#physical stress symptoms
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#sticks my hand out of the ground to give a thumbs up.#sorry a lot came down on me and I've been more than out of it and needed to stick my head in the freezer.#probably better I not say More but buhgh. still fuzzy. its been a long week. i always come back to dimitri. i guess hes a comfort character#whenever I get stressed to physical symptoms i end up with a big block of photos in my phone...lockscreen... pfp...dumb but. it works. agh.#pass the mitri...#armour clanking#fe3h#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd#is it weird to put my tag-admission of life in a character tag? probably but i'm half-aware at best. i wish other dimitri fans a very mitri
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That's it, I'm going to a doctor. Woke up with another headache. Tired of having headaches 2-3 times a week.
#could be triggered by weather or not enough water or irregular meals or stress or not enough sleep#too many possibilities ugh#I hate going to the doctor#they're always like “I don't believe you are experiencing the symptoms you say you are experiencing. you're probably just amxious#it's never anxiety#it's always something real and physical#I wish they would see and listen to ME#and not just see my demographic#and write everything off as mental
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#IM SO STRESSED IM SO STRESSED#I feel like I'm not handling ANYTHING well rn#so many people have symptoms that are WAAAAAAY fucking worse and they're like. working full time jobs and being a parent and shit and#I'm like waaah oh no I have body aches and chronic fatigue looks like I'll have to be unemployed and never do anything ever 💀#how am I gonna live?? like. my parents are taking care of me and I'm so fucking glad but#SOMEDAY THEY WONT BE AROUND and that stresses me out so bad#I'm 25 years old and I NEED my mom every day if not physically then emotionally because I'm a little bitch baby that can't do anything for#herself. im having a hard time feeding myself I'm having a hard time keeping my living space clean#I'm not taking care of anything except the dogs sometimes and my lizard and she's not getting as much attention as she used to#I need a job and I need to be able to suck it up and DO THINGS but I feel like I'm not the person u was anymore#I was strong and I could push thru things and make myself do things and now I can't???? I just lay on the fucking couch!! and feel bad abtit#is it the tism. is it the ADHD. what about the chronic depression. how bout the fibromyalgia?#and the thing is that ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE MILD#I don't have severe pain (yet).#I just can't handle it I don't WANT to handle it#so. shoutout to my mom I guess because if it wasn't for her I simply wouldn't be alive#I feel like I've never been happy!! why can't I just be content and be happy!!!!#I have no fucking reason to be unhappy!!!!!!
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I don't think I've seen anyone go into what physical symptoms Sonic experienced as a werehog. Have I posted abt that before I feel like I might've done that
Anyway here's a list of the symptoms of Sonic's werehog form, since I don't see many hcs abt that
Faster fur, quill, and nail growth
Increased body temperature
Increased appetite and intense cravings (not specifically for meat, but for foods he enjoys)
Sensitivity to light, sounds, and smells (easily overstimulated)
Chronic headaches
Joint and back pain due to changed bone structure
Toothaches, also due to changed bone structure
Muscle tears from transforming
Sore throat from vocal chords changing
Blood turned green (like Dark Gaia's blood)
Most of these don't fully go away when he turns back. During Unleashed, the pains lingered post-transformation and made it hard to get up in the morning a lot
Post-Unleashed, Sonic still deals with his fur, quills, and nails growing much faster than average. His bone structure in normal form is slightly different now too. His joints still hurt a bit because of it, especially his knees. Also his teeth are a lot sharper (not just fangs, all of his teeth)
#ramblings#i'm. not the only one with hcs abt this specific thing right#anyways rejoice werehog hcs be upon ye#these hcs also apply to rue but i'm not tagging them bc the post isn't abt them lol sorry rue ily#i think ppl tend to focus more on how his mind is/could be altered by this form#which is all fine and good but i like to think abt the physical effects it has on him too#in fact i like the idea that any mind/personality changes he displays don't come from dark gaia directly altering his mind#but as a reaction to the physical symptoms#like him being more irritable bc he's stressed from the pain and hunger that comes with the transformation#or he's less focused than usual bc he's overstimulated and has a hard time thinking bc of a headache#that kinda thing#bc ppl aren't usually like themselves when they're sick y'know
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ever had a day you felt you just could not exist?
#today was that day#it’s like my mood and physical symptoms decided to get together against a common enemy (me)#:/#i think part of it is the ongoing stress from the doctor situation#plus the pca i started working with who i thought i could rely on#told me last night she basically can only do things around the house during our designated time slot#i cannot drive#we do not have public transport here#so if hubby is working down town i don’t have any way to go or get many things#and i thought i could count on her and that would be one less thing on my stress pile#but noooo apparently#sigh#not kuro#personal#btw this isn’t a suicide thing#it’s more like….#uh how to explain#idk like my brain and body kept giving me the blue screen of death so i couldn’t work today#🤷🏻 a very inelegant and not quite accurate metaphor but here we go
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Look I don't disbelieve that being out in the dead of winter, including having to bathe outside and any mounting stress caused his Asthma to flare up.
However I do think it's a missed opportunity to bring back up his previously mentioned Cat Allergy.
My boy has literally been living in close proximity to a -big- cat for several days (week? don't remember how much time had passed) at this point. Even if frequently kept in a cage/away from the others there is still likely going to be fur every where, especially considering he went into Beast's tent and hid in her trunk, which those clothes are gonna be covered in fur/dander.
Like if Sebastion's brief contact with the Tiger was enough for Ciel to want to be wary and keep his distance till he cleaned off then literally living in a close environment with said animal it's a wonder he's not at least sneezing more while there.
They could have had Sebastion asking the Doctor, after mentioning possible causes for a Asthma flare up/ to return after not having had one for several years,
"What about allergies?"
Or maybe later when Ciel tries to convince everyone he's fine now and that Obviously it was because he'd spent too much time around that Tiger, but now that they're a way from the Circus he'll be fine.
Idk do something with that
You make a point to bring up / remind us of his cat Allergy at the start of the arc and then give us Ciel having an Asthma attack but don't think to connect the two?
Especially cause right before the attack as I mentioned he was in Beast's tent, and had to hide in her trunk of clothes/stuff that any one who has a cat even if you've cleaned it there's always gonna be fur every where always.
#personally I'm sticking with his cat Allergy was a catalyst with symptoms mild at first as he did his best to avoid Beast/ the Tiger#anything that might have close contact with them#which was then only aggrevated and made worse from the clod out door bathing and stress (emotional or even physical since-#(since he was probably doing more physical activity that he may be used to / doing tasks doesn't normally do)#which finally all came together into a nasty asthma attack#black butler#I will die on this hill
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lmao the eczema on my hands that was finally starting to heal has just flared back with a vengeance in the last 24 hours thanks. thank you. amazing
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need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭
I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO
#this is so ridiculous fhfjdkdl#i do not like driving fjdkdl i know i should not be on the roads#but unfortunately i have to bc i live rural and also my parents insist i ''just need more practice''#practice is not going to fix the dissociation 😭😭 practice will not fix the Other Drivers being shitty and scary and reckless fjfkdl#it might make it slightly easier bc i wont have to think as hard about shoulder and mirror checks and roadsigns and speed limits#and where i am located on the road and intersection rules and whatnot#but like... it does not fix that i live in a town (and world lol) where ppl are fucking bonkers on the road#i had someone riding my ass for like a full five minutes. we had only two feet btwn us. MAYBE. IF THAT MUCH.#he was BIG mad that i was going the speed limit#and THERES A POLICE STATION LIKE RIGHT NEAR THAT AREA MY GUY IM NOT GONNA GO OVER THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT THERE LMAO ????#also im a rule follower usually so i do tend to go Exactly the speed limit fjfkdl#and maaannn that makes people SO fucking angry dhfjdl its impossible to drive Anywhere without having someone right on ur bumper#its so ridiculous like... that's not helping anyone ??? ur not getting to ur destination faster by riding up on somebodys ass ???? hewwo ???#ANYWAYS. i drove around the neighborhood and then went up the highway and thru some intersections and then into the main core of town#and then i got my dad to take over from there bc it was lunch hour and the core of town is a lawless land at the best of times#MY NERVES ARE FRIED. i need Guz to act as a weighted blanket or one of those pressure therapy vests for me LOL#im like... shaking fhdjsl that was far more than i thought we were going to do for driving today good lord#IM OKAY THOUGH I SURVIVED I DIDNT EVEN HIT A CURB OR ANYTHING#i think I've only hit a curb once so far in all my times driving and that was on my second time driving on a road i think#so pretty good track record... im a very careful driver fjdkdl i work so hard to be safe and drive smoothly#during my driving test the only thing the test guy had to critique was that i waited at an intersection when i could've gone#but the reason i waited was bc i wasnt sure i could make it across the traffic lane before the oncoming vehicle got to us#so it was like. a safe decision overall but a little too hesitant which can actually be unsafe fjdkdl#AUGH ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING SM#driving stresses me out so bad and my lip is all raw now and i have so many physical stress symptoms the past few days fhfjdl#after tonight i should be able to calm down a bit hopefully fhfkdl theres a thing we're going to tonight thats been stressing me out so bad#but after tonight it'll be over and hopefully I can get myself settled down again fjfjdkl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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is it NORMAL to lowkey dissociate upon getting out of very informative therapy sessions, like we talked about autistic burnout/sensory overwhelm again and she asked me if it could be informing my chronic pain flares and/or vice versa, and yet again im like,, Äch Nae, The Symptoms
#she is so fucking smart and breaking me down into my component parts#and she doesnt even know the worse 2/3s of my trauma#which i think is helping her identify the subtler shit#like not immediately like 'well the avoidant tendencies likely stem from the abusive stepmother#'calling you Manipulative for voicing things like idk acute physical illness from active food poisoning'#bc she doesnt know about that!#instead we discussed burnout's symptom of making verbalization very difficult#and i was like oh fuck wait is THAT whats been happening my whole life oh my GOD#bc it IS whats been happening!!!#i experience a sudden jolt of stress hormone from conflict and become tongue-tied#feels like failing a string of dire persuasion checks#and so i've learned to avoid those moments at all costs!!!#even the cost of losing me my father and oldest friend
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Here's all the bracelets I made, the folie one is my favorite because of the trouble it gave me
Here's all of them one one arm because it's funny to me
#fob#fall out boy#autism go crazy#i am having my physical stress symptoms there are things wrong with me
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Sometimes you think maybe everything will be okay but sometimes the "im going to kill myself" thoughts come back just because you're ill BUT sometimes you take a shower and realise maybe it's not that big of a deal
#moss mumbles#cannot stress enough that i think i literally just have like. the common cold#like this is not some big serious illness#im just very dramatic and have somehow ended up with all the symptoms i despise most. all at once#but anyway#had a shower that i turned rly cold at one point and i think it cured me (mentally. physically i am still quite sick)
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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
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Hey I need to get the fuck off socials for today because my mental and physical health is in shambles. If you see me on here later (aside from my queued posts) tell me to leave
#Mads.txt#I think some of the physical symptoms I'm having might be due to stress and I just need to not be doing this today
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@ body: why anxious
#or at least why now#why do i always get the physical symptoms of anxiety while not having Any idea why#like thanks for not stressing me out by making me think of it I Guess but it would be nice to have a reason for once
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very happy to be a little over two months on T but boi despite no changes the hormonal mess it's causing has been taking me on a RIDE and next time is my first shot by myself i totally expect to either chicken out or suck it up and feel sick af afterwards
#beelio talks#two months no changes AT ALL except the one IYKYK#i've sure had bad nausea and stomach aches and palpitations all of which are 99.9% likely to be because of hormonal mess-induced stress#because it makes PMS and physical anxiety symptoms worse sdkjkln even though i'd never had palpitations before. CAN I CATCH A BREAK#palpitations actually got MUCH better after my dose was increased though. for whatever reason. hormones work in mysterious ways#dw i got my heart checked today to be safe#and it's all normal bike test and EKG and echography (boi that was weird to look at) and all#still likely doing a 24 hours test in a couple of months but yeah the four doctors and nurses who looked at me were not concerned at all#despite my heart rate being a bit too high#but that was likely the usual appointment stress and influenced by the bike test#i'm home now and it's back to my usual 70s-80s instead of the 115 it was back there lol#ANYWAYS#love being on T. hate the adjustment period.#i don't expect visible changes so fast btw! but when i say no changes i mean i also don't have the libido/hunger/warmth increase etc.#like if it wasn't for the one thing i'd think it doesn't work hahaha
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And maybe it only gets worse
But so what?
I have this time that I am given
And the joy that will come from it
The friends I will make
The people I will meet
Maybe it only gets worse
But worse is not an end
Only a process
There is worth in a painful life
Worth in a quiet one
Worth in a limited one
Maybe it never gets better
Maybe it’s all downhill
So what?
There’s still the distance between you and the ground
And ways to slow down
And rest to be had
Even if it only gets worse
It is worth it
#this is me @ myself regarding being autistic in higher education#like#I know there’s gonna be a point where I hit a wall and physically cannot do more#and that wall might be before the level I need to be at to do graduate school#or grad school might suck terribly#or I ‘just’ get intense burnout and need to take time to recover#we already know I’m never gonna be a normal adult#and that’s okay tbh#even if my symptoms get worse#or I lose the abilities I have to stress and time eroding them#I can do what I can to accommodate myself and rest#also just thinking abt getting old and how at some point ur never gonna be ‘healthy’ anymore no matter how healthy you used to be#and how living is still worth it after that#how much joy is had by people who know they won’t be able to do the same thing tomorrow as they can today#it’s worth it#I know it’s worth it
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