Whenever I see a proshipper be like "DNI are stupid and unnecessary" I roll my eyes. Genuinely.

God forbid people sets a boundary for themselves. You're not entitled to someone's else's time especially when they make that boundary clear and known. You're not entitled to know their reasoning.

Someone's an asshole and crosses that boundary??? Guess what! It's not the person with "DNI" fault. You know who it is??? The person who crosses that exact boundary.

I get it, you can't control what everyone can do- but people are also allowed to curate their own expirence. Getting mad at someone for not wanting to associate with your community feels like a self-report tbh.

The "perks" of my neurodivergent brain

One of my favorite YouTubers put out an hour long video about HSMTMTS. But I can't bring myself to watch it since my brain is so attached to the show, and I can't handle even the slightest criticisms towards my hyperfixations/comfort medias 🥲💔

I'm sure that she has valid points/opinions, and I'm even more sure that this isn't a video trashing everything about the show. But I still can't do it :[

(This is the same reason why I can't watch Danny Gonzalez's videos on the Zombies movies, because I love them and the music lmao)

If you are my friend or a regular follower please bonk me and tell me to stop thinking about grad school on the week day

But man, trying to NOT fixate and burn myself out like I did last weekend and Monday by BANNING thinking about grad school on the weekdays, but accidentally dropping my plan of research for DID-related things on my therapist as a side tangent to me writing a letter to HR and as a result frying his brain cause he hadnt found any literature that made That Much Sense

And thus literally running over 15 minutes (Im his last session) just to talk about it and then my fiance telling me that Im - respectfully - an idiot for shrugging it off and not choosing to consider it and him Honestly being right and so I message honestly my research idol to see if shes taking Grad students but shes not cause shes old but NOW my burnt out flames been rekindled and now I just wanna talk about it and make plans and research

But I also cant burn myself out by hyperfixating and getting cut in half by my weaponized autism so

Someone please send me newspaper emojis and bonks on the head as a reminder to Actually Think About Something Else Today

TW : GROOMING MENT.

See like, I’m fucking conflicted; as a victim of grooming, I am still livid about the whole Ms. Grumbles thing in season two but the first season of the was so good and the Clone High community is so wonderful and nice (for the most part + in my personal experience), and these characters are such a comfort to me + the show means a lot to me in general.

I think I’m gonna let myself talk about the show again, but I am NOT going to watch the new reboot season, and everything I say is with the EXPRESS MESSAGE that you should NOT WATCH THE NEW SEASON AND GIVE THE CREW MONEY.

Love the characters, do NOT like the crew or the reboot.

My creative block has been awful. So many projects I love, all of them left to languish. Ah...

Please let Looona have a speaking role please please please idc if she’s in Full Moon or not I just wanna see her again pleaaaseee and I know she most likely will have it’s just my anxiety keeps telling me otherwise

If you were REALLY in dire need of a new phone, then you may as well check eBay, 'cause you'll have better luck looking there for cheap refurbished phones!

at this point i don't even know what to post here anymore it's like i've said everything i wanted to say but i'm not ready to leave yet. after all this blog is supposed to be a repository of the random thoughts that come into my head and i haven't had any of those recently so it's been radio silence from me. also i did another comic but that's really all i got. other than that... i feel the well's run dry.

so have this hastily taken picture of my sona in a world i used to like back when it had a purpose for me

Maybe. Just maybe if I was good enough or tried harder they would care for me again? Maybe if I sended long long notes how much im glad that I had them as a friend and cared for them alot, maybe they wouldn’t have left me, or if I tried harder trying to keep a friendship alive, or if I was special enough for them they’ll still be my friend. Or if I did other things for them they’ll would’ve stayed longer . Or maybe if I did whatever it took to make them to stay. Maybe if I just did so much for them they would stick as my best friend , and did whatever what they wanted so they’d be happy?, enough to stay as my friend, after all I wasn’t good enough for them. I never was they just lied to me. Played with my feelings got my hopes up all over again. Making me think that I was good enough for them and now I know I’m not good enough for them I’ll never be. Their best friend for some reason,

It just seems like I can’t get over it.

Damn sometimes I wish I wasn’t a sensitive baby with feelings lol

Gonna Probably Head to the ER Again but Im not sure tbh.

To check something that ive been concerned about as of recently.

I noticed i kept having a weird low-grade fever around at 99.0 Degrees, and for some odd reason kept heating up anytime i walked despite the temperature of the house. Woke up today with my back sweaty (but it was a light kind of sweaty and not a drenched sweat..? Im unsure), etc. Breathlessness, stuff, things... i just wanna rule a few things out with the ER.

I also had weighed myself yesterday and i was around 189.6 Pounds, but when i weighed myself today i was ranging from 188.0 to 189.0 (because digital weights are just unreliable at times), so highly unsure of whether or not i lost a drastic amount of weight from the lack of eating (despite eating two slices of pizza this morning), ate a sandwich and that was it. Regardless, main point is that im trying to keep an eye on things and I don't like sudden weight loss.

I mean, you may say "hey losing a pound within a day sounds good!" Yeah, if you were healthy and not worried about your own body betraying you because of fucking Post-Covid.

Another reason im worried is because around on Oct 2nd, i was checking my lymphnodes because I thought they were swollen or something, but honestly i am unsure, still, i just want to head to the ER to rule certain things out, just in case, and to be on the safe side.

I'm pretty sure if it was something deadly... i would probably be feeling it by a lot. Additionally, the digital weight is probably highly unreliable to use, and my tendency to move sometimes, still, im just.... worried... that's all, it might just be health anxiety induced by Post-Covid, but god fucking damnit i just need to be sure sometimes.

I just hope im fine... ...but now, im really hungry.

Additionally, i do feel a tad bit better compared to before but sometimes i have sudden short lived aches that feel moreso just caused by me slouching or something. Breathlessness whenever i lay down that seems relatively shortlived? Blegh... im honestly unsure. I think i might open up comms just in the event that i may need to pay for things myself or whatever. Because honestly, im probably gonna need it.

EDIT 9:56 PM, might just head to a normal doctor instead on Monday.

Nothing like going to play Solar Ash after an all nighter of 7 hours of playing it to cheer yourself up from a loved one dying

I'm literally so fucking sad right now but I'm gonna distract myself by yelling at a remnant because that's always fun

YEAH FUCK YOU CORRUPTED EYE NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT

{normalize like. not shaming the fuck out of people you don't even know}

PSA to those who do tiktok trends that involve strangers: If, after you announce you are doing a tiktok trend, said stranger

walks/runs away

says "leave me alone"

ignores you

uh

✨️ Stop ✨️

I wish I could curl up in a comfortable den with my pack and rest, so I wouldn't have to deal with the daily stressors of human life that sometimes make me cry myself to sleep at night.

“Haha Viv and Hazbin’s writing is all swears it’s so unfunny lel lmao, __ if it were written by Vivzie-“

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH