Tumgik
#no tags we die like my sleep
pinkpunkpie · 3 months
Text
renee rapp wrote "here i go again talking myself out of my own happiness ill make it up till i quit" for me and yall still dont believe shes obsessed with me? haters smh
0 notes
flintstill · 19 days
Text
Tumblr media
I don't know what it is about this lil 'stache on him, but it makes me absolutely feral
21 notes · View notes
Text
Rainy Days (and Cowboys)
So this is the direct consequence of a post I made earlier. I just think The Spine would love cowboy movies haha! I listened to Rex Marskley rather obsessively while writing this, and I must say, no regrets.
So my dear reader, imagine you are a human who works at the Walter Manor, mayhaps as a housekeeper/caretaker and it’s a rainy day you spend with the automatons, and you watch a cowboy movie with The Spine.
(Also, I totally made up a cowboy movie although I’ve seen dozens~~)
(Also, Also, its late and I didn't edit this super well so my apologies for any huge spelling mistakes or grammar issues, I just really wanted to post this)
Human Gender Neutral!Reader (Who has the nickname “Sparks”) who enjoys Western movies
Relationships: The Spine x reader 
Warnings:
None really
Dark room?
A smidge of mutual pinning
It’s just really fluffy guys
Tumblr media
The rain had been pounding against the manor for nearly the whole day. The clouds were a deep gray and the only light came from rapid flashes of bright spider-webbed lightning. Inside the manor, the pounding of footsteps echoed like the rain. Every occupant of the manor was confined to the house and forbidden from taking a single step outside during the storm. You had spent most of the day trying to keep the automatons busy, but with spotty wifi and flickering power, it proved more difficult than anything.
Board games had been a wonderful idea, and you had spent a couple of hours playing different games with Rabbit, Zer0, and The Spine. During a game of chess, Rabbit decided that they were indeed boring and that chess around the house, without rules was much more entertaining. She had leapt from her seat in the media room and ran out calling for everyone to follow. So there you were, trying to chase Rabbit through a hall. Her newly invented game had held everyone's attention for the past half hour or so, and she showed no sign of slowing down. Rabbit abruptly turned down another hall and suddenly collided with The Spine yelling “Checkmate!”
You gasped and hurried forward to ensure the both of them were alright. Rabbit looked to be perfectly fine as she began to bounce through the Manor once more but Spine was leaning against the wall looking slightly dazed. The closer you got, the clearer it was that he might require some attention. His arm hung unusually at his side and you began to worry the whole limb had been knocked loose somehow. As you reached him, his metallic face dawned a smile.
“Howdy, Sparks! How are you?” He said, his tone was light and he seemed to perk up as you approached. You couldn't help but laugh at the nickname and his good-natured greeting, “The real question is how are you?” You exclaimed, gesturing to his arm. He looked down as though just realizing that something had gone wrong.
“Well,” he began as he attempted to move it but his relaxed face faltered as his arm seemed to stutter in its movements, “I think I would consider myself a little worse for the wear.” He frowned slightly as his left arm failed to comply with him.
“Well let's take you down to the lab and we’ll have a closer look.” You announced. The Spine shifted his weight, so he was no longer leaning against the wall, he managed to raise his right arm but his left refused to move in the same automated way, instead, it twitched at his side while his right gestured down the hall you came from. “Lead the way then!”
The route to the lab was long and elaborate, like much of the house, you observed. The lights flickered above you as you passed. Their glow could be ominous at the best of times but paired with their flickering and the heavy metal steps close behind you, it could be described as terror-inducing. However, you felt no fear. The curves of the hall were familiar to you and your automaton companion provided a sense of comfort as you both weaved your way through the old manor.
Uncountable twists and turns and one flight of stairs later, you reached the entrance to the lab. The room itself was large and sterile, though clean wasn’t exactly a word you would use to describe it. There were stacks of paper, tools, and scrap metal everywhere. The clutter was both new and old, it seemed that nothing was ever really thrown out, just moved around. Generations of Walters and their employees had used this room, and you suspected the trend would continue for many years to come. The Spine moved toward a medical table and took a seat, jarring you from your wonderment over the room.
Following him, you gathered various repair tools onto a cart and rolled it towards The Spine, who was attempting to remove his shirt revealing metal plate after plate. It was clear that he was struggling with his malfunctioning arm, so you helped pull his sleeve down so you could assess the damage.
“Well, it doesn’t look too bad,” You began, “How does it feel?” His arm seemed to hang loose from where it should attach to his shoulder as though the bolts had managed to come loose. “It doesn’t hurt, but I wouldn’t describe it as pleasant, Sparks.” he sighed while looking over his arm.
“We will see what we can do to help then!” With an optimistic note, you grabbed a wrench from the cart and moved to his arm to see what could be done. As you began to work you let your mind wander.
The Spine had always been nice to you, but you found that recently, you both seemed to become closer, you could not place your finger on the reason or cause but it seemed that he would seek you out to spend more time with you. You could not ignore the fact you truly enjoyed his company and may have developed a small crush on the automaton in question. He listened to you and in turn, you listened to him as he would talk about dinosaurs or songwriting, the sound of his voice was melodious and one could become lost in its sound throughout one conversation.
“Sparks?” The Spine questioned much to your shock, “Are you alright?”
Jumping back, you looked at his face and saw that he wore a concerned look, his eyes met yours and both your metaphorical and his literal gears turned in thought. Looking over his arm, it seemed to no longer hang loose and the longer you stared the more aware you became of the cramping in your hands. “Oh, well, I’m fine!” you began, almost too quickly, “And how are you, I mean your arm, more specifically?”
Slowly, The spine raised his silver-coloured arm and found very little resistance, he smiled and turned to face you once more, “It seems to feel much better, thank you, Sparks!”
“I’m glad I could help, though suppose we should go find Rabbit before we all end up in here again today.” You sighed as you thought about the possibility of another messy collision.
“You look like you could use some rest Sparks, humans are supposed to get at least 8 hours of sleep and-”
You cut The Spine off with a chuckle and stated, “I’ve had enough sleep but this day has been a little stressful if I am entirely honest.” The Spine raised a brow as he looked at you before opening his mouth to speak but then abruptly closing it. With a sigh, he prepared to speak once more. “I think so relaxation is in order, how do you feel about watching a movie?” The Spine asked with a hopeful air as you thought over his words.
“You know what, that sounds like a great idea, besides, if Zer0 and Rabbit need me, they’ll come to get me!” you rationalized both to the silver automaton in front of you and yourself. The Spine clapped his hands together, looking rather pleased that his left functioned properly during the action and quickly got up to accompany you to the media room once more.
Another trip through the maze-like manor led you to the empty media room where bored games were still left scattered, books were left on side tables and opened on chairs, and video game cases were laid all over the coffee table opposite the TV. You sighed deeply as you looked over the mess and your fingers twitched to begin cleaning on a reflex. However, The Spine seemed to ignore the disaster and strolled to the movie cabinet and began looking through the many boxes.
“What would you like to watch?” The Spine said as he thoughtfully ran his finger over title after title.
“Hmm, good question,” you began, stepping over a brachiosaurus that lay forgotten on the floor, you joined The Spine in the hunt for a movie. Your eyes scanned the shelves, and you stuck out the corner of your tongue as you leaned in close to see the more obscure titles, you stopped abruptly when you saw it.
A plastic DVD container stood in the corner of the shelf with the tell-tail emblem of Sheriff John McColt, it’s blue cover seemed to shine as you gazed upon it and with careful movements, you took the case from the shelf and held it up to The Spine as though it were made of gold. “Look!” You whispered with reverence, “Thieves of The West!”
The Spine raised his brow but cracked a smile as he took in your awed visage. “Have you picked a movie then?” His voice was soft but held the baritone cadence you had grown to admire, you nodded your head and quickly turned to the DVD player to put the disc on the tray. As you clicked it out of its case, you blew gently on the disc and allowed the machine to take it away.
Turning to face the antique couch, you found The Spine observing you closely, “Was the disc dusty?” He asked with a slight hesitancy as though afraid that the movie would not play. You chuckled and told him it was for good luck which only seemed to further his confusion, but it seemed to wash away as you dropped onto the aging couch beside him. You turned to him and excitedly told him that you loved this movie before asking if he had seen it. He shook his head and your face split into a brilliant smile. “You’ll love it!” You said quickly before turning back to the TV and turning up the volume and then, pressing play.
You were nearly 30 minutes into the film and The Spine seemed to be on the edge of his seat as he watched McColt slowly reach for his pistol as the bandit grabbed hold of Lucy, Sherif McColt’s love interest. Since the opening scene, he had barely looked away from the screen and you could barely seem to look away from him. A sense of wonder infected his whole being as he watched McColt on the screen and you couldn’t help but laugh, “So are you enjoying it?” 
“It’s amazing, Sparks!”
“Say, I’ve been meaning to ask, why do you always call me Sparks?” The question seemed to tumble from your lips and the hissing of steam could be heard as he reluctantly pulled his green eyes away from the screen to stare into yours. 
“Well, I- I-, You see-” He began and you started to worry as it was so rare for him to stutter. He looked away once more but when the hissing of steam quieted he met your gaze and with a gentle voice said, “Because you add a certain spark to my life, something I thought had been missing for a while.”
Your mouth dropped into the shape of an “o” as his words sunk in but slowly you began to smile and so did he. 
Forgotten on the TV, John McColt was joined by Lucy on the screen and they embraced one another while you leaned closer to The Spine and he copied your actions. His smile was almost timid, which was a look that did not often cross his handsome features. As you gazed into his eyes the crashing of thunder interrupted and the room went dark.
The blackness enveloped you both and you sat silently for a moment processing what had happened when you heard a nervous voice call out from the hall. “Hey guys, I think the power is out!” The crashing of metal could be heard as Zer0 must have tumbled over something and The Spine let out a small chuckle followed by a laugh, you found yourself in the same predicament. In the dark, you leaned close to The Spine, the both of you laughing as you agreed to watch more Westerns together. 
“What are they doing, Zer0?”
“I don’t know! They just started laughing!” “Jeez, and everyone thinks I’m looney!”
32 notes · View notes
wall-e-gorl · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
snoozzzing
26 notes · View notes
legolasghosty · 1 year
Note
fluffy dialog prompts!! 13 for willex?
Hello anon!!! You probably have no memory of sending this but I hope it reaches you! Sorry for the wait!!!!
Alex has mixed feelings about his graveyard shifts.
On the plus side, he can work on his own and not have to deal with customers while stocking the shelves and cleaning up the bookstore. Apart from when he's chatting with a coworker or checking in with his manager, he usually keeps his earbuds in for the whole shift. Audiobooks are wonderful things. It's calmer at night.
But the downside is that he doesn't get home until 5 or 6 am on the nights he works. So even though he and Willie are finally living together, they only get a couple of full nights together each week. It's not hurting their relationship, and they both make an effort to make lots of time for cuddling and talking during the day. But it is a bit sad that they don't get that basic couple-living-together thing of being able to fall asleep side by side each night.
Well, there is one other positive, Alex thinks as he parks his car outside of their apartment building. Working graveyard shifts usually gets people off his back about how little he sleeps. At least people who don't know him well. People who don't need to know the whole story.
Sure, Alex is working with a therapist now to try and get a handle on the nightmares that began just after he moved out. It's not as bad as it was that first year or two. But he still struggles to stay asleep for more than a few hours at a time.
Alex pushes the thoughts away as he climbs the stairs to his and Willie's apartment. No energy for that right now. All he needs right now is to get inside, change into something comfy, and climb into bed.
The blankets will be comfy and the pillows will be cool and Willie will be there, sound asleep. They'd texted Alex to tell him they were crashing in his bed a couple of hours into Alex's shift. Even though that's what they usually do, it still makes Alex's chest feel a bit looser to know that Willie will be in his bed when he gets home.
Alex fixes that fantasy firmly in his mind as he fumbles with his keys. Just a few more minutes before it becomes a reality. He repeats that over and over as he passes through the dark kitchen, hanging up his keys and kicking off his shoes. He imagines the smell of Willie's freshly washed hair as he brushes his teeth. It's some kind of mix of citrus and coconut that Alex has never been able to figure out but adores. He can barely wait to smell it again. To rest beside his partner and just be together.
The nightmares are always a bit easier when Willie is there.
Finally, he turns off the lamp Willie leaves on for him and slips into his room. Sure enough, there's his partner, snoring softly with his hair splayed out over Alex's pillows. He's a work of art, too stunning to ever truly be captured in words or photos.
Alex chuckles at his own cheesiness. Oh well, he's probably earned a bit of cheesy after so many years of hiding in the closet. He intends to love Willie as well as he can for as long as they want him to.
He quickly swaps out his work clothes for a pair of shorts and a light grey hoodie. Which might have started its life in Willie's closet, but who's counting. He slides off his rings and unclips the necklace he always wears, placing them on the dresser before carefully sliding into bed.
The first signs of sunrise become visible between the window blinds as Alex settles against Willie's back. He tries not to wake them, but even just their body heat is comforting against his skin after a long shift.
Alex takes a deep breath of the clean air of their home and feels his heart begin to slow down. He's safe now. He's in bed with the love of his life. They're together and they're good. Alex's life is good. His home is good, the band is good, all of his friends are good. He doesn't have to worry about it. He can relax.
Willie's snoring stops. Alex freezes, not wanting to wake him. But after a minute, Willie lets out a little hum and rolls over partway to look at Alex.
"You're home," they mumble, smiling.
"Mhm," Alex agrees, wrapping his arms around his waist. "Sorry for waking you."
"'s okay," Willie responds. He leans over a bit to plant a clumsy peck on Alex's nose. "Glad you're back."
"Me too," Alex murmurs, cuddling closer as his eyelids start to droop.
Willie starts to giggle, rolling over so their bare chest is flush against Alex's. "You're unbelievably cute when you're tired," they slur, already starting to drift back to sleep.
Alex knows his cheeks are warm but who cares. "Love you," he mumbles, slowly losing himself to unconsciousness.
He doesn't remain conscious for long enough to hear Willie say it back, but he knows they do. They always do.
23 notes · View notes
the-rogue-mockingjay · 9 months
Note
💗 slow kiss / gentle kiss / inevitable / soft
Hiya Middy! Long time no see!! I hope life has been kind to you 💜💜💜
Tumblr media
lol we're thinking on the same wavelength today @coldshrugs 😂 :>
anyway. This was supposed to be a snippet. It...did not end up being a snippet omg, it really got away from me kdlfhgjkfdhgk. It's 3:40 in the morning and this is the first piece I've (more or less) finished in like 3 or 4 months. It's just under 1,300 words. Set a few weeks after the big Endwalker finale, so vague mentions of what happened there.
[prompt meme]
nascent hope & new beginnings
The uneven rhythm of O’ravi’s cane tapping on the cobblestone announces her presence before she emerges from the early morning fog that blankets Sharlayan, and Aymeric sets aside the report he was reading, its contents immediately forgotten.
She’s starting to look like herself again, a clarity in her eyes now that’s been absent since her return from Ultima Thule. The silver and teal shawl she’s wrapped around her shoulders clashes somewhat oddly with the dark red tunic dress she wears, which in turn contrasts with the royal blue ribbon that holds her hair in a loose ponytail. It’s a far cry from the well-coordinated outfits she wears for business and battle, but it suits her.
O’ravi smiles, a little lopsidedly, a little shyly, and waves. “Hey.”
“Good morning, Ravi.” He can’t help it—he runs to meet her, and offers his arm. “You’re up early.”
“The pain was too great to stay in bed. So I thought I might as well seek you out, enjoy the fresh air.” She moves to link her arm through his but pauses, a strange look on her face. Instead, she reaches up to grasp his collar and tugs.
Wordlessly, and with no small amount of confusion, he acquiesces to her wish and leans down.
And softly, sweetly, feather-lightly, she presses a kiss to his lips.
She withdraws before he realizes what happened, content. His heart lurches like a wounded animal within his chest, his breath suddenly shaky, and she winds her arm through his as if she didn’t just send him reeling.
He can’t bear to look at her, he can’t bear to look away. The kiss in Ala Mhigo, before she set out for Garlemald—when she’d kissed him like her survival depended on it only to flee for the airship. That was moons ago, and they’d not spoken of it yet. It was never the right time.
Now, this. Against all the odds she defeated Meteion and Zenos and made it home alive, and she could’ve gone to anyone—could’ve sought out anyone she wished—but she chose to be here. With him.
Halone have mercy.
They walk together down the garden path back to the pavilion. Her gait is unsteady and torpid, but between him and the cane she’s at no risk of falling. It frustrates and distresses her to be so robbed of strength, but he’s just glad to see her up and about and alive. Safe, and free.
There’s a chill on the breeze, carrying the promise of snow and the memory of home. The long walks they took through the Pillars on the eve of battles she didn’t believe she’d return from. He lays a hand over hers, letting her clammy hands soak up his warmth. Soon, they’d go home together, and never again would she need to leave fearing what fate awaited her in far-off lands. Not if he had anything to say about it.
They make their way to the bench where Aymeric left the report, and O’ravi attempts to fold her legs beneath her only to cringe and hiss when the motion aggravates some half-dozen different wounds.
“Careful,” Aymeric says, settling down beside her.
“It never gets easier.” She leans the handle of her cane into the corner of the pavilion wall, careful not to knock it over lest its clattering disrupt the morning quiet. Her tail swishes placidly as she shifts to close the distance between them, ensuring that her arm rests against his and her leg likewise touches his.
He raises his hand slightly in silent offering; without hesitation, she twines her fingers through his.
“Aymeric,” she says, so softly it’s almost a whisper, “what do you think happens now that the Final Days are over? No more Ascians, no more Garlean expansionism, no more Hydaelyn and Zodiark…”
“Years of rebuilding, to start with. No nation was spared the destruction the blasphemies and towers wrought—in every corner of the world, entire communities were wiped out, the population slaughtered or turned, to say nothing of the state of Garlemald. We must needs—”
O’ravi laughs. “No, no, no, I meant: duty and the wider world be damned, what do you want for your future?”
Ah.
He blinks stupidly, trying to cobble together an answer. “I’ve not put much thought into it, to tell you the truth.”
In truth, that is a flat-out lie. Of course he’s thought about it. But what he wants, what he longs for above all else—he cannot ask that of her. What if the request hurts her? And, perhaps it’s selfish, but what if her answer hurts him? Their friendship is too important to take the risk. No, he will hold his tongue.
“You don’t have to have it all figured out right now,” she says, and while her smile is tender there’s a knowing look in her eye that he can’t withstand. “Just think about it for a while.”
He never has been good at lying to her. His one consolation is that she’s just as bad at lying to him.
“What of you? The world is yours now, your life is your own again. What will you do with it?”
“Well.” She straightens her spine, ears twitching excitedly, and her smile takes on a mischievous edge. “After all I’ve done, I have more than earned the right to live as I see fit. I’ve earned the right to put duty and responsibility and reputation aside—and I know someone else who has earned the same.”
“We do owe much to your fellow Scions and Warriors of Light.”
“No, Aymeric, I mean you.” She takes his other hand in her own and squeezes. “The future is ours now. Ours to shape, ours to live. After all we’ve bled and suffered and sacrificed, we need to do something for ourselves. Just this much at least.” She leans towards him, and he has no choice but to meet her gaze. “You give and you give and you give of yourself until you have nothing left. The world takes and it never gives back, and before you know it you’ve lost yourself. I know this is happening to you because it happened to me, too. You have to draw a line in the sand somewhere and say, this is mine, this belongs to me, and the world can’t touch it. Aymeric, may I tell you what I want for the future?”
The light is glinting off the gold veins that mar her eyes. Her sincerity is painful to behold.
“Of course.”
“I want you to find yourself again. I want to find me again…and I want us to do it together. I want us to walk into the future together, hand in hand, side by side. Whatever paths we walk going forward, I want us to walk them together until the end of our days.”
“I…”
By the Fury, how is he supposed to answer that? How is he meant to—?
His heart is racing, and she’s watching him with such an innocence, a kindness that’s driving him mad.
Her wish answers the question he couldn’t voice. Yet it still leaves some things up in the air, namely: will they continue to keep a distance between them? Pretend Ala Mhigo never happened and remain friends and naught more?
A deeply foolish thought—he knows what the answer to that is, even if he won’t admit it—but nonetheless…
O’ravi raises an inquisitive eyebrow. “What say you, my brilliant blue knight?” His thoughts are spinning too rapidly to be trusted now, so despite the fact he’ll likely regret it later, he follows the impulse of his heart and kisses the scar that cuts across the bridge of her nose. Let that be answer enough.
#i slammed this out in one night so it is nowhere near as polished as what i usually post#if i allowed myself to edit it it would never get posted SO#no editing we die like dragoons using elusive jump during the titan boss fight#well i mean. i'll probably edit it tomorrow afternoon but. for now we're not playing that game GKJHDFLGKJ#don't judge me don't look at me it's 3am and this held me hostage even as my brain's ability to words sputtered out T^T#we are NOT main tagging this it is TOO SILLY#i might be cringe but i am freeeeeee baybee#i will probably rewrite the end later but for now it is good enough#i decided not to let the perfectionism win and prevent me from writing + posting this so if it's messy that would be why lmao#i will fix it later for now we are floating in the goofy pool and crying into our hands !!!#o'ravi soltholia#rogue writes#o'ravmeric#OKAY BYE IM GONNA SLEEP NOW BEFORE THE ANXIETY CAN CATCH ME 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️#endwalker spoilers#really really vaguely??? idk but just to be safe#HELPPPPP#is this even coherent? idk but i had fun writing it. that's the important part#and considering the migraines and pain and brain fog I've been in lately im amazed i was able to write at all#so. even if this sucks i created something so MISSION ACCOMPLISHED#thank u for the asks besties 💕 it really did help clear the brain fog a lil#also for the record this is my first time writing shippy stuff that isn't pre relationship or It's Complicated so. yay!!!!!#the only other shippy stuff ive written was shepard and kaidan angsting about shepard's death so this is new territory for me 😂
5 notes · View notes
damiemontclair · 8 months
Text
Me: *gets back into bsd fandom through the anime after years away*
Tumblr posts suggestions: hello yes your favourite character apparently just died in one of the most recent chapters of the manga, have fun!
4 notes · View notes
united-under-skyfall · 6 months
Text
.
#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to#get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all#at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without#radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up#it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping#and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place#so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are#gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park#or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years#and it's only been a week.#and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold#super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking.#and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so#few options and i volunteered for it in the first place#and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises#of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block#just. what am i even doing here.#tag ramble
2 notes · View notes
pepprs · 1 year
Text
crying again lol ok
#purrs#and posting online abt it so i get immediate validation / support instead of asking for help from anyone im close to i know. but god fucking#damn it to hell. ok im going to be candid about this because it hurts so fucking bad. five years ago i met someone so important to me. and I#miss her so so so so much. and every space here i have a memory with her in. and she left in July and she’s gone. and im sobbing my eyes out#FOR WHY because it was over 6 months ago and im happier and she’s happier and we’re all happier. but i think im getting some aftershocks#being here for the first time without her exactly 5 years to the week we met: when she was so important to me. she was the whole reason i#even saw myself as something. and she’s fucking gone. she left. but she’s not dead like LMAO idk why im crying so hard when i could just#text her any time and tell her that i miss her. but idk. it’s just everything is stirring memories and they’re painful to think about now or#at least today because she’s gone and it all changed. i was just saying that i feel like im not having any emotions and tonight the grief ju#just rammed into me like a train and my fucking counselor sucks ass and won’t even help me work through it and everyone is busy and tired an#and im a staff coach so im not supposed to be having a fuckjng mental breakdown over **** pacing around in my bathroom at 1:23am but ive be#been thinking about her so much and remembering all the formative interactions i had with her here and missing her so much i want to explode#and die and p*ke and whatever. so stupid to cry about it but i fucking miss her. and i hate that she’s not here. and i’m trying so hard to b#be her but i have to be me but i can’t not have what she brought here and im just crashi ng and burning and can’t be honest and im having a#breakdown and crying so hard and i don’t know what to do. i ithink i’ll be fine after some sleep and reflection but my heart is like seizing#on itself right now and nothing takes my mind off it and i just keep crying LMFAOOOOOO. i hate it here#delete later#like how can you look at me like that and then fuck off to ****** 4.5 years later. you know? im about to punch a hole into the hallway#and i have to be quiet bc ppl are trying to sleep but it’s making me fucking crazy.#retreat tag
19 notes · View notes
zoediacbeets · 1 year
Text
I AM NOT OKAY WHAT JUST HAPPENED
Tumblr media
15 notes · View notes
natasha-barton · 1 year
Text
Really does feel like sometimes life just plays sick games with you and your life
3 notes · View notes
neverendingford · 10 months
Text
.
#tag talk#vent#I don't wanna do the whole “I'm so good at psychology cause I've fixed myself. I should go into counseling” thing that overly empathetic#empathetic people do. but like. nothing like deconstructing a tense social conflict to make you feel good#the smol autistic minecraft enby who adopted me had a moment and I helped break down the situation and resolve shit with them. it was cool#but also I immediately went out to the living room and napped for three hours. thinning that hard was exhausting.#do you ever do the depression nap thing? when I'm doing well I never sleep during the day. but when I'm sad I take naps a lot#because I don't want to be awake and I sleep poorly at I night and am just generally lethargic so I nap on the floor or couch a lot#ugh knowing the stress will go away doesn't help the fact that it's super awful right now.#it's times like this that I wish I'd really committed to it in Feb. like. in two weeks I'll be better and joy de vivre and all that.#but right now? ugh. big fuckin ugh#the minecraft emotional labor thing is just a natural responsibility of being a 25 year old playing online video games with 15 year olds.#if I see a situation blowing up I can't hear sit by and watch someone destroy their friendships on the server. I have to help#but also bro I am struggling to help myself. maybe I say I'm packing up my pc early so that I have a good excuse to stay off the server#I literally did the thing again where I make new friends. make everyone love me. and then get burnt out at the speed of light and disappear#making friends is so easy. leaving friends is so easy. nothing is forever and we all die someday. blah blah blah you know it already#meaningless meaningless. all is meaningless. maybe king Solomon was just fuckin depressed when he wrote that. sure sounds like it to me.#I just can't do anything when I'm like this. we're subsistence living now bois.#I wonder if part of my neurological damage is from the lead I used to eat in high school.#the windex shots can't have been good for me. but I don't think that stays in your body the same way#though it did fuck up my urinary tract for a few months. that was wild.#anyway. I wonder how much of my chronic periodic funk is just effects from bad choices and how much is normal natural inevitable.#everything is an ocean. nothing is a lake. the waves are always thirty feet high and the troughs scrape you on the bottom of the reef#nothing is midline except when you're rushing through to one extreme or another.#you're either overstimulated or absent from your body entirely#both of which cause wild and oft unbearable dissociation.#everything gets better and everything gets worse. I'm only like this when I'm stressed. but that's my secret cap (avengers reference)#anyway. I'll survive. I'll make it. I'll live because I need to become even more gay to make my family mad.#I need to keep living so my dad realizes just how much he's lost touch.#so my mom cries about how she should have done something differently so I wouldn't grow up gay. because that makes so much sense right?
2 notes · View notes
rosenfey · 11 months
Text
little miss feeling depressed because aivhnnh being ace with abandonment issues makes them hit twice as hard and my mental health progress has been hitting a rock lately!! simply lovely! hahahahahaha
5 notes · View notes
minionwater · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
enjoy my first costume sketches for my black parade stage adaptation that’s in the works >:3
20 notes · View notes
singsweetmelodies · 1 year
Text
rereading my own fics in the backseat of the car with gf napping on my shoulder is the best way to do it ngl 🥺❤️
5 notes · View notes
halfelven · 1 year
Text
oh wait i think electrocuting myself is working
3 notes · View notes