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fresh-prince-of-denmark · 3 years

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Cyberpunk 2077 Literary Analysis Pt 7: Leave me Alone, Hemingway, You’re Supposed to be Dead

Surprise bitch I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.

Cyberpunk spoilers ahead!

Cyberpunk meta literary analysis masterpost here

Okay, so I thought I would be done with this, but it kinda feels like Hemingway has me by the left asscheek and won’t let me go as of late. So here we are: Cyberpunk literature meta-analysis part 7: For Whom the Bell Tolls

Hemingway comes up a few times in Cyberpunk, too many times to ignore. It’s not surprising, really. We know that Johnny is actually a pretty well-read guy from some of his passing comments, and if I had to guess, he’d probably really connect to Hemingway. In fact, if you play Johnny’s ending with Rogue, the final quest is called “For Whom the Bell Tolls” (which is also cool since it keeps the theme of all the missions being song titles, as this is also a Metallica song). But for once, this analysis isn’t entirely about Johnny or V. Hopefully this rings a bell (pun intended), as we’re very explicitly told who else really connected to Hemingway.

Jackie Wells.

During the quest Heroes, Mama Wells will ask you to go through Jackie’s garage to find something for the ofrenda. One option is a book, For Whom the Bell Tolls by Earnest Hemingway. Misty will comment that he used to read it before a big job, and that it was important to him. If you choose to bring the book for the ofrenda, V will “read from the book” (I put this in quotes because the passage they read has actually been misattributed, it is a Hemingway quote, but not from FWTBT, rather from another of his works titled “Men at War”):

“When you go to war as a boy, you have a great illusion of immortality. Other people get killed, not you... Then, when you are badly wounded the first time, you lose that illusion, and you know it can happen to you.”

The majority of our main characters start out as The Fool, naive and feeling like they’re on top of the world, the kind of hubris that can only come with youth. Yet, like Hemingway says, it takes a bullet to give one a dose of reality.

For Whom the Bell Tolls is a story of war. Our protagonist, Robert Jordan (I’d be really interested to know if Johnny’s birth name, Robert John Linder, was inspired by this), leaves his cushy job as a college instructor in the United States to join the Republican side in the Spanish Civil War. Robert begins the novel fairly bland; he has no real friends, no real family, and he feels completely disconnected from the world. In all honesty, he’s boring. Like, if wet cardboard were a person. He doesn’t really care if he lives or dies, not because he’s a badass, but because he really doesn’t have anything to lose. No passion, no connections, nothing he loves that ties him to this earth despite the fact that he is a man of such strong convictions that he willingly joins this war. Robert is tasked with destroying a bridge, meeting comrades of varying philosophies along the way, who become a kind of found family to him. Despite going out of his way to avoid making connections, he falls in love, not just with the love interest Maria, but with his friends, finally giving him something worth fighting for, something connecting him to this life. The novel concludes as the group finally blow up the bridge (a task done in vain, since the Republican side has ultimately sustained more losses than the Fascists), and Robert is injured. He convinces the others to leave him behind so he can buy them time to escape. The novel ends just as it begins; our protagonist lying in wait in a forest, gun in hand, “heart to the ground,” on a bed of pine needles. (For more on cycles/mirrors/reflections, see here).

While there’s a much larger political message here that could parallel the themes of Cyberpunk, I want to focus more on the philosophical side, as it ties in with my previous analysis much more coherently. The biggest theme of this novel is about how interpersonal relationships are what matter most in this life, which is summarized very nicely by the poem by John Donne which not only lends the novel it’s name, but serves as it’s opening epitaph:

No man is an island,

Entire of itself.

Each is a piece of the continent,

A part of the main.

If a clod be washed away by the sea,

Europe is the less.

As well as if a promontory were.

As well as if a manor of thine own

Or of thine friend's were.

Each man's death diminishes me,

For I am involved in mankind.

Therefore, send not to know

For whom the bell tolls,

It tolls for thee.

This poem and the overall meaning of the book work on two levels. The most obvious is that we all die one day, that mortality is fleeting. But on another level, No man is an island. Our identity is tied within our communities, those that love us, and those we live for. “Therefore, send not to know/For whom the bell tolls/It tolls for thee.” Each time a person dies, a piece of all those who loved them dies with them. Funerals are not just for the deceased, but for us, a chance to bury the pieces of ourselves that died with them. “Each is a piece of the continent/Apart of the main/If a clod be washed away by the sea/Europe is the less.”

Johnny is incredibly similar to Robert Jordan. Despite knowing a lot of people and having a lot of connections, Johnny is not particularly loved, and that feeling is mutual. He even tells V that they are the only person who knows him that that doesn’t hate his guts. Both Robert and Johnny are men who base their morals and identity solely on principal and ideals; standing up for what is right, fighting against oppression, rebellion, but that passion is not borne from interpersonal relationships and connections. It is made of hate of the world, not love of their fellow man. This leads to one of Johnny’s fatal flaws; he did not fear death, because he did not feel as if he had anything to lose. He was consumed and driven by hate, not love, leading to all of his failed relationships. Had Johnny something to lose, he may not have taken all of the stupid the risks he did, acting as if he did not care about his own life.

V, in many ways, parallels Maria, Robert’s love interest in the novel. While Robert salvation lies in the love he has for all of his newfound friends, the main focus is on the love interest, Maria. Here’s an interesting bit of dialogue between Maria and Robert:

"Now, feel. I am thee and thou art me and all of one is the other. And I love thee, oh, I love thee so. Are you not truly one? Canst thou not feel it?"

"Yes," he said, "it is true."

"And feel now. Thou hast no heart but mine."

"Nor any other legs, nor feet, nor of the body."

"But we are different," she said. "I would have us exactly the same."

"You do not mean that." (20.66-71)

In this moment, Robert and Maria are talking about how they feel as if they have fused into the same person, as if they share a body. Yet there is a key difference in how they view their relationship: Maria wishes that they were exactly the same, while Robert states that she doesn’t mean that. Similarly, while Johnny seems to enjoy the growth he and V provide one another, his greatest fear is V/himself being changed into something they are not. Hmmmm….

Johnny and V are very different people by the end of Cyberpunk, finding meaning in relationships just as Robert has. For V, this means Judy, River, Panem, Kerry, Misty, Vik, etc. And for Johnny, this means V, and by extension, all of the people who make up V’s identity through their love and friendship. Despite dying and rising again as lines of code, V is able to finally show Johnny what it means to be human. His journey, I believe, can be accurate summed up by this quote from the novel:

“This was the greatest gift that he had, the talent that fitted him for war; that ability not to ignore but to despise whatever bad ending there could be. This quality was destroyed by too much responsibility for others or the necessity of undertaking something ill planned or badly conceived. For in such things the bad ending, failure, could not be ignored. It was not simply a possibility of harm to one's self, which could be ignored. He knew he himself was nothing, and he knew death was nothing. He knew that truly, as truly as he knew anything. In the last few days he had learned that he himself, with another person, could be everything. But inside himself he knew that this was the exception. That we have had, he thought. In that I have been most fortunate. That was given to me, perhaps, because I never asked for it. That cannot be taken away nor lost. But that is over and done with now on this morning and what there is to do now is our work.”

In addition, Robert’s final conversation with Maria as he is convincing the others to leave him behind so he can buy them time to escape is nearly identical to Johnny and V’s final conversation:

"Listen to this well, rabbit," he said. He knew there was a great hurry and he was sweating very much, but this had to be said and understood. "Thou wilt go now, rabbit. But I go with thee. As long as there is one of us there is both of us. Do you understand?" (43.319)

Here, Robert is telling Maria that because they are the same, only one of them needs to survive in order for them both to live. Compare that to what Johnny tells V:

V: For fucks sake, defend yourself! You’re not even trying!

Johnny: Hmm…sounds kind of familiar. We know that attitude. See, V? Stayin’ with you whether you like it or not.”

This scene is further paralleled by the fact that V crosses a bridge to reach Mikoshi, which is set to be destroyed, just as Robert was tasked with destroying the bridge. Furthermore, in the Suicide ending, the overall theme is about how V “never realized just how many friends they had.” Friends who, in all other endings, were willing to die for V, as losing them meant a piece of themselves dying with them. Similarly, Robert considers killing himself as his friends escape, as the pain of his injury becomes too much to bear. However, he is comforted knowing that his sacrifice will mean that they live, telling himself, "I don't mind this at all now they are away.” Despite now having something to live for, like Johnny, they are still able to brave their deaths as now they have been given meaning. And not just any meaning; love. No longer hate, or rage, or blind idealism. Love.

This is the overall message of Cyberpunk: maybe you won’t change the world. Maybe you won’t win the war. Maybe your sacrifice isn’t going to change history. Maybe, in the grand scheme of the universe, you don’t matter, and you won’t ever be a legend. But you do matter to the people in your life. No man is an island. We were made to be in each other’s lives, to love one another, to change one another for the better. And that’s what life is all about.

#finally an author im familiar with even if it was against my will #like it’s the misogyny for me but god damn it’s some tasty misogyny #cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk2077 #cyberpunk 2077 v #cyberpunk spoilers #cyberpunk meta #cyberpunk 2077 meta #johnny silverhand #v #v cyberpunk #my posts #hemingway #cp2077 #cp2077 spoilers #cp77 #cp project red #jackie wells

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tired0artist · 3 years

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not enough (part two)

>part one<

paring: female!V x Johnny Silverhand

warnings: depression, amnesia, alcoholism, angst, fluff, happy ending (but you gotta wait for it), character (near) death

summary: continuation to the first part.

note: as before I will be describing my V. and yes, there will be a third part. I’m not gonna be a cunt and leave you guys with this lmao.

————<•>————

V was pointlessly walking through the city, staring at her feet. It wasn’t raining like in the old movies she and Johnny watched in the old cinema after Rouge left. No. It was loud, smelly, bright and full of people.

She ended up in the park where she first met Zen master and sat down on a bench. V stared at her still shaking hands and wished that suddenly she would feel a small pinch in her brain and Johnny would appear out of nowhere.

He would appear just to talk shit about people passing by, hoping to make her laugh or annoy her enough so that she would take her mind off of whatever was bothering her.

But he wasn’t there. Her Johnny was probably gone... what’s left is in her brain. While the other Johnny didn’t seem to even want to look at her... maybe he truly just didn’t like her. And she was trying to do the impossible.

Suddenly she got a call. Third time this night. From the same person.

She picked up and said “Hey, Kerry...”

Kerry’s tired and panicked face appeared and he seemed to be driving “V!! Oh thank what ever is watching over us! Fuck honey! I was so worried, where are you? Where did you go at night? Was it Johnny again? I swear I’ll kick his young ass for what he’s doing to you!”

V choked on a sobb. Somehow hearing Kerry’s voice and the worry for her of all people in his voice... cause her to break and just whimper.

“Kerry...”

He stopped talking and looked into his phone, asking gently “Honey, where are you? I’ll come get you”

After explaining where she was, Kerry had her keep the call going. He wanted to know if she was safe.

Not even ten minutes passed, as Kerry found her. He immediately hugged the young woman to his chest and caressed her black thick hair.

“Shhh... I’m here honey. Come on, let’s go home”

Kerry led V to his expensive car and soon he was driving the now silent woman to his mansion. He was growing worried as she entered the residence without a word, took her naked cat and went inside her room.

V took off her clothes, putting on an old SAMURAI shirt and a pair of sport shorts. She got under the covers with Nibbles, she kissed the cat’s head as he snuggled into her shirt, seeking warmth.

She must’ve fell asleep because what woke her up was yelling coming from somewhere in the villa. V got up and took her gun, intending to blast whoever was a threat. What she didn’t expect is to see Rogue on the couch across from Kerry who was smoking.

V didn’t make herself known yet as she listened to the pair.

“—told him to fuck off and look for a new place. I don’t care that he doesn’t have a place to stay at. He was fucking with V too much. I tried looking the other way, but I fucking can’t. He’s worse than ever” Rogue said putting her phone in her pocket.

“Back in our day... he was an asshole. Sure. But now? What he’s doing isn’t even like him...” Kerry said, with a heavy sigh.

“I’m not surprised that V finally had enough. Poor kid... we should’ve intervened”

“No” V said, walking out from behind a pillar “It’s between him and me. He didn’t do anything to you, if anything he is nice to you. He doesn’t deserve this from you...”

“Kid, did you hit your head? He’s a complete psycho—“ Rogue started.

“To me, not to you. I don’t want you to take it out on him. He needs you both” V stated, looking away “He doesn’t need me anymore but you two are important to him... I’ll be fine. I’ll leave him alone, if he’ll need anything he’ll come... like he did for the last month...”

Kerry stood up and wrapped his arm around V saying “No, no. No more helping him out from you. You tried to be there for him and he’s worse than ever. So from now on, leave him be. Deny any request and just let him figure it out. Just like he did inside your brain”

“He’s right. Fuck Johnny. Let him find his way to you” Rogue said, while crossing her arms.

V looked between them and finally nodded “Okay... maybe you’re right. He needs to process everything on his own”

“Yup. Of course we’ll be there for him, but your door is closed honey. If he’ll want in, then the fuck will have to find a window to enter through” Kerry said, trying to cheer up the younger woman.

She smiled a bit but soon looked away. One question on her mind, ever since she left Johnny.

And of course nothing goes unnoticed with the Queen of Afterlife in the room.

“What is it kid? There’s something more bothering you” she stated.

Kerry immediately sat V down next to him on the couch saying “Come on, V. You can tell us anything”

V stared at her hands and finally asked “Do you think that... if Johnny and I met normally and not through the chip... would he still... would he and I—“

“Well kid, he would be old like us. But knowing Johnny, he would have his eyes on you the first time you stepped inside Afterlife with that friend of yours” Rogue said with a small smile, thinking about the situation.

“And if he didn’t see you there, then probably after finding out that you were the one stealing from Arasaka? And rumoured that you were somehow involved with the death of Saburo? V, he would have wedding rings ordered” Kerry said with a laugh, as Rogue snorted.

“The man would be stumbling over his feet for you if things were normal, kid”

V laughed along with them, her heart somehow feeling lighter the longer she spent time with Rogue and Kerry. To her they were like a clan. Like a family.

As weeks went by, V returned to her work but was also in charge of the security at Afterlife. Which meant a lot of fucking paper work, dealing with idiots and sitting with Rogue. Keeping an eye out for anyone who would want to kill the woman.

Johnny tried calling V couple of times during the first few weeks. She didn’t answer any of his calls, although her heart was heavy with worry. Because what if he really needed help? What if someone stabbed him and he was bleeding out in some alleyway?

This paranoia caused V to call Rogue or wake up Kerry so that they could call the man and find out what’s going on.

Each time they either got a question.

“Where’s V?”

Or if he was drunk enough they got a statement.

“I need V”

But every time his friends would refuse him anything related to the young nomad.

Whenever V saw Johnny at Afterlife she simply left the room or just kept her distance. Giving him space.

Although it felt like he didn’t want space. Because whenever she stayed in the room, his dark eyes would be on her the whole time.

One time a guy came over to V and tried to seduce her, drunkenly. The guy was getting a bit too touchy and she was just about to get the fucker out of the Afterlife. But before she could even push him away, the guy got yanked back buy his shoulder so hard, that V was sure it was dislocated.

“Fucking dog. Out. Now”

She looked up in confusion just to see Johnny dragging the guy outside of the Afterlife. V wanted to go after him, but decided to stay and instead ordered Jackie’s disgusting drink and went to sit with Rogue.

The Queen of the Afterlife smiled at V as she sat down next to her. Around an hour later, Johnny came up to Rogue asking for some intel.

V tried to look away from him, but the seemingly fresh blood on his metal arm and on his neck, caught her attention. She stared at it in slight shock and looked up just to see Johnny staring at her. He didn’t say anything. But his eyes screamed. Without a word to V, he thanked Rogue and left.

Next morning they found a body in an alleyway near the Afterlife.

One evening V was at Afterlife for a different reason, than normally.

She was sitting at the bar talking to Claire when she heard someone call her name. With a smile she turned to see Judy and Panam walking inside.

“Hey, there V. Finally found the time for us huh?” Judy said as she sat down at the bar, the other girl following.

“Yeah I was waiting for a fucking call, you asshole. The fuck were you doing?” Panam said, already ordering a beer.

V’s heart felt lighter as she was around her girls and immediately she regretted not calling them sooner.

“Sorry, I was busy and things were complicated for a bit. But hey, I’m back on board” she said while raising her glass.

“Fine, you’re off the hook for tonight” Judy said, while Panam mumbled something under her breath. Unwilling agreeing.

“Thanks, really I want us to meet up more. I’m no longer dying so, how about we have fun?” V joked slightly.

“Sure, what’s on the menu? I’ve never been here for a drink before” Judy said.

Claire came up, hearing this and said “First time? Well people here, like V and her friend did, normally order Silverhand on their first visit”

Both Panam and Judy frowned at it, as V simply said “Fuck that, three Jackie Wells’s for us. Time to change the favourite drink”

Claire grinned and got to work.

“Is it any good?” Panam asked as soon as the three of them had the drinks in their hands.

V laughed and shook her head “It’s the worst drink Jackie ever made for me. Cheers”

While V downed her drink whole, Judy got couple of sips in before asking for something else. But Panam much like V, drank the whole thing. But she actually enjoyed it.

“You’re fucking weird Panam” V laughed as Panam once again ordered Jackie’s drink.

“A psychopath” Judy agreed with a smirk.

Panam flipped them off, saying “You don’t have raste, chooms. And V here is the true psychopath. She drinks it even though she doesn’t like it”

“Fuck off, Panam” V laughed and finished her drink, calling Claire over saying “Okay Claire, one Silverhand for me!”

“Coming right up!” the bartender called back.

“By the way how’s your parasite doing? Still neck deep in shit?” Judy asked, looking at V closely.

“Yeah, you kicked his ass right?” Panam added, already looking pissed.

V simply sighed and thanked Claire as she handed her the drink.

“It’s not that easy... let’s not talk about him tonight. I want to hang out with my chooms for a bit”

Both girls looked ready to push V but eventually nodded, changing the subject.

The rest of the night they spend drinking, dancing and laughing at some dumb shit. It made V, feel like she did with Jackie when she first came to the Nightcity.

It was getting bright by the time the girls left the Afterlife. They were giggling shits, as V was searching for a cig.

“I thought you weren’t smoking” Panam said as she watched V clumsyly lit up a cigarette and passing it to Judy.

“I’m not... Judy and I are sharing” V said with a laugh.

Panam snorted and leaned against a wall, Judy following as V stood in front of the girls.

V was looking around, while smoking as if looking for something.

“V you okay?” Panam asked in confusion.

“Huh? Yeah just looking for Johnny... he usually comes out when I smoke”

Judy passed her the cigarette with a frown saying “V, he’s not in your head anymore”

V flinched and stared at the smoking cigarette in her hand “Oh... yeah... I guess, I forgot...” slowly she brought the cig to her lips, as Panam scoffed.

“Fucking Silverhand... why didn’t you just kick his ass when he came back as a amnesiac asshole?”

“Yeah V... he was treating you like shit. Why did you go through with it?” Judy asked.

V started shaking as tears gathered in her violet eyes, she sniffed saying “B-Because I promised him... back in Mikoshi. He was afraid of going back to who he was and of being alone... I promised him that I— that I would be there for him. That I wouldn’t hate him”

“Okay, but still. V that wasn’t healthy, the fucker shouldn’t ask for the impossible from you” Panam said.

“Panam is right. Besides your not his babysitter, it’s better that you’d leave—” Judy added, only to get cut off by V nearly yelling.

“I love him”

The girls watched in stunned silence as the young nomad, fell apart in front of them.

“I love him so much it fucking hurts. I love him so much that, I let him treat me like that because I knew that it was his defence mechanism. He was fucking testing if I really wouldn’t leave him... but I failed because I couldn’t handle it anymore... and I can only hope that he’ll find his way... even without me”

V was sobbing and she threw the cigarette on the ground and left, calling a cab to get her.

Not realising that what stunned her girls wasn’t her breaking down. But the man who stood behind her, looking at her in shock as he heard her every word.

Next morning, or rather afternoon was harsh for V. She woke up feeling like shit, her body screaming at her every move.

“Fuck...” she mumbled, while getting out of bed. V made her way through the large villa to the living room, where Kerry was keeping his painkillers. He was already there, playing his guitar.

“Oh look who has returned to the living! I thought that you died there, honey” Kerry said, enjoying the rough state the young woman was in.

“Shut up, Kerry... or I swear I’ll shove that guitar up your ass” V mumbled taking the painkillers.

Kerry laughed and shook his head, taking out his phone he said “I’ll order us some dinner, while you go and make yourself a drink”

V nodded and left the room, trying not to think about the bad hangover she had when Johnny took over.

In the evening she was back at Afterlife. Claire laughed as she saw the rough state the merc was in.

“Rough night?”

V glared slightly saying “Don’t you know it, you demon in disguise... why did you let me drink so much?”

“Well it’s my job, hun. But you really went overboard. When Rogue saw your bill? I throught that she would have a heart attack”

“Fuck... did she ask to see it? Anyway how much to I owe you?”

Claire laughed saying “Rogue payed for it all, so nothing. Also you need to go see her, she’s waiting”

V paled as she glanced at Rogue’s booth, the older woman was already watching her.

“Shit. Okay Claire, I need one shot of tequila before I talk to her”

Claire nodded while laughing, saying “Damn you’re acting like a kid who got caught stealing candy”

V drank the shot and said “I always feel like that with Rogue, so wish me luck”

“I hope you don’t get grounded and still come over to play” Claire joked as V flipped her off.

As V walked over to the Queen of Afterlife, she smiled sheepishly saying “Uhh... hey Rouge?”

The woman’s eyes were cutting as she said “Saw your tab, kid. You’re trying to off yourself? I’m surprised you even got up this morning”

“Oh come on, it was a girls night out. You know that I don’t party that often”

“That’s true, just go more slowly next time. Your body is still regenerating after the relic. Now, I’ve got a job for you” Rogue said.

Hours later V was bleeding out in Pacifica, behind a fucking crate inside some dirty warehouse. She killed everyone, including the target but what was it worth if she couldn’t move.

“Fuck...” she hissed, while calling Rogue.

The woman’s face appeared as she asked “V? Job done?”

V coughed up some blood “Yeah, but I’m kinda bleeding out... in the warehouse...”

Rogue looked scared but something else caught her gaze as she yelled out “Johnny! Fuck! V hang on, I think he’s coming for you. I need to give him a call and exact location, stay awake kid”

With that the call ended and V was left all alone. She focused on the pain, trying to stay awake. Tears were running down her cheeks as she was scared shitless. She died once and it wasn’t pretty. She didn’t want to go again.

As she held her hands on her bleeding stomach, she couldn’t help but think about Jackie.

Is this how he felt in his last moments? This is the pain he felt? Well fuck.

V was at the verge of falling asleep as a Porsche burst through the doors of the warehouse. The bang woke her up a bit, as her heart speed up a bit.

She heard the cardoor open, following by a yell.

“V?! It’s Johnny! Where are you?!”

She tried to scream but ended up coughing up some more blood. Thankfully it was enough for Johnny to hear her as he came running.

He fell on his knees in front of her and touched her hands, taking them away from her wound.

“H-How—“

“Shh.. don’t talk. You’ll be fine, you hear me? You’ll be okay, sweetheart” he said while patching her up a bit. His military training helping at times like this.

V was shaking, her eyes trying to roll back into her skull.

“Johnny... cold...”

“Fuck... hang on V. Eyes on me, okay? You’ll be fine” he said, his own hands trembling a bit as he desperately patched her up.

V could see black spots as the coldness was starting to surround her, she didn’t even feel Johnny’s hands working on her.

She barely raised her hand and touched his face, taking off his glasses clumsily. V smiled at his dark eyes, whispering.

“Th-Thank you...” with the last grip on consciousness she smirked “Lo-Love you... Robert”

Johnny’s face turned white and shocked, and V felt glad that for the last time she managed to make this asshole speechless and have the last word.

•there will be part three as I said above so follow me or just check the tag “Johnny Silverhand x V”

•also English isn’t my first language so sorry for any errors.

•thank you all for reading this and the first part. I’m not good at writing angst and catching people’s feelings but with V and Johnny angst is a must hahah

Tag list (if you wanna be tagged leave a comment): @dartheldur @signwriting @missweatherwax @commanding-officer @lovinghunty

#cp2077 #cyberpunk 2077 #johnny silverhand #johnny silverhand x v #night city #v #female v #cyberpunk rogue #cyberpunk kerry

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thestupidhelmet · 3 years

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What are the pros and cons of each season, excluding season 8 which we all know never happened?

This is a subjective opinion, of course, and it won't be a comprehensive list. That would take me too long. 😅

Season 1

Pros:

The American '70s milieu being part and parcel of the show's stories and characterization rather than being background element.

Eric and Donna's playful relationship and its development into romance.

Red being less of a hardass, his love for Eric being obvious despite Red's general toughness toward him, and Red's higher tolerance -- and even enjoyment -- of Eric's friends and Jackie.

The development of Jackie and Donna's friendship.

Hyde's complete characterization overhaul in "Prom Night' (1x19)

Kelso showing loyalty to Eric in "Grandma's Dead" (1x23) and other moments where he actually seems to be a friend to Eric and Hyde rather than solely a selfish, self-interested dillhole.

Kelso being a math and tech prodigy.

Jackie not being a stereotype "dumb cheerleader" but someone who cared about her studies, did homework on Saturday nights, and got As on her essays.

Laurie, in the first two-thirds of season 1, being depicted as smart academically, savvy socially, and not interested in Kelso at all. She was an overall more complex character until the writers used her as the show's main antagonist.

Fez being characterized as naive and trying to fit in with his American friends; he didn't know how far to push a joke and often pushed it too far in an attempt to acclimate to a new culture. Because of this, he said some disturbing things, but he came by them innocently. It wasn't due to being a boundary-invading perv (as he later became).

Fez's insight and friendship with Hyde.

Red and Kitty being in love and continuing to have the hots for each other -- and only each other. Goes against the cliched TV longtime-marriage that's lost its passion.

Cons:

Hyde's characterization before "Prom Night" (1x19) / His very problematic and disturbing pursuit of Donna romantically / sexually.

The major character shift in Laurie as a mischief maker and sower of chaos, screwing up other people's relationships for her own amusement and pleasure.

The episode order being shuffled by Fox and the premature time jump to 1977, which confused the true story arc of season 1.

"A New Hope" (1x20) being the original season 1 finale, leaving Eric and Donna's relationship uncertain. A huge conflict occurs between them in this episode, intended to the cliffhanger for the audience to ponder over the summer -- are Eric and Donna breaking up? -- which is promptly forgotten as if it never happened in the episodes that followed.

The mixed messages of "Eric's Buddy" (1x11). It's a combo of "Gay is okay!" and "Gay panic for laughs!"

Season 2

Pros:

The storytelling, in general, is very on point. It puts character (and character development) first and lets plot and humor arise naturally from it.

The character development (e.g., Red being out of work and Kitty supporting him emotionally and family financially, Hyde becoming compassionate toward and protective of Jackie, Eric and Donna working through their relationship issues and growing from them, etc.)

This is my favorite season of the series, and the two above points, I believe, cover all the pros (again, if were to make a comprehensive list, it would be way too long)

Cons:

Kelso's characterization shift. He goes from being a semi-louse who has (some) loyalty to other people to a full-on, selfish, self-entitled dillhole.

Laurie essentially raping Kelso.

Fez's Nice Guy syndrome toward Jackie

The American '70s milieu fading into the background

Red losing a good portion of his softness; becoming a less balanced character

Season 3

Pros:

More good storytelling and character / character-relationship development. Even if that development isn't always pleasant, it's organic.

Cons:

Jackie's invasion of Hyde's boundaries played for laughs (even though Donna does call her on it, which is a pro).

The show not acknowledging (through Jackie, Hyde, and other characters) the huge arc between Jackie and Hyde during season 2 and the first third of season 3 -- with the exception of "Ice Shack" (3x10), as if it never happened.

Kelso invading Donna's boundaries in "Roller Disco" (3x05)

Season 4

Pros:

The good storytelling and character / character-relationship development continues -- but not for the whole season.

Fez's characterization and relationship with Rhonda.

The unintentional but never-the-less present moments of bonding and closeness between Jackie and Hyde.

Bob and Joanne's relationship

Cons:

The destruction of Fez's character at the end of the season.

Kelso's growth of the end of S3 and first half of S4 being erased and replaced by an even worse version of Kelso.

One of the main reasons Donna and Eric breakup at the end of S3 is so she can experience independence; but she jumps deeply into a monogamous relationship (on her end) with Casey Kelso halfway into the season.

Jackie and Hyde's S2-S3 relationship dynamic getting no acknowledgment; their relationship getting no direct, obvious development at all.

Season 5

Pros:

Eric and Donna reconcile romantically.

Jackie and Hyde's romantic relationship begins.

Many good episodes (but not all).

Kitty getting a story arc focused on her.

Laurie's character development.

Cons:

Eric and Donna not dealing with what broke them up. Eric saying, "Forget about all that stuff," is the writers' way of saying that to the audience so they could move onto the engagement storyline. It's not good storytelling. At least one episode (if not more) were needed for Eric and Donna to deal with their issues from season 3.

Jackie and Hyde's romantic relationship being disconnected completely from their S2-S3 relationship.

A somewhat pathological passive-aggressiveness being added to Hyde's character

Hyde's character being manipulated to serve plot and create the cliffhanger at the end of season 5. The writers were aware this is what they were doing and acknowledged it through an exchange Hyde has with Roy before Hyde chooses not to confront Jackie and learn -- which is what he actually would have done -- and, instead, "retaliates" for the perceived injury Jackie gave him, which also serves as his passive-aggressive way to break up with her.

Hyde putting his fear of losing Jackie above Jackie's pain and feelings of betrayal once he admits his transgression with the nurse.

Hyde acting like Jackie pitting him and Kelso against each other for one night in a competition for her affection is equal to the injury he causes her by sleeping with someone else (out of insecure assumptions, a lack of trust, and an unwillingness to give Jackie the benefit of the doubt).

Fez's behavior growing more and more disturbing (e.g., hiding under Donna's bed to masturbate while Donna and Jackie sleep).

The beginning of the end of Red's true and consistent characterization, toward Kitty specifically. The start of him becoming a cliched, put-upon sitcom husband, whose wife is a cause of misery more often than joy.

Season 6

Pros:

Some very well-written, well-characterized episodes (particularly for Jackie/Hyde and Brooke/Kelso).

Kelso's character growth and story arc with Brooke.

Cons:

Kitty becoming a certified alcoholic.

Red continuing his downward spiral into a cliched, put-upon sitcom husband.

Hyde's transgression against Jackie in season 5 never being mentioned. Hyde acts like the injured party in the first few episodes of season 6, and the show writes his and Jackie's issues as if they're both equally to blame when Hyde is the one who bears one-hundred percent of the responsibility for their breakup.

No true development between Donna and Eric. Their storylines are rehashed from earlier seasons.

Eric and Donna unnecessarily setting a wedding date instead of remaining engaged, only for neither of them actually feeling ready to get married by the end of the season.

The show's first filler episode "Young Man Blues" (6x09), which does nothing to further the overall plot of season 6 or develop the characters.

The total mishandling of Pam Burkhart's storyline. This includes Hyde acting completely contrary to how seasons 1-5 Hyde would have (i.e. being pissed at Pam on Jackie's behalf, wanting to support her rather than feeling it's a burden, feeling protective of her, etc.) It also includes Jackie and Donna's potential for friendship development due to their shared parental situation being wasted.

Fez's continuing to devovle into a punchline, a punchline-giver, and someone who commits inappropriate behavior toward his female friends.

Laurie's recast causing the writers to scrap the originally intended storyline for her as an individual (i.e. continued character growth) and for her and Fez's relationship.

Season 7

Pros:

A few funny episodes.

A few decently-characterized episodes.

The introduction of W.B. and Angie.

Cons:

Red changing from someone utterly devoted to Kitty, feeling romantic and sexual passion only for her, to someone who not only finds other women attractive but seeks out their attention -- and generally (though not always) acts like being married to Kitty is a hardship instead of a blessing.

Wasting the potential of W.B. and Angie's characters. Focusing on Angie's relationship with Kelso rather than with Hyde. Not exploring Hyde and W.B.'s relationship deeply.

Jackie and Hyde's unnecessary breakups. They're caused by a rehashed conflict that was resolved in "Do You Think Its Alright (6x18)" and were likely meant to lead up to a "dramatic" series finale outcome where Hyde finally fully commits to Jackie by proposing to her.

Separating Eric from Hyde, Kelso, and Fez is many storylines and keeping most of his storylines between him, Donna, and his parents.

Fez remaining stagnant as a character.

Most of Kelso's growth being -- yet again -- erased.

Brooke and Betsy's absence.

Another post of mine you might find interesting is: What I Think Is Each Character’s Best Season of the Series (Exclusding Season 8), Character-Wise and Why.

#That 70s Show #That '70s Show #Jackie x Hyde #Red x Kitty #Eric x Donna #Ask #Anon #My Meta #My Essay

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magnoliapip · 3 years

Text

The Storm Inside

Title : The Storm Inside

Book : Open Heart series (Choices - Pixelberry)

Description : Casey has been pushing everyone away and spiraling since the attack on the hospital and her loved ones are concerned.

Pairing : none established / ambiguous

Characters : Open Heart FMC (Casey Valentine), Sienna Trinh, Bryce Lahela, Jackie Varma, Rafael Aviero, Elijah Greene, Aurora Emery, Kyra Santana, Danny (mentioned), Bobby (mentioned)

Warnings : mention of death, mental health

Prompt : “What’s the weather outside your window doing right now?...”

Casey stared vacantly out the floor length windows into the night sky above Boston from her seat against them on the living room floor. The sky was as clear as could be, a rarity for the area, but in a city as populous as Boston seeing the stars was a gift they were never granted. She stretched out her cramping legs to a different position as she leaned her head and left shoulder against the cool glass.

She looked out of windows with alarming frequency now. She had never really done so before, preferring to always be doing other things. She’d always thought of herself as a social person who enjoyed others company, though she could be either out dancing in a packed club or relaxing away a quiet night in with the same level of enjoyment. Friends and loved ones was all she really needed.

The attack on Edenbrook had changed everything, down to her very bones.

Some days her mood was somber but calm, like a cloudy day. Those were her best days and the ones she liked best. The cloudy days could be darker with threat of rain or lighter with the sun just missing the opportunity to come out. It was the closest to her old self she could feel. Unfortunately for her, those days were not only fleeting and the least common, they were becoming a rarity.

More often, her moods were a range of levels of sadness. All the way from a misting drizzle, enough to coat everything in water and make the air humid, to a torrentially pouring rain. Buckets from heavens and flash floods. The only thing those floods never seemed to leave clean was herself.

Other times she was cold. So, so cold. The best of those days were accompanied with a blizzard. Cold, but manageable with a shovel. On the days where she left her heart covered in an inch thick layer of ice and brandished her words like weaponized icicles, frigid and sharp, the people around her knew to steer clear. She was getting a little too good and stabbing them where it hurt.

Her worst moods felt like she should alert the National Weather Service. Tornado warnings and hurricane evacuations were a courtesy she never felt up to extending, adding to her already astronomical guilt. Like a twister, she could feel so angry and out of control she would tear through everyone in her path with no regard for who or what was in it. She had hurt people, especially the ones she loved, deeply but couldn’t bring herself to stop. It was like watching her body act with someone else at the controls.

It was just one more thing about herself to hate lately, and it had a long line to stand in.

The weather in reality never matched what she felt inside. It fascinated and disgusted her in equal measure. It had been sunny (mostly) since the funeral. It was repulsive.

Bobby was dead. Danny was dead. Raf had almost died and would have god knew how many long term problems ahead because of the illness. She had nearly died. And the world just kept spinning.

Couldn’t they see? Couldn’t any of them see that she was stuck there in that room. That she had never recovered. That she couldn’t recover.

At first, when her friends had noticed her strange new affinity for gazing outside for hours every night, they tried to pull her away. Distract her with things like herbal teas, chocolate ice cream and support. They tried to shower her with her favorite pastimes from before. They tried dancing around the apartment to silly pop songs and playing video games with her. But they didn’t understand. And they didn’t stop.

So she bit them. Hard.

Now they left her alone.

She was an awful person. She shouldn’t have been allowed to live. Someone should have realized it at the hospital and just let her die.

She could feel the tears well up again, stinging her eyes as her inner clouds started to rain again. The night sky outside stayed perfectly cloudy.

It was going to be a long night.

Sienna stood around the corner, watching her best friend shatter silently, as she had done every night for over a month. She whispered to those behind her, “Don’t you all see? Nothing is helping and she’s getting worse. After the last time she panicked when I reached out, I thought I’d give her space. We all did. But it’s not working. Does anyone have any suggestions?”

The gathered assembly of those in the cramped penthouse hallway who loved a young doctor named Casey watched her crumble, weeping without making a sound...and no one said anything. Some of the smartest doctors in the nation, and no one had an answer.

Not Bryce, who stood off to the side watching the pain on the face of the first true friend he’d made while at Edenbrook. Someone who had looked past the brash, self-confidence he used as a shield. The first person he hadn’t been afraid of discovering his past.

Not Rafael, who stood at the back of the crowd, down the hall, not able to stand to look at the person who made him believe he was worth as much to her as these intelligent, talented and more well off friends of hers. Not as she could no longer see how much she was worth.

Not Jackie, who was used to facing her problems by cackling at them until they scurried off with tails between legs or tearing them out with her teeth. But this was a problem that required delicacy, the type she had been shown by the very woman who now needed it.

Not Ethan, who leaned against the wall as he saw his protégé, the first person he’d ever believed in this much, destroy herself. She had forced herself, her goodness, into his life and helped fix his hurt self. Now it was his turn and he, for the first time, found himself at a loss.

Not Aurora, her rival turned friend who showed her at her loneliest that having friend was worth something after all. Not Elijah, a beacon of positivity who felt entirely inadequate with this situation that left her emotionally impaired. Not Kyra, desperate to find some way to give Casey the support she had given. Not Sienna, whose heart broke as she watched her very best friend, her dolphin, her rock in many ways fall further and further into herself.

Each one of them loved her. Each one of them cared for her. Each of them had a purpose and a reason to be at Edenbrook, but Casey was the glue that had held them all together. That glue, their foundation, was compromised. This time, they needed to find a way to save her. This time, she couldn’t waltz her way into a miracle seemingly handed down by the divines themselves to fix the situation.

Giving voice to their silent thoughts, Bryce whispered softer than before, “She needs us. She has to know it. She has to know we’re here somewhere inside, but can’t ask. Won’t ask.”

“We’ve already lost so much because of the attack,” Sienna said quietly. “We can’t lose her now. I can’t.”

“None of us can,” Rafael replied softly.

There was practically a flashing beacon over Casey’s head, screaming help me please. It was long overdue for them to stop ignoring it. For a few pregnant minutes, they all looked around at each other and back to her. This mismatched band of misfits and nerds, bound this night by their affection for one single woman. They stared at each other, desperate for answers…

Until the one who loved her most went rigid. Then stepped toward the rest, speaking slowly.

“I...may have an idea.”

[BREAK]

Notes : I left the ending open for interpretation on purpose. This story is not intended to be expanded on or have a second part. Y’all can decide who the person who loves her most is (and if that person isn’t presently named in my story, you can put them there yourself :D)

Also, I want to extend a heartfelt thank you to the amazing writers I’ve talking to lately. Due to some truly awful comments and the way they were affecting me mentally, I recently purged all of my works but a few from fanfiction.net, AO3, and here on tumblr. Talking to, interacting with, and just seeing you lovelies in action has led me to believe I should start to do this again.

Huge shout out to @jerzwriter and @lovealexhunt for being the lovely souls they are. You may have no idea who I am, especially on this blog rather than my main, but I will never stop being grateful for the positivity you put into the world. Thank you.

#choices #open heart #choices open heart #open heart mc #casey valentine #ethan ramsey #bryce lahela #jackie varma #rafael aveiro #sienna trinh #elijah greene #aurora emery #kyra santana #magnoliapip

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terrm9 · 4 years

Text

Lost

Ethan X Sienna - friendship/mentorship (also mentions of Ethan X MC and Sienna X Danny)

This takes place somewhere through Chapter 18 and the time jump

Warnings: angst, mention of character death, trauma, sexist remark (1)

Words count: 1 700

So I had this idea in my head for a while now and now I decided to write it for two main reasons: 1) I can be okay with the time jump and absence of a date night and pretty much everything EXCEPT the fact that everyone ignores Sienna’s feelings ever since the accident. I mean, we get to help Jackie, we get to help Aurora BUT no diamond scene to help OUR BEST FRIEND Sienna, who lost her dear one? (And I don’t care that they were just ‘almost’ something. I have been an almost something with my now husband for a whole year before we started dating officialy and I would die if something happened to him in that year.

2) I really like to see Ethan as a good mentor. Not just to MC because he has ‘soft spot’ for her. As much as Ethan is irritated with interns and pretty much everyone, I believe that he has it in him to be a good mentor when some of his residents need help

I wrote this for myself actually but I hope someone else might enjoy it too

------- LOST ----------

It was Ethan’s sixth hour of working and, as fulfilling as working at the free clinic was, he was exhausted. Walking through the corridor towards his old office, all he wanted was to have a cup of hot coffee, ten minutes of peace and if he was lucky enough, maybe a moment alone with Chiara.

He missed her. As a mentor, he couldn’t be prouder of how she adjusted to the new situation and how dedicated she was to do as much as she could before Edenbrook’s closing. As a partner, he just wanted to have a nice free weekend with her filled with talking about everything and nothing, cooking for her, watching House, which she loved and he hated, and having undue amount of sex.

Turning around the corner, he stopped in his tracks as he noticed Dr. Trinh storming off one of the patient’s rooms and nearly running into nearest supply closet. He sighed, the scene becoming all too familiar and took a look into the room she just left. An older man was sitting on a bed, gesticulating wildly as he spoke to someone on the phone.

After evaluating situation, Ethan decided to leave the patient alone and follow Sienna into the supply closet instead. However, before he could do so, the door of the closet opened again and without as much as glancing into his direction, Sienna – with her eyes red and puffy, cheeks wet with tears and lips trembling – walked away.

This needs to stop.

He straightened his posture and followed her tracks, finding her at the nurses’ station, talking to Chiara in quiet voice.

Approaching them, he cleared his throat and as both younger doctors raised their heads at the sound, he spoke, his voice firm.

“Dr. Trinh, a word in my office, please.”

Sienna’s eyes widened and she muttered to Chiara: “He is going to kill me. Oh, he is going to chew me out.”

Well, my ex-office. Not that it really matters.

Chiara’s brows furrowed, her eyes travelling from her best friend’s face to the one of her boyfriend. Sure, Ethan was still their attending, but he actually liked Sienna. He wouldn’t chew her out, would he?

Then she realized that when she screwed up, Ethan would give her a hard time, no matter the fact that he would take her for a dinner after that.

“Should I go with you?” she whispered to Sienna, worried about the scene that was about to happen.

Sienna smiled sadly and shook her head, already following Ethan’s steps.

He was already standing behind his desk when she came in, his expression unreadable.

“Take a seat, Dr. Trinh,” he gestured towards a chair, not taking a seat himself, however.

Sienna sat down, her head hanging low, waiting for the outburst.

“I was about to make myself a cup of coffee. Can I offer you one?” Ethan asked quietly.

She lifted her head up abruptly, not believing the words she just heard and nodded quickly, before Dr. Ramsey would change his mind.

“Is this about me leaving a patient and crying in a supply closet, Dr. Ramsey?” she asked with voice so quiet it could have been a whisper, as he handed her a mug.

“Yes. This is the fifth or sixth time I have seen you walking in or out of a supply closet, crying, Dr. Trinh and I am speaking of a period of last three weeks maybe. What is going on? You know this cannot go on like this anymore.”

Sienna put the mug on a desk and started to play with the hem of her white coat, hoping that Ethan wouldn’t notice the tears streaming down her face again.

“I am sorry, Dr. Ramsey. I know my behavior hasn’t been professional and that leaving a patient like that is unacceptable and I promise to do my best to avoid such situations in the future.”

Ethan sighed, leaning into his chair, tilting his head slightly as he observed the obviously broken form of a tiny doctor in front of him. He avoided these situations as much as he could – Naveen was the one to confront while also comforting. Ethan was the bad cop, always.

But Naveen wasn’t here and Sienna needed a good mentor, badly.

“I asked what is going on. I know you are a professional, Dr. Trinh, so I need an explanation of the situation.”

Sienna was openly crying now, all the awful thoughts running through her head.

“It’s just… this patient, he was so, so rude to me. He walked into free clinic and I knew he needed to be admitted so I’ve had a nurse admit him and as soon as I could, I went to his room to do the tests and all the time, he was telling me to fuck off – he literally used these words – and asked me to get him a real doctor and that I was just a child pretending to know what I am doing and that he would never let me do as much as draw his blood,” she sniffed, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her white coat.

Ethan reached into his pocket and pulled out a nice white cotton handkerchief, handing it to her without saying a word. She nodded thankfully, acknowledging the gesture and after a while decided to go on.

“And you know. Dr. Ramsey, this is not an unknown situation to me. Because I am so tiny and smiling all the time, the patients tend to question my abilities as a doctor. Men, mostly. Sometimes, they have these terrible sexist remarks, I remember one patient telling me that I could take his pain away with my pretty little hands,” she blinked rapidly several times, fighting the tears of disgust.

“I am used to these situations and I believed I could handle them well. The thing is, every time I have had a patient like this and I felt uncomfortable or even unsafe, I would just page Danny with our secret code and he would storm into the room with his ‘badass nurse’ face on and usually that would work. These men respected him more than me, because he was a man too, you know? And I felt safe when he was there with me. But now,” she covered her mouth with her hand as a terrible, broken sound left her, her whole body shaking with sobs.

Ethan stood up from his chair and walked past the desk to kneel down next to her, putting his reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“Now he is gone and every time I deal with a patient that is rude, I am hit with the fact that I will never get to see his badass nurse face again. And I know I should be happy. I should be happy about Chiara being okay and Rafael being okay, and I am, oh God I am so thankful that they are here, alive and well, but still it hurts like hell, not having Danny around. It has been months and I still feel like I can’t breathe every single time I pass that room. And I keep screwing up, again and again. I screwed up with my intern and now he is gone. I screw up with my friends and with my patients and I am trying so hard to go on with my life, because all of my friends can do that, even Chiara can do that, but it’s just all too much now, you know? I just wish I could leave this city for some time and just… do something entirely else for a while. Be someone else.”

Ethan kept staring at Sienna for a long time, realizing for the first time, how much the accident has affected her.

He wouldn’t get through losing Chiara, if she didn’t make it that day. He would rather die with her and it didn’t matter that at the time of the accident, they weren’t official.

So what was the difference with Sienna and Danny? Did it matter that they weren’t official, if they cared about each other deeply?

He stood up again and grabbed his coffee, intending to finish it before they would have to leave his office to work again. There was an idea playing in his head and by pretending to savour every sip of his beverage, he was gaining himself some time to compose the proposition in his head.

Sienna, too, decided to finish the coffee, preparing herself to go back to the room 421 to draw the damn blood.

“You probably haven’t heard about it, Dr. Trinh,” Ethan finally broke the silence that was becoming a little bit too uncomfortable. “But there’s this thing… Dr. Mirani, I mean Baz Mirani, is leaving to Philippines after Edenbrook is closed. He will go with Doctors Without Borders for six months to help at Calicoan Island. If you could see this as an opportunity for you, I could be able to arrange for you to join him as his protégé. Don’t feel pressured into this, please, but knowing Baz, he would be happy for your company and it could help you after all. I am now speaking from personal experience.”

“Your little trip to Amazon, huh?” Sienna couldn’t help but smile a little.

Ethan simply nodded, finishing his coffee. There was no point in telling her that in his case, leaving to Amazon didn’t help his problems at all.

“I will think about it. Thank you, Dr. Ramsey. I should go to see Mr. Lowes, I still need to draw his blood.”

Ethan nodded and grabbed his white coat. “I’ll go with you.”

If Sienna was surprised, she did a good job at hiding it. She just smiled thankfully, the first genuine smile that day.

“And for what it’s worth, if you ever find yourself feeling uncomfortable or unsafe with a patient, you can always page me.”

There was another kind of tears now threating to fall from Sienna’s eyes as he said that. She gulped visibly but instead of thanking him again, she said: “Chiara is really lucky to have you, Dr. Ramsey.”

Ethan smiled at her with the soft, gentle smile she has never thought could be addressed for someone else as Chiara.

“She is also incredibly lucky to have you, Sienna.”

#ethan ramsey #sienna trinh #baz mirani #open heart #open heart choices #open heart fanfiction #trauma

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violetwolfraven · 3 years

Text

Peace and Joy

@spot-king-of-brooklyn I’m your secret Santa! @newsies-secretsanta

You said your favorite ships are sprace and/or javid and you’re good with pretty much anything so I’m gonna write two separate vaguely holiday-related oneshots in the reincarnation AU. Don’t worry though nothing heavy, just fluff. No COVID because I’ve had enough of that dude and I say so. Enjoy! Happy Holidays!

Tw: referenced past period-typical homophobia.

...

Spot couldn’t remember being this happy... ever. Not in the early 1900s or in the early 2000s.

Well, the closest he could think of was 1902, when he and Race moved on from being newsies and from being leaders of their respective boroughs and rented that old apartment in Brooklyn together. But that had been muted by the need to be careful. They couldn’t be normal young people in love because they always had to hide.

And that was fine at the time because it was expected. It was them doing whatever it took to be together not knowing they’d ever get the chance to do it another way.

Now, in the bright, beautiful, forward-thinking 21st century, they could be safe. They could be in love without fear of the consequences. They could go out Christmas shopping together, and Spot didn’t know if that counted as a date, but it kind of felt like one as he watched his boyfriend bop a little to Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You as he looked around.

He ended up having to look away before he started blushing too hard. Even if he wasn’t the King of Brooklyn this time, he still had a bit of a reputation as a stone cold badass. For all he knew, one or more of their more mischievous friends could be spying on them right now. And besides, this thrift store probably had stuff he could get the few Brooklyn kids who’d come back, too.

He was still deciding if Hotshot would think it was funny if he got him a tank top that said ‘hot stuff’ on it. The others would find it funny, but Spot honestly wasn’t sure if it would make his former second uncomfortable.

“Hey, Spottie, ya think my little brother would like this?”

Spot turned back to see Race holding up a bright purple worm on a string, but a giant version of one. One that was big enough to be a scarf.

“Knowin’ your family,” he admitted, “I think any of ‘em would be happy to get one of those.”

It was true. Honestly, the most sensible Larkin brother was the second-oldest, Crutchie, but Spot could still see him proudly wearing a worm-on-a-string-scarf to school after winter break ended.

Besides him, Medda, Race’s mom, tended to embrace whatever unique fashion choice she could find. And Jack, of course, didn’t let being the oldest of four stop him from being a theatrical little shit who liked drawing attention to himself.

And Romeo was somehow even more eccentric than Race, so he would definitely like that thing.

Race grinned, “I’m gonna get Ro a worm scarf for Christmas.”

“Your family is ridiculous.”

“Thank you. So, what’re ya gettin’ for Denton?”

Oh, shit. Spot had completely forgotten about getting anything for Denton.

He really should get something for him. After all, the teacher hadn’t even known Spot when Jack asked if he could stay with him. All he’d needed to know was that Spot needed a place to hide from his terrible parents and couldn’t stay with the Larkins, mostly because Medda had a strict rule about her boys’ partners sleeping over unless it was absolutely necessary. (it was also because Spot couldn’t think of anyone he’d want to live with less than Jack Kelly, but Denton didn’t really need to know that, did he?)

So far, Spot’s parents hadn’t shown any signs of missing him, and Spot couldn’t decide if that hurt or not, but it barely mattered anymore.

Because Denton didn’t really have any rules beyond ‘do your homework’, ‘take a shower occassionally’, and ‘if you leave the house, let me know where you’re going.’ He helped Spot pick out a Halloween costume, let him spend Thanksgiving with Race, and gave him money for Christmas shopping. He was fine with Spot being gay and having a boyfriend, even if there was an added rule with that of ‘you can’t have the door closed if you’re alone in your room with Race.’

He gave Spot space, but also made it clear that he could come to him for anything he needed help with. He never hit him, never pushed when Spot wanted to be alone, never even raised his voice unless they were in an already-loud room and he needed to get his attention.

In short, in only a few months, he’d become the best adult Spot had ever had in his life. He wasn’t his father, but he was closest thing Spot had ever gotten to a dad.

The Denton they’d known in their last life had been kind of like that, too. He’d helped as best he could whenever one of the newsies got into trouble, always being there for anyone who needed him since Kath first introduced her new reporter friend to her newsie friends. Of course, Spot hadn’t been living with Denton then, so he’d never really thought about it.

“What do you even get a middle-aged man for Christmas?”

Race shrugged, “Power tools?”

The idea of getting Denton power tools was so ridiculous that they both laughed.

“Uh... he’s a writer,” Race pointed out, “So... fancy pens?”

“Fancy pens? We’re at a thrift store, Racer.”

“Well we don’t gotta stay here forever. There’s a Barnes and Noble across the street.”

He wasn’t wrong about that, but Spot wasn’t sure about the whole ‘fancy pen’ thing. It seemed a little generic.

“Yooooo! Spot, check this out for Jack!”

He was holding up a bright blue sketchbook that said ‘Sketchy Bitch’ on the cover.

“Oh yeah, ya definitely have to get that for Cowboy.”

Spotting (no pun intended) something else on the shelf behind him, Spot grinned.

He had the perfect thing to get for the man who’d taken him in.

...

“This is gonna be so fuckin’ awesome.”

Davey snorted, “You’re way too excited ‘bout this, Jackie.”

He loved his boyfriend, but he had a tendency to get overenthusiastic about things.

Well, he loved that about Jack, too. And he loved being able to call him his boyfriend, now. That they didn’t need to hide this time.

He and Sarah had both been a little worried about their parents’ reaction, but it had turned out to be for nothing. They’d each gotten a t-shirt with their respective pride flag for the first night of Hanukkah, and Jack and Kath were always welcome to come over as long as at least one parent was home.

Davey loved Jack just as much in this lifetime as he had in his first, but it was different, not having to hide it. It was good different, but definitely different. Being able to be who they were and be in love and knowing that it was generally frowned upon to be homophobic now, at least where they lived.

And being able to do random shit that was romantic and fun as hell, but not something would even occur to most people to do.

After a sleepy conversation once Crutchie, Race, and Romeo had fallen asleep watching White Christmas (which Davey appreciated for the choreography in the dance numbers) one time about how there weren’t really any Hanukkah movies, Jack had collaborated with Kath to write a lesbian Hanukkah musical romcom to post to YouTube.

Objectively, it wasn’t that great. It was good for a movie made by a bunch of high school juniors, but they couldn’t afford good cameras or microphones or anything. Plus, it was appealing to a very niche audience, so Davey doubted this movie would get more than twenty views.

Still, it meant a lot that Jack was so excited about it, that he was working so hard on props and editing in the lighting and music for it so Kath and Saz could play Jewish lesbians fake-dating at a holiday party who fall in love. It was cute.

“It ain’t gonna win any awards,” Jack admitted, “But I think we’s got somethin’ good here!”

“We do,” Davey agreed.

Was he actually talking about the romcom starring his sister and her girlfriend? Partially. It was a pretty good movie for something produced by teenagers.

But they had something good there that wasn’t on the screen of Jack’s laptop, too.

Jack seemed to share those thoughts, with the way he was smiling.

“What’s with the look, mi amor?”

Davey rolled his eyes as the other boy put his arm around his waist.

“Like you don’t know, love,” he chuckled, “Remember the last time we did somethin’ like this? And by ‘we’ I mean ‘you.’”

“Shh,” Jack shook his head, “Nope. We don’t talk about the latkes incident.”

“You mean when you almost burned down our tiny little kitchen trying to—“

“We don’t talk about it!”

Davey laughed. It was funny, how Jack couldn’t, in any lifetime, cook anything more complicated than like... chili or stew. While he could make something edible, he couldn’t make anything that was really considered good.

“Davey, love, luz de mi vida, it was literally over a hundred years ago, so stop. Bringin’. Up. The. Latkes. Incident!”

He punctuated the sentence by hitting Davey with one of his mom’s throw pillows.

“Okay, Jackie, I get it! Stop hitting me!”

“Fine,” Jack grinned, “I ain’t almost burned down a kitchen in over a century, babe. I thinks that’s a good record to have.”

“Most people never almost burn down a kitchen,” Davey pointed out, “I know I—wait, did you just call me ‘babe’?”

Jack was definitely not meeting his eyes to try to hide how he was blushing, “Uh... is that okay?”

Davey smirked. Jack didn’t get flustered that often, but it was adorable when he did.

And even if he had almost burned down their apartment, it had been cute back then, how he’d tried so hard to try to do something nice for Davey for the holiday season. It was cute now, too.

That was one thing that hadn’t changed through the decades, he guessed.

“It’s definitely okay, babe.”

...

“Spot, is this a... ‘Best Dad In The World’ mug?”

“...if you cry, I’m outta here.”

#newsies #newsies secret santa #btw i’m sorry i wrote in a nod to wormsies #i couldn’t help it #sprace #javid #javey #spot conlon #racetrack higgins #jack kelly #davey jacobs #reincarnation au #fluff #violet’s writing

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mrsdr-ethan-ramsey · 4 years

Text

God, Have Mercy pt. 2 (Ethan Ramsey x f!MC)

You all asked, and now you shall receive...here is part 2 to God, Have Mercy (linked if you haven’t read it). I hope y’all like it part 2! I loved writing Ethan and his father. Part 3?? Yes please? No, stop you’re butchering this idea? What do y’all think?

Part Three Here!

Tag List: @the-soot-sprite @ethandaddyramsey @silverlitskies @trappedinfandoms @samihatuli @sherlockedmcu @marywitchjane @awalker965 @openheart12 @flyawayboo @hatescapsicum @edith-eggs1 @princess-geek @akacalliope @my-heart-beats-for-ya @hipstercoffeeshop @miyakokurono @riverrune @chasingrobbie @sekizincimektup @canthandlechoices @thatysn @virtualrain202 @myusualnerdyself

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Parker Kennedy)

Summary: Ethan posts his first pictagram thanks to his father’s photography skills and Parker knows it was meant for her.

Warnings: Swear words?

Word Count: ~1300

Ethan never expected to actual use his new social media account. He had intended to delete it as soon as he got what he needed from it, but now? He could see the perks of social media. One of them being, seeing all the photos Parker would post. Since the ‘incident’ in his office, Ethan became addicted to checking the website just to see if she had posted anything else. Nothing since that day. Deciding that he needed a distraction, Ethan made the snap decision to visit his father for the weekend. Hopefully the distance from Parker would clear his mind.

Ethan arrived in Providence late on Friday night, in time to talk to his father before they both went to bed. He had spent most of Saturday helping his father with projects around the beach house and cleaning up the space. Since Ethan left and his father was living on his own, he had gotten better about keeping the house tidy but Ethan would always clean when he would visit. There was always something worn or broken for him to help. It was the least he could do for him.

On Sunday morning, Ethan woke up early as usual. His father was already up, as when he went to the kitchen the coffee pot was freshly brewed. Pouring himself a cup, Ethan went outside where his father was sitting on the porch drinking his own cup of coffee like he did every morning. This was always the highlight of Ethan’s trips home, just sitting with his father in the morning simply enjoying that they were together.

“Good morning,” Ethan said, his voice gruff from just waking up. He sat down in the chair next to his father, relaxing back into it.

“Good morning Ethan,” Alan replied, eyes staying on the waves rolling in from the ocean.

They stayed quiet for a while, letting the sound of crashing waves be the only thing to listen to. It was peaceful, completely different than the usual sounds of Boston traffic that Ethan listened to in the morning. Ethan’s eyes stayed on the horizon as he brought his mug to his lips, not expecting the next words out of his father’s mouth.

“So Ethan…when are you going to settle down?”

For the second time this week Ethan coughed out his coffee, the brown liquid landing on his lap and the deck this time (instead of the picture of Parker practically naked...great now he was thinking about that again).

“What??” he choked out, his head snapping to face his father.

Alan chucked as he watched his son’s eyes widen, a red tinge coming to his cheeks. “You’re 37, don’t you think it’s time you found someone? Unless…you already have someone?”

“No.”

Ethan said it too quickly, making his father just smirk and turn back to the view. Ethan tried to clean the coffee of his pants as his father spoke.

“Not even that colleague of yours? The blonde you call Rookie?”

“I’m her boss, it would be inappropriate.”

“Plenty of colleagues date Ethan. It sounds to me like you’re just making excuses,” Alan argued, taking a long drink from his mug.

Ethan narrowed his eyes at his dad, shaking his head he replied, “I’m not making excuses. It could hurt her future career if anything happened between us. I need to be able to push her professionally.”

“So we should set you up on online dating?”

Thankfully Ethan wasn’t drinking because he knew he would have coughed up his drink, again. Online dating?? What was his father doing in his free time? Reading Cosmo?

“I am not doing online dating,” Ethan said flatly, trying to deter his father from the idea.

“And why not?”

“I will not use the internet to date. The internet is for research, not relationships.”

“Well, if you change your mind…”

Ethan’s phone buzzed in his pocket as father put his own down. As he unlocked it, he had several photos of himself sent from his father. They were all taken here, in Providence, but he couldn’t remember him taking any of the pictures.

“When did you take these?!” Ethan asked, scrolling through what he had sent. He had never seen these photos before.

Alan shrugged, “I knew you wouldn’t let me take photos of your visits so I did it when you weren’t paying attention. Figured I could create a…oh what’s it called…Timber?”

“Tinder.”

Alan smiled, “That’s it! I figured I could make a Tinder account for you to find someone to introduce you to. That was until I thought you’d probably want someone in the Boston area.”

“You were going to steal my identity to find me a partner?” Ethan asked, completely baffled that his father was admitting this to him.

“I figured one of us should be trying to get you a spouse. I’m getting old Ethan and I want grandchildr-”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Ethan cut him off and put his phone away. He wasn’t going to entertain the idea of him being in a relationship with his father. He wouldn’t use those photos to create a Tinder, but as he looked through them some more...maybe they could be useful.

***** “Holy moly!! Ethan has a pictagram! I repeat, Ethan Ramsey has a pictagram!” Sienna shouted as she ran out of her room and into the living room where Parker and Elijah were currently watching Spider-Man: Far from Home. Parker tried to look shocked, like she hadn’t been there to help him set up the account.

“What??” Elijah asked, his jaw dropping as he paused the movie.

“He has a pictagram! Danny texted me that everyone in the hospital is talking about it! He even posted!” Sienna said rather loudly, causing Jackie and Aurora to join the other roommates in the living room.

Jackie cocked a brow, “You’re kidding, right?”

“No! Go look up @ethan-ramsey!”

Each of the roommates pulled out their devices, searching the username in the app. When Parker’s timeline finally loaded her eyes widened. Holy. Shit. There in all his shirtless glory was Ethan Freaking Ramsey at the top of her page. Scrolling through the likes and comments, it was obvious that all of the hospital and more had found his account. He had blown up with one post. How was that even possible!?, Parker thought to herself as she scanned every inch of Ethan’s bare chest. He looked more relaxed than Parker had seen him in a long time.

“Look at all those thirsty comments…” Jackie mumbled.

Aurora read aloud, “ ‘I would catch a disease just to see this doctor’. Who comes up with this stuff??”

Parker could practically feel herself turn green. She had never been one to get jealous, but see all the people throwing themselves at Ethan made her only see green. She had always known that Ethan could get anyone he wanted, but this just made it way more obvious to her. Ethan Ramsey could honest to God get any man or woman he wanted.

“Huh,” Elijah said with a furrowed brow. “He’s only following one person, but I can’t see who it is.”

“I-It’s probably Edenbrook,” Parker said quickly, trying to control the color in her cheeks. She knew it was her profile, but she couldn’t tell her roommates that.

Sienna eyed her, thinking about the recent photo Parker posted on her pictagram. Parker could see her connecting the dots in her head. She quickly shook her head no at her, begging her not to say anything to the others. Parker could handle Sienna knowing, but she didn’t feeling like airing her dirty laundry to the rest of them.

“Yeah, it probably is,” Sienna agreed slowly. She sent Parker a look though, telling her that she’d have to give her all the details about why Ethan Ramsey was following her later.

The excitement of the event quickly went away and everyone returned to what they had been doing before Sienna had run out. Everyone except Parker. She looked at the image, imagining being there with him. The wind blowing through his thick hair, the smell of salt in the air. He looked like an angel. Parker chewed at her bottom lip as she thought. Did he post this as a reply to her photo? He must have…he said he didn’t want to post anything. Now he was on his way to be as famous as Bryce on pictagram. If this was how he was going to be, Parker could easily keep up with him. She smirked as she double tapped the image, a red heart covering his chest. Game on Ramsey. Game on.

#choices #choices stories you play #play choices #choices open heart #ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey fanfiction #ethan ramsey x mc #parker kennedy #parker kennedy x ethan ramsey #open heart #open heart fanfiction #open heart 2 #oph 2 #oph #choices oph2 #playchoices #dr ethan ramsey

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blueboxesandtrafficcones · 3 years

Text

An Accidental Discovery

Day 15 of 2020′s 31 Days of Ficmas. Thanks to @doctorroseprompts for the list!

Prompt: Ring

Rating: General, with a minor sexual(ish) situation implied at the end

Pairing: TenTooxRose; a mini-sequel to Barcelona is for Lovers (in my mind), but not explicitly so. Can easily be read independently of that fic.

Summary: While putting laundry away, Rose makes a discovering in TenToo’s sock drawer that sends her into a tailspin.

2019 31 Days of Ficmas masterlist

AO3

---

If Rose had to pick one single thing she missed most about the TARDIS (besides the travel), it would probably be the laundry facilities. Specifically, the fact that clothes dropped in a hamper at night would, typically, be back in her closet clean and pressed by the time she woke up the next morning. The only exceptions would be the week or so before they had a visit planned to visit her Mum, as Jackie always made a big fuss over doing it for her, and Rose indulged her. On the occasions when items were truly filthy, if she’d fallen headfirst into a mud pit or was sprayed by exploding alien (neither of which had happened with any frequency, but more than once was excessive by her definition) she would feel guilty letting the timeship deal with it, preferring to take it directly to the laundry room that would magically appear as an offshoot of her room.

(In the beginning, she’d just accepted the ship’s abilities, and after Bad Wolf, refused to give any thought as to why the TARDIS would be so much more accommodating to her than to the Doctor’s previous companions.)

She’d had to adjust to normal laundry facilities upon getting stuck here in Pete’s World, as they still called it, and had willingly accepted that the price she’d pay for a domestic life with the Doctor, or as domestic as either could stand, was doing all of the household’s laundry. Why that was his Rubicon she didn’t know, but if that was what it took, so be it. Besides, better to keep him away from the appliances, as his “improvements” tended to make things unusable, at least for their intended purpose.

Didn’t make her tolerate it any better.

Humming along to the radio, she emptied the basket of clothes on the bed, folding socks and underthings, grooving to the music. An armful’s worth of socks were the Doctor’s, all in funny or eyewatering patterns, and when she pulled open the drawer groaned at the chaos that greeted her. Dumping her load on top of the dresser while she organized what was already in there, she sang along to the new song, a jaunty tale by an artist who’d come to fame after she’d started travelling.

“I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper- what the fuck?” Hand closing around a pair of dark dress socks she’d never seen him wear, she was startled to find them firmer than expected, as if something were hidden inside. “This better not be that mobile he lost…” Pulling the pair out, she unfolded them- and gasped, as a small box dropped onto the socks piled below.

Her heart knew what it was even as her brain scrambled to catch up, and it was a trembling hand that reached for it. Picking it up, she held it close to her heart, trying to breath and think, damn it. They’d never talked about marriage, other than a few vague jokes, but she didn’t expect that of him, wouldn’t ask for more than what he was capable of. She knew who he was, and what he was, TARDIS-less or not. It could be earrings, she tried to convince herself. Christmas is next week, don’t get ahead of yourself. Maybe a necklace?

Could just open it and see, she considered. Or ask him about it. Or just wait until Christmas.

Taking a deep breath, certain she couldn’t live not knowing, she cracked the box open – and immediately shut it without seeing, re-folding it into the socks before she could change her mind again. Everything went into the drawer haphazardly, reorganization abandoned with the urge to run, to leave, but not wanting to do so with clothes everywhere; no need to worry the Doctor should he come home and find the laundry half-abandoned and her nowhere to be found.

Because she suddenly had somewhere to be, urgently.

Rose burst into the kitchen with more momentum than intended, throwing the door open and startling her mother enough to make her yelp, tea sloshing over the edge of the fancy teacup she held as she chatted on the phone.

“Rose!”

She just stared, eyes wide, and Jackie’s motherly intuition must have dinged, as she muttered into the mobile, “I’ll call you back,” and hung up. “What’s wrong?”

In a daze Rose came towards where she was seated at the island, pulling herself up onto a stool next to her and leaning over to rest her head on her mother’s shoulder; it wasn’t exactly comfortable, but the warm arm Jackie wrapped around her was exactly what she needed.

“Sweetheart, you’re scaring me,” Jackie murmured after a minute’s silence. “This isn’t like you- not anymore. Did something happen?”

“I…” After running on autopilot for a good forty-five minutes now, Rose’s brain was finally coming back online, and she was starting to question the wisdom of running to her mother. It had been instinct, but in hindsight, she knew how Jackie felt about the Doctor, and wasn’t sure she would be happy about this potential development. “I…”

Jackie nudged her upright, waiting until she was straight to stand and fetch another teacup. “Take your time.”

Rose waited, watching as she poured her a cup, fixing it up just to Rose’s taste, if a little sweet, wrestling with herself, deciding that she wouldn’t tell her, or risk betraying the Doctor’s confidence, such as it was, until Jackie sat back down and she blurted, “I found a ring.”

“What, on the ground?”

“Mum!” She rolled her eyes, groaning. “No, in the Doctor’s sock drawer!”

Jackie was quiet for a moment. “Least it wasn’t wrapped in a pair of his pants,” she shrugged. “Was it in a box, or loose?”

Rose stared blankly at her. “You’re awfully casual. I tell you the Doctor, my nine-hundred something alien boyfriend, seems to have a ring, and you’re talking about his pants?”

“And you seem awfully bothered,” she countered, sipping at her tea. “Rose, he literally moved universes for you- and don’t start on that the other Doctor wouldn’t have let him stay malarky; he’s here for you. To be with you. Why wouldn’t he want to make it official?”

“Because! Because he scoffs at marriage, and domestics, and commitment. Some days, he can’t commit to a pair of bloody socks!”

Jackie snickered, quickly restraining herself at Rose’s glare. “Sweetheart, he loves you. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you – I heard it as well as you did, on that beach. Don’t let his fashion choices be the judge of what he wants with you. He chose you. And you him.”

Her heart stopped. “Oh, God, you don’t think he’s planning on proposing because I- I-”

“Sort of rejected him for the other Doctor?” Jackie asked helpfully. “No, love. He’s just thinking about the future- his future- and spending it with you. I think you both could use a bit of solid evidence that you’re both in it for the long haul, because you want to be. That neither of you- and more specifically, the other- isn’t settling.”

Rose stared down into her cuppa, thoughts swirling, before one floated to the top. “Hang on, did you know about this?” It was the only possibility that made sense; her casual attitude, her confidence in the Doctor’s meaning behind it.

She had to giver her mother credit; she was a good liar. But the calm and even “No” gave her away. Quite literally in no universe would Jackie be so accepting the first time she heard about this. Not possible.

“You did!” Rose gasped. “And you didn’t tell me? How do you know?”

Jackie grimaced. “I shouldn’t say. He asked my permission?”

“He did?” Rose tried to picture it in her mind: the Doctor’s nerves as he asked, her mother’s likely over-the-top reaction. “When?” She tried to remember his schedule the last few weeks, but he’d been with her most of the time he wasn’t in his lab at Torchwood, and they hadn’t seen her parents except for the night they dropped Tony off for Rose and the Doctor to babysit while they attended an event. “Why?”

“You’ll have to ask him.”

“Oh, come on!”

Despite her best whining and pleading, she couldn’t get any more information out of her mother, eventually slinking home with more questions than answers.

When she walked into the house they shared, it was to find the Doctor in the kitchen, minding something on the stove as he sang along to Elvis, using a whisk as a microphone, complete with pelvic thrusts. Leaning against the doorframe, she just watched him goof around, her anxiety melting as love and happiness filled her. She loved this man with everything she was, had moved heaven and earth (and time and space) to find him. The future was bright with him at her side, whether they were traveling the universe or reporting to Torchwood every day.

The shock had mostly faded on the drive home, and as she examined her reaction, she was ashamed and annoyed to realize it stemmed, ultimately, from self-doubt. That the same voice that had once warned her she’d never do better than Jimmy or Mickey, that had made her turn the Doctor down the first time he asked her to travel with him, was whispering in her ear that she wasn’t enough, couldn’t keep him happy, that he’d eventually grow tired of her.

That’s not true, she thought fiercely. He chooses me, every day. And he did; every day that he came home to their little cottage with her, babbling happily about his day. Every night when he proved his love to her, first with words, then their bodies. Every time he’d come back from the shops with something not on the list, casually noting We were running low, figured I might as well buy it now rather than two days from now.

He’d come a long way from the bitter Northerner who complained every time they had to stop on Earth for milk, who in their early days traveling together refused to purchase more than a gallon at a time, remarking that odds were she wouldn’t still be with him long enough to use it, despite having the same argument week after week.

And even then he’d loved her, she knew now, could see it with the benefit of hindsight. All the little ways his hearts bled through jumpers and leather jackets. I’m so glad I met you. Or I could save the world but lose you.

“Oi, Earth to Rose.” Fingers snapping in her face pulled her out of her daze, and she blinked, looking into the Doctor’s brown eyes, warm and wide with concern. “All right, love? Something wrong?”

She smiled widely, tears pricking at her eyes. “I love you.” Fisting his tie she pulled him down to her, kissing him like it was their last kiss – but it wasn’t, it was the first, the first of their marriage, even if he hadn’t asked and she hadn’t answered. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” he mumbled against her mouth. His tone was confused, but he seemed content in his bewilderment, not questioning it further as their lips met again and again, reveling in the luxury of being together.

Rose thought about telling him, about confessing to her inadvertent snooping, or at least saying something to reassure him that her answer would yes, a thousand times yes, but her heart was too full, and the words wouldn’t come.

Instead, she asked if whatever was on the stove would keep – and when he said it would, turned off the burner and led him by the hand to their bedroom, pushing him onto the bed and enjoying his delighted befuddlement.

“How long are you going to stay with me?” she asked, settling astride his waist.

It took him a moment to recognize the question, his expression softening to daft love. “Forever,” he vowed, just as she had done so many years before.

“Good.”

And it was.

#bbatcfic #doctorroseprompts #31 Days of Ficmas #31 Days of Ficmas 2020 #ficandchips #Doctor Who #TenTooxRose #TenToo #Rose Tyler #semi-sequel to #Barcelona is for Lovers #Rated: General #An Accidental Discovery

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eleanorbloom · 4 years

Text

[OH] When You’re Ready (Bryce L. x f! MC x Ethan R.)

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything of the Open Heart World, it belongs to Pixelberry Studios. The name Eleanor Bloom and her story was created by me.

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x f! MC (Eleanor Bloom) x Ethan Ramsey.

Word Count: 2.7k

Warning: Some angst, adult language, some adult situations. This is definitely a NS-FW fanfiction so anyone under 18 years old MUST NOT READ IT.

Summary: Bryce has decided to let go of Eleanor because she’s in love with Ethan Ramsey. But a turn in her relationship with the attending might change Bryce's plans.

_____________

Chapter 1: Why.

So many nights trying to find someone new

They don’t mean nothing compared to you

He opened the door of his apartment, staggering. The celebration at Donahue’s had been wilder than he expected. Too many tequilas he couldn’t deny to Jackie. And too much anxiety to kill with alcohol.

Bryce sat on the sofa and sighed. He finally had a break to process what had happened today. Eleanor was safe. The Ethics Committee had decided to not suspend her, and Teresa Martínez’s family had withdrawn the lawsuit against Edenbrook, as they were grateful for what Eleanor did for their mother. In the end, all her effort and dedication had been rewarded.

He was happy about it, but more relieved that Eleanor wouldn’t leave. Bryce had been feeling increasingly afraid of that possibility, although he was trying to stay positive. The world wasn’t a fair place, the doctors didn’t have to understand the real reasons that led Eleanor to help Teresa Martínez. They would only see incompetence, malpractice, but never the honest desire that Mrs. Martínez enjoyed her last days traveling, just as she always dreamed since she was a child.

The very idea that things had been different caused him intense pain. Thinking of all the suffering that Eleanor could’ve to go through was almost unbearable. Also, the fact that she had to leave and he couldn’t see her anymore. But mainly it was her pain that affected him the most. She was one of the few people who deserve all the good in the world, for her kind heart, her dedication, her solidarity with her colleagues and patients. She didn’t deserve anything that was happening to her, but at least it was all was over now.

And now another thought came to his mind: Eleanor was with him right now. With Ethan Ramsey.

He wished with all his heart that whatever they had now would work for them, because she was truly interested in him, to his misfortune. But he respected her decision. From the day she told him that they couldn’t keep their casual hookups because she was feeling things for Ethan Ramsey, he respected her decision and wished her well. Every time Bryce saw her or saw them, he wished them all the best from the bottom of his heart, although they were apparently far from it.

Since Ramsey had left the hospital, he hadn’t reached out to her not a single time, not even to ask how she was or to support her in the difficult process she was living with the Ethics Committee. What asshole leaves Eleanor at a time like that, when she was supposed to be someone Ramsey cared about? When she heard from Eleanor that Ramsey had not contacted her, he felt uncontrollable anger but did his best to not say anything. Yes, he was suffering for his friend, Naveen Banerji, but Eleanor, with his life on the verge of collapse, still cared for Banerji and him, she hid the secret from her friends and colleagues, and then, when she found the cure for the old man, she used her time to cure him instead of preparing for the Ethics Hearing. But the Great Ethan Ramsey couldn’t give her a fucking hour just to support her because it was more important his suffering and sense of failure than what Eleanor was going through.

Eleanor had left him for a selfish, insufferable ass who was unable to use his position or his freedom and time to support her when she most needed it. Instead, Bryce had spent all the time he needed to recover from the poorly sleeping hours every surgical resident has since Medical School, acompannying and helping her to get the support of senior physicians from Edenbrook.

Well, yes, in the end, Ramsey did use his contacts to help her. But of moral support? No signs.

And now she was with him. He saw her approaching Ramsey when he entered Donahue’s, and how quickly they left.

Bryce couldn’t judge her; it was her feelings after all. But he sensed that the following events wouldn’t be good news. There was the rumor that Ethan Ramsey would return to his old position at Edenbrook, so he would continue that stormy dynamics of setting limits with Eleanor because he was her boss, but still breaking those limits at the slightest pressure. And he would continue to have Eleanor in limbo, waiting for him to make up his mind and choose her despite his fears. Waiting for him to decide to give her everything she deserved without conditions or hesitation. All that love, attention, and affection that he wanted to give her, and that somehow were still there, waiting for his chance.

He sighed again.

“Everything happens in time, Bryce. Don’t rush it, ” he said to himself before making his way to his bedroom to catch some sleep.

The next day, the good news were announced. Harper Emery left her position as Chief of Medicine and would return to her scrubs as Head of Neurosurgery. Naveen Banerji would take her position, so Ethan Ramsey was officially Director of Diagnostics. The last big news was that Eleanor had won the junior fellow competition and would be spending her second year of residency as a junior member of the Diagnostic Department.

He was so happy for her because it was something she really deserved. All the sweat, blood, and tears that she had put into that competition had found its reward. Besides, she deserved it for her human qualities. However, he also knew that the news implied a turn in her relationship with Ramsey. Aside from being her boss, now they would be colleagues, they would work much closer, and if Ethan already intended to put boundaries between them, her position in the Team would put much more difficulty on that. Bryce didn’t want to take this news as a light at the end of the tunnel, an opportunity after so much confusion, but he couldn’t lie to himself. Deep down he wanted this to complicate things, but on the other hand, he didn’t want to see Eleanor suffering again. He wasn’t a selfish bastard to want something like that.

Bryce saw the exchange of awkward glances between Ethan and Eleanor, while Naveen Banerji gave them a knowing smile. It was clear that the old man knew what was going on between the two and didn’t seem to care at all. Probably Naveen would be in the front line encouraging Ethan to stop being such an idiot and accept his feelings for Eleanor. Hell, if he himself didn’t have feelings for Eleanor, he would be by Banerji’s side, with popcorn cheering Ramsey to finally make up his mind and stop making Eleanor suffer. But of course, that was not the case. He was hopelessly in love with her.

Ethan looked away, embarrassed, and quickened his pace to catch up with Naveen. Eleanor turned to him. Her smile was so bright that the sun would be jealous of the light, warmth and beauty that emanated from her, happiness and pride swelling her heart.

Bryce opened his arms, inviting her for a hug.

“C’mere!”

Eleanor cheerfully received the hug, rejoicing in the warmth she only found in Bryce’s arms. From the first hug many months ago, both hiding in a supply closet, Eleanor had been conscious of the healing powers of his hugs. At that time, he consoled her of her first breakdown on her first day at Edenbrook. And now, that embrace was simply showing the pride and happiness Bryce was feeling for her achievement. He, who had always trusted her, even more than herself. He, who had always shown her the way to self-confidence and fight for what she believed in.

“You did it, Elle. You really did it”

“Yes! I am still in shock. Yesterday, this time, my life was still threatened, and look at me now! I won the competition. Well, not technically because it was finished when Ethan left … But I was chosen by Naveen Banerji himself, my mentor’s mentor”

“Yes, and the guy whose life you saved. It was the least he could do”.

“Well, I think so,” She shrugged, “But I’d like to think that I made it for all my merits in the competition.”

“Of course, Elle. You deserved this spot more than anyone, apart from being an excellent doctor, you are an extraordinary human being. And that’s what makes you better than anyone.”

“Aww Bryce,”Eleanor hugged him again, touched, “You’re always so flattering. I hope someday I know my qualities just as well as you know them.”

“Well, just keep hanging out with me and this self-assurance will infect you. But be careful, our friends could stop tolerating you as they do with me sometimes because my ego is too big.”

“Oh, I think I could reach a healthy balance between knowing my worth and not overstepping the limits of self-centeredness”

“Oh, are you implying I’m out of it?”—Bryce raised an eyebrow, serious.

“No, but you are always very close to the verge. Since you haven’t surpassed it yet, that’s why I still consider you my friend”

“Oh, you honor me,” He feigned a modest bow.

“Well, I should get back to my patients before the attendings chew me out for wasting my time with a scalpel jockey.”

“Oh my gosh, Eleanor, how can you be so cruel to someone who treats you well and fills your soul with self-confidence? I think the position went to your head”

“Who are you again? ”She asked, looking at him from head to toe.

Bryce grinned, “I’m going to become Harper Emery’s favorite and I’ll be the one to ask you who you are. We all know that surgery is more popular than internal medicine.”

They both laughed.

“You are such a child, Lahela. Never change.”

Eleanor raised the palm of her hand.

“I won’t, "Bryce replied as they high fived.

He saw her leaving to the Nurse's Station at a light pace. He couldn’t suppress a smile. He was extremely happy to see her succeed on her first day back at Edenbrook. She deserved that and more.

As he supposed, things between Eleanor and Ethan didn’t go well. From what he could observe and the things he heard from Eleanor’s drunken babbling, Ethan was trying to set serious boundaries between them, but not strong enough to prevent them from ending up kissing in his office to kill the tension or suppress the pain of not being able to be together as much as they wanted, simply because Ethan didn’t want it that way.

As the weeks went by, the situation became increasingly annoying to Bryce. Although he had made up his mind to forget Eleanor, he still unconsciously wanted her to realize that he was everything she needed and deserved. And he felt stupid waiting for her because it was clear that Eleanor had no eyes for anyone but Ethan, even if he kept ignoring her.

His annoyance reached such a point that one day he made the decision to avoid any contact with Eleanor and her friends as much as he could. He began to spend time with his surgical mates in his interest to meet new people and lose himself in the sea of parties and girls with whom to spend the night.

That night, he went to Donahue’s with the interns knowing that Eleanor and her friends had a night shift, so he wouldn’t have to meet her. He took a seat next to Rosa and Charles.

“You had a fight with your nerdy medical friends, or what?” Rosa asked when she saw him take a seat.

“No, why?”

“Because you have been spending a suspicious amount of time with us lately, when you used to be with them all the time.”

“I needed a change,” he shrugged nonchalantly,“Now that the competition’s over, there’s not so much gossip around them.”

“Sure, ”Rosa replied, not convinced.

A few shots later, several surgical residents were gathered. Including a third-year resident Bryce had always found attractive because she had an air of Shania Twain, and she was the first musical crush he had ever had.

Apparently, the reputation of being Bryce Lahela was also well received by older residents, because after two hours of drinks, Bryce was there, crossing the door to his apartment with his arms wrapped around Caroline’s waist, the attractive surgical resident who aspired to specialize in plastic surfery.

The woman was incredibly neat and was dressed impeccably. She had an exquisite aroma and a look so inquisitive that it seemed like she was looking through his skin. Although, she was actually scrutinizing his skin.

“I can’t believe it’s real,” she said, touching his cheeks with her fingertips.

“Me? Of course I am.”

Caroline rolled her eyes up, “No, your skin. I was always struck by how smooth it looked, like you were a doll. And I think you are.”

“I think this level of observation is more intimidating than having to pose for an hour naked in front of the whole hospital”

“I bet you wouldn’t mind spending your life walking naked with that body you have.”

“And I won’t in a couple of moments either.”

Caroline cut the distance between their bodies with one swift movement, kissing him. They continued their journey to the room, where the clothes went down the floor and the four walls muffled the moans and exclamations that came from their bodies. And so came the culmination of that long-awaited search for pleasure on the skin of another woman, with the intention of erasing the marks of someone from the past, believing that it would help him end his agony.

“Crap, Lahela. I always try to have low expectations, but you have proven me wrong.”

“Prove you wrong?”

“I thought you weren’t the wonder that people said, but you are.”

But no. Instead of ending with the ego energized by ending up banging with the woman he intended to, and even more flattered for his performance; Bryce ended with an existential void that decomposed him the entire night.

“And you are as attractive as I imagined you would be, since my first week as a surgical intern.”

Caroline didn’t know it, but those were the hollowest words Bryce had ever said. Without true charm, candor, interest, or desire. And he said them just to not be rude with her.

“Shut up, it sounds like you have a crush with your elementary school teacher, and we don’t have that much of an age difference”

Bryce simply gave her a humorless smile.

He woke up the next morning with the bed empty.

He sighed with relief. The truth was he had no intention of dealing with Caroline or faking a smile or joking about the night before, because he was in such a shitty mood, he hoped it would at least let him greeting the staff and patients before locking himself in his bad mood.

In his intention to try to be better about the situation with Eleanor, he was worse now.

Weeks later, he tried again, but with the same result. During the encounter, he couldn’t help but wish that she was the one in his arms, or that she was by his side after the act was over. Was it Caroline, or any other resident, or even a Tinder date, the result was the same. He still missed her, he still imagined her features and the beautiful expressions on her face when he had another woman in his bed.

Bryce finally understood that the lie of filling the void she had left with other women had only increased his pain, so he decided to not be with a woman again until he had begun to heal. And to do it, he had to learn to deal with Eleanor and her friends. He couldn’t use the technique that so much criticized Ethan Ramsey, so he stopped being so reluctant to the company of Eleanor and her roommates, and returned to spend time with them. It wouldn’t be easy, he was sure about that, but it had to be done.

_________

A/N:

Hello everyone!

So, here I am posting my first Choices Fanfic ever. I’ve been working on it for a while because I have the bad habit of publishing things and then don’t finish them.

This is a challenge for me because it’s written in English, which is not my mother language. I’m a Spanish speaker, so, I’ve been reading and polishing my vocabulary and looking for more informal expressions and slang to make this fanfiction less boring or formal. So I apologize in advance if my narration is weird, my grammatic is wrong or if I have misspelled words. I appreciate your patience and if you have any advice of how I can better my writing skills, it’s welcome!

I’m an old school fanfiction writer, which means my fanfic will be LARGE compared to most of the fanfics that are here. I really admire the people who write drabbles or one-shot fanfics without previous fanfics to referred or just with a prompt list! This will have at least 20 chapters (I’m still deciding if I merge some or not, so that’s why I don’t have an exact number) because it’s a slow burn story.

Oh, another thing. The title of the fic and all the chapters are song-inspired. The title’s fanfic and the plot are inspired by Shawn Mendes’s song. At the beginning of each chapter, you’ll find the lyrics that inspire the plot of each one.

Well, enough verbiage. Welcome to When You’re Ready. I hope you enjoyed it!

Let me know if you want me to add you to the tag list.

Eleanor.

____________

Chapter 2.

#bryce lahela #bryce lahela x mc #bryce #open heart #open heart choices #oh choices #choices stories you play #ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #choices fanfiction #open heart fanfiction #oh fanfic #bryce x mc #bryce x casey #bryce x f!mc #ethan x casey #ethan x you #ethan x f!mc #fanfic

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fangirlxwritesx67 · 4 years

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Taken By The Wind

Taken By The Wind: A Sam Winchester x Rowena McLeod Love Story

Tags: 18+, sex, explicit sex, consent, size kink. Excessive descriptions of Rowena being gorgeous.

Author’s Note Chapter 1: You Naughty Boy After Chapter 1: Wildfire Chapter 2: Why Thank You Chapter 3: Yes Please After Chapter 3: Hours Chapter 4: Green Velvet Chapter 5: Locked On You Chapter 6: For You, Always After Chapter 6: Whipped Chapter 7: Purple Roses Chapter 8: Heather Interlude: True Chapter 9: Filthy Sweet Chapter 10: Taken By The Wind, 3000 words *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Heavy cold rain fell in wind-driven sheets as the thunderstorm raged. Inside the bunker, the Winchesters were safe and dry. Sam and Dean had strayed from discussing a case to debating a very serious matter: whether baking powder biscuits or multigrain muffins went better with slow-cooker beef stew.

The door to the bunker crashed open, letting in a gust of damp air. The Winchesters jumped to their feet in sync, guns drawn, unsure what to expect.

“Hello, boys.” They heard the lilting voice before her face came into view over the iron railing. “Ooh, not quite the welcome I was expecting after so long away.”

Rowena brushed a damp curl off her face and tucked it behind her ear.

“Are you two going to stand there and point weapons at me all day? Or can I come down?"

Sam was still too stunned to respond. He heard Dean behind him lay his gun on the table and then walk out of the room, murmuring about the stew, leaving them alone together.

"Samuel?" Her voice was soft, pleading as she said his name.

His heart leapt into his throat, silencing any response. She had been missing for weeks, months, vanished without a trace. He had assumed she was gone forever.

It was her- finally, improbably her. He sighed and let his shoulders relax, setting his gun down before he bounded towards the stairs. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rowena rushed down, heels clicking, and they met at the landing. Two steps up, she was still shorter than him, and she had to reach her arms up to encircle his neck. He grabbed for her eagerly, pulling her into a close embrace. He needed to touch her, to feel her, to know she was real. Their mouths sought and found one another desperately.

"Rowena." He murmured, breathlessly, between kisses. "I thought I'd lost you."

“It’s me, Sam, I'm home,” she choked out, somewhere between a laugh and a sob. Minutes stretched before they finally pulled apart just a little.

Sam cupped her cheek in one hand and looked deep into her eyes. “So, where have you been?"

Rowena stepped back, straightening her skirts and smoothing her windblown hair. She pulled her usual poise around her like armor.

“Well, that’s quite a story, and I don’t fancy telling it more than once. I think I smell beef stew, so let’s all talk over dinner, shall we?” Sam let her go, watched her turn and walk towards the kitchen. She paused to look back over her shoulder, her face inscrutable.

“Be a gentleman, would you, and take my luggage to my room before we eat?”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sam lifted her suitcases - so much luggage for one little woman! - and carried them down the hall to her room. Pushing open the door and turning on the light, he inhaled the familiar scent of incense, spices, and wax.

He had left her room alone all the time she had been gone. It was just good manners, at first, because people did come and go in the bunker, and no one wanted their room disturbed.

As the weeks stretched on, politeness succumbed to grief. Just walking by her door made his heart ache. The memories of the hours they had shared were painful to recall. He had gone in a few times, but it brought him no comfort. Her things - all her beautiful, magical things - only reminded him of how much he had lost.

He had searched for clues to her disappearance, for a way to bring her back. He never found answers, only more questions. Every hope he tried to grasp turned to ash under his touch.

Without her, the bunker had seemed too harsh, too cold and empty. Even having his brother around had not been enough to make it feel like home. He knew he loved her, had even told her. He still didn’t realize how much he loved her, how much he needed her, until she was gone.

The worst part was that he had no idea what had happened. Where was shehad she gone? Had she intended to leave? For a hunter who prided himself on research, on knowledge, the endless doubt was unbearable.

He had missed her so much. Now she was here again, returned just as suddenly as she had gone.

Sam realized he was sitting on the foot of her bed, his head in his hands. Too many emotions were roiling in his chest. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, then pulled himself together and left the room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sam found Rowena holding court in the kitchen, drinking wine and laughing as she talked with Cas and Jack. Dean was setting out bowls of stew and a big basket of biscuits. So he had won that argument.

Dean looked up and gave his brother a familiar look, one that Sam knew without words. Are you okay?

He returned the look with a little shrug and smile, one that was understood just as well. Not really, but here we are.

Sam settled into the seat next to Rowena. He was grateful that his family kept the dinner conversation light, filling the time with bits of stories and interesting things. But Jack’s curiosity got the better of him.

“Auntie Ro,” he asked, his face guileless as ever. “Where have you been? We missed you. Well, Sam missed you the most, but we all did, really."

Rowena shot him a glance that looked almost guilty before drawing a bright smile across her face. “Well now, wee Jackie boy, I'm glad you asked!”

She was a natural storyteller, and this story was an astounding one. The emotional turmoil in Sam’s mind quieted as he settled in to the flow of her words. A spell had gone wrong, somehow, a word misspoken or a herb picked at the incorrect phase of the moon. It wasn’t entirely clear, somehow she had ended up in another world parallel to this one, but where she had everything she had ever wanted.

“Imagine it, boys!” Her face lit up, just remembering. “You thought I was powerful here? I had all the power in the world there. And money, so much money, although I hardly needed it. I was the head of a worldwide coven. I was no longer outcast; I had sisters again.”

Her expression grew soft for just a moment before she shook her head and continued.

“I had followers, people who believed I was the goddess Rhiannon, reincarnated. They sent me offerings.” She lapsed into silence, remembering what she had lost.

Sam smiled wryly. "Sounds like your heaven."

Rowena shot him a look he couldn't read. "Or hell. You know, it's not all it's made out to be, being a goddess, having everything. It got old, that’s all.” She set her lips in a tight smile and tossed her hair, making it clear she was done talking.

Sam looked at Dean. His eyes were narrowed. He turned to meet his brother’s gaze and raised one eyebrow. Are you buying this story?

Sam nodded; that’s what he had thought. She's not lying, but this isn't the whole truth.

Dean spoke up, changing to another topic. Sam took the moment to reach for Rowena’s hand under the table, and she laced her fingers into his. They were silent under the flow of conversation. She shifted gradually until their chairs were close together, her thigh pressed up against the length of his.

He wasn’t sure, exactly, when her head came to rest on his shoulder, when his arm slipped around her waist. He was distracted by the smell of her perfume, the feeling of her nails gently stroking his skin. He could hardly think of anything but the warmth and closeness of her, and his desire to get her alone.

He started to attention when Dean pushed his chair back and stood up. “You know, I think I could head to the library for a whiskey. Cas, Jack, you in?”

Sam made a show of yawning. “I’d join you, but I’m really tired.”

Rowena raised a dainty hand to her mouth. “It has been a long day.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, like we don’t all know. The way you two've been looking at each other could turn this old bunker back into a power station.”

“What do you mean, Dean? What do we all know?” As the others left the room, Sam could hear Jack’s questions trailing down the hall.

The moment they were out of sight, Sam turned to Rowena. He held out his hands, reaching for her. She threw her arms around his shoulders, running her fingers up into his hair as they kissed.

"Wait." It took all of Sam's iron self control to pull away. He took her hands in his, holding them. Looking her full in the face, he asked, "What really happened?"

"I told you my story. I would never lie to you!” Her eyes were wide, her voice earnest.

“Okay.” Sam huffed out a sigh. “I believe it was true, but was it the truth?”

She bit her lip and cast her gaze downwards. “My spell was meant to bring me the things I wanted here, in this world, not to take me away."

"I did get everything I wanted - power, money, devotion. But it was never enough. No matter how much I had, how happy I should’ve been, something was missing. I was in control, but miserable. I saw faces in the shadows but could never bring them to light." Her voice was trembling as she spoke.

“One night I looked into a candle's flame and saw a face I knew.” Tears flooded her green eyes as she looked up at him again. “Your face. “You did a spell, didn’t you, a spell to bring me back?”

“Rowena, you know I hate using magic to control people.” Sam felt his heart sink in regret. She had everything, and he had called her away. “I only wanted to find you.”

“Oooh no, I was lost. I’m so glad you found me.” She slipped one hand up, around the back of his neck again, and pulled him down for a kiss.

"So you intended to come back?" He murmured the questions against her jawline, under her ear and down her neck.

He felt as much as heard her laugh, "Yes."

"Of your own free will?"

She cupped his face between her delicate hands, drawing his gaze to meet hers again. "Of my own free will, Sam, I came back to you."

There were other questions, other stories to be told, but for the moment that's all he needed to know. He lifted her as if she was weightless, scooping her into a bridal carry, striding out of the kitchen and back down the hall towards her room. She undid his shirt as he walked, nails raking his skin, pressing kisses to every newly exposed inch of flesh.

Inside Rowena’s room, he paused. The room was dark until she snapped her fingers and candles around the room flared into flame. Without letting her go, he settled down on the bed. Their hands roamed one another's bodies until both were bare.

For a moment Sam stilled, looking at her. In the candlelight, her skin was flushed and tinged with gold, shadows edging her curves. He could see, like never before, the aura of magic surrounding her, tiny purple bolts arcing off her skin. She looked every inch a goddess, worthy of worship.

She held out her hands, and he wrapped her in his arms. Lifting her in his grasp, he buried his face in the curve of her neck, twining his hands in her hair. He wanted to smell her, taste her, grab her - flood his senses with her presence.

He inhaled, taking in her scent as deep as he could. After all those weeks apart, he needed to be sure she was real, not some wish or fleeting dream here to haunt him. He could almost taste the sweet spice of her skin, and underneath it, faintly, the aroma of heather.

He trailed his lips across the delicate angles of her collarbone, down her chest, pressing kisses and praise against her velvety skin. His hands skimmed down the ladder of her ribs to cup her breasts. The base of his thumb pressed into her heartbeat.

“I love you,” he murmured against her pulse point. “Love to- love you-”

Her grip tightened around him, sharp nails digging into his shoulders as she rose up against him. She would mark him, as she always had, all the way to his soul. She was breathing hard, shaking with desire and anticipation.

Sam rolled onto his side and pulled Rowena to face him. Their lips met again and again, as his hands skimmed her body, caressing and claiming. His hand settled on the curve of her hip and his grip tightened. She fit into his grasp just as perfectly as he remembered.

“Rowena,” he murmured, “My Queen.”

“Samuel.” Their eyes met as she whispered his name. Her face was luminous with desire and pleasure, her body almost vibrating with need. The magic sparking off her skin crackled around them, enveloping them in light.

She ground into him, pressing her body closer along the length of his. His fingers sought and found the dimples at the top of her ass. Spanning her waist in his hand, he pressed her hips close. The two of them shifted until she had him right where he wanted to be. A sigh punched from his lips as he slid into her. She was hot and close and-

“Perfect.” He whispered as he sank into her body. It was his last coherent thought as she began to move, against and around him. His eyes fluttered closed, his lips fell open, as something in his soul came unlocked.

His whole world shrank to the moment, to the two of them together. All he knew, all he wanted, was her. He needed to get closer, to be together, to get lost, oh, he could get so lost in her.

Rowena’s lilting voice reached Sam's ears. She was cursing, panting, pleading. He knew that sound, the filthiest prayer, and would do anything just to hear it over and over. Her words faded into a low cry as she clenched around him.

Her name tore from his throat, and the whole world went black as he came.

When he opened his eyes again, her gaze was locked on his. She sighed and fell back against her pillow, red curls spilling everywhere. Her chest heaved with every breath, freckled breasts flushed. Her green eyes were wide, her lashes wet.

This was how he had dreamed of her every night she was gone- soft, satisfied, incandescent. He could hardly believe she was real and once again in his bed.

He propped himself up one one arm and kissed her deeply, tenderly, fingers brushing her face and hair. She was bare before him, open and trusting. She had given him her body, over and over. But more important, she had given her soul.

Finally Rowena nuzzled into his shoulder and spoke without looking at him. "Tell me the spell that you did, the one that found me."

Sam had a cord around his neck, a tiny wrapped packet at the end. He slipped it off and handed it to her. Without unfolding the paper inside, he repeated the words of the spell.

“But that spell requires silver heather. We have grey, but true silver has been extinct since before my lifetime. What did you use instead?”

“I thought, since I had it, purple heather might work. Especially given what it means to us."

Rowena was silent for a moment, considering the spell in her hands. Finally she reached up and caressed his cheek gently, pulling his eyes to meet her gaze.

“Do you know what you did, my dear?” He shook his head and she continued. “When you used purple heather, you changed the spell. Instead of simply finding love, which can be a bit vague, you set an intention to find your lost love. Your magic was powerful enough to find me and guide me back home."

A soft smile spread across her beautiful face.

“Home?” Sam gestured to the bunker walls around them. For him and Dean, it had become a home, but as often as Rowena had been there, it had never been hers. By choice or by fate, she had walked a more lonely path.

“No, my love, home. Not these four walls.” She laughed, a throaty, musical sound.

Sam was overwhelmed. He had never dreamed that his magic could be so powerful, could do more than his will and intention. He was still trying to reconcile the story she had told -of her every wish fulfilled- with her willingness to return here, return to him.

Rowena rested one hand over his heart, pulling his attention back to her in the moment. “Home to you. I had everything I have ever worked for, all that I thought I desired, but it wasn’t enough without you. Your magic brought me back. You called my heart home.”

“Rowena,” he said, and then his voice broke. The only words he could summon were deeply inadequate, but he whispered them anyway. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Wherever you are, I belong.” Her eyes were bright, her tone warm. “That’s why I came back to you, and I promise to stay.”

He lowered his mouth and kissed her again. Something between a sigh and a sob escaped her lips. All through the night, the candles flickered and burned down, but the two lovers stayed wrapped in one another’s arms.

When they were together, that was enough. They were home. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thanks to @boondoctorwho for the read and letting me borrow the words. Thanks to @mskathywriteswords for the read as well. Thank you to everyone who has read, reblogged, cheered and generally loved on this little story. Hard to believe it’s been a year since I started with these two. This series has always surprised me, and taken on a life of it’s own. I’ve written these two other ways, other series, other universes. I will be continuing with this canon-adjacent story in a new series, When the Rain Washes You Clean. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

SPN First Last and Always: @boondoctorwho @dawnie1988 @deanwanddamons @defenderrosetyler @divadinag @emoryhemsworth @fookinghelljensensthighs @idreamofplaid @kalesrebellion @kickingitwithkirk @maddiepants @magssteenkamp @onethirstyunicorn @the-chocolate-moose @there-must-be-a-lock @tloveswriting

Sam Girl For Life: @awesomesusiebstuff @lilsylvia @winchesterxfamilybusiness

Rowena My Queen: @delightfullykrispypeach @lilsylvia @marril96 @pansexualdarling @songofthecagedmoose Gay Screaming: @boondoctorwho , @cherry3point14, @cracksinthewalls, @dawnie1988 @fookinghelljensensthighs , @icemankazansky, @itmighthavebeenintentional , @justcallmeasmodeus , @lastactiontricia , @mskathywriteswords , @rockhoochie , @there-must-be-a-lock , @thoughtslikeaminefield

#taken by the wind #Sam x Rowena #samwena #samwitch

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moved-attre · 3 years

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Here is my review of Cyberpunk 2077! It is a bullet point list of what I liked, and did not like about the game. I mean no offense in my writing, and am, of course, willing to be educated if I am wrong about anything! But please do not send me anonymous hate. I know many fans and haters of this game can be very, uh... So take it all with a grain of salt, and form your own opinions.

This is very long and likely boring so if you manage to make it to the end, I will be very impressed! Also, I may ramble or repeat myself, sorry. There’s more bad points than good, since the game is very glitchy and I couldn’t not mention the glitches I have experienced.

Obviously, this contains major spoilers! 👁👄👁

I’ll start off by saying, this is a game where you will likely not get what you expected. If you expected Cyberpunk 2077 to be a game filled with features that were never before seen, to revolutionise the gaming industry as we know it and become the most iconic video game ever made... You will not get that. If you expected it to be the worst, most irredeemable video game ever created that you’ll hate... You will not get that, either. If you expected a game that is a fairly standard RPG with some impressive graphics when played on a high spec PC, albeit with some bad glitches and a wonky story with lots of potential, then you’ve got it!

Pros:

The majority of the voice acting, such as in V, Johnny and Viktor, was very good and emotional. Viktor in particular made me tear up! And the way V manages to sound almost like Johnny with the subtle accent change was amazing!

The character’s such as Takemura, Jackie, the LIs, Johnny, Viktor, Misty (I could go on) and even many random NPCs were interesting! I wanted to know them and loved their relevant missions. The best ones were unromanceable, of course, but that’s what imagination is for.

THE ALDECALDOS! I love them! A found family, and I wish there was more to do with them other than Panam’s missions and a few side missions. I love found family, and I’m disappointed V couldn’t form their own, so I’ll take what I can get and love the Aldecaldos, even if V can’t join them until the very end. Panam had the best missions of all the LI’s, even if the last one felt very abrupt. (At least, on her friendship route.)

Night City felt alive. There was always plenty going on, it felt like a real city, and it could be beautiful.

Jackie and Corpo V’s friendship was lovely. I loved their “To this!” inside joke, and I loved how Jackie roasted V but would jump to their defence in a second. It didn’t feel forced at all.

There’s lots of environmental storytelling. The atmosphere of a city choking to death under it’s own pollution/corruption was very apparent in the areas not lived in by the rich. Lots of homeless characters, violence, drugs, absolute poverty, trash (The dump! I felt sick just looking at it, and I couldn’t even smell it! Poor V, though.) and general apathy from a lot of the residents really sold the concept.

Johnny and V’s dynamic was the best part of the story! I hated him at first, but slowly came to enjoy his commentary and advice. His interactions with V were very funny at times, and thoughtful at other times. He was an interesting perspective for the player to consider, while still being an asshole you could dislike for much of the story. He has some really emotional scenes and I played a V that viewed him as a friend, so it was really nice hearing him call V the closest person he’d ever had. They became so devoted to each other! CDPR did good with this element, but I can’t help wishing for more. The dynamic had so much more to give, and a romance/happy ending could have worked.

And to add on, the mission where Johnny takes over V’s body to go on a bender was great! I loved all the moments to play as Johnny in V’s body. All the symbolism between them was so good. Every mission matters, and you can replay to look closer at details! He also comments on other side missions with no personal relevance to him, which was neat.

All the enemies had unique names. A minor detail, but it made me feel some guilt over killing them. 🤣 I think all character’s had unique names, which is such a nice detail.

The soundtrack was incredible, I loved every original piece and radio song. I have several saved on Spotify, which is big praise coming from me! I very rarely listen to video game soundtracks.

V can adopt a cat! 🐈‍⬛ It was adorable, and Johnny’s interaction with it made me tear up!

The size of the map was good, not too big or too small. I got about 100 hours of play in by exploring, which is pretty good to me! I got lost a few times, but always found something interesting to do in the meanwhile. I loved the Badlands especially.

Some of the side missions, particularly the more mysterious ones involving investigating deaths and the cyberpsychos, were very enjoyable! I’m a big slut for mystery, and there were some interesting cases to figure out. I wish we could’ve done missions like that with River, though, especially once he becomes a PI.

I was complaining about the lack of aliens in CP2077, but I suppose we did get a couple space themed missions which was pretty fun. I still want to go experience going into orbit, though. 👽 Or the moon!

Separating voice and body in the CC was a good idea, even if it was handled a little strangely. I’ll talk about this more in the ‘Cons’ section below!

Act 2 was my favorite part of the game, but it blended weirdly with Act 3 and that put me off. I am nostalgic for Act 1, but not eager to replay it because it felt so slow... I’m not sure on this point! I liked Act 2 because the story picked up and I was excited for more, but the more I got wasn’t as I expected. So, yes, Act 2 was good.

The scenery is very beautiful, and sometimes the outside lighting is absolutely perfect. The Arasaka parade mission was lovely to look at. I always stop the car and watch the sunrise/sunset, and I like going out to the Badlands to look at the stars!

An addition to that, is the lighting in some main quest missions. Very noir! It made for some beautiful screenshots. (Of which I sadly can’t share because my game doesn’t record well on medium settings. 😳)

The motorcycles are fun to drive! Mainly because I can zoom in between cars and Jackie’s motorcycle has a lot of sentimental value, as well as other vehicles like Johnny’s Porsche and Jake’s car. You can open the trunk to dump bodies in, which was a cool detail., and each one drives differently!

There could be amazing attention to detail, such as making Jackie look like his mother. I expected his mother to be a randomly generated NPC, but she was completely unique. It’s the minor things like that which stood out to me the most.

The scanner was a fun tool and very useful! I liked being able to find alternative ways to do a mission, it felt more realistic than the standard “massacre everybody, pick up an item and get out” fetch quests normally seen in RPGs. I could sneak in a tunnel or a side door! Perhaps irritating and unnecessary to some, but I liked it. I love utilising every possible option.

The interface color changes if you have Johnny controlling V’s body. Another small but good detail! The game is good with the minor details.

The sex scenes were not... awful. I expected much, much worse! I expected fully animated first person porn. Instead, I thought they were fairly realistic and intended to be romantic. Still very awkward, though, and unnecessary.

When they didn’t glitch, the animations were very good. Not as impressive as I hoped, probably because of glitches, but in line with other AAA games like Horizon Zero Dawn, I suppose? I noticed Judy’s animations in particular as being good, and Johnny had lots of unique ones too!

The clothing options are very fun, I like the holographic items and “Bitch” clothes, hehe. Also including Hijabs! 🧕 Great idea, and more games should do that.

The diversity of the NPCs was welcome. I enjoyed seeing Native American, Asian, Black and Latinx NPCs who weren’t there just to suffer! They would occupy important roles in the story, such as Fixers or friends/romance options for V, so they were pretty much unavoidable! It felt very natural, and they helped Night City feel more realistic.

Adding to that, the different cultures included were interesting too! I liked the Haitian characters in Pacifica.

The photo mode is pretty good. Not as good as I expected, the camera angle presets were useful but the filters weren’t very good. I liked that the photo mode could be used in cutscenes, though! It was standard, and I hope more bits will be added in for it.

A lot of the glitches are hilarious, but I recognise not all will share that opinion so I’m just adding this down here. The T-Posing NPCs are a highlight for me. Call that the Skyrim effect.

Cons:

No NB gender options/No pronoun options. Would they/them have been so difficult to implement?

No body or height sliders. There’s so many fat character’s in the game! Why can I not make my V fat? Or muscular?

Gender restrictive hairstyles and clothes. Come on, guys, it’s 2020/2077! Aren’t we beyond gender restrictive appearance options?

No tattoo parlours, no plastic surgeons and no hairstylists for V to change their appearance. I don’t understand why a CC was included at all, since we spent the majority of the game in first person. It reminded me of Far Cry.

The main story started off strong, albeit slow, picked up in Act 2, then felt very rushed in Act 3. The point of no return was very abrupt!

The celebrity cameos felt very gimmicky. The one exception to this is Keanu Reeves, who did a very good job as Johnny. Genuinely brought tears to my eyes at times... but Grimes was just embarrassing! Why was she there! A talented VA could have done Lizzy Wizzy much better, giving her actual emotions instead of just monotone “boredom”.

I don’t know what the point of owning apartments is. You can only sleep in V’s bed, what is the point of looking in the mirror? V has no use for their terminal in their apartment, they never get any messages after the first time they meet Johnny. It was so unnecessary, especially when there’s several across the map. I can access the stash of weapons and clothes from my car! Why would I ever need to go home? Judy gives me her apartment and I’m like, girl, I’m never visiting unless you have a mission to give me.

Also, there are no penalties for not showering or sleeping. I wanted character’s to comment on that! Call me stinky or tell me I look exhausted!

V doing side missions makes no sense, and no explanation is given for why we can do them. Why would V, who is dying and has precious few days left to live, be driving for hours on end to deliver packages and shoot random criminals? When they could be figuring out how to survive the biochip! Who the hell would care about a some extra money or buying every available car for sale, when they’re dying of something that could be preventable?

Some side missions were either very poorly done or obviously majorly glitched, since it felt like they skipped important parts and I was often very confused at the end of them! For example, the Corpo V side mission was so short! I expected to be able to hunt down Abernathy and get revenge for V and Jenkins, but instead, I shoot some random assistant I don’t even remember? And that’s it? Done in 2 minutes! If that! What is the point of that? I didn’t even have fun! Also, what happened to Garry? I wanted to save him but V just never follows up on it.

And, I wish we got closure with T-Bug. The fact that V never bothers to find her body and give her a proper burial was just poor form.

The endings were not... good. There are technically 6 different endings, all wrapped up into 3 parts. In my opinion, the best ending is the one where V kills themselves and has a very “Arthur Morgan watching his last sunset” vibe. It made me cry. Another good ending is having Johnny take over V’s body forever, as you can really see how much Johnny has changed as a person thanks to V’s influence. But they still felt very... eh and the story just never got that boost it needed, ending before it could take off. In the “best” ending, the Nomand ending with Panam, V ”survives” but has only another few months to live. So they die off screen. Satisfying? Uh, no. Not at all. There’s no possible ending where V has any hope of survival, but I much preferred being there with V until the very end. I disagree with the people calling Johnny’s ending the “bad” ending, because it really isn’t! I ignore all of this of course, and my V is living happily ever after.

I kind of hate that CP2077 has this illusion of options when some are clearly intended to be chosen more than others. Judy and Panam have the best endings in term of romance. Why bother with River and Kerry? Kerry is more of a fling than an actual romance, and is met very late in the game at a point where you can ignore him completely and just end the game, and River’s romance is so glitched that many people can’t even do it fully, and in every ending he dumps you, so it feels like none of it mattered to him despite him being the most “domestic” of the possible LI’s...

Takemura’s ending! He died in my playthrough, because the game didn’t tell me I could save him. That really annoyed me. Also, I recognise that V is in no place to lecture him, and there is some wisdom to his quote: “You speak against corporations yet offer no valid alternative.” But, Goro, bro... anything is better than fascist mega corporations keeping most of the city in absolute poverty, while waging devastating wars against other mega corporations? I wish we could have opened his eyes a little. There’s a good, even ground between Takemura believing Corps to be doing the best for humanity and Johnny being willing to kill 12k people for a revolution. This game went a little “capitalism is bad, but the alternative is worse!” at times, in my opinion. I wish more could have been done against the corporations, instead they just kind of... exist... in the background. And I know, “Realism! “ because we live with massive corporations like Amazon in our lives and can do fuck all about them but we’re not V. V is an absolute unit who survives death multiple times... I wish there had been two paths, like do Johnny’s path and work against the system or do Takemura’s path and work with the system? Sort of like The Witcher 2?

You know how in Saints Row, The Boss has homies they can call on for help? I wanted V to have homies to help them out in fights. It felt pointless building trust with the Fixers only to not have them help out at all with fights against the NCPD/Militech/Arasaka in their territories.

The stealth mechanics are not good. They are funny! But not very good. Often, It’s better to just attack and save yourself the trouble of sneaking only to get caught by a guard who can see through the back of his head.

The fact that you cannot get arrested and have someone bust you out of jail. Maybe RDR2 set my expectations too high, but I thought this would have been included.

I’ve read about the cut content, and I’m really disappointed they weren’t included in the game. Wall running would have been amazing! And the police hiring mercs to hunt V down? I would have loved to see it! 😔

Driving cars is terrible. Just awful. Sometimes, you crash. Other times you’re flung up into the air and break through the sky into the void, spinning for all eternity.

River’s glitched romance deserves a special mention. The relationship just drops off suddenly and you cannot interact with him properly again. It does not affect the main story at all, so you wonder, what was the point? The text messages also glitch and V will sent messages that you can’t control, leading to disappointing dialogue, like with Joss.

The romances in general were just not all that impressive. I was expecting something great, considering there was only 4 and thought they’d really affect the main story, but I’d only recommend Panam and Judy. I would have played the game just as well without romances, and they felt very unnecessary but I wanted to do one to get the most possible story content. I think we should all leave romances in RPG’s as the exception, not the norm. Some studio’s can do them well, other’s cannot. CDPR cannot, in my opinion...

Obviously the many glitches and bugs, several of which are game breaking. I usually have to reload a save at least once an hour, because an NPC won’t talk to me or I can’t move the mouse to select different dialogue options! Or my gun won’t equip, so I die.

The AI in general is very bad. Sometimes cars will stop in the middle of junctions for no reason, causing you to crash or mount the sidewalk to get past, meaning you’ll likely run someone down and get a police warrant. NPCs just walk from one end of the road and back again, over and over on a loop. It’s very creepy!

The lighting, mostly inside buildings. Everything is pitch black! Why does V not own a flashlight? The amount of enemies I’ve barrelled into and alerted because I couldn’t see is too much.

The lack of dialogue choice, it was less interactive than what I’d been told to expect. There was only two or three options, with one only ever rarely being unique to one of V’s three possible background choices and most will yield the same results with a few exceptions, like avoiding combat.

V’s personality is already decided by the game, and is not really customisable. Do not expect full control over your V’s personality, as they are very much a canon character and exist outside of your (limited) choices. I didn’t expect Baldur's Gate 3 levels of customisation, but I did expect something more like Dragon Age 2’s dialogue wheel? Nice, Sarcasm and Angry? You know?

Obviously, the seizure inducing scenes were very dangerous. I get a headache whenever I have to do a braindance, and I wish it was skippable!

Accessibility as a whole is very much an afterthought in this game, I think. The subtitles are in “speaking English”, so instead of: Hey, how are you? It’s: Heyyy, how’re ya? It is often difficult to understand, and sometimes I just couldn’t work out what was being said.

It’s nitpicky but I wanted to do a pacifist route and I realised you can’t, you need to kill certain character’s...

The main “villains” such as Yorinobu and Adam Smasher were very forgettable, and V had no personal stake in taking them out. I honestly forgot all about them. Takemura was talking about revenge and I’m like, who? Who are you talking about? Why are we kidnapping Hanako Arasaka, again? Johnny, why would I bother killing Adam Smasher? If they’d personally murdered Jackie, then yeah, I’d understand! But all V needs is to remove the chip and I don’t know... I just didn’t feel anything.

So, to summarise: I think CDPR were out of their depth. The long, very long, troubled development process was an indication of this before the game was even released, and the story I’ve experienced in the game is proof enough. I don’t think they knew what they wanted from this game, and as a result, we have a game that is honestly very confusing and frustrating with a story that always got close to gripping, but never quite makes it. All in all, I found this game to be pretty average. When the bugs are ironed out, I will think better of it. But as it stands, if I had to score it, I would give it a 6.5/10 or maybe 7/10. Good concept, somewhat misguided execution. The best part of the game was the Johnny/V dynamic, but I wasn’t satisfied with how it ended. They needed more time together! Anyway, it will be interesting to see what happens next.

#cp77 spoilers #cp77 critical #cyberpunk 2077 #I’ve already been vagued about a few times for my CP2077 opinions so I expect more to happen now I’m posting this hehe

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just-absolutely-super · 4 years

Text

Attempting Love Potions

@soulxmakaweek

Day 7: Magic. And what’s more magical than love potions lmao. Yes, I'm pulling the old, "Love Potion No. 9" cliché. BUT WITH A TWIST! Read and find out what that twist is!

Summary: Kim's up to no good, brandishing a love potion guaranteed to make your unrequited love requited. Shame it doesn't seem to work on her intended target...

FF.net // AO3

"C'mon, Maka. You know you waaaant to!" Kim tried to entice, wiggling the little pink vial of liquid in her hand.

The scythe meister scowled at the young witch. "No, Kim. I've told you a thousands times already: I do not want any part of a love potion!"

Maka ignored Kim's pout. Ever since Kim revealed a witch acquaintance of hers had brewed up a love potion guaranteed to make your—quote—"unrequited love requited"—unquote—she had been bugging Maka nonstop to use it on Soul.

The blonde didn't even understand why Kim was so insistent on it. It's not like she liked Soul or anything…

Okay, fine, she'll admit she may be developing feelings for him that may or may not be romantic. HOWEVER, she refused to play Kim's game and force her weapon to develop the same affections toward her.

It was practically inhumane! And probably illegal as Kid hadn't figured out all the details when it came to using forms of magic in this new DWMA/Witch alliance yet…

Kim groaned, "Maka! Everyone knows you and Soul are, like, endgame! Why don't you do every single one of us a favor and speed up the process a little?"

Maka pushed away the proffered drink, "No, Kim. Please stop pushing this. It's making me mad."

She was not above Maka Chopping a friend—ask Soul and Black Star.

Thankfully, the witch backed down, but Maka could tell she was displeased.

"Fine! See if I try helping you gain a love life in the future!"

Maka rolled her eyes, "I don't need anyone's help, thank you very much. If I want a boyfriend, I can get one."

Kim snorted, eyeing Maka up and down, "Not with that figure you ain't."

Maka felt a vein about to burst. Maybe she should go ahead and Maka Chop her. Sure, Kim might get revenge on her in some way, but it wouldn't be anything major considering she knew Kim somewhat feared the scythe meister. After all, Maka did kill Arachne and went toe-to-toe with Kishin Asura.

"Who cares what anyone thinks about my 'figure'?" Maka huffed, "If they were worth anything, they wouldn't care. Anyways, even if I did want to 'speed up' my relationship with Soul—which, by the way, is none of your business—I wouldn't use something as underhanded as a love potion. I want Soul to like me because he chooses to. It's really sleazy trying to force feelings onto somebody, and Soul would never forgive me if I did that to him."

Kim held up her hands in defense, "Okay, okay. I won't bother you about it anymore. Geez, no need to get all noble on me…"

Maka nodded, "Thank you for understanding. I gotta go meet up with Soul now, so I'll see you in Stein's class later today okay?"

Kim waved at her friend's retreating back, "Alright, see you then."

As she watched Maka round the corner, Kim turned her gaze back to the love potion in her hands. She puffed her cheeks out in annoyance. She spent a good amount of money for this bottle!

When her friend Winifred sent out that notice that she had brewed "the perfect love potion," Kim couldn't help but jump on the opportunity. All the students at the DWMA could tell that Maka and Soul were taken with each other, so this felt like the most logical thing to do.

Sure, it may be an…she'll say unorthodox way in getting the two together, but she figured that if Soul started acting desperately in love with his meister then it would kick start his actual real feelings for her.

All the romcoms with love potions ended in happily ever after, who's to say this wouldn't turn out favorably?

Putting the love potion in her pocket, Kim leaned against the wall, waiting for Jackie to meet up with her so they could go to their next class. Across from her she noticed a soda machine. As she stared at it, she felt an idea pop into her head.

Well…Maka did say she didn't want to use the love potion. She never said anything about Kim using it for her own goals.

Goals that happened to involve her two friends getting together, that was.

Letting out an almost sinister giggle, Kim reached into her pocket to locate some change.

----------

Maka and Soul made themselves comfortable in their seats as they waited for Stein to enter the room to begin class. In the row below them, Maka noticed Jacqueline but not her meister.

"Jackie? Where's Kim?" Maka inquired.

The demon lantern shrugged, "I'm not sure. We were on our way here when she told me she had to do something really quick. I asked her if she wanted me to go with her, but she declined and told me to save her seat."

Maka hummed, feeling unease in the pit of her stomach. She hoped this didn't have anything to do with what the two discussed roughly an hour ago…

"Here I am! Sorry for making you wait, Jackie!" Maka was pulled out of her thoughts at the sound of the witch's voice.

She looked normal enough, a bright smile painted on her porcelain face. In each hand were bottles of Coke. Maka felt herself smile. She supposed she was being paranoid over nothing.

"I got us some drinks. Here!" Kim said, placing one bottle in front of her on the desk before offering the second to her weapon.

Jackie frowned, "Kim, you know that I cut out soda from my diet after I got that kidney stone last month. I can't drink that."

Kim's mouth formed an "o" as she dramatically smacked herself in the head, "Oh darn! I completely forgot! Oh well…"

She then turned around, eyeing Soul and Maka…particularly Soul.

"I don't want this to go to waste, so…Soul! Would you like this Coke?"

Soul gave a nonchalant shrug, reaching for the drink, "Sure, whatever."

It was when she saw Kim's triumphant smirk that it hit Maka what game the witch was playing at. Widening her eyes, she reached out to her weapon as he opened the bottle to take a sip.

"Wait, Soul, stop!"

"Yes, Soul, drink it!" Kim exclaimed, grabbing Maka's hand, so she could prevent her from stopping her weapon. She then used her grip on Maka's hand to pull her forward so Maka was the first person Soul saw.

Seeing the strange reaction in front of him, Soul stopped drinking the Coke to give his meister an incredulous stare. "What's the problem?"

Maka blinked at him, biting her lip in anticipation of something happening. But after a minute passed and the only reaction she got out of her weapon was his usual bored expression, Maka felt herself relax before breaking away from Kim's hold.

Kim, on the other hand, gaped at the scythe in shock. "Wait, what?! You look and act the same!"

Soul blinked, his lips turning downwards, "Am…I not supposed to?"

Kim forcefully grabbed the bottle from his hand and sniffed it. Humming in thought she turned back to Soul.

"Did this taste any different to you?"

Soul narrowed his eyes, "I admit, it's a lot sweeter than I thought it'd be. Why? Did you do something to it?"

Kim ignored his questions, chucking the Coke across the room as she ranted and raved about "scams" and how she was going to skin alive some person named Winifred for "making a fool out of her." All the while everyone in the class stared at the pink haired girl as if she had gone crazy.

Soul turned to Maka, confusion clearly written in his red eyes, "What the hell just happened?"

Maka frowned. She knew exactly what happened. However, like Kim, the outcome was not something she expected. The young witch obviously put the love potion in the drink she gave to Soul. Her plan was to trick him into drinking it so it would have the desired effect on him. Only it didn't work.

The question though, was why didn't it work?

Why wasn't Soul in love with Maka?

"Hey, earth to Maka. I asked you a question."

Maka returned Soul's gaze, searching his eyes. They were the same. He really wasn't affected by the magic of the potion.

Before she could explain, she heard the faint rolling of Stein's chair and the subsequent crash of him falling over, indicating the beginning of his class.

"I'll tell you later." She said, hoping by the time the lecture was over and they made it home she'd have come up with an explanation as to why her weapon wasn't head over heels in fake love with her.

----------

An hour and a half later Maka still didn't know the answer.

She and Soul were walking back to their apartment after school was over (the weather was so nice, Maka had begged Soul to forgo using the bike for today). Maka was concentrating silently on her thoughts while Soul trudged afterwards, glancing at his meister every now and then.

"So you gonna tell me what was up with Kim or what?" he asked.

Maka furrowed her brow. In theory the love potion should have worked. Soul didn't love her, so therefore if he had drank the potion he should be acting out of character right now as his emotions were forced to recognize her as the object of his affections. Keyword should. The reality of the situation was that Soul was acting the same, indicating that there was a flaw somewhere in Kim’s plan.

Maybe the potion was faulty? She couldn't imagine a witch selling Kim a product that wouldn't work, but witches were very crafty, so it couldn't be too off the mark.

"Hey, Maka! Are you listening to me?"

Maybe the ingredients of the soft drink messed with the composition of the potion? That seemed like a reach, and she didn't feel the urge to perform experiments in relation to whether carbonation affected your hormone levels or not…

"Maaaaaka!"

Maybe the potion didn’t affect weapons? Or maybe Soul’s Black Blood had something to do with it? Like maybe it protects him from magic and spells. But, wait, then all the magic the witches they’ve faced in the past wouldn’t have affected him either… Ugh, she was getting a headache from all this analyzing.

"Maka Albarn is a scrawny, nerdy bookworm who definitely loves her Papa!"

"Excuse me?!" Maka cried out, halting in her stride. She glared at her partner, feeling the familiar urge to reach for a book.

Soul gave her an infuriating grin, holding his arms over his head in protection of a possible Maka Chop, "I had to get your attention somehow."

She pouted. "What do you want?"

"I want you to tell me what was up with Kim in class this afternoon. You told me you'd explain, so start explaining."

Oh, right. Of course. Even if Maka didn't know the full explanation as to why Kim's plan failed, the least she could do was tell Soul what said plan was.

"Alright, I'll tell you. But don't get mad at me about it because I specifically told her not to do it!"

Soul waved her off, "Yeah, sure. I got it. Now spill."

Maka took a deep breath. "Kim purchased a love potion from a witch friend of hers. She's been wanting to use it on you as a…prank."

She'd rather die than tell him the real reason for why Kim wanted to trick him into drinking the potion.

Soul blanched. "A…love potion?"

Maka nodded. "Yeah, she wanted to see if it would work and make you fall in love. I guess she thought it'd be even funnier if it were me you fell in love with…"

She averted her gaze away from his, unable to handle the look of disgust he must have on his face. She already knew he didn't have feelings for her, no need to rub salt into the wounds at his vehement protesting for why he would never fall for her, ever.

"I can't believe it…" he said, shock lacing his voice. Suddenly she heard him growl, "That meddling little bitch!"

While Maka didn't usually condone Soul's harsh language toward their comrades, she admitted he was justified in his name-calling. After all, she was thinking the same thing when she realized what Kim's plan had been with that Coke.

"I know. I told her it was a bad idea."

"A bad idea?! She was basically gonna drug me!"

"I know! It was definitely not cool!"

"Hell no, it wasn't! And she actually thought her stupid little plan was gonna work? As if!"

Maka felt herself wince. Okay, now she was hearing the part of his rant that she didn't feel inclined to listen to. Again, he was justified in his anger, but it didn't make it hurt any less that he didn't want to fall in love with her.

"I mean, of course I didn't fall in love with you after drinking it! I'm already—"

He immediately fell silent, his teeth audibly clicking together with how strongly he snapped his mouth shut. Maka blinked in shock.

"You're already…what?"

Sweat began to form on the Death Scythe's brow. "Nothing…"

Maka narrowed her eyes, "No, you were going to say something. What were you going to say?"

He began walking again, his pace picking up as he swiftly moved passed her, "I wasn't going to say anything, let's just drop it!"

"Hey, wait up Soul!" she called after him, practically running to catch up to him.

"I'm feeling pasta tonight, are you? What would you rather have, fettuccini or spaghetti?"

"Quit avoiding the subject, Soul!"

"What subject? The only subject I'm talking about is pasta!"

Maka screamed in frustration.

Why did she have to fall in love with this moron?

----------

"Uh-huh… Yeah, okay… I get it now. Sorry for bitching at you earlier, Winnie. I'll see you at the next Witch Mass… Okay, bye!"

Kim sighed as she closed her cell phone. She and Jackie were sitting at Death Bucks, having a quick snack before heading back to the girls' dorm.

Jackie sipped her chai tea, "So what did she say?"

Kim stirred her iced mocha, "Winifred's potion wasn't a scam like I thought it was. Apparently, if the person drinking it lays eyes on the person they're already in love with it then there's no effect. Something about their love cancelling out the fake love or whatever."

Jackie nodded, "So it does work, you just have to be sure your target really doesn't love you."

"Yep…" she trailed off.

The two were silent for a second, sipping their respective drinks before Jacqueline spoke up again.

"Isn't this a good thing though? I mean, that means the reason Soul wasn't affected was because he already loves Maka. We now have concrete proof."

Kim nodded, but she still looked peeved, "Well, duh, of course I'm happy that the number one pair at the DWMA is practically one step closer to being a legit couple—fucking ecstatic actually!"

"But…?"

"But I was robbed of wacky hijinks!" Kim bellowed, "That emotionally constipated scythe was supposed to act stupidly in love with Maka! Think of the blackmail, Jackie! All the glorious blackmail!"

Jackie sighed. Sometimes she wished her meister didn't have such a devious side. "Well, maybe Maka will figure out why the potion didn't work and she and Soul can finally be together."

Before Kim could retort, they were distracted by the sudden appearance of Soul who was sprinting at impressively high speeds passed their table.

The two girls blinked, flabbergasted. Before either of them could comment on the strange occurrence, another figure barreled by.

"SOUL EATER EVANS!" Maka Albarn bellowed, "GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE! YOU CAN'T USE PASTA AS AN EXCUSE FOREVER!"

Once the scythe meister had disappeared from view, Kim turned back to Jackie. Her face was passive, as if what had just happened didn't even faze her.

"Please! It's gonna take those two a miracle to get their shit together!"

#soma #soul x maka #somaweek2020 #somaweek #soulxmakaweek #soul eater evans #maka albarn #soul eater #my writing #feel kinda weird that almost everyone did a hp au #meanwhile i don't know JACK about hp so i did this bullshit instead lmaooo

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heywoodvirgin · 3 years

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Borró Cassette ( Chapter 2)

Guys, writing is really not my thing, but I love Jackie so much not to try to ^^

Chapter 1 here ^^

Modern!Jackie Welles / Original Female Character

Rated : Teens and up

angst and fluff ahead !

***

- Medium plier.

It was the first thing he said in ten minutes or so.

Jack was under his cruiser’s wheels, hands focused on oiling some pieces of his machine’s brakes when she stepped into the garage.

For the first two weeks following their… argument, Mey avoided taking that route, instead opting for a detour that made her waste a solid thirty minutes every morning and evening. She thought avoiding places they used to share was a temporary solution, she was wrong. Every step she took in the opposite direction made her think about him longer, recalling all the hours he so generously spent teaching a slow learner like her how to ride a moto, how he’d always secured her helmet himself every time he took her for a ride, and those were many times, so many she couldn’t count anymore.

So when Mey finally decided to stop whatever childish game she was playing -not replying to his texts and calls, among others- and test her luck, she found herself standing gracelessly in the middle of his garage, blocking the last rays of sun he was using to work.

For long minutes, she stayed planted there, like a stupid scarecrow, marinating her anxiety, unable to say the word that mattered most. He noticed her, of course he did, and said nothing, just a flash of surprise in his eyes, and he was under his moto gain. It wasn’t like Jackie to act cold like that. Resentful wasn’t in the list of words to describe Jackie Welles, not even in the bottom line. He never ignored her. It felt so wrong to be in the receiving end of his spite or whatever this was. She missed the warmth of her friend; it was almost shocking now, as she realized it. It was just one small “sorry”, but she still didn’t feel it in her, she still didn’t feel like she was the one that should say sorry. He fucked up, he should know, by now. But also, she knew that his apologies should go to the person his wrongs were directed to, not to her, if she would take her time and think. But now, all she wanted, was a heart-to-heart talk, something she played in her mind over and over, every day during two weeks and five days and twelve hours, and here she was standing, mind blank, not even capable of uttering a simple hello.

When she finally found the guts to move and sit carefully on the sofa, and when he still didn’t react, she felt the panic, acid prickling at her skin. The sun had completely set down, last rays licking the far away mega buildings of the city, the garage lights flickered on. It was a quiet summer evening, one of few they had in the crazy city, but her neighborhood was one of the quietest, she had to admit. She liked it most of the time, but today wasn’t one of those days, it felt like the entire world went silent on her. That till he spoke.

- Medium plier.

She blinked a few times before she registered his request, moving to fetch the tool from its box, still memorizing perfectly the space around.

- Screwdriver, 4.

And it went like that for an hour or so, them moving about and working together. She was glad he offered her that physical occupation, even if it was mainly her handing him his tools and watching him sweat under his machine. For a minute, her mind was just on the craft and she was relieved he still sounded pretty himself as soon as he opened his mouth, even if them occupying their hands didn’t prevent her mind to go racing about everything, and his too, she could tell in the way they couldn’t look each other in the eye, yet.

It was until he threw at her a wet rag to wipe her hands and she creased her nose because of the reeking petrol smell that they exchanged an amused look.

- Hey, never get used to the smell huh?

She shrugged, briefly smiling.

- So how have you been? He looked at the floor, discarding the wet rag near an old stool.

- Fine, she nodded to the floor, fighting a sudden rush of tears, trying to contain them in, in vain.

- Ven aqui.

He didn’t need to say more and she was in his arms. She didn’t remember him giving her hugs like that before, she shut her eyes, crushed against him, fisting his shirt, and he seemed to reciprocate, folding his bulk around her. He smelled like gas and sweat, but she only buried her head further in his chest. After some time like that she could feel the breath knocked off her chest and she started laughing

- Eres un idiota, you know that, she mumbled in a huff, a big idiot.

- I really shouldn’t teach you this one, but I know right, sorry hermana, I really mean it.

- Well, sorry too, she shrugged, as they let go of each other's embrace.

- Hey, no more tears, ok? Drink with me tonight?

- Sure, but just a lil', ok? She sniffed.

- Pft, aguafiestas, he grumbled, picked up two bottles of tequila and passed her one.

- So to what are we drinking tonight?

- A la reunión! Amiga!

- A la reunión, then!

- Opening one of your expensive ones, just for me? she winced after one little gulp.

- Solo pa’ti, hermana, even if I know you’d rather go for one of your exotic stuff, tomatoes juice or something like that…

- Shut up, since when is tomatoes juice exotic, she internally face palmed.

- It is if I say so. Come on now, let’s sit, I’m beat, and starvin’.

- When aren’t you. She teased as he put his arm around her shoulder, leading her to the couch.

They sat comfortably in silence for some time. When she finished her bottle, he was already at his third or fourth.

-You, Mimi, you won’t close the door on me anymore, huh, any door…

She could tell the alcohol started to work its way to his head. He was starting to tell her things that she could misunderstand, like only him could…

- Hey, hey, no more tequila tonight, please? She gently took the bottle from his hands. His usually warm palms were clammy and cold, shaking slightly.

- It’s a bad day, not a bad year, and even if it is, it certainly won’t be a bad life, remember, these are your own words you used to tell me.

- Si, recuerdo. He chuckled sadly.

- How can we regret something we don’t want, Huh.

- Do you, Jack? Mey’s throat was oppressed; she kept her voice low, as if afraid to hear her friend’s answers. She felt powerless, the weight of his grief falling on her chest. She knew that whatever she would say now, it wouldn’t be enough.

- What if I do Mimi, it’s done you know… it’s gone… I killed it.

- Shut, shut no, Jackie, no. If it’s someone’s fault, it should be mine, too. She softly scratched his scalp, a failed attempt to soothe him. His body was stiff with unshed tears, tension threatening to break at any moment, and she wished he would at last, cry. Let it seep out of his system. She wished he could do it with her, as tears pickled at the corners of her eyes, stinging, fat drops of salty water, falling free.

- How’s that your fault too, Mey? He turned with questioning eyes, and she found her courage failing her, as his eyes searched her face and her hand fell on his forehead. It was still hard to look him in the eyes.

- I should’ve been there for you, I should’ve been there when you were alone facing this decision I-

- You being there wouldn’t change my decision, hermana. It was already settled, and for some time now. Me and Lin, wasn’t working anyway.

- Because you didn’t want it to work. She didn’t want to accuse him in any way, it was a statement that she and he both knew was true.

- Because I didn’t want it to work.

- Why? she asked in a little voice.

- Eh, the boxer and the super model, you believed it too?

- I- thought it was perfect, Jack, I really did.

At least for some time.

- You’re a romantic.

- Look who’s talking, she let out a teary laugh.

- But that’s not what I was talking about… I meant…

- I know what you meant, and there too, it wouldn’t have changed a thing.

The silence that followed was the heaviest Mey had ever felt between them.

- How… How did she take it?

- Surprisingly well. She’s a smart girl, Mimi. Bet that’s why she wanted us to be engaged, can’t blame her for not trying.

- She is a good woman, Jack.

- Lo sé, lo sé. Jackie said quiet, tears wetting the fabric of her dress. It was good, she thought. He still trusted her enough, enough to let her see his most vulnerable side, even after almost a month of absence, of total silence.

It was such a relief, if she let herself be honest. To find him again, broken, but still her friend who would call her hermana, offer to make dinner and end up dozing off, head in her lap.

It felt good to touch him again, too. Now in the quiet hours of the night, she could hear the cold neon lights purring, electricity running through the garage’s old wires, the tunes of whatever music he left on, that was almost muted, reached her from the furthest corner of his hideout. It smelt like motor oil and alcohol and old leather, a bit of him too, and before the knots in her stomach started to twist again, she talked herself to go and let him rest.

-Don’t you think it’s time to go and get some sleep in that fancy bed of yours? She prompted, trying to sound as light as she intended.

-Nah. Like it here more, reminds me of where I came from. ‘sides, it’s comfortable.

-Might be comfy for you, big head, but my legs are starting to get numb, so… She tried to shake his head off her lap, playfully pushing at his shoulders.

- Don’t even try, weak ass.

- That’s abuse of power!

- La niña learned to talk, too. Not bad.

- Fuck off.

- What about you going home now, huh, I’m just gonna crash here tonight. Couch’s enough comfort for my ass, for now. He straightened up, rubbed his eyes, dusted his jeans, offered a hand for her to take.

- Or you can crash on mine. She shrugged, taking his offered hand and fighting a blush. Or not- she started when the response took a bit long to come.

- Let’s get the fuck outta here, then. And he gave her a real smile, this time.

#jackie welles cyberpunk 2077 #jackie welles #jaquito and tequila #Friends #unrequieted crush #Jackie welles deserves better #fanfic #angst #fluff #alternate universe #modern jackie welles

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terrm9 · 4 years

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CHAPTER 3 - Waiting

Keiki was sleeping peacefully in her hospital bed with Sienna, Jackie, Rafael and Elijah surrounding her, waiting for a slightest hint of... something. Rafael couldn't let go of Sienna's hand, not when now, instead of crying, she just kept whispering "it's going to be okay, everything will be just fine, everything must be alright". She was clearly fighting with enormous anxiety and used the positivity so typical for her to deal with the situation. Jackie sat on the chair next to Keiki's head, her head propped on her knees. She was now looking at the ground, finally able to look around the room she was in, but she couldn't bring herself to say a single word. She wanted to badly to snap at Sienna for repeating those stupid words full of hope, she wanted to scream, to make her stop, but she was physically incapable of saying a single 'shut up'. Elijah just stared out of the window, trying to find some sort of distraction on the busy street under the hospital room.

The door suddenly opened and obviously exhausted and uncharacteristically serious Bryce Lahela walked in, the scrubs he was still wearing bringing odd mixture of disinfection and sweat to the room.

"Hey guys. Thanks for staying with Keiki. I met Dr. Mirani on my way here and he said that she suffered from concussion but should be okay within week. I got here as fast as I could."

"How did the surgery go?" Elijah asked nervously.

"Ugh... as well as such surgery can. She is alive."

"What are her chances of actually staying alive?"

It was Jackie, finally able to find her lost voice.

"As for now, I have no idea. Dr. Emery was fantastic, guys you should have seen her, she simply didn't allow Chiara to die on that table. But it was brutal. She has so many injuries, lost such huge amount of blood..."

He trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

"It's really bad, isn't it?" Sienna whispered.

"It is really bad, yeah. Dr. Emery told me not to get my hopes up, because the chance of survival or chance of recovery is very low. But she doesn't need to be always right. Very low does not mean none and if there is even glimpse of hope, I simply believe in full recovery. I already got my hopes up, because if someone can get through this, it's Chiara Ray. I mean, she's been through so much shit, in her early life, in her intern year, in her med school and she always, always pulled through and got stronger on the way. She is a fighter and she will fight this. We just have to keep believing in her."

There was a long silence after Bryce's speech, everyone dealing with their emotions on their own. Sienna's cheeks were soaked with silent tears again, Jackie played with hem of her shirt and Elijah just kept staring out on the street.

"I'm gonna get us some hot chocolate," Sienna declared out of nothing

"On the wheelchair?" Rafael raised his eyebrow, looking at her freshly casted leg.

"I need to do something."

"I'm coming with you."

Sienna and Rafael left the room without any other word and Bryce followed her, intending to change into clean set of clothes. Shortly after they left, the door flew open again revealing Aurora furiously walking in.

"What the hell, guys? What happened? I came home after the night shift expecting all of you to be home and the flat was empty! So I tried to reach Chiara, then Sienna, then Jackie and Elijah and none of you responded, so I tought maybe you went to the beach or something. I called my aunt, who is supposed to have three days off and she picks up at last telling me she just got out of the surgery of Dr. Ray? What does this mean? I ran all the way from home."

As Elijah started to fill her in on what happened, Sienna, Rafael and Bryce came back with five cups filled with hot chocolate.

"Ah Aurora, hi! Sorry I didn't know you would come, I'll go for another one," Sienna was about to go get another hot chocolate.

"No need. Just tell me what happened."

Aurora was left speechless when they finished. She grew very fond of Chiara and admired her as a doctor but also as a person. She couldn't imagine her lying on the cold operating table, more dead than alive.

"How about you girls? Sienna, Jackie?"

"We are fine. I have a broken leg, that's all," Sienna answered.

"Oh, I look much worse than I feel. I'll be back to work in a day or two," Jackie said angrily, not wanting to talk about herself at all.

"You think we could go and see her?"

"I don't think they would let us, not now. But when I went to get the chocolate, I talked to Danny and he told me that Dr. Ramsey is staying with her."

They all shared a silent look deciding whether they should talk about Dr. Ramsey or not.

"He really cares about her, right?"

Elijah broken the silence with sincere question.

"Oh he does," Rafael nodded. "I mean, I knew he had a soft spot for her when all it took for her to convince him to play softball was to ask him, but damn this was something different."

"Of course he cares about her. He is her mentor, she is important part of his team. And she saved Dr. Banerji's life."

"I guess he really does respect her for that," Rafael admitted. "But still, this was something else. He was going to lose it in the E.R."

"What happened in the E.R.?"

Aurora and Bryce asked at the same time.

"His whole body was shaking when he heard the news. I didn't know if he was going to punch someone or faint. And when he heard she was in the operating room, he just stormed off."

"She means a lot to many people."

Sienna closed the discussion up with only one sentence and the group remained silent. Every person in the room felt the same heavy feeling on their chest, but somehow sharing their fear has brought some ease into their breathing.

On the other side of the third floor, there was nothing nor someone that could possibly bring ease into Ethan Ramsey's breathing. He was sitting on the wooden chair as close to Chiara as he could get, his hands resting in his lap helplessly, afraid to touch even her finger, scared that he would cause more harm to her. Ethan kept staring at her, failing to swallow the bulge that formed in his throat hours ago. He hated crying. He hated it so much that he learned how not to cry even when needed to. Sitting here next to her, he wished he could just cry. Cry and scream, let some of the emotions out of his system, share them with someone. But the only person he could imagine sharing such grief with was the very same person that made him feel this way in the first place. And so he didn't make a move or a sound, remaining motionless on the chair, his jaw clenched.

How could I let this happen? If I wasn't such coward, I would start the speech I was preparing myself for and she would never leave the office.

Damn the speech, I could've just kissed her and she would stay with me.

The thoughts of what if's and what could and should have been were costing him his sanity, but Ethan couldn't just stop thinking. He couldn't forgive himself for losing so much time. For not expressing how he really felt. Oh, he should've done that long time ago, but he was afraid of admitting that he cared for her enough for them to be more than just star crossed lovers. How much he wanted to be with her, to call her his, his Rookie, his Chiara and yet, he couldn't bring himself to talk to her about them, guilt eating him up for being so selfish. He wanted her despite their potential relationship being unprofessional, unethical, so wrong on so many levels. Still, he longed for her.

She deserves better than me.

He couldn't help but think so, knowing that she expects much more from relationship than he could provide. He could give her his time and attention and physical affection, he would adore her and push her to be the best doctor she could be, but that would never be enough. She needed him to love her the way she loved and he wasn't capable of love. He didn't believe in such thing in the first place. Caring for someone, liking them, wanting to spend their time together, those things made sense to him. But love, love was like hope or faith, there were zero science explanations to back those feelings up. To make them valid. He couldn't tell her he loved her, because he didn't believe in love.

Not like any of that mattered now. He never told her how he felt or how scared he was of ruining her career and her life by wanting to be with her, he never expressed his belief that she should find someone better for herself, someone who would shower her with 'I love you's' every day. He never said a word and now she could die any minute.

Ethan lost track of time or of any outside situation for that matter, therefore Harper's presence in the room took him by surprise.

"Ethan, I need to check in on her, so please leave us. And I think Naveen would like to talk to you before he heads home today."

"What time is it?"

"8 PM."

"Can I come back when you are done with examination?"

He needed Harper to say yes. He couldn't leave her.

"You need to sleep Ethan. What was the last time you slept? Or eaten for that matter?

"I'll sleep when I feel like sleeping. I'm staying with her overnight."

With that he left the room, determined to find Naveen without talking to anybody else.

Dr. Banerji was sitting in his office, waiting for the younger man to come. As the door opened and Ethan entered room, he noticed just how devasted he looked. He hasn't seen him like that ever since his own dying.

"Ethan. Thank you for coming. Can I get you something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry. Thanks, anyway. You wanted to see me?"

"I wanted to check on you, dear boy. I see that this situation drained any life from you and I am concerned."

"I'm just scared okay? And hopeless. So fucking hopeless."

Ethan thought he would lose it now. That the tears would finally come. They didn't.

"I know you are worried about Chiara and I know that you would raise the hell if that would help her. But starving yourself or refusing to sleep will only destroy you too."

"Maybe I want to be destroyed."

"Ethan, don't say that."

"I don't know Naveen. I just... the last time I felt like this, it was when I thought you were dying. But at the time at least I could do something. I ran tests and studied not-so-known illnesses and I tried to save you. Now all I do is sitting on the damn chair and wait for her to wake up or die. It's killing me."

Naveen took Ethan's hand into his own and squeezed it with all the emapthy he had, hoping that the brilliant doctor in front of him could feel that he knew. He knew how Ethan felt about Chiara. He knew how much she meant to him and that it was her who saved his own life, after all. Dr. Ray stood by Ethan's side everytime he faced tragedy and when he needed her, she was there. Naveen knew that very well, without ever needing to talk to Ethan about it.

"I called her mother. She said she would catch the first flight in the morning and should be here by the noon."

Naveen broke the silence with the statement.

"You expect me to talk to her."

Ethan didn't ask, he knew it was true.

"I think it should be you. You know Chiara very well and her mother needs to hear the truth from someone who knows her pain."

"And what exactly the truth is?"

"Oh, Ethan..."

"Okay, I'll talk to her mother. I'll be in the I.C.U. with Chiara."

He left, expecting Harper to be done and without stopping anywhere, he found his way back to the I.C.U. room, spending his sleepless night there.

"Mrs. Ray, hello."

Ethan shook hand of the woman in front of him, trying not to stare at her hair. Hair with the same colour as Chiara's.

"Dr. Ramsey, it's nice to finally meet you. Chiara talks about you all the time."

She tried to smile and failed miserabely. Her eyes were puffed from crying and she was holding her purse so firmly as if it was her own dear life she was holding onto.

"Oh?"

"All the good stuff of course. Dr. Emery informed me about the surgery. Now you tell me... and I need the truth... will she get through this?"

At this point, she was crying again and Ethan couldn't help but hug her.

"She is a warrior, Mrs. Ray. I know Chiara very well and she fights whatever comes to her life. Nothing is certain, but I believe in her."

Ethan didn't know if he was trying to convince Chiara's mother or himself.

"I can't lose her too, Dr. Ramsey. Dr. Emery told me the driver that caused him was drunk. Is that so?"

"Yes, it's true. He has some broken ribs and waits for his time in jail."

"Is that some kind of curse?"

Ethan motioned for them to sit down before asking: "What do you mean, curse?"

"Oh, I should have guessed Chiara never told you. She doesn't talk about it and she would never bear the idea of you pitying her. But you already do pity her now, so I can as well go on."

Ethan nodded with his eyebrows high, holding hand of the woman who looked like she needed to throw up.

"Chiara is the oldest of my children. She had younger brother and sister, both adoring her. She was always such a good kid, taking care of her siblings, doing her homework, helping other kids at school. She wanted to apply for med school since forever and her father couldn't be prouder. He supported her every step, not to my delight. Chiara is excellent painter, art is huge part of her and as an artist myself, I always hoped for her to follow my steps. I thought being doctor wouldn't make her happy. But she applied for the med school, got in and I realized that the special spark she holds inside of her is only released when she talks about medicine. When she was in her second year, her father and brother died in a car crash. Drunken driver on the truck crossed the crossroad on the red light... they were both dead immediately. She lost her spark then, nothing could bring it back. But she stuck with the medicine because she wanted to make her dad proud. She finished the school and when she was accepted to her programm here in Edenbrook, that's when her spark returned. I remeber her screaming: 'Mom I'll get to work with Ethan Freaking Ramsey!' I hardly understood what that meant, but the expression she held at the moment was enough for one of my many wounds to heal. And now... now I am losing her too."

She was crying again, leaning against Ethan's chest, as he tried to soothe her pain by hugging her tightly. The bulge in his throat got bigger, even though he didn't consider it possible.

"You're not losing her. She never gives up and she won't give up this time either. I'll be here, Mrs. Ray, I'll take care of her and I promise you, Chiara doesn't die, not on my watch. I am Ethan Freakin' Ramsey after all."

He felt his own strenght coming back at his words. He started to see what Naveen and Harper were saying about him needing to eat and sleep. At some point, Chiara might need him and he needs to be ready to save her. Mrs. Ray managed to create a small smile, wiping her eyes.

"Thank you, Dr. Ramsey. I can't stay here, Alicia - Chiara's sister - needs me back to San Francisco. Just... just promise me to take care of her, okay?"

"Of course. Here, this is my number," he handed her a piece of paper with his quickly written number. "Call me anytime. We will inform you about everything. Now, I'll let you see her for a few minutes, if you want."

Two weeks have passed and Dr. Emery stood side by side with Dr. Ramsey, consulting results of Chiara's new CT scan.

"Pretty impressing, I must say. The swelling on her brain is retreating and as far as I can see, there's no evidence of irrevisible damage on the brain. Of course we'll know better if she wakes up."

"When she wakes up," Ethan muttered under his breath, not accepting the possibility of her not waking up.

Harper looked at him with raised eyebrows, but never said a word.

"However, we are far from winning this, but so far, Dr. Ray here convinced me that nothing is ever as hopeless as it seems. With her lungs working on their own completely now, I propose transferring her from the I.C.U. to your wing of the hospital, Dr. Ramsey. As a surgeon, my work is done her for now. Her brain needs to start working and that's your field. She's all yours."

Oh how I wish she was all mine, Ethan tought but didn't say a word. He just nodded and left the I.C.U.

One would say that Ethan Ramsey's life was back to normal. He was back to work, giving interns hard time, reading journals, cracking cases, avoiding people. Looking more tired than usually, his hair longer and more messy, his stubble slowly turning into beard, everyone knew that he wasn't completely okay, but how could he be after all? Little did they know that for the past two weeks, Dr. Ramsey only left hospital once. He slept on the couch in his office every night so that he'd be close in case Chiara's state changes. Little did they know that every time he had some spare time, he'd spend it next to Chiara's bed, looking at her. Naveen's heart was breaking for Ethan's pain. He was probably the only one to notice how much weight Ethan lost, eating two raw bars a day at best.

The very same evening Chiara left I.C.U., all of her friends decided to spend evening in at Donahue's again. Sienna spent last fourteen days at home, not being able to work with a broken leg and Jackie with Elijah came straight home after their shifts. But tonight, they let themselves feel certain bliss of normalcy and met at the bar. Aurora was already waiting for them and Danny decided to join them too.

"Shouldn't Bryce already be here?"

"I'm sure he will come any minute now."

They ordered beer for everyone and tried to talk about work, about their patients, about anything but Chiara's still critical condition. Not too long after their order arrived, Bryce walked in and after long time, he looked like himself, smiling brightly while winking at the group of interns.

"Whoa there, scalpel jockey. Enjoying yourself? Did someone make you feel so cheerful?"

Jackie furrowed her brows at him.

"Oh you better believe someone did," he smirked.

"That's why you are late?"

"Exactly. I needed to check one very particular woman's chest, in case you need details."

"Ugh, no thanks, Lahela."

"I waited for Kyra's surgery results," he rolled his eyes. "I wanted to make sure I got it right before spilling the news."

"Are you saying-"

"Yes! The surgery worked! I mean, she's going to be in so much pain for the next few weeks, but the chances of recovery are amazingly high and the cancer is gone."

Sienna started to cry and even Jackie's eyes shimmered with tears.

"Holy crap, so there are still good news available in this world," Elijah sighed and finished his beer. "We are drinking to that. And we should let Rafael know. He might be on the other side of the States, but he still cares, right? Oh I am actually feeling happy right now. Have you talked to her?"

"I haven't. I thought we should all talk to her together tomorrow, since she still doesn't know about Chiara. I know we needed to protect her before the surgery, but she needs to know now. Will you go with me?"

Everyone nodded, except Aurora who sighed: "I don't think Carrick will let me switch shifts. But you guys say hi from me and tell her that I'll come to see her on Saturday."

"Sure thing."

They ordered another round of beer and for the first time in what felt like forever, they didn't feel the heavy stone on their chest. They felt victory.

Later that night, as the young doctors leaving the bar allowed themselves to laugh at some stupid joke Bryce said, Dr. Ramsey laid on the not so comfortable couch, scotch in his hand, looking at the ceiling above him. He missed her. The sound she would make when she cracked some particularly difficult case. The laugh when she teased him. The smile she saved for him and only for him. He missed even her temper that could drive him crazy at the times. Without giving it a second thought, he unlocked his phone and opened the Pictogram app. He needed to see her with her eyes open. He needed to see her full of life. Clicking at her profile transferred him into completely different world, the one where she laughed on the beach, smiled proudly with diploma in her hand, posed for a selfie with her roommates. He scrolled to the end of her feed and starting to observe the photos from the oldest one to the last one she posted. He swallowed hard when he realized that she posted the photo only few hours before the crash, smiling carelessly into the camera with her friends surrounding her. The photo was clearly taken at the concert they attended. She looked so happy, so relaxed, so very much alive. He just kept looking at the photo, memorizing every single detail about her, imagining she was still there, dancing to music and laughing with people she loved. And there it was. After all, Ethan felt a single tear streaming down his cheek.

Days passed in some bizarre blur, summer nights turned into ashy evenings of fall, sun gracing city of Boston with its presence only exceptionally. It was exactly one month since the accident and as the end of his shift arrived, Dr. Ramsey found himself sitting next to Chiara's bed again. It became some kind of bittersweet routine for him to come to her room anytime he could and talk to her about work. Chiara was actually doing good, considering everything. Her lungs worked perfectly, her broken spine was slowly but surely healing. Her brain's swelling was gone now, however the brain itself wasn't working the way it should, putting her into state of coma.

"Mrs. Potter is going home tomorrow, the treatment worked exquisitely. I wish you could see the face of her son when we told him she would be okay. I think even Baz had tears in his eyes when the little boy hugged him."

Ethan realized quite well that what he was doing was stupid and he laughed at himself for being this pathetic. But it helped him keep her sanity, so he came everyday and talked to her about every single patient.

"I almost yelled at Hirata today, though. She asked if I was looking for someone else to take your place at the team. I mean, what the fuck is she thinking?"

Repeating the scene with June Hirata in his head made him wrathful all over again.

"She just kept saying that the team needs the fourth member to work. I told her that we were fine, with Naveen helping us when there's too many difficult cases. But she was really determined and I couldn't listen to her, so I snapped at her, I told her to shut the fuck up. It was... intense. Definitely not my proudest moment but what else could I do? How would I even offer the position? 'Hello, we need a new member for our diagnostics team. The only problem is that we have no idea for how long we can provide the spot for you. Maybe for two weeks, maybe for two years, maybe we'll keep you for good. Nobody knows.' Huh? No one would even accept such position. Listen Rookie. I know I've been telling you the other day that you should take your time and heal, but life is pretty hard without you, so could you wake up? Could you do this one last favor for me and just wake up? Please?"

Elijah, Sienna and Jackie were standing next to the nurse station, too deep into the debate to notice someone watching them.

"...what are we going to do? I tried to talk to Farley but he said that he couldn't afford to lose those money. It's been five weeks since the accident which makes two checks. And none of us actually has that much spare money."

"We don't have that much even if we put our savings together."

"Should we call her mum?"

Sienna asked nervously, biting her lip.

"Nope, that poor woman is going through hell. We'll find a way, okay? We could ask Aurora."

"Mass Kenmore has cut its budget just like Edenbrook. She basically works for free now."

"We'll figure it out guys, okay? We always figure it out somehow. I gotta go, but I promise to find a solution."

The three of them went their separate ways, Jackie determined to get some coffee from the cafeteria.

"Dr. Varma? Could I talk to you for a second?"

Ramsey's voice snapped her our of not so bright thoughts and she turned on her heel to face him.

"Yeah? Is something wrong with Chiara?"

"No change. It's just... I didn't mean to eavesdrop... well..."

"Get to the point, Dr. Ramsey."

Despite feeling anxious and nervous for the past few days, she found some weird sense of satisfaction on how the tables have turned now. She still remembered clearly how he said those exact words to her in her intern year.

"Right, sorry. Look, I heard you talking about Chiara and some money problems. I understand that it's... rather difficult for you to pay for her checks?"

Jackie raised her eyebrow, surprised, but didn't deny what he said. She nodded and let him continue.

"I don't mean to offend any of you by my offer, but would you let me pay for her checks? I've been second year resident once and I know how much you get paid. And I know that Dr. Ray's mother is going through a lot. Paying for your apartment is, well, no problem for me and I would like to help at least this way."

"Wow, I expected you to talk to me about that woman who can't stop vomiting in the room 232. Look, Dr. Ramsey, what you are offering is really nice and, uhm, surprising, coming from you, but I am not sure it would be appropriate."

"Consider it a loan, then. When Chiara wakes up and gets her life together again, she can pay me back."

"I need to talk to my roommates about that, it's not my decision to make after all. Thank you for the offer, though."

"Okay. I'll be happy to help. Oh and Dr. Varma?"

"Yeah?"

"I am sorry for how I acted the night of the accident. I yelled at you and that was wrong."

"It's okay, Dr. Ramsey. We've all got our ways of dealing with pain."

With that she left, leaving Ethan alone with his thoughts. He automatically turned towards Chiara's room and after the door closed after him, he started to talk.

"It's not work today. I just need to let this out. I miss you, Chiara. I really miss you. It's gotten to the point where I just keep staring at your photos and hope that it could wake you up. I never confessed to you about the photo I have of you. After the first night we spent together, day before your ethic trial, you sat on the floor in my apartment, wearing one of my shirts, reading some random history book you found. I was making some coffee for the both of us, watching you from the distance and in that moment I couldn't resist the urge to take photo of you. So I did. And I was too embarassed to admit it to you, that I found you beautiful and wanted to have the moment immortalized. I never found the strenght to delete the photo though. And now that you are here, I find myself looking at the damn photo every day, not believing that I was once lucky enough to have you in my shirt reading my book in my apartment. I really miss you. And I can keep missing you, knowing that it won't last forever, knowing that you'll wake up. I can handle missing you as long as I have hope."

He indeed did sound desperate. He never even believed in hope. But after the long weeks without her, feeling only fear, allowing himself to feel something as pathetic as hope was enahncing.

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