Ignorance Is Bliss
Out of the entire cast of Attack on Titan, the member that spends the least time online is probably Levi. And after seeing the responses to the latest collaboration promotional photoshoot, he wants to keep it that way.
Pairing: Levi Ackerman x GN!Reader
Tags and warnings: Actor AU, established relationship, fluff, (my sorry attempt at) humour, some other characters are mentioned, a few suggestive things are briefly brought up in the form of internet slang, mild spoiler about Levi's state in S4
Word count: 1.1k
A/N: First piece of writing in almost three months 😭 my writing is rough I apologise in advance. Anyway this is very much inspired by the AOT x Gutedama collab illustrations. Might the use of internet slang become very dated in a few years? Probably. Did that stop me from writing this? No. Enjoy this incredibly dumb piece of writing XD
“Why the fuck are they calling me ‘breedable’?” Levi grumbles under his breath, causing you to choke back a laugh.
Setting your book aside, you shuffle closer to your boyfriend on the sofa. “What did you just say?” You ask, incredulous. You’re not entirely sure you heard him correctly—it isn’t a sentence you imagined leaving his mouth, ever.
“I said,” Levi repeats, waving his phone in his hand, “these random perverts on the internet are calling me ‘submissive and breedable’.” With his other hand, he creates air quotation marks. A deep blush washes across his cheeks and ears. “They’re all saying I did a slutty pose, too. How is that slutty? How?”
They’re not wrong, is the sentence that lingers on the tip of your tongue. Instead, you reach out, your lips twitching. “Let me see.”
He sighs and relents, pressing his phone into your hand. He’s been browsing Twitter. Or, more specifically, scrolling through the replies underneath a promotional photoshoot he and his cast members had a few weeks ago: some kind of collaboration with Gutedama, the Sanrio character. You’ve seen the photo before—the actors involved were able to get a sneak peek of the photos a week before they were to be posted, and Levi had shown you his. You’d thought it was hilarious, the way Eren, Mikasa, Armin and Hange all had ordinary, somewhat conservative poses, as opposed to Levi.
“I’m not surprised they’re reacting this way,” you muse, zooming in on Levi’s photo. “You do happen to be the only one on your back, with your legs spread and knees up, giving the camera a very clear view of your crotch. You also happen to be the only one with the ODM straps on, so that does draw attention to your thighs—which look great, by the way…”
Levi crosses his arms. “Don’t tell me you agree with those degenerates.”
Saying nothing, you pointedly continue to scroll through the replies and quotes. ‘He’s so babygirl,’ reads one. ‘I am going to breed this man,’ reads another. Both of those are very tame in comparison to what you have seen before, but as you dive in further, the comments become more and more debauched, most obviously being exaggerated jokes. It’s become the norm. You’re not threatened in the slightest, not at all—in fact, you’re amused. You simply tilt your head and say, “hm.”
Levi throws his hands in the air in exasperation. “Not you too.”
You look up at him through your lashes. “Listen,” you begin, “I’ve been thinking this since day one, but for your sake I didn’t say anything—”
“I am never doing these photoshoots ever again,” he grouses, rubbing his temples. “It’s not… it wasn't even my idea, the photographer asked me to pose like that.”
“Oh, trust me, they got you to pose like that for a reason.” You pass Levi’s phone back to him, patting his shoulder gently.
He scoffs.
“Maybe you should avoid Twitter for a bit, sweetheart, because this isn’t going to end any time soon.”
Sighing, Levi sets his phone down firmly. He resettles on the sofa next to you, his shoulder touching yours, warm body pressing up against your side. “I still don’t get it,” he grumbles. A small wrinkle appears between his brows.
“Get what?” Carefully, you lower your head and press a gentle kiss on the space between his eyebrows, right on the little furrow. He shuffles closer, now leaning his weight against you.
“I get that they’re joking, but… some of the perversions they’re speaking of don’t even make any sense. For a moment, I thought about asking Connie, because the kid basically lives on Twitter—seriously, his screentime is concerning—but knowing him, he’s not going to tell me anything helpful. He laughed in my face last time.”
“Wait, you asked him about this stuff before?”
Levi’s gone redder than a tomato. “I asked him what a ‘little meow meow’ was when the promo photos of me in the bandages got posted.”
You know perfectly well what a ‘little meow meow’ is, but elect not to say anything.
He continues on with his rant, nose wrinkling in both disgust and confusion. “That was a clear lapse of judgement, I know. I’m not asking him or the other kids a thing about this shit ever again. Anyway. What’s with these Twitter users wanting to ‘breed’ me? That’s not even possible. And what does ‘babygirl’ even mean? Isn’t that—” His face sours even further, a realisation dawning upon him. “Fuck, no.”
“What?”
“Isn’t that what the creepy guy from 365 Days says to the main character? That’s… no. I hate it. I hate everything. Fuck this.”
You tilt your head back and laugh. One of your hands comes up to cup the back of Levi’s head, pressing his face to your chest. “No, no, it’s not like that. It’s… it’s an internet saying. Don’t think too much about it, yeah?”
“You know what? I take all my questions back. I really don’t want to know.” His words are muffled. The two of you are sinking further and further into the sofa, lying almost horizontally, with him on top of you.
Giggling, you slip your fingers through his silky hair. “You know what they say. Ignorance is bliss.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.”
“So why were you looking through Twitter, then, hm? You usually stay off social media for weeks on end.”
“Why’d you think? The rest of the cast wouldn’t shut up about it in the group chat, saying I had to see what the responses to the photoshoot were…”
“By the rest of the cast,” your lips twitch with barely restrained laughter, “you mean Hange and Zeke, don’t you?” Those two always love to tease Levi about his rabid fanbase. “I honestly would not be surprised if one of those replies was Zeke on his burner account, having a laugh. You know how much he enjoys winding you up.”
“Fucking hell. I would not put it past him, now that you mention it. Thanks for putting that weird picture into my head.” He rolls his eyes, as you laugh.
———
After enjoying his morning off, Levi gets a private text from Erwin whilst he’s on his way to set: What was all the ruckus about on the cast group chat? I don’t quite understand what was so funny.
He sighs, tapping an answer back on his phone.
Ignorance is bliss, Erwin.
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Don't you love as well how Erwin maintains such a remarkable role in merches, for example now in the new Sanrio X Aot collaboration and in many more merches! How many other rather long time ago deceased characters in the series get similar extent of attention and high position in character popularity polls? This is obviously seen in manga as well - Erwin is not forgotten, I mean if too much time passes on, someone has to bring him up in the conversation lol. That's our Commander for you <3
I know, its amazing isn't it? When Erwin died, we all held on to the faint glimmer of hope that we might see him again in the occasional flashback or through once-in-a-blue-moon merchandise collabs. I don't think any of us in our wildest dreams could ever have expected the kind of content we're still getting now, five years later. The fact that Erwin still ranks so highly in the character popularity polls never fails to warm my heart. It really is testament to what a popular and inspiring character Erwin is, and how deeply he's loved and appreciated by fans worldwide. Fans who are all too happy to shell out for merchandise of their beloved commander.
The reaction to the most recent Sanrio collab has been hilarious. I have to confess that I had to google Sanrio when the collab was first announced. Although I'd heard of Hello Kitty, none of the other characters were familiar to me. It's been nothing short of joyful seeing everyone losing their shit when Erwin and Levi's characters were announced, and of course the memes have been priceless 🎀 As @momtaku said in her reblog - instant serotonin!
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