#said we took the scenic route lol
Note
Ah, I remembered!
My question was: what are your thoughts on Crowley saying ‘I lost my best friend’ when he’s directly talking to Aziraphale’s non-corporate ghost in season 1? I always thought that line was strange. Is it that he can’t say ‘I lost you directly’ because others might be listening?
Hi @procrastiel ooh, nice! I *love* this scene so I'm super happy to share an opinion on it. Thank you. :)
Meta on the meanings behind what they call each other, what they intentionally *don't* call each other, how they actually said they loved each other and came up with a shorthand for it in 1941, and why they still don't just use those damn words already...
This goes everywhere, just FYI lol. I think I started with "no nightingales" and took a scenic route through 1600, 1941 and bits of S2 before coming back to the scene you asked about but I've been told it makes sense. Thanks for indulging me. :)
There are certain things that Crowley & Aziraphale feel that they can't call one another and can't say to one another directly. It's not just because they could be overheard if they're in public, though that's always a concern. They don't say them when they're alone, either.
It's because it hurts too much.
They've always tried to be optimistic about surviving Armageddon and being able to be together somehow but they're terrified that they won't and the odds, in their minds, aren't great, being that it's the whole will of God and all. As a result, they've lived their whole relationship expecting it to end in tragedy. They could both live for all of time, forced apart by Heaven and Hell. One of them could die and leave the other alone for eternity with nothing but the memory of the other. Meanwhile, in the now? It's not a great situation, either.
They can't really be together. They are together but not openly and they can't promise each other everything and they absolutely would if they could. Heaven and Hell could literally murder them if they got caught together so they have to be careful and keep it a secret. This means that even as the human world they live in opens up and starts to change to a point that queer humans like them are living more open lives with one another, Crowley and Aziraphale still cannot at this stage in the story.
So, it all becomes then an unspoken question of: what would make this easier? (As if it could ever really be made easier?) They don't wish to cause each other any additional pain. What would make it easier, they think, is if they don't say certain things so that what they can't have now or what might be lost to them in the future is and will be easier to bear.
This is delusional but they're doing it anyway because it gives them some measure of control over things they can't totally control.
They think it is easier to deal with not being able to be together if they just never say directly aloud what they are in terms that are surface-level undeniable. They speak in a coded language with one another and they say all the things in those words. But the doublespeak gives them some cover. Not to ever deny any of it but it softens the edges of it.
It's also because they live with the fact that they can't fully be together but they also both are fundamentally optimists and want to think that maybe, someday, they could find a way to have what they want to have with one another. That's also why they don't say the things fully. A part of them thinks that if they just don't right now and they wait until some time comes when it seems like they could have a life together, then they still get to have those moments. They're almost saving some of it for a life they hope they get to have but aren't sure if they will.
As a result, they are romantic as all fuck towards one another but they don't use words like romance or love aloud. If they do find they have to talk about it, they've shorthanded it in a way that they both understand because it's based on their past together. We already can see bits of it uncoded-- nightingales, dining at the Ritz-- but there are more than that that we can see if we deep dive a bit here so let's do that...
What's evident in the scene in 2.06 wherein Crowley decides to try to abandon the doublespeak is how deeply ingrained this way of speaking is for both of them. Also, how they don't abandon it when they're alone (the 1967 scene also illustrates this.) Crowley actually reverts back to their doublespeak *three sentences* into his proposal. He doesn't get much further than establishing that they've both been on this planet for a long time before he starts evoking coded messaging. He flicks his hands between them during the "you and me" line in a way that is echoing how Aziraphale gestured at him to mean "couple" in 1941. He winds up using coded language all over the place, peaking with the "no nightingales" moment that is actually coded language twice over because of "nightingales" being their word for romance and the asking Aziraphale to listen for birds evoking the Job minisode and the moment in the courtyard when they came up with the doublespeak.
Part of why Crowley can't get through the proposal without it is because he doesn't want to do it like this. Both the doublespeak and the idea of someday loosening it a bit mean things to them. They like their private language. Maggie and Nina are not exactly correct in assuming that they never say how they really feel. They're not wrong, either, but they're not fully right. Crowley and Aziraphale do talk. They just do it in a way that hurts them less because they can't bear to hurt each other because they're batshit crazy in love with each other. Maggie and Nina are correct in saying that Crowley and Aziraphale don't say how they truly feel if saying how you truly feel means using traditional language but they are wrong to say that they don't express these feelings at all because we have literally been watching them do so this entire time.
Notice how Crowley, even risking more with breaking their code in 2.06, still doesn't say some things. Amazing how he said all of that and he didn't say I love you, isn't it? He could have. He is, in what else he's saying, but the words they don't say are still there on the table. Aziraphale, later in the scene, almost does. He almost does because he is a mess over the situation and he wants to give Crowley something but then he doesn't and he spits out a self-aware I forgive you instead. That horrid, complicated version of it that he's used before and is code they both kind of hate. He's angry that this is all happening the way it's happening because it's taking some of the things they leave unsaid for hopeful, better days and it's saying them in a less than ideal moment.
That they both leave out that I love you, though, is the most I love you thing they could have possibly done.
They think it will be easier to not be free to be together and unafraid in the present-- and to maybe lose one another in the future, if they eventually have to-- if they pretend they're not a team or a group of the two of them and one way to do that is to never say words like the one we were all silently screaming at Crowley to say in that scene in 2.06 lol: "couple."
Are they a couple? Yes. Are they lovers? Yes. Are they partners, the term Nina used? Yes. Do they refer to their relationship using any of the terms in this paragraph? Oh God no...
That is why Crowley freaks out when Nina tries to get him to use uncoded, normal, human person language to help her understand what Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship is. She calls them partners and this is Crowley:
We're in agreement with Nina then when she responds with:
Nina isn't wrong here. She's just from a different world than Crowley. Nina lives in a world like ours in the year 2023 and she's puzzling Crowley and Aziraphale out through that filter. She doesn't know at this point that they are an angel and a demon who could be murdered by Heaven/Hell for being together. Her best rationale for why she's never seen Crowley and Aziraphale in her cafe together and didn't know until this week that the bookseller has a fella is her theory that Crowley is married and that he and Aziraphale are having an affair. To her, it explains why they've got chemistry for days but they're secretive. Crowley denies that-- defending Aziraphale's honor like the good old fashioned lover boy he is :)-- but the reason why he quickly denied that he and Aziraphale are partners, even if they absolutely are, is twofold. They are used to hiding it, it's dangerous for them to get caught out, and he probably feels uncomfortable with the idea of telling someone what they are exactly without talking with Aziraphale about it first-- that's all one reason.
The other reason is that he and Aziraphale don't use that word. It's not that it's an inaccurate one; it's probably the most accurate one, actually. They have a word, as we'll see, but partners isn't it because partners is the same thing as a couple and these are embargoed words to them. They don't use those phrases, even if that's what this is, just as they don't say I love you because if they don't call it love directly, they'll never lose that love, in their minds. If they don't know what it's like to hear the other say it, they don't ever have to bear the pain of never hearing it again. Better to hold those words back and only use them if they ever can somehow really be fully, openly together without fear. If Crowley doesn't use those words with Aziraphale, then he's not about to use them with the Coffee Shop Human he's only just recently met.
Along these same lines, they refrain from traditionally romantic terms of endearment on the surface. No my love, no darling, no sweetheart. Angel was there at the start and it stays because while it's always really angel (romantic), it's also angel (species/occupational), so it works well enough with their code. But its equivalent in reverse is Crowley. It's intimate, in the sense that only Crowley and Aziraphale know what it means. Only they were there in Job's courtyard. That's the coded layer of it-- it's Crowley's name to everyone else on the surface but it's that and a pet name to Aziraphale. It's why Aziraphale just calls him that constantly. Crowley changed his name to something only Aziraphale also really understands, making the use of it by Aziraphale then a way of expressing affection. When Nina asks them both separately about their relationship, both Crowley and Aziraphale actually revert to using what they call one another in an effort to explain it, even though they know that it doesn't translate fully in human terms without more words. Crowley says Aziraphale is an angel he knows; Aziraphale says:
Ironically? They are actually making it all *more* intimate by speaking in their own, private, coded language. They can't give each other everything but this they can, right? The language is their own, little world and not being able to explain their relationship to humans that well in 2023 doesn't mean they don't know what they mean to one another, which is more important. Since they can't make each other promises of forever that they can't keep and they can't have a life in the present that they'd choose for themselves, something they can do is use their little language to be sweet towards one another and they do. By having to work a little harder at conveying meaning through doublespeak, they wind up with something ironically actually at least as romantic as the traditional words, if not more so.
Anyone can call a lover darling and it can be lovely but can just anyone make my dear fellow romantic? Aziraphale can. This one was all him. He loved standing there in front of a dozen deadly human soldiers in the Kingdom of Wessex in 597 A.D., getting away with a pet name under the guise of stealing the "old sport"-style of male, moneyed, British speak and turning it romantic. This scene is great with the pet names because it opens with Aziraphale being a bit of a tease with "is that you under there, Crawley?" which he only does so that Crowley will roll his eyes and correct him. Aziraphale loves that Crowley changed his name to something coded between them based off of the moment they started their doublespeak. It was very romantic and this scene shows that Aziraphale sometimes, in earlier days, would call Crowley the old name just to get Crowley to correct him, which is all just a coded way of getting Crowley to say that, yes, he still feels the same way and yes, he still wants Aziraphale to call him that. This same scene, a few sentences later, then has Aziraphale's my DEAR fellow-- heavy emphasis on the 'dear'-- which is then answering Crowley's admission by just skipping any and all of Crowley's names entirely lol and calling The Black Knight my dear in front of a bunch of bloodthirsty soldiers and mercenaries.
The my [] fellow is perfect in their little language because of how it sounds all "I say, old chap!" on the surface but contains words that are romantic to them in their doublespeak. It's intentional that it's *not* "old chap" or "old sport" that they appropriated for their own purposes, it's my [] fellow. Fellow as in human, which is how they see their relationship (because it is) and that's something that comes up when Crowley uses a variant of this in 1941, which we'll get to in a second. My adds an intimate element to it of admitting that they are each other's in whatever ways they can be.
Aziraphale, like we said a moment ago, will sometimes sauce Crowley with the pet names a little and he does in S1 when he calls Anathema my dear when reassuring her in a scene in which he and Crowley are having a playful coded argument over Crowley's driving. Aziraphale miracles a bike rack onto the back of The Bentley and unnecessarily codes the word "bicycle" ("a perfectly normal velocipede"), smirking when Crowley grumbles "bicycle" at him. It's joking with him a bit at the lunacy of their little language *in* their little language. (Crowley playing back during this sequence is also calling Aziraphale angel (romantic) in front of Anathema, which was also a strategic decision to signal to her that he might look like a murder hornet but he's really just long-suffering gone on the sunshine-y one. Very we're just an old gay married couple, hen. We won't hurt you. in tone.) Anyway, Aziraphale using my dear with Anathema-- and his little smirks towards Crowley around it-- was really just underlining the way he uses my DEAR fellow with Crowley by using the same core phrase with a human in normal, uncoded, human conversation.
Other than this and the big one we're going to get to, there are really only two other things we've seen them use to refer to one another. In S1's Eleven Years Ago/2008, there's the moment when Crowley and Aziraphale have arrived back at the bookshop and Aziraphale is flirting with Crowley and says this, tongue firmly in cheek:
I mentioned this in another post about the wall slam in Tadfield but this is a very much intentionally blasphemous specific sexual request that is more at home in the sex meta post you all have me working on lol but for the purposes of this conversation, "foul fiend" is Bible for "wicked demon", so this is Aziraphale just kind of flirtily, jokingly calling Crowley a wicked demon in the one area in life where Crowley would probably happily own that description lol. It also has the other layer of humor in it in that Crowley calls Aziraphale angel (romantic) all the time, more often than he uses Aziraphale's actual name, and you'd think he wouldn't want to because Heaven hasn't exactly done right by Crowley and he's not especially fond of it. By calling Aziraphale angel with love behind the meaning of it, he's calling Aziraphale a good angel. He's saying that Aziraphale is what an angel is *supposed*to be, something that Aziraphale struggles with. It's both sweet and reassuring at the same time. As a result, Aziraphale has never just started calling Crowley "demon" for the same reasons-- he thinks if being a demon is being demonic and truly evil, then Crowley is a terrible demon because he's a lovely person. He is, however, positively wicked in bed, and Aziraphale likes to mock their whole situation with blasphemous Bible innuendo when requesting a little hellfire.
The other thing to briefly mention before we get into the friend discussion is a scene not long after the one we just talked about, when they're both smashed in the bookshop in S1. When he's drunk and attempting to say "bouillabaisse", Crowley gets distracted staring at Aziraphale for a moment and calls him baby before going back to his attempts at saying a word (in French, their romance language, per S2) and we get the "fish stew-- anyway!" segue back into the rest of the scene. Aziraphale was too drunk to notice enough to react so this opens up the question of whether or not the rules can get slightly more lax in bed. Does Crowley call Aziraphale baby in more intimate moments or does he just want to and it slipped out when he was drunk? It's a fairly normal phrase so it both would and would not be a surprise either way but it's still something of a question mark by the end of S2.
But there's one thing that they use that pertains to your question from the Discorporated!Aziraphale scene (told you we'd start to get here eventually lol) and that's how they use the word friend.
The rules of their language apply-- what is said on the surface is what one of the meanings of what they are saying is. It has to be what it sounds like on the surface to also be a coded thing. Aziraphale is Aziraphale's name and angel is what he is and Crowley is the name Crowley chose for himself. That angel and Crowley have hidden meanings-- that angel is given a tone that turns it from referring to Aziraphale by his species and more into angel (romantic); that Crowley is the name everyone calls Crowley now-- from angels to demons to humans alike-- but only Aziraphale knows that it's an in-joke referencing Crowley having to playact at being demonic and evil to hide his truer, sweeter nature... this is what makes these terms acceptable in their mutual language. My [] fellow is then also meeting the rules of the language because of the humor of taking a non-romantic phrase and using it for this romance of theirs that they don't refer to as one. It sounds like a perfect common thing for British men of any kind of relationship to use in conversation on the surface but it's romantic to them underneath.
So when they say friend, by their own rules of this language, it has to first contain the surface meaning. It has to be true on that level to reoccur in their language. So 'friend' does mean 'friend' in a friendship sense. They are friends. They are good friends-- best friends. Using the word is an admittance that they are each other's closest friends, which is both lovely in its own right and healthy in a romantic relationship. You want to be friends with your romantic partner. It doesn't mean you can't have other friends, of course, but if you're not friends with your partner, it's not really going to be a terribly satisfying relationship and since that is what they are-- the longest-running of long-term relationships lol-- that they are friends is important and a good thing. It's also a big deal for them to admit to it, since they are actually *supposed* to be mortal enemies. Their whole enemies-to-lovers thing never really got off the ground because they adored each other on sight but that they're friends despite the danger and the conflicts is a big thing in its own right.
But that's not the *only* meaning of friend to them, so let's look at how they evolved that bit of their language.
From what we've seen so far, it started in 1600 in The Globe Theatre scene with this:
In 1600, Burbage drops some human, queer coding into the secret language. Friend, the way Burbage is using it, is something that's actually implying lover. The surface word is technically related to friendship but the tone changes the meaning of friendship in this context to be that of a sexual relationship. Burbage's tone implies that he thinks Crowley and Aziraphale are fucking (which Crowley, laughing, silently agrees with is obvious, since he's been ignoring Burbage in favor of buzzing around Aziraphale and clearly trying to flirt his way into his bed).
Burbage is pissed that these two-- who, as we know, are basically the entire audience-- have been ignoring his monologue in favor of flirting with each other so when Aziraphale tries at a modicum of politeness (that somehow is even bitchier subtly than Burbage lol-- "I love all the... talking" is the best he can come up with), Burbage slings back by trying to drag Crowley into it by calling him Aziraphale's friend, with that loaded tone that makes the question really: 'and what does your lover think?'
Aziraphale gets the innuendo-- he's not exactly a novice at this in 1600-- but his immediate response is just to panic at the idea of anyone noticing him and Crowley together and, as Aziraphale does when stressed, he lies in increasingly absurd levels of untruth. (See also: the scene with Shax in The Bentley in S2, when he spirals up into ludicrously claiming to *not even know who Gabriel is* in an effort to say that he has nothing to do with his disappearance.)
Crowley is bemused by Aziraphale's increasingly desperate attempts to deny what is abundantly obvious to everyone around them and by Burbage's attempt to make a thing out of them to try to assuage his bruised ego. He chooses a little violence with this particularly amusing bit of go fuck yourself, you insecure little twerp:
Anyway lol what this scene then does is give us a moment in the story wherein we see them in a situation where friend (loaded) is defined as friend used euphemistically for lover and they both know it. This isn't coding they came up with but that they will wind up appropriating from the humans around them and repurposing for themselves, though they won't for awhile still to come yet.
What's worth noting here is that friend (loaded) in this human code is euphemistic for a pretty wide array of loaded friend relationships. There's no separation in it for friends with benefits versus someone you're seeing but aren't comfortable admitting that versus someone you've been with for awhile versus the person that is basically your secret spouse, etc.. All of these things are friend (loaded) in human code because the main purpose of it is to identify a pair of people who are involved as such without directly saying so on the surface, even if it's implied heavily via tone.
So what happens when Crowley and Aziraphale eventually decide to repurpose it for themselves?
They've got to be clear on what it means. They'll need to define it more specifically amongst themselves in order to use it.
For awhile still after 1600, they just aren't defining their relationship. They don't need friend (loaded) because they have things they call each other, right? They've got angel and Crowley and my dear fellow and the like. They're not usually around a lot of other humans together that are going to do what Burbage did and try to force a definition of it. (This changes, as we know, in the modern era-- especially S2-- but back in the day, it was true for them.) As a result, they've never had to define this and that's absolutely fucking perfect, as far as they're concerned.
Not defining this? Lovely. Yes. More of that. Makes the fact that they can't just call each other my love hurt a lot less, they're convinced. It helps now for sure and it'll make it less painful if they lose each other. They totally will not at all continue to spend thousands of years wondering what it would sound like if they said the things. They don't each have fourteen million fantasies about being able to use the traditional words and how they'd do it-- absolutely not lol. *Not* using the traditional words isn't at all making both the allure of those words-- and the ones they *do* use-- hotter and more romantic or anything. Not in the slightest...
So then we eventually get the Holy Water Arc, right, and in the middle of that scene, we see them run into a definition problem. In 1862, what actually causes them to fight isn't the holy water request. It's Aziraphale giving it all a word and that word being "fraternizing." First rule of We Don't Say It Club is that we don't say it... but it's also that if you're going to say a word that means the two of you and what you have, maybe don't use the one that Heaven would-- the one that means 'socializing with the enemy.' In Aziraphale's defense, they're both a mess and half-broken up in this scene and there's more going on it than we're going to get into here but the point is that suddenly not having a word caused big drama and caused the whole holy water conversation to de-evolve into an argument that broke them up for the eleven or so minutes that they can stay broken up.
But they still hadn't really resolved the whole holy water argument debacle by 1941, even if there is evidence in the show that they saw one another between 1862 and 1941, and the reason why they haven't is because holy water is irretrievably linked to defining what they are.
Crowley asking for it meant they had to consider what they are to one another and talk about it and 1862 proved their language didn't have words for that at the time. There is a level of panic to it because the request contains a certain level of acknowledgement about how they feel about each other. Aziraphale jumps onto holy water being a suicide pill not just because he's terribly worried that that's why a visibly anxious and depressed Crowley wants it but because if it's not what Crowley wants it for, then Crowley is saying he wants it for defense and whose defense, right? Not just his own, potentially. It's very much saying that he wants it to protect not just himself but Aziraphale from Hell and now we're talking about Crowley being willing to risk the wrath of Hell and maybe get himself killed trying to protect Aziraphale from harm and now, we're closer than ever to that I love you under the surface and they panic and they avoid it for 80 some odd years entirely until World War II...
...and then we arrive at The Blitz in 1941. We are now a scant one hundred years or so until 6,000 years being up since the creation of Earth and Armageddon was always going to happen in "*about* 6,000 years" so, for all they know, this is it... and Crowley in 1600 told you how he feels about sad endings:
So while rescuing Aziraphale is nothing new, Crowley turned up in 1941 with the intent of making a better ending, in case they had now found themselves at the start of the end of the world. They were almost out of time either way and he didn't want it all to end without them having said the things but also they didn't know *for sure* if this was it... and they still can't be together if it isn't... so Crowley can't just show up and be like so, angel, I've been meaning to tell you in the actual words for the last six millennia-- I'm madly in love with you. He has to find a way to do it in their language of doublespeak. And so, here's Crowley using friend (loaded) in front of the Nazis in 1941:
By using my friend in the church, Crowley is then actually euphemistically calling Aziraphale my lover by calling back to The Globe Theatre and stealing the human coded term that Burbage used. Crowley does not care what the Nazis think. The comment isn't for them; it's for Aziraphale. So is letting Aziraphale find out about his first name, which is also calling back to The Globe Theatre. ("Anthony", pronounced "Antony", as in Shakespeare's 'Antony and Cleopatra', the play in which Shakespeare put the love poetry he stole that Crowley wrote for Aziraphale.) So is referencing the unguarded holy water in the church, which is then trying to talk about it a little by connecting it to this romantic grand gesture here and acknowledging why they panicked over it all those years ago. It's all saying I'm in love with you in their little language in the best way Crowley can in this moment.
But what did we say about friend (loaded)? We said they have to define it, right?
Because it can mean different things. Crowley isn't wrong to use it and Aziraphale understands it the way he does in the church. He understands it to euphemistically refer to them as lovers, which they are. It's just that all of this combined with Crowley saving the books then makes Aziraphale realize that it's one thing to say my friend (loaded) but if you say it and then there's holy water referencing and then there's more of the Shakespeare scene in there with Anthony and the little "you don't like it?" pout and then there's the entered a church for you and... you put all of that together with little demonic miracle of my own and saving the books...
...and Aziraphale realizes that Crowley is taking the thing that they always were-- my friend (loaded)-- and using it in the middle of saying that he's in love with him.
Crowley is trying to give it a word.
The word he's using meets all their language rules. It's from a moment in their past. It has a true surface meaning and a loaded undertone and subtext for days. He's not asking Aziraphale to use it. He's not saying the actual thing, as that would be breaking their rules, but he is absolutely saying it in their language.
He's not asking Aziraphale for it in return. He's just saying that this could all be over soon and he needed Aziraphale to know and in some ways, it's an apology of sorts. He's sorry they fought. He's sorry they lost years over it. He's sorry for the pain of it. He was in love, you see. The sex while pining got to be a lot. All of this got to be a lot. You get it now right, Aziraphale? Yes? Good. Lift home...
The phrase my friend (loaded) takes on a different meaning after Crowley saves the books and after their conversation inside and outside The Bentley. That's the point of the two "shut up"s-- the one from Part 1 and the one right after it where Part 2 picks up. Why have this conversation twice? Because it's actually two different conversations.
The first one outside The Bentley is Aziraphale in a love stupor, just telling Crowley that saving the books was a nice thing and Crowley responding with a half-effort "shut up" while he cleans his glasses. It's the only scene in the entire series to date in which Crowley is cleaning his glasses and he is in this moment to give Aziraphale his eyes for a moment. But The Blitz, Part 2 shows us this again... and then gives us the scene in The Bentley with what starts out sounding like the same conversation on the surface to start. It is, though, not the same conversation *under* the surface...
There's a reason why Aziraphale says a second time that saving the books was a nice thing. They're now in The Bentley, which is a little more private, and Aziraphale can't let this drop because he needs to know for sure what Crowley is saying with this and if Crowley's sure he wants to be saying what it seems like he's saying. This is basically Aziraphale's version of Crowley's "are you sure? are you sure you're sure?" in the magic shop later on. Aziraphale knows Crowley just said he's in love with him but Aziraphale also knows *Crowley*, right?
He's been with Crowley for a long time. He knows him very well. He knows that Crowley is anxious and emotional and hopelessly romantic and that the world is literally ending around them as they're driving through bombs raining down over London and part of Aziraphale is thinking of the fact that even in this seemingly apocalyptic Armageddon that could be starting here, Crowley was coded in what he just did. He left the traditional words on the table. He said the things in their language and that is, in some ways, even more romantic, but he's left them the things they leave out of hope for a better future, just in case. There's a caution to that and while Aziraphale appreciates the caution, he also can sense that Crowley was nervous about doing this. He is a little concerned that Crowley's going to have said he loved him and then regret it and pull away from him again and Aziraphale can't do the first bit of the Holy Water Arc all over again. He's really wanting to start to move into a lighter era here lol. He also really wants to be sure that he's understanding what Crowley is saying entirely.
And he wants to hear it again.
If Crowley isn't going to shut down on him entirely now, Aziraphale very much liked all of this and would like more of it but he first has to be sure he knows for sure what Crowley means and he can't just ask directly or he's both saying the things they leave unsaid and he'd be undoing Crowley's effort so he has to find a way to ask without directly asking and in such a way that an already sensitive about all of this Crowley won't take offense or be embarrassed and that gives them a way back from this if Crowley shows signs that he feels like he might have gone too far.
So Aziraphale offers Crowley an out.
He tells him again that it was such a nice thing Crowley did for him. He means this and it was a nice thing but this is also saying that he heard that I'm in love with you that Crowley was saying by saving his books and that he liked hearing it, that it was nice, that it was okay that Crowley did that, but that it's also okay if he feels like he made a mistake with it.
Crowley's response to again being told that it was nice is to again tell Aziraphale to "shut up", this one a bit more emphatically than he did outside The Bentley a few moments before. It's unclear to what extent this language, at this time, is sexualized, but by 2019/S1, this back and forth of Aziraphale calling Crowley "nice" and Crowley responding with some bite is a self-parodic sex game that they're playing in Tadfield.
Much of what happens in Tadfield is playing on other parts of their story-- think about the paintball bit with the gun but now with knowledge of The Bullet Catch in The Blitz, Part 2-- and there is a big difference in the ways Aziraphale calls Crowley "nice" in 1941 and in 2019. In Tadfield in 2019, Aziraphale is literally smirking in a way that implies that this is a little game they play and he's saying a series of things that he knows will prompt this intentionally outsized reaction from Crowley, who is playing it with him. The game is likely tied *to* this bit of 1941 that we see in The Blitz, Part 2 in S2, in that it's referencing it a bit (if very obviously going in a different direction lol), but also because Aziraphale's phrasing and tone in 1941 is not smirking. It's softer and quieter and not designed, through their language, to prompt a certain response out of Crowley. It's not yet a sex game, it's still a kind of conversation they've had in the past that will serve as inspiration for said sex game in the future.
While it's a bit unclear if a version of this already existed in 1941 or if 1941 is part of the evolution to what it becomes by 2019, there's a tone to it in The Bentley in 1941 that says that, at the least, Crowley suspects that Aziraphale is trying to lure him towards sex by calling him nice and that's reinforced by the next thing Aziraphale says, which continues it, but is also doing so to provide Crowley with an out to his confession of love, in case Crowley wants to take it.
Aziraphale's out comes in the form of offering him sex, which is absolutely what this is:
Oh, gee, Aziraphale, whatever could you do in this moment here in The Bentley? You aren't at all telling him you'd do literally anything he says he wants right now, right here, in his damn car, are you?
But while Aziraphale would so absolutely yes because lawd, 1941 Crowley is sldjwkejele... look at what he's *really* saying as well...
What he's saying here is we can pretend you just did all of that for sex, if you want to. I know you didn't and you know you didn't but we are good at pretending and if you're silently having an anxiety attack behind your glasses over there, we don't have do this...
Crowley's response?
The quiet "forget it, will you?"
Meaning: I don't want to take it back. I'm in love with you. I wanted to say it. I meant to say it. Everything might be going to go pear-shaped and I wanted to have said it somehow. I don't need you to say it. I don't know what I expected but I also maybe kinda didn't want the response to be 'aww, you're sweet... do you want a blowjob?' so maybe let's just drop this. We're going to never speak of this again now. Moving onto spreading the demon drink...
Crowley turns down Aziraphale's offer to make it about sex and, in doing so, Crowley says indisputably that it's about love. If he had taken up Aziraphale's offer in that moment, then it would have been agreeing to pretend that he's never said he's in love with Aziraphale and to instead pretend that the romantic-looking things were all an effort to get into Aziraphale's pants. When he turns down sex, Aziraphale smiles softly because, to him, *this* is then really the moment that Crowley said he loves him.
Aziraphale knows for sure now what Crowley was saying and my friend (loaded) now has a definition between them that means the whole deal. Since Crowley said the thing that meant lovers euphemistically as part of saying he's in love with him, then my friend (loaded) is now forever part of the night during The Blitz in 1941 when Crowley said he was in love with him, which means that they can't use any version of friend (loaded) with each other without that being part of it. Friend (loaded) always meant lovers (sexual partners) but now it also means lovers (romantic partners) as well. It's not that they just suddenly became romantic partners because it's been a romance all along but now they're acknowledging it in a way they can't go back from and they do so by giving what they are to one another a word in their secret language.
Aziraphale then wants to return the feeling. Crowley is saying that he doesn't need him to by telling him to forget it about it and wanting to move on from it but Aziraphale can't accept that. Crowley might be right-- this could be it-- and like Aziraphale's going to let Crowley potentially soon go to his grave without telling him he's not alone in how he feels. That's not happening. However you think the events happened to give Aziraphale the opportunity to rescue Crowley from the wrath of Mrs. H-- divine fate, Aziraphale miracling the bottles broken, The Bentley shipping it and helping Aziraphale, all of the above, etc..-- he gets the chance not ten minutes later and he takes it... and, of course, what does he use?
My good friend (loaded af lol).
They've already just redefined my friend (loaded) by this point, so to turn around and use it is to tell Crowley I feel the same way. I love you, too. This is Crowley's change in expression in reaction in that above gif. It's one thing when Aziraphale volunteers to help-- that is sweet and Crowley's all eyebrows raised in intrigued surprise. His whole expression then slips from that into being stunned when he hears my good friend and he realizes that Aziraphale is now grand gesturing *him*. He's realizing that the bit in the car really was just an offer of an out, not just that plus Aziraphale saying he was uncomfortable with what Crowley had said and needing it to stay a lot more hidden beneath a cover of sex. It was Aziraphale needing to be sure he understood and needing to be sure that Crowley was sure he wanted to make this change in how they are but now that he's sure on those things, Aziraphale is actually all in for it.
Worth mentioning that my good friend (loaded) is a mashup of my friend and my dear fellow, which makes it extra sweet. Just as Crowley started this by calling back to The Globe Theatre by using my friend (loaded), Aziraphale is calling back to the my dear fellow rhythm of what he's called Crowley for centuries. It says I love you and every 'my dear fellow' was not just fondness but an 'I love you', if you didn't already know. I've loved you forever.
It's also quite literally calling Crowley 'good', which is not something that he really believes about himself but is something Aziraphale believes about him. His good friend, as in close friend, but also his good friend, as in good person. He also does nothing to discourage Mrs. H's inevitable understanding that he and Crowley are a couple. He gestures between them to indicate it. He uses my good friend in such a way that it's just the same thing queer humans of the time would have said to someone low-risk (a theatre person) in London during WW2. It's completely inverted from his response to Burbage in a different theatre in 1600, in the moment this whole friend thing became a thing for them, which is also intentional. It's telling Crowley he understood all the things Crowley was saying in the church and he feels them, too.
Then, there's this, once they're back the bookshop:
Here, we're acknowledging what friends means now by pausing and emphasizing it. "That's what friends are for" is not a phrase that would require the pause and the tone on friends if friendship was all "friends" meant to them. It's not now and this is acknowledging that.
Note Crowley's little lip twitch/almost-sad-smile at what Aziraphale is saying. It's agreement. It's assent. This is them confirming that they understand what the other is saying and giving this new word a home in their language.
This is then what they call each other now when they need to talk about it and it's my friend on the surface and it's my love underneath.
There's a sadness to it. How nice it would be to just be able to say it... It's also a moment of realizing that they aren't sure they can use this word all the time. It's good to have a word and a shared understanding of what it means and they have no desire to take back these confessions of love here but while it's lovely to have said this now, it's also a bit heartbreaking.
Aziraphale's heartbreak, his little Crowley move of putting on his (transparent lol) glasses, his brave smile, and then how quickly they both transition from this conversation into The West End, The West End and I'm a lonely G.I... and The farthing *has vanished*! It shows you how accustomed they are to burying the pain under trying to live in the moment for one another.
A few moments after this, Aziraphale will be showing Crowley some of his human magic tricks in preparation for performing on stage and when they get to the point where Aziraphale is telling Crowley about Goldstone's Magic Shop, he then tells him that it's not for him because it's "for professional conjurers only."
This is somewhat unintentional metaphor on Aziraphale's part that Crowley then acknowledges and turns into coded language in his response. Aziraphale's love of human magic is metaphorical for his love of humanity and living in a way as to indulge his humanity in a way that angels have been taught not to do. The reason why Aziraphale's love of magic is this metaphor and not, say, his love of books or music or food, is because all of the other things that Aziraphale likes about the human experiences can be dismissed by him as relating to understanding the human experience *so as to be a better angel.* He's really not a student of humanity just to learn how to better guide them. He admits to Adam in front of Crowley in S1 that he thinks that humans are the ones who get it when he tells him that he hoped Adam would be good and worried he'd be evil but that he's something better than either of those-- he's human incarnate. Aziraphale can justify most of his indulgences as being related to learning human ways to relate to them to help them-- food, books (his home and his book collection can be justified as necessary cover for his angelic embassy), music, etc.... but the love of human magic?
Aziraphale just loves it. It's for him. It's his hobby. He thinks it's a little selfish and probably a lot unbecoming of an angel. He'd completely just want this for a job and he's not supposed to want a job other than to be an angel, which is supposed to be the bestest job imaginable lol. What kind of angel wants a silly human job? What kind of angel with actual magical powers is obsessed with human magic? Aziraphale is. He's endlessly fascinated. It makes him happy. It brings him joy. It's the part of living as a human that he's done in such a way that it's just for him and in such a way that it conflicts a bit with his role as an angel. The only other way Aziraphale loves like this, in this human way? The only other thing he studies at to be a better human over being a better angel?
Crowley.
So when Aziraphale says that he can't go to Goldstone's because it's "for professional conjurers only", Crowley knows that what Aziraphale is really saying is that the shop is "for actual humans only". He knows Aziraphale is admitting that he's sometimes insecure about his ability to be human because of how his humanity is tied to being an angel. Crowley knows that they're talking about Aziraphale and his human magic love on one level but that they're also talking about them and their relationship on another level. This is Aziraphale saying that he loves human magic with a passion but he's not sure he's as good as it as he could be or as he wants to be because maybe he doesn't know everything about being a human in the way that the "professional conjurers"-- humans-- know... and everything we just said he's unsure about with relation to human magic is also how he feels sometimes about loving Crowley.
This conversation is happening in an overlapping way with their friend confessions and Crowley hears that Aziraphale is saying in there that he loves Crowley with a passion but he's not always sure that he's studied enough, that he knows enough, about being human to be what Crowley deserves. He would love to go to this magic shop but he's afraid that it's not meant for him. He struggles, as Crowley already knows, with how he's not supposed to want it but oh he wants and he can't help but love magic and he can't help but love Crowley... all of which prompts Crowley to reassure him, using a now-familiar bit of their language:
"You, my Nefertiti-fooling fellow, are about to perform on the West End stage. If that doesn't make you a 'professional conjurer'... I don't know what does."
Meaning:
You, my human-passing man, are so good at this that you fooled the Ancient Egyptian Queen. You're about to perform your human magic on stage-- to make yourself vulnerable in a way that scares humans. You are always willing to take risks like that and try something new and learn more about being human and that makes you human. It's human to not totally know how to be human, I think. You're doing all of this tonight because you love me. It doesn't matter if you're a good magician or not. This love of ours is human and you're very good at it. You love me very well. If loving me doesn't make you a 'professional conjurer'... I don't know what does.
Crowley uses my [] fellow to emphasize my friend (loaded) by using the term of endearment that Aziraphale himself started that has human connotations to make the point that their love makes them human and to tell Aziraphale that he's very good at their love.
Aziraphale, understandably melting over that:
And then? They just keep using my friend. For decades. Through S2.
What makes it work for so long is the fact that it's human-coded in origin so if they run into a situation where they need to refer to one another like this, they can use it and it doesn't get a lot of questions. After the partners scene with Nina, Crowley uses my friend without thinking twice about it, telling her that she'll be safe in the bookshop because "my friend would never let anything happen to you." Nina already gets that they're friend (loaded) and she doesn't know what using friend means to them because only they know about 1941 but it's a phrase that they can use with the outside world if they need to but that mostly stays between them because only they know that, in their language, my friend = my love.
So when Crowley says I lost my best friend in the Discorporated!Aziraphale scene in S1, he means that he lost his best friend but he *also* really means I lost the love of my life.
The first thing my best friend means is just the actual, uncoded definition-- what the words really mean as they are. Aziraphale is Crowley's best friend. Whatever else they are to one another, they've always been that. The idea that he'd have to go through the end of the world and whatever came after without his best friend devastated him. In a lot of ways, it's sweeter than saying anything else, even if they weren't in a public space, because it's saying that what he'd miss the most is just having his partner in crime in life. The other layer of it is the coded layer. Since they are a couple that uses my friend in an euphemistic way for my love, then Crowley's my best friend in 2019 is the same thing as Aziraphale's my good friend was in 1941. It is my best friend on the surface and it is that but it's also my love beneath it.
This scene is also then the same thing in meaning:
And by S1's present of 2019, they're at a point of using it in an argument, which provides them the means to talk in a way they didn't have in 1862. Yeah, they have their dramatic little breakup spats but this is actually a marked improvement over where they were before the holy water mess. So now watch this bit of the bandstand again here below for the friend (loaded)...
Remember that Aziraphale lies increasing bits of absurdity when stressed and that Crowley knows that. He dismisses what Aziraphale says with that "you doooo" when Aziraphale tries the *utterly ridiculous* "I don't even like you" lol. They're both panicked about the end of the world here in Ineffable Divorce: Round One and Crowley's trying to get them to run away again, which is a terrible idea, but in the process of suggesting it, Crowley is calling them friends (now eternally loaded, as we just spent this meta proving lol) and...
...*how long* have they been friends does he say?
So, how long have they been in love, per their language, per Crowley in the bandstand scene?
Six thousand years.
Since the start.
Vavoom. Sorted. :)
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Bunny laoshi’s 1005 birthday CPNs Part II 🎂🎉
part one is here. this covers xz studio’s birthday video and all the clownery that came with it. this day is truly for celebration and i hope all of us are gonna have a good day~
a conversation that’s kinda loud is where the first part of the video was shot, and more importantly, when. because compared to the other sections of the edit, it appears to be his personal time that was added in. and the rest, with them taking photos, those are deliberately for the birthday material.
I thought this was somewhere in IM too, but it’s actually in Beijing. It’s confirmed by the photo he shared on his weibo. The place is at Lianquan Xianggu Natural Scenic Area Tiangong Cave📍Huairou District, Beijing. There are “reviews” from people who visited and said : “Highly recommended as a great place to get close to nature. There are very few people and there are many routes to choose from. No matter what your physical level, you can play!”
So i guess it makes sense for ZZ to visit. But when was this? I’m seeing 2 speculations on when this could have been. However the common denominator is that WYB was with him in this trip. It’s a place where they will not be recognized that much and no crowds.
OPTION NUMBER 1 : September
The theory is simply lining up the date when they were both in Beijing. GG allegedly went back to Beijing on 9/23 to 9/27 for work. Since he has other commitments other than shooting the movie. If you remember, he had a couple of livestreams and shoots. His schedule lined up with WYB who had no public itinerary on 9/26-9/27. So this could be the time window when they went hiking & exploring. Maybe WYB had his camera with him too and they both took pictures.
OPTION NUMBER 2 : August
This one has more clues to it and the guess is 8/14-8-15 which is free time for both of them. 8/13 was also when the mysterious driver was spotted so there’s that. The one who restored the cake mentioned to count the number of the sheep and it should be 32. Also it’s called something like a Beijing Camping cake and the plan for it ( with photos ) was shared 8/15 since this person didn’t know it’s for XZ. However the“original” one who made the concept is from Hangzhou which I already talked about. There are also posts from other people way before this material came out that they did see XZ around that time in the area. Remember there are some parts of LOCH done in Beijing. Tho they said that the filming site was very strict and closed off.
So anyway, I really believe that this was some sort of a joint celebration for them even it’s not 1005. I mean, why would his cast mates celebrate it with him that early??? Unless they both know that the two of them will be busy in the next couple of weeks so why not celebrate it now. While we’re out here camping 🏕️
This photo too, when i first saw it i expected for the XZS bday edit to have the scene where they sang for him. BUT NO. They shared a different “birthday moment”. I’m looking at this and thinking — maybe they didn’t want to share this private moment. They are aware of how eagle eyed CPFs can put things together and notice stuff with photos, all the more in a video. I’m leaning more towards the fact that it’s private and they wanna keep this between.
We could all be wrong about this. As with all CPNs, more clues come out as the days & months go by.
Moving on….
Is this the new favorite mini fan? LOL. I mean the CQL couple fan they have will always have a special place but it’s nice to see him have some “upgrade”.
We are seeing that again! P1 and P3 are a nod to how the sunrise is seen from the space station. P2 which is from XZS video looks like it’s a nod to that too but in a different way.
The whole feel of the vlog too, some of the cuts have that “Like The Sunshine” vibe to it. It’s a common reaction from some turtles, especially if you put the lyrics side by side with some of the stills. You can easily cut the scenic shots and use LTS as the background music and it will fit.
Watching the starry sky with the wild beasts. What is your name, in the shadows. Waking up in the night, silent like me. We lit the bonfire while we chatted. Time sneaks by, falling like flower petals
I have traveled a long way, you have dreamed a long time. If we can exchange our sincere hearts, then we can get through winter. Many lonely nights drift like fallen leaves: But it always finds a way and is always new on the branches. We will meet again, like the world will go on as usual
I have a firefly for you in the palm of my hand. It's some happiness picked up along the way. What is your name, how gentle is your name. Please tell me when the night breaks. We lit the bonfire while we chatted. Time sneaks by, falling like flower petals
Tell me this doesn’t match. 🙃🙃🙃 Their works really complement each other.
I can mention some other elements in the video like the windmills again & that cut with the violin/symphonic sound that wyb just mentioned in his vogue interview. I mean, if you clown hard enough I bet you can connect everything to a candy. But the topics I’ve mentioned here are what’s mostly talked about.
-END.
P.S: I can relate to this so much. The state of turtles right now 😂😂😂
#yizhan#bjyx#there is no science here i’m just clowning like i always do#omg this day is so busy i can’t even take a break lol
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Desire (24)
Desire Masterlist
Read on Wattpad
Halfass edited because it's late, I'm tired, and you guys have already waited long enough lol
*Colby's POV*
"I literally put her address in Google Maps, how the fuck are we lost?" Sam griped, flipping his blinker on.
"We aren't lost, we're just taking the scenic route" I joked and he wasn't having it.
I guess he didn't want to be lost in Minnesota at 2pm.
"It's rerouting" I informed him, holding the phone out. "Take the next two lefts" I directed, hoping we could find the way to her house.
We eventually found our way into Leighton's driveway, Sam letting out a breath of relief.
"What if this is a sign for the trip?" Sam worried aloud, turning his neck to look at me, his forehead wrinkled.
"Don't jinx us! We've only been here once. It's been what, a year? We found it in the end. Now come on! I got people to hug and kiss in there!" I exclaimed, throwing the door open after quickly unbuckling my seat belt.
I couldn't contain my excitement for this trip.
I practically tripped getting out of the car, wanting to get to the front door quicker than my feet could carry me.
"Colby!" Sam called out right as I rang the doorbell.
I instantly heard dogs barking, a stupid smile on my face as I waited.
The front door opened, and instead of being met with Leighton, I was met with her Uncle.
"Oh uh.." I stuttered, surprised that he was the one who answered.
"Well don't stand out here looking like a fool, come in! Leigh is finishing up her notes" Uncle Garret widened the door, letting Sam and I in.
I made my way to her room, slowly opening the closed bedroom door.
I don't know what I was expecting, but seeing Gabe wouldn't have been my first guess.
"Um" I spoke, extremely confused.
Wasn't he in New York?
"Colby!" Leighton exclaimed, quickly walking over to me to hug me.
"Hey.. what's he doing here?" I asked quietly, feeling his eyes burn a hole into the back of my head.
"Oh! Gabe is watching Gemma. He's on summer break now, so whilst I'm away with you guys, he'll be with Gem. That way we don't have a cranky baby on the flight, and he gets to spend time with her" She explained and I nodded slowly.
"Okay.." I trailed off, having so much to say, but I didn't want to argue in front of him. "Can I see G?" I asked and Leigh frowned.
"I'm sorry... Melissa and Lincoln took her to the park down the road for a bit. They wanted to try and push her on the swings" She explained and I nodded, feeling extremely awkward.
I excused myself, leaving the room to clear my head.
"Hey Captain" I smiled, sitting down in the hallway and giving him a rub down. "I've missed you buddy"
I sat with Captain for a minute until I heard a throat clear, making me look up.
"What's wrong?" She asked and I shook my head.
"Nothing's wrong. I'm just confused. That's all"
"Confused? About what?"
"I didn't know you were leaving Gemma behind"
"Huh? I told you about our nightmare flight. I don't want to do that on the flight to Italy. We'll have our hands full as it is. Plus, Gabe hasn't been able to see her in so long. Are you mad that she's staying here?" Leigh asked, her arms crossed over her chest, towering over me.
"I was just.. you know what, no. It's fine. It doesn't matter" I shook my head, feeling stupid.
I stood up, ready to walk back to the main room, only for her to grab my arm.
"It's what? Talk to me Colby"
"No, it's stupid"
"Colby" She warned and I sighed, turning around.
"I want to be a family, Leighton. I wanted to do this with her. I.. nevermind" I groaned, watching the surprise mask her facial features.
I need to shut up and nod along with her plans.
Get over yourself Colby.
"Colby!" She called after me, but I walked to the patio door, sliding it open and stepping out.
"Colby" She said softly, sitting down next to me on the concrete.
"Stop Leigh, I'm fine"
"You're not fine. You're upset. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I figured it wasn't that important. After all, I was concerned about it to begin with.. it worked out well with Gabe though"
I nodded, staying quiet.
I felt so stupid.
I truly was an idiot.
"Can you please tell me why you're upset?" She asked and I mentally groaned.
"It's stupid"
"Your feelings aren't stupid to me Colby"
I sighed, glancing away from me.
"I wanted to take her to Italy. Even if she can't remember it. I want her to meet your grandparents.. I want those memories. I want to do things for her. To take her places. This is something I can give her for once.. and who knows when I'll go back. You're Italian Leighton, and so is she. It's her heritage. I just... I wanted to explore the world with her" I explained, feeling pathetic.
This was so stupid.
"Okay.. I'm sorry that I didn't know that was your intention.. but Colby.. He's her father. He has the right to spend time with her. She hated just the 3 hour direct flight from LAX to Minneapolis.. I can't imagine taking her on different planes tomorrow all the way to Italy. It was hard on me, and it was hard on her. She's finally getting used to this place as her home.. I don't want to tear her away to another country" She explained and I nodded, running my hands over my head.
"I said it was stupid" I muttered and Leighton sighed, resting the palm of her hand on my left shoulder blade.
"It isn't stupid Colby. It was an incredibly sweet gesture. I would also love to do all those things.. but baby, I think she needs to be a little older. One, she will be able to remember it if we ever go again.. and two, flying with her would be easier"
"But what about your grandparents?" I asked, turning to look at her.
"Like you said, they're Italian and Swedish. They're not going anywhere" She laughed, myself chuckling slightly with her.
"Sorry for being dramatic" I apologized and she shook her head, leaning her head on my shoulder.
"Don't be sorry. I should've talked to you and Sam about it. I'm sorry I didn't communicate my plans" She said, pressing a soft kiss under my jaw.
"I understand why.. I'm just disappointed" I voiced and she nodded against my shoulder before leaning back up.
"I'm sorry" She repeated and I sighed.
"I know"
"Are you mad at me?" She asked and I shook my head. "Well... I'd like to say thank you for coming. I know it's a pain in the ass to add an extra flight to our list, but I do appreciate it" She said, her hand resting on my knee.
"Of course. I'd do anything for you, you know that"
I heard her let out a deep breath, forcing me to look over at her.
"What?" I laughed, Leighton looking like she was about to get lost in her thoughts.
"Nothing. Are you coming in?" She asked and I nodded, getting up and then offering a hand to help her up.
"I swear to god if you drop me!" She warned.
"I won't drop you!" I laughed, keeping my hand held out.
She grabbed it and I started to pull her up, but to tease her, I slightly let her fall back down and cackled when her eyes got wide.
"COLBY!" She yelled once she was on her feet.
"What? It was funny" I chuckled and she flipped me off. "Hey now, Nuhuh" I shook my head, grabbing her wrist to pull her into me, her hands trapped between my chest.
"Colby!" She whined, annoyed that I had her trapped.
"Don't be mad" I warned and she kept her eyes narrowed. I pucker my lips down towards her, trying to hold back a laugh as she kept her death glare.
"I'm waiting" I mumbled and she rolled her eyes, leaning up to kiss me.
She kissed me softly before pulling away.
"Better" I smirked and she smacked my chest.
"You're annoying" Leighton grumbled and I grinned, knowing I won.
"But you keep me around! Now, we have a bag to pack to make sure you're ready for Italy!" I cheered, pulling her behind me.
~
"She's getting so big" I groaned, picking Gemma up off the ground.
"She's six months old, what did you expect?" Leigh laughed, dropping her carry on bag down by her feet.
"Damn, six months already? It feels like just yesterday we were in the hospital and she was about to be born" I said, Gemma wiggling out of my grasp. "Rude" I teased, setting her down so she could reach her toys.
"I mean, yeah.. but she's starting to sleep better, so I don't really miss it. Newborns are hard" Leigh reminded.
"Is she still clingy?" I asked, and Leighton nodded.
"Which should be interesting considering I'm going to be gone for like two weeks, so she'll be with Gabe. Hopefully it goes well"
"It's not too late to take her with" I reminded her, Leigh giving me a look. "Alright, fine. I'll drop it"
"Thank you. Now, where did Sam go? We gotta get going soon"
"He went to the bathroom I think"
"Katrina is meeting us at the next airport right?" Leighton asked and I nodded.
"Yeah, then we'll leave together. We got a long trip ahead of us. It's so annoying that there aren't any direct flights"
"I'm nervous to leave her behind.. but it'll be okay. She'll be okay. It's easier to have her here — home, with people she knows, then on a long as fuck flight across the world..." She tried to convince herself.
I sighed, wishing we could just scoop her up and bring her with us.
"We'll be back before you know it. Don't worry. Plus... like you said, she'll get to hang out with Gabe" I reminded her and she nodded slowly, almost seeming apprehensive.
"What if something happens? He hasn't had to actually take care of her hands-on in what.. four? Five months?" She worried.
"It's not like you're leaving her alone with him. She'll be here with your family. You know I also want her to come.. but you thought this through, so it'll be okay"
"But what if it's not?"
"Then I will personally pay for your flight home. I get it's scary, but we can't control the future. You said you talked to him about her schedule and such, so we should be good"
"Ugh! It's just scary! The most I've be away from her was rehab, and even then you brought her on Fridays"
"It's the same length as rehab Leigh" I reminded her and she groaned.
"I know! It's the fact that I'm out of the country!" She whined, her voice cracking at the end.
I picked up G and walked over to the emotionally crumbled Leighton.
"G, can you give mommy a hug?" I asked her, offering Leighton her daughter.
Thankfully Gemma was quite clingy, so immediately she reached out for her mother.
"Oh sweet girl" Leighton sighed, snuggling her closer. "It's scary to be a parent" She spoke softly, her teary eyes looking up at me.
I sighed and sat down in front of her on the floor, careful not to jab the corner of the coffee table into my back.
"Remember how you talked about not being able to love her? How being attached was scary?" I asked and Leighton nodded. "I think this is love. I think you're feeling this because you love her" I said, my heart starting to beat quicker.
"Hey guys, are we eating before we go or picking up something?" Sam asked, entering the living room. "Oh shit — what's going on?" He asked, reading the room.
"Leighton's nervous to leave Gemma behind" I filled him in and his mouth made the "Oh" facial expression, before moving to stand in front of her. "And she said parenting was scary and I talked about how what she's probably feeling is love" I explained.
"Isn't that a good thing? You were nervous that wouldn't happen" Sam asked, my heart melting at the sight of Gemma chewing on her hand and snuggling into Leighton.
She stayed quiet, her hand rubbing up and down Gemma's back in a soothing manner.
"Remember when you brought up adoption?" Sam asked, catching me off guard.
Where was he going with this?
"And I know you were mad that we — sorry, I, talked you out of it.. but Leigh, this is why. You talked about being scared to be attached because you weren't ready and all that jazz.. but look. You're figuring it out. You moved, you have a job, she has a home.. and now you're feeling the parental attachment of not wanting anything to happen to her. I may not have my own child.. but I had faith in you. I knew you could do it. I've never once doubted you, and your love for her, even if you did" Sam told her, never breaking eye contact. "You've been an amazing mother, Leighton. Even with your ups and downs.. look at her. She's not only growing up and becoming more or a human... but you've always kept her safe, and happy. Even with your addictions, look at where you guys are now" He motioned his hands in a way to look around.
"Leaving her feels so scary.. and I just like.. I remember sitting in my hospital room and looking at the empty bassinet and thinking about what it would be like if I did put her up for adoption.. and I kind of feel like that again. It's almost like remorse of like.. I really wanted to do that.. and now I'm sitting here.. and I don't want to let her go" She confessed and I felt my heart clenched in sympathy for her.
"It's two weeks Leigh" I reminded her and she sighed, pressing a soft kiss against Gemma's head.
"I know, I just.. I left her with you, you know? I... I trusted you. I knew she was going to be fine"
"You don't trust Gabe?" Sam asked and Leigh let out a deep exhale.
"It's not that.. It's just — Colby was there all the time. He not only watched, but helped. Even you and Kat have been around more than he has. It's not that I think something will happen.. it's just.. a lot can change in four or five months. I don't care for her the same way I did when she was a newborn" She explained and I nodded, understanding where she was coming from. "Anyway, I'll stop being a little bitch. She'll be fine"
"You're not being a little bitch Leigh. It's perfectly normal to be worried. Don't short change yourself though. You're acting like any mother with a baby would" Sam told her.
"I am a pathetic little bitch, but thanks" She chuckled, cradling her daughter against her. "You know what's annoying though?" She asked, and I hummed in response, the same time Sam said "What?"
"I'm still breast feeding, meaning I have to pack the stupid pump and I have to dump the breast milk because I can't save that"
"Oh shit" I replied, realizing she was right.
I didn't think about that.
"Love having to pump and dump. I have such good memories with that" She replied sarcastically. "Anyway, I need to pump before we leave and toss it in the freezer, and then I'm ready. To answer Sam, we could make something before we leave since I have pump anyway"
~
"Look G, it's dada!" Leigh pointed towards Gabe.
"Come here baby girl" He called for her, sitting about 3 feet away from me.
"Has she pushed herself up onto her knees yet?" Sam asked and Leigh shook her head.
"Not that I'm aware of, but she's been rolling around pretty good. I swear if she crawls for the first time when I'm gone-" Leigh threatened.
"What if we just like.. put her on her knees?" I suggested, wanting to see Gemma crawl.
"I doubt that will work" Sam laughed, taking a seat on the carpet.
"Hey, it's worth a try. Hand me the baby" I held my hands out for Gemma.
"Gemma, go get Colby" Leigh encouraged, pointing at me.
"Come on G! You can do it!" I also encouraged, reaching my arms out for her.
"Isn't like the signs of her being on her knees and rocking or whatever?" Sam asked and Leigh nodded.
"Yeah, it like shows interest or something"
"What are you hooligans doing?" Uncle Garret asked, walking into the room.
"Tryna get G to crawl"
"Oh god, don't do that" Uncle Garret warned, a few of us chuckling, asking why. "Because once they start crawling we're all fucked. At least I know that if I set her somewhere, she'll still be there. Even with her rolling over, she's not smart enough to leave the room" He explained, shaking his head at us.
"What?" Leigh laughed, clearly finding his playful negative reaction amusing.
"Crawling and running is like a gift from Satan. I'm glad she hasn't figured out how to climb out of her crib" He snickered.
"Oh god! You're right!" Leigh replied in a breathy tone, showing that she realized what he was talking about.
"Wait, what?" Gabe asked, clearly not following. "She can crawl out?" He asked and Uncle Garret nodded. "How?" he questioned, my eyes falling back onto Gemma who was trying to put a dog toy in her mouth.
"Hey!" I slightly yelled, catching her attention. "Don't put that in your mouth!" I pointed, a stuffed dog bone being clutched in her hand near her mouth.
"Gemma, you're not a dog" Leigh laughed, prying the toy out of Gemma's hand.
The second the clutched toy left her grasp, her face scrunched up and she started to cry.
"This drama queen" Leighton muttered, handing her a teething ring.
"Wait, what's with the crib thing?" Gabe asked, taking us back to the previous conversation.
Uncle Garret explained that it's easier for her to get into bad things, or to lose her once she's mobile and how kids reach a point where they start climbing out of the crib, informing him about lowering the mattress to make it harder.
"Don't encourage her to move. Her butt needs to stay seated" Leigh laughed, and Gemma rocked a bit whilst sitting, Leigh playfully reprimanding her.
~
"I promise Leigh, I got it. If I don't I can call you, or ask" Gabe reassured her, Leigh reluctantly handing over Gemma.
"I know.. she's just.. she's my baby" Leigh pouted.
"Two weeks Leigh. You've done it before" I reminded her and she nodded.
Somehow we got Leighton into the car and when I glanced in the rearview mirror, I could see her swipe her under eye.
"Leigh, it's going to be okay" I reminded again, Sam also now glancing in the rearview mirror.
The car ride to the airport was scarcely silent.
You could tell she was so far lost in her thoughts that there was no pulling her out of them.
Getting through MPS airport with her wasn't necessarily hard, she was just quiet.
Any question we asked, she either nodded, shook her head, or walked to go do it herself.
She was quiet the whole flight, and numbly walked off the airplane and started the process all over again.
On our second flight, I was sitting next to her, this time Leighton sitting next to the window.
"Hey? Are you alright?" I pressed, wishing I could get her to crack.
She nodded and I mentally groaned.
Maybe she was just tired.
~
"Are we meeting in your room or mine?" Sam asked, Kat standing tiredly next to him.
"Um.. we can meet here, in our room" I decided, Sam nodding and bidding us a goodnight, walking a few doors down.
I locked our hotel room door behind us and Leigh plopped down on one of the Queen sized beds.
"Are you alright?" I asked, kicking my shoes off and moving her suitcase out of my way.
"Just tired" She mumbled, crossing her arms over her face to hide from the light.
"Same. Let's get to bed, we got an early flight tomorrow. I'm sure you'll want to call Gabe as well before we're out of the country" I spoke to her, but she didn't reply.
I unpaid the empty bed, tugging my shirt over my head, fixing the band of my sweat pants before crawling in.
I reached over, turning off the bedside lamp, letting the room get dark.
"We're sleeping in different beds?" She mumbled, her face still covered even though we were in complete pitch black.
"Do you want to sleep in the same bed?" I asked, turning so I was facing the direction of her bed.
"I uh.. we don't have to" she muttered and I heard her shift around before yell out.
"OW! Motherfucker!"
"Are you okay?" I asked frantically, sitting upright now in the bed.
"Yeah" She grumbled, "I kicked a fucking suitcase"
"I'm sorry" I chuckled, "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine. I need to find my pump so I don't leak on the hotel beds" She muttered, flicking on the bathroom light.
"So sexy" I teased, watching her grab her pump.
"Do you care if I pump in front of you?" She asked, standing by my bed.
"What, like sitting in a chair staring at me?" I asked, laughing a little.
"No" She rolls her eyes, "I was asking if It was fine if I could lay in bed or if you wanted me to go into the bathroom"
"Leigh, it's perfectly natural. If you need to whip out a boob, who am I to stop you?" I grinned and she glared, her lips tugging upwards.
"Are we sleeping in different beds?" She asked and instead of answering, I moved the blanket, tapping the mattress.
Leigh crawled in, moving so she was leaning against the pillows.
"I'm not wearing a nursing bra.. I'm going to have to fully undress from the top half"
"Whatever works for you, when you're done, can you turn off the light please?" I asked and she nodded.
I got comfy and rolled over, closing my eyes as I heard her machine start.
"Sorry" She mumbled.
"It's fine" I replied back, pulling the comforter closer to my chest, snuggling in.
I felt myself start to be pulled into sleep, but was yanked right out as her hand touched my shoulder, startling me.
"Sorry.. I uh.. can we talk? I'm bored" She admitted and I sighed, rolling onto my back.
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked tiredly.
"I don't know.. do you think Gemma's okay?"
"I'm sure she's fine"
"You're annoyed with me"
"I'm not annoyed, just tired"
"You sound more annoyed than tired"
"If you keep pushing I'm going to be annoyed" I warned, squinting from the bathroom light, rolling back over.
"Sorry" She muttered, staying quiet.
I sighed, groaning slightly as I did a 180 to face her.
"What's wrong?" I asked, Leigh shaking her head. "Leighton"
"I'm just worried! It's scary leaving her alone! I was nervous with you — even though I trusted you. Did you know Gabe has a girlfriend? What if she comes over and they-"
"Leighton, he's at your Aunt and Uncle's house. I doubt his new girlfriend will be there" I reassured her, Leighton sighing loudly. I let out a frustrated breath, my eyes burning from how tired I was.
"They've apparently been together for a while" She started, and I stayed quiet, "She's apparently named Zara" She continued and my eyes popped open.
Shit.
"Oh uh.. that's nice" I replied half heartedly, my heart starting to beat a little quicker in my chest.
"What if G likes her more?" She asked and I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath.
Here we go.
"She doesn't even know her, Leigh" I reminded her, silently hating how long pumping takes.
"What if she grows up to hate me?" She asked, and this time I loudly groaned.
"Leigh, honey, I love you so much but you're worrying for nothing. I would love to lay here and ease all your worries.. but I'm dog-tired baby. Gemma loves you, and I'm sure she's doing okay with Gabe. You said earlier that you didn't have any messages about it. Trust him. You chose this for a reason, so believe in him"
"Sorry" She replied softly and I sighed, moving so my lips were near her knee, resting my chin on top of her knee.
"You don't need to apologize. I understand you're worried. We both wished things looked differently, but we have to trust that we're making the right choice. I'm sorry if I sound grumpy, but I'm very tired and I don't want us to fight because my half asleep brain says something stupid" I explained and she nodded. "Can I have a kiss?" I asked, keeping my eyes on her.
"I uh.. I'd like to kiss you, but I'm trapped by my boobs" She snickered.
"I guess I can make a bit more of an effort" I grinned, moving so I was sitting up.
I pucker my lips near hers, Leighton matching my motions.
I kissed her softly, letting both of us melt into it a little bit.
"I'm sorry" I whispered once I pulled away, my mouth near her ear. "I know this is scary, but we both know you were right with leaving her home. I promise she loves you, and I know you're worried, but it'll be okay" I said softly, placing a soft kiss against her cheek.
"I know, jut worried.. sorry. I need to go dump this" She sighed, taking the bottles off and moving to get out of bed.
"Have you ever tried it?" I asked, watching her make her way to the bathroom.
"I'm going to say this now, these both are going to be dumped down the sink" She gave me a look, holding the bottles up towards her collarbones, showing me the partly filled bottles.
I couldn't help but laugh, "I know! I was just asking" I chuckled, watching her disappear into the bathroom, hearing the running water.
There was a soft buzz from the air conditioner as she put the cleaned pump away before crawling into bed.
"My boobs hurt" She muttered, pulling the blanket up to her chest.
"I'm sorry" I chuckled, not sure how to reply.
"It's fine. Hopefully one day it will be worth it" She replied quietly, now laying next to me.
"It's not worth it already?" I asked, confused by how she couldn't already feel like this was all worth something.
"It is..." She trailed off, catching my attention.
"But?" I egged on, Leigh looking over at me.
"But I'm still not at a place where I feel like I did it. Like we got somewhere. Where I don't have to worry" She explained.
"Isn't something parents say that you're never done? You're always worried?" I asked and Leighton groaned.
"Who let me have a baby?" She whined and I laughed, pulling her into my arms, wrapping my arm securely around her waist.
"If it's worth anything, you made a damn cute kid" I told her, nuzzling into the crook of her neck.
"Thanks" She giggled, scrunching her shoulder to her cheek as I kissed her neck. "Colby!" She cried, giggling as my lips tickled her neck.
"Hm?" I hummed, her shoulder resting against my jaw.
"We can't! We have to get up early and call Gabe and then fly to Italy"
"Nothing kills a boner faster than the person your dating ex boyfriend's name" I huffed, pulling out of her neck and rolling back to my own side of the bed.
"I'm sorry" She giggled, snuggling back into my side.
"You're right though, we need to go to bed before Sam kicks our asses"
"Yeah.. thanks for today by the way" She murmured, kissing my rib cage since that's where she could reach.
"It's gonna be alright. Let's worry less about Gabe fucking up, and more about exploring Italy together. After all, I'm terrified to meet your grandparents" I chuckled, turning to look down at her.
"What? Why" She laughed, our eyes meeting as she looked up.
"Your grandfather is Italian and your grandmother is Swedish! What do you mean why?! Not to mention, your dad told me that he and your grandparents don't get along"
"Don't listen to him. It's gonna be fine! I mean, my Nonno might give you a hard time, maybe cross a line or two... but he's just protective and a little hard headed. Don't take it personally. At the end of the day, I'm flying back home with you" She reminded me and I nodded, "After all, if he says anything truly hurtful, it'll probably be in Italian, so you won't hear it anyway" She joked and I glared, shaking my head as my chest shook from the quiet chuckle leaving my lips.
"Great" I joked and she grinned her hand reaching up to cup my cheek.
"You'll be fine. Now let's hit the hay before Sam really does come in here and give us hell to pay"
* * * *
Was indecisive about posting this one... but I figured more is better than less.. so..
Written on: September 8th, 9th, 14th 2022
Word Count: 4.8k
Part Twenty Five
#colbybrock#colbybrockfanfiction#samandcolby#samandcolbyfanfiction#colbybrockfanfic#colbybrockimagine#colbybrockoneshot#colbybrockwattpad#samandcolbywattpad#samandcolbywriting#colbybrockwriting
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You've said Phangs was "specifically intended to appeal to fanfic readers" - would you be willing (spoons permitting) to elaborate on how you went about that? From the writing perspective?
Fanfic tends to be highly character-focused and emotionally driven, as opposed to trad!pub, which tends to be plot-driven. There are genres of published works that focus more on emotional and character development (Romance being one). But even Romance as a genre is expected to adhere to specific narrative beats and genre expectations over the more emotionally indulgent style we find in fanfic.
This isn't to say fanfic, especially long-form fanfic, can't or doesn't conform to certain narrative expectations, merely that it will often take the scenic route to get there. Mainly because you're operating outside the restrictions of published fiction, where the emphasis is usually put on plot and plot pacing. When I worked in the publishing industry, many writers AND editors were paid per word, which often lends itself to a style of economic brevity that I personally do not find appealing as a reader, but many do. Neither type is better than the other; it's just a question of personal taste.
With Phangs, I definitely took the scenic route of establishing both the characters and the world. I also tried to maintain the level of character focus, introspection, nuanced representation*, and emotional catharsis many of us read fanfic for. If I’d gone the route of trad!publishing, chances are large swathes of that would have been cut for the sake of brevity and keeping the pacing quicker. Which is fine; sometimes, you need to meander less verbally and get to the point. It's just not what I’m going for with the Phangs series!
Does that make sense? I hope so because I'm not sure how else to describe it! 😅
---
*A lingering criticism I've been made aware of the pacing is that Nathans's disability arc is too long and unnecessary, and the focus on his hurt/comfort is too fanficcy. This may be true for most published fiction, but considering how poorly disability is represented in media, I’ll take that criticism as a compliment, lol.
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Danger Days Chapter 6: Look Alive, Sunshine
summary: the three of you find more questions than answers and the start of a whole new fuckin' problem im so so so sorry
warnings: tw for gore, bloodshed, hurt/little comfort, angst, gunfight, etc
word count: 4,166 she’s a big bitch lol
read on ao3 here / masterlist
“Let’s look around,” Ellie said dejectedly.
Joel walked off on his own, giving the three of you some space. Ellie went through a door and walked down the hall to her right, following it.
The halls and rooms here were void of your previous allies, not a single soul seemed to be here but you could still make out traces of equipment and feel a semblance of sentimentality from your memories. Damned memories tickling at the edge of your mind.
You picked up some papers and read them quickly, hearing Ellie somewhere in another room asking if anybody is there and Joel off to your right in some other room shuffling around. There was still quite a bit of medical paperwork on the hopes of a cure, of somebody like Ellie coming by.
Unfortunately the research was only bits and pieces but you could catch an idea of a project involving infected monkeys. Suddenly you were startled as Ellie shouted, “Yoo-hoo! Fireflies! Cure for mankind over here! Anyone?”
Before you could tell her to stop, Joel reprimanded her. “Let’s keep it down until we figure out what’s going on.”
You looked over your shoulder and saw him savenging around, picking up remnants of med kits, gears, even forgotten bullets and tools. Idly you think hJoel has the right idea and go off searching around too, pocketing the rest of the papers to finish reading them later.
The three of you continue looking quietly until coming to the conclusion there’s not much here.
“You sure this is where they’d be,” Joel asks you.
“Positive. That room over there was my uncle’s office,” you pointed towards an open door. “They must have pushed back further into the building.”
Ellie was the first to walk down a hall, finding it leading across to a landing with elevators and stairs. The man stayed behind for a beat, eyeing you. Likely second-guessing your motioves. Eventually he turned and walked away, following the teen. At the center of it all were large black containers and she kneeled in front of an open one and began to read, Joel joining her in flipping through the papers.
“Nothing useful,” Ellie states, throwing the papers down a bit more harshly than necessary.
“Ain’t nothin’ here but a bunch of medical mumbo-jumbo.”
You reach for some of the books and a binder and flip through them quickly too, noting some words about failed specimens and subjects not surviving an experiment until ultimately being harvested. Whatever they were doing wasn’t going well and they seemed to be feeling the weight of morality on their shoulders. There was an entry logged by some Doctor Anderson about feeling conflicted about torturing humans and questioning if it was worth it.
Shutting the binder quickly and throwing it in your backpack to finish reading it later, your mental dialog cut short as Ellie sighed heavily, “I don’t get it.”
“Looks like they all just packed up and left in a hurry, unless you got a better idea?”
Before you could answer, a loud metallic bang hit from the floor above the three of you. Ellie and Joel looked at each other before she said a bit grimly, “Maybe not all of ‘em left.”
“Stay close,” Joel commanded.
The stairs up to the third floor was behind Ellie and she went up first as you finished zipping up your backpack and tossing it on.
The floor above was more or less the same, open to the central garden in the middle of the building, objects in disarray, out of use vending machines that you’re pretty positive you used to pry open to steal sodas from. All this, but no Fireflies.
Joel went through a door on the left, probably scavenging for more things to find whereas you and Ellie went the scenic route on the outside corridor.
“What do you think happened?”
“Considering they had enough time to pack up research,” you pointed at some boxes, “they must have left willingly.” You shuffled through some more papers, looking for a clue. “But the question is, why leave?”
Ellie walked inside a door and followed the path of some wires that lead to an old flood light, “There are no bodies. That’s good, right?”
“If we find out where they went,” came Joel’s voice from behind you two.
You followed Ellie down the hall, peering into rooms and broken windows to your left. Suddenly there was another noise coming from behind and when the three of you turned, the very same flood light you’d all passed knocked over, lying prone on the ground.
“Shit,” Joel whispered.
“Um… So it’s probably clickers, right?”
You flashed Ellie a look, “Not the time.”
“Right.”
You all held your breath for a few moments, trying to listen until Joel broke the silence, answering Ellie. “No. Clickers don’t hide.”
He looked at you, giving you a once-over, likely weighing the possibility of you betraying him. You responded in kind expression, silently telling him to give whatever plot he has in mind a try.
Wary old bastard, you thought. As if you’d pull a stunt this far into your mission together, even after he began to act lukewarm to your presence.
You took the lead down a tarp covered hall, not really remembering this area much. They probably did push up to these higher levels judging by all the lab equipment left behind.
Digging in your memory, you recalled everybody keeping to the first and second floors in this building to make bailouts quicker. The militia men were on the rooftops to keep an eye out for any stray hunters or other unfriendlies.
Whatever happened on these floors were not from when you kept around.
Your trio came to a corner room that looked as if it were being used as an x-ray exam area, there were large black television-like screens on the wall that had some mangled imagery on them. Whatever it was put a shudder through you. Along the back wall, Joel found an x-ray abandoned on the counter and picked it up, when you and Ellie looked over his shoulder it looked like a skull with fungal growth on it. Like somebody who was infected for quite some time.
“Gross.” Ellie pretended to gag when she saw the photo.
Joel tucked the x-ray away and went on to look around, you followed by looking in the cabinets for alcohol disinfectant. “They had to have left something behind,” you mumbled to yourself as you began to feel the inklings of irritation slip into your bones.
Joel went to another door, this time leading to some room to the right but as he opened it, a screech came and he jumped, “Jesus!”
You drew your pistol from your hip and pointed it outwards, pushing Ellie behind you until you could hear chittering.
Fuckin’ monkeys , you think as you put your weapon down, faintly seeing three monkeys jump out a window on the opposite side of the room.
Ellie walks next to Joel, peeking into the lab he was stepping into and he leans towards her, “Well, at least it aint clickers.”
“Yeah. No Fireflies either,” she steps into the room. She throws her arms open wide, “Well, maybe in all that research they turned into fucking monkeys.”
You try to stifle a laugh but fail, a light giggle leaves your lips. “At least they’re not flying monkeys.”
“Just keep searching, we'll find something,” Joel says, shooting you a pointed look about your banter with Ellie.
The room looked like it used to be a science lab, naturally. The left and back side of the room were lined with metal cages, likely the ones that originally held the monkeys. Otherwise, there were large black countertop tables around, probably where students listened to their lecture and did hands-on assignments. Joel approached one of the tables in the middle, picking up what looked to be a recorder and pressed play.
A male voice clicked on. There were sounds of shuffling and screeches from the monkeys in the background. “That’s four palettes of lab equipment all packed up and ready to go. Now - big question is what do we do with all you guys. They say the tainted batch needs to be put down. You know what I say? I say screw that. Who made a bigger sacrifice than you, right? If anyone deserves to run free out there it’s-. Hey, easy! Agh. Shit. Oh, no. It bit me. Oh my god,” his breath gets heavy and the recorder stops abruptly.
Holy fuck, they were purposefully infecting animals , you think in horror.
“I’m sure glad we didn’t mess with them monkeys,” Joel says. “Did you know?”
You look at him wide-eyed and slack jawed. “Not a fuckin’ clue. I know my uncle was running blood tests and cell regrowth experiments but nothing like that.”
“He didn’t say where they went,” Ellie said, eyeing the two of you. The tension was minorly palpable, whatever small victory you gained in the camradiery field was now likely gone between Joel and you.
“I know, let’s keep looking,” Joel responded.
You fixed your composure and tried to reassure her, “We’ll find them.”
Your small trio followed the room into another, searching that one but finding nothing of interest in the drawers or on the tables. Not even another research binder. There was another door to the right and Joel approached it, trying to push his way in but there was a green metal object keeping it closed. He looked to you, “Hey, come help me.”
Stepping beside him, the two of you pushed against the door, throwing yourselves against it repeatedly to open it until it gave way. Joel gave you a tense nod, a silent thanks as he walked in first, Ellie close on his heels.
It wasn’t until you entered the room did you see it- the body. It looked to have been dead for quite a while, the bones were very obvious but still held together by the clothes wrapped around them. The person was sitting at a desk, facing the window, where Joel loomed over it as if it didn’t bother him and he picked up what looked to be another recorder.
Click. “If you’re looking for the Fireflies, they’ve all left,” a voice said grimly. You recognized it as the same one from earlier.
Ellie looked up from a binder she was flipping through, “Yeah, no shit.”
“I’m dead,” the man continued, “Or I will be soon. Got me some time to reflect.” Joel fast forwards through the tape, “...been years that felt like we were…”
He fast forwards again, “...fucking thing was a giant waste of ti-...”
And again, “...not gonna do this anymore…”
Ellie sighs while you pace, wishing to listen to the tape in more detail later. “Come on,” Joel grumbles as he fast forwards it yet again.
“...looking for the others, they’ve all returned to Saint Mary’s Hospital in Salt Lake City. You’ll find them there. Still trying to save the world. Good luck with that.”
Ellie sounding mildly hopeful looks to both of you, “Do either of you know where that is?”
“I know the city,” he nods before turning to catch you chewing on your fingernails in thought. “You?”
“I- I remember Marlene mentioning it to Regan on occasion but they talked about it like it was abandoned. I’ve never been there.”
“Is it far,” Ellie asked.
“It ain’t close. I mean on horseback-,” he stops abruptly, something catching his attention out the window.
“What?”
Out of the corner of your eye you see it too. Flashlights peeking through the windows. Just as Ellie asked if they were Fireflies, the light shines on them as they stood by the window and Joel pushed her down, ordering her and you to hit the deck just as whoever was on the other end of that light took a shot at you all, shattering the window.
“Shit,” you shout, ducking down to avoid the coming onslaught of gunfire.
Ellie looked at you, “Who the fuck are these guys?”
He looked at you angrily, “Did you lure them here? Is this some kind of trap?”
“Fuck you, Joel Miller! I didn’t.”
He stared you down. “Fine, It don’t matter,” Joel argued, “We know where to go. Let’s get the hell outta here.” He jerked his chin at you and spit, “Lead the way.”
You wiped the initial shock from your system and went into mission-mode, keeping yourself calm and alert. They followed you out of the room, the three of you crouching to avoid being spotted by the new threat through the windows.
Making your way through the anteroom to the office then through the lab as silently and rapidly as possible while crouching. It wasn’t until you reached the x-ray exam room when you were hit in the chin with something hard, knocking you down, dizzy.
Your mind and vision were in a haze but you managed to catch the vague shape of Joel rush somebody, likely the person who knocked you over, through the newly forming tears in your eyes. Fuck , you thought, your face hurting like a bitch.
Ellie yelled something as she went to help Joel, apparently getting the bright idea to take Joel’s machete from his backpack and swinging it wildly at the stranger.
As they fought the man, you shook your head and rose on your haunches, still dizzy. You could make out the faint shape of a second man running up to attack but through your shifting vision, saw three of him. It didn’t stop you from raising one of your dual guns from your thigh holster, taking aim. Breathing in, slowly breathing out, you took the shot when the three men formed a single one.
The loud bang reverberated through the halls, momentarily distracting you from the brawl happening somewhere to your right but soon that silenced.
“What the fuck was that,” you asked nobody in paricular.
“Don’t look like Fireflies to me,” Joel mumbled in reply, hinting you must have been telling the truth.
Together, you all walked down the tarp covered hall from earlier but saw four shapes run past some red smoke on the only way out of the building, likely trying to cut you all off. “Stay back,” Joel said as he flung one of his makeshift bombs at the intruders. After a moment, it went off and sickly screams were either cut short or continued onto a deadly moan.
Each of you hid behind random turned over tables, guns drawn.
Although six of these strangers were down, it seemed there were more as another came in through the right side, taking a shot at Ellie. Joel responded in kind and shot him square in the neck, the blood splattering a nearby wall.
You followed suit and took aim at somebody ducking below a desk much like you. Your aim was a little off because of that damned kick to the head but you got the guy nonetheless. It was messier than you’d like, the newly forming headache was making things much more difficult.
Together with Joel, you took two more men down until you reached the small lobby where the stairs were only to find another flare emitting red smoke. “What the hell,” you wondered aloud.
“Probably to tell the others how to get to where we were, building is like a maze.”
With that, you and Joel look off, making sure to keep Ellie behind you as your group traversed down the steps, finding another flare. Joel heard them before you and raised his gun. You followed as two more men rounded the corner, both being taken down by the bullets you both expelled into their bodies.
Your heartbeat pounded in your ears at the adrenaline rushing through your veins, no matter how much you remained focused at the task at hand. You took a breath in an attempt to ground yourself, following Joel closely behind as he was about to round the same corner, stepping over the two dead bodies when you grabbed Joel, pulling him back as a bullet whizzed by. “Fuckin’ hell,” he gasped.
Taking to the wall you peered out and quickly aimed, letting another bullet rain free. It clashed into the wall behind your target, narrowly missing as the man ducked behind the poor choice of the glass railing. Joel put his hand on your waist, pulling you close as he leaned back around taking his chance on the guy. He must have made it count because soon you heard a soft thud of the body collapsing.
If you weren’t so preoccupied trying to stay alive, you might have noticed Joel kept his large hand on you for a few moments longer than necessary.
Joel left the relative safety of the second floor lobby, nearly running to the exit. You grabbed onto Ellie’s hand as you shoved your nearly empty gun into it’s holster on your thigh, following him. He came to the closed door that led to the next area of classrooms to get you all down to the ground floor but just as he went to open it, it banged open from the inside starling all of you. The force was so strong that it pushed Joel to the glass railing behind him, his body teetering over the edge.
“Joel!”
You dropped Ellie’s hand as you ran to him, trying to get the other man off of him as he choked your companion. By the force and chaos, the rail gave way underneath Joel. As he fell, he pulled the stranger with him.
A scream surely left you as you watched in horror as the two men fell to the ground but it grew louder when you noticed a sickening metal bar poking it’s way through Joel’s stomach, staining red in the sunlight. Beside him, the attacker lay dead in a mangled heap of limbs, his neck at an unnatural angle.
You began to shuffle onto your stomach to drop the distance from the balcony walkway to the ground floor, Ellie close behind you copying your maneuver. Together, you both landed on the ground awkwardly and unbalanced. It was so unbelievably impossible to stay focused as you watched Joel writhe in pain from the impalement as loud banging seemed to invade your senses.
Ellie jumped straight to Joel asking in a rushed panic, “What do you want me to do?”
You couldn’t hear what he said when the double doors burst open, two men with a baseball bat and machete appearing. You grabbed both of your guns, unleashing lead into them with a little more force than necessary.
When you turned back around, you saw Ellie trying to lift Joel. “Don’t!”
You ran to him and dropped to your knees, removing your backpack and began to scrounge around for clean gauze. “You’re only going to create more damage, you old bastard. Stay still.”
With the gauze in hand, you motioned for Ellie to put as much pressure as she could on the frontside of the wound. You tried your best not to jolt him around so much as you tried to assess the entry wound on his back, only to find it was buried in cement beneath him. He groaned, calling out a string of curse words.
“Stop fuckin’ movin’, Joel.”
“Wouldn’t need to if you had good bedside manners. Goddamned brat.”
His small jab at you could have made you cry if you weren’t so invested in keeping the old man alive and with no other alternative to removing the rebar safely from him, you had no choice but to lift him away from it.
You reached into your backpack once more and grabbed a strap of leather you usually kept close by, mostly to fiddle with, and shoved it into his mouth. “To keep you from biting off your own tongue,” you explained while adjusting your position to be directly behind his upper body to prepare and stanche the blood flow from his back. “Although I think we could all use the peace and quiet.”
Whatever comeback he had was cut off as he yelled, muted by the bit. While he was distracted by your words, you had nodded to Ellie to lift Joel straight up. He quickly fell to his knees as he tried to stand, probably ready to pass out from the pain and you padded the entry wound with gauze, holding it tightly.
His words came out weak as he told Ellie, “Just get to the damn horses.”
She looked at you and you nodded, removing one hand to give her a gun. “Do whatever it takes, kiddo.”
She walked in front of you both, her arms held high with the gun in her hand, ready to take on anybody else. She led you both to a classroom and knocked over some wood panels that barely covered a broken window.
“Do you think you can handle it,” you asked him.
He didn’t answer, instead choosing to throw his body over the edge, finding himself on his back once more. “Come on, move,” Ellie demanded of him as you jumped through the window after them. Just as she got him sitting up against a table, another man burst through the door across the classroom, gun ready to fire.
Seeing as you were getting rather low on your own bullets, you reached for Joel’s revolver and threw yourself out from behind the lab table, firing two shots and hitting him in the torso.
“Come on, we gotta get you outta here,” you told him. One look at Ellie and you saw her hands and sweater covered in Joel’s blood, you likely looked the same. Brushing those thoughts away, you and her flanked him on either side, trying to walk him out.
“No, I’m okay,” he moaned. Trying to push you both off him.
“Like shit,” Ellie threw back, “You’re not okay, Joel. Now come on! Fucking walk!”
You kept your free hand up, gun drawn, and Ellie matched your pose to his left. “Down this hall,” you directed, “To the left is the main entrance, we can leave through there.”
Don’t die on me now, Joel Miller , you silently wished, hoped, prayed.
Joel began to sway between you two, his feet were failing beneath him. His body in your arms grew heavier and sluggish with each step making it harder to walk straight. You really tried to keep the gauze at his back secure against the wound but it was hard to do that while also trying to keep him balanced. As you were distracted by assessing the man, he moaned out, “Up.”
You and Ellie looked up the stairs that were against the wall in the lobby and saw two men coming towards you all, “There!”
Ellie raised her gun first, taking shots at random and you did too. It was difficult to do while doing everything possible to not drop Joel but somehow, they too, fell dead along the stairs. On his other side, the teen poked at him out of breath, “I swear to god, I get you out of this, you’re so singing for me.”
You decide to jump in on the joke, trying to lighten the mood, “I think you mean ‘for us’, Ellie.”
Joel coughed a laugh, “You wish.”
Slowly the front entrance inched closer. Ellie left to pry it open and let you two through and Joel let go of you, shoving his body and burst through the secondary doors. He lost his balance and fell down the steps only to see as some other hooded figure with his hands on Whiskey and Callus’ reigns.
Before the straggler could even draw a weapon, you and Ellie took shots at him. Joel’s revolver clicked, notifying it was out, just as the man let go of the horses.
You ran to Joel, lifting him up to his feet. He groaned in pain, “I know, I’m sorry. Just a little longer, alright, cowboy?”
He gave you an odd look as Ellie appeared and she asked him, “Can you get on?”
Whether or not he can is entirely different than if he will, you thought. You were proven right as he jumped up on Whiskey, not even noticing he was getting on the wrong horse.
“Ellie, get on Callus,” you told her as you also swung your leg over Whiskey, saddling in front of Joel. “As for you, don’t bleed all over my goddamn horse. Hold tight.”
A part of you was worried that he didn’t even bother to jab, you kicked Whiskey’s underbelly and Joel’s body slouched against your back, passing out. The fact the warmth that seeped through your body was likely his blood was gnawing against the corners of your mind but you shooed the thoughts away. Together with Ellie, you filed out of the university as fast as you could, not looking back.
#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel (the last of us)#Pedro Pascal#pedro pascal fanfiction#joel the last of us#joel tlou#joel tlou x reader insert#joel tlou x reader#joel miller / reader#joel tlou x you#joel (the last of us) x reader#asher's writing#danger days fic#pedro pascal joel miller#posted on ao3
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White Day
chapter 2 of Just as Sweet
A day early once again! Both because I want and because I got my first covid vaccine today and judging by my friends side effects to them, I'm in for a ride lol.
Archive of Our Own
Fanfiction.net
“Oh, Hiyori~”
Her eyes widened, pulled from the daze she was in from staring up at the chalkboard and her sensei. Turning to see Yato grinning widely at her side, she moved her notebook forward and flipped to a blank page.
What are you doing here?
He moved closer to her and leaned over her desk much more than needed, entering her personal space to read the note. “Well, I was kinda hoping you’d play hooky with me. It’s been a while since you’ve missed school, right?”
Hiyori chewed her lip in response as she wrote down her answer.
Define a while. Also, what’s the occasion?
“It’s white day, so it’s my turn to sweep you off your feet.” He wrapped himself around her shoulders.
Flushing, she considered his words before she wrote down her question.
Why can’t it wait until tonight?
“Let’s see. First, there’s the fact that Yukine can still hardly stand to be in a room with both of us at the same time because he gets too embarrassed. Second, there’s the chance of Kofuku following us even if we do leave the house. Third, I’m sure you’ve seen your classmates celebrating all day, so it’s only fair you get your turn…”
As he counted down the various reasons, she quickly scratched out her answer.
Okay, I get it.
He grinned in response and let go of her, taking a step back.
Hiyori took a breath, briefly closing her eyes before opening them again to focus on leaving her body. As she stepped outside of herself and next to Yato, she noticed him quickly reaching over to her body as her classmates all turned around at the sound of a thud.
“Jeez, Hiyori…” Yato gently removed his hand from underneath her head, looking over to give her a chastising look, “You were about to crack your skull open on your desk.”
She rubbed her neck sheepishly, “Sorry, I’m still getting used to leaving my body again…”
“Just… try to be more careful.” He reached out to cup the side of her face.
She nodded, “I will. So, where exactly are you taking me?”
“Hmm,” He hummed before moving his hand to hers and grasping it lightly, “It is pretty warm outside today, so I guess that sakura tree Yukine always likes to hang around would work.”
Hiyori tilted her head in surprise as she was pulled forward, “You didn’t think about it before hand?”
He shrugged his shoulders, “Eh, location is a minor detail.”
“For wanting to sweep me off my feet, it doesn’t sound like you planned it out very much.” She pulled away to put her hands on her hips, staring at him expectantly.
Yato moved his hand to his chest and gripped his jacket, feigning pain, “Now that we’re officially dating, I would think you have more faith in me, and yet…”
“I’m just a mixture of concerned and curious is all…” She admitted before giving him a gentle push, “Let’s keep going.”
He grinned and peeked back at her, “So you’re excited, then.”
“Of course.” She smiled back.
“So,” He stuck his hands in his pockets and leaned in towards her, “Do we take the long way or the scenic route?”
“It’s funny, those would usually be one in the same.” Hiyori gave another smile before she pointed out towards the large tree visible from the window, “But definitely the scenic route. I miss feeling like I can fly.”
Yato started to retreat down the stairs, announcing, “Scenic route it is, then.”
“Did you really just walk right through the front door of the school?” She moved quickly to catch up with him.
“Yeah? I mean, it’s not like anyone can see me.” He lifted his head to look back at her as they descended the stairs, “Would you rather I come in through a window?”
She sighed in return, “Of course not.”
“Besides, maybe I left something in your shoe locker for later so your friends will see that I stopped by.” He teased as they approached the lockers.
“Really?” Her eyes moved towards the area where her locker was but Yato quickly reached out to gently pull on her arm.
“No peeking.” He directed her forward and out the front doors. Letting go of her, he jumped up into the tree that they previously saw from upstairs, “Besides, this is the main part of your gift anyway. What’s in your locker is really just to show your friends I exist.”
Hiyori jumped after him, relenting though her tail gave an annoyed twitch, “Okay, okay.” As they traversed a few more trees and tops of buildings, she added, “And by the way, they know you exist.”
“They don’t think you’re just taking pictures of a random guy you know and saying you’re dating without his knowledge?” He raised an eyebrow as he teased, continually making sure to keep a wide berth.
Flushed, she huffed back, “No! They know I wouldn’t do something like that.”
“I’m just saying it could happen.”
“Besides, you take all sorts of pictures on my phone and they’ve been known to take it and look at it…” She added with a sigh, still bright red.
He finally paused at that, waiting for her to catch up, “What do you mean?”
“The random pictures you take of just me studying or like, I dunno, talking with Yukine-kun…” She looked down and twiddled her fingers, “They said you clearly like me a lot and it’s adorable or something like that…”
Yato gave a soft smile before taking her hand again, jumping downward as they finally approached the ravine where the sakura tree was located, “Well, it’s true.”
She was tempted to roll her eyes but gave a sheepish smile instead as he gave her another small look as they started to walk.
“Why are they so interested in your phone anyway?” He finally asked.
“I guess because I tend to not talk about the things that we do together a lot, you know, because of all things far shore related; so, they get curious.” Hiyori gave a small shrug, “That’s my guess, anyway.”
“Hmm.” Yato hummed in response, but she couldn’t quite read his expression.
Feeling a lurch in her stomach, she continued, “Of course, when we do normal things, I talk about you. It’s just—”
“It’s okay, Hiyori.” He tugged her hand to urge her down the hill, the sakura tree now in sight, “C’mon.”
“It’s funny, I think the last time I was here was when we did the hanami with everyone.” Freezing and suddenly jerking her hand away, her face soured and her tail twitched, “And you kissed Bishamon-san.”
Yato threw his head back in frustration at the mention, “My hand was covering her face! I kissed my own hand! Besides, I told you I don’t even remember that!”
She crossed her arms across her chest, “That definitely doesn’t make me feel any better about it.”
Staring back at her for a moment, he walked over to her and pressed a kiss against her cheek, “It’s only ever meant anything with you.”
At that, she softened and let her hands fall to her sides as she gently nudged her head against his shoulder, “I know. But thank you.”
“So, will you forgive me and sit with me?” He pulled away and walked backward towards the tree, giving a small smile.
“Yes.” She followed suite and sat next to him, her back gently pressed against the trunk of the tree, “But seriously… we should get everyone together again this year. I know it would mean a lot to Yukine-kun. Maybe next week?”
“Whenever’s good for you.” He nodded along, “We’re just gods, after all. We have nothing important to do.”
Hiyori jabbed him with her elbow, “Very funny.”
He grinned widely, “I mean, honestly. Any time would probably be fine for most of those guys. Even though Ebisu always seems busy, he always manages to show up when we ask.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” She hummed contentedly.
Yato reached into his jersey pocket but kept his hand there asking, “So remember when I asked what your favorite color was before?”
“Yes, and I said blue.” She flushed again, but asked curiously, “So that has to do with a present, I’m guessing?”
“Mhm. But just curious, has it always been blue?” He raised an eyebrow, meeting her eyes.
She felt her cheeks growing hotter as his eyes looked into hers, so she looked away, “Not always. I guess I didn’t really have a favorite until recently.”
“Hmm, okay.” He acknowledged quietly, but she could tell he looked a bit smug when she managed to look up again, “So, I made this myself just like you made the chocolate for me, so hopefully it’s okay.”
She watched as he took out a small box and deposited something into his other hand.
After a moment, he took it into his hands and held it out in front of her; a gold bracelet with a small forget-me-not pressed in resin as a charm. “So, I went on color and meanings, not the name… despite the irony.” He gave a small laugh.
Gingerly taking it into her hands, she admired it, “It’s beautiful. But also, what is the meaning of it, then?”
“True love, a long-lasting connection.” He gave a sheepish smile, “Basically as many sappy things as you can fit into a tiny flower, it’s there.”
Hiyori laughed loudly before announcing, “It’s perfect. Can you help me put it on?” She held out the bracelet in her palm and held out her left wrist.
“Of course.” He took it gently before wrapping it around her wrist and closing the clasp around the chain. As she pulled away and he noticed it move around on her wrist, he asked, “Does it fit okay?”
“Yeah. I don’t like when bracelets are tight so this is great.” She reached up with the same hand to cup his face, pressing her lips to his, “I love you.”
“I love you too.” He answered before kissing her back.
After a beat, she pulled away and whispered, “So… what exactly is in the shoe locker?”
“Jeez, the curiosity was killing you, huh?” He laughed loudly.
Hiyori pouted and huffed, “Don’t tell me you wouldn’t be the exact same way.”
“Oh, I would. I just didn’t expect it from you.” Receiving only a small glare in return, he continued, “It’s just a note and some chocolate. Store bought, since like I said, this is the main gift. Yukine helped pick it out since you two always seem to like the same stuff.”
“Okay. Now I make it through the rest of school without having to peek.” She nodded before she moved closer to him and let herself sink into him, “Thank you, for everything.”
“You’re welcome.” He nestled into her hair.
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Fic Writer Review
thank you @redvanillabee you caught me on my computer...definitely procrastinating writing...
1. How many do you have on Ao3?
Just six
2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?
19,535
o.O
3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
Just two so far. Agents of SHIELD and The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. If I can ever get it together I'll add more.
4. What are your top 5 five by kudos?
What Happens on Kitson... (1112 Words) Agents of SHIELD - What happens when Daniel stumbles on the security footage from a casino on Kitson.
My first published fic. *wipes a tear* I am 99% sure @hecckyeah had a hand in enabling me to write this so thanks for that buddy. :)
The Family We Fought For (12,955 Words) Agents of SHIELD -
She would run into walls if that’s what it took. This time, however, he might not be able to pick her back up. He was used the worry, the fear, to people he cared about throwing themselves into danger. He was used to the feeling of standing at the edge of an abyss and trying not to fall in.
They were her family? How could they let her do this?
A collection of reunions post-finale.
I caught the crazy and did a multi-chapter fic. I think for the foreseeable future I will be sticking to one-shots. lol
Space Puffies Strike Back (2017 Words) Agents of SHIELD - A mission goes awry when an old nemesis reappears...
A sequel to "What Happens on Kitson..." Daniel Sousa has an experience with our beloved space puffies. The timing is not convenient.
Backup (1174 Words) Agents of SHIELD/The Falcon and the Winter Soldier - Sam didn’t know how they were getting overrun. It was either bad intel or betrayal. He hoped for the former but it was usually the latter. He folded his wings and dropped in behind Bucky who promptly shouted, “Where the hell have you been?”
“Oh you know, I thought I’d take the scenic route!” Sam fired back, then shouted into his comms, “Hey! Any way we could get some backup here?”
“Lucky for you, we’re already here. On your right.”
The Mascot (1895 Words) Agents of SHIELD - My girlfriend wanted a cat.
I said no.
So we compromised and got a cat.
-Internet Proverb
Daisy and Kora adopt a cat on the Zephyr. Daniel is reluctant.
5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?
Absolutely. Usually on a Saturday night after a few drinks. And I do it in batches.
6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
I don't think any of my fics have an angsty ending. There's been attempts at angsty middles. But I'm really just here to make sure everyone has a good time.
7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?
Backup. I'm not sure if it counts since it's all Marvel/MCU but I'm counting it since Disney Marvel seems to forget the Agents of SHIELD exists. That fic is pure chaos and might be one of my favorite things I've written.
8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Nope. Not that I know of anyway.
9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?
I'd like to. But I am horribly intimidated by it. I've done "fade to black" and a rather heated sparring scene. Might dip my toe in one of these days because I have an Idea that will not leave me alone.
10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Nope.
11. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Nope. Not that I know of.
12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Sorta. Backup was inspired by a text exchange between me and @butjustourselves. I just ended up running with it.
13. What is your all time favourite ship?
I have so many on rotation it's a little insane. I'll do a top 5
Jack and Sam from Stargate SG-1
Daisy and Daniel from Agents of SHIELD
Castle and Beckett from Castle
Phryne and Jack from Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries
Will and Elizabeth from Pirates of the Caribbean
14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
My Agents of SHIELD Fantasy AU. Had a lot of trouble coming up with a coherent plot. Decided "why not just do serial one-shots that are loosely connected?" and that has improved things greatly. So, one of these days, that might happen.
15. What are your writing strengths?
Snappy dialogue. And making people laugh.
16. What are your writing weaknesses?
I have the opposite problem as @redvanillabee lol. I can't really be serious for one goddamn minute. Profound emotions? Nope. Not here. And describing surroundings. I forget to do it or I'm just like "they're in this room. Y'all have seen the show so you know what I'm talking about."
17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
Uh. Fine I guess? Just don't use Google translate. You'll get obliterated for that.
18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?
Published? Agents of SHIELD.
Unpublished? As a preteen I wrote a screenplay called "The Fridge Raider" which was basically an Artemis Fowl/Tomb Raider mashup and I don't think I'll ever be that brave ever again.
19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve ever written?
It depends on the day. But Backup and What Happens on Kitson... are winning today.
To me, Backup really feels like a Marvel One-Shot or something pulled right from one of the shows and I am VERY proud of that.
As for What Happens on Kitson...
I mean you always remember your first. ;)
I am also tagging @hecckyeah even though I know you've already been tagged. DO IT
@porgs-in-space @steeleholtingon and @thereadersmuse
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Shopping p.3
AN: so we’re just not gonna talk about how i was gone for a year, but I’m back and finna write up a storm. BIG ups to @chaneajoyyy for proof reading dis shit!
pairing: m’baku x reader
warnings: cursing i think thats it lol.
word count: 2312
Courting with M’baku was a.... interesting process to say the least. Every morning you awoke he was on your mind, you felt the ghost of his hands wrapped around your waist possessively as you slept and the same kisses that he peppered all over your face to wake you up as you walked around your small house. By the time that you walked out of your house you always practically tripped over the guard that he had stationed outside who was charged with protecting you.
“You know” You said as you made your way outside of your house the guard following close behind you. “If we’re going to be spending so much time together it’s only fair that we know each other's name.”
You heard the man chuckle behind you.
“Eamon” he said following you on your walk.
“Eamon” You toyed with the name in your mouth “I like that name, you know I have a thing about names. I don’t understand how people end up with ugly names, it’s the simplest thing yet somehow overlooked.” You hit a quick left turn, you wanted to teach m’baku a lesson about sending guards to your house. You weren’t some frail flower that he had to protect at all costs.
“Are we taking a detour today or are you trying to lose me again?” Eamon asked matching your quickening pace.
“We’re taking the scenic route to work today Eamon, stop assuming the worst about me” You smiled back at him but you were greeted with nothing but cold eyes.
“y/n lets go your shop is the opposite way we’re not doing this again.”
“Fine” You pouted turning around “I don’t need to be watched, you do know that right? I’ve run my shop and walked from my house to it and back everyday since I was 18. You don’t need to protect me”
Eamon laughed to himself, “You think this is about you? I’m here because my king requested that I protect the woman that has stolen his heart and I serve his majesty. This has nothing to do with what I want to do it’s all up to him.”
The rest of the walk to your shop you spent in silence reflecting on your subtle realization, M’baku wanted to protect you, he wanted to make sure that no one in the entire world would be able to mess with his girl. And he wanted you to know that. While your mind wandered astray your feet had taken you to the street that your shop was on. A bouquet of roses sat on your step, the bright red in bright contrast with the blank white snow that surrounded them. You smiled to yourself, he’d been sending you gifts all week and today’s gift had been roses. You picked up the bouquet and pulled out your keys unlocking your shops door. You hummed to yourself as you held the door open for Eamon to walk in behind you, he took his normal seat next to the door and pulled out his phone, no doubt informing m’baku that you had arrived at your shop and had started your work. You picked the note off of the flowers.
My dearest y/n,
Roses today, diamonds tomorrow.
Nothing is too good for you.
See you tonight my love.
~ M’baku
You smiled at his sweet note and felt a rush of happiness seep into your system, the blush redding your cheeks. Deciding to busy yourself you placed a pot of water onto a small burner.
“What are we feeling today Eamon?” You asked pulling out the rectangular tin that held your teas.
“What are my options again?” Eamon asked rising from his seat to walk over to your counter.
“Jasmine, ginger, green tea or this herbal blend that my mom gave me” you looked up at Eamon for his decision and he looked puzzled.
“You can pick this time y/n, I’ve tried all of them I don’t know which one I like the most” Eamon said as he returned to his seat at the front of the store.
“Ginger tea it is then.” You said grabbing the two tea bags and placing the top back on the tin and sliding it back into its place. While the water boiled you moved around your shop turning on your machines, you ran your hands over your records settling on the miseducation of Lauryn Hill. You popped the record out of its sleeve and placed it on the record player, intro played through the speaker on the record player, as you walked around your shop your mind flashed back to the last time you’d seen m’baku it’d been far too long...
“Why must you be so stubborn isithandwa?” M’baku asked. It was the third day that he had come to visit you since you agreed to let M’baku court you. He’d drop by around closing time and talk to you while you cleaned up your work for the day. He would walk you up to your parents house and talk to your Mom and Dad for a few hours before you fell asleep (with one of his arms wrapped around your shoulder and your back pressing up against his torso no doubt) he’d try to gently wake you up before deciding it would be easier to just call a car to come pick the both of you up and drive you back to your home. He’d open your front door and walk you back to your bedroom with you in his arms bridal style and plop you onto your bed, first he’d start by pulling all of your outside furs off leaving you in whatever pair of sweatpants or leggings you wore to work that day and a matching t-shirt. Next it was onto your hair most of the time your hair was pulled up into a puff so he would remove the hair tie that had kept it up, always earning a groan from you. Next he would throw on whatever bonnet he found laying closest to your bed making sure your head was on the silk pillows. Finally he would pull all the furs onto you that he could find. The first night that he had taken you home and wrapped you up in furs he looked down at his handy work and was immediately disappointed . “How is she still cold, she’s under 12 furs” he murmured to himself. He debated climbing into bed with you but he didn't want to overstep his boundaries. You whined pulling the covers up onto your back, M’baku noticed you start to shiver. He couldn’t leave you cold and alone in your house “Fuck it” he said as he started shedding his outer layer of clothing and climbing into bed next to you, wrapping his arm around your waist pulling your body against his own.
“M’baku” you would whine out his warm body instantly sending blood flowing through your entire body.
“Ssh ssh ssh my love” he placed a gentle kiss on your forehead. “Sleep now, sleep”
This night was no different M’baku sat on your counter his long legs touched the floor, his coat long forgotten hanging on coat rack along with most of his protection from the cold outdoors.
“I’m not being stubborn m’baku! I don’t need to be followed around!” you retorted back at him.
“He won’t be following you he’s just there for your protection. He will be seen and not heard I promise” M’baku stood up and walked over to you as you turned off the record player.
“I don’t need protection M’baku! What would I even need protection from? I work in a weapons shop for hanuman’s sake!” you turned back to face him.
“I don’t know y/n protection from anyone or anything, I just want to know that you’re safe!” M’baku came back at you with a fire you hadn’t seen in him before. “I-“ he paused, his voice had gotten softer and his hand had found its way to his forehead and started massaging his temples. “I just want to make sure that you’re safe y/n that’s it.”
You paused for a moment and looked M’baku up and down scanning his body for any sign that what he just said was a lie. You wrapped your arms around M’baku and placed your head into his chest. “I’m sorry” you said quietly into his chest.
M’baku took a deep breath in. “No i’m sorry isithandwa, I shouldn’t have pushed you. You said you didn’t want the guard and that should of been the end of it. Do you forgive me?”
You pulled your head out of M’baku’s chest “Of course I forgive you M’baku, do you forgive me for being so stubborn?”
M’baku lifted your chin up and brought his lips down to deliver a sweet and tender kiss.
“One guard” you said after the kiss “One guard, not seen AND not heard” you saw the smile form on M’baku’s face. He lifted you up off the ground as his hand found your thighs.
“M’baku stop!” you exclaimed laughing with him as he spun the two of you around “You’re gonna drop me! ”
That made m’baku stop spinning “Eh? you think I'm gonna drop the wife that hauman gave me? what am I crazy!”
The shrill scream of the teapot snapped you out of your dream like trance. You walked over and grabbed two handmade mugs and poured hot water into each mug.
“Are you sure you want ginger Eamon, this is your last chance?” you looked over to see eamon gazing out of the window, he turned his attention to you. As the steam hit you, you flashed back to another time M’baku had spent the night at your house.
You awoke to the shower running in your bathroom, no doubt M’baku had decided to shower at your place tonight. You looked over at the clock on your bedside table it shone bright with 1:38 am. The shower turned off and within a few moments the bathroom door opened and a wave of steam hit your face. M’baku emerged from the bathroom and his eyes met yours.
“See something you like isithandwa?” M’baku smirked at you adjusting the towel around his waist.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about M’baku” you said plastering an innocent smile across your face.
“You looked me up and down like you wanted to pounce on me. Is that what it is? You want me?” M’baku cooed at you as you sat up in bed.
“Don’t test me m’baku, I’m following your customs by withstanding from sex with you until marriage. If it were up to me i would of been showering with you just now” you said crossing your arms and pushing your bottom lip out into a pout.
M’baku walked over to you and placed a kiss on your lips. “I appreciate you and thank you little one, i know it’s not easy for you but trust me once we get together I will make it worth the wait”
“Yea it better be m’baku, hurry up and put some clothes on I wanna cuddle, I’m cold!”
Eamon’s words snapped you back to reality “Eh ginger is fine”
You hummed along to ex-factor as you dunked the ginger tea bag into eamon’s drink and then one into your own drink. You walked over to Eamon and handed him his drink.
“Thanks” he muttered focusing back outside the window after a few sips.
“I'm gonna get started I've got three jobs on back order so I might not be able to hear you with all the machines running”
You turned on your heels and walked into the back of your store and started on your work for the day.
Around 6 hours later you were done with two out of three of your orders and wanted to finish the third one tonight. You were blasting music so loud it blurred out your own thoughts, just how you liked it. You hummed along to your music as you grabbed the knife out of the ice bucket and turned around to set it on the tray.
“M’baku shit!” you dropped the knife you’d been working on to the floor. M’baku just smiled up at you from a chair sitting in your studio. You cut your eyes at him before you walked over to your speakers and turned it down so you could hear him.
“You really shouldn’t keep your music up that loud love” M’baku said to you as he watched you pick up the knife and survey it for damage.
“You really shouldn’t tell a woman with a knife in her hand what to do.” you said back to him. “How long have you been sitting there?”
“I don't know isithandwa it’s hard to remember I was so enchanted with watching you move and sing as you worked” M’baku chuckled making a mental note to remember this conversation.
“M’baku I'm serious! When did you walk in?” you whined out still facing him toying with the knife in your hand.
“ An hour isithandwa at max I swear!” he lied through his teeth he’d been there for at least two. You turned you back to him as you set the blade down on the counter and went back to your work. You heard M’baku stand up and walk towards you, you felt warm arms wrap around your waist with ease and his breath down your neck.
“Come with me today” M’baku mused in your ear, giving it a little nibble.
You felt your entire body relax into his arms and you let out a deep exhale releasing all of your pent up stress from today. “Go with you where?” you asked
“Come home with me today, let me take you to my home” he corrected himself “Our home”
#m'baku#m'baku imagine#m'baku x reader#black panther#black panther imagine#black panther fandom#black panther fic#black panther writing#black panther fanfiction
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Thunderstruck Birthday Girl
This is basically just self indulgent Charlotte love showering. I generally write Charlotte as an April Taurus, because of when her birthday episode aired, so I figured this is around the time that I can just do a little cute, fun, show of love and stuff, and also give her a chance to get some nice things. It is mostly just filler, but does have at least one important piece of story and I’ll get back to the crucial parts with the next installment. Tagging, so I don’t get fussed at lol @kiddangers @adorkable-blackgirl @chenoahchantel @famousflowermagazine I THINK that’s it? Sorry if there was someone else.
Share-a-Lair 16
Charlotte liked a lowkey birthday. Usually, she had brunch and cake with her parents and spent it with the guys in the evening. This year, Max made a bunch of plans for her, and she was curious to see how well he would do with this, so she planned to have brunch with her parents and told the guys that she would touch base with them later in the night. At some point during making plans, the boys got competitive via casual conversation and so she was told that they were going to have a bake off and that as the birthday girl, she would be able to determine who baked the best cake. “So, you’re gonna have like four cakes?” Max asked.
“Knowing the guys, not a single one of the cakes that they plan on making will make it, whether due to calamity or them just eating all of the cake.” But, if there was cake, she was definitely having some of each.
After brunch, Max picked her up from the bistro, not really being that concerned that she wasn’t introducing him to her parents yet. He got a glimpse of them hugging her before leaving and they seemed extremely intimidating. He already didn’t like parents and hers were both successful in their own right and high maintenance from what he understood. Even the bistro that they were at was an exclusive place. Each guest had a personal server, and whenever the Pages came through, their Jamaican chef was given access to the kitchen to prepare their meals for special occasions. This morning, Charlotte had been presented with an authentic Jamaican breakfast and bottomless brunch drinks. Max couldn’t recall ever having had a brunch, much less one in an exclusive bistro, with a personal chef, personal server, and access to all of the bar.
Superhero life paid extremely well, but it was more of a trade off, since one’s body and health was on the line with each mission. Charlotte’s father was a physicist and spent more time working than he did at home. Her mother was a college chancellor and was home just as much as her husband, even though her job was only about an hour away. They tried to make up for the blank spaces with extravagant gifts and expensive celebrations, but Charlotte was simply always happy just to be able to see both of them at once for a little bit of time, even though half of it was generally spent with her having to update them on exactly how her educational career was going and have enough accolades and credentials to account for the time she couldn’t tell them about as a hero’s tech specialist. Learning that made Max understand her overachiever complex a little bit better, but he wanted the rest of her birthday to be as relaxing and rewarding as possible.
He took the scenic route back to the lair and she leaned her seat back and rested, watching everything and listening to a playlist that he made for her. He had several. One for when she goes to sleep, one for her workday, one for when she studied, etc. This one was one that he made for car trips with her. One of his favorite things about doing stuff for her was that she always noticed. The first time he’d made her a playlist, she’d said, “You had to have made this thing specifically for me, right?” He wanted to deny it, but noticed how excited that made her and confessed. It was an amazing feeling to do something for someone special and have them not only not take it for granted, but to really appreciate it. Max didn’t always receive that from his loved ones, but he usually did from Charlotte. He was confident that she was going to LOVE her birthday time with him.
She liked being around a lot of people less than he did. So, where he might be down for a party with his friends and loved ones, she was more like her family was over here for this amount of time, and her friends over there, for that amount of time. Everything and everybody had their time and place.
But, she told him not too long ago, “I never get tired of being around you though. It’s like… you’re practically a part of me.” She said it all casually, matter of factly. He couldn’t even hear her emotion in it, but he definitely started crying. Then there was this whole thing where she thought that maybe she said the wrong thing and tried to comfort him and apologize and explain better, “I’m not saying that you aren’t your own person or anything, just that like… my life is comfortable no matter how much of you is in it…” He had to compose himself to let her know that he was happy to hear it, not upset. He also apologized for crying, because damn… that couldn’t be sexy. Turns out, it was… as long as it’s warranted and not over every little thing! So, that was bonus scores for him.
.
Max made Henry “be scarce” from the lair for today, which was fine by him, because he had to “Serve these fools in the cakes department, anyway!” And Max just… Didn’t even WANT to know what that meant, but was relieved to later find out that it was about baking cakes and not the booty shaking contest that his brain automatically convinced him it would be. So, whenever Charlotte walked in and the place was set up like a spa, she gasped. “What’s happening?”
“You always want to grab a spa day, but you’ve cancelled like a dozen times because of work demands. So, I set up a home spa day for you… I did get funding from Dr. Page and Dr. Page, but they knew that you deserved it and since Henry asked, they just wired it to your birthday fund.”
“You and Henry got money from my parents for a birthday spa day for me?”
“I sent Henry to get money, yes. Is that alright?”
She covered her face, “That is SO SWEET! They could have eaten him alive. They’re very inquisitive people.”
“I sent him with an outline of all of the plans,” he said, with a shrug.
“You know me so well that you know how my parents are, even though I haven’t introduced you yet!” She was thunderstruck. He took her bags and handed her a robe and slippers…
After her spa treatment day, complete with Max playing guitar and singing her some songs during interludes while she waited for something to dry or settle, or whatever, she felt brand new. She hadn’t realized how stressed she’d been, even though Max does stuff for her whenever he can, she obviously had still been hella stressed out - probably because of Russia, graduation, Jasper and Henry, spa days being cancelled… But, she NEEDED this and Max giving her what she needed, right on time? She would miss that when he was gone. Now, she was sad for a moment.
“Time for gift presentation!” He said, distracting her from missing him before he was gone. She perked up, skin radiant, silky smooth curls popping, and her smile beaming. She was still in her robe and had her spa day swag bag next to her, which were packages of the products used today in her spa day treatment and also products from the spa that supplied the materials. “First of all, we have…” he spun his finger around and the kitchen island rotated to reveal where he had hidden all of her gifts, apparently (and she had forgotten that this lair had many secret areas, but he obviously hadn’t). He reached for a huge bag and beckoned it to her. “From the Hart household, warmth and comfort in the form of new silk sheets and pillowcases, plus fuzzy blankets and bamboo pillows!”
“YES!” She had been saying she needed these forever, but not getting around to ordering any because other stuff seemed more important everything she thought about it. She LIVED for luxury, though, she often talked herself out of it.
“From Henry, himself, an assortment of fine chocolates, a wine drinking accessories set, and a collection of gourmet cheeses.”
“Ooooh… He must’ve gone into his hero funds for this!” She said, pulling things out of Henry’s gift bag.
“He did!” Max cheered. “Jasper got you…” He gave her the bucket, wrapped kind of like an Easter basket, “A stationary pail.” There was something weird in his voice. He probably had asked Jasper to get something else and Jasper was having none of it.
She opened it to see a personal planner, a personalized pen and journal set, scented stickers, sticky pads, etc and she squealed. “He got them to match the scheme of my home office whenever I set up my new place after college!” Max furrowed his eyebrows and she explained, “You see, Max… You are very smart and pay attention to detail, but Jasper has known me for a really long time and sometimes has even the most menial of my lifestyle choices down pat.”
“Your work dads got you tickets to the Graduation Concert Festival,” he said, handing her an envelope and ignoring the declaration about Jasper. “My parents got you a kitchen set for your post graduation apartment… Well… actually, my Cousin Blobbin did, but it was my mom’s idea. Cookware and appliances!”
“That’s… nice!” She said. She had just realized that she hadn’t gotten anything for that, yet. Just an electric kettle, a spice rack, and whatever she was going to cop from her parents’ kitchen. This was a much better situation! She had a few more pretty great gifts that she appreciated, then they were down to the last few, which were all from Max. He sat down next to her and she set aside everything that she had and let him hold both of her hands, wondering why it got so serious all of a sudden.
“Charlotte… The past months that I’ve known you have been amazing to me. Even before we got together, just looking forward to experiencing and learning you everyday has been everything that I’ve ever wanted from another person. : Hesighed and looked at their hands, “I’m officially scheduled to go to Russia for three years.” His shoulders sank. “And I know that you plan to visit and that we plan to continue long distance, but that’s still so tentative for me and scary - the thought of you being tasked with waiting on me to come back. But…” He looked over at the counter and floated something to himself, “If you want, you can stay in my comeback home.” He handed her a set of keys with a SuperMax keychain attached to it. “I know that you’ve been looking for apartments and this is actually a house, but…”
“You are asking me to move in with you for 3 years from now?” She asked.
“No! I’m asking you to move in now and get comfortable and make it your own, then whenever I’m back… we can get used to living together again, and you’ll already be set.” Her eyes widened, “But, if you don’t want to, I understand! We haven’t even been together for a year and who knows how Russia will change us.” He pressed a button on the remote on her keys and a holographic image of the house projected from it, “But, if you want to, I’m welcoming you to.” It was an elevated house on top of pillars, a garden with stair rails on either side and a carport. “And you’ll have full access to my underground lab and lair.”
“This is a super cute house,” she said, in a tiny voice. “And a very sweet notion. I’ll… think about it…” Sensibly, she and Max had not been together long enough for this move, but also, their circumstances were special. They lived together already, basically, and their timeline was rushed for a number of reasons… But, just living with him alone, and actually moving in and keeping it while he was on tour was… a lot that she had to rationally comb through. He understood, and was grateful that she didn’t flat out say no and tell him that he was crazy for thinking she’d even want to.
“On a lighter note!” He changed the subject, “I present to you, some of my most inspired works of art…” He gave her a portfolio of several portraits that he had done of her, some very casual and cool, some extremely detailed and graphic, some as herself, some reimagined in other forms and styles. “They’re mostly from the pining days,” he said, bashfully. “But, I’m working on a big piece to hang in the comeback house.” She flipped through pages of her face, beautifully rendered and covered her heart.
“These are really good, Max.”
“I usually just draw project schematics and costumes, but I was having a phase where every time I tried, I had to draw you first, or I’d be distracted the whole time.
“I love it.”
“I figured that I did need to get you a REAL gift, though, so…” He reached for a jewelry box and opened it. It looked elegant, like fine jewelry - a set with a necklace, earrings, bracelet and a ring. “Shapeshifting jewelry!”
“I’m sorry, what kind?”
He put the ring onto his pinky, because it would not fit anywhere else and it lit up, then it reformed itself, unbuilding and then rebuilding to look like a skull and crossbones ring. She gasped. “It scans your body and gets a record of your outfit and accommodates it. Very fun technology to have.” He took it off and handed it back. She put it on her ring finger and once again, it reformed and became a cute, thin band with a tiny pink jewel.
“This is amazing! I’ve never seen it before.”
“Experimental tech being used for facial imagery reconstruction whenever supers get unmasked. I took the principles and put them in your jewelry!” He said, proud of himself. She was proud, too. She honestly had THEE BEST BOYFRIEND. “And, in case you felt like that was a little too much, or whatever, I have backup gifts of a simpler nature. There’s this coupon book of treats and services, yes several of them are sexual, because I made it and I can,” (she laughed) “There is this HUGE concentration candle, I mean… LOOK at this thing! Oh, and this.” He handed her some folded paper. “It’s a handwritten love letter, basically me being kind of a loser and telling you all of my feelings, but on paper, like a madman…”
“Yes,” she said, snatching it.
“Yes, I’m a madman?”
“No… Well… yes, but… yes, I’ll move into your comeback home after college graduation.” She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.
“To clarify… Was it the letter?”
“It was the... Max. You’re perfect, Dude. I just…” she shrugged and rested her head on him.
.
Whenever Charlotte made her way to the Man Cave, she heard the hijinks as soon as she stepped off of the elevator, and what she saw was four grown men and a young girl all fussing and covered in cake. “Did any of you save any cake?” She called from the elevator. They didn’t stop fussing or even seem to hear or notice her, so she looked around and saw a plate wrapped in saran wrap with assorted slices of cake, “I’m gonna presume that this is mine and leave with it if nobody notices that I’m here!” she called out. They were still fussing at each other and then Ray slapped Jasper in the face with a glob of icing, to which, Jasper growled and charged him and Schwoz, Henry and Piper, began to try to break it up, but all that could be seen was cake and icing flying everywhere. Charlotte left and whenever she did, she heard as the elevator door was closing, “Did any of you hear Charlotte’s voice?”
“Nice try, Henry! You don’t get away from this that easily!” Piper screamed.
“I honestly don’t want to know,” Charlotte told herself. But, she honestly did, too.
Shortly before Midnight, whenever she came back, everything was cleaned up and she announced, “Bringing back the plate!”
“SURPRISE!” Everyone jumped out and screamed, making her scream and drop the plate which shattered on the floor.
They ignored it and began to sing the happy birthday song to her, gathered around a cake platter that Schwoz was holding, only it had an amorphous cake on it, and could hardly hold the candles. It looked like a disaster from a cartoon. She blew out the candles and looked at them, suspiciously, “So, is this the only cake? What happened to the bake off?”
“Bake off?” Ray repeated. “We don’t have to prove that any of us are any better than the others. Besides, it’s YOUR birthday! Today was about you.”
“Did you all fight the entire time, have a huge cake fight, then gather up which pieces of cake that you could and cover it in icing to present as my birthday cake?” Everyone’s face showed that they were caught! That was EXACTLY what had happened. But Ray scoffed and said, “No! And quite frankly Charlotte, it is insulting that you would accuse us of such…”
“I saw you earlier. I took that plate of cake,” she pointed to the broken plate on the floor.
Henry began to fuss about how HE KNEW he’d heard her voice earlier, while Ray was fussing about the broken plate and Jasper was asking which cake was the best. Upon hearing that question, they all became more interested in that, “Yeah, which one? Which? Huh? Bet it was mine…”
“Ummm… they were all actually delicious, but I preferred the lemon one…”
“YES!” Jasper cheered and began to gloat in everybody’s face. “Max liked the chocolate one that tasted like a 5 year old just threw all their favorite things into a cake.”
“I TOLD ALL OF YOU THAT I AM THE CAKE COMMANDO!” Ray yelled. She figured that was his, because it was just a bunch of different chocolate things in a cake - chocolate cookie crumbles, chocolate chips, chocolate candy - she felt sick after one bite of that.
“Yeah, well, he’s probably gonna order one for his dad’s birthday.”
“Thunder Man? He’s still alive?” Ray asked.
Piper asked, “So… you didn’t like the pineapple right side up cake?”
“I did.”
“The chocolate covered strawberry cake was a delicious masterpiece!” Henry fussed.
“It was.”
Schwoz offered, “I think that you may have misjudged the dreamsicle and pickle cake.”
“I did not misjudge it, because I didn’t know what it was and refused to try it. Max said that he didn’t know how it worked, but it somehow did.”
SHe held out her hands, “I enjoyed everybody’s cake…” She pointed at Schwoz,’ “Except for yours.”
“Awwww,” he said, crestfallen.
“But, Jasper asked which one I thought was best and…”
“And she said it without much of a thought that she preferred the lemon icebox layered sponge cake with whipped white chocolate cream cheese icing. TOLD. YOU. GUYS!” He fist bumped her and she just laughed a little bit.
Henry commented, “I got beat with an egg beater for nothing.
“Not for nothing!” Charlotte said. “I completely want that chocolate covered strawberries cake programmed into the auto snacker for my next monthly.”
“My dreamsicle and pickle cake was the only one that used organic ingredients,” Schwoz pouted.
“I will NEVER try it. You won’t EVER tell me anything to make me try a Dreamsicle and pickle cake, Schwoz!” Charlotte said.
Jasper said, “Well… I’m gonna have some of this birthday cake,” and grabbed a plate and the cake cutter.
“Cut me a piece, too!” Henry asked. They all sat down and had a plate with fallen pieces of their various cakes on it and turned on a movie to watch.
“This was actually my best birthday in a while,” Charlotte noted. She didn’t need to go into detail about Max and how perfect he was. Her friends were all happy and full of cake and even that, in it’s own way, was equally as perfect.
#Share a Lair#henry danger#the thundermans#crossover#crossover fanfic#Nesha Crossover#Thundanger#Thunderbolt
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A Chance for Normalcy
Commission for my lovely friend monotcchi on twitter! Please check out their stuff, they’re a wonderfully talented artist and deserves so much love!
Big shoutout as always to my friends who proof read the story. This one was a lot messier to fix up lol
Word: 2k+
Fandom: Yakuza
Pairing: Kiryu x OC
Congrats, Tsubomi-Chan. You’ve proven yourself to be a trusted member of this family.
Those words of pride and commendation were all Tsubomi wanted to hear since she was a little girl. All she wanted to do was make her family proud. However, that came at a cost. She did not realize what she had gotten herself into until it was too late. Being accepted by her family and seen as worthy of being part of the Yakuza patriarch… it all left a bad taste in her mouth.
Ever since the incident, she hadn’t been able to think straight. Her mind wandered; she wouldn’t pay attention in class. It had gotten to the point that her grades were suffering because of it. Her teachers began to confront her. “Asagiri-san! You’re usually such a good student, what’s happening to you?” They would tell her, following up with advice on how to study better.
However, their words fell on deaf ears. Her grades weren’t the top priority, for once. Instead, it was her self-worth.
What was her role in the world? Was it truly to just be a weapon? A thing? Did her parents even care about her anymore? Did they ever care to begin with? These questions kept clouding her mind.
As she walked out of school, she couldn’t help but stare at all her classmates. Watching the different friend groups as they socialized with bright, happy faces, chatting about all the different plans they had today. Her bitter expression was making her stick out like a sore thumb.
The way home was even worse. The bright lights felt more like the glaring sun, and the sounds of the busy streets were ringing in her ears, giving her a pounding headache. As she looked around, watching and observing the people around her, something caught her eye.
It was an older couple with their child, a little girl. They were holding her hands, bouncing her up and down as she giggled. It was a heartwarming scene that you would see in a typical family photo, and it broke Tsubomi’s heart. Seeing that simple image made her feel something, an emotion she had never felt before— envy.
While some people had happy, fond memories about their childhood, Tsubomi did not. She was constantly reminded about the duties and responsibilities she had to uphold for the family name. Meanwhile, she would watch as other children her age would play and spend time with their loved ones. Whether it was a small date or an extended vacation, they were making wonderful memories. She craved a life like that, where she could be happy and not have to endure the pressure of her family’s expectations. She clutched her bag tightly. Her body quickly overtook her mind as she rushed off, her heart pounding in her ears.
The walk to the pier went by in a blur. Her mind had completely zoned out. As she walked across the wooden planks, her eyes wandered around. There wasn’t a soul in sight. She slid her shoes off, keeping them beside her as she stood on the edge. She opened her fist, letting the bag slip out of her hand. This is what needed to happen. If her parents, her family, the people she trusted— simply wanted to use her as collateral damage, then they had no right even to have a daughter. This was her only chance to free herself.
Her body froze. She couldn’t move a muscle. Was it fear? Maybe a little. However, she couldn’t live like this anymore; she didn’t want to live like this. She closed her eyes and relaxed her body. Her mind began to take over as she slowly lifted her foot off the edge.
Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, JUMP—!
“Hey!”
A loud voice snapped her out of the trance. She thought she was alone! Well, she had hoped she was. Her gaze went right, towards the sound. There he stood, a young teenage boy, looked to be about the same age as her. He didn’t give off the threatening aura as his voice did; if anything, he seemed concerned.
Tsubomi simply stared at him. She couldn’t help but be annoyed. The last thing she needed was a witness. She huffed, slipping her shoes back on. Another day, perhaps…?
The boy kept watching her like a hawk, his eyes scanning her for any sudden movements. It only made her more uncomfortable. She didn’t want to say anything, but at this point, she felt compelled to. “What?”
She watched him tense up a little. “Sorry… it looked like you were about to do something foolish.” He said. Was it foolish? Perhaps. Why wouldn’t you want to live the rest of your life being used as a fucking attack dog? Then again, he didn’t know that. How would he? She wasn’t planning to let him find out either. “I guess.” She replied with a bitter tone. Her hand trembled as she picked up her bag. The sudden wave of emotion snuck up on her as she felt a soft pain in her chest. She took a deep breath. She didn’t want to start crying, and in front of a stranger no less. She was too wrapped up in collecting herself. She didn’t pay any mind as the boy walked up to her, closing the gap between them.
“Do you need help?”
“Huh?” For a moment, she didn’t even register the question. This was the first time someone offered to help her. Usually, it was the other way around. “N… no! It’s nothing. Just… home stuff.” She replied, forcing the words out of her throat as she shook her head. “Hmm… I understand.”
She watched as the boy sat down on the wooden pier. He looked up at her, his hand patting the spot next to him. She pondered for a moment, should she sit with him? For all she knew, he could just be using her to kill time, not caring about what she may be going through. Then again, she didn’t want to go home. She didn’t want to face her family, especially not in this mental state.
She took the seat next to him, sliding her shoes off and placing them next to her. She gripped the wood below her, staring out across the water. The sun was just setting. Its glow looked gorgeous as it reflected against the clear ocean. However, it wasn’t enough to distract Tsubomi from the racing thoughts clouding her mind. She glanced over to the boy beside her, unsure if she should speak or just remain silent. “Hey, Uh—”
“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.” He said, cutting her off. “I figured it wouldn’t be right, leaving you alone like this.”
She couldn’t help but smile. She was pleasantly surprised by the kind words. “Thanks…”
The silence came as quickly as it left. Tsubomi glanced over, studying the boy’s face. She could have sworn she had seen him before, most likely at school. She was blanking on a potential name. As far as she could remember, she didn’t share any classes with him. “Umm…”
It was hard to speak all of a sudden, especially once their eyes met. She was usually decent at talking to people, but now, she felt anxious. “I’m sorry… what’s your name? I feel like I’ve seen you before.”
“Kiryu Kazuma.” He answered. “We go to the same school together.”
Good to know I haven’t gone completely nuts, she thought. “Asagiri Tsubomi.” She introduced herself, almost mumbling it. She felt it was only polite to give her name as well. Kiryu smiled, easing away her tension. “Nice to meet you.” He said. “You too.”
It became quiet yet again. It was almost comedic. Tsubomi wasn’t too sure what to do. She was curious about the boy who, unknowingly, saved her from her own destruction. It seemed unwise, but she wanted to know more about him. “Do you… come to the pier often?” She asked, leaving a small pause in the middle of her sentence. She was surprised she managed to form one at all, considering her mind was giving her a million suggestions at a time.
“Kind of.” He started, his voice held a sense of awkwardness. “My friend Nishiki and I used to come here during junior high. It’s been a while.” He added. She simply nodded, her eyes drifting towards the water to see a few fish, just below the surface. Kiryu opened up his bag and pulled out a small loaf of bread, wrapped in plastic. He pulled off the wrapping and ripped up the dough, throwing it in the ocean. They both watched as the fish ate each piece, bobbing up to the surface, fighting over the food. “What about you?” He asked. Tsubomi shook her head, staring at the fish, watching as they swam away. “I didn’t know this place existed.” She replied. She never took scenic routes on her way home. She wished she did, though. The ocean breeze, watching the waves roll by. It was relaxing.
She suddenly felt something drop on her lap. She looked down, seeing a small bag of bread. “You look hungry.”
As if to confirm it, Tsubomi’s stomach let out a loud growl, causing the two of them to snicker. Biting into the bread, she let out a hushed, pleased hum. It was good! She felt kind of guilty, eating in front of him. She tugged off a significant portion, holding it in front of him. He raised an eyebrow, looking over, clearly confused. “You look hungry too.”
“Heh… thanks.” He smiled, taking the bread and popping it into his mouth. The two ate together in silence, which she honestly didn’t mind anymore. She hadn’t felt this content in a long time.
She suddenly had a sick feeling in her gut as she swallowed. The slowly setting sun had finally hit her. She didn’t want to check her watch; she knew it was getting late. She didn’t want to leave, but it was naive to believe she could just sit here forever. As soon as she finished eating, she stuffed the wrapping in her bag and stood up. “I should get going.” She said, grabbing her stuff as she made her way off the pier. “Wait!”
She paused, looking back at Kiryu. “Come back tomorrow. We can hang out again. I… if you want.” His voice quivered when he uttered the last part. She blinked. To be honest, she wasn’t expecting that. No one has ever asked her out like this before. Then again, she’s never really bonded with anyone either, not until today. She nodded.
“See you tomorrow.” She waved. As she walked off, she could hear his soft voice. “See ya…”
On her way home, her mind raced, still processing what had happened. She was a bit disappointed in herself, not being able to go through with her original plan. Then again, she could always do it tomorrow—
No…! No, she couldn’t! Kiryu wanted to hang out again tomorrow, and she couldn't let him down. That thought alone made her stop dead in her tracks. She barely knew him… why the hell would she care about disappointing him or not? She knew the reason; she just didn’t want to admit it.
She may have found a friend. That boy, someone she barely knew, came to her aid. He didn’t go out of his way to try and fix all her problems or get inside her head. He simply offered her company— which is more than anything anyone else— including her parents, had done. From that conversation alone, she could see how kind and caring he truly was.
Sitting on that pier, chatting with Kiryu, the plans to do it all over again. She wanted that every day.
She wanted to live a life outside of the Yakuza, outside of her family’s legacy. She wanted to be normal. Honestly, it sounded like an impossible dream, something she could probably never achieve. However, Kiryu showed her that there is a life of normalcy. It was just out of her reach, and she could grab it if she tried. And that’s precisely what she was going to do.
#I know very little about Yakuza apart from the few bits i've seen from what my friends played#so sorry if this is an annoying read LOL#Yakuza#Kiryu Kazuma#Kazuma Kiryu#OC#original character#Yakuza OC#Kiryu x oc#Kiryu Kazuma x oc#Commission#My Writing#Writing Commission
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Quick recap of our south wales trip because I need to remember this absolute happiness ❤
• We switched our plan from lakes to South wales on Saturday afternoon lol. So E and I took the train down to Bristol to her parents house Saturday evening and met up with B who was driving from his parents place. Hadn't seen E in weeks so that was nice, and I missed B sooo much in the not even three weeks we were apart. So all off to a great start :'D Because it was already pretty late we decided to stay the night.
• We left super early the next morning and got to Swansea around 8 am. Had breakfast and coffee in a nice little cafe with a bunch of guidebooks making a vague plan of where to go, what climbs we want to do - I love this sort of planning. Then got food for the rest of our stay and drove the rest of the way to the Gower.
We got to Rhossili bay, our crag for the day, just in time to get started for low tide - it's seacliff climbing so the bottom of the crag is under water most of the day haha. Had a good few hours of sport climbing, including my first sport lead, and I led a 3-star route that deffs deserved its rating. Plus learned to clean which was useful. And also climbing this close to the sea was just insanely cool.
After we got flooded out of the crag (almost literally, B was just about to start climbing because we thought we had time for another when the water came in oops haha; though I feel the need to mention it would've been fine and not dangerous, just wet and annoying) we decided to get the boards down. Conditions were amazing for windsurfing, B was having the time of his life. E went surfing and was definitely not having the time of her life because conditions were.. not great for surfing :'D I went for a quick run then swimming then just watched the other two for a while.
We stayed at a campsite near the beach and had the cosiest dinner together nestled between our two tents and the car and it was just so good. I love both of them so much ❤
• Monday we had a veeery slow morning, having gone to bed quite late the day before and not feeling in much of a rush. We had an outrageous amount of tea and a nice breakfast then eventually sorted out gear and decided to go to the other side of the bay for some seacliff trad. Got a bit lost on the way there with our very old guide but that resulted in a more scenic route so no complaints there :'D
I didn't lead anything that day because I wasn't really in the headspace for trad - had picked out a climb, racked up and decided not to do it, sometimes I get that but I find it's usually better to just listen to it. But seconded a reaaally nice HS with amazing views (if you zoom in on the middle picture you can see E lead haha) and then Ben led his first trad route! Also pictured.
Trad takes ages so that was really all we did that day, had another super fun and relaxed evening too
• We had planned to move locations on Tuesday but the previous trad day had resulted in all of us having our eyes on specific routes, so we decided to stay another day. The morning was almost the same as Monday, so nice. We did get to the crag a bit earlier than Monday. Evie led a classic HVS which was pretty damn long at just under 40m, that was so cool to watch. Unfortunately it got really cloudy after, so we decided to go back to the car because the forecast didn't look great either. By the time we got to the car you could see the rain on the horizon :'D we just managed to make tea the second before it started pouring rain, so we hid in the car with our tea hahah.
Afterwards climbing was out because of the wet rock. Surf didn't look great either but we went anyway and it was really fun :)
And then it was already time to go because E had to catch a train back, so B and I dropped her off and went on to the Wye valley where we stayed one more night.
• We went to a local sport crag on Wednesday and had a pretty solid session for our limited time. I led a 4c that was terrifyingly bad rock - as in, the guidebook literally said "careful, you might be stronger than the crag" :'D then seconded a super fun 6a after B.
And then it was already time to go home :( it was such a perfect trip. The three of us are a perfect match in a lot of ways, including but not limited to just the right balance between going things/adventuring and relaxing, being absolute dirtbags, and the amount of tea we drink :'D
#personal#me#running#climbing#myrunning#sport climbing#sportclimbing#rock climbing#trad climbing#outdoor climbing#south wales#abroadadventure#e#b#housemates#rockclimbing#climber#british climbers#camping#outdoorsy#outdoors#dirtbag#tea#Just because it's mentioned a lot#that's because it's very important#summer 2019#England#wales#united kingdom#climb
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Well guys, I had a hell of a morning!
I’m putting this under a read more because there are LOTS of words ahead, but a good amount of Mission content and film location photos if you’re interested!
Today was the day of my helicopter flight. My first ever, and man was I nervous. I like flying in a commercial plane, the bigger the better, because it hardly feels like you’re in the air most of the time. But I have a major fear of heights - or more accurately of falling to my death. When I went up the Queenstown Skyline gondola earlier in the week, which is very steep, I felt sick to my stomach - so understandably I was pretty scared about the idea of flying in a little helicopter no matter how much I wanted to do it.
I was half convinced the flight was going to be cancelled anyway, because of the weather the previous day being terrible, but when I woke up this morning it was blue skies and almost no clouds as far as the eye could see - literally perfect flying conditions. It was meant to be, and this was further proved to me later in the morning too. So off I went, to the airport where Glacier Southern Lakes Helicopters operate out of. A quick drive from Queenstown itself.
In no time I was checked in and boarding the little Airbus B3E Squirrel along with four other people. Now, I had booked a short flight over the Remarkables mountain range because it was the cheapest option I could combo with a jetboat. Since everyone else had booked the longer alpine scenic flight that’s what I got too. Win! We took off after a quick briefing, looking awesome in our huge noise cancelling headsets. The take off was so smooth, in fact the entire flight was
The alpine scenic takes you up the mountains to land in snow, no matter what season (it’s summer here). But it also takes you OVER Skippers Canyon - and this is the location where the low level chase scenes in Fallout were filmed. AMAZING, I AM SOLD. NO MORE FEAR. I AM BASICALLY ETHAN HUNT AT THIS POINT (lol lets hope not, I don’t want my helicopter to burst in to flames).
Anyway, before we got there we flew over some incredible mountain ranges to get to Arthur's Point.
I mean...wow. Right?
We eventually landed, right next to some snow, obviously there isn’t a lot left this time of year unless you go much higher up to Coronet Peak or something. Here I am standing in said snow
After playing around for a bit it’s back in the heli for the rest of the flight and more unbelievable views. Weirdly although the noise of the blades is extremely loud, flying like this is very serene and the views are much better than those of a normal plane because obviously you’re nowhere near as high up. This is when our pilot, Jeremy, tells us about some films that used the area for. He mentioned some little films you might’ve heard of; The Lord of the Rings, and Mission: Impossible - Fallout. If you don’t already know, LotR was my entire life for most of my teenage years and I still love it dearly, and obviously Fallout is everything to me. So although I didn’t say anything during the flight, I was living.
We flew over Skippers Canyon, which as I said before is the location of the low level scenes in the helicopter chase. It was impossible to know from there the exact bit of river used and I was too busy taking in all the scenery to ask - I also didn’t think my pilot would know exact locations. From what information I do have though, thanks to Film Otago Southland, it was around the Skippers Canyon bridge, so I think these are pretty accurate
Obviously we couldn’t fly as low as they did in the film, because that would be massively dangerous and I don’t want to die. There were a couple instances of turbulence which felt like a slight drop, which was scary but I was too in the moment to be scared I guess. And I thought at those times, “at least if I have to take over for some reason I know one thing - POWER” thx Ethan you wonderful idiot.
The rest of the flight was just beautifully scenic, taking us over the Shotover river, and over the Ford of Bruinen for any fellow Rings fans, then back over Queenstown itself to land back at base in Frankton. I was grinning from ear to ear by the time we landed, and straight away I wanted to go up again. I’m absolutely blown away by how smooth and comfortable a flight it was, and just what you get to see from the air. I can really imagine now how much the cast and crew must have enjoyed themselves filming here.
Anyway, I thought it was all over then - back at base waiting for our transfer back to the city, when one of the employees said “Oh, did Jeremy tell you that he was a stunt pilot for the new Mission Impossible?”
NO. N O. JEREMY WTF.
Now, I knew that Glacier Southern Lakes was the company McQuarrie chose to work with on helicopter scenes. That is the reason I chose to fly with them. I also knew they had one pilot on their fleet who had assisted with filming but I thought they had brought their stunt team in entirely from the US. I had no idea I was being flown by someone who had been IN THE FILM. OH MY GOD.
At this point, I embarrassed myself in front of everyone else and rightfully freaked out. I explained to the team that I Fallout was possibly my favourite film ever and how much I love the Mission series as a whole. They told me about how the cast and crew had been with them on base for two months planning and filming. Several of their pilot team had worked with them, not just in terms of planning routes and providing helicopters for the crew for filming, but also transporting cast and crew to other locations (such as Milford Sound). They told me that everyone was incredibly friendly, and professional. They also told me no one else has reacted like I did about this film.
Finally Jeremy shows up again and I HAVE to go and talk to him, and shake his hand. I admit I did go a bit fangirl and had to tell him how much I love those scenes and compliment him on his work there, and he was clearly taken aback because no one usually is that interested in it apparently. Let alone 28 year old women who have been fairly quiet and unassuming up until now. Everyone wants to know about Lord of the Rings usually.
He tells me how, yes, he was a stunt pilot during the low level scenes. He piloted the other helicopter. OH, just the one Henry was in. YOu know, no big deal. Okay then. I ask him for a picture, everyone laughs at me but he very happily says yes. So here we are. Jeremy is my new fave tbh. I hope he has a lovely day. He certainly made mine.
So there you go, that’s my adventure. I took a jetboat later in the morning but I got my locations wrong and it did not take me to Skippers Canyon as I had hoped. Also, I think I saw the medical camp location yesterday on my Rings tour, but I’m not entirely sure and my guide had no idea whatsoever.
All in all - one of the best experiences of my life. I had a brilliant time and I would do it again without hesitation. I’d highly recommend if you’re in the Queenstown area you take a flight with Glacier Southern Lakes.
I’m so sad to be leaving NZ tomorrow, but having memories like this certainly helps!
P.S - I spoke with the team at Film Otago Southland recently about filming locations, as well as getting a little more info from the GSLH team too - so if you want a list of rough filming locations please let me know. I can always do a post about it!
#Mission Impossible#Mission: Impossible#Mission Impossible Fallout#personal#me#cool stuff#living the life istg
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State Recap
This post is probably going to be long.
We left at 7 Friday and got down to Galveston about 3. The cell phones were out all over the island so communication was terrible.
Found our condo, got unloaded, grabbed my gi and weapons and headed to the venue. Most of karate tournaments is waiting. You wait for your division. Then you wait for your turn. It’s tedious, and it’s time for nerves to psych you out. I had a panic attack before my weapons and self defense divisions started. A literal panic attack. I looked at my brown belt, I looked at Master Chambers and it hit me. What if I’m not good enough to be wearing this? What if I embarrass Robi? And I cried. And I couldn’t breathe. Thank God Tracy was there. She kept me sane and calmed me down.
Self defense was just weird. One dude just did one steps, (it’s a karate thing) instead of actual self defense. I don’t even know how he outscored us. The judges were scoring everything super low too. And there was no consistency to their scoring. Kittie stumbled and almost fell down and she scored higher than me pushing me just out of the medals. At first Robi thought she and I tied. I told him if that happened I would just give it to her because she’s my uke. It’s not fair for her to have to perform hers over again, then be my partner for mine a second time. But she was a tenth of a point higher so no biggie. It’s the only event I didn’t medal in this year.
My power wood breaking event was up at the same time as weapons. I was having to run between two rings for a few minutes. I didn’t break as well as I wanted to. I think I was psyched out about hitting my thumb and low and behold what did I do? It’s fine though. Bruised it a little that night but nothing serious. I was bowing in for weapons so I missed them calling out who placed where in breaking, but apparently Larry announced to the crowd in that ring that I broke boards with a broken thumb so I got cheered and didn’t even get to enjoy the moment. Hahahahahaha.
Weapons could’ve gone better. I messed up my kata but hid it well and kept going. The judges didn’t know. This is the first time I’ve ever placed in weapons. As soon as I can hold my katana again, I’m going back to samurai sword. It’s my first weapon and the one I feel most comfortable with. I want to really work on refining it. I think it’s good to know how to use the others, especially as an instructor, but for competition, sword will be where I stay. Anyway, I placed third. It was my first time to place in weapons at state.
Then I had to wait for hours to compete in power concrete breaking. Hours. Like I finally broke about 11:30-11:45. Got home, devoured pizza because I hadn’t eaten since breakfast then went to bed. I blew that concrete up. The awards for that were gis and a world title. Of course they were out of gis in my size but Larry is supposed to be ordering me a new one.
I fell asleep about two am and woke up at five on Saturday. At six, Arthur and I went to ihop while everyone else slept. I walked five blocks down to the venue while everyone else was getting ready. One of our families screwed their kid out the chance to compete in kata, because they slept in. I was texting them for an HOUR to get him there and that was after telling them the night before what time they had to be there. They showed up just after he’d been disqualified. I was so mad at his parents.
Spent the morning running from ring to ring, coaching our kids. They did great. None of them took first but several of them brought home second or third.
Third was my major number this year. Third in weapons, 3rd in breaking wood, 3rd in kata, 3rd in sparring.
Kata went ok. I watched Sensei talk through the whole thing so when he cheered for me at the end, I rolled my eyes at him and laughed and said, I know you were talking. I’ll never be great at kata because I’m too goofy and too smart ass with Robi. Hahahahaha. After kata, one of the black belts did tell me that he never wants to be on the receiving end of my kicks or punches. He’s a dude that I’ve watched knock dudes out. He’s a beast so that was a HUGE compliment.
One of the other guys that’s a brown belt almost black, told me that I’ve proved that I belong here. And that was such a big deal man. He didn’t know about the panic attack the night before. It was like the universe was speaking through him in that moment.
My fight to get to the championship round didn’t go as I had hoped. The chick I fought was fast. She was all over me before I had time to react. I wish it was bogu. I could’ve taken her down and finished it on the ground but it’s point sparring. It’s about speed and timing and mine was off.
After the fight, I was cool until the head judge, who is a dear friend told me to keep my head up. Of course that made me cry. I walked off the mat and Len (another black belt friend) and Robi were there. Len was on me about crying. I told him I’d have been ok if James hadn’t said anything. Hahahaha.
James pulled me aside later and made me cry again. He talked about how my time will come, he’s always cheering for me even when he’s judging me, and about how that girl only shows up in her region, takes her trophy and goes home. I jump in and help at every tournament, I travel all over the state, I’m a big supporter and helper of the entire organization and it doesn’t go unnoticed. He said that I matter to the AOK. She’s just another competitor. That might have been the biggest compliment all weekend. He also told me I’m beautiful and he loves me about thirty seven times all weekend.
Larry proposed to Leslie at the banquet. I went with Robi and Tracy to the hotel bar at the Hilton after the banquet. Tons of karate folks there. We drank til the wee hours and laughed and talked. One of the black belts might have tried make a move on me. I said I wasn’t sure, Tracy said it totally was. Hahahahaha. We will see how things go next year I guess. When I got ready to leave, Robi hugged me (and not a half hug, a real one) and told me how proud he was of me.
The girls I rode with I took the scenic route on the way home. It was fun. Now I have a cold. My immune system couldn’t take any more not sleeping and stress. Lol.
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Day 4 Arcos to Barcelos 21km 27.04.19 and Day 5 Barcelos to Lugar do Condo 21km 28.04.19
Dinner was great last night. It was a few steps up from a usual pilgrim menu. 😊They didn't serve breakfast until 8.30 though and that was far too late to leave for a big day. After discussion we were able to get a bun and piece fruit each to take with us. We took and alternative route out of town and enjoyed shady woodland paths. Rachel had a blister on the side of her foot from yesterday and today has gained one more on the ball of each foot. She decided to walk last 9k in jandals!!! We walked to a cafe where there is a lovely man called Antonio who enjoys having the pilgrims visit. There is even a photo of him in the pilgrim guide book and signed our books. He has gifts and momentos all over the walls. Rachel had a kiwi badge she gave him and he said he only had one other thing from NZ. It was a magnet. He liked the Kiwi so much he gifted her a rooster badge...there were immediately jokes about the cock she was given lol. Maria and I decided to take the longer more scenic route to stay off the main path. We walked up Mt Fransquiera to a lovely chapel where a couple hadnjust been married. There were views out to the coast and to Spain. A lovely lady gave us lots of flowers from the arch that was over the door.
Getting down from the mountain we missed 1 arrow and went about a km out of our way. We had to backtrack to get back on the way.
We ended up getting into Barcelos at 5ish and it seemed to take forever. Luckily Antonia called ahead for us and reserved us beds at an Albergue by the river as there was a fiesta in town. There were amazing fireworks at midnight and because we were so close to where they were going off we had to get out of the hostel at 11.30pm and stay out til they finished..in case any went AWOL. We decided not to go to bed and kept Marco the waiter at a tapas bar nearby very busy. Sherri who had stayed with us was not impressed as she wanted to sleep but the fireworks were amazing. She ended up drinking far too much and slept like a log.
Barcleos to Lugar do corgo
Extremely hot day and mostly walking on the roads. The first 10k seemed to go fast and the next 10 dragged on and on. There were not a lot of options on places to stay and we missed the first place which was a small Albergue. Luckily we found the second place which had private rooms and an unadvertised a lovely 5 bed dorm otherwise we would have had to walk a lot further and we were both knackered! Also they served dinner which was great as were unprepared and it was Sunday and most places were closed. Rachel decided to taxi forward to where we will be tomorrow so will have 2 days rest.
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You know what time it is? Time for me to carry on re-reading that clusterheck known as The Misadventures of Prince Kim, on an epic journey to correct typos and question my entire life!
K we’re up to chapter 11 let’s gooooo
This is pretty much the only time in the whole thing where Max proper has a go at Kim, and honestly he deserves it!! yes nerd boy, go off!!
how to deal with the guy you’re unknowingly crushing on being your parents’ deadly enemy -- just CHALLENGE HIM TO A SWORD DUEL apparently, Kim what the actual hell
srsly though where did Kim get that sword
Adrien is so good and blessed... and also everything in his lil speech is gonna be a plot point in the sequel
Kim thAT’S SO GAY OMG YOU’RE SUCH A DISASTER BI
Everything about Max and Kim’s friendship is just so good ugh that’s one thing at least I’m proud of in this fic, the epic slowburn Kimax, it’s good and I’m happy with it
Max saying “I realize that may have been short-sighted of me” is a pun by the way (because he wears glasses), pls appreciate it
“Seasons are a social construct, Max. Time is an illusion.” I will NEVER be able to outdo the genius of this line
Chapter 12 here we go
Max’s entire reason for being in this fic is being the love interest, I swear... like in the first half of the fic he just suffers internal gay heartbreak over and over, and in the second half he’s perfectly happy with his bae and doesn’t rly have any stakes in the plot aside from wanting to keep the people he cares about safe... he’s the Love Interest(TM)
More geography lessons now, mixed in with science and history too... I know I call Max a nerd but maybe I’M the nerd
the world of the fic is so messed up, I mean Chloe’s walking around in rococo clothing and her citizens are peasant farmers wanting to guillotine her, and then there’s kingdoms like Max’s and Alix’s, who have cars and planes and phones and stuff?? this really is a game of Civ, dang
hmm... I think it’s implied that later on in the fic satellites are already in space, but here Max says they’re still being built... eh whatever I can just pretend they launched inbetween at some point or that Max’s research is a bit out of date
his speech really did have a global impact okay, I swear it was plot relevant and not just filler because I think Max is really cool and super underrated or anything
the entire Animan episode is happening on the side as a B-plot just because why not
CHAPTER 13 NOW, HELL YES BRING ON THE GAY
Nath is me omg, that social anxiety amirite
Myvan is canon!!! Myvan is canon!!! I’d forgotten about that whoops
this is LITERALLY just Animan except at a ball
Adrien making puns and calling Marinette “princess”... I was not that subtle was I
yes the hot Italian noble is Lila, I wasn’t particularly subtle about that either
...I’ve just realized, the next time I’m around mistletoe I’ll just pretend to have a cold and then everyone will stay away from me lmao (Alix wasn’t pretending tho, she really did have a cold here)
YES HERE COMES THE ADRIKIM MISTLETOE KISS
it’s funny because Adrien partially decides to do it because he thinks his dad would be mad about him having a crush on Kim, but later in the fic when Gabe finds out he doesn’t really care lol
for the record the reason I skipped writing the actual kiss is because I had NO idea how to write kisses (the chapter 24 one is pretty much glossed over too!), I only started bothering later on when Kimax, because, yknow, KIMAX
Kim and Max talking about their boy crushes together is so adorable hhhhhhhh can I skip like 30 chapters already
“I can’t believe I had my first kiss, and I can never tell anyone about it because it was with a guy.” this is actually the funniest thing in hindsight because in exactly a year’s time, Kim just straight-up brags to people about how he’s so hot that even a boy kissed him last year
okay now chapter aeroplanes (that’s 14, btw)
Kim trying to stay away from home for as long as possible to avoid getting told off is the biggest mood and I hate it
the journey to Max’s kingdom took two days?? hmm... later on in the fic it seems to take less time... ahhh idk let’s just say they took the scenic route okay
now you readers get to learn some science stuff
can the show please give us Max’s canon family? I brushed over it entirely in this fic but idk how the hell I’d do that in the sequel
oh yeah so in this fic, most of the time they’re talking in French. however, they all know English too as a lingua franca thing, so that way all the stupid puns can still work because you can pretend they switched into English for those bits
KIM GEEKING OUT OVER AEROPLANES IS SO PRECIOUS OMG HOW DID I DO THAT
So if Alix took her pet snake on the plane... then I guess you could say there were... Snakes on a Plane AYYYYYY
Also, like... she doesn’t even talk to Kim and Max in the actual show, her being best friends with them is a fanon thing and that being said, I totally went for it lol I wanted her to be relevant okay
Jalil is so sarcastic in this fic (mostly because you see him from Kim’s point of view and he hates Kim lmao) I don’t even know why I did that, I just did, he’s basically just me
I swear this reads so... ugh what’s the phrase I’m thinking of? double nintendo-ey? IT FEELS MORE SHIPPY THAN IT IS, THAT’S WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY
oh dear I’m having an allergic reaction again
Alix is so violent I s2g, this is like the second time already she’s implied she really wants to beat someone up and it won’t be the last time
oh and she’s not 100% oblivious that Kim’s into her. (I know she tells him later on that she was, she’s lying to make him feel better.) she’s just very much in denial and decides to not notice bc she doesn’t want it to be true, which is like, a decent aro mood tbh
okay chapter food fight (15!)
you know what, the awkwardness between Kim and Adrien now is also giving me an allergic reaction, just TALK to each other you idiots oh my god
Kim and Marinette treat each other like cousins in this fic, idk how else to describe it really, I was going for “childhood friends” but they really have a cousin kinda dynamic
IVAN IS AN ABSOLUTE LEGEND FOR INDULGING IN THE ACCIDENTAL FOOD FIGHT and so is Chloe actually, huh
Alix just. slam dunks Nath into a vat of milk. I can’t with this fic
Typo-correcting-time!! It’s not Mr Damocles, it’s DUKE Damocles jeez Aish get it right
also whomst the heck snitched on poor Kim and got him into trouble??
OKAY SO. later on in the fic, I often mention that one monopoly match that ended up in a brawl, but I never bothered to write the match itself because I forgot it was supposed to be a plot point in the timelines thing. here in this chapter is the first time it’s mentioned. should I... go back and write it in properly? idk help
awwwww this is the first point that actually feels proper Kimax-y, they’re having a moment together at the fountain and omg it’s so cute
lol this bit where spider-destroyer Alix has to threaten Kim to put her back down is like the exact opposite of way later on when they’re playing the floor is lava and she cheats by sitting on his shoulder and he tries to annoy her into going away
also KIM I’M KINKSHAMING, YES, THE SCALIE MERMAID HASN’T EVEN SHOWN UP YET AND I’M STILL KINKSHAMING, HAVING A CUTE GIRL PLUCK OUT YOUR EYEBALLS IS NOT HOT
phew that’s enough I’m dying
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October Blog A Day
k so i missed 4 days in a row lol, but my excuse is that i was super busy this past weekend with thanksgiving stuff!! so here’s day 5-10
5. Flattery Friday: send love (in a post or via inbox) to your fellow tumblrs.
i’m much too shy to do this one hahah sorry, so i’m gonna just up my random nice anon messages to people :)
6. Indoors or outdoors?
outdoors!!! if i stay indoors too long i feel trapped, i LOVE being outside. except in the winter. i hate the winter because it hurts to go outside.
7. Your favorite charitable organization.
local shelters! i like to donate to my local SPCA!
8. The first CD you loved and ruined
hahaha okay i got a sortof funny story. my hometown had a youth center that hosted weekly friday dances for all middle school students. i met a boy there that went to a different school, and we ended up dating. our schools were literally across the street from each other. mine was a public school and his was a catholic school. anyways he would always wait at the playground our schools shared after school, where we’d talk for like 10 minutes before going home lol. one of the times we met up, he gave me a mixed CD. i remember it had hey yeah by outkast, yeah by usher, my humps by black eyed peas.. lots of hits from like 2005ish, all songs that we danced to at the weekly dances.. cute right. anyways, for whatever reason, a few weeks later, i made the decision to break up with him. so my dramatic ass wrote “I HATE YOU” on the CD, smashed it into a bunch of pieces, put it back in the case the best i could so you could still read my nice message, and gave it back to him. and that’s how i broke up with my first ever boyfriend lmfao, i handed him the smashed CD that clearly said ‘i hate you’ on it and walked away. (please keep in mind i was like 13 lmao)
9. What’s on your travel bucket list? Is there anywhere you have been that you think everyone should visit?
everyone should visit costa rica because it’s an incredibly beautiful country and the people there are the nicest people ever!!! they love their country so much, every one we talked to down there loved telling us neat things about their country!! one of our drivers even took us on a longer scenic route to show us coffee plants they grow, and he took us to this amazing hidden waterfall and taught us about a bunch of different plants they have there! also i highly recommend staying inland, instead of on the shore.. everyone i know who’s been to costa rica always stays on the beach. the jungle is much cooler!!!!! we did a night tour through the jungle and it was one of the coolest things i’ve ever done!!
10. Favorite snacks
marinated tofu! apple slices with goat cheese on top! greek pasta salad!
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