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#screaming and angry crying a lot
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I don’t even really like Danse. Last time we talked my Sole was like “we are not friends” and yet I have spent the past nearly 2 hours being LIVID on his behalf
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crimson-nail · 24 days
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same guy
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dathen · 2 years
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Man there is so much stark horror in today’s Dracula Daily entry but two things especially stood out to me:
The scene with the moonlight dance was horror specifically framed around how Jonathan used to calm himself by looking at something beautiful, but here it’s off and wrong. He does calm, but it’s just as prey being charmed, and at the last second he realizes he’s being toyed with by his executioners.
And then “I sat down and simply cried” is such a gutpunch of a line. For a second he feels safer in his room, but he never knows when it will be turned into a tinier prison within a prison. Everything that can comfort him will just turn into some new misery.
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running-in-the-dark · 5 months
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aezyrraeshh · 1 year
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; OC AS A LOVE LANGUAGE
tagged by @indorilnerevarine to take this quiz for some of my ocs; thank you so much for the tag! <33 tagging @arklay @aartyom @risingsh0t @steelport @devilbrakers @liurnia @florbelles @shadowglens @calenhads @aelyosos @jillvalcntines @shepardgf @swordcoasts @cultistbase @brujah @girlbosselrond @camelliagwerm @reaperkiller @faarkas @veisshaupt @celticwoman & whoever else wants to do this!
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; a knife called grief
You have left your house, you have left those people behind, but what are you going to do about the memories which have taken root in you? You can run but not without them. You want someone to sit with you on this cool marble floor while the sun burns everything. You want them to cut your rotten heart and theirs too. You want to sit with it in front of you, let them see you with all your flaws, which haven’t been your fault but you have been made to believe so, and you want them to love you anyways. Because you know you’d do that for them.
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; an undoing influence
Can someone tell you what to do? You have been carrying so much love within you for so long it is starting to turn into anger (why does it matter, all you see is red anyways) and you have been dragging this body through each day and every night you are split open on your bed and it is so so so lonely. If someone were to walk in while you were on your bed that way and they stitched you back in a new way, lining the seams with their love and kisses, you’d probably find this dreary world a little more bearable. You want someone to turn you over and over until you look in the mirror and see yourself looking back at yourself with a gentleness which has been lacking in you since forever.
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; violent devotion
Everyone seems to think you are faithless, but the thing is you haven’t yet found someone who will bring you to your knees and make you raise your head in reverence. This world has stopped bringing you joy, you want more of the divine. You want to dedicate your entire existence to someone; you want to make them realise they are not something terrible, make them see just how much beauty they are bringing to this world. You want to be the only one for them, the only one they have chosen to love. There’s a god shaped pit inside of you and only they can fit in it. And what if they choose to walk away? Didn’t I say this was violent devotion?
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just-rogi · 2 months
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#like I’m sorry#I love my best friend so so so much and she’s perfect and kind and has gone above and beyond to be rational and to be there for me#and I get it she’s an autistic woman and has faced adversity and has had to go on medical leave and that’s hard#and I’m not being dismissive of her struggles#but it makes me so angry because her parents unconditionally love her and her siblings and have always made her feel that way#and has never worried about money as a kid#and yeah her relationship with her parents isn’t perfect of course#but she literally cannot understand domestic violence beyond just reading about it in a book#like she did everything she can to understand and relate#but sometimes I want to scream because I feel so alone#because no one in my life fucking understands why I’m the way I am#and I’ve been struggling the past two months really badly with coping#I’ve had to go to the doctor to ask about PTSD and not like the tik tok OWO kind#but the I was in a car crash as a kid with my dad as a drunk driver and I keep getting flashbacks in my daily life to being a small child#that are impacting by daily life and interactions#and like I feel so fucking alone#and to hear from my friends ‘your right this is horrible and toxic but lots of people go through this’ ISNT FUCKING HELPING#I don’t want to hear that it’s normal I want to feel fucking safe in my bedroom without my mother blowing up my phone or calling the cops#I am unwell and I’m so stressed and I’m so sick and I can’t cope with this and none of the therapists I’ve tried to find handle ptsd#especially not therapists of color#I’m angry and I’ve been getting worse over the past two months#and not that it matters but due to ^^^ reasons my birthday has always been insanely fucking bad for me#like depression watch bad. when I turned twenty I was vividly hallucinating while walking around campus for a week straight having#flashbacks in class and I had to be taken out of the auditorium because I was physically unwell and couldn’t stop crying and shaking#and I told my friend I didn’t want to celebrate I just wanted to sit on her couch and not be alone and she fucking ditched me#because an emergency with a different friend came up the night before#like I have a history of suicidal ideation traumatic flashbacks eating disorders and self harm and I’m asking you to be with me on a very#upsetting day and you call me the night before telling me we have to cancel because another friend is having a bigger crisis#and like you don’t even feel a little bad about it??#I’m just upset and scared and I’ve got a doctors appointment tomorrow and I’m not in reality right now and that’s scary
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vampireic · 8 months
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hello medical professionals why do i make up arguments in my head between me and my bf that always end up in us breaking up. why do i do that and why are they kind of realistic and why do they make sense and why won’t they stop????? i cant even think of us being cutesy and nice and lovey because it will spiral into an argument WHY DO I DO THAT PLEASE. how do i make them stop
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the-acid-pear · 2 years
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Lately i can't stop thinking of Ruby getting redeemed thru dead and how angry that makes me like. I know it would have been been odd to have two Ruby's on s3 but
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bottomvalerius · 2 years
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the irony that is donna is that they are all for people expressing themselves and creating spaces for people to express themselves, but if they have one negative emotion, they should be taken out back and put down actually ifhgifhgifhf
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faetedforglory · 2 years
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jslittlebirdie · 5 months
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blunderpuff · 6 months
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gonna open a can of GOTCHA and send my cat AIRMAIL TO THE MOON
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peachydinosaur · 6 months
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had an upsetting and disturbing interaction in the Walmart parking lot today that triggered a pretty bad adrenaline surge (i have POTS so they can be very intense and hard to recover from) (long story short someone was driving like an asshole and blocking me/menacing me/yelling at me, i flipped him off, he tried to hit my car with his car) but I'm feeling better and better about it bc... that's an insane reaction to have. 'oh someone flipped me off, a valid reaction to this is to try to hit their car with mine'
also feeling better thinking of the look on his face after he did it. he *had* been laughing, feeling like a big man, but he did that and i just started fucking screaming and pointing and whatever fucking hand gestures, and the pedestriansvwere just looking at him like 'what the actual fuck' and a few of them scurried away, he looked startled and THEN he reversed to give me room to leave. guess he wanted me to start sniveling and apologizing? like 'nooooo I'm sooooo sorry PLEASE don't hit my poor little car with your big manly car 😭' but instead i had the entirely reasonable reaction of anger and screaming at him. i don't think I've yelled that loud in years.
like what in the actual fuck? what kind of reaction is that? 'you're doing what I've indicated that i want you to do and trying to drive away, but you flipped me off. let me just. crank my steering wheel towards you and accelerate towards your vehicle at a speed that's unsafe for parking lots and then slam on the brakes a foot away from hitting you' like his truck moved at least half a car length in no fucking time and if i hadn't ALSO slammed on my brakes he would've hit me. that is NOT in any realm a normal or reasonable thing to choose to do
i was backing out of my fucking parking spot. at the point where you've pulled out of the spot and now you're kind of in the middle of the lane, i had my wheels turned all the way and was going forward to get into my lane. dude zooms up, pulls up on the right so that I can't pull into the lane like normal, and when i give him the 'what are you doing?' hand gesture/look he starts pointing at me to go around him. and that's literally not how parking lots work what the fuck do you mean dude why are you are on the wrong side of the road just let me leave. so, confused, i point and gesture for him to go to the left of me like a normal fucking person. I'm just going 'what the hell am i supposed to do' because i don't WANT to be driving on the wrong side of the road in a busy parking lot, but there's cars behind me too so i can't back up. I'm sitting like that for maybe five seconds. apparently he is very unhappy that i pointed for him to go through the parking lot like a normal person and very unhappy that i didn't immediately and happily drive onto the wrong side of the road in a busy parking lot so he drives closer to me and starts yelling and pointing and getting mad. so i flip him off, i don't know why. i was startled i guess but i have a rule where i don't flip off other drivers if they're gonna see it. just panicked. i don't do that. that's not something i do. so yeah okay, whatever, I'm startled and I'd like to get the fuck out of this situation and the only option at this point is to drive around him. so i start trying to and he pulls that shit. THAT'S FUCKING INSANE!! IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A THING A PERSON WOULD DO?? WHERE DO YOU LIVE WHERE A NORMAL AND REASONABLE THING TO DO IS MAKE SOMEONE THINK YOU'RE ABOUT TO SLAM YOUR CAR INTO THEIRS???? sir you are unwell
i don't know if anyone's even going to read this but like. have you ever seen someone accelerating towards you and thought you were about to be in a head on collision? that's fucking terrifying. in that moment your brain doesn't go 'there's not enough room for him to accelerate enough to cause me lasting bodily harm' your brain goes 'I'm about to be in a head on collision'
like. should i have flipped him off? no, i don't know why i did, i genuinely do not do that like ever. is there any world where if you sat me down and walked me through the interaction leading up to that where i would guess his next action is to consciously try to cause an accident in the Walmart parking lot? there is no such world, if it hadn't happened to me i don't think i could've ever come up with it
when he backed off and looked a little startled i think it was less that he felt bad for what he did or realized he was in the wrong and more he realized 'there are at least five people standing/walking in this parking lot that just saw me do that. if i do anything else I'm not going to get away with it' and like look at the optics on that. him, 50 year old man in his massive new looking red truck, on the wrong side of the road, to me, young woman in a 25 year old sedan. that's not a good look for him. maybe he was startled that my response was anger and screaming, like, he definitely wasn't expecting that. i don't fucking know. i just know that it's fucking insane to try to cause an accident in the Walmart parking lot
#the adrenaline surge fucking sucked#i have hyperadrenergic POTS so my adrenaline response is. extremely overreactive#like initially i was just angry. that's just what happens when something spooks me and i get an adrenaline surge#just felt so fucking mad that once i was out of the parking lot i just screamed at the top of my lungs#and then i just started sobbing and almost had to pull over bc i was hyperventilating#i managed to calm down enough to finish the drive bc it was only five minutes#but once i got there i had to just sit in the car and sob for a while before i could compose myself enough to walk in#said hi real quick to my boyfriend's roommates and went to his room to lay down and cry#chugged an entire Gatorade and some water and texted him#he was on break at work so he called and i could not stop crying on the phone#and we've been together for a few years so he's familiar with the concept of I'm going to cry for up to an hour after an adrenaline surge#but i just sobbed on the phone#felt better after a little bit#and then realized that i had sweat through all of my clothes to the point where i was at minimum damp all over#absolutely soaked at the pits it was gross#took a shower and changed clothes and felt a bit better but for the rest of the day I've been exhausted and tense#all of my muscles hurt and i have a headache and my tinnitus has been extra loud#brain fog has been especially bad and i almost started crying when my friend killed me in a video game#a video game where it is normal to kill each other#had to take a few minutes to just sit there and calm down#hopefully i don't feel too bad tomorrow but i haven't had an adrenaline surge this bad in a long time and they really can fuck with you#i thought i was going to be in a head on fucking collision in my car!!!! i think that could elicit an adrenaline response in any normal guy#but i am cursed with 'will have an adrenaline response to anything remotely startling' disease#and when it's a big adrenaline surge sometimes I'm just gonna be out of commission the next day#our bodies weren't meant to have big adrenaline often! it's for when the tigers are about to get you! it's for life or death situations!#which is good and fine for when there are tigers and death#but it really does take a fucking toll#anyways in exhausted and can't sleep so good luck everyone!#hope your day was better than mine#i said things
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truckstoptigers · 6 months
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literally at my fucking limit
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theangrycomet · 8 months
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can this year get any worse
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neverendingford · 10 months
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#tag talk#maybe I'm too angry at things.#do you think I'm too angry at things?#I think I have a lot to be angry about.#I had a lot to be angry about when I was five years old and I've just been collecting since then#I think children should be allowed to be angry. and I never was. I wasn't even angry. I didn't have anger issues#or. well.. I suppose not being angry at all ever is in fact an issue. so therefore it's an anger issue.#just making up for lost time I guess. healing starts with crying and screaming and being sad and being mad#wanting to kill your parents is perhaps a healthy part of growing up I think. yeah. let's keep telling ourselves that. seems reasonable#honestly though I'm glad I never actually died because I don't wanna imagine the shit my parents would have said at my christian funeral#I need to outlive them so no one is ever tempted to pray over my fucking casket.#I wish ghosts were real cause imagine a pastor preaching at my funeral and then his head just fuckin explodes from my ghost powers#dog could you imagine? shear chaos. pure vindictive spite. Anyway I'm just Hannah Baker-ing this now huh.#shouldn't use death as an emotional weapon. sui is a heavy personal choice not a malicious little jab at people you don't like.#if you leave an argument you shouldn't stick your head back in the room to get the partying shot. leave and never think about them again#except that you can escape in real life. it's not next life or bust. there's other options. remember that. it's not just one way of escape#oh I just realized why I feel this way. my dad's coming over with furniture shit. that's why I'm mad as hell rn. hhhh this too will pass.#unpleasantly. but it'll pass nonetheless.
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