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lets-try-some-writing · 6 months

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The Grim Dark Archives: Statement #005 Named Cybertronians

[Statement taken from [Redacted] on [Redacted: Sensitive data] regarding known Cybertronians. They were asked to elaborate on the Cybertronians that have been recorded as being present on Earth after the alien known as Cliffjumper was killed in action. We know very little about the event, but supposedly Cliffjumper was deployed to search for Decepticon activity.

According to the report given to us by Optimus Prime, Cliffjumper found where Decepticon agents were mining energon and promptly initiated combat. This resulted in his capture by the Decepticons, and although a corpse has yet to be recovered, the Autobots reported that his vitals flatlined.

High command saw fit to use [Redacted]'s knowledge to try and gain an understanding of just how many aliens we could possibly be dealing with in the near future. Thankfully [Redacted] was more than willing to speak on the matter and has already expressed an interest on elaborating more on certain individuals.

Statement begins.]

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Oh this is the kind of question I will gladly answer. Collecting data on people, organizations, a various beliefs is my specialty. Now, since you are already familiar with the Autobots, I shall begin with them.

Let's start with the two wheeler. Her designation is Arcee, as you know. She is of a small sub-class of Cybertronians known as 'femmes' and well known for her abilities. Let me warn you now, femmes are some of the most terrifying Cybertronians out there, and not for the reason you may think. They may be small and seem feminine to you organics, but our femmes are built with strange and unique abilities alongside their differing processing methods. I will go more in depth regarding Cybertronian femmes a bit later. For now, all you need to know is that they latch onto the mentally or physically weak amongst our kind. And at that point, they claim the mech in question and slowly prepare to use their ability and... improve them.

Don't question it right now. There will be time for explanations later. For now, we are doing an overview aren't we? Anyway, her records do not go back to before the war, but personal investigation leads me to believe that she likely worked for the High Council in some capacity. She has ties to the Primacy but largely sticks with the Prime because he likes having a femme around to throw at enemies. Femmes are vicious creatures. Honestly considering how much Arcee liked him, Cliffjumper was a dead mech walking anyway. He's lucky to have been killed by the enemy rather than face the fate of those chosen by femmes. I've been the subject of a femme's interest once. I barely made it out alive. Thank Primus the Archives took me before she did.

Cliffjumper is rather irrelevant now, but I will go over him anyway in case he somehow manages to walk off whatever the Decepticons did to him. He actually doesn't have a ton on his record. He was a regular recruit, one recorded signing on sometime around the height of the war when factions had to be picked. There was nothing out of the ordinary about him, and in fact, he fell below average strength levels for most soldiers. That is probably what got Arcee interested in him. Poor mech came from one of the outer cities and probably didn't know what in the pits a femme even was. Its unfortunate that he's dead, but I honestly do think it was likely in his best interest. He would have dealt with so much suffering otherwise.

May he rest at peace as one with the Allspark.

Next up is Bulkhead. You know? The one who beat me into scrap? Don't play stupid. I am no fool. I am well aware you saw that footage. We will be discussing that later. Now about him, he is a Wrecker. His augmentations are specifically made by Wreckers for Wreckers and he will die for the organization. All those who join the Wreckers are bound to them forever. There simply is no escape once the augmentations are finished. Most don't want to leave, and Bulkhead falls into that category. I can go into more depth about the Wreckers and their... beliefs, a bit later. At the moment, let it be known that he does not give a flying frag about you squishies. He follows the creed of his kind and thankfully for all of you, that creed does not permit unnecessary damage to native lifeforms of foreign worlds. Last I checked, he serves the Prime because that is part of his duty and Prime gave him the means to deal with a grudge of his. He has a personal investment here on Earth because he heard that there was a rouge Wrecker here somewhere.

No I will not elaborate right now. You lot need to be paying close attention to what comes next, so I will not linger on topics at the moment.

Ratchet is the resident medic. I believe I have expressed my fears before, but seriously, medics are DANGEROUS. I cannot emphasize that enough. The insane fraggers hyperfocus on one field and one faction and they stick to it like glue. They cling to their alliances and progeny like a parasite and will fight and even maim one another over patients. Ratchet is one of the best and worst medics I have ever encountered. His genius is legendary and he is one of the few who have ever been able to absorb all medical knowledge without focusing too hard on any particular field or falling to medical madness. Yes that is a real issue amongst my kind.

He also is not quite as insane as the others because of his upbringing out in the middle of nowhere during the age before the Quintessons came. But with that said, his motives are dubious at best. He is loyal to the Prime alone and would gladly frag over anyone who is not a medic or an Autobot. He also is not fond of you fleshies, but he does his job and should probably not be too bad so long as you don't catch his interest. Honestly getting the interest of any of my kind is a bad idea, so I suggest just not doing that. Medics in particular have one pit of a subculture that makes them a pain in the aft to understand, even for the average Cybertronian.

Now, moving on from the mad medic, Bumblebee is the team scout, and for good reason. He is totally unaugmented. He has no attachments whatsoever. No commlink, no programming, no battle codes, no inbuilt weapons, no specializations, nothing at all. He is practically a civilian and has to work himself half to death just to keep up with the rest of our kind who get augments nearly the moment they are old enough to handle them. If you are looking for the safest Autobot, you will find it in him. He is still one of my kind, but possess a great ability to empathize, or at least offer aid without expecting something in return. He never got any alteration programming, which may explain his more reasonable disposition. But of course, there is a reason for that.

I will not go into detail right now, but Bumblebee is kept from receiving augments on purpose. It is easier for mecha without augments to receive the Matrix of leadership and live reasonable lives under its control. Optimus is by no means loving, but he cares for what he sees as his. Bumblebee is being trained to be physically stronger than the others and mentally hardened so that he can bear the burden should Optimus fall. Either that, or he is being prepared to carry the weight of our people's history if another is found more suitable. The Prime is currently a walking databank for all of Cybertronian knowledge. One way or another, Bumblebee will carry the weight of one station, be it that of the Archive or the Matrix. He cannot escape, but it does not seem like he wishes to. He is loyal to his Sire and to the cause after all.

As for Optimus Prime himself? He is a whole series of statements on his own. To give you the thousand mile high overview, he was originally a dock worker. He was normal, much like Bumblebee. He had the attention of a femme, but he seemed to have a reasonable lifespan on him regardless of that fact. Then the Archive took him, and there he became one of theirs. He was one of the many sets of optics and frames which belonged to the Archive. And yet, he took interest in Megatronus, the leader of the Decepticons. Orion Pax, as was his name at the time, had his reasons for being involved. However through a series of accidents, he found himself being prepped for war. He was offered as a sacrifice, and the last resort relic that is the Matrix of Leadership was given to him. Since then he has led the war and done everything in his power to take what he sees as his.

He is a master at manipulation and adaptation. He can and will find information on every subject and devour it like a starving mech. If he finds you interesting, he will tear you apart to gain every last fact and iota of information. There is no escape from him, and until he gets what he wants, he will not allow anyone to stand in his way. His goals are complex, and even I do not fully understand. But he fights all the same and will kill you regardless. Be wary of him. He is by far the most dangerous simply because he has lived so long.

Primes do not last longer than a few millennia. And yet Optimus has lived for over four million years. That should be a sign that he's clever and has ways to bypass what we have always assumed was a death sentence.

For the Decepticons, there have only been three confirmed units and one unconfirmed thus far. I will explain any others as they become relevant. To begin, there is Starscream, the Lord of Vos. He is a seeker, a subsection of flight class Cybertronians that do not fall in line with normal standards. Seekers were complete isolationists before the war, even going so far as to have their own ever moving city, language, and culture. They do not use modern technology, they do not worship Primus, and their rituals are savage even by Cybertronian standards. I will go into more depth on them later, but for the time being, just know that Starscream being the Lord of Vos essentially puts him in the position of Shaman for his kind. He is a follower of nature and seeks to keep things in balance while remaining faithful to his culture. Due to how little is known about Vosian culture and Seekers as a whole, he is unpredictable. His motives are almost entirely impossible to figure out and he will fight in the way of the ancients. By all accounts the Seekers should have been wiped out eons ago, but their methods are... surprisingly effective.

Cunning and strange, Starscream's methods are unorthodox and his loyalty is all but void. He serves whatever it is he worships, his people, and himself. That is all. He has no mortals or ethics even amongst our rather loose ones. The only benefit you humans will find in his nature is that he is not fond of killing without reason and likely will leave you alone if you don't bother him. But of course he is a spontaneous mech and could just as easily turn up in the dead of night and slaughter you all will no explanation. Leave him be, that is my suggestion.

Soundwave is Megatron's second in command, at least behind the scenes. He joined up with the Decepticons long before they were official and knows more than I care to bother explaining. Not a spark actually knows what he is, but him and others like him, such. as the Autobot Blaster, have an ability that gives them an edge. He is able to house symbiotes, beings that I have no real clue where they come from. Soundwave and those like him are recorded appearing out of the blue randomly only to then latch onto mecha of interest in a manner like femmes. Those mecha proceed to live out their lives normally, but usually just before death, Soundwave and his kind will drag them off never to be seen again. Within a few vorns, a new symbiote can be noted running around. I hypothesize that whatever is done to the dying plays a role in the creation of symbiotes, but I do not have enough information. Soundwave serves Megatron, that is what matters.

He can get into just about anything and very little is known about him as a whole. No known motives, no known origin, no known anything really. He is a stranger who appeared in the pits alongside Megatron and simply never went away. Keep clear of him if you can. He is a mech that even the average Cybertronian tries to steer away from.

Vehicons are clone soldiers that might as well be civilians with toy blasters attached to them. They are normal mecha who are held together by some grand communication array that I am not familiar with. They are mass produced, hold very little value, and oftentimes do not have much personality aside from the one that they all share. They work without question and die in droves before being promptly replaced. Honestly your biggest concern is possibly being stepped on. The Vehicons are untrained newsparks at worst and competent but low level ground units at best. Until they develop more as individuals, they are not too great a threat save for when they are sent out in waves.

Lastly there is Megatron, currently MIA Lord of the Decepticons. He came from the mines of Kaon and somehow managed to work past the slave coding installed in him long enough to simply wander out of the pits. He was a scumbag in the redlight district for a while before spontaneously ending up in the pits as a Gladiator. There he gained a following and did his best to fight for his cause before ultimately turning to war to make things more faster. This backfired horribly if you can't tell. Now he is a mech who seems lost more often than not. He has been noted having patchy memory, more so after every interaction with Optimus Prime. He is only as cruel as was normal in the redlight district and his most concerning trait is his astounding lack of care for anything orderly or organic. He hates programing or augmentation and only tolerates it in his soldiers to win. Augments enrage him to such an extent that he has been noted acting out of normal parameters in response to heavily altered individuals. He wants chaos, that is what you need to know.

If he thinks it would further his ends, he would gladly wipe this planet off the map. However he does nothing without reason, and so unless you garner his attention, you should be fine. Stay away from him, don't mention anything related to the Archive or the Matrix, and all should be well... for the most part.

I can tell you more later, but for now, you best keep your organic optics on the happenings going on. If Cliffjumper is dead, it means there is a very real chance things are going to spiral and do so fast.

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[Statement end.

The timestamps have been removed from these reports in response to [Redacted]'s information on the Cybertronian known as Soundwave. What information we have is critical for our survival, and we simply cannot risk it being destroyed even if the alien able to do so with ease likely won't ever bother to damage our files.

We expect [Redacted] to be giving us much more data soon, especially since they have begun to warm up to me and my fellow agents since their repairs were completed. They have also requested to be referred to by masculine pronouns, perhaps as a sign of trust? Whatever the case, we are making progress. Hopefully we will have a reasonable way to fight back against the aliens soon, at least if their guns settle on us.

Agent Witwicky signing off.

Recording ends.]

#transformers #maccadam #transformers prime #team prime #megatron #optimus prime #ratchet #bumblebee #arcee #bulkhead #soundwave #starscream #the grim dark archives #[redacted]#agent witwicky #statement recording #oh boy I cannot wait to get into the lore I have cooking up #but for now #here are hints :)

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just-barely-a-somebody · 2 months

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I’ve got a take on a prohibitedwish/fionna and cake pirate au that I thought of while listening to music and will never write a full fic for, so I just wanted to write out the ideas I had for funsies

It starts at night when Scarab, a feared pirate captain, kidnaps Prismo, son of the navy’s head general, to be used as a bargaining chip to save Jake from being hung.

Prismo has befriended an owl (Cosmic Owl ofc) and it follows them as Prismo’s taken away. On the ship, Fionna and Simon are ready for when he returns and they have Prismo tied to the mast to be clearly visible.

With no better way to help, Cosmic Owl attempts fly in and attack Scarab. It isn’t very effective when Scarab manages to grab Cosmic Owl by the claws. Scarab questions Prismo about the owl and Prismo panics to explain that Cosmic Owl was some of his only company.

Begrudgingly, Scarab sends Fionna to get something from below deck. Fionna returns with a small pouch. Scarab takes a pinch of colored dust from the pouch and blows it into Cosmic Owl’s face. Prismo’s worried about how it might hurt his eyes when Cosmic Owl sputters and is now *magically* able to speak (the first thing he says is probably yelling at Scarab to let them go or something before being like ‘wait oh shit I can talk’). As Prismo and Cosmic Owl are both coming to this realization, Cake comes up from below deck and makes a casual comment abt how great two way communication is (ref to what the squirrel said to cake in fionna and cake).

^that’s like the closest thing to an actual scene I’ve thought of

so more general lore just laid out

Meet the Crew (and learn the lore):

Scarab- captain, helmsman (does the steering). He is the owner of the boat, and is the one to decide who gets to join and who doesn’t. To his own annoyance, their safety is top priority. He claims it to be because they’re already such a small crew, and cannot afford to lose any more (but really he’s grown attached, though it would take a significant amount of inebriation for him to admit it). He carries an unassuming cane everywhere because of its magical ability to transform into a weapon (his crystal from fionna and cake but pirate themed). Previously a bounty hunter, he formed the crew after a target got the jump on him and left a scar slashed across his back. Now they search for magical artifacts and treasure to get by.

Simon- navigator, cook, surgeon. He takes care of everyone’s wellbeing and responsible for most technical stuff. He joined the crew in pursuit of knowledge about the treasures out there to be found. Years ago his long time girlfriend Betty sacrificed herself to save them from the kraken that rose from sea during a large battle at sea. She did it by using one of their treasures to fuse with the kraken before it could sink their ship, and the part of her that remains now allows them to cross its territory unharmed. He still misses her, and drops small offerings/gifts that he thinks she might like into the water when they pass over.

Fin- master at arms. Fin is well trained in combat and responsible for teaching the others how to handle themselves. He and Scarab are well matched when they duel, with most ending in a draw due to an interruption eventually requiring their attention. Growing up he was an orphan living on the streets with his only friend being his dog Jake. They were thieves to get by, and one day stumbled their way into finding the sack of magic dust that allowed Jake to talk. One day they stole a relic from bounty hunter Scarab that granted Jake his stretchy powers. They were caught in the act, but became the first to be recruited by Scarab as he saw their potential. Upon Jake's capture, he has become dead set on saving his best friend.

Jake- Cabin boy. With his stretchy powers he improvises ways to help the crew or hold together the ship. He met Prismo by chance and got to know him well enough to find out he didn't like his life stuck on land. They became friends before Prismo knew he was a pirate, but things went downhill when Prismo's father caught them and had Jake arrested. Stuck in jail, his only knowledge of what is happening is through the complaints of Prismo's father blaming Jake for Prismo's capture. Safe to say, it's the only reason he has yet to be hung.

Fionna- Rigger, Swabbie. She and Cake are the most recent addition to the crew. Like Fin she was an orphan before being recruited, and was the same age as he was when he was recruited many years ago. She reminded Fin of himself, though she was much more eager to be a pirate, so he convinced Scarab to allow her and Cake in. As the youngest in the crew and filled with a need for adventure, she often is the first to rush in without thinking things through. This has gotten them into troubling situations before. To make up for it, she is doing her best to learn how to fight from Fin so that she can properly defend herself.

Cake- Swabbie. When she joined, she was given the same magic dust that Jake had. In Jake's absence, she has had to learn how to use the stretchy power relic that he left behind on the ship. With some big shoes to fill, she makes it her business to keep others positive/entertained (this has yet to work on Scarab)

Not sure if there should be Bubblegum and Marceline or Gary and Marshal, or both, so feel free to imagine their inclusion however you prefer. Coming up with this stuff is hard, okay?

Prismo- hostage. Prismo lived most of his life under control of his strict father, and began sneaking out at night to live his own life. With little friends, he befriended an owl that happened to nest outside his window. One night he met Jake and they got along well, meeting up every night for a week until Prismo's father caught them. Only then did Prismo find out that Jake was part of Scarab's crew which his father had been working tirelessly to catch. Prismo was grounded, and Jake was jailed to be hung. After his capture, Prismo sympathizes with their crew, and wants to support their goal of having Jake released. It takes a lot of convincing from Prismo to be allowed to roam free on the ship after they have set sail (which Scarab permits on the grounds that Prismo simply doesn't have the combat skill be able to seriously injure any of them even if he wanted to). Scarab is highly skeptical of Prismo's sympathy, and keeps a close watch that Prismo cant help but be highly aware of. Fionna reassures him that it's just how Scarab is, but with his nervously pushy attitude Prismo is slowly able to break down Scarab's emotional walls one by one.

If anyone does anything with this I'd love to see it

#fionna and cake #adventure time #prohibitedwish #prohibited wish #the scarab #prismo #simon petrikov #finn and jake #finn the human #jake the dog #fionna campbell #cake the cat #fionna the human #betty grof #just writing

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berenwrites · 10 months

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Lost Boys - Stranger Things Musings

Saw someone (my apologies, I cannot remember who) post about a Lost Boys AU with Stranger Things characters, and that got me thinking. How about a Lost Boys/Stranger Things crossover?!

The Lost Boys came out in 87, so let's just go with that's the year it's set. So a year and a bit after the debacle of Hawkins Spring 86, everyone from s4 is alive (yes including Eddie) and recovered, Vecna is no more, and Steve cooks ups the wild idea of getting the hell out of dodge for a summer vacation, all the kids, him, Eddie, Robin, Argyle, Jonathan and Nancy.

They're end destination is a couple of days in Disneyland in California, but they have decided to drive having rented 2 RVs to see lots of fun places on the way. Unfortunately, they get stuck in Santa Carla when one of the RVs breaks down.

Cue Eddie and Steve bumping into some decidedly weird dudes (David and the gang) on the boardwalk where everyone has gone to blow off some steam as they wait for the RV to be repaired. Maybe having been brought back from the dead after the Upside Down, Eddie pings on their radar, so they are interested.

Something, something, Steve ends up half vamped like Michael. Sue me, if I can torture Steve, I will 😝.

All the Hawkins lot are like, "Vampires - seriously?!" And join forces with the Santa Carla crowd. Sam is gonna love Max and Lucas, and Dustin and Mike would so go toe to toe with the Frog Brothers over vampire lore, not to mention the brains Erica will bring to the table! Jon and Argyle will probably miss most of it, having started talking weed with the Frog's parents. Nancy will be all over figuring out who the head vampire is. And Eddie and Robin will be worrying about Steve, who is trying very hard not to bite people and commiserating about doomed love with Michael (the fact he got Eddie back being a ray of hope in the shit storm).

And oh, boy, is the head vampire in for a shock when he comes up against El and a bunch of teens who are so done with this life or death shit.

I mean, there's also the option of Grandpa being so weird because he was into shady government stuff in his earlier life and doesn't even bat an eye at a girl who can move stuff with her mind.

I will probably never write this, but it is now stuck in my brain, so I thought I would share my pain.

#stranger things #the lost boys #crossover #fanfic idea #vampires #steddie #story idea

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spirithunterschoolwarpriestfan · 10 months

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Stream of Consciousness after Ep 9

YO what they have actually the worst and most lame dude MARK MINNOW pulling up?? >o<

jk maybe he’s cool idk

IDK that was a lot to unpack for a Mel fan.

When she had to say goodbye to Dad?! that shit was so sad

and her home got fireballed by her traumatized father WHO I GUESS SHE MAY HAVE TRAMUTIZED IN THE FIRTST PLACE??

and like... that's rough buddy

ALSO she’s like actually a death angel?? her form change was into a Shinigami???? feckn’ what?

Also that moment where Hikari was still crushing on monster mel was SO PRECIOUS im dying i love it so much they are perfect SO CUTE

Box jellies say “hai :3″

Mitsuaki. my boi. STILL not doin’ okay

He was the first one knocked out yet again lol

but also HE GOT A CALL FROM MOM?

oh no

that was not a great exchange

my lad is angsty and angry at her

and she is just like “i’m getting sued watch ur ass”

Loved that Kori and Noburo aside where THEY got to make fun of how awkward Togarashi and Mel where. Like my dudes you are just as awkward, you ain’t hard just because you are both edgy lol

Codex Temporal... bruh SO MUCH LORE just dropped!

its like mega old evil and about to dictate the direction of this whole show AND THEY DONT EVEN KNOW IF THEY CAN BE TRUELY Destroyed???

ALSO this shit has some kind of time travel powers and that is so crazy that ITO was tempted by its magic?? ALSO that flashback was so visceral that bro woke up throwing an actual fireball. I am worried about him.

That speech Ito gave to Mel about how they can be so strong and make positive change in the present world even when he cannot seems like important foreshadowing idk how

Chiyo-chan continues to be the best and cutest thing to exist. not news, but IMPORTANT

She is such a good friend to Mel, like their sisterlike relationship is so powerful

But like her waking up to even her “fuck you” shorts. it was all so peak Chiyo cuteness

Her and Hikari’s “Final Boss stuff” was also so inspireing low-key. Like Mel was muttering “be the final boss” when it was training time AND IT WAS SO

lost money betting on mitsuaki not getting knocked out first. Iconic.

Hikari lore need to drop next episode because ive got questions

That black sand was SO RAD

Togarashi. Sweet prince.

Togarashi feeling ashamed and getting ready to leave was heartbreaking

THEN that vision from his god :0

Was the burning tome a vision from his god that he is on the right path? the quest to destroy the Codex Temporal is holy for him at this point i guess

omg him and Mel making up was sop important to me AND THE HUGGS :’)))

with the pepper seed too?? that is a really cute intersectionality of their friendship and what they find meaning in, where Mel is caring for these pepper plants now and maybe Toga will cook using things she grow. I cannot wait to see how her garden will grow in the spring

Overall a great episode with plenty of heavy and badass stuff and lots of healing cutesy stuff. 10/10

#shswp ep9

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unpretty · 3 years

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astielle ch 28 spoiler ask dump~~

anonymous asked:

Tauril-form is puberty, because that's when his voice changes. Abysscale-form is college-age because that's when he goes to his first orgy.

anonymous asked:

You called Abysscale-form college-age (which does not preclude teenage sexscapades given the ages that go to college) and that tracks with how I think of Tauril-form as going through puberty (because of the voice-change). But if Tauril is the horny teenager that's kind of sad. Because as Minnow has pointed out many times That Dick Will Kill.

not each other, it won't!! although i imagine taurils sleeping with each other would have the bro-iest vibe. very bill and ted. taurils also have Options with people who aren't giant bull centaurs, it's just awkward is all. fortunately for everyone taurils are actually adults and are not full of hormones, they just have zero impulse control and when they like someone they want to impress them and spend time with them and it doesn't necessarily occur to them to get their dicks involved in the situation (karzarul's mind was elsewhere the first time he was a tauril)

anonymous asked:

When Violet said monsters make the best mercenaries and throw the best parties I didn't think about it, but the fact that all the impyrs came into being with swordsmanship skills equal to Lynette probably had something to do with the former. Even if ten isn't that many, THEY COME BACK. (Eventually. In, like, a month.) And the others probably learned from Lynette, even if they died. Lynette's unintentional teaching, back again.

they learned from the best murdering them repeatedly

anonymous asked:

When Ari is repopulating, and he skips Black Drakonis, he says "Makes sense." But he's surprised when Violet points out that Black Drakonis is missing, so it sounds like he at least had a theory/assumption at the time for why she was skipped, but it doesn't match with the new information.

he initially just assumed that black drakonis had managed to avoid being killed the whole time, which made sense because she's a big dragon and she can just fly away if someone is trying to murder her. but generally if a bigass monster is alive someone is going to see it, especially her, because she likes finding population centers to try to guard.

anonymous asked:

"It also occurred to him that trying to get Minnow to act like she lived in a society since they were young may have negatively impacted his sense of what constituted an acceptable thing to say to a person while his dick was out." Is just HILARIOUS.

anonymous asked:

Honestly I can relate to Leonas cause just last week I was like 'I keep falling asleep in class maybe I should develop a caffeine addiction' and one of my friends was like 'pls eat more food' so I started to actually have breakfast and an after work snack and I magically stopped falling asleep in class

anonymous asked:

Minnow's hips don't lie, but castle ruins are strangely deceptive.

everyone who wasn't following along when astielleblogging intersected with kink taxonomy hell is going to be so confused if/when minnow finally gets stuck somewhere

@9ofspades asked:

Ari is my favorite again and I want him to have actual eternity to be happy with his poly soulmate throuple together. And also his big monster family. Also I think he's wrong about what the core of the Heir and Hero are - both of them have, deep in the core of their souls, the fact that they are Monsterfuckers.

for the record i have a post in my drafts with all of your readalong asks and i still haven't decided what to do with them but i enjoyed them IMMENSELY

anonymous asked:

>looking for food >ask the cook if their food is earthy or wet >she doesn't understand >pull out illustrated diagram explaining what is earthy and what is wet >she laughs and says "it's good food sir" >buy some food >its wet

@ivylaughed asked:

I love the tumblr meme references in Astielle. The guards bringing their own knives; there being an infinite variety of brassica oleracea; the fucking chocolate guy. I'm half-waiting for a children's hospital/color theory reference. Thank you for the easter eggs.

i'm glad someone read 'chocolate birdhouse' and immediately thought THAT FUCKING CHOCOLATE GUY AGAIN ashjasd

anonymous asked:

I just wanted to say that as a plant nerd and forager I deeply appreciated Minnow's surprisingly accurate botany lesson.

unfortunately all the books that leonas gave minnow are still at her house and so she cannot cite sources for the existence of hemlock, queen anne's lace, and giant hogweed

anonymous asked:

“I think you overestimate people’s willingness to admit when things don’t make sense to them," lmao Minnow has a point

will the two men she is with learn from this and start admitting when they don't know things they think they should and are confused? absolutely not.

anonymous asked:

XD Ari hears "Kavid" and immediately attempts a strategic retreat.

anonymous asked:

“‘you should get dressed’ is a complete sentence.” Is making me laugh.

it's probably for the best because if he actually had known all three of them were out there it would have taken him like an hour to get ready and he would have had at least one breakdown about how none of his outfits were good enough and it was all nari's fault

anonymous asked:

Kavid: I will be happy to HAVE YOU ALL *lascivious eyebrow wiggle* at my earliest convenience.

anonymous asked:

"he gets smaller" "in this weather who doesn't?" KITTY PLZZZ

anonymous asked:

I can't decide whether I love or hate Kavid - I have a very Specific idea in mind for his voice, though I admittedly can't figure out where I'm pulling it from. He is an Excellent character though. Lovely chapter as always :D

anonymous asked:

Before, I was entertained by Kavid. Now I love him.

anonymous asked:

Kitty, Kraven and Kavid have similar speech patterns on purpose, right??? Right?????

i was honestly imagining some kind of nonsense faux-european what-country-is-this-even-from hollywood accent but imagining that he has sounded extremely russian this whole time is extremely funny

@rose-and-bones asked:

SHE HAS A TYPE aghfgstjs

minnow having a thing for obnoxiously pretty men who think they're great aka self-recognition through the other (horny)

@speakingintothevoid asked:

“You are,” Leonas said, “an egotistical, self-important fop.” “Ye-e-es,” Kavid said without shame. “She has a type, does Starlight.” I! LOVE!! IT!!! Makes me almost think of Violet and Karzarul - our point of view character being faced with a version of themselves who are more comfortable in their own skin and our boys not knowing why that annoys them

@keleviel asked:

I rescind my earlier mild disdain, Kavid is great. Is he actually The Greatest Of Bards, or is that just more showmanship?

he rocks about as hard as you can rock on a lyre, which is probably harder than you'd think (especially if you brought a lot of drummers) (which he does)

anonymous asked:

Jakshahshsh every time a new astielle chapter comes out i read it at least twice. Kavid i love you. Leonas i love you also you fucked up lil man. And karzarul the seat. And minnow the mischievous. and just. poor nari. existing in the same world as minnow and her all-powerful boyfriends and also kavid. nari needs a raise

she really does

anonymous asked:

Bruce in Office Meeting and Leonas grabbing the wine when Kavid starts talking about Imperials solidarity.

anonymous asked:

"You would like to compare notes?""Always." Brilliant. Leonas to a t. Loving this interlude with kavid. Snuggly tipsy leonas is a treat. kavids talk of how the weather makes all of us smaller had me cackling. Also this batshit imperial conspiracy is gr8

anonymous asked:

I am suddenly much less comfortable about Leonas performing medical experiments on Minnow, though no fault of his own. :(

@mooseman13579 asked:

Leonas finding out about the weird sun empire truther stuff: haha I'm in danger

the real unanswered question is how much of this is news and how much of it is stuff he already knew and assumed was normal

@thegayknee asked:

Holy shit this is it, isnt it. This is how they fix karzarul's reputation and expose Leland. With the power of Kavid

anonymous asked:

Karzarul's Questlog: "Work on our Image" updated, The Tale of Hollow Monsters delivered to bard.

anonymous asked:

just how many of her lovers is minnow going to recruit into her questing party

she should probably be swapping people out to keep their levels consistent but instead she just keeps karzarul and leonas as her companions for every single quest

@flying-butter asked:

"Details! I need details!" "The king sucks." This is every conversation with any of the trio. Minnow likely knows how to complete half of Ari's quests and Leonas the other half, but no one talks about anything without prompting.

minnow just assumes that everyone knows what she knows because she can't possibly be the brains of the operation and meanwhile karzarul and leonas are both busy having shame

anonymous asked:

i was so excited for the lore drop but the moment Leonas sat in Karzarul's lap my brain just shut off

@themaidenisdeath asked:

oh yes, as we all know, "all business" and "taciturn" are the first words that come to mind when we think of Minnow. It reminded me of when she met Karzarul and he told her she was particularly chatty for hero. Sorry Kavid, you're just neither a Sweet, Considerate Monster with a Dick of Steel And Tentacles To Match™ nor a Twink Prince With Silky Hair, Dom Tendencies And Weird Dietary Beliefs™

@halfdeadfriedrice asked:

"what Hero business?" / "I'm the Hero. All my business is Hero business." You tell em Minnow! And then it turns out to be Quest relevant after all; all business is Hero business Also kavid's last night's makeup and messy convertible couch covered in laundry with half-empty wine bottles on the floor is THEE most visually resonant, I feel like I am visiting a college friend

leonas got very lucky that there weren't any cigarette butts floating in that wine because in his mood he might have just drank it anyway

#original #astielleblogging #writeblogging #astielle spoilers

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mattmurdocksscars · 3 years

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🎉🎊🎉 Congratulations on the major milestone lovely!!!!🎉🎊🎉

It's very well deserved!!! Absolutely love the Can I Kiss you fic with Pietro. His hesitancy is down right adorable.

Who would I ship you with? Other than everyone's favourite fly boy Poe? Hmmm. This may be a little left field but I reckon Evgeni would be a good fit. Intellectual, cheeky and romantic. That or a certain Mr. Davis who would serenade you 😉.

Would love to see which Isaac or Pascal character you ship me with! Which ever vibe fits the best ^^

A little about me? Oh boy, that's a doozy of a question. I would describe myself as a disaster of a goblinoid with a sense of humour of a 15 year old boy. I have a serious dice addiction and a mouth that would make a sailor blush.

Seriously, who let me adult? And how the hell do I have a mortgage? And how the heck do I work in compliance?!

Friends have described me as:

Opinionated, bubbly, loud, headstrong stubborn, loyal, cheeky, determined, crass (in the right circles, cannot resist innuendos), caring, inquisitive/nosy, blunt, goofy, and complete mama hen. Full of random trivia too.

That douchebag didn't turn up for a date? No worries, we'll have a grand time perving on hot actors with some wine snuggling on the couch.

Some asshole hurt your feelings? Give me a name and address and I'll kick their ass.

I love hearing about people's experiences and points of view. Am not afraid to challenge them or have them challenge me either.

Couldn’t careless about someone's social standing or bank balance. I don't give two shits about how smart, rich or good looking you are. If you're an asshole or engage in shitty behaviour it's a major bugbear for me.

That being said I'm a total softy. Show me a baby and I turn to mush. Seeing kids grow, develop and discover the world around them leaves me in awe. Am the surrogate Thea to the kids in our DnD fam bam (they're growing up so fast!).

My likes? Green spaces, dice, DnD, gaming, thirsting over fictional men, sparring (both verbally and physically), tattoos, warm spring days, drives with friends that go for hours without going anywhere, bushwalking, cooking traditional meals, games with a rich cultural and mythological lore.

Dislikes? Overly corporate/stuffy environments, lack of compassion, small talk, sitting still, bland food, restrictive clothing, dry meetings, cringe comedy, being rushed, winter nights (too cold!), lack of patience, being overly formal, pickles (bleugh), congested places/city centres.

Physically? Coming from island folk, I'm short, thick and olive skinned with dark features. Plush but muscular. It was never in my genes to be svelte so have put it to good use! Thick thighs are great for kicking things turns out haha! I sport an ever growing tat collection thanks to my sister whose a wonderful artist.

And I fear I have gone a little over board lovely! But thank you again and cannot wait to see you hit your next major milestone!!!

Okay, honestly, I immediately thought of:

Santiago Garcia!

He's going to love your personality. You'll fit right in with the boys and he'll appreciate that so much. He's also going to love that you spar. The fact that you might be able to kick his ass? Turns him on more than it should. And tattoos? Ugh. He's in love. From first sight. Good luck getting rid of him, he's going to be stuck to you like glue.

Oooo an interesting collection of boys. I would love to be paired with any of them, to be honest.

#900 follower celebration #ships

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qeterqujll · 5 years

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angels; your best friends are the four most problematic angels in heaven

characters: castiel x reader, gabriel x reader, lucifer x reader, balthazar x reader, dean winchester, sam winchester

a/n: i might try and do a few of these because these four are my favorite i literally cannot handle it. so this is kind of a prologue to that series.

Dean is glaring at you from across the room, staring distastefully at the other four beings standing in front of you. Sam is gone for the day, but Dean’s sure he’d throw a fit if he saw the group standing in their kitchen chatting away while you cook them pie– pie. They’re getting pie and that is not okay with him. Angels don't even eat and now you’re cooking them pie.

“Winchester,” Lucifer spits, glaring back at Dean, “I hope you know that I can hear you.”

“Good,” Dean bites back, crossing his arms as he stands, making his way to your side, “what can I think that’ll make you disappear?”

“Dean,” you snap, whipping around with a whisk pointed at the Winchester, “we talked about this. He’s fine.”

Lucifer’s frown shift’s into a pleased grin, sauntering over to you happily, not missing the opportunity to shoulder past Dean and replace him at your side.

“Lucifer,” Castiel sighs, beginning another unsuccessful attempt at playing mediator between the fallen angel and the Winchester, “you are being childish.”

“Oh, I’m being childish, little brother?” he scoffs, leaning back against the counter with crossed arms, “you should be talking to Gabriel.”

Dean shakes his head, staring at you as if to ask is this really who you invited to the Bunker? but you avoid his gaze and pretend to be very heavily invested in the eggs you’re cracking. Dean just sighs, grumbling something about angels being the bane of his existence before flopping back into his chair, brooding from a distance and scowling when Lucifer meets his gaze with a smirk.

“You’re just jealous because you’re not the favorite anymore,” Gabriel grins, “Don’t worry, Dean-o, we’ll be out of your hair soon.”

“Sure,” Dean scoffs, opening one of his vintage magazines with a shake of his head and an annoyed sigh, “last time soon meant two weeks.”

He very vividly remembers finding the four angels in your room in various positions. Cas he expected, seeing as you had always been close to the angel, but Dean always assumed you and Cas had a thing going on, something he was not interested in asking about. But Cas was not the one laying on your bed, head in your lap as he flipped through one of the books you kept on your dresser. No, that was Gabe, and your hand was actually in his hair as you looked at something on your phone.

Fine, Dean had thought, fine, two angels. One he could handle, and the other he could half-tolerate.

When he spotted Balthazar looking through the lore books on your floor, picking up one about angels and flipping through it, he’d been more than a little bit surprised. He wasn’t sure when Balthazar had come back, and he was definitely not sure when he’d gotten close enough to you for you to allow him into the Bunker, but whatever. Balthazar was irritating, sure, but at least he’d helped them with Cas when they were desperate.

Then he saw Lucifer, laying on your other side with his legs crossed and his eyes closed in peaceful contentment.

He shakes his head at the memory, glancing one more time at the group before standing and storming up the stairs to his room. If he has to stand one more second of those four together with you he thinks he would be better off with Crowley in hell.

“What crawled up his arse and died?” Balthazar comments as Dean storms up the stairs. You sigh, shaking your head as you put the pies in the oven, one for the Winchesters and one for the angels (they insisted they’d enjoy it even though you know well enough from Cas that they won’t taste anything).

“You guys did,” you snort at your own comment, feeling a few glares on your back as you turn around to clean up the mess you’d made while cooking.

“I do not understand,” Castiel begins, “why would we be up Dean’s-”

“Can someone please smite him before I do?” Lucifer grumbles.

“No smiting in the Bunker, please.” “You humans and your rules,” Lucifer rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t move from his seat to approach the still confused Castiel, who has let any part of the conversation after Balthazar’s comment go over his head.

“Can you guys just,” you sigh, turning back towards the four angels sitting on the opposite side of the counter, “please behave yourselves around the boys. They’re still warming up to most of you.”

“They like Castiel,” Balthazar sighs, “I don’t understand why any of us are different from him.”

“Would you like the short list,” you look pointedly at Gabriel, “or the long one,” your gaze shifts to Lucifer. “Do the words Tuesday and Apocalypse ring any bells?”

“Michael started it,” Lucifer grumbles, “besides, that was ages ago. They’re too sensitive.”

“Yes, death will do that to someone,” you scoff, leaning towards Lucifer on the counter, “I know you’re not exactly up to par on humans, but we don’t exactly appreciate being killed.”

“Thank you, sweetheart, I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

There’s sarcasm dripping from his words, but you ignore it, smiling happily and taking the conversation as a win. You walk around to the library, picking up the book you’d been reading on the history of vampires and werewolves, but it’s plucked from your hands and replaced by a lore book on angels that you have yet to read. You glance over the top of the book, but all four of the angels are minding their own business. You almost set the book down to find the one you’d been in the middle of when you hear, “if you’re going to read that nonsense, at least read interesting nonsense.”

You roll your eyes, gaze shifting from the angels to the page the book had been opened to in your hands, skimming the words before setting it down on the table, making your way back to the kitchen.

“That book says all humans have a guardian angel,” you glance between the four, “do I?”

“Well it did say all humans, didn’t it?”

“Hm,” you glance at your hands, clasped together on the counter, “who is it?”

“Would it make a difference?” Lucifer sighs, “we’re all here. None of us are going anywhere anytime soon, apparently.”

“Just curious. So all of you have a human you watch out for?”

“All angels have had one at some point,” Gabriel says, “but for most of us, our humans have died. Now we’re all stuck with you.”

“If you want to know if it’s one of the four of us,” Balthazar interrupts, “it is.”

You nod, waiting for him to continue, but he just meets your gaze with a smile on his face that tells you that you won’t be getting any more answers out of him.

“So it’s one of you. Then why do all four of you stick around if you don’t need to?”

“What is it you humans call...friendship? Companionship? Even angels get bored and you’re very entertaining,” Lucifer smirks and Castiel glares at him, but doesn’t comment. You snort, taking a handful of flour and blowing it at him, laughing at the unamused look on his now flour-covered face.

“Well I, for one, am quite entertained.”

“I am the most feared creature on this planet,” Lucifer deadpans, “and you just threw flour at me.”

“It’s the simple joys, Luci.”

In retaliation and with a single snap of his fingers, you feel what must be at least a pound of flour pour over you, covering you in the white powder.

“Well played,” you shake your head, a cloud of flour from the top of your head surrounding you, “you’d better watch your back.”

“You’re lucky you’re not a Winchester because threatening me would not be wise.”

You shrug, taking a handful of flour from the floor and throwing it at him, blowing a kiss when his scowl deepens. With another snap of his fingers, the flour surrounding him is gone.

“I still want to know which one of you is my guardian angel,” you glance between them, sitting on the only empty stool between Balthazar and Gabriel, who snaps his fingers to rid you of the flour covering you.

“Let’s just say we split the responsibility evenly,” Balthazar eventually says when the other three angels refuse to respond, “guardian angels only get one human to look after, and when they pass on we don’t get another human chosen specifically for us to watch over. And the one of us who is your real guardian angel will tell you eventually, but I personally don’t think it matters. I quite like this.”

He motions to the five of you sitting together at the counter and you smile, because you definitely like it too.

“You big ‘ol sap,” Gabriel shakes his head, snapping his fingers to make the pies materialize from the oven in front of him.

“Only one,” you remind him, “the other is for the boys.”

“I thought we were the boys,” Lucifer mutters with a mouth already full of pie.

“We are not boys,” Castiel states, “we are angels of the Lord.”

“Speak for yourself,” Lucifer scoffs.

“Sam’s home in a few,” you hear Dean shout from the balcony above you, “have fun explaining this little playdate to him.”

“Bye, Dean-o!”

Gabriel snaps his fingers and suddenly the silence of the Bunker’s kitchen is replaced by the sounds of heavy traffic and unfamiliar voices.

“Gabe,” you run a hand over your face, refusing to open your eyes and look at your surroundings, “where did you take us?”

“I believe we’re in Paris, darling.”

You open your eyes, the Eiffel Tower standing proudly in the distance. You turn towards Gabriel, who has taken a sudden interest in the the sky, although you can see the smirk on his face.

“Gabriel,” Castiel sighs, “we should go back. Dean will worry.”

“I’m sure Dean and that oaf brother of his will manage on their own for the rest of the day,” Lucifer puts an arm over your shoulders, guiding you towards the nearest cafe, “and I haven’t been to Paris since the Apocalypse.”

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