my love @kareenvorbarra tagged me to share 5 books read since September that I have loved.

Clarimonde (La Morte Amoureuse), Téophile Gautier -- I don't have a single criticism to make about this book :) A wonderful read, I especially loved the execution of the part where the protagonist doesn't know which life is real and which is a dream. I listened to the old Brazilian Portuguese translation available on the Conto um Conto podcast feed and thought it was excellent, e uma amiga leu a belíssima edição da editora Wish e também elogiou bastante -- fica a dica pros lusófonos daqui :)

Le Cycle de la Belle Dame sans Mercy, David Hult & Joan McRae -- It's an anthology of poems and/or contemporary literary endeavors related to La Belle Dame sans Mercy (Alain Chartier), and it's very interesting, and a lot of fun to read, even if sometimes one can't help the exasperation at how much our titular character has to go through for the crime of... being the object of an extremely insistent suitor's obsession :P It's really interesting to see the ways in which many different readers reacted to it though, and a nice contrast to the Roman de la rose that I had just finished. And the poetry itself is lovely -- I wish there was audio or video available of someone reading it out loud, but if there is, I can't seem to find it :'(

Antes do Baile Verde, Lygia Fagundes Telles -- A collection of short stories, I think most of them are available individually in English but the collection itself doesn't seem to have ever been translated into this language. I recently got obsessed with The Hunt (one of the stories), and after listening to every single recording of it I could find, I decided to read it for myself, and ended up reading the whole book, and it's really excellent, I love the way she builds and holds (and almost never resolves) the tension... One of my favorite short story writers ^^

Vita Nostra, Marina and Sergey Dyachenko -- I LOOOOOVED this book, so much that I do not know how to talk about it. I loved it and I haven't stopped thinking about it since I finished reading it. I am on the verge of rereading it though I know I should wait longer... Anyway if anyone has read insightful conversation/reviews of this book that go beyond praising it, please let me know, I'm very interested!

The Obelisk Gate, N.K. Jemisin -- It's such a wonderful experience to read an author who has both a vision and the technical skill to pull it off! My favorite thing about this specific volume were the visuals, I really think they were incredible. I have already forgotten parts of the plot, but I think I remember vividly every single scene with a stone-eater. I'm also sooo pleased by the way she looks at greater social power structures! Been A WHILE since I read original setting fantasy with an actual spine. TBH I was 100% burned out on that specific genre for a while and The Fifth Season is what brought me back. On the side of things I didn't like, there are a couple (that "magic" vocabulary scene was genuinely cringe imo...), but mostly I wish there was more commonplace tenderness, both in-narrative and on a meta level. If it wasn't for Hoa as a narrative element, this book would be unreadable (to me ofc).

Tag uuuh @ourlightsinvain @imindhowwelayinjune @thelioninmybed @bamboocounting @vardasvapors @anghraine @yavieriel @medievalcat @seagodofmagic @hadrianspaywall @nelyafinwe (are you in the room with us giulia...) @hoeratius & anyone else who feels like doing it :)

miss ellie i'm realizing now that i never told you now revolutionary your ocs are. like. i've been on this website for literal years and the day i found your blog was with an oc post where you introduced such a dynamic lineup with so much variety, it was the first i had ever seen. maybe i wasn't looking hard enough but you had poc yanderes AND trans yanderes it was the first time i had ever seen any (i know it sounds crazy to say but i'm being so fr rn.) even when i look through your old posts and reread them i just get blown away by how each one is different and has their own personality even though you have so many?? anyway it's late and i just wanted to say that ty <3

will you marry me?? 🥺

LOL to be for real though that makes me sooooo happy you don't even understand, I'm really glad i get to be that way for you and all you lovely people 💕💕 it's a blessing to be able to write & post my work and I'm genuinely happy to see people connecting with it.

tbh, the representation i try to portray accurately is a really long-standing relationship i have with writing & authorship in general. this might not be a terribly interesting bit of lore but back when i was in my teens and consuming a lot of fanfic online in the early forms of it (ff.net my love </3) that was something that hit me a lot in reading self-insert fic, because I'd always been a huge reader and was just then tapping into self-inserts and community fiction posting rather than just books. and i remember distinctly (i think partly bc I've always grown up in multicultural neighborhoods/had mixed family growing up) reading fanfics and having the thought of "huh, i can relate to this description or this experience, but that makes me wonder whether other people can."

funny enough, it was partly when i would read descriptions of the author giving a self-insert long hair or referencing their hair in some way, and I'd start wondering how girls who wore a hijab would read that same piece, cause i went to school with a bunch of girls who wore it or a full niqab. and so i started wondering more like "if i was black, would i relate to this experience in this fic? if i was trans or gender non-conforming, are there characters i can relate to? if i were a mix of these things, could i find somewhere i belong in this setting?" and since then it kind of became a focus in the way i wrote stuff going forward.

i think using inclusive language in fic writing is really integral to a greater horizon of people enjoying it, and thinking on my ocs i always wanted to have characters that people could really relate to. I'd stop a lot in my process of creating my initial sets of characters and try to keep in mind those thoughts that i had in reading fics; "if i were this or that, could someone in that position relate to the stories I'm writing? and if not, what can i change to make that happen?" because if people are going to enjoy my characters or find comfort in them i want everyone possible to have the ability to. it's kind of intimidating at times to write for experiences i haven't had personally but it led me (and still leads me) to do a ton of research, and in doing so I've been able to learn lots of really fascinating things in the process. in doing so, it made it really easy for my characters to develop their personalities through my writing because i think they inherently have identities that are complex, which is always the goal you want for any character in the first place.

sorry that this kinda went off on a ramble LOL, but after so many years of writing and with my degree under my belt i still really think about it a lot. I'm really glad what i wanted to do has come across and i hope you continue to enjoy my ocs!! ❤️❤️

jjk fics i'll never write (but maybe you will!)

i have a bunch of fic ideas i dont think i'll ever get to bc saved by the bell is taking rlly long and i don't have a lot of time (╥﹏╥)

i still wanna see them come to life tho so i think im just gonna throw them out there for anyone who wants to use lol

idk maybe ill write these eventually but even in that case im not gonna stop anyone else from using them as well

go ahead and alter however u like, but tag me if u use!! im letting u peek in my brain >:)

and even if ur not a writer these can just b like imagination prompts for when u go to bed LMAO

"love is work" - nanami kento x reader

summary: title is self-explanatory tbh--the idea that nanami kento views love as work could be applied to any scenario. but, i think it would be interesting for the reader to be the person he meets at the bakery. maybe the bakery is a family business, so the reader's work is literally driven by familial love. although, im not sure if that means they agree or disagree with nanami about love being work.

alternatively, the reader could be a co-worker of nanami's.

conflicts/themes:

serving oneself vs. serving others

what makes love/work worth it?

"meet cute" - fushiguro megumi x reader

there are so many canon strangers to lovers opportunities with megumi lol.

like, being the person "hitting on" (asking for directions from) fushiguro during that one juju stroll.

or the person getting robbed and saved by the 1st year crew, also from juju stroll. (also applicable for yuji and nobara x reader)

there's also the light novel chapter where megumi and yuji stalk gojo at a maid cafe, so maybe the reader works at the maid cafe, and the very stoic but handsome megumi catches their eye. this scenario could also be applicable to yuji x reader or gojo x reader.

there's also an original scenario i was thinking of cuz megumi likes reading (specifically non fiction) so what if the reader was a worker at a book store or a librarian. maybe they know about sorcery already because they read a non-fic book about it and recognize his uniform when he walks in.

also i haven't seen a megumi x tsumiki's friend!reader, esp considering that one girl when tsumiki is confronting megumi about bullying lol. this one could have an interesting conflict bc that girl urged tsumiki to do the test of courage that ended up getting her cursed! so then how would megumi deal with his love interest (the reader) also being the person somewhat at fault for his sister's demise?

not a meet-cute prompt but generally i think it would b interesting in any megumi fic for gojo to be a conflict. like, as megumi's father figure, he doesn't want megumi to end up like him and suguru, so he's very hesitant about letting megumi fall in love with someone since "love is the most twisted curse of them all." but i think in the end, he might realize that love/the reader is exactly what will stop megumi from turning into suguru, so gojo ends up giving the reader his blessing.

"sugar makes blood thicker" - geto suguru x reader

tw: spoilers for gojo's past/hidden inventory/star plasma vessel/premature death arc, angst, DARK CONTENT, self-destructive behaviors, self-harm, eating disorders

summary: reader is a student at jujutsu high in 2006, alongside geto and gojo. reader is from the kamo clan and uses blood manipulation. they've been taught to keep a very strict diet to optimize the viscosity of their blood. just like how geto hates the taste of cursed spirits, reader hates the taste of their diet. they fall in love with each other, because they've finally met someone that makes them feel understood.

if you want to go even darker, the reader's technique may involve cutting (kind of like marie from gen v)

conflicts/themes:

what's the point of fighting for a world that's done nothing for you in return? ("what has the world done for me lately?")

sugar makes blood thicker, which i can imagine is harder to control for a blood manipulation user

gojo satoru is the opposite of the reader: he eats however he pleases, which includes lots of sweets, so it's hard for the reader to be around him/doesn't like him. as a result, it's also hard for geto to have to pick sides between his best friend and the reader

ending: canon ending; geto chooses reader over gojo; they turn evil and run away together with nanako and mimiko. although it could also be interesting for geto to choose gojo over the reader, or if there's somehow a happy ending for everyone here.

I have no title for this one but gojo x megumi's older sister reader

self-explanatory. during the 2006 arc, after gojo kills toji. they raise megumi together <3

"if only i could go back" - any character x reader

summary: this is pretty self-indulgent lol this one's for everyone who wants to heal everyone's trauma and just have a happy ending lmao. i had this idea of the reader either being a sorcerer or a curse who has the power to grant one wish but in doing so sacrifices themselves (they die). so, obviously, they're in high demand by everyone:

megumi wants to heal his sister

gojo wants to bring suguru back

geto wants to rid the world of non-sorcerers

toji wants his wife back

shoko wants her friends back

etc

some situations the reader may find themselves in are being held at the school so that nobody can use their power unless absolutely necessary. or maybe they were captured by the curse users.

technicalities about the reader's power: they can't grant their own wish, but they have full autonomy over whose wish they can grant, meaning the only way that someone could get their wish granted is through befriending and persuading the reader.

conflicts/themes:

characters having to choose between their wish (which kills the reader) and their fondness of the reader (wanting the reader to stay)

will they truly be happy if their wishes are granted?

how does the reader feel about being the method of people's desires but not actually being the desire?

***

alr im done yapping

I was tagged by @slowtides to talk about what I've been reading lately! Here's a couple things I've read this year so far. I was a little slow with reading the first 4 or 5 months since I was finishing grad school, but I've read all of the above in the last five or so months. I can talk a little about each of them!

The Eye of the World - I finally started on The Wheel of Time series this year. A friend of mine in college about ten years ago told me to read this and with the show, I decided to give it a try. I really thoroughly enjoyed this first book. I found Rand and Mat's storylines a little less exciting than Perrin and Egwyane but otherwise I really loved this and I'm already reading book two! I really want to read the whole series.

Elantris - my very first Sanderson novel. I'm so glad I started with this one as it was his first (written and published) novel so now I can see how his writing has evolved. This was such an interesting concept and really fueled my imagination and made me want to write again. It was surprisingly easy to read (for some reason I was expecting his writing to be denser and harder to get through but now I realize why he's so popular!) and I flew through it. I really want to get my own copy and annotate it while rereading it.

Bloom Into You - A manga series recommended to me by a person irl for reasons. I haven't read manga in a long time and I've never read a non-magical manga before. It was super cute!

Where the Nightmares Go - was throughly enjoyable. The first and last stories in particular were WOW. The second one (I think it was the second, maybe the third) was so terrifying that I literally could not allow myself to picture it in my head as I was reading or I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep for like a week. Highly recommend if you like horror and uncanny fiction.

The Ex-Girlfriend of my Girlfriend.... - It was good! Very lesbian centric (I was feeling a little bi-erasure) but as I'm trying to explore my queerness, I was happy to read through these situations. The latter parts of the book definitely felt a bit more bi-positive and openly queer (umbrella term) so I think it was worthwhile to read. The bright colors and illustrations were also very fun.

Nettle and Bone - After graduating I read a lot of novellas because it was easier than full novels. This was my first T. Kingfisher and will not be my last. The topic was women and breaking cycles and dealing with family and finding independence and also about hot-silver-fox-fighters and demonic chickens. Cannot go wrong.

High Times In the Low Parliament - Another novella. Totally bizarre and amazing. Fae/faeries, government, sapphics, lots of drugs. It was super enjoyable and I think maybe the first novella I read after graduating??? So it's gonna stick with me. I might even purchase a copy.

Off With Her Head - What promised to be a historical breakdown of misogyny unfortunately turned into a repeated argument for 75% of the book, with the only actually engaging chapters being the ones with historical research. It will definitely make you angry if you are a women or are anti-patriarchy, but after a while the anger will get tiring until you get to The One Juicy Historical chapter. I don't usually read nonfiction so this was maybe not the best thing for me to read.

White Cat, Black Dog - I can't say much about this except that Kelly Link is my favorite short story author and I got this practically brand new book for $10 at a used book store. One or two stories were a little meh for me, but nothing downright awful. I love the way this is retellings of other fairytales but feels sooooo different you'd never know it until you read the acknowledgements or notice that the original tales titles are written at the beginning under the titles. I particularly loved the retelling of Tam Lin.

This is for anyone who wants to write a bit about what they've been reading or what's been engaging for them lately! If you want to share, please do! Also tagging a few people: @twoheartsoneclara @antoine-triplett @actuallylorelaigilmore @spellmansabrina @thyla

9, 14, and 21 for the relationships asks?

9.) When you write, do you plan out the stages of a relationship, or just let it flow? Do you have any works where the characters seem to "write themselves"?

I'm much more of a seat of the pants type writer than a planner, so I'm much more likely to just let it flow. But at the same time, I'll often have at least a general idea of the phases of the relationship. The whole friend to crush to mutual pining nonsense to crashing ridiculously into dating sort of thing. Or variations thereupon. :D

There've definitely been a lot where the characters seem to write themselves, though. The Pied Piper's Army of Rats series has both to some degree. There've been some changes here and there, but once I started working on it the series has followed the general plan for the Cisco/Hartley ship from the start. The two of them having to learn to trust each other, then become reluctant friends, start noticing there's this attraction brewing, move in together to get Hartley out of STAR Labs and further from Eobard's control, the Out of Time/Rogue Time event really polarizing their feelings for each other and demonstrating that in two separate timelines Hartley chooses protecting Cisco over his own safety, and then finally they hook up afterwards.

There's still stages to go, getting comfortable with living together as a couple all of a sudden and Hartley still wanting a space that his sister can move into with him when she turns eighteen. (It's been hinted at, but Jerrie's doing late admissions to local colleges in Central & Keystone that offer things she's actually interested in, but knows her parents won't support her through. She's done regular admissions already for the 'approved' places for business and science degrees she has no interest in.)

But then the other big ship of the series was Barry/Iris/Eddie which swung in out of nowhere and refused to be quiet. I just love Westhallen too much, I couldn't resist the opportunity to slide it in. And, honestly, those three just work. I don't really have a set plan for them, to be honest. I'm just winging it. Which, admittedly, may be why the latest fic in that series is yet unfinished. But I'll get there.

14.) Are there any relationship dynamics/tropes you want to write in the future, but haven't yet?

I've been inspired to write Reverb/HR - definitely a bit of a crack ship there. And that'll likely take the sunshine/grumpy dynamic to much more of an extreme than I've taken it before. So that's a specific one that's coming up.

But overall, I'm not really picky about the relationship tropes I write. I'll probably eventually even write something with Hanahaki disease in it, just so that I will have tried it once for the challenge of it. The more I write, the more I realize that some things I write not because they are tropes or ships I specifically like, but because I enjoy the challenge that writing those things presents. It's why I like fix-fic writing, because there's definitely a challenge there in taking something that feels broken to me in some way and determining how to make it work better.

I think this is why I'm looking forward to getting around to the mpreg request fic I was sent. Though I'm also kind of glad it's far down on the list of fic requests, since it is out of my usual comfort zone. Gives me a lot of time to figure out how I want to make it work - backstory on the characters for how they reach the point of wanting to have kids, the circumstances for which its possible, how much real science can I use to back up the hand-wavey fictional science... and then also writing it in a way that it can still be an enjoyable fic for those who might not usually read that trope but are still choosing to give it a chance. (Like myself, though I've still read plenty of it over the years.)

21.) Not all relationships are romantic. What's your favorite non-romantic relationship that you've written about?

Lisa and Hartley as QPPs. Clicking as friends at first but the later coming to realize how important they are to each other and how comfortably they've just kind of come to living together... the Missy Verse is probably one of my favorite little ongoing series because of them. I may not add to the series a lot, but when I do it tends to be heavy on the side of looking at how their relationship grows from a regular platonic relationship into a much more queerplatonic ship.

for the emoji ask:

🍦🎬 📚 🌸 💁

When I was, like, 12? My school went on a trip to this outdoors center in the middle of nowhere for a week and it was pretty cool. I mean the weather was terrible, the wetsuits stank, and kayaking sucked but the food was amazing and it was sort of the shared misery of being forced to participate in team-building exercises with the guys that made fun of you for X, Y, Z. It was great, I'll always remember it, especially with the coma-inducing amount of sweets everyone managed to cram into their suitcases.

Top Gun (1986) (shocker!), The Mummy (1999), Whip It (2009), Anastasia (1997):

I really don't need to say anything about Top Gun... I'm sure EVERYONE is well aware of how I feel about Top Gun.

The Mummy is both iconic and hilarious, I must've seen it upwards of 100 times when I was younger and it still holds up (yes the CGI sucks but IDGAF). Starring Racheal Weiss and Brendon Fraser it truly is bisexual culture. Its a great film and a fun watch.

Whip It is THEE rollerskating movie, directed by Drew Barrymore (icon) and Eliot Page (Icon) it has a brilliant cast of mainly women and is just a fucking masterpiece tbh the soundtrack is great. Everyone should go watch Whip It (not sponsored).

Anastasia is an absolutely amazing musical with the wackest animation that the late 90s could offer, with MEG RYAN as Anya and Angela Landsbury as The Dowager Empress. All the songs are fucking bangers, it's a beautiful film with a hilarious antagonist AND a broadway musical based on it (slime tutorials readily available on youtube, but you didn't hear that from me).

JUST THREE??? Hm okay... (please don't @ me) -I'm going off the books I think I reread the most (I haven't sat down to read properly in ages so bear with)

The Infernal Devices its a series but it counts as (1)I've read it upwards of ten times after I found it at the library five? (jeez) years ago. I now have my own copies and the spines make a beautiful picture. Here's some quotes:

" And you are still with me. When I breath, I will think of you, for without you I would have been dead years ago. When I wake up and when I sleep, when I lift up my hands to defend myself or when I lie down to die, you will be with me. You say we are born again. I say there is a river that divides the dead and the living. What I do know is that if we are born again, I will meet you in another life, if there is a river, you will wait on the shores for me to come to you, so we can cross together." 

“I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you.”

“Patriotic?” Will looked smug. “I’ll tell you what’s patriotic,” he said. “In honor of my birthplace, I’ve the dragon of Wales tattooed on my—”

The Hunger Games - I must have read it on repeat the summer I bought it (thank you duty free!) The poor book is fraying at the corners and the spine is in smithereens but here's a quote:

“Yes. I killed him. And buried her in flowers," I say. "And I sang her to sleep.”

The City of Heavenly Fire (another Cassandra Clare book ik ik and its YA I can hear the chorus of groans already) Its the last Mortal Instruments book and its fucking good okay.

“His eyes were green.”

“We are all the pieces of what we remember. We hold in ourselves the hopes and fears of those who love us. As long as there is love and memory, there is no true loss.”

I want to note here that I do have a lot of other books on my shelves but these are the ones I've read more than most. I have a whole shelf of classics and another for non fiction but these are just the books that I feel made an impact (or a crater) on me the first time I read them.

An ambivert I think? It depends on where I am and what's going on.

Uh I don't know, It's dependant on the situation really. How rude? I mean is it like someone shoving past or cutting a line or verbally? If it was, like, someone saying something rude I'd usually just let it slide - put it down to ignorance - but if someone's rude to me and then someone I'm with I'd probably say something. I have a no tolerance policy for people treating my friends like shit.

For the Fave's Ask... 1-21 😁

Starting off tough! (With question one, but that's okay.) XD I don't know about absolute favorites right now, but I loved My Sisters The Saints by Colleen Campbell as well as Left To Tell by Immaculée Ilibagiza. (Where memoirs are concerned.) My favorite volume from Yona of the Dawn is volume 18 (because of Zeno's backstory!). As far as poetry goes, right now, I'm enjoying Mantras Of A Poet Jessica Powers, but haven't finished reading that yet. Date And Time by Phil Kaye was my go to read last year, because I bought it during a Poetry Month sale (having heard several of the poems in it before), and have reread certain poems lots of times. I also loved my anthology of Robert Frost's poetry. (And I love so many poems by poets I have yet to get poetry collections and chapbooks for.) Novels? Not sure; I haven't been reading much fiction lately. XD (And when I have, it's been fanfiction.) XD And in general, I love C.S. Lewis' writing, though I've read very, very little of his fiction. 2. Ooh. Out of the movies I saw recently, I absolutely loved Chariots of Fire! Like, I watched it about last month or so, but it's absolutely incredible! (I'm debating rewatching it. It's a true story about the Olympics to summarize poorly, but it's about two men in particular who ran during the Olympic games. And it's just incredible.) As far as Studio Ghibli films, I ranked Princess Mononoke as my favorite years ago (and I haven't watched near enough of those). For watching a lot of movies lately, I'm really blanking. XD 3. Right now, probably Yona of the Dawn or Akagami No Shirayukihime. Chuck is up there on the list too, for a non-anime suggestion. I really love FMA in general, and I've been enjoying the Fruits Basket reboot when I was watching it regularly. I have a Season to go in that and the Prelude to see. XD (I've read the whole manga, which now that I realized I didn't mention series has been up in my favorites as far as manga series go. A place that Yona of the Dawn is also at.) :) 4. I don't know??? I listen to all sorts of songs. I've been really enjoying songs about family and friendship though haven't been listening to them as much. XD I know every time I hear "Holy Spirit" by Francesca Battistelli on the radio, I stop and listen. It practically sits me right down in Adoration, and one day, if I ever felt like I could or should bring music with me to Adoration, I'd take just that song. I was absolutely in love with I Wanna Go Back by David Dunn last year. :) Then Cursillo happened, which sounds funny, but afterwards, I stopped finding the song as relatable. (Which is probably fantastic in some ways.) XD Anything Matthew West or Francesca Battistelli is amazing. XD But I didn't really list songs out of other genres, whoops.

5. Of music? I don't have one. Well, in terms of writing, I like stuff that focus on relationships. Like I love family, friendship, and romance genres the most. As far as anything more exact than that, I don't have anything else? I do really love Fantasy though as well, though rarely write or read it, whoops. XD In music, it's the lyrics that are most important to me, if I don't like the lyrics, I don't like the song, and if I love the lyrics, I love the song. So, I listen to about any genre imaginable. XD 6. Uh??? Found Family, I guess??? I don't usually think about tropes, but I always forget that's a trope, and I love it. (Something like what happens in Chuck with the main characters or Yona of the Dawn with the Happy Hungry Bunch. Like both of those are my best examples for what kind of Found Family I'm looking for.) <3 <3 <3 7. What??? Well, I love my family and friends and the Saints, etc... (I guess to put it simply, which doesn't help with specifics.) Saints feel like really good friends or siblings or role models, and there are definitely Saints I fangirl over, though that's probably not the right word. XD And Jesus! Of course! (Since it says people, I'm assuming human. And Jesus being both Human and Divine has to count.) My goal is to love everybody, and so, I'm not actively ranking people. That sounds like a really crazy goal, but it's something I want to do. (Which means loving my enemies, which I don't like to call anybody an enemy, so the closest to enemies I have are the people that don't like me. So, I love them extra hard! Even though it's onesided!) <3 <3 <3

I had a good time doing the non-human version of this with my werewolf ID, so I figured I'd do this one with my Legoshi ID. (Answers under the cut)

I'm Legoshi, from the manga/anime Beastars

I do experience dysphoria, often with my voice and lack of body hair as thick as mine. Plus the hair on my head doesn't match my fur.

Nobody irl, and I don't think that'll change.

I do often. The anime is one of my comfort shows. Being able to hear my own voice is really calming to me. Seeing others that I know and hearing their voices is nice too. I re-read the manga fairly often too, since the anime hasn't gotten to a lot of important things yet.

I do occasionally, though I did it more frequently as a child. I assume it was due to my autism.

I realized I was fictionkin in late 2020.

My intro to fictionkin was through tumblr while I was in otherkin spaces.

I am very similar to my fictotype in personality. I am introverted, deadpan, and gentle despite my sometimes intimidating presence. I'm also a bit too self-aware of my own issues, and struggle with depressive and self-loathing attitudes. I also have a small creature as a pet, though it's a garden snail, not a rhino beetle.

I'm not similar to my fictotype in appearance. I'm short, with brown hair. My nails are often trimmed short, and most of my wardrobe is black.

I don't have one at the moment.

I haven't interacted with another fictionkin.

I've never met canonmates, and I'd be a bit nervous to, since my kin memories are fuzzy and I'm not sure if they align with source Canon.

I've never met a double, but I have nothing against them.

Shifts feel different depending on the day. Sometimes with physical shifts I feel strong, like I could take down any carnivore. Other times I just feel clumsy, like my tail will knock things over. Mental shifts are pretty consistent and pretty frequent, but they never seem to fully eclipse me.

I don't harbor any hate for kff-ers, often times they don't know about actual fiction kin, and when they do they're told that we're all insane and given the wrong terminology for what they're experiencing. They're misguided, in my opinion.

I quite like the symbols and flags. They're fun and can solidify confidence for some beings.

Fictionkinity does seem to have some kind of spiritual connection for me, but I'm not in a good place to explore that right now.

Fictionkinity absolutely connects to my autism, just like otherkinity does. I'm not sure how deep it goes, but the connection is there for sure.

I've been told by others who watch/read Beastars that I remind them of Legoshi, which is very affirming for me.

I don't have much to outwardly express my fictotype. I ask beings who see this blog to call me Legoshi if they wish, and I slouch often. Other than that, I don't have much.

I wish fictionkind would take copinglinkers more seriously and treat them with more respect. They may not be the exact same as us, but their experiences are valid.

I quite like all of the neat moodboards, aesthetics, and stimboards that beings make for others. I greatly enjoy making them myself, so it's nice to see.

I consume my source analytically, and recreationally. I try to remember those conversations I see myself having, being in those locations, and I also just find joy in comfort in seeing myself the way I look, hearing the way I sound.

"That character isn't even real." As if ID-ing as a real creature would be better? I'm aware that my source is fictional media, but despite that, I'm still here.

"By definition, you're experiencing a delusion." Who are you to decide what is delusion? You don't know me, you don't know my mental conditions, and you don't know exactly what fictionkinity means to me, so you cannot decide such things for me.

I Know I'm a Wolf by Young Heretics, The Wolf by SIAMÈS, Predator & Prey by Griffin Puatu, Polaris by Blue Encount, and of course the Beastars OST

I'm not sure, honestly.

I don't have any favorite fanart, I tend to gravitate towards official art from the manga.

Aside from caring for my garden snail, I don't have many hobbies that connect me to my source.

It's interesting, I guess. Since there's been no news on the manga recently, most of the fandom had calmed down a bit. I prefer it that way, I'm worried about attracting negative or hateful attention from fans of my source.

i don't want to step on any toes or sound like a complete snowflake but honestly your accessor au is a little triggering. i believe you've said in the past that you aren't a fan of non consensual themed stuff and it seems kinda hypocritical that you'd have an au based on slavery? bc no matter how you fold it dean is still property and still treated as property. i like most of your work and its a shame that you haven't invested more in your other aus.

Firstly, you’re absolutely right.

Non-con is my biggest squick. I generally refuse to write things that put anyone in a situation like that, where they don’t want what’s happening and they are being held or forced against their will. This is why I will almost universally leave prompts unfilled when they include themes of punishment, coercion, or torture.

Secondly, I expressly tag every Accessor AU post with “Accessor ‘verse” and try to include salient warnings for any objectionable themes (beyond the obvious) that come up. I’ve been assuming that’s enough for people to blacklist or choose not to read something that might upset them. But if there is something else I can do to help you – or anyone! – not see those posts by accident, please let me know. It’s really important to me that my readers don’t get ambushed by a trigger.

(Sidenote: I’ve heard rumblings lately that the concepts of “squick” and “trigger” can get confused. For anyone unsure of the difference, this post does a good job of explaining.)

So, with all of that being said...

You’re correct that Accessory Dean is property, which inherently complicates (or, some would argue, completely negates) the ability to give consent. When I first thought up the Accessor AU, I felt squeamish over sharing it publicly. I knew the concept was problematic. I knew some people would hate it. I knew it didn’t align with my usual brand of friendly, openly-consensual content.

I’ve talked a few times before – here and here – about how a slavery AU can be really questionable, both morally (an individual’s sense of right/wrong) and ethically (collective rules of right/wrong). I have never claimed that the concept is a-okay, and I try my best to show the reader that the societal thought patterns and constructs in the Accessor world are not aligned to our real-world ethics or morality.

(I am under no illusions that I manage these things perfectly, as a white woman from a relatively privileged background. But I am always trying to do better.)

Fanfiction can be many things to different people. It can be a way to “fix” what we don’t like about canon. It can allow us to relate to stories or characters in more intense ways. It can de-risk our exploration of precarious feelings or circumstances by imposing them on external characters instead of ourselves.

For me, the Accessor AU is about personal catharsis and turning a popular trope on its head.

When it comes to tickle fetish content, the single most prevalent theme is non-consent. “Let’s tie down this straight guy and tickle him ‘til he pisses himself!” “Watch sexy co-ed Kimmy get destroyed by her jealous sorority sisters!” “A wrongfully-convicted citizen gets sent to a tickle-torture detention center for an inescapable five-year sentence.” A common subset of the non-con theme involves tickle-slavery – “I’ve caught you, and now you’re mine to torment however I want, whenever I want.”

As a young teen exploring her desires on a developing internet in the late 1990s (who just dated herself? this gal), these themes were everywhere. They pervaded all the kinds of content I consumed, so I came to the conclusion that This Is Just How Things Are; there was no use in trying to avoid them, even if I kind of hated them. I say “kind of,” because they weren’t what I really wanted, but they still pushed the button, y’know? Complicated feelings.

Add to the complications that I was asexual (but didn’t identify/realize it until much later in life) while a majority of the available content involved varying aspects of nudity and sexuality. I didn’t like those, either. AND I was a minor. Yikes, right?

Talk about a recipe for confusion and shame.

I’m not going to wax poetic about “finding my tribe” here on Tumblr, because y’all have already heard me soapbox about that a dozen times. It took years of rediscovering who I was and what I liked before it didn’t feel shameful to allow myself to think about the less-fluffy expressions of my kink. Things like bondage, sensuality, even some forms of (limited, conditional) sexuality, and, yes, the inexplicable draw to see somebody caught and unable to escape being tickled. But I still wanted those things seasoned to my taste, with sweet flavors of desire and consent – on both sides of the cuffs.

Accessor AU Dean is a tickle slave, because the world he lives in happened to lead him there. Accessor AU Dean has it in him to enjoy being restrained and tickled, because that’s part of how he’s wired. Accessor AU Dean had really shitty experiences and trauma, because there are terrible, abusive people out there. Accessor AU Dean found someone who respects, values, and loves him regardless of his social status, because the roles the world gives us do not have to define who we are.

Can a situation like his be gross and non-consensual? Yes.

Can a situation like his be affectionate and enjoyable, even to the point of active, enthusiastic consent? Exploring that question is what this AU is all about. (Hint: I’m really aiming toward also yes.)

I feel like I’d be remiss to neglect stating, once again, that this is fiction, which is not aligned to our real-world ethics or morality. I don’t expect everyone to agree with my views on this, either. I’m going to stand up for those views, though, because if I don’t believe in my own work, then I’m just shilling snake oil to an unsuspecting audience. And I respect you too much for that. But my point is: I’m creating something that younger-me would have died for. Something that says, “Yes, you can have all the things you like, and no, you don’t have to compromise.”

People who like things I don’t are not wrong, nor are those who don’t like the things I do enjoy. Nobody alive on this earth is going to have the exact same preferences I do. My stories aren’t always for everyone, but if I can create content for someone – perhaps someone like me whose desires never seemed represented elsewhere – then I’m happy. Really, truly happy.

I started this post with a “firstly” and “secondly,” so I’ll wrap it with a “lastly.” Lastly, I don’t want you to think that just because I’ve “invested” a lot in the Accessor AU – over 30,000 words, actually – that it means I haven’t poured significant care into some of my other AUs! I really enjoy finding ways to translate different facets of what I like into distinct narratives. Here are a few of my more prolific ‘verses (and there are always more to be found in my masterpost):

Artist/Chef - college AU

tiny!ticklish!octo!Cas - what it says on the tin

TFW adopts a monster - a stray baby tickle monster comes to live in the bunker

Amateur Production - Wincestiel threesome makes tickle videos

Thank you for asking this question. I’m several weeks late in getting you an answer, but I wanted to give it the full time and respect I felt it needed.