#oversharing on the internet again
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just found out i have type o negative blood … bitch we won
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just remembered the time i fell off a bunk bed and hit my head on a metal doorframe and my first coherent thought immediately afterwards was "mother trucker, dude, that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick"
#my posts#oversharing on the internet again#me: (gets injured)#my brain: Time To Quote Vines!#so funny to me
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is anyone else feeling the almost insurmountable pressure to like constantly be “hustling” ?? like I’m so sick of constantly seeing ads or videos condescendingly telling me that I can be making a “passive income” and if I’m currently not then I’m worthless
l i k e sorry jenni I don’t want to pay for your master class to tell me how to create a master class so people can pay for my master class - it’s a fucking pyramid scheme
my current life is so blessed and I’m fortunate enough to be surviving in this shit economy - I just want to be grateful for where I’m at and not activity deteriorate my dwindling mental health
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I get a full and helpful doctor's appointment for skin issues in a day but it took me a month to reach mental health help and I still don't know if that appointment will help me at all
#i know the system is just completely swamped and fucked up#but this shit is just really straining#personal#oversharing on the internet again
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It's so fucking dumb I don't even need to fuck him or date him I just need him to be in my life. I need him to talk to and laugh with and tell me crazy stories about aliens or some shit. But nah all he wants to do is wife me up and steal me away, won't be my friend🙄
#my ex#hell is a teenage girl#life sucks#i miss him#trauma dump#oversharing on the internet again#why cant he just be my best friend
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wow. me starting my period this morning makes so much sense🧍♀️
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The way I almost just posted the new chapter instead of saving it as a draft on AO3 😂
#allylikethecat#ally's thoughts#ally's creative process#or lack there of#oversharing on the internet again#the sound i made was absolutely ridiculous and i am a little embarrassed it came from me lol#but don't worry#It's saved as a draft we're good and all ready for tomorrow lol#this is what happens when i get all cryptic#i got too close to the fire and nearly burnt the entire thing down lol
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me when im doing fine but then remember i have a keloid scar on my arm from when i picked at a cut so nothing funny
#tw sh implied#vent#i actually hate my body sm its not even funny#i c my therapist in 2 days dw guys ill b ok#oversharing on the internet again
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everybodys gotta get back into the practice of using pseudonyms online... i remember the time of screen names where u never ever told anyone ur real name and that was just understood as basic internet safety. plus having a screen name is fun because sometimes it sticks so well that it becomes part of ur identity that u can use in whatever facet of ur life you choose. it rocks to pick your own name
#im living proof! i wasnt always called kiwi but now i am and it rocks#but mostly im just worried about all these kids wayyy oversharing personal info online#not to be like aaaggghh kids these days. but.#um people are sharing their full names and schools and deepest secrets with their FACE ATTACHED#i surely dont need to explain why thats scary#tiktok trends where u share stuff you would Never tell people irl.... WITH!!! YOUR FACE!!!!! IN FULL VIEW!!#WHHH.... WHY...........#Get Scared of Internet Strangers Again Please!
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ooooogh i feel so unbelievably not gaming rn
#im prob just tired#but#fuuuuuuuuuuuck today has been fucking rough#oversharing on the internet again
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Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again
#pls dont read if you cant handle venting and whining#once again i am here to say that i am the loneliest person alive and i feel like i can’t grasp the basic consept of friendship and do it lol#like idk how to be friends#i feel like i will forever be sad and lonely#and i know everyone will say you can talk to me and i know that but i’ve just been by myself for so long that i don’t remember how to have#actual conversations with people i feel like i am disconnected from reality#i feel like i am an extremely unlikeable person and that’s why i was all alone in highschool and idk i am oversharing on the internet again#because it’s the only place i kind of feel safe doing it#pls take care of yourselves first before comfoting me or anything im sorry i sound very pathetic#how do i start living again#how does one live anyway#im just in my head all the time#this was supposed to be hot girl summer but it’s once again summertime sadness#im so stupid!!!#im so anxious and depressed that i dont know what to do with myself#im so sorry for oversharing i have a therapist dont worry im kind of taking care of myself#but the eternal loneliness just wont let me go#idk how to be a person anymore#i’m just sad#thinking of going to a church and pretend to be a believer so i could have a community again lol
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it took me like an hour of going back and forth before i got over feeling guilty about posting this. i don’t even know why i feel guilty. everyone on here is amazing and supportive and maybe that’s the problem.
i guess over the past few days i’ve realized that i don’t have that many irl friends. i thought i was fine with that, i honestly thought that was normal. i don't know anymore.
i feel lonely and pathetic and i know that’s not true because i have friends and i have hobbies. but i always just feel like i’m doing everything wrong; like i’m not living the way i’m supposed to. and i’m tired of feeling like that when i’m perfectly happy.
i’m just so worried that i’m a bad friend to my only irl friends, because i love them and i don’t want to lose them and i want them to care about me too, and i worry about how fucking sad it is to be ranting on here, and i worry that i make everything about me and i’m just so exhausted.
i just needed somewhere to put that down. thanks for being here.
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Do any other writers ever get a bit down when you realise you're constantly writing the kind of relationship you desperately want but will probably never have?
Writing has helped my mental health a lot, it helps me to write down emotions when I struggle to place them in real life. But sometimes it also just makes me sad to write about something I desperately want but feel I will never have, so I just wondered if anyone else goes through this.
More under the cut, just going to rant about mental health and navigating the dating scene as an autistic person.
Like I'm sure a lot of us here on the hellsite, I spent my teenage years socially isolated and struggling because I didn't fit in with others, without realising why I felt so different. I just knew that I experienced attraction differently than my peers. Now I know that I'm autistic and queer, but back then I had no idea. At that's at least answered for me. But I'll never get that time back.
If I had known just how different I was earlier in my life, I think I could've navigated the age at which a lot of people are having these experiences more successfully. I did have some fun myself too. But most of the time, such encounters were stressful and overwhelming when they really should have been fun and exciting.
I honestly don't see myself ever getting into a relationship. I think I have a lot of great traits and strengths. I guess I'm probably not ugly. But I'm just not good at meeting new people. I have my friends and I like their company, why would I want to meet others? But how am I ever going to find love if I don't? Plus, dating apps terrify me and if I were to ever make it far enough to meet in real life, I feel like I don't know how to go on dates. Most people don't even want dates, either. It's all just casual which does not interest me.
I have a lot of amazing friends, I spread a lot of the love I have inside of me to them and I think platonic love can be just as fulfilling as romantic love. But it does kind of make me sad to think the closest I'll probably ever get to a real, loving relationship is by writing about fictional characters. Honestly just writing this out and I'm like wow... my life is pretty tragic.
I mean, I'd love to be wrong. But based on the way society has shown time and again it mistreats people like me, I've pretty much given up on love in my mid twenties. Except in my fanfics.
And that makes me sad, I can't lie.
#writing#a little oversharing on the internet as a treat#i'm probably going to delete this in the morning but i jsut got a rush of sadness about this and i can't sleep#so i wondered if it's common#i haven't been writing properly again for too long so maybe this is a normal Emotion and some of u have pointers lol#thank you in advance for any advice 🥺#just autism things
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anyone else up feeling utterly overwhelmed or nah
#not to overshare on the internet but.#idk there's just So Much to untangle and So Many mental habits to break and it feels impossible. how can i undo 20 years of this.#like yeah ive already made some progress just in the last few years but thats just the very tip of the proverbial iceberg!!!!#every single day i find something else buried deep that i have to try and root out!!!!!!!!!!! literally every day!!!!!!!!!!!#im just. hrghhgh#i dont want to be fighting this for the rest of my life man. im so tired.#i think. the worst thing about this is. it feels like they still have a hold on me.#which is genuinely the most bone-chilling horrifying thought i have ever had.#i DONT regret leaving but man. if i fall back in. because everything familiar is there. i dont think i could rip myself away again.#because leaving the first time was hard enough. i don't think im strong enough to do it again.#genuinely terrifying. i hate living like this#getting the fuck out of this state canNOT happen soon enough. i swear to god#winter speaks#personal#<- sorry its very late at night <///3 im getting introspective and feeling frustrated
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got tagged by @wanderingblindly, thank you my beloved <3
what colour are your eyes?: a mixture of blue, green and grey that looks puddle-coloured most of the time.
tell me about your pets/your dream pet: after 15 wonderful years, our family dog paul (i named him that when i was five lol) unfortunately passed away in august 2023, i loved that dog more than most people. (there were some pictures of him here, but i got nervous that someone i know might see this so i removed them lmao). i'd love to get a dog or a cat at some point later in my life, but not now or any time soon.
share some interesting fact about yourself: i'm genuinely incredibly boring, so much so that i had to ask for help to find an answer here. the council decided on the fact that i know how to ride and own a motorcycle and am also a member in an mf in my hometown.
what was the first fandom you were a part of?: i guess the first time i was properly involved with fandom in any capacity was during my teen wolf days.
do you have any phobias?: i don't know if it's bad enough to be considered a phobia, but i'm terrified of heights. there have been several instances of me breaking down crying despite trying to keep it together while being in very high places (usually while having to climb dodgy stairs in very high buildings, among other things).
are you a picky eater? if so, what food can't you stand?: YES! and i hate it because it's so so limiting and annoying. i am incredibly sensitive regarding taste and texture and i have to physically force myself to hold back visceral reactions to foods i don't like. it'd probably be easier to list the foods i can eat tbh.
do you eat the burger and fries at the same time or one after another?: first some fries, then burger, fries, burger, fries, finish the burger, finish the fries. anything else is weird (what the fuck do you mean you eat them completely separately, liquid???)
winter or summer: winter all the way. i sweat easily, my body generally doesn't cope well with heat and i prefer bundling up and being a little cold over feeling too warm.
favourite fanfiction tropes: i LOVE a good au, any au really, but especially the cute ones. i'll read almost anything at least once and so there's just too many things i have read and enjoyed to list here. also, anything with an enemies to lovers situation. i am a sucker for that.
are you studying or working? what do you study/is your job?: both! i'm a full-time student (english major, history minor) and i am one of the student assistants in the english department's student office. i've also had other, less fun part-time jobs in the past.
what is the last country you visited: the netherlands and belgium during a day trip (by motorcycle) in june or july last year, i think.
what country would you want to move to after retiring?: i've haven't ever even considered living that long. i've always had a fascination with ireland and scotland, so based on looks and vibes alone i'd go there. or somewhere with solid winters, like a scandinavian country or finland.
who was your first crush?: hannes (played by nick romeo reimann) in the vorstadtkrokodile movies. i was ready for marriage, dreaming up a life together and everything. it also lasted until i was like 12 years old, so about six years in total. he really had me in a chokehold.
how did you get into f1 fandom?: after my interest was peaked by f1 edits that randomly popped up all over my social media one day (thank you algorithms), i did what i always do when something like that happens and opened tumblr to see what's up. and then i got stuck lol.
i have no clue who has or hasn't been tagged already, so feel free to ignore this!! @hrhgeorgerussell @bright-and-burning @borntogayz @lil-italian-disappointment @liamlawsonlesbian @piastrisms
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I had all of these big plans to write tonight after work / riding Pop and instead I did absolutely none of that 😬
#allylikethecat#ally's thoughts#oversharing on the internet again#i know no one cares#but sometimes it just makes me feel better to put it out into the world#i feel like my downfall was finding out that this woman i know#named her newborn gunner#i was like#why are you giving your HUMAN CHILD a dog name#like obviously i was very nice and told her it was cute and that i liked it#but in my head all night ive just been screaming WHY#it was very distracting#also thank you so much to everyone that sent in more prompts today#they are SO CUTE#and i did actually start one of them during lunch#because i was just like yes this is it this is the level of adorable softness with a lil angst that i need#but then i found out about the GUNNER situation and was like i can not be a productive person anymore my brain is blue screening#apologies to anyone named gunner#im sure you're lovely#then again i dont really like this woman we just have a ton of mutual friends#so i probably wouldnt have liked any name she picked#but am i crazy#doesnt that sound like a DOG NAME
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