#or really do anything to discourage it
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i know too fucking much about qsmp badboyhalo.
#and also. not enough#that one big summary of his Deal was like . 1k words.#and it brushed over so much shit#like his trust issues and the vacation arc and his criminal background (on qsmp) and the way he was the first to take protecting the#eggs seriously and i dont even KNOW enough about his relationship with maxo and the french that is a big blindspot for me but bad and max#(and foolish?) og founders of the theory bros the first people who started questioning cucurucho and then the french his family the people#who keep proving to be on his side over and over and i love it when he hangs out with pierre and talks create#and when he chills with antoine and helps fix the big spinning ring#and his WEIRD warrior's bond with etoiles (bad always gets along with the protectors have you noticed that#forever was the second big egg protector and baghera took care of pomme from the start and cellbit threw himself to the feds to try to help#the island and etoiles took the weight of the code attacks from bad's shoulders to his own in entirety. he respects them all a lot and i am#chewing him to pieces)#and his relationship with baghera!!!! she can read him so so well and he fucking trusts her enough to be dapper's mom#he may have felt weird about it and was jealous and :c because tahts HIS dapper but#he didn't kill her about it#or really do anything to discourage it#and he noticed her tear streaks and her leg and got Worried about the federation 'fixing' her and#genuinely he was so so happy when he realized she was back he went !!! mode#look. LOOK at these fucking tags. look back at the post. i can Keep Talking.#my point remains i know too fucking much about qsmp badboyhalo#shit and i didn't even TALK about his weird bullshit with foolish#i need a giant corkboard
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Every time I get a comment on ao3 I hope and pray that it is the recently posted gay hunlow fic that I love so much. But it is almost always the trolls fic I wrote 7 years ago 😔
#i cant pretend i DONT appreciate comments on my old fics agsvdjnk#i really do#they make me so happy#do not be discouraged from commenting on anything ive done im desperate#but its the newer stuff i feel the most connected to#please read my gay hunlow fic i worked on it for a month straight
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welp
Y'all... I'm so sorry but I really don't have any more ideas for the trollhunters AU 😭 I am SO flattered you guys like it so much and happy to have inspired you guys, but honestly I feel so bad 'cause I only really posted it because I didn't think I'd make more, if any content for the AU. It was just sitting in my folders collecting dust for like 9 months, and aside from the one recent comic I did for the funny scenario, I don't really see myself making more content for the Trollhunter's AU 😭😭😭Especially not lore stuff.
I feel REALLY bad that the AU got pushed to the back-burner, I didn't expect so many of you guys to like it so much.
BUT I'm very happy to let you guys take what ideas I had and run with it! I'm sorry I don't think I can contribute more to the AU other than what I've already posted. Maybe I'll revisit it at some point, who knows?
#many apologies but i really do have like#0 ideas#nada#and i really have no desire to watch Wizards or anything else so any questions regarding lore is just white noise in my brain#But please don't get discouraged#ive been loving everyone's passion for this idea!!#I just feel bad that I've kinda moved on to other AUs since then
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prize for least genre aware protagonist 👑
#no because Thor trusted Loki so much and was oblivious and that's what made the whole thing a tragedy#but Thor was really out there like 'what do you MEAN Loki lied to me about Father's death and my banishment... let me try appealing to him'#except Thor's version of appeal is like a really really bad apology where the person doesn't want to admit they did anything#and also isn't convinced you're hurt#and Thor's SO SURE this plan will work because he knows his brother right#he knows Loki#and his plan which in accordance to him would have worked was to appeal to Loki's good side/the truth of who would be hurt#his plan was to do away with Loki's assumed anger by being like ''noooo don't do this here hit me instead <3''#and he thought Loki wouldn't do it.#which means that before the whole plot shenanigans that would have worked and Loki also wouldn't have hit Thor#Loki watching Thor try to manipulate him by acting like his feelings are invalid the same way Frigga and Odin tried: nice try. thot. *wack*#so anyway Thor got hit and I think that's what u get for being soooooo sure that your little brother who u take for granted won't get hurt#by anything discouraging said or done or implied or being used by u for about him <3#anyway the fact that Thor was SO sure that Loki was reacting badly and would calm down and be normal again is so sad actually#because it means Thor had the experience to know that's how it should have gone#which means when that's not what happened Thor also gets to be the one who has to work through processing that Loki's changed#and I don't think he DID that in the year where Loki was gone#he just neglected thinking about it until Loki was back and suddenly he couldn't pretend his brother had been the same (good) one at death#sad ironic something something character foils too late tragedy#Thor really went out there like i got this and got <beep>slapped fr fr#and then it happened again when he showed up for the Bifrost fight#Thor: i just have to wait it out. we all get angry. he'll get better#Loki: [screaming crying raging shrieking trying to kill him]#Thor: HE'LL GET BETTER#the fact that Thor doesn't expect the lies or the hitting or the unreasonable attitude even when Loki is VERY angry.......... ;-;#Thor watched his brother deteriorate in real time
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Xiantober Day 12 - Falling
CQL | Modern | Reincarnation AU
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Yanli-jie recommended bungee jumping as a romantic and exciting date. It was supposed to be thrilling, give them an adrenaline rush they'd carry all the way home.
It wasn't supposed to go like this…
The bungee cord that was meant to be pulled taut by the force of gravity from his descent is loose and dangling in a U shape as their guides whisper among themselves
"Did you see him run? Wasn't his boyfriend all the way on the other side?"
"How did he even grab hold of him?"
"You talked to them earlier right? Weren't they both excited and ready? They seemed so into it…"
"Yeah…they definitely weren't crying like this…"
Their voices sound far, far away. A part of Wei Ying registers them, knows where he is. Knows who he is. But the other part…
He's a million miles away…no that's not quite right.
He's hundreds of years away, the empty and safe ravine he and Lan Zhan had driven to is gone, though he can't tell because he can't look down. But he can feel the burning heat as it sears through his clothes, turns his bones to ashes and rips him apart.
The standard issue helmet they gave him earlier might as well not be there at all. In fact, impossibly, he swears he can feel a scorching wind whipping his long hair around him, despite the fact he'd had a haircut just last month.
But he can't look away to check or take note of anything, because his eyes are glued to Lan Zhan's above him, where he's hanging over the edge of the cliff, is hand gripping Wei Ying's wrist tight enough it's like its like they're welded to each other.
And Lan Zhan is crying.
The tears pour uninhibited from his eyes, normally a honey brown but somehow tuned pure gold in the sunlight. His tears fall and fall, though he doesn't say anything. Jaw clenched tight and his arms trembling, he's like a man possessed. Or Wei Ying would think that way if it wasn't for the look of deep anguish that spills from him, shaking Wei Ying to his very core.
Even as Wei Ying is dangling above an abyss, all he can think about is his worry for Lan Zhan, for his zhiji.
The word pops into his head from no where, feeling right. Describes them perfectly.
A cloud passes overhead, revealing a dazzling sub that blinds him, making him squint, and suddenly his boyfriend's short hair is ten times longer, falling over his shoulder as he purses his lips. He's bleeding from his arm, wearing white instead of the jumpsuit their guide gave them.
But that's not right… something isn't right. Wei Ying feels like he's in two places at once. They both feel real, but how can that be possible?
Is he the grad student on a once in a life time trip with the love of his life, crossing off a bucket list item?
Or is he a pariah, letting go of the hatred and pain in his heart to find salvation, being held back by someone who knows him as well as he does, inside and out.
Why can't he figure out where he is? Who he is?
The words spill unbidden past his lips.
"Lan Zhan, let me go."
Lan Zhan's squeezes his grip, digging into his skin even as blood drips from his injured arm down into Wei Ying's palm. The sound of swords clashing mixes with concerned whispers of their workers trying to get near, except Lan Zhan won't let them, afraid to let anyone near.
"Lan Zhan…"
Lan Zhan purses his lips, the furrow between his brows deeper than any canyon. He shakes his head, once slowly, before more vigorously. Water leaks from his eyes to drop on Wei Ying’s cheek as he hangs there.
"Wei Ying, no…"
"Lan Zhan, you can't save me."
His mouth keeps opening of its own accord, as if the words Wei Ying says aren't even really his to begin with. Like they're following a script that's been written long ago.
But Lan Zhan doesn't listen. Even as the voice above keep shifting from battle cries to frenzied workers trying to keep everyone safe, Lan Zhan hold on his wrist remains firm
"Wei Ying will not fall again."
Something bursts inside Wei Ying's chest. He'd think it was his heart, except he can still hear it, drumming against his skull as tears fall from his eyes to drop into the endless chasm below.
He feels like he's been waiting a long time to hear those words.
His voice chokes between sobs, and he has to take a moment to speak with a clear voice. "Will Lan Zhan save me, this time?"
Lan Zhan must have gained purchase on the ledge somewhere else, anchoring himself to it, because his other arms comes around to grab Wei Ying near his elbow in a secure grip. He's gritting his teeth and trying to heft him up, a vein in his forehead giving away his exertion.
"I will save Wei Ying, every time." he says, a fire burning his eyes scorching anyone or anything that dares to disagree.
He drags him up, and Wei Ying just barely gets a glimpse of a pair of guides holding Lan Zhan's legs to keep him stable, muttering about needing new rules.
When his feet land on the ground, it feels solid beneath him in a way it never has before. Like he's finally reached clarity and peace for something that's been gnawing at him for generations.
The long hair is gone, and Lan Zhan's arm isn't bloody or injured. They're both wearing their jumpsuits as the breathe heavily, just sitting on that ledge watch each other.
Wei Ying remembers where he is again, the fog gone from his mind. But something feels...different. Something has been changed irreversibly, though he can't quite put his finger on what.
Their guides are trying to give them a lecture, but all of Wei Ying's attention is on Lan Zhan. Where the tears no longer fall but glisten in his eyes and his mouth curves up in the sweetest, happiest smile.
"Wei Ying. I saved you."
Wei Ying huffs a laugh. The joy in his heart doesn't feel like his…but at the same it feels like all ever had. Like it flows through his veins and lights up his center.
"Yeah, Lan Zhan. You did. You caught me."
He leans forward, presses a steady hand on Lan Zhan’s tear-stained cheek, and kisses him, letting the light and love he feels pour into him, their souls entwined and at peace.
(threadfic here)
#disclaimer please dont do anything like this if you are bungee jumping thanks#also i mentioned on twitter im probably gonna do less of these - only the ones i really like or have good ideas for#im starting to feel a bit burnt out and a tiny bit discouraged and i want to focus on my fics again#i miss them#i think 12 days is a pretty good streak though!!!#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#the untamed#cql#wei wuxian#lan wangji#wangxian#mdzs fanfiction#the untamed fanfiction#xiantober#mdzs musings#bushy writing
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Me every time I'm sad and I don't know why: well an iced coffee probably won't fix this but let's find out
#but this gas station coffee is so mediocre it is also depressing me :/#sigh. i think i just need a new hobby. i should get into fencing or karate or find a book club#therapy is not really doing anything i don't think. i think i am just spending most of my time explaining my autism creature problems#i feel so bad i'm her first client because i do think she asks insightful questions and a lot of people would really be helped by this#like i think she will be a good therapist but i hope it doesn't discourage her#since i'm her practice run and i have like entrenched decades long problems that i've tried to solve in every possible way#when the same problem you've been having since age 11 is still your problem...#yikes#anyways
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Hey random but if there's anything I'm ever somehow being disrespectful about or saying incorrectly or doing wrong things, PLEASE let me know because chances are I have absolutely no idea. Because the last thing I want to do is something disrespectful or offensive
#i guess I'm thinking about this because like#there's the whole thing where people are misusing the term of autism i guess and even just equating it to normal weird quirks#and making these jokes and such#and there was all this stuff i knew but I don't know how much is legit#i thought i was on the autism spectrum for a long time#I still wonder but#i did do some dumb little quizzes for a dr (who didn't even normally do stuff like this i think) and the results were that I'm not hut who#knows of the accuracy#and it left me feeling bad because a lot of traits of myself i thought were similar to being on the autism spectrum#and even then i think I'm weird and have weird traits in general and was discouraged i didn't have like. a reason for why I'm weird the way#i am. and if I'm not i really don't want to be saying anything i shouldn't. before I was just mostly following what everyone around me was#saying#am i allowed to say hyperfixations?? can i have those if I'm not? because i definitely have those#i don't want to make any ignorant jokes or statements#who knows if i sit anywhere on that spectrum (even my mom thinks i do) but if i don't. i just want to be careful#i do have very high anxiety AND ocd if that means anything#those are confirmed#sock talk
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i know sucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at something but it’s really hard sucking at something for a long time
#jake the dog you’re right but it’s so hard to suck at something without being discouraged#idk how to do it really. i’m so easily discouraged from doing anything if i suck or lose or it doesn’t come out exactly how i want it to.#rejection sensitivity dysphoria or some diagnosable shit i’m sure but for christs sake i just wanna not feel like giving up please
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x
#one thing I feel really insecure about my art is that it’s … eh…. idk what the right word is but it’s like… pretty?#like yes messy but like… pretty ? and I’m worried that it’s not giving anything more than that#and it’s not … deeper than that augh#I respect simpler styles and like technical ability#the ability to convey emotions with as few lines as possible#just like lines and shading#I can’t do that shit I can sit and just fill a sketchbook practicing the fundamentals#my adhd is truly like a nightmare#it makes doing stuff like that /feel/ impossible#so like that’s why when I paint I feel like I’m just rabidly scribbling and pushing colorful mud around#until it gives the impression of a good painting#does that make sense?#man I would trade everything to be able to have a defined simple style to make comics#or to just execute my ideas as fast as they come#having depression also zaps my energy the second im even slightly discouraged#so annoying .#but these are just excuses#you have to plow through this phase if you wanna get good#and im too distracted to even bother Wah
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hello! do you perhaps have any tips/advice for those starting their first writing blog?
hii! all i can say is believe in yourself and all that you create!! it is wonderful that you've made a decision to share your work with the world, but you don't owe anyone anything, so don't feel pressured, write and post at your own pace, and always stay confident about your ideas!! try not to feel discouraged if the response you get doesn't meet your expectations--write what you want to write and what you would want to read, and your audience will find you!!! 🤍
on more technical terms, get acquainted with the platform you'll use--whether it's tumblr or wattpad or anything else--namely how the tagging system works, because it's how you get your writing out there! you can also do a little field research and take notes of how other writers advertise and publish their works (what pictures / descriptions / warnings / other fandom-related terms they use, etc), but this is just to get a general idea of what's 'popular' right now. ultimately, how you decide to post your writing and what you want your posts to look like, is your choice!
chances are, you'll make a lot of great friends (i did!!!), so this should be a wonderful experience! 🥰🤍
#ask#anonymous#it's easy to say these things like 'don't feel pressured' or 'don't feel discouraged' i know shdjfh#but really if there's anything i learned it's that you should always alwayssssss stay true to yourself#YOU are where the magic happens 🤍🤍🤍🤍#you'll do great things!!!!!
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mentioning my oc just this once because … it’s her birthday!! here’s a year old drawing lmao
anyway this is mana. it’s been like 6 years and i still can’t settle on an outfit for her
oh here’s her with her *squints* evil girlfriend?
just felt like mentioning her since she was one of my first Serious ocs ever and i love her
so here’s a few even older things of varying image quality lol
#gonna be honest ive felt discouraged lately and i can’t really pinpoint why#so old art posting yayyy#i dont rlly talk about my ocs anymore since i havent worked on anything with them in forever but maybe i could do it a little more?#i have a few things from my magical girl storyline i still like and im tempted to redesign the costumes tbh#my art or something#oc#how to tag this uhh#old art#character design
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got my first shift at my first Real Job tmrw night ending at 1am wml😔😔😔
#i love how flexible the shifts are and they're all really short it's like ideal for me but also. omfg. scary 😭#gritting my teeth. i need money to leave this shithole country and i need a job to get money it's fine. this is fine#it's literally so discouraging to know ppl in the west have minimum wages of like 15 euros meanwhile it's literally 3 eur here#like even if you work hard you're only earning a fraction of what you could be if you were doing the same shit out there😭#just like. the inherent agony of knowing im earning money that's gonna be way less valuable out there#but im not on minimum wage and it's flexible but shoulddd be around 5 - 15 euros an hour#it's the only reason i even applied at least this way i can tell myself im actually making a positive dent in my savings#idek how much i have saved rn coz i never spend on anything and I've been saving since i knew what money was#but forint is literally not worth the paper it's printed on anymore like man i remember when#a euro was worth 200 forint.... i literally have the same coins i did when i was 10 but they're worth less than half as much now. crazy#man I should've gone into economics or global politics for real i love this shit. whatever that's a whole different spiral#barking
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being an artist means everyone suggesting u go into an art career or art school and being smart means saying Hell No every time
#sorry this is like partially a joke but also not really#ive grown up around enough professional artists to say that i absolutely do not want to go into art as a profession though and actually#i kind of discourage it for others too#its not a very stable career and also if art is your passion then you should really really reconsider#because art school and especially art career can drain that love and passion right out of you#im not trying to fearmonger or crush anyone’s dreams or anything i think that an art career can be really fulfilling for some people#but i also think a lot of younger or self taught artists will want to have a career in art because it’s something#theyre already passionate about and it seems like an easy choice#to just do what you like to earn money#and that sounds great but being a professional artist will turn “doing what i love because i love doing it” to#“doing what i love because i have to do it” and that can really quickly turn into “doing what i used to love but now resent bc i have to ea#i once started drawing only kind of because i felt like i had to for fandom reasons and that killed my enjoyment of art for like.#5 whole months. i had to retrain myself to be passionate about art.#so for me an art career is the absolute last thing i want to do
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.
#th feminine urge to just like give up on anything to do with love or romance#It’s funny because they say put yourself out there that’s the only way you’ll meet someone#and then you put yourself out there and nothing#just bad people who want one thing#is it really hard to want someone that looks like me#because fuck it’s so discouraging#am I that embarrassing to be around ?#even if I did try to lose the weight it would be for the wrong reasons anyway#feeling stuck
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ive crossed over into an alternate dimension where side profiles are somehow sometimes easier to draw than other angles. bodies in side profile however... nooo thank you...
#ok the back of the head is hard but the facial features proportions kind of feel easier to figure out . maybe.#weird#n e way im happy with the way i draw faces mostly maybe 50 percent of the time but im so not caught up on drawing bodies#like to the point it just looks bizarre#decent proportional face with like at least some understanding of structure/form even if it's not much#and then the stiffest clunkiest body you ever did see#or i can go the other way around and have an ok body. like decently fluid / proportional. but no face#theres some kind of disconnect. cant have both at once#thats only a sometimes thing though anyways. faces are generally easier#tried to do a teeny bit of gesture drawing yesterday but i was feeling sooo lazy and impatient so only 3 of them turned out ok ish#im pretty sure i post more often talking about art than i actually post art#i dont post most of the things i draw#i like to have my little secrets...#secrets in question are just literally anything that isnt adventure time art#actually looking through my art folder is crazy cause like if i saw this 3 years ago (i was really bad at drawing 3 years ago) i would. idk#drop dead or something#but now its like yeah same old same old. lots of problems. need to work on those.#but its nice to step back and be like woagh holy shit. massive improvement#earlier i was trying to dfraw a character and it wasn't coming out right but instead of getting frustrated and discouraged#it was more like i had this feeling of . idk. excitement to get better at drawing?#i dont know if this is just a temporary mood or maybe im turning over a new leaf. new optimistic mindset about art#<- watch that 'new mindset' totally disappear when i have a slightly more prolonged period of art struggle. lol
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it's so hard being a person who needs to be the best at everything when you are slightly below average at best at any given department
#i don't think ppl who tell me i'm good at x thing (that includes things like looks or voice etc btw) are lying or anything#but i do think they're biased and their love skews their perception of me. bc i mean. no one else can see it after all#and i hate that as a kid i was propped up as better than others bc it really did give me this complex while growing up lol#joining a gifted class and finding out i'm not actually particulary smart compared to them#failing auditions as an adult or messing up things i did get into#like this is why i don't like it when ppl say i have an impostor syndrome like noooo i literally do suck 😭#i'm not saying this in an 'i'm blind to my own abilities' way i'm just saying that compared to most people i am below average 😭#being better at a thing than the average person who. doesn't do the thing. doesn't mean much when i'm among the worst in those who do#and it's really discouraging from getting better at things too. bc i feel so inherently shitty at everything that it feels pointless#(esp given that i DID put years of effort into certain things yet i still suck or i lost my ability to do them with time)#so it's easier to not try. if i'm gonna be the worst anyway yknow? may as well save the effort and the heartache of trying and failing#(getting better is all about failing over and over yada yada ik all that shit i'm just not built to handle it. mentally)#vent#accidentally. bc i started rambling. bc i'm in some jealousy fueled rage rn sorry
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