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vanillann · 3 years

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unsolved (spencer reid x reader)

a/n: i was watching buzzfeed unsolved when i came up with this idea so enjoy. also i know it’s not exactly right but i didn’t feel like going back and watching the ep so.

warning: swearing, talk of cases, and sexual innuendos

word count: 3.3k

“Hi, Welcome to Buzzfeed Unsolved! We’re your host Ryan and Shane.”

I sat in a spin by chair between the two, my legs crisscrossed as I spun as fast as I could with Shane picking at arm.

“This is (Y/N)-“ when I heard my name I dramatically grabbed Ryan’s arm chair, smiling at the camera “a good friend of ours.”

“I had never spoken to either of them before today,” I spoke directly into the camera, the widest smile on my face when Shane gasped.

“She exposed us!” He pointed an accusing finger at me, Ryan slowly reaching out and grabbing his hand.

“We need her for this case,” Ryan spoke mysteriously, as if he was in a mob of some sort.

“Yeah why is that?” I rested my elbow on the chair, placing my chin in my open hand as I looked between the two.

I would normally be shoved in the corner of my desk trying to avoid another weird product video. I didn’t want to wear another weight blanket that made me almost fall to the floor.

“We are doing a case today and from the gossip around the office, you’d be pretty familiar with it,” Ryan said nothing more as he held a picture up to the camera.

I looked to the viewfinder, my eyes going wide as I recognized the mugshot immediately.

“That’s the Reaper!” I pointed at the picture, grabbing Ryan’s wrist so I could get a better look.

“Is that your boyfriend or something?” Shane added, looking over my shoulder at the picture in my hand.

“No, the BAU worked in this case!”

I didn’t know my intense knowledge of BAU cases would make it around the office, but I suppose when you have a printed article of you standing with Agent Gideon and Hotchner word moves fast.

“You actually know a lot about BAU cases from what I hear,” Ryan almost smirked at me and I was close to attacking him.

“Yeah-“ I turned to the camera, thinking I should explain myself before people thought I was crazy “so when I was young my mother had a stalker.”

The room suddenly went from light and breezy to scary and stuffy, something I hated.

“Anyways, when my mother died he disappeared into thin air. I then got an internship here at Buzzfeed and suddenly I was being mailed pictures of myself.”

I felt Shane give a knee a quick squeeze, which made me smile but I said nothing about it.

“It is really bad, I’m not going into detail, that the FBI got involved. Gideon was my savior that day, Hotchner too. Since then I’ve kept up with their cases and Gideon still sends me letters even after he left,” I finished my story, smiling down at the case file Ryan held between his fingers.

“Enough sad story, let’s talk about murder!” I clapped my hand, Shane laughing at my excitement.

“Okay, before we get started with this video I would like to clarify this isn’t a normal unsolved case. While the case was pinned to a murderer, the real unsolved piece is what happened to him,” Ryan got into character, slowly opening the folder and reading off the first words.

“On June 5th, 1996, Tom Shaunessy was called to investigate a murder in Boston. It was a couple, laided into their chair with multiple gun shots to their head and torso-“

“Wait, in the car in Boston?” Shane asked.

“That’s what I just read,” Ryan replied.

I smiled to myself, already knowing the editing that would take place with the black screen and the blue and yellow words floating across.

“Isn't Boston super busy?”

“It has like 700 thousand people,” I spoke up, wondering what color my words would be in.

“How do you just know that?” Ryan looked over his shoulder at me, his eyebrows raised.

“If you saw the article I was currently writing you would understand,” I shrugged, moving in the chair so I could get a better look at the case file.

Ryan coughed, looking back down at the file to continue.

“When another set of murders came in, this time an older couple, Shaunessy, panicked as he found the first victim, Harry Goodwill, watching at the scene.”

“That was his signature,” I held a hand up like a child in class, smiling as I already knew what came next.

“Bingo!” Ryan pointed to me, smiling at my excitement.

“When this happened again, this time alone woman, Shaunessy called in the BAU-“

“You mean the love of (Y/N) life,” Shane cut in, smiling when I hit his shoulder.

“If you saw a picture of them you’d be in love too,” I shrugged, not thinking much about my words.

“Agent Aaron Hotchner joined the team and worked closely on this case with Shaunessy.”

“So this man just texted the FBI,” Shane started laughing before he could get his words out.

“I’m pretty sure there are rules,” Ryan looked over at Shane, looking at me when we tried to understand why he was laughing.

“I’m sorry, death shouldn’t be this funny,” Shane took a breath, making a hand motion for Ryan to continue. I started laughing at that, keeping it low so Ryan could continue.

“After 18 murders, there were no leads. The only consistent thing was he mostly killed couples and he left an item from his last victim at the crime scene. The BAU conducted that he was most likely killing the couple because of his own failed marriage or possibly one close to him.”

“So he started killing because he hated to love? I bet he hates Valentine’s Day,” Shane shrugged, his smile breaking across his face when I spoke up.

“Nah, he seems more like a Halloween type guy,” I shrugged, laughing when Ryan hit his elbow on the table.

“Okay okay, back to the good stuff,” I pointed at the file, laughing when Ryan rolled his eyes.

“Now victims 19 and 20 is where the story starts to twist. Amanda Bertram and George Foyet-“ I shivered at the name “we attacked by the Reaper.”

“Did you say attacked?”

“Yes, while Amanda Bertram was killed in the struggle Foyet manages to survive with serious injuries.”

“So this dude just accidentally forgets to kill him?” Shane almost yelled, reaching for the file to read himself but Ryan moved it back.

“He saw the ghost of Valentine and just ran,” I played on the joke earlier, which made the two laugh.

“The heart-shaped boxes of chocolate really made him shit himself,” Ryan barely got the words out, his laugh slowly turning into a cough.

“We shouldn’t joke about a murderer when we don’t know his whereabouts,” I laughed along.

“Wait, you’re telling me they lost him!”

“Yep,” I popped the “p”, smiling when Shane looked to Ryan who only shrugged,

“You’ll have to wait and see.” Was all he said before he continued the case.

“After this no new leads were found, it was later discovered that The Boston Reaper sent Shaunessy a note that if the investigation was shut now he would stop killing,” Ryan read the words off.

“I bet he ended the letter with “xoxo from your worst nightmare” with a lipstick stain,” I spoke without thinking, covering my mouth when I realized what I said.

“Oh he’d definitely come at you now,” Shane pointed at me, wiggling his eyebrows in the process.

“No way! The BAU will save me,” I shrugged, smiling as I imagined the team busting in the door at the last minute like they always did.

“Oh yeah the one dude, what’s his name,” Ryan started snapping his fingers as he thought over his words “Sp-“

“Spencer Reid!” I practically yelled the name, my smile only growing large at the mention of the handsome Doctor from the BAU team. While he didn’t work my case, I heard a little about him and he called my house phone trying to reach Hotch.

To say I was infatuated would be a small understatement.

“Him?” Ryan pointed at him, smiling wider at me.

“Who is this Reid boy and what are his intentions?” Shane folded his arms on the table like a father, looking between Ryan and I.

“I hope it's dirty,” I blurted out, covering my mouth again as I looked at the camera.

“Cut that out,” I started laughing when I heard Shane wheezing beside me.

“No we’re keeping that, that was quality content,” Ryan was laughing, pushing my chair slightly as I slowly joined in.

“I’m so grateful he works a busy job and will never see this,” I started coughing, which made Shane pat my back.

“Please take the obsession back to murder, please and thank you,” I nodded to the case file once everyone has calmed down.

“Okay okay, the cast went cold after that. No new murders ever appeared and the BAU left the case.”

“Spencer went to (Y/N)’s house,” Shane commented quickly.

“Until 2009 when a murder took place right outside of Boston, a couple killed on a hill. While this seemed like nothing at first, an eye was painted on the side of the door and glasses were found on the victim’s face. The glasses belong to Foyet,” Ryan read in his special voice.

“So the dude got bored and was like “Fuck my promise”?” Shane looked between both of us.

“Let him finish,” I patted Shane shoulder, looking at the file again.

“It was later announced to the public that Shaunessy was dead,” Ryan read, looking at Shane with raised eyebrows.

“Ohh, you should have led with that!”

Ryan rolled his eyes, going back to the file in front of him.

“Hotchner took up the case with his BAU team-”

“Spencer had to leave (Y/N)’s house early to get there in time,' ' Shane pushed my shoulder, my finger slowly starting to play with the little ring on my finger.

“I wish,” I spoke up, smiling at Shane when he shook his head.

“The team quickly gathered all the information possible, slowly putting the eye signature on the car with the sign off on the letter.”

“He didn’t sign it xoxo?” Shane asked, I shook my head sadly.

“Sorry to get your hopes up,” I spoke gravely, my mask cracking when Shane started smiling.

“I was readying for him to sign A like that show!”

I started laughing, my hand covering my mouth as Ryan tried to explain the show he was talking about.

“Why do they have to be pretty liars, am I pretty when I lie?”

“No,” I said the words so seriously I was shocked with myself. We all three started laughing suddenly.

I hadn’t been at Buzzfeed long, I had only made a few friends and I pretty much got dragged into the video when they needed a test dummy. This was my first video that didn’t make me want to rip my eyes out, I actually was having a great time with Ryan and Shane with the jokes and all.

“Okay,” Ryan coughed, finally reading the file again,” Many tried to brush it off as a copycat but Agent Hotchner refused to drop the case.”

“That’s my bestie,” I smiled, remembering the photo I had with him when the local news decided to take pictures of us standing outside the station. The photo was awkward and I doubt he even remembered my case but I didn’t really care.

“Then a few hours later an older couple, Arthur and Diane Lanessa, were found stabbed and shot. When the earlier victim, Nina Hale, was found on Diane's wrist, people started to worry.”

“Wait I thought he left the one dude glasses, who is still weird to me,” Shane spoke up again.

“That’s what I’m saying! He had his glasses yet he’s a copycat? Cops can be so stupid,” I rambled, still pissed about that to this day.

“The BAU split up to find Foyet, who went into hiding after his attack, to get more details. Agent Hotchner and Agent David Rossi found him staying in a house in Boston.”

“Why would you stay in Boston?” Ryan was the one to speak this time, his nose scrunched up as he thought it over.

“Right, like yes I almost died here let me stay,” Shane mocked Foyet, which made me laugh.

“Later that night The Reaper boarded a busy bus and killed the occupants of it. Many had theories on why he changed his MO but nobody will confirm or deny.”

“I think he was made at Hotch,” I spoke up. I had thought about this alot.

“Why do you think that?”

“He didn’t quite like Shaunessy, I don’t blame Shaunessy, but still. He stuck around even when he could have walked away,” I crossed my arms, slightly proud of my theory.

“You think he gave the same deal?”

“You don’t?” I looked at Ryan, his arms shrugging before he went back to the case.

“There was a cryptic message left on the side the bus along with the Reaper eye,”

“Cryptic message? Is this real?”

“Unfortunately,” I nodded, looking back to Ryan as he spoke.

“The BAU managed to decipher the code into a line of Foyet addresses-”

“Spender did it!”

“And how would you know?” Shane looked to me, raising his eyebrow at me with a little smirk.

“Because he had an eidetic memory and has an IQ of 187,” I spoke proudly, as if I actually knew the person I was talking about. Okay maybe I searched them on the internet one too many times.

“How do you know that?” Ryan asked, laughing at me now.

“Google,” I shrugged, laughing when Shane looked up from his hands.

“What does he even look like?” I held up my finger, fishing my phone out of my back pocket. I quickly unlocked it, placing my thumb print and moving on, and tapped the searched bar. I quickly typed in his name, thankful it didn’t pop up in purple because I couldn’t handle that much teasing.

“Here,” I placed the phone on the table, laughing when Shane moved closer.

“He has a Wikipedia,” Shane looked over his shoulder at Ryan and I, speaking like a kid on Christmas.

“You both have Wikipedia,” I shrugged, not seeing the appeal of the whole life on display.

“You don’t,” Shane pointed out. I jokily pouted, acting all sad as I looked up to the ceiling.

“We can make you one,” Ryan patted my shoulder laughing when I smiled.

“Can we say I’m married to Doctor Spencer Reid?”

Both nodded at the same time, my hand going over my hand and I laugh at their telekinesis response.

“Okay finished this case so (Y/N) and I can stalk Mr. Reid,” Shane patted Ryan shoulder and I lightly smiled to myself.

He seemed like nothing but I finally made some friends, I mean friends I could talk to outside of work.

“Once they arrived at Foyet house they found gallons of blood pulled from the back of the house.”

“So they killed him?”

“Just wait,” I held my finger up, smiling when Shane deflated slightly.

“Multiple police were attacked, even Derek Morgan with the BAU. The specific are not out to the public but a nurse claimed that The Reaper stole Morgan credentials,” Ryan read off the paper, smiling when Shane gasped.

“That’s insane, this case is insane!”

I laughed along with Ryan, all of ours eye scanning over the paper now and we waited for the next bit of information.

“After looking over past cases filed, the BAU were confused on why The Reaper would kill Foyet. Their tech analysis did research to induce that Foyet had multiple aliases, claimed he had them to feel safe from The Reaper, actually had multiple assault charges, and his parents were killed when he was six.”

“Oh my, he killed them didn’t he!” Ryan and I both nodded, Shane’s hands flying up to his hair as he looked between us.

“It was him the whole time! No way!”

“That’s what I said,'' I looked into the camera for the first time in awhile, it felt nice and easy with them. The video was coming easy unlike trying to do awkward yoga poses with strangers.

“They managed to trace everything back to Foyet, concluding he was The Reaper. After more research, Foyet’s phone was tracked to Roy Colson's house. A journalist would recently wrote an article on The Reaper.``

“This feels like a Scooby-Doo mission at this point,” Shane sounded out of breath, looking to the camera with wide eyes.

“We got some work to do now!” I jokily sang the theme song, making the two laugh lightly before moving on to the end of the case.

“The local police arrest Foyet at the house, Colson thankful survived. Foyet was taken to prison immediately after arrest.”

“I thought they lost him?”

“If you don’t let him finish,” I joked, Shane laughed as we finally let Ryan finish.

“Foyet was found in his cell later throwing up blood and convulsions. As being rushed to the hospital, the ambulance was ambushed and Foyet escaped. No more information has been released on the whereabouts of Foyet.”

“They really lost him!”

Shane was in shock at the discovery, my hand covering my mouth quickly before I answered.

“I bet he’s working for the FBI, they hire people when they’re too dangerous.” I tried my best to be serious about the theory but I knew my smile was peaking thought.

“He’s probably the BAU’s personal hitman!”

I laughed with Ryan, my chair had slowly moved closer to his as I kept leaning to see the case file.

“Where do you think Foyet it?”Ryan spoke into the camera, talking to the people that would watch this in a few weeks.

“I think (Y/N) should call her smarty-pants husband and ask,” Shane spit out his last joke before the video ended.

“Yeah, Doctor Spencer Reid please call me with information about the case.” I pointed into the camera like Uncle Sam and winked dramatically.

“He doesn’t have your number,” Ryan reminded me. I let my finger fall, thinking over my words before I pointed back at the camera.

“Email my business email,” I nodded. Shane and Ryan both hit my shoulder. both hands going to my arm to cover them.

“Say bye to our favorite guest ever,” Ryan waved in my face.

“Bye!”

I laughed as the video played on my laptop, laughing when my voice was replaced with light green words floating on the screen. I scrolled down lightly, reading a bunch of comments. I smiled when most were asking if I would ever be on another Unsolved.

My phone went off beside me, my hand reaching for it as I paused the video and moved to my email. I was waiting for an email about an article I was writing and I couldn’t stop hitting refresh.

Shane: i’ve seen two ship edits of (y/n) and spencer reid on my instagram already

Ryan: i saw an edit of shane fall out a chair

I laughed at the messages, the group chat the three of us had formed titled “The Reapers Bitches” never stopped as we had grown a close bond.

I heard the little ding from my laptop, also most screaming when I slammed the refresh button and screamed when I saw an email with a little unread dot beside it.

I didn’t think twice, pushing the email and reading over it quickly.

From: [email protected]

Hello, this is Doctor Spencer Reid with the Behavioral Analysis Unit. I recently saw a video of you mentioning me and my team about a case we worked on a few years back. While I legally can’t share any details with you in this case, I would be open to speaking with others. Please email me back!

I was going to scream, maybe cry, maybe both at this point. I read the email two or three more times, trying to comprehend what I just read.

He did see, shit he did see it. I heard my phone going off beside me, my hand picking it up and typing without reading what they were saying before.

Me: Spencer Fucking Reid just emailed me

I let my phone fall to my lap, reading the email one more time.

“Thank you Buzzfeed Unsolved,” I whispered under my breath.

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wiener-soldiers · 4 years

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how to (not) be internet famous - peter parker

summary: peter parker becomes internet famous overnight and doesn’t exactly know how to deal with it, which causes him to end up in a precarious situation.

words: 4k

warnings: rien, mes amis!

a/n: part of the unsolved mini-series! just wanted to write a lil blurb w some world building before i go into more ghost/ghoul hunting. also goes without saying that this is minimally edited, sorry lol

unsolved masterlist | masterlist | add yourself to the taglist! | faq

Peter Parker did not intend on becoming famous.

It was quite literally an accident—a byproduct of being in the right place in the right time. But, completely out of his control, Peter Parker helped solved an Unsolved mystery.

It was one of Buzzfeed Unsolved’s most viewed episodes; the story of Peter Quill, a little boy who went missing right after his mother died. Of course, one theory was that he was abducted by aliens. That was the joke theory.

Until Peter Parker and Y/N Stark proved that theory to be correct.

Being fans of the show, the duo was vaguely aware of the existence of Peter Quill, the mysterious boy who went missing. It wasn’t until Thor traveled back to Earth with the rest of the Guardians did Peter and Y/N recognize Peter Quill.

Of course, their first instinct was to interview him about how he got abducted and ask about some space stories. Their next instinct was to invite Ryan and Shane of the Unsolved Network to interview him as well.

This subsequently made the internet blow up. And Peter Parker became famous because of it.

The video titled “We Solved A Buzzfeed Unsolved Case” garnered millions of views overnight, with thousands of comments flooding the video. Peter’s Twitter went from less than a hundred followers to more than a hundred thousand overnight, and his Instagram blew up in a similar fashion.

He was used to Spider-Man being famous, but Peter Parker had never gotten that much attention before. It was surreal.

He found himself sitting on the brown leather couch at the Avengers Tower (where the Stark family alose happened to reside) the morning after the video was released, staring at his texts blow up in front of him.

Ned: Dude you’re famous?? You’re on the YT trending page!!

MJ: can i meet ryan and shane? also warning: flash and brad don’t know you’re dating y/n so their texts may be a little hostile…

Flash: Damn Parker, how do you know Y/N Stark???

Brad: Why haven’t you brought Y/N around?

Betty: Peter you HAVE to let me interview you for the school news! When are you free??

“What the hell is going on…” Peter whispers, jaw unhinged as notification after notification caused his phone to ‘ding’ out of control.

“Hey Pete,” he hears a voice flow into the living room. His girlfriend walks past him, not before pressing her lips to his cheek. His cheek warms at the contact and his eyes follow her pajama-clad body into the large kitchen.

“Did you see the video you posted?” Peter calls after her. Y/N shakes her head as she throws a banana along with other frozen fruit into the blender.

“No…why?” she calls back. “Do you want a smoothie?”

“No, but thank you,” Peter replies quickly. He turns his body to face her and raises his voice at the sound of the blender turning on, “It’s trending. Like, everywhere.”

“I figured it would,” Y/N calls back, the hum of the blender drowning her voice out.

“How are you so chill?” Peter asks her, slightly bewildered.

“There was paparazzi in the hospital waiting room when I was bored. You get used to stuff like that,” she answers, before making her way back to Peter, smoothie in hand. She positions herself on the couch, placing her legs overtop Peter’s lap.

He places his arms over her shins instinctively. “I’m definitely not used to stuff like that,” he mumbles, still scrolling through his notifications.

Y/N scoffs, “You’re Spider-Man, honey. That comes with press.”

“Spider-Man is famous, not me,” he counters.

The sound of the elevator opening and deep voices conversing cut the couple off as they turn towards the door. Tony, followed by Steve, Bucky, and Natasha file into the common floor, all deep in conversation. They don’t seem to notice the young couple, so Y/N decides to make them known.

“Morning!” Y/N calls out.

Tony’s head snaps up towards his daughter, before shifting and narrowing his eyes at Peter. “We were just talking about you,” he says, walking towards the two.

“Oh?” the younger Stark challenges.

Natasha lets out a soft laugh before patting Peter on the shoulder. “You need a public relations lesson,” she says to Peter.

“A what?”

Y/N lets out a fit of giggles. “It’s to make sure you don’t say something stupid to a large audience,” she tells him, and Peter scrunches his nose.

“Why would I need a…oh.”

Tony smirks at him before showing him his ever-rising Twitter followers. “Yeah, oh. That video you posted basically broke the internet. Even old man Steve is talking about it.”

Steve rolls his eyes but smiles sympathetically at him before handing him a grey folder. “Protecting Spider-Man’s identity is still your number one priority, right?” Steve asks and Peter nods. “So, we need to make sure you don’t say anything stupid or post something that gives away who your alias is.”

“So, what’s in the folder?” Peter asks the adults in the room.

“Homework,” Natasha answers. “I’ll help make sure that your identity stays a secret, but I need you to make sure you read that document very carefully. They’re full of general best-practices and protocol for if your identity is exposed.”

“Got it,” Peter whispers, mostly to himself.

“Great,” Tony says with a pat to his shoulder. “It was a funny video, by the way. Can’t wait to see what you kids come up with.”

Over the weekend, even though Natasha, Tony, and Y/N prepared him as best they could for the storm that would most likely ensue on Monday at school, Peter still didn’t feel prepared.

He stood in the middle of his room, gnawing at his lip and choosing between the dark blue sweater and the maroon sweater. Granted, the sweater wouldn’t make that much of a difference and hide the fact that Peter was still a big nerd, but he had a feeling he needed to make a good impression today.

“Babe, you are overthinking it,” Y/N mumbles from Peter’s bed. Like most weekends, she spent the night at Peter’s place. Although things do tend to get a little heated, most nights the couple just watch movies, play video games, or take a walk around the block.

“You’re not the one going to a public school,” Peter mumbles back. It was true; Tony had tried sending Y/N to Midtown, but the paparazzi was getting unbearable, so she took online classes instead. Y/N didn’t mind missing out on the high school experience—her life was so surreal that nothing could make her feel normal, except Peter or Morgan.

“That wasn’t what I meant,” Y/N groans and rolls out of bed. She shivers at the cool breeze caused by the AC being blasted on high as she wraps Peter’s flannel around her body even tighter. “I meant that you’ll look really good in whatever you wear, honey.”

Peter rolls his eyes but turns to face his girlfriend, dark blue and maroon sweater still in hand. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous,” he admits.

“Afraid everyone will look at you differently?”

“Afraid everyone will think I don’t deserve someone like you…”

Y/N gives him a soft smile before closing the gap between them. She peppers kisses along his shoulder, his neck, then finally his lips. Peter ducks down to look at her, wrapping his arms underneath the flannel she’s wearing and around her waist.

“I love you, ya know that right?” she whispers into his collarbone.

Peter hums in response.

“And the world doesn’t get to decide who or what you deserve. Because you deserve a hell of a lot more than what I can give you.”

Peter groans, “Don’t say that. You give me everything I need.”

“And that’s what matters,” Y/N replies. “Not what anyone else thinks. Okay?”

Peter pulls away and gives his girlfriend a sincere smile, “Okay.”

“Good,” she muses before pressing a final kiss to Peter’s lips. She then takes the maroon sweater from his hands. “Wear the dark blue sweater, I want to wear the maroon one.”

---

Despite Y/N’s encouraging words, Peter’s still nervous.

He’s nerves kick in as soon as Y/N has to leave his place while he packs his school bag. He’s nervous on the subway on the way to school. He’s nervous as he crosses the street towards campus. He’s nervous when he’s walking toward the school entrance, so much so that he can hear his heartbeat over the podcast he’s listening to. And he’s especially nervous when people openly gawk and stare at him as he makes his way to his locker.

Luckily, MJ and Ned are there to save him.

“They’re all staring,” MJ comments as Peter yanks his locker open and reaches for his calculus textbook.

Peter laughs nervously, “I’m aware.”

“You know that clique of really hot sophomores who won’t shut up at lunch?” Ned adds on as he stares at his phone, “They’re all thirsting over you on Instagram.”

Peter slams his locker shut in surprise, “Wh-what?”

Sure enough, Ned’s phone is filled with screenshots of the video on Allison’s Instagram story with the caption ‘hmu peter ;) or i may have to fake needing a tutor to talk to you.’

Peter gags. MJ snickers.

“Oh my god, this is awful,” Peter shudders as he turns around and makes his way to first-period calculus. Ned and MJ follow suite. “Don’t they know I’m dating someone?”

“Peter, if we barely knew you were dating someone until we met her and started handing out with her,” MJ deadpans.

“Speaking of your girlfriend,” Ned butts in, “are you going to tell her about Allison?”

“No, she’d probably laugh. And it’s not a big deal, right?” Peter answer honestly, smiling slightly at the thought of Y/N laughing her ass off at the thought of sophomores at his own school acting thirsty on main.

Ned stops dead in his tracks, “What if she was actually talking to you?”

“Ned, what—”

“Hi, Peter!” a high-pitched voice attempting to sound sultry cuts him off.

MJ laughs in amusement before walking away as Peter squeaks out, “H-hi, Allison.”

Ned pats his shoulder encouragingly before walking away, giving Peter a ‘you’re on your own’ look.

She bats her eyelashes at him, giving him a shy smile. Peter’s distracted by her bright pink outfit—she looked straight out of an early-2000s movie. It suited her, but it wasn’t really Peter’s preference.

“I watched your video, it was really funny,” Allison says, inching closer to Peter.

“Thanks, um look, I gotta go—”

“You doing anything tonight?” she immediately asks.

No, Peter thinks, but he racks his brain for an excuse. May is working so he can’t use her, Tony is at the Avengers’ Compound, MJ has art class, Ned is working on a group project, maybe Y/N…

It’s too late. “Great!” Allison quips, “I’m having a party tonight and you’re invited, hottie. I’ll AirDrop you the details.”

“Uh, thanks,” he mutters pathetically as she practically skips away.

It wasn’t just Allison’s invitation that stuck out to him; it seemed like everybody more popular than Peter was giving him some sort of attention. If Peter didn’t know better, we would’ve been flattered. Instead, he was suspicious.

By lunch, Peter had been invited to three parties, a football game, a boat ride, and more invitations to hangout than he could count. Even Mr. Harrington made a jab at Peter’s internet fame.

As soon as the bell rang, Peter bolted out of his English class and ran out the front gates to take a breath. Even as Spider-Man, public events often felt overwhelming. Now, with no excuse to leave and no disguise to hide his flustered expression, the few minutes of silence he had at beginning of lunch was the only break he got all day.

“You don’t look too hot, babe,” he hears a voice say. From his spot leaning against the railing of the school entrance, he lifts his gaze and finds Y/N Stark staring up at him from the bottom of the stairs.

He stands up immediately and meets Y/N halfway down the stairs. He smiles widens as he gets close to her, “What are you doing here?”

“MJ texted me—said you were feeling overwhelmed,” she says nonchalantly, but concern laces her features. “You doing okay?”

“Just not used to so many people giving Peter Parker attention. And the feeling that they probably just want to hang out with me because they want to be famous makes me icky.”

Y/N hums and reaches for his torso to give him a hug. Peter is on the step above her, so he wraps his arms around her shoulders and rests his chin on her head. “I know how you feel,” she mumbles.

Peter laughs half-heartedly, “Got invited to a shit ton of parties, though.”

Y/N chuckles into his chest, “Oh really?”

“One of which is tonight. Got any plans?”

“Hmm…maybe,” she tells him. “Dad wants me to be his plus one to a gala thing, but I don’t really want to go.”

“You’d rather go to a shitty high school party?”

“I’d rather do anything, honestly.”

A honk from a car parked on the curb catches their attention. Peter looks up and finds Happy peering his head through the window of a black sedan. “Hate to break you two up, but I really don’t want to be swarmed by high schoolers,” Happy shouts, “so we should get going, Y/N.”

Y/N sighs, “And, that’s my cue.”

“I’ll see you tonight, maybe?” Peter asks hopefully, pressing a kiss on her forehead.

“Maybe. Text me the address, but don’t bail on the party,” Y/N tells him before giving Peter a proper kiss. Another honk from Happy causes them to break away, followed by the school doors opening and more and more people filtering outside. A series of shocked gasps at Y/N Stark and Peter Parker in such a compromising position prompt Y/N to start walking down the stairs.

“See you, Peter,” Y/N shouts as she quickly makes her way down the steps.

Peter waves to Y/N in the passenger seat as her and Happy drive away. His phone the buzzes with a text from Y/N:

Y/N 🥰: hang in there bb, love you!

“Yo, dickwad!” Peter hears Flash shout from behind him, “Why didn’t you introduce me to your Stark friend?”

Peter sighs. This was going to be a long day.

---

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“I want to May…it’s just that—”

“It’s just that you want Y/N there?”

Peter sighs and shakes his head. He sits in the passenger seat of May’s car as she’s parked outside Allison’s house where the party is taking place. He’s beyond uncomfortable: the girl who was shamelessly flirting with him was sending him DMs, asking him when he was going to show up to her party. His skinny jeans—the nice ones saved for special occasions—were still a little stiff because he never really wore them, and he’s sure he’s made sweat stains on his white t-shirt.

“I guess, I just want the high school experience, to feel normal. Even if it’s a fake normal,” Peter says honestly, fiddling with his hair in the mirror. “But everything is easier with Y/N around.”

“Did she answer your texts?”

“I sent her the address and she said she would try to find an excuse to leave the gala early, but I don’t know if she’s gonna make it,” Peter says dejectedly.

May nods understandingly, “If you want to leave, just send me an SOS. I’ll come pick you up.”

“Thanks, May,” he says before pressing a kiss to her cheek. He doesn’t feel his body move, but his feet carry him out of the car and towards the front steps of the house. He doesn’t realize he’s reached for the door until he’s already inside, looking around at the darkened house illuminated by colourful lights and blaring with music.

“Peter!” he hears someone call from the top of the stairs. It’s Allison, clad in a sheer top, lacy bralette, and tight leather pants. He tries not to gawk at her, but he gulps in nervousness as she approaches.

“You made it!” she exclaims over the rumbling bass. Without warning she pulls Peter into a hug, pressing her body close to his. His muscles tense in surprise, but he feels Allison shiver.

Fucking great, Peter thinks as Allison eyes him up and down, biting her lip.

“Do you want a drink?” Allison says, latching onto his bicep and guiding him further into the house.

“Um, sure,” Peter says as he tries to remove his arm from her grasp while still remaining subtle. He fails, and Allison proceeds to run her nails up and down his arm.

Someone shoves a solo cup in Peter’s hand, and he takes a few big gulps immediately. His powers can’t get drunk, but he can sure as hell try if he has to handle Allison’s not-so-subtle advances towards him all night.

“I’m glad you came,” Allison suddenly whispers in his ear before biting his ear lobe in an attempt at seduction.

Peter whips his head around to confront her but before he can say anything, she’s left him to chat with her friends who have been watching the whole interaction in jealousy and awe. Great, Peter thinks before wiping his earlobe clean of her spit.

The party isn’t too bad; a few games of beer pong are going on the patio and people are taking turns jumping into the pool in just their underwear. Peter makes small talk with some people he recognizes, but for the most part, he leans against the wall and watches Flash pretend to be good at beer pong. Every few minutes, he checks the time on his phone and hopes for a text.

At 9:15, Peter has been at the party for forty-five minutes and is on his third drink. He still doesn’t feel buzzed.

At 9:24, Allison checks up on him again and tries to get him to strip with her and jump into the pool. He declines.

At 9:32, Flash loses his third game of beer pong in a row and a heard of angry freshmen finally scare him away from the table.

At 9:47, he hears excited commotion inside the house. He doesn’t bother to look inside and instead stares at the amber liquid in his cup.

He feels a hand fall on his shoulder, and he groans, finally fed up with Allison’s antics. “Look Allison, I think you’re sweet and all but—”

“Who’s Allison?”

Peter’s face breaks into a huge smile at the sight of Y/N Stark, still in her formal evening wear. The dark green, straight gown falls to the floor and the simple dress is bedazzled by nothing except the gold necklace Peter got her for her birthday and the million-dollar Stark smile.

“You made it,” he says in relief and excitement.

Y/N smirks back, “I’m overdressed.”

“You look beautiful.”

Y/N examines Peter’s outfit, “You look good too. This shirt makes your arms look huge.”

Peter blushes but takes a hold of her hands, only half-aware that half of the party is probably staring at them right now. “I didn’t think you were going to make it.”

Y/N laughs, “We were stuck in traffic. Dad wanted to get out of there too, it was pretty boring. We had to drop him off at home, first.”

“You left a boring party to come to another boring party, then. The difference is that you don’t get free dinner over here.”

Her laugh draws more attention to the duo and Peter finally finds the balls to look at the decent-sized crowd accumulating around them. He then notices a familiar face push through the people.

“Oh my god, you’re Y/N Stark!” Allison gushes as she approaches her, “Can I get a picture with you?”

Y/N smiles at her, “Um, sure?”

Allison squeals and shoves her phone into someone’s face, demanding them to take her picture. After a few photos are taken, Allison grabs her arms giddily and says, “You should totally follow me on Insta, these pics turned out really cute.”

Y/N looks amusedly at her, “Yeah, for sure…”

Allison then gasps, “You know Peter, too! We go to school together.” Allison then wraps her arms around Peter’s bicep and Y/N and Peter lock eye contact; Peter looks at Y/N in a state of panic and Y/N looks at Peter with nothing but amusement.

“Yeah, I figured,” she tells her, the amused expression growing.

Allison gasps again, “Peter! We should get a picture together too!”

Before he can really process it, Allison is pulling Peter close and shoving her phone in front of their faces. As Allison makes several different selfie faces, Y/N laughs softly as Peter smiles awkwardly at the camera. Suddenly, the feeling of lip-glossed lips touches his cheek and Peter raises his eyebrows in surprise and watches as Allison presses a kiss to his cheek in front of his girlfriend and what seemed like half the party. Her kisses trail down his neck, jaw, and ear before Peter finally gets over his initial shock and laughs awkwardly.

“Okay, um. That was kinda weird, Allison. You see, I’m ac—”

Allison juts her lip out and pouts, “But these were turning out so cute, Petey!”

Y/N Stark finally breaks out into a fit of hysterical laughter and both Peter and Allison turn to her with a bewildered expression.

“What?” Allison asks accusingly, thinking that she’s being mocked.

“Honey, he’s not interested.”

Allison’s jaw unhinges, “And how would you know?”

“Sweetheart, you’d be embarrassed if I told you.”

She scoffs. “Try me.”

“I’m dating Peter.”

Allison’s eyes bulge. The group of people watching the interaction gasp. Peter chokes on his own spit.

Allison’s face suddenly gets very, very red. “Miss Stark, I’m so, so sorry—"

Y/N holds out a hand to stop her rambling. “Don’t worry about it, love. If I wasn’t already dating him, I would be all over him, too,” she quips before grabbing Peter’s hand and leading him out of the party.

“E-erm, bye! Thanks for inviting me,” Peter calls back as Y/N leads him out of the house and towards the black sedan where the driver was waiting for the two to be done partying.

“All things considered, I would call that a pretty tame first fan interaction,” Y/N tells him as they walk towards the car. Her arm is wrapped around his torso as she leans her cheek on Peter’s shoulder.

Peter’s arm slings around her shoulders and looks down at her face. Her eyes twinkle in the moonlight and her features are light with amusement. “You’re not mad?” he asks her.

“Why would I be mad?”

“Because another girl was kissing me in front of you. And that you had to out our relationship.”

“Not a valid reason to be mad, to be honest. She didn’t know, and our relationship was bound to get out anyway.”

Peter laughs lightly, “You’re amazing, you know that?”

Y/N hums, “Yeah, I know. But so are you. And don’t worry, after a few weeks, the whole school will be a little chiller about your internet fame.”

A week later, Y/N and Peter uploaded a video where they went ghost hunting with Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes and it broke the internet yet again. Needless to say, the whole school was not very chill about it.

#peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #peter parker #tom holland #unsolved #bf unsolved #wiener soldiers

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lunawho47 · 3 years

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Buzzfeed Unsolved: The Mysterious Doctor and the Omen of the Blue Box (Part 1)

Fandoms: Buzzfeed Unsolved and Doctor Who

Genre: Total Crackfic, Humor

Rating: 16+ (for language)

Summary: A script for Buzzfeed Unsolved, in which our two favorite jackasses, the Ghoul Boys, discuss the various internet theories surrounding the identity of various mysterious figures known only as “the Doctor” and the blue box that tends to appear around them. Well, Ryan wants to discuss the theories; Shane thinks it’s all urban legends and bullshit.

A/N: So, I’ve read a lot of these mock scripts going around for Unsolved discussing CW’s Supernatural as though it was real, and I thought they were hilarious. So, my brain started wondering what theories the reddit and conspiracy boards would think up about mentions of the Doctor, the Doctor’s companions, UNIT, and Torchwood. And to be honest, my brain came up with A LOT of theories that would make sense, and this format seemed a fun way to discuss all of them. It was originally going to be a one shot, but as I started writing, Shane kept interrupting in my head about how stupid all of it sounds, and that kept making the script longer and longer. So, it’s now going to be a few parts long cos the history of DW (even when seriously truncated) takes a long time to go through when you try to use the serials to make arguments about the Doctor’s potential identity(s).

So, here’s part 1. Please let me know if you like it and would like to see more. And if Shane and Ryan sound anything like themselves because if they don’t then the whole thing is nowhere near as funny as it should be.

Ryan: Today on Buzzfeed Unsolved we're looking into the puzzling mystery of an entity known only as "The Doctor" and the corresponding omen of a blue box. It's a mystery that, in its more comprehensive moments, is whimsically strange and, most of the time, is just plain batshit bizarre.

Shane: Okay, so I can hear the air quotes around the name, and you called it an entity. Are we talking like, cryptid creature that is based in reality or am I going to be sitting through theories about zombie plagues and Ant-man Ax murderers again? Just what am I in for here?

Ryan: No zombie plagues, and the Doctor has never murdered anyone with an ax. At least, not in any of the records available. It's just...well, it's hard to explain here, so let's just get right into it. Just bear in mind this is Gene Wilder Willy Wonka levels of weird when it's at its most sensical. And it's rare that this story makes any sense at all.

Shane: Alright, I'll confess I'm...intrigued. I'm ready to listen.

Ryan: Alright, here we go. *opens folder*

Ryan (in his Unsolved VO): The first documented evidence of a being calling itself "The Doctor" is in the files of now deceased British UNIT officer Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart.

Shane: Wait. UNIT? What's that? Sounds like something out of a video game.

Ryan: (wheeze) It does a bit, yeah. But there is paperwork evidence that verifies this group -- lame as the acronym is -- actually existed. They were set up in the mid-1960s by the United Nations to look into unexplained phenomena and for a long time they were a covert operation. The British Prime Minister knew they existed, and they answered to Geneva, but they weren't known to the wider public until after they shut down three years ago.

Shane: I'm sure that meeting went GREAT. 'Hey, everybody, thanks for coming down this Monday morning. Erm...thanks for protecting us from alien invasions for the last 50 years and for keeping such a great secret about it. Here's your reward: you're all fired, and we're going to tell the entire world what your names were and let you deal with the press about it for the rest of your life. Have a great rest of your Monday!' (Wheeze) What a bunch of shitty bosses.

Ryan: I mean, based on what little there is to read about how UNIT operated, the Brigadier we'll be talking about really had to go to bat for the organization in front of the Prime Minister a lot over the years in order to keep the operation going. After the Brigadier died, they were able to keep going for awhile, but as you'll see from some of these stories we'll be looking at today, the organization was considered obsolete long before it was disbanded.

Shane: Okay, so the Doctor first appears in conjunction with this UNIT?

Ryan: Right, so in the 1960s, there was some weird circumstance that led to the London Underground shutting down and the Brigadier, who was only a Colonel in the regular British army at the time, ran into what he described as a "(quote) man with a foppish haircut, ratty waistcoat, and tartan patterned clown pants; a young teenage girl; and a full Scotsman (end quote)."

Shane: So which is the Doctor?

Ryan: In this case, it's the first description. The man with the clown pants on. (wheeze)

Shane: (wheeze) Do you think he had clown shoes on, too?

Ryan: See, I know exactly what you're picturing right now. You're thinking of a guy with a depressing Beatles haircut and complete clown regalia, including the extra large shoes.

Shane: I am. 100% And you know, given some of the things we saw when traveling around London, including on (*with a terribly fake posh Oxbridge accent*) the Tube, a man dressed as a clown running around the platforms underground wouldn't even register as weird on a normal day.

Ryan: (Conceding) That is true. And on a normal day, I'd agree with you. But, bear in mind, this was the 1960s -- not the modern day -- and the Tube at the time was closed to the public because of this unknown threat the army was trying to deal with. And what's even more notable -- the reason why the future Brigadier apparently wrote about it in his official report to the Prime Minister -- is that the man who called himself the Doctor, together with the two other civilians, saved the day. The details are sparse, but the Brigadier makes it clear that the Doctor is the one who figured out what was really going on and managed to deal with whatever the situation was with minimal casualties.

And that's just the first time the Doctor and the future Brigadier crossed paths. There are later documents that report the Brigadier -- now promoted from Colonel and officially a Brigadier -- came across the same man and Scotsman, but a different young girl in London just weeks after the military organization known as UNIT was founded. And AGAIN, whatever the situation actually was, the Doctor and his friends were the ones that helped UNIT save the day.

Shane: Am I the only one who finds it suspicious that the details are always missing? Like, shady organization set up by the government to look into extraterrestrial happenings? Sure. (*puts hands in the air in surrender to argument*) I'll buy that. Governments do shady shit all the time. But, I mean, things like shutting down the London Underground and alien happenings in the city of London itself. People are going to notice, right? And how shitty are the Brigadier's write ups that no one remembers or knows any of the happenings in Britain's capital? "Dear Prime Minister, stuff happened. Doctor did some other stuff. Stuff stopped. The end. TTYL." Sounds like someone was crap at his job and when things just luckily worked out, everyone just swept it under the rug.

Ryan: You see, I would agree with you there. BUT...there are pictures. We can't show them to the audience because of copyright, but if you know where to look online, people love to discuss the Doctor and all the people who have gone missing while looking for the Doctor, so. Investigate at your own peril. But, Shane, here you go.

*the audience can't see the photos hidden by Ryan's open folder, but we see Shane's expression.*

Shane: (*laughs*) That Doctor looks like a moron. I mean, I still think the Brigadier must have been crap at his job, but he was bang on his descriptor of the Doctor looking like a clown. And I take it the guy in the kilt is the Scotsman?

Ryan: Yeah, I looked up what full Scotsman means when I read the description and apparently it means a guy who wears a kilt with no underwear on underneath it. Before that, I just assumed that it meant this other guy was wandering around the Underground, playing bagpipes and singing songs from Highlander or something.

Shane: You thought this guy was wandering around singing Who Wants to Live Forever over a decade before the film came out. (wheeze)

Ryan: Well, when we get into the theories that idea won't seem entirely out of place, I don't think.

Shane: Well, I'm going to go ahead and call a preemptive bullshit on that theory.

Ryan: Noted.

Ryan: (back in Theory VO) The next record of the Doctor's appearance comes about in the 1970s when a man is admitted to a local hospital after collapsing outside of a blue box in the woods.

Shane: There was a blue box in the woods? Like, human sized or was he scrunched up in it like Shroedinger's cat?

Ryan: We'll get back to the box in a minute, but it's larger than a human, yeah. In fact, it was something called a Police Public Call Box, which were common to see on city or town street corners in Britain in the 1950s and 1960s. The idea was that if police or citizens saw a crime being committed, they could either phone the police from the box or shove the criminal in the police box and go fetch a policeman. But what's weird about the box in this case is: 1) it's in the middle of the woods, and not even on like, a hiking path or anything. But, the legit WOODS. And 2) it's the 1970s and police call boxes are no longer really a thing at this point. But, once the man calling himself the Doctor gets to the hospital it gets even stranger.

Shane: I mean, everything about this story so far feels like the Brigadier spinning a yarn, but keep going.

Ryan: So, the Brigadier gets a phone call from the hospital that a man called the Doctor has been admitted to the hospital.

Shane: Wait, how did the hospital know to call the Brigadier about that? Was there a national bulletin? Is the Doctor a wanted man or something?

Ryan: I don't know, man. Maybe the police just call UNIT whenever something with the label "fucking weird" comes across their desk. I don't know. This is just what the report says.

Ryan: (theory voice) Due to a situation UNIT was overseeing in the area at the time, the Doctor's appearance was notably auspicious for the Brigadier, so the UNIT officer went to see if his friend could help with the investigation. However, when he got the hospital, he discovered that he the man calling himself 'The Doctor' was not anyone he recognized.

Shane: Wait...what?

Ryan: (laughing). I told you the situation at the hospital is weird. So, the Brigadier is told that this man who has helped him out before has been admitted to a hospital that is nearby a situation that UNIT is investigating -- a clear sign, in the Brigadier's mind, that this Doctor who is injured is the same one he's met twice before -- and then discovers that it's a completely different man.

Shane: Well, I mean...that's not *too* weird. I mean, the man is in a hospital, and you usually see doctors in a hospital. And I'm sure a lot of doctors are known more by their title than their surname. There are millions of doctors on the planet, so I don't know if two different people wanting to be called Doctor is all that unusual.

Ryan: (with a haughty smile) That makes perfect sense, but listen to this.

Ryan: (Theory voice) The Brigadier assumed at first that the patient calling himself the Doctor was a coincidence and started to leave the room. However, he found himself called back when he heard the unknown man call the Brigadier by name. The conversation made it clear that, not only did the patient know the Brigadier's full name, but also knew the circumstances under which the Doctor and the Brigadier had met both times before. Information which, at the time, was highly classified and known only to those in the Prime Minister's office and those who had been in the UNIT planning room at the time of the situational crises.

Shane: Okay, I'm going to call it. I'm going with spy. I think the Doctor is a code name and this guy inherited the call sign and the information from the Doctor's previous operations.

Ryan: So, you think this is like, a 007 scenario?

Shane: I mean, I'm sure you'll peddle some alien abduction theory or some other supernatural bullshit, but...yeah. I'm going spy call sign. Makes sense to me so far.

Ryan: Well, you might not be a *total* dipshit, but...we'll see. There's still quite a bit more to cover. This isn't even the tip of the weird iceberg.

Shane: (sarcastically) Oh joy...

#buzzfeed unsolved #bfu #doctor who #fanfiction #(or at least fanfic adjacent)#the mysterious doctor and the omen of the blue box

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