So I’m reading Pandora Hearts seriously this time and hopefully i don’t decide to take a break only for that break to be indefinitely long because i have new content anxiety and get scared when i enjoy things, ( as seems to happen with many things i start.. ) But anyways wow these bitches are all so damn cute, I love Alice Oz and Gil so much. I love Gil and Alice’s bickering and, i can tell they will definitely get to care about each other a lot in the near future. I always find it really sweet observing how much affection is displayed between Jun Mochizuki’s characters. And its subtle and not always made a fuss about but i notice it and it makes them all feel that much more real and connected to each other. Silly things like Gil putting his hat on Oz or Sharon drying Gil’s hair is important to me and i appreciate that sort of subtle relationship building especially when i know I’m in for a series with a bunch of characters and interactions. If i had to pick a favorite so far, Break is definitely stealing the show as the absurd and morally questionable weirdo. He’s insensitive as hell and i love it, very old man of him. And despite his coercing i trust him simply because he’s a very honest manipulator. He’s a watch it play out and explain later kind of guy cause it would ruin the fun otherwise, he is the ¿mad hatter?…after all so he’s chaos for the sake of it. Alice and Oz are tied for now but i have a feeling Alice is gonna win my heart. Its the impression of a girl who really needs a hug and i have a soft spot for that sort of destructive loneliness i sense in her. Oz intrigues me to no end because he’s trying to be the typical optimistic smiley main character except he’s just a little more aware than i’m used to seeing and i love it. It’s the kind of attitude that’s not completely fitting for the world circumstances and even tho its used to liven up the mood it fails to convince you or the other characters. I don’t get the sense that he’s like that for other people as much as it’s for himself. His optimism is disturbing to everyone and that’s something i love to see be leaned into for a main character. “I’m curious about what it was that warped you so,”. I know there’s going to be a lot to him and i am not ready. As for Gilbert, he is so incredibly sweet that it almost guarantees immense suffering in his future. If someone has not drawn him bargaining gum with Alice and Oz like Aki from csm i might have to because they’re both in the big brother club to me. Or Oz might even be the gum dealer just to get the two to stop fighting lol.

Thats enough for now and I’m really enjoying everything so far, i will update again when something rattles me. I’ve started avoiding fan content like the plague and its real hard considering how many ph artists i’ve followed beforehand. Now that i have context for things spoilers are harder to fly over my head. There’s a lot I’ve had spoiled since forever and am aware of, just not in how its applied in the story. I’m the worst spoiler dodger ever because i convince myself i don’t care until it’s something i care about but that’s on me, and i usually enjoy stuff regardless.

characters who are so inauthentic. characters who only show what they want other people to see of them. characters who simply must have control over every part of themselves. do you even get it

I‘m in love with pandora hearts <3

forgotten playthings, forgotten child 🧸

Jack from my series Lost & Found Children 🤍🖤

i hope to showcase more of my ocs in 2024 hehe! im FINALLY getting around to finishing art i left to rot in my folders (the pandora hearts drawing last month being one of em). if you saw the WIP of THIS particular drawing 2 yrs ago... no you didn’t 💔

my charas are very personal to me, but tbh ive always been a bit hesitant to share their stories. over time i realized ... it’s kind of a shame to not make art from one’s heart. which is something i regret a lot year after year whenever i make my yearly art summary reflection. i'm like damn i need to make more emotionally evoking pieces!!! so i'm gonna keep going in 2024 with that in mind ❤ i have to admit, although this drawing started 2 years ago, and there's a lot i would do differently if i were to supposedly draw it now - this concept goes pretty hard.

the final drawing stayed pretty close to the original concept which im so relieved for! i think part of the reason why i left it on the backburner for so long, was the fact that i included so many details, and i was unsure of how to colour the "background". (not to mention stuff like cons & real life getting in the way).

i'm glad for discovering a really handy watercolour brush, it's helped me a lot in my last few drawings, bc i dont have to colour in each detail. especially since the witch hat atelier: eternal ephemera zine piece i did. otherwise if i coloured this back in 2022 with my usual method, i'm pretty sure i really would have included a shading and highlight layer for each individual toy... HAHAHA. much to think about

oh yeah and in the last few days of drawing this i was listening to some visual kei bands. i love how some of the band members literally have been performing since like the 90s or something and DO NOT AGE and are literal vampires. every so often i fall back into visual kei (you can tangentially thank aggretsuko although yes i know it's not the same). and i kind of realized. i like Jack's edgy design so much because he looks like. a visual kei esque vampire.

My Beloved Alice

Painted while reading Pandora Hearts manga.

Break is one wacky guy

Don't worry, Miss.

Also on the subject of Mochijun and master/servant relationships, I remember seeing MDZS takes a few times that draw on the idea that Jiang Cheng wanting Wei Wuxian to be his right hand man (and therefore arguably subservient) their whole lives means he looked down on him, and I just. I read Pandora Hearts at a formative age and fictional master/servant relationships have been irreparably romanticized in my brain forever now. Sorry if the same thing didn't happen to you.

Even if Wei Wuxian did end up as Jiang Cheng's right hand man and/or servant, I know it would've turned into a "you work for me, so that means it's my job to protect and be devoted to you" type deal. A mutual obsessive devotion in which the power dynamics have become a bizarre web. Or at least that's what JC dreamt of. You read enough Mochijun manga at age 14/15 and those dynamics just come naturally to you.

BEHOLD

After months of scouring through Mercari and saving up like insane and dealing with the nightmare that is proxy shipping and customs duties,I was finally able to get the absolute beauty that is the PH 15th Anniversary Will music box!

It's so beautiful I'm gonna cry...the sound is magical,it has the last bit of Will,which...cries. Here's the beautiful illustration it has,since I couldn't find it anywhere else! I would love to scan it but it doesn't open more than 90 degrees,and thus can't fit in the scanner...so here's the best photo I was able to take!

Look at their expressions..so tender..so warm and soft..I love

And for the few who've seen my Will fan lyrics before...this is the part it happens to correspond to

I feel motivated to try to record that vocal cover again...I really should...hmm

So I was thinking about creating a loose list of recs for ORV fans or, in other words, "If you liked ORV, you also may like this." I decided to add things less obvious because I think people already read works like Trash of Count's Family, etc.

Princess Tutu

“The beginning of a story is a sudden event; the start, a happy accident, the end, the fate for which it's meant. A story that never ends is a sad fate.”

Let's start with Princess Tutu (PT), anime, not manga because they're different. I watched it about a week before ORV and after finishing both, I can't help but notice their similarities. However, meanwhile, ORV is about the relationship between the reader, the author, and the protagonist, and PT is more about the relationship between the author and their creation: the story and its characters. Don't let the name fool you, don't be like me. It's much darker than I expected from this style and genre. Be ready for angst.

Plot: Ahiru is a small duck in a pond. One day she notices a dancing boy with a very sad gaze. Boy every day goes to dance near the pond and the little duck is completely mesmerized by him. She can't help but notice sadness and loneliness in his dance. She wants to make this boy smile and at that moment a writer Droselmeir appears. He tells her that she could do this by collecting shards of his broken heart but under some conditions. He gives her a magic pendant that can transform her, first into an ordinary human girl, then into the graceful ballerina Princess Tutu, a fictional character from the tale that was doomed for tragedy in the original story.

Later we find out that this city is kinda enchanted by Droselmeir's tale (reverse isekai before it became mainstream) and some characters broke out of the tale like the boy by the lake - Mytho or Raven - the villain of this tale. Tale elements blend interestingly in the city and its residents.

Also, I have no idea wtf is happening with the main characters' dynamic in this complicated rectangle, but there is no straight explanation for this.

I can't help but see some parallels between Mytho - KDJ, Fakir - both YJH & HSY, Ru - HSY, and Droselmeir - Dokkaebi. I love how the story describes characters doomed by narrative and the struggles of being a writer. Also, all of these subtle references to fairytales at the beginning of the episode? Love it. I bet there are more references for the ballet part, but I probably didn't get it. I gently encourage you to check it out. (Definitely not gently, I'm as desperate as Kim Dokja trying to advertise TWSA to other people)

“May those who accept their fate be granted Happiness, may those who defy their fate be granted Glory.”

Miss not Sidekick

It's a much simpler read, just to chill and have fun while laughing at Mc shenanigans. Plot: Typical isekai story, where Mc is a fan of the internet novel of the reverse harem genre. When isekaied decided to invent popcorn and enjoy full time 4d immersion in the story.

There are not so many similarities in themes like with Princess Tutu, but more the role of MC – Latte as reader. I liked how she continued to behave like a spectator of a story inside Isekai world, treating it like she's inside a special 4D theater, not existing in this world as a part of it, until she couldn't.

Until her 4th wall is shattered (*badabums* it's a bad pun, she doesn't have it like kdj) and she realizes she could actually die, (quite shocking I know). Also, MC invents BL for this world and converts other people into it. Overall, the art style is different from other isekai romfant and it's something you need time to get used to, but after a while, you understand it suits perfectly for the narrative and silly tone of the comic.

Inso's Law or My Life as an Internet Novel

I feel like it's more reverse isekai similar to orv, where the story becomes part of your life. But if in KDJ's case, this transition is obvious and life-crashing, then in MC's situation is really creepy. It blends seamlessly into her regular life making her feel insane because everything remains the same except having a whole new friend who behaves like your bestie and a different school, where everything starts to feel like a romantic novel full of clichés. MC like KDJ is also unreliable in her perception of others here and thinks her knowledge of clichés like a reader-outsider makes her more omnipotent than she really is. Too bad they used 3 person POV, so it's really obvious, but funny nevertheless. (One of the cases where she thinks one of her classmates is a girl pretending to be a boy cause of some kind of cliché family drama, when in fact it's just a boy and I find it funny how this classmate looks like Jang Hayoung twin and have similar fate, poor souls) guess she also has similarities in her character to pre-scenario or regular life KDJ. They both seem to have this introverted avoidance type of personality. I'm curious about supernatural events happening in manhwa and I hope we'll get some explanation for it.

Pandora Hearts

Nice little thing with funny and cute tea parties that everyone would enjoy. 😍

SHHH, nothing about the plot. Let it be a small surprise for you.

It's all vibes and similar tropes now, folks.

Like dynamic between the main trio: Gilbert - Oz - Alice YJH - KDJ - HSY. Also this time loop thing? Daddy issues? Self-sacrifice as a form of love? Ugh. (Also, I need this scene with Oz and Brake "Where in the world are you?" But with KDJ. Maybe I even draw it).

It's all for now, maybe I'll write more. Please share the recs if you have them!

pandora hearts my beloved best friend. the most profoundly special media to me of all time. accepting your story as is, the pain from people and events that hurt you shaping you into who you are just as much as the love you’ve been shown from those who care about you has, and refusing to look away from yourself no matter what. accepting your past but not allowing it to chain you, making sure to live in the present, persisting into the future despite futility because you have hope!! realizing it’s okay for you to exist and self-actualizing through the bonds you’ve formed 😖 they too hold within them the proof that i am me!!! an enveloping darkness also contains the light of hope!!!

Vincent Nightray…why…why can’t i stop thinking about you ?

Core of the Abyss and 'her' Children of "Misfortune"

(aka I can't stop thinking how the Core always welcomed and reached out to the Children of "Ill-Omen"— just some observations)

So, once again quoting Lacie's words from Retrace 101:

Yes, always alone and lonely...without even knowing what loneliness is. Still, 'she' kept yearning.. for someone to push through the cold darkness and reach her. —'She' longed for 'someone' who could do that.

[Anyway I am ignoring everything the Glen(s) and the Jury ever said about the Core of the Abyss or the Children of Misfortune (because I don't trust them at all) —and taking only Lacie's theory here to be the truth,]

so, a few theories:

1] Break would have been drawn into the Core of the Abyss whether or not the Intention wanted his eyes

When his illegal seal finished a full turn, Break reached the Core of the Abyss unlike other illegal contractors who fall into the Abyss.

I had assumed this was possible only because the Intention of the Abyss herself summoned Break there so she could pluck out his red eyes for her blind Cheshire before he turns into a chain.

Even the other dolls mention this situation as unusual. The Intention never lets a human/illegal contractor into her room.

You don't usually bring humans here when they drop into the Abyss.

Meaning, the other illegal contractors on completing their contracts get dropped into the abyss and turn into chains without ever meeting the Intention for whatever they wished of her. So much for going through all this trouble lol

So, I imagined that only those whom the Intention permits could enter the Core of the Abyss (that is, her lovely toy room);

But.

Vincent does "waltz" into her "room" without any problem???

Now, I don't think Vince entered her room to purposely antagonize her as he usually did, because he was pretty shaken by all the bloodshed and massacre he just witnessed at Sablier. It was a coincidence and even he seemed shocked he was meeting White Alice in her "other" room when he was sure "Alice" had died in the real world. In fact, he wonders if there being another Alice and all the madness going on in the toy room was his fault as well...

Secondly, this is a feat none of the other older and more experienced Baskervilles could achieve, right?

All the surviving Baskervilles got swept into the Abyss during the Tragedy of Sablier. Yet not one of them came in contact with the Intention. They were only able to traverse the Abyss and come out at various points of time. They did not know what the Intention looked like; neither do any of them talk about actually having met her. They merely repeat what Xai or Glen told them that it was the sudden appearance of the Intention that changed the very configuration of the Abyss as they knew it before.

That's why I think the Intention's words are only partially true (but I don't think she realized this either).

That is, she does have complete control over who enters the Core of the Abyss/her room—

Except for the Children of Ill-Omen.

Because the Children of Ill-Omen are specifically birthed by the Core and are very precious to 'her', the Core wants them to reach out to 'her' at the very depth. So that whenever a Child of Ill-Omen falls into the Abyss willingly*, they are directly led to the Core that used to be a dark shapeless form during Lacie's time, but took on the form of a toy room after the Intention became its vessel.

Lacie insisted that she could see "someone" at the depth of the Abyss and that the "someone" couldn't answer her—

but of course, the Glens and Jury only regard the Core as something not to be touched or approached unless "a serious crisis occurs"

and every time the Core produces another Child of Ill-Omen, hoping, waiting, over and over again that they will reach out to 'her' at the very abyssal depth... instead, they are meted out the punishment of being dragged down by Black Chains and left to die in the very Abyss that wanted to cherish their company. They are being "returned" to the Core because of the misinformation/falsehood that the presence of a Red-Eyed child is an accidental distortion created by the Core and pose danger to the integrity of the world

whereas the actual reason is that Core just wants someone to help her not be lonely anymore.

See:

How sweet is it that the Core loved her toy so much that 'she' gave it a tiny spark of life and trembled in grief when 'she' hears that Lacie will never visit her again? ;_;

The Core never asked for the "ill-omened" children to be punished for being born; on the contrary, they are the ones most precious to her.

That's why I think they inevitably end up in the Core to keep 'her' company, whatever be the reason they fell into the Abyss in the first place, whether the completion of an illegal contract or being swept into the Abyss.

(willingly*: I mean, when the Child of Ill-Omen falls into the Abyss by any other means than being held down by the Black Winged Chains. Because Lacie could descend into the Core by herself but held down by the Black Chains, she could only wait out her permanent death.)

(Since Gil was with Vince, he too winded up in the Core, but he was not cognizant of his surroundings so that's a moot point anyway.)

2] That Break listens and commits himself to the one and only request of the Intention of the Abyss

This is in continuation to the first point; hence, kind of a paradoxical situation—

Because only a Child of Ill-Omen could have ever reached to the depth of the Abyss; and so, only a Child of Ill-Omen could have ever got to listen to her request at all.

But by the end of the story, (thanks to Lady Shelly, by the way, because if not for her, would Break have lived on to pass the Intention's desire to the kids? I don't think so), everyone came to know what the Intention really wanted and worked towards the goal.

So that, knowingly or otherwise, Break did fulfill his role as the bridge between the living world and the Core of the Abyss before his death.

As Leo asked of Vince in Retrace 104:

all of my paindora hurts buttons for 2022! ⏳ in my store! 🐇 for these ph buttons, I decided on a unifying theme - if you’ve read the series, you know who the bunny plush represents. each character holds the plush differently, and in turns reflects how they would have treated that represented character. under the cut: more photos of ph merch below! + some spoilery concepts I had while designing these

❗ ❗ ❗  SPOILER START  ❗ ❗ ❗ - oz: self-love. what makes his character interesting, compared to other generic shallow jovial anime protags (sorry LOL), is his exuberant exterior juxtaposed with the neglect he’s faced, causing his self sacrificial morals. “if everyone else is safe then it doesn’t matter if i am hurt”. this drawing represents the self-acceptance that he learned through the journey of the series. - alice: “this is my servant!” for me, alice’s childish notions about possession and servitude eventually grew into a sense of devotion and loyalty to her loved ones. (the entirety of volume 19... around Retrace LXXVI / 76. makes me cry so hard) - gil: gil treasures oz above all. gil is oz’s knight, like the comparison of the characters edwin (master) and edgar (valet) in the in-universe series “holy knight”. i also saw someone reblog this saying “gil is holding the oz bunny over his scar/heart” and i totally didn’t think of that at all but it works so well, thank you for that 😳👍 - elliot: kind of also oz’s knight. i can imagine here he would have said “get behind me!”. not anything important but i really like how the hand turned out in this one - leo: i planned the lighting so that he’s both in the light and in the shadow. tormented by both his duty and his morals

the thing is that you shouldn't be looking for people to declare you normal or acceptable, no one can pardon you and free you from shame you just get used to it, you start to understand that you will be loved as you are even with the strange parts and the bad parts, that you're a freak maybe weird maybe offputting but that's just you, that ultimately some people will just think "eh, whatever" about it, love is not a reward for the morally or socially upstanding and as such it is possible, unavoidable to be loved whole