I want to do a third for fun poll thats Magnai vs everyone else but you can only have 10 options. -Mod Fisher

having a lot of thoughts right now at 4am about chay being ruthless

there’s a specific animorphs quote i’m thinking of:

"People don't understand the word ruthless. They think it means 'mean.' It's not about being mean. It's about seeing the bright, clear line that leads from A to B. The line that goes from motive to means. Beginning to end. It's about seeing that bright, clear line and not caring about anything but the beautiful fact that you can see the solution. Not caring about anything else but the perfection of it." — Marco, The Reunion by K.A. Applegate 

specifically the bit: It's about seeing the bright, clear line that leads from A to B. 

now, i dont think chay from season 1 is ruthless. but i very much see him as having the makings of it. chay has a very simple and direct approach to things; he sees something he wants, so he pursues it (he asks his idol for lessons their first meeting, he doesn’t let kim skip out on tutor lessons, he confesses twice because he had a homework goal and then a personal goal, he wants the truth so he confronts kim that same day, etc). and we see this theme of ‘chay has a goal, chay pursues goal’ most often with kim because they specifically foil each other in this. kim has a grand speech about making sacrifices to achieve your goals, but he’s stagnant between the world he was borne into and cant fully leave because of his brothers, vs the soft bright world he wants to be in but cant because he comes bearing blood. this directly contrasts with chay, who pursues his goals fullheartedly and recklessly

now, chay's not ruthless. not...yet. but there’s also these little...hints of a ruthlessly practical mindset to him. the most standout point for me in this regard was episode 1 when porsche is worried about his uncle. he’s sent arthee away, but he’s still planning “how do i get uncle out of trouble, and how do i maximize it?”

but chay? chay’s straight up like “uncle’s problems aren’t ours, lets just runaway to go live your dream of owning a bar on the beach”

i love this scene between porsche and chay so much. not only is really heartwarming, but i think it rly solidifies who they are as characters right off the bat. porsche is a caretaker. he takes care of everyone around him, whether he has an obligation to or not. but chay is fully ready to just leave their uncle behind. uncle interferes with brother’s and mine’s future plans? then no uncle in future plans. chay doesn’t even seem to mourn nor care that his uncle, one of his two caretakers left, is just gone from his life after ep1. like...that’s a really cold assessment for a teenager to make about one of his two living family members (that he knows of)

for me, what holds chay back from tipping into any sort of ruthless so far is mostly his naivety. not innocence (chay is not innocent yes i am still fighting on this hill), but he has certain expectations of the world that don’t necessarily match what the world is. to me, this shows most clearly when he sees warning flags (”...how do you know i have a brother?”) but is fully willing to ignore them in favor of pursuing his original goal(s) instead of taking the warning flags into account. and since he doesn’t plan for them, when some of those flags grow into actual problems, they really trip him up in ways he’s not prepared to handle. but he doesn’t have that any more at the end of season 1

if we do get a second season, i would be v curious to see where chay’s character develops. im apparently the outlier lol, but i actually really love where kim and chay ended in s1. they were on a trajectory to crash in the middle and instead they missed and landed where the other started. kim, the kid running away from the things he’s always wanted, puts himself out there with zero expectation or surety that chay will reach back. chay lingers over the video, unsure if he wants to respond to it or block it, so he throws his phone away to deal with it another time. and it’d just be really interesting to see how these two characters would react following the same trajectory the other one originally did, but coming at it with a very different background/development. and for chay specifically, i would just rly love to see how his ep1 “lets just abandon uncle to the debtors and go live our dreams on a beach” hints might come back/come into play in a mafia world setting

Gosh y'all I am so excited I am finally getting top surgery in just a few days (Friday) and I am just ecstatic- my awful back has been pulling double duty these past couple weeks reminding me exactly why I need this so badly and I just am so excited to be so close to Relief

i like having meds and getting sleep again but i totally forgot that these also work somewhat backwards and im also very tired when i wake up for like a long time my god

I have a few quick question. I'm going to post the last chapter of this dark au installment tomorrow morning (is around 7am okay???) But please help with these questions. I already have the chapter written and just need to know whether I should keep, edit, or omit a part

@idontgettechnology @dragonmaiden79 @sarifinasnightmare

going off of Em, I'm trying to insert more dark fantasy so there's a curse (the part of not being able to not use magic. but the more you use it, the more the curse spreads)

but regarding the curse should it:

involve emotions along with what it already has? for example: cursed to never love; if you do, you start to die/you die

would it be too corny, cringe, or oof to insert a demon? (why? I was watching the house with a clock in its walls again)

👍🏾👍🏾

Has her voice ever sounded so RAW?? Holy shit "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me" and "I can Do It With A Broken Heart" gave me honest goose bumps oh my God. The emotion in this album is so raw that Gordon Ramsey is yelling at it 😭

AHHHHHHH i fell asleep and didn’t make it to midnight but the first thing i did when i woke up was turn on the album.

Ok!!! Her story telling is like on another level this album, I can’t even believe how smart she is like?!?! HOW DOES YOUR BRAIN WORK LIKE THIS

“Who’s Afriad if little old me” she says “you don’t get to tell me about sad” AND THAT CLIP OF HER AND JOE IN THE RESTAURANT GOING AROUND RN AND HE SAYS THAT TO HER?!?👀

OK BUT I Can Fix Him - “The jokes he told across the bar were revolting and far too loud” in parallel to LOVER “and you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me” 🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨

loml OOF JUST RIP MY HEART OUT GOT ME CRYING AT 7AM

I Can Do it With a Broken Heart - IM SO DEPRESSED I ACT LIKE ITS MY BIRTHDAY. Ok but me

I still have 9 songs left to go BC SHES SICK FOR A DOUBLE ALBUM but holy shit I expected nothing less

The Chimney Knight

spent three days busting my ass off on and losing my mind over this, inspired by this artbreeder monstrosity that i love so very much (all textures directly picked from it). having troubles with the rendering of the greasepencil details so its only screenshots

Thinkin about that ex who got black out drunk and proceeded to piss all over my couch and pile of clothes...

Wonder if he ever became a firefighter like he talked about

AAAUUUUGH I’m so tired and I have to be up early for work tomorrow aough oh I really don’t want to do it but whatever it’s fine it’s happening

i really worked until 7am instead of 6am cause im too easy to step on huh

it really be like this sometimes all the time

If you're like sleep spooning a centaur and they roll over in bed do you just die

this next gifset might kill me :)

good day

my mum still wont talk to me so im really glad the ‘line’ here was ‘not volunteering for a thing i dont want to volunteer at’. im glad we’ve established this.

haejin!! i was eating mochi and was randomly reminded of you, probably because you make my heart as soft as mochi 💞💐 i hope you’re having a good day today!

thank you !! reading this yesterday made me so so so happy & rereading it again this morning gave me energy to start my day~ 

i love you alisha

1 hr of sleep is Not Enough but if i wake up yelling again i think my neighbours'll actually kill me