#or left after uni
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I’m so tired.
#how do people make friends as adults#like I’ve been at uni 3 years#I’ve joined clubs#gone to events with people#cooked dinners and had takeaways sat in the living room#and yet somehow always seem to be an after thought#I’m literally a week away from handing in my dissertation with lots of work today#and the housing situation here sucks#and two people who I’ve been talking to about housing#who know how badly it all sucks#have put in for a flat of their own without saying anything#and I get it#it’s not really a shock cause like they’re a couple that can get a 1 bed and split the cost#they’ve been together 18 months#but I’m not even worth the talk apparently.#is it me is there something fundamentally wrong with my ability to make friends#or am I just really crap at picking people out#and like. they’re not awful people don’t get me wrong#but I also reckon if I went home from here for an extended period of time.#or left after uni#I’d never see any of them again#and apparently I feel badly enough about it all that I need to shout into the void here.#something that I do not do at all#but I have no idea what I’m doing now and finding somewhere new to live that is walkable to the uni is really difficult cause#for a uni town they sure don’t like students in any of their properties#I have so much work to do I should not be worrying about any of this right now#but I’d like to just play the switch instead and forget about this project or other people for a while#and I can’t cause this is due in on Wednesday and there’s still lots to do#and I can’t even complain about it to anyone cause they all talk to each other#a little circle of gossip that just goes round and round
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Little snippet from a vashwood reincarnation comic that I do not have nearly fully fleshed out in my head with written down text that would surely be 50+ pages and which I will probably get to draw never aaaah
#you know I would LOVE to draw this comic someday#but I can not start another one while having 2 to finish and I need to work on portfolio stuff for after uni D:#this comic would be much more vw centered than my other au cause it would just be vash meeting wolfwood reincarnated about 200 years later#and then they slowly acclimatise to each other's proximity with this thing hanging in the air between them#this thing being all that was left unsaid and unfelt but can be felt now without the looming threat of battle and a free future ahead#sighs#I wish I could show you and for once have the thing fully drawn out#this scene being the start of probably my favourite scene from the end#trigun#trigun spoilers#vashwood#vash#wolfwood
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Something something becoming a city
#really should continue reading that nk jemisin book so i could make a better pun. i got like 2 chapters in before getting distracted by uni#reading. two years ago. oops. after i finish burning chrome? only got two short stories left in that i think#sketchbook#drawing#colour pencil#coffee#illustration#artists on tumblr#my art#uh. i had a point when i started drawing this. i think it might have been please commission me because being a care worker is exhausting an#i consider quitting ever shift i get that's not a night one#or buy originals#sold a lot of those earlier. not so much since january. idk why.
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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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To everyone commenting about the red in my art, your tags always make my day <3
This is how I make my art So Red: I use brush pens from the Lyra and Tombow brands, they blend really well, and the red hues are perfectly bright for my taste.
I scan everything with CamScannner, under direct light, to increase contrast and blend the colours even more. The not yet scanned drawings look like this, I used a new pen for the first three drawings, and an old one for the last three, the difference is pretty evident:
I don't always make a pencil sketch before the line art, I prefer to sketch outfits directly in colour, adding the black lines later and filling the rest with brush pens, that's why I often end up with colour blocks.
#only the upper left and upper right were done with a pencil sketch#all the others were made with the brush pen you can see the red sketch lines#pencil sketches + lineart take time and I often need to be fast because I draw in the evening or by night after uni/work#I don't have much time for accuracy but I still want to put some ideas on paper#my art
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FRESH NAILS LETS GOOOOO
#they look so hot they’re so long and pointy. im gonna GET you#I’ve had such a productive day I finally cleaned up my revision pit that I left behind when I went home#so finally tidied my room and washed my dishes and emptied my bin and cleaned my surfaces etc#and then I got my nails done which is of course SUCH a slay#and then i went to boots and my mate has a loyalty card with student discount on it that i copped#tell me how i got hair dye (this alone was £8) body wash shampoo conditioner and a hair mask ALL for £13. insane bargains from me#and then i finally FINALLY did a big shop bc I’ve fully not done one since coming back after xmas#im so accomplished let’s gooo#honestly i feel really restless and like I’m staving off an inevitable episode bc I just feel soooo ough and unsettled#and it’s always Bad when it gets like this but if i just keep doing things and ignoring it then everything will be fine! 😄#about to have a FAT bath. nothing is wrong with me#hella goes to uni
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got a perfect score on my animated short film!!!!!!!!!!! (unless my film teacher lied to me)
#talks#it was one of the only two animated films in the class & i think that left a good impression#i'm so hyped. the first score i got at uni and it's a perfect score. we are so back#well he didn't write it down or anything he just came up to me and told me that in person after the seminar but LES GOOO#especially after those two entrance exams that kind of ruined my confidence#i really hope i can post it on here because i worked on nothing else for an entire month!! but i'll have to wait until after the exhibition
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#hamsters#comfy#kawaii#photography#my photography#hampter......#fun fact on this day my friend and i decided to open my sunroof which i promptly left open for an entire week and didnt notice until it had#already been raining for 2 days straight.#now my car has recovered entirely from the water damage its like it never happened but that. THAT. was a torment that lasted so so long#everytime i drove to my uni's bi weekly mandated covid test (2020 thingz) i would have a wet spot unless i laid my#'emergency trapped in snow' quilt on the seat beforehand#btw i cured it via copious moisture sucking bags (not the powder ones those spilt twice on me and were a pain in the ass to get out and#didnt help) and driving to the nearest sketchy carwash to vacuum out the water daily for a few weeks#and then promptly moving to sunny florida where the sun dried the rest. pro tip: car got wet? just move to florida ez#i think of my sad wet pants walkig thru kroger everytime i listen to nickelbacks 'far away' which was playing when i first drove in it after
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#the corruption tma#the corruption#the magnus archives#tma#trypo tw#bugs tw#infection tw#kinda like a self portrait but with some Key Differences#corruption avatar#drawing#magnus archives#the magnus archive fanart#just left home for uni and feeling stressed so im back to the bugs babiieeeee#kinda just accepted that my old friends aren't going to bother with me anymore#got some new friends though and im chatting online with people i knew from middle school so im going alright#just feeling like shit because i forgot about a post lab test until 15 minutes after the deadline passed#should probably be sleeping or studying rn
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Man, knowing that I'm less than two weeks from my last final is really shaking me because I have so many things I said I'd do after I graduate and they're very close now!!!
One of them is going to be leaving all the discord servers I don't talk in and also pruning following / friends lists like hell and back. This will allow me to finally come off invisible on discord, and it'll be nice to have discord statuses available to me again ;~;
#sg.txt#for context I do not currently feel safe coming off invisible on discord#because there's this one guy in the one uni club i was in for a while#who has some fucking grudge against me for NO REASON#and since i would like to not be accused of seriously abusing them again#(they have me mistaken for SOMEONE ELSE ENTIRELY)#i have not spoken in that server or come off invisible in months#graduating means i can leave all those servers and then the fucker can't track me down anymore#it's also why i started looking for and then changed my url#and i'll also be updating my website domain as well!#then the only thing i have left to change is my email which i can't atm#because i need gdocs still#but ugh it'll be nice. that club was a great idea until they refused to kick that person out after they levied false accusations against me#i hate not standing my ground but it was so not fucking worth it#getting rid of all that shit will be nice#like bye university friends it was fun for a bit but i'm movin on now#(boston's foreplay long time starts blasting)#actually yeah lmao my graduation playlist consists of#boston's foreplay / long time; alice cooper's school's out; piko's the glorious unseen; and megurine luka's no logic#don't need any other songs just those four#wild#in other news i got wacup working
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I used to think that having a college roommate meant you were contractually obligated to be best friends but now I realize that it’s actually a psychological experiment to see how close to murder you can get
#I have a seething hatred for my roommates#their names start with B and Z so I call them Bitchy and Zitchy#I tried so hard to be friends with them but they are everything that’s wrong with privileged university students#Zitchy expects to be worshipped after cleaning out the microwave for 20 minutes#but when i was on my hands and knees for 2 hours cleaning out the mold growing in the microwave that their food left#I get nothing#my only reward was getting my hands torn apart by bleach#if the purge happens I’m definitely murdering them first#college#uni#roommates#random#college roommate
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fic talk in the tags 💝
#aaaaaaaa i have only 4 stores left to write for the advent calendar and then i'm done?! 😭#i can't believe it guys i might actually be able to pull this off 👀#i've literally just winged it day after day with minimal planning#and i haven't even had a breakdown once? gonna knock on wood here real quick lol#i've had so much fun writing all these little stories too 🥺 and i'm fairly satisfied with them as well! yes!! me!! my biggest critic!!#i'm not gonna be writing anything for a while after i get these last ones done though lol i've written SO MUCH during these past weeks#however i did write down a short piece of dialogue in finnish the other day 👀#like. literally 11 words and idk if i'm ever gonna write more but those words just...came to me so i had to write them down somewhere#(it has been peer-reviewed as 'perfect' (thanks eetu <3) and you can totally slide in my DMs if you're curious)#and the college/uni au i've been playing with practically all autumn is something i definitely want to give a try#(so far i only have some random notes and moodboards 😅)#but whatever i'll end up writing i'll do it because i want to and that's what's important 🤍#thank you so much everyone who has been reading these stories or any of my fics this year#i really am not expecting anyone to read my stories and i'm happy if even just one person does 🥺#okay sappy talk over now back to writing byeeeeee#*stories
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sometimes I forget that I have creative freedom over my projects and I can put tiny little references to my favorite stories in there
#I started texturing a boat I modeled and I want to put a name on the hull#and I’m extremely bad at naming stuff but then I realized that it literally doesn’t matter and I can name the boat either A5158 or A258#because no one will know I named it after the ginger mafia guy from the author fanfic manga#also putting a mackerel into my scene so my chuuya boat can have a matching Dazai fish <3#I love seeing little references to other media in games because you can always see a bit of the devs personalities in there#the longer I’m studying the more I have forgotten to put a bit of that part of my personality in my projects too#also I don’t have too much time left on my project so these past weeks and next few weeks have been/will be super stressful…#I’m doing great time wise but I want to do a lot of additional stuff and getting everything done and polished will be a close call u_u#but I wanna do fanart so bad rn I have two wips and dozens of other ideas#<- a good drawing session could fix me#watching the new episode without drawing fanart will be hard :( but only 3 1/2 more weeks until I have free time again#but at the same time only 3 1/2 weeks left until I’m done with my project u_u and my degree u_u#sina’s rambling#uni tag
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#thinking ab my ex best friend#nothing happened...we just grew apart#she moved abroad for uni so we just haven't really been talking for a long time#we never even got to say goodbye properly bc i started uni before her and i was busy with finals when she left#i feel so guilty for not saying goodbye to her properly#i have new friends from uni#they call me their best friend and all that#but im unable to give them the title of best friend bc#it's somehow still reserved for my ex bsf#even after all this time#i just can't give up that spot yet#anyways#3am thoughts 😄👍#personal
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hear me out: mjty college au where Yuanzhi and SGQ as queer besties. they bicker all the time but at the same time theres this underlying understanding between the both of them. Everyone thinks they're dating but just refuse to admit it, when GYZ actually has a crush larger than the moon on GSJ, and SGQ is pining for YWS
Have a good day!!
A/N: ROSIE I AM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG ;A;
I hope you like the take I did with it hehe
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"Take a picture, it lasts longer."
Yuanzhi shifts in his seat and purses his lips. Refusing to deign Shangguan Qian with an answer, he smiles shortly, pushing up his Versace sunglasses and leans back in his seat with his Starbucks drink.
"That's a bit rich coming from you," Yuanzhi snorts elegantly, taking a sip.
Shangguan Qian's hand pauses as she is transcribing her lecture notes, but she recovers and continues writing. "Didi--"
"Don't call me that--"
"Didi," She says, voice sickly sweet. "Did you hear what they're saying about us again?"
Yuanzhi sighs. "Which one is it this time?"
"The one where you are head over heels with me and you are absolutely bereft that I'm graduating in a semester, and that you won't be able to walk me back to my flat after my evening classes."
Yuanzhi physically shudders at the thought. "I would rather die than feel any sort of emotion other than relief that I won't have to share a walk home with you soon."
"The feeling is absolutely mutual," Shangguan Qian purrs, tapping her pen on her notebook. "Every time I have to see your face is the lowest point of my day."
"Likewise." Yuanzhi toasts her with his Starbucks cup and takes a deep sip as he spies the three figures coming out of the library building.
Immediately, it's as if the mid-morning autumn air shifts. He doesn't even have to look to know that everyone has begun to stop and stare. He doesn't blame them, too, the sight of Gong Ziyu walking with his girlfriend Yun Weishan and his cousin Gong Shangjue would make everyone stop for a moment. The three of them look like they've just stepped out of a magazine in their tailored clothes and perfect hair.
Yuanzhi turns away, looking back down on the tabletop, hissing when Shangguan Qian kicks at his ankle.
"He's coming this way!" She whispers.
Panic seizes Yuanzhi and he barely survives choking on his spit when he hears a quiet and low drawl saying, "Hello Yuanzhi, hi Shangguan Qian."
"H-hi Shangjue ge," Yuanzhi wheezes, taking a sip of his pumpkin-spiced latte and immediately wincing when the hot liquid scalds his tongue. A perfumed handkerchief is immediately at his jaw, dabbing at his face.
Shangjue is smiling at him as he wipes away the mess on his face, lingering on his lips. Quite possibly unaware of the minor death Yuanzhi is feeling on the inside.
"Are you doing anything later, Didi?" Shangjue asks. Yuanzhi shivers when the man thumbs at the corner of his mouth.
"Nothing I cannot heartlessly abandon," Yuanzhi answers immediately.
"Good," Shangjue says. "I was wondering if you would like to come with me to a new museum exhibit downtown? They have a section about poisons used in Renaissance Italy, and I remember how you told me you've always been interested in toxicology and I thought you might like--"
"Yes!" Yuanzhi gushes. Scrambling to push his sunglasses up to the crown of his head, he nods vigorously. "I mean, yeah, I'd love to."
Shangjue beams, lifting his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. "Great. I'll meet you by the fountain at 2pm? Maybe we catch dinner in the city after? My treat."
If there is a god, strike him dead now, Yuanzhi thinks. He can die happy.
"Yeah," Is all he can manage when Shangjue smiles at him like that. His hand lingers where they're cupping his neck, but only for a moment, because Shangjue steps back too soon, then gives him a gentle "Bye" before walking away.
"It's like I'm not even here." Shangguan Qian snorts.
Yuanzhi slumps back into his seat. "What the hell just happened?"
"I think you just got asked out by the most popular student in our university, that's what happened."
He perks up at that. "Oh, shit!" He giggles.
Shangguan Qian rolls her eyes at him but doesn't say anything else. Doesn't have to when her eyes flit to where Shangjue is jogging back to. Ziyu and Weishan are both waiting in the shade of the library building.
Yuanzhi sees how her eyes turn soft and longing at the way Weishan and Ziyu link their hands, looking at each other with clear adoration. Whatever sharp barbs he had poised on his tongue, he packed it away. There's a time and space for everything. This wasn't it for that.
"Come on," He declares. "I can't let Shangjue think I'm not boyfriend material if I show up to our date in rags."
Shangguan Qian lifts an eyebrow. "You're literally dressed in Versace."
"And," Yuanzhi bulldozes on. "You know what they say about dressing for the job you want? Well, I want full-time employment as Gong Shangjue's boyfriend."
"I think that job's all yours by now." Shangguan Qian mutters under her breath, moving to pack her stuff.
Yuanzhi is feeling benevolent. He'll ignore her sass as long as she helps him pick out his outfit for his date today.
#my journey to you fic#shangzhi#juezhi#gong shangjue x gong yuanzhi#gong yuanzhi#gong shangjue#shangguan qian#my journey to you#gab writes stuff#i haven't written uni aus in a hot minute haha#possibly since after i left uni#this was fun to write
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fuuuuuck ive dug myself such a massive hole and there's no climbing out now
#he speaks#love lying to my parents about how my uni career is going#cause i know they would cut me off from EVERYTHING i care about if they find out im failing anything#so just softening the blow by being like hey im barely passing#(which was still a DIFFICULT convo)#and saying oh im struggling heaps keeping up with readings and assignment deadlines so im just doing the bare minimum cause im exhausted#cause adhd#and them wanting to be super helpful and being like oh give me a list of your assignments and their due dates and your readings#and ill read the stuff and look at your assignments#cause you said you were doing summer semester to catch up on your classes from the trip#but in reality youre not you just said that so your parents would let you go#but now youre gonna have to do assignments over the summer break (aka for the next 4 weeks) and then be stressed about getting set up#and now youre so far in that you have an elaborate plan that you've “talked to the academic advisors” about your struggles and your adhd do#and both said you should go part time#so that it looks like youre graduating “on time”#but in reality youre just catching up on the courses you failed#and still struggling and hating full time#i stg if there were ANY other way to get the qualifications i need for this job#i would have left uni after first semester#i actually fuckin hate it#sorry for the rant lmao#kinda a vent post
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