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purple-skiis · 6 years

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Mirror, Mirror

A/N: Hello again! It's me Inori and I'm back with my rambles. Now first of all I want to make one thing clear, and that is that this fic is in NO WAY a SasuSasu (Sasuke x Sasuke) fanfic. If it were, it'd be horribly OOC, and that, is not what I want. Any scenes described in this fic do not support Top/Bottom Sasuke and I'd like it of you don't view it as such either. Thank you!!

Also, set in Shinden Sasuke timeline, or at least follows Shinden Sasuke. Fanficton below!

mirror, mirror

ɹoɹɹᴉɯ 'ɹoɹɹᴉɯ

On the wall, what do I see but myself on the wall?

¿llɐʍ ǝɥʇ uo ɟlǝsʎɯ ʇnq ǝǝs ı op ʇɐɥʍ 'llɐʍ ǝɥʇ uo

Sasuke studied his reflection in silence, specifically observing the only visible onyx orb that adorned a part of his features. He'd seen himself multiple times throughout the day, though reflections off of metal objects, or through shards of glass, so this was supposed to be nothing new, nothing significant; nothing but just a quotidian phenomena. Yet for some reason, he was still wholly immersed into it.

Sasuke was alone at his house like any other day. Both of his former teammates had already gone on their missions, long before he had arrived back at the village, and they weren't coming back until at least next week, or so Kakashi had informed him. On another note, he had recently been granted a tenth of complete autonomy; with the removal of those behaviour-recording talismans from his body, and the ANBUs that observed his movements. It was quite relaxing to finally be by himself, but unfortunately that happiness didn’t last long and soon quickly faded off. It wasn't too lively with no one around.

To ease himself, Sasuke did walk around a few blocks at the townsquare, even dropped by to shop for groceries, had already cleaned his house, visited the library to read a few books at some point, but generally, there wasn't much to do. There wasn't anyone who'd be glad to see him around the village. He had done almost everything that he knew for entertainment.

Today wasn't any different aside from his quest to find entertainment to keep him engaged during his short stay. Looking into the mirror, his mind somehow thought of shadow clones, dawning about another thought; maybe he was just in need of companionship? He did feel quite lonely living all by himself in the dead Uchiha district after all. Not even the ANBU guards stuck around anymore to observe him; it must be quite boring doing nothing while observing another person do nothing. Normally, he’d sleep out the entire day, but today, he wanted to do something for a change, maybe even discover something he had not known yet!

Sasuke began to perform the seals for a shadow clone as he went back to his room. With a little poof of smoke, there was another him, who blankly stared back with the same dead, impassive eyes, waiting for new orders. Sasuke wanted someone to talk to, not a metaphysical blind servant, and his clone definitely knew that!

It felt awkward for the first few minutes, with the two constantly shifting glances from each other, not sure what to do during the first hour. He could ask his clone what they could do next, but then again, he was him, and they were both at a loss of ideas.

Sasuke looked around his room for clues. He could vaguely remember having board games in his somewhere in his house. There was that one time when Kakashi came to check on him and brought a few, although the man later forgot to take them back. Sasuke never really got the chance to return them to him after that, remembering that he left the village sometime after that.

He then got up to check around the corners of his house, nitpicking especially dusty and forgotten spots. His clone simply followed suite. Silence loomed between the two for the rest of their hour long search, without much success, until the original decided to finally utter the first pronouncement.

“Is there anything you’d want to do?” He asked awkwardly. “I can’t find any board games, I guess he must’ve taken them back at some point.” Knowing who they were talking about, Sasuke felt strange disclosing information that his clone might’ve already known. What was the point of stating the obvious? He could just stay silent, after all, he wasn’t one to usually not enjoy silence.

“Is it really necessary?”

Sasuke was taken aback by the other’s response. A question with a question that he didn’t understand how to answer. It felt like those times when his own mind would play games, coming up with questions that go beyond reason, offending him how his own mind had outwitted him. But this situation was in 3D. There was no escaping it, no ignoring it like how he’d usually go about.

“Yes. I want to do something,” he finally decreed. The other simply shifted his glances away from the original. Spar maybe? It wouldn’t matter since they both would think of the same strategies, and use the same techniques on eachother. They could eat, but that’d risk the original’s body, since he’d vomit all the food later when he’s gone. “I’m extremely bored.”

“What would you have done?”

“Take a guess,” he sniggered, flinging his arm around. The two stayed quiet for another couple of minutes, then continued again. Would a philosophical question spark either of their interests?

“How does it feel like to be you?” Sasuke asked the other, who shot back a questioning look. “I mean, you’re never alone as a person. How would you feel like if I weren’t just… there?” He felt troubled trying to voice out his question. He didn’t have many leads for any conversation topics, not being a fan of talking.

“In that event, it’d certainly mean that I was sent away to do a task,” Sasuke’s clone calmly stated, ending the discussion on the topic.

“I meant, if you were to replace me as the original. What if instead of you dissipating, it was me. Would the thought of being real… possibly scare you?”

The clone took a while to think about it,looked at himself in front, then his own body. They had been repeating a few actions throughout their entire time together, sharing silences, and now another similar instance was beginning to take shape.

“I’m not sure.” Sasuke looked at his twin in anticipation. “For all I believe, I am real.” Another silence probbed, lasting for a few more minutes.

“Does the fact that you’d die and be forgotten scare you...? That I wouldn’t think twice about sacrificing you, or that you wouldn’t have any sort of memorial,” he asked the duplicate his next question after much thought.

The latter furrowed his brows at him, pouting his mouth a little. He didn’t like the sound of it entirely, on how much discomfort it brought him. It wasn’t something he’d want to be asked, especially when he was aware of how insignificant his life was.

“It does make me angry, and…” he needed a moment before continuing again, “...And frustrated. I… I don’t want to die.” He confessed; he felt shame welling down within him as the thought of how much chakra the other was spending upon him. It only made sense that he was ready to give up his life in order to repay his mortal debt. The original was sustaining his entire being, and the more time he continued to live strained the original’s body and chakra reserves. “Even though it’s not something I have control over,”he whispered that last clause to his answer.

Sasuke tried to avert his gaze over from himself to look at the table. He had only been either filling up the void between them with either exchanging glances in silence or just silence. It was already noon, and come to think of it, he hadn’t even had breakfast yet. That’d explain why he felt slightly groggy and lethargic in the morning while he was searching for board games. To top everything off, he even summoned a clone during all that while until now, which was an even bigger strain on his stomach considering how chakra regeneration mainly depended upon the amount of food consumed.

“Let’s eat. I’m getting hungry.” It felt awkward announcing another action to himself, order by the way it sounded. The other simply obliged, however, he could clearly feel his unease due to the question earlier. Regardless, maybe food would wash that feeling down? After all, he’s heard many people tell him that it was always a great way to break ice between two people.

Sasuke moved towards the kitchen, his clone trailing behind him like a chick following its mother hen. He almost let out a chuckle, sustaining a smirk instead, as he laughed at his own analogy.

Searching through the cabinets, Sasuke came down to a rather upsetting conclusion: There wasn’t much food in this house. He didn’t feel like trekking a mile up to the nearest convenience store to just get breakfast. But despite that, that didn’t mean that there was no food in the house.

The other Sasuke could only care less. He’d eat anything, and knowing that it was his own cooking, he didn’t have any qualms about the taste. The boy had been cooking since he was 7, he had already mastered the skill, keeping enough room for improvement and acknowledgment.

“What are you going to cook?” He chimed in. “It’s already noon, so shouldn’t we have lunch instead? I’m…. Starving.” There was a look of distraught. It wasn’t like he had said anything wrong, but more like something he felt was amiss? That phrase didn’t suit him, more like out of character. Sasuke let it slide, considering it like as another thought. It was himself, so it was fine.

Sasuke shrugged in response to his clone’s question. He wondered what he could make. The soy sauce wasn’t much and neither was there any vinegar. His stockpile of tomatoes had already finished by next day he had bought them. He could do something about the frozen chicken sitting in his fridge, combined with some spices and the last bit of rice; which reminded him that he need to buy more for later. He could make a decent meal for himself, but it’d barely fill two people.

The other Uchiha offered a hand, quite literally, to help him cook their breakfast-lunch. After all preparations were done and the food was served, both ate in silence. One commented over how long it had been since he last cooked with his two hands, to which the other let out a laugh. Aside from his that, they engrossed themselves into eating their meal, rather than showing any particular interest in accompanying each other's presences.

One washed the dishes, while the other cleaned the table. Then, the two strolled around the room for a couple of minutes, each tracing the other’s footsteps, and then somehow, both absentmindedly ended up heading back to his bedroom. Was it that he considered that place like a safe haven where no massacre had taken place?

It always felt strange how safe he felt in that room, away from all the things that lied outside. The more he stayed the more did the fact fact still linger and weighed upon him in there, on how nothing had changed there even after the massacre that made it feel like a completely different place from the rest. Sasuke had already set it to look like as if all time had been paused in there.

Sasuke had nothing to do this entire evening, confined within the walls of his elegiac house. He had gained nothing even after summoning a shadow clone. Besides, why was his clone already going to bed to sleep? It’d be horribly overwhelming if he were to have that nightmare during his sleep. Chills were already running through his spine as he thought more of it. If it were within his power, he’d never let his clone ever even dream about the massacre.

“Lying down?” He asked, also moving towards his bed, then also sitting on the side opposite to the other Sasuke.

“Suggest something better to do than sleep,” a rather snarky reply came from his clone. He doesn’t remember being this annoying, and certainly did not expect this from himself towards himself.

“I wonder too… It’s even more boring being alone,” he mumbled loud enough for the other to hear. “I wonder if you know how that’d feel like in person…”

“I do know how it feels like,” Sasuke snapped back at the original, emphasizing on the word ‘do’ with hints of aggression in his voice. He lulled silent a second later, letting the words soak in after realising the contradiction his mind just begun to propose, as he, himself, in essence, didn’t actually know loneliness. “I have…. Your memories, after all…”

Both of them were lying on the bed by now. Sasuke knew his bed was spacious enough for him, even as a child, but it felt rather more apparent now that he was older and bigger, and lying next to his shadow clone.

“Okay then,” he got up. “Well, have a good rest if you want. I’m not tired.” He fixed his clothes then took his leave. The other looked at him blankly as he left. His entire presence was so mundane, whatever did others even find interesting in him aside from his body? For as long as he remembers, most people have almost always lusted after his organs or him as whole. Was that the only thing interesting in him? Beauty…? That thought was shallow, and for him, it seemed more like the talk of vanity.

He too got up after a while. Just like the other said, he wasn’t tired. It was still morning for his body. As much as he enjoyed sleep, he couldn’t fall into it right now. Sasuke searched the hallway for signs of the original. There were only bedrooms in the portion above, so the only other option would be for him to be downstairs.

The stairways had large, translucent windows in front, viewing some of the plants that had grown large enough to cover half of the window. He could tell that clouds were beginning to form outside, as darkness began to crawl, covering the sun. Rain was only a probability if the dark clouds weren’t just for show.

He finally found the original sitting, all alone at the patio, looking at the clouds above, then walked towards him to join. They didn’t talk much, but quietly and slowly, rested their heads together, without so much as looking at each other.

“I wonder when I’ll receive my next mission…” the original Sasuke spoke up, his voice grim. “They don’t pay me enough…. Even though most missions I get are A to B ranks…” Another silence followed. What was the other supposed to say? It was odd, however; part of the fact being that he knew he wasn't one to complain about his situation. Was it that something else troubling his mind?

“It must be tough to… constantly exist…” Sasuke mumbled in suite. He didn’t know any better to what to say in response. Somehow correlating constant existence and pay would have anything in common sounded a bit fetched without any context being given. But he knew the reason very well behind this: he was still considered a criminal in the eyes of village, who was only pardoned upon request, and not because of his service in the war.

“I guess… life would probably be a lot easier if I could also disappear like you after a while...” Was that a break in his tone? The other Sasuke almost felt as if the sentence was forcefully croaked out. But he was wrong to say that.

“No…” He argued. “Then that’ll be the same as death, and it isn’t something…!” the clone failed to bring out any more arguments to refute the original’s statement. Something to be taken light of? What would that matter to someone whose life had been surrounded by knowing death, by being constantly used as a tool, and not being acknowledged for his ideals and efforts. He stayed quite.

Thunder crackled in the sky, indicating that rain may fall. He could already smell the sweet smell of petrichor. The ground had already begun experiencing slight drizzling, which quickly followed bigger rain droplets and formed a part of a downpour. More thunder cracked in the clouds. It was raining.

Something was definitely off about him, but Sasuke couldn’t tell just by looking at the original’s face. His face was far too impassive to understand. He wrapped his hand around him, then somehow let the original slide his face onto his lap. He looked confused at himself for initiating the action out of the blue for a while, then let it go.

Sasuke let his face sink into the other’s lap. It was starting to feel unsettling how alone he was in a district full of empty, abandoned, houses. The dust had already settled in long ago, but even if he were to get rid of it, it’d didn’t change anything that no one will ever step into those places again, and call it their home.

He could feel trails of hot water trickle down against the cold skin of his face, the shift in temperature making it even more prominent. He didn’t want the clone to see him cry, as odd as it sounded. He didn’t like being alone. Not like this, never like this. He was already robbed of everything; family, love, health, even basic human resources. With each passing second, his life would take a turn for an even worser tousle of vicissitude. He wanted to cry, even if he knew it wasn’t going to solve any of his troubles.

He hated the mistreatment. He hated how people thanked him by throwing shackles around his limbs, and then talismans to mark his every move, because they considered him a threat. They were doing what they did with monsters, keeping him at bay just because his powers were useful. Because he was useful to them as a tool.

He didn’t like the label, but it never really bothered him as much as it did now, for no reason. He just… felt horrible. The day was already long with nothing to do. It was too quiet for his own liking. He had almost forgotten how that felt, after spending so much time with others; namely, Orochimaru, Taka, the Akatsuki, and then a brief period with his former Team 7. If he’d also include, the ANBU and other jonin that were stationed to observed him, were somewhat also included. He never, however, caught their names, which was most probably because of the amount of sanctions and prohibitions regarding handling him.

The shadow clone gently caressed the other’s hair, trying to soothe him. He hadn't been given orders since the moment he summoned, with their first conversation starting with a question of what task he wanted to do. His mind was wired to such tasks, not without a previous order that told him to be specifically real. From the last memory that they shared, there wasn’t anything specific, aside from the original wanting another person to exist beside him, but that set with personality parametres.

“You’re kind of pulling my hair now…” he quietly motioned his hand to pull the other’s finger away from the hair he got entangled. Sasuke got up, with his eyes puffy after a while. He had managed to wipe of any existing dried trails of his tears using the other Sasuke’s clothes.

It was still raining heavily outside. Cold gales of air escaped into the patio, causing them to shiver. Sasuke thought about bringing out a blanket, maybe even a cup of hot tea so that he could maybe even try to enjoy the rain. It wasn’t something he usually did, but rather something he saw people doing a while earlier a few days ago, and he had been wanting to try out the experience.

However, the substance of that matter required one of them to get up, to which the original didn’t have enough energy to do so. He peeked a glance at the other, trying to win his win his sympathy, but to his utter dismay, his apathetic face got in the way of his doing; which concluded that he could neither read his own expressions nor would the other pay any particular heed to him either. He knew he wasn’t entirely emotionless, not as of now, yet it looked like as if the clone wasn’t willing to do the task either. In conclusion, he was too lazy to get up.

In response, he had another idea. Instead of a war blanket, he could share some of his body heat with the other. It was pretty practical if he thought a little more of it. Sasuke slouched his arm around the other’s shoulders, then slumped his head into his chest. The clone managed to keep himself from falling as he wrapped his arm around the original’s body. They had little to no space inbetween in this position, perfectly embracing each other in each of their warmth. It wasn’t too long until both of them fell over on the patio as Sasuke retracted his arm to hold the other’s right shoulder.

The two tittered a little at their own little mismanagement, shoving each other around without letting go of their hug. Then, they continued to roll over over the wooden boards, while trying to keep their bodies from falling over the wet grass below. It wasn’t too easy to maneuver with just one arm, but he was slowly getting used to it.

Sasuke looked at him sadly after his chuckle ceased. He remembered how every time he has had a moment to spare to smile, some misforfortune has always befallen upon him. For some reason, he always feels as if he can’t truly be happy. Not for a long period.

He felt the clone’s shoulder tense up between his grip, where the other had already begun to sense the unease well up in him; Sasuke had already pinned him on the ground, but the later showed no signs of restraint. Nothing showed up on his face, nor his body. The original Sasuke then realised why others found it so hard to read his expressions. In an attempt to soothe him, the clone did put in a lot of effort, knowing what possible thought could be bothering him. He wasn’t in the wrong to feel so plaint. Sasuke tried his hardest to break away from his lachrymosity. He hoped it wasn’t too visible, or not visible as the worry that he could feel in the other’s eyes, hoping that the darkness would cover his face.

He stared at his copy, softly caressing his shoulders. At some point, he halted, then slowly moved his arm to gently hold the sides of his face, all while keeping his hand in contact with the latter’s body.

His skin was soft; it felt somewhat different from how he usually felt it on his own face. The clone simply smiled back as him, then breaking into soft, tiny giggles as Sasuke’s finger brushed against the underside of his chin. He knew he was awfully ticklish around his neck. Sasuke felt captivated by his own smile; was that something odd? It wasn’t like him to actually like seeing himself smile. Maybe this was nice for a change. Unconsciously, he too smiled back at his copy.

Not being in favor of having the original’s weight lying upon him, the shadow clone decided to roll over again, now having the tables turned with him lying on top of the original Sasuke. The hair that covered his left eye had sweeped behind over his ear during the changeover, embarking the Rinnegan at full display.

The mauve eye’s dark concentric rings revolving around a purple pupil. The eye glowed against the dark, illuminating a soft purple hue along with the clone’s. The Rinnegan was captivating, beautiful even, the more he studied the eye this up close. It was different from when he was looking at his reflection in the morning. The rings moved in their orbit, along with his pupil.

“What’s bothering you?” Sasuke asked his original.

“It’s… just those thoughts again.” He wasn’t one to show dishonesty, especially not to himself.

Sasuke pulled his hand loose from the above’s back, allowing the original to fall freely upon his chest. An almost inaudible thump! was followed with an equally whispered exclamation of pain. Then, he started to massage his back in circles, comforting him in silence.

Small hailstones crashed loudly onto the wooden floorboards of the patio, taking the two back by surprise as a some managed to mark a few hits on them; an immediate reaction was for them to leave for inside.

Sasuke, along with the other Sasuke, both went back to their bedroom. If the sun wasn’t covered by dark clouds, he’d be guessing that it was around sunset, night was only a couple of hours away.

“Do you want to go now?” Sasuke asked for permission, holding up his fingers that were ready to form a seal.

“No. Not now…”

“What do you what to do now then?” Sasuke reached his hand out to grab the doppelganger's wrist, then softly releasing it until his palm was wrapped into his.

“I want to stay here,” the clone informed quietly, thinking back at the events that took place earlier. “Just a little while longer….” Yes, wasn’t what he wanted was someone who’d listen to him? Even if it were himself, he knew best how some days were worse than the others.

Drowsiness was already taking its first few steps forward on the actual Sasuke’s face. His eyes were drooping back and forth from closing and opening. The shadow clone knew that he was tired, with his chakra being constantly expended to keep him alive, and barely having enough food eaten to generate some more. Once Sasuke falls asleep, he will be gone, so was it best that he too tried to sleep? He wondered about the side effects for it, once all of his memories return.

“I remember that you mentioned something about disappearing, earlier and before.”

“Hn.”

“And I thought about it,” he told before pausing. “If I were to leave now, you’d be alone. There’s nothing to do right now, but we can visit them together,” he vaguely mentioned his parents. “...later.”

Sasuke looked at this wrist aloofly, and chose not to respond. He agreed on the thought of being with his clone.

“How about now?” He got up to leave, then went downstairs to wear his shoes. He couldn’t tell if his clone wanted him to feel at ease or if he wanted him to stay feeling depressed; then again, neither did he know what to feel. He was alone. There was no one to see, no one to show a face, no one to talk. Just him, and the other him.

It was a long way out. Sasuke simply closed the door to his house but didn’t lock it, knowing that there was no one to bother breaking in nor did he keep any valuables. Not that it’d be any value to anyone else, even if he did call those little ‘memoirs’ as his valuables.

The Konoha Cemetery was a long way from the Uchiha District, being on the outskirts of the opposite side of the village, it was pretty much the same as going through the entire village to get to his destination. The downpour had come to stop to a light drizzle, and finished by the time he had entered the graveyard’s grounds.

He noticed a few Academy students cleaning the gravestones of the deceased shinobi. Volunteer work at the gravesite was always appreciated, yet he always thought it was a bit cruel of the village to make children do such kind of work, where the work had such strong underlying messages of their deaths.

Not all of the Uchiha had their gravestones carved. In fact, it was only a select few including his parents and the relatives that he was close with. Sasuke stood there near to a familiar one. His clone didn’t stand beside but, instead he silently insisted to stand at a distance from him, giving him enough space to mourn.

On some days, he’d wonder why he was left alive, and why he wasn’t with the rest of his family. Even though he knew the answer, he’d always question what good came out of that decision. Occasionally he’d burst out into tears, knowing that he was alone. There was no one anymore. His entire life was robbed of him; his innocence and his health, among many other things.

Sasuke watched the children clean after he observed a moment of silence for his clansmen, where only the graves of his parents remained as representatives. They talked and played around. One of them kept on reprimanding them whenever someone detracted from their task; even though that girl, herself, didn’t look any older than maybe six. A class representative, perhaps?

Sasuke looked over for a bit, then decided to head back home. The clouds were clearing after all. He definitely wasn’t in the best moods after visiting his dead family, but he did feel a lot better than before.

Should be buy some dango on the way home? He didn’t want to celebrate, but neither was anyone stopping him from breaking morality. His clone followed.

“Maybe… it’d be better… for a change,” he said after hearing the original’s thoughts. “Nii-san always did like dango. I guess I should know why.”

They spent a few more moments mum. After purchasing a hot take-out bag of dango from a stall, he continued to head back home. The anniversaries of the clan massacre or his brother’s deaths, by which he’d also be meaning the impure resurrection, were both still quite far. It was nothing to celebrate. Dango was definitely not the best food option to eat after visiting someone’s grave, and definitely not something a person with no interest in sweets would eat. He was only being experimental.

Yet why he chose to buy two pairs of dango was beyond him. Sitting at the dining table with his clone, the two ate in silence, occasionally pouting their mouths in sync at the sugary confectionery. He didn’t like it after all, and it wasn’t something he would ever buy again, but he wouldn’t say it was bad. It was horribly sweet, but tolerable. The shopkeeper had tried to sell him a sort of syrup, and now that he had eaten, he was glad he didn’t get the syrup they were offering. His after thoughts about dango abruptly came to an end, as his clone suddenly stood up.

Sasuke checked his chakra, at the sudden instance. It was dangerously low; he hadn’t noticed how much time had gone by since he had summoned a clone, but an unpleasant thought had started to come to him. He was afraid that the clone was going to disappear before the day ended. Sure it was nighttime, but it wasn’t any relieving.

“I’m about to disappear now, so I guess I should say this before I go…” He heard his clone quickly announce, his voice somewhere a mix of sadness and frustration. The clone’s words echoed in his room, as he pulled the his original into an embrace.

“I know that you didn’t summon me because you were just bored,” he said, pulling on more tightly onto the other’s body. Anxiety began to stomp upon his heart as the vocables were uttered from the other’s lips. “It’s self-indulgent of me to say this, but…” his chakra was barley keeping the other, and within the span of the next few seconds, a poof of smoke replaced the shadow clone, leaving the Uchiha alone again.

It was always the most overwhelming moment when all of the clone’s memories rushed into his mind. His thoughts, actions, words, everything. He wasn’t able to hear his last words, but he knew what he wanted to say.

“Happy Birthday Sasuke.”

A/N: What was actually meant to be submitted on 23rd July got finished only last night. It took me a total of 13 days to write this with constant crying. I've been meaning to write this out, especially afyer seeing so many submissions!! Welp, betyer late than never but I hope you giys liked it! I put a lot of effort and I'm still learning how to improve my writing! I hope it was ip to yhe mark!! But most of all....

Happy Belated Birthday Sasuke!!!

#Fanfiction #my writing #sasuke uchiha #shinden sasuke #aaaaaaaa #how do authors withstand and refrain themselves from telling all about the writing processs????#aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #Tumblr mobile didn't let me post this #orz

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