spence-tober: day 13 - model
pairing: model!spencer reid x fem!reader
summary: in which your model boyfriend springs a surprise on you during what you thought was an ordinary shoot
word count: 1922
warnings: proposal!!!!, fluff, spencer being too gorgeous for his own good
spence-tober masterlist
Early mornings were not your thing. Not at all, but sometimes when the occasion called for it, it was not rare to see you up and at it before the sun rose.
More often than not, those occasions included you editing photos late at night into early morning, watching from your studio as the sun rose in the large window walls. It was the consequence of taking last minute shoot briefs or freelance favors from former clients or friends. It didn’t help that you were a perfectionist and a people pleaser so that often meant saying yes more often than you should and spending way too much time editing photos for minute differences.
You look over to your left from your seat in the passenger’s seat of the car.
But these early mornings weren’t so bad, you thought. Coffee in the cup holders, the sun peeking over the horizon, the seemingly endless meadows to either side of the road, and your lovely boyfriend of five years driving right next to you.
While you are a photographer by trade, your boyfriend, funnily enough, is a model. And a damn good one at that, if you do say so yourself. Spencer was a handsome man, with his window-like eyes and his messily hot hair. His chiseled face and his tall stature. His large hands and his lithe stature. You could go on and on and on about why Spencer is possibly the most gorgeous model you’ve ever had the pleasure to photograph.
But Spencer also understood directions and had been in the business long enough (once he had met you) to be able to understand what a client wanted. Not only is he a pretty model, but a competent one at that.
The two of you had met at a photoshoot you were both hired for. You, as the lead photographer, and Spencer, as one of the models. Both of you were a part of separate hiring agencies and had just happened to be hired for the same briefing. It wasn’t until the shoot was officially done and you had sent out complimentary finished photos via email to all the models when Spencer had asked to see you again.
Ever since then, you’ve been dating. That was nearly five years ago now and the two of you were still going strong. He still modeled separately for the most part and you still took other photographing gigs. Sometimes you worked together, but work was work and both of you had built your careers before meeting.
The reason you were both up so early was because of a brief that the two of you were hired for. It was from a small jewerly company that you had worked with before separately, but this time they wanted both of you with Spencer being the only model for their new fall collection.
You loved the opportunities to have a private shoot with your boyfriend. It made the whole thing a lot more intimate and made for some fun memories alongside with the actual pay.
In the back of the SUV Spencer was driving was several things for both of you. In the backseat there was several outfits hung up in case both of you decided an outfit change was needed. Then there was several large lights, your personal camera, a portable steamer for clothes, a pop-up changing tent for Spencer, some light makeup, some small props, and of course the new jewelry collection that Spencer was going to model.
Despite the coffee you had eagerly sucked down to get you going, you let out a rather large yawn, one that made your eyes slightly water.
“You good there?” Spencer asks, his eyes are still on the road but your yawn brought his attention to you.
You nod, reaching for your near empty cup, “Just tired.” Spencer didn’t mind early mornings as much as you.
“Hmm,” He hums, “Well, we’re almost there and the sun’s about to come up, so it should help wake you up.”
Spencer’s right, the sun is spreading that early morning glow across the sky and the ground. The road you’re on is a less traveled on out from the city and there’s nothing but fields and meadows of grass and some lovely flowers.
The briefing you got was a simple one. The company was entrusting you with a lot of the details. All they wanted was some great promotional photos for their new fall collection of gold and autumnal jewelry. You had chosen the setting, the meadows have been a favorite site of yours to do freelance photos or to just expand your own portfolio with indulgence shoots.
You knew it would be perfect for what the client wanted. Spencer with his messy hair in a simple white button up with pieces of gold jewelry on his bare skin as he stood in a meadow of grass and barley and flowers with a large golden glow over the whole thing. It would be perfect.
As Spencer pulled off to the side of the road, the sun was just over the horizon now and it gave the two of you plenty of time to set up and get the pictures in the yellow shine that you were so desperately craving to have translated onto the pictures.
Before you could exit the car, Spencer took your hand in his, effectively stopping you.
He brought your hand up to him and kissed your knuckles in a sweet gesture, “Ready to do this, love?” He asked.
You smiled at him, “Of course.” You answer, “Just another day.”
A weird smile grew on his face. There was some sort of message that you couldn’t quite decipher, “Just another day.” He repeated.
You lovingly pressed a kiss on his temple before now exiting the car. He let go of your hand finally, but lingered where he was for a moment before following after at the trunk of the car where you had started to grab equipment.
His hands reached over yours to grab the few boxes of jewelry, “I’ll grab the collection if you set up?” He offered.
“Sure,” You answered as you flitted through the settings of your camera, making sure everything was good to go.
Your eyebrows furrow for a moment, confused, “Didn’t you want to get ready?” You asked.
Spencer shook his head, “Nope, I’m all good to go. Just gonna put some of this on.” He replies, gesturing to the boxes in hand.
You watch as he returns to the driver’s seat of the car and opens the boxes of necklaces, bracelets, watches, and more. Usually while you would set up the shoot, Spencer would cycle through a few outfits, touch up some makeup as needed, or choose to steam the outfit he had on.
You shrug it off and continue on with your end of the shoot. By the time everything was ready, Spencer wearing a nice set of necklaces and bracelets and you ready with your camera around your neck, you both headed out into the meadow where the sun was finally casting that illuminated glow you were searching for.
As you both trudged through, you were reminded why you were wearing long pants tucked into your shoes. The barley and grasses of the fields were beautiful, that’s why you chose the location, but you both had definitely learned a lesson after shooting in the field the first time and having to spend two hours picking off ticks from your skin later that night.
“I think this is good.” You say, stopping far enough away that your shoots wouldn’t have the road pavement in view, but close enough to quickly run back in case anything was needed.
Spencer nods in agreement and you start instructing where he should stand. From there, you start getting some close up shots of his neck, neck and face, and then his hands and wrists as well.
As you take these pictures, you’re reminded how good Spencer is at his good. There is little to no need to direct his poses or expressions and you can tell you won’t have to heavily edit this batch of photos.
After about ten minutes of cycling through the different pieces, doing close ups and full body shots, Spencer speaks up.
“Can we try something?” He asks, getting your attention.
You pull the camera down from your face, “Sure, what do you have in mind?” You ask him.
You don’t question it, Spencer usually has good intuition and the more pictures you have, the more options you have to play around with in post.
Spencer carefully shirks off one of the beautiful gold bracelets on his hand, “What if we got a shot of your hand. Like one of those lead someone by hand. I look back with one of the necklaces on and you with the bracelet.” He explains.
You nod, accepting the bracelet, letting Spencer put it on your wrist, “Sure, that sounds great.”
With the camera back up to your face, you take a few good photos of what Spencer is describing.
“What if I kneel now?” Spencer questions.
You shrug, “Go ahead, let’s try it.” You say excited to try some new cool poses for this brief.
Spencer kneels towards you, the bracelet still on your hand and it’s a beautiful shot, you can tell already.
A golden halo shines behind Spencer’s head, complementing the gold jewelry and the loving, adoring expression on his face creates an amazing aura to the photos.
With a smile on your face, you take the camera away from your face with the hand not being held by Spencer.
“These look great, Spence!” You say as you click through some of the photos just taken.
He doesn’t answer, but you still feel the heat of his skin as it radiates through your arm.
When you turn back, giving your attention back to your boyfriend, you almost drop your very expensive camera. You swear you let out a gasp. Your eyes widen and your mouth falls slightly open in surprise.
Spencer, still kneeling in the grass and holding your free hand, is now holding a ring in his other hand, smiling up at you with adoration and joy.
“I could sit here and tell you all the reasons I’ve come to love you in the last five years.” He starts saying.
He chuckles joyfully, “But that would take too long and we wouldn’t ever leave this field. What I would rather do, is ask you to marry me.” His voice cracks as he asks this.
“And I can spend the rest of our lives sharing all the reasons I love you and have the opportunity to create more every day.”
You swear you never thought you’d be one of those people to cry during a proposal, but you can’t help it as tears of happiness starting streaming down your face.
“Will you marry me?” Spencer finishes with a large open-mouth grin on his face.
You nod fervently, “Yes, yes, yes!” You repeat, excited and surprised happily.
Spencer slips the ring on your left hand ring finger and you stare at it and him in shock, not entirely convinced that that just happened. You hang the camera around your neck, letting the weight of it hang, and bring Spencer into a passionate kiss full of all the emotion you’re feeling. After your kiss, you both share an embrace, soaking up the moment.
“Were you surprised?” Spencer asks.
You laugh and nod your head into his chest.
a/n: this is probably one of my favorite ones i've written so far. i know i've written two photographer!readers now, but coming up with original ideas for each of these alternate universe spencers is hard!
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'Til Death Do Us Part {Chapter Ten}
Elorcan. Rockstar Modern AU.
@snelbz x @theladyofdeath collab
‘Til Death Do Us Part Masterlist
Elide -
I wake up the next morning unable to remember at what point I finally fell asleep.
When I came out of the bathroom the night before, after a shower and a fresh change of comfortable clothes, Lorcan was already on the couch scrolling through his phone. We said our goodnights and then I went into the bedroom and shut the door before crawling onto the California king size bed and falling asleep. It was, without a doubt, the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept on and getting up was a chore in itself.
We had a nice moment together the night before, Lorcan and I. During that moment, when we came to an understanding about our situation, there was a moment when I felt that our setup wasn’t mistake at all.
That feeling nearly disappears when I walk out of the bedroom and find that the suite is empty.
His bag remains just next to the couch that he had slept on, but everything else is gone: wallet, phone, keys, cigarettes. Nothing remains on the countertop that he had tossed there the night before, all of his necessities.
With a frown, I try to remain positive. Then, I feel ridiculous, because I don’t even have my husband’s phone number to text him and see where he’s at.
Maybe he’s at breakfast or went down the street to pick something up instead of settling for the continental breakfast. With that in mind, he should be back soon. I decide to take a shower, taking one much longer than I would in my own apartment. I let the hot water soothe my muscles and only get out when it turns lukewarm. Smelling like lavender and vanilla, I get out and wipe off the steamy mirror before peeking my head out of the bathroom door.
“Lorcan?”
Nothing.
I’ve been awake for an hour and he’s still not back. My anxieties start to become more concrete as I finish drying off and get dressed. With the bathroom door open, I apply my makeup and brush and dry my hair.
He still hasn’t returned as I decide to give my straight, dark locks a curl. I curl each section of my hair with tender care, taking far more time than I usually would, and look in the mirror when I’m done. I look hot.
Too bad my husband still isn’t here to see it.
I can’t control my worries any more. Tears sting my eyes but I don’t let them fall. He bailed. I know he did. Even after the moment we shared together last night, he still decided that this marriage wasn’t worth it.
Stupid. I feel so incredibly stupid.
Sure, he left his bag, but he’s a millionaire, I have no doubt. He can replace anything in an instant. He took what was important and left what could be replaced. Including me.
Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I see that it’s nearly eleven, which everyone knows is check out time. I doubt the hotel would kick a couple out of the honeymoon suite the morning after their wedding, but just in case, I don’t want to be caught looking as pathetic as I feel. I pack everything back up into my bag, making everything fit.
Save for one thing. And damn it, that’s what makes the tears finally spill over.
I look at where my wedding dress lays draped across the chair in the corner. I’d laid it out to keep it wrinkle free and in the best shape possible. Now I’m going to have to bundle it up and stuff it under my arm.
Oh, well. That’s what portable steamers are for. Even if it’s going to take me hours to bring it back to life. It wasn’t like he even cared about it, not more than getting it off of me.
I sling my bag over my shoulder, and ball the dress up, taking one last look around the room. It’s beautiful, even now, and I hate that they had to waste it on us.
Sighing, I head for the door. I’ll call Aelin from the lobby. I want to get out of this room and out of—
The electronic lock whirs and clicks as it disengages and the door swings open.
Lorcan walks in, a white cup with green print in each hand, door falling shut behind him. His hair is pulled back into a bun at the back of his head, leaving his handsome face on full display.
Have I mentioned how unfair it is that he looks like that?
He’s dressed similarly to the way he was when I first met him, a tank top and running shorts.
And he’s wearing tennis shoes.
He looks down at my dress in my arms and my bag over my shoulder, before his eyes rise to meet mine. “What’s up?”
It takes me a second to find my voice. “I thought you left.”
His jaw ticks. “So you were just going to leave?”
“I thought you were already gone!” I say again, dropping my bag and dress to the floor. “Your stuff was gone.”
He brushes past me and sets the cups down on the table. He points to his duffle on the floor. “My bag is literally right there.”
“I meant your phone and wallet and cigarettes. The stuff that matters.”
He closes the distance between us and tilts my face up towards his. “Are you crying?”
I try to turn my head, but he grips my chin. I don’t need to answer. The evidence is still shining on my face.
Cupping my face, he asks, “Why?”
I bite my lip to keep my voice from wavering. “I thought you left me already.”
His thumb slowly traces my jaw. “I’m still here. I didn’t leave and I don’t plan to.”
I nod, keeping my eyes on his.
Lorcan’s dark eyes lower, settling on my lips, before meeting my gaze again. He leans down, kissing me softly.
I let him.
He pulls away, but not far. Just enough to say, “I went down to the gym to work out and then ran down the road to get us coffee.” He kisses me again. “I texted Rowan and had him ask Aelin what you usually order.”
At that, I pull back. “Really?”
He picks up one of the cups and holds it out for me. “London Fog? I think?”
The unease in his voice is…adorable.
I take the cup and pop the lid off, closing my eyes and inhaling the heady aroma of earl grey tea and a hint of sweet vanilla.
Smiling, I look up at him. “Thank you.”
He nods, a breath of relief leaving him. “You’re welcome.” He looks back to my bag and my dress on the floor and frowns. “I’m sorry I worried you. I didn’t mean to. You were sleeping so peacefully… I didn’t want to wake you, but I work out almost every single morning.”
“It’s okay,” I say, watching as he sits on the couch and takes off his tennis shoes. “I’m usually one to think of the worst. It’s a bad quality.”
He chuckles. “I think it’s a human quality.”
I take a drink of my tea and let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you. Again. I didn’t realize how much I needed this.” I nod towards his cup. “What did you get?”
He hesitates. “Caramel mocha,” he mumbles. “Extra whip cream. Don’t judge.”
I laugh. I can’t help it. Most of me expected him to tell me he ordered plain coffee, black. “No judgment. Sounds delicious.”
He grins in confirmation, though his eyes narrow on me as he takes a drink. “So, I double checked with the front desk. Our check out is at noon. My roommates are home, so I thought we’d go by my place first. They’re not…so bad.” I raise a brow at his hesitation. He chuckles and picks up the list of guidelines the team left us. “They’re assholes, but harmless. The rules say we have to see where each other lives before we choose where we want to live.”
I nod, that anxiety coming back. The last thing I want is for him to see where I live, but I know it’s part of the rules. We looked over them last night. “As long as I can finish my tea first.”
“I would never come in between a woman and her tea,” he says, and then he’s pulling a pair of jeans and a t-shirt out of his bag. “Give me a few minutes to clean up then we’ll go?”
I nod, taking the time to carefully fold my dress while he takes the world’s fastest shower and is ready to go in mere minutes. He comes out, tossing his sweaty clothes into his bag and scoops it up, along with mine. “Ready to go.”
When we get to the lobby, he pulls a valet ticket out of his wallet and gives it to the attendant. As we wait for him to pull up, Lorcan turns to face me.
“I didn’t mention it earlier, what with you trying to leave me and everything—”
I shove him, but it’s about as effective as shoving a brick wall. “I told you, I wasn’t trying to leave you.”
My laughter carries through the parking area.
“It’s a good thing I showed up when I did.” He smiles down at me and clears his throat. “What I was trying to say—”
He’s interrupted, yet again, this time by the valet pulling up in a massive, black truck, the biggest I’ve ever seen. The man has to literally drop out of the cab and as he rounds the front of the truck and hands the keys to Lorcan, my eyes go wide.
I’ve heard of boys and their toys, but this is a little ridiculous.
I also notice him slip a hundred dollar bill to the attendant and I try not to gape. That was…unexpected.
He opens the door for me and I look from the ground to the inside of the truck and then at him. “Lorcan. I can’t get in that thing. I can’t even get my leg up there.”
“Huh,” he says, as if he’s just noticed. “I guess you’re right. I’ll have to help you in.”
My eyes narrow as he approaches me, but before I can say anything, his hands are around my waist and he’s lifting me up onto the seat.
He winks at me, and just before he shuts the door he says, “I’ll get some steps put in on your side so you can get in and out on your own.”
He rounds the front, opening the door and effortlessly swinging himself into the truck. After turning the key, the rumble of the engine just as loud as expected, he pulls out of the lot and onto the main road.
“You don’t have to do that, you know,” I say, quietly.
“Do what?” He glances over at me, but keeps his eyes on the road.
“Alter your truck for me.” I’m staring at my hands, grateful he can’t look over at me for more than a second.
He doesn’t respond, and at first I think that’s that and we’re moving on. But then we pull up to a red light and he looks over at me. “Don’t do that.”
I blink. “Do what?”
“Treat yourself like you’re a burden.”
The light changes before I can reply and we fall into a comfortable silence as we drive.
The team gave us a guideline sheet we're supposed to follow, and the first order of business is to move in together, whether we move in to one of our own homes together, or get an entirely new place to live. My apartment is the size of a shoebox, on top of being in a sketchy part of town. He has roommates. Neither seem like very viable options to me.
But rules are rules and Lorcan says he has a vehicle that even I can get into on my own at his house, so his place is our first stop.
We pull up to his condo and I’m baffled, even though I shouldn’t be. It’s one of the grandest buildings in the city, but he doesn’t seem to notice my shock as he parks and we walk into the lobby. The elevator has golden interior and while I’m questioning if it’s real, Lorcan presses the button to the top floor.
“You okay?” He asks. I nod, but I’m sure he knows I’m lying. I feel a ridiculous amount of nerves as the elevator lifts us up. We ride the rest of the way in silence until we get to his floor and it’s not until we stop in front of his door that he turns to look at me.
He rubs the back of his neck and the gesture is adorable.
“My roommates…” he trails off and shakes his head. “They’re nice guys. Really. But, if you think I’m vulgar you haven’t heard anything yet. I apologize for anything that comes out of their mouths.”
I laugh quietly. “And how is it you know them?”
“They’re in the Cadre,” he confesses. “Fenrys and Connall. Brothers. Fenrys has the bigger mouth. Sorry for anything you hear or see.” And with that, he’s opening the door.
The condo is quiet.
But massive.
I notice a spiral staircase in the corner, letting me know that it’s multiple stories. I can’t imagine what the rent is like for this place. My entire apartment would fit in the kitchen alone.
Lorcan takes my hand and I wrap my fingers around his. I like the way his hand feels in mine. I don’t feel as jumpy when I know he’s there. He grounds me.
He shows me the living room and the kitchen, both which are empty, and down the hall to a cinema room. It’s set up like a tiny theater but no one is in it. Across from it is an in-home gym.
“You have a gym in here but prefer to go to the gym with Rowan?” I ask, unable to put any of my other thoughts into words.
He shrugs. “Depends what day it is.”
We continue our tour until we’re walking up the stairs and up to the second floor. The bedrooms are here, I assume, and so is a large gaming room where two similar looking males are sitting on a giant couch, playing Call of Duty. They must be twins.
Thinking past the haze in my mind, I remember them from the wedding.
While their faces are nearly identical matches, they’re opposites in almost every other way. One light, one dark. One in a tank top and board shorts, the other a long-sleeved henley and jeans. The dark twin, he looks put together, despite his long hair. It’s clean and shiny and looks like he actually put effort into his appearance. The blonde one, however, his hair is loose and wavy, messy in an I just woke up and rolled out of bed look.
I turn to my husband, who has a balanced look of the two. He may not be as neat as the man before me swearing at his brother, but I also get the feeling the brutal ruggedness about him wouldn’t be as appealing if he were. Thankfully, it looks like he at least regularly combs his hair.
“If it isn’t the newlyweds,” the blonde one says, noticing us first. “Shouldn’t you be on your honeymoon?”
I tense, but Lorcan’s thumb brushes back and forth over the back of my hand. “Decided to take some time to get to know each other first.”
The one with dark hair nods, as if he thinks we’re making the smart move. “What a small world. You two could have met any time in the past couple years and would have had no idea you were talking to your future spouse.”
I don’t mention that we did in fact meet just over a month ago, and let me just say, I had absolutely no idea I was talking to my future spouse.
Not that I even said much to him.
All I did was judge him by his appearance and his occupation. Now, I’m seeing that I should probably get to know him first.
“Maybe that means it was meant to be,” Lorcan says and winks at me. I chuckle. “Fenrys and Connall.” He points from one to the other. “Brothers, although one’s a bigger pain in the ass.”
Fenrys grins. “Nice to officially meet you. You made a beautiful bride.”
I’m nearly shocked by his compliment. Although, I feel he’s a man that compliments a woman often.
“Is this the part where you’re trying to figure out where to live?” Connall asks. When Lorcan says yes, he says, “No offense, and of course you’re welcome here, but do you really want to live with three guys in a bachelor pad?”
I laugh as I look around the room. The entire apartment is clean and decently neat, but it’s clear that there has never been a woman’s touch. Just a weekly maid’s. “Honestly? Not particularly.” I look to Lorcan, who is laughing quietly. “But, the rules say we have to see where each other lives.”
“So you’ll be living at your place?” Fenrys asks, and I don’t answer. Thankfully he doesn’t give me much time to do so. “Sad day, Lorcan moving out on us.”
“Yeah, well, I’m sure Elide prefers to live in a place that at least looks like it's not the inside of a typical man’s brain come to life,” Lorcan mutters, reading my mind.
“Seriously, it looks like a woman has never stepped foot in here until now,” I joke.
But my laughter dies as Fenrys says, “Hasn’t been that long, has it, Lor?”
It’s a joke. I know it’s a joke, but I sense the underlying meaning, sense there’s something he was hinting at.
Connall smacks Fenrys in the back of the head as Lorcan turns to me. “Don’t listen to him—”
“What does he mean by that?” I ask, voice quiet.
“Nothing,” Lorcan says, and glares in Fenrys’ direction. At least he has the mind to give me an apologetic look. “He talks without thinking.”
“Lorcan.” My voice leaves no room for discussion. “Please don’t bullshit me.”
With set lips, Lorcan gives one more look to the brothers before pulling me out of the room.
He drops my hand and rubs his jaw. I don’t know what he’s going to say but I hate the waiting. He goes with, “I’m not a virgin, Elide.”
I’m fully aware of that fact but he says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, like it explains everything. “But it hasn’t been very long since the last time you’ve been with someone, apparently.” I gesture to the closed door that we just came out of. “So how long has it been?”
At first he doesn’t answer and I shake my head, taking a step back.
He frowns. “Elide—”
“Had you been accepted into the program?” I ask, and when he flinches I know my answer.
“About six weeks ago—” he begins, but I’m already turned around, trying to find my way out of the damn place.
In any other situation, I probably would have busted my ass on the spiral stairs, especially considering my pace and the thundering steps behind me. But I don’t. Instead, I hit the main floor, aiming for the door. I don’t take two steps before his hand wraps around my wrist. “Elide, please, just—”
“Please what?” I ask, turning on him. His eyes are guarded, as if he was expecting my reaction.
He knew I’d be angry, and rightly so. It’s been over six months since our applications went in for this. He knew he would be getting married, knew he was technically engaged, but still.
Shaking my head, I pull my arm from his grip. I can’t believe he slept with someone just weeks ago, when he knew we were going to get married. Part of the deal was that we were supposed to stop dating, relationships, and having sex with others when we found out we had our match and set our wedding date. That was over three months ago.
He still hasn’t answered, so I say, “You knew about me then. You already knew our wedding date. It’s not like they sprung this on you.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t know you. I just knew the wedding was going to happen.”
I laugh, the sound humorless. “And that wasn’t enough?”
“I don't know, I didn't even think about it in that way. I was just doing my usual shit.” he says, and I can tell he wants to reach out again. I step back so he won’t. “Look, I know I fucked up and I’m sorry. It was just sex with some groupies. It didn't mean anything. It never means anything.”
Scoffing, I cross my arms. “And that’s supposed to make me feel better?”
He crosses the room and drops onto the couch. “Fuck, no, of course, it isn’t.” Dragging a hand through his loose, messy hair, he looks up at me. “I just didn’t want you to think I had some girlfriend on the side or something.”
I start pacing before I can stop myself and I can feel his gaze on me the whole time. I don’t want to think about this. I don’t want to think about my new husband having sex with random women, while we were supposed to be thinking about getting married and committing to each other in every way. I was so excited when I found out they had my match picked and I was technically considered engaged. All I could think about was finally meeting him. I dreamed of what he’d look like, who he was, how he’d act, who we’d be together. I dreamed he was wondering the same about me.
Meanwhile, he was screwing groupies with no thought or care about me at all.
“I’m sorry,” he says again, quieter this time, and I turn to look at him. “I messed up, Elide, and I know that, but I won’t do it again, I promise.”
There’s that humorless laugh again. I sound insane. “You won’t fuck a random groupie or you won’t mess up?”
His eyes narrow on me slightly, but he says, “Both. I’m done fucking groupies and I’m going to do my best not to mess up anymore.”
I release a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding, my rage deflating. It’s in the past and there’s nothing that can be done about it now.
Except for one thing.
“What about the tests? Are you still clean?”
One of the more invasive things we’d had to do was a full scale test to ensure no one in the program had any sort of STD they could pass on to their partner. But those were done right after our wedding date was set. He still was having sex weeks after that.
“I’m clean,” Lorcan promises, not getting angry like I expected him to, since I was practically accusing him of having a venereal disease. “I always wear protection and was tested two weeks ago.”
I nod, my anger simmering, but nothing like it was. It’s probably safe for me to sit next to him without strangling him, so I cross the room and sit on the couch next to him. “Does Yrene know?” His brows knit together in confusion and I realize not everyone calls her by her first name apparently. I add, “Dr. Towers.”
He shakes his head quickly. “I definitely didn’t tell her.”
Snorting, I look back up the spiral staircase. “She probably would have kicked you out of the study if she found out.”
“Yeah, and I’d…like to keep that from happening,” he says, drawing my gaze back to his.
My jaw is set. “Fine. I won’t say anything, as long as you don’t fuck anymore groupies.”
Those dark eyes are trained on me, but he says nothing for a second before asking, “Are you jealous?”
I blink. “What?”
He leans in, just a bit. “I get that you’re pissed, and that’s fair. But are you jealous?”
Tripping over my words, I pray that my cheeks aren’t as red as they feel. “No.”
I’ve seen his body. It’s…magnificent. And I know the reputation he has. I can only imagine that he knows what he’s doing.
The thought has heat pooling in my core.
There’s just enough hesitation that his grin grows. “How long has it been for you?”
“Since what?”
He leans in a little more. “Since you had sex with someone.”
And now I’m sure my cheeks are just as red as I think they are. “That’s none of your business, but I can assure you, it’s a lot longer than six weeks ago. I followed the rules.”
“Good for you,” he murmurs, and I can feel his breath on my lips. “Now tell me.”
“No.”
“Tell me,” he repeats and I feel his hands on my side. “Or I’ll tickle you.”
I swat his hands away, although I can scarcely breathe with him so close. My voice is a whisper when I say, “No and don’t you dare.”
He dared.
His fingers attack my ribs and I erupt into a fit of giggles that overpowers my anger as my head falls back and my back arches. “Stop it!”
He does not and when I meet his eye, he’s grinning. I try to scoot back but I can barely move. I’m ticklish. I know as much. Now, so does he. He keeps tickling me and I’m unable to stop my laughter.
“Fine!” I yell, and I’m smiling so wide that my face hurts. His fingers halt and he looks at me with raised brows. “It’s been…a while.”
He blinks. “Yeah, I’ve collected that. Doesn’t tell me how long.”
And then he’s tickling me again and my laughter and yelling and squirming resumes. Next thing I know, I’ve fallen back against the couch and he comes with me. His fingers still dance along my sides as he gets on his knees between my spread legs. As if he realizes the same time I do, his fingers come to a stop.
We’re both breathing heavily and grinning like fools, although there’s a glint in his eye now that wasn’t there before. My cheeks are flushed and the strap of my tank top is hanging off my shoulder.
He doesn’t move.
Neither do I.
Instead, his hands fall from my sides to the couch cushions on both sides of me. He hovers there on all fours and his eyes fall from mine to my lips then back again.
“You know, I can fix that for you,” he says, and his voice is dangerously low. “When you’re ready. You deserve to have someone make you feel good.”
My toes curl and I forget how to breathe.
As if he needs to prove it, he lets me have a little of his weight, pressing me into the couch. His hips nestle between my parted thighs and I can feel his cock pressed up against me.
“I thought I wasn’t what you wanted.” My voice is breathy, betraying the fact that he’s affecting me in all the wrong ways, though he’d probably say they’re the right ways.
“I thought so, too.” His voice is low, so deep it’s almost just a rumble in his chest. I feel it in my core and fight off the urge to shudder. He brushes a thumb over my lips and then begins to trail a hand down my body, over my ribs and hips until he’s gripping one of my thighs. He pulls me into him at the same time he leans down into me. “But my body apparently wants you…and I think yours wants me too.”
A little gasp escapes me as I breathe, “I want more than that.”
He leans down, brushing his lips against mine in a whisper of a kiss. “I know you do.”
He rocks his hard cock against me and I’m unable to stop the soft moan from tumbling from my lips. He does it a second time and then a third, and then kisses me.
Not a kiss like we shared this morning or a soft brush of the lips.
Lorcan kisses me like a man kisses his wife.
It’s over nearly as quickly as it started, though, and he’s pulling away. “I told you I’d respect your decision, and I will. But I won’t quit trying. Just tell me when to stop and I will, no questions asked.”
I blink, my mind hazy and lust addled. “Wait. You’re going to respect my decision to wait to have sex with you, by trying to have sex with me?”
Tendrils of his hair have fallen loose of his bun and are framing his face. It should honestly be illegal to be this handsome, it’s not fair.
“I’m not going to have sex with you until you explicitly tell me that’s what you want,” he says, leaning in. I can smell his cinnamon toothpaste. “But you can’t tell me you didn’t like what we just did, that you don’t want me to do it again.
I stay quiet, because he’s right, I can’t and I won’t lie.
He grins, knowing the thoughts that are running through my mind.
“Kiss me,” I beg, and he does.
He kisses me in that way again that has me questioning my very existence. His body falls into mine and I can feel the long, thick length of him against my thigh. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have him inside of me. Would I even survive that? He’s so much bigger than I am, I should have known that his cock is massive, too. The thought has my mind reeling and a throbbing forming between my legs that I don’t think I’ll recover from.
His tongue slides against mine and I moan quietly, causing his arm to tighten around my waist.
Kissing him is easy.
If only fucking him was just as easy. The empty ache of my sex grows frustrating and I grind against him for any sort of satisfaction. It must please him, because he groans into my mouth.
Then my thoughts get the better of me.
Six weeks. He was with someone else six weeks ago.
It may have meant nothing, but I can’t just give myself to this man because we signed our marriage certificate. No, he has to earn me. I’ve saved myself since Ren and I wont give my body away over simple lust.
Even though I want him.
Even though the thought of his cock deep inside me will most likely keep me up tonight.
I break the kiss and he looks at me, wild eyed and breathing fast. I can still feel him against my thigh and it’s so damn distracting. I’m tempted to reach out and touch it but I don’t, I refrain, even though it goes against every ounce of my being.
“Stop?” He asks, chest heaving.
Gods, this man.
I nod, not trusting my voice, and without another word, he’s pushing himself off of the couch and offering me a hand up as well. He adjusts himself in his pants and, by the mother, I can see it through his jeans. It’s one thing to feel it, it’s another to see it. I realize that I’m staring at his crotch far longer than I should be.
I look up to find Lorcan already watching me, smirking. Clearing my throat, I pull the strap of my tank top back up and straighten the rest of my clothes, knowing my cheeks, ears, and chest are red.
“So,” I say, clearing my throat. “Living here is a no then?”
“I don’t think so.” He gestures towards the door. “I’m ready if you’re ready.”
My eyes go to the spiral staircase. “Should we tell them we’re leaving?”
He takes my hand in his, lacing our fingers together as we head for the door. “Probably best if I don’t see Fen for a few days.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “For telling me the truth?”
“Even if he didn’t mean to and was just running his mouth?” He looks down at me and sighs, but admits, “Yeah.”
His fingers loosen around mine and I think he’s expecting me to pull my hand away. But I don’t. As soon as we’re out in the hall, I say, “I’m glad he did. I’d rather find out now, than three months down the road.”
It’s quiet for a moment as we wait for the elevator. Just before it arrives, I whisper, “If you have any more secrets, now would be the time to tell me.”
The door opens and we step inside. “No more,” he says, pressing the button for the ground floor. “That’s the only one.”
As he says it, his fingers tighten around mine, as if he doesn’t want me to pull away.
I can’t help but think that means there’s more.
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