me: yeah i’m sure that because of censorship, jlfx had to cut out fu rong kissing mo fang entirely, which is fine, i understand—

jlfx in the scriptwriting room: HOLD MY LAPTOP

Something I’ve always been curious about, why exactly do book Dany stans hate Sansa? (assuming they’re not show watchers). They’ve never interacted in the books (yet) and their arcs have nothing to do with each other. I can understand show watchers because Sansa flat out rejected their precious white savior, but the book readers hatred is odd. (Just like all antis)

Honestly someone (maybe @sayruq @trinuviel or @cleverjonquil ) who have been in the fandom longer than I have would probably give a more satisfactory answer BUT I would probably say it's a number of factors -

1. Many Dany stans are like Arya stans in that they have "not like other girls syndrome". Therefore, they can't comprehend that a feminine character like Sansa could possibly have any narrative importance, or be a hero in her own right. Because if Sansa had been a character in a different story, she would have been reduced either to a love interest, a background character, gives up her ladylike interests for "character development", or killed to be someone else's motivation (ie Ned) Instead, she is a major POV character and has been called "central part of the story" along with Bran & Arya, she has a political arc with strong Queen foreshadowing, has her own endgame antagonist ALL the while still existing as a feminine character. Now, I know someone will challenge this by arguing that Daenerys is also feminine, which is true. But the difference between Dany and Sansa is that Dany is much more admissible because she has dragons etc

2. Which kind of goes into my second point. Many book Dany fans are male, fantasy readers, and they're used to seeing characters like Daenerys in the genre. I've said before that when you read Sansa's chapters and compare them to her siblings/Dany, Sansa arguably feels like she could be in a different literary genre to them. She's also a more realistic child character than Dany or Arya. That's not to say that Arya or Dany are "grown ups" (because reading Arya's chapters, you get a sense of how young Arya is too - for example, her insistence that Ned never loved anyone but her mother... which awww) but like.... Arya is a tiny 9 year old at the end of AGOT when she flees the Red Keep. Realistically, throwing a kid in the middle of a war zone - she should have died. Arya's survival is in many ways miraculous.

3. There are Dany stans who also happen to be Arya stans who hate Sansa. I get the feeling that some Dany & Arya stans also have an "alliance" (lol) but they'll 100 per cent turn on one another when given the opportunity or if the other character does something that pisses the other fandom off - for example, the horrible things said about Arya by Dany stans when surprise, surprise, she sided with her blood (that is, her inferior sister Sansa) instead of a invader/tyrant that would only bring more blood and carnage to a continent that has been devastated by a war very recently, in the show. There are a lot of hints in the books that show Arya is going to feel very similar. Like Arya named her direwolf after a woman who found refuge for her people after fleeing the Valyrians.

4. Book Dany stans love Dany because they've misinterpreted her arc as being a heroic one. They see her as a saviour because they've mistaken her anti slavery campaign as being wholly altruistic, and they think shes going to retake Westeros and reestablish her family dynasty (perhaps with Jon) or she's going to sacrifice her life fighting the Others AFTER she's decimated Kingslanding. Accidentally of course. They overlook a lot of red flags in her narrative. For one, her whole mantra of "If I look back I am lost" is her refusal to contemplate her mistakes. Her whole Dance arc. People say it's boring, but I think those chapters are very revealing about where George intended to go with her character. He could not have been more blatant when he has her think that if she gets to fly on Drogon, it'll be "worth it" despite at the same time having her witness the absolute nightmare Drogon has created by him showing up. The fact that Dany is an isolated POV character - think how much people's view of Dany might have been changed if we had Mirri's POV to counter hers- but then again, considering how much WOC are treated like monsters in situations when they're the ones who have been hurt by white women, racists would still try to rationalise what Dany did to her. Arya has a similar issue -she's interacted with other POV characters who all have their perceptions of her (Jon, Ned, Sansa) but while the first two paint her in a very favourable light - you know Arya is a daddy's girl (which I identify with, I'm much closer to my dad) and Jon & Arya adore each other. When it comes to Sansa, she doesn't think Arya hung the moon (she doesn't hate her either to be clear) but it's very obvious that when it comes to AGOT, that George was very heavy-handed with the way he wrote them. And because of that people walk away with the perception that Arya is the underdog and Sansa the mean older sister. But at the same time it's not that simple. The perception isn't entirely accurate. Yes Arya is in many ways an underdog, but Sansa isn't an enemy. Her moments of being "mean" are the result of the trauma she very recently went through and isn't processing healthily, her issues with Joffrey etc, her repressed anger towards Ned (the person who killed Lady) There's also the fact that Arya projects onto Sansa in her first chapter - she blames her for getting her into trouble with Septa Mordane etc. Like Sansa wasn't doing anything but chilling with Jeyne girl. You're the one who spoke too loudly. You're also the one who insulted the Crown Prince, and if Sansa was really the bitchy sister antis paint her as, she would have told Septa Mordane. But instead she covers for both Arya AND Jon's asses (because he's the one that Arya is mimicking) It seems like such a minor thing because I don't think readers at that point would understand how serious that is for someone of Jon's station to be insulting the heir to a throne. Like don't get me wrong I don't care that he did lol, but that considering the nature of Westeros - smallfolk/lowborn etc they've brought up to have a respect/fear for their lords/kings (now whenever or not that is a good thing is another question.... abolish feudalism!! equality baby!!! However thats not going to happen in Dany, Sansa & Arya lifetimes. I feel like Brans election as king is going to be one small step towards progress) and that was a dumb thing for Jon to do. Like it reminds me of how Ilyn Payne insulted Aerys by saying that Tywin was the true king and then Aerys had his tongue ripped out.

Just as book Dany stans love Dany because they've wildly misunderstood her plot and character, these same Dany stans hate Sansa because they've wildly misinterpreted her character, her arc, and motivations. For example some think she is on an redemptive arc after her "betrayals" in AGOT. Or I've come across Dany stans who geniuely think Sansa is going down a dark path and is a "villian in the making".

5. Some Dany and Arya stans have a similar view of Sansa in that she is only meant to serve/support them & couldn't be important in her own right. And they resent the idea of that not being the case.

Wow I didn't mean to get so long winded. Hope this answers the question though lol!

Avengers: Endgame Spoiler Review/Thoughts and shit

(if you want me to add more tags to this, just comment or something and I’ll get on it ASAP)

Alright, so I saw Avengers: Endgame this morning. I guess this is going to be a review of sorts? Mostly just me typing out all my thoughts. So yeah, review, theories (ish?) and other things amongst all that.

 I did this last year for Infinity War and it was a huge mess. I decided to actually properly capitalise my words this time so it’s a bit more readable lmao. I’ve sort of had all day (12 hours) to really think about this so hopefully it’s a bit more coherent than my last year’s mindless rambling? I’m already rambling. Welp ;-;

 MAJOR SPOILERS UNDERNEATH CUT!! DO NOT PRESS READ MORE IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ MORE.

.

.

.

Everybody who doesn’t want spoilers gone? This is your last chance.

  Ok, first things first, the movie is fucking amazing. There were so many instances where I cried, or laughed, or just really wanted to fucking scream because holy hell this movie was really intense. Honestly, I thought the humour managed to flow into the dramatic scenes really well. There was never a moment where I felt like a joke fell flat or came in at an inappropriate time.

 The feels. THE FEELS. The emotions. I can't. I was already sobbing by the time the first 20 minutes were over. A character appears on screen? Tears. Every single time there was a team shot? Tears. Somebody even opens their mouth to say something? Tears. But yeah, this movie made me an emotional wreck and I can't even.

 The movie starting off with Clint, and his family turning into dust? Expected, but still incredibly cruel, and still hurt a lot. Like, damn, I knew Endgame was going to be intense, but being reduced to tears in the first five minutes was incredibly unfair and just goddamned hurtful. Clint's dedication to his family was really sweet and I just garghhhhhhhhhh I loved it.

 So yeah. Character deaths. Natasha dying just about ruined my century, so thanks Marvel. I first started panicking when they said they were gonna get the stones, and Clint and Natasha were heading to Vormir. And then it kinda hit me that one of them was gonna have to sacrifice the other for the stone. And then the whole scene with Clint and Natasha trying to beat each other into throwing themselves off the cliff. Dumbasses. Why couldn't they both just live and nobody has to sacrifice anybody? And now I feel depressed again ;-; . On the other hand, I'm sort of happy that Natasha at least died feeling like she'd made amends for her past (she didn't have to she was already amazing :'(( ). Her character arc finished with her sacrifice and wow that's so depressing ;-;;; At least we get to see her in the Black Widow movie one last time? ;-;

 And Tony. I honestly didn't really think Marvel was going to go through with Tony's death tbh. I think it was probably one of the most depressing scenes I've had to witness with my own two eyes ever, and I definitely wasn't ready for it to happen. I fucking broke when Peter started crying and calling him 'Tony' because like, have we ever seen him refer to Tony as anything other than Mr Stark? I fucking lost it man. And Tony had Pepper, and he was married to her, and they had a little house by the lake, and a daughter (his daughter is so precious omg). And now he's dead and she'll grow up without her father I just fucking arGHHHHHHH. Honestly I just feel really attacked and hurt and this movie has ruined me. At least he got closure with his father. That was kinda a really sweet scene, and I cried at that too. I cried at fucking everything in this movie ;-;

 But yes, depressing scenes aside, can we just. Take a moment to talk about the final battle? Because that scene was absolutely splendid. I loved how every character got a couple seconds to themselves to just have a little hero moment, and how they did the whole girl power thing with the whole squad and they were so badass and I sort of teared up at that part too because they were all so amazing and I just love them so much and the only thing that would've made that scene better would be if Natasha had been with them but she can't because she's fucking dead oh my god.

 But when the portals opened up and all the characters stepped out of them. It looked fucking magical. I swear to God I had So Many Chills. It was just so fucking amazing to watch them all step out as one and yanno…”Avengers, Assemble!”. God bless them all. The audience lost their shit at this bit. Screaming and clapping and it was just absolutely breathtaking to see this scene. Like, there's just this energy, yanno? And the group shots. T’Challa leading his kingdom into the fight. Tony and Pepper’s really cute scene in their armour together. And, can we just take a break to talk about our fucking lord and saviour Steve Rogers? I love that boy so much holy shit. When Thor was about to die, and Mjolnir had flown in and hit Thanos, before flying off to the person who had thrown it. And it’s Steve Fucking Rogers, standing there holding Mjolnir? And he starts walking down the battlefield with his half broken shield in one hand and Mjolnir in the other? That was such a powerful image have I mentioned I fucking love Steve Rogers? But yeah, I love how they carried that on from AoU. But then that sort of begs the question: was Steve really able to lift Mjolnir in AoU but didn’t because he didn’t want to draw more attention to himself, or was he just not able to because he hadn’t reached peak worthiness yet?

 Also, the whole New York scene was just amazing, fucking hilarious and just amazing. Who knew that all we needed to make a sequence great was to have a 100% necessary focus on Steve's ass? Jokes aside, it was really nostalgic seeing the whole 2012 New York battle again. I especially loved how they let us see parts that actually weren't in the movie, like the whole 'Avengers running into Pierce' thing. And how HYDRA got their hands on the sceptre. Seeing Steve do the whole 'Hail Hydra' thing to blend in kinda gave me chills lol. And Steve's fight with 2012!Steve was also really amazingly done and I fucking loved that sequence. The whole "I can do this all da-" "yeah yeAH I kNow I knOOW" was fucking hilarious tbh. (And also: "That is America's ass…")

Also, can I say that Steve was just really done with everything in this movie lmao. He was a solid fucking mood honestly. (”Are you shitting me??” “...he’s a baby.” “-.-”) And then his scene with Bucky at the end oh my goddd. “Don’t do anything stupid.” “How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.” And honestly I sort of died right there...It’s also this moment I’m realising Bucky probably knew about Steve’s plans, because otherwise they wouldn’t have said goodbye like that if Steve was only going to be gone for a bit. And Bucky wasn’t panicked at all when Steve missed the jump back. So what, does that mean they planned for Steve to have his dramatic ass entrance back into the present by appearing besides the lake? Kind of a funny image lol. Anyway, I’ll stop talking about Steve lmao.

 Thor was fucking amazing in this movie tbh. His first scene in the future is hilarious, with the whole drunkard attitude and the beer gut and Korg playing fucking Fortnite Jesus Christ. His scene with Frigga in the movie also made me cry so much. It kinda made me realise he never really managed to get a proper goodbye with his mother before she died, yanno? And now he's finally getting it, and he can go on to the future with the knowledge that his mother is proud of him and believes he's a hero and afilajiopklgskl. Also, the pure joy when he finds out he's still worthy of Mjolnir? Such a sweet happy wholesome character despite all the losses he's gone through ;-; . Although, since he has decided to join the Guardians, does that mean he's going to be in Guardians of the Galaxy 3? And we know how there's been talk of a Thor 4 recently, right? It's probably just code for GOTG3 lol.

 And finally, Bruce Banner. It was really funny to see him emerge as a mix of himself and Hulk together, I'm not gonna lie. A lot of people in the audience started laughing when we saw the Hulk emerge in a sweater and jeans or whatever the hell he was wearing. But yeah, Bruce was great. When he volunteered himself to wield the Infinity Gauntlet v2.0? Legendary. But yeah, I honestly don't have much to say about Bruce honestly. Other than the fact that he dabbed at the beginning of the movie. Legendary. And when Scott spilled his tacos so Bruce offered him more with the purest smile on his face? I melted. Legendary.

 Anyway, miscellaneous thoughts time. I'm lowkey sort of kinda disappointed Nebula didn't get to kill Thanos? Like, I feel like, if anybody really deserved to kill that asshole, it was Nebula. She's suffered an entire life of torture and abuse from this dickhead, and has been manipulated by him so many times to do his dirty work. And how she still couldn't stop seeing him as a father figure in the end, despite all the terrible shit he's done to her? Actually, that's probably why she didn't get to kill him lol. And also, Sam Wilson is the new fucking Captain America bitches. I really fucking hoped that, if under any circumstances Steve had to give up his shield, it would go to Sam Wilson, because he fucking deserves it. Of course, I wouldn't have minded it going to Bucky, but my poor baby's already been through enough ;-; . Let him rest ;-; (but then, there's the whole Falcon and Winter Soldier show coming up fuck I'm so excited for it lmao).

 And also, Valkyrie. Is now. The new Queen of Asgard. I can't even. My baby girl deserves fucking everything :') She deserves the title of Queen so much and I'm so glad that's a new development. Hopefully we get to see more of her in the future and how she fares with the title of leader in Asgard :'D

 But yeah, I think that's about it for what I have on characters. So, moving on to theories and sort of plot holes I suppose?

 So, have we had any news on what the Loki show is going to focus on? I haven't really been paying enough attention to news on the shows tbh. But if nothing's been confirmed yet, I sort of have a theory. So we know how, when they're trying to get the Space Stone in New York, they fail and Loki gets away with the stone? I'm wondering if the TV show might potentially focus on what he does after he escapes New York with the stone. It's a possibility, I suppose.

 And now, finally, one of my biggest…annoyances (? I'm not sure this is the word I want to use but the only other word that's coming to mind is iffs which isn't even a real word so moving on) (edit: issues! I found the right word :D . The word I want to use is issues lol) with the movie is the last scene. 

Steggy is a fucking blessed ship, and I love them, don't get me wrong. The plane scene in TFA and the hospital scene in TWS never fail to reduce me to a big sobbing fucking baby. And I'm so fucking happy that they finally got the dance that's been promised to them for so many decades. But the whole thing just doesn't really make sense to me.

 So basically, in the earlier parts of the movie, Bruce has already stated that time travel does not work like how we've all been trained to understand from other parts of pop culture. It's not quite travelling to the past, as nothing they do there will affect their future. What I interpreted from that (and I could be wrong, but this is my understanding) is that when they travel to the past, they end up creating a separate branch of events and shit that diverges from the timeline of events that will lead to their present. It doesn't erase their present, but just sort of forms a permanent branch, you feel? So, Steve travelling back to the past in order to live his life with Peggy only to end up in their present again brought in a huge amount of plot holes.

 For Steve to have lived a life with Peggy and marry her, that would mean events would change drastically. I doubt they got married in secret, so people must've known 'Steve' was alive and OK. Would that mean the search for the past Steve that's still frozen in the Arctic stop, since they're all assuming he's alive? If that happens, that means the Tesseract would've never been found, and that would've led to a whole bunch of other events that would definitely not allow for grandpa Steve to join up again with the MCU's present timeline, as it would've brought him into a different branch instead.

 But, hypothetically, let's say Steve lives with Peggy in secret. They get married in secret, nobody knows he's still alive, they continue with the search, yadda yadda. Now, since Steve is from the future, he would know that SHIELD is being infiltrated by HYDRA, and that Bucky would still be alive and is currently being the Winter Soldier and doing assassin-y shit. And I really, really, highly doubt that Steve would just live a life with Peggy and not interrupt with any of this shit. It's just so against his nature to ignore all of this? So, let's say he does root out HYDRA. That would affect the future. TWS, and everything afterwards would've never happened. So it definitely wouldn't be possible for Steve to return to the MCU's current, present timeline if he lived out his life, as he would've been, once again, on a different, permanently separated branch.

 Let's say, hypothetically, he lived with Peggy in secret. Nobody knew he was alive. He knew HYDRA was growing inside SHIELD and didn't do anything. He knew his best friend was being tortured and brainwashed for decades and didn't do anything. Even then, him just living with Peggy and marrying her would've changed all the events and wouldn't have allowed him to just let his branch converge with the present MCU timeline without messing around with some serious science and shit (which is all highly unlikely tbh).

 So basically, what I'm trying to say is, the whole last scene is fucked and can't have happened without saying 'fuck-it-all' to the rules established in the movie. But yeah, that was just the one and only glaring issue to me I couldn't stop thinking about. But either way, I loved the way the movie ended with the Steggy scene. It was really beautiful and sweet and just everything we could've wanted for their dance :')) . It was also a really bittersweet sort of tone to end the film on? Absolutely gorgeous. 

(edit: wow OK so I made a whole separate post just for this scene because a couple days after I posted this, I realised my thoughts and feelings towards this scene had changed and I had a lot more to say about it. So. Yeah. Here it is.)

 But anyway. Shit. That's it. I've spent this whole past year thinking about this movie and waiting for it, and now that I've watched it and it's over, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. This whole day, I've been feeling incredibly empty honestly. I'm still not quite over Natasha and Tony, and I don't think I'll ever be (which, by the way. Marvel, I'll be sending you the bill for all the emotional trauma you've caused.) But this movie was a bloody masterpiece, and I fucking loved it. The trip down memory lane with the time travel was honestly so incredibly implemented. I was really worried when I realised time travel was going to be involved with this movie, because it introduces a device that can retcon everything and just basically takes away the emotional impact of every event that happens because you can just time travel. But the fact that they introduced the mechanic where you can't affect the past by travelling there does close that issue up. Well done. Very clever.

 But, yeah. Fuck. It's over. 11 years, and it went out with a bang. I honestly have no idea how Marvel is gonna top this for the next era. It seems almost impossible, honestly. I just really hope they do, because I would hate to have a franchise as amazing as the MCU end up fizzling out because their most impressive movie came years before the end and they end up never being able to top it. But these are probably just irrational worries.

 Anyway, final score. 14000605/1. Would definitely watch again. Just not immediately. I still haven't fully digested the movie, and I still feel really empty and full of emotions at the same time even though it's been more than 12 hours since I've seen the movie. So yeah. Imma wait a bit, and then I'll probs rewatch it.

 Anyway, rant over. Hope you enjoyed, I guess? I nearly burst into tears so many times trying to write this fucking thing. If you've seen the movie, feel free to DM me. I'm always up to chat with people lol. And if you haven't seen the movie, what the fuck are you doing reading this? Go watch the damned movie. Christ.

 I might end up making edits to this if I think up of more things to talk about. Or maybe I'll make a separate post. I'll probs make a separate post. But anyway. Farewell, y'all. Time to go hide under my blankets and cry until Far From Home comes out.

 (Also, this thing is 3069 words. Wow. Jesus Christ. If I put this amount of effort into my assignments, I’d be bringing in straight As. Oops.)

Azor Ahai, The Prince that was Promised and the Red Sword of Heroes (part 5)

This is the fifth installment in this series of posts on the subject of the prophecies of a chosen saviour in A Song of Ice and Fire. (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4) In part 2, 3 and 4, I came to the conclusion that Daenerys Targaryen fulfills the conditions of the prophecy of Azor Ahai reborn, which would make one of her dragons Lightbringer, the Red Sword of Heroes. However, I do find myself skeptical when it comes to the idea that one kind of magical monster (dragons) will save the world from another kind of magical monster (White Walkers). Therefore, I am starting to doubt that Daenerys Targaryen is the promised saviour.

The figure of a prophesized savior is a common trope in fantasy fiction. Used uncritically, prophecy can easily become destiny in fantasy fiction. However, that is not the game that GRRM plays when he says that battle of Good and Evil is waged within the human heart. The hero has to choose to do the right thing! However, I’d suggest that he might go even farther. The text contains several warnings about putting your trust in prophecy. Those warnings are not just for the characters in the story but for the readers as well.

In this post, I’d like to put forth a radical suggestion: That we should distrust very nature of prophecy itself! We should ask the text whether the prophecy of Azor Ahai reborn is a promise or a warning.

Interestingly enough, the author himself has suggested that it is possible that things aren’t what they seem:

“I have always found grey characters more interesting than those who are pure black and white. […] I did not want to write another version of the War Between Good and Evil, where the antagonist is called the Foul King or the Demon Lord […] Before you can fight a war between good and evil, you need to determine which is which, and that is not always as easy as some Fantasists would have you believe.”

“Prophecy is one of those tropes of Fantasy that is fun to play with, but it can easily turn into a straightjacket if you’re not careful. One of the themes of my fiction, since the very beginning, is that the characters must make their choices, for good or ill. And making choices is hard. There are prophecies in my Seven Kingdoms, but their meanings are often murky and misleading, and they seldom offer the characters much in the way of useful guidance.” (GRRM)

WHEN PROPHECY IS A WARNING

I have come be very suspicious of the prophecy of Azor Ahai reborn for several reasons. Ironically, one of the reasons is this quote from Melisandre, who one of the most ardent believers in AA:

“If sometimes I have mistaken a warning for a prophecy or a prophecy for a warning, the fault lies in the reader, not the book.” Melisandre (ASoS, Davos V)

Through conversations with  @fedonciadle, @shinynewrevulsions and @lostlittlesattelites, I have come to the conclusion that the prophecy of AA reborn could very well be a warning rather than the foretelling of a promised saviour.  One of my main problems with the prophecy of AA is the fact that it is so fervently espoused by the priesthood of R’hllor. The cult of R’hllor is consistently portrayed in negative terms throughout the text, especially with its dependence upon blood magic and human sacrifice – both of which are framed negatively by the text.

"Bloodmagic is the darkest kind of sorcery. Some say it is the most powerful as well." – Lady Taena Merryweather to Cersei, (AFfC, Cersei VIII)

"Fire is a cruel way to die.” – Jon Snow to Gilly (ADwD, Jon II)

Blood magic is considered the darkest and most evil of magic, and fire is considered one of the most cruel and excruciating ways to die. Any religion that employs such practices is pretty damn evil – and therefore we should be suspicious of what kind of saviour they espouse.

Melisandre herself isn’t evil as such but she commits horrific acts in pursuit of what she deems is a higher goal. She does evil (burning people alive) in the service of what she believes is good (saving the world) – and in her view the end always justifies the means.

Stannis ground his teeth again. "I never asked for this crown. Gold is cold and heavy on the head, but so long as I am the king, I have a duty . . . If I must sacrifice one child to the flames to save a million from the dark . . . Sacrifice . . . is never easy, Davos. Or it is no true sacrifice. Tell him, my lady." Melisandre said, "Azor Ahai tempered Lightbringer with the heart's blood of his own beloved wife. If a man with a thousand cows gives one to god, that is nothing. But a man who offers the only cow he owns . . ." "She talks of cows," Davos told the king. "I am speaking of a boy, your daughter's friend, your brother's son." (ASoS, Davos VI) 

Even in the myth of AA, it is an act of human sacrifice and blood magic that creates the magic weapon. One of the things that started to make me suspicious of the prophecy is Salladhor Saan’s concluding remark to Davos Seaworth after he has recounted the story of the forging of Lightbringer – and I think this quote is very important. 

“Too much light can hurt the eyes, and fire burns.” (ACoK, Davos I)

FALSE LIGHT

Light is often associated with Truth on a symbolic level – and it is certainly a concept that has an important place in the cult of R’hllor. The high priest of the Red Temple in Volantis in not called the Flame of Truth and the Light of Wisdom for nothing. However, just like fire can both warm and devour, light can both illuminate and blind. In that sense, both fire and light are paradoxical as they can both be beneficial and destructive. They are both a pharmakon in the sense that they can both be a cure and a poison. The Long Night is the absence of light and fire protects against the cold. However, too much light blinds and a fire unchecked destroys.

The priesthood of R’hllor seeks the truth in the light of fire but if you stare directly into the light for too long, it blinds you. A light that is too bright overwhelms the eye and leads to temporary blindness. 

Then there’s the question of a false light, which Maester Aemon brings up in relation to the glowing sword that Melisandre has given Stannis: 

“…we all deceive ourselves, when we want to believe. Melisandre most of all, I think. The sword is wrong, she has to know that . . . light without heat . . . an empty glamor . . . the sword is wrong, and the false light can only lead us deeper into darkness, Sam.” – Maester Aemon to Sam, (AFfC, Samwell IV) 

A false light that will lead into darkness! Ironically, Aemon then decides that Daenerys Targaryen is the hope of mankind and it is possible that he is just as blind as Melisandre. Maybe he too deceives himself because he wants to believe that a promised saviour exists. It is a less frightening thought than the idea that the prophecy itself may be misleading. 

Speaking of false light: 

Atop the Hill of Rhaenys, the Dragonpit wore a crown of yellow fire, burning so bright it seemed as if the sun was rising. (The Princess and the Queen) 

During the first Long Night, the Others were defeated in a final conflict that is called the Battle for the Dawn. While a fire may give light in the darkness, it must not be mistaken for the sun. The followers of R’hllor speak of light and darkness as absolutes but what they fail to understand is that there are different kinds of darkness. There’s the darkness of the night and the darkness of shadows. The latter come into being when something blocks a source of light. Then there’s the darkness of the earth, which is a different kind of darkness altogether: 

There he sat, listening to the hoarse whispers of his teacher. “Never fear the darkness, Bran.” The lord’s words were accompanied by a faint rustling of wood and leaf, a slight twisting of his head. “The strongest trees are rooted in the dark places of the earth. Darkness will be your cloak, your shield, your mother’s milk. Darkness will make you strong.” (The Three-Eyed Crow to Bran, ADwD, Bran III)

Notice how darkness here is described in language of protection and nourishment, and it is a darkness related to the trees and the land. It is darkness as a chthonic power; a place of dormancy for life during winter. The darkness of the earth holds the promise of life renewed and thus it is different than the darknes of the cold winter’s night, which is associated with the Others, and the darkness of shadows cast by light, which is associated with R’hllor.

DESTRUCTION THROUGH FIRE

Another quote that strengthens my suspicious against the prophecy of AA reborn is what the high priest of R’hllor preaches about Daenerys Targaryen: 

“Benerro has sent forth word from Volantis. Her coming is the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy. From smoke and salt was she born to make the world anew. She is Azor Ahai returned… and her triumph over darkness will bring a summer that will never end… death itself will bend its knee, and all those who die fighting in her cause shall be reborn…” Haldon to Tyrion Lannister, (ADwD, Tyrion VI)

Let’s unpack this quote because there are two different things going on. If Azor Ahai reborn triumphs over the darkness, these things will happen according to the prophecy: 

Eternal summer. 

The faithful who die will rise again. 

This actually sounds a lot more like a R’hllorist vision of the afterlife than a real, living world – and it is the product of the rigid dualism of absolute opposites that R’hllorism espouses. There is only light and darkness; the only gods are The Lord of Light and the Lord of Darkness, who have waged an eternal war since the beginning of time. If the Great Other wins, then eternal winter will reign and the dead will be resurrected by ice. If R’hllor wins, the eternal summer will reign and the faithful dead will be resurrected by fire. There is no balance in this promised future. 

The other part of this quote ascribes an even greater role to AA reborn:

The promised saviour will not only defeat the darkness of the icy apocalypse but will remake the world. If AA reborn is the Champion of R’hllor and Daenerys Targaryen is AA reborn, then how will she remake the world? Through what means do the cult of R’hllor envision radical change? As always their answer is fire: 

"R'hllor," Ser Godry sang, "we give you now four evil men. With glad hearts and true, we give them to your cleansing fires, that the darkness in their souls might be burned away. Let their vile flesh be seared and blackened, that their spirits might rise free and pure to ascend into the light.” (ADwD, The Sacrifice) 

But if the world can only be remade through a cleansing fire, then there will be nothing left but death. The paradise that the cult of R’hllor yearns for is not of the material world but of the spirit. 

The Volantene waved a hand. "In Volantis, thousands of slaves and freedmen crowd the temple plaza every night to hear Benerro shriek of bleeding stars and a sword of fire that will cleanse the world. He has been preaching that Volantis will surely burn if the triarchs take up arms against the silver queen." (ADwD, Tyrion IV) 

If Daenerys is the fulfillment of the prophecy, then her burning sword is her dragons as I’ve already concluded in a previous post. The fire that will cleanse the world is dragonfire and I’d argue that this is not a good thing because what happens when the dragons come? 

“When the dragons come,” he shrieked, “your flesh will burn and blister and turn to ash. Your wives will dance in gowns of fire, shrieking as they burn, lewd and naked underneath the flames. And you shall see your little children weeping, weeping till their eyes do melt and slide like jelly down their faces, till their pink flesh falls black and crackling from their bones.” (The Princess and the Queen) 

These words are uttered during the Dance of the Dragons by a religious fanatic. He uses the same language as the followers of R’hllor and claims that the sins of the people of KL can only be washed out by bathing in dragon’s blood. This fevered sermon leads to the Storming of the Dragon Pit where most of the Targaryen dragons were killed. The context here is just as destructive and fanatic as when the followers of R’hllor burns people alive but he was not wrong; when dragons are used as weapons, people are devoured by fire. 

You cannot build a new world by setting the old one on fire. If Daenerys is Azor Ahai reborn then she is not a saviour but a destroyer – because Dragons plant no trees! The priests of R’hllor deceive themselves and mislead their followers because:

Too much light can hurt the eyes and fire burns!

Does this mean that the prophecies of Azor Ahai Reborn and The Prince that was Promised are just a pack of lies? This issue isn’t as clear cut as truth or lie, which is something that I’ll examine in the next post where I’d like to advance a different interpretation of what Lightbringer could be.

My OCs!

Sierra Craye

From: Monster

Sierra is nine years old, very sassy, often grumpy, and she’s befriended the monster under her bed. It keeps annoying her and she keeps annoying it back, it’s like she just got another sibling she never wanted. If anyone hurts it though they’ll have to deal with her, and nobody wants that.

Ava Elyssa Nichols

From: Dreams and Shadows

Ava is eight and her life revolves around Ben, her older brother, since her parents are both very bad at taking care of their children (they’ve got their reasons, still doesn’t help anyone though). Now Ben is gone, though, and Ava has no idea how to cope with that. Ava is afraid of the darkness and the monsters it holds, and she loves the family cat Amber with all her heart. I have a lot of plans for her ;)

Benjamin Alec “Ben” Nichols

From: Dreams and Shadows

Ben is twelve and the whole reason why his family hasn’t broken apart yet. He didn’t really have much of a childhood because he instead takes care of his sister, depressed father, and science-obsessed mother all the while excelling in school because he thinks that people expect that of him. And now he’s dying, more or less. Basically, he just needs a break.

Kiyera Sy

From: Dreams and Shadows

She’s fifty-seven and has given up on life after losing both her lover and her son. The only thing that#s keeping her going is taking care of the city’s abandoned pets and the carrier pigeons. She moved to Merreadon some twenty years ago. Before that she spent most of her life as a pirate queen fighting the very empire she now lives in (and despises, more and more). She sort of adopts both Ava and Ben halfway through the story.

Fiyare

From: Dreams and Shadows

Fiyare is probably five hundred years old, or older. She was once human before becoming a Guardian. She’s assigned to the Nichols family, and kind of failing at protecting them. It’s not really her fault, but she still feels like it is.

Azrae

From: Dreams and Shadows

A Natah (godlike being in the destruction category); God of Death, basically. They protects the Fallen and makes sure that they find their way. They’re on the nonbinary spectrum and prefer they/them/their or she/her. Ava can channel their powers. They basically helped raise Iuri even though they never asked for it, Iuri just chose them.  Azrare doesn’t understand what Iuri likes about them so much but since they loves Iuri (in the family sort of way... or is it?) they don’t question it. Azrae spent thousands of years in perpetual loneliness, not even really realizing that they were lonely, until Iuri decided to be adopted by them. And that was that.

Iuri

From: Dreams and Shadows

A Nanaël (godlike being in the creation category); Lady of Fire. She’s basically everyone’s favourite, exuberant, happy, upbeat. Nobody understands why she chose Azrae of all people, the gloomiest gloom to ever gloom. But since they’re both happy that’s all that matters. Ava can channel her powers.

Mikaën

From: Dreams and Shadows

A Nanaël (creation); Lord of Order. He’s the leader of the Nanaël but has sort of given up in reent years since every child he’s chosen during the last 300 years was either taken or killed by the Asim (the sort of magic-users). Ben can channel his powers, and he only chose Ben because Fiyare told him so and he trusts her.

Luzire

From: Dreams and Shadows

A Natah (Destruction), Lady of Chaos. She strongly dislikes being forced into roles she hasn’t chosen herself. She’s also completely bonkers and wants to destroy the universe. Ben can channel her powers. She’s been imprisoned since she brought on the last apocalypse. She’s not quite as imprisoned as everyone seems to think she is but she is still in there and hasn’t yet found out how to escape. Alasayr is her right-hand-man because she’s not powerful enough to contact her other friends allies.  

Alasayr

From: Dreams and Shadows

A once-human, now demon, who’s responsible for all the problems, or at least most of them. He’s Luzire’s right hand.

Ilien

From: Firewings/Feuervogel

He’s the Mist Rider, a mythical demon slayer. He’s very old, not quite six hundred years old (since the story takes place over a couple of years I’ll leave it at that). He hates his brother with all his soul, hates the demons, loves his dead little sister more than anything else, feels responsible for everything and loves Lirhin, his adoptive daughter, the way any father would. He does a lot of wonderful things but just as many horrible ones, for reasons only he himself knows. I’ve carried him around for roughly three years before I started writing firewings. He’s my problematic son and I love him.

Lirhin

From: Firewings

Adoptive daughter of Ilien. Her parents are dead and Ilien saved her. She’s very rebellious, makes a lot of mistakes, rights many wrongs and is overall a very active person. I love her as much as I love Ilien, but I can’t talk too much about her because most of it is the story anyways.

Jouka

From: firewings

Oh, Jouka, my boy! I’d almost forgotten you… damnit, now I want to write firewings again. Jouka is basically the most trustworthy, calm, amazing person ever, and he’s chosen problematic fav Lirhin as his project. He can also heal. Of course, he has his demons, too, but who doesn’t? Definitely a cinnamon roll :D

Alienor

From: Firewings

Oh, Alienor… She’s Jouka’s younger sister and can talk to animals, she’s also really good with languages and runes and so on.

Jeanna

From: Firewings

From timid girl to badass warrior rebel queen… I love her. She lost her mother and older sister when she was very young, and after finding out about a few things runs away to find herself a better home. Also she hates Lirhin very passionately. She’s a very tough from the outside and it might take years to get close to her but once you’re there she’s totally a softie. She doesn’t care if you like her and she’s mean to everybody, get used to it. If you’re her friend she’ll protect you from everyone, though. She’s also very bi.

Razouk

From: Firewings

He has the problem that everyone around him manipulates him, and that he’s probably not strong enough to withstand all of them because if everyone does it that’s pretty hard. He also has the problem that he’ll never be as good as his sister, at least not in the eyes of his master, whom he tries to please always and in any way possible. Too bad if you don’t even really know who your master actually is.

Arrick and Meena

From: Firewings

The crown prince and princess. They’re fighting to keep the country together while their father lets everything fall apart. Live is hard but they’re harder, and they’re also working harder.

Rheon

From: Firewings

He cares very deeply about his people, being City lord of a larger city… only problem: The King doesn’t do anything and everything gets worse and worse. What could be better than a little rebellion to put things right?

Skye/Lucifer (I’ll change her name when I get back to this writing project… at first the story took place on earth, when it was only Lucifer. Now that it’s another world entirely her name makes little sense.)

From: Morning Star

Lucifer Reborn, only she has no idea. She’s sixteen, typical teenage rebellion phase, sassy, aggressive, quickly angered, impulsive and sometimes even manipulative – but at the same time incredibly kind, and generous if she thinks you deserve it. Only problem: She’s the daughter of two preachers whose church is based on the vilification of Lucifer, and she’s spent most of her life knowing that something is deeply wrong with her but has no idea what. So, basically everyone who hates Lucifer knows who she is, why she has no idea at all, just very bad self esteem and a cynical personality. She’s aro-ace.

Meera

From: Morning Star

Skye’s mother. She just wants her daughter’s best and has no idea (how could she) what she’s actually doing to her. She’s kind of bad at letting go and accepting that Skye has to find her own path. She’s also one of the leaders of the rebellion, but not the mind – she’s the heart, the one who keeps everyone human, who’ll have to make sure that this rebellion doesn’t end up making everything worse than it was before.

Okazaki

From: Morning Star

My baby… he’s the psychic, the dream-boy, the only one who can save Alun – the only one who can save God. Only problem: He’s the shyest person that has ever been and is so deeply afraid of people that it’ll take everything he has to do this. He’s also very broken, deep down, lived in an orphanage most of his life and is currently the apprentice to a cartographer because he’s excellent at drawing and memorizing things. He has to learn that he can be the active one for once, too, not just let everything happening to him without putting up any sort of resistance. He’ll find a lot of great friends really soon though.

Echo

From; Morning Star

Skye’s childhood friend, and, like his name says, he sometimes thinks that he’s just Skye’s echo, too. He spends most of his time protecting Skye from her (often bad) choices and standing by her side. Only, he has to realize that he’s his own person, too, and that he deserves happiness as well. He quickly finds the perfect best friend in Okazaki thought!

Harmony

From: Morning Star

He’s a war leader. Great name for a war leader, right? Only, the name is kind of fitting, because while Harmony is an excellent warrior he also has so much heart. He might be the only one who can save Rayden from himself, and thousands of lives. He has a very dark secret, and he’s very gay. He’s the knight in shining armour, basically, the saviour, the hero with a heart of gold.

Rayden

From: Morning Star

Rayden is the Emperor’s only surviving son and heir to the throne. He’s also really, really horrible, but he wasn’t always that way. He’s a monster and he knows it, and he knows that his choices and those of his father led him here. He thinks that he’s irredeemable and maybe would be in the eyes of everyone else. Only, there’s also Harmony, and Harmony believes in him.

Willow

From: Morning Star

Willow is in her eighties or so, the Healer from Skye’s home village. She raised Meera, Skye’s mother, and is basically the only one (apart from maybe Echo) that Skye trusts completely, with everything. She helps Meera, and Skye, and is generally incredibly generous and warm and calming and helpful. She’s also very broken, deep down.

Icarus

From: Morning Star

He chose the name himself after feeling like he didn’t deserve his old one. The most broken of them all, incredibly old, immortal, and the only one whose mind didn’t break completely during Lucifer’s torture. He takes care of her other victims, and he hates lucifer with a burning passion for what she did to them, and to him. He’s the only one with a sense of self. He’s waited for Lucifer’s return since a few thousand years, but now that she’s back he has to see that Skye isn’t Lucifer. That she any help she can get, especially since every single one of Lucifer’s enemies knows who she is, while she doesn’t. The only way to find release for himself and for the Others is to help Skye save herself, after all.

Hawk

From: Morning Star

Roughly 250 years old. Mischievous, playful, always up for a prank. He needs to realize that sometimes you need to take responsibility to achieve anything in life. He might need to help Lucifer, and Cassandra.

Cassandra

From: Morning Star

Lucifer’s childhood friend. Roughly two and a half million years old. She’s the one who has to re-unite the Icari and the Oresh (similar to angels/demons) before they tear each other apart in the worst war the world has ever seen. She needs to realize that she has to do that, not Lucifer, even if she’s still very nostalgic. She’ll never forgive herself for not saving Lucifer, even though she really tried. Hard. She’s also bi. 

Kieran

From: Morning Star

Lucifer’s childhood friend. Roughtly two and a half million years old. Looks like he’s twenty-seven. He loved Lucifer, once, and blames basically everyone else for what happened to her. Most of all God. He’s very broken, and very lost, and though he thinks that what he does is for the best it really isn’t. Someone stop him, please…

Oh man, so many characters. And these are only three projects! I’ll add Icicle Soul, Burning Skies and Sky Citadel later, I think…Also not all those characters have stuff in their tags yet. I’m working on that :)

A short original story

A hero’s journey: irresistible fate

 Since the beginning of time, a war has been raging in the shadows, a battle for the domination of the world and control over the human race. Over the centuries many armies have fallen or joined forces with a stronger force, till there were only two forces left battling for power, the two-left battling, are the ones known today as vampires, near-immortal creatures who must drink the blood of mortals to survive. On the other side are the incubi a bread of demons known for stealing the souls of mortals during sexual relations. These two forces stand equal in power, leaving neither able to win and this brings us to the start of our story, a story of arranged marriages, contracts signed in blood and a world cleaved in two.

 In a dark room lit only with the flickering light of a grand fireplace a discussion is being held about the future of the vampire nation. “Are we really even thinking about signing this my lord” an audible sign rings through the room, a large man dressed in a suit that looks like it was cut from the night sky with a blood red tie breaking the darkness like a flash of fire in the night. the man leans forward in his chair resting his arms on the table in front of him

“do we really have a choice Samuel; this War is never going to end otherwise” the man named Samuel scrolls but nods his head in agreement. the tall man stands up and address the room “ if we sign this agreement it will spear our remaining people and let us finally live in some sort of peace and isn’t that what we all want, are we not all tired of losing those closest to us, are we not tired of shedding blood again and again to gain nothing but another day of this miserable life” a chorus of yes’s can be heard from the shadows “ so if we are all in agreement lets as sign this treaty and be done with this accursed war “one by one man and women move forward from the shadows. they sign their names in blood on the simple piece of paper, a piece of paper that would end their suffering. Samuel is the last person to sign as he lays the quill down beside the paper he turns to the man he calls his lord and says “now there is only one thing to do my lord”

the tall man sighs “yes, yes there is Samuel”

“we can trust in her my lord, she is your daughter after all “the tall man leans back

“yes, my daughter, the final piece, the key to ending this war my precious Amaya”.

 “Amaya, hey Amaya wait up” a tall girl with long raven hair twists around at the sound of her name “oh hi Matt what’s up?” Matt shrugs his shoulders “oh not much I was umm I was just wondering if you would like to come to my party” Amaya smiles at Matt “I would love to when is it?” Matts' face broke out into a big smile “its Saturday it’s going to start at 4 pm” “ok sounds great I’ll be there”

“miss Rapp the car is here” Mathew jumps as girl appears next to Amaya

“thank you, Alice I’ll be there shortly”

“Very well mistress” Amaya turns back to matt “sorry about that Matt”

“oh no that’s alright Amaya I just didn’t see her coming

That’s Alice for you I swear she was a ninja in a past life well I better be going, Mathew “

Ok good buy Amaya see you Saturday “Amaya turns away and heads over to where Alice was waiting “Alice what have I told you about calling me mistress in public”

“I am sorry mistress “Amaya smiles at her friend

“It’s ok Alice lets head to the car” Amaya and Alice walk towards the car.

The car winds through the sea of hills and fields making its way towards the imposing figure of the Rapp castle in the distance Amaya and Alice sit in silence. Amaya looks out the window gazing at the land that would someday be hers to rule over and protect “are you alright mistress” Amaya turns her head around to face Alice

“Yes, I'm ok Alice just thinking about the future” Alice smiles at Amaya

“You’re going to be a great queen my lady” Amaya turns back to the window

“will I. I'm not sure” the rest of the ride was silent. The car pulls up to the front of the castle Amaya and Alice exit the car and walks towards the front door. The door to the castle opens as Amaya approaches “welcome home mistress Rapp”

“Afternoon Edward is father in”

“Yes, he is awaiting you in his study”

“Thank you, Edward,” Amaya walks up the stairs towards her father office. As Amaya approaches her father’s office a voice calls out. “Come in Amaya” the voice calls through the door. Amaya opens the door and walks though Amaya greats the owner of the voice “You wanted to see my father”

“Yes, Amaya, you know that iv have been trying to develop a peace treaty with the incubi for some time now”

“Yes father”

“the incubi court has drawn up an agreement a peace treaty. We are to divide the world in two. The incubi will take control the Northern Hemisphere and we will take control of the Southern Hemisphere”

“that sounds like a fair way to end this war, but you don’t look happy father” the vampire lord stood up from his desk and moved to stand in front of Amaya “if that was all there was to the deal I would be. but alas that’s not all there is to the treaty the incubi have added a clause to the treaty. To solidify and unite both nations in peace there must be a union.” Amaya looks at her father confusion clear on her face. “a union, what type of union father.” The vampire lord turned away from Amaya slightly “one incubus prince and one vampire princess but be joined in marriage and partake in the merging ceremony” Amaya's body stiffen “I see to end the war I must be married” “do you see my dilemma now Amaya. Marry off one of my daughters and end the war or refuse the treaty and prolong this insufferable war for who knows how long” Amaya stiffly walks over to the window “I understand father but is there no other way why does there has to be a marriage. Isn’t our word enough”

Amaya's father moves back to his desk “I wish that would be enough but it's not. The incubi seem to think the marriage and ceremony make a more powerful deterrent against us breaking the treaty in the future. I also expect they are using it as a way to gain power in our court.” Amaya turns to her father “I agree with your father and as the oldest, it is my duty to honour our side of the treaty.”

“I'm sorry Amaya I know this is not what you imagined for your future but your sisters are just too young to be Amaya. You really do take after your mother. She would be proud of the women you have become Amaya.”

“I wish she was here”

“So, do I, so do I. there is one more thing I must tell you the incubi prince and representatives from the incubi court will be arriving in two days to finalise the treaty” a loud gasp escapes from Amaya

“finalise the treaty does that mean that the wedding will be in two days” the lord hangs his head “yes” Amaya turns white as a sheet “if that’s all father I will take my leave” the lord nodded his head

 Amaya swiftly moved out of the office down the stairs and out of the front door as soon as her feet touched the gravel Amaya took up running so fast the landscape was a blur around her. She stops as she reaches the shore of Loch Shiel. Amaya drops to her knees and stares at her reflection in the locks dark waters and this is how she stays till her pieces are disturbed by the sound of motorbike roaring somewhere near her. Amaya climbs to her feet and searches for the source of the offending sound just as Amaya starts to move towards the path the motorbike that had disturbed her peace comes barreling at full speed straight towards her. Amaya leaps out of the way narrowly missing the bike. The bike skids on a soggy patch of grass though it ridder though the air. Before she could even think clearly Amaya rushes to save the rider.

 She plucks the rider from the air and sets him down on the ground.” Are you alright” the rider removes his helmet “thanks for the save their vampire? That would have hurt” the man laughed “so you know what I am. What are you” the rider started to walk over to his bike Amaya followed “oh you know just an incubus” Amaya stopped in her tracks “I should have let you crash. Stupid incubus asshole going fall ball on grass after a heavy rain”

The incubus picked up his bike “well you see I just arrived in the area. I’m on business you see also don’t think that’s a bit mean calling a person an asshole just because he's a different species from yourself.” Amaya crossed her arms and stared angerly at the man “it not mean when said asshole made me ruin my favourite top, now if that’s all I will take my leave of you” the incubus smirked at Amaya “you got a bit of an attitude on you don’t you a little vampire. Before you leave can you tell me the name of my saviour.” Amaya turned her back to the incubus and started to walk off the incubus hurried after her “come on little vampire tell me your name. I want to thank my saviour properly” Amaya stops and swiftly turns and faces the incubus” firstly stop calling me little vampire secondary if I had known you where an incubus I would have let you fall and lastly why would I give my name to my enemy”  

“haven’t you heard little vampire the war is at a ceasefire right now”

“I just found out today that peace talks where happening”

“so, then wants the harm in telling me your name little vampire. Here ill go first, my names Alexander and yours is.” Amaya turned her back towards the incubus and started to walk off after a couple steps she called over her shoulder “my names Amaya” with that Amaya took off running back in the direction of her house.

 Edward greeted Amaya at the door with a warm towel “welcome back mistress Rapp” Amaya took the towel from Edward “thank you, Edward”

“not a problem mistress” Amaya made her way up to her room. A young girl with blood red hair sat on the bed Amaya sat down on the bed “what are you still doing up Juliet” the little girl hugged Amaya forcefully “daddy told as what is happening” Amaya signed “ I see its nothing to worry yourself about Juliet it's my duty as our fathers heir and my duty as your big sister.” Amaya kissed the little girl’s hair “now let’s get you in to bed” Amaya picked the little girl up and walked the hall towards the little girl’s room Amaya opened the door and tucked the little girl into her bed “I love you Amaya” Amaya smiled at her little sister “and I love you, Juliet. Now go to sleep munchkin.” Amaya slowly walked out the door and walked back towards her room.

                                                   Act one finished

The lion's mistress - last chapter

"The whore has to go. Jaime will never see her again." He was his big brother, the saviour of the family and the quintessence of being a Lannister. Cunning, powerful, the one who cared about him, the one who had tried to make another Kevan out of him. Tywin was Kevan's God, Genna's hero, Tygett's rival, the King's hand, Lord Lannister, destroyer of two houses, punisher of poor defenceless women. The great lion of house Lannister. He couldn't look him in the eyes, he had always joked about Tygett and his incapacity not to take everything so seriously. He wished so much that he could just laugh, reject this story with a simple shrug of his shoulders. He desired. But he wasn't able to. "I'll take her away" He turned the back to his brother, he would take the poor girl away. Away from the dangerous beast that he called brother. The girl refused to take any milk of the poppy. The maester tended her wounds, two servant girls took care of her. He didn't post any guards since his brother didn't want to punish her any further. She was safe. He laughed bitterly. "Cersei, we have to talk" She was sitting on her windowsill, pale with swollen purplish neck "I... tried to... stop them" The words came painfully slow, the worst thing were her begging and fearful eyes. 'Believe me please' this was he could read. She didn't need to feel sorry, it wasn't her fault. He was the one who destroyed her. "Cers...Sweetling, I know. I don't blame you, but you see, this changes everything…" "Jaime…" She rasped, he hastened by her side and noticed how she winced from his touch. "Sweetling you can't be Jaime's mistress anymore." "But, but…" "Sweet girl, Jaime will marry Lysa Tully and Lord Tully will not tolerate you… Ever." He paused observing the girl. "You see this marriage is very important, it's a pity you both are so young, he just can't keep a mistress before marrying. He crowned you his Queen of love and beauty before half of Westeros! Lord's Tully pride will not accept this…" He knew he had to add a further injury "...Jaime will not accept what happened to you either…" She had been a strong and proud little thing, but after what she had gone through he wasn't surprised she started to wail. Raw and heart wrenching. He had dreaded this. She tried to speak but he couldn't understand the words. "I'm with child" She sobbed full of phlegm and pain." .Jaiiimeeee" Fools, golden fools. Jaime, the girl and worst of all himself. She would alternately cry and speak. With him only. Tywin was on his way to Kingslanding and Gerion was glad. Jaime's stay was prolonged to his nephew's dismay and his own relief. Tywin would take care that Jaime would be away from the Westerlands for a year or more. He knew how much his nephew hated to write, and he felt awful reading Jaime's letter to him and for Cersei. His love for her, his wish to make a babe as soon as possible. 'Please uncle Gerion take care of her.' One could say he was taking care of her. Still he felt the lowest as he made her believe that due her spoiled status Jaime wouldn't have wanted her anymore. That the men were surely sent by Lord Tully. That she needed to go far away, to have her child. As he saw how desperate she was he knew he had to give her some hope thus he lied again. He lied about pleading her cause and maybe after some time when Jaime would pardon her and Lord Tully would forget her, he would take her back to Jaime... Awful lies. She couldn't stay in Westeros if Jaime shouldn't find her. He had wished to tour the Free Cities as long as he could remember, but this journey would forever leave a bad taste in his mouth. He spoke with Lena about his journey and to his surprise she was adamant to come with him. Trying to reason with her wasn't possible. She didn't wish to marry and this was the reason they had started their tryst. "No one will marry a barren and spoiled daughter, no matter how rich my dowry would be." She had stated. Intelligent and funny, Lena. "If I travel with you my father will not be able to sell me to that awful fat merchant with seven children. Spoil my reputation more" A female presence would have been good for the girl, he told her as much about Cersei's life without divulging Tywin's role in her misfortune. Lena's eyes shined strangely as he told her about Cersei's pregnancy. Gerion Lannister, his mistress, the mistress of his nephew and his crew sailed on the "Laughing Lion". No one felt like laughing. She was miserable, she looked so young and lost, despite the pain she must still have felt she didn't lament. During the night she forgot her stoic behaviour. She cried and called for Jaime. He didn't know if it was the pregnancy or the motion sickness, but she vomited all day. He almost hoped she would lose the babe, so she could start a new life, but Lena told him the child would give Cersei the strength to survive. Unfortunately Cersei didn't open herself to Lena, when she wasn't puking, she watched the sea, when she spoke she could only talk about Jaime and the son she was carrying. "She hopes Jaime will take her back if she'll have his son" Lena suffered with the girl, but sadly they remained strangers to each other. Lena wasn't a noble, but her family was rich, Cersei the bastard daughter of a whore and an unknown father… no, the two ladies didn't have much in common. The ship ride wasn't the happy laughing matter he had dreamt about. It was uncomfortable and painful and he was happy as a they reached Lys. In Lys he rented a small sunny house. A house Cersei didn't leave for the whole duration of her awful pregnancy. The birth was something he wished he would forget someday. Her not ending screams and suddenly the silence. Lena came out radiant, smiling through tears a wailing bundle in her arms. "Did she die?" "No, look at this little jewel, she is perfect, isn't it?" "I mean Cersei…" He looked at the little bastard. Jaime's first born daughter. A squealing pink thing. So little, so precious. He didn't fight as Lena put her in his arms. "Hello, little cub. You are the pinkest thing I've ever seen. What's the name of this sweet darling?" He asked Lena. "Cersei wanted to name her Jaime, but I think she believes she is a boy. The maester gave her a generous amount of milk of the poppy. Oh you are the cutest little girl, Gerion she looks like you!" "She is a Lannister she can only be beautiful...how is Cersei?" "She is sleeping!" Did he hear some contempt? "Now this little lady and I will go to the wet nurse. You are hungry aren't you, my little cub?" Cersei was still weary as he spoke with her. "Cersei, you did wonderful. Your daughter is beautiful" "Daughter?" She chewed the word confused. "Yes, she is healthy and...pink and without a name." "Jaime, my son Jaime" she fought to keep her eyes open. "It's a girl. You have a daughter." "Jaime. Jaime." "How long does she have to take the milk of the poppy?" A week passed and Cersei was still abed, still drugged. He was afraid, childbirth scared him, his mother passed away soon after his birth, he didn't want for the girl to die. With Cersei dead everything would be easier, but she suffered enough, she didn't need to die to simplify the life of the Lannisters. Lena was holding the babe in her arms, already a familiar sight for him and everyone else in the house. Lena was always with the babe. She slept in the room with the wet nurse and the babe. "Gerion, she is hurt, the maester gave her something to stop the milk flow and this makes her sleepy." "Wouldn't it help if she nursed the little one?" The babe was becoming more beautiful everyday. He marvelled, the little thing survived the rape, the journey and she came out pure and clean, little pouty mouth, golden hair and green eyes. A little Jaime as a girl. "Do you think she is fit to be a mother? Gerion, she is a child herself, she can't be trusted with such a task." "Lena, we will not stay here forever. Cersei needs to be trusted with this task, she is the mother. I'll leave money enough for a tutor for… the child needs a name!" "The child needs a name and a family" She was firm and she looked in a way he didn't want to understand. They had taken her baby away. It had been awful, Lena and the midwives had bossed around. Push, breath. Blood and shit and pain. So much pain. And then the babe came out. All this pain for a daughter, a daughter she never saw. Ser Gerion asked her to name the child, Jaime should have named his daughter. Ser Gerion could name her. A bastard she may be, but still a Lannister. Gerion named her Joy. Not Joanna for the daughter of a whore. A servant brought her in the late morning. The babe screamed and Cersei was glad as Lena took her away, this way she could sleep. She didn't want to think. Cersei feared not to be as beautiful as she had been anymore. Lysa Tully with her auburn hair, big blue eyes and her tight virgin cunt infested her dreams. Jaime had loved her breasts, he hadn't been able to keep his hands or mouth away for too long, her breasts would have sagged if she had nursed Joy. Her own mother hadn't nursed her and she had grown just fine. The wet nurse with the enormous teats had surely more milk and Lena had approved her decision. The bitter potion that the maester gave her made her so sleepy, she hadn't any force to hold her little girl, not like her daughter seemed to mind. Joy was always crying, the few times the nanny and Lena allowed her to hold her. She preferred Lena and Gerion. She didn't know what her feelings towards her daughter were. If only she would have been pregnant sooner, Jaime would have never had done this to her. She loved how delicate and beautiful she looked, just like Jaime. After the birth she had cried her breasts full with milk, her body not understanding that it was over. She was just Cersei, not the maid slut, not the lion's mistress, not the used whore of Lannisport. Now that she wasn't with Jaime's child in her womb, she felt how empty she was. She would never feel whole without him. She had wanted to be the mother of Jaime's child, but his daughter rejected her like her father before. She exploded one night as she had wanted to hold her, one of the servants had brought her a cup warm wine with egg and sugar, this helped her to sleep. Joy had been sleeping peacefully, Cersei had been almost afraid to bother her, but she was her mother! A mother should have been able to kiss her baby. Joy had opened her eyes and after recognising her, started to cry. The late hour, the wine, the memories of all the pain she had endured...Cersei felt hate towards the loved and pampered babe. Her voice dripped with venom "I forgot Lannisters don't like whores! But you aren't a Lannister. You aren't better than me. Your grandma was a whore, your mother is a whore. Your father will never recognise you, like mine didn't. Why are you always crying? Why don't you like me, you little bastard? You are like me, no one wants you. You will become a whore like me. You are no better." She was yelling, shaking the babe, Joy was crying at the top of her lungs. She never heard the nanny and Lena shouting, suddenly Joy was gone, and someone was hugging her. "You didn't want me to nurse my baby because I'm a dirty whore." She wasn't sobbing anymore. Lena had been outraged and would have liked to yell at her, but he ushered her out the room. "No, it's just, you are a child yourself, just a little girl…" "She hates me, I'm her mother and she doesn't want me, Jaime doesn't want me, no one wants me…" Maybe Lena was right. "I know what she had to suffer, but I know that Joy deserves more than the girl could give her. It isn't her fault, but she was raised to be a whore, what she had to endure was awful, but it doesn't change the fact, she will not be a good mother. Joy is a Lannister, don't you want her to be happy and safe? No one would touch a Lannister, but the daughter of a whore is free, wild. She is adorable! She could be my daughter, our child. Think about this." He explained her Lena's plan. They would raise Joy as his and Lena's daughter. She would get enough coins to live comfortably, the house, a few servants, a tutor to teach her to write and read. She nodded. He'd believed it would be a good idea to take her outside for a walk. They would travel back in a fortnight, Lena was happy and couldn't wait to come back with 'their' daughter. They had strolled at the port, Cersei was slender and even more beautiful and womanly than before, in Lys her beauty surpassed those of the women around her and many men looked after the girl. She was stiffer than before after they walked by a brothel. Looking at him strangely. In the night she visited him. "I'm not a Lannister but I pay my debts too." She whispered stripping her nightgown. "Cersei, sweet girl you don't need…" "Don't you like me?" What a question. She looked like the Maid in flesh, and Gerion's body couldn't help but responded to her beauty. He hadn't slept with Lena in months and… "You don't want this" He stated, her hands were trembling. He wouldn't sleep with an unwilling woman. "But I have to, and you will not hurt me" Her voice was flat and unsure "You have to? Well you are young and if you want to take a lover…" "I'm not supposed to sell myself?" "Why would you? I told you, you can live here…" "And you showed me the brothel where I can work." She was still naked and trembling. "Please put your robe on. You don't have to be a whore anymore. I'm rich, my family is rich, my brother was...generous" He hated calling the man who hurt her generous. "Your bills will be paid. If you want to sleep with someone it will be because you want to." "I want Jaime…" She threw herself in his arms, he hugged her back. In his mind damning his body, his brother and men generally. They took Joy away from Cersei. The route to Lannisport was an easier one, Lena sang and played with 'their' daughter. Back at home they decided to live together at Casterly Rock, his family accepted Joy. Jaime came back. He had to lie again. It wasn't a lie, it wasn't a lie, it wasn't a lie "Jaime, she was a whore. Whores lie. She was scared you'll like your bride more than her and since she wasn't pregnant she fucked some other guys. This way she could have greeted you with a pregnant belly and you'll have recognised her bastard as your own." "Don't be disappointed, whores are like...rats, they try everything to survive. As she saw her plan was ruined she packed her things. It's for the best, she'll be back at King's Landing, with people she knew." Jaime believed him. Every world he had spoken. Why not? He trusted him, he was his uncle but more like an older brother to him, he bought him his first pony, his first woman. Images of her hunted him. Her body beaten and bruised. Her screams as she birthed Joy. That night as she tried to seduce him. The brave girl, the crying girl, the shaking girl. He would be a father to her little girl, but it would never be enough. In this moment he saw how the innocence left in his nephew's eyes died The same way it died in Cersei's. They still were beautiful and golden, but something in them was lost He believed him, of course he did and left him with a nod. He couldn't bear to be near Jaime, couldn't bear to taint the poor girl no more. A quest. This is what he needed. Doing something heroic or dying while trying. Lena would care for Joy and with a mission to fulfil he would maybe be able to forgive her, himself and the whole mess. "I'm going to find our ancestral sword" He dreamed of her every night She fucked some men, men without a face, but sometimes even friends of his. Soldiers, bakers... it seems to him that every man he spoke with, would visit him in his dreams. She moaned, screamed wild and beautiful. An obscene bacchant shamelessly offering her body to all the cocks around her. A whore in body and soul. He saw her everywhere even in his children's faces, in uncle Gerion's little bastard...everywhere. It didn't help that she was as blond and green eyed as his family. He could have choked on his hate. In bed with his wife he had to control himself, Lysa wasn't Cersei. He wouldn't hurt her. He bedded his wife every second day, but he hadn't slept in her room, not even one night. After he spent himself inside her, he would thank her and would go to his chamber, with a hunger that the couplings with his wife couldn't assuage. She had replaced all his blood with poison and it burned him from within. He would find her. She would look at him with the smile he had thought was her genuine smile, the innocent smile of a young girl, she would lie to him, maybe she would cry and throw herself in his arms. She would kiss him, lure him with that lush rotten treacherous body of her. He would play her dirty game, he would suppress the urge to kill her and instead he would kiss her, he would offer his pardon and take her back with him, in her new home. Her new home would be a basement without windows, without light. He would rip her clothes and put some chains on her. She would only allowed to be on all four like the bitch she was, she would have to eat without using her hands. She would loved to bathe and to be clean, would have to shit and piss in one of the corners. He would fuck her from behind, no more kisses and caresses for the whore, took her hard only for his satisfaction. He would knock her up, not the one child she had wanted before finish her career, no she would whelp each year, without any help, like an animal, and he wouldn't miss a birth, he would be there to see her suffer. He didn't have any idea what to do with the bastards, but he would make her believe he would kill them. The stunning butterfly would become an ugly, sagging, deformed creature. Her skin wouldn't drink the sun, her eyes wouldn't blaze anymore. She would finally stop haunting him. How long could she last? She would lose her mind, but just before, he would wrap his hands around her pale throat and it would end. And he would have paid his debt She dreamed of him, every night. Sometimes she dreamed that he stopped the men that had raped her, he would wrap her in his cloak and take her far away. In the free cities, she would be his wife, have his little beautiful blond curled children, and he would love and respect her. One day they would go back and he would be the Lord of the Rock... She hated this dreams, because they couldn't become reality, in her bed she cried remembering that they did rape her and that she had lost their daughter. Her favourite dreams were the one when he would find her. He would beg of forgiveness, he would swear he didn't give the order, that he'd killed her tormentor and that he still wanted her. He would kiss her and she would be warm again, he would love her and she would be clean again. He would be there for her, he would protect her. She would tell him about their Joy, their perfect little girl, and she would live with her daughter at Lannisport. Maybe they would even have another child, but she wouldn't insist about it, she would respect his wife and be happy with the time he could spend with her. She didn't crave power anymore, she just wanted to be near him, to be loved by him. Because he was her dream, he was what she has wanted to be. He was her knight and she wanted to lean on him, how she had loathed the foolish dreams of the girls, but now she ached to be his. He would come, he loves her, her mind had been wrong, she hadn't listened to her heart. Her heart was sure. He loved her. Sometimes she was afraid, after the men that had tainted her, would he still want to touch her? She couldn't admit to herself that she was scared of his touch, would she feel the brutal hands of her tormentor on her? That night she had a beautiful long dream, Jaime was her husband and they had three golden haired children… She wept in her sleep, like every night since her rape, but those were tears of joy. He would come for her, a Lannister always pays his debts.