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tightjeansjavi · 7 months

Text

Slow Hands | Chapter 5

“be still, my foolish heart”

A/N: so originally I was going to write more for this chapter, but like @morning-star-joy says, sometimes a story tells you how it should be written so I’ve decided to end the chapter where I feel it felt most natural. The slow burn is still slow-burning but there’s definitely some development happening! 🤎🤎

~word count: 6.0k~

Pairing | Joel Miller x f! reader

Summary: you meet Joel’s horse, Tex while Joel opens up to you about his past further. Your connection begins to develop as you grow more comfortable with one another

Warnings: angst, anxiety, trauma, mentions of death, stress induced thoughts and feelings, fluff, awkward flirting, internal thoughts/dialogue, slow burn, mental health, remorse, forgiveness, soft! Joel, protective! Joel, in his feelings! Joel, readers nickname is beanie (coffee beans) ends on a bit of a cliff hanger, no age gap, +18 minors dni! Let me know if I missed any warnings please!

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Joel Miller was fast asleep on your couch. In your home. He felt comfortable enough to doze off at your kitchen table. Well, of course he was exhausted. He was out at the late hours of the night patrolling with Tommy, and then he spent the early morning hours with you on your rooftop.

Nonetheless, he was asleep on your couch.

You couldn’t help but feel giddy like a little school girl that was developing her first crush at recess. Joel was handsome, ruggedly handsome and there was no denying it. He reminded you of a pearl. Something so beautiful, yet hard to obtain as a pearl is always guarded by the outer shell of an oyster. You couldn’t help but wonder what he thought of you as you stepped outside of your home. The air was still brisk and there was a fresh layer of frost coating the ground. Spring was on the horizon with the sound of chirping chickadee's that gossiped in the treetops above. New life was beginning to sprout and blossom through the frost. Soon Jackson would flourish in green.

You triple checked your front door lock as a forced habit. When you felt relieved that the door was in fact locked, you quietly walked down the wooden steps that were far sturdier now as Joel insisted on replacing some of the rotted planks.

As you started the short walking distance to the stables, you remembered Joel telling you that he would often count his steps as a grounding system. In turn, you found yourself doing the same. There was some innately comforting being around the horses. The barn smell didn’t bother you, in fact you relished in it. From the sweet smelling grain, the earthy scent of Alfalfa, and the horses natural aroma. All of these scents permeated your senses in an indescribable warmth. There was no sign of Ellie or Dina when you stepped into the stables and you were greeted with soft nickers, and curious expressions before the horses returned to their breakfast.

Tommy’s horse, Timber, was a leopard spotted appaloosa that truly had the goofiest human-like personality. Sometimes you wondered if there was actually a human trapped inside of his four-legged body just from the way he would look at you. You stopped in front of his stall and reached into your coat pocket to pull out a handful of sugar cubes that laid flat in your palm.

“Hey, pal.” You softly cooed as Timber lifted his head from his grain pan. “Did you see anything exciting last night? Any stories for me?”

Timber snorted softly as his velvet soft muzzle rested in your palm. He wasted no time to gently snatch up each of the sugar cubes before he was nuzzling your pocket for more.

“Wow, five racoons? How exciting.” You giggled as you playfully and gently nudged his muzzle away. “Were you scared?”

Another snort and a hoof pawing at the ground. “Oh, alright. Just one more, okay?” You snuck him one last sugar cube followed by a gentle pat on his neck before you strode away from his stall. Your mare, Tess, was a flea bitten gray QH. Shortly after outbreak day, you found her wandering through your abandoned neighborhood and you were drawn together like moth to flame. She was your special girl, your beacon of light through the darkness. Her darker counterpart, Tex, was always at her side. He was always at her side, brooding like a shadow but he had the most gentle brown eyes despite his rugged demeanor. Tex was a jet black mustang, and unbeknownst to you, he was Joel’s horse.

You stopped outside of Tess’s stall first and your mare already had her neck outstretched over the stall door to greet you. She nickered softly as you gently wrapped your arms around her fury neck in a tender hug. “Good morning my special girl.” Your tone was so soft-spoken, sweet like the sugar cubes that laid in your coat pocket. Sometimes you felt a bitter-sweet melancholy thinking about how much time you had spent with this mare and the trials and tribulations you went through together. Maybe one day when your mind and heart were calm, you’d be able to go outside beyond Jackson’s towering walls on her back once more.

You wiped your brewing tears along the sleeve of your hoodie as you fed Tess a few sugar cubes. Your fingers gently twirled the soft tendrils of her forelock between your fingers as your forehead came to gently rest upon her own.

You were torn from your present mourning thoughts by the sound of Tex’s hoof pawing at the ground. His ears were attentively flicked forward in your direction.

“Do you want some sugar cubes too?” You softly asked the jet-black mustang as he pawed at the ground once more.

Your forehead slowly dropped from Tess’s as you reached into your pocket once more and pulled out a helping of sugarcubes. Despite Tex’s brooding nature, he was incredibly gentle as he ate the sweets from your tender palm. His velvety soft muzzle and wispy whiskers tickled your skin. His eyes held so much warmth, so much kindness, and you swore this horse was staring into your very soul.

Joel had awoken shortly after you had departed for the stables. He vaguely remembered the handwritten note nestled in the worn fibers of his flannel pocket. He slowly swung his legs over the side of the couch with a heavy grunt. His hand reached for the mug of coffee that he downed in one gulp as the muscles in his back strained tightly. He let out a grumbled sigh as he carefully folded the quilted you had laid upon him. He grabbed both the empty mug and plate and brought them back into the kitchen. He’d be damned if he wasn’t a respectful house guest. He couldn’t help but feel that warm tingle in his heart creeping through the morning chill as he stepped outside. How sweet you were to leave him a treat and a note.

He headed off in the direction of the stables and the sight he saw warmed his heart even further as he observed Tex gently nibbling on the lapels of your coat as you were braiding individual sections of his charcoal black mane. Joel and his horse counterpart were very similar in the sense that they had a protective brooding nature. Hardened exterior yet soft in the middle. Weathered and mysterious, yet docile and gentle.

“Y’know darlin, if y’keep feedin’ me’n Tex sweets like this, you’re gonna fatten us up.” Joel softly chuckled as he stepped further into the barn. He hoped that he had not frightened you, or ruined the moment you were sharing with his horse entirely.

You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks as Joel leaned up against the side of Tex’s stall with one of his broad arms leaning against the side of the wooden stall door. His expression was playful in nature as your eyes finally met his softened gaze.

“Tex is yours I presume?”

“Mhm. He’s got an apparent sweet tooth jus’ like me as well. Think he’s taken a particular likin’ to ya Beanie.” He murmured silkily.

“I have to admit..you do look alike. Tess has taken a liking to him as well.” You responded with a smile tugging along your lips as you finished braiding the last section of his once unruly mane.

“How so? You’ve got me intrigued now darlin.’” He paused momentarily as his eyes flitted over at your mare. “Tess is yours? I had..no idea.”

“Your eyes. They’re the same as his..that same deep shade of brown..like cinnamon. Tess is mine, yes. I found her after the outbreak day, after the government bombed the major cities. She was wandering through my abandoned neighborhood and were just drawn to each other.”

Tex and Tess.

Joel could feel a newfound sense of emotions wash over him as he cleared his throat against the sleeve of his coat. “Well, she’s..a real sweetheart. I can see why Tex likes spendin’ time with her. What about my eyes now? They’re like cinnamon? Wish I could see the world from your eyes darlin,’ cause to me? My eyes are just brown. Like the dirt. Ain’t nothin’ special to ‘em.” He rolled his shoulders into a half shrug.

“She is a sweetheart. She’s my special girl. Joel, brown eyes are beautiful. Have you ever seen them in the sunlight? They melt into golden rays, like sticky warm caramel. There’s nothing boring about brown eyes. They’re extraordinary.” You murmured as your eyes casted downwards to where Tex was still gently nuzzling his face into the warmth of your coat.

Unbeknownst to either you or Joel, Dina and Ellie were up in the hay rafters laying on their stomachs as they eavesdropped.

“Why don’t you ever talk about my eyes like that El?” Dina softly teased as she lightly poked Ellie’s shoulder.

“Because I'm not a poet, Dee.” Ellie whispered back with a smile tugging on her lips.

“Well, Beanie sure is. I don’t think I've ever seen Joel blush like that before. He’s as red as a tomato.” Dina whispered as her and Ellie quietly peeked over the rafters to get a better look.

“That’s cus’ Joel likes her. Isn’t it obvious? He’s always spendin’ time with her. I can’t blame him honestly because she's like really really pretty.” Ellie murmured as she rubbed her hands together to keep them warm. “Not as pretty as you of course.” She quickly added feeling heat rise to her cheeks. Dina and Ellie were just friends but lately there was something else there that was beginning to simmer between them. The last time Ellie felt for someone in a romantic sense was Riley..and now? Well, only time would tell what laid ahead for the two teenagers.

Joel was unable to find the words that he could respond with to your generous compliment. His brain felt like it was re-wiring as if the circuit had been cut through. He didn’t want to leave you hanging like a stray leaf on a dead branch that was holding on for dear life as a ferocious wind tried to tear it from the stem. He blinked, cleared his throat as his thumb swiped across the tip of his aquiline nose. “So, I take it that you like my eyes then?” He mused with a slight arch of his brow as both of his broad arms came to cross against his chest.

“Yeah, I suppose you could frame it that way.” You responded a bit sheepishly as you peered up at him through soft lashes.

“Well, that was a mighty fine compliment t’give me. I never thought of brown eyes in that mindset. Maybe I outta start tryin’ to see the world through your eyes, huh? Anyway, I didn’t get much’of a chance to give Tex a proper groomin’ after patrol..you wanna help me out?”

“If you’re looking to live life with your head up in the clouds like me, then I recommend you adapt to my mindset. See the small beauties that what’s left of the world has to offer. Like the changing of seasons for example. Winter is so cold, so dark, yet it is beautiful. The way that the snow hugs the branches on the trees and the jaw dropping sunsets that paint the sky.” You trailed off before responding to his question, “Sure, I'd love to help you out.”

Joel was in awe to say the least. For someone who had been through so many unspeakable horrors, you truly did see life in all of its beauty. He could listen to you shamelessly for hours if you’d let him. He pushed himself off of the side of Tex’s stall as he maneuvered around you to bend down and pick up the grooming box. “I never really was all that a fan of winter. Holds a lot of bad memories f’me. I do see what you mean about the beauty in it. I love fall the most. When the colors in the sky begin to change and the leaves transform into all of these brilliant shades of orange, yellows, and reds. It was always Sarah's favorite time of the year as well. She’d drag my ass to the nearest pumpkin patch as soon as the first leaves began to fall.”

“I’m sorry that winter holds bad memories for you..but i’m a firm believer that everything heals with time. I think out of all the seasons fall is probably my favorite as well. Was Sarah a big fan of Halloween? She seems like the kinda kid that would go crazy over getting to dress up.” You wanted to nurture this conversation that Joel was openly having with you. You could only imagine the emotional toll it brought upon him when talking about Sarah.

“Oh, she absolutely loved Halloween. She’d have her costume pretty much planned out months in advance. We watched all of the movies together as well. Beetlejuice was her favorite. What can I say? My kid has some damn good taste.” He chuckled softly as he quietly unlatched Tex’s stall. “I’d take her trick-or-treating and then when we’d get home I'd help her sort through all of her candy and make her pay the ‘dad tax.’” His eyes crinkled in the corners when his mind encapsulated an image of a ten year old Sarah in her Lydia Deetz costume. “Daaad. You can’t eat all of my candy! You have to save some for me!” “Yeah, yeah dontcha worry, kiddo. I ain’t gonna eat it all, but you gotta pay the dad tax, baby girl. That’s the rules.”

Joel had just slipped Tex’s halter over his ears when he felt your hand gently grasp his bicep through the material of his warm jacket. He had zoned out after recalling the memory and you were just trying to bring him back down to earth. “Joel?..” You attentively asked as he looked over his shoulder at you. “Sorry darlin.’ Didn’t mean to zone out like that. Jus’ y’know get a little emotional thinkin’ about her is’all.” He murmured.

“Hey, it's okay. Sounds like you have a lot of wonderful memories of her, Joel. I have to ask..what the hell is the ‘dad tax?’”

Joel felt a warm chuckle creep up his throat as he latched the metal clip around Tex’s halter. “Oh, the dad tax? S’jus’ a silly thing I came up with after she made me carry all of her candy bags for hours. Felt like it was only fair if I got a few pieces of her loot.” He responded with a casual shrug as he let Tex out of his stall so it would be easier to brush him down.

“Oh, I agree. That sounds perfectly fair. Man, I'd absolutely kill to have a Reese's peanut butter cup or a kit-kat. Did you end up being persuaded to dress up with her as well?” You picked up the curry comb from the grooming box before gently rubbing soothing circles into Tex’s furry coat to lift up any dirt or debris.

“Fuck.” He nearly groaned. “Reese’s were my favorite. I used to stick a few of them in the freezer and eat them after they got nice and chilled. It was like my guilty pleasure midnight snack. Oh, yeah I dressed up with her alright. Used to go all out with my costume as well. Whatever was gonna make her happy, y’know?”

“Oh my gosh, I used to do the same thing too! I’d stick an entire roll of them in the freezer. That was really the only way to eat them.” You softly giggled as Tex let out an appreciative grunt when you had found an itchy spot near his withers. “Was there a favorite character that you dressed up as?”

Joel pondered for a moment as he flipped through the memories in his mind of all the Halloween costumes he had dressed up in with Sarah. “Damn, that’s a good question darlin.’ There was one year we dressed up as Iron Man and the Hulk. Sarah insisted on being the Hulk of course. We did Sherlock Holmes and Watson for one year as well.”

“Wow, I would have definitely given y’all all of my candy if you trick-or-treated on my block. All the neighborhood kids had some lame costumes I swear. The best one I ever saw was a trio of girls dressed up as the Sanderson Sisters. I nearly gave them my whole goddamn bowl of candy.”

“Woah. The Sanderson Sisters? Those chicks are wicked.” He chuckled warmly. “Although, Binx was my favorite character out of the entire movie.”

“Oh, I loved Binx too. Dani was my personal favorite. She was such a cool kid.” You peeked over the top of Tex’s withers as you finished currying the dirt from his coat. You felt the heat rise to the highest point of your cheeks when you found that Joel was already looking at you. He looked away quickly of course and cleared his throat.

A comfortable silence washed over the two of you as you got into a groove with brushing down Tex.

Joel broke the silence a few minutes later after he had finished picking out clumps of dirt and rocks from Tex’s hooves. “So, now that the weather is changin’ and Spring is gonna be here soon..I won’t be on patrol during the late night shift. So uh–we can..spend some more time together if you’d like? M’sorry that I've been absent for a while. Maria told me that you were wonderin’ about me.”

You paused your present actions with a soft sigh as you dropped the brush into the grooming box with a soft thud. “Sometimes I struggle with having a rational thought. I–assumed that maybe you were blowing me off or something. Or that maybe you didn’t want to be my friend. It was so fucking silly for me to think that way, but my brain is a warzone a lot of time. It plays tricks on me..Maria told me that she assigned you, Tommy, and a few other men on the late night patrol because..you found something disturbing in the woods?..”

Joel could feel his jaw clench inwards as his fist tightened around the brush that he was holding. Images of those charred women sprung into his mind as he shook his head tightly. “Darlin,’ i’m sorry that it seemed like I was blowin’ you off. I would never do that to ya. I don’t think it is silly for you to think that way. My brain does shit like that too. S’okay that you were feelin’ that way. I jus’ genuinely felt bad, but it was out of my control y’know?” His head drooped slightly as he let out a slightly agitated sigh. It wasn’t directed at you, it was just his present frustrations. He and Tommy had lost track of the raiders and where they were headed. He felt like he had failed you, and the town.

“Joel, Maria wouldn’t tell me what you and Tommy found in the woods that night. Can you please tell me? I know it was out of your control, and when Maria told me the reason why I genuinely felt terrible. I can only imagine how exhausting these past couple of months have been for you.”

The energy seemed to take a drastic dip as Joel met your gaze once more. His jaw unclenched from the tight position it was currently held in. He wanted to tell you what he saw. He really did, but he promised both Tommy and Maria that he would not disclose the details to you. His lips parted as a sigh slipped past. He looked defeated as his shoulders slumped inwards. “Beanie, I'm sorry but I can’t tell you what we found.” He uttered softly.

“Joel, why can’t you tell me? I know I shouldn’t pry, but Maria told me that it was concerning and that–”

He cut you off with a gruff response as he raked his fingers through his salt and pepper dusted hair. “Beanie, I can’t tell you. Please don’t ask me again.” He nearly pleaded as his eyes bore deeply into yours.

“Okay.” You meekly responded. “I–won’t ask again. I’m sorry.” You sounded just as defeated as he did.

Fuck.

This is where Joel struggled the most in conversations. When every fiber in his being could sense the mood shifting and churning, he didn’t know how to bring it back to a calm place. This was usually the moment where he would snap and say the wrong thing. He could feel the word vomit pulsating on his tongue like bile. He didn’t want to keep secrets from you. Not when your friendship was just starting to bud like new sprouts through the permeating frost.

“I’m sorry too. I don’t want to keep secrets from ya darlin.’ I jus’ hope you can understand.”

Please. Please understand.

“Joel, it’s okay. I understand, and I'm not going to hold this against you or anything I promise.” You responded reassuringly.

He let out a visible sigh of relief as he dropped his hand from tugging at the roots of his hair to his side. “Okay, good.” He softly rasped.

After you finished brushing down Tex, Joel led him back into his stall before latching the door shut. “I take it you never found Ellie or Dina? Maybe they’re at breakfast already.” He set Tex’s halter back on the hook alongside his stall before he shoved his hands deep within the pockets of his worn out faded jeans.

“I didn’t see them when I came in. Maybe they are at breakfast like you said? Regardless, I appreciate you suggesting last night that I go and spend some time with the horses.”

“Of course darlin.’ I jus’ know what it’s like to struggle n’feel like you ain’t have no one there to support ya. Horses are good listeners. Better listeners than I am.”

“I disagree. You are a good listener, Joel. You didn’t make me or my feelings feel small or insignificant last night. You’re a good friend.” You meant every word as a small smile tugged on the corner of his lips.

“Well, thank you. Guess I can do somethin’ right huh?” He chuckled softly.

“Hey, don’t sell yourself short, okay?”

“I won’t darlin.’” He seems the least bit convincing as his eyes are averting from making contact with you. You’d accept his response, for now.

After leaving the stables, Joel accompanied you to your shop. He could have gone home, but after not seeing you for quite some time, he felt like he could sacrifice his sleep a little longer. So while you were whipping up two lattes, he was rearranging your back storage area so that there was no chance that a sack of sugar would potentially fall on your unsuspecting head.

“Hey, Beanie?” His voice sounded slightly strained from the heavy lifting he was doing.

“Yeah, Joel? Everything alright back there?”

“Peachy.” He grunted softly as he set the sack of sugar down. “Got a question for ya.”

“Shoot.”

“Your horse, Tess. Did ya name her yourself or did she have that name previously.” He was curious. It was evident in his tone as he wiped a bit of sweat that had beaded upon his brow.

“I named her myself. Why do you ask?”

“Jus’ wonderin.’ I uh–had a partner named Tess. Tommy and I met her after outbreak day. The three of us became a ruthless team. Anyway, we were together for as long as I can remember. We relied on each other heavily. ‘Specially after Tommy up n’left me for the fireflies. She was my partner n’crime. The brains of our operation and I probably wouldn’t have survived very long if it wasn’t for her. Your horse..just reminded me of her s’all.” He missed Tess. He missed her more than he liked to admit and even though time had passed since her death, he still wished that she lived. He imagined that she would have found ultimate peace in Jackson. She deserved that and more than what Joel thought he could offer her.

His voice was less strained and sounded closer in proximity as you turned and faced him with a mug outstretched towards him. “Did..she die?” You softly asked.

He somberly nodded as he gently grasped the mug in his hand. The steam slowly rose from the top and kissed his skin as he leaned back against the counter. “She went out a goddamn hero though. Saved me and Ellie from a hoard of infected. Sacrificed herself so that we would live. She was g’nna die anyway. Got bit. Still feel like sometimes I failed her. Coulda done more to keep her safe. She deserved fuckin’ better.” He bitterly sighed with a shake of his head.

“Hey, I'm sure Tess wouldn’t want you to be feeling like this Joel. She doesn’t think that you failed her. She doesn’t think that at all. She’d want you to forgive yourself Joel.” You reached over and gently touched his bicep as he choked back a strained laugh.

“Yeah? Maybe. Jus’ never was able to give her what she truly wanted.”

“What couldn’t you give her, Joel?” You softly prompted him.

“My heart.” He uttered just above a whisper as his gaze slowly fell upon your face. You could see the glassy look in his irises as his lower lip ever-so slightly wobbled under the soft glow of the fairy lights dangling above.

You could feel your heart straining against the figurative strings in your chest cavity as you looked upon his sunken features. “Joel, it’s not too late to tell her how you feel.” You murmured.

“What?” He looked puzzled as his brows furrowed. He let out a soft sniffle as he dragged the tip of his thumb across his nose. “How can I do that?”

“Write to her. Write her a letter straight from your heart Joel.”

“How’s that supposed t’work? She ain’t ever gonna see it.”

“You just have to believe that she will see it. If you write down how you feel, and all the things that you wish that you could have told her, you’ll be letting that part of yourself go. That part where you feel like you’re to blame for her death. Pen and paper. Write it all down.” You softly encouraged him.

“Will you read it..after I write it?” His tone was timid, unlike his natural gruff nature as he picked at the skin around his cuticles out of a nervous habit.

“If you’d like me to read it then I will.”

“Pinky promise?” He softly requested.

You were already offering him your pinky as he slowly wrapped his thicker weathered finger around your own and gently squeezed.

“Pinky promise, Joel.”

Spring was in full bloom now as the earth turned green and sprouted new flowers and life in every corner. Joel was only having to patrol in the early mornings with Tommy. The sun was warm on his skin as he was hunched over in the tall grasses with a leather notebook and pen resting in his lap. Both Tex and Timber were peacefully grazing a short distance away as Tommy was cleaning his rifle. He glanced over at his brother with a curious expression on his face as he watched him scribble something on one of the blank pages.

“Whatcha writin’ in there big brother?” He asked with piqued interest.

“A letter.” Joel murmured.

“To who?”

Joel let out a sigh as he closed the notebook on the pen before looking over at his younger brother.

“Tess.”

Tommy had an unreadable expression on his face as he tightly nodded. For a moment Joel thought his brother had nothing else to say until a hand reached out and gently squeezed his shoulder.

“Say hi to her for me. Will ya? Miss the hell outta her.” Tommy mumbled softly.

“Me too. I miss her a lot. I just hope she’s with her husband and son. Hope they’re all together.” Joel responded mournfully as he opened the notebook once more.

Tommy felt a tear slowly roll down his cheek before he quickly wiped it away.

Godspeed Tess.

Joel found himself getting lost in his present thoughts and emotions as he poured his heart out onto the parchment. His words bled like the ink from his pen that was clutched tight in his fist. His knuckles transformed to a stark white shade.

Hey, Tess. It’s Joel. I’ve never fuckin’ written a letter in my goddamn life, so I apologize if this is absolute horse shit. I’ll salvage what I can. It’s the least I can do for you Tess. Anyway, lately i’ve found myself doin’ a lot of reflectin.’ Can ya believe that? Me? Joel hardass Miller expressing his emotions? Ellie and I made it to the fireflies. I’m sure by now you know what happened so i’ll spare the details. Do you remember when you told me to save who I could save? Well, I did. I saved her. I’d do it all over again if I had to. Man, I used to think of that kid as cargo. Now, I think of her as if she was my own daughter. They were gonna kill her, and I couldn’t let that happen so I did what I had to do. Ain’t proud of it, but she’s alive and that's all that matters to me even though she hates me. I couldn’t live without her. The truth is, I wish you were here. You’d love Jackson. This community has it all figured out. We coulda lived a life at peace together, you and me. You deserved the world, and I'm sorry I could never give that to you. You never asked anythin’ of me. Never begged me to feel for you back, but fuck, I loved you. I loved you Tess. I think you knew. It was unspoken between us, but it was there. I should have told you when I had the chance. Well, I'm tellin’ ya now. I know one day I'll get to thank you for savin’ Ellie and I. You went out a fuckin’ hero. You’re the reason why I'm alive. I know I need to forgive myself for your death. I know I can’t go on livin’ and blamin’ myself. It’s hard. It’s so fuckin’ hard, but i’m going to try. I hope that you are at peace. Y’know I ain’t believe in there bein’ a Heaven, but I hope that’s where you’re at. I hope your husband and son are there with you. I hope you get to hug them tight. Sarah too. Bill and Frank. I hope you’re all together now. If you see my baby girl, can you please tell her that daddy loves her? Keep her safe. Hold her close f’me.

I’ll see ya again one day. Till then, I'll do better. I promise.

- Your Texas

Joel let a few tear drops drip along the paper before he wiped them away. He felt a weight being lifted off his shoulders as he was releasing the burden that weighed him down. It lifted from his being, floating like a cloud in the sky as it dissipated to dust. Tess never blamed him for her death. She never held it against him. She only wished that she had more time with him in this cruel unforgiving world.

When Joel returned from patrol in the late afternoon, he found himself in your shop. The door was propped open with a heavy ceramic pot as a warm spring breeze drifted past his covered shoulder blades. Your shop was peacefully quiet sans the record player crackling to the tune of Queen. The song playing was ‘You’re My Best Friend’

How sweetly fitting.

He could hear your soft humming through his good ear as he walked around the counter. “Beanie? Y’back here darlin?’” His voice traveled like the breeze as you looked up from the mug you were currently painting. Normally you’d paint in your shed at home, but today you decided to kill some time and paint at the shop.

“I’m back here Joel.” You softly responded as your paint brush delicately dragged across the ceramic.

The first thing you noticed was Joel’s bare arms in your peripheral and the way his hair had one stray curl that dangled over his forehead in a soft swoop. His cinnamon brown eyes landed in a soft gaze across your face as he leaned his arm up against the wall. You liked to call this stance the ‘Joel lean.’ Although, this information was kept private.

“What’re you paintin’ today?” He asked intriguingly.

“Vines and tiny little flowers.” You held the mug up in his direction so he could observe what you had completed so far.

“Beautiful.” He rasped. “Listen, you got any plans this evenin?’” He was fidgeting with his fingers now as he awaited your response.

You gently set the mug down on the little drying table before wiping your hands on your paint stained apron. “I was going to head home in an hour or so to make dinner and then settle in with a good book probably. Why do you ask?”

“Come with me to the Tipsy Bison.” He blurted out suddenly, catching you off guard.

“I’ve never been.” You murmured sheepishly.

“S’okay. You ain’t even have to drink. Jus’ would love to share your company. There’s music n’dancin.’ There’s no pressure or nothin’ but it would be fun.”

Was..Joel Miller asking you out on a date right now? An unofficial-official date?

Am I askin’ her out on a date right now?

Yes, you are.

No. I ain’t.

You are.

“Won’t I stick out like a sore thumb if I'm not drinking?” Truthfully you were looking for a way out of this. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to go spend time with Joel. You were just intimidated by the thought of having to socialize with other community members of Jackson. You could already feel your anxious thoughts creep up and stain your mind with self-doubt.

“Darlin.’ everyone there is g’nna be too drunk to care. If anyone has somethin’ to say, they can say it to me. Again, no pressure. I don’t wanna stress ya out or anythin.’”

Be still, my foolish heart.

You chewed down on the inside of your cheek, gnawing on the soft flesh as you could taste copper beading along your tongue. How bad could it really be? Besides, Joel wouldn’t let anyone fuck with you. Maybe he would even share a dance with you?

Be still, my foolish heart.

“Okay.” You finally responded. “I’ll come with you, on one condition.”

“Name your price darlin.’” He was holding back his grin that was threatening to spread across his lips.

“You have to dance with me at least once.” You requested.

“Deal.” He didn’t even falter on his response as he outstretched his hand towards you to grasp. “We’ll dance the night away.” He shot you a subtle wink.

His hand was warm in your grasp as he gently eased you up from the chair you were sitting in. You could feel the rough ridges from years of scarring, but despite this, his hands were beautiful. The ridges reminded you of mountain peaks that would nearly touch the clouds. His scars were littered about like constellations in the night sky. Some were deeper than others and you could only imagine how many times the skin on his knuckles had been split open. How many times they bled, how many times he’d hiss under his breath as the healing scabs would flake off.

How would he react if he saw your own scars? Would he shy away or would he trace them delicately? Kiss the pain away with gentle words. Promise you that no harm would come upon you again. Would he hold you close? Murmur into your hair an oath kept against his heart. Would he protect you? Kill for you?

Of course he would.

You just hadn’t a clue what this night would bring.

One thing was for certain, you were eager to find out.

Banners made by the lovely @saradika 🤎

Tex, Tess, and Timber:

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drifting-pieces-blog-blog · 4 months

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In ur opinion,who do u think draw moon knight best?

Mine is Declan Shalvey

BOY DID YOU ASK A QUESTION!!!!!!!

I’ve waxed on and on about the writers of Moon Knight. The best ones, the worst ones, a few mediocre ones that got the job done….

But what about the art?

Each artist has their own style, their own ideas, and their own grasp of Moon Knight.

When you get very lucky, you get a writer and artist dream team that create something beautiful.

Let’s start with Bill Sienkiewicz.

(THIS WASN'T EVEN FOR A COMIC. HE JUST FUCKING DREW THIS FOR FUNZIES)

He was not the first to draw Moon Knight. THAT was Don Perlin! Look at this cape design!

He was relatively new to the comic scene, but quickly a very sought after man. New Mutants, Electra, and many others for many different publishers.

And even after he left us he still pops in now and then to remind us that no one…NO ONE can draw Moon Knight like he can. Look at Sienkiewicz JUST FLEXING.

(2014 people!!) Someone came to him and went, "Hey we could use a Moon Knight Variant. Do you wanna dip back in and hand us a little ol' Moony?"

And he gave them this and I'm sure they went "...WTF we didn't even ask for this. We thought he'd just do him perched on a building or something in the distance. What do we do with this? It's too good holy crap."

(2022 because he felt like schooling us again with another cover)

But he gave us more than the cowl. He gave us the men who wear it.

And as amazing as his art was:

He also gave us the most important pieces:

I could wax on and on about Bill all day… But let’s take a look at some other artists.

Kevin Nowlan Kept the dark parts of the suit and the billowing cape.

Bo Hampton is the one that teamed up with Zelenetz to give us a fantastic sleek and angry design. Here's MK punching some Neo-Nazi in the face!

Chris Warner came later in "First of Khonshu" run and started with a very classic 1990s muscle bound and glitzy design. A design that might start to look familiar to those of you with a sharp eye (look at that belt. We're approaching the BLING age of Moon Knight.)

This was a weird time in comics for Moon Knight. We were switching out writers a lot and he suddenly had a much more Egyptian style theme.

Moon Knight art goes on a WILD ride after this. We get the "Marc Spector" run that spans late 80s and early 80s and the art gets very 90s. Solid, Dark, and BUSY.

Sal Velluto (With the Punisher! This was a fantastic pair up!)

Ron Garney Plays with the sharp edges of the cloak and that’s nice. Also gives his mask a bit more of a definition.

Gary Kwapisz comes in with a BOLD metallic Moon Knight. Just look at those fists! Time time in MK was just wild you guys.

James Fry flies in and tries to make sense of those MUSCLES.

1993 arrived and the 90s hit HARD.

Stephen Platt deep in that 90s style.

What’s happening here? I don’t know. You don’t know. No one knows. But man does it look ACTION COOL.

Muscles got BIG in this period in the 90s. Anatomy got weird and chest size had no limits.

Tommy Lee Edwards steps in and slims our pal Moon Knight back down.

Now THAT is a breath of fresh air. I love this.

Look at the use of that cape! And the hood? The subtle mask outline… Yes please.

Mark Texeira steps in after this. Let me tell you guys about this art. This is the start of the modern age. 2008!

(Look at the little Moon Knight design in the upper right near the signature! OMG little cutie!) Also the details in that rugged face and wet hair.

But how does the suit look?

Nice.

We leave behind the glorious Tex and head to David Finch! You might recognize some of these motiffs as we get to some more popular runs.

Hello there fist spikes! This is when Moon Knight starts to get his reputation as being a bit…punchy…

The point in his cowl gets defined in this style too.

Mico Suayan takes on this hard hitting run too.

Clean lines, dark darks and white whites and that cape! The spikes are gone but the muscles are coming back.

This was a big action packed run and numerous artists got a chance.

Now… This is about where I stop listing every single artist because it gets too fast pace with single issues, annuals, events, and all that fun business. SO here are some highlights. Also I have an upload limit so I'm sorry I can't show you all the beautiful art styles that branched off at this time.

Bong Dazo gave us that little sad startled cat.

Jerome Opeña Had such AMAZING action picks. I’ve never seen action done so well. And that outfit!

I…I could go on forever about this artist and the run he did. But that’s for another day… Just know that I think about it all the time and it lives in my head rent free.

I’m going to skip a lot here and jump to the BIG GUNS.

Hate the run, LOVE the art.

My dear Alex Maleev makes it worth it.

The absolute SLAYING of the white in every image kills me. LOOK. LOOOK AT THE USE OF NEGATIVE SPACE.

It honestly brings me back to Sienkiewicz.

I’m screaming inside holding this up to the moon.

From there we slide SO easily into Declan Shalvey my precious.

You know what I’m talking about.

Ron Ackins Took over from there and it was stellar.

I am going to skip over THREE artists on purpose because not only was the RUN bad (the worst) but also the ART was just the worst. (See BEMIS run. Ugh. Nothing was good in that run.)

Do I need to talk about Greg Smallwood?

Do I really need to post anything about Greg?

Or Cappuccio who works with MacKay's current run?

Or Federico Sabbatini who also fills in with MacKay?

(I would but I'm out of picture space. Thanks Tumblr).

So who is my favorite?

Hard to say… I’m caught up in the colors and designs of some, the action styles of others. Sometimes the raw power of MK’s fighting or just in how clever his cape and cowl are done.

And sometimes I crave that amazing 1980s Sienkiewicz designs of Moon Knight in the rain, Stained Glass Scarlet’s everything, and the shape of Moon Knight (or shapelessness of him).

I could argue that ANY artist that draws Moon Knight during a good run is my favorite. I could forgive most any style if the story is right and the style will weave into the words and the flow of his cape will settle into my heart once again.

And sometimes….

Well…

#Moon Knight #Talk to me about Moon Knight #Ask away #Does that answer your question?#BOY did you ask a question #I always leave out the colorists and inkers and I feel bad #But we wouldn't be here without them #To the finishers too #Layout artists #There are so many people involved in making a comic beautiful

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sharkface-daydreams · 11 days

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No, but, OK- Chilchuck and Church would literally be that joke of not liking each other until the moment they both tell everybody else to shut up at the same time and they share a moment- "We are the same... finally, somebody who GETS me". Tex is legit impressed with the union work Chilchuck has set up, she wants to get in on this, does he need a bodyguard?

Laios and Caboose are vibing. Laios also thinks Locus is So Cool, and they're both socially inept in opposite ways, but in the sense that it kinda fits together.

Tucker is over there trying to hit on Marcille and Falin, no need to be jealous ladies, plenty of him to go around, and he'd never want to ruin such a great friendship, just gals being pals. Kai is also flirting by she Knows.

Grif wants Senshi to adopt him (and Senshi is 100% cool with that, this poor boy is so hungry), and he has to ask Simmons- "Dude, is this how you feel about Sarge? Like, all the time?". Simmons is trying to math-hack all the fantasy rules.

Carolina just killed a dragon (what, like it's hard?). Wash is like- "Well, at least nothing is gonna run over me here in wacky magic land", and then the first car in this world ever hits him. Doc is having a FUN time learning about all the weird flora and fauna here, O'Malley is already trying to become some combination of dark wizard/necromancer (but he's not good at it).

Donut meets Evil Aslan, and is just- "OK, I'm just gonna skip ahead and kill you right now. I've been through this song and dance with demon-gods, I know how it goes".

Lopez can eat living armor. like, just "raw" or whatever.

There. RVB-Dungeon Meshi crossover. I got that out of my system

ok it's still airing so my watch buddy won't watch with me yet and i have yet to sit and read the manga so im taking notes

chilchuck is a chad, got it.

caboose immediately gets a new friend, that tracks XD <3 love that for him

simmons is me in an isekai, i hate this, thank you <3

of COURSE carolina kills a dragon. of course <3 i love that for her ('what like it's hard?' elle woods has done so much for this world thank u goddess 🙏) but wash omg 😭⚰ it would happen to him. someone invents THEE first like motorized soap box derby car and itjust fuckin. smashes his kneecaps and keeps going RIP king 🙏

i love. i love all of this. question for you though. i love the implications of Lopez eating living armor raw which i know nothing about. does this count as cannibalism do you think? or do you think lopez sees himself as the ghost within the shell, separate from his armor? (or do you hc there's an android in the armor? :o i do when it's convenient for fic alsdkjflkfd)

also. this makes me think of something i want to share finally. (ill put under a cut bc adding 13 pics is a lot)

a long time ago when this picrew was first available (it's only patreon now i think? ppl kept stealing the assets💢 and such so the artist got understandably mad and took it off picrew site :( i made... RVB RPG PORTRAITS!!!! (they still have an rpg maker one but its very different)

also dont kill me but its taken me 3 years to realise i didn't make tex 😭

Red Team:

Blue Team: (had to put Church between them or they'd fight ☺)

And the mercs <3

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pinkandpurple360 · 3 months

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Man you know what would be a fun arc for Fizz as well involving Blitzo in the mix:

Now that Fizz isn't under Mammon's payroll and has basically all the free time he hasn't had for a long time (though I like the idea after this arc he still ends up doing what he did under Mam but on his own where he becomes just as successful if not more so because what better was of saying fuck you right?), he and Blitzo end up going back and looking to connect with their old circus pals/family. You know, going back to their roots (well Fizz roots anyways being I see Blitzo wanting to leave that life behind him but it'll still be a great time to rebuild their friendship) and what not. Though on the way they bump into Barbie, who of course still hates Blitzo and has become extremely distant due to her whole addiction and personal trauma in regard to Fizz not speaking to him for years. At first she wants nothing to do with them but maybe she's in some hot shit or something so ends up hanging with them anyways for whatever reason.

Basically some reconnecting with some old circus pals and Fizz ends up learning he does have a family and wants to seek them out and through this whole wild adventure and shenanigans: the three of them grow closer and patch up old wounds and such. Blitzo and Barbie work out what happened to them, Blitzo owns up about whatever shit he did to make her hate him and while Barbie tells him that she isn't completely ready to forgive him yet, the two agree to stay in touch and rebuild what they lost.

Fizz ends up finding his real birth parents but they suck ass but it did give him time to think over how all the years he was so desperate in finding a parental figure (regardless if it was Cash or Mammon) or family of his own that he didn't realize that he did already already have one within Blitzo and Barbie along with those in the circus who also cared and loved for him as family because sometimes the real family you have isn't of blood but the one you build on your own.

Amd fuck it, let's give Ozzie a small arc while Fizz is doing his thing where Ozzie wanted to join Fizz in this whole thing but 'this is something I need to do on my own' ordeal (that and Blitzo is with him so he'll be safe). Now all by himself he pushes himself to maybe do a little self discovery of his own where he goes to visit Bee (canon Bestie) and ya know, because I like adding depth to the Sins maybe there was a lot more going on between Oz and Mammon that left the two bitter despite working together on various projects. Maybe they were friends at one point, maybe more? Whatever you make of it those two work out their shit and while yeah, there's some bitterness still there, both at least end up on better terms with each other. Plus ya know there's a lot of possibilities of shenanigans that could come from the Sins hanging out but that would also mean Viv would have to be a good writer (really that could be said about this whole ask).

So yeah, both Fizz and Ozzie reunite, they talk about the things they went through and Fizz being a celebrity but still wanting to not feel as he abandons his roots wants to use that fame to help others like him and maybe shake up the system a little bit (I mean, Fizz and Ozzie being together along with Bee dating Tex was a bit of a shake up being how it was look down on (or should have been but ssssh)). Oz wholeheartedly supports his decision. Fizz finds his identity and where he wants to be in life without sacrificing who he is and Oz learns needs to have a life outside of Fizz and reconnect and rebuild those bonds he let slid himself.

And for the love of God let Fizz, Blitzo and Barbie be gremlins every time they're with each other I want chaos.

Yeah there's a huge need for more tuning this out and there's likely more I could do with Oz plus the whole balancing with the royal/present thing but I kind of wanted to focus mostly on Fizz plus it took me an hour to type this on my phone so I think it's best to wrap this up. Really this is just me rambling feel free to be as critical as you want with this or add your own to it.

-TA

I would watch the hell out of this it’s just fantastic. All I’d really want is to see him have a connection with one male or female character and for them to have missed him as much as Blitzø did but they had to leave him behind to become some big shot.

His bio parents being the worst would suck but who knows maybe answering the question of who they were is something he needs.

I miss the Fizz and the twins trio we’ve never had but really need.

#helluva boss critical #fizzarolli

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sketchfanda · 6 months

Text

A Little Moxxie Love:Cotton Candy Queen Bee

Somedays Moxxie had to wonder if he was somehow the luckiest and unluckiest guy in all of he’ll all at once. Born into wealth but it eas a mafia family,had a wonderful mom but lost ehr to his asshole of a dad. Who apparently couldn’t even tell the difference between a bisexual and a homosexual, no surprise there. To say nothing of that moron Chaz,which lead to him being in jail where he’d meet Blitzo. How much better or worse can vary because hey he met and married Millie, the most wonderful and damn fine sexiest thing to come out of the Wrath circle. Who of course was one very kinky, horny little imp who thought very highly of him in the bedroom, which of course he knew had to do with the current situation he found himself in. It was the usual familiar sort of situation, as he eyed his smiling wife sat in a couch in the corner, her tail wagging snd her eyes twinkling with eager mischief for the show she was about to enjoy. A familiar situation, Millie about to indulge in voyeurism watching him go at it with another woman. Only instead of their apartment or some room in a motel or hotel, they were in the bedroom of the personal beehive like home….of Queen Beelzebub herself. Or Queen bee,just plain Bee even, standing right before him in a sultry pose with those four arms of hers, her lava lamp midriff and liquid like tail glowing with a gleam thst gave a bit of atmosphere to the room. To say Moxxie’s brain was going a mile a minute was an understatement and really who could blame him? Not just anyone, let alone an imp got to be an intimate set up like this with the Queen of Gluttony after all but of course here he was and going by the fact she was stripping naked, she wasn’t here to have just a friendly chat or anything….

Bee:-w-“Like hey now, Little Guy,no need to be so nervous. Your lady there is okay on this you know….”*she playfully quipped,walking over to him sensually as thst honey like tail of her swayed lazily behind her. Those pink hazy eyes of his locked on him as he felt like a mouse cornered by a cat. The fact he was currently sitting shirtless might have only added to the overall mood for him…*

Moxxie:”Oooh crumble…well Uhm,ms.Bee,I mean yiur highness,I mean miss queen Bee yiur highness,I mean my lady,I mean…”*and of course there went his brain going all haywire. Making him fumble with his words as his nerves were getting to him.*

Millie:^w^”Deep breath now,hun….”*She reassured her hubby,as she sat cross legged on the couch. Her body trembling and tingling with anticipation at what was sure to be a hell of a show. Sure Moxxie was all nervous right now but once he got in the mood,she knew he’d bring his A game.*

Bee:”You heard her handsome. Just relax…and just Bee is fine.”*the rather easy going part queen added,one claw reaching out To scratch and teases under his chin. Grinning playfully as they watched the imp hitman take a deep breath,inhaling and exhaling before he seemed like he wasn’t as anxious or jittery mere seconds before.*

Moxxie:”Right so Miss Bee,I mean ma’am,Uhm Bee. If you’d just remind me how and why we are doing this? I mean besides that I Millie had Something to with it…”*shooting a teasing glance at his wife,who simp,t gave him a cute little blep his way. He just couldn’t stay mad at her…*

Bee:”Aah wasn’t much,your cute little hellhound gal pal and your lady here told me all about how you,like,get around? Course I got interested and wanted to sample the goods and seemed a fair trade to let the cutie get some quality time with Tex ya know…? Somethjng me and your little lady got in common we like our men to be happy..” *the gluttony fox bee couldn’t help but snicker at Moxxie’s deadpan glance as he rolled those sweet little eyes of his at that statement.*

Millie:”and a deal’s a deal Moxxie. So we’re all good here.”*his wife waved off. She may not seem it on the surface level but right about now she was horny as all fuck. Her baggy black jeans hiding her slit gushing out pussy juice like oil struck from the ground. She’d seen and joined in on Moxxie with succubi,other demon girls,just in hell alone. But the queen of gluttony herself? This was going to be hot.”

Moxxie of course couldn’t help but remember that yes indeed, that’s the how and by he found himself about to get sexually intimately and acquainted with Bee. Apparently Loona had somehow been to one of the gluttony queen’s infamous and legendary parties. They’d kept in touch and Millie of course got involved which lead to their usual game of arranging these kind of set ups for him. The fact it meant Loona was right now busy getting hot,wild and pornographic with Vortex was the deal sealer for the snarky tsundere hellhound. Which would explain the room next door across the way shaking and echoing with the howls and moans he was familiar with her making when she was getting nicely and intensely fucked. The fact she scored this opportunity for a mutual swing was at her nice of her so he couldn’t complain. It helped Bee had opted to have this in her own room away from the prying eyes and ears of her latest party certainly helped, he felt he didn’t need a repeat of the viral pseudo incest live show he and Millie caused at thst summer camped as Moxxine and Millerd. The Imp hitman casting aside any remaining doubt or nerves as he undid his pans. Dropping them along with his boxers as Bee widened her eyes slightly at the sight of his fully exposed cocky. The crimson red length and girth rising to be more stiffer than the rifles or shotguns the imp was used to handling in the job but knew how to use just as well. His own natural lethal weapon, primed and ready to go rock a woman’s world.

Bee:*a look combining shock and surprise on her face before it took on an expression of sultry desire. Licking her maw as she strode okn over the Imp, the wolf bee purring at his determined yet nervous he seemed.*”Well well Little Man, wasn’t expecting such a treat…like I know you’d be lacking but THAT is a nice surprise…now we are ally gonna party……”*soon as she said this,she pressed her lips to his as one of her hands grasped and began to stroke his imp shaft. Pre oozing from the tip as her remaining 3 hands caressed and massaged his torso. Finding that despite his slim looking frame he had some muscle tone to him. Relaxed moans pouring from her as she felt Moxxie’s tongue dance against her own,the imo finding her saliva, no surorise had a sweet tangy taste akin to honey.*

Millie:0/./0”oh this is so damn fucking hot…”*the shortstack wrath imp squirmed,a bundle of aroused energy in her seat getting turned on just watching her husband and the gluttony queen making out. Gripping the couch arms as she looked on at Bee kissing her way down along Moxxie’s neck and chest. Licking her lips and shuddering at hearing her hubby groan with ecstasy as Bee latched her muzzle into his cock. Proceeding to suck and blow as that warm honey like saliva soaked and lubed up his length and girth, the wolf bee feeling her spine tingle,her lava lamp midriff and tail glowing at Moxxie proceeding to buck his hips in response to her sinful fellatio.*

Moxxie:”Oooooh crumbs…..”*Seemed understandable this was all Moxxie could say as the candy sweet,sugary blow on Bee was giving him was unreal. But that didn’t mean the imp was going to stay idle and not give back as good as he was getting. Which was how Bee now found herself laying flat on the bed, lusty howling moans as Moxxie ate her out. His reptilian like tongue probing away at her slit as he licked and lapped up her nectar. No surprise given her nature and being that it had a flavour and texture akin to honey. Her fours closed hands grasping the sheets,her wings fluttering, midriff snd tail glowing with a cozy sensual haze. If she was getting horny before, the imp hitman’s oral skills were working her into going into heat.*

it was only natural then that moxxie and the gluttony queen’s fire okay would lead them right into the main event. The honeycomb walls and ceilings echoing with the sounds of crimson skin slapping against golden fur mixed with primal sounds of passionate ecstasy. The bed’s springs shaking and creaking as the bee wolf took it doggy style. Her lava lamp midriff a liquid tornados in response to thst length and girth pumping into her slit. The inner muscles of ehr oussy stroking and massaging that alpha imp cock as the tip pounded at the door of her womb. Her tail wrapped around his waist as the slimes warmth massaged and soothed his muscles, his hips becoming nearly a blur as his heavy golf ball sized smacking her clit as her ass and tits jiggled and bounced every impact. Millie by this point had stripped off her clothes,naked as they were as she played with herself with lusty abandon. Squeezing her tits and and probing her pussy with abandon, eyes glowing with pink hearts at this front row up close and personal display of her Moxxie’s raw sexual prowess. Nothing got her more turned on than this.

Millie:”just couldn’t help myself,ya know?”*The wrath imp quipped as she knelt on the bed,licking away where Moxxie’s dick met and connected with Bee’ a pussy lips. The pair in a mating press as the gluttony queen used her four arms to hold her own legs back, grunting Moxxie deeper reach and penetration. Millie got so turned on,she added herself to the mix. That was after 5 rounds in from her man cumming inside the honey bee wolf. Not that Bee didn’t mind, if anything it was nice case of lust and gluttony going hand in hand.*

Bee:”mmm you taste sweet as you look cutie…”*the gluttony queen quipped erotically as the shortstack imp sat on her muzzled face. Her tongue lapping away at Millie’s sloppy pussy,drinking up her juices as the tangy taste dazzled her tastebuds. Noting a rather cotton candy flavour to her delight as husband and wife made out above her, moxxie fucking her in basic but effective missionary as his shaft jackhammered away into her sticky,warm honeypot.*

Moxxie:oooh crumbscrumbscumcrumbscsnt’sstopwon’tstop…”*The imp hitman’s words like his mind going a mile a second as pleasure filled his libido to levels you’d never think an imo his height and what not could be capable of. Fucking his wife’s pussy as Millie laid atop the queen of gluttony, the two infernal hotties making out as their tongues danced together in a shared mutual lust for the alpha male imp rocking their worlds. His heavy balls smacking their clits as he switched between which pussy or eben their assholes he’d be fucking. The bedsheets stained with sweat,honey and juices as the room was becoming a mess.*

As the party was going on inside Bee’s mansion,a veritable flavour morty of sweets,confectioneries and booze flowing. All the while their hostess was having the time of life in her own way. Her and Millie changing it up between one on one to two on one with Moxxie any and every instance he came. Their holes overflowin and oozing with his seed with so far no signs of slowing down to a stop. Which was all well and good for Loona as the longer they went at it,the longer she got some one on one time with Tex. The hellhound roadie’s room becoming a more trashed than his boss verosika on one of her Bee honey fuelled benders. The queen of gluttony thinking even in her orgasmic haze that this little arrangement wasn’t going to be just a one time thing that was for sure. Millie was a spitfire and her husband more than exceeded expectations. How sweet it truly is…

#sketchfan #sketchfanda #sketchfan85 #helluva boss #moxxie smut #moxxie #moxxie helluva boss #helluva moxxie #beelzebub #queen beelzebub #millie helluva boss #helluva millie #loona #loona helluva boss #queen bee helluva boss

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helluvapurf · 5 months

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Out of curiosity, what are your Top 10 Fave HB ships overall?❤️‍🔥

My "overall" top 10 faves? ...Hmmmmm-

Honestly a lil tricky 'cause alot of my main HB ships rn aren't exactly "canon" (save for like, one or two lol), and I do like to multi-ship alot as well depending on my mood. Sooo if I had to name just the top ships currently in my head rn (even if its not a full 10 list), here ya go!

Fizz x Ozzie Beautifully lustful bfs not afraid to be doofuses together whilst always lifting the other up when they're down... honestly, what more can one ask for in a Hell-ranked power couple?~ 💞🔥 If they ever made a spin-off for Fizzarolli, I’d SO be down for that if it means more Fizzmodeus duets~ 😍

Blitz x Fizz -Biiiit of a controversial one I know, since ofc Fizzarolli is in a relationship rn/Blitz having his own issues wouldn't spell too much success for a romance atm... but like, ughhh I can't help it they're SO good, man T-T 💕 Like, two torn-apart childhood friends who grow up into a petty rivalry, sassing eachother out whilst learning to work together in danger, hashing out their feelings enough to forgive (whilst taking it slow friendship-wise) BUT also having Blitz stand his ground to protect Fizz at the Mammon event?

...Honestly, if it weren't for Fizzmodeus (+Stol*itz) existing, these two would THE perfect endgame, fr~ 👏👏

Loona x Bee "Peppy x Moody" aesthetics are always a huge soft spot for me in ships, so I couldn't help getting drawn to these gals maybe being more than just "pals" lol ;p

Esp with the potential of Bee not being afraid to call out Loona on her crap (unlike most others who deal with her lol), Loona lowkey finding Bee attractive & super cool (despite still being a lil jealous over her Tex crush), and knowing how intuitive Bee is as a whole... I feel like she'd be the best influence to soften up Loona to get her to express herself & have fun~💖

Bee x Tex Prob my fave (canon) hetero pair atm, I think these two are pretty lovely on their own accord too~ :3 Surprisingly subtle with their affections compared to other couples... but you can still tell how much they fit well given their laidback natures, abilities to "read" people (like Blitz when he got too drunk), and just overall care for eachother in that bit after Bee shrank down to size. Really curious of how they got together ngl (esp given how Hellhounds are pretty low in the hierarchy system as-is), I think it'd be pretty fun to read about~ 🥰

Blitz x Striker Ahhh yes, def a classic in terms of the alternate Blitz ships out there (though I guess not as popular these days, given Striker's current writing .w.; ). From how much they oozed chemistry from their first meeting, Blitz's respect for Striker's skill almost giving them good coworker potential, their similar insecurities/frustrations with Hell's hierarchy system (even with Striker going a more "corrupt" route with it in later appearances... the fact that even he declares that Blitz deserved "better" than how Stolas' treats of him speaks volumes ngl-). Like, there's SO much potential imho; whether its a slowburn-redemption pair, an "flirting-on-opposing sides" pair, a "come to the dark side- we have cookies~" pair... the possibilities are endless~ 👀❤️

Blitz x Mrs. Mayberry

-Ok, now this one's proooobably the least popular overall of the Blitz ships out there... but idk, just thought it'd be a cute idea the more I thought about it lol .3.

Blitz may be a goofy lil jerk, but he's clearly a devoted family man at heart whenever you see him with his loved ones (Loona, Fizz, occasionally M&M, etc.). And with Mayberry having that strong desire for a family (despite how she was cheated/unfairly-bashed on after her death), I feel like she'd lowkey be a sweet influence to balance Blitz's chaotic nature (whilst he'd be able to make her laugh/bring "excitement" to her current life in Hell). Idk, just something light & cute like that, yknow? :3 💜

#helluva boss #(as you can see Blitz is such a shippable lil turd I can't help it xD)#(I *do* still enjoy M&M btw- they’re just not so big an OTP these days due to their stagnant writing atm (esp for poor Millie :c))#(+not helping now ‘Unhappy Campers’ was such a mess in of itself but I ain’t gonna go there rn lol >>)#(also caught a bit of interest in some pairs like Verosika/Sallie & Mammon/Stella the more I saw fanart of 'em .3.)#(if we could count OC ships I've got one for Via I've been meaning to work on more though I keep getting sidetracked T-T)

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kaiju-wolfdragon · 6 months

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Three new children ocs:

Tex is the oldest one out of those two friends of his, toby and zoe, he has autism too, he's most likely an adventurer like his friends and loves to meet new friends like them, he's about 8 years old and loves to wear his creature costume since his mother gave him that a long time ago but sadly, his parents died so all he got was an grandmother to stay with but suddenly was lost a long time ago.

Next up is toby, toby is trans, he's 7 years old and he likes to be his friends as well, he has a disease called Phocomelia Syndrome and someone gave him robotic arms for him to fit in and able to used his arms again, after his parents abused him, he ran away and became lost and met the others, tex and zoe and they became pals.

Last up and zoe, zoe is actually mute, she hasn't speak since she was born, but she can still try to communicate with her friends, tex and toby, she can confront both of them when there's danger coming towards them, she's also 7 years old like toby, he wander off somewhere and he ran away from orphanage (yes she's also an orphan).

The trio are the lost kids and wanted to find somewhere else to live, somewhere safe from danger, but they still got each other and maybe making new friends including giants and other creatures.

#my oc art #g/t #g/t art #new oc #tex #zoe #toby #trio kids

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warningsine · 1 year

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#the difference is that she wants that power for her gal pal too so maybe a Quinn from Unreal moment?#debbie eagan #debbie x ruth #glow #ruth wilder #sine's edits #Debbie looking post-coital levels of happy (you could say she's... GLOWing)#and being unable to stop laughing after fucking Tex over (/taking advantage of Bash's coming out) and gaining power?#Truly a Miranda Priestly/Deborah Vance moment for her. 👏👏👏#Ruth as always seeing right through her

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mamabearwonders · 4 months

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NFS. This is for my yearbook lovers. Emporia High School in Emporia, Kansas. Senior class of 1932. Found in my town destined for the trash in a thrift store.💎Story about defeating racism, a cute Christmas story about dogs (ADORABLE doggie guest list)☃️🐕.

Look at that handwriting! WOW! 🖋️

UPDATE🌠~ I may be able to reunite the yearbook with the family! I couldn't find anything on Google about her. And her face in a diamond shaped portrait like the cover (just connected that). I thought that the address she had written in was the high school address. It's not! That would be 110 years old today at the youngest. She could still be alive. And I'm not sure if her family still lives in the original house, but it would be wonderful to try to connect the family. It's like time travel! Being able to see your relative over 100 years ago and what they were like.

If the art deco style cover, the time gone by elegant handwriting and signatures isn't a treat itself- I found out some fascinating progressive history! Has nothing to do with the yearbook, but with what the owner of the yearbook (Beth) was experiencing at this time. I got a little swept away in the history.

91 years ago in the Dust Bowl era, a man named William Allen White (pictured with his wife) was running for governor. He owned the newspaper agency in town. His #1 goal was to get rid of the KKK. His daughter Mary (wait til you hear about her)! went to one of their public meetings and got ahold of his dog. When she released him, he went directly to his owner revealing who he was behind the mask. So he was outed in front of everyone.

Both dad and daughter frequented Stringtown. This was the section where African American people lived in that time where they befriended folks.

His daughter was as wild as the prairie winds. I hope I can do her memory some justice. At 16, her dad called her a "Peter Pan". She didn't want to grow up. She didn't like to wear dresses (preferred khakis), didn't want to settle down with one boy and was known for riding around town waving to everyone. Black or white, old or young, man or woman. She was never really religious, but she knew the church was an agency of help for a lot of people so she joined just to help the homeless and her favorite was the big Thanksgiving feast.

the 1920s, William received a letter from a young black man, Floyd Lucas, who wanted to attend college in the town to stay close to family, but the college denied him his dream of being a doctor because they feared he would cause other students to leave.

So William wrote a letter on Floyd's behalf telling them to enroll him. And he became the first person of color to attend college in the town ever.

In 1933, George - er - Sandy White (his 15 year old Scottish Terrier) was throwing a Christmas party. He even decked out a tiny Christmas tree just for his little dog with bologna on the branches. "Refreshments were served at 11:45 and completely eaten in 27 seconds".

Invited guests were Snowball and Chigger Lindsay, WuWu Thudim, Pal Triplett, Tex Dando, Jack Williams, Pepper Just, Bingo Hirschler, Mack Hughes, Mick Swap, Snappy Lowther, Ricky Lambert, and Gerald Newman Sprague. Jack Williams, whose master was 15-year-old Rex Williams, was the best decorated dog at the party. He had a wide pink ribbon tied around his stomach with a bow knotted over his back.

Mary's life ended tragically young at 16 (picture #2). Her last day on Earth was filled with happiness. She had been working really hard on a paper and wanted to get some fresh air. I believe she dealt with sickness when she was a child and I think she still had some complications as a teenager and so riding helped her feel free. And her dad joked in the obituary that she would have laughed that she met her end this way because horses would always fall in her lap and love to be petted by her, but then she tragically fell off a horse and fractured her skull in a terrible accident.

Her community and her family remember her as a rambunctious teenager that just did not want to settle down. She was tired of being a perspective mayor's daughter and just wanted to be like any other teenager and her own person like teens of today. She had a thirst for justice in the world. I wonder what her life could have been like if she had lived past being 16.

At her funeral, they played Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata and ended with Tchaikovsky's pathetic Symphony (yep that's the actual name)! She loved to listen to it on the phonograph in certain moods and then it ended with the Lord's Prayer by her friends who were also her pallbearers.

Her dad says, "She brought home riotous stories of her adventures. She loved to rollick; persiflage was her natural expression at home. Her humor was a continual bubble of joy. She seemed to think in hyperbole and metaphor. She was mischievous without malice, as full of faults as an old shoe. No angel was Mary White, but an easy girl to live with for she never nursed a grouch five minutes in her life."

Then said about this when the funeral ended. "A rift in the clouds in a gray day threw a shaft of sunlight upon her coffin as her nervous, energetic little body sank to its last sleep. But the soul of her, the glowing, gorgeous, fervent soul of her, surely was flaming in eager joy upon some other dawn."

What a fascinating town! I would never have known anything about Kansas without that yearbook. Now I'm going to be on the hunt for more yearbooks and antiques from this era from Emporia, Kansas! I wonder what the lives of these seniors were like and if perhaps they knew the family.

Sources ~

https://www.emporia.edu/libraries-archives/special-collections-archives/access/special-collections/black-emporia-interpretations-and-connections-collection/black-emporia-stringtown/

https://www.kshs.org/kansapedia/mary-white-obituary/10159

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felixcosm · 6 months

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Transcript under cut!

TY, OVER COMS. THERE'S BANGING ON THE DOORS IN THE BACKGROUND: So close. OVER Team, are you ready to receive the data? HUNTER: We're on our toes, pal. Ryan, you ready with the program? RYAN: Sure am. You going to survive the zombie apocalpyse long enough to get me the data, Ty? TY: Here's hoping- [LOUD CRASH AS THE DOOR BREAKS OPEN] TY: Stay back! EAGLE'S MICHAEL: It's over, Ty. [GUN SHOT. TY GROANS] TY, STRAINED: I'm hit! I'm hit! [HE COUGHS] I'm- [ANOTHER GUNSHOT] EAGLE'S MICHAEL: Room is clear. The command center's down. I repeat, the command center is down. HUNTER: Come in, Ty! Ty? Are you there? Can you get us the data? RYAN: I think he's dead, Hunter. Hey Toph, you're an expert at being dead. Would you call him dead? TOPHER: I think so. No breathing. He can't send us the files. I think he's dead. HUNTER: Quit goofing around! We've got a problem! What are we supposed to do now? RYAN: Sit on our hands and wait, I guess. Not literally, Toph. I know you've got circulation issues. TOPHER: I know it's not literal. My hands are cold, though. MATT: Ohh…that's…bad, right? TEX: It ain't great. JAM: Can you get the data that Ty was trying to get? OUTLAW: Working on it. Just a few more seconds… SLY: C'mon, c'mon! OUTLAW: Aaaand…got it! Sending it…..done! RYAN: Where the hell is this coming from? Ty, is your ghost sending me files right now? TOPHER: No such thing as ghost. I would've been one- TEX: Outlaw, they got them! OVER got the files!

#woe.begone #wbg spoilers #i love their dynamics so much lmao #plus i got to hear ty betteridge die #<3 #ive been wanting to hear that for a while #ty betteridge #ryan wbg #topher evans #hunter jeremiah hartley #texas!michael #outlaw!ty #matt lastname #matt daddy #jamilla gardner #sylvester august baxter #michael walters

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tightjeansjavi · 4 months

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Slow Hands | Chapter 10

“the lone moose”

A/N: disclaimer before we get into this chapter, this is a very emotionally/mentally heavy chapter that might not be suitable for everyone. The main topic of this chapter and the next is focused around Joel’s attempted suicide and Tommy’s C-PTSD. This content maybe triggering for some, and if that is the case, please do not read if you feel triggered. Warnings will be marked appropriately. Take care of yourselves first. And as always, a huge thanks to my beta @angelofsmalldeath-codeine 🤍

~word count: 6.9k~

Summary: the wolves of Jackson are lurking

Pairing | Joel Miller x f!reader

Warnings: !DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT! thoughts of suicide, semi-graphic depictions of attempted suicide, brief moment of stigmatizing suicide (Tommy’s reaction) canon-typical violence, graphic depiction of an injury, semi-graphic depictions of childloss (and the trauma that comes with it) angst, grief, guilt, anxiety, heavy topics, anger, overwhelming emotions, C-PTSD responses, fear responses, no age gap, readers nicknames is Beanie (coffee beans) +18 minors DNI! PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED ANYTHING!!

Slow Hands Masterlist

Two days had passed since Joel and Ellie took the steps together to make up. Joel already had a visible pep in his step, and a lightness in his eyes that Tommy hadn’t seen in his brother for over 20 years. Joel’s back still ached, but the pain was subdued.

Patrol was long and uneventful. The two brothers only had a handful of evidence gathered to present to Maria, but neither would give up hope. After untacking Tex and Timber, Joel and Tommy turned both horses out in one of pastures just outside the stables. Tess was grazing alongside the fence when Timber and Tex went to greet her.

A wave of melancholy washed over his features as he watched Tex and Tess nuzzle one another affectionately. He thought of you, of course.

“Hey, Joel?” Tommy asked alongside him with his arms resting along the wooden fence. “Y’wanna have a drink with me real quick at the Tipsy Bison before y’head home?” He rasped softly.

“I’d love to, but I promised Ellie we’d have a movie night tonight. Can’t go and let her down, y’know? How about tomorrow?” Joel suggested with a grin.

“Ah, movie night with the kiddo. Hey, I think that’s great that y’all are movin’ forward. Tomorrow sounds good.” Tommy responded with a genuine smile. It was a relief that he and Joel were growing close again. He missed his brother terribly.

“Yeah, and Beanie as well. I let Ellie pick out the movie. Think she said we were gonna watch Curtis and Viper 2.” Joel stifled a chuckle as he glanced down at the toe of his boots.

“Aw shit, that’s a good one! Well, you enjoy yourself, okay? Adios, big brother. See ya in the mornin.’” Tommy reached over and gave Joel a side hug before he pushed himself off the fence.

“See ya in the mornin, Tommy.” Joel mumbled to himself with a smile slowly creeping over his lips. Truthfully, he was rather excited for this movie night with you and Ellie. He couldn’t picture a better way to spend his evening than with his two favorite girls.

“Hey, Tex? Y’keep a good eye on your gal tonight. Y’hear? I’ll see ya in the mornin’, pal.” He spoke softly as his horse lifted his head from where he was grazing. He let out a snort in response as his tail swished away at the pesky flies.

The weight of Tommy’s letter in Joel’s pocket felt ten times heavier than when Joel first had written it. He thought about making a quick pit stop at the Tipsy Bison to give it to him, but tomorrow was a new day. He’d give the letter to Tommy first thing in the morning.

Ellie’s carved wooden fawn was tucked away in the inside pocket of his flannel. He brought it on patrol to show Tommy, and because he liked having a piece of his baby girl with him. Tonight he’d give her the gift, and to you, his precious star, something that twinkled like the night sky; matching charm bracelets. Two golden hearts dangling from the chains. Appearing brand new, untouched. The names Peggy carved into one, and Steve into the other. Lovers from the past, and now lovers in the present.

He couldn’t wait to see the look on your pretty face when he would present the bracelet to you. He said one last goodbye to the horses. He’d pass by your home en route to his own as he usually did every evening after patrol. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until he noticed a figure looming in the distance. He squinted his eyes through the harsh rays of the setting sun. He approached the figure with cautious steps.

As far as he was concerned, no one ever hung around your home like this. It raised suspicions immediately. His boots crunched under loose dirt as the figure stopped their pacing and seemed to pause in thought.

“Cody?” Joel’s tone ran cold, edged with a sharp suspicion as his footsteps stopped a foot away. A balmy breeze sifted through his salt and pepper streaked tendrils.

The younger man looked around for a moment as the gears in Joel’s brain began to work on overdrive. He knew Cody, or so he thought. He believed Cody was a good man. They shared many meals, conversations—

“Have y’seen Beanie around by chance?” Cody asked casually as he ignored the obvious suspicion that Joel was facing.

Joel’s hackles raised on instinct as he watched Cody lean up against your fence with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Haven’t seen her since this mornin.’” Joel responded flatly. He knew right then and there that he had to play this cool for the time being. He didn’t need Cody knowing that he was onto him.

“Right. Well, thanks anyway, old man.” Cody muttered the last bit as he turned on his heel to walk away.

“What’re you doin’ hangin’ around her place anyway? Y’know I could have you—”

“Reported? Yeah, sure you can. What would you even report me for, Miller? Cody scoffed. “All you had to do was not get yourself involved. Coulda just kept your nose out of things, but that’s not how you play your game, right?” He turned to face the older man once more just as a distinctive crash was heard from inside of your home.

Joel moved quickly, but Cody was quicker. Stronger, and trigger happy.

Cody was pouncing on the older man like a predator does to their prey. They tousled in the dusty dirt before Cody had him pinned down. His fists rained down on Joel’s face and the pained groans only seemed to spur Cody on further.

“Just had to go and get yourself involved with that fuckin’ cunt, huh?!”

Joel tried to fold his arms over his head to block out the swift punches to his face. Cody was ruthless, and Joel wasn’t as strong as he once was. Years ago he would have snapped Cody like a toothpick, but his age was beginning to catch up with him and this was the result.

Through gritted teeth Joel attempted to use his weight to throw Cody off of him, but it was no use. “I’ll fuckin’ kill every last one of you. I’ll rip you limb from fuckin’ limb and scatter your remains to the wolves—”He growled.

“Yeah? And how do you propose you’re gonna do that, Joel? Y’ain’t the one with the upper hand here, old man! You’re not takin’ this from me! Imagine how proud he’ll be when I not only bring in the moose, but your precious Beanie too.” He sneered conceitedly.

That’s all Joel needed to get a second wind of adrenaline coursing through his veins. He growled between his teeth as he used what little remaining strength he had left to force Cody off of him. He was reaching for his concealed pistol tucked in his belt loop under his shirt, when Cody kicked it from his grasp just as the two men inside of your home came rushing out.

“Jesus! fuck, Cody! What the hell are you doin?’ This wasn’t part of the plan!” The one man, a burly fellow with scarred tissue from third degree burns that covered nearly half of the left side of his face yelled urgently. Through the rushing of blood, and pain stabbing every inch of Joel’s face, he recognized this man too. He recognized the man next to him as well, smaller in stature, but stocky. Alex and Oliver.

“Fuck the plan! I’m not gonna waste this opportunity!” He sent the heel of his boot right into Joel’s gut causing him to double over into the crimson speckled dirt with a pain ridden grunt. “Well?!” He threw his hands up in the air. “Was she in there or not?!”

Alex and Oliver slowly looked over at one another before their shoulders simultaneously slumped inward. “No, but—”

“FUCK!” Cody snarled out of sheer frustration. He couldn’t let him down. He was told he couldn’t show up empty handed. It wasn’t an option.

Just as Joel’s fingers weakly grasped the handle of his pistol, that lay only a short arms distance away, Cody sent his boot right into his face. There was a sickening crunching sound of bone matter and cartilage being crushed as Joel’s body stilled. He was knocked out cold from the impact as blood leaked down his face and soaked into the dusty earth beneath him.

Neither men moved as Cody began to pace in contemplation. He paid no mind to the consequences he would face for his actions.

“Cody, we need to get the fuck outta town right fuckin’ now! If anyone sees—”

“And show up empty handed?! Fuck no.”

“Cody, she wasn’t there. We have no fuckin’ clue where she could be. C’mon, let’s just go back and regroup before someone shows up and finds Joel layin’ in a pool of his own blood.”

Cody ignored his counterparts as he continued to pace in a tight circle. He suddenly stopped when the lightbulb went off in his sick mind. He turned towards the two men, with a smirk that could only be described as sinister, “Angie.”

Ellie was curled up against your body with her cheek pressed gently into your shoulder. Her eyes flickered towards the windows in the family room. She watched the last bit of sunlight dip behind the horizon as a warm summer breeze blew through the beige curtains.

Joel should have been home by now.

She waited with alert ears for the sound of the front door to squeak open any minute now. It never came.

She shifted against you before your gazes met. “Beanie, he should have been home by now.”

You understood full heartedly that this movie night was important to Ellie. This was the first time that she and Joel were going to be spending some quality time together after everything they had gone through. This was a big deal.

“Kiddo, I’m sure he’s on his way now. Maybe he and Tommy just got caught up in something?” You wanted to reassure her and yourself that Joel was in fact on his way, and maybe he was just running late.

“Beanie..he—promised. What if he’s ditchin’ me? God, this was so stupid.” She went to bury her hands in her face, but you stopped her.

“Ellie, he’s not ditching you. He would never do that to you. He loves you. I’m sure he’s just running late is all.” Your own fears began to crawl up into your subconscious. What if something was wrong? What if something had happened?

Ellie wanted to believe you, she really did, but her own fears were making an appearance as well. It didn’t help the fact that her last conversation with Joel had been about his suspicions of Lucas..

“I’m gonna go check the stables, okay? You stay here. Lock the doors.” Ellie was up from her spot on the couch before you could even attempt to stop her.

“Ellie,” you started, voice wavering from the building nerves, “be careful, okay?”

The teen looked over at you with a small, yet confident grin, “Always am.” Her face twisted back to a serious one as she tucked her gun in her hoodie pocket. Joel surely would have scolded her if he had seen it.

You listened to the soft click of the door opening and closing. Your eyes drifted over to the unoccupied spot on the couch where one of the pillows was smashed down. Joel’s spot. .

Please. Please just be running late.

Please be okay, Joel.

Tommy found himself reminiscing on the good ole days as he nursed his glass of beer. Condensation dripped down the outside of the glass like tear drops on cheeks. The noisy chatter that encircled him was drowned out by his thoughts. Joel had always been the protector, the planner, the guardian. And as a young boy, Tommy viewed Joel as his hero. His own beacon of light through the darkness. And when Sarah died? It all changed. He was angry. At the world. At himself. And now, here in this peaceful community, he was getting to see those small glimpses of the old Joel that had laid dormant for so many years.

The Joel that he knew and loved so deeply.

He left his glass half empty as he said his goodbyes to some of the patrol guys, and the barkeep before he walking towards the door.

He was heading in the direction of the home he shared with Maria when he noticed a mass laying just outside your home. He thought that his brain was playing a cruel trick on him, and the approaching dusk might have also played a role in what he was seeing.

Gravel and dirt particles crunched beneath his heavy boots as he started his approach. As he drew nearer, he was able to make out the outline of a body. And, oh—god

Tommy remembers the moment he heard the shot ring through Joel’s house as if it had happened just yesterday. While he gathered supplies in the garage, his big brother was upstairs with the barrel of a revolver pressed against his temple.

How could Tommy not have known? How could he have missed the signs? The indications that Joel was thinking of taking a drastic measure to end his life. How could he have missed it?

“Joel!” A younger Tommy Miller yelled in fear. He threw down the tool box in a haste. Tools of all shapes and sizes clattered to the concrete in a harsh crescendo.

“Joel! Please, no. Please.” He chanted weakly under his breath as his feet carried him up the staircase. He stumbled on the top step as a wave of nausea made its presence known.

“Joel!” He yelled again, more desperately than the last. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing his brother so soon. He couldn’t. Not when just days ago they laid Sarah to rest. He couldn’t do this without Joel.

Sweat pooled at the back of his neck the closer he drew to the ajar opening of Sarah’s bedroom. He held onto the wall for support as his knees began to inevitably buckle from the dread crawling up his throat.

“Joel.” He croaked, “please. Please be alive in there.”

With a shaky breath, and through a mess of tears, Tommy pushed open Sarah’s bedroom door.

“I missed.” Joel murmured in disbelief. Disappointed that he couldn’t just do one thing fucking right. He couldn’t just follow through with his promise. His final wish to be with his daughter. His baby girl.

His palms trembled as his dull brown eyes flitted down to the revolver still in his grasp. He paid no mind to the blood slowly trickling from the right side of his head. Just a graze. Missed completely.

“Joel, what the fuck did you do that for?” Tommy wasn’t sure if he should laugh, cry, yell, all of the above? “You’re bleedin’, brother.”

“Oh.” Joel responded flatly. He brought his fingers up towards the right side of his head. He hardly flinched when his fingertips dragged through the flowing blood. He brought his hand back down to his eye level, fingers soaked in crimson. Then, the ringing started. Tommy’s voice started to sound fuzzy from the right side. “I flinched, Tommy. Thought I could do it. I was so sure—”

“Joel. Stop it, please.” Tommy nearly begged his brother as he cautiously moved in closer.

“I wanted to die, Tommy. I ain’t have anythin’ left to live for.” He refused to make eye contact with his brother purely out of shame.

“Killin’ yourself ain’t gonna bring Sarah back, Joel. Its fuckin’ selfish that you—” His words were bitter, jaded, sharpened with intent to harm. “I fuckin’ need you, Joel. I need my big brother to keep us alive. Is he still in there?” He pointed to Joel’s chest, symbolizing his heart.

When Joel finally brought his chin upwards to face his brother, the look on his sunken features shattered Tommy right down to the core. A broken man, father, brother. The same man that helped Tommy with his homework. The same man that taught him how to ride a bike. The same man that Tommy viewed as his hero. Where was he now?

“He died along with her.”

“Joel!” Tommy felt his voice get lodged in his throat at the sight of his older brother laying motionless in the crimson stained dirt. Panic began to swell and fester like an untreated wound the second his eyes landed on Joel’s handgun just an arms length away.

“No. No. Please— what happened, Joel!” He sank to his knees alongside him. “We were just—talkin’ about how much you were lookin’ forward to the movie night with Ellie and Beanie, remember? You said that you would see me in the mornin’, dammit!” He yelled, slamming one of his fists in the dirt before he took a shaky inhale. “Remember?”

He wouldn’t hurt himself, would he? The thought flashed through his mind briefly. He remembered finding Joel in a pool of his own blood after Sarah died. Tommy brushed away strands of Joel’s hair that were congealed together with blood. His brows furrowed intently when he found there was no bullet hole in Joel’s skull before he pressed his middle and pointer finger right against Joel’s pulse point.

Please. Please. Please still be in there, Joel.

When the faintest pulse was detected, Tommy let out a visible sound of relief. His big brother was alive, but Tommy knew he had to act fast.

“S’alright, big brother. You’re alright. Gonna get you fixed up.” He murmured to himself just as he heard approaching footsteps.

“Tommy?..” It was Ellie. Her voice wavered at the sight of her uncle and father on the ground. “J—Joel?!” Her eyes were wide with oncoming tears brimming when she locked in on Joel’s unmoving body.

“Tommy, wh—what the fuck happened?!” She blinked away her tears just as Tommy stood up from the ground. “Is he fuckin’ dead, Tommy?!”

“Ellie, I don’t know what happened. I was on my way home and—found him like this. He’s alive, kiddo. He’s alive, but we gotta get him to doc right away.” Tommy never felt like he was all that great at taking on the protective role, but his niece needed his comfort and reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

Ellie wasn’t listening to a word Tommy was saying. All she could focus on was Joel’s bloodied face and still body. Her emotions were consuming her entirely before she felt Tommy’s warm embrace wrapping her up. She let her tears soak into his shirt as she clung to him for dear life.

“Ellie, I know you’re scared, kiddo. But I need ya to be strong for me, and for Joel. We gotta get him to doc right now. I need you to help me carry him okay?” He spoke in a soft tone, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “He’s gonna be just fine. Your old man has always been a fighter.”

She squeezed her uncle tightly before pulling away from his embrace. She wiped what remained of her tears away on the sleeve of her shirt. “I’ll—I’ll take his legs?” She questioned rather than suggested. Seeing Joel like this, bloodied, weak, on the verge of—

“Ellie, he’ll be okay.” Tommy firmly reassured her again. He bent down over his brother and gently hoisted him up under his armpits while Ellie lifted him up by his legs.

Joel felt like dead weight, but his brother and daughter’s determination helped them power through the dull ache and strain in their muscles.

Tommy hated hospitals just as much, if not more than his brother did. The pungent stench of bleach, the droning hum from the overhead fluorescent lights. It was unappealing, cold, and overall a dreadful experience. But out of all of the late night visits to the ER after another bar fight, this by far was the worst of all to see his brother unconscious, dried blood crusted on his skin. Yet appearing peaceful while Doc checked his vitals and any signs of internal injuries

Ellie was seated next to her uncle nervously fidgeting with her fingers. Her leg was bouncing up and down frantically, until Tommy gently placed his palm over her knee in an attempt to soothe her.

“Well, he might have a bit of bruisin’ to his ribs, and his nose is definitely broken, but it’ll heal. There’s a chance he might be concussed, but I won’t know that for certain until he wakes up.” Doc said while tucking his clipboard under his armpit.

“I’ll stay here till he wakes up. Don’t want him wakin’ up alone.” Tommy said with a slight nod in Doc’s direction.

“I’m staying, too.” Ellie was defiant, of course. It was in her nature, and she couldn’t fathom not being by her dads side—

“Ellie, I’m gonna go and find someone to walk you home, okay? One of the guys on patrol..maybe a couple, given the circumstances.” He needed to make sure his niece got home in one piece, first and foremost.

Ellie clenched her fists, lips pressed tightly together as her eyes met Tommy’s in an intense stare. He could see residue of dried tears on her cheeks, and fresh ones beginning to brew like an oncoming storm. “Tommy,” she started, voice low, yet stern. “I’m not fuckin’ leaving him. I’m not. You can’t—”

“Ellie, I know you want to stay here with him too, but somethin’ about this ain’t right. You and I both know that there’s been some suspicious activity happenin’ as of late. Joel is goin’ to be okay, kiddo. He’s as stubborn as a mule.”

Her lower lip wobbled under the bright fluorescent light. She wanted to be angry at her uncle for telling her what she needed to do, but he was right, and there really wasn’t another second to waste. “Don’t you dare even think of leavin’ his side, Tommy. Don’t you dare.” She wiped her eyes along the back of her hand before making the final decision to get up from where she was sitting.

“I won’t, kiddo. I promise.” Tommy reassured her.

She walked over to the right side of the bed where Joel was lying and gently ran her fingers through a few stray curls that were stuck to his forehead. Dried sweat, dirt, and blood littered his hair and face. She leaned down, whispering something while she pressed her lips to his temple, squeezing her eyes shut.

Please don’t die.

Tommy left the room to give Ellie a bit of privacy. He flagged down a nurse in the hallway and quickly explained that he needed someone to ensure Ellie safely got home. It was decided that two patrol members would escort her home.

When Tommy returned, he was with Jesse and Liam waiting outside the open doorway.

“Ellie?”

Her head snapped in the direction of Tommy’s voice as she quickly wiped away the remnants of her tears.

“Jesse and Liam are gonna make sure you get home safe. Okay, kiddo?”

“Sure.” She muttered. Agreeing with her uncle didn’t mean that she had to act happy about it. Despite her feelings, she made a point to hug her uncle before she left the room.

Don’t leave him. She reminded him.

Sunlight warms his skin, birds chirping in the high treetops, a soft breeze rustles through his hair, kissing his temple. He knows this place, where he stands. It’s—

“baby girl?” He chokes out, stumbling forward in an uncoordinated motion.

She’s there. She’s alive. She’s got daisies in her curls.

“Dad?”

He nearly drops to his knees right at the spot where he and Tommy dug her grave all those years ago. He stops in his tracks as she turns around to face him. She’s wearing the same clothes that she died in, except there’s no blood. No bullet wounds. She’s untouched. Bright, glowing under the rays of sunlight.

“Are you really here? C-can I hold you? Are those daisies in your hair? Baby girl, I’m so sorry.” The words tumble past his lips like an avalanche of word vomit. His heart lurches in his chest, leaping from the confines of his ribcage.

Sarah’s feet carry her swiftly to her father before she’s wrapping her arms around his middle, hugging him tightly with her cheek pressed firmly against his chest. “I’m really here, dad.” She squeezes her eyes shut.

Joel’s arms wrap around her immediately, hugging her to his chest as tightly as he can, he’s trembling, tears blurring his vision, dripping down his cheeks and landing softly on her head of curls. He pulls away only to gently cradle her face in his strong, calloused, gentle hands.

She’s here. She’s alive. His baby girl.

“Dad..you—you remembered our favorite spot?” Her smile is beautiful, radiant, full of life.

“Of course I did. Our hikes, the fresh air. We—we loved it out here. I—I never forgot. Baby girl, I haven’t forgotten you. I—I think about you everyday. I’m so sorry. I miss you..I miss you so much.”

Her hands come to rest against the patches of his now graying beard. “Dad, you don’t have to apologize. I’m okay, I’m happy. I miss you too, dad. I miss you so much, but Ellie, she needs you. I’ll always wait for you, I promise. I’m always going to be right here.” She drops one of her hands from his face to then point to his heart. “I’m always with you.”

His face falls as his thumbs gently stroke her cheekbones. He’s not ready to leave, not yet. Not so soon. Too soon. He needs more time. Time. Time. Time.

Ellie.

“You—you would have loved her, baby girl. She reminds me so much of you. Her smile, her laugh. I see you in her. She’s—she’s my blessing. My second chance..my light in the darkness.” He sniffles, leaning down so he can press his lips to her forehead.

“And she needs you more than ever now, dad. She needs you. You have to forgive yourself, okay? Please promise me that one day, you will forgive yourself, dad. Promise me.”

“I promise you, baby girl. I promise. Daddy loves you, okay? He loves you so much.” There’s so much more he wants to say, so much more he wants to tell her, but there’s not enough time. He knows it.

“Dad, I love you so much. Tell Tommy I miss him too, okay? I’ll see you again one day, when the time is right.” She hugs him one last time as he buries his face into her mess of curls, holding in his sobs as more tears begin to fall.

“When the time is right, baby girl.” He murmurs.

—

“Well, brother. Guess it’s jus’ you and me now, huh?” Tommy wants to laugh, but he can’t. His emotions are all fucked. Everything is so fucked.

“That kid of yours really loves the hell outta ya. You’re like two feral cats.” He continues, forcing himself to stand and walk over to his brother's bedside. “And I know how much you love her.” He murmurs as he glances down at the nightstand where the contents of Joel’s pockets are laid out.

The two charm bracelets, the wood carving of a fawn for Ellie, and a folded piece of paper now tarnished with blood and debris.

“One of these for Beanie?” He asks while gently picking up one of the charm bracelets. “I’m so happy you listened to my advice and went to her coffee shop. I jus’ had this feelin’ that you two would hit it off.”

“You love her, huh? Like..really love her? I’m glad, Joel. I’m glad that you’re finally allowin’ yourself to love, and be loved. If anyone in this fucked up world deserves that, it’s you.”

He sets down the charm bracelet alongside the other before he picks up the wood carved fawn. One of the delicate ears had broken off during the fight, but it was fixable. “Ellie is going to love this when she sees it. You’ve always been..a giver, Joel.. Always thinkin’ of others before yourself. Puttin’ your heart out on the line. I know it hasn’t been easy for you, but I’m so grateful that you met Ellie when you did. You saved her, but she saved you just as much. Turned that cold heart of yours into somethin’ good again.”

He placed the fawn down gently before he eyed the folded piece of paper. “Y’still writin’ those letters? Have they been helpin?’ Y’know, I thought about writin’ a couple myself.”

Something in his gut tells him that this letter..is meant for him.

He swallowed the lump rising in his throat as he reached for the piece of paper and picked it up with trembling fingers. He sees his name written on the outside, and his vision goes blurry with tears. “You..were gonna give this to me tomorrow when we said we were gonna meet at the Tipsy Bison?”

He slowly sinks down along the side of the bed, unfolds the letter and begins to read it silently.

Tommy, this is the third letter I have written thus far, so hopefully this comes across the way I have intended it to. Ever since we were just two little boys scraping our knees up on the playground, telling each other secrets, and holding each other tight when mom and dad would argue into the odd hours of the night, I always found myself being protective over you. I ain’t even sure if it had anything to do with age, and more to do with the fact that it’s been instilled in me since birth that I'm a natural protector. I’d do anything to keep you safe.

I’ve never told anyone this, but the day you told me that you wanted to join the army, and make a difference in the world, I wept. I soaked my pillow with my tears that very same evening cus’ I realized I couldn’t protect you anymore. You were eighteen, and ready to take on the world. Selfishly, I didn’t want you to go, and I know that war changed you. I know what it did to you, and you were no longer the little boy hiding under the covers from the thunder and lightning. You were molded into a man right before my eyes, but you’ve always been my little brother, and ain’t nothin’ gonna change that.

I know you blame yourself for the night that we lost Sarah. I still remember the grief in your eyes. You tried so hard. So fuckin’ hard, and I’m so sorry for what I became after she died.

A stray teardrop fell along the thin paper as the word ‘died’ began to blur from the sudden moisture.

You literally had to pry her cold body from my arms because I refused to let go. Even when we dug her a shallow grave near the woods she loved to hike in, you had to stop me from crawling into that goddamn hole with her.

24 hours. 1 day since the outbreak. 1 day without his baby girl

“She’ll be happy here, Joel. She gets to rest in her favorite place.” Tommy murmured as he set the shovels down next to the grass covered earth that would soon be dug up to create a shallow grave for Sarah to finally be laid to rest. The younger Miller brother hid his grieving behind a stoic face. He didn’t want Joel to see how much pain he was in. He wanted to be the strong one for once in his life, especially since he blamed himself for Sarah's death. If only he had been there sooner. If only he had acted quicker, maybe she would still be alive.

Joel was unmoving as he held his deceased daughter, who had long since grown cold and stiff in his arms. She was wrapped in a sheet, as Joel couldn’t bear to see her unmoving eyes any longer. He had shed his last tears, as he watched his brother begin to dig a shallow grave. As the minutes ticked by, Joel was realizing that after Sarah was to be buried, he no longer would be a father, and the thought made him feel queasy. What did he have to live for if he was no longer a parent? What was the point?

“Tommy..” Joel croaked, “I–can’t let her go.” He choked up as the weight of the world was beginning to press down on his shoulders. He held Sarah close to his heart where his chin came to rest upon her covered head. “Tommy, we–”

“Joel, we have to let her go. Brother, please. She’s gone, and there’s nothing we can do to bring her back. I’m sorry.” He was. If he could go back in time and take Sarah’s place, he’d do it in a heartbeat.

Joel’s eyes began to glaze over with fresh tears as he began to frantically whisper to Sarah as if she could hear him from the other side. “S’okay baby girl. You’re okay. Daddy has you, and he’ll see you soon. I promise. I’m coming for you, baby girl.” He pressed a firm, promising kiss to her covered head before he slowly lowered himself onto his knees along the edge of the hole in the dirt. He could feel stomach acid rise up his throat at the thought of the earth, and mother nature consuming his baby girl. He wanted to go with her.

Tommy watched with a heavy heart as he watched his older brother gently place his baby girl into the shallow grave. His own tears began to silently fall as images of a newborn Sarah flashed in his mind. He remembered the pure joy and love that radiated from Joel the moment he got to hold his daughter for the first time. No parent should ever have to bury their child.

As Tommy willed himself to begin shoveling the dirt he dug up into the grave, he watched in horror as his grief-stricken brother nearly had crawled into the hole. He dropped the shovel in a haste as he grabbed ahold of the underside of Joel’s shoulders and yanked him back.

The soul-shaking, torturous, anguished sound that cascaded from Joel’s mouth, was one that chilled Tommy’s blood. It could only be described as a grieving parent refusing to let their only child go.

Tommy still has nightmares of it.

I’m sorry I put you through that. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t just fuckin’ pull myself together for both of us. I know how scared you were, Tommy. I was scared too. I was terrified. I was supposed to be the big brother then. The one who had all the answers. Who could come up with a plan at the drop of a hat to keep his little brother alive. Instead, you had to fill that position. You stepped into that role because I gave you no other choice. If you didn’t force me to leave that spot where she died, I would have rotted there with her. I never thought for a moment about the pain that you were feeling. I lost a daughter that night, but you lost a niece, and a brother all in one night.

48 hours. 2 days since the outbreak. 2 days without his baby girl.

It was Tommy’s idea for him and Joel to return home to gather up as much food and supplies they could get their hands on. Joel was apprehensive, but Tommy reassured him that they wouldn’t have to stay long. So, Joel reluctantly agreed. Their neighborhood was dead silent with no signs of life to be found. The bombs that the government had dropped only impacted the major cities, and left the small neighborhoods untouched from their destruction. It would have just been another day if it weren’t for the familiar bodies scattered in the street. Both Tommy and Joel avoided looking at the deceased body of Nana Adler as they crossed their front yard.

“I’m gonna grab what I can from the garage, and then I'll meet you inside? Grab a couple of backpacks and stuff it with clothes, and anything else you think we might need. Okay, Joel?”

The older Miller brother could only meekly nod as a non-verbal response. He was too focused on remembering that he had stashed a revolver in his office drawer for safe keeping. At least it would be quick.

Tommy was unaware, clueless to Joel’s plan to end his life. He knew his brother was mourning, but he never had thought about the drastic measures he would take to be reunited with Sarah.

As Joel ascended up the stairs, memories of his life before the outbreak leaked into his mind. A five year old Sarah running down the stairs to avoid bath time after playing outside all day. Sticky with sugary sweet syrup from a popsicle, and dirt and twigs stuck in her head of curls. Joel patiently demanded that she needed a bath. Well, Sarah had other plans of course and Joel would have to catch her first.

He could hear her gleeful giggles now; almost sweet music.

Soon, baby girl. I promise.

His footsteps were soft, and undetected as he padded down the hall to his office area. His hand grasped the handle as he slowly turned it and pushed the door open with ease. Everything was right as he left it. Blueprints for a new project he and Tommy were working on. A school paper from Sarah that she had left for him to proof read. A stale cup of coffee. Tommy’s note tacked to the corkboard that Joel kept from when they were kids. A life preserved in time. He reached for the note as he gingerly plucked it from where it was pinned. He folded it carefully before slipping it into his pocket. He wanted to have a piece of his brother with him, always.

Joel didn’t feel nervous as he opened the file cabinet drawer that contained his concealed revolver. He greeted it like an old friend as he grasped it firmly in his palm. The coolness of the metal diffused his clammy skin. He could do it here, he thought silently. No, he wanted to be closer to Sarah. To be comforted by her familiarity. So, he left his office and went straight to her room.

As he brought the barrel of the gun to his temple, he felt calm. He felt ready. More ready than he had ever felt in his entire life. He felt sorry for leaving Tommy to fend for himself, but he knew that his brother would survive, and he’d be better off without him anyway.

As his finger hovered over the trigger, he observed Sarah's untouched room. From the crumpled sheets along her bed where he had tucked her in for the very last time, her discarded backpack, her posters, trophies from soccer, and all of her photographs. Photos of her and Joel. Her and Tommy. She was the happiest kid ever, and that’s how Joel wanted to remember her.

As his finger gradually applied pressure to the trigger, he flinched. The bullet missed, and grazed the right side of his temple. His right ear was profusely ringing as he dropped to the carpet like a bag of bricks. He could faintly hear Tommy’s shouts and footsteps racing up the stairs as blood slowly trickled down his face.

Tommy, I was selfish. I was selfish for wanting to take my life and leave you to fend for yourself. My baby brother. The same brother I swore to protect till my last dying breath. I was a coward, Tommy. A weak, selfish, pathetic coward. I wanted to take the easy way out. The cheap way. I just hope you still don’t hate me for it. I hope you don’t hate me for putting you through the trauma and pain of almost losing me too. Sometimes I wonder if my attempted suicide triggered your thirst for blood. As if I am the direct cause for the carnage you partook in when we joined Tess and her raider group. Sometimes I wonder if all those times that we murdered people, that you pictured me on the other end of the gun. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the brave big brother that you always believed me to be. I’m sorry that even over twenty years later, I’m not me. I’m not the Joel that you looked up to. I’m not sure if I'll ever be that version of myself again, but I am ever-so grateful that I am still your brother. Your flesh and blood.

I hope that one day you’ll be proud to be my brother again. Till then, I'll always have your back.

-Your big brother, Joel. The one that held you when things went bump in the night.

Tommy isn’t even aware of how much time has passed while he reads Joel’s words over till they're practically burned into his brain. He doesn’t feel the shifting of the coarse sheets, or see Joel’s fingers twitch at his side.

“Tommy..” Joel croaks, voice hoarse and barely audible.

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