Sold Out for Their Love Story: How I let go of my need for a Happily Ever After for Louis and Harry

(I need to give a bit of backstory before we jump into the ooey gooey sappy love story part. Please bear with me.)

In October 2021 I saw a picture of Harry Styles hand in hand with a woman I didn't recognize (like at all). He looked like he'd rather eat dirt than be near her. That was was the day I fell down the rabbit hole harder than when Harry fell on stage after fighting with the mic wire.

About me: I'm a PR and Social Media Marketing Director. Recognizing a carefully crafted marketing campaign is easy for me and that's exactly what this was. So I did some research because I wanted to prove myself right about it being a PR stunt. What I didn't realize was that I was about to discover one of the greatest love stories of our generation.

I'm Gen X and not Gen Z so I did my research about this awkward coupling on Google and not TikTok (shade not intended, I think). From there, the Larrie gods led me to YouTube and I found the Cosmic Leeds videos. (Side note: pour one out for their 2022 video when you think of them, because Jesus, Mary and Joseph, they have a job ahead of them!)

That led me to Twitter (don't judge - social media marketer here, remember?) and I was legit skerred. (Translation: skerred is southern for scared.) The Twarries are a rare and passionate breed, but it was all me, really. I honestly couldn't keep up! From there I found my way to Tumblr and settled into several months of quiet lurking. It wasn't until a bomb shell that I considered H-U-G-E in the fandom happened. I won't mention names, but a "big" TikTok-er was unlarrying.) *GASP*

I'm not ashamed to admit that my fetus Larrie heart was SHOOK. TO. ITS. CORE. I panicked. Were these two beautiful boys who I had been watching fall in goofy, sloppy, sappy love in hundreds of videos and interviews, possibly not together anymore? I couldn't even imagine such a travesty. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I had to do something.

I did the only thing I could think of. I took a deep breath and tentatively messaged a blogger here on Tumblr. I had followed her for months and trusted her for her level-headed responses. As I hit SEND on the message, I panicked. Would she ignore me completely? Or worse, just brush me off with a "get-a-life newbie", remark? Who was I but just a newborn Larrie? I was even newer than the pandemic Larries. Yikes! Imagine the shame I felt.

She responded almost immediately and she couldn't have been more welcoming and kind. She didn't treat me like a know-nothing newbie, but listened to my question with patience. She walked me through my first Larrie breakdown. (I've since learned that breaking down is a rite of passage in the fandom.) I now consider her a friend. Always in my heart @twopoppies. Yours sincerely, @Apparentlybychance.

<Insert one of may fav Harry and Louis pics to make sure you're still paying attention>:

Now onto the good stuff: the romance of it all.

(One more tidbit: I'm also a novelist. No, I don't write fan fiction. I leave that to the professionals, but my day job does allow me to indulge in my passion which is writing stories. This is where our sweet boys had me.)

Do I blame Louis and Harry for the fact that I've devoted more time to them than cleaning my house the last few months?

Yes. Yes I do. I mean just LOOK at how stinkin' adorable they are. My god.

As a fiction writer, I see a story in everything and everywhere. When I found Harry and Louis' story and watched with my own two eyes the genuine love they had for each other, I jumped in feet first and landed too hard. I saw the heart eyes and infatuation of the baby boyfriends and was hopelessly lost in their story.

Harry...sugar, wow. Just wow. You were a mess falling all over yourself to impress and attract your golden, bright as the sun, idol. And Louis sweetie, bless your little heart. You spent at least a full year trying to convince yourself this beautiful creature with the soft curls and the potent pheromones that you called "his smell" was real.

We get it. We really do. You both were (are) so smitten. And that feral need to touch each other every waking moment developed into a settled, hard fought, partnership between two committed lovers by 2015. It was breathtaking to watch.

What's not to love about their love story?

That's where I went off the rails. Maybe you see yourself in this, too? Let's discuss.

Story is ingrained in our very beings as humans. Our ancestors verbally told stories to pass down traditions and legends from one generation to the next. This wasn't only because they hadn't invented the alphabet yet, but because they knew that story was the best way to get to the heart of a person. To captivate them.

Harry and Louis' captivated me because it has all the elements of a good story:

No. 1: Captivating protagonists. Exhibit A, Your Honor: Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles. Have you ever seen more gorgeous, sweeter, more talented, more adorable protagonists? No, me neither.

No. 2: Vitriol inducing villain(s): Simon Cowell/Modest Management/Syco. Do I have to say anything else? Here we have our villain, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. The evil entity who want to keep the lovers apart, cancel their love, and crush their sweet spirits because of greed and the strong possibility that Simon isn't getting any in his own life. (Bless.)

No. 3: Magic and glamour: This is the part where story reigns supreme. (Genuinely sorry if that word was triggering.) Here we have two members of a global popstar boy band that had a meteoric rise to fame. They are rich, gorgeous, uber talented and travel to places they can't even pronounce. Not to mention, they look amazing in every article of clothing that has the privilege to grace their bodies. Will they be able to defeat the villain and finally express their love for the whole world to see? Their story is swoon-worthy. No exaggeration.

With all the makings of a good story, we are mesmerized by our star-crossed lovers, raise our swords and vow to see them through to the end. Standing behind us, they will be rescued from the nasty villain and finally be free to ride off into the sunset together to make beautiful music and raise curly-haired, ocean-blue eyed, chubby babies together. And then the famous last words cross the final page of the book: And they lived happily ever after.

Let's all just bask in that moment for a second. Our boys are free to be whoever they want to be. TOGETHER. Isn't that the pinnacle? The climax?

Am I the only one who didn't find themselves right here in this story? I definitely did when I joined the fandom. I assumed that Harry and Louis' total goal was to free from their shackles and ride off into the sunset. Surely, it was imminent. Right?

A year later, I understood why I that was immature of me. I realized that this is no fairy tale and Louis and Harry are real people. They have ambitions and goals and passions and talent and yes, immense, mature love for their partner of over 12 years.

They've been generous to share their love with us and give us signs about when they were happy and signs when they were in distress and needed support. They are still so grateful for our love and support. But I think I have to realize that they aren't ready to ride off into the sunset with their little cherubs just yet. They still have stuff to do. Goals to achieve. Talent to use. And they've chosen to pursue it the ways we are watching. With (nausea inducing) stunts that help them create a story that sells to a wider audience. It's hard for me to watch them make decisions in their lives and careers that I don't agree with or even condone. But, hey, my teenagers do it all the time so why am I surprised?

What I personally need to do for my sanity as a forever Larrie is to learn to trust them. I need to learn to let them tell their own story in the way they want. And if they don't like how their new teams are trying to get them to sell themselves, I have to believe they are strong enough together to do what they need to do to change it - though it may take time. And I need to stop looking for the Happily Ever After just around the corner. I'm really working on this part because if I was writing this damn story, they would have lit a match, set fire to the industry and watched it burn a long time ago. But I digress...

These are some things I'm doing now to release my need for the Happily Ever After and still make me feel like I'm supporting them:

I'm taking their contagious affection, care, attentiveness, hot af sex life, and sappy love declarations and bringing that same energy to my personal relationship. So far, I'm getting a good response. (wink, wink)

Despite facing incredible industry adversity, Harry and Louis are both driven to create art that is as authentic to themselves as possible while realizing that they also have to create something that other people want to buy. I've started applying that philosophy to my own art (my writing) and am releasing the fear of not being good enough. It's made for some interesting stories!

I've reached out to a local organization in my area that supports LGBTQI+ teenagers to support them in a volunteer capacity. I'm not queer myself, but I'm a good listener and I have some skills I can share to help the organization tell their story and build support. Maybe I can't take on a multi-billion dollar industry like the f-ing music industry, but by putting my time into supporting queer teens in my area, I can do something in the name of closeted queer artists all over the world.

I think it goes without saying that I'm also still on Tumblr reading all the posts from all my favorite bloggers enjoying "everything Louis and Harry" both together and individually. Maybe someday I'll get that Happily Ever After. ❤

st. louis public radio: “Fashion icon Karlie Kloss emphasizes Missouri's role in national abortion rights fight” by Jason Rosenbaum

Webster Groves native Karlie Kloss took the modeling world by storm in the 2010s before launching a highly successful effort to connect young women with computer coding and, more recently, helping relaunch Life magazine.

On Monday, Kloss discussed another passion: her advocacy for abortion rights in Missouri and around the Midwest.

“I'm one of four daughters. I grew up here in the Midwest. My father is a physician. The idea of reproductive care was never political in my house,” Kloss said. “It's devastating to me the reality of what is happening and how it has become so politicized. Because to me, this is a conversation that belongs between an individual and their physician and an individual and their loved ones. To me, politicians should not be involved.”

Kloss helped gather signatures in Creve Coeur for the Missourians for Constitutional Freedom initiative, a measure that would legalize the procedure up to what’s known as fetal viability. That’s defined in the initiative as when medical professionals determine that a fetus could survive outside of the womb without extraordinary medical intervention.

Before Roe v. Wade was overturned in 2022, Kloss started the Gateway Coalition, which provides financial and logistical assistance to small clinics that provide abortions throughout the Midwest. She said those facilities, particularly the ones in Illinois, have become havens for people in states like Missouri where most abortions are prohibited.

“What I really realized, especially once Roe fell, was about the fragmentation of care across this country, but specifically in the Midwest,” Kloss said. “I wanted to do whatever I could, and initially focused on Illinois of just the infrastructure that exists — the independent clinics, the clinics across Illinois who are really holding up the front line.”

She called the Missourians for Constitutional Freedom initiative “an opportunity to take it to the ballot box and actually have Missourians reinstall protections in our home state.”

“So you don't have to leave Missouri to receive just the vital care that I believe every woman deserves,” Kloss said.

Since rolling out the initiative at the beginning of the year, Missourians for Constitutional Freedom has raised more than $4.5 million in contributions of more than $5,000. That includes a $50,000 donation from Kloss.

She said that the initiative can find support with a wide range of voters — pointing specificallyto polling from SLU/YouGov that showed more than 20% of Republican respondents backed the initiative.

“They see this as a human issue,” Kloss said. “And also, the fact is that the trigger ban that went into effect had no exceptions, which to me is just unacceptable.”

Kloss was referring to how Missouri’s abortion ban that went into effect in June 2022 contained no exceptions for anyone who became pregnant due to rape or incest.

If organizers get roughly 171,000 signatures all over the state, the amendment legalizing abortion could go before voters in either August or November. It’s part of a trend in other states, including Arizona and Florida, of trying to use the initiative petition process to enshrine abortion rights.

Backers have until May 5 to turn in signatures.

Kloss said there’s a reason for people everywhere to care about what’s happening in Missouri and other states with strict abortion bans.

“To me this issue is about dignity,” Kloss said. “It's about respect and an individual's bodily autonomy to decide what is right for them in their life at whatever time they need to be making that choice. And so this ban, I believe, we have a chance to overturn.”

While in town Monday, Kloss participated in a ceremony officially naming a portion of Washington Avenue after her.

Sinbound- Chapter 2

Summary: Eddie and Y/n have a conversation about a certain topic; Alex notices her dad is down all the time so she comes up with a idea to cheer him up.

Series Masterlist

I was sitting at the dining room table, helping the kids with homework when Eddie walked in. I looked at the time and noticed it was 8pm. “Jesus, I lost track of time. I didn’t even start dinner.”

“Looks like it’s a pizza party night.” Eddie replied. The kids shot up with glee and went to their rooms to finish their homework there since Eddie and I usually talk for a few minutes when he gets home. 

“I’m so sorry honey. Thanks to this little one,” I gestured to my growing stomach. “It’s like I don’t have enough time in the day. I think I spent an hour looking for my phone while it was in my hand.”

“Aww, poor thing.” He knelt down in front of my stomach to where he and the growing fetus were “face-to-face”. “Listen here, peanut. Mommy is a very important woman and making her go spacey will ruin a lot of lives. Including mine, so could you do me a solid and cut it out?” Eddie got back off the floor.

“Oh you definitely set peanut straight.” I teased, as I gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. “So how was work?”

“It was insane. You’ll never believe what happened.” He proclaimed.

“I never do.” I joked.

“This guy’s wife was having an affair with the neighbor, right?” I nodded along to his words. “Since the guy had cameras everywhere they had to have a secret tunnel under the ground.”

“Wow.” I replied in disbelief. 

“That’s not even the worst part. So the guy finds out and tries to kill the guy. I mean shrapnell, bombs, the whole shebang. Crazy isn’t it?”

“Yeah that’s insane.” I turned to get a bottle of water from the fridge and handed Eddie a beer. “I get it though.”

“What? Killing someone over cheating?” Eddie questioned.

“What, no! Well, not trying to kill someone but I get his reaction. I mean all that time and effort. Thinking someone loves you and next thing you know they are banging the neighbor through a secret tunnel. A divorce lawyer would have been the way to go though.” I looked over at Eddie and noticed his expression. “What?”

“Nothing, it’s just I wouldn’t think that of you.”

“Oh please. Cheating is a no-no, isn’t that right peanut.” I said, as I rubbed the now sleeping baby. “Once you cheat you’re out. No more chances in my book.”

“Really?” He asked, perplexed.

“Why? Thinking of cheating Diaz?” I teased. 

“Me? Oh please. I’m a one woman kind of man.” He wrapped his arms around me.

“Well, you did kiss me when dating Ana.” I looked up at Eddie and saw him stumbling for words.

“That was different. Plus, it was just a kiss.” 

“Yeah. Well, try not to kiss anyone else.”

“I don’t know, I am pretty cute. I have to fight them off everyday and it’s getting harder and harder, I mean…:” I cut him off by elbowing him in the side. “I’m serious, they come in swarms.”

“Let’s go peanut. We got the whole bed to ourselves tonight.” I said walking out of the dining area. “Daddy’s sleeping on the couch.”

“Oh come on I was just kidding.” I didn’t even send him a glance and continued to walk to our room. “Baby, come back. I was joking.” I heard Eddie following behind me. “You think we got time before the pizza comes for me to make it up to you?” He said, peppering kisses down my neck and wrapping his arms around my midsection.

“You better hope so, Diaz.” I joked, shutting the door behind us. 

The next day, I was walking into the dining room when I saw Alex looking upset. “Honey, what’s wrong?”  I questioned.

“Dad.”

“What about dad? Did something happen?”

“He’s been so sad lately. It’s like he’s this walking ghost or something. I just wish we could do something to cheer him up.”

“I can try talking to him if you want.”

“No, Eddie said he tried that.”

“Wait, you talked to Eddie about this?”

“Yeah, I wanted to see if he knew what was wrong. He said Dad lost someone at work.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that.”

“Wait, I have an idea. We can throw him a surprise party.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know. For his birthday?”

“His birthday is in June sweetie. It’s the middle of October.”

“A late birthday party then.”

“I don’t know hun.”

“Mom, please. I think it’ll help him.”

“Find, but it won’t be a big thing. Just the family.”

“Okay.”

Planning a party is easier said than done, believe it or not. It took me three days to plan this party and to work around their work schedule. Finally we landed on a date and the party was finalized. Eddie was tasked with keeping Buck away from the house (aka the kids) long enough for everyone to arrive and the party to be set up. After a while, Eddie texted me and told me they were on their way back to our house. Everyone got in position and then we heard Buck and Eddie walking in. 

“You see my point right Eddie? Why offer double and then after adding it tell me it’s extra? Like, that was so…” Everyone jumped out and shouted surprise before he could finish his thought. “What the hell?” Buck yelled.

I blew the party horn I had in my mouth. “Happy belated or premature birthday party. I haven’t decided yet.” 

Buck’s expression quickly went from shock to a smirk. “You planned this?”

“Oh course. It was Alex’s idea though. She said you were feeling down lately.”

“Is that all she said?”

“No, she also said you lost someone in the field. Why?” I asked, confused. “Is there more to it?” 

“Of course not.” I could tell he wasn’t being truthful but Eddie came behind us and grabbed Buck.

“Come on, guest of honor, we got some partying to do.” He quickly gave me a kiss on the cheek and carried Buck towards a group of friends.

Some time passed and my social battery needed to recharge for a while. I was sitting on the front porch when the door opened and out walked Buck. “Hey, what are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be enjoying your party?”

“I could ask you the same thing, considering you planned it.”

“I’m pregnant. What’s your excuse?”

“Not as good as yours but my social battery gave out.”

I let out a chuckle. “Yeah, mine too. Here come sit.” I patted the seat next to me. He sat down beside me. “So what’s really been going on with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I think it’s more than just losing someone in the field. Is it the whole Taylor thing?”

“No. That was ages ago and I’m over it.”

“Buck, it was 3 months ago. You’re allowed to be upset.”

“I know but honestly, I’m not. I think it’s more of the idea of me being alone.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean not having anyone when I’m old and gray.” He proclaimed.

“You’ll have Alex, Christopher, Eddie, Me, and this little peanut growing in my stomach right now. We’re a family and we’ll always be here for you.”

“You say that now but years down the line who knows.”

“I know, Evan.” I turned towards him.

“You used my given name, I’m in trouble.”

“I’m serious, Buck. Nothing that happens between us would ever make you become not a part of my life. You’re the father of my first born and I will always love you.” 

“I love you too, Y/n.” Buck said with a smile. We continued to sit there just rambling on about stuff when Buck turned to me. “It’s a little cold don’t you think? Should you be out here in your condition?”

“You make it sound like I’m dying. I’m pregnant, not terminally ill. Plus, this is nothing. Imagine being pregnant in Hershey. THAT was cold. It’s chilly though.” I said, rubbing my arms for a little warmth. 

“Here.” Buck took his jacket off and wrapped it around my arms. “How’s that?”

“It’s better. But,” I closed the gap between us, and layed on Buck’s shoulder. “That’s better.” Buck draped his arm over me and we sat there in a comfortable silence. He was definitely rubbing  my stomach absentmindedly but I didn’t mind. The baby seemed to calm down around Buck. Later on, Alex came out to get the both of us claiming it was time to cut the cake and we made our way back into the house. Tonight was a great night.

Buck and Y/n are getting closer, how cute! The next chapter will make you Buck girls swoon and you Eddie girls fume. I basically did a whole book for Eddie last time so maybe it’s Buck’s turn, who knows?

As the Supreme Court anticipated when it overturned Roe v. Wade, the battle over abortion rights is now being waged state by state. Nowhere is the fight more intense than in Ohio, which has long been considered a national bellwether. The state helped secure the Presidential victories of Barack Obama in 2008 and 2012, then went for Donald Trump in 2016 and 2020. Its residents tend to be politically moderate, and polls consistently show that a majority of Ohio voters support legal access to abortion, particularly for victims of rape and incest. Yet, as the recent ordeal of a pregnant ten-year-old rape victim has illustrated, Ohio’s state legislature has become radically out of synch with its constituents. In June, the state’s General Assembly instituted an abortion ban so extreme that the girl was forced to travel to Indiana to terminate her pregnancy. In early July, Dr. Caitlin Bernard, the Indiana obstetrician who treated the child, told me that she had a message for Ohio’s legislature: “This is your fault!”

Longtime Ohio politicians have been shocked by the state’s transformation into a center of extremist legislation, not just on abortion but on such divisive issues as guns and transgender rights. Ted Strickland, a Democrat who served as governor between 2007 and 2011, told me, “The legislature is as barbaric, primitive, and Neanderthal as any in the country. It’s really troubling.” When he was governor, he recalled, the two parties worked reasonably well together, but politics in Ohio “has changed.” The story is similar in several other states with reputations for being moderate, such as Wisconsin and Pennsylvania: their legislatures have also begun proposing laws so far to the right that they could never be passed in the U.S. Congress.

Ohio’s law prohibits abortion after six weeks—or even earlier, if doctors can detect fetal cardiac activity—unless the mother is at risk of death or serious permanent injury. Dr. Bernard noted that the bill’s opponents had warned about the proposed restrictions’ potential effect on underage rape victims. “It was literally a hypothetical that was discussed,” she told me. Indeed, at a hearing on April 27th, a Democrat in the Ohio House, Richard Brown, declared that if a thirteen-year-old girl “was raped by a serial rapist . . . this bill would require this thirteen-year-old to carry this felon’s fetus.”

The bill’s chief sponsor, State Representative Jean Schmidt, is an archconservative Republican who represents a district east of Cincinnati. At the hearing, she responded to Brown by arguing that the birth of a rapist’s baby would be “an opportunity.” She explained, “If a baby is created, it is a human life. . . . It is a shame that it happens. But there’s an opportunity for that woman, no matter how young or old she is, to make a determination about what she’s going to do to help that life be a productive human being.” The rapist’s offspring, she suggested, could grow up to “cure cancer.” Her remarks were deemed so outlandish that they were denounced everywhere from the Guardian to the New York Post.

According to David Niven, a political-science professor at the University of Cincinnati, a 2020 survey indicated that less than fourteen per cent of Ohioans support banning all abortions without exceptions for rape and incest. And a 2019 Quinnipiac University poll showed that only thirty-nine per cent of Ohio voters supported the kind of “heartbeat” law that the legislature passed. But the Democrats in the Ohio legislature had no way to mount resistance: since 2012, the Republicans have had a veto-proof super-majority in both chambers. The Democratic state representative Beth Liston, a pediatrician and an internist in Ohio, who voted against the bill, told me, “Doctors are going to be afraid of providing ordinary care. Women are going to die.”

In a referendum on August 2nd, Kansas voters strongly rejected an abortion ban, indicating that even voters in deep-red states—when given the chance to express themselves—oppose radical curtailments of reproductive rights. Yet Ohio voters have had no such recourse, and the General Assembly is poised to pass even more repressive restrictions on abortion when it returns from a summer recess. State Representative Gary Click—a pastor at the Fremont Baptist Temple and a Republican who serves the Sandusky area—has proposed a “Personhood Act,” which would prohibit any interference with embryonic development from the moment of conception, unless the mother’s life is endangered. If the bill passes, it could outlaw many kinds of contraception, not to mention various practices commonly used during in-vitro fertilization. In an e-mail, Click told me that “the ultimate question that needs to be answered” is “When does life begin?” He added, “I believe the answer to that question is self-evident.” Click is a graduate of an unaccredited Christian school in Michigan, Midwestern Baptist College, whose Web site says that “civil government is of divine appointment” and must be obeyed “except in things opposed to ‘the will of our Lord Jesus Christ.’ ”

Click acknowledged that the story of the ten-year-old rape victim is discomfiting, adding that “we all have a visceral reaction” to such a scenario, “regardless of one’s political leaning.” But the news had not made him question his position; rather, he questioned the girl’s story, calling it “suspicious,” and noting that the incident “fit too neatly” with the pro-choice agenda. (According to law-enforcement authorities, a twenty-seven-year-old Ohio man confessed to twice raping the girl when she was nine. He has since pleaded not guilty.) Click also echoed an argument made by Ohio’s Republican attorney general, Dave Yost, who claimed that the ten-year-old—“if she exists”—would have qualified for the new statute’s medical-emergency exception. This assertion, however, has been disputed by various doctors, including State Representative Liston. “I don’t know the child’s health condition,” she acknowledged to me. “But it’s hard to say that simply because she is young she would meet the requirement of risk as defined by the new law.” Mortality rates are generally higher for pregnant girls who are younger than fifteen, but, Liston said, “there’s nothing in the law that states that age is a sufficient exception.”

Click, who is a close ally of the Republican congressman Jim Jordan, is one of Ohio’s most extreme legislators, but he’s hardly out of place among the General Assembly’s increasingly radical Republican majority. Niven, the University of Cincinnati professor, told me that, according to one study, the laws being passed by Ohio’s statehouse place it to the right of the deeply conservative legislature in South Carolina. How did this happen, given that most Ohio voters are not ultra-conservatives? “It’s all about gerrymandering,” Niven told me. The legislative-district maps in Ohio have been deliberately drawn so that many Republicans effectively cannot lose, all but insuring that the Party has a veto-proof super-majority. As a result, the only contests most Republican incumbents need worry about are the primaries—and, because hard-core partisans dominate the vote in those contests, the sole threat most Republican incumbents face is the possibility of being outflanked by a rival even farther to the right. The national press has devoted considerable attention to the gerrymandering of congressional districts, but state legislative districts have received much less scrutiny, even though they are every bit as skewed, and in some states far more so. “Ohio is about the second most gerrymandered statehouse in the country,” Niven told me. “It doesn’t have a voter base to support a total abortion ban, yet that’s a likely outcome.” He concluded, “Ohio has become the Hindenburg of democracy.”

Three days before the Supreme Court overturned Roe, I went to a luncheonette in Columbus, Ohio, to meet with David Pepper, an election-law professor, a novelist, a onetime Cincinnati city councilman, and a former chairman of the state’s Democratic Party. Pepper, who is fifty-one, looked boyish and preppy in a polo shirt. He had recently become a small phenomenon on Twitter, having posted videos in which he delivered impassioned short lectures, punctuated with frantic scribbles on a whiteboard, about the growing crisis of democracy in America’s state legislatures. When he attended Yale Law School, in the nineties, his geniality and Buckeye boosterism had led his classmates to name him the Most Likely to Be President of the Cincinnati Board of Tourism, but he spoke to me with an almost desperate alarmism.

Last year, Pepper wrote a book, “Laboratories of Autocracy,” whose title offers a grim spin on a famous statement, attributed to the Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis, calling America’s state legislatures “laboratories of democracy.” The subtitle of Pepper’s book, “A Wake-Up Call from Behind the Lines,” is a bit more hopeful. He is determined to get the Democratic political establishment to stop lavishing almost all its money and attention on U.S. House, Senate, and gubernatorial races (say, the current Senate race in Ohio between Tim Ryan and J. D. Vance) and to focus more energy on what he sees as a greater emergency: the collapse of representative democracy in one statehouse after another.

Pepper understands that few Americans share his obsession. “No one knows anything about statehouses,” he said. “They can’t even name their state representatives. And it’s getting worse every year, since the local media’s dying and the statehouse bureaus are being hollowed out.” Columbus has an unusually strong press corps, but it is an exception. And it is precisely because so few Americans pay attention to state politics that the legislatures have become ideal arenas for manipulation by extremists and special interests—who often work in tandem. “I’m banging my head against the wall,” Pepper told me. With a nod to the political consultant James Carville, he added, “My God, Democrats, don’t you see it? It’s the statehouse, stupid! That’s where the attack is happening!”

Pepper scoffed at recent claims, made by conservative Justices on the U.S. Supreme Court, that the state legislatures are more suited than the judiciary to adjudicate the divisive issue of abortion. In Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization, the case that overturned Roe, Brett Kavanaugh issued a concurring opinion in which he argued that the Court was merely restoring “the people’s authority to address the issue of abortion through the processes of democratic self-government.” Pepper said of Kavanaugh’s concurrence, “It’s so disingenuous—total gaslighting. Many statehouses no longer have representative democracy. Because they’ve been gerrymandered, they don’t reflect the will of the people.”

With Trump, he believes, the situation became a lot worse—the former President “made people a little more willing to be lawless, and he gave oxygen to white supremacy.” But Pepper thinks that “people make a huge mistake when they equate the attack on democracy entirely with him.” In his view, Democrats, including President Joe Biden, who have portrayed Trump as a singular aberration are failing to see that “the Republican attack on democracy preceded him”—and that “if Trump was locked up tomorrow it would continue.”

The shift began, Pepper believes, with the shock of Obama’s 2008 victory. The election of the country’s first Black President provoked a racial and cultural backlash, and many Republican officials panicked that their party, which was overwhelmingly white, was facing a demographic demise. Swept out of power in Washington, the Republican Party’s smartest operatives decided to exploit the only opening they could find: the possibility of capturing state legislatures in the 2010 midterm elections. They knew that, in 2011, many congressional and local legislative districts would be redrawn based on data from the 2010 census—a process that occurs only once a decade. If Republicans reshaped enough districts, they could hugely advantage conservative candidates, even if many of the Party’s policies were unpopular.

In 2010, the Supreme Court issued its controversial Citizens United decision, which allowed dark money to flood American politics. Donors, many undisclosed, soon funnelled thirty million dollars into the Republicans’ redistricting project, called redmap, and the result was an astonishing success: the Party picked up nearly seven hundred legislative seats, and won the power to redraw the maps for four times as many districts as the Democrats.

Gerrymandering the shapes of districts to create safe seats is an old trick that has been used by both sides in American politics. I recently spoke with Jonathan Jakubowski, the chairman of the Republican Party in Wood County, Ohio, and the author of “Bellwether Blues: A Conservative Awakening of the Millennial Soul,” and he emphasized that, in the nineteen-eighties, it was the Democrats who gerrymandered the state’s districts. “We’re all equal-opportunity offenders,” he said. But the redmap project—powered by advances in digital mapping and by billionaire donors such as the fossil-fuel magnates Charles and David Koch—took electoral distortion to a new level. And Ohio, which had become one of the most fiercely fought battleground states in Presidential politics, was subjected to an especially tortured dissection.

The journalist David Daley tells the story of redmap in his 2016 book, “Ratf **ked.” By 2012, he writes, the Republicans’ plan had already begun to pay off handsomely: even though Obama was reëlected in Ohio that year, by three percentage points, and Sherrod Brown, a progressive Democrat, was easily reëlected to the Senate, Republicans had a resounding triumph in the state legislature. They won a 60–39 super-majority in the House.

The Ohio statehouse has grown only more lopsided in the past decade. Currently, the Republican members have a 64–35 advantage in the House and a 25–8 advantage in the Senate. This veto-proof majority makes the Republican leaders of both chambers arguably the most powerful officeholders in the state—and they proved it when they undermined Governor Mike DeWine’s initial public-health-minded approach to the COVID-19 pandemic. DeWine is a Republican, yet he was a leader in imposing such emergency health orders as mask mandates and the closing of schools and businesses. Ohio voters had widely supported these measures. But anti-vaccine and anti-mask extremists in the statehouse passed a law stripping the Governor and his health director of the authority to issue such orders. (One Republican lawmaker, a doctor, suggested that “the colored population” was more vulnerable to COVID-19 because “they do not wash their hands as well as other groups.” The lawmaker was subsequently named the chairman of the Ohio Senate’s health committee.) Since the legislature’s rebellion, DeWine—once regarded as a centrist conservative—has increasingly capitulated to his party’s radical base, on public-health policy and much else. (Reached for comment, a spokesperson for the Governor said that “we disagree with that sentiment.”) Daley told me that the redmap campaign “took a state that was slightly red and gave it a hue more like Elizabeth Taylor’s lipstick,” adding, “The upshot has been some of the most far-right, noxious, pay-for-play politics we’ve seen over the last decade. That’s what gerrymandering enables. When voters lose the ability to throw the rascals out, the rascals do whatever they please.”

Matt Huffman, the influential president of the Ohio Senate, recently said as much himself. Speaking in May to the Columbus Dispatch about the Republicans’ super-majority, he said, “We can kind of do what we want.”

For Pepper, the state’s transformation has been crushing. He has watched the reputation of Ohio’s public-school system slide as Republicans have siphoned off public funding to support failing, politically connected charter schools. In 2010, Education Week ranked the state’s schooling as the fifth best in the country; in 2021, U.S. News & World Report ranked it thirty-first. Last year, F.B.I. agents told USA Today that public-corruption cases in Ohio were the most egregious in the country. In the past five years, the state has had five speakers of the House, because two were forced out as a result of the biggest bribery scandals in Ohio’s history. Larry Householder, who was removed from office in July, 2020, is scheduled to be tried on federal racketeering charges this coming January.

This wasn’t the path that Pepper had foreseen for his state. A native of Cincinnati, he grew up in a relatively apolitical, upwardly mobile household: his father climbed the ranks at one of Ohio’s largest companies, Procter & Gamble, ultimately becoming its chairman. After Pepper graduated from Yale Law School, he returned to Cincinnati and clerked for Nathaniel R. Jones, a Black federal judge, who ignited in him an interest in public service. In 2001, Pepper ran for the city council, and to everyone’s surprise he won, partly owing to a catchy slogan: “Just Add Pepper.” After two terms in office, he moved up to the county commission, eventually presiding over it, and in 2010 he was recruited by the state’s Democratic governor, Strickland, to run for auditor, a statewide office. At the time, the auditor was one of five state officials on a commission overseeing the redistricting process, and could therefore act as an effective curb against gerrymandering. On the campaign trail, Pepper recalls, “I was running around, talking about gerrymandering, and no one knew what the hell I was talking about.” Meanwhile, his opponent was getting a torrent of suspicious contributions from people who worked for out-of-state energy companies—many of which, Pepper deduced, had ties to the controversial coal baron Bob Murray, the chief executive officer of Murray Energy, an Ohio-based company. Such donations initially made little sense to Pepper—the auditor’s role had nothing to do with coal mines—until he discovered that redmap had targeted his state, and that his candidacy stood in the project’s way. He lost the race. In 2014, he made a second bid for statewide office, running this time for Ohio attorney general. Again, he was defeated. In 2015, he became the chairman of the state’s Democratic Party, a position that he stepped down from at the end of 2020.

Pepper had become consumed by the problem of gerrymandering, but the subject drew only blank stares from Democratic Party officials. To counter this apathy, he told me, he decided “to write a novel about gerrymandering—which, of course, is a horrible idea.” In the book, “The People’s House,” a Russian oligarch modelled on Vladimir Putin rigs an American election after figuring out that, thanks to gerrymandering, he needs only to flip a few dozen swing districts. The book appeared in the summer of 2016, when Putin’s clandestine efforts on behalf of Trump were making headlines; Politico called the book “the thriller that predicted the Russia scandal.” Pepper was pleased about the media attention, but he was disappointed that more people didn’t focus on the novel’s message: “how bad gerrymandering is.” With evident frustration, he told me that media and political insiders prefer “to talk about politics in terms of personalities.”

A recent study by the Institute for Research and Education on Human Rights, a nonpartisan nonprofit, documents how deeply right-wing extremism has infiltrated U.S. statehouses. Of the 7,383 people who served in state legislatures in the 2021-22 session, eight hundred and seventy-five had joined far-right Facebook groups. (All but three were Republicans.) The study describes the fringe beliefs that many of these members shared, including “the idea that Christians constitute a core of the American citizenry and/or that government and public policies should be reshaped to reflect that.” A group promoting this view, the Ohio Christian Alliance, counts eleven Ohio state legislators among its Facebook members, including Gary Click. Last year, the organization helped block a bill, the Ohio Fairness Act, that would have barred housing and employment discrimination against the L.G.B.T.Q. community.

State Representative Casey Weinstein, a second-term Democrat from a suburban swing district between Akron and Cleveland, and one of the General Assembly’s two Jewish members, told me that he’s recently become “really concerned” about a new level of extremism. On January 23, 2022, a protest outside his house shattered a peaceful Sunday afternoon with his wife and young children. Some thirty vehicles blocked the entrance to his driveway; one had a flag bearing the message “Kneel for the Cross.” Weinstein told me, “I thought it was a Trump group, but it turned out to be a church, Liberty Valley, near Macedonia, Ohio. Some of these churches are militant, and some are basically militias operating under the guise of religion. They’re weaponizing religion into a power grab.” He went on, “So, I’m the Jew, and they came to my house to try to intimidate me and my family. That’s what’s happening, and where this is going.”

Weinstein became further alarmed this past March, when Republicans in the statehouse pushed legislation prohibiting public-school teachers from teaching “divisive concepts.” The bill, aimed at censoring class discussions of critical race theory—which was never part of the Ohio public-school curriculum to begin with—threatened teachers with suspension unless they neutrally instructed students about “both sides of a political or ideological belief.” When Morgan Trau, an enterprising statehouse reporter for a television station in Cleveland, pressed one of the bill’s co-sponsors, Sarah Fowler Arthur, for details, the lawmaker provoked an uproar by offering the Holocaust as an example of a topic that required a “both sides” approach. “You should talk about these atrocities that have happened in history, but you also do have an obligation to point out the value that each individual brings to the table,” Fowler Arthur said, adding that students should consider the Holocaust “from the perspective of a German soldier.” As Fowler Arthur went on, she seemed to misunderstand both the scope and the nature of the Holocaust, referring to it as an event in which “hundreds of thousands,” rather than six million, Jews were killed, and suggesting that victims were murdered “for having a different color of skin.” Weinstein and other Jewish leaders in Ohio vociferously denounced what came to be known as the Both Sides of the Holocaust Bill. “That was enough for me,” Weinstein told me. “What unique value did the German Nazis bring to the table?” He noted that Fowler Arthur, who sits on the Ohio House’s Primary and Secondary Education Committee, “was homeschooled her entire life, has never set foot in a public school, and elected not to go to college.” Weinstein added, “There’s nothing wrong with that, until she starts censoring what can and cannot be taught in public schools.” (Fowler Arthur declined to comment.)

The real intent behind attacking public-school curricula, Weinstein believes, was to “fire up the Republican base” about the teaching of slavery, the Civil War, and the civil-rights movement—in other words, to get out the conservative vote by inflaming the racial grievances of white Ohioans. The “divisive concepts” bill championed by Fowler Arthur opposes teaching any reading of American history suggesting that “the United States and its institutions are systemically racist.”

Pepper noted that the efforts to control the curriculum in Ohio are “very similar to the meltdown in democracy in other places.” Like Russia’s attempts to censor what is taught to students about Ukraine, he said, the legislation promoted by Fowler Arthur represents an attempt to put forth a sanitized view of history—in this case, “to ban teaching parts of our history that cast a bad light on white America.” Pepper asked me, “If this was happening in another country, what would you say? You’d say, ‘Oh, my gosh—your democracy is under attack!’ Well, it’s happening in Columbus.” Indeed, he warned, it’s happening in state capitols across the country.

Ohio Republicans put the “divisive concepts” bill on hold after the idea of teaching neutrally about the Holocaust provoked national condemnation. But Ohio’s General Assembly otherwise proceeded at a breakneck pace this past spring—debating a bill enabling the inspection of the genitals of transgender student athletes, and passing a raft of legislation about guns. Many of these new laws were so extreme that they inspired fierce protests from Ohio residents.

A 2018 poll conducted by Baldwin Wallace University, in Berea, Ohio, showed that Ohioans, by clear majorities ranging from sixty-one to seventy-five per cent, wanted the state legislature to enact new gun-control laws: banning high-powered semi-automatic rifles, including the AR-15; banning extended ammunition magazines; banning bump stocks that, in effect, make semi-automatic rifles automatic; enacting a mandatory waiting period for gun purchases; raising the minimum age to buy semi-automatic rifles from eighteen to twenty-one. But no such measures were passed. Instead, the state legislature has turned Ohio into a so-called “stand your ground” state, where it is legal for residents to kill a trespasser without first attempting to de-escalate the situation. Lawmakers also passed a bill that allows Ohioans aged twenty-one or older to carry concealed handguns virtually anywhere, without first obtaining a permit or undergoing a background check and firearms training. In response to the school massacre in Uvalde, Texas, the Ohio General Assembly rushed through a law that enables any school board to arm teachers and other staff—including cafeteria workers and bus drivers—after only minimal gun training. The legislation was written by a lawmaker who owns a business in tactical-firearms training, and the lawmaker’s business partner gave testimony in the Ohio Senate in support of the bill, which specified that armed school personnel needed only twenty-four hours of firearms training. (Law-enforcement officers in Ohio must undergo some seven hundred hours of training.) The bill was so extreme that it was denounced in hearings by more than three hundred and fifty speakers—including representatives of the Ohio Federation of Teachers and of the state’s largest police organization, the Fraternal Order of Police of Ohio.

In an interview, Michael Weinman, the head of government affairs for the Ohio chapter of the Fraternal Order of Police, which represents some twenty-four thousand law-enforcement officers, described the new gun laws as “dangerous” and “insane.” Thanks to the legislation, he explained, “anyone can come into Ohio and carry a concealed firearm,” and need not mention having the gun if stopped by law enforcement. Weinman pointed out that the law about arming school employees contains no provision requiring that lethal weapons be locked safely, adding, “Can you imagine a kindergarten student sitting down to be read to, and there’s a gun in the kid’s face?” He noted that, other than teachers, most employees of a school “haven’t been taught how to discipline people—and most school shooters are students.” Melissa Cropper, the president of the Ohio Federation of Teachers, told me, “It’s unbelievable. The more guns you have in schools, the more accidents and deaths can happen, especially with such minimal training.” She added, “We are every bit as bad as Texas and Florida when it comes to these laws. We are becoming more and more extreme.”

Weinman said that the rightward turn on guns in Ohio has been driven, in no small part, by “very aggressive gun groups,” some of which profit from extremism by stoking fear. This helps to sell memberships and to expand valuable mailing lists. “These groups are very confrontational,” Weinman said. He recently testified in the Ohio General Assembly against loosening state gun laws; afterward, he told me, Chris Dorr, the head of a particularly militant group called Ohio Gun Owners, chased him out of the room and down a hallway, demanding that he be fired. In an online post, Dorr, who maintains that the National Rifle Association is too soft in its defense of gun rights, posted a closeup shot of Weinman with the caption “remember this face,” adding in another post that Weinman is “the most aggressive gun-rights hater in Ohio.” Dorr and his two brothers, Ben and Aaron, operate affiliated gun groups around the country, which share the slogan “No Compromise.” During the pandemic, the Dorrs’ groups expanded into other vehemently anti-government causes, and helped lead anti-mask and anti-vax protests. Niven, the political scientist, said that the Dorrs “cultivate relationships with the hardest-right members of the state legislature, and can get their bills heard.” Ninety per cent of Ohio voters favor universal background checks for people trying to buy guns, Niven noted, “but the Democrats can’t get a hearing.”

Teresa Fedor, a Democratic state senator who has served in the General Assembly for twenty-two years, described Ohio’s new gun and abortion laws as the worst legislation that she has ever witnessed being passed. She told me, “It feels like Gilead”—the fictional theocracy in Margaret Atwood’s novel “The Handmaid’s Tale.” Fedor added, “We’ve got state-mandated pregnancies, even of a ten-year-old.”

The issue is personal to her. Fedor, a grandmother, is a former teacher; in her twenties, when she was serving in the military, she was raped. She had an abortion. Fedor was a divorced single mother at the time, trying to earn a teaching degree. “I thought my life was going to be over,” she said. “But abortion was accessible, and it was a way back. To me, that choice meant I’d be able to have a future. I feel like I made it to the other side, and have the life I dreamed of as a little girl, because I had that choice.” Without the freedom to have an abortion, she said, “I wouldn’t be a state senator today.”

In 2015, during a floor debate over abortion policy, Fedor testified about her experience. As she was speaking, she was enraged to notice that another lawmaker, who opposed her view, was chuckling. She said that Republicans who serve in districts that have been engineered to be impervious to voters are “just not listening to the public, period—there’s no need to.” Many of the most extreme bills, Fedor believes, have been written not by the legislators themselves but by local and national right-wing pressure groups, which can raise dark money and turn out primary voters in force. Nationally, the most influential such group is the American Legislative Exchange Council, an organization that essentially outsources the drafting of laws to self-interested businesses. In Ohio, Fedor told me, it is often extreme religious groups that exert undue influence. She then noted that one such organization is about to have “an office right across from the statehouse chamber.”

Facing Ohio’s Greek Revival statehouse is a vacant six-story building that is slated to become the new headquarters of the Center for Christian Virtue, a once obscure nonprofit that an anti-pornography advocate founded four decades ago, in the basement of a Cincinnati church. In 2015 and 2016, the left-leaning Southern Poverty Law Center classified the organization as a hate group, citing homophobic statements on its Web site that described “homosexual behavior” as “unhealthy and destructive to the individual” and “to society as a whole.” The group subsequently deleted the offending statements, and, according to the Columbus Dispatch, it has recently evolved into “the state’s premier lobbying force on Christian conservative issues.” In the past five years, its full-time staff has expanded from two to thirteen, and its annual budget has risen from four hundred thousand dollars to $1.2 million. The group’s president, Aaron Baer, told me that the new headquarters—the group bought the building for $1.25 million last year, and plans to spend an additional $3.75 million renovating it—is very much meant to send a signal. “The message is that we’re going to be in this for the long haul,” Baer said. “We’re going to have a voice on the direction of the state—and the nation, God willing.”

The center already commands unusual influence. E-mails obtained by a watchdog group, Campaign for Accountability, show that Baer has been in regular contact with Governor DeWine’s office about an array of policies. The center’s board of directors includes two of the state’s biggest Republican donors, one of whom, the corporate lobbyist David Myhal, previously served as DeWine’s chief fund-raiser. A third director, Tom Minnery, who has served as the center’s board chair, is a chairman emeritus of the Alliance Defending Freedom, a powerful national legal organization that was created as the religious right’s answer to the American Civil Liberties Union. And, until earlier this year, a fourth director at the center was Seth Morgan, who is currently the vice-chairman of the A.D.F.

The most recently available I.R.S. records show that the center and the A.D.F. share several funding sources—notably, the huge, opaque National Christian Foundation—and have amplified each other’s messages. In April, the center celebrated the A.D.F.’s legal defense of an Ohio college professor who refused to use a student’s preferred pronouns. In addition, the center works in concert with about a hundred and thirty Catholic and evangelical schools, twenty-two hundred churches, and what it calls a Christian Chamber of Commerce of aligned businesses. Jake Grumbach, a political scientist specializing in state government who teaches at the University of Washington, told me that the center illustrates what political scientists are calling the “nationalization of local politics.”

The Center for Christian Virtue appears to be the true sponsor of some of Ohio’s most extreme right-wing bills. Gary Click, the Sandusky-area pastor serving in the Ohio House, acknowledged to me that the group had prompted him to introduce a bill opposing gender-affirming care for transgender youths, regardless of parental consent. The center, in essence, handed Click the wording for the legislation. Click confirmed to me that the center “is very proactive on Cap Square”—the Ohio capitol—adding, “All legislators are aware of their presence.” Click’s transgender bill isn’t yet law, but a related bill, also promoted by the center, has passed in the Ohio House. It stipulates that any student on a girls’ sports team participating in interscholastic conferences must have been born with female genitals. The legislation also calls for genital inspections. Niven observed that “many anti-trans sports bills were percolating” in Republican-ruled statehouses, but “leave it to Ohio to pass a provision for mandatory genital inspection if anyone questions their gender.” He went on, “That’s gerrymandering. You can’t say ‘Show me your daughter’ and stay in office unless you have unlosable districts.”

In a phone interview, Baer told me that his mother and father, who divorced, were Jewish Democrats. But his father converted to Christianity, and became a Baptist pastor. After a rocky adolescence, Baer himself converted to a more conservative form of evangelical Christianity. He told me that the only “real hope for our nation is in Jesus, but we need safeguards in the law.” He described gender-confirming health care for transgender patients as “mutilation.” Baer believes that the Supreme Court should overturn the legalization of same-sex marriage, and he opposes the use of surrogate pregnancy, which he called “renting a womb,” because it “permanently separates the children from their biological mothers.” He supports the Personhood Act—State Representative Click’s proposal to ban abortions at conception. As for Ohio’s much publicized ten-year-old rape victim, Baer told me that the girl would have been better off having her rapist’s baby and raising it, too, because a “child will always do best with the biological mother.”

“Even if the mother is in grade school?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said.

Baer is untroubled by the notion that gerrymandering has enabled minority rule. “I think the polls that matter are the polls of the folks turning out to vote,” he said.

The vast majority of Ohio residents clearly want legislative districts that are drawn more fairly. By 2015, the state’s gerrymandering problem had become so notorious that seventy-one per cent of Ohioans voted to pass an amendment to the state constitution demanding reforms. As a result, the Ohio constitution now requires that districts be shaped so that the makeup of the General Assembly is proportional to the political makeup of the state. In 2018, an even larger bipartisan majority—seventy-five per cent of Ohio voters—passed a similar resolution for the state’s congressional districts.

Though these reforms were democratically enacted, the voters’ will has thus far been ignored. Allison Russo, the minority leader in the House, who is one of two Democratic members of the seven-person redistricting commission, told me, “I was optimistic at the beginning.” But, she explained, the Republican members drafted a new districting map in secret, and earlier this year they presented it to her and the other Democrat just hours before a deadline. The proposed districts were nowhere near proportional to the state’s political makeup. The Democrats argued that the Republicans had flagrantly violated the reforms that had been written into the state constitution.

This past spring, an extraordinary series of legal fights were playing out. The Ohio Supreme Court struck down the map—and then struck down four more, after the Republican majority on the redistricting commission continued submitting maps that defied the spirit of the court’s orders. The chief justice of the Ohio Supreme Court was herself a Republican. Russo told me, “If norms were being obeyed, we would expect that there would have been an effort to follow the first Ohio Supreme Court decision. But that simply didn’t happen.”

The Republicans’ antics lasted so long that they basically ran out the clock. Election deadlines were looming, and the makeup of Ohio’s districts still hadn’t been settled. “They contrived a crisis,” Russo told me. At that point, a group allied with the Republicans, Ohio Right to Life, urged a federal court to intervene, on the ground that the delay was imperilling the fair administration of upcoming elections. The decision was made by a panel of three federal judges—two of whom had been appointed by Trump. Over the strenuous objection of the third judge, the two Trump judges ruled in the group’s favor, allowing the 2022 elections to proceed with a map so rigged that Ohio’s top judicial body had rejected it as unconstitutional.

On Twitter, Bill Seitz, the majority leader of the Ohio House, jeered at his Democratic opponents: “Too bad so sad. We win again.” He continued, “Now I know it’s been a tough night for all you libs. Pour yourself a glass of warm milk and you will sleep better. The game is over and you lost.”

Ohio Democrats, including David Pepper, are outraged. “The most corrupt state in the country was told more than five times that it was violating the law, and then the federal court said it was O.K.,” he told me. “If you add up all the abnormalities, it’s a case study—we’re seeing the disintegration of the rule of law in Ohio. They intentionally created an illegal map, and are laughing about it.”

Russo likens the Republicans’ stunning contempt for the Ohio Supreme Court to the January 6th insurrection: “People are saying, ‘Where is the accountability when you disregard the rule of law and attack democracy?’ Because that’s what’s happening in the statehouses, and Ohio is a perfect example.”

Pepper has resorted to giving nightly Zoom lectures to small groups of Democratic activists and donors from across the country, in the hope of opening their eyes to what’s happening at the ground level in the statehouses. Meanwhile, he recently co-founded a group called Blue Ohio to fund even seemingly doomed races in deep-red local districts. Even if these Democratic candidates lose in 2022, he says, they will at least be making arguments that voters in many districts would never otherwise hear. “You can’t just abandon half the country to extremism,” he warns.

As Pepper sees it, Republicans understand clearly that, “if it were a level playing field, their positions would be too unpopular to win.” But “this is not a democracy to them anymore.”

He told me, “There are two sides in America, but they’re fighting different battles. The blue side thinks their views are largely popular and democracy is relatively stable—and that they just need better outcomes in federal elections. The focus is on winning swing states in national elections. The other side, though, knows that our democracy isn’t stable—that it can be subverted through the statehouses. Blue America needs to reshape everything it does for that much deeper battle. It’s not about one cycle. It’s a long game.” ♦

The other day I deleted the yearly calendar event marking my first college rape. I never needed it to exist anyway since the date is engrained in my memory.

November 12th.

Last night I had a nightmare where I was fighting off a bad guy a lot and was therefore kicking in my sleep. I woke up with my blankets everywhere and my dog was out of bed since it was so much kicking. My Fitbit showed that my heart rate went up super high in my sleep, too.

My dog can walk away. But my little fetus can’t. I always feel bad after a bad night. I have had at least 2 nights where I screamed in my sleep during this pregnancy. Most nights are relatively fine, and that’s what I need to remind myself. She will be fine.

There was a tiktok video that also triggered a bad memory about this rapist. The fact that he named his daughter after me. It’s just so disturbing. That is something I wish I never learned. It’s just so weird and freakish.

Pregnancy hormones all over the place. Super irritable today. Now this weird ptsd funk.

I seriously just need to shake it and think good thoughts for the baby’s sake. Hate when my brain spirals and doesn’t stop.

re: this post, would LOVE to hear your thoughts on middlemarch! i’m reading it with my book club while writing a 10-page final paper on trauma in dracula.

So it has been well over a year since I was really doing solid academic work on Middlemarch, so it--like the state of very recent Dracula scholarship--is something I'd admittedly more rusty at discussing it than I would care to admit. However, if you're curious about the big cool things that get me (and the Victorianist on my committee) excited about Middlemarch, here's the two major points of my chapter that I think are cool to know:

I am firmly of the belief that Tertius Lydgate should be read as a realist re-imagining of the protagonist of George Eliot's novella "The Lifted Veil" "which is a gothic tale about a depressive telepath, his terrible wife, and an inexplicable Victor Frankenstein knock off. I think that what is so tremendously tragic about him is that he--like Latimer--is gifted with tremendous powers of vision but cannot bring them into useful focus. Latimer and Lydgate can perceive interiors (be they psychic or anatomical) but do not act as men who have any real feel for other human beings' interiority, which is why Lydgate, for all his knowledge of organic tissue, cannot navigate the social organism of Middlemarch itself.

Patterns of natural collection and scientific paradigms in Middlemarch are important. George Eliot was a woman obsessed with natural collecting who loved each and every squishy marine worm she could coax into a bucket. Really. You should read her partner's accounts of their holidays collecting marine worms if you want to be bowled over by the most adorable irl couple of the nineteenth century. I believe that Lydgate's myopia as an anatomist is contrasted by Farebrother's perceptiveness as a naturalist, and I believe also that the moment where they meet and exchange specimens is prophetic. I don't know where you are in the novel, so I'll avoid major spoilers, but the thing I want everybody everywhere to know is that sea mice are marine worms of the genus aphrodita, which is name they got for their ostensibly yonic appearance and that marine worm girl George Eliot would absolutely know about. When Lydgate trades his sea mice to Farebrother for an anecephalic fetus he is trading a symbol of amatory love for a dead and incomplete child.

Hope that's enough Middlemarch thoughts to be of some interest! If nothing else, please appreciate knowing about George Eliot's passion for both telepathy and worms if you didn't know about it before.

ok i don't know much about yakuza but i gotta know for the choose violence ask game: 3, 8, 11, 16, 22, 24? (you can also do these about another fandom instead if you want, i just chose yakuza bc those are ur little guys)

HI AUSTIIINNN. forgive me this will get long

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

ohh my god theres been so many. but okay i will specifically pull up an example from the server i run. no screenshots cause the conversation was way too long but essentially yakuza has a massive misogyny problem with its female characters (of which there are. barely any). the conversation was specifically about the hostess mechanic, which is this minigame that appears in almost every game where you go to a hostess club and have a date there (a hostess club if ur unaware is basically softcore sex work its paying a woman to talk to you at a club). ofc nothing wrong with hostessing but people were specifically talking about how it was Kind Of Creepy that all the protags are like.... 40+ and all the hostesses / other female love interests are a lot younger.

and then this guy came in saying something along the lines of... if you criticise the way hostesses are objectified in yakuza then actually you hate women and sex workers and youre saying its not a real career .....? NO ONE WAS SAYING THAT. it was really one of those situations where the person was acting like these fictional female characters have their own agency to do sex work and flirt with older men ignoring completely the Old Men Writing The Series. they are not real people making their own decisions these are women written by men. it was bizarre. this guy also eventually said that if you criticise panty shots in anime youre racist or something because "japanese culture is like that" okay.

already answered 8 here! <3

just realised i completely got switched up on numbers and i already answered 11 and thought it was 10, so my answer for 11 is here but i will also answer 10 for @kasugas since i fucking. didnt.

10. worst part of fanon

majima woobification. and the worst part is its in the games now too like they straight up woobified him in kiwami and i cant STAND IITTTT. hes literally a yakuza boss he violently beats up his men he canonically married an 18 year old and hit her when she aborted their fetus hes not a good guy and i love when canon shows that. but then fanon is just like solely fucking majima everywhere characterisation of ooo hes just a silly little faggot who loves kiryu and kiryu hates him <333 (even though kiryu. does not. and finds his antics hilarious in every other game. and treats him as his closest friend.) and also the uncle majima stuff....... i like thinking about his relationship with haruka as much as the next guy but when people just. slap them together with no consideration to the fact he KIDNAPPED HER. AT 10 YEARS OLD. like dude shes going to be traumatised you cant just Ignore that for the sake of giving her two dads?

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

oh i fucking know. i KNOW why they like it and the answer is theyre uncreative yaoi loving freaks but so much nishitani content is just him acting like some borderline rapey daddydom and its soooooo Eugh. they make majima into this uwu baby who doesnt want any of his advances until the relationship is literally liek something out of a fucking yaoi where he "really wants it deep down but hes going to act like he doesnt so its going to feel so uncomfortable and hes going to get borderline assaulted". the entire appeal of nishimaji to me is that nishitani is literally so down horrifically bad for majima and majima actually likes him back even if he thinks hes weird as shit. theyre both insane for each other.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

ok im going to sound deranged here but his relationship with mirei. thats the 18 year old i mentioned. a lot of people choose to ignore he did that and like.... i get it its very uncomfortable to accept your favourite dude would prey on a kid like that but like. i feel like it does a disservice to his character to ignore that? it shows how he perpetuates the cycle of abuse and its so incredibly interesting to me but so many people just say "he wouldnt do that!!!!" when like.... yes he would. im sorry but he would.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

fuckig hell idk theres so much horrible yakuza discourse. ig its relevant rn but like whenever anyone genuinely critiques how fandom acts (misogyny, racism, woobifying a genuinely morally reprehensible character, ableism, just anything) and then the people who do this shit get all up in arms about it and act like its pointless infighting when its... genuine shit that makes a community unsafe

The Captain and the Doctor

Well Today i will finally post the first chapter, the prologue, to my other story that i will be working on, it will be On the Avatar fandom, not the air bender, the Blue people one.

anyways, here goes nothing hope you enjoy it and if you have any constructive criticism feel free to message me or send it to me in an ask.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Cpt. Lawrence and Dr. Hinsen, please report to my office as fast as possible.”

Christopher sighed and opened his eyes; this was supposed to be his free day. Well at least that’s what the Colonel says, everyone knew free days aren’t really a thing here.

Since he hadn’t changed from his mandatory Morning Briefing, he only put on his jacket and stepped out of his room. Down the hall he bumped into Dr. Hinsen who was juggling stacks of documents, her bag, a cup of coffee and if memory serves correctly, she is about to ask Chris about her glasses.

“Have you seen my glasses?” she looks around her entrance hoping to see them before heading out.

Chris points to her head with a chuckle.

“Oh goodness, thank you Cpt., Good morning to you!” She places her glasses on her nose and walks next to.

“Oh, so its Cpt. Now, last night I remember it was a bit less professional.” Chris said with a sly smirk

“I don’t know what you are talking about. As far as I’m concerned last night didn’t even happen.” She retorts, keeping her eyes forward.

“Oh, I remember everything, do you want me to refresh your memory.” Chris straightens his back, getting ready to step into the colonels office.

Before she could say anything, else Chris opens the door stepping inside with Dr. Hinsen following behind him.

“Dr. Hinsen, Maybe you should report to the nurse, you are looking a bit flushed.”

“She’s Fine sir, last night was a long night for her that’s all.” Chris smirks.

Juniper doesn’t say anything instead she just places her documents on a nearby table.

“Sir, Cpt. Lawrence’s Avatar is ready for the link. We can move forward with the next step.” Juniper pushes her glasses, fixing them.

“Perfect timing Dr. I already have the Cpt.’s first assignment. You will accompany Dr. Augustine collecting samples in the alien world.”

“With all due respect Colonel, if I have to work on my free day, I prefer to work with the soldier at the motor pool getting everything ready, where I’m actually needed.” Chris protests.

“Unfortunately, Cpt. I wasn’t asking. Be ready at 1200 hours.” Chris was going to protest but the door opened, interrupting him.

The Colonel looks up for the first time during this entire conversation.

“Corporal Sully, impeccable timing, you will be Joining the captain during tomorrows assignment, ill let him give the details. Now leave, and Christopher please stop teasing the scientist they are flustered enough”

Chris chuckles at the comment and Juniper grumbles.

All three of them Leave, Chris hasn’t even bothered to look at the other guy.

‘Sully, where do I know that name.’ He decides to look at the guy next to him but finds him on a wheelchair.

“Jake sully?!” Chris says excitedly, Juniper looks very confused

“Christopher Lawrence?”

“It you man, Holy shit” Chris shakes his hand and lowers himself to hug him.

“Do you two know each other?”

“Jake and I have done everything together, we enlisted at the same time, started our training together, we were put together everywhere, even in our deployment.” Chris says excitedly

“So, you guys are War Buddies?” Juniper asks

“You could say its something like that” Jake answers

“Come on, we gotta get to the lab, ill brief you on the way there”

A few minutes later they walked through the doors of the lab, the room was full of machines and tools that Chris was sure they needed but looked to complicated to be practical.

There were a few tanks nearby, giant blue human looking creatures floated in them, like a fetus. It was at the very least unsettling.

Chris then walked by one that looked exactly like him, of course it had Na’vi features, but it still looked exactly like him. Down to the faint scar on his right eye.

Jake was looking at his too.

“No, we are not taking two trigger happy thugs down with us, it just isn’t going to happen” A woman argued from the other side of the lab. Apparently, someone wasn’t too happy taking

“Is there a problem Dr?” Chris asked.

“Have any of you idiots ever worked in a lab?” She asked, irritated

“I dissected a frog once.” Jake answered

“I’m sorry, I’m a little busy protecting your lab to work in it.” Chris says without a single feeling being expressed in his sentence.

“Well, that’s great.” She throes her arms up and storms out of the lab.

“I’m taking this to corporate, I’m tired of this shit!”

“Be here at 0800 tomorrow, we’ll do the link up then.” Another scientist that had initially let us in the lab and was talking with Norm said. Letting us out of the lab.

“See you later Juni” Chris waves at Juniper who was already in her desk flipping through clipboards.

“Goodbye, Cpt.”

“You know you guys could at least fake that you care about the natives” Norm Scoffs and is ignored by the pair.

A few hours later, Chris and Jake find themselves in the stations bar.

“Why are you here Jake? What brought you to the middle of nowhere?” Chris leans back in his chair Looking for a reaction on jake’s face but doesn’t find one.

“Tom died; they wanted me to take his place in the experiment.”

“Aw man that’s awful, I didn’t know, I heard that someone on the scientist side died, I didn’t know it was your brother.

“Well, it doesn’t really matter, you couldn’t have done much anyway.” Jake took a sip from his bottle.

“Why are you here Chris, what happened to Monica, last time I saw you guys was at the wedding.”

“She uh, she died, a few years later, she got lung and brain cancer, and they caught it a bit late, so you could say I’m here looking for an escape.” Chris rubs his thumb on the ring that was still on his finger.

“I’m sorry man.” Jake pats Chris on the shoulder.

“Hey, it’s all right, it was a long time ago, let’s not let the night get ruined.” Just as he said that Juni and Trudy walked into the Bar.

“Hey, Over here.” Chris waves enthusiastically.

“You know, you could have been a little nicer with Dr. Augustine earlier.” Juniper said before sitting next to them.

“Ah, I was just having a bit of fun its just a matter of time, so she warms up to me.” Chris comments which make Jake choke on his beer.

“Oh sure, because you are so likeable.” Trudy mocked, with a smirk

“Trudy, this is Jake Sully, he’s going to be joining us on the next assignment”

“Pleasure to meet you jake.” She extends her hand and Jake takes it in his shaking it.

The night was light, and the group talked and laughed together, before heading to their rooms, tomorrow was going to be a long day after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tagging a few moots: @the-second-tonks @arquitecturadelanada @moonrainbowfish

Tahomaru x Pregnant Reader

Summary: What would it be like if Tahomaru's partner was pregnant?

Reader: Female

Type: Headcanons

Warnings: suggestive themes, pregnancy and all that goes with it, non-canon anime happy ending (Nui, Tahomaru and Jukai survive and Tahomaru takes command of the town), Fluff mainly, Tahomaru aged (20 years onwards), Sengoku era.

Sorry if it's Cringe!

___

You've been feeling pretty bad for a few days, the stomach aches and vomiting came out of nowhere and you're worried you've caught a really bad stomach virus, Tahomaru was very worried.

He asked you to rest until they brought a competent doctor, until then you stayed in the palace chatting with Nui about it, she, having had two children, quickly realized what was happening and told you, you were quite surprised to say what less, or well... not so much, it had already been more or less a year since the marriage, in fact it was rare that only now you will get pregnant.

For the rest of the day you tried to practice how you would tell Tahomaru that you were pregnant, it wasn't that you cared that he was angry, but rather that they barely spoke before on the topic of having children, which Daigo's land had become. recovered quite a bit from a couple of years ago... still had a lot to do. Would it be a good time to have children?

You weren't bothered by the idea, I mean, it was your child, their child, even if you weren't actively getting pregnant. he does

Nui must have noticed your nervousness so fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you see it, as soon as Tahomaru arrived she asked to talk to him alone and tell him in a subtle way that maybe you could be pregnant, which surprises him or not, and immediately passes to be excited. A Child!? It is spectacular!

Finally when the doctor arrives, Tahomaru is quite impatient to find out if what you have is a baby or a virus, luckily the doctor is quick and determines that the pain and morning sickness are due to the few weeks of pregnancy, Tahomaru is practically crying of joy that 1- you are well and 2- you are going to have your child.

He's so happy that he picks you up and spins you around in the air a bit, until Nui tells him to be more careful, then he lowers you as slowly as possible and gives you a bear hug.

After that he probably writes to Jukai to let him know, sends congratulations to both of them and wishes them good luck and health.

The allied neighboring towns also find out, who also congratulate both of them, an heir for the Daigo house is practically a new beginning for everyone, so the town is very animated.

As for you, you pretty much don't have to do anything, just sit in your room or living room and look pretty....and grow a fetus in your body, Tahomaru is a pretty supportive husband, as you're technically doing all the work heavy pregnancy, he is very patient but also very careful with you, that includes limiting your physical activity.

The servants are practically everywhere now, they were before, but now they are much more attentive

It will seem a bit annoying, but it also gives you more time for yourself, Tahomaru spends more time in the palace to help you in whatever you need and in general they talk heart to heart about the situation, even thinking of a name for the baby.

I honestly imagine he would like to name his son or daughter Hyogo or Mustu if you let him, but that's more of a self-indulgence.

As the pregnancy progresses and things like mood swings appear, this man is unflappable. What did you expect? He literally let him be possessed by a demon and fight a couple in his time, if you yell at him he'll just stay until you're done so I can hold you and let you blow off steam, his mom has said things to him, pregnancy stuff that's honestly upsetting to he, so he is very understanding, he understands that you go through a lot of pain in the process, if you want to cry, he has two empty and dry shoulders, if you want to scream, try him and see how long he can take until you get tired yourself.

When the baby starts kicking, expect to have Tahomaru by your side for almost the whole day, he wants yes or yes to listen to him, when he FINALLY succeeds, he is as if hypnotized and stays in his place for a long time until you return him to the real world.

I don't know if Tahomaru would talk much to his son, but he is anything but mute, they are little imaginary talks that seem to give him back the energy to go to work.

Just by seeing you rubbing your pregnant belly and talking to your future child, he goes from being fucking exhausted to ready to put up with stupid lords for another hour, it's like recharging his battery.

The more your belly grows, the cuter you seem in Tahomaru's eyes, how you walk like a duckling, the weird cravings, it seems adorable and funny at the same time.

At that point you don't want to move much more than necessary, he understands that and makes sure to have a midwife or two nearby in case the baby wants to leave earlier than expected.

In the rare moments when Jukai visits them, he usually brings as small gifts Very cute handmade wooden toys that they leave in the room for the baby.

In your free time you ended up learning to knit with Nui and making small Yukatas for the baby, she gives you some advice on how to make the pregnancy more bearable.

When you go into labor, at first they wouldn't let Tahomaru through (superstitions of the time) and he stayed that way for a short couple of hours until he couldn't take it anymore and almost broke the tatami door.

Fortunately the delivery was not as long as expected, about 8 hours or so, it was a relatively short labor for a delivery but extremely heavy, Tahomaru had bruises on his hand for a couple of weeks, but each one was worth it. sad when he saw his son, crying, safe and sound.

Obviously they let you hold him first, all the work had been worth it, his son was there, with you, fine.

As much as you wanted to stay up with your son all day, you had to rest, so you passed your son to the midwife and finally to Tahomaru.

Nui helped him to hold the baby properly, while giving him happiness and compliments about the baby and his new phase as a father, he only had his eyes on his son.

It was very similar to him, except for the color of his eyes, he had yours. He was so small in his arms even though he was a relatively big baby, he had finally stopped crying and was just clinging to the warmth his father was giving off.

He began to cry a while later, everything seemed so unreal, he is here, with his wife they slept and their little son, in their town, happy and complete.

Whether it was a boy or a girl, it would not change that this baby would mean not only hope and a new beginning for the town, but also for him, a new beginning with his own little family.

And he doesn't know how to say he wants a second child.

Embryo

DAY 1

"Experts across the globe are still perplexed by the growing size and proximity of Stroxex to Earth." The newswoman's speech was off—subtle but noticeable. She sounded scared. "Although opinions remain divided on the cause of the sudden growth, experts agree panic is not warranted. "Her voice spoke unconvincingly over footage of the night sky.

The camera swept over it, zooming in on one star, which easily outsized the rest. Stroxex.

DAY 10

Everywhere on the web, you would find the same video.Brazil's top astronomer gave a speech on the swiftly gestating star, urging everyone to remain calm.

Until 0:16 seconds in, when he glances to his side. He leaps back as a man seizes the microphone. screaming, "What are they hiding from us?" Before he's tackled to the ground by security. So many desperately wanted to believe their governments were simply hiding the truth about Stroxex, that somebody out there had any idea of what was happening.

DAY 25

Society's reaction to the phenomenon rarely came anywhere close to what experts begged of them. With no way to tell when, if ever, the growth of Stroxex would end, professional predictions about the long-term consequences were scattered. Leaving the public's imaginations to run wild. What experts were able to agree on was vague.

The large black splotch occasionally visible on the surface of the star was determined to most likely be a sunspot. The ever-growing amniotic orange glow of Stroxex, while probably not a cancer threat, was still believed to be having drastic effects on humans, plants, and animals alike. The sudden excess of light created brighter nights, which was theorized to be severely disrupting the circadian rhythm of most living things.

Crops failed, livestock became rowdy and sick, and ecosystems were thrown into disorder.

Others argued it was an undiscovered effect of the star.

"Stroxex Syndrome '' became a term to describe those severely impacted by the phenomenon. Characterized by insomnia, paranoia, anxiety, depression, and aggressive behavior. With each passing day, the number of cases increased along with Stroxex.

DAY 55

As the world broke down, rates of suicide, religious extremism, and violent crime skyrocketed. Mass panic buying of items such as sunscreen, blackout curtains, and sleeping aids was also documented.

DAY 100

By the hundredth day, Stroxex had nearly outsized the moon, hanging in the sky like a celestial tumor. What vestiges of hope remained died out with the last slivers of moonlight.

DAY 200

On the 200th day since the start of the phenomenon, the true nature of Stroxex finally became clear. Humanity watched in awe as the previously faint black spot in the middle of Stroxex revealed itself as the colossal and pulsating silhouette of a fetus.

The being inside began to stir, causing the veins of the star to shatter and spray its yellow fluid across the sky.

When the cracks were large enough, the being pushed its enormous hands against the interior of its embryo and birthed itself into the world.

Six Week Abortion Ban Overturned in Georgia

By Madeline Boudville, University of Virginia Tech Class of 2024

November 17, 2022

This week in Georgia a judge has overturned the abortion ban that begins at the first six weeks of pregnancy. The original ban was made to ensure that women could no longer get abortions past six weeks of pregnancy. The ban made it so that most women would not be able to get an abortion if there was a heartbeat present, making it difficult for the woman to know she was pregnant in such a short period of time. The reason for this overturning is because of a precedent that was enacted three years ago involving a similar circumstance. Another reason for this ruling was due to the fact that the six week abortion ban was deemed as unconstitutional due to the right of privacy. Judge Robert McBurney was the judge to make this decision, he made this ruling immediately effective state wide. The six week abortion ban has been in effective since July of 2022 and the state attorney general's office of Georgia has filed for an appeal for Judge McBurney’s ruling. 

Georgia had been feeling pressure from it’s citizens to adjust the abortion limitations to what they felt to be a more reasonable time period. “Fulton County Superior Court Judge Robert McBurney granted a motion filed by plaintiffs in a civil suit against Georgia to block the ban, which has been in place since July” [2]. The Living Infants Fairness and Equality (LIFE) Act was the law put in place that banned abortions after six weeks initially. The LIFE act was created in 2019 but did not go into effect as it violated the constitutional right to privacy. Many citizens of Georgia felt like their rights were not being protected with this new law and filed motions in order to get the LIFE act repealed. A part of the LIFE Act made it so that criminal charges were placed on doctors who did not document abortions that happened when a fetus had a heartbeat. McBurney ruled this to be unconstitutional as well but there is one part of the LIFE act that McBurney did not claim to be unconstitutional. “McBurney’s ruling did allow one provision of the LIFE Act that requires doctors to determine if a heartbeat is present before performing an abortion to stand. While it adds a step to the abortion procedure, it does not prevent it from being performed, and the Georgia judge determined it was not “unduly burdensome” [2]. This means that all physicians must check if there is a heart beating within the fetus before performing the abortion, this does not get in the way of the abortion is solely acknowledges whether or not the fetus has a heart beat. 

The main reason for the overturning is due to the lack of constitutional basis that the LIFE act had. The right to privacy was not being protected according to the citizens and Superior Court Judges. Judge McBurney made his decision based on Supreme Court precedent under Roe v. Wade which allows abortions past six weeks. The validity of the ban was brought into question as it was created in 2019. McBurney stated; "everywhere in America, including Georgia, it was unequivocally unconstitutional for governments — federal, state, or local — to ban abortions before viability" [1]. Roe v. Wade has allowed for abortions to occur for over 50 years now but there is currently a shift in direction dependant on each state. Over this past year states have been left to their own discretion to decide at what stage abortion should be allowed. This is due to the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade which set rules in place for women to have abortions. Without Roe v. Wade being in effect, the topic has become a state issue. This topic has caused a lot of controversy and Georgia was one of the states that had stricter rules for abortion timing. This is why judges in the state felt so much pressure to address the issue and ensure that citizens rights were being protected. The state has an obligation to protect the constitutional rights of its’ citizens and Judge McBurney felt it was his responsibility to address this issue head on and overturn the LIFE act.

______________________________________________________________

https://www.npr.org/2022/11/15/1136968734/georgia-abortion-ban-6-weeks-overturned

https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/3736607-judge-overturns-georgia-ban-on-abortion-startingaround-6-weeks-into-a-pregnancy

CBD Use And Pregnancy: What You Need To Know

During pregnancy, every precaution possible has to be taken to ensure the health of the expecting mother and that of her unborn child. This is why it is so important to avoid every activity, and certainly food or drink(s) that could be considered high risk for mother and fetus.

This also requires a good look at taking certain medicines which the ggynaecologist has not prescribed, or looking at CBD oils and related products to help alleviate certain conditions. More than ever before, individuals, both men and women, are starting to look at the benefits to be derived from taking CBD to help them relax, to assist with issues such as anxiety, and to help them overcome sleeplessness and similar conditions. So many reports regularly that they experience great relief in the combat of these conditions.

The question, however, remains: Is it safe for a pregnant woman to take CBD, both during the gestation period and immediately after the birth of her child when she breastfeeds? This refers to the use of CBD as an agent to help the pregnant woman relax and sleep better, but it also considers issues such as treatment of, say, morning sickness and other related conditions that pregnant women are confronted with.

To begin with, it is good to understand what CBD oil and related products are. CBD is one of hundreds of compounds found in the cannabis plant from which it is extracted. Very often THC, another one of the plant’s various compounds, comes to mind. It is that compound that gets people high when they take it in. It does not happen with pure CBD as it is not psychoactive and will not make you lose control.

CBD is used purely by people that need some help when they find it difficult to relax, to sleep, to put some of life’s cares behind them for a few hours. The human body has an endocannabinoid system, i.e., the ECS (molecules that are naturally produced by the body) that regulates and controls, for example, certain functions such as our emotional life, sleep patterns and pain control.

For this reason, people take CBD as it is thought that the CBD and the body’s ECS naturally interact. When the ECS malfunctions, certain conditions such as anxiety, depression and chronic pain may present themselves. Very often though, CBD brings relief. As far as pregnancies are concerned, there is no definite answer as to whether CBD has any benefits for the pregnant mother and her unborn child. In fact, in the US the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) strongly advises against the use of CBD by pregnant women, since safety, while taking CBD, is not guaranteed.

Not enough research has been done in this regard to provide definite answers, and it is every pregnant woman’s responsibility to look after the health of her unborn baby, also with regard to the mother’s milk when she breastfeeds. Because of insufficient evidence to support the safety of CBD in pregnant women, the FDA feels strongly that CBD in any form is best avoided by pregnant women. This stance may well be taken by other countries and societies too, especially if an organisation such as the FDA has their doubts.

It is good to note that the FDA’s research points out that in mice, male offspring may be suffering from issues related to testicular weight, plasma levels of testosterone and fertility. More studies have suggested that exposure to cannabis and cannabinoids (such as, say, CBD) may lead to a weakening of the immune system and its ability to fight infections and even cancer. There seems to be no definite answers – as yet.

Since the FDA, a highly respected body, will not approve the use of CBD during pregnancy, this may be a good indicator also for other countries in Europe and the UK – everywhere in fact. Until enough evidence is presented to declare it safe during pregnancy, it may be best to avoid CBD.

 About Us

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Death Stranding

Death Stranding was my first real Hideo Kojima game. I remember dabbling briefly in Metal Gear Solid back in the PlayStation 1 days, but the MGS series is stealth + modern military, which makes it an incredibly hard sell for me no matter how batshit crazy it gets. I didn't know the series got crazy at the time and, had I known, it might not have made a difference.

I remember seeing this trailer in 2017 and being confused, intrigued, uncomfortable, maybe a little scared. Men in the rain being dragged into black tar and killed by invisible enemies. Norman Reedus dying and coming back to life. A fetus inside him shows you its butt then gives the camera a thumbs-up. Lots of good, weird stories get told in various mediums. Weird stories with a huge budget are less common.

The game had been shrouded in mystery since its reveal in 2016, followed by a few cryptic trailers and a lot of hype. When it came out, the buzz around it was mixed at best. Some people connected with it and were blown away by it. Many described it confusing, pretentious, and dull. Even the game's fans admitted it was a hard sell. A triple A game where you travel from city to city...delivering packages? I'd seen clips of a man walking on foot through a barren wasteland with a comically tall stack of boxes strapped to his back, weaving back and forth struggling to keep his balance.

How I came to play it in 2019 was a confluence of events. Like all cool people, I listen to a few weekly videogame podcasts. Everything I heard and saw of the game made me want to play it. Not because it was so incredible, but because it was so different.

I think about "buy-in" with games a lot. Hell, with media a lot. If you approach a thing looking to be skeptical of it, you're probably not gonna dig it. The inverse is also true. There's nothing wrong with criticism or enthusiasm. But with some media there comes a point for me where I have to either give myself over to it or put it down forever. I can tell there's something here, now do I want to put in the time and effort to enjoy it?

Death Stranding is corny and heavy-handed as hell. You're a porter for the Bridges Corporation. Your name is Sam Porter Bridges. Your mother is Samantha Strand. She is the President of what's left of America. Your sister is Samantha America Strand. There are characters named Heart Man, Dead Man, Mama, and Die Hardman.*

You are tasked with trying to bring the scattered, isolated colonies back together by delivering packages between them and trying to convince them all to start using wi-fi again. Basically. Your cell phone takes the form of literal handcuffs. "Likes" are a sort of currency in the world. Some people get addicted to that. THE METAPHOR DO YOU SEE IT

Oh, Sam also has a live baby in a jar strapped to himself. Sometimes the baby cries and gets scared and you have to rock him and calm him down because sometimes there are invisible black ink monsters who will find you and drag you off to inky swamp hell if you're not very quiet. Or they might just knock all your packages everywhere.

The game deals in apocalyptic themes, destinies, all centered around global extinction events that come around to cleanse the world every so often. Oh, there's also a weird scary soldier ghost man named Cliff who is after you and seems to want your jar baby.

I do not blame anyone who gets a whiff of this, says "What the everloving Fuck is this?? No!" and writes the game off. It's preachy, heavy-handed, and corny. The meat and potatoes of the gameplay consists of walking from city to city, crossing rough terrain with a giant stack of boxes on your back. Did you fall down? Uh-oh, better pick all your shit back up! Sometimes you encounter enemies you mostly run from or throw pee and poo grenades at.

Everyone in the game world takes it all seriously and plays it all straight. It has to be this way, otherwise it would all fall apart. The acting performances range from serviceable (Norman Reedus mostly grunts and utters a few terse, gravelly-voiced lines) to fantastic (Mads Mikkelsen kills it). If you give yourself over the ridiculousness of the setup** then there is some wonderful, gripping drama and heartbreaking moments that are exceedingly rare in the world of games. Mikkelsen and Tommie Earl Jenkins in particular have some unforgettable performances.

The one part of the game system that absolutely does work is the limited multiplayer. You don't encounter other players, but you do encounter structures and signs*** that they build. You can build structures that provide shelter from the elements, or recharge vehicles. You can build roads and zip lines. You can build ladders to help with difficult terrain. These structures will show up for other players as well, and vice versa. I've been nearing the end of a long journey in extremely bad shape, and happened upon a safe shelter built by another player. I will never forget huddling under shelter from the rain while Low Roar played.

The game does big dramatic moments beautifully, and the excellent soundtrack does a lot of heavy lifting there. The game's vibes really hit me just the right way. It's filled with melancholy and dread, with bits of hope sprinkled throughout. I suspect this sort of thing appeals to my depression-addled brain. "Everything seems hopeless, but you still get up and carry on. Here's another reminder that you are not alone, even when it feels that way." There is also something peaceful and meditative about travel. Motion soothes us when we are babies. As adults we forget that sometimes.

Death Stranding misses the mark for many, if not most, people. It also doesn't feel like anything else. For those of us who find something here, it is a unique, beautiful, flawed work of art. I'll take weird, ambitious, and flawed over by-the-book any day of the week.

*Whose birth name is Joh McClane **See also Groundhog Day ***And piss-mushrooms

What if Renesmeé had been born human? Does it make a difference if Jacob imprints?

Oh, it'd make a lot of differences everywhere.

Renesmee is Born Human

Bella's pregnancy, first off, would be very different.

As a human fetus Bella's pregnancy would last nine months. She would not be drinking human blood nor starving throughout, and Renesmee wouldn't be causing her considerable damage with her inhuman strength from the inside.

Bella either gives birth normally or has a much more normal C-section where she does not immediately have to be turned.

Edward is overjoyed and stunned that he could produce a human offspring but is overjoyed as a) BEAUTIFUL HUMAN LIFE OH SWEET HUMAN LIFE b) Bella doesn't necessarily have to be turned after this and probably shouldn't be in the immediate aftermath of pregnancy.

In other words: Edward now has an almost indefinite excuse to keep Bella human.

Then... things get complicated.

A human baby cannot stick around the Cullens. For one, someone might eat it, for another, it would mean the child would have very little social interaction with the outside world and would have no choice in turning.

In a better situation, I imagine Bella would be offered a choice. You can have your and Edward's daughter but you'll have to leave with the child or you can turn but you'll have to give the baby up for adoption.

As it is, thanks to the Volturi, Bella really only is allowed to pick option number 2. Her time is up and everyone knows it.

Bella did not see this situation coming when she originally put her being turned to a vote. She never wanted children, never wanted to be married, but suddenly she has a daughter and must give her up to get everything she ever wanted.

I imagine Bella does it both because she really has no choice but also because the Cullens, vampirism, are what she's wanted for so long that she can't give it up. Helping this is that she just can't see herself as a mother, especially a single mother on her own, not even twenty years old, raising a child whose father she can never tell the girl about. This is while growing old and ugly and always wondering where beautiful Edward is out there without them.

I imagine Jacob wouldn't even be involved, as the Cullens would have moved at this and, since the pregnancy is not so dire and awful, Bella would be far more mobile.

Jacob never sees Bella again after the wedding and no one knows that Bella's pregnant.

Okay, But What if Jacob Did Imprint?

Then he's Quil.

Only, this time, Bella's already in emotional agony and can keep neither her daughter nor Jacob. I don't imagine the "I'm whatever she wants me to be!" will win her over this time around.

Why should Jacob get Bella's daughter when Bella can't have her? Why should Jacob get everything when he completely rejected Bella and still does (as he's now the first in line to argue that the child can't stay with the Cullens).

Though Jacob is Bella's dear friend and the closest person to her after Edward, I imagine this would be a step too far for Bella. Especially as I imagine the now imprinted Jacob would say some really nasty things to Bella to try to get her to give him the baby.

She urges the Cullens to put Renesmee up for adoption in a state across the country or perhaps a literal other country where Jacob couldn't find her nor have access to her.

Jacob likely lives in agony searching for and failing to find Renesmee. Renesmee grows up in the system with no idea who her real parents are and probably has a very rough time of it. Bella, eventually a vampire despite all of Edward's pleading, desperately tries to convince everyone and herself that she's fine and not having her daughter in her life is a sacrifice she's willing to make!

There's no trial.

Tender - Azriel x reader - Pregnancy fic. Fem! reader. LONG!!! 

Prompt -  Hi! I just read most of your imagines, and i loved them!  You have me as your faithful follower, I don't comment much because English is not my first language. Could you write one where az manages to perceive that reader is pregnant right in the middle of the war?

You woke to yelling. Not screaming. Not fear or pain, but battle cries that you'd grown to love. They made your blood sing in harmony with the Illyrian voices. It made your heart hammer in your chest, and your muscles tense - ready to fight. Azriel groaned beside you, curling around your waist like a vise. You managed to break free from his muscled arms. Pale light shining through the tent tinted his shadows a light gray. They wrapped around you, drawing a chill down your spine. The war cries grew louder. "Get up. It's time." You shook him, pulling on your light armor. He covered his face with his hands, and did not leave the cot. He groaned again when you pulled the blanket off his mostly naked body. He was never a morning person.  Cassian rushed in when you were putting the last of your gear on, and Az froze. His grip on his pants went white knuckled. Cassian's face was pale, and before he could say anything Azriel was hurriedly pulling on the rest of his clothes. Your stomach dropped at the sight of the Warlord. "It's a diversion." You said, voice hollow. Cassian's slight nod was enough to make the breath leave you. "It's going to be fine." Azriel grunted, pulling his tunic over his head. "We just need to move the troops. Get Rhys here." He waved a hand at his brother dismissively.  Cassian grabbed Az's wrist.  He forced the male to look at him, to see his worried eyes. You tensed, ready to defend your mate even against Cassian's might. "Rhys is on the battlefield already. We're on our own." His voice was low, and the warning in his eyes was enough to make the hair on your arms raise. Azriel pulled away from him, slowly.  He began strapping his weapons belts on, pushed his hair back and sighed. "Where do you need us?"   The air was cold, and the howls of battle echoed across the hills. Azriel's shadows curled around your legs, comforting. Then they slithered their way across the valley where the battle was beginning.  + You could barely raise your sword by the end of it. The mud had been the most challenging part of the entire fight. The enemy horses had done a good job of making obstacles when they fell in the mud, lame with broken ankles and necks. You wished to put them out of their misery, but there was no time. The forces seemed to come in waves. Like a test against your small unit.  Few were lost from your side. The dewey grass steamed in the morning light, carrying up the reek of enemy blood with it. You wiped your face, trying to get the taste of dirt and blood out of your mouth. Sharp stinging pain seared your ribs under your arm. You hissed. Then, you felt the warmth of your own blood. You swore, and looked for a medic that wasn't tending to wounded on the ground.  Some Illyrian bodies were being lifted away, high into the air for burial at their homes. You dared not take a healer away from more critically injured soldiers. You nodded grimly to the ones that you passed. They were covered in blood, and yet still gave you fierce grins when you went by. They respected you. More than any other Illyrian Female before you. It was sad, but you hoped to forge a new path for other females of Illyria. You held an arm under your side and limped your way out of the mud. The packed mess inside your boots made moving your feet hard. You couldn't wait to shower.  You spotted Cassian far down the field, and watched as he raised his sword high over his head. Your stomach twisted in pity for the suffering animal under him. You looked away before you could see the lifeblood drain from the horse's neck. He sent a blessing to the Mother for the animal, and continued on to the next suffering soul that would meet its end via his blade.  + You hadn't seen her in a long while. Too long for a friend, but she gave you that same look she always did when she saw you hobbling up to her for help. Jeva was your favorite healer, and one you knew could keep a secret. She was round, and her voice was light and comforting. She smelled of nutmeg and berries. Something you had appreciated about her since you had met. "What is it this time?" She waved you inside, holding the tent flap open for you while you dumped your battle stained gear on the wood hutch beside the entrance.  The tent was light and airy, filled with small plants of different varieties and cluttered with boxes and books everywhere. Her desk and bed were shoved to the corner, and a long wood table took up the majority of her area. As if she had known you were coming, she already had potions of different types laid out on the end of the table. "Probably nothing." You said, pulling off your armor as gingerly as you could manage. The soft light flickered and changed to a harsh beam when she laid you down on her exam table. "I'm not supposed to be healing anymore you know. I'm retired." She clicked her tongue at you, earning a pained grin. It was hard for you to bother a healer for any amount of time for something that you were sure was so small. But something about it stung too much for it to be just a scrape. And you knew Cassian would lecture you about it being infected if he saw through your mask to the pain. Az would force you to see one anyway as soon as he learned of it.  "You know I wouldnt be here unless I had to be, Jeva." You said through your teeth as she cut away your muddied undershirt.  "Oh, I know. That's why I have my best potions ready." She laughed, then paused. Your shirt lay limp on the table. Her eyebrows knitted together at the sight of your open wound. "Is it bad?" You asked, craning to try to look for yourself. She held you down.  "Metal. Fragments are still in here, likely why it hasn't healed yet." You relaxed at that, grateful that it wasn't worse. "Thank the Mother. Az would have yelled all night." You rolled your eyes, and sighed as she started working on you. The first part was always the worst. The stinging hot potion that made the nerves around the wound numb.  "One-" She began her countdown, then poured. You growled at her, gripping the end of the stained table hard enough to crack. "Easy..." She warned, and smoothed down your hair. She knew how to take care of her patients, that was certain. You relaxed as the stinging eased. The dull ache that it left behind turned into a bad memory.  "I'm going to extract the blade then we can close you up. Simple and easy." She picked up her tools and began tugging away at your side. You could have fallen asleep with the relief the numbing potion brought. And with her humming in the air around you, it was a struggle not to. The time seemed to pass quickly, but when the clank of the metal tools jolted you from your dozing, the tent was lit in orange from the sunset outside. "Relax, we're going to close it up now. Once the potion wears off you will still be sensitive." She placed her hands over you, and the familiar warm vibrations of her healing magic set in. Then it stopped abruptly. You cracked open an eye, then narrowed your brows at her. "What is it?" You said gently, then again when she didnt reply. She stared at you, mouth agape. Her eyes locked to yours, even when you sat up to demand she tell you what the problem was. "Am I dying?!" you took her hand gently, in case she was going to push you away.  Then she started laughing, her hand gripping yours back. The warmth glowed in your palm, the light radiating out from it was starkly contrasting the tent walls bedecked in orange. The light she emitted shot through you, and you felt the wound tingle, and seal. You stared at her in shock. That amount of healing power was incredible. Especially for field medics.  "Youre not dying, no..." She waved a hand, fanning herself. Her eyes were glassy with tears. She sniffed and clutched your hand tighter. "Quite the opposite, darling." She pulled you in for a warm hug.  + You spent the rest of the evening with Jeva. Until she got a hurried message about student healers needing help on the battlefield. You stayed in her tent as long as you could manage with the ringing in your ears. You stared and stared at the mirror across from you, showing you the bloodied warrior that you wanted to be. That you wanted to stay.  The warrior that carried the Shadowsinger's child.  The thought made tears sting your eyes. You refused to let them fall. You had been ignoring his tugs down the bond for well over an hour. You knew he was concerned, but you couldn't bring yourself to shout back down. The only thing that echoed in your mind were Jeva's words "You're pregnant..."  Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant.  You nearly punched her when she told you she wasn't joking. The only reason you even believed her was because of that powerful zap of healing she sent to you. That she sent to scan your body and make sure the fetus was okay before you even knew about it. You could barely hear half the words she said as she told you your options.  You roiled with the thought now. The Mugwart she left on the table was daunting. You desperately wanted her back. Jeva would be able to deliberate with you. You knew she would tell you to do whatever makes you happy. You knew that. But you wondered how ethical the choice that made you happy was. Bringing a child into a world of war seemed cruel. Even if it made you happy. You distantly noticed Azriel as you passed him, walking to the forest edge just passed your tent. Worry laced the bond between you. You tried not to show anything back. But you knew he felt the tension, the void there. "Where the hell have you been?!" Azriel's eyes were furious when you passed him, his wings flared out slightly. You couldnt even look at him with anger back. Your emotions ran wild. You were frozen, and as numb as the potion Jeva had given you when she began removing the blade.  "Do you know how worried I have been?! I sent Cassian to-" He tried to grab for your hand to stop you, but you flicked him away. He stopped for a moment, stunned. Then returned with more energy than before. That yawning abyss in your bond was growing darker with shame, worry and anxiety. His shadows roiled around him as he caught up. "You dont get to-" "Azriel..." You stopped in the edge of the clearing. The small meadow was silent in the darkness, not even the monsters of Prythian dared roar tonight. Your mind did all the roaring you could handle, anyway. You tried to focus on the swaying grass, on the soft smell of wet bark and pine hanging in the air.  "Dont try to excuse this I need to know you're okay and-" He stormed in front of you, ready to burst with rage. His fear always made him angry. And for good reason after losing so many close to him.  A tear ran down your cheek, your face burned hot with hundreds of feelings at once. Fear, pain, shock, joy, hope.... elation. You wanted his children. You wanted to help raise his child. You wanted to see Azriel be a father. You knew he would be the best damn Illyrian father there had ever been.  The thought hit you like a well placed punch.  He saw your paleness, your tears and stopped his yelling. You fell to your knees, the mud splattering all around you. You wanted to lay down. Lay down and think about the implications of carrying his child. Would it be good for the baby to be born at all? Just because you wanted it didnt mean it needed to happen. You knew that Jeva would give you a potion to extract it without hesitation if it was what you wished. "I'm-" You choked out, fighting the panic that flooded you. Your mind roiled with the conflict of your mind and heart. It turned you into a muddied, dark ocean on the bond. A turmoil that he couldn't see past. If you were an ocean, he was your lighthouse on the cliffside. Signaling you home.   His eyes darted to your body, to your hands and how they wrung together in front of you. "I'm sorry. I just-" He sighed and took one of your hands. "I'm sorry." He kissed the back of it and brought his forehead to yours. He normally needed a lot longer to cool down after a fight, but seeing you in tears shocked him out of his pride. "I shouldn't have said that... I know you can take care of yourself." his voice was low, and he ran a hand comfortingly down your back. A hysteric laugh bubbled from your throat. It sounded like a sob. You didn't know exactly which it was. He sat back and pulled you into his lap, despite the grass being dewey and damp. He rocked you there for a few seconds before you had to tell him. Before he could be too close if he didnt want you anymore. The doubt crept into your head, and the nerves ate at you. Your heart raced, you could feel it in your neck. "Azriel..stop." You pushed away from him, to catch his beautiful dark eyes. They were painted in a silver hue by the moon above. You took in his face, the curve of his cheeks and lips for possibly the last time. You had to consider the worst possible outcome. You braced yourself for the rejection, for the pain of his reaction. You knew it had to come out. You knew you had to say it now or you never would. Your stomach flipped over and over.  You opened your mouth, a soft sob wracking out of you before you began. He froze. Went utterly still, his shadows even stopping for a second before whirling faster than before. Your eyes went wide. His nose flared, eyes narrowed. He held you closer, sniffing at your neck. He pulled back and his eyes were even wider than before. His mouth fell open when you nodded. "I'm-" "Youre-" his face went through a whirlwind of different emotion. Then, he broke out into a small laugh. He couldn't stop. You felt the tears running down your cheeks and didnt bother to wipe them away. "Honey... I'm sorry." He stopped laughing suddenly. "What do you want to do?" His eyes were masked, his expression the most serious you'd ever seen him. His aura on your bond seemed to go completely gray and still, as if he didn't want you to see him. He masked everything. In preparation for whatever you decide. The gesture made your heart squeeze in appreciation. You stammered, resting your forehead on his. "I dont know." You muttered, voice cracking. Then, he was wrapping his arms around you in a smothering hug. When he pulled away, he cradled your face in his hands. The hands that had seen so much cruelty in his life. The possibilities of the same thing happening to your child made your heart race. "I'm here for whatever decision you make." He brushed your cheek with a thumb. You nodded and let him hold you like that for a while. Quietly rocking back and forth with you in his lap. + You were near falling asleep when the war cries rang out again. Illyrians howling for their leaders to join them. Another onslaught of death coming their way. The calls were distant, but Azriel tensed the second he heard them. Your blood went cold. He buried his face to your chest, as if he wished he could hide there. "I'm not going." He said when you tried pushing him away. "I wont leave you." He promised, locking his muscled forearms around you. The echoes of battle cries faded. He stroked your hair, and traced his fingers along your back. Then he swore. "Let me take care of this." He said, voice edged with anger. Nerves pricked at your stomach, but you stood, wobbling on your feet slightly. He took off into the night sky painted in silvers and blues by the full moon. Then came racing back down right behind Rhys. the high lord took one breath and then he was hugging his brother. Azriel shoved him off, and they shot into the night sky. Well, Azriel did. He dragged Rhys with him. Grunts of pain and fleshy sounds of punching rang out.  You followed them high into the air where they had their conversation. Your wings led you around them with ease. "Stop fighting and use your words, boys." You warned. You recognized Azriels growl and smiled to yourself as they broke apart. Rhys adjusted his tunic and cleared his throat. "I need you there. Cassian is handling the Western front, the others need a leader."  Azriel began protesting against the high lord. "I cant with my mate-" "I know it feels impossible right now but-" "I will not, Rhys-" You set your jaw. If they wanted to fight over if you needed protection or not, you would take the option off the table all together. "I'll go." you said, voice strong since hearing Jeva announce what grew inside you. Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant. You shoved the thoughts away as far as you could. They both turned to you, horror striking Azriels features. "Absolutely not. No." Heat and rage flared down the bond. It made you want to defy everything he said. You locked eyes with him and glared. Rhys glanced between you with tense shoulders. He cleared his throat. "It would be a good compromise, Azriel. You can go together to the Eastern front. Think about it." He placed a hand on his brother's shoulder and gave him a grim smile.  "I wont say a word." He said, summoning the darkness around him then winnowing away. Azriel's cold eyes made him look like a statue. "Let's go." He said, and started circling lower. Back to the meadow.  "I'm going, you cant stop me from following you." You said, expecting a fight. He said nothing. You were met with that silence that drove others crazy tryin to find out what he wanted from them. The bond seemed to snap taut, then go into a relaxed state. He was hiding. You knew it, but would rather have silence and peace than him trying to fight you again.  He walked you back to the tent, and exhaustion took you under before you could remember him laying down with you. You hoped it it was exhaustion, and not whatever the baby was doing to you. Despite your best efforts, you couldn't resist the urge to cradle your belly while you slept. There was no bump, but it felt like the most natural thing to do now that you were aware of the being inside you. You slept hard, and awoke to the breakfast bell chiming. The sounds of slow footsteps marching through the mud kept you awake. Azriel was gone, but the candle on the table was lit. A note lay there waiting for you. His messy scrawl made you smile, the familiarity of his writing reminded you of the notes he would leave you when he had to leave early for meetings with Rhys. "Back by nightfall, lover. A guard is at the tent, ask her to bring you anything you need. -A" You peeked outside the tent to see Jeva there, her long fur coat shimmering in the morning light. Her breath clouded in front of her when she gave you a soft smile. "Good morning." She pulled a muffin from her coat. "Your favorite." She winked, and you pulled her inside. She had a fire roaring by the time you finished your food. "How are you not freezing?" She complained, blowing into her hands to keep them warm. You brushed the crumbs from your shirt and really took into account the changes you'd noticed lately. How hungry you'd been, how tired after the easiest days.  "Do you know... How um..." You gestured to your stomach. She gave a small smile and nodded. "Only a month or so." She said quietly. You stared at your stomach, as if waiting for something to answer you. To give some sort of affirmation that Jeva was right. She continued warming herself by the fire, and soon the tent was filled with her warm chestnut smell. Cassian entered the tent when you were starting to doze off again. The wool blanket on your lap reminded you of a time when you first met Az. Your heart squeezed at the memory of those long nights shared together by a fire. Taking your turns on watch duty. You shook yourself from the memory. Cassian froze. His face scrunched up at the sight of you. The scent, you realised. You swore to yourself, and Jeva only nodded when he looked to her. "Youre pregnant?" He asked breathlessly, and you could smell the fear and excitement coming from him. In fact, you could smell the smoked meat on his breath. And the cold air that clung to him from outside. It was refreshing, like a cool drink on a hot day amid the dry heat inside the tent. "I'm sorry, I shouldnt have.." He ran a hand through his hair, trying to remain focused.  "Its okay, Cass. What's going on? Az left me this note." You handed it to him. His lips moved as he read it. He went white as bone. Your stomach dropped.  + Azriel had gone in the night to take out the entire eastern flank with a small group of Illyrians. You felt your world skittering away as Cassian told you. Your vision went blurry, and tears fell, dripping on your hands that clenched the wool blanket.  "He's on his way here now. He had to answer to Rhys first."  Cassian waited for you to say anything. But your lips just couldnt form the words. The hurt, anger... the betrayal you felt for him going to battle without you. And defying a direct order from his high lord like a fool. "I suggest you leave before Azriel comes back. It may get messy." Jeva spoke for you, and you were grateful. You gave Cassian a nod of thanks before he turned and left. The cold wind that blew in from the door gave you goosebumps.  "Take it easy, you dont want to be too stressed." Jeva handed you a mug of tea and gave you a small squeeze. You could smell Azriel before he entered. Jeva shot him a glare, but said nothing. "I'll be in my tent if you need me." She promised, gave you a look that said 'find me after' and left. Azriel took off his armor plates one by one. A bit too slowly to be considered normal. Stalling. You said nothing. You let the tension roil out of you, let it hit him down the bond. Like a wave getting ready to break. He rolled his shoulders, stretched his wings.  The mask he wore cracked when he saw your fists balled in the blanket. "I couldnt risk you... or the babe." He tried to hide the fear that shone through. The fear of his mate or child being hurt in battle. He wouldnt be able to stand it. The fight was needed, anyway. He needed to get out his instincts to protect protect protect.  You said nothing. You let that looming wave grow larger. He sighed, and sat at the end of the cot beside you. "I'm sorry. I needed....I needed to get my head straight. I should have told you. I'm sorry." That wave crashed, not on him though. Internally, guilt and fear melting in on yourself. "I cant lose you, we... We cant." You said through your teeth, trying to hold back the tears that begged to spill over. He tried his best to hold back his surprise. "We?" He asked, a small smile playing on his full lips.  You gave him a grim smile. "If you're...ready to be a father. I like imagining you, with my child."  "Our child." He said with a bubbling laugh. You laughed with him, and it turned to hysterics.  He wiped tears from the corner of your eyes. "We're going to have a baby?" He cradled your face, looking into your eyes. You took one of his hands, and placed it on your flat belly. "Yes. We are." You said, voice quivering.  He wrapped you into a hug, and you cried together in the cot. 

Memorable NYE

Alex Turner x reader

summary: (FETUS!) Alex confesses something to you on New Year's Eve.

warnings: nothing, just pure fluff

word count: 1.3k

a/n: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!!!! this year was wild just like last year and i'm so thankful that i've been able to share my works with all of you on here and i'm so, so, so thankful for each and every single one of you. also, i won't be uploading for a bit because i have some thing i need to do and i'll be taking the time to get a few imagines and some stories wrote. enjoy!

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑ ✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

Music filled the room, not loud enough that you had to yell to be able to speak, but loud enough that you could hear it everywhere in the house. You and your friends danced a lot, and drank. Though, they were much more drunk than you were. Almost all of your friends were there, in fact, those were the only people who were at your house on New Year's Eve.

You were all laughing and joking, having a good time. You sat on the settee, a few of your friends sitting on various chairs and even on the floor, some of them were also in the kitchen getting something to eat. You were just waiting for a few more people to show up. But, it was getting closer and closer to twelve and they still hadn't arrived yet. Your knee bounced in anticipation. You really wanted them to get here, well, actually, you just wanted one particular person to get here. Alex. He was your best friend, had been since you were little. You hadn't seen him in at least a year. Ever since he and his band had released their first album they had been away touring which made it difficult to see them.

"They'll be here," one of your friends said.

"I know, it's just ... it's almost time," you replied.

Then, the doorbell rang and you quickly turned your head towards the door. You sat up quickly and began to walk quickly towards the door. Opening the door, you smiled widely as you saw Alex, Matt, Nick, and Jamie all at the door. "Hey, guys," you said, hugging them all as they walked in. Matt first, then Nick, then Jamie, and then finally Alex. "Hey, Al. How have you been?" You said to him.

"Oh, I'm doing good. You?" He answered, smiling widely.

"I'm doing really good," you said. "How has it been touring?" You added.

"Oh, it's, uh ... it's been really good, fun. Yeah, um, we're actually working on a second album right now," he answered.

"Really? That's amazing, Al," you said and you hugged him again. He smiled at you and thanked you. "Well, come on in, Al."

He nodded and you stepped to the side and then he walked inside your house. You shut the door and walked behind him to the couch. He sat down and then you. Everyone talked and had lots of fun, and you all soon decided to play a card game. You all sat down on the floor around the coffee table and one of your friends shuffled the deck of cards. She handed out seven cards to each person that was playing.

You went first and then it went clockwise, which meant that Alex was next. "Come on, Al. Do you have a yellow card, or a seven?" You said, raising your eyebrow at him. "Uh, yeah actually, I do," he said as he placed down a green seven.

The game went on, going clockwise, and occasionally some people pulled reverse cards, and of course there were people who played skip cards, and draw twos and fours. It was an all around fun game. Currently, it was Alex's turn, then it would be yours because someone just had to play a reverse card. "Go on then, Al, play your card that you have just been dying to play," you joked. He looked at you and smirked, laughing a little bit. He slowly picked his card out of his options and he placed it down. It was a draw four card. Your mouth fell dramatically open in shock at what he did. "Alex--" you drug his name out dramatically, "--I thought we were friends." You pouted dramatically and rolled your eyes at him. You drew the four cards. "What color is it now, Alex?"

"Blue, love," he said. You sarcastically smiled and put down another draw four so that Matt had to draw four. Matt threw his arms up in the air and yelled fuck you. Everyone laughed. While you laughed, Alex was looking at you the entire time. He admired the way your eyes lit up when you laughed or smiled and that was all he was fixated on.

You all had played at least three rounds of Uno, and then it was ten minutes until twelve. One of your friends walked into the living room from the kitchen where they got wine and champagne. "Glasses, everyone," they said. You all stood up and walked over to her to get either wine or champagne.

Everyone getting their champagne or wine then going back into the living room took a good seven or eight minutes. You, on the other hand, didn't. You went outside to look at the stars, and to clear your mind. Alex had got his drink and noticed that you weren't in the living room with everyone else. "Hey, uh, do you know where she went?" He asked one of your friends.

"Uh, yeah. She went outside, I think," one of your friends said, pointing to the door to the outside. He thanked her and walked outside. He stopped just outside the door when he saw you. He admired how you looked in the pale moonlight. You were looking up at the moon and didn't notice him. He admired your facial features and wondered how someone could be so perfect. He slowly walked up to you. "Hey, love," he said. You turned to him and smiled at him. "Hey, Al. Is everything alright?" You replied.

"Oh, uh, no, no. Everything is just fine," he stuttered over his words, scratching the back of his neck. It was very obvious that he was very nervous and you wondered why. "Al, are you sure that everything is okay?" You asked him.

"Yeah, of course, love. Why wouldn't it be?" He answered. You sighed. "Are you sure, Alex?" You asked again.

"Uh, well, actually ... t-there is something that I've been meaning to tell you," he said sheepishly.

"Okay, what is it?" You asked, curious. He cleared his throat and took a moment before he spoke.

"Uh, okay, w-well, um, it's just that ... I ... I," he stuttered and stumbled over his own words, was hardly able to form a sentence. "It's just that I-I've liked you for a while now and I-" you cut him off.

"I like you, too, Al. I have for a while actually," you confessed to him. He was shocked and he opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. "Really?" He asked in disbelief. You nodded. He smiled widely and grabbed you to pull you into a tight hug.

"Okay, ten seconds until midnight!" One of your friends shouted. Everyone started to count down while you and Alex just smiled at each other. "Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two!--" Alex leaned in just as they said "--One! Happy New Year!" He leaned down and placed his lips on your own. He had waited forever to do this, to feel his lips move in sync against yours. Your arms were wrapped around his neck and his were wrapped around your waist. The kiss lasted longer than you both had originally intended , but you both couldn't bring yourselves to pull away.

That was until Matt clapped his hands and Jamie and Nick whistled at you. So, you pulled away and Alex grabbed the back of your head and pulled it into his chest to save you from any embarrassment.

"It's about damn time that you two kissed," Matt chuckled.

"Yeah, now we're just waiting on you two to shag so that Nick can give us our money," Jamie said. "So go shag her, Al." At this point you were very embarrassed, especially since all of your friends were there watching. Alex clearly noticed how your face had flushed with embarrassment. "Oh, fuck off, Cookie. You too, Matt," Alex said. He grabbed you and held you tightly as he brought you inside.