don't give up on your friends especially when the world closes its doors on them. instead of fighting your friends, have discussions. remember you're on the same side. picture your words as being the last ones they'll ever hear.

say i love you and go to bed. no matter how angry, tired, hurt you are if they're not here in the morning, you won't regret saying that. if they are here, talk about it like friends.

don't let your bad situations drive you apart, have it bring you together. we often isolate ourselves thinking no one else understands, your friends do. don't hurt them. be there.

even if my last words to friends were ily <3 i'd do anything to just love them up one more day. to love them a little bit more. don't let one argument when the other 364 days of the year you guys are inseparable break you apart.

don't let the anger cloud everything you've been through. it will get hard. with the not so pretty traits of EDs and C-PTSD, but folks deserve friends when the going gets tough. that's when the true friendships are forged right there in the fire.

at the end of the day, we have to have each others backs. the SH, ED and cluster b, neurodivergent, CPTSD communities are very rarely understood outside their own communities. don't close yourself off entirely to other folks, but we are each others' space spaces.

the world isn't all cold and cruel. but a lot of society expects us to painfully change ourselves just to be treated like human beings or looking for anything they don't want to deal in us to take away our autonomy and not listen to our wants and needs.

whenever i'm trying to talk myself out of buying something i don't need i always hear my old russian professor's voice echoing in my head: "WHAT??? WILL YOU DIE THE RICHEST MAN IN THE GRAVEYARD?" and then i make an unwise financial decision

at the rate my friends are passing away or going off the map or literally gone missing, i want to mend as many wounds with folks as possible so we all have some peace and closure. there are times i've really messed up with friends i care about very dearly and wish i could just do it all over again, but it's up to them if they wish to talk. there are friends who messed up with me and haven't messaged back because they feel bad. i feel like i'm always losing someone in one way or another. i'm just sad tonight. longing + sad. not angry, not mad. just hurting.

strawberry swiss snail 🍓

it sucks when the majority of the positive memories you do remember were intertwined with traumatic and grieving times. i don't remember a "happy time" when it wasn't mixed together.

It’s weird to miss who you were before the trauma when there was no you before the trauma.

there is nothing a persecutor could do to deserve being locked up, poisoned with cruel worlds, isolated from their systemmates and friends, prevented from sharing their side of the story, having comfort or love withdrawn - basically being ripped of all dignity, autonomy and their humanity.

whatever they allegedly did will never outweigh the cruelty of the above done to them. which surprise - abusing folks who often carry the most painful and vivid trauma memories so others don't have to feel it as much (past + active) will only make them feel worse. 🥀

take care of your persecutors as im sure they have of you. love them where they are at now where you would like to be.

it's a bad pain day lol.

usually going for walks helps me to go get some comfort food. but walking is too difficult rn. just have a lot of shortness of breath and discomfort. i asked my mom to drop off groceries and drinks, but not even sure if I'm well enough to take an elevator (living the bougie life 💎 🥂 jkjk im still poor as dirt lol) up and down and put stuff away.

ughhh. 😮‍💨😫im trying to just have a good day and the universe is like best i can do is smite you. ⚡

im DETERMINED to make my favorite mac and cheese today and the universe is going to have to try a lot harder to keep me away from it. i hope it doesn't take that as a cosmic challenge🌌.

🍨⛈️🍦

Hey ( with the intention of going to eat ice-cream together on rainy days.)

hey everyone, drink your water 🥤!!

persecutors in systems who might not be understood by either their systemmates (hopefully they'd be the most understanding though out of everyone and have their back) or outer friends still deserve to be treated like everyone else.

not every single one is a misguided protector some just are traumatized and hurting. they still deserve to front and have their own space and peace.

they still deserve their own side of the story which also means privacy (not bashing them online which i see a lot) so they are not judged off of one story. or their identity revealed.

when I see people bash prosecutors oftentimes their boundaries were not respected, they were hurt by someone, they weren't treated like people, told they can't front because they're "too scary" things that would make anyone upset and hurt.

I've just been doing a little reflection recently and i think this needs to be said. ❤️

so I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my life. i tell my friends i love them, but i don't say i appreciate them enough. ☁️

randomly just call up a friend and be like hey i really care about you, you matter sm to me or if you have anxiety send them some memes. a lot of people know that they're loved, but if you tell them that they add colors to your world they will remember that. 🌈

there are so many people like I thought I would have them forever. but then they got t-worded on here who were struggling mentally and just never came back that I wish just said something in depth besides i love you so they would have that in their heart to carry and hold wherever they went to hold in their heart forever.🌼

another 4n4 coach, please report.

why is a group of neurodivergent people trying to push having our cameras on? 😫 i'm going to stand up for myself if they ask why my video isn't on. I can't with my camera on. I want to get to know everyone which is why my camera is off. I'm not going to feel bad for saying what makes me feel safe and comfortable. 🛋️

i actually wanted to have my camera on. we were actually having fun so I was pouting, but I did have a good time and nobody was pushy about it.

ever since I was a kid, the way I focused in a class i liked is to be drawing, writing or reading while the teacher is talking. that's how i remember things (multitasking). if the subject was boring or repetitive, i would daydream or put all my focus into creative outlets tuning out the class.

as an adult I'm the same way. it's a miracle I even agreed to do a 2-hour zoom call so i'll be gaming and snacking in comfy clothes near my heater. it's not disrespectful or inattentive- opposite actually. it's my way of saying i care. i'm making an effort to remember you. my memory is bad and my attention span is even worse this is how i retain things.

if I didn't care then I would be completely checked out. my brain is either 100% interested or not at all. so if I'm uninterested in something it doesn't matter how hard I try to concentrate it won't be retained. my brain can't help what it's interested and not interested in. sometimes I can help it along a little bit, but it's just me.

me making an effort to get myself cozy and comfortable for a 2-hour call means that i care about the subject (volunteering at a harm reduction center). 💚💛🤎

another celebration is this. 🌟

so i just got out of a depression episode. plus i've been sick and just not feeling good mentally. took longer to bounce back, but i'm still here. 🥳

i have bad feet yeah I got the premium package of happy fun time symptoms. but normally I can still push myself to go places and have fun. but it's been harder to get around recently and it's been kind of scaring me.

but yesterday I asked my angel friends 😇 to look after me as they always are and help me get home. and I've been having to take taxi rides home from places because I can't walk back. but I was determined to walk home yesterday it's only a 12 minute walk.

usually on a moderate pain day or a normal pain day I can walk back fine. but even that's been too much and it was a bad pain day yesterday. which usually is what I need to call an uber.

it's been harder and harder to get out, but I want to make sure I don't lose that too so I've been really pushing myself some days I just can't do it, but I just don't want to lose it.

and they got me home safely. I knew they would. but that would have been an impossible task like even before I was feeling this bad and not only that, but I had like a 2 l of pop in my purse which normally causes me some trouble, but I made it home okay.

the last block home I was like almost in tears, but when I was inside I was happy crying. and like laughing because I was just so happy that I'm still able to get around. I've lost so much because of things that have happened to me that walking is not one thing I want to lose.

why I went out yesterday in the first place was because I have to keep myself moving literally when I feel this bad even if it's just padding around my apartment. but I wanted to get some fresh air it was a beautiful after rain feel and I wanted some comfort food.🍄

when my brain gets fixated on something it gets energy and it's like go go go! ⚡and I can't focus on anything else BUT THAT. 🤣😫 like a big dog taking off and you're like a short person. you just go WHOA! lift off lol.🌌 🐶 🚀🌠

sometimes I'm able to generate the energy into random little tasks could but the fact was able to concentrate on tasks that would make tonight more fun is a miracle.🌟

so I threw in my blankets and pillows and stuffed animals into the wash just to have some fresh stuff to come back to. I finally did dishes that are in the dishwasher if I want to make some mac and cheese when I get back or pasta with my stuff.

let's see. I even took a bag of trash out well it was a suitcase, but it works. even got my computer and my mouse found because I was losing so it's on my bed and now I'm just getting some food before we start and then when I get home I'll get my game set up and go from there.

I'm proud of myself. 😇🍄

ever since I was a kid, the way I focused in a class i liked is to be drawing, writing or reading while the teacher is talking. that's how i remember things (multitasking). if the subject was boring or repetitive, i would daydream or put all my focus into creative outlets tuning out the class.

as an adult I'm the same way. it's a miracle I even agreed to do a 2-hour zoom call so i'll be gaming and snacking in comfy clothes near my heater. it's not disrespectful or inattentive- opposite actually. it's my way of saying i care. i'm making an effort to remember you. my memory is bad and my attention span is even worse this is how i retain things.

if I didn't care then I would be completely checked out. my brain is either 100% interested or not at all. so if I'm uninterested in something it doesn't matter how hard I try to concentrate it won't be retained. my brain can't help what it's interested and not interested in. sometimes I can help it along a little bit, but it's just me.

me making an effort to get myself cozy and comfortable for a 2-hour call means that i care about the subject (volunteering at a harm reduction center). 💚💛🤎

they say "quiet hands". "you have to look into somebody's eyes to be paying attention to them." "you're not paying attention." "stop walking around." "stop interrupting."

but do they ever ask how we express ourselves, how we like to communicate and how listening looks to us? no. they judge us from a neurotypical perspective which is unfair. and even other neurodivergents get that it's not up to us to judge an individual's way of being.

to them, we're abnormal for wanting to live in a world that celebrates everybody's existence and meeting everybody where they're at and giving them the support they deserve with accommodations without getting them to change themselves.

but what's not abnormal is taking human beings and constructing into someone they're not to pass more as a human being that's accepted by society without listening to the individuals dreams and wishes?🌠