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mageofseven · 10 months

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Nesting with Birdie: A BarbMams Love Story

Chapter 10

Taglist: @astroseuss @zarakem @fcxyviixen @brielle043

Mammon stayed in the castle for another day to recover before returning home with Lucifer.

In truth...part of Mammon didn't wanna leave. He liked having Barb so close by and taking care of him.

However, the butler still had a job to do that he had been putting on hold for his pregnant birdie and the greed demon had a home to get back to.

It was better if he went home...that's what he told himself anyway.

Luckily, Lucifer has been pretty soft on his pregnant brother, to other guys' chagrin. The oldest was much more forgiving of the other man's blunders and would even let Mammon stay home from RAD on days when his morning sickness was worse than usual.

This really annoyed the other brothers, who knew nothing about the situation. Mammon still wasn't comfortable telling the others about his baby or even his boyfriend and Lucifer, despite being uncomfortable with secrets now of days, said nothing to the other brothers about Mammon's condition.

Lucifer was trying very, very hard to make up for his previous harsh treatment of his brother and simply refused to break the trust Mammon had put in him.

This had caused a bit of a rift between the two older brothers and the younger brothers though. Some of them tried to take it in stride while others were more vocal with their frustration; namely Belphie, Levi, and Asmo

And since the last two were the brothers Mammon was closest to...the poor pregnant man felt so abandoned and alone.

This went on for a couple months till Mammon was finishing his first trimester and entering his second.

Honestly...Mammon handled his changing figure hard. As his belly grew, ballooned out against his figure, it truly hit him; like ya, he knew he was pregnant before this, but it was a whole 'nother thing to actually see your body change from it and it was honestly overwhelming.

So between the physical sign of his kid growing and two of the brothers he used to hang out with the most still mad at him, the second brother was going through a dark phase

One he was at least gonna try to improve.

One day, Mammon met his brother in in his study, prompting the pride demon to quickly rise from his seat.

"Did something happen?"

The oldest had been a bit antsy in regards to Mammon since that day at the castle, which the second brother appreciated and all that but it was such a night n' day change that it honestly made the younger brother a bit uncomfortable.

"Nah...not really." Mammon mumbled. "I just...I was hopin' you could help me with somethin'..."

"Anything." Lucifer promised. "What do you need?"

"I..." The younger brother covered his small belly will his arms protectively. "I think I'm ready to tell the others 'bout Barb and my kid but...I dunno if I can do it by myself."

In truth, this was partly why he's held off this long. Mammon didn't have the guts to bring it up on his own, but he also didn't want to ask for help. It was only because of Barb that the pregnant man was here, asking his brother for help with the younger ones.

The oldest nodded.

"Of course." Lucifer pursed his lips. "How are you feeling?"

Mammon's eyes darted away.

"I dunno..."

Tired. Stressed. Lonely as fucked. Scared about the future for his kid but also the changes going on with his body.

He felt like the more his belly grew, the more his kid was screaming to the world a secret he was taught to be ashamed of and it was hard on this man's mental health, but saying this to his brother was a bit too much for the greed demon.

Lucifer walked around his desk and approached his brother.

"It'll be alright." He assured, putting his hand on his brother's shoulder. "The others will understand and you'll have less to worry about."

"I guess..." The other man mumbled back, tightening his hug on his belly.

Silence hung in the air for a minute before the pregnant man asked the question that has been burning in his brain for months.

"Hey...do ya...do ya have a problem with what I did?" Mammon asked softly. "That I...changed my...'thing' down there?"

Lucifer pursed his lips.

"I..." The man cleared his throat. "You did nothing wrong; I know this. However...I still need to unlearn some things from our old home."

"Do ya think less of me for it?"

"I think less of myself for it." His brother explained. "I...I always thought you could come to me about anything but..."

Luce closed his eyes.

"Why?" He asked. "Why did you do it? May I know at least that much?"

Damn it. The pregnant man's eyes started to tear up.

"I..." His gaze fell to his belly. "I don't...hell, I've never liked my body. I don't know for sure if I'm necessarily a girl or somethin' but I sure as hell ain't a guy...I've known that since I was freakin' kid but I could never say nothin' and--"

Mammon was getting choked up by their tears, causing Lucifer to pull his sibling in for a tight hug.

Mammon clung to their brother for dear life as they sobbed hard into his chest. This was the first time they told anyone this other than Barb; the fact that it was Lucifer of all people was very significant as well.

"I'm sorry..." They choked out. "I dunno what I am...just what I ain't..."

Lucifer pulled.

"Don't apologize." He told his sibling, putting his hands hands on both sides of their head. "This...I can only imagine how difficult this has been for you."

The brother sighed.

"I'll refer to you as whatever you need me to, alright?"

Mammon nodded before their brother pulled them into another hug.

So much was changing, but hopefully it will all work out.

#obey me #obey me otome #obey me mammon #obey me barbatos #obey me barbmams #obey me barbatos x mammon #obey me lucifer

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kaijuposting · 1 year

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15:27 Hours, at the K-Sci Lab

Doctor Newton Geiszler perches like a hawk on an empty examination table, bloodshot eyes staring through smudged glasses.

His colleague, Doctor Hermann Gottlieb, looks at him from behind a computer desk, nibbling his index fingernail with a frown.

Newt suddenly inhales, then lets out a bloodcurdling screech that resonates off the metal walls and echoes through the room.

Hermann startles in his seat and slams his hands on the desk in shock. He takes a long, slow breath. "Newton, what in God's name are you trying to do?"

Newt takes a deep breath and shifts. "I'm trying to get inside the headspace of a kaiju, man. Trying to figure 'em out, you know? If I can just... think like the kaiju, become the kaiju, maybe we can figure out how to defeat the kaiju?"

Hermann's frown deepens and he exhales every ounce of air in his lungs before leaning back in his chair. "That's not even remotely scientific," he spits.

Newt bares his teeth and lets out a startlingly low growl. "I don't know if you've noticed, Hermann, but I haven't had a good kaiju specimen in three weeks! Three weeks, Hermann! All I've had to work with are these half-rotted chunks of lower gut!" Newt takes another deep breath, and screeches again.

Hermann stares at him balefully. "Be that as it may, your juvenile behavior doesn't constitute any sort of science, and my ears and my head are worse off now."

Newt freezes and shifts slightly. "Yeah, well..." he begins, but there's no anger in his voice. Just exhaustion tinged with sadness. He sighs and grips the edge of the table.

"Imagine getting inside the mind of a kaiju, anyway. Why would you want to? All mindless killer instinct, that's all it is." Hermann's voice shakes faintly. For a moment his eyes meet Newt's, and they both realize that they're both scared and tired.

"No," Newt says. "That's not... that's not a real thing. Animals aren't just programmed to kill for the hell of it, there's gotta be something driving them, some instinct we don't understand."

"I don't want to understand," Hermann says flatly.

"Yeah, well, doing shit we don't wanna do is just the job here," Newt says.

"But imagine getting into the mind of a kaiju," Hermann says. "It can be bad enough getting inside another human's mind; have you heard what sorts of thoughts people have encountered in the drift?"

Newt's eyes widen. "The drift, that's it!"

Hermann's eyes widen with alarm. "What?" he asks.

"That's it, dude. I'm gonna... gonna drift with a kaiju. Dunno how, dunno when, but I'm gonna fucking do it. I just need a piece of brain. Oh, yes!" Newton hops up from the table.

Hermann grits his teeth and grabs an HR complaint form from the stack sitting on his desk, to write about Newt's screeching. He knows it will do nothing, but he's got to complain to someone, and he doesn't have anyone else. "You can't do it, Newton," he says as he grabs a pencil.

"Yeah I can," Newt says. "I can do it, and you can't stop me."

"Can't."

"Can! Can! Can!"

"Have you considered," Hermann said, "that you are extremely sleep-deprived and therefore not at all in a rational state of mind?"

"Ummm... sleep deprived, yeah. Irrational, no," Newt said. "I do my best work when I'm sleep deprived, trust me."

"Please, Newton. Get some sleep," Hermann says, his voice suddenly soft. He sets the pencil down. "We'll talk this over in the morning."

Newt blinks tiredly. "Yeah," he says. "Not gonna change my mind, but... you're right. I need sleep."

Hermann sets the form back on the pile, and he stands up and grabs his cane. "We both do," he says. "We both do."

#pacific rim #pacific rim ficlet #newt geiszler #newton geiszler #hermann gottlieb #newmann

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ddejavvu · 2 years

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congratulations on 5k!!!! this celebration is so cute <33

yellow tulips, purple hyacinths, and daisies: best friends to lovers with sirius black (like an angsty confession + happy ending)? thank you!!!

come visit my flower garden!!

thank you!

"C'mon doll," Sirius pried, "What's'a matter?"

"I'm not telling you," You huffed, powerwalking to your dorm. Sirius was faster, though, damn those long legs, and caught up in no time, grabbing your forearm before you could slip through the door.

"Y/N," His voice seemed more serious now, "What's going on? You tell me everything, we're best friends!"

'That's the fucking problem!" You cried, a sob barely withheld in your throat, "Let me go, Sirius."

"That's the- Y/N, what is that supposed to mean?" Sirius tugged you backwards, spinning you around to frown indignantly at you.

"I'm not elaborating." You huffed, "Just let me go, I'm tired and I want to go to sleep."

"Let's go, I'll tuck you in." Sirius sneered, "You're not getting out of this yet. The fuck was that supposed to mean, you don't want to be friends with me anymore?"

"That's- argh, that's not what I meant!"

"Then tell me what you did mean, Y/N! This is getting really frustrating, and I can't-"

"I love you!" You blurted, your voice still dripping with rage.

"I.. I love you too," Sirius shook his head, "Now get to the point. What did you-"

"Oh my god, I'm in love with you! You fucking idiot, I'm in love with you! And I can't stop reading into every little girlfriend that you introduce me to! Every time you smile at them, I want you to be smiling at me! And every time you do smile at me, I think about how infuriating it is that there's not more there! You don't look at me the way you look at them, there's something missing! But it's not missing for me, Sirius! I'm in love with you, I've been in love with you for the longest bloody time, but you never-"

Sirius slammed a hand over your mouth, his eyes wide in confusion. If the scenario had been any less serious, you'd have licked his hand, but it wasn't the right time, so you recoiled slightly instead, his hand following you.

"You're in love with me." He repeated, slight terror in his expression.

"Yes, Sirius. Now could you please stop looking at me like I've sprouted a third head?" You mumbled against his hand, cringing at the taste of sweat that moistened your lips.

"Third? Did you already have a second?"

"Sirius! Not the time!" You huffed, tears brimming in your eyes out of frustration.

"Okay! Okay, sorry, sorry, I just..." Sirius sighed, bringing his free hand up to rub down his face while the one over your mouth fell away, "I'm so bloody confused."

"Why?"

"You.. You know me, Y/N. You've seen the worst parts of me. The ugliest things about me. The girls I date all think I'm some.. I dunno, rebellious, snarky rockstar? But you.. you've seen me crying over my mum, or- or you've seen me puke my guts out after a party. What- what the fuck about those things is attractive to you?"

"They're part of you," You answered simply, eyes downcast at the floor, "I don't think they're ugly. I don't think you're ugly."

Sirius sighed, stepping forwards to tug you into a hug. You wanted to protest against it, wanted to fight back until he responded sufficiently, but your body betrayed you, slumping against his chest.

"I love you too, pet. I.. I'm scared, I think. To be in love with you. You seem too good for me. But I trust you, if- if this is really what you want, if I'm really what you want, then I want to make it work."

"Do you mean that?" You raised your eyebrows, propping your chin up on Sirius's chest as you stared worriedly up at him.

"I do." He smiled softly, peering down at you, "I do, pet, I want to try this."

"Me too." You inched closer to him, standing taller now with your face hovering before his own, "Now face your fears, Sirius. Kiss me."

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psychelis-new · 9 months

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Hi. I have a question because I had lots of dreams from the past where the situation happened in the future. I can't say that I manifested them or that I made it happen and manipulated the situation because the people in my dream didn't know about my dream because the person in my dream really did what happened to me in real life. That's why I have no idea if it's a warning or a sign. And I also had a dream where the messages from my dream were happening in real life, or they were aligned. Do you think there's something behind that? This is not a joke or made up story. I'm not also diagnosed with a mental illness.

Hey :)

You're not crazy if this is your fear nor anyone is judging you as that (and if they do, problem's on them). Don't worry.

I personally find what you wrote a bit confused (but it could be me being a bit tired atm), so I hope to be able to understand what you mean properly. If I don't, please feel free to send another ask and sorry.

Dreams that carry messages or premonitory dreams are a fact, they exist and I had them too so again, don't worry. Sometimes we get downloads from our Guides (or Universe or whatever you think there's above us, even if you don't think it's real or just your unconscious mind suggesting stuff) about our past/present/future, and they can be either signs/suggestions to follow or even warnings (according on the topic and modality: I consider suggestions as positive and warnings as negative, dunno about you).

We don't always know if what we're dreaming is something that will actually happen exactly that way, but I happened to have had the same similar dream (with the same basic message: i.e. a blonde woman would have helped me finding a solution) for a few nights and it helped me to get out of a stressing situation cause I followed the suggestion I got in it (a blonde woman did help me). But Idk if it's the same for everyone, if premonitory dreams that carry a specific message do happen more than once in a short time before that happens or what. It just depends I guess, as there may be random dreams (not repeating) eg. about a situation with dates too, but things irl may not be about that situation. And clarity about them may hit you after months. I think we should just take these dreams (all dreams) as they are, not stressing over what we should do or the message they carry (at least not for too long: it would be counterproductive and bring us only stress, and that's not what they're meant for). I think some dreams may show us how things may go, to prepare us even, and it's up to us to make a decision irl. But ofc, we should decide accordingly with our guts first and foremost. And learn to differentiate premonitory dreams from trigger-related dreams and random/unimportant dreams (and this take a bit of time and groundness, being really in touch with your feelings and your actual situation in an objective way).

Not your specific case but as I was mentioning, at times we dream about our triggers too or past traumas/situation we have to heal. We may not see the exact problem but just a representation of it: you're scared of something/dealing with some difficult thing inside, you may dream about a storm and other symbols for example. It's our unconscious mind taking over and if we've been pretty overwhelmed during the day (or even just something/someone's though "hit" us for a moment), it may happen to receive suggestions about what we need to heal.

Other times we dream about stuff that you can hear the following day or experience too, so yeah that's another way to show you're aligned with what is going on ig. Not sure, as for now I haven't dreamt big stuff but yeah, I got infos/downloads about events that happened or got mentioned or something like that. It may sound scary or uneasy to say the least, but please don't worry. You're not insane. It's all good. Maybe someone or something wants to communicate with you about something, try to stay calm and open to that. You may receive even bigger messages in the future.

But also, you may dream of random people and stuff just for entertainment, to unwind your mind. That's a possibility too. Dreams are a very wide and various subject, it takes time to understand them, even just a little. Not all the dreams carry messages, so try to not stress over all you dream and if you cannot remember a dream properly. If it's important, you'll have another dream about that. If it's not, it's not a message you need to know of, let it go.

This is basically all I came to realize about dreams, hope you find something useful at least to start with and to help you calm your mind a little (or you can take any of the pacs I did on here and on insta, if you need to). Take care<3

#.#this is... heck how am i even surprised i was thinking about dreams and a new dreams pac literally an hour ago maybe i #was picking up on you already #not the first time either tbh

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ilikeyoshi · 8 months

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i've been reading lately that pmdd can get worse as you age and honestly, yeah, i think that's happening. when i started taking continuous birth control to help with the hormonal fluctuations it worked super well, but it seems to just work... less and less... and lately whenever i've had to take a break on the meds for a breakthrough bleed the emotions just get??? bad???

i've been inexplicably sad and paranoid the past 2-3 days and it feels really bad after so long of Being Okay. like. i don't WANT to go back to this. i thought i was just tired because chronic illness but i think it's depression. it doesn't help that periods are probably my WORST gender dysphoria trigger.

i have an appt with my obgyn in november and some ideas of what we might be able to do, but it's just. tiring, you know. i'm getting so tired of fighting it and i know hysterectomy with bilateral whatchamacallit is like, a Big Fucking Deal, but i just. don't care? i can't make myself care anymore i just want to stop bleeding and i want to stop being physically capable of bearing children and it's just making me crazy and spirally lately. pmdd + gender dysphoria is actually the evilest combination imaginable.

:( i know in all likelihood i'm going to have to go through all the stupid hoops, like uid and uterine ablation, before doctors will let me just pull everything out and bin it—and if any of that works that's great but it all feels so.... subject to failure?? it feels like i'm just delaying something i'll nevertheless need to do anyway, when everything else stops working. uids have to be replaced, and uterine ablation is not only more likely to just give you light periods than no periods, but if it gets worse again it sounds like i can only get MAYBE one more ablation? so what if it comes back after the second one. assuming i get lucky and the ablations actually STOP the periods instead of lightening them.

like. it just feels like a bunch of time and money and pain for something that isn't super guaranteed to work. especially because my mom had a breast cancer that eats up estrogen, so like, part of me is thinking, if i get the hysterectomy-and-etc NOW, and enter surgical menopause NOW, i can still TAKE the estrogen HRT that makes said menopause infinitely easier to deal with. that might not be an option as i get older! if i develop the same breast cancer my mom (and grandma (and great grandma)) had, i won't be able to take the estrogen anymore. y'know??? it just seems like something that's more likely to backfire on me.

i dunno. i talk to the obgyn in november but i'm just. having a really bad week (breakthrough week, so i can't take the birth control, and being off it makes me crazy again) and i just want this to be over. i KNOW how to make it be over. i don't care if i have to take medication for the next 30 years or whatever, i take medication i'm likely going to need for life already, it's just another fuckin daily pill in the caddy. i don't care. i just want it to be over. i want to donate these organs to someone who wants them and can use them and that's Not Me. that's never been me. childbirth has scared and horrified me since i was a tiny little kid, and despite what adults told me it never, ever got better. i think about a fetus in my gut and i burst into tears. it's so fucking scary. i want this thing gone so i know it CANNOT happen.

i get why it's not ideal, i get why it's a last resort, i get it affects my bone and heart health, i just. i just don't care. it's been almost 29 years of being told "i'd want kids someday, i'll get pregnant someday" and then almost 20 years of the bleeding and the constant reminder that i'm a Woman™ and i can get pregnant and my body is SO INCREDIBLY READY TO GO in making a baby and it makes me wanna rip my guts out!!!! dude!!!! i hate this body i hate this anxiety i hate these constant unending reminders and i don't wanna fuckin DO IT for 20-30 more years i want to live NOW. i want to feel safe in my own skin NOW. fuck!

anyway. waiting for november is hard. being in the middle of a pmdd episode fucking sucks. i just feel bad all the time. i just want it to be over.

#introspective (and a little angsty) babbling @ myself sowwy hello. tmi for menstrual & (hypothetical) pregnancy talk #yoshi talks

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bubsub69 · 11 months

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Entry 1

entries 1-13 were written pre-tumblr

12/05/2023 4:08

4am what better time to start a diary, who knew waking up for 9am classes and then at noon on the next day and then 9am etc could fuck up your sleep schedule.

But yeah… why start a secret encrypted diary now? the first one i've ever made? idk, im just tired and afraid and sick of being lonely and touch starved and all the other stuff

Definetely didnt help to scroll through r/niceguys and seeing the I'm 21 kissless virgin that was bullied and ignored by girls that isnt sexist and racist and doesnt do drugs and thinking wow its literally me and then it being followed by females owe me sex the post: https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/comments/12n0m5q/ngvc_im_not_a_sexist_but_females_owe_me_sex/

cause you know… what if i become like this, what if i become an even bigger nuisance than i already am and/or fuck up my chances of ever finding someone, it's especially worrysome that i felt bad for some of the guys, you know simpathizing with the kind of people that call women whores for not wanting the nice guy, cant believe i went to the subreddit because of the omoriboy soy parody (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahPdX90_6jg).

And then there's the someone i found ish just gonna call her D She replied to my post on the femdompersonals subreddit and it was pretty close to love at first sight, but probably very one sided, i mean shit she was now moving from the us to porto what better luck could i want. But she's been very busy, especially with the moving, it took from her texting me on the 26 of april to the 7th of may just to have a 1 hour call.

And boy that call was something, i literally think it was the only time i was genuinely happy in like.. i dunno a month? a year? more? i couldnt even sleep that night, i really needed that call cause i thought she was just fucking with me at that point, you know pretending to be interested and catfishing me for something but no i got a 1 hour call and she even showed me her face at the end, i was kinda expecting something sexual but no it was just getting to know each other which is fine for a first call, she's a really cool and interesting girl, i did think it was weird she just went to walk her dog mid conversation but i guess its something that cant wait, it probably had to pee as well.. maybe it was actually nice of her not to hang up on the call while she was walking the dog.

But yeah i'm kind of back at square one, shes not busy with moving but she has a million hobbies apparenly that she balances with her work and learning a new language and all that stuff, shes had a non specified workshop and a ceramics class as excuses which.. yeah im doubting if shes actually doing, i even commented wow you have a lot of hobbies which i was scared of doing cause i didnt want to imply shes lying even if i have the gut feeling she is, and it makes me feel awful to not trust her, but honestly i think i'd be fine with all that if she just put some initiative in texting, literally the only time she texted first was for a link to a game that she didnt even comment on, really makes ya wonder is she doing some 'woman games™' or just fucking with me or just seeing how far she can push me.. fuck i am becoming an incel, cause you know its the classic i have a life outside of you, you cant just expect me to make time for you everyday but fuck maybe the first call was a bad ideia cause now i just crave more, i seriously think theres some potential here but not if she doesnt have time for me, which im obviously not entitled to but ofc i still want it.

im just so scared of texting her, if i do it too often i might annoy her, if i dont do it enough she might forget about me.. i dont even know whats worse, i tried texting every other day but that also seems like too much, i dunno do i just wait for her to text me and make a call appoinment, it also kind of doesnt help i dont even know her name or age, granted she doesnt know my name either but yeah its another layer of anonymity that i want to get rid of, maybe i should try on the weekend, its when we had the call and she might have time, we'll see

She did kind of mention meeting up one day, dont know if she was just being nice of something, but i just wish i knew how she feels about me, or just get some advice with texting her, i dont want to be disingenuous either and write what someone else tells me to, how do i balance being needy and not annoying.

and theres also the voice.. i'm honestly starting to worry im losing control to the self degrading voice i have inside me, that thing is real mean, its whats making me distrust her and shit, i even thought i 'defeated' it with the call but it just came back same as before. The youre useless and an annoyance and all those thoughts are kind of starting to worry me a bit, especially since the suicide thoughts are becoming a bit too common, im still far from it, im too scared to do it, but the first step of commiting suicide is having the reason to do it, and i also think im kind of becoming a psycopath, not in the edgy way its just ive become so apathetic lately, the 'mom would be sad' strategy doesnt work at all cause im so sick of her, between being annoying and not trusting me and being dumb and the shit she did to my cousin and kind of being blamed cause shes getting unknown disease cause of stress, ive kind of grown to hate her a bit i did cry a bit when i got my cousin's graduation ribbon (its a thing here, you write shit like good job and good luck), reading the only ribbon that i got that wasnt just generic garbage made me tear up a bit, not immediately just when i got home, and it didnt help when she hugged me and said if you ever leave pls take me with you, so yeah maybe im not apathetic i just hate my mother

There's also my cat, im kind of getting… idk sick of him too angry, it just feels like he doesnt like me sometimes, which is absurd he comes to greet me and only me when i arrive and hes actually been sleeping a bit with me tonight and yesterday, but the biting when i pet him is really annoying.. what am i saying its just cat stuff its normal. I am feeling kinda weird when i pet him and think damn i wish i was the one being petted (not by him ofc), you know just lying on girls lap and being petted, r/cuddle_slut really made me realize how fucking touch starved i am.

Or maybe i should just move on from her.. maybe she doesnt want that kind of relationship, i really dont want to start talking to someone else while im talking with her tough, feels real scummy, i kind of did that with someone on skype, i had a couple of sessions with her but she kind of stopped texting me as i was talking to D which was lucky, but in those sessions i had full video on and she didnt even use her voice so i guess its kind of fair, she was also the one that took the initiative texting so who knows maybe shes doing what im planning on doing, letting her text first which didnt really work out for her cause i didnt and now our last message is from the 28th. typing this really discouraged me from the let her text first and see what happens strategy, i guess ill settle for trying on the weekend tough this saturday i have the ribbon party so hopefully i have time and energy to call her

Maybe ill just try some keyholding, just to do something sexual that isnt just showing my junk and locking it or putting my finger in my ass for the skype girl, but the problem with keyholding is that it might take some time.. what if while im locked D wants to do something and i reveal i've been """unfaithfull""" i think im gonna wait a bit more for her i really want things to work out with her she just seems like a really cool person but im worried im too much of a loser for her, the very busy woman who managed commitees has a million hobbies and her boyfriend who's a stay at home gamer

I guess that's it for first entry, hopefully when I'm rereading this im in a better state, or maybe im showing this to my therapist or hey maybe even D or whatever her name is, overall not bad for a first diary entry i think, i got to rant a bit even if it was just on a keyboard, i think im gonna start writing here a bit, some non sad stuff as well hopefully

maybe ill dump this on some ai text and see what happens (garbage pretty much)

See you on entry 2 i guess.

PS wow its 5:15 was not expecting to spend an hour writing this

#diary

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caprina-mints · 4 years

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Can I make a request-? A s/o that ask her boyfriend how it feels to kill-? You can make anyone but include Toby cause I'm a simp for him

I decided to Just do Toby for you! :D it turned into a oneshot instead so Enjoy! 😜❤ this is gonna get Fluffy with a hint of Dirty thoughts 😜

Asking Toby how it feels to Kill

✂ The day went on as usual and you were at home binge watching new series in Netflix when the door slammed open and your twitching boy came walking in the clear stain of crimson blood decorating his sweater. If you were the person you were back then you'd be pretty damn terrified but after spending so much time with this adorable killer of yours it's kinda impossible to be scared of him now that he's revealed a more goofy side of him.

He was tired by the way he's groaning with his shoulders slumped. Standing up from your position you approached him and wrapped your arms around him from behind your hand resting on his chest.

Feeling your presence behind him and how your arms welcomed him even though he was covered with filthy blood eased a small portion of his stress, knowing he always has a warm home to come back to with someone who always welcomes him with love.

You heard him relax and a small sigh escaped his lips . Standing on your tippy toes you gave a small peck on his nape . He was aware of your teasing and you could see his ears turn a small tint of red.

" Y/n I-im c-c-covered with Blood you'll get Dirty " He muttered trying to pry your hands off him embarrassment showing from his actions and by how he stuttered.

" Well I needed a bath anyway " You grinned your arms only tightening their hold around his chest.

" Y-you can go f-first " He spoke in a timid tone making you laugh.

" Toby we can always take a bath together you know... To save water " He could feel your smirk from behind him and he was silent for a few moments.

When you took a small peek on his face you saw how his face was red .

Aww your baby was shy ...

How can he have the guts to be shy when he has the will to fucking rut into you like a starved animal when you two are doing 'it'.

You don't understand this boy sometimes .

" W-well i-if you insist " He managed to squeak out and you dragged him upstairs to the bathroom , he was pretty silent the whole time his face still red.

Cute~

To his surprise everything was ready. The Tub was filled with warm water, there we're candles near the Tub, the water smelled great because of the lavender...It was as if you planned everything beforehand and he didn't want to ruin the mood by asking how you did everything.

Well... Not like he had the chance to because you were already throwing your clothes on the laundry basket completely catching him off guard...

You were definitely getting bolder and bolder by the time you spent with him. It's overwhelming sometimes but gosh seeing your body radiating with confidence in front of him was a real turn on. You were beautiful in every angle and how you stand in front of him like that was really tantalizing. Your heart, your Body... It belongs to him and with those thoughts filling his mind he could feel the sins crawling up his back and the devil whispering in his ear to just fucking shove bend you down and fuck you.

But he wanted to enjoy this moment so he tried his best to restrain himself by thinking of stuff that could turn him on because with one glance at you he couldn't stop himself from getting hard.

" What are you waiting for? Strip already" You stated hopping inside the Tub and letting out a sigh once the warm water hugged your body with gentleness and warmth.

Toby was in a daze. How could someone so kind... Accepting and loving become his? It was either because the gods pitied him or out of sheer luck alone.

" Sweetie come on " You cooed and Toby snapped out of his thoughts and stared at you before finally deciding to strip his clothes and put them in the laundry basket.

God it took him so much self control to look away from your body because once he gets hard... Well by the time he's done with you all the water in the tub are going to be spilled out leaving the tub empty.

Well you'd be lying if you said your jaws didn't drop for a second there. But you regained your composure while mentally praising this Baby boy of yours.

Opening your arms you gestured for him to get in.

He obliged to your request and you welcomed him by resting his head on your chest which supports as a pillow and you started massaging his head gently.

Soft sighs escaped his lips and a small smile can be seen from your angle.

" You're perfect " He suddenly blurted out of nowhere making you blush and chuckle.

" I'm not perfect Baby but you can bet my life I'm the perfect match for you " You threw a flirty remark and he started laughing at your cheesy words.

His hands rested on your knee stroking your knee as he closed his eyes enjoying your massage.

Then your thoughts started racing through your mind and without thinking much you questioned him something you've been wondering for a long time now.

" Toby . .. How does it feel to Kill? " Your sudden question got him to tense up because he honestly didn't know how to answer.. If he's being honest with you there's a big chance he'd scare you off and if he lies you'd catch on immediately and you'll get angry.

After a few minutes of Pondering he gave up with a sigh and just answered your question honestly.

" ... I can't say I e-enjoy it but I c-can't say I don't like it either. It's kinda in between... It feels good to have something to lash out on... E-especially if that person is bad... B-But sometimes I get m-missions to kill innocent people and I don't feel too good about it... I feel guilty but I know I should move on fast. But at the same time... K-killing satisfies an unknown urge inside me... It fills an empty v-void in my heart... " He answered and you were surprised to hear him answer in a deeper level than you expected.

You thought he'd answer with a ' I dunno ',or ' it's fun' . You didn't expect to hear him open up like this .

" Hmm... Fair enough some people deserve it and it's not like you chose to kill those innocent people you were ordered to so it's technically not your fault because you were just doing your job" You replied and this time he was the one who was surprised.

He thought you'd be disgusted and leave him or even push him away and scream in terror calling him a cruel monster but instead you took time to listen and understand him. How'd he get someone as good as you? It was near impossible for him to suddenly receive something as good as you.

" Y-you're not scared of me?... Y-you still love me? " He asked by the end of the sentence his voice cracked making you frown and kiss his head hugging him.

" Of course I'm not scared of you dummy and don't you ever think I'd stop loving you because of that. Toby you're the best thing that ever happened to me and if I leave you because of such a stupid reason then I must be the dumbest person alive " You muttered and he felt a euphoric wave push away the negative thoughts he had before and he was a bit emotional knowing you'd still love him even though he isn't much of a good guy.

Turning around from his position he caught your lips with his in a sweet and passionate kiss.

Once he pulled away he pressed his forehead against yours a smile forming on his lips before muttering.

" I love you y/n"

" Love you too Tobes"

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