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flowersosa · 26 days

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Chapter 2: You Tell Yourself You're Fine

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Bella didn't sleep well.

Throughout the night, she tossed and turned in her sleep, the visage of a woman standing at the tree lines, unmoving, non-blinking as her dreams progressed throughout the night.

The harder she looked, the blurrier the woman became, and the more she tried to move towards her, the farther she was. Bella tried to focus on the image of her or around her, the less details she could see. It was frustrating. She stood on the path leading towards her house; the sounds of the roiling wind and the ice-cold shards of rain pelted her and filled space around them, between them.

The woman cocks her head to the side, and Bella follows suit, her movement mimicking the woman’s.

Bella can make out one detail, which is the woman’s frown.

She wakes up disgruntled, unsatisfied, and frustrated. A swirl of emotions flows through her before settling on anxiousness. As she throws back her blanket, giving up on sleeping for the remainder of the night, she soaks in the emotion.

She can’t explain why her previous declaration of changing and adapting in Forks was suddenly insufficient to cure her stress. The thought of socializing with people alone was enough to trigger her anxiety. Even at home, she found it hard to relate to her classmates, get along with them, and understand them.

She gets out of bed, rips open her drawers, and prepares for her day. As she tugs on her jeans, she lets out a huff. She’s to be an outsider once again.

‘Maybe I could ask or even tell Charlie about this,’ she ponders. But as the fog thickens and the sky lightens outside her bedroom window, Bella realizes that maybe she couldn't tell anyone, period.

Perhaps her codependency and unnaturally close relationship with her mother made her feel that no one could genuinely harmonize with her. As if no one could truly understand how she feels and thinks, and her stride in life is too uneven for someone to match her. Maybe it could be that she doesn't understand or know herself enough to get along with another person.

Either way, these thoughts and associated emotions keep feeding into her anxiety and aim to discredit the change she promised to undergo, leaving her indecisive and altogether unsure of herself and Forks. Nothing has happened yet, she might add, but as she gathers herself to go to school, the feeling of being caged heightens.

As she expected, breakfast with Charlie was quiet. When she made to leave, he wished her good luck, and she thanked him. Internally, she knew Charlie wastes his wishes and hopes, as luck tends to escape her most of the time. So, in return, she smiled as he leaned to kiss her forehead and made his way out to work.

Alone in the kitchen, Bella’s smile drops, and she takes the time to observe her surroundings. She examines the small kitchen from her place at the old square oak table. The dark paneled walls, bright yellow cabinets, and linoleum flooring are so appalling that they temporarily take her mind off her anxiety about school. Nothing in the house has changed since her childhood—not one single thing.

Over the small fireplace in the family room was a row of pictures. First were Renee's and Charlie's wedding pictures from Las Vegas, followed by a picture of the three after Bella was born, followed by a procession of school photos.

Embarrassment fills her to the brim, and Bella vows to get Charlie on brand with the plan to redecorate this hideous home and hide most- if not all of the pictures on the fireplace's mantel. Bella knows how impossible it is to be in this house, with its outdated décor, and realizes how Charlie never got over her mom, which makes her uncomfortable. Renee couldn’t deal with it either; it was so painful that she couldn't bear to be in the house without him. Bella had left for Arizona for a reason, but here, with every reminder of the very woman she aimed to escape, she couldn't help but feel suffocated.

“Maybe this is how he feels,” Bella thinks as she dons her jacket, “To be trapped in the phenomenon called Renee. Maybe to him, she was once his sunlight in the cloudiness that was his life, but as fleeting as those moments were, the wreckage that she caused, as swift as their time together, he remains utterly transfixed and longing for her. Well, maybe not her, but the idea of her.”

Bella knows firsthand what it was like to have her every waking moment bewitched and fixated on Renee, not like Charlie, but not unlike Charlie at the same time. In their ways, Bella notes this as she leaves the house and enters her truck; both she and her father have their romanticized versions of Renee in their minds.

It was refreshing to have Renee's bright ray of sunshine for Charlie as a provider and a man stuck in a pattern-like lifestyle. To love and adore her for her forgetfulness, creativity, and artistic expression must be refreshing from his mature and isolationist nature. But for Bella, while she does appreciate those wonderful traits her mother certainly has, she can't help but acknowledge how inconsistent and flighty her mother was and how Bella was robbed of having a steady childhood because her mother wouldn't hold onto a job, and how Bella had to manage their household at a young age.

As she drove, annoyed by the sudden thoughts of her mother, the foggy weather turned into a soft drizzle. She sighs, taking her left hand off the wheel and resting it underneath her chin while her elbow props against the door. She drove like this until she reached Forks High School.

Another heavy sigh left her as she parked. Part of her wishes she would take another week to start school, but Charlie would have insisted that she start sooner to avoid falling behind or suddenly changing her mind and moving out. Shutting her car down, she steps unwillingly out of her sweet baby truck and down a path lined with dark hedges. The school was tremendous as if it was made of multiple brick-colored houses. As she stepped inside the building and into the main office, she was relieved that it was warmer and more brightly lit than she had hoped.

The office was small. It had a small waiting area with black chairs. Orange-flecked commercial carpets, notices, flyers, and awards cluttered the walls. The loudest sound came from a small clock hanging off the wall, dead-centered with the black chairs. Plants grew everywhere in small and large plastic pots as if the lush greenery outside wasn't enough.

Yet, Bella admitted apprehensively, the room did feel more welcoming.

She slowly moved to the receptionist's desk, which cut the room in half and was currently cluttered with baskets of papers and flyers. A slightly tall and plump woman with red hair sat at the reception desk, her finger gliding across the keys to her keyboard and her attention fixed on the task. Bella waits a moment before clearing her throat to garner the woman's attention.

The woman, Mrs. Sherry O'Connell, as it reads on her name tag, looks up from her monitor with slight annoyance. "Can I help you?"

Bella swallows her anxiety, informing her, "Yeah, I'm Isabella Swan."

The woman's eyes light up in recognition and awareness. Bella was expected. Indeed, the topic of gossip in this tiny town is how the daughter of the Police Chief's flighty ex-wife has finally come home.

"Oh! Of course," she exclaimed as she dug through the precariously stacked pile of documents on her desk until she found the ones she was looking for.

"Okay, so I have your schedule right here and the school map. Your third period will determine which lunch you have, so ask your teacher when that's appropriate, okay?" Mrs. O'Connell says as she hands the papers over.

Bella nods as Mrs. O'Connell reviews the paperwork and details the best routes to her classes. When she was done, and Bella didn't ask any further questions, she gave her a slip to have her teachers sign and return to the office.

After agreeing and hearing her wishes for Bella to enjoy her time in Forks, Bella returned to her truck to drive around to the student parking lot. Glancing at the other cars, she was relieved to see that many of the cars weren't too flashy, aside from the shiny Volvo across the lot.

Back in Arizona, it was common to see dazzling, higher-end cars in the student lot even though she lived in low-income housing and wasn't a part of the popular clique. Still, she parked in a space and cut her thunderous engine to alleviate the attention on her.

After stuffing everything in her bag and lying about making it through the day without hiccups, she exhales and steps out of the truck. Almost immediately, she regretted it, and part of her entertained the idea of simply going home. She knows she can't, and with another deep sigh, she yanks her hood up and walks amongst the crowd into the school.

Navigating her way to Building Three, her classroom almost had her crying and puking as she repetitively reinforced how she honestly did not wish to be there. Her obsession with the word 'nope' took on a new form when she reached the classroom door.

‘It's okay," she told herself, "No one will bite you. You're fine.’

Outside the door, she shrugged off her book bag and coat to wrap her jacket over her arm as she slung the bookbag back on. After steadying herself for another moment, she followed two classmates through the door.

The room was small.

She copied the two classmates by hanging her jacket on a long row of hooks and took the slip to the teacher. He's tall and balding, and after squinting at the nameplate on his desk, she identifies him as Mr. Mason. She ignores his gawk when he sees her name and fixes her gaze outside the window to avoid any conversation about her, her father, or why she ended up here.

As lady luck may have it, he sends her to an empty desk in the back of the class without any introductions to the course. Once seated, she gazed upon the syllabus. Mr. Mason taught English, which was classical and easy to read from that point; Bronte, Shakespeare, Chaucer, and Faulkner were all literary classics and authors that Bella had read many times. It was… comforting…and boring.

It was a running theme in this dainty town.

When the nasal buzzing sound of the school bell rang, Bella collected her belongings and began to make her way to her next class. Her walk to class was interrupted by a slightly short Asian male with shoulder-length black hair. His hair was styled almost in a pseudo-emo fashion. Bella kind of recognizes him from Mr. Mason's class,

“He's kind of cute,” Bella thinks.

"You're Isabella Swan, aren't you?" he asks, a smile lighting up his features as his hand toyed with the straps of his book bag. He looked like an overly helpful but up-to-no-good skater-chess club type.

Bella's lips twist up to a grin, "Yeah, but you could call me Bella. I prefer Bella to Isabella. What about you? What's your name?"

"Eric. Eric Yorkie," he says, reaching a hand out to her. She blinks and looks at it before returning her hand to shake his amusement, which is evident on her face.

"Cool."

"What class do you have next?" he asks after a moment.

"Uhm, Government with Jefferson in Building Six, I think?" she responds.

"I'm heading to Building Four, but I could show you the way to Six if you want?" He asks. Part of Bella wants to say no, but his hopeful looks stop her.

"Sure," she responds with a shrug of her shoulders.

On their way out of the building, Bella noticed the rain was falling in fast and heavy drops, which caused them to pick up their pace. Whether out of paranoia, or something else, she swore that when speaking to Eric, the people behind them sped up to continue listening to their conversation.

"So, uhm… this is very different from Phoenix, huh?" he asks.

She shrugs again, "Very. It doesn't rain much there."

"How often does it?" he asks. Bella looks at him, trying to discern his intention behind these questions. She wasn’t expecting to meet his eye, genuine interest and curiosity lighting up his features.

‘He’s an open book,’ Bella notes.

"Like, three or four times a year? It's super sunny, " she responded, keeping her attention split between walking and talking with Eric.

"Cool! I bet it's super hot and stuff. How come you're not tan?" he asks, splitting apart from her to jump into a puddle, splashing someone behind them that got too close to them. They ignore the cries of protest before continuing to venture off.

"My mom simulated my environment by locking me in a closet with sprinklers to prepare for Forks. Said something about how 'it's my destiny to beat the final boss in Forks.' Do you know anything about that? I'm guessing it's there," she says while pointing to darkened clouds overtop the looming mountains in the distance.

She decides to fuck with him. Bella watches as Eric struggles to keep his composure and ultimately fails by bursting out laughing. Bella grins in response.

"Yeah, but it will take much more than a simulated closet to beat it. I think it may just take you swapping Phoenix and Fork's geographical locations, although it may kill off the human population of Forks as they've grown accustomed to the dreary conditions. I fear the sun might just melt them or give them a personality," Eric said, changing his voice to sound like a radio show voice.

Bella snorted, turning her head away from Eric to stifle herself from laughing.

The rest of the walk was spent continuing the fantasy of their defeat of the Cloud Gods and how the citizens would react. Whenever Eric would pass a puddle, he would urge Bella to jump in with him, promising that each puddle defeated would get her closer to the goal of beating the final boss. She was reluctant at first, but his pleading voice and puppy eyes made it harder for her to say no.

By the time they reached her classroom, Bella's feelings of anxiety and misplacement were all but gone.

"Well, we have arrived at your destination, do find me next time you want to take on the minions of the final boss. Maybe we'll have another class together?" Eric said, leaning against the wall near the door.

Bella smiles, an honest and hopeful one "Definitely, dude. I’ll see you around?"

If possible, Eric's smile brightened and widened before taking off at the bell ringing.

The rest of the morning passed in the same fashion. In her morning classes, it was her Trigonometry teacher, Mr. Varner, who was the first to make her introduce herself to the class. That should've been the first signal that the class was gonna go to shit. Soon after coming to the class, she nearly face-planted on her way to her seat. To make matters worse, the class was boring.

As each course came and passed, there would be people who stared; some even dared to talk to her. She slowly began recognizing several faces in the classes and tried to remain diplomatic, but mostly, she lied or avoided questions.

She noticed that talking to these people was nothing like talking to Eric. They weren't funny or smooth in their speech. There was no duality in their personalities. They simply were just Forkians—if that's what they called themselves.

One girl, whose name escapes Bella, sat next to her in Trig and Spanish had urged Bella to walk with her to the cafeteria for lunch. The girl was shorter than Bella, five feet four inches tall, with straight brown hair. Along the way, the girl's chirping voice prattled for what felt to be an eternity until they got their lunch and sat down at a table with her friends.

When she joined the table, she was relieved to find Eric sitting there, already saving her a spot. She sat and shared a green before they began to playfully nudge each other before he spoke.

“Bella, darling, this is Angela Weber, the love of my life and the light of my darkened Forks day,” he says, emphatically gesturing to the girl who is in motion to sit beside him.

Angela Weber was tall, taller than Bella. She was a light-skinned woman with curly light brown hair tied into a ponytail. As Angela sat, her eyes met Bella’s. They were brown, and the longer Bella shared her gaze, the more welcoming and soft they were. It wasn’t hard to admit that Angela was beautiful. It was harder to look away.

“Hey! Don’t mind him. I’m Angela. Nice to meet you, Bella,” Angela says, holding Bella’s gaze, hand outstretched in front of Eric.

Bella swallows thickly, taking Angela’s hand in hers, ignoring how soft her hands are, and squeezing it and shaking.

“Nice to meet you too Angela, “ she says, waiting for Angela to break eye contact first, before turning to her food.

Then, as she turned to her food, eyes glancing about the room, she saw them.

They were sitting in the farthest part of the cafeteria, near one of the large windows, at a table that was situated more as a barrier between them and the other students in the cafeteria. The five of them sat at the table, each with their distinct air of being. None of them were talking, eating the food placed before them, or glancing over to Bella, as some had been.

This made Bella feel a bit more secure with her staring.

One thing she clocked was that while they seemed to be a unit, they didn't look like each other. Of the three boys, one was immense, the type of big that endowed him with huge muscles and the promise that should he stand up, he would tower over everyone. He has short, dark brown hair. The second boy appeared just as tall sitting down, yet he was leaner but still muscular. He had curly honey-blond hair that framed his face. The last boy was lanky, less bulky, with untidy light brown hair. He appeared more boyish than the others, who looked to be in college or teachers rather than students.

It was the two girls who captured her attention though. They were somehow similar and opposite of each other. Like a black cat and a Doberman. The taller one was statuesque. Bella let her eyes linger on her form, noting how her beautiful figure personified her belief of what Aphrodite would look like as a mortal. The kind of beauty that transcends life and death and time itself. The girl was taller than the other, her golden hair cascading in waves down to the middle of her back as she reclined casually into her chair. Bella's breath caught in her throat as the girl's frame was in better view, and she noted how she, too, had an athletic build. The other girl, seated beside the second boy, was just as ethereal as the first girl, but more so in a pixie or fairy-like manner. She was as thin as a ballerina, with small features and deep black, cropped hair pointed in every direction.

Beautiful couldn't begin to describe the women poised before Bella, but she soon forced her gaze to leave them to look over the ensembled group. With how different they were, they were nearly precisely alike. They were pale and had dark eyes despite the range in their tones. Their physical structures were straight, perfect, and angular. The air that surrounded them was unnatural, as if (and this is beside the social system of school politics) a line was drawn between them and the rest of the student population.

She didn't know whether she attributed their forced aloofness as something to admire or something cringe and childish. Whatever it was about them, she couldn't draw her eyes away.

Her eyes linger on the big and burly one, watching as his arm reaches out and tucks a strand of hair from the woman who seemed to be Aphrodite reincarnate. A spark of envy fills her, her thoughts turning from admiring the group's beauty to the casual display of strength- whether it was intended or not.

She wondered what it would be to arm wrestle him; indeed, he would win since she has none of the muscle mass that he’s blessed with. She also wondered what it would take for the blonde and the pixie-cut girls just to glance her way. Either way, each of them, in their ways, was devastatingly, painstakingly, and inhumanly beautiful.

This was not the time to beg the heavens for a miracle.

Though she wanted that, there existed within her another feeling. Annoyance. Yeah, that works. Annoyance.

They sat there, looking away from each other, away from the students, away from anything in particular, and in complete silence. Indeed, she had no place to find their contempt in tranquility annoying, but something about witnessing the moment made her feel off, as though watching endangered animals through the glass at the zoo.

Bella watches as the pixie-cut girl stands from her seat, tray in hand, as she almost glides over to the trash can and dumps her uneaten food in the garbage. Her movements were quick, almost too quick, and graceful like a dancer.

Bella nudges Eric, "Who are they?"

Eyes flicker between him and the table that she spent the last few minutes ogling. It was then that Bella met the eyes of this boyish one. Their gazes lock for what felt to be an eternity before he averts his gaze towards Jessica. His glance could be described as nothing short of indifference and uninterest.

‘Odd,’ Bella notes.

“Yeah, that’s-” Eric begins.

In the background, she hears Jessica’s voice, which is in the process of interrupting Eric from answering Bella's question. She lets her gaze drop to her plate, Jessica chimed in, chirping, "That's Edward and Emmet Cullen, Rosalie and Jasper Hale, followed by Alice Cullen. They are Dr. Cullen’s kids."

Bella nods, ignoring the surge of annoyance with her cutting off Eric. She glances over at him, noticing how he begins to pick at his lunch and withdraw from speaking. Almost as if he was used to being talked over, and discarded from conversations. She rests her thigh against his reassuringly. Out of the corner of her peripheral vision, she noticed Angela lean against him, shooting a glare over Jessica, who was too excited to notice.

Bella returns to gazing at the group, still not bothered by them potentially catching her. She watches as Edward fixates on his tray, his lips moving quickly. The siblings seem to keep their position as he appears to have a one-sided conversation with them.

"Cool?" Bella adds, not directly addressing Jessica.

"Yeah! They are together, though- Emmet and Rosalie, Jasper and Alice. They are in a relationship, and they live together, " Jessica explains, her voice dipped in shock and condemnation.

Bella stops in her tracks, all her waxing poetic thoughts about the group swirling into the ether, out and away.

“That’s fucking incest. That’s gotta be illegal, even here right?" Bella asks scandalously, her face screwed up and showing disgust. Had this occurred in Phoenix, Bella would be sure that the authorities would have been involved a lot sooner.

"Oh, no. It's not like that! They are all adopted. The Hales are brother and sister, twins, and foster children! Dr. Cullen is in his late twenties, the early thirties!" Jessica quickly explained.

“Yeah, maybe it’s not incest, but there’s gotta be rules against adopted kids dating right?” Bella asked. She didn't want to hear more about the weird situation that these people lived in.

She ignored Jessica as she prattled on, and after a moment, she gazed over to the table again. While the teens sat there unmoved and unchanged, the vibe around the table seemed to have taken a turn, as if they overheard their conversation. She lowered her gaze just in time for the youngest Cullen to meet her eye; this time, his expression brewed with annoyance and curiosity.

Bella raised an eyebrow, daring him to look away first. A challenge. His face began to shift the longer he stared, and Bella smirked, feeling triumphant when he finally looked away, just in time for Bella to catch what Jessica was prattling about.

“That's Edward. He's gorgeous, of course, but don't waste your time. He doesn't date,” Jessica began, her voice beginning to lace with venom, "Apparently, none of the girls here is good-looking enough for him." She sniffed as she jabbed her fork into her food.

Eric snorted, saying casually “Sounds like you’re projecting Jessica.”

Bella covered her mouth to stifle a laugh, ignoring the now bickering Jessica and Eric, as she looked back over at the Cullen-Hale table. The mood of their table seemed to have lightened up, because an amused grin played on Emmett and Rosalie's lips.

The rest of lunch passed without much more disturbance, besides when the Cullens and Hales left their table. Bella watched as they gracefully and coordinated getting up one by one to leave the cafeteria, even Emmett with how big and burly he was.

Angela, her newest acquaintance, mentions that she had Biology II with her in the next hour. Bella found herself walking in comfortable silence with Angel as they made their way to their class. Occasionally, they would brush against each other, or Bella would catch curious glances from Angela, but otherwise, the walk was pleasant.

Bella expected the science room to have the black top lab tables adorned with instruments to guide their future lesson. What she didn't expect was for the class to be at near capacity, and the only open and available seat was next to none other than Edward Cullen.

After getting her slip signed by her teacher, she began to make her way to the only available seat in the class. However, as she got closer, she watched as Edward went rigid, his expression turning hostile. Her distracted gaze causes her to nearly slip and fall because of an obstruction in the aisle. She ignored the giggles from her classmates and straightened herself out. When she met his gaze again, his eyes were pitch black.

Bella furrowed her brows and took a seat next to him. Out of the corner of her peripheral, she watched as he leaned away from her, sitting on the edge of his chair and averting his face like he smelled something terrible. Discretely she smelled herself, thinking maybe her lunch left a lingering smell, but when she couldn't smell anything, she could feel an underlying amount of aggression building up.

"The fuck is your problem?" she muttered, not meaning to say it aloud.

It didn't matter because he didn't react. He just sat there poised as if he was ready to freak out or run away. Bella pulled her bag closer to herself if she needed to defend herself. Unfortunately, the lecture picked up, and Bella spent the next hour on edge, trying to focus on the unit.

The unit was on cellular anatomy, which she had done last semester in Arizona. During the class, Bella made it a point to occasionally glance at the boy, concerned why no one in the class, not even the teacher, was trying to alleviate how both were uncomfortable.

Edward never relaxed, just sat there with the white sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows, as his arms remained flexed due to his knuckles turning whiter at him clutching the table.

The longer the class droned, the more anxious and agitated Bella got. Her fight or flight senses kicked in overdrive when she glanced over at him, and he met her with eyes filled with revulsion. She clenched her teeth, jaw tightening visibly, her eyes unwavering against his repulsed look.

She leans in, ignoring how he coiled up like a snake ready to strike, ignoring how the look in his eyes almost makes her want to back down in fear- keyword almost- and in a low hissing venomous filled tone, she asks, "Motherfucker, do we have a problem? If not, fix your face before I fix it for you."

Their eyes locked, daring one another to make the first move when the bell finally rang. Anticipating him to try to jump up and run out, she gets up quicker than she ever moved in her entire life and kicks her stool out in front of him, causing him to nearly wipe out in the classroom.

Her peers watched in shock as he stumbled a few steps, whipping around to face her, his body rigid, as if he were going to do something. The vehement look in her eyes dared him to, she shifted her body, preparing for whatever is to happen, before watching as he regained composure and stormed out of the room. Whispers from witnessing students and the teacher's incomprehension gaffs filled the room, but Bella couldn't focus on that. Not over the sound of her heart racing and the blood rushing through her veins.

Bella is not violent; she rarely gets angry, and even rarer are the times that she shows it.

So, in this moment, where she isn't quite in the wrong, but not in the right either, she remains bewitched by the pulsing and throbbing anger flooding through her. Her thoughts race with ideas and scenarios of what would, could, and should happen if Edward wanted to test her. Her heart thuds heavily in her chest, blood rushing in her ears, and her focus is messy, distracted, and unfocused.

What she won't tolerate is being looked at or treated the way she was by a boy she didn't know. Maybe she was in the wrong. However, the stark contrast in the behavior between the cafeteria and the classroom was far too much for her to process how she got to this point.

So, she snatches up her textbook and belongings, ignoring her teacher's protests and her classmates' whisperings. She storms out of the room, the same messy, distracted, and unfocused mental state pushes her to find the nearest exit but is stopped by someone grabbing her arm. Rearing around, ready to let loose the anger, she stops, a moment of clarity as she shuts down her emotions when faced with some baby-faced boy, not some dangerous psychopath whose name rhymes with Bedward.

"Aren't you Isabella Swan?" he asks. Bella had to hold back from rolling her eyes because it is fucking obvious that she's Isabella Swan. How many other people just transferred here?

"Bella. It's Bella," she corrected him, attempting to hide the agitation in her voice.

"I'm Mike."

She looks at him pointedly, facial expression is evident that she doesn't care much for the conversation, and he starts walking towards her next class, him following suit.

"Uhm, do you need help finding your next class?"

"I have a gym, so I think I can find it myself."

"That's my next class too." He said, thrilled.

"Great," thought Bella sarcastically.

They walked to class together; Bella unreluctantly and Mike excited as he prattled on and on and on about his childhood. Sure, the kid was friendly, but Bella didn't want to socialize right now, not after what just happened. After some time of her being unresponsive, he switched subjects.

"What'd you do to Edward Cullen? I have never seen him act like that before. He seemed totally pissed." Mike says, chuckling in amusement.

Bella steeled her features, sliding a metaphorical mask over her expression to hide how tilted his sentence got her. Since he most likely wouldn't leave her alone, she decided to play along, as if she was completely unaware of what he was talking about.

"How do you mean?" she asks through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, he seemed like he was mad, or in pain or something, and then you tripped him with your chair or something," he responded.

It was a bit unsettling and annoying to Bella that Mike had paid that much attention to her in the class, yet stands here now, accusing her of harming the precious little Cullen boy.

"We didn't even have a conversation," she began, "and the chair thing was an accident. I didn't realize that he would be getting up so quickly."

Mike clicked his teeth, lingering beside her instead of going into the boys changing room. ‘Great.’

"He's a weird guy. I would have talked to you if I were lucky enough to sit by you."

Bella set her jaw, blinked at him, and walked into the girl's locker room without another word. Whatever chance Mike had with being her friend was diminished the moment he let those stupid ass words slip through his crusty lips. It was evident to Bella that he was flirting, but his lack of situational awareness was beyond her.

She suffered through gym class with this heavy, roiling feeling. She was clumsier than usual, still unfocused, still angry. Her jaw hurt with how long she clenched it. With each minute she was reaching the apex of her anger, especially with each glance and attempted conversation between Jessica and Mike.

She didn’t want to talk to them, or any of these other kids. Everyone knew already about what happened in Biology, about how the new girl and boy wonder scuffled. She wants out.

‘It's too much.’ she acknowledges.

The negative feelings she had this morning began to fester and mix with the agitation brewing within her. Enough so that she began to feel nauseated. It's only her first day of school, and she’s already made an ass of herself.

Forks was slowly becoming her own personal hell on Earth.

Bella was relieved when the final bell rang for the day. Sauntering into the office to return her paperwork, she nearly walked back out the door. Leaning against the Secretary’s desk, knuckles turning white, was Edward Cullen. As if he didn’t recognize the sound of Bella’s entrance, she entered the space fully, standing some five feet behind him, waiting for whatever request he had to be satiated, but from the sounds of arguing in low tones, it didn't seem his request would be fulfilled.

“Are you sure that there’s no other option?” He asks, leaning over the desk, imposing himself upon the poor secretary, trying to look at her screen.

The secretary huffs a hefty sigh, responding to him as if she’s repeated the sentiment a thousand times, “Edward, dear, there are no other options this late in the semester to transfer to your sixth period. I’m sorry hun.”

Bella immediately averted her gaze and bit her lip to stifle the laugh that threatened to spill past her lips. She found it absurd and delightful that her presence caused him such strife and hoped that maybe something else was causing this issue and not entirely her, but the look of aggravation and desperation on his face said otherwise.

Bella's presence could only be concealed for so long until another girl opened the door, allowing the cold wind to gust through the room and rustle the papers on the desk. Bella turned to face away from the wind, stifling her hair, which was out of place. After she fixed herself, she turned to see Edward's back stiffen and him turning slowly to glare at her with hate-filled eyes. In response, Bella subtly flipped him off, no longer having the energy to be aggressive.

"Never mind then," he says to Mrs. O'Connell coolly, "I can see that it's impossible. Thank you so much for your help."

He turned on his heel and disappeared out the door. Bella heaved a great sigh when he left and handed the receptionist her paperwork. All Bella wanted to know was to go home and go to sleep.

"How'd your first day go, dear?" Mrs. O'Connell asks.

"Pretty good," Bella lies. She didn't care whether she believed her, but as soon as Mrs. O'Connell finished her paperwork, Bella hightailed her ass back to her truck and sped out of the parking lot.

By the time Bella arrived home, her anger from today's events had surpassed her tolerance level. She sat in her car, uncaring who may see her as she screamed and hit the wheel and dashboard inside her truck.

"STUPID MOTHER FUCK! FUCK!" She screamed, face turning a deep shade of red, and tears welled in her eyes, threatening to spill over.

Her screams soon turned to labored breaths as she recollected the day's events. Anxiety and nervousness were expected from the day, but not the tidal waves of emotions she is now faced with.

She hated how she reacted to Edward. She hated how she felt like she was again inferior to another person, the person who made her. Wishing that she hadn't entertained him with her displeasure. She hated how he looked at her as if he couldn't decide whether to hurt her or wanted nothing to do with her. She hated that she was maybe in the wrong in the situation. Wrong for leaving Arizona and coming to Forks. Wrong for coming to this school. Wrong for existing. Whether it is Phoenix or Forks, it doesn't matter because, in the mind of Isabella Swan, she will always be unwanted and wrong.

Bella, feeling the pounding of her heart in her ears and struggling to breathe, grasped her shirt, trying to force herself to breathe. Her palms are clammy and trembling, and it takes her a few times to flex them to try to work the tingly sensations out of them. When that proves futile, she drops her head on the steering wheel, closing her eyes and letting out labored breaths.

Somewhere, in the fog of her mind, she realizes that she's having an anxiety attack, and the symptoms are progressively worsening. She stumbled out of her car and fell to the pavement headfirst. Unable to focus on the pain, the overwhelming sense of paranoia fills every thought racing through her. She struggles to stand and staggers across the grass to hurry into the house. Behind her, she could hear a faint noise, but unable to recognize what it could be, everything was warping and distorted as she fell up the stairs, forcing her to crawl up the remaining steps and finally collapse at the top of the landing.

Curling into herself, her labored breaths worsening, and the pains in her chest growing, it all made her feel like she was dying. She didn't notice Charlie pulling up to the house after watching her fall headfirst out of her truck, watching her stumble and run into the house. Nor did she hear him screaming her name as he burst through the door and bound up the stairs, still in his uniform.

Bella didn't register him picking her up and holding her close to his chest, whispering soothing words as the height of her anxiety attack crashed into her, as tears fell freely from her eyes and down her cheeks. All she could feel was how cold she was and how now there was warmth. She closes her eyes, sinking into the heat as she rides out the tidal waves of emotion.

The two sat there nearly an hour before Bella began settling down. Charlie held her tightly, his cheek pressed against the top of her head as he slowly rocked her.

Bella was unsure when Charlie got home or even when she entered the house. But judging by the throbbing pain in her head and the tear stains on Charlie's uniform, she pieced two and two together and sighed.

When she was ready, she tapped Charlie's side softly, signaling that it was okay to let go of her. He hesitantly allows her to pull away, and she straightens out her clothing.

"Are you okay, Bells? What the hell happened?" Charlie asks, concerned.

"Uhm, sometimes that happens," she began to explain, "Sometimes I get a bit overwhelmed by things, and I… uhm… well, I have anxiety attacks."

"Was it something that happened at school? Did someone make you upset?" he asks, almost as if he's interrogating her.

Bella sighs.

"No, it's just… it's just a thing that happens when there's a new change… or when I overthink and spiral! No one upset me; I made a friend, sort of. It was just a lot of things in a new place," Bella insisted. She knew that was only part of the truth, but he didn't need to know about her little spat with the Cullen boy, at least not yet.

"You know that if something were to happen, you could tell me, right Bella?"

"Yeah, and I totally would, Dad. I just got overwhelmed. It doesn't happen too often for it to be a problem," Bella lies to him. She hates that she has to but if it keeps him from pressing her about it, then so be it.

Charlie looks at her long and hard. He sighs, deep, relieved, before standing and helping her to her feet.

"Good. I'm glad. I was scared when I saw you fall and you were hyperventilating on the floor, Bells. I wish you had told me about this so I could've eased you into attending school."

Bella nodded to him, guilt washing over her.

"I'm sorry, dad."

Charlie's arms wrap around her tightly, reassuringly squeezing her.

"I didn't mean to say that and to have you apologize Bells; I'm just worried about ya. You did nothing wrong. I'm sorry."

Bella closes her eyes momentarily, sinking into the warmth that Charlie offered, returning the hug.

"No, I should've warned you that it might happen. It may happen again; I just need to –"Bella began, only to be interrupted by the uncharacteristically parental voice of Charlie.

"Don't shoulder it alone, Bells. I'm here and I'll help you and be there for you whenever you need it, okay? Let me know what I can do for you to make you more comfortable, alright? Promise?"

"I will. I promise."

Bella didn’t know if she was lying when she said that. Nonetheless, they lingered in the embrace for a moment before pulling away.

The best thing about Charlie is that he doesn't linger. As soon as he ensured she was alright, Charlie went downstairs to continue his coming home ritual. Bella drags herself into her bathroom, shutting the door and locking it.

She leans against the bathroom wall, gently bringing her hands to her face and dragging her fingers across her features. She repeats this, eyes closed, while trying to steady her breathing and calm her nerves. It takes a few moments to get her bearings together. To get her to open her eyes and catch her disheveled reflection in the mirror above her sink. Departing from the wall, Bella domineered the sink, moving her hands from her face to grip the edges until her knuckles turned white. She looks at herself.

Her hair is partially soaked, especially the side where she wiped out and hit the pavement, her skin is even paler than usual, and her clothes are disheveled and partially soaked. All in all, she looks and smells like shit. As she finishes looking over her appearance, her gaze is drawn back to her face, especially her eyes. There are red marks across her face from where she dragged her finger nails and tear marks from her panic attack. Yet, it's her eyes that she focuses on. Her usual chocolate brown eyes are dark and pooling, nearly black, with the slow pooling emotions swelling inside her.

She's still angry. No. That's not the right word to describe the deep feelings that could only be described in the swirling colors of orange, yellows, and reds burning and churning from the pits of every being. Hostile, or even loathing, is a better way to describe how the feelings stir and spread from her stomach and through every fiber of nerves in her body.

The creaking of the sink doesn't stop her from clutching the edges or looking away from her eyes. She only turns her head slightly to the side, the alien feeling of observation from outside her body as she detaches from reality. She focuses solely on her eyes. Bella, at this moment, knows what caused her panic attack. Emotions. A chemical reaction to external observations and actions is something so natural to others yet foreign to her. Maybe it was Rene's conditioning. Perhaps she was born this way. It does not matter because Bella knows that here in this moment, where there is nothing but the churning of colors in her system, this is her true nature. It doesn't scare her, nor worry her that maybe she might hurt someone because Rene's conditioning of her putting others before herself will take priority if it needs to.

What caused the panic attack was the fear that Charlie would see her and the ugliest parts of her and turn her away. No matter how unjust her anger for Edward and Mike is, Charlie must never know that his baby Bells, who was smiling and brilliant and happy, never existed to begin with. Of course, it was a show for her loving and doting father to make sure his efforts were being well reciprocated because after Rene, stupid fucking Rene, the man was- and still is- left picking up the pieces of himself.

The real reason she moved here was that the mask she carefully created was beginning to crack while living with her mother and Phil, and if she didn't get out of there quick enough, she would've seriously hurt her mother. Bella knows she probably has a bad personality. She's been told by an old friend in Phoenix that the world should be lucky that she has some restraint because she would be a huge problem with her intelligence and aggression. Bella, at the time, thought her friend might be exaggerating. She can understand the concern as she gazes blankly into her pitch-black eyes.

Bella does not get angry, she is not violent, or at least she never shows that she is. She flexes her fingers, giving the sink's rim a momentary reprieve before they lock back in their position.

"I don't like Mike," Bella begins mentally, "I am not too fond of Jessica either. I am fond of Erik, and if I hang out with Angela more, I am sure she will be a good friend. But Edward? Nah. On the whole shit list."

She won't provoke the Cullen boy, but decidedly she agrees that she would match whatever energy he puts on. Like Newton's third law, for every action, there will be an equal or opposite reaction to his actions. As for Mike, well, she's going to wait and see with that one. Bella grins, watching her eyes go from black to their standard chocolate brown, straightening her posture and releasing the hold she has on the sink. Since motherfuckers want to play games, she, too, will play along. As she strips free from her sodden clothes and turns her shower on, all she can think is, "Game on."

#long chapter #long post #twighlight #twighlight fic #archive of our own #ao3 fanfic #Bella swan #edward cullen #carlisle cullen #eric yorkie #angela weber #the cullens #panic attack

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coffee-n-bagels-comic-universe · 7 months

Text

Neutralised (1994) [3/?]: My Version of The Shared Universe

For those of you unfamiliar with 'Chicago Hope', it was actually set in a shared universe. Also, 'Suspiciously Similar' characters will be involved (Due to actors playing multiple roles). This is my take on that:

Shows:

Chicago Hope

Homicide: Life on the Street

Law & Order

Neutralised

Picket Fences

characters (I'm not listing anyone who was in 20 episodes or less) under the cut. Also technically these are not all the characters as I'm still writing stuff.

Chicago Hope - Characters (& Actors):

Doctor Aaron Shutt (Adam Arkin)

Doctor Phillip Watters (Hector Elizondo)

Doctor William 'Billy' Kronk (Peter Berg)

Doctor Dennis Hancock (Vlondie Curtis-Hall)

Doctor Diane Grad (Jayne Brook)

Doctor Keith Wilkes (Rocky Carroll)

Doctor Jack McNeil (Mark Harmon)

Doctor Daniel Nyland (Thomas Gibson)

Doctor Jeffrey Geiger (Mandy Patinkin)

Nurse Camille Shutt (Roxanne Hart)

Doctor Lisa Catera (Stacy Edwards)

Alan Birch (Peter MacNicol)

Doctor Joseph Cacaci (Bob Bancroft)

Doctor Robert Yeats (Eric Stoltz)

Doctor Gina Simon (Carla Gugino)

Doctor Jeremy Hanlon (Lauren Holly)

Doctor Francesca Alberghetti (Barbara Hershey)

Homicide: Life on the Street - Characters (& Actors)

Detective John Munch (Richard Belzer)

Detective Meldrick Lewis (Clark Johnson)

Lieutenant Alphonse Giardello (Yaphet Kotto)

Detective Tim Bayliss (Kyle Secor)

Detective Frank Pembleton (Andre Braugher)

Detective / Sergeant Kay Howard (Melissa Leo)

Detective Mike Kellerman (Reed Diamond)

Officer/Detective/Lieutenant Stuart Gharty (Peter Gerety)

Detective Paul Falsone (Jon Seda)

Lieutenant/Captain/Detective Megan Russert (Isabella Hofman)

Detective Laura Ballard (Callie Thorne)

Detective Terri Stivers (Toni Lewis)

Captain/Colonel George Barnfather (Clayton LeBouef)

ASA Ed Danvers (Željko Ivanek)

J.H.Brodie (Max Perlich)

Detective Beau Felton (Daniel Baldwin)

Detective Stanley Bolander (Ned Beatty)

Dr Julianna Cox (Michelle Forbes)

FBT Agent/Officer Mike Giardello (Giancario Esposito)

Detective Rene Sheppard (Michael Michele)

Dr. Alyssa Dyer (Harlee McBride)

Detective/Captain Roger Gaffney (Walt MacPherson)

Law & Order - Characters (& Actors)

Sergeant Maxwell Greevey (George Dzundza)

Junior Detective Michael Logan (Chris Noth)

Captain Donald Cragen (Dann Florek)

Exex ADA Benjamin Stone (Michael Moriarty)

ADA Paul Robinette (Richard Brooks)

DA Adam Schiff (Steven Hill)

Sergeant Philip Cerreta (Paul Sorvino)

Dr Elizabeth Olivet (Carolyn McCormic)

Senior Detective Leonard W Briscoe (Jerry Orbach)

Lieutenant Anita Van Buren (S. Epatha Merkerson)

ADA Claire Kincaid (Jill Hennessy)

Exec ADA/DA John McCoy (Sam Waterston)

Junior Detective Reynaldo Curtis (Benjamin Bratt)

ADA Jamie Ross (Carey Lowell)

ADA Abigail Carmichael (Angie Harmon)

Junior/Senior Detective Edward Green (Jesse L. Martin)

Interim DA Nora Lewin (Dianne Wiest)

ADA Serena Southerlyn (Elisabeth Röhm)

DA Arthur Branch (Fred Thompson)

Neutralised - Characters (& Actors)

Abraham Machado (Alfred Molina)

Andreina Neri (Robin Wright)

Caleb Willow (Cary Elwes)

Dove Lewis (Alfre Woodard)

Esmé Verity (Janaeane Garofalo)

Faustus Sanchez (Hank Azaria)

Grayson Bryant (Harold Perrineau)

Hunter Kingsley (Chris Farley)

Ichabod Mortimer (Danny DeVito)

Jared Foster (Kirk Acevedo)

Kane Carter (Philip Seymour Hoffman)

Lance Carter (John Goodman)

Monday Duke (Patricia Arquette)

Noam Gold (Oliver Platt)

Omega Finch (Willem Dafoe)

Peyton Blythe (Regina King)

Russel Warszawski (Adam Sandler)

Sullivan Landon (Christopher Lloyd)

Tuesday Duke (Reese Witherspoon)

Victor Jamison (Mike Myers)

Winslow Warszawski (Brad Garrett)

Xavier Solomon (David Spade)

Yancy Haggard (Kiefer Sutherland)

Zoey Knight (Geena Davis)

OZ - Characters (& Actors)

Augustus Hill (Harold Perrineau)

Tobias Beecher (Lee Tergesen)

Ryan O'Reily (Dean Winters)

Kareem Saïd / Goodson Truman (Eamonn Walker)

Miguel Alvarez (Kirk Acevedo)

Vernon Schillinger (J.K. Simmons)

Simon Adebisi (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje)

Christopher Keller (Christopher Meloni)

Zahir Arif (Granville Adams)

Hamid Khan (Ernie Hudson Jr.)

Nacim Bismilla (Re Hanna)

Huseni Mershah / James Monroe Madison (Roger Guenvuer Smith)

Leroy Tidd / Salah Udeen (Jacues Smith)

Jefferson Keane (Leon)

Kenny Wangler (J.D. Williams)

Arnold 'Poet' Jackson (muMs the Schemer)

Paul Markstrom (O.L. Duke)

Junior Pierce (Malé-Lexington Alexander)

Malcolm 'Snake' Coyle (Treach)

Johnny Post (Tim McAdams)

James Robson (R.E. Rodgers)

Mark Mack (Leif Riddell)

Jaz Hoyt (Evan Seinfeld)

Scott Ross (Stephen Gevedon)

Andrew Schillinger (Frederick Koehler)

Nino Schibetta (Tony Schibetta)

Peter Schibetta (Eddie Malavarca)

Antonio Nappa (Mark Margolis)

Chucky Pancamo (Chuck Zito)

Dino Ortolani (Jon Seda)

Don Zanghi (John Palumbo)

Joey D'Angelo (Goodfella Mike G)

Mario Seggio (Todd Etelson)

Salvatore DeSanto (Phil Campanella)

Raoul 'El Cid' Hernandez (Luis Guzman)

Carmen 'Chico' Guerra (Otto Sanchez)

Carlos Martinez (Carlos Leon)

Carlo Ricardo (Juan Carlos Hernandez)

Cyril O'Reily (Scott William Winters)

Rev. Jeremiah Cloutier (Luke Perry)

Timmy Kirk (Sean Dugan)

Alonzo Torquemada (Bobby Cannavale)

Richie Hanlon (Jordan Lage)

Shirley Bellinger (Kathryn Erbe)

Bob Rebadow (George Morfogen)

Agamemnin Busmalis (Tom Mardirosian)

Donald Groves (Sean Whitesell)

Jackson Vahue (Rick Fox)

Desmond Mobay / John Basil (Lance Reddick)

Richard L'Italien (Eric Roberts)

Nikolai Stanislofsky (Phillip Casnoff)

William Giles (Austin Pendleton)

Henry Stanton (Thomas G. Waites)

Colonel Edward Galson (John Doman)

Eli Zabitz (David Johansen)

Kipekemie Jara (Zakes Mokae)

Dean Alvah Case (Charles S. Dutton)

Sean Murphy (Robert Clohessy)

Claire Howell (Kristin Rohde)

Diane Wittlesey (Edie Falco)

Clayton Hughes (Seth Gilliam)

Karl Metzger (Bill Fagerbakke)

Eddie Hunt (Murphy Guyer)

Lenny Burrano (Skipp Sudduth)

Father Ray Mukada (B.D Wong)

Doctor Gloria Nathan (Lauren Veldez)

Governor James Devlin (Željko Ivanek)

Martin Querns (Reg E. Cathey)

Doctor Frederick Garvey (Milo O'Shea)

Warden Leo Glynn (Ernie Hudson)

Tim McManus (Terry Kinney)

Sister Peter Marie Reimondo (Rita Moreno)

Picket Fences - Characters (& Actors)

Sheriff James 'Jimmy' Brock (Tom Skerritt)

Doctor Jill Brock (Kathy Baker)

Kimberly Brock (Holly Marie Combs)

Matthew Brock (Justin Shenkarow)

Zachary 'Zach' Brock (Adam Wylie)

Deputy Kenny Lacos (Costas Mandylor)

Deputy Maxine 'Max' Stewart (Lauren Holly)

Carter Pike (Kelly Connell)

Ginny Weedon (Zelda Rubinstein)

Douglas Wambaugh (Fyvush Finkel)

Judge Henry Bone (Ray Walston)

DA John Littleton (Don Cheadle)

DA Barnaby Wood (Peter Frechette)

ADA Petrovic (Jason Beghe)

Father Gary Barrett (Roy Dotrice)

Laurie Bey (Marlee Matlin)

Howard Buss (Robert Cornthwaite)

Doctor Joanna 'Joey' Diamond (Amy Aquino)

Lisa Fenn (Alexandra Lee)

Frank (David Proval)

Rachel Harris (Leigh Taylor-Young)

Ed Lawson (Richard Masur)

Peter Lebeck (Michael Jeter)

Milton Lebeck (Chris Owen)

Reverend Henry Novotny (Dabbs Greer)

Principal Michael Oslo (Roy Brocksmith)

Cynthia Parks (Elisabeth Moss)

Bill Pugen (Michael Keenan)

Lydia Brock (Cristine Rose)

Aiesha Campbell (Bruklin Harris)

Brian Latham (Gregory Vignolle)

Agent Donald Morrell (Sam Anderson)

#original character #original characters #original writing #original series #Neutralised #chicago hope #homicide life on the street #law & order #oz #hbo oz #picket fences #shared universe #very long post #alfred molina #tagging only alfred because i hope the molina girlies like bram

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