there’s one of those who is bruce’s best love interest posts going around again which is always fun and migraine inducing bc of the regular talia is an abuser spiels yadda yadda but i think it is so funny how her perception has become so warped that people think she’s not right for bruce bc she doesn’t know who he is as a person and is only obsessed with batman or whatever like my dudes.. my idiotic faux savants.. there’s probably no one who knows and understands bruce both in and beyond the mask better than talia does 😭

hi um.. this might be an odd request and ofc you dont have to do it but uh can i get a byakuya togami x reader (smut oneshot) in which the reader has a degradation kink and well, its byakuya, you can decided on the rest

The Same Deep Water as You

in which the reader is degraded by Byakuya Togami 

Byakuya Togami x Reader

smut

(as stated in follow up dm) fem reader

requested by anon: first tike working with this kind of thing

warnings: degradation and slightly masochist actions to be aware of (not too severe). good ending tho so..

enjoy !

She was a quiet girl, never really spoke to anyone but Makoto and Kyoko. They weren’t so awful. While others weren’t awful, she didn’t think of them as approachable. She could talk to them, but she couldn’t be too trusting. Especially of—

“What did I tell you about looking in my direction, you cretin”

Byakuya Togami.

Makoto and Kyoko looked back at Byakuya, staring. “I wasn’t staring,” she argued,“Honestly, I wasn’t”. He approached her,“So, I’m a liar now?”. She shook her head frantically, hoping he’d go away. “Give it up, Togami,” Kyoko said,“Leave the poor girl alone. She’s having a rough day”. She looked away and put her head down on the table. “Whatever,” he said,“I’m not even half interested to know why. Just keep your distance”.

She had no idea what was wrong with him, why his cruelty shone on her and no one else. He was a dick to everyone, but most of all towards her. It was kind of starting to hurt, but mostly because being in this situation of a killing game was rather stressful. Byakuya’s unnecessary cruelty didn’t help. Still, she tried to keep a smile, if not, at least a friendly face.

“Well, Makoto and I have business to attend to with that whole next blackened bullshit. See you later. By the way, just stay out of Togami’s way. He’s a prick, it won’t do u any good to be near him. Okay?”

She nodded, taking his advice a little too literal.

She did exactly as Kyoko told her as she tried keeping a routine. She went to her room, grabbing her very little laundry. She walked to the laundry room, pusbing open the door. When she got a view of the room, she immediately turned back, for Byakuya was sitting there doing his laundry. She went to her room, set her clothes down, and waited for Byakuya to leave.

Finally, he was gone. This allowed for her to wash her clothes. After drying and folding, she decided it’d be a good idea to relax and enjoy what the school had to offer, such as the sauna. What? Who cares if this is a killing game? It was far more luxurious than anything she had in her day to day life. She has the right enjoy things. Wearing her bathing suit underneath, she walked her way to the sauna, but before that, she stripped down and put her normal clothes in a locker. Then, she was off.

As she sat in the heat, she thought to herself. All these thoughts were regarding Byakuya. It was things like “Why is he such a dick?” and “Why me? What did I do?”. They were all valid thoughts. At this point, he was treating her worse than he treats Toko. It’s got to he something he has against her. Then again, she couldn’t act like she didn’t like it. The sheer degradation of it all gave her a thrill, but Byakuya wasn’t fucking her so really he had no reason to act that way. Just as she wrapped up her thoughts, she decided it was a good time to leave before the sauna burned her skin right off. She walked right out of there. When alone, she was pretty confident about herself, her body. Its when she’s around others that she gets quiet. Judgement is a fear of hers, so she’s learned that the more you say/do, the more susceptible to judgement you are.

...but she was alone, she didnt worry.

Confidently, she walked out of the sauna. Despite the heat, it was refreshing. She opened her locker, getting her clothes out. She began to get dressed, realizing no one was around, then straight up stopped giving a fuck. She got her normal underwear on without interruptions, sliding on her pantyhose then skirt. Now it was time for her top. She took off her bikini top and replaced it with her bra. That was when she heard footsteps approaching, but they faded, so she ignored it. Putting on her long sleeve button up, her torso faced the entrance as her eyes focused on her buttons.

“Christ, screw me”

Without thinking, she replied,“Give me a time and place?”. She very slowly realized who the voice belonged to as she stopped buttoning up her shirt. Byakuya stared, she covered her mouth. “Eager, aren’t you?,” he scoffed. She finished her buttons as she walked right past him, ignoring his snide remark. That perv. Surely, he could’ve said something. He was there for a while. Was he judging her or did he like what he saw? Who knows?

What we know now is that the Togami’s raised a weirdo.

This only gave her a better reason to avoid him. Everytime she went somewhere, if she saw him there, regardless if he had seen her or not she’d walk out. Like when she wanted a snack, he was there. “Hey,” he said to her, but she was gone. This also happened in the Rec Room, where she was playing with Celeste. He walked in, looking for Makoto. Even still, and mid-game, she dismissed herself. If only there was one place where she wouldn’t have to see him. Then, she remembers she overheard Byakuya say he was in no need of the library.

She figured it’d be a good opportunity for her to go there and read something, be in solitude. She’d been there once and it was so quiet. She walked her way there, peeking first to make sure the coast was clear. She picked up a random book of poetry. It didn’t matter what book it was really, she just wanted to read. She was glad the library was unoccupied. It was quite peaceful. Unlike the sauna, it took her mind off Byakuya. God, he’d be perfect if he wasn’t a prick. Why was he so cute? So attractive? If given the chance, she would show him how she cares, but what’s it worth if he despises her for no reason? Oh, well. She had read enough pages, deciding to leave an hour later. Suddenly, she got the feeling that she wasn’t alone. She had a pretty good instinct when it came to these things.

She didn’t want to be the next victim of anything, so she ran out and hurried to her room.

Bing-bong, Bing-Bong!

Nighttime, how great. Well at least that night ended on a rather okay note, despite everything else. Just as she was headed to her bed, there was a note slipped underneath her door. It startled her, picking it up.

“Come to my room at once. Togami”

Great.

So not only did she have to endure his verbal abuse during the day, it seems it could also branch out at night. She knew she didn’t have to go, but maybe if she did as he said, he’d back off. She walked to his room, only a few doors down the hall. She knew, this was disobidience of the bed time rule, but in that moment, it was the least of her concern. She put on her clothes from earlier today, heading out. She knocked on the door, waiting for him to open the door, and it did after a few seconds. Her heart was pounding as the door opened, his blue eyes shining in the dim light. “Y/N,” he greeted casually. She noticed he still wore his suit and in no way looked like he was at all getting ready for bed. “Good evening, Mr. Togami”. She wanted to be as respectful as possible. “Come in”. She cautiously stepped in. He closed his door, going to sit on his bed afterward.

“Sit”

She sat down on his chair, still nervous. “You look so tense,” he said in a softer tone, much softer than his usual demanding tone,“Relax”. She nodded. He looked at her and got up. Walking behind her, he ran his fingers through her soft hair. “How does it feel to be the object of my lust?,” he whispered. A chill ran down her spine as she muttered,“What?”. “Do you want it?,” he asked,“Me, treating you like a stray dog, I see how it excites you. I’d be more than willing to give it to you”. Her breath hitched and her face was hot. “Y-Yes”. He raised a brow. “Use you words, Y/N,” he said, placing a hand on her throat. “Fuck me, please,” she groaned, craving him. That was enough for him to start putting her on edge. He wanted her to beg, he loved to hear it. “How long has it been since you’ve been touched this way”. 

“Too long”

His hands reached for her breasts, teasing them as he kissed her neck. “Oh my god!,” she cried. Her legs spread and he took note of this. “Go to bed,” he ordered,“I want you on your back”. She didn’t hesitate. She leapt to his bed and lay down. He immediately followed, hovering over her. He pinned her wrists down and began kissing her skillfully. She couldn’t help, but bite him and him flinching further increased her excitement. “What the hell?,” he cursed, she smirked. It angered him that she was having fun with this. He pulled off her skirt and ripped open her pantyhose, spreading her legs. “From now on, you are to call me master and nothing else,” he told her, moving her panties aside and licking her pussy. His tongue focused on her clit, but god, it felt good. She whined, reaching for his hair. While she was able to pull it a little, he grabbed her by the wrists and pinned her down again. His tongue began focusing on all other parts of her, rolling his thumb on her clit, softly. All she could do was squirm, but even that was hard to do. “Who’s pussy is this?,” he asked. 

“Yours, master”

“That’s my girl”

She was cumming, practically dripping the more he touched her. He let go of her wrists, allowing her to finally tease her breasts and play with his hair as he ate her out. He loved her taste; she was sweet. Without moving his mouth away, he carefully worked two fingers into her, allowing him to taste her even more. “How’s that making my little slut feel?,” he asked. “Really, really good. Please, m-master,” she whined, but other than that, it was all incoherent babbling. She was frantic at that point.

“Look at you,” he whispered as his mouth was really going into it,“You’re making quite the mess, you know?”. “I know, master”. Her apologetic tone begged a question. “Come here,” he ordered. She sat on the balls of her feet, waiting for his next words. His hand was soft as he put it on her cheek, caressing her.

“Has my little slut had enough?”

She shook her head, muttering,“I want more”. Her lust-filled eyes stared into his as she went for his belt buckle. “Not like this,” he said, sitting down properly. “Okay,” he assured,“Come here, doll”. She went for his belt buckle and undid it. Carefully, she took his cock out, spitting. “Master, you’re aching”. He twitched as she stroked his sex with those words falling from her mouth. His stomach sank as feeling of her hands touching him this way dawned on him. He needed her, so bad.

“Bend over for me”

Her stomach lay flag on the bed as her ass was in the air, waiting for him to fuck her. “Shit,” he exclaimed, that was the first time she’d hear him cuss. “What’s wrong?”. He sighed.

“I don’t have any protection on me”

Thats when she reached into her shirt and bra, handing him a condom. “What the hell? How long did you have that in there?”. “No more questions,” she said softly,“Come on, baby”. Slowly, he teased her entrance, rubbing his cock slowly and making her shiver before grabbing her hips, slamming into her. Upon impact, her pussy spasmed around his cock as she reached for the pillow in front of her. He gasped, his fingers digging into her soft skin. “I’m gonna stretch you out”. She whined into the pillow as he repeated that, slowly at first. As much as he wanted to pound into her, he knew knew if he did that, he wouldn’t last long. “Ah! master, that feels really good,” she cried,“I need more.. please!”. He could barely speak. “I go at whatever pace I want, slut!,” he managed.

“M-Master, is it because you know you’ll cum fast if you do? Even thinking about pounding me makes you go slower than you already are, doesn’t it?”

“Shut the fuck up!”

His hand slammed onto her ass. She winced, gripping the sheets as he picked up the pace. Her eyes then rolled back. “Is this what you wanted?,” he said with gritted teeth. She let out a shaky cry and said,“Master, it’s what I needed”. A mirror was in front of them, Byakuya using it to check how she reacted to certain things. Letting him hit all around her walls drove her insane, but he still wasn’t going so hard. She also used the mirror to her advantage. She saw how he was struggling to fuck her hard without cumming. She wanted to mess around too. She smiled with lustful eyes, putting two fingers in her mouth and drooling over them. “What the hell”. Her playfulness left him flustered. He grabbed and held her up by her hair and slammed into her repeatedly.

“Oh, master, don’t ever stop! Please, don’t stop!”

He held her up with his hands on her breasts, kissing her neck. Her stomach went crazy, finding new ways to make her sick every time he hit her sweet spots. He had no problem finding them, he must have them memorized by now. There was about her, something so fucking intoxicating. She was like a drug and he was addicted. At first, he despised her for it, but soon enough, he started love her for it and that was scary. It all hit him when he saw how this woman devoted herself to him, even before fucking. She always respected him and saw him for other than money or looks. Immediately, guilt struck him.

That’s when he wanted to take things slower and actually look at her as they fucked. He sat up as she straddled his lap, riding his cock slowly, rhythmically almost as they kissed. Their kisses were much more passionate. His lips let her win, allowing her to kiss him sweetly. His hands held her back, hers wrapped around his neck while one played with his hair and it all felt right. Melting onto one another, he admired her eyes and how satisfied she appeared to be and how angelic her face was when he hit just the right spots. They spoke in between kisses. “Master-”. He shushed her, softly, rather than abruptly. “You don’t need to call me that now,” he whispered as he caressed her cheek.

“Byakuya, fuck, I love you”

“I love you too; all of you,” he muttered, maneuvering her hips in a way that made her groan. She rolled her hips down and tightened around him. That was when he realized that he could no longer continue. “I think I’m-”, he grunted and gasped, digging his head into her chest. “Did you cum?,” she asked, Byakuya nodding. His head suddenly peeked up. He was flustered and asked,“Did you really mean all that? You love me?”. He spat the word as if it sickened him. She nodded and played with his hair.

“I knew you’d mock me for it. Falling in love during the killing game? Pathetic”

“So... am I also pathetic?”

“No, what?”

“I said it too. Does that make me pathetic?”

She shook her head. “No,” she whispered,“Of course not”. There was a moment of silence between the two, where they just lay there and waited till someone said something. “I’m gonna head to my room,” she said. He nodded, although deep down, he protested and wanted to ask her to stay. He couldn’t do that, though. So there, he watched her get dress and leave the room with a funny walk.

The next morning, she got dressed and on her way to meet with the others. Upon opening her door, she was greeted by Byakuya. “Oh, good morning, Togami,” she said,“I didn’t expect to see you-”. He suddenly kissed her, taking her by surprise. “I love you and I want you to be mine,” he blurted. It shocked her even more since this was extremely out of character for him. “What?”. He held her hands. “Ever since we made love the other night, it’s been impossible for me to stop thinking of you”. People stopped at the door, staring because for some reason he heavily emphasized that fact. “You what?,” Kyoko asked. Byakuya stood in front of her to block her.

“Come on, Y/N”

There was a twinkle in his eyes as he asked for your hand (in a way). He loves you? It was hard to believe, but the more you thought about it, the more it felt right. What are you to say?

PAWN

Charlie stared cheekily at the woman standing transfixed in the darkness ahead of her. Her beautiful, intelligent sister wife had followed Erik like a stowaway and he ain’t even know it, that freaking tiny genius. She curved her manicured finger beckoning Henny closer to the glass.

“You wanna be a king,” Charlie asked, leaning in. Henny wanted it, Charlie could see it in her big brown eyes. They yearned for control. She had the makings, but she had to deliberately choose it. “The queen is the most valuable player on the board, so by right our Dominant only holds the power we allow him. Baby girl, you already hold the high cards, you just gotta pull your rank. Tell me you feel me.”

“Oh I feel you. I got some stuff I wanna do,” Henny asserted, her eyebrows rising. She was serious and already plotting. Charlie grinned, excitement bubbling. She loved this side of Henny. So determined, so eager, so ready to explore. She just needed some light guidance and as sure as Kimora was her dance teacher, she’d teach Henny to dom. If anything, it would shock the heck out of Erik. Maybe she’d even get to watch.

“You’ll do them all if you remember these three things. One, our man is a total brat which means he is submissive. Behind his bravado lies a sub begging to be tamed.” All of the sister wives including herself were submissive brats, but Henny placed in the top tier when it came to high ratios of brattiness. She was 100% Brat while Charlie was a switch.

“Two, if you know what you like then you know what to give. If you like it there’s a good chance he will too. Use that to make him beg. And three, don’t bruise his ego unless you plan to heal it. We don’t want to break him emotionally for a scene, but I know that’s not an issue you’d have.”

“Hell no, we get enough of his emo ass. I just wanna make him grovel for once, switch positions.” Charlie smirked thinking of the scenarios they’d get up to.

“I’d like to see that. How about this, I’m a feel him out when we get back to the hotel and if it’s a go, I’ll let you know. If you liked what you saw of him tonight, you’re gonna love seeing what else he’s capable of.”

---

Hennessy’s big doe eyes twinkled in the glow of the neon purple light. She was intrigued by the idea of making Erik her bitch, having him grovel at her feet being an underlying kink of hers. She wasn’t necessarily dominant in nature, but she did enjoy being in control.

She felt the energy shifting within the small room, a tell-tell sign that her alter ego was stirring. This sort of thing was right up Kitana’s alley and it had been so long since she’d been out to play. For the first time in her 26 years, Hennessy surrendered herself to the woman, allowing Charlie to use her in whatever ways she saw fit. Afterall, one can’t expect to dominate successfully if they didn’t play the submissive role every once in a while.

---

Back at the aparthotel, there were four rented rooms, three people per room. A little shuffling around and Charlie and Hennessy were able to finesse a room together with Erik, at least for the night. Erik's body immediately gravitated to Charlie. With no border between them she knew he planned to beat the pink out of her pussy, but as much as she wanted that.. there was business to take care of. She rushed to her suitcase and pulled her cuffs.

“Uh-uh, babygirl, you think you finna restrain me and I ain't touched you in days,” he asked reaching out quickly again and again, but Charlie dodged each time sending a slight wink to Henny. “Come here,” he commanded, his finger pointing down. She knew what that meant, but she wasn't dropping to the floor tonight.

“What I say to call me? Just because the location changed doesn't mean our arrangement did. For the next few hours, I own you or until I say otherwise,” she dodged his cat-like lunge having played this cat and mouse game with him several times before.

“See Henny, with two dominants.. power struggles are bound to happen, but the true dominant is patient and does not relent. Erik, babe, you gone have to switch the reigns tonight because I know exactly what I want from you and I'll have it before the night is through.”

“ChaCha.. You think I can't just catch you if I wanna catch you?” He grinned, poised to strike yet again.

“Oh I know you can, but you haven't which means you want me to forcefully take control. Why? Cuz you a freaky ass bratty nigga. Don't ever forget that I know you as well as you know me, babyboy..” His eyes went pleadingly to Henny who was watching, entertained. “Nah, don't look at her! Your wife on my side. Come here, Hennessy!” With the quickness, Henny moved to Charlie's side, sticking out her tongue at Erik.

“Ohh.. I'm a get yo lil munchkin ass,” he said nodding his head in betrayal. He was too calm, he would definitely get her eventually, but for now Henny was protected.

“You ain't even know she followed you tonight did you? You got a smartass wife, better tighten up, beloved. If you don't want your cover blown further, that is. In the meantime..” Charlie approached Erik slowly, but with unwavering confidence. The look in his eye said she wouldn't even need the cuffs this time.

“On your knees,” Charlie demanded coolly and Erik narrowed his eyes, leaning in challenge into her space, an intimidation attempt. A loud slap crossed his cheek followed by her soft palm rubbing at the spot of impact. Charlie's lips were at his ear, whispering. “You know the rules, love, we only ask once.”

“I'm a get you back,” he said point blank with strong eye contact before Charlie rounded him again and kicked in his kneecaps, taking him down to the floor..

“I know.. But for now, you're on my time. Be a good bitch or I'll make it worse and little Henny gonna see what a naughty boy you really are.”

“Yes, King Jade,” he said not wanting to go full little boy around Henny. If he'd called her Mama Jade, that would've been Charlie's cue to go full Mommy Dom. Charlie knew the signs.

“Bitch it is, then,” Charlie said fetching a collar and leash she'd packed. It was a plain black leather collar and a black leash. After attaching them to Erik's thick neck as he kneeled, she wrapped the free end of the leash around her hand tightly, leading him to crawl in a circle before mounting his back and riding him across the aparthotel room. Henny looked on in shock as her usually sadistic and brolic dominant crawled back in forth on all fours like a masochist, arms bulging. Erik's eyes avoided hers in uncertainty. He had no reason to feel embarrassed, Henny wasn't judging like he thought. She was feeling it. If he looked up he'd see.

“Sub tonight or dom,” Charlie mouthed to Henny. It was either Dom or be dommed. To Charlie's surprise, she chose to sub. Magic words. “Hennessy. Why you got on clothes in my room?” Charlie asked aloud this time. “Where you think you bout to go? Take that shit off and stand right there,” Charlie pointed to an empty space, “Shoulders back, chin up, don't move.” She pulled the leash halting Erik's movements. “Park it,” she commanded and he sat kneeling on his heels in front of Henny in his briefs. Charlie climbed off and pulled his head back roughly by his ponytail. A look in Erik’s eyes showed his surprise as he looked up at Henny. Suddenly, he was really, really into this.

“Henny, put your leg over Erik's shoulder.” Charlie said dropping Erik's head. Henny threw her leg over his large shoulder and Erik looked to Charlie, hunger in his eyes. Charlie nodded her head, “Sick her!”

Like a wild animal, Erik attacked the junction between Henny's meaty thighs, his hands pulling her closer, gripping ass and thigh. He lapped at her entrance like it was life itself. Henny opened her mouth, sound welling up.

“Ah ah,” Charlie warned, “We have a rule. You speak or make a sound without permission? You get punished. If I were you, I wouldn't.”

“Shit,” Henny breathed in true bratty fashion. She couldn't control it. “Hennessy! I told you! Now you gotta take it for the next fifteen minutes and if you cum or talk or make a sound, your tongue is going in his ass. Don't worry, it's clean.” Charlie knew it was something Henny never wanted to do. She'd refuse, but that's why it was a punishment. Like, losing a dare. If she made a sound, Charlie would press her face right into Erik's ass and in this moment HE would do whatever Charlie said. This was the price of disobedience in King Jade's castle. Henny’s face twisted and distorted and her body writhed as Erik fed his hunger voraciously, but Charlie noticed humorously that she ain't make a peep.

“Alright, down boy,” Charlie said pulling the leash after fifteen minutes of watching. She was wet herself after watching Henny squirm. “You did good Henny! I'm proud of you. I'd have cum,” Charlie chuckled. She'd have been a goner after ten minutes the way her husband was eating. Good thing it wasn't her. “Henny. On your knees.” Henny dropped and kneeled, face to face with Erik. Charlie was high off of power. “Tongues out, both of you,” she said palming both of their heads and pushing them together. Their tongues twisted together aggressively pushing into each other's mouths, Erik trying to dominate Henny through use of his thick, long tongue. Charlie silently willed Henny to fight back, pushing her head and her tongue lashed out, battling fiercely. Erik was on rock, pitching a tent in his briefs. He reached out to grope Henny's full hanging breasts, unwilling to control himself.

“Nope,” Charlie swatted his hand and then his cheek with a slap. “Behave.” He groaned and it was another strike. Charlie yanked him back by his ponytail. “Henny wins!”

“Now Henny gets to cum, but how is the question.” Charlie rubbed her chin, plotting. Hennessy turned to Charlie, her big doe eyes shining with want.

“King Jade?” she purred.

“Yes Princess?”

“I want to ride,” she called back, staring hungrily at the tent in Erik’s pants.

“Erik. Lie on the bed on your back and be still, hands behind your head. Don't move. Henny. Straddle that dick. I want it to disappear in that pussy.” She waited for them to find their positions, watching Henny split herself on his pole. She knew the feeling and was laughing inside, the smile on her face clear. “You know you take that dick, don't bite your lip now,” Charlie teased pulling on Henny's bottom lip, freeing it. ”Now ride that dick. I wanna hear balls slapping ass every time you come down. When you come up, say ‘Thank you King Jade.’”

---

The words spilled from Henny’s lips like a prayer. If she’d known what she knew now, she would’ve asked this a long time ago. Seeing Erik in this way only made her desire for her beloved husband grow. It also made her more excited to know the kinds of things she’d have him doing when she was the one in control. He couldn't keep himself from moving under her, his hips thrusting desperately. His hands threatened to leave their positions and grab her, desperate to control the movements of her hips. She began to slow her pace as his thrusts began to falter under her, a tell-tell sign that he was close to his peak. She bounced a few more times, still singing praises to King Jade before hopping off, his glazed dick still pointing at the sky. If looks could kill, Hennessy would be dead on sight as Erik’s face twisted in a mixture of anger, confusion, and sexual desperation.

“Where the fuck you going?!” Charlie and Erik barked in unison. The little brat only giggled in response.

“He was about to cum, King Jade, and naughty boys don’t deserve to cum,” she replied with her most innocent smile. She had traces of Erik's sadism having been married to him for so long. Charlie nodded, in agreement with her logic.

“But good girls get multiple orgasms. Get yo ass back down. ERIK. Finish her. No hands. No dick.”

—

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Don’t do me any favors

Many men hold their heads high due to the fact they never hit a girl. They feel a sense of pride & superiority because they’re not like “those guys.” Guys walk around, thinking they’re God’s gift, all because they can say “I don’t hit women.” As if not hitting women is good enough. Don’t do me any favors fellas… Not hitting girls is great, and yes I obviously care if you have. But do we applaud people if say, they've never robbed a bank? No, because it’s common sense. If you’re reading this, and you have deliberately shoved, slapped, smacked, hit, punched, kick, threatened to hurt, threatened with a weapon, refrained from escaping, repeatedly made her uncomfortable on purpose in any physical manner, then you, my friend were physically abusive. One form of abuse is not worse or better than the other. They are all unacceptable but sadly, physical violence is the only punishable type. I ask myself if our society is conditioning more males to grow up and be dominant, not take no for an answer, be egotistical and aggressive, or if it’s in their very nature. I have faith not all men are naturally controlling, rough and power seeking. But I was highly disturbed when a study was done and the question was asked “if you could rape a woman with nobody finding out, and no circumstances” the majority of men said yes. I know countless amazing men and am in no way dissing them. Yet as an activist for intimate partner violence, mental health advocate and feminist, this needs to be addressed. I do not believe all men are bad, or abusive. I blame a large part of it on culture which tells men to not be “pussys” and take charge, constantly bombarding us with music that refers to women as bitches and hoes. Let’s not forget the videos, movies, porn and ads that seem to normalize sexually violent behavior. At the same time, lack of education plays a huge role in this epidemic. Since we are usually only shown one side of rape and domestic violence, we become ignorant and in denial these problems could impact us. The first thing that comes to mind when you think of rape is a man jumping out of a bush attacking a stranger; usually a female in provocative clothing. She then gets blamed and asked, why were you drinking? Why were you walking alone? Why were you wearing that? Why does it matter? If a guy was drinking, doing drugs, walking home alone at night etc would anyone question him? Does it make a difference? Nobody deserves this. Not a person, no matter their gender. Just because I had sex with you last week, doesn’t necessarily mean I want to this week, or again at all. Just because we started having sex, doesn’t mean I’m required to finish. People have the right to change their mind. It’s that simple. Simultaneously, when we think of dating violence, more often than not we get an image of a woman with a black eye. We ask, why didn’t she just leave? Why did she stay? She deserves it or should’ve saw it coming. People who say this are simply uneducated. We’ve all been there, making assumptions because, well, stereotypes; thinking we know something when in actuality, we don’t. You can never truly know the extent of what someone’s feeling, unless you have experienced it also. Domestic violence is less of an issue of “why did they stay?” or “they must like it if they put up with it” and more a matter of brainwashing. (look up trauma bonding) This brings me to my point, “if you’re not going to beat me, don’t do me any favors.” Beating someone isn’t the only way you can abuse them. You can still be an abuser if you’ve NEVER put your finger on someone. Truthfully, from my own experience and what I’ve heard volunteering at a rape crisis center, verbal abuse is more insidious, painful and the effects are longer lasting. Personally, I would much rather a guy beat me senseless, before ever undergoing emotional abuse again. These forms of abuse are invisible, so nobody feels bad for you. Nobody knows what’s going on, except you. It’s like a slow form of being stoned to death & no one sees you suffering. What’s worse, the men in these relationships who are psychologically abusing their wives/girlfriends, think to themselves “at least I never laid my hands on her, I’m a great boyfriend.” No you’re not, you’re a pathetic piece of shit. When I disclosed to my ex that I was sexually assaulted, he reacted very poorly. Not only did he yell at me, but the next day when I was noticeably upset with him, he told me it was only because “he loved me that he got so angry I would let someone do that to me” Can you say victim blaming? He said he hates guys who hurt girls and wish he could meet the guy who did it, so he could kick his ass. I’m not particularly a masochist, but I despised the fact that most of our relationship, my ex didn’t hit me. I wanted him to. Before you go judging me, know that the majority of other domestic abuse survivors feel the same way. Not because we want a broken bone, but so we have evidence. So we don’t think it’s “all in our heads” & so we can prove to others that he isn’t what he seems. Abusers are typically charming, charismatic and well liked. Nobody knows what happens behind closed doors except their significant other. The fact my ex said this to me at the start of our relationship, made it even more difficult, since I figured I was overreacting & being too sensitive. Abusers want you to be convinced they’ve done nothing wrong. They are master manipulators. Being controlling, possessive, yelling at your partner, gas-lighting,  calling them names, cursing at them, excessive jealously; are all forms of abuse. Not taking no for an answer, coercing someone, drugging or intoxicating them, pressuring them, making them feel bad if they say no; are all forms of sexual assault. Nobody is perfect, and sometimes we really are clueless to what we are doing. I’m not trying to make you feel like a terrible person if you’ve done one of these things. But I invite you to educate yourself & keep an open mind, because in the case of sexual abuse (like rape and assault) these crimes happen between friends, acquaintances, coworkers, more than with strangers. Be informed and know the facts so you can make better decisions and treat people around you, as well as yourself kinder. You are no better if you fat shame your gf/bf, than if you yanked them by the hair [this excludes consensual BDSM, if that’s what you’re into]. The main takeaway is to not listen to what people say & instead, pay attention to what they do. “Actions speak louder than words” could not be more true. “Real men don’t hit women” is a load of crap because as much as I may not like it, men hit women. I think the saying should be “good men don’t hurt women” or “a good man never abuses or tries to control a woman.” Same goes for “men who hit women are cowards.” Guess what ? Some men that don’t hit women are also cowards; they are toxic to their partners mental health & that can be just as dangerous. That goes for women too. Ladies, don’t think it’s okay to abuse a man. I know several men who have underwent abuse and it breaks my heart. Girls sometimes think they have the right to put their hands on a man because “they can take it”, but I highly disagree. There is no excuse for abuse. People try to make excuses “I was drunk, had a bad day, bad childhood.” Guess what, I’ve had all those things and I’m sure many of you did too, yet we don’t go around destroying others [consciously at-least]. If you or someone you know is being abused I suggest you call the-hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit www.ncadv.org to learn more about unhealthy relationships.