anyways while I’m busy making myself sad as shit here’s an old dm I found that I feel the mutuals will appreciate

I don't remember that much of my childhood, but today I suddenly remembered that one time when I started a Tolkien inspired war at my school when I was 7-8 years old.

The war lasted for a week, the entire elementary and middle school joined. We had different armies, all inspired by different characters (I was in the Mickey Mouse army, we had a "general" who was an older boy who would wear a Mickey Mouse hat on the "battlefield", I was his right hand man lmao). We fought using sticks and by throwing chestnuts which we collected in great hordes, the army who stole all the chestnuts from the opposing armies won.

Then the teachers learned of it and they were horrified. They rushed to break it up and got hit with our chestnut artillery in the process. I don't remember how it ended, just that we were sad about it and we had to talk to therapists (???) afterwards.

Idk why I was like that

What do you think is wrong with Belos as a villain?

His plan is ridiculously long and convoluted, and we don't really get clear motivations behind his actions. On top of it all, he was so pissed off with his brother for falling love with a witch. Instead of blaming the witch or feeling hurt over his brother's choice, he went an even weirder route of cloning his own brother to manipulate, lie, then kill the clones in cold blood for several generations... for no good reason.

I assigned reading homework for the weekend and was hit by this wave of irritation with the implicit lying that goes on where they act like they’ll read the homework but they never actually do and so I called them on it and started teasing them and of course they laughed but then I was like “you know my secret dream is that you go home and you walk in the door and someone wants to do something fun with you or you get a text but you hold up your hand and say ‘no no, I have to read ten pages of Beowulf’ and then you sit down and do it” and they scream-laughed at the idea but I like to think it at least presented it to their minds as a possibility

Midnight Museum should have been a cdrama cause this thing clearly needs like 50 episodes at least

I love the vocal nuance in this exchange, but also posting this for my differences posts because this is one of the changes that infuriates me the most. Yuri didn't threaten Ioder, did not threaten him with a weapon, and just said he'd punch him in a lazy, half joking voice (half joking as in, he really doesn't want to hear that - that's just his way of saying so; but that's not the voice of someone who is super angry and threatening).

My other huge grievance is that this is a recurring issue between them in the dub. Yuri is pretty much always vocally rude to Ioder. Ioder has done nothing to wrong him or anyone and has only ever done good for the people where he's able to.

Yet despite Ioder being nothing but sincere, honest and polite with Yuri, in fact even happy to see him here and there, dub Yuri is outright tonally rude to him leading right up this scene where he threatens Ioder in this dark voice. Meanwhile he's actually just supposed to be… lazily telling Ioder he'll punch him in his Yuri Lowell way of saying "I don't want to hear that".

The dub really just wanted to turn Yuri into this dark edgelord and I hate that for my goofy, silly boy.

CHAPTER 14: EMPTY HANDS AND EMPTY ROOMS

thank you for being so patient!! suddenly a month has gone by!!!

I think this fic will be 18 chapters total (and then turned into a book like A Matter Decided was, and it's going to have a secret book epilogue! I may not know what half of ch 17 will be but by god do i ever have a plan for this secret epilogue)(yes it's about Jakob, my favoritest one, how did you guess)(i love him!! shoutout to the commenter who talked about how jakob is getting all the significant beats that usually belong to the romantic partner in a fic, you are RIGHT, it's because he is SO IMPORTANT. i know i'm reading way more into this than probably casual readers would, but i want the narrative to treat him as important!! so he's getting the epilogue!! he gets to narrate!!! i love him)

that doesn't sound like a lot more fic but then i realize that means i still have to write ch 15, 16, 17, and 18 and uhhh that's forty pages right there, so it might be a second. you guys are so brave for reading this as it's written, and in fact, if you weren't, i would have stopped ages ago. thank you to everyone reading and commenting i love you and it is, in fact, written for you. Personally. I am holding your little face in my hands as I say this. This fic is being finished for you!!

I'm thinking again on the fact that so often comments, criticism and readings on Jack dwell a lot on how he is barely human/a person/doesn't have a personality at the point of the story and, while I somewhat understand these points, I find them so lacking. I find them... ableist? I'm always doubtful to use the word here because I'm not sure if it's applied in this kind (mental health) of context, but something like that. And I find them extremely simplistic.

However, honestly, a big part of the reason for these readings being so popular is that the manga itself words it that way. But that's one of the problems I find in the manga. When I say P.andora Hear.ts is very good but unfortunately it is very manga-like at times, besides the 2000s homojokes and the like, I'm usually thinking about things like this. I feel like often characters and situations that are (potentially) very intricate instead of getting insightful deep overviews often get screwed by the writing itself, which falls into very manga tropes a lot in a bad way (not that every manga has to fall into them, or that every manga trope has to be bad or written badly).

I don't know... For instance, I'd argue R.askolnikov's capacity for love in Cr.ime and Punishmen.t is debatable, but it's never treated as if it made him less of a person, a human being or made him not have a personality. I'd say not even Svidrigailo.v, who is as much a Bad Guy™ as a character can be, gets that treatment by the writing. I'd say that even him or Mikol.ka are written as fully fleshed human beings with their intricate internal lives and feelings. Svidrig.ailov's last scene with D.unya is fascinating for both characters and spins the whole dynamic and makes you question the entire narrative and veracity of not only those two characters, but brings to mind several other conversations among different characters and throws light (and doubt!) on the main plot between R.askolnikov and Porf.iry.

In similar situations, Jack's humanity, personhood and personality are debated, doubted and even full on accepted as vanished. No one reads Crim.e and Punishmen.t and comes to the same conclusions about Raskolni.kov, Svidrig.ailov, Sony.a or Razu.mikhin. The writing doesn't allow it. The writing doesn't allow you to forget that humanity is diverse and multifaceted, that it can be sad and cruel and loving and monstrous, even all at the same time, or that a person may struggle with feeling at all; and one is still a person.

Today I was able to stand for a new limit of 50 minutes when my physical symptoms are at their most minimal in a controlled environment. So we know 50 is the max now we're trying to reach 1 hour. I feel like I could've reached an hour with how I was feeling but the muscle endurance in my legs wouldn't have let me. I'm reaching a weird stage in my progress where its been so long since my body has had to support my weight for that long the blood pooling in my soles irritates and hurts like hell the days afterwards so now i'm rubbing the my feet like i've worked a hard day to prevent the inflammation from impeding my progress. I feel tho if I can reach that 1 hour limit I can reach longer times with practice. Its been years since i've stood for so long i'm really excited to keep practicing and hopefully keep improving. Last year around this time I was barely reaching 35 maybe 40 if I really really pushed- during my least symptomatic hours. Those extra 10 minutes might not mean much but since the beginning of my illness I never imagined i'd be able to make it to 30 let alone 50. I felt pretty good this session too which is the most important part, I feel like its the lack of muscular stamina that held me back rather than cardiac endurance. Anyway update is over, if I reach that 1 hour time it'll be a happy day I cannot tell how long it'll take me to reach that time but with some more practice I think a few weeks or months at least i'd imagine maybe even sooner. I'm so happy lets go! Dreams do come true at least 4 me ehehe!

I don't think I'll ever complain about having nothing to do again

u know it just hit me but is kanon really the last time we got bg text in series songs. that doesnt feel right. but theres none in kannagi right. there wasnt in laboratory or yamete & i dont remember any in ashura. have we really gone this long with out text. im getting scared for the next time we get text

purchasing a little treat to chase away the suicidal ideation 💖

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at 8 I was like ooh I'll take a little hour long nap and then get up and let the rats out and eat and finish my commission :^) and then I woke up five hours later

realizing romcoms overutilize the montage because figuring out how you portray all the little intricacies of how two people fall in love is fucking. difficult.

ok for rn i am going to try and get some art done and finish this crappy audio book.

read tags i said some stuff i should have just written here