interrupted her thought with a sigh. “I’m just … scared. I don’t know what’s going to happen, I don’t know what the next crisis is going to be, and this is going to change everything. I just thought … maybe it’d help … but, but in retrospect, it’s probably best to keep all the limbs we can, actually. The smartest thing to do. Got that right." 

When before she’d seen a man she cared about, throwing away a gift she’d given him, defying her, going behind her back, foolishly believing that his decision was going to do anything to help them…

Now she saw a man she cared about, and who she knew cared about her, and because of that he was willing to do anything if he thought it might alleviate some of their pain. 

Wheatley had absolutely miscalculated. He’d made a terrible misjudgement – and she was angry about it – but that was because times were hard, and he was hurt, and she needed to make sure he wasn’t hurting anymore. 

“I’m scared, too.”  

At once, Wheatley was reanimated, eyes bulging out of their sockets. It was a sight she would’ve laughed over had the situation been different.

“You … you what?”

“Hard to believe?”

“I just…You haven’t acted scared. I mean, even if you were, I wouldn’t expect you to act that way, but … you haven’t even seemed concerned. More like indifferent to the whole situation. And that’s what’s terrifying.”

For the first time since she’d entered that doorway, Chell glanced at the floor. 

“Maybe I’ve been trying to ignore it.”

Out of her peripherals, she saw Wheatley shift closer. “… Because … you want to move forward. Right, well, that is a very Chell thing. But, but in doing so, you know, you’re taking those feelings and shoving them into a box.”

“… Does it really make a difference?”

“It does to me.”

She peered up. Wheatley openly faced her, no more hunching back or twitching fingers. He was fully attentive, concern etched across every feature, but she recognized the relief in his brow. He was so glad to hear her talking. 

Perhaps she had been holding out on him.

“It’s affected you,” he said. “Sort of … closed you up. Made you undecipherable. And moody, too, if I’m honest.”

“My mood stressed you enough to do this?”

“I –” Wheatley looked perplexed. “… I wanted to know that you were alright. Seeing you like that, like you’d practically forgotten what had happened even with all the new strains put on you, and acting so different while shutting down the conversation…You’d taken it for me, and I couldn’t even do a proper job of helping you through it ‘cause you weren’t wanting to talk to me…I thought, I had to do something. Show you, maybe, how sorry I was, and hope that –”

“I didn’t realize I was hurting you,” said Chell.

She fought the urge to watch the floor again. What she said wasn’t entirely true.

Chell had noticed a change in Wheatley. His attempts at optimism had become infrequent and half-hearted, to the point where he turned full-on despondent. She’d figured it might’ve had to do with her behavior towards him, but didn’t think very much of it as she was recuperating.

She swallowed her compunction. “… I thought you’d dismiss it as me needing time to cope.”

“I…True, yes, that, uh, definitely would’ve been a possibility. And, sort of, I’m hoping, still is the case. Now that I know you’re not…Maybe in time, you’ll be more willing to talk to me about it. ‘Cause, honestly, up ‘til now, I was not getting the impression that we were on good terms. And I wouldn’t have blamed you for that! Given that you did save me.”

Wheatley quieted. “… I am so … so sorry. I – I know you’ve said I’m not to blame, but … I mean, maybe rationally you might think that, but there’s no way you don’t hold some anger towards me.”

Chell considered the man in front of her. She measured his confessions, thought of her own, weighed his actions and reactions and tone of voice.

“Wheatley.”

“… Yes?”

“You’re going to have to learn to stop feeling guilty.”

He was taken aback. “… I…”

“Please.”  

Wheatley opened his mouth as if he were going to object, but then shut it. He gave up, the tension leaving his body as he exhaled through his nose.

Rather than agreeing, he had his own request: “Please don’t ever save me again.”   

But Chell wouldn’t promise him that, and he knew it. She simply eyed him, tired, and without even acknowledging he’d spoken she smoothly stepped forward and wrapped her arm around his neck, settling her head over his shoulder.

Chell had never initiated a hug with one arm before, and it did feel rather awkward at first, but the feeling dissolved when she felt Wheatley place both of his around her back.  

He was gripping her tightly, encouraging her to sit with him, but she wouldn’t just yet. At this height she could still reach his ear. Chell turned to him and whispered as surely and comfortingly as she could, “I’m going to be okay.”  

He took a few moments.  

“Heh, I should be the one reassuring you. Strong as ever, you are. I just hope you know, what I was … doing. When you came in earlier – I really didn’t mean to seem like I didn’t care about what you did. Or, didn’t appreciate it. I am grateful. Really. In a … begrudging sort of way. I mean, it’s complicated, obviously. Bittersweet. So, so thank you for that. I owe you, I do – but, but what I’m getting at is, I’ll make sure it wasn’t for nothing. I’ll do everything I can so that you don’t regret it.”  

Chell had lowered herself onto his lap, nose buried in his chest. “I’m never going to regret it. I just need time … and you around.”

“Oh – well, I’ll be here! If you need anything at all. Probably be best, though, if you wouldn’t mind being more vocal about what you need, or the like. You know, at least until things are semi-normal again. Back in the swing of things, almost.”  

Chell leaned away to look up at his face – it was no longer in shadow. Wheatley was staring at her, stratosphere eyes bright with the idea that, indeed, it would finally be okay. Because she would be okay, even if things would be different, and that was what mattered to him. 

She felt like quirking a brow, but instead reached up as best she could to give him a quick peck on the lips. She’d missed that.

“Deal.”  

Wynonna Earp 2x08 No Future in the Past

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) We begin the episode with a flashback of little Waverly running on very thin ice because evil Willa threw her stuffed rabbit there. You know, in case you needed a friendly reminder that Willa was the worst. Waverly uses this anecdote to explain how, in a way, she always knew she didn’t belong in the Earp family. Willa hated her, so that must mean she wasn’t one of them, right? Well, wrong, Waverly. Willa was the fucking worst and that’s the only reason she hated Waverly. Wynonna tries to comfort Waverly and argues she saw her come home right after the hospital and that she even named her herself (how cute!) But… the fact that their parents brought Waverly home as a newly born baby doesn’t mean she was their daughter, right? I guess we’ll soon find out. While Willa tried to kill Waverly, Wynonna saved her, although she doesn’t remember that part. History does repeat itself, doesn’t it?

2) The Widows pay JC a visit, and it’s not looking good for old Juan Carlos…

I truly hope they don’t kill him off because I was hoping we would find out more about him and what’s his role. He seemed like a prophet of sorts?

3) Doc is headed to the salt flats so I guess he’ll soon find out Clootie is gone and he’s in trouble, right? Also, kind of bummed because I thought he would go to the doctor’s with Wynonna.

4) Wynonna saw her baby for the first time and totally freaked out. I mean, the doctor is giving her lectures about taking proper care of the person growing inside of her and then suggesting adoption is a viable option and then boom, here’s your baby! She had, what? all of two or three weeks to process she was pregnant and the baby might be a revenant hybrid? I think she’s handling it quite well, to be frank. She didn’t want to know the baby’s sex, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a girl.

5)  Wait, what happened? Was Wynonna kidnapped?!

Was that blood?!

6) The truck that took Wynonna was JC’s, so that means the widows have her, right?

7) Nicole makes a GREAT point…

NICOLE: Waves, Wynonna remembers you coming home from the hospital. Okay? So, who are you gonna trust more, your sister or a sociopathic revenant in a fuzzy coat?

But to be safe, Waverly sent in the blood samples. Okay, I’m calling it, she’s not an Earp. Or she’s a hybrid. The latter. She’s hybrid. Calling it.

8) Rosita suggests they should throw Wynonna a baby shower, and that’s very sweet of her? Unexpectedly sweet.

9) Oh, he’s back!

10) So, JC did kidnap Wynonna, the question is why? Is he possessed by the Widows or something? It didn’t look like he’d survive that bite at the beginning… Is the Church where the third seal is located?

11) So… JC has apparently a curse of his own. He claims he’d like to give Wynonna answers but he literally can’t because his burden is “to survive and witness, never to decide.” He also says that Wynonna is “all choices,” which is kind of funny considering how she really didn’t get to choose whether she wanted to continue her pregnancy or not. He then proceeds to instruct Wynonna to go into the church and do a ritual that will show her the truth, but I feel he’s leading her into opening the third seal?

12) She thinks the ritual didn’t work but she left the gun there…

13) And now she’s talking to Doc and he’s ignoring her and WTF! She’s traveled in time?!

“When am I?”  That sounds like a line out of Back to the Future.

14) OMG BOBO IS BACK!!!

And he looks like Spike before he was a vampire?! And Doc is bullying him in front of everyone? He’s being an asshole and I don’t care for it one bit.

15) Doc tells Bobo to sod off, basically, and that he’s been dying since he was 14 years old. He starts coughing, and I’m afraid my prediction that he’s getting his tuberculosis back might be on point…

16) Bobo, on the other hand, seems like a righteous dude, and he expresses absolute loyalty towards Wyatt Earp, so this means that his relationship with the Earps goes way, way before he was a revenant. And how did he become a revenant? And now I’m imagining he’s Waverly’s dad and he gave her to the Earps to protect her and that’s why he had that weird connection with her since she was a little girl? Am I insane? Please, don’t tell me.

17) I really enjoy the call back to Waverly’s safe phrase from a few episodes ago, “tacos are tasty.”

18) Wynonna finds her way back to the church only to find a dying Bobo del Rey after Wyatt shot Sheriff Clootie and his THREE WIVES are pissed off. So, I guess, Clootie the Stone Witch was one of these widows and the other two are the ones that possessed Mercedes and her sister, right? But how did Bobo die and why did he become a revenant?

19) Father Juan Carlo! So this dude also goes all the way back, huh? Did he try to mediate between Constance and the two widows? Is that how he got cursed?

20) Rosita is being super friendly and sweet, and Waverly is kind of suspicious and so am I? Nicole is trying to understand Rosita from the outsider’s perspective, but I don’t know, it seems too iffy.

21) Dolls is threatening JC and the padre says “she needs to see the past if we have any hope for a future.” And what does it all mean?!

22) So… Constance Clootie locked her demon husband away with the three seals. I guess if the three seals are opened, the Big Baddie will be released in the present, right? If I’m correct, there’s only one seal left…

23) And the reason JC finally decided to intervene was that he’s dying. Is it because of the Widow’s bite? Why didn’t they kill him? I still think he might be playing Wynonna…

24) It turns out Wyatt shot Bobo while he was being held by Clootie as a human shield. And that’s how he became a revenant! Before dying, Clootie cursed Earp by saying that all those killed by Peacemaker will go to Hell until Earp’s death when they will be resurrected until the next Heir kills them all. So… Bobo became a revenant because of his loyalty to Earp. Constance offered to give him a way out if he helped her find her sons’ bones. And that’s how their deal was born.

25) Oh, no. The DNA results arrived and Nicole kept them hidden from Waverly because “she was trying to protect her.” She’s not an Earp, is she? I love Nicole, but… why would she take the choice from Waverly? I think this was the worst possible way she could’ve found out she was not an Earp. Instead of being there for Waverly to support her when she found out, Nicole kept it hidden from her and hurt her. I don’t like this.

26)  The third seal… is a ring on Doc’s finger, a ring given to him by Clootie since the moment she threw him in the well. Bobo was given a choice… rescue Doc, get the ring and be cured, and allow Doc and Wyatt to be reunited. Or let Doc in the well forever, die, come back as a revenant and fulfill Constance’s wish to get the bones of her sons back. I guess Bobo was very jealous of Doc and Wyatt’s relationship, wasn’t he? Was the guilt over this choice what led him to work with Wyatt after he was a revenant, even though they were technically enemies?

27) Oh, Padre JC…

28) Well, here’s demon Dolls to save the day…

It’s his love for Wynonna what brought him back, right? These two are going to be a thing, I feel it in my bones, but I’m Team Doc ugh! And now he mercy-killed JC and damn, I really liked him.

29) Aaaand the Widows are setting the church on fire while both Wynonna and Dolls lie there unconscious. Cool. Cool cool cool.

30) Now Bobo actually sees Wynonna and can talk to her and calls her his angel, and… did she give him his nickname? And told him to remember how much she loved Wyatt Earp even after he becomes a revenant. So…? This means this trip back in time altered their future? OMG! It did! She told him that his angel’s name was Waverly so that he would protect her!!! That’s why he’d always protected Waverly!

31) In return, Bobo saved them by ringing the Church’s bell and waking Wynonna up.

32) Shit, Bobo saved his angel.

Can I just say that I love the relationship between these two A LOT? Like, a lot.

33) Dolls actually counted the seconds Wynonna didn’t breathe. That’s sweet.

34) OMG how didn’t I realize this? WYNONNA DIED. For a few seconds, but she did die! THAT MEANS… the revenants will be back! BOBO WILL BE BACK?!

35) YASSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

36) Wow, what an intense episode! I feel like this a pivotal episode in the show, isn’t it? A game-changer. Like, it goes back to the beginning of the story and sets up the future while tying some loose ends. I guess Waverly and Bobo are not related after all, but how amazing is it that Wynonna’s quest is the reason Bobo maintained a good relationship with the Earps and protected Waverly? And what will it mean for Waverly to have Bobo back? Will she go ask him for answers about her real parents? And will Wynonna dying have other ramifications? I mean, she’s sort of reset the cycle, hasn’t she? That means that another Earp must become the Earp when she turns 27. But if Waverly is not an Earp, then who?! Wynonna’s baby? Will they do a time jump? Is this a Connor situation? So many questions!

More questions: Wynonna mentioned how her mother called Waverly her “angel”, which is Bobo’s monicker for her as well. Could it be that Waverly is her mother and Bobo’s love child? I mean, she was looking at the test results as she remembered how Bobo rescued her, so that has to mean something, right? And if she is a hybrid, does that mean that she could still be an Heir? Can you tell that I’m obsessed with this storyline? Like, Wynonna’s one-night-stand mentioned that it had happened once before, so this has to mean something, it must be connected to the main storyline...

Even more questions: If the revenants are those killed by Peacemaker, not an Heir, does this mean that both Willa and Wynonna’s father might return as revenants? She did kill them with Peacemaker, after all. 

Even MORE questions: Where does this whole seal-in-the-ring leave Doc? Why were Wynonna and Dolls so cozy in the bed as if they were a couple? Has Wynonna’s quest altered their past and their present as well? 

TOO MANY QUESTIONS, I’M SORRY, BUT PLEASE DON’T ANSWER ANY OF THEM, I’M JUST TRYING TO ORDER MY THOUGHTS AND LET YOU KNOW WHERE MY MIND’S AT AFTER WATCHING THIS AMAZING EPISODE. 

I’m truly in love with this show, I think it’s the closest thing to Buffy in the sense of how it blends different genres while still being a mainly supernatural show and how it has the characters and their relationships at the forefront while building this captivating mythology. I’m super glad you all got me to watch this show! I just hope I finish watching season 3 before season 4 is released, I’d love to watch the new episodes as they come out!

37) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

The Mommy Myth: Threats from Within (Part Three)

Just some Didi Pickles anxiety for you before we start ahead, I think we’d all feel this way.

We start with the Lisa Steinberg (buried as Elizabeth “Lisa” Launders) case where a six year old was abused to death by her adoptive father Joel Steinberg while her mother Hedda Nussbaum looked on (and was abused herself), there is still some controversy as to whether Hedda was an accomplice to her daughter’s abuse and death, or if she’s merely a victim in her own right (also Joel is walking around free after parole). Media coverage of child abuse have improved, being kicked off by the publication of Mommie Dearest by Christina Crawford and Oprah even covering it in her show “Scared Silent”, interview with Michael Jackson, her disclosure of childhood trauma, and her coverage of child abuse in a Montana town. The darker side is that the coverage overtly covered Black or Latina mothers and were aimed at underfunded and understaffed child welfare services (without assigning culpability to the government and agency support or lack of it) and these stories didn’t address structural problems like unemployment, poverty, generational trauma, racism, etc. Instead they came up with “the Maternal Delinquent”, who was more shocking and newsworthy than fathers who murdered and abused their children. 

We talk about Susan Smith, where the story starts off with a 23 year old woman’s Mazda being carjacked by a “black man in a ski mask”, taking her car and her two young children (age 3 and 14 months, respectively). An alert was put on for the suspect and the whole community (the small South Carolina town of Union) went on a search for the boys while their separated parents went on national television to beg for the safe return of the boys, while David Smith could barely keep himself together, Susan was very composed (they had filed for divorce) causing many viewers to speculate if the two of them or one of them were involved in the kidnapping. This led to Susan saying that it’s so hurtful someone would think that of them and then hours later, Susan Smith confessed to the FBI that she had driven her car into the lake John D. Long with the kids in the backseat and let the car roll off the boat ramp into the deep murky waters of the lake. This also occurred around the same time as the O.J. Simpson trial so it was a time where people were really tuning into their screens where there was coverage up until Smith was sentenced in late July 1995. The community (that supported her and her family) were chanting “baby killer” at her on her way to the courthouse and it turned out that she had been dating the most eligible (and wealthy) man in town, Tom Findlay, who didn’t want to get involved with a woman with children, so she went La Llorona on them. Here’s a break from Coco:

I don’t have to tell you that when reading these stories that you can feel free to take time to go outside, smell fresh air, cuddle puppies or look at pictures of puppies. But I will continue: 

She became Time magazine’s cover girl, people built a shrine to the boys on the lake’s bank, including mothers with their children while they asked “How could a Mother do that to her children?” with one African American mom (one of the skimpy times where moms of color were shown in a more positive life than white mothers) snarking: “She couldn’t eat ‘cause they were hungry, she couldn’t sleep ‘cause they were cold. I guess she couldn’t take a bath ‘cause she thought they was drowning.” The news was a shock to a lot of people, even her ex husband insisted she was a dedicated mother in interviews, but she bamboozled law enforcement, viewers, a whole town, the media, and set the southern African-American community on high alert (look up pogroms and look up the Springfield race riot) and she reminded people that motherhood may be an act. It also made people wonder: are kids just commodities to their parents? The further coverage was worse: they figured the kids were aware when they went in the water (there goes my hopes that they were asleep then). The Union County Sheriff’s office re-created the crime with cameras in a car so people and see and feel what it was like for the boys to go under, then was aired by the networks; at a time when mothers were told to put themselves in their childrens’ shoes and see the world through their eyes, it was jarring. There were two women from the community who cried over the idea of these two little boys and their last moments.

Speaking of horror and children, it turned out that Susan Smith’s stepfather, a member of the conservative Christian Coalition, had been sexually molesting her since she was sixteen and (according to his testimony) was still having sex with her and her own father committed suicide when she was six (a social worker said she tried to press charges but the sheriff said the case was closed and “it’s file disappeared”); Susan even attempted suicide as a teenager. David Smith testified he doesn’t know what to do now his kids were gone and he had plans to see them grow up and teach them how to ride a bike and go fishing. A Newsweek poll revealed that 63% respondents said she should receive the death penalty. The trial even revealed that white picket fence small towns like Union, with it’s churches numbering over 100, would have it’s dark secrets and Tom Brokaw said, “And in every small town in America tonight residents comfortable in the sanctuary of their familiar surroundings are wondering, ‘What’s going on here that we don’t know about?’”

Instead of probing “how could she?”, the media focused on sentimentalization with Medea Syndrome with even Cosmopolitan magazine taking time away from blow jobs and the thing that Sir Mix A Lot ain’t down with, saying there were a lot of mothers killing their children. And then we met the moms who made mistakes that are so fatal: Lisa Beth Hathaway, mother of Jessica Dubroff. The “miniature Sally Ride” who wanted to be a pilot and was already training to be a pilot and was flying with her instructor and father from Half Moon Bay to go across the country, the weather wasn’t that great and the plane crashed and killed all the passengers. Her father, Lloyd Dubroff was blamed for pushing her to be the next Amelia Earhart, but mom Lisa was portrayed as a monster...although if everything went right she would have been held as an example of exemplary mothers raising exceptional kids (just sayin’). The moms interviewed were outraged at Lisa’s permissiveness and at the fact that she said she wouldn’t have kept Lisa from doing it because it’s her dream (if she did keep her, we’d say she was toxic). Then she was grouped with Wanda Holloway, Brooke Sheilds’s mom, Macaulay Culkin’s dad, and Steffi Graf’s dad as a “pushy parent”. She just wanted her daughter to be happy is all that is, but the media went on to drag her through the mud when they saw she was a hippie feminist who didn’t play a TV  and gave her musical instruments for her daughter, now mothers were policed in private even if their husbands did the fucking up. If things had gone right, Lisa would have been congratulated for raising an exceptional daughter with a variety of talents. She has written a book about her daughter.

The hand wringing went on with their coverage of teen moms like Melissa Drexler and Amy Grossberg, who gave birth and abandoned their babies in the trash outside. Newsweek covered the stories and similar ones, suggesting an epidemic. There was no exploration of how US culture uses sex to sell everything and turns around tells kids to “just say no”, the poor state of sex ed in a country where people are too squeamish to discuss sex in a clear and mature manner, or why was dumping a baby in a dumpster the only viable option? 

These stories affected how moms were looked and judged and the public vilification covered was designed to keep moms on their toes and never let your guard down, or you will be condemned. Also do it all yourself Mom. 

You and I, Me and You [32]

[CW:- References to: Past gunshot trauma leading to loss of limb, human trafficking and trade, amputee oc rescued from captivity. ]  

[Teaser and Master List] [Archives of our Own] - (Lost and Found: Chapter - 7)

[<-- Previous] ~ [Next -->]

Empty by Ritonix

Jared was left feeling incredibly uncomfortable on Ezekiel’s turf. The blonde had just made that house his, left parts of himself in the tasteful debauchery.  From the thoughtfully curated pieces of art and display of exotic ancient instruments, to the carefully minimalistic nature of all the furniture that promised convenience, comfort and luxury. He walked into the study with Tariq. “Zizi… sounds like Vivi. Zizi… Vivi… Zizi… Vivi” Tariq remarked with a dry snigger. He needed some relief from the tense silence which he and Nova adopted, to let Zizi rest by the fire. This felt like a cheap trick to lighten things and it made her name feel strangely familiar. He swallowed his hollow laughter and surrendered to the awkward silence again when the other man emphatically did not react.   They made their way back inside. Jared spotted the tall woman resting on the floor in front of the fireplace. She looked like she was napping, lying on her right side. Only a single leg emerged under the hem of the flimsy gown. Her arm lay draped across her ample hips, the fingers caressing the carpet with every uneven breath. Her head was resting in the crook of the other and her eyes were closed. The stump of her forearm that she had lost would have been imperceptibly hidden in her hair. Not fingers, nor a fist was visible though the strands and that was enough for Jared to know. Much like Tariq, he had seen his share of victims. It was rarer to see them without prosthetics, though. He made it his priority to get her access to those as soon as time permitted after he got a grip on the situation.   Jared noted the swelling and bruises on Tariq’s hands. He jerked his chin towards the pummelled fingers. “Is she dangerous?” Jared did not sound fearful, just a little concerned and rather matter of fact. He was astounded by the resounding quality of Tariq’s answer. “No. She’s a survivor!” Jared narrowed his eyes, there was curiosity but no accusation.   “What happened?” “Things just got a little… hairy when I- we tried to get her out of the room…” Tariq sounded a little brittle; Jared rubbed his temple. There were moments that called for correction and inquiry, this was not one of them. From the looks of it Tariq had done the best he could. He assumed there was an altercation and the Q.B. agent held off without needing to strike or restrain the victim. “Right. You should get that looked at.” Jared said. Tariq’s amber eyes rested on Jared as he replied. “I’m fine.” “Yes, but Zizi is going to need a wheelchair, she can’t possibly stay here.” Jared countered, with an entreating glare. Someone needed to run tests on Zizi and soon. The situation was a little sensitive and the only viable option for a BioHacker was also someone Zizi was probably terrified of. He personally knew what it felt like to be hated by a victim of serum-healing. And Akira had had just one session. From the sounds of it, Zizi had it worse. Regardless, they had to get out of Eze’s house. It was an easy way for Jared to trump Tariq with logic. He had no authority to dismiss Tariq and he could only hope the man would show some faith in him. Tariq did have faith in Jared. Given everything they had endured, the mutual suffering, if nothing else, had created some trust and understanding. He could also see that Jared was really trying to get him to leave, but he did make a good point. He’s got this… and… “I’ll be back…” …Sooner I’m gone, sooner I can be back…

Zizi had not been asleep. Jared should have known better, after all, he had adopted a similar tactic to gain information when he was confined to the hospital bed. She got to her feet with astonishing fleetness, given her state, but she had to, to make a point. “Wait!” A startled Tariq heeded the exclamation but did not turn. “Your hand… I - I’m sorry…” Her apology was crisp and not elegiac. There was an indifference to her regret, but also some deference for Tariq’s chivalry. As sour as she had been about it, he had done her a favour and understood the feral nature of a cornered person. Even if they haul me back to the damn pits, at least valour and gallantry is not all dead. He pointedly let his uninjured hand hang by his side, clenching and unclenching his fist. “I don’t see a problem, do you?” “You’re crazy…” she whispered, like it was a personal afterthought. She shook her head disbelievingly. “Empty, that’s you singing right? I’m a big fan too…” Tariq said having placed the lyrics to the name of the song. He looked over his shoulder and offered a reassuring smile, pretending like nothing ever happened. Tariq wished she had not bothered to stand up. He understood that it was to demonstrate the respect she attached to the apology… It still felt unwarranted “Does this fan have a name?” “Tariq… I best be off though…” His smile faltered when he saw her doddering. He considered reaching out, he did not need to. Jared noticed too from the corner of his eye. The movement helped him snap back to reality. It did not take a genius to know a fall was imminent, he swiftly reached over to break the fall. She is fine. Jared will take care of this… better. Tariq conceded to Jared’s experience. With that last glimpse of Zizi falling into Jared’s arms… He left in a hurry. Once her gaze fell onto the face of the man who caught her, she stiffened in his arms. Jared Knight… Hailed then and hailed now. From the way he handled her, it became apparent that he did not know who she was. How would he? I was in a goddamn mask. And everyone who thought they knew him, were probably wrong.

There he was, composed and detached as usual. Out of personal, illogical vendetta she wanted to strip at that wall, bring to the forefront her own resentment as a victim, as collateral damage in the grand scheme of things. She wanted to and she tried not to, but the bitterness slipped into her tone. “Oh… If it isn’t The Red Knight.” She greeted him in another whisper that was soft and unsettling.   Jared could no longer ignore the feeling that something was off, something that necessitated privacy; luckily, he had some now. Those green eyes pierced his soul, with reserved judgement. There was a sheen of sweat on her skin. “So, where do you stand in all this?” She spoke coolly, pulling herself away when she regained footing. He frowned and was quick to let her go. She lowered herself to the ground with a slightly ungraceful fall towards the end. He sat down too, cross-legged. Like old friends by the fireplace, except it was anything but. They did share a past… And it was not pleasant. “I was told that Ezekiel held you captive against your will and that Novara was made to conduct experiments on you.” She winced; he did not mince his words. “That is correct.”   She did not add any details and studied the man in front of her. Jared could see her unwillingness to really cooperate. She had no reason to trust him, but apart from that, there was more to the simmering, penetrative gaze that pinned him. He switched tactics, it made sense to set her at ease first.   “You must be hungry… I personally like this one...” Jared held both the bottles of BuzzBo in his hands, wiggling the fruity flavour. It reminded him pointedly of Akira and their discussion. He ignored the reminder. She avoided looking at Jared and could not help choosing the other bottle. The one he did not recommend, the savoury flavour that tasted more like soup. It was a pointed decision. Jared ignored the feeling and weighed this logically. He assumed she was emphasizing a lack of trust. It would not make sense for him to tamper with just one of the bottles if he wanted to drug her. He broke open the seal for her. Look at you, helping me… Just because you have both your hands. Zizi really wished she could swallow the bitterness that rose like bile. She tensed and it would have been imperceptible to most, not to Jared. “Thank you.” Her words were too abrasive, to hold the gratitude they were meant to. Jared narrowed his eyes, he was good at reading people, but Zizi was not even trying to make it difficult. What Jared lacked was access and information, to figure out the why. In the spirit of trying to inspire trust yet again, Jared shrugged, opened the option he had recommended and took a swig. The sweet freshness was welcome. It quelled the odd queasiness he had not bothered to recognize until it was gone. “Ezekiel has been arrested on some charges; he will not be returning.” “So, what happens now, am I free?” She asked with an acidic emphasis, like she was challenging him to make a promise he could not possibly keep. He did not. “That depends on where he found you... Zizi.” “Found me? I was… traded… for my own life. If that makes any sense.” It doesn’t. A sharp inhale followed her words. It was difficult to make heads or tails out of that, but it did not sound good. He tried to prompt her for a less vague explanation. “Traded for your life?” Jared repeated, he hoped she would offer more clarity so he had something concrete to proceed with.   The more she looked at his face, the harder it became for her to not blame him for everything. Traded for my life, a life that did not belong to me anymore… because of you! He knew he was not really the enemy, not then and not anymore, but that just made it all the more difficult to handle. He got to be the good guy who was doing his job, she had to live with the damn fallout. She shook her head with an urgency and resorted to disjointedly spewing her lyrics again. Empty returned to her lips again. She rapped softly, like it was a mantra. It was iconic enough to be. “Empty… promises, empty threats…, empty lies and empty beds.” Zizi used lines she had penned a long time ago, like a serenade. The words sent a jolt of disquiet within Jared. Empty, by Ritonix. It was a long time ago that he was ordered to look for that enigmatic artist and his involvement in the chase had not ended well. He did not expect that name or these verses to haunt him today. Jared sat paralyzed. He stared at the floor resolutely focusing the fibre of the carpet, which was red and not green. Which was soft and not abrasive. Letting that solid red colour stand like a wall between the memories that sought to invade. It was a long time ago! I am fine. I’m fine now. And I knew the risks then. Briefly, her eyes snapped open, they held within them accusation that she failed to supress. She waved the stump of her right hand in his face. “That bullet changed everything! That bullet changed EVERYTHING.” Jared leaned away from her on instinct, he was bewildered. His subconscious learned something though, something clicked in the back of his head. - “Do you have a clear shot, Knight?” “Yes sir.” His gun was aimed at the masked artists’ head. “Take it. One dead should kill the spirit of the rest.” The crowd watched the confrontation, there were too many eyes on him. He lowered the gun, just a little. BANG. The victim was soon buried in a thicket of angry people. “I missed, sir. Situation is hostile, we’re outnumbered.” “Damn it, Knight. Get your team the fuck out of there.”   - “Break your mind, break your soul, break your body, to make you whole.” She went on. It felt merciless to Jared, but she had no idea what the lyrics were doing to him. She did not know that he had been brought to his knees for that shot… and worse. Jared resisted the urge to cover his ears and beg her to stop. Instead, he grit his teeth and folded his arms. He sat there, practicing denial as he watched her. She rocked to her own words, like a shattering star. There were so many dissenters who had claimed they were the legendary artist. Many had lost parts of themselves too. This could just be a coincidence. It could not be. It could not actually be her. And even if it was her… I did pay heavily for that bullet too! Indignation had become a recurring theme recently. Perhaps a part of him was finally tired of paying for things he had to do. Jared grappled with the forbidding memories again and tried to focus on keeping his breaths spaced and even. Was this just some cruel ploy? Some last-laugh game that Ezekiel was playing to torment him? Nikolai had buried everything related to that incident the best he could, but Ezekiel did always have special access. Maybe he found out what the Ritonix fans and crew did to Jared as retaliation for that shot…  Now, he wanted to know. He needed to know. And for that he would need his own clearance. He also really needed Zizi to stop whispering the rap… A door opened and closed somewhere in the house. The sound toppled Jared back to reality yet again and it broke the grim tension of the moment. Tariq returned with a wheelchair. Zizi was still in a trance. Her eyes were screwed shut. She rocked and rapped with an insistence, through lips that barely opened. And Jared looked like he had seen a ghost. I thought you had this handled, Jared. “What the fuck happened here?” “We need to get her looked at…” Jared replied, collecting himself quickly as he got to his feet. “Nova is the only option if we want to avoid exposure. Do you think that’ll be okay?” Tariq asked uneasily, they were both out of their depths. It was unlikely that Zizi did not harbour at least some ill-will towards the medic if she was a subject of experimentation with that serum. Jared was rummaging through the canvas pockets of the wheelchair, most of them came equipped with medical supplies, including tranquilizers. He swiftly fixed up the needle. I need… her to stop and we need to get her out of here. He rarely acted in total selfish interest, today was no exception. She looked like she needed to calm down and he knew if the verses continued, they’d rip through him eventually. And that would hamper his ability to remain professional.   Tariq wanted to protest but did not and Jared made a decision. “It’s the safest… fastest option.” Zizi did not open her eyes till she was already being injected with the tranquilizer. Emerald eyes drilled into Jared, with hatred and fear, before her vision blurred. Tariq hoisted Zizi’s limp form into the wheelchair and strapped her in to keep her from wobbling. Jared sent a message to Nova.

To Novara: Where are you?

Jared had made a mental note of Nova’s things in Ezekiel’s house, just because they stuck out and reminded him that she had to live with him. On their way out, he whipped the sleek, black velvet coat off the hanger and threw it over Zizi in a slightly unceremonious manner. His actions were plagued by a hefty weariness. Tariq took a moment to wordlessly correct the folds of the fabric so it covered Zizi evenly. -

To Jared Knight: I’m with Akira… I told her everything. She is okay. I’m okay too. :)

Novara had the tendency to include smileys in her text messages, even when she decidedly was not smiling. Grief and relief had reduced her to sobs. Novara had invited herself into Akira’s room on the pretext of watching a movie. It had not taken her long to simply, spill. Akira now knew more than Jared did. She knew about Zizi and she knew what Vivi-Anna, Tariq and Nova did to Ezekiel to free her. “It’s okay… It’s okay...” Akira’s voice was soft, she cradled Nova’s head against her shoulder. They were both in Aki’s bed and she hoped for the magic of covers to make things better… Even temporarily, like they had last night for her and Jared. She felt the weight of guilt, a lot of things happened because she made the decision to defect. However, things had gotten so unrealistically out of hand, at this point there was no way she, or anyone else could have predicted all these outcomes. So, after having plummeted to what she believed to be rock-bottom, Akira tried to rally. Focus on the silver-linings. Focus on the silver-linings. Shit hit the fan, but Ezekiel was imprisoned, Jared was offered SiC and Zizi had been rescued. Maybe it was time for things to get better. And she needed to pull herself together, so she could be there for Novara, for Tariq and for Jared. “They’d eat a bullet for you.” She was grateful that they did not have to. They had suffered too… And they had been there for her. “Do you think she’ll ever forgive me? Ever… not hate me?” Nova didn’t look up as she spoke. Akira could not make promises for Zizi. She chewed on her lower lip. “Time heals everything, right Nova…? Or you do…” She tried to lighten the mood. Nova half-sobbed and half-giggled against her friend. Akira joined her in the half-hearted chuckle. The sounds faded, the screen in front of them continued to mutter something unintelligibly. Akira spoke over it, “I think I want to meet her.” Nova received a notification on cue.

Jared Knight: Stay there, I am bringing Zizi over.

The CommCube traced Nova’s gesticulating fingers as they danced in the air, typing on a keyboard that her SmartEye lens allowed only her to see. She sniffled and replied to the text with a monosyllabic confirmation.

To Jared Knight: Ok! :)

“You might be in luck… They’re coming here.”  Nova could not help but sound nervous. Akira read her tone with ease.   “It’ll be fine…” She reassured.

[Tags: @quirkykayleetam, @lettuceknighted]

What do the shoppers want to buy

Fashion Snoops often compresses zippers around the world, visits shows, and studies consumer behavior, culture and lifestyle to help manufacturers and retailers create "smarter solutions to their product development needs." We asked her how that had changed.

She replied: "We have taken the mindset out of the two-year plan and made it more viable to do business now. That's because our customers need to reconsider production and purchasing as a result of the changes in consumer value that the pandemic has caused."

Less quantity - higher quality Furniture World first asked Cory about interior design .

"Recent events have made consumers more ecologically aware of their impact on the world," she explained. "Because people have been shopping less in the last three months, they have had time to clean up, assess their needs and start redesigning. Until now, Americans have been in a nasty cycle of buying really cheap things and then throwing them away without thinking about it. People are redecorating their houses. We have seen a big change in outdoor living Spaces, with the biggest sales being outdoor, with the aim of allowing people to stay at home while enjoying nature in an indoor and outdoor living environment. This one season.

Asked if this trend will continue, Miez points out: "Fashion Snoops, more broadly, is tracking shifts in consumer value. There has been a trend from buying cheap clothes to buying casual clothes that are still fit for work. Less quantity, higher quality. People have time to tidy up their homes, especially during the first two months of being stuck at home. They need to make room for work and study. They have to clean out their closets and get rid of excess stuff they've bought over the years."

Style home office "Most people have to scramble to figure out how to set up a home office. Clearly, home office sales are booming. Looking ahead, people who don't need to spend every day in corporate offices will continue to move their offices. Strike a balance between work and life to create more flexibility, family and freely chosen time Now, people know they can perform most of their work duties effectively at home, and I believe this trend will continue.

"Demand is strong for stylized home office furniture that meets personal preferences," she replied. For a long time, we've been stuck in styles like 'shabby and chic' and 'coastal.' These are trends that people identify with and stick to. Now, consumers want to mix as much as they want.

"Every single retailer should increase their home office games by 100 percent. I've done a lot of digging, and there aren't many really surprising desktop solutions out there.

Retailers should look for flexible work Spaces and sitting/standing desks that don't move clumsily up and down. Chairs in the home office must be comfortable and lovely. Therefore, there are many opportunities for furniture brands to create stylish home office chairs. Similarly, retailers have plenty of room for creative displays. Since home learning is not going away anytime soon, shoppers will be looking for ideas from the perspective of visual goods and offering options for home offices and children's learning areas.

"Rather than just displaying basic desks and chairs, consider creating smart office Spaces that include shelving and organisational systems that can inspire clients to imagine how the area can be used at home."

Safe, sustainable and responsible "We expect near-term concerns about housing safety to continue. People will consider and invest in contactless applications such as Delta and Panasonic voice control systems, contactless keyboards and lighting. Even consumers who have not been socially isolated and wearing masks throughout the pandemic will become more aware of how the disease is transmitted. This will drive sales growth in the region.

They will be looking for more sustainable antimicrobial fabrics and home decor. They will want to know where the products they buy are also made. Are they thinking about buying things that are made for a living wage in a third world country?" Emotional awareness Interestingly, we see data on how consumer value systems are changing to include more emotional awareness.

"Increasingly, young consumers in particular are looking for inclusiveness in the retail stores they frequent. They want to know the stories behind the brands they see in stores. And they want to be happy with the store itself. Do they have enough racial equality to continue to shop here? Furniture companies need a plan to diversify. This is an important part of the brand's story and can make young consumers feel at ease and may even be passionate about spending money.

"We have to recognize that as an industry, we're stacked with white people at the top of the food chain. Diversity has become a more important consideration in the recruitment process." Less, better things People will need fewer, better things related to the sustainability crisis. Consumers have a sense that less is more, so they are looking for higher quality products. This is especially true now for Hrdfurniture.

They will be more focused on buying items that have emotional appeal. These purchases will be driven by personality and speak to the development of overall beauty. This is exciting in the sense that people will buy goods that are more valuable to them, that have more back story, that will last longer and that will be more sustainable. Consumers will be less willing to flip accessories for a novel look. Instead, they will be looking for higher-priced furniture that offers lasting quality."

Other opportunities Hrdfurniture Word asked Fashion Snoops if they saw any unexpected opportunities for retailers.

"Yes," she replied. One of the biggest surprises we've seen in the past few months has been a big increase in pet adoption hrdfurniture. I know it sounds crazy, but as people have become isolated, the adoption rate has skyrocketed. Animal shelters are running out of pets, and it seems everyone walking around New York City has a new dog to deal with loneliness. This creates a huge market share opportunity. Making more floor space for pet furniture would be a smart move. Think of a pet house to match the owner's, plus cozy pet beds, toys, and accessories.

"Another market where Fashion Snoops has really taken off is in games and games - no screen games. In fact, everything from puzzles to board games has been taken off the shelves because people have tried to detox digitally. A huge disconnect in retail 'There will be difficulties in the supply chain, with a disconnect between what consumers want to buy and what retailers will be able to offer,' Mr. Mize said. "The initial production gap from China was large and quickly recovered. Some consumers are now reluctant to invest in Chinese products. On the other hand, India is going through a crisis. This is a problem for the furniture industry. Since most of our textiles are made here, there will be a lag in sourcing fabrics for furniture.

We will see a disconnect between what consumers want to buy and what retailers can afford to buy to meet those needs. "We're going to see a disconnect between what consumers want to buy and what retailers are able to buy to meet those needs." For the past three months, Fashion Snoops has been working with retailers to help them prioritize their products. In particular, how should they approach the fall business?"

DIY projects increased "Our best guess is that we will be hit seasonally hard because of supply chain issues, so we will see a surge in DIY. People will want to do it themselves to create their own holidays. They will make more thoughtful purchases than just offering a bunch of gift CARDS.

"We have to help retailers build a structure to accommodate this possible reality."

Holiday buying "I don't think we're going to see too many themes, trends or redundant products this holiday season. And since shoppers won't have many homes to visit, retailers may not need to move higher on display, as they have over the past two seasons. This will be more basic. "This is consistent with what we discussed earlier about the shift in consumer mindset toward less is more."

from:http://www.hrdfurniture.com

NYC Softball Phenom Christina Crockett Is Living the DREAM

Over the past two months VICE Sports has been profiling 16 athletes as they evolve into national superstars. Keep checking back here to find them all.

The first game of the spring is still months away, but the East Harlem-based youth softball and baseball program DREAM keeps kids in training all year round. Even on a chilly Thursday evening in November, a dozen high-school girls happily show up to run fitness drills in the AstroTurf-covered basement of a community center on 116th Street. They lift tires above their heads and do squats as their coach, Rob Saltares, murmurs encouragement.

Christina Crockett isn't the first player you notice in this group. The high-school junior isn't a show-off or a smart-aleck. The most common word her teammates and coaches use to describe her is "shy." Lanky, with rectangular glasses framing thoughtful eyes, she looks a bit embarrassed while a photographer with VICE Sports shoots her portrait. Still, Christina is one of the top softball players in New York City, a formidable batter who also anchors the center field for the Saints, a DREAM-administered travel team of all-stars from throughout the citywide NYC RBI league. She also plays for Hunter College High School, where as a sophomore her .611 batting average, 17 RBIs, and 1.083 slugging percentage helped secure her a slot representing Manhattan in last year's Public School Athletic League Battle of the Boroughs, a sort of all-star game for local high-school players. "Typically, junior year is when colleges begin to approach players," says Saltares, whose history with DREAM goes back to 1998, when he was a ten-year-old baseball player in the program. He anticipates that come springtime, Christina will garner plenty of interest from recruiters, saying, "She's in a position where she could go anywhere she wants."

"In the past three years, she's become a leader on the team," Saltares adds. ""Christina is a person who balances things out—she has this calm personality, and she can be the voice of reason."

Laurel Golio

That maturity is essential to Christina's excellence on and off the field. Her knack for staying cool under pressure delivered a crucial victory for the Saints in last year's playoffs. Near the end of a game against a tough rival squad, The OLS Lady Twins. Christina's team was up by two runs, but their opponents had just gotten a pair of batters on base. "Then this girl hits the ball to me, and it bounces," she recalls. The runner on second base saw an opening to score, but as she rounded third, Christina threw her out at home. She's humble and measured throughout our conversation, but she flashes a big grin as she tells me, "That was a pretty long throw!" The play closed out the inning and allowed the Saints to advance to the next round. They ended up at the regional 18-and-under division's championship game for the second time in the past three years.

Along with anchoring Hunter's team and the Saints, a selective squad comprised of just 15 of DREAM's best players, Christina plays goalkeeper on Hunter's varsity soccer team, which makes the fall just as hectic for her as the spring, when she's playing both travel and school softball. On her busiest days, Hunter shuttles her to nearby Randalls Island to play soccer after classes, then she hurries home for dinner and schoolwork before heading back out to practice with DREAM. What's even more impressive is that she doesn't seem frantic or drained, like most over-scheduled kids. "I've learned to manage my time over the last few years," she explains.

The way she sees it, her sports commitments aren't a distraction from her academic pursuits, but a way of maintaining healthy habits that improve her focus in all facets of her life. "I don't play a sport in the winter. You'd think that when I have more time, my grades would be better, but they're not," Christina says. "I get the best grades in softball season because I'm the happiest. When I have a sport, I do my homework during lunch. I can't procrastinate. If I don't get enough sleep, I'll be tired for my game tomorrow. When I'm in season, I'll eat a healthier lunch—like, I won't get pizza. If I'm off season, it doesn't matter."

"Sometimes I think she has it more figured out than I do," jokes Saltares. It's stories like Christina's that present DREAM—as well as Major League Baseball's nationwide Reviving Baseball in Inner Cities (RBI) program, with which it is affiliated—as a free, more-than-viable alternative to the city's private school system for young softball and baseball players who hope to play in college.

Laurel Golio

Christina, who will turn 16 in December, is an ideal DREAM athlete—not just because of her talent on the field, or that she lives a block away from its East Harlem headquarters, but because she's equally ambitious as a scholar. Between two workout sessions, many of the students pull out their folders, pencils, and photocopies to get some homework done. The first adult I meet at the practice is Stefano Barros, DREAM's High School Leadership and Service Coordinator, who works to keep the kids' educational progress on track and organizes outings such as college visits. In addition to honing their skills on the field, DREAM participants attend mandatory, year-round classes and tutoring sessions aimed at giving them the same advantages wealthier kids have in the classroom, with the ultimate goal of shepherding the athletes through high school and into college. When they reach Christina's age, the options expand to include SAT prep courses, campus tours and immersive, multi-day trips to colleges like Marist and SUNY Old Westbury, where students often meet DREAM alumni who've matriculated.

As he often does, Barros watches the girls run their drills from the sidelines and playfully calls out the ones who aren't giving the exercises their all. Later, when questions about homework crop up, he's there to help with those, too. Not that Christina needs much in the way of help. Barros calls her a "quiet role model" and kvells about her stellar grades at Hunter, which is one of the most selective and prestigious public schools in the country. "You can tell that she just knows what she wants," he says.

Laurel Golio

Founded in 1991 as a modest, volunteer-run baseball league for 75 teenage boys under the umbrella of RBI, DREAM has slowly grown to address the academic, social, emotional, and family needs of over 2200 kids. Executive Director Richard Berlin, who joined DREAM as a volunteer baseball coach in 1994, explains that the evolution happened out of necessity: "The reality was that kids would come and go [from the sports program] because of life circumstances that were certainly beyond our control and often beyond theirs." Now, "playing on a baseball or softball team is the hook," he says. "We're thinking about longer-term outcomes that help kids and families break the cycle of poverty. To do that, you've got to start with kids very early and stick with them late."

The outcomes are remarkable. In a neighborhood where 42 percent of minors live below the poverty line and less than 40 percent enroll in college, DREAM has maintained a 94 percent college acceptance rate for its seniors since 2005. That academic success inspired the creation of DREAM Charter School, on 2nd Ave. and 103rd St., in 2008. Beyond East Harlem, the organization now runs extracurricular programs in the South Bronx and Newark, NJ. Formerly known as Harlem RBI, DREAM recently adopted its new name to reflect that broadened scope but continues to administer the MLB's RBI league for New York City.

Laurel Golio

When Christina joined her middle-school softball team in sixth grade, her knowledge of the sport was practically nonexistent. "I had no idea how to play," she recalls. "I was using my dad's old glove." She quickly fell in love with the game, but, as one of the youngest and least experienced girls on the team, she sat on the sidelines for her entire first season.

Determined to improve her skills and intrigued by the games and community events she saw happening on DREAM's field, she signed up for the program in seventh grade. At first, it was hard to find her place in a group of kids who already knew each other. Over the years, though, as she's become one of the veterans, Christina has grown close to the handful of other girls who've stuck around since middle school.

And they can't say enough nice things about her. It's no surprise that they're eager to praise their friend, but I'm struck by the specificity of their compliments. Milly Rodriguez calls Christina "hard-working, fun to be with, energetic, flexible." Bianca Mercado tells me that she's known for her speed, but also that "she brings the team together in a very positive way" and "wants to be the best person she can be." They stress how generous Christina is on the field, backing up her teammates and offering soft-spoken help.

It didn't take long for her to become a standout athlete, either. After a few months with DREAM, Christina was good enough to be a starter on her middle-school team. By then, she'd also come to appreciate the rigor of year-round training and the commitment of the kids and adults she met in the program. She formed a particularly strong bond with one longtime coach, DREAM's High School Program Coordinator Matt Gonzalez. "He strikes a good balance between fun and actual working," she says. "He makes sure at the end of practice we'll play a game or something."

Laurel Golio

Speaking to me over email, Gonzalez expresses pride in Christina's gradual transformation from shy seventh grader to team leader. "I'll always remember when she hit the game-winning home run in the 14-and-under semi-finals to send us to the championship," he writes. "One of her teammates looked over at me and said, 'Coach Matt, Christina is the real deal.'" That, he says, was the day she earned "an infinite amount of respect from her teammates."

DREAM also aims to strengthen the bonds between kids and their families. "Our kids typically come from tough family circumstances," says Berlin. "Almost everyone is living well below the poverty line, and that creates all sorts of pressure on kids and families," he says. "If we think we're going to help a kid move from vulnerability to resilience without the support and engagement of the family—well, anyone who thinks that is woefully mistaken." Games bring parents into their children's lives in an explicitly positive context, and DREAM staff makes a point of proactively forming relationships with families, instead of just calling home about behavior problems.

Christina's father is one of the program's most engaged parents, Barros tells me. In addition to attending most of her games, he also keeps up with what she's learning in DREAM's enrichment courses. "Sometimes it's weird when my dad's asking questions and poking around," she says, her obvious affection shining through the veneer of annoyance. "But it is nice when you have support on the sidelines."

Laurel Golio

Whether because of the MLB connection or just because of the unfortunate reality that boys' sports still get more attention than girls' sports, DREAM's baseball program makes more headlines than its softball program. But the girls' teams tend to make it to more championships. Barros doesn't hesitate to confirm that Christina and her friends are "better than the boys"—and often outperform them at school, too—but he laments that the girls "don't get enough shine."

That the softball program even exists is a testament to the determination of a previous generation of East Harlem girls. In DREAM's early days, Berlin tells me, "six young women who lived down the block marched into our then-300-square-foot storefront office to inquire, not-so-politely, 'How come only boys are playing?' It took a while, but that led to building a softball program that is on par with the resources, coaching, and attention that the boys get." Berlin notes that, as the current news cycle keeps reminding us, girls aren't exactly growing up in a feminist utopia. "But, if you want the world to be a certain way, better start at home," he says. "So we try to do that. There are amazing girls in our program, but there are also amazing women in our leadership." The organization's management team is over 60% female.

Laurel Golio

DREAM recently became a minor character in Donald Trump's long, quixotic battle with the NFL over Colin Kaepernick's act of kneeling during the national anthem in protest of police brutality. Kaepernick and his partner, the Hot 97 radio personality Nessa, paid the program's charter school a visit on the same day that a reporter with CBS Sports falsely claimed that Kaepernick would stand for the anthem if the NFL rescinded its rumored blackballing of the quarterback. Rather than use his appearance to address the issue, his talk stressed the importance of speaking out against injustice, even when it feels most difficult. GQ recently named Kaepernick its Citizen of the Year, and a video accompanying the feature captures him hugging and laughing with some awestruck DREAM students during that visit.

As momentous as an appearance by a figure such as Kaepernick may be, DREAM also excels at creating its own role models. Among its full- and part-time staff, about 20 are alumni of the program. Meanwhile, older athletes such as Christina have opportunities to mentor the program's youngest participants. As part of a work experience initiative, she wrote a resume, interviewed and landed a job in DREAM's summer program, where she's spent the past two years coaching and teaching five- and six-year-olds. "I worked with some of the same kids both years," she says. "It was really cool to see how they got better. Some of them didn't know which hand the glove went on, and [the next summer] they were the ones teaching other kids which hand it went on."

The gig opened Christina up to the possibility of working with children when she's older. Although she hopes softball will play a part in her adult life, she idolizes Michelle Obama more than any sports star—she tells me she can imagine becoming a teacher. But she's understandably wary of committing to any career path yet. She just took the SATs and intends to sharpen her focus in college and, if all goes according to plan, continue her studies in grad school.

As she patiently builds a promising future with help from Matt, Rob, Stef, her family, and her teammates, it's the concrete victories softball provides that sustain Christina. She waxes rhapsodic on the small, tactile pleasures of smashing her bat into a ball or trapping a pop fly in her glove, her eyes going dreamy as she enthuses over "the sound the bat makes and the feeling you get. There's nothing else like it, you know?"

NYC Softball Phenom Christina Crockett Is Living the DREAM published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

NYC Softball Phenom Christina Crockett Is Living the DREAM

Over the past two months VICE Sports has been profiling 16 athletes as they evolve into national superstars. Keep checking back here to find them all.

The first game of the spring is still months away, but the East Harlem-based youth softball and baseball program DREAM keeps kids in training all year round. Even on a chilly Thursday evening in November, a dozen high-school girls happily show up to run fitness drills in the AstroTurf-covered basement of a community center on 116th Street. They lift tires above their heads and do squats as their coach, Rob Saltares, murmurs encouragement.

Christina Crockett isn’t the first player you notice in this group. The high-school junior isn’t a show-off or a smart-aleck. The most common word her teammates and coaches use to describe her is “shy.” Lanky, with rectangular glasses framing thoughtful eyes, she looks a bit embarrassed while a photographer with VICE Sports shoots her portrait. Still, Christina is one of the top softball players in New York City, a formidable batter who also anchors the center field for the Saints, a DREAM-administered travel team of all-stars from throughout the citywide NYC RBI league. She also plays for Hunter College High School, where as a sophomore her .611 batting average, 17 RBIs, and 1.083 slugging percentage helped secure her a slot representing Manhattan in last year’s Public School Athletic League Battle of the Boroughs, a sort of all-star game for local high-school players. “Typically, junior year is when colleges begin to approach players,” says Saltares, whose history with DREAM goes back to 1998, when he was a ten-year-old baseball player in the program. He anticipates that come springtime, Christina will garner plenty of interest from recruiters, saying, “She’s in a position where she could go anywhere she wants.”

“In the past three years, she’s become a leader on the team,” Saltares adds. “”Christina is a person who balances things out—she has this calm personality, and she can be the voice of reason.”

Laurel Golio

That maturity is essential to Christina’s excellence on and off the field. Her knack for staying cool under pressure delivered a crucial victory for the Saints in last year’s playoffs. Near the end of a game against a tough rival squad, The OLS Lady Twins. Christina’s team was up by two runs, but their opponents had just gotten a pair of batters on base. “Then this girl hits the ball to me, and it bounces,” she recalls. The runner on second base saw an opening to score, but as she rounded third, Christina threw her out at home. She’s humble and measured throughout our conversation, but she flashes a big grin as she tells me, “That was a pretty long throw!” The play closed out the inning and allowed the Saints to advance to the next round. They ended up at the regional 18-and-under division’s championship game for the second time in the past three years.

Along with anchoring Hunter’s team and the Saints, a selective squad comprised of just 15 of DREAM’s best players, Christina plays goalkeeper on Hunter’s varsity soccer team, which makes the fall just as hectic for her as the spring, when she’s playing both travel and school softball. On her busiest days, Hunter shuttles her to nearby Randalls Island to play soccer after classes, then she hurries home for dinner and schoolwork before heading back out to practice with DREAM. What’s even more impressive is that she doesn’t seem frantic or drained, like most over-scheduled kids. “I’ve learned to manage my time over the last few years,” she explains.

The way she sees it, her sports commitments aren’t a distraction from her academic pursuits, but a way of maintaining healthy habits that improve her focus in all facets of her life. “I don’t play a sport in the winter. You’d think that when I have more time, my grades would be better, but they’re not,” Christina says. “I get the best grades in softball season because I’m the happiest. When I have a sport, I do my homework during lunch. I can’t procrastinate. If I don’t get enough sleep, I’ll be tired for my game tomorrow. When I’m in season, I’ll eat a healthier lunch—like, I won’t get pizza. If I’m off season, it doesn’t matter.”

“Sometimes I think she has it more figured out than I do,” jokes Saltares. It’s stories like Christina’s that present DREAM—as well as Major League Baseball’s nationwide Reviving Baseball in Inner Cities (RBI) program, with which it is affiliated—as a free, more-than-viable alternative to the city’s private school system for young softball and baseball players who hope to play in college.

Laurel Golio

Christina, who will turn 16 in December, is an ideal DREAM athlete—not just because of her talent on the field, or that she lives a block away from its East Harlem headquarters, but because she’s equally ambitious as a scholar. Between two workout sessions, many of the students pull out their folders, pencils, and photocopies to get some homework done. The first adult I meet at the practice is Stefano Barros, DREAM’s High School Leadership and Service Coordinator, who works to keep the kids’ educational progress on track and organizes outings such as college visits. In addition to honing their skills on the field, DREAM participants attend mandatory, year-round classes and tutoring sessions aimed at giving them the same advantages wealthier kids have in the classroom, with the ultimate goal of shepherding the athletes through high school and into college. When they reach Christina’s age, the options expand to include SAT prep courses, campus tours and immersive, multi-day trips to colleges like Marist and SUNY Old Westbury, where students often meet DREAM alumni who’ve matriculated.

As he often does, Barros watches the girls run their drills from the sidelines and playfully calls out the ones who aren’t giving the exercises their all. Later, when questions about homework crop up, he’s there to help with those, too. Not that Christina needs much in the way of help. Barros calls her a “quiet role model” and kvells about her stellar grades at Hunter, which is one of the most selective and prestigious public schools in the country. “You can tell that she just knows what she wants,” he says.

Laurel Golio

Founded in 1991 as a modest, volunteer-run baseball league for 75 teenage boys under the umbrella of RBI, DREAM has slowly grown to address the academic, social, emotional, and family needs of over 2200 kids. Executive Director Richard Berlin, who joined DREAM as a volunteer baseball coach in 1994, explains that the evolution happened out of necessity: “The reality was that kids would come and go [from the sports program] because of life circumstances that were certainly beyond our control and often beyond theirs.” Now, “playing on a baseball or softball team is the hook,” he says. “We’re thinking about longer-term outcomes that help kids and families break the cycle of poverty. To do that, you’ve got to start with kids very early and stick with them late.”

The outcomes are remarkable. In a neighborhood where 42 percent of minors live below the poverty line and less than 40 percent enroll in college, DREAM has maintained a 94 percent college acceptance rate for its seniors since 2005. That academic success inspired the creation of DREAM Charter School, on 2nd Ave. and 103rd St., in 2008. Beyond East Harlem, the organization now runs extracurricular programs in the South Bronx and Newark, NJ. Formerly known as Harlem RBI, DREAM recently adopted its new name to reflect that broadened scope but continues to administer the MLB’s RBI league for New York City.

Laurel Golio

When Christina joined her middle-school softball team in sixth grade, her knowledge of the sport was practically nonexistent. “I had no idea how to play,” she recalls. “I was using my dad’s old glove.” She quickly fell in love with the game, but, as one of the youngest and least experienced girls on the team, she sat on the sidelines for her entire first season.

Determined to improve her skills and intrigued by the games and community events she saw happening on DREAM’s field, she signed up for the program in seventh grade. At first, it was hard to find her place in a group of kids who already knew each other. Over the years, though, as she’s become one of the veterans, Christina has grown close to the handful of other girls who’ve stuck around since middle school.

And they can’t say enough nice things about her. It’s no surprise that they’re eager to praise their friend, but I’m struck by the specificity of their compliments. Milly Rodriguez calls Christina “hard-working, fun to be with, energetic, flexible.” Bianca Mercado tells me that she’s known for her speed, but also that “she brings the team together in a very positive way” and “wants to be the best person she can be.” They stress how generous Christina is on the field, backing up her teammates and offering soft-spoken help.

It didn’t take long for her to become a standout athlete, either. After a few months with DREAM, Christina was good enough to be a starter on her middle-school team. By then, she’d also come to appreciate the rigor of year-round training and the commitment of the kids and adults she met in the program. She formed a particularly strong bond with one longtime coach, DREAM’s High School Program Coordinator Matt Gonzalez. “He strikes a good balance between fun and actual working,” she says. “He makes sure at the end of practice we’ll play a game or something.”

Laurel Golio

Speaking to me over email, Gonzalez expresses pride in Christina’s gradual transformation from shy seventh grader to team leader. “I’ll always remember when she hit the game-winning home run in the 14-and-under semi-finals to send us to the championship,” he writes. “One of her teammates looked over at me and said, ‘Coach Matt, Christina is the real deal.'” That, he says, was the day she earned “an infinite amount of respect from her teammates.”

DREAM also aims to strengthen the bonds between kids and their families. “Our kids typically come from tough family circumstances,” says Berlin. “Almost everyone is living well below the poverty line, and that creates all sorts of pressure on kids and families,” he says. “If we think we’re going to help a kid move from vulnerability to resilience without the support and engagement of the family—well, anyone who thinks that is woefully mistaken.” Games bring parents into their children’s lives in an explicitly positive context, and DREAM staff makes a point of proactively forming relationships with families, instead of just calling home about behavior problems.

Christina’s father is one of the program’s most engaged parents, Barros tells me. In addition to attending most of her games, he also keeps up with what she’s learning in DREAM’s enrichment courses. “Sometimes it’s weird when my dad’s asking questions and poking around,” she says, her obvious affection shining through the veneer of annoyance. “But it is nice when you have support on the sidelines.”

Laurel Golio

Whether because of the MLB connection or just because of the unfortunate reality that boys’ sports still get more attention than girls’ sports, DREAM’s baseball program makes more headlines than its softball program. But the girls’ teams tend to make it to more championships. Barros doesn’t hesitate to confirm that Christina and her friends are “better than the boys”—and often outperform them at school, too—but he laments that the girls “don’t get enough shine.”

That the softball program even exists is a testament to the determination of a previous generation of East Harlem girls. In DREAM’s early days, Berlin tells me, “six young women who lived down the block marched into our then-300-square-foot storefront office to inquire, not-so-politely, ‘How come only boys are playing?’ It took a while, but that led to building a softball program that is on par with the resources, coaching, and attention that the boys get.” Berlin notes that, as the current news cycle keeps reminding us, girls aren’t exactly growing up in a feminist utopia. “But, if you want the world to be a certain way, better start at home,” he says. “So we try to do that. There are amazing girls in our program, but there are also amazing women in our leadership.” The organization’s management team is over 60% female.

Laurel Golio

DREAM recently became a minor character in Donald Trump’s long, quixotic battle with the NFL over Colin Kaepernick’s act of kneeling during the national anthem in protest of police brutality. Kaepernick and his partner, the Hot 97 radio personality Nessa, paid the program’s charter school a visit on the same day that a reporter with CBS Sports falsely claimed that Kaepernick would stand for the anthem if the NFL rescinded its rumored blackballing of the quarterback. Rather than use his appearance to address the issue, his talk stressed the importance of speaking out against injustice, even when it feels most difficult. GQ recently named Kaepernick its Citizen of the Year, and a video accompanying the feature captures him hugging and laughing with some awestruck DREAM students during that visit.

As momentous as an appearance by a figure such as Kaepernick may be, DREAM also excels at creating its own role models. Among its full- and part-time staff, about 20 are alumni of the program. Meanwhile, older athletes such as Christina have opportunities to mentor the program’s youngest participants. As part of a work experience initiative, she wrote a resume, interviewed and landed a job in DREAM’s summer program, where she’s spent the past two years coaching and teaching five- and six-year-olds. “I worked with some of the same kids both years,” she says. “It was really cool to see how they got better. Some of them didn’t know which hand the glove went on, and [the next summer] they were the ones teaching other kids which hand it went on.”

The gig opened Christina up to the possibility of working with children when she’s older. Although she hopes softball will play a part in her adult life, she idolizes Michelle Obama more than any sports star—she tells me she can imagine becoming a teacher. But she’s understandably wary of committing to any career path yet. She just took the SATs and intends to sharpen her focus in college and, if all goes according to plan, continue her studies in grad school.

As she patiently builds a promising future with help from Matt, Rob, Stef, her family, and her teammates, it’s the concrete victories softball provides that sustain Christina. She waxes rhapsodic on the small, tactile pleasures of smashing her bat into a ball or trapping a pop fly in her glove, her eyes going dreamy as she enthuses over “the sound the bat makes and the feeling you get. There’s nothing else like it, you know?”

NYC Softball Phenom Christina Crockett Is Living the DREAM syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

NYC Softball Phenom Christina Crockett Is Living the DREAM

Over the past two months VICE Sports has been profiling 16 athletes as they evolve into national superstars. Keep checking back here to find them all.

The first game of the spring is still months away, but the East Harlem-based youth softball and baseball program DREAM keeps kids in training all year round. Even on a chilly Thursday evening in November, a dozen high-school girls happily show up to run fitness drills in the AstroTurf-covered basement of a community center on 116th Street. They lift tires above their heads and do squats as their coach, Rob Saltares, murmurs encouragement.

Christina Crockett isn't the first player you notice in this group. The high-school junior isn't a show-off or a smart-aleck. The most common word her teammates and coaches use to describe her is "shy." Lanky, with rectangular glasses framing thoughtful eyes, she looks a bit embarrassed while a photographer with VICE Sports shoots her portrait. Still, Christina is one of the top softball players in New York City, a formidable batter who also anchors the center field for the Saints, a DREAM-administered travel team of all-stars from throughout the citywide NYC RBI league. She also plays for Hunter College High School, where as a sophomore her .611 batting average, 17 RBIs, and 1.083 slugging percentage helped secure her a slot representing Manhattan in last year's Public School Athletic League Battle of the Boroughs, a sort of all-star game for local high-school players. "Typically, junior year is when colleges begin to approach players," says Saltares, whose history with DREAM goes back to 1998, when he was a ten-year-old baseball player in the program. He anticipates that come springtime, Christina will garner plenty of interest from recruiters, saying, "She's in a position where she could go anywhere she wants."

"In the past three years, she's become a leader on the team," Saltares adds. ""Christina is a person who balances things out—she has this calm personality, and she can be the voice of reason."

Laurel Golio

That maturity is essential to Christina's excellence on and off the field. Her knack for staying cool under pressure delivered a crucial victory for the Saints in last year's playoffs. Near the end of a game against a tough rival squad, The OLS Lady Twins. Christina's team was up by two runs, but their opponents had just gotten a pair of batters on base. "Then this girl hits the ball to me, and it bounces," she recalls. The runner on second base saw an opening to score, but as she rounded third, Christina threw her out at home. She's humble and measured throughout our conversation, but she flashes a big grin as she tells me, "That was a pretty long throw!" The play closed out the inning and allowed the Saints to advance to the next round. They ended up at the regional 18-and-under division's championship game for the second time in the past three years.

Along with anchoring Hunter's team and the Saints, a selective squad comprised of just 15 of DREAM's best players, Christina plays goalkeeper on Hunter's varsity soccer team, which makes the fall just as hectic for her as the spring, when she's playing both travel and school softball. On her busiest days, Hunter shuttles her to nearby Randalls Island to play soccer after classes, then she hurries home for dinner and schoolwork before heading back out to practice with DREAM. What's even more impressive is that she doesn't seem frantic or drained, like most over-scheduled kids. "I've learned to manage my time over the last few years," she explains.

The way she sees it, her sports commitments aren't a distraction from her academic pursuits, but a way of maintaining healthy habits that improve her focus in all facets of her life. "I don't play a sport in the winter. You'd think that when I have more time, my grades would be better, but they're not," Christina says. "I get the best grades in softball season because I'm the happiest. When I have a sport, I do my homework during lunch. I can't procrastinate. If I don't get enough sleep, I'll be tired for my game tomorrow. When I'm in season, I'll eat a healthier lunch—like, I won't get pizza. If I'm off season, it doesn't matter."

"Sometimes I think she has it more figured out than I do," jokes Saltares. It's stories like Christina's that present DREAM—as well as Major League Baseball's nationwide Reviving Baseball in Inner Cities (RBI) program, with which it is affiliated—as a free, more-than-viable alternative to the city's private school system for young softball and baseball players who hope to play in college.

Laurel Golio

Christina, who will turn 16 in December, is an ideal DREAM athlete—not just because of her talent on the field, or that she lives a block away from its East Harlem headquarters, but because she's equally ambitious as a scholar. Between two workout sessions, many of the students pull out their folders, pencils, and photocopies to get some homework done. The first adult I meet at the practice is Stefano Barros, DREAM's High School Leadership and Service Coordinator, who works to keep the kids' educational progress on track and organizes outings such as college visits. In addition to honing their skills on the field, DREAM participants attend mandatory, year-round classes and tutoring sessions aimed at giving them the same advantages wealthier kids have in the classroom, with the ultimate goal of shepherding the athletes through high school and into college. When they reach Christina's age, the options expand to include SAT prep courses, campus tours and immersive, multi-day trips to colleges like Marist and SUNY Old Westbury, where students often meet DREAM alumni who've matriculated.

As he often does, Barros watches the girls run their drills from the sidelines and playfully calls out the ones who aren't giving the exercises their all. Later, when questions about homework crop up, he's there to help with those, too. Not that Christina needs much in the way of help. Barros calls her a "quiet role model" and kvells about her stellar grades at Hunter, which is one of the most selective and prestigious public schools in the country. "You can tell that she just knows what she wants," he says.

Laurel Golio

Founded in 1991 as a modest, volunteer-run baseball league for 75 teenage boys under the umbrella of RBI, DREAM has slowly grown to address the academic, social, emotional, and family needs of over 2200 kids. Executive Director Richard Berlin, who joined DREAM as a volunteer baseball coach in 1994, explains that the evolution happened out of necessity: "The reality was that kids would come and go [from the sports program] because of life circumstances that were certainly beyond our control and often beyond theirs." Now, "playing on a baseball or softball team is the hook," he says. "We're thinking about longer-term outcomes that help kids and families break the cycle of poverty. To do that, you've got to start with kids very early and stick with them late."

The outcomes are remarkable. In a neighborhood where 42 percent of minors live below the poverty line and less than 40 percent enroll in college, DREAM has maintained a 94 percent college acceptance rate for its seniors since 2005. That academic success inspired the creation of DREAM Charter School, on 2nd Ave. and 103rd St., in 2008. Beyond East Harlem, the organization now runs extracurricular programs in the South Bronx and Newark, NJ. Formerly known as Harlem RBI, DREAM recently adopted its new name to reflect that broadened scope but continues to administer the MLB's RBI league for New York City.

Laurel Golio

When Christina joined her middle-school softball team in sixth grade, her knowledge of the sport was practically nonexistent. "I had no idea how to play," she recalls. "I was using my dad's old glove." She quickly fell in love with the game, but, as one of the youngest and least experienced girls on the team, she sat on the sidelines for her entire first season.

Determined to improve her skills and intrigued by the games and community events she saw happening on DREAM's field, she signed up for the program in seventh grade. At first, it was hard to find her place in a group of kids who already knew each other. Over the years, though, as she's become one of the veterans, Christina has grown close to the handful of other girls who've stuck around since middle school.

And they can't say enough nice things about her. It's no surprise that they're eager to praise their friend, but I'm struck by the specificity of their compliments. Milly Rodriguez calls Christina "hard-working, fun to be with, energetic, flexible." Bianca Mercado tells me that she's known for her speed, but also that "she brings the team together in a very positive way" and "wants to be the best person she can be." They stress how generous Christina is on the field, backing up her teammates and offering soft-spoken help.

It didn't take long for her to become a standout athlete, either. After a few months with DREAM, Christina was good enough to be a starter on her middle-school team. By then, she'd also come to appreciate the rigor of year-round training and the commitment of the kids and adults she met in the program. She formed a particularly strong bond with one longtime coach, DREAM's High School Program Coordinator Matt Gonzalez. "He strikes a good balance between fun and actual working," she says. "He makes sure at the end of practice we'll play a game or something."

Laurel Golio

Speaking to me over email, Gonzalez expresses pride in Christina's gradual transformation from shy seventh grader to team leader. "I'll always remember when she hit the game-winning home run in the 14-and-under semi-finals to send us to the championship," he writes. "One of her teammates looked over at me and said, 'Coach Matt, Christina is the real deal.'" That, he says, was the day she earned "an infinite amount of respect from her teammates."

DREAM also aims to strengthen the bonds between kids and their families. "Our kids typically come from tough family circumstances," says Berlin. "Almost everyone is living well below the poverty line, and that creates all sorts of pressure on kids and families," he says. "If we think we're going to help a kid move from vulnerability to resilience without the support and engagement of the family—well, anyone who thinks that is woefully mistaken." Games bring parents into their children's lives in an explicitly positive context, and DREAM staff makes a point of proactively forming relationships with families, instead of just calling home about behavior problems.

Christina's father is one of the program's most engaged parents, Barros tells me. In addition to attending most of her games, he also keeps up with what she's learning in DREAM's enrichment courses. "Sometimes it's weird when my dad's asking questions and poking around," she says, her obvious affection shining through the veneer of annoyance. "But it is nice when you have support on the sidelines."

Laurel Golio

Whether because of the MLB connection or just because of the unfortunate reality that boys' sports still get more attention than girls' sports, DREAM's baseball program makes more headlines than its softball program. But the girls' teams tend to make it to more championships. Barros doesn't hesitate to confirm that Christina and her friends are "better than the boys"—and often outperform them at school, too—but he laments that the girls "don't get enough shine."

That the softball program even exists is a testament to the determination of a previous generation of East Harlem girls. In DREAM's early days, Berlin tells me, "six young women who lived down the block marched into our then-300-square-foot storefront office to inquire, not-so-politely, 'How come only boys are playing?' It took a while, but that led to building a softball program that is on par with the resources, coaching, and attention that the boys get." Berlin notes that, as the current news cycle keeps reminding us, girls aren't exactly growing up in a feminist utopia. "But, if you want the world to be a certain way, better start at home," he says. "So we try to do that. There are amazing girls in our program, but there are also amazing women in our leadership." The organization's management team is over 60% female.

Laurel Golio

DREAM recently became a minor character in Donald Trump's long, quixotic battle with the NFL over Colin Kaepernick's act of kneeling during the national anthem in protest of police brutality. Kaepernick and his partner, the Hot 97 radio personality Nessa, paid the program's charter school a visit on the same day that a reporter with CBS Sports falsely claimed that Kaepernick would stand for the anthem if the NFL rescinded its rumored blackballing of the quarterback. Rather than use his appearance to address the issue, his talk stressed the importance of speaking out against injustice, even when it feels most difficult. GQ recently named Kaepernick its Citizen of the Year, and a video accompanying the feature captures him hugging and laughing with some awestruck DREAM students during that visit.

As momentous as an appearance by a figure such as Kaepernick may be, DREAM also excels at creating its own role models. Among its full- and part-time staff, about 20 are alumni of the program. Meanwhile, older athletes such as Christina have opportunities to mentor the program's youngest participants. As part of a work experience initiative, she wrote a resume, interviewed and landed a job in DREAM's summer program, where she's spent the past two years coaching and teaching five- and six-year-olds. "I worked with some of the same kids both years," she says. "It was really cool to see how they got better. Some of them didn't know which hand the glove went on, and [the next summer] they were the ones teaching other kids which hand it went on."

The gig opened Christina up to the possibility of working with children when she's older. Although she hopes softball will play a part in her adult life, she idolizes Michelle Obama more than any sports star—she tells me she can imagine becoming a teacher. But she's understandably wary of committing to any career path yet. She just took the SATs and intends to sharpen her focus in college and, if all goes according to plan, continue her studies in grad school.

As she patiently builds a promising future with help from Matt, Rob, Stef, her family, and her teammates, it's the concrete victories softball provides that sustain Christina. She waxes rhapsodic on the small, tactile pleasures of smashing her bat into a ball or trapping a pop fly in her glove, her eyes going dreamy as she enthuses over "the sound the bat makes and the feeling you get. There's nothing else like it, you know?"

NYC Softball Phenom Christina Crockett Is Living the DREAM published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv