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firstkanaphans · 9 months

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A Soft Place to Land

[A SandRay deleted scene from Only Friends, episode 1]

Sand looked over at the boy who had fallen asleep on his shoulder in the middle of the bathroom floor and sighed. What the hell had he gotten himself into now?

Ray was a mess—and not the artfully tousled, slightly tipsy mess he was used to bringing home from the bar. No, Ray was an actual mess. The type that would benefit from a stint in rehab and a therapist that wasn’t attracted to men. Sand couldn’t believe the boy had been planning to drive. Did he have a fucking death wish? But then again, most people who drowned their sorrows in alcohol usually did and who was Sand to judge? Sometimes the world was cruel to rich people, too.

He looked around the room, searching for a sign. Should he go through the trouble of moving Ray off the bathroom floor or should he just let him sleep there? Sand preferred him unconscious, if he was being honest, but it seemed cruel to leave him alone on the cold, hard tile. Especially since the room was starting to smell. So, summoning all of the goodwill he had left in him, he pushed Ray off of his shoulder and stood.

“C’mon, you lightweight,” he said, having to hold Ray upright so he didn’t just collapse into a ball on the floor. “Let’s get you up.”

“I don’t wanna,” Ray grumbled, swatting him away. Violently. Sand had never wanted to smack another human so much in his life. His patience was officially shot.

“Get up,” he snapped. He wasn’t asking this time. He grabbed Ray forcibly under his arms and lifted him.

“You’re mean,” Ray said, but once he was standing, he didn’t immediately collapse back to the floor again. Sand counted that as a win.

“Do you think you can make it to the couch?” Sand asked. It was less than twenty feet away—you could literally see it from where they were standing.

“I’m not a baby. Of course I can make it to the couch.” But all it took was one step before Ray was teetering dangerously towards the floor. Sand rolled his eyes and caught him before he could actually fall.

“I’ll take that as a no,” he said and then threw one of Ray’s arms around his shoulder and led him from the room.

“I don’t need your help,” Ray whined. But despite his words, he accepted it.

When they reached the couch, Sand tossed him onto it unceremoniously. He planned to just leave him there to fend for himself, but then he watched as Ray curled up with one of his pillows as if it was a stuffed animal and Sand’s goddamn heart got the best of him. He couldn’t just leave him like this, pathetic and alone, covered in his own vomit. Even Ray deserved a little bit of dignity. So, he sighed and turned towards his own bedroom.

“I’ll be right back,” he said. Not that Ray cared. He had already fallen back asleep.

Sand emerged from his bedroom a couple minutes later with a change of clothes in hand for his new drunk friend.

“Ray,” he snapped, tossing them onto the couch next to him. Ray didn’t so much as move. “Are you dead? Jesus Christ.”

He sat down on the couch next to him and began pulling off his shoes, which looked like they probably cost more than Sand’s rent. Ray began grumbling and kicking his legs as if this was some great inconvenience to him personally, but he was too drunk to be able to put up any real fight. Sand was able to restrain him easily.

“Now your shirt,” he prompted, forcing Ray to sit. He had to lift him three separate times before he stayed of his own accord and by then he was glaring at Sand as if Sand was the one being difficult. “Come on. Arms up.”

Ray raised his arms dutifully and Sand stripped him of his shirt. For a second, he thought Ray had finally decided to participate in his own care, but once the shirt was off, Sand glanced up to find that the look in Ray’s eyes had changed. It was darker now, charged with something Sand couldn’t quite name. It gave him pause.

“You like what you see?” Ray asked, his eyes scouring Sand’s body as if he was seeing him for the first time. And although Sand would deny it if anyone ever asked him, there was something there. A spark he would much rather ignore.

“You’re covered in vomit,” he said, shoving the new shirt down over Ray’s head. He'd meant it to be a sort of punishment for even daring to ask such a thing, but he wasn’t prepared for how cute Ray would look emerging from the other side with his hair all rumpled. Ray was like a wet cat, feral but endearing despite his temper. This had been a very bad idea.

Sand released Ray before his brain could get any stupid ideas and then tossed the shorts he had brought him into his lap. “Here. Do the rest yourself.” But as he moved to get up, Ray stopped him by reaching for the front of Sand’s pants and Sand was so surprised by the sudden display of coordination that it took him a second to realize what was happening. Ray was trying to take his belt off.

“What are you doing?” Sand snapped, prying Ray’s hands off of him.

“I’m undressing you,” Ray said as if it were obvious. “You take my clothes off, I take your clothes off. That’s how it works. Have you never done this before? I’ll be gentle.” Then he leaned in and bit the lobe of Sand’s ear.

“Are you out of your mind?” Sand snapped, pushing him away. Then he stood, knowing Ray was too drunk to follow.

“I thought you said you wanted payment?” Ray snapped as if what he was offering was equal in value to a fifteen minute drive into town and a safe place to sleep. As if maybe he had offered it before. The thought made Sand feel sick to his stomach.

“I know where your mouth has been, so no thank you” he said and then threw the shorts at him again. “Now finish getting dressed. I’m going to get you something to drink.” Ray’s face lit up at the suggestion. “Something non-alcoholic to drink. God, you’re a mess. Do you know that?”

He made his way into the kitchen and poured Ray a glass of water. By the time he returned, Ray was dressed, sitting up on the couch looking much younger without all of the trappings of wealth adorning him. It was only then that Sand noticed what shirt he had picked out in the dark. “Poor Boy,” it read. The choice hadn’t been intentional, but it made him laugh.

“Ironic,” he said, pointing at the shirt.

Ray looked down at his chest, going crossed-eyed as he tried to decipher the words. “What does it say?”

“It says you're cute,” Sand lied.

“Really?” Ray asked, preening.

“Really,” Sand said and then passed him the glass of water. “Drink this.”

“What is it?” Ray asked, sniffing it curiously as if he thought he was being poisoned.

“Water,” Sand said. “Drink it. It’ll make you feel better.”

Ray looked like he sincerely doubted this, but he took a few hesitant sips anyway. Sand kept his hand held under the glass the whole time, scared Ray might drop it. Ray lowered the glass after drinking less than half.

“Nope,” Sand corrected, raising it to his lips again. “The whole thing.”

Ray grumbled out a half-hearted protest, but he was actually fairly good at following directions when you coaxed him enough. Within a few seconds, the rest of the water was gone.

“Good boy,” Sand teased, taking the glass from his hand and setting it down on the coffee table. Ray grinned, flattered by the praise, and despite his annoyance, Sand couldn’t help but feel something at the sight of him, drunk but happy. So instead of facing those feelings, he pushed him back down onto the sofa. “Sleep. I’ve had enough of you for one night.”

“Fine,” Ray grumbled, rolling over onto his stomach and clinging once again to Sand’s pillow as if it was the only thing holding him together. Within seconds, his breathing began to slow. Sand watched him from the doorway, wondering who he was sober, but it was a pointless exercise. Eventually, he shook himself from his stupor and turned towards his room.

“Thank you,” he heard Ray mutter from the couch. Sand paused, surprised by his sudden bout of manners, but then Ray added, “Mew.”

Sand rolled his eyes. Of course Ray thought Sand was someone else. Of course he did. He shut of the lights, went back to his room, and tried to sleep, but instead, he lay awake for hours thinking about the boy on his couch. He tried not to dwell on what that meant.

#oops my hand slipped #only friends the series #only friends fic #sandray #sandray fic #sarah writes things

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jgyapologism · 2 months

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for anyone who's a fan of my sandray fic hurt and grieve but dont suffer alone on ao3, starting tomorrow I have a new fic that i'll be updating daily throughout the week!!

enjoy ;)

#ofts #only friends the series #sandray #ofts ray #ofts sand #ao3 #sandray fic #sandray fanfic

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fortpeat · 2 months

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I am very picky with fics that I read and I am even more picky with SandRay fics 🫣 and the only person I trust in that is my baby @mbjw and she wrote a beautiful one 🥹 and I love it so so much. Why do I trust her..? Coz we both share the same braincells and she understands Sandray just like I do so all her fics are like my dream fics 😘😘

AM I BIASED, MAYBE. BUUUUTTTT I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE BIASED COZ SHES THAT GOOD ! 😍😍 (P. S SHE HAS ANOTHER SANDRAY FIC THAT YOU GUYS DONT WANT TO MISS 😈🤭)

#only friends #sandray #sandray fic

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chawarin-panich · 3 months

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while writing sandray's divorce fic and as i scramble to try and save their marriage - something about the way their dynamic never fundamentally worked for me has revealed itself. Sand kind of stays coolly above Ray through the whole show. Even when he isn't, even when he's directly responsible for Ray spiralling out of control and almost killing himself, he's still the good guy. He saves Ray! He's never meant to take it this far!

Sand never stops being the good guy and so Ray never stops being the bad guy. But most importantly we gloss over how Sand is wholly aware of how to manipulate Ray and nothing is stopping him from doing it again other than his infallible goodness.

Ray's entire measure of goodness at the end boils down to how good he can be to his most terrible friends (I still hold by how not forgiving Boston has been the most fatal character flaw that the show could have served Ray with) and how good a boyfriend he can be to Sand.

As much as i admire Khaotung's acting that therapy scene was so disappointing because it was about Sand. I know I was the one who said Sand taking the place of Ray's mother in Ray's life was tantamount to Ray's healing but jeezos they didn't have to take it THAT far. Instead of taking charge of his pain, Ray takes upon this grotesque goal of being and acting more like Sand. Of pleasing him even at the cost of himself. This wasn't entirely bad because Ray's ability to think sympathetically with other people was a point of growth he needed and I found the pool scene with Boeing oddly...sweet. It was how his final arc was once more dictated entirely by Mew and motivated entirely by Sand which has always been my problem. And that's where the show leaves him. One therapy session that was about Sand and a future that is entirely about Sand. By the end of the show this man hasn't batted a single eyelash towards his own trauma, his own familial issues that were at the root of his every problem with Sand anyway. And this is how I find myself writing about Ray desperately struggling to find himself in a decades long marriage with Sand. And then asking myself - who's causing this conflict that they're in? Why have they stopped communicating? And the fic is from Sand's POV so let me tell you that this narrator is not only unreliable to *you* (if you've read it that is) but he's unreliable to me. He's hiding things from me and I *will* find out what. Sand's infallible goodness will become fallible if it's the last thing I do!!! (also its the only way to save their marriage imho so if you want me to give them their happy ending you have to be on board lol)

#sandray fic #sandray fanfic #only friends meta #sandray meta #sandray #nani's writing shenanigans

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elliebirdwrites · 8 months

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: เพื่อนต้องห้าม | Only Friends (Thailand TV 2023) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Ray/Sand (Only Friends Thailand TV) Additional Tags: Feelings Summary:

Sober, repentant Ray is sweet and impossible to resist. His hair’s wet and soft, sweeping across his brow. He smells fresh, his designer after shave sultry and woodsy on his skin.

Sand would have to be at his best to resist Ray like this but he’s been wearing the same jeans for thirty-six hours and last night he fell asleep with Ray’s head on his chest. He still has the memory of Ray in a hospital bed, looking terribly small and young beating around his brain and echoing in the space beneath his ribs.

#my fic #sandray #only friends the series #sandray fic

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zhoushuyis · 6 months

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RaySand fluff that lives in my head rent free™️:

Sand reminding Ray to eat and take his vitamins on time

Ray peeling oranges and feeding slices to Sand as he works on his thesis project

Ray being the business head of their wine business, outsourcing work and not doing a single damn thing except the critical decision making. Sand just sits and stares at him with awe

Sand bringing home hair clips for Ray’s hair. They are yellow and have smileys on them. Him dying of cuteness aggression when Ray actually wears them.

Ray stealing his boyfriends tshirts meanwhile Sand loves to raid Ray’s closet and dress him in different styles

Sand takes Ray to concert dates, movie dates, amusement park dates

Ray takes Sand to beach dates, dessert dates, fancy dinner dates, after which they go eat ramen at a convenience store cz the fancy food was bland

Ray gifting Sand a nice silk shirt to wear on their fancy dinner date

Cuddling and watching movies and ordering take out in their PJs (Sand’s PJs)

Ray didn’t have many hobbies cz he drank his life away. So now he takes up cute lil hobbies like buying vinyl records, watching mystery movies and skincare

Ray having lasting effects of alcohol withdrawal - anxiety, tremors and lower appetite - They go on long walks and Sand fights his tantrums to make him eat

“Come over and sleep with me. I can’t sleep.” “Should we move in together?”

Ray and Sand dancing at the bar and making out in the corner and being yelled at by their friends for taking too long to get drinks

“I want you to have your dream too” “You are my dream, Sand”

#raysand #sandray #sand x ray #ray x sand #ofts #oftsedit #only friends the series #only friends series #only friends ray #only friends sand #khaotung thanawat #first kanaphan #my heart can't take them #I have SO much more #I want to write a fic for everything but. icant #so heres this I suppose

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fanfictionroxs · 6 months

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LOOK AT MEW'S FACE WHEN SAND PUSHES TOP HEHEHE

SAND IS SO FLIRTY I CAN'T

TOPSANDTOPSANDTOPSANDTOPSAND

FUNNIEST SCENE IN THE SHOW. RAY AND MEW JEALOUSY JEALOUSY AHSJKSKSJS

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kindacts · 29 days

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oubaitori

rating: m words: 16.5k

桜梅桃李 (oubaitori): a japanese philosophy that encourages one not to compare themselves to others. each character of the kanji represents one of four unique springtime trees, each of which blossoms at its own rate, in its own way. a story of ray's recovery post-series and his relationship with sand along the way, told in four parts, with each section guided by thai flowers and their meanings. (please see tags and notes for warnings.)

if you liked this work or anything else i've written, maybe check out my other recently redone work, the winner takes it all - a sand character study. thank you :)

#sandray #only friends the series #ofts #firstkhao #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #sand only friends #ray pakorn #i guess ive decided to unprivate my writing again we'll see if i stick by that decision......... my anxiety is crazy #but this one is important to me like i poured my soul into it fr #i might delete this but uhhhhhh #i never promoted this fic anywhere so here i am 4 months later #mine

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mooninagust · 9 months

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honestly, after seeing ray's reaction to my two girls being in love i need him to be annoyingly in love when he finally gets together with sand. i don't care if he doesn't seem like that kind of a person or if this isn't that kind of a show. i need him to be glued to sands side whenever they sit with their friends, looking at him lovingly the whole time.

#im having many thoughts today #could write fics and essays really #sand x ray #sandray #only friends the series #only friends series #only friends #an rambles #ans watching: only friends

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29daffodils · 2 months

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self-promo : sandray & raysand fics

thought i'd share a couple of my sandray/raysand fics because it seems like either the fandom is dead or everybody has me blocked everywhere 🤐

anyway, here, my offerings :

here i stay, pray 💿 sand/ray 💿 T 💿 6.7k words

In the couple months left before graduation, Ray realises life really likes throwing curve balls at him. This is the story of how Ray will learn to survive and then, live, unafraid, because there's someone to hold his hand through it all this time around, no questions asked.

secrets i have held in my heart 💿 ray/sand 💿 T 💿 1.3k words

“When I love someone, I become a dog.”

The sudden flash of want that zips down his spine upon hearing that quietly curls up and sits low in his belly as his eyes fall upon Sand's face, and that is the first time the thought creeps in.

A good dog needs a collar.

i'll keep you close to me 💿 sand/ray 💿 T 💿 2k words

Ray Pakorn is a rumour flying on the summer wind.

That's how Sand finds out he exists.

love is nothing stronger 💿 sand/ray 💿 T 💿 3k words

Out in the open, and without any prying eyes, Sand takes off his mask and breathes deeply. It's almost October, there is a slight chill in the air and the lack of oppressive humidity feels good against his clammy cheeks as he looks up at the night sky. He feels Ray's fingers brush against them. Sand looks down. “Hello, lover,” Ray whispers, and Sand's breath catches. “Hello, sunshine,” he whispers back, the endearment a permanent fixture after several years of constant reiteration, and leans down for a chaste kiss.

#sandray #raysand #ofts #only friends series #only friends the series #only friends #thai bl #my fics #my posts #source : 29daffodils #firstkhao #firstkhaotung

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firstkanaphans · 8 months

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Can we get a fic of Ray trying to thank (read: seduce) Sand for taking care of him after his accidental and Sand folding like an eclair?

So, I don’t think this is exactly what you were looking for (spoiler alert: there’s no smut), but I thought it was kinda cute anyway 🥹 Hope you enjoy! Rating/Warnings: Teen & Up Audiences; mentions of past suicidal ideation Word Count: 1727

Ray had tried to get Sand to leave at least a dozen times, but Sand refused to go. He had been by Ray's side for twenty-four hours straight and each time he chose to stay, the fondness in Ray's heart grew, blossoming into something deeper and more genuine than anything he had ever known.

After the accident, Sand had sat by his bedside in the hospital, offering what little reassurance he could while simultaneously researching lawyers to help with Ray's pending DUI charge. He had listened to the nurses explain Ray’s discharge instructions, knowing Ray wouldn’t do it himself. He had driven Ray home, run him a bath, shaved his face, and Ray deserved none of it. Because the last thing he had done before driving off on a suicide mission was call Sand a whore.

He didn’t know how to explain that he hadn’t meant it. That the words had been intended to hurt himself, not Sand. That he had driven away thinking he would never see him again and he hadn’t wanted Sand to grieve him. Because he didn’t deserve that either.

And yet, here Sand was—helping him out of the bathtub, drying him off, getting him dressed. He was an angel; Ray was sure of it. He couldn’t stop staring at him.

“Come on,” Sand said, running the towel over Ray’s hair one last time before tossing it to the floor. “Let’s get you to bed.”

And although Ray wasn’t tired, he went, because that’s what Sand wanted him to do.

Ray’s room was cold. The whole house was. It always had been. Ray hated it. He hated that his father was never there, hated that the ghost of his mother still roamed the halls, hated that everything smelled like liquor. But he liked that Sand was there with him. So when Sand held up the covers on Ray's bed for him to climb inside, he went, assuming Sand would follow him. Only Sand didn’t. Instead, he dropped the blankets and took a step back.

“Where are you going?” Ray asked, slightly panicked. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw the flash of headlights coming towards him. Every time he was left in silence, he heard the screech of tires, the honking of a horn. He didn’t want to be alone when the memories came back to him—and, more importantly, he didn’t want to let go of Sand. His life line. His savior.

“I’m going to sleep on the couch,” Sand said, his voice emotionless. “If you need anything, just call out. I’ll hear you.”

He moved to leave, but as soon as he did, Ray’s heart started racing. Sand was the only think keeping him sane. The only thing holding him together. He couldn’t leave. He couldn’t. So he sat up, grabbed Sand’s hand, and pulled him back towards him. Sand turned in surprise.

“Stay,” Ray begged. “Please.”

Sand’s face was unreadable. “I think it would be better if I didn’t.”

“Why? Because I yelled at you? I yelled at everyone! I was drunk.” He pulled a little harder on Sand’s arm. “Please don’t be mad at me. I almost died.”

“And whose fault was that?” Sand asked. But this time, finally, he was smiling. “You never give up, do you?”

He sat down on the edge of the mattress and Ray’s heartbeat steadied enough for him to lay back down. He stared up at Sand, mesmerized—the boy that kept saving him. The boy he had taken for granted.

“I really am sorry,” he said, pulling Sand’s hand closer to his chest as if it were a stuffed animal keeping him warm. Sand let him do it. “I didn’t mean what I said.”

“Then why did you say it?”

Because he was hurting and he wanted other people to hurt too. Because no one ever listened unless he screamed his thoughts loudly. Because sometimes the only way to justify his drinking was by pushing everyone away and blaming them for his pain.

“I was angry,” he said. “And drunk. But you don’t have to worry about that anymore because I’m never drinking again.”

Sand raised a single eyebrow and glanced over to the bottle of whiskey sitting on Ray’s nightstand—a remnant of before. This was after. Ray pretended not to see it. He understood Sand’s doubt, but he was serious this time. He could have killed someone driving drunk. He could have killed Sand. And how would he have lived with himself then?

“Just stay. Sleep in here with me,” Ray said, eager to change the subject. “I don’t want to be alone.”

“Ray,” Sand warned.

“Please,” Ray begged, pulling on Sand’s arm more insistently, but he could see that he had finally reached the limit of what his puppy dog eyes could get him because Sand was not budging. So he pulled out the big guns. “Ouch,” he said suddenly, cradling his broken arm to his chest.

“Are you okay?” Sand asked. Immediately, he scooted closer to Ray and helped him sit up. “What’s hurting? Do you need more medicine?”

He gently grabbed Ray’s arm and began running a searching finger along it as if searching for cracks himself. Ray just watched him. It was the first time in a long time that he felt truly taken care of. He removed his arms from Sand’s grip and twined them around his neck instead.

“You dirty little—” Sand started. His eyes were already mid-roll when Ray kissed him, falling back onto the mattress and dragging Sand down with him. But Sand, it seemed, was still worried. “You were lying, right?”

Ray shushed him, ignoring the question, and then kissed him again. This time, Sand kissed him back. Hard. So hard that Ray couldn’t tell whether he was aroused or angry or both.

“I thought—you were—dead,” Sand said between kisses, his hands slipping beneath Ray’s shirt to trace the lines of his body as if he wanted to make sure everything was still exactly where it was supposed to be.

“I’m fine,” Ray promised, although it wasn’t entirely the truth. His arm was throbbing and Sand’s kisses were making him light-headed, but he ask him to stop. Not for anything.

Sand growled, clearly annoyed by Ray’s indifference, but he didn’t argue. Instead, he kissed him with the passion of a man who had thought, even if only for a moment, that he would never kiss his lips again. It touched Ray that he cared so much and he desperately wanted to repay him.

He reached between their intertwined bodies, searching for the buttons on Sand’s pants, but without the use of his left hand, it didn't do him much good. His grip was clumsy and inaccurate. Sand laughed and pulled away.

“What are you doing?” he asked even though Ray thought it was pretty obvious.

“Thanking you for saving my life,” he said, leaning in to give Sand a brief peck on the lips.

Sand pushed him away. “You’re supposed to be resting.”

“I can rest afterwards!”

“You really want to thank me?” he asked. Ray nodded. Sand leaned in, lips parted as if he meant to kiss him, but instead, he turned at the last second to whisper in Ray’s ear, “Then never, ever drive drunk again. Do you hear me?”

Ray let out a heavy sigh as Sand backed away, but he could tell by the look on Sand’s face that he was serious. That he wanted an answer. That he wanted a promise. “I won’t,” Ray said. He had learned his lesson and he knew now, unequivocally, that he had someone he could call if he ever needed help. Someone who wouldn’t judge him. A new emergency contact.

Sand nodded, pleased, and then crawled out of the bed.

Ray let out a noise of protest. “Where are you going? I agreed! Are you seriously just going to leave me like this? I can’t even jerk off.”

“Your other hand works fine.”

“Yeah, well, your hand would work better.”

But it turned out that Sand hadn’t been abandoning him at all. He had simply gotten up to shed his jeans and overshirt so that he could crawl back into bed and settle down for the night. Ray preened as he lay down beside him.

“You’re staying?” he asked, needing the confirmation. Needing to know that if he fell asleep, Sand would still be there when he woke up. He felt like a child seeking comfort after a nightmare. Maybe he was.

“If you can keep your hands to yourself, I will,” Sand snapped, straightening the pillows. “Otherwise, I’m leaving.”

“I’ll be good,” Ray said immediately. And he would. He didn’t want to risk this. Not when the thought of Sand leaving sent him into a panic. Sand laid down and closed his eyes to sleep, but Ray didn’t. Ray couldn’t. Not yet.

“Sand?”

“Ray, go to sleep.” Sand sighed. “You must be exhausted.”

Ray was. He hadn’t had a single moment of peace in over twenty-four hours and it had started to weigh on him. But there was one more thing he had to say.

“I just wanted to say thank you,” he said, making sure Sand could hear the sincerity, the vulnerability, in his voice. Making sure he knew, without a doubt, how much it meant to him. Sand opened his eyes and looked at Ray. “Seriously. I won’t forget it.”

Sand stared at him for a long time without speaking. “Go to sleep,” he finally said, his voice gentle and loving and kind. Then he reached out and ruffled Ray’s hair playfully.

Ray let out a squawk of protest that made Sand laugh and then they just lay there, staring at each other, the past and the future meeting in their gaze—a single perfect moment that never would have happened if Sand hadn’t been there to save Ray from himself.

Sand kissed Ray's forehead and then his lips before pulling him tight to his body, being extra careful not to hit his broken arm. Ray lay on his chest, listening to the strong beat of his heart, and soon fell asleep feeling like a whole new person.

#asks #only friends the series #only friends fic #sandray #sandray fic #sarah writes things

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chawarin-panich · 8 months

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Totally OBSESSED with Mew in Sand's POOR BOY shirt, sleeping next to Ray and Ray finding that so extremely irresistible that he did something that he knew was 1) morally wrong and more importantly against his own moral code and 2) would definitely not be received well. And this is not a run of the mill occurrence either because Mew would definitely not stand for it happening twice and also Ray re-confesses his feelings, meaning that up until this point Mew didn't know that Ray was still harboring feelings for him. One of the things I was trying to get at with my Ray character study fic (yes you should read it!! I put my whole heart into it) is this idea that Ray doesn't see Mew and Sand existing on the same paradigm of his life and therefore his feelings for Mew and Sand are not actually in conflict (in his mind). The reason why I thought that was because of how uncomfortable he looks in this scene where he's directly put into a situation where he has to choose between them. There are many ways he could have handled this situation that wasn't this poorly. For a person who knows just how effective his little puppy eyes are against Sand he's totally rendered useless to using it. He can barely make eye contact, he does a needlessly poor job of explaining the situation, almost like he's trying not to explain, trying not to acknowledge how he's in a situation where Mew and Sand are both vying for his attention. He does end up telling Sand the truth but does it in this extremely awkward, stilted way that makes Sand feels extremely unwanted.

Because the thing is, there is no way he can like Sand for real if he and Mew co-exist. There is no one he can love more than Mew, Mew who is his emergency contact, Mew who loves him in a way his mother failed to do, Mew who saved his life and Mew who still doesn't find him desirable as a romantic partner. This is the absolute most a person can love him (in his mind) and so whatever Sand feels for him, lust, pity, affection is still and will always have to be (in his mind) at a lower sum total. But I digress, you see a similar discomfort on his face when Mew holds up the POOR BOY shirt at him and then he says nothing at all about it. Yes, he's probably just trying to hide that him and Sand have been in a situation where they would share clothes to avoid being teased. But also, the night he actually absconded with this shirt he did not have sex with Sand so he chooses avoidance once more where simply acknowledging the truth and Sand's friendship would have been just as easy if not easier.

And the whole time that Ray is building it up to kiss sleeping Mew, Khaotung is focusing entirely on staring at Book's face but for just the briefest of second right before he does it he looks down, which could be at Mew's lips but I think the gaze goes down past to the shirt. Khaotung does make such intentional acting choices that I'm inclined to believe that it was a moment of those world's (Sand and Mew) colliding for Ray and him forgetting who he is with and more importantly who the feelings are for that he's sitting with in this moment.

Mew challenges him later as to why he would do it if he knew it was wrong and once more he was totally unable to admit to this moment of weakness, because how do you even explain that

Sand unintentionally outlines Ray's major character conflict in this show and I find it so fascinating that the word he used is prioritization not choosing which are fundamentally different things. Because choosing would be simple. Ray would choose Mew in a heartbeat but no one is actually making him choose between them. Mew has as firmly as humanly possible shut that door on him long before Sand was even in the picture. Mew is his best friend and Sand is his lover, by definition they will have to co-exist in Ray's life and he will have to distinguish what he feels for them and come to recognize both forms of love as valuable and important, maybe will have prioritize between them at times but he's not meant to actually leave either of them behind... but how does one do that? Ray who only ever really learnt how to be left behind - how will he ever know to do that?

#only friends meta #only friends the series #ofts #sandray meta #sandray #raymew #nani's hot takes #you guys have no idea how many meta i have inside me #and fics #i am an open would for this disaster boy

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