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freetobecasdean · 6 years

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The Question

This is my first Destiel fanfic! If you want to read it on ao3 by any chance, here’s a link :) x

The first time someone asks Dean The Question, he's only in Kindergarten.

The culprit is his pigtail-wearing best friend Charlie, who's never been afraid to ask him anything.

"Do you love Castiel?" she asks.

Dean takes a moment to think. He and Castiel are friends, of course. They've been sitting at the same table since the beginning of the school year. Dean used to have trouble pronouncing Castiel's full name, so he gave him the nickname Cas. Every time Dean uses the name, Cas smiles, and it makes Dean happy. All the same, Dean's not really sure whether he loves Cas or not. He knows he loves Charlie. He knows he loves his family, especially his baby brother Sammy. But Cas?

In the end, Dean asks a question of his own. "How do you know if you love someone?"

"When you're always happy to see them," Charlie replies back immediately.

Dean ponders it a little longer, eventually deciding, "Then, yeah. I love Cas."

Charlie grins. "Me too. Let's see if he wants to play now."

The second time someone asks Dean The Question, he's in third grade.

Charlie is again the culprit. She may have outgrown the pigtails, but she never outgrew that strong sense of curiosity.

She asks him while they're both sitting at their desks during free time. Dean's been coloring a birthday card for Castiel, who's already turning nine in the middle of September. He's in the middle of making a joke about how Cas is as old as the Tyrannosaurus rex he loves to read about when Charlie interrupts.

Dean looks up from his card, shooting a Duh look at Charlie. "Of course I do. Do you even have to ask?"

Charlie looks like she wants to say something more, but eventually she just shrugs. "Guess not."

The third time someone asks Dean The Question, he's in sixth grade.

Surprisingly, it's not Charlie who asks this time. It's their friend Dorothy.

"Uh, what?" Dean asks, eloquent as ever, tearing his eyes away from where they'd been glued to Cas's movements.

The three of them are at one of Cas's karate tournaments, and he's currently sparring against another green belt. Every time he's unable to block a punch or kick, Dean sucks in a sharp breath. He knows that there's not much chance of real harm—especially since Cas has been doing this since he was six years old—but he can't stop himself from worrying anyway.

"I asked if you love Castiel," she repeats bluntly. "You haven't taken your eyes off him once since he stepped on that mat."

So Dean wasn't being subtle at all, evidently. He feels his cheeks heat up. "Yeah, well, it's hard to watch that scrawny nerd go up against these guys." He refrains from mentioning that he's watched it several times, knowing that wouldn't help his case.

Even so, Dorothy looks at him skeptically. "He's pretty good, Dean. You sure that's it?"

That's the problem. Dean's positive that's not, in fact, it.

Dean knows he loves Cas. He loves it when Cas smiles at him, particularly the exasperated-but-fond smile Dean receives most of the time. He loves how Cas interacts with Sam, forever patient and willing to answer any questions the inquisitive eight-year old has. He loves any time that he spends with Cas, even if all they do is lay around playing video games.

To tell the truth, Dean's a little afraid of his feelings. He knows they're different than anything he feels for his other friends, or even his family. It's not that they're deeper, exactly, but they resonate in a different way. They're always there, just under the surface, steady and unwavering.

Dean realizes he still hasn't answered Dorothy's question, and she's still looking at him expectantly. Finally, he just shrugs and says, as casually as he can manage, "Cas is family."

It's both an answer and an evasive tactic, but it seems to appease Dorothy, who turns back to watch the two opponents battle.

When Cas wins the match, the three friends cheer so loudly that a lady in front of them actually turns around to give them a dirty look.

And if Dean's cheeks flame again when Cas directs that smile his way, well, that's nobody's business but his.

The fourth time someone asks Dean The Question, it's because of freaking Truth or Dare.

It's the first time Cas is with him and close enough to hear. Charlie, Dorothy, Dean, and Cas are all sleeping over at Cas's house. His parents, who are pityingly oblivious and somewhat old-fashioned, ordered that Dean and Cas sleep in one bedroom while Charlie and Dorothy sleep in a separate one.

(Dean had to fight hard to keep his laughter to himself. Oh, the sweet, naive Novaks. Dean could practically feel Charlie's glee. She's had a crush on Dorothy for two months now, and she's been waiting for a good opportunity to make her feelings known.)

It's almost midnight, and it's Dean's turn to pick Truth or Dare. He's already had to jump on Michael's back (who just sighed and promptly dumped Dean onto the couch while the rest of them laughed), draw a dick on a napping Luke's forehead (who they could faintly hear shouting "Fuck you, Cas!" behind his closed door twenty minutes later), and steal three bags of M&Ms from Gabe's "secret" stash in the empty Frosted Flakes box he keeps in the pantry (which legitimately terrified Dean a little, especially since Gabe is extremely protective over his sweets and might actually kill him if he finds out).

He feels like Cas's older brothers have been tortured enough, and to be honest, he's still casting wary glances towards Gabe's door, so he picks Truth.

Dorothy looks between him and Cas, then whispers, "Do you love Cas?"

Yeah, Dean's not equipped to handle this. Because he can tell Dorothy doesn't mean the platonic kind of love, but at the same time he's not going to confess his feelings in a cheap game like this. If he was ever going to confess his feelings.

Just thinking the words "confess his feelings" gives him a headache.

So, even though he knows it's a cop-out, he answers, "Well, yeah, of course I love Cas." Dean slings an arm around Cas's shoulder casually. "He's my best friend."

Cas grins at Dean, and Dean smiles back. Honestly, if Dorothy thought he was going to answer any differently, then she doesn't know him at all.

Dorothy seems disappointed, but not surprised, as if she knew Dean would intentionally misinterpret her question. "I meant do you—"

She's interrupted by Gabriel's voice booming, "Who took my M&Ms?"

Dorothy never finishes her thought, because the four of them exchange wide-eyed, terrified looks, quickly abandoning the living room and sprinting to the relative safety of Cas's bedroom upstairs.

(Dean spares a moment to mentally thank Gabe for disrupting what could've been a disaster. And then he hauls ass, because he's taking up the rear and if any of them are dying tonight, it's not gonna be him, thank you very much.)

The fifth time someone asks Dean The Question, he's genuinely conflicted on how he should answer.

What's the protocol for when your best friend is sobbing because her girlfriend had to move away earlier that day, but you feel like you might genuinely explode if you don't tell her you think you're in love with your other best friend?

"I mean, I know you're best friends," Charlie continues, sniffling, "but I've seen how you look at him, Dean. And Dorothy—she saw it too." Just saying her name is enough to send Charlie into a fresh round of tears. Dorothy and Charlie had been together since seventh grade, even managing to survive the first year of high school together. But then Dorothy's dad got promoted, and suddenly she had to move across the country. Unwilling to do long-distance because she claimed she didn't want their relationship to fizzle out over a few months, Dorothy broke it off with Charlie a couple weeks before she moved. Charlie agreed that was probably best, but of course it still hurt.

She'd held off on the tears until today, though. As soon as Dorothy left, that's when the waterworks started. There's even a pint of mint chocolate chip on the nightstand next to Charlie's bed right now, along with a box of tissues.

Dean realizes that he doesn't want to burden Charlie with his feelings, not while she's dealing with her own troubles. So he lies through his teeth and says, "Charlie, Cas is like my brother."

He's not sure Charlie believes him, but she seems too upset to say anything else. When he suggests they watch Star Wars together, she nods and quietly retrieves the disk to put in her laptop.

She falls asleep on Dean's shoulder thirty minutes in. He kisses her forehead and lets her sleep.

The sixth time someone asks Dean The Question is the first time he answers completely honestly since Kindergarten.

It's most likely due to the alcohol in his system. Dean's the type of drunk with no filter whatsoever, and normally he has Cas around to censor his thoughts and make sure he doesn't get punched in the face. But Cas went off with Meg Masters earlier, disappearing into some dark hallway, and Dean saw the vodka and figured that was better than actually dealing with the ugly emotions brewing in his gut.

He's currently in the middle of pouring himself a fourth cup when Charlie seems to appear out of nowhere. "Dude, I think you've had enough," she says, carefully plucking the cup from his grasp.

Considering he can still see the image of Cas's fingers tangled in Meg's hair, Dean has had nowhere near enough. "Where's Gilda?" he says back, eyeing the cup. Charlie notices this and swiftly pours it into a nearby plant. Dean shouts indignantly at the waste of perfectly good alcohol.

"She went back home because she had a headache," Charlie says, scrutinizing Dean with her eyes slightly narrowed. "But enough about my girlfriend. Are you okay? You seem weirdly tense."

"I'm fine," Dean says roughly.

Charlie, obviously and with good reason, doesn't believe him. Then she seems to notice someone's missing. "Hey, where's Cas?"

"With Meg Masters," Dean answers, the name leaving a horrible taste on his tongue.

Charlie raises an eyebrow at him. "I thought they hated each other."

"Then maybe they're hate fucking, who knows," Dean spits out, realizing too late he should've made it seem like he doesn't care.

Charlie looks taken aback by Dean's outburst. But then she gets this look in her eyes that only ever means bad things for Dean. Like when she managed to drag him into LARPing, and as if that weren't enough, made him her handmaiden. Sam fell off the couch laughing when Dean stepped out of his room in the costume. To this day there's a picture of Dean decked out in his LARPing gear, frown on his face, on Sam's bedroom wall.

Charlie leads them towards the backyard, to an abandoned fire pit where they don't have to raise their voices to be heard. "Dean," she begins carefully. "Why are you so upset?"

Dean hates her tone of voice. Charlie's not timid; she's the type of girl to push him and push him and push him until he gives her the answer she was looking for. If she's using such a gentle tone with him, she knows that this is something big.

He knows that if he opens his mouth, he's not gonna be able to lie about it, so he stays quiet. It doesn't stop Charlie from continuing. "It's because of Cas, isn't it."

It's not a question.

"Do you love him?"

And there it is. Dean spares a glance at her, searching and earnest and no judgment in her eyes whatsoever, and the fight goes out of him. He slumps back against the back of the chair he's sitting in.

"I'm in love with him," Dean finally admits. "Have been for a while now, actually."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Charlie asks. Dean knows the question is made only out of genuine curiosity, not because Charlie is hurt that he kept something from her.

He shrugs. "I didn't tell anyone. It's not that important."

"Not important?" Charlie's looking at him like he just said that Hermione should've been killed off in the last book. "Dean, I'm pretty sure Cas has been in love with you since he knew you."

Dean looks at her flatly. "Charlie, you don't have to make shit up to console me about the fact that he's probably screwing Meg right now. I'm a big boy. I can handle it."

"I'm not making anything up, Dean! Literally anyone that knows who you two are can see it. When Sam was younger, he even asked me if I thought Cas would ever ask you out."

Dean's oddly offended. If anyone's doing the asking, it's him.

Wait, fuck, that's not the point. "I'm going inside," Dean says with a tone of finality, rising from his chair. Charlie recognizes this as the clear dismissal it is and huffs, but doesn't say anything else.

Good. Dean's had enough sharing and caring for tonight.

The seventh time someone asks Dean The Question, it's Castiel himself.

"You love me?" he asks, his blue eyes wide in shock.

Well, that's not how Dean planned for tonight to go. He'd finally decided to get his shit together and ask Cas out, and he'd even enlisted Sam's help for ideas on how to do it. Together, they'd decided on burgers at The Roadhouse, then a movie afterwards, then back to Dean's house, where he'd finally come clean to Cas. Honestly, besides the part about him admitting his feelings, it's not any different than when he normally hangs out with his best friend.

Except the burgers and movie didn't happen. Because Cas came over to Dean's house to grab a sweater that he'd left behind, and then he stayed to find a new book to borrow from Dean's bookshelf, and something about the way he looked with his head tilted as he examined the books with reverence, tracing the spines idly with the tips of his fingers—something about that made it impossible for Dean not to say "I love you."

Which is why Cas is now looking at him, not moving, his mouth slightly ajar.

He looks so stupid that Dean can't help walking towards him and kissing him.

He faintly registers the book dropping as Cas immediately kisses him back.

When they pull apart, Cas looks stunned at first. But slowly, a wide smile takes over his face, the gummy one where his eyes crinkle at the corners. He's looking at Dean with so much love in his eyes that Dean almost doesn't know how to process it.

Suddenly, however, the smile drops, and he looks horrified. Dean's about to freak the fuck out when Cas looks at the floor, where the forgotten book lays.

"Do you think I dented it?" Cas asks, looking back up at Dean with genuine worry in his eyes.

Cas, lover of books. Cas, who in the immediate aftermath of kissing his best friend (and, if Charlie and Sam are to be believed, long-time crush), turns to an inanimate object because he's worried he dented it.

Cas, who Dean loves so deeply that sometimes he doesn't even know what to do with it.

Dean can't resist pulling Cas in for another kiss.

The eighth time someone asks Dean The Question, he's immediately suspicious.

"Dean, you love me, right?" Cas calls from elsewhere in their apartment, probably the living room.

Dean, from where he's lying down on their bed listening to music, narrows his eyes. "What did you do?" he calls back.

"Nothing!" Cas replies quickly, which obviously means the exact opposite. Dean sighs heavily and reluctantly gets off the bed, walking to the living room, talking as he goes.

"I swear, if you brought another stray cat into our apartment, which you know doesn't allow pets—"

Dean stops in his tracks. Cas shrugs casually. "Well. It's not a cat."

Yeah, thanks, Cas. Dean kind of got that when he saw the giant golden retriever sitting obediently at Cas's feet, tongue hanging out, tail wagging excitedly. And now that Dean's taking a closer look, he realizes he recognizes this dog. "Wait, is this Bones?"

"Sam asked us to take care of Bones for the weekend while he takes a vacation with Jess," Cas says. Except Dean knows Cas, and he knows all his tells. Like the way he's shifting on the balls of his feet right now. Cas may have one hell of a poker face, but he can be an amazingly shitty liar sometimes.

"Sam knows they don't allow pets in our apartment." Dean sends a challenging look at Cas.

Cas holds his stare. Eventually, he squares his shoulders and says, "Sam may have been telling me that they were trying to find a dogsitter for Bones, and I may have volunteered our apartment. At which point Sam may have tried to decline, knowing about the no-pets rule, and at which point I may have forcibly insisted to the degree that he decided it was in his best interest to leave Bones with us."

Dean takes one look at Cas standing there, an embarrassed look on his face but a defiant stance in his body, and he knows that nothing he says will change Cas's mind. He also knows that he doesn't even care if their landlord finds out, because there's no way in hell Dean is robbing Cas of anything that makes him as happy as Bones does (even if he might bitch about it just because).

"You're lucky I love you," Dean says, rolling his eyes.

Cas, the shithead, just grins back. "I know."

The ninth time someone asks Dean The Question, he almost doesn't even hear it. He's too busy pacing the room in his tuxedo, trying not to puke.

Sam's there as well, trying to calm him down. Dean guesses that Charlie's in Cas's room right now, doing the same thing, otherwise she'd be in here as well. It's oddly reassuring, thinking that Castiel is just as nervous as he is. Still doesn't stop him from circling the room with a nervous energy. "Dean, you love him, don't you?" Sam asks in a placating tone.

"No, Sam, I'm just in it for the money," Dean says, deadpan. Sam gives him the patented Bitch Face.

"Just saying. You know you love him, and really, that's all that matters." Dean makes a face at Sam, who doesn't say anything else. But he does stay in Dean's room until the ceremony's about to begin, which helps soothe Dean's nerves greatly. Honestly, Dean really lucked out with Sam as his little brother. He ruffles Sam's hair as they exit the room.

The final time someone asks Dean The Question, it feels like it couldn't have arrived any sooner.

Actually, it's not exactly The Question. It's a longer, more rambling version. But when you strip it down to its very core, it means the same thing.

"I do," Dean says, smiling as he slips the ring on Cas's finger, unbelievably elated.

The officiant turns to Cas and asks the same thing. Cas full-on beams, putting the ring on Dean's finger as he answers, "I do."

They kiss to a room full of their friends and family cheering, but neither of them even registers it.

All they register when they pull apart is each other, and how lucky they are to be able to spend the rest of their life with their best friend.

(There's only one time that Cas remembers being asked his own Question, because his answer has always remained the same.

"Do you love Dean?" Kindergarten-Charlie asked, sweet and innocent with her pigtails and pink dress.

"Of course I do," Cas said back, without hesitation. "I always will.")

#destiel #destiel au #high school au #destiel fanfic #dean winchester #castiel #charlie bradbury #sam winchester #dorothy baum

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