realizing something pretty big. For a while I’ve been doing emdr pertaining to my traumatic sexual memories and beliefs from purity culture and when it comes to asking “what would you rather believe about this situation” I feel like I shy away because I don’t want to believe anything different. I’m so scared that if I believe anything good about sex, bad stuff will happen to me because I’ll start getting sexually involved in really negative ways or with really negative results. But I realized this week that holding onto my extremely negative views of sex is probably going to be the worst thing for me. Like THAT is going to be the reason I die—the shame and the pain and the feeling that my life is literally over when I have sex are the things that are going to push me over the edge genuinely to the point of potential depression and suicide. the belief that sex is okay or the actual act of having sex are NOT the things that are going to cause that.

Like, I can finally see that accepting that sex is okay is not opening the door for bad experiences as much as it’s paving the way to leave behind all the terrible internal experiences I’ve had as a result of my negative beliefs about sex.

Someday I’ll finally have the guts to be horny on main. Or in general, for that matter.

I'm so fkn mad. I had a doctors appointment today and the nurse was fine as hell and I'm pissed because when I told God I needed him to send me a fine ass man who's gonna fkn penetrate me,

That's not what the fuck I meant

You know that audio...

Where this dude is like: I want to fuck you into next week.

The person he's saying it to:....oh...o...k.... *As their voice cracks*

It's a mood rn except the fact I have no one to say it to.

I really miss worshipping women (being in a relationship of some kind). Romantically worshipping them with a nice dinner spread, candles and some good jams. Sexually admiring a women's body and mind. I want to kiss the very ground you walk on!