#please read it im working hard on it
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Healing & Growth
(gif made by my friend @robanilla-arts is below - slight warning for flashing! Thanks again, Rob!)
#if you feel like reading it - I'm gonna ramble in the tags.#Don't really feel like having it attached to the post for forever... cause what if i just wanna reblog some fairysona art??#anyways#this year sucked a lot. in a lot of ways. but im grateful for it.#healing is stupidly hard and annoyingly enough? not linear in the slightest. Yet infuriatingly - it is worth it.#I am far from done with healing. I've barely scratched the surface.#but im learning and connecting with myself along the way.#The biggest step I've taken this year is working on my people pleasing ways. it's a bad habit birthed from a lot of different traumas.#but it no longer rules my life.#I am not passive anymore - and surprise! that doesn't make me a horrible or evil person.#my kindness is no longer a weakness. its still a part of me and always will be. i won't let go of it.#but it is no longer to a fault#there are people undeserving of my kindness... i realize that now. I know what i will and will not put up with in every kind of relationshi#im still learning and exploring - and i've said a lot of goodbyes this year. I'm sure i will say more.#but that's okay.#some relationships are forever - some serve you for a while and teach you a lesson when they end.#and some relationships stick around and don't *have* to have a deeper connection#and that's also okay.#I didn't think I'd make it through this year in all honesty. I was very close to ending it all on multiple occasions.#But. for what it's worth - as of now im glad im here.#i will continue to struggle and have my hard times. im not naive enough to think depression just goes away.#but im okay for now and im moving forward.#there will be pauses and abrupt stops and likely some good ol' rotting involved. but when i can - ill be moving forward.#i will not speak a word of 2024 because no matter what it will have it's ups and downs.#but i will continue to keep working on myself. and that's all anyone can do in this weird life.#if you made it through all of that... uhhhh wow you got a crush on me or smth? /j/j/j/j#but fr - if you read this far... thank you. i hope you're faring well and that you have a happy celebration tonight.#sleep well and dream well when it comes to you#yucky draws#my art
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Babygirl I have 38 thousand words of incomplete trigun fic spread across 8 wips and have no idea how to even start dealing with it
#this is an actual request for help#there are two im happy just to ditch entirely#3 that are p much written in complete sentences but are just AU fragments and i don't think i have the energy to turn into a proper story#ive got 12k complete and edited words for another but then i just cant work out how to get to the story's end#and then the last two are half-written half-drafted and just keep getting longer and longer and i HATE properly write up my drafted notes#just... what do i do#can I put the first three up for fanfic adoption and see if someone else knows what to make of them#if anyone wants to proof read /advise on a modern au where WW realises hes gay breaks up w Milly and falls hard for Vash who then disappears#or a post-trimax fic where knives uses the last of his energy to resurrect WW & WW relearns who he is with melanie livio and the orphan kids#(with vash angst thinking hes hallucinating WW)#or a polygun/vashwood fic where WW tries to hide his injuries & the others realise hes got strange healing bc he nearly dies before the#vial kicks in and WW+Vash then talk about EoM/Knives and it ends in a polygun snuggle pile bc they talk it thru as a crew TM#please let me know#trigun#vashwood#trigun fanfiction
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I redrew a scene from a great engineer x pyro fic by Delphi called "Technicolor, California". Its such a beautifully written fic and it paints such a vivid picture of whats happening in your mind, I just had to draw it.
#tf2#team fortress 2#engineer tf2#dell conagher#pyro tf2#texas toast#engineerxpyro#engineer/pyro#fic redraw#my art#PLEASE READ THIS FIC#i love it#im very proud of this#i worked very hard on this i drew the backgrounds fully just to blur them but its fine it was part of the vision.
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I'm kinda tired of dungeon meshi fans blatantly misinterpreting Kabru's goals, motivations, and character so they can ship him with Laios...like obviously it's awesome if you enjoy Laikabu but can you nooot twist Kabru's intentions for involving himself with the guy who constantly triggers his monster trauma and pisses him off so bad he gets brain damage so that he turns into "the guy who wants to suck Laios's dick" as his entire character? I've even seen people cut off Kabru's words to make it seem like he is admiring Laios because it would disrupt that narrative
#how can you think marcille hates laios and kabru wants to fuck him that's not.......canon.....#every time I see stuff of them it’s people being like 'oh kabru loves it so much when laios reminds him of his traumatic past'#be it his eyes/monsters/or the succubus thing 'he just HAS to fuck laios'#kui was noooooot intending for kabru to be lusting after that man!!!#i love laios but come ON why dont you actually care about KABRU tooooo#for l4bru to actually work one of them would have to suppress a big part of themselves and its ALWAYS on kabru it’s so insufferable#it's just like how some people misconstrued fem!toshiro blushing about laios to be her crushing on him when it was obv the same discomfort#but it made the microaggressions even worse because of the gender difference AS WELL as the culture difference#SIGH#i prommis ryoko kui did not create kabru so he can think about sucking laioss humungous donger all day fhsdkfhskjh#L4ikabu is the worst case I’ve seen of people twisting things for their ship because it’s literally just not true…#blatant misreading of the text goes crazy!!!!#like sure they're foils but what about the actual dynamic...w8 don't think about that actually cuz yoikes lol#obviously not threatening anyone who ships them please just stop saying it's canon oh my g#pwease actually read what kabru says he lays it out really clearly and has a super interesting backstory that drives his actions 🥲#i dont expect anyone to read this because im not using a tag but if u do then...🫢😯#i dont understand y ppl like it so much when laios ignores kabru so hard KABRU DESERVES BETTER#I’ve never felt like this about any ship before wow it just makes me 🫷
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stop spam liking!!!!! i am so serious some of yall do not understand that idc i will block u 😭😭 it says on top of my masterlist PLUS in the tags of my links post that spam liking = block so why am i logging on to, like, seven (7) different people spamming be so serious
#sorry nth annoys me more than spam liking plus im super irritable rn im sorry if i seem rude but it just gets annoying#i shouldnt have to be blocking 5+ people bcs they cannot respect my rules for the stuff i put out for FREE#its disrespectful and annoying having to block ppl everyday bcs they cant read (ironic)#i get ur trying to be nice but if u rlly wanna be nice then send an ask or comment or reblog or fucking follow my rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it is Not that hard i promise u#idec abt the shadowban thing it just makes me anxious in general when someone randomly like 15 works in a row#literally it is the hardest thing to make me mad but some of these readers do it in 2 seconds flat#atp i should just hide my masterlist or something#also to not even follow me and spam like Goodbye im cryinf do u hate me#i dont even wanna be active rn but seriously please stop like how many times do writers have to say this#ok ill probably delete this later but oh my god stop
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levi/barbatos is currently rotating in my head rn and is tumbling like clothes in a dryer so you know what? headcanon list time lets go
I thank you the total of like 5 people who will end up reading this they mean the world to me okay?
LEVIBARB HEADCANONS
Leviathan falling for Barb first, and man does he fall hard
He starts crushing on the butler when he fixes his cosplay; Levi had ordered it and it showed up damaged and ripped. Barbatos got around to fixing it before Levi could, and he hadn't even asked him to do so
It's just the idea of that Barb is so cool. Like cooler than anyone that Levi knows
He can bake, sew, he knows curses and spells, has wisdom on just about anything and everything--he's the cool type in dating sims. A kuudere, if you will, but even cooler
I don't think Levi has ever had a real crush on someone before. like don't get me wrong he has so many characters from his games and anime that he would do just about anything for, but I don't think he's really harbored those feelings for someone that is not in a computer screen
i like to think levi would then be so obvious about his crush on the butler, while the thinks he's being cool about it. everyone in a five mile radius knows about it lol
and ofc barbatos knows about it. like how could he not? levi isn't exactly secretive about it. the demon started to come over a lot more and try to find excuses to hang out with the butler
Barb humored him tho, because he did find him kinda cute. but more like in a way one would feel towards a sopping wet cat they found on the side of the street. he found it funny that levi was at times even willing to help him with things like baking or tending to the gardens, even when he wasn't good at either of those things
At some point it changed, though. Barbatos isn't sure when, but there is a point where it changes from him humoring Levi for the fun of it and into enjoying the other's company
Such an odd pair, tbh. They both know it but they are good for each other me thinks
Like??? As I've discussed Barb starts to genuinely enjoy Lev's company. He starts to laugh and smile more, acting less stoic even when Levi wasn't around
And Levi acting like a high school girl in love??? That's the good shit lol 💞💞 he is so much happier with life and the outside world and even came to terms with Barb being a normie! Because he is willing to learn <33
because!!! because Barb is open to learning about Levi's interests. Levi helps him interact kitchen (even though he isn't the best at baking) and he tends to the garden with him (even though he isn't all that knowledgeable on plants), and seeing as levi indulges in his hobbies, why not enjoy is free time in what levi likes?
Besides, levi just looks so happy when barb offers to play a game or watch an anime with him. and yeah barb fucking sucks ass at the games and has to politely ask levi to stop pausing on each frame of the episode in order to get through it all, but its the quality time together that counts
do you think about how lucifer and the others would feel? because i think about that all the time
like again levi isn't able to keep his crush secret at all so i imagine all his brothers (sans lucifer) try and help him out. like they drop heavy hints towards barb about how levi is interested in him while levi fights off the urge to call lotan out of sheer embarrassment in order to get them to stop
mammon so takes credit for those two getting together; levi was late for his first date because asmo wouldnt let him leave until he approved of his outfit; lucifer is holed away in his office, demonous in hand, trying not to think about his brother going out with diavolo's butler
like. i am sure diavolo would support it and would be extremely happy for barbatos that he found someone that makes him happy. but lucifer? he is speaking through gritted teeth of how happy he is for levi. he is definitely fine about this decision because his brother is a grown demon and can make his own decisions but he will be processing his feelings with a bottle or two (or three) of demonous later that night
and just....Levi being so awkward on the first few dates?? i mean im sure he will always be awkward when he's around Barb but like?? poor thing is a mess lmao
idk man something something barb brings such a huge comforting feeling to levi and levi gives barb a breath of fresh air into his life and something something they give strength to each other to leave comfort zones and live for something that makes them happy
#another argument for this ship: levi is orange/blue aroace colors while barb is green/black aro colors. i rest my case#i love this ship in both a romantic and a platonic way okay they are just sooooo cute together#i made this draft back in march....just shows you how much i procrastinate on things lmao#i could go on and on about these two honestly....and yes i am preparing image propaganda so one day i'll post that probably lol#the problem with barbatos though imo is that canon does very little with his character so i have to do all the work....sigh#you know what if anyone reads this. send me your barbatos hcs pretty please im starting to love this man and need more of him lmao#obey me#omswd#obey me barbatos#barbatos#obey me levi#leviathan#obey me leviathan#levi#levibarb#back when i was in my banners phase....damn#bunni mumbles#possibly delete later#<- depending on hard this post flops lmao#obey me headcanons
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Blackbeard, Edward Teach, and Color
So we all know about the break-up robe and how it was meant to signify the color Ed was bringing into Stede's life. [x]
But I want to take a moment and talk about the color purple, specifically in reference to Ed, and what it signifies. To do this I first want to address how we the audience (and Stede) first fully see Ed and what he is wearing in S1E3: A Gentleman Pirate.
He is dressed head to toe in black, with wild and unkempt hair AND is bathed in the gritty yellow light of fire and cannon smoke.
Why is this important to address? Well it is very clear that the creators of this show put a lot of effort and meaning into their set and costume design. This is Ed before Stede comes into his life. This is a character that bares a sharp contrast to what we have seen so far in the series (Stede in his white suit comes to mind here). He wears tight leather clothing, and a jacket with a long sleeve. He is visually restricted here as black is a color that absorbs light. This helps lean into the idea of him being a closed off/private person. Black is also a color that signifies power, something which we know Blackbeard has a lot of.
Lets also get back to the color yellow. Yellow is the complimentary color of purple, the main topic that I will get to in a moment. Before Stede is in his life he we see him bathed in this color. This tint of yellow is also made by the violence taking place around them, something that Blackbeard has only known and is apart of his everyday life. Yellow is an energetic color, Ed is a restless man. It also can be used related to the idea of madness, another trait that Blackbeard has, or is said to have. Izzy specifically likes to push this idea (usually in a positive manner), and even mentions he has mood swings.
In this scene this gritty yellow greatly alludes to what we find out about Blackbeard, and in turn Ed, throughout the rest of the series.
Now lets finally talk about purple. Purple is the color of nobility, luxury, wealth, and extravagance. All things that Ed has craved since he was a child. And we see Ed wearing purple all of two times.
The first time is S1E5: The Best Revenge is Dressing Well.
When Stede has taken Ed to an upper class gathering, after they decided to trade places for a day (pretend to be each other in E4) and training him in fine dinning etiquette.
The second time we see Ed in purple is during S1E7: This Is Happening.
When Ed spends the whole day treasure hunting with Stede, and they talk about the future and Ed's possible aspirations of owning a bar and grill (i.e. that retirement idea Stede mentioned when they first met).
If you notice, Ed only wears purple when he is with Stede. This is not his normal under shirt in episode 7 as you see him usually wearing a black one under his jacket and even without his jacket when he is with other people.
Exampled here when he is with Calico Jack in S1E8: We Gull Way Back. As a note this is the episode where he leaves the boat for Jack and professes the restless and wild nature of a pirate is who he is. YET he mentions not getting lavender soap when Lucius drops his things off on the beach. Lavender is purple, and once again we see Ed pinning for the finer things in life, soap that Stede gives him to use, even when he is digging his heels in about not being refined.
Once again it is very clear that the creators of this show put a lot of effort and meaning into their set and costume design. Why? Because it is clear that purple represents the refinement and luxury that Stede brings into Ed's life. Not to mention the calm and relaxation aspect as well, as purple also can represent that especially in with the reference lavender. Ed desperately wants these things, even when he is fighting is own sensitive nature, but he doesn't think they are for him. Purple is the antithesis of yellow, the color that represents his life as Blackbeard. A life he has grown tired of. Stede shows Ed he can have the life he wants and its okay for him to want these things. So when they are together Ed gets to wear purple, the fancy nobility color, because not only would Stede never tease him for this, but also Stede truly accepts him whole heartily and encourages him to do "what Ed wants."
Now to take this idea EVEN FURTHER (because I am evil and can't think of nice things without making them painful). There is one final scene where we see Ed associated with purple, and that is when he is rowing back to the boat, alone in S1E9: Act of Grace.
Here a darkened silhouette of Ed rows back to the sea draped in a mixture of both yellow and purple tones. This scene marks the direction the end of the season takes. Ed is heartbroken and at war with himself. He has chosen to go back to his life as a pirate, but not as Blackbeard... yet... He wants to keep the refinement and gentleness Stede has taught him, so we see him take on the first stage of grief... Denial, as he still fights back the color yellow and starts to wear the fuchsia robe, the robe that was the color he brought into Stedes life, and clutches on to the hope Stede might come back. This is seen in S1E10: Wherever You Go, There You Are.
Notice how he is once again draped in yellow light here, as he still resits the urge to fall back into his old ways (he is eating fancy jam).
Ultimately he is pushed into letting these things go ,Thanks Izzy, and enters the next stage of grief... Anger, a much more familiar emotion for Ed.... And as the season comes to a close he once again becomes the Blackbeard we met in episode three... A wild man, with crazy hair, in full black, and draped in yellow light.
#im not crying you are#edward teach#ed teach#edward teach born on a beach#color theory#our flag means death#ofmd#blackbeard#film analysis#tv analysis#ofmd analysis#blackbonnet#blackbeard x stede#gentlebeard#breakup robe#someone please read this i worked really hard#can you tell I went to school for film?
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actually yeah im making a quick poll on this. for anyone who has been around long enough to remember when i made my massive clamp readathon situation (in which i read every single one of the works they put out) be everyones problem. hi. im doing it again but much worse now. reading about 400 volumes (and more if i can find more) of tezuka osamu's work. i am just curious on the general consensus of if i should upload thoughts as i read each one (ie: one post being like i finished kimba/jungle kingdom, heres my thoughts) or just have a MASSIVE post of hey. read them all heres my thoughts (as i did with clamp. which is when i found out tumblr had a max text limit)
#twist rambles#i KNOW this is smth most of u do not care about. however comma. im curious what would be better. esp as like... about 50?? i think percent#of these have no translation fan or official. so its smth where i think discussing the plot/characters/art or whatever could be fun :)#but its also like. obviously a lot. for comparison the clamp stuff was abt 90 volumes (half of them being holic and trc). so this is far#worse. i could read all of naruto 5.5 times over in the time this will take me to complete it. so its smth where i do want to like... get#opinions on. either way i dont plan on liveblogging for most of it other than if i find a silly panel (the really good mw panels u will#ALWAYS be famous <- i post them every time i read i think. theyre very good to me). i do however plan on coloring a panel or page from each#series as my OWN personal way of having a physical way of holding onto my memories w it. sorry this is so long and rambly but im gearing up#for this massive project and by god i need to get ppl to read dor.oro. <- my goal or something. please. its very good.#tzkposting#<- all of my posting abt this will/has been under this tag so its not... in the main tags lmao.#sorry for the rambling but. hi. please vote :3 im making a big spreadsheet for stuff bc like... a lot of his stuff is hard to source so onc#im done w that nightmare situation ill probably post that somewhere bc the days of work ive done on all this should be put out there lol#gonna srb this a few times through the day to get like... an idea of what ppl would prefer :)
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U know when u reach that point of mentally unwell that it's like, u realize it's stupid and dumb and your (mal)adaptive coping mechanisms and inbuilt trauma responses aren't helpful and aren't logical and you're complete aware of this and yet can't eradicate it and it's so frustrating and in some way you're more upset about not being able to force ur brain into being normal and stop being Like That, than you are upset about whatever thing happened in the first place
#the duality of fran#anyway yes yes i know im tired and stressed and its winter#and all these things mean all my bad brain stuff harder to cope with#and all my yucky bad maladaptive mechanisms come back#and its stupid and dumb and i cant fix it overnight. or really ever. and YET#im just. gonna throw myself into reading and video games i guess. keep myself distracted#i could have healthier routines but its really fuckin hard to be consistent with anything#when im living with my parents and not much is actually within my control#when it comes to routine and living arrangement and such. its uh....#real difficult to assert autonomy and control and break hurtful patterns of behaviour when living in the space#& w the ppl who caused those problems in the first place yknow#how can i stop hiding and ppl pleasing and acting like a hollow shell of a fake person#when all of that was developed specifically to protect myself emotionally from these ppl#did it work??? NO. sometimes it feels like it didnt even preserve a tiny core of me#whatever the me that existed before. or was supposed to exist. just. is gone. never was#ik ik dont think of unlived lives theyre not real theres no alternate version of urself#but maybe...there is....and that fran is so much better
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HI HI HI!!!! OKAY SO LIKE,,, IM DOING COMMISSIONS NOW,,,GASP????😨😨😨
Ok but seriously ive been thinking of doing commissions for a long time, but the fact that my drawing tablet is slowly dying out on me gave me that nice final push <3
So yeah, all details in my carrd and all that jazz!!!
[I also have a Peso version here!]
#digital commisions#commisions open#AUGH im so scared ive never done this before#but i have to ... for my poor baby tablet 😭😭#SO THEN I WILL DO IT SCARED!!!#ive been working on this carrd the entire day please appreciate its beauty <3333#also im so scared that something might be wrong or i missed something in the info#SIGH OH WELL LIVE AND LEARN!!!#and yes that is me modeling for the prices <3 im the best model i know#ive actually made a commissions sheet long long time ago but it was just so. Cluttered and messy and hard to read??#So yeah carrd it is!!!
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D'you think Vampires have a favorite blood type like do you think they crack open a boy as a cold one and go "fuck man, it's a B+. I hate B+" or "FUCK YEAH AB MY FAVORITE", and also like, does blood type matter when sucking blood like if you drain an A+ person and then a B- one will you get sick? I need to know about vampire blood typing
#vampires#vampires please interact#i read dracula recently so this is what my brain is thinking about rn#dracula#bram stoker#where is my urban fantasy book about a newly made vampire learning the hard way that blood type matters#like he runs to his grizzled old vampire mentor and is like “dude what the fuck why does my stomach feel like theres a war going on in it”#“did you eat?”#“yeah”#“more than one victim.”#“yeah?”#“did you get their blood types?” “why the fuck would i do that?” “because steven you can't just suck blood willy nilly you gotta know type”#“im undead can turn into a bat can ride moonbeams etc. and you're telling me that drinking 2 different types of blood can knock me out?”#“sure am”#“WHAT THE FUCK”#anyways im very bored at work if you can't tell
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practicing gratitude about this past year tonight and it IS actually helping?? a lot????????? unbelievable
#things im really grateful for: moved out and away! to the other side of the country! for a new job (first job!!!!!) which was terrifying but#it's been FIVE months and ive genuinely never felt prouder of myself for making it through!!!!!#and even though there HAS been some really really Bad Brain Days this job has allowed me to meet so many interesting people#and it also has allowed me to have a better view of my future; to understand what i really want to do; and given me the boost i needed to#work extra hard to get into my masters program (asylum and immigration law!!!)#ive also became less of a people pleaser and learned to stood up for myself more; get more accomodations and opportunities without stopping#myself to get them bc i didnt deserve them or whatever#i did SO many scary things that felt like pulling my own teeth out but 95% of these things worked out okay in the end#i even got a new job opportunity!!!! i was OFFERED a job????!?!?!?!???! can you believe it????!?!?#GOT MY AUTISM DIAGNOSIS#came out to my therapist! said a lot of scary things to scary people but i did it SCARED. AND IT WORKED OUT#ive accomplished so many things this year and grown up and healed a lot. sure there were bad days but - overall?#im so grateful im alive. im so grateful i got to meet so many wonderful & lovely people#(if youve read all of this please know that i love YOU and also i hope hope HOPE you had a wonderful year; or if you didnt then that the#upcoming year will be nothing but kind and supportive to you! 🌱🎀💫)
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What's my biggest fantasy? Well I think it'd have to be... when my coworker messages "Can we start doing X?" even though I SENT HER the new workflow for X that just NEEDS HER APPROVAL (because IN THEORY she's supposed to own/direct X task and I'm just supposed to implement it) and every time she asks I reply to my own message saying "here in this very chat, right here, I sent you this new workflow. We cannot move forward on X until you review and approve it" and she goes like "Sorry I'll get right on that!" and then days later she messages me again asking "Can we start doing X?".... in my deepest darkest fantasies I tell her "scroll up in this very conversation and rephrase in your own words what I have messaged you so I can see that you have read my words and understand them".
And bonus whenever she sends me an urgent ask about a separate task/thing I need to fix I deeply, fervently fantasize about saying "Before I go drop everything to fix this, can you pause for a moment and read the message I sent you asking for your feedback on X that you left on read? Like you opened this chat, the message must be in front of your eyes, but clearly you did not pause to think 'oh before I ask this person to go do another task for me maybe I should look at the latest message in this chat to make sure I am not completely ignoring the ask they made of me that I keep somehow forgetting to do while still somehow remembering to ask 'can we start doing X' every few days'."
#bojanus chats#she's rapidly becoming a work nemesis#im venting so hard here#i try to respond very professionally IRL#but sometimes i want to call her#and then screenshare#and then go through our entire chat#and say 'this is where you ignored me#and this is where I asked for clarification and you did not read#and this is where i asked again#and you eventually said you 'thought you replied' to approve X#so can you please point to that reply???#because I scrolled through twice just in case#and still have not found it'#she is supposed to own this project!!!!#and yet is SO disorganized!!!!!!#She's clearly invested bc she keeps asking when we can do X#but she's not doing her part!!!#she used to be my comrade through awful spreadsheets!!!#I used to love her like a brother!!!!#I once resisted an 'as per my last email' opportunity towards her#in order to not embarrass her on an email thread#with our bosses#but i should have cast 'as per my last email'#when i had the chance#i swear im not a hardass ppl miss things sometimes it happens#but so many times in a row is just insulting at this point!!!!
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Thinking about going to World Most Boring Bible Study Ever. Idk yall. Idk. Idek.
#the number of times i have faked a call yo leave early. the number of times ive played solitaire on my phone. i got to the potty to kill tim#like! just answer questions its not that hard!!!!!!#you dont even need to be right just throw some spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks!#also group leaders stop reading questions from a script from your phone#ALSO PLEASE CAN WE STOP GOING THROUGH THE SAME VERSES WE GO THROUVH ON SUNDAYS#this is why we have a split in our life group/church crowdm just sayin#i just. i just miss doing bible studys with people who were way smarter than me#being a church kid in a college church is just 👁👄👁#i shpuldnt be dreading going to bible study!!!!!!#so its probably a me problem right?!#and also the group leaders have had to tell me to stfu more than once (politely. which was really annoying. dont pussyfoot around!!)#also our only bible study is also our ~only space for new comers~ so i get in trouble if i get too meaty in my excitements and theology#EHICH SHOJLDNT BE MY FAULT!!!!!!!#and YEAH it IS my fault that its my only spot where im spiritually feeding. but also there is a secret eomens group people mention that..#i guess im just excluded from? but also i know most of the women dont like me bc I have interminable Doesnt Shut Up Disease l#like i understand fhat yes it is a little my fault rhat me talking about deep theology makes them feel inadequate but also THAT SHOULDNT BE#guh. i also forgot my meds today so im a little bit more mulish and hard hearted#and i KNOW its a teachable moment amd God is usimg this to temper me or something else but im feelimg grumblr#and ill probably delete this later.#and i have to got to work ok bye
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oh my god okay ive been doing nothing for 8 hours but typing away on my silly little phone writing the silly little fictional guide books and i still kinda wanna answer that ask and do chapter 3 of the thing and
#my eyes and fingies hurt#i have exerted myself a little too much#please do give the guides a read if u like lol i worked very hard on this absolute artistic expression of silly#i need to brush my teeth and close my eyes just a moment#and think more abt helle bc theyre too hot i made them too hot i apologise#also this is ur sign to make ur stuff as self indulgent as u want#my mary sue vampires approve#omg wait thats it#i should name helle's sire mary#i just know shes a woman#well..was#im gonna go w mary fuck everything#marys dead it doesnt count for much either way#irlshaped
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i need to practice my japanese sooo bad but it’s sooo hard when i’m not in a class for it yet
#please please please @ my profs let me into the japan trip next year i know my gpa is a 3.7 i swear im good for it#im going CRAZY…#i want to learn japanese and french sooo bad#preferably many more languages too im just veeerrrryyyy slow#i’ve been thinking of making a sideblog to practice my japanese. like part of studyblr or whatever it’s called#IDK mostly i just want to read nobuko yoshiyas work which is hard because it’s not translated#but it’s SOOOOO influential on yuri ESP older yuri that i HAVE to read it..#i looove learning abt lesbians around the world#very chatty all to say i am going to practice more#helping kids learn to read at my job really made me realize that learning languages is HARD even if u already speak them!#i took asl in high school but that was easier for me to conceptualize than spoken languages#i reallt don’t know much japanese at all mostly just introductory stuff#i can read hiragana but i’m still learning katakana#i know maybe. maybe. 5 kanji. that’s it#LOTS TO LEARN IM EXCITED i’m supposed to be taking a class this winter hopefully!!!!!!#jonesytag
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