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boxwinebaddie · 1 month

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Hi Uncle Nina !!

I don't wanna clog your ask box with stupid shit but this is stupid shit but it was also my bday on the thirteenth so shjdjdjs

As a fellow Monster addict ( I got a flat of Monster for my bday and collect the cans I have 30 diff ones so far <3 ) I need to know what Stan's favourite is

And on the less stupid side of things I was also hoping to potentially hear more about Stan's trans journey/Kyle finding out Raven is trans

Also I'm sorry your job has been so stressful lately :(( I hope you have a good day 🧡

- Stan 🧡

hi orange heart stan! <3

it's so good to hear from you, baby.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHSLAY, MY LOVE! i'm sorry i'm a little late, but you know me -- everything i do is fashionably late, darling. ;)

but also!!!!! call your wonderful, lovely ask message stupid shit again!!! see what happens!!! i'm gonna frown So WIDE, i'm gonna look so Upset. i'm going to hold you up to the sun!!! JUST WATCH!!!! >;/

my sweet stannie; you are a gift, a treasure. and your ask memes are a pleasure. i don't find them stupid in any shape or form, be nice. conversely, they are extremely special to me and it's why i put off writing this message for a little while because i wanted to respond to it thoughtfully, seeing as though it's your bday message.

which, *cracks knuckles* to get the ball roooollling.

i can absolutely tell you what monster energy is stan's favorite, but as a bday bonus, bc i wasn't sure which stan you wanted to know about, or if you wanted both: i'll give you both my style's fave monster flavs

and i was going to go into some ravenstan trans lore after that, but i feel like that info should go in it's own ask, yeah? i just don't want it to get cluttered. so if you feel so inclined, would you mind sending me a second anon where i can drop that info? thank you, baby! mwah

but now, w/o further ado...

please enjoy the most Refreshing part of your day <333

for context ( and actually because i got an anon once who wanted to know whether i drink energy drinks ), i don't really know that much about energy drinks/flavors because i don't really drink energy drinks.

i mean okay, i'm not really sure if it counts as an energy drink, but i will chug a guayaki yerba mate like it is the elixir of life. ( also i fully maintain that pep stan drinks the enlightenment flavor and ravenstan drinks the raspberry one -- crunchy eco kings ) my favorite one is the passion terrere one. it's like the only one that doesn't come in a can and only comes in a glass bottle...that ice cold passion terrere mate in the glass...it hits so different than the can...oh my god. so good.

and as far as monsters go, i pretty much only drink pipeline punch bc i'm a pretty pink princess and that's what hot girls drink <3 but other than that i drink black coffee because i am an exhausted teacher girlie, but that's purely for fuel. to be honest, i rarely drink energy drinks just for fun, i only have caffeine to stay upright.

which isn't a great idea...but...i am not a role model....

speaking of:

so i told riley this story the other day, bc i needed to get her brilliant genius girl insight on energy drink flavors because she is the sugar free energy queen ( riley's answer was kyle x ultra strawberry dreams and stan x ultra mango fiesta, which, everyone say thank u riley <3 )

-- also god if you are real, bring back the watermelon lime venom you discontinued, you sick fuck, it was riley's favorite, thank you for giving us lovely orange heart stan, and fuck you very much for making ME, bitch! come on down, king! you won't! why the fuck would you extend my coworkers vacation! fight me, ugly!!!! --

and i was telling her about how i am the chaotic kenny friend, i make really bad, chaotic decisions, have no self preservation, hype and gas up my extremely bad ideas and convince myself i'm big brain, wow.

and...oof. so like 2-3 years ago during finals week, i had a fuck ton of essays and projects due ( i was a very bad student btw which is funny bc i'm a teacher ) and no idea how i was gonna do them, so i had the Brilliant Idea...to buy three Random bang energy drinks...

AND SHOTGUN ALL OF THEM BACK TO BACK LIKE BEER CANS.

ohhhhhhhhhhhh my god, party girl nina. help. crying.

and yknow, i thought this was such a good idea! i was like wow i'm gonna be so awake, i am going to b invincible.

i....was not Invicible. i was...very, very sick. i was like almost catatonic and shaking on the floor of my dorm bathroom, lmao. i had to have my roomate take a picture of me on the floor and text all my teachers what happened, which, thank god they were all really nice and laughed but...i feel like that tells you everything you need to know about me...people who think i'm their hero...i am a fucking idiot.

but!! BUUUUTTT! just for You, baby. i deep dived a lot of forums and read a lot about the flavor profiles and think...i made a pretty accurate assertion of what my kid's energy drink preferences are <3

me: paris hilton pipeline punch bc i am bad as hell ;)

stan the man with the plan: okay, so i think that pep stan is definitely that ultra paradise monster energy. it just seems really crisp, clean, earthy. stan also doesn't really care for sweets or sugar, so it makes sense to me that he would be drinking a zero sugar monster ( kyle is disgusted ) idk the kiwi, lime, cucumber flavor profile just feels like pep stan. please tell me you can see the vision, help.

kyle pile: hmmm...so what i've concluded with my research is that kyle pile probably likes that pacific pipeline monster that seems to taste like fruit punch <3 it has to be the full sugar ones because of his blood sugar and stan does kind of scold kyle for drinking them bc he's not really supposed to and he gets really cracked out ahdslkshd like he's really cute but stan is like oh my god bro you gotta lay down but yeah i think that one or the orange dreamsicle one, which is hilarious because the only foods stmwtp canonically does not like are pickles and artifical orange flavoring...he really loves kp.

raven: soooooo i know that i said pep stan was the mango loco monster energy, BUT RAVENSTAN IS LITERALLY THE MANGO LOCO MONSTER ENERGY LIKE HELLO??? also i feel like he is like those mexican dads that put a little tajin in whatever they're eating and act like they've invented fire heeeeeelp ravenstan is so the dad that cuts u up fruit into little shapes and pus tajin on them and feeds u them when ur sad <333 luv u raven ;-; <3 but yeah i feel like he full on turns it into a raspado its so unserious sometimes theres a shot in there, it's usually the spicy tamarind smirnoff vodka,

...what can i say my man is a visionary and i see it

jersey: oooookaaaaay. so...sigh. for Obvious Reasons, pre and during rm, because of kyle's ed, he only drinks the sugar free monsters. for energy because he's exhausted ( my baby </3 ) but i also do think he thinks they taste good. i think he fucks with that ultra watermelon flavor that just tastes like the most beautiful, delectable, mouth watering liquid watermelon candy ever. i also think he could rock with the strawberry or the peach one sounds dank.

if the watermelon one isn't there it does stress him out, but he has a mental list of what one is next on the tier list, and acts accordingly. its kind of a nice change of pace but...his brain does not think that. however, when kyle is healing, weirdly enough, i think he ACTUALLY LIKES???? those coffee flavored ones??? which is Insane and everyone including tweek points and laughs at him

i hope...that suffices? you're totally welcome to offer me what you think is the right answer: you're the monster expert, after all. but this is what i feel in my heart! i think it feels accurate but, lmk! :')

and also...speaking of my job. UUUUUUGH. thank you baby. :((( i am actually criminally depressed because my fucking HOE-WORKER fucking extended his vacation ONE MORE WEEK! so i have to cover all his shifts for an extra week while he's on vacation. so that means i don't get to watch my testing accommodation kids who i miss very much, i still don't get his kinder reccess shift and literally??? spring break is next week like he couldn't WAIT???? holy fuck i'm Sad. :(

but i will be fine darling. but it's actually why i wanted to see if you could send me another anon so i can use that anon to talk about trans stan journey stuff? i just don't want it to get lost in this post and also, i'm not in great spirits rn and don't want to answer it until i can write something that's not flaming garbage.

but happy late birthday baby, i'm so glad you were born. <333

-uncle nina, monster shot gun queen

p.s. what is your favorite monster energy? :)

#BB IF YOU CALL YOUR MESSAGE STUPID ONE MORE TIME #I AM GOING TO PUT YOU IN SO MANY BLANKETS AND FEED YOU SO MANY SNACKS AND BRAID UR HAIR #KNOCK IT AWHFF!!!!!!#you are so loved and this was no stupid at all and i actually had a lot of fun reading all about all the monster flavors #i'm sorry if its not totally accurate i did my best #i'm sorry the green one is so much more pep stan #and the mango loco one is actually raven #like thats just the right answer #ravenstan drinking the mango loco monster w the tajin rim...like he's kind of a genius oh my god #him turning them into a cursed mixed drink is foul tho i just know his head hurts after that #i cant believe i had jersey likes the coffee ones that is so foul #but him drinking the no sugar ones and drinking the candy flavored ones bc he is like 7 years old #theyre so cute lkahdkshd also kyle pile also likes the cherry blade lemonade bang energy that feels right to me #BUT YEAH I HOPE THIS MADE YOU SMILE #TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK HAHA #also sorry i didnt give you the Serious answer in that post but ravens trans journey is really important to me #and i really want to honor that and not rush it or write it when i am in a bad mood...ill make it worth it for you my love #but uuuugh no im in such a bad mood like im actually so frustrated like this is just not fair to me #me n the older kids are starting to kind of be alright but it kind of ebbs and flows like its better somedays and worse others #but they are stuck with just me for another week so were managing tbh my coworker was dad and im mom basically #im more like stepmom and they dont really like me bc ur not my real mom but like at least im nice lmao #but yeah happy birthday baby hope you enjoyed this and i will get you the answers you seek very soon mWAAAAH #also not me shotgunning 3 bang energies and throwing up and having to have my friends email my professors #when i tell you im not a role model i mean that i am a joke i make such bad decisions #live fast die young bad girls do it well

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drewsaturday · 1 month

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i am. so bad at socializing online as someone who gets the majority of their socialization online.

#txt #i think like. as a kid on the interwebs tm i didnt think about it as much i just #i wanted to talk or i wanted to talk to someone and so i would just message whoever fell within that #and i think online/offline status symbols helped whereas now i pay no attention to them #but anyway now i just have something barring me from ever messaging people and it's kind of a problem ???#i used to have intense anxiety about not wanting to be annoying etc etc #and that's mostly gone so what's left is just a weird void of not remembering how #to do the incredibly simple task of talking to people because i beat the habit out of me #this is why im so annoying at making posts bc i put all of that energy here instead #anyway it is something i know i need to fix #instead of only talking to people specifically when i have a justifiable Reason to #(which puts the whole socialization thing on other people and/or makes them think i dont like them which makes it all worse)#but it is such a simple thing to fail at i think there is no hope for me asj;dif #someone domesticate me

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mejomonster · 1 year

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I said I was writing a novel to someone

and they were like "oh that's good! Writings a good way to process what you've been through" and hoo boy right then did it slam home that to a medical professional it would seem I got health problem related trauma out the wazoo

#rant #ToT i was like. she thinks... i write... to cope with nearly dying in the hospital and starving months and being cut up a lot and in #a bunch of stupid sucky internal pain???#i mean. i wouldnt say i Dont have medical trauma....#when i read The Body Keeps the Score i realized i probably had some even from birth #the whole premie baby unit thing. then a heart problem taking all my calories to keep me alivr making me a tiny child with chest pain #age 5 birthday appendicitis and mu mom told me i didnt even cry i just said to her i was sad i couldnt play #age 8 heart surgery Fixing the lifelong to that point bullshit so i gained 100 lbs almost innediately once body could STORE ENERGY and #wasnt nearly dying nonstop. age 17 mental health decided to try and kill me for several years which id say was worse but not medical?#then fixed mental uealth and GALBLADDER tried to hurt me nonstop agh #then this gastroparesis etc gi bullshit #anyway. um yes i suppose there may be somr medical trauma compoundint the ptsd for other reasons lmao #but. i write cause... i like silly queer morally grey faeries...#and explorint the idea of who is a #person how much can someone change before they cease to be them. and there can be love and safety #and community and better days even if we go thru suffering or feel everyrhing is The Worst #shdjdj but yeah at physical therapy she was like ah yes youre in mega pain daily #writing is a GREAT OUTLET #dhdhdjfj???!!!!#dude no i want to do boxing now thats an outlet. i need to hit stuff #dancing is my actual outlet btw. unless im too injured to dance :c then mentally im WANTING to dance

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xysidhequeen · 1 year

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Why is it that as soon as the symptoms of my chronic illness take a break I get a virus 😭 can 2023 give me a break? It's only been 8 days damn.

#in other news #getting a virus whilst chronically ill makes it so much worse #i already barely had energy to spare and now im running past empty #woke up and couldnt moce I just didnt have anything left to give

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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months

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...

#i truely have so much anger built up inside me about my job. ive done a very good job of making it unbearable #and after taking a 10 day vacation. plus 2 days of not working bc im sick. i really dont wanna go back #i was planning to take 3 days to not do fucking anything but my boss just emailed me with some time sensitive #logistical things. so like i guess i gotta fucking do that tomorrow. i started reading the email and it made my head hurt #and she started it off like. hopw ur feeling better and i dont wanna cause stress but...#like bro. listen. if u tell me these things u put them in my head and i csnt stop thinking abt them until theyre done. and its not her #fault bc im the one that put myself in a place where im barely keeping it together. its just frustrating #bc it feels like hope u feel better but also kill urseld 💖 but again thats just how it feels bc im so. idk how to describe it im like in a #state of post burnout. im sitting in the ash. alone in a desolate landscape and its like jesus how tf do i fix this?#and i cant even run out my anger rn bc im sick. and i mean i have the energy to run i dont feel lethargic but like i doubt that would aid #recovery lol. ugh. 2 months. thats all. then i move away. assuming i find a place to live lol. bc i currently haven't yet #but whatever. assuming i get better quickly and dont get worse and dont get covid on top of this cold bc my dad got covid #it will have been a bit of a blessing i came back sick bc i have a clear justification for not working and for telling people to fuck off #when they ask for things from me. like today a lab mate asked if i could sample Monday. which it technically #a holiday but i probably would have said yes if i wasnt sick. and i would have had to teach undergrads some bullshit friday if i wasnt sick #instead i just did nothing all day bc i almost moved bsck my flight and didnt leave home until the weekend anyway #i guess its good i didnt bc then i would have been stuck in ohio bc my dad found out he had covid yesterday #idk its all just frustrating bc im halfway in a transition and im not doing very well but i cant do anything to fix things until i leave #the southwest. like i dont even kno if i have health insurance rn. my benifits change request was processed but like does thst mean it was #approproved? fucking idk. so everytime i do anything i imagine a worstcase scenario where i end up hospitalized and damned to an empty #bank account or eternal medical debt. tho my mum said they passed a law where they arnt allowed to do thst to u anymore 🤷‍♂️#whatever. im annoyed. i dont wanna work 😫#unrelated

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illputdownmyrootswhenimdead · 1 year

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i dont care if either of my parents have adhd too because it doesnt matter.

however. if i had to pick which one of them i got it from it would undeniably be my dad because that man has something divergent in his neuros for sure

#my mom gave me depression and my dad gave me adhd. could be worse #dove talks #i think its funny to jokingly pathologize my parents behaviors because they did that to me up until i actually got any diagnoses #baby dove heard about how weird and bad at socializing and sad he was every day but the minute i got diagnosed with anything #my parents were like whaaaat no youre sooooo normal though??#i am not!#my mom asked how i can have adhd when im not hyperactive and im like. monica. dude #why do you think i used to run literally miles every day even in the hottest part of the year or in the snow #because if i didnt i would have way too much energy and annoy everyone #also they should have realized i have Conditions when as a kid i couldnt brush my teeth because it feels so unpleasant #it wasnt like oh brushing my teeth is uncomfortable it was like. i would have actual meltdowns about it because it was so awful for me #i wasnt just being stubborn it was really distressing #it got better as i got older and found ways to make it easier for me but it still sucks #anyway thanks for reading the secret tag rambles

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jrueships · 2 years

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Aries and leo (kyle and demar)

OKAY so this is gonna be a long one, im a leo but i have a lot of aries friends n people who im close to, after like 50 years of knowing me finally get told my bday n they're always like 'i thought you were an aries!' Idk why! So yea, long one!

Leos things are i guess they're like cats? They want your attention n if they don't get they, they will act like people they really aren't. Leos are HUGE actors. They loove actin the villain ESPECIALLY, or acting like they have inflated egos but not REALLY. They love pretending to be bigger than they really are (cough. Ja. Who's diseased with sun leo moon leo.) They HATE accountability for BAD things, they'll take the good things but stay away from any criticism. N i know bcs me using they instead of i to describe my own sign should be telling. People love to put out that leos are super cocky n prideful n they can SEEM to be, but it's really more internal than exterior. Leos just SHOW you exterior so they can SEEM exterior. You'll see a leo show off for his friends (WORST thing for a leo to do is SHOW OFF.. for someone. Because leos will turn into people they aren't all to impress the person they want attention from, they're that desperate), n think he's an annoying asshole! He doesnt have cognizance lol! But, in his head, 2 seconds after doin that he's actually zoned out thinking 'why the hell did i do that that's so embarrassing.'

You know??? Like it's EASY to put em in a box, but they HATE being put in a box. They're always MORE than what a person THINKS, they HAVE to be! That's their REAL pride, not a direct everything is about me, but similar. I know me personally.. i think the most selfish self-preserving thoughts ever. It's scary the lengths my mind will go to scenario me the only survivor of something. I HATE being in places I can't control because of it, like Rollercoasters (but i also love rollercoasters). The WORST and BEST thing a leo can do sometimes is get in their own head. Sometimes you can dig deep n realize that who you were yesterday SHOULDNT be you n it's NOT you n you gotta improve! Othertimes it's selfish thoughts that you don't think are selfish until 2 seconds later, which makes you hate yourself more because 'damn?? I was really ready to jump on that idea?? Wtf is wrong with me man!' LIKE! leos THINK, but they don't want others to THINK they THINK cus they want you to THINK they can do things without THINKING. namean? Like everything they do, they meant to. It's all gotta look entertaining but flawless to people.

N people reminding them they rlly aren't flawless can fly the wrong way. It's always personal, YOU sought out a problem in MY performance because YOU just hate MY jokes or MY shine. You don't ACTUALLY think it's terrible, you think I'M terrible. N that makes them realize everything was an act n that act wasn't even good. N that makes em think n a leo doesn't wanna think cus it CAN lead to progression, but it involves accountability and forced self change. Leos who always say 'oh im not LIKE other leos like im not the STEREOTYPE', you lowkey gotta watch out for. Cus yea, leos do get a stereotype but people gotta understand that it's just STRESSED. Those factors DO apply to leo, just not exactly in the way others perceive it to. A leo that recognizes that will be a leo who's still pretty prideful on the inside yeah, but will always TRY and improve. A leo will always try to be better than they once were. Fueled by pride because they always need a worse comparison, yeah, but when they reach a higher better level.. they ARE becoming better. THEY just gotta realize that even tho who they are now is better than who they once were.. it could be a low bar to beat. They COULDVE been really terrible, switched the flavor, n are now thinkin 'i don't gotta do anything. Im the best i can be now, definitely better than who i once was' n they stop THERE. it's easy for a leo to get stuck in the state of mind they think fits them. What a leo needs is to learn to realize n accept accountability n USE that pride into BETTERMENT.

I'm someone who doesn't take any criticism well because my first thoughts n reactions to it is 'you're disappointed. You hate me'. I have to MAKE myself step back n realize that's not the case. They're trying to actually HELP me. Not hate me. Even with school papers now, i have to look at the feedback, think out all the negative thoughts i instantly get from it, THEN come back like 'yeah this makes sense'

THATS where the aries leo connection comes in i think. People think they won't get along, aries and leo do things without thinking and that can lead to some hurtful or embarrassing stuff, but if they can both realize HOW bad they can get n are willing to try n improve from it, they can be a great duo. They have similar issues n similar solutions, moving on. Leos are quick to forgive themselves in a sense that they're forgiving their PRESENT self n hating the past. An aries can understand that because they work quick. Aries can be mean then flash into forgiveness. Leos and aries can hurt each other, realize they've hurt, and forgive each other as they move into a LARGER friendship FROM that. It seems weird to others, but it's just them! They GET it. They're both easily misinterpreted, and can bond from it.

Because a LOT of people can easily love an aries THEN hate them. An aries can be super sweet n funny, but for people who hold things for a long time with stagnant thought... they can hate them when an aries gets mad. Like my senior English teacher was an aries (zodiac girls in my class asked him), n whenever the previous class put him in a bad mood, he'd take it out on his honors class. Which isn't FAIR, but it's an aries. Aries gotta let stuff out. That's just how they operate. BUT because they gotta let things out, they can ALSO be super deep, direct, n SURPRISINGLY emotional. Lots of people just wrote my teacher off as a grump, but when he WAS happy, he was SUPER nice to us. Super sensitive to what we had to say, gave a big speech a lot about knowing we'd do well in whatever future lied ahead. Keeps in touch with his old students after they graduate. IT'S EASY to write them off as not sensitive, but they ARE. Just like it's easy to write off a leo for acting.

Aries can help a leo because they experience similar issues, but they NEVER act. They act on feelings, but they're FEELINGS. They don't care what they come off as, n i enjoy that a lot! THEY just need someone who's willing to wait it out whenever they're being an asshole. My teacher WAS a good teacher who DID like our class, but his attitude sometimes could just make a student hate him n that's it. Like.. idk. You CAN hate an aries, but you gotta learn you can love em as well. They're not ALWAYS gonna be like this, same as a leo. They both CHANGE. Not always for the better but they change n cus they share that, they can help each other thru the change

I think the beauty in an aries leo relationship is people thinkin they can be super toxic cus it makes sense. But they can a completely adverse direction and turn something terrible into something so beautiful cus THATS what they BOTH can do! Change !!

#my s/o is an aries n he can be an asshole but i love him ig 🙄#we met when we were both bullies tho n i threw rocks at him #middleschool ted.. bad ted. sometimes i gotta remember i still carry traits from the past n i may always #i just have to work on em to make em better but theyll always be there #anyways i had to move around a lot as a kid cus of alot tragedy in my life which isnt an excuse but an explanation i guess?#i dont victimize it n admit i was a dick #still can be so i gotta always take a step back n realize what im doin #but anyways ive lived rough so my first thought when moving is i gotta BE rough #so id move to a new school n my first goal was taking down the school bully which sounds heroic n COULDVE been #but no i just took down the school bully and became worse than him that was always the plan #most of the bullies were aries lol i know that cus id do whatever research i can on em to help learn what they hated #i couldve been puttin that energy into like idk! learnin the months in order or shit n i didnt n now im stupid!#it's not cool n im not proud of it 😭 but yeah one of my bullies turned out to be my s/o like YEARS years later #cus we both realized later that we sucked n we reconciled #PRETTY wild but thats how leos n aries operate n not everybody can always have the energy to take that!#i get it!#sometimes a leo n an aries gotta realize they can come across badly n it's on THEM #idk tho! these are just my thots! take em with a grain of salt lol!#this ones more analysis than funny! read if u want or dont idc!#thanks for askin! hope this helps u get at least what kyle demar get ig!#ted tumbunity things

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ironmanstan · 2 years

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Truly amazing how the minute I attempt to do something of my own accord i can finally understand it. Guy who hates english class and can't wrap his head around analyzing things for years until ey start analyzing eir stupid little characters and medias and suddenly ey understand everything and love brain damaging thought processes and consuming media again

#i think in a very funny way i truly truly used to only enjoy like books for the in the moment emotions and maybe worldbuilding #never in a themes or characters way #but like how often do you find those in YA novels #i didnt even like romance ive always hated romance in stories and as a child thought it made stories worse #so like really really makes sense why i like didnt care about reading for a few years lol #analyzing media is so fun. i dont mean this in a reddit man way i promise #i just mean like i usually forever only go crazy about worldbuilding bc i just love it. the way people interact and create culture #and that in turn shapes the world and society. thus builds a world. i love fictional histories its so neat and fun #ig looking at how characters build themselves as people and influence the direct people close to them like. gives the same feeling #its cool its nice its so fun #this is a nonesense post and its 4 am dont pay me. any mind.#im so tired and going to be more tired later and will have no energy to be alive. i need to speak now. will the real rohan please stand up.#the gamer speaks uwu

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be-good-to-bugs · 3 days

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all i ever wanna do is sleep but my body wont even let me have at least a normal amount

#the bin #i havent had almost any energy in so goddamn long. its hard for me to even do my daydreaming because i just dont hqve the energy to stand up #i hate feeling so exhausted all the time. its so much worse since i also feel so depressed always too #nothing makes me feel better :( i spend every second feeling like garbage.#i hate that nobody has ever taken me seriously when i talk about how bad it feels. they dont understand how absolutely horrible it is to #just not have any friends whatsoever. they dont believe it feels that bad.#im trying so hard to feel better but i cant. i havent fekt this incapable of happiness for such a prolonged time ever #im trying to draw stuff to make myself happy but it isnt working at all. i think my room being cluttered is part 9f the problem but even if #i were to fix it i doubt it woule help much if at all. i feel like i reached the point where ive spent too long not have any social #connection or anything like that and my brain just cant do it anymore. tine spent with my sister was ALWAYS awkward and uncomfortable #and there was a lot of issues but it was still something. that something is gone and now i talk to nobody at all #this kinda happened to me several years ago when she left for a few months and i didnt talk to thevrest of my family much #im glad im done with our relationship. at this point i cant even pretend to be friendly when i see her. she just keeps doing shitty stuff #even within the past month. everytime i see her i find out about more shitty stuff. i hate her so much. the sound of her voice makes me #wanna rip my hair out. i never wanna ever speak to her again. i have to. and i will. but god. if s #i dont know what ill do to meet people once im moved but i hope i can figure it out quickly. i cant do THIS anymore. i will literally die

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toastsnaffler · 10 months

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nvm im too tired and overstimulated for this shit

#.vent #i only slept a couple hours last night man. i cant do short notice evening socials on an empty tank let alone resist unexpected rsd #if they had let me know earlier then i wouldve taken a nap and worked out beforehand to get my energy back up #idk just. if u rly want my company then maybe u should actually invite me next time. its not like they didnt plan it #even if they just forgot its not particularly pleasant to be the one person insignificant enough to forget abt. theres only 5 of us #they rly remembered to ask the one guy who isnt even here before me yknow. ugh u see the stupid thoughts i have to battle!!#like on a rational level ik it was probably genuinely accidental. but the way i instinctively react is not always rational #so regardless someone has to deal with the emotional fallout and thats me. regulating this shit is hard work even when im NOT tired asf #i really really dont want to be an asshole and spoil anyones fun bc its no-ones fault + as real as it feels to me rn ik im overreacting #but i cant voluntarily expose myself to personal triggers when im already exhausted + more vulnerable than usual #so just gotta shut myself in my room and deal with it in my own super healthy ways as per usual. may they never fucking find out #trying my best not to be an asshole i hope to fucking god they dont think im being an asshole i just told them i was tired + i meant it #this wouldnt be so much of a problem if it hadnt happened to me before. and also ik its bc one rsd trigger makes me more sensitive-#to picking up unrelated cues but there ARE other things they do that i find ostracising which rly dont fucking help. but-#theyre not things i can actually confront them abt so usually i just gotta deal w it which is fine but it lowers my general tolerance #its ok. its ok i like them all a lot theyre lovely ppl and it doesnt matter if there is a some grain of truth in the things im thinking #bc the risk of me believing + acting on a bad faith irrational thought leads to outcomes that are far worse than those from #misidentifying someones malicious behaviour towards me as neutral by accident/in good faith. okay im done now i think #just ignore me spewing out the old brain gunk on main again eurgh anyway im gonna go calm myself and read and SLEEP #ill be normal by tomorrow morning farewell comrades #honestly i dont mind dealing w shit this way bc its the best option for everyone but man. sometimes its so fucking lonely #like there are sides of me ppl will never engage with and for good reason but without them being acknowledged i find it rly hard to feel-#any real emotional intimacy or closeness with another person. but what other option is there #i sure as hell dont miss the fights i used to constantly get into when i wasnt able to regulate myself i lost so many friends that way #it is what it is. on we go for now

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jvzebel-x · 10 months

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🦋

#so the past few days i have been on maybe a down swing w both my mental+physical health #bc ive managed to eat the exact minimum amount of calories necessary for my meds bc everything makes me sick #but nothing is more motivation to choke shit down&keep it there than the idea of rebounding from missing my fucking meds LMAO #anyway my energy levels have been on par w that of a sickly sloth for the past couple days bc of it #&that+everything else is not like. GREAT for my mental state. lmao.#&like i just got the remainder of the root removed from that tooth i yanked out of my fucking head a million years ago lmao #&i am once again reminded of the fact that-- truly-- there IS a force out there somewhere that wants me to fucking starve to death. lmao.#... its probably karma. lmao.#no matter what i Do Not appreciate it.#my four week review is up this week for the new meds&i need to sit down+do an honest workup on how ive felt&w/e so i dont go in blind #but the idea of doing one makes my head hurt lmao.#the one upside to all this is that of the ~15 foods recd for me to eat one is ice cream&another is malts #so maybe once i cry unreasonably thru a chocolate malt like a pussy ill be in a better place for that LMAO.#... i wanted to be a dentist when i was like five&obv that didnt stick (lmao) but it did assure that i was never afraid of the dentist #&i thought about that stroke of luck a couple times today lmao so it could definitely be worse. 🤷🏾‍♀️

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nymphany · 9 months

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COD X PUPPY HYBRID! READER

Masterlist

MINORS DNI

WARNING:CONTAINS SEMI DARK THEMES DO NOT READ IF YOURE NOT INTRESTED

Fic contains: taboo / dark content please read this warning if you are triggered by any of this material

Reader info:

Referred with: she/her/girl/you

British! Pan! Short! Afab! Feminine! Reader

Coming soon: cat, bunny, mouse, deer, bear, cow, lamb and bird version

♡ callsign: cadaver!

♡ oh where to start with this little ball of energy!!!

♡ shes so dumb </3 but she's good at her job so that's all that matters

♡ it was a surprise to 141 to be presented with the least intimidating hybrid as their newest addition to the team

♡ this bubbly little thing who was practically shaking in excitement, her tail wagging so hard it looked like it was about to fly off

♡ naturally the men were disappointed that they're newest member wasnt some unbeatable tank but instead a tiny thing who was fueled by praise and treats

♡ speaking of praises and treats gaz cant help but spoil you!! Price tells him not to

"she wont listen if you give her so many treats"

"shes a good girl she always listens"

• hes right you do always listen, you're very obedient maybe too obedient

♡ despite his denial of your treats, your favourite man is obviously price <3 something about puppies and grumpy old men is a match made in heaven !!

♡ you like his ear scratches the best especially when you're in his office with your head on his lap

♡ he says he only likes you for your work but everyone knows that's a lie especially when he pays extra attention to you during lunch. Hes just making sure you eat all your food so you're big and strong

♡ you know how some dads pet their dogs my giving their back a good smack and rub? that's what hed do to you <3

♡ he has a wide selection of beef jerky in his office but you only eat it when someone feeds it to you <3 they're not allowed to hand it to you or place it infront of you they must feed it to you directly!! Makes you happy (you try your best not to nip at their fingers when they feed you but you just get so happy you cant help it)

♡ ghost can never be sarcastic around you your dumb brain cant handle it :( "go count every grain of rice in the kitchens if you're so bothered 'bout the numbers" and you do!!! he feels horrible because he knows you suck at counting :(( it must of took you ages to even get to 50

♡ its okay because it gives soap and gaz an excuse to pamper you!! You dont exactly understand why you're being pampered (must be because you're such a good girl for counting all that rice) but you accept it. It does make ghost feel so much worse for making you do things he didnt mean </3

"You're such a good puppy! You're so good at listening and you're so pretty!"

"Gaz that's enough I already said sorry"

"Aw come on Lt you made the poor thing count every grain of rice cant expect us to not rub it in can ya"

♡ ghost does make it up to you eventually, he takes you on walks around the base and points out secrets and tells you their stories

"Oi pup Do you see that dent in the wall?"

"Yes!"

"Johnny came back after a night out and rammed himself into it thinking his shadow was an intruder"

♡ they always have atleast one of your chew toys on them at all times after they noticed you chewing the inside of your mouth, your fingers, their sleeves or just anything you could fit in your mouth

♡ SCENTING!!!!

♡ your team must smell like you all the time, always, forever !!!! Whenever you get them alone youre immediately licking them!! Sometimes you bite but you're working on it <3

♡ if they come back from somewhere you have to smell them, what if they smell like another hybrid hmm?!?! >:((

♡ which is why you hate baths.

♡ they wipe away all your hard work I mean come on it's not easy to get the scent of your four favourite men nor is it easy to scent them!!! They're constantly around other people >:(((((

♡ luckily you arent the smartest so it's easy to trap and lure you in with kisses <3

♡ some one HAS to be in the bath/shower/ room with you

1. you cant be trusted not to eat the soap (smell nice ≠ taste nice)

2. Its scary in there

3. You get distracted and forget to even get in the bath/shower

♡ they treat you so well though !!! your ears and tail are always so soft when you let gaz wash them, he takes such good care of the soft fur and he never ever let's the bubbles stay in your ears and he spends a good long time near your tail but you have no idea why <3

♡ soap likes washing your body! He loves watching you relax as he takes his time to make sure you're clean, he loves letting you lean against him as he washes your back and loves watching the suds run down your body. hes so sweet that he makes sure to pay extra attention to your sensitive areas <3

♡ price is the one tasked to dry you off, you seem to only listen to him anyway (of course you do, your dumb doggy brain has to listen to the leader of your pack)

♡ he pulls you against him using your towel as leverage, he so graciously put it in the dryer to warm up so you're all toasty and warm. You sit in his lap while he rubs your body dry whispering praises about your "bravery" to even go into the bath/shower

♡ Which leaves ghost in charge of your skin care!! This big scary man lathering your body in lotions and creams so you're all soft and smooth. He loves the moans and whimpers when he presses down on your weak spots <3

"Oi mutt stop licking the moisturiser"

"No no nooo :((( Say the thing :((("

"....Simons says stop licking the moisturiser"

♡ you never wear clothes after your bath/shower, they're lucky to get underwear on you, you need to be as open to they're scents as possible!! Maybe you'll wear their clothes but only maybe

♡ our puppy wasn't meant to meet Alejandro and Rudy until the mission was over but she said her nose could be put to good use and laswell couldnt help but agree (puppy definitely didn't bribe her or anything puppy hugs do wonders)

♡ at first alejandro didnt even see the girl behind the mountain sized men, assuming it's only ghost and soap coming along

"This is cadaver, our k9 unit she'll be coming along with us"

"Hello!"

"Ah un perro! you'll be very useful"

♡ it was a tight squeeze in the backseat, two military men left little room but it's okay you enjoy sitting on their laps so it's not much different

"So they call you cadaver?"

"Yes sir!"

"You good at hunting corpses?"

"Uh huh! very good! The best!"

"Good because we're looking for a dead man walking"

":00?? A zombie :((("

♡ overall you got on very well with alejandro and Rudy <3 whenever they passed you they always gave a light scratch to your ear

♡ you dont understand the language but you like the attention and that's all that matters, they're so nice and help you cool off in the sun, you just need to get naked so they can help cool you off just let them help dont even worry about it

♡ you liked graves when you met him he got so hyped up on missions the energy traveled to you

♡ although he definitely tries to make you loyal to him and him only (mmm yummy dark! Graves <3<3) hes always been a fan of hybrids especially the vulnerable ones. Hes best at love bombing you, filling you with treats, pets and roaming hands. Hes a sucker for puppy girls

♡ valeria made you cry when you met her :(( well it was actually rudy but he didnt mean to he felt awful :(((

"Perro estúpido, solo eres una perra reproductora, ¿no? no hay pensamientos en esa linda cabeza tuya"

"Thank you :D"

"Dont thank her shes insulting you"

":(((("

• he gave you so many hugs, treats and kisses after he apologized profusely he forgot how sensitive you are he just didnt want you to thank her for insulting you :((

♡ mommy valeria tho so shes easily forgiven with a few fake compliments.

"You must think twice as hard with that brain of yours"

"Oh no! I dont even think once! :D"

♡ you entertain her, although she does wonder how it would feel to live in your head for a day

"Even the dogs in Las almas know not to bark at me"

"Oh no silly! We're in a shipping container"

"Yes in Las almas"

"Since when"

♡ thinking about how puppy got to keep valeria company while the big strong men go fight, guard dog duties !! Dont ask her how she got naked... and why valerias fingers are pruned... that's not important and you should mind your business

♡ cadaver has a muzzle and harness <3 !!! If you've ever been checked for harness safety you'll understand the feeling of being tugged around and how easy it is to want to jump someones bones

♡ ZOOMIES!!!

♡ always at odd hours too but you cant help it !! you have a lot of energy and you're too dumb to put that energy to good use :(( so it's only natural you jump on everyone and everything <3

♡ nesting with all of their clothes and belongings and they cant stop you or they'll get viciously attacked (you will cry)

♡ sticker collection (scented ones are the best) + mask decorating with ghost !!!!!

♡ konig is a scary big giant man whose just a silly guy at heart but jesus christ he needs to shrink

♡ the first time you met him you actually didnt see him, assuming the sun had exploded and the solid black mass that obscured your vision was the end of the world only to be corrected by an apology from the wall itself

"ah I'm so sorry I didnt see you there"

"Me neither :D"

♡ so big and scary but so warm and protective!! Ghost doesn't like you near konig he doesnt like sharing his toys with kortac

♡ you still hang out with him whenever you get the chance!! <3 friendship bracelets for all!! You did however underestimate how big these mens wrists were and cried when they wouldnt fit

༺*:ﾟ･✧･:*:ﾟ･♡ NSFW ♡･ﾟ:*:･✧･ﾟ:*༻

♡ oral fixation all the way !!

♡ mouth cockwarming!!!! Below prices desk? Yes!! Feeling sleepy and need to suck on something?? Soap is your guy!! Want to learn about the human anatomy? Rudy is there to help

♡ sweaty balls in my mouf

♡ slobbering on them until they scrunch up like raisins, suck the man juice out of them

♡ our puppy has a leash and collar so it's only natural they use it on you, held back by the neck as one of them is pounding into you

♡ puppy likes scent and prefers sex before

and after a work out

♡ listen... piss kink

♡ I just feel like they'd be in a meeting and she tries so so sooo hard to tell someone she needs to pee but they keep telling her to hold it (graves) but she just cant price made sure to keep her hydrated during lunch :(( it's too much and her bladder isnt big enough

♡ whimpers fill the air the sound of dripping water accompanying it their heads turning to face her as sobs bubble out of her mouth along with apologise while she so desperately cover her face to avoid the embarrassment. Her thighs clenched desperately to stop the stream but her attempts were In vain

♡ the first to realise what had happened was soap the fact that he was sitting next to her and had perfect view access to her entire body

"Aw pet don' cry its jus' an accident, happens to the best of us"

♡ :(((( shes so upset but our boys dont mind shes usually so well behaved and she obviously didn't mean to do it on purpose

"Oh puppy you tried so hard to tell us and we completely ignored you didnt we?"

"Uh huh"

"Yeah? And we didnt listen when you said you couldnt hold it did we"

"No i- but I- I did try to hold I really tried hard b-but I couldnt an- and now I've made a mess"

♡ they cant ignore the arousal they get from seeing her soaked and sobbing <3 they know it's wrong, shes upset and embarrassed but they just cant help it

♡ graves is a gross man who looks like fix it felix but dont let that fool you he 100% loves the control he gets from a piss kink especially for our puppy, he likes making you hold it and then mocks you in a high pitched voice but your dumb little brain thinks hes comforting you

♡ I think simon is more one for fucking you until you pee, he usually does it in the shower so he can wash off but he doesnt mind getting dirty, he likes the feeling of your cunt squeezing and gushing around him especially if you try to tell him to stop. Youre gonna pee? Yeah? Do it

♡ gaz is someone who likes to watch you pee he loves the view <3 the fluttering of your cunt draws him in road trip side of road

♡ Johnny, similar to his L.T, is someone who teases you until you pee. Rubbing your clit until its puffy and sore and you cant hold yourself up right let alone your bladder

♡ alejandro and Rudy like watching you wiggle they'll purposefully fill you with liquid and press on your tummy just to watch you squirm, they have bets on who can make you loose it first

♡ price pees in you

♡

♡ theres a reason hes your favourite

♡ you know how I talked about scenting??... I hate to break it to you but she has definitely peed on them/their stuff at some point

♡ you mostly pee on price

♡ "what are you doing"

"Nothin"

"Where are you pants"

"I dont know"

"You're not gonna pee on the floor are you"

"No"

"That's right you're not because that would be bad"

"bad"

"Thats right bad"

"..."

"...."

"Just a little"

"No-"

♡ heats are always a pain for you :(( so horny and so wet desperate for someone to fill you with the pups you need. You drive the team crazy with your whimpers and cries but they know you cant help it, you're just achey :(((

♡ bullet vibrators are your best bet as they obviously cant fuck you 24/7 so that small buzzing of pleasure keeps you satiated until they can get their hands on you, the first time you had your heat you couldnt get the small thing out :(( your fingers were too small and it was so slippery you couldnt grasp it :((( you're so lucky your captain is kind enough to help you <3 dont think about his fingers wiggling inside you hes just trying extra hard to get it out that's why hes pumping them in and out of you

♡ sometimes they have to keep you in a cage because you wont stop begging to be stuffed, they dont want a rookie to think that they're allowed to overstep their place just because your in heat

♡ you hump everything!!!! Nothing is safe they take their shirt off for one second and it's on a pillow being jumped by no other than you!! You absolute fiend!!!

♡ you follow them around everywhere you love being around you favourite men!!!

♡ when 141 go on a mission you're left with Rudy and alejandro who always give in to you whines and begs <3 they treat you so well always stuffing you full when you need it, letting you have as much cum as you please, it makes the 141 so jealous that they have to fuck you as soon as they get back!

♡ graves probably pimps out puppy to his shadows there I said it

♡ konig isnt to slick with his touches either, he may think hes going undetected but that's only by our dumb mutt the other men are fuming with him. He let's you sit in his lap, his bear like hands inbetween your thighs rubbing along your most intimate areas you dont exactly connect what hes doing and hes completely okay with that just grind yourself back on him.

♡ he probably asks horangi to help him out, probably stretching you to prepare for the brute of the man

♡ definitely think gangbangs are a big part of your heat, vibrators, plugs, rope and muzzles are all items your familiar with. I like to think they just come and go when fucking you it's almost like a brothel

♡ they definitely finger fuck you while doing mindless tasks, brushing their teeth? You're bent over the sink pushing yourself back onto them, doing paperwork? Being cockwarmed by your snug lil cunt, lifting weights? You're bouncing on their cock weighing them down

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