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wwall-archive · 3 years

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All At Once, This Is Enough - Ethan W..inters x Me

A/N: ~In light of the announcement I just made~! Surprise! I've been working on this. For several days. My apologies if I've seemed quiet, all my energy was going towards this! This is kind of long, but it's... actually kind of important to me, so I forgave myself on that front, haha. This follows the timeline of my RE AU, which I intend to continue writing out more in depth, in which the events of the 7th game occur and then I ignore the events of 8 even though I love it as a game because I just can't stop thinking about an average life with this man 😭 I do still intend to set this up for a bit of angst, because that just feels like how this needs to go, but it will be resolved shortly! Anyways, my over-explaining aside, I hope you enjoy the beginning of our story. More to come soon ❤️

Warnings: Vague references to alcohol. Allusions to a notable age gap. Mention of divorce. Me being intensely socially awkward.

Word Count: 1738

Tag List: (Thanks so much to everyone who wanted to be added, and as per usual, if anyone wants to be added or removed, no problem, just let me know <3) @sacredempressnatlyia @crowandking @solomates @ship-trek @nekociapek @blueberryships @ariesselfships @lysandthunder @queenvonhresvelg

~~~

As I stepped out of my car and made my way into this building, I took a moment to acknowledge to myself that I was not looking forward to the evening in front of me. Simply to brace myself, if nothing else. Sure, I didn't have anything against fancy events - I'd always actually been rather fond of getting dressed up - but the idea of being trapped in a room full of mostly strangers filled me with a level of unease only an introvert of my level could feel. I shuddered in horror at the thought of the polite small talk that awaited me.

Alas, some events were simply too large to miss, especially when they required the booking of a large venue, and so I found myself taking small, hesitant steps through the large, decorated archway that led to this event hall. I was almost certainly early, as I always was, and it was already too crowded for my liking, filled to the brim with people mingling, and a pianist on stage getting ready to play for a formal dance floor that would soon be filled as well. At least the open bar looked inviting, so I made my way in that direction, hoping it would provide me some small amount of protection from anybody who would be determined to say hello.

I reaffirmed to myself that all I needed to be here for was a quick appearance. Some brief greetings to those who extended my invitation to me, once I could find them, and then I could bolt faster than a startled rabbit. It brought me a modicum of strength, to know I wouldn't be here for too long.

As I made my way through the room, I had to admit that it was dazzlingly decorated, and I felt quite lovely all dressed up, like I adequately fit in with the impressive scenery. If there was going to be any upside to the night, I supposed it would have to be that.

It was a vaguely familiar voice calling out my name that caught my ear, almost certainly someone I had met through work. As I begrudgingly turned to meet them, I did find myself slightly recalling their face. I smiled as they approached and we shared greetings, and it was pleasant enough, even as they rushed into their next words like they knew I would exit the conversation as soon as I could in a panic and were desperate to say their piece, “Wallace, I really wanted you to meet a colleague of mine, he's a systems engineer my organization works with, I thought I could recommend him for… Oh, where did he- Ethan! Wallace, meet Ethan-”

In the following moment that I remained coherent, I was able to process two things. The first, being the features of the man before me, all short dark blond hair and light brown eyes, and slightly boyish features on a face that somehow still managed to convey his status as middle-aged, and a smile soft enough to take my breath away. Two, as I gazed upon the features striking me so, and stuck my hand out to meet his for a handshake, I became quite sure, more than I had ever been sure of most things in my life, that I was about to be an absolute goner for this man.

It took me a moment to come back to my own body, and so once I did I rushed to say, “It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr…?”

“Oh, just Ethan, please.”

“Of course. Ethan. My name is Wallace.”

“Then the pleasure is all mine, Wallace.”

The familiar voice from earlier cut in again, and I could vaguely make out something being said about a previous project that had been worked on, but I couldn't quite bring myself to tear my gaze away from the man in front of me. After a moment, to my shock, it occured to me that he didn't seem to have any intention of looking away either, nor did he seem particularly bothered by that fact.

After that occured to me and made my head spin from the sheer realization that he was content to hold my gaze, I was struck by mortification as I realized that I still hadn't dropped his hand from our handshake, and I rushed to let go. To my relief, he seemed shocked by the revelation of the discrepancy in decorum as well. In the corner of my perception, I heard a small laugh, and something like the words “I'll let you two talk!” Suddenly, fear struck me again, but this time over the thought that I would have nothing interesting to say, now that the official introduction was over, and that Ethan would depart as well.

But that didn't happen, and he smiled at me again, and in a meek tone of voice he began, “I'm sorry, I was sure it looked like you were heading somewhere before we stopped you. If it was a bother I could go-”

“No! No, I had just gotten here. Just making my way over to the bar.” I cringed at myself internally upon realizing I had confessed to heading straight for the bar as soon as I entered the room, but once again it didn't seem to bother him. His deep chuckle made my knees weak.

“Great. Don't suppose you'd want to dance with me instead?” The pianist had started to play a light tune a moment ago, and a few people had come together on the floor. I quickly thought back to the single formal dancing class I had ever taken, knowing I very well could not dance.

“I'd love to.” His smile made my mind go blank for a moment again. By the time I had come back from autopilot, we were on the floor, and he was leading me in a light, easy dance.

“How does a systems engineer learn to ballroom dance?”

He gave a small shrug, “A class or two. I needed some for… an event once.”

I laughed lightly, “Well you clearly took them more recently than me, the one and only dancing class I ever took was a one day requirement in high school. I'd be done for without you right now, I'm sure.”

“Then I'll be happy to guide you with what knowledge I have.”

Our conversation lagged into silence for a moment, and I internally kicked myself for letting it. What was I supposed to say in a situation like this?

I defaulted to the one conversation trick I had, “So, Ethan, tell me about yourself.”

He shrugged again, but he was still smiling, “Well, you know my occupation. Um, I'm 37.” I noticed him watching for my reaction on that one, but when I simply nodded, he continued hesitantly, “I'm from California.” He paused again, this time for longer, but I could tell he was simply working his way up to his next point. “Divorced, relatively recently. I'm a father, I have a little girl, Rose.” He stopped again, watching for my reaction once more. I hoped I was managing to keep my face as neutral as I felt it was.

“Wow. You're honest.”

He cringed, “Too much?”

“Much appreciated, actually.” I swallowed heavily, hoping I wasn't about to overstep or show my hand too early, and lowered my voice just a little, “Lets me know I'm not reading this completely wrong.”

He looked down at our feet, but I could have sworn I saw him break into a grin before he did.

He cleared his throat, looking up at me again, “So? What about you?”

And so I gave him the run-down on me. Occupation, location, age - I saw his eyebrows raise just the slightest at that one, but got a similar non-reaction to the one I gave otherwise - and matched most of what he told me, minus the personal bombshell. I supposed there were some things we each had yet to uncover about each other, and I was saving mine for later.

Upon the end of my self-pitch, he nodded, “Interesting.”

“Oh, is that all I get?” I did my best to make my tone playful, so he would know I was joking, but I had a feeling he would have understood me anyway even if I hadn't put in the extra effort. Our entire conversation, I had held the feeling that he was rather good at reading me already.

“You want more of a reaction, give me more to react to.” His tone was equally playful. I'm quite sure I would have caught the joke even if it hadn't been as well.

“Sir, this is still our first meeting, if you'll recall. We don't need to go dropping all our bombshells at once, do we? And besides, I wouldn't consider a rented event hall the best place for sharing all our deepest secrets, would you?”

He once again let out that chuckle that made me swear you could see the hearts forming in my eyes, and he darted his gaze around the room before meeting mine again, drawing his tongue across his lips nervously, and I could hear the uncertainty in his voice, “Then… do you want to get out of here? Go find something else to do that's better suited for getting to know each other better? Or sharing all our deepest secrets, as you put it.”

It briefly occurred to me that maybe this was a bad idea. I deeply understood the uncertainty he displayed. I knew damn well I probably wasn't in the best place to pursue this, and I had the deep, unshakable feeling that if I left this place with this man, I would be in far too deep to let go easily. I was drawn to him, even if it wasn't the most conventional, or even if it didn't seem like emotionally the most sure-fire, secure decision. Something about him signaled to me that he was probably in a very similar boat. I had a feeling we each had some emotional baggage to unpack. And besides, I still hadn't even made a round to say hello to the hosts yet, either. That was all I had even come here to do. I was supposed to have gotten here, said hello, been awkward, and left. It was supposed to have been a bad, short, night.

“Yeah, absolutely. Let's get out of here.”

#otp: all at once this is enough #my writing #okay to rb!#psa from wallace

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onedirection-fanfic-blog2 · 5 years

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Chapter 5 (part 2)

(Jess/Jessie POV)

i freeze when i hear him call me his ex. i never thought things would turn out this way when i first auditioned for the band or when i first slept with Harry. i especially never thought the two things would mix like this. “can we please stop talking about my roommate. it’s making me really uncomfortable. i mean would any of you like it if we where talking about your sisters?” the guys all look at each other and then back at me “okay, yeah we’ll stop.” Louis says making me laugh because he has the most sisters out of us all. “well, it doesn’t matter much to me.” Niall says being the only one without a sister. “well, i’m still not talking about Jess anymore.” i say downing the drink i had in my hand.

“so, what did you do before this?” Liam asks finally changing the subject. “well, i graduated from university a few months ago. i volunteered at 2 homeless shelters, a soup kitchen and i spent 2 months last summer in Haiti building houses after an earthquake. nothing really special...” i trail off because when i look up at their faces they all look dumbstruck. “what?” i ask them, confused. “you’re a saint.” Harry said, eyes sparkling as he spoke. i start laughing because i think he’s joking. “you’re kidding right?” i ask once i realize he’s being completely serious. “we’re completely serious! what where you studying at university?” Niall asks. “i was studying to become a doctor. i had just gotten into medical school when i got into the band. i am NOT a saint!” they all laugh. “jeez dude have you ever done anything bad?” Liam asks like i’m a crazy person or something. “of course i have!” i say enthusiastically, yet not too convincingly. “really? name one.” Harry said sounding cocky as hell. “okay... um, i was bullied a lot in elementary school and high school so once i first got to university... i was kind of a asshole to people. i became the very person that made me want to kill myself when i was younger. which made me hate myself and so i took that hatred out on others. it’s not something i’m proud of and before i graduated i apologized to every person i ever bullied while i was there. so, no i am not a saint!” the room goes silent. “you tried to kill yourself?” Louis asks sadly. “...yeah, it was a pretty dark time in my life. i felt like i didn’t have anything or anyone and i just felt alone. this was just after my parents died and i just kind of pushed everyone in my life away because i knew no one could make what happened better... so, one night after my brother was shipped out for his first tour in Iraq i was at home alone and i just thought ‘no one would miss me if i where gone’ so i got some sleeping pills out of my medicine cabinet and well... the rest kind of explains itself i guess.” by the end of the story i’m in full on tears.

“mate, i’m so sorry. no one should ever have to go through something like that.” Liam says coming over to wrap his arms around my neck as if to put me in a chock hold, but comforting. i link my hands around his arm and tucked my face under his arm and sobbed. “i’m sorry about this guys. i never meant to bring you guys down with this stuff.” i look up and they are all shaking their heads. “you’re not bringing us down. we’re getting to know you and what better way then you telling us the personal stuff about your past.” Niall says sweetly. “well, then maybe you could tell me some stuff about yourselves? this way i can know you the same way you guys now know me. could be fun.” i say hopeful they will agree. “yeah, okay. but everything we say doesn’t leave this room. understood?” Harry says actually looking serious for the first time since i’ve met him. “great! who wants to go first in spilling their deepest darkest secrets?”

the next 4 hours are kind of a blur. there was a lot of really interesting stuff they where sharing such as girls they regret sleeping with after a drunken party or stupid stuff they did in high school that no one else knows about and Harry even told a story about how his parents where worried about him when he was younger because he was naked all of the time... guess that never really went away though because the two nights we spent together he was naked 90% of the time. the other 10% was when we where in public. but i definitely feel like i know them all a lot better.

****

when i get into the studio the next morning i bump into Harry just as i walk through the front door. he pulls me into an empty room. “Jessie, can i ask you something personal?” he asks softly. “yeah, of course. i don’t think it can get more personal then last night, so shoot.” we both chuckle a little uncomfortably at the memory. “well, this may be none of my business but i was just wondering... are you gay? you don’t have to answer. i just thought i’d ask.” i can tell he’s uncomfortable. but, that doesn’t stop my eyes from almost popping out of my head when i hear the question. i freeze not knowing how to answer the question. “uh... why do you ask?” i ask him trying to buy myself time to come up with an answer. “it’s just that yesterday when we were talking about girls you kind of just nodded along without commenting and i caught you staring at me a few times. i’m not judging you or anything like that. i just think it’s something the guys and i should know.” he says still sounding embarrassed. i still have no idea what to do. yes, i like guys... but i’m not gay, i’m just a straight woman disguised as a guy to live out her dream as a famous singer with my favorite boy band, simple.

“no, i’m not gay. i wasn’t commenting yesterday because i--i’ve never slept with a woman before. now that doesn’t mean i’m saying i’ve slept with a man, okay?” i say with a chuckle because i didn’t actually lie to him... i just manipulated the truth a bit. “oh, wow. so, you’re a virgin? i can’t say i expected that. wait, what happened with that girl the other night then?” DAMN IT!! i forgot he saw that. “we didn’t actually do anything... we just shared a cab. she was to drunk to drive herself and i couldn’t leave her alone.” i said quickly but calmly. it’s weird i feel like i’m lying to him even though i’m not. “wow, what a gentleman” he says batting his eyelashes. i laugh. “you’re an idiot!” i say pushing his shoulder playfully. after that we just laugh it off.

Harry and i laugh and joke as we walk into the studio where the guys are already working. “there you guys are! where have you been? Harry you’re usually the first one in.” Niall says. “Jessie and i ran into each other on our way in and got to talking. guess we lost track of time.” Harry says. why didn’t he tell them about our conversation? i thought maybe they put him up to it. guess not. “yeah, sorry about being late. what have you idiots been up to?” i ask sarcastically walking over to sit next to Louis. Harry sits as far away from me as he could next to Niall. “we where just working on your song. wanted to perfect it before we record it tomorrow.” Liam explains with a light chuckle from the idiot comment.

this still feels so serial. we’re going to be recording a song i wrote that i honestly didn’t think was very good. “i still can’t believe you guys liked this song... i honestly hated it when i first wrote it.” they all look at me in shock. “seriously? this song is amazing!” Harry basically shouted at me from where he stood at the other end of the room. “well, it’s more about what the song represents. it’s not exactly something i like reliving.” i explain vaguely. i look up from my feet - where my eyes wondered as i talked - to see the guys all staring at me intently. “what?” i ask them all. “that’s deep.” Louis says mockingly. “oh, whatever. you’re all songwriters i’m sure you write from personal experiences too. i mean it’s hard not to if you want the song to have any kind of meaning.” i say unintentionally aggressive. “you’re right. songs should have meaning and that means pulling from our emotions.” Harry says backing me up. “thank you.” i say gesturing to him in appreciation.

we get back to our work and the entire time i’m just thinking i’ve shared more about my life to these guys in the passed few days then i have with anyone i’ve known my entire life. i also think about how Harry picked up on my feelings for him even when i thought i was hiding it well. this is a lot harder then i thought it would be... pretending to be someone else. it’s also weird that the only thing i’ve actually lied about is the fact i’m not a guy. sure i’ve manipulated the truth sometimes. i know that’s not exactly telling the truth... but, it’s not lying either... right?

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