Man there is so much stark horror in today’s Dracula Daily entry but two things especially stood out to me:
The scene with the moonlight dance was horror specifically framed around how Jonathan used to calm himself by looking at something beautiful, but here it’s off and wrong. He does calm, but it’s just as prey being charmed, and at the last second he realizes he’s being toyed with by his executioners.
And then “I sat down and simply cried” is such a gutpunch of a line. For a second he feels safer in his room, but he never knows when it will be turned into a tinier prison within a prison. Everything that can comfort him will just turn into some new misery.
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; OC AS A LOVE LANGUAGE
tagged by @indorilnerevarine to take this quiz for some of my ocs; thank you so much for the tag! <33
tagging @arklay @aartyom @risingsh0t @steelport @devilbrakers @liurnia @florbelles @shadowglens @calenhads @aelyosos @jillvalcntines @shepardgf @swordcoasts @cultistbase @brujah @girlbosselrond @camelliagwerm @reaperkiller @faarkas @veisshaupt @celticwoman & whoever else wants to do this!
; a knife called grief
You have left your house, you have left those people behind, but what are you going to do about the memories which have taken root in you? You can run but not without them. You want someone to sit with you on this cool marble floor while the sun burns everything. You want them to cut your rotten heart and theirs too. You want to sit with it in front of you, let them see you with all your flaws, which haven’t been your fault but you have been made to believe so, and you want them to love you anyways. Because you know you’d do that for them.
; an undoing influence
Can someone tell you what to do? You have been carrying so much love within you for so long it is starting to turn into anger (why does it matter, all you see is red anyways) and you have been dragging this body through each day and every night you are split open on your bed and it is so so so lonely. If someone were to walk in while you were on your bed that way and they stitched you back in a new way, lining the seams with their love and kisses, you’d probably find this dreary world a little more bearable. You want someone to turn you over and over until you look in the mirror and see yourself looking back at yourself with a gentleness which has been lacking in you since forever.
; violent devotion
Everyone seems to think you are faithless, but the thing is you haven’t yet found someone who will bring you to your knees and make you raise your head in reverence. This world has stopped bringing you joy, you want more of the divine. You want to dedicate your entire existence to someone; you want to make them realise they are not something terrible, make them see just how much beauty they are bringing to this world. You want to be the only one for them, the only one they have chosen to love. There’s a god shaped pit inside of you and only they can fit in it. And what if they choose to walk away? Didn’t I say this was violent devotion?
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had an upsetting and disturbing interaction in the Walmart parking lot today that triggered a pretty bad adrenaline surge (i have POTS so they can be very intense and hard to recover from) (long story short someone was driving like an asshole and blocking me/menacing me/yelling at me, i flipped him off, he tried to hit my car with his car) but I'm feeling better and better about it bc... that's an insane reaction to have. 'oh someone flipped me off, a valid reaction to this is to try to hit their car with mine'
also feeling better thinking of the look on his face after he did it. he *had* been laughing, feeling like a big man, but he did that and i just started fucking screaming and pointing and whatever fucking hand gestures, and the pedestriansvwere just looking at him like 'what the actual fuck' and a few of them scurried away, he looked startled and THEN he reversed to give me room to leave. guess he wanted me to start sniveling and apologizing? like 'nooooo I'm sooooo sorry PLEASE don't hit my poor little car with your big manly car 😭' but instead i had the entirely reasonable reaction of anger and screaming at him. i don't think I've yelled that loud in years.
like what in the actual fuck? what kind of reaction is that? 'you're doing what I've indicated that i want you to do and trying to drive away, but you flipped me off. let me just. crank my steering wheel towards you and accelerate towards your vehicle at a speed that's unsafe for parking lots and then slam on the brakes a foot away from hitting you' like his truck moved at least half a car length in no fucking time and if i hadn't ALSO slammed on my brakes he would've hit me. that is NOT in any realm a normal or reasonable thing to choose to do
i was backing out of my fucking parking spot. at the point where you've pulled out of the spot and now you're kind of in the middle of the lane, i had my wheels turned all the way and was going forward to get into my lane. dude zooms up, pulls up on the right so that I can't pull into the lane like normal, and when i give him the 'what are you doing?' hand gesture/look he starts pointing at me to go around him. and that's literally not how parking lots work what the fuck do you mean dude why are you are on the wrong side of the road just let me leave. so, confused, i point and gesture for him to go to the left of me like a normal fucking person. I'm just going 'what the hell am i supposed to do' because i don't WANT to be driving on the wrong side of the road in a busy parking lot, but there's cars behind me too so i can't back up. I'm sitting like that for maybe five seconds. apparently he is very unhappy that i pointed for him to go through the parking lot like a normal person and very unhappy that i didn't immediately and happily drive onto the wrong side of the road in a busy parking lot so he drives closer to me and starts yelling and pointing and getting mad. so i flip him off, i don't know why. i was startled i guess but i have a rule where i don't flip off other drivers if they're gonna see it. just panicked. i don't do that. that's not something i do. so yeah okay, whatever, I'm startled and I'd like to get the fuck out of this situation and the only option at this point is to drive around him. so i start trying to and he pulls that shit. THAT'S FUCKING INSANE!! IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A THING A PERSON WOULD DO?? WHERE DO YOU LIVE WHERE A NORMAL AND REASONABLE THING TO DO IS MAKE SOMEONE THINK YOU'RE ABOUT TO SLAM YOUR CAR INTO THEIRS???? sir you are unwell
i don't know if anyone's even going to read this but like. have you ever seen someone accelerating towards you and thought you were about to be in a head on collision? that's fucking terrifying. in that moment your brain doesn't go 'there's not enough room for him to accelerate enough to cause me lasting bodily harm' your brain goes 'I'm about to be in a head on collision'
like. should i have flipped him off? no, i don't know why i did, i genuinely do not do that like ever. is there any world where if you sat me down and walked me through the interaction leading up to that where i would guess his next action is to consciously try to cause an accident in the Walmart parking lot? there is no such world, if it hadn't happened to me i don't think i could've ever come up with it
when he backed off and looked a little startled i think it was less that he felt bad for what he did or realized he was in the wrong and more he realized 'there are at least five people standing/walking in this parking lot that just saw me do that. if i do anything else I'm not going to get away with it' and like look at the optics on that. him, 50 year old man in his massive new looking red truck, on the wrong side of the road, to me, young woman in a 25 year old sedan. that's not a good look for him. maybe he was startled that my response was anger and screaming, like, he definitely wasn't expecting that. i don't fucking know. i just know that it's fucking insane to try to cause an accident in the Walmart parking lot
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