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selfundiagnosed · 1 year

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why is it mean for someone to tell you you should get help? you're obviously in a lot of distress and should see someone about it for your own mental health...these 'patterns' you're leaning into are only exarcerbating your mental condition. but if you want to embrace your psychosis and go completely off the rails i guess that's your prerogative

to insinuate that a.) i dont know about my own mental state & wellbeing and you need to “tell me” because the psychosis makes it so i cant notice how it affects how i function every single day of my life b.) i need to delete my socials because of what someone else did to me to put me in this state c.) you somehow have any idea whats going on in my life, if im being treated, what symptoms im experiencing, that I legitimately cant tell ~whats real~ d.) noticing patterns doesnt mean im going off the deep rail LMFAO is all the stupidest shit ever.

for future reference, how you and the other anon are approaching someone you perceive as experiencing active psychosis is going to put people in active psychosis in danger to themselves. its funny to see random anons tell me what im experiencing and what i need to do about it to fix it when its evident from how this was approached you don’t actually care about me you just want to make yourselves feel like youre above me for whatever reason. “but if you want to embrace your psychosis and go completely off the rails i guess that's your prerogative” and “Deactivate your TikTok, delete the app and go see a psychologist” are sooo condescending. yeah deleting an app is absolutely gonna fix this problem. a diagnosis ive had since i was 15. stupid shits idek what to say like are you both actual tiktok teenagers who think they know everything about everything because get off my blog you suck so bad lmaooo sooo condescending. Im completely capable of making my own decisions im 22 lol i dont need tumblr anons i cant see telling me to do shit im doing already. i have a psychiatrist. ive been seeing him for years. i have a therapist. i saw her after my psychosis got retriggered. i know i am sick! i literally cant leave my house! when i do… i freak the fuck out! for HOURS !!! my family and friends all know how deeply this affects me and i promise you none of them have said this shit to me the way you and the “other anon” did. i stopped socializing, i havent made any new friends, i cant trust the people i do know im not close to anymore. i promise you i know WAYYY more than you about how it impacts me way more than you. my socials are the one open window i didnt put curtains on. i completely control what you all are able to see theough leaving this tiny window unclothed for the internet to look into my life. i dont need random people to see my jokes on my blog about my delusions and tell me its a delusion like im being very tongue in cheek about all of my delusional posts. i absolutely believe them but im making fun of myself for how crazy i sound.

i really have not a clue why youd think this is an appropriate way to approach it but it leads me to believe youre a tiktok user who probably thought the dude that manipulated his way into a famous persons house while she was manic was a Good Idea because clearly she wouldnt get help. lmfao its bad in so many facets. imagine if i was fully and completely immersed in my paranoia and delusions of being a targeted individual (which is the root of everything im experiencing right now): ask yourself how would you feel YOU felt targeted by a higher entity and now random anonymous people are telling you what you’re experiencing and how youre treated everyday isnt real and youre crazy. like to us its so very real and no amount of rationalizing makes it better. i have only small interactions every once in a blue moon these days that makes me think i could be okay and that im not being targeted and then every single day multiple times a day its shown to me continuously. this included! you and the “other anon” should really reevaluate how you talk to people in severe mental crisis because this is like the exact opposite of how you should react to seeing someone delusion posting or whatever and it shows me you dont know a single loved one with who experiences this shit.

in the future, fucking look into how you approach someone struggling. if i wasnt as lucid in my psychosis or in touch with reality you genuinely could have put me in danger. im going to send you and anyone on my blog watching me like im a circus act off with this so you never put anyone in my position in a state of self harm. but if youre too lazy to click on the link im showing you anyways

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mayabruhbruh · 4 years

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Stranger Things 4 Analysis and Theory

I don’t know if anyone else has done posts on this stuff yet (it’s really likely, but i’d not want to take the credit if i’m not the only one who’s thought of this)

I know @kaypeace21 has made tons of posts on the s4 movies from Video Store Friday, and many others have theories and analyses, but back in July I took it upon myself to research more into the very last few scenes of s3. Specifically the three months later time stamp, where Steve and Robin are in search for a new job.

My main focus was the four movies that they mentioned for Keith at the counter. “Animal House”, “The Hidden Fortress”, “Children Of Paradise”, and “The Apartment”.

(reminder that if you read this, it could be spoilers for the final cut of the actual show if i end up being correct about some of this, so read at your own risk)

My first theory, which I’ve already discussed in a separate reblog, is about The Hellfire Club. But i’ll say it here too.

Basically,

(sorry for the sucky quality)

Animal House is about two awkward freshmen going into college and joining a fraternity of rejects. It matches Mike, Dustin and the Hellfire Club perfectly! Personally, my lowkey theory is that they’re going to have to go though an entirety of initiation activities (possibly drugs too, if what we’ve heard is correct) and Lucas and Max will be in their own storylines up until the supernatural threat brings them back together again. This could be wayy off, but still its my idea.

As for Max and Lucas...

I’m not sure about the entirety of the plot of this movie, but the last line sounds a lot like something that would happen between Lumax. Lucas is a basketball jock now, I think that’s crystal clear now seeing from the Pep Rally poster, and how he’s always been the one in the group to be able to mask his nerdy side. For Dustin and Mike, I know it’s much harder for them. Anyways, Max, I’m pretty positive by now, is going to be extremely distant and defensive from everyone just like she was in the beginning of s2, since she just had a big change happening in her life. It’s the same now, except with the grief and loss of Billy. My guess, from the hints of this movie and other stuff, is that Lucas is going to come face to face with his reputation as a popular kid, and his love for Max. Like the summary says, he must decide between the advancement of his career or the girl that he loves. Real hard hitting stuff.

Onto the next one. MIKE WHEELER. (or will byers)

I watched an analysis video on this movie, because I haven’t seen it yet, but again the very last line is what I’d like to focus on.

My. Jaw. Dropped.

I’ve read many analyses of Mike Wheeler being gay (courtesy of @kaypeace21 @hawkinsschoolcounselor and MANY others), but I dunno, I was always just so skeptical no matter how much it made sense. But when I saw this WHAT THE HELL?!?’);/&? It’s stupid of me to not have believed it sooner, but I hope this is the movie that foreshadows Mike’s storyline this season. I’m assuming Mike will have to “prove his expertise in battle”, or perhaps prove he can go through with all of the initiation shit for The Hellfire Club, while hiding his growing revelation that he might be gay/bisexual.

BUT a possibly more likely scenario would be that this movie connects with Will Byers’ storyline this season instead. Perhaps the hardships of a new school and a new town has Will shaken up, and he also has his sexuality awakening that he has to hide from new people. I say that it’s more likely for him, because Will has always been more heavily queer-coded (not exactly heavier, but just extremely much more apparent and obvious opposed to Mikes queercoded subtext that we really had to dig for).

I also didn’t mention this in my reblog from earlier, but I want to address my opinions on the apparent cheerleader that meets Mike and befriends one another. One of my friends on twitter said Chrissy (her name, or so we think lmao) might be a key component to Mike being able to discover and come to terms with his sexuality. But then again, a different friend of mine thinks that the amount of content were getting is oddly suspicious, and that the Duffers are feeding us all the wrong information to lead us to all the wrong conclusions. But, at this point, why not both. At the moment, everyone thinks that Chrissy is Mikes new love interest, but what if she really isn’t, and they’re pulling a Robin on us (i call it a robin because it was technically straight-baiting in s3 LMFAO). I’m not saying that she might be a lesbian (although 👀 it says on her character info that she’s 18 (robins got some game to work with now ahaha)) but it could be a straight-bait up until she helps Mike realize his sexuality (i would have said realizes his love for Will😍😍 but recently ive been trying not to input byler into everything i fucking say, so theres how that’s going). Anyways. Last movie!

Now, I’m currently not super concrete on this one to be completely honest. I have a few in mind...

Okay, so don’t attack me, but this could possibly be a mileven storyline. It sort of fits. They have an undeniable connection, but “their fortunes shift considerably and they’re pushed apart” aka the misfortune of the mindflayer and hawkins not being safe for them leads them to moving away and literally being pushed apart. I don’t know about the pursuing other relationships, but we still have no idea what’s going on with El Hopper tbh, i havent a single clue what’s going to be happening with her storyline atm. But either way, that could be it.

ORRRR the MUCH more likely scenario, Jancy :)

Bloggers on here have already predicted that they wouldn’t be endgame, and I was only slightly skeptical because although their relationship was built on shared trauma, a very unstable foundation to have for a ship tbh, i still hung onto the fact that they cared for eachother a lot :,( But the entirety of their season 3 bickering and this summary kind of sealed the deal.

Just like Mike and El, Nancy and Jonathan have been pushed apart aswell. It was already seen in season three that they’d be better of leading separate lives, aka Jonathan was doing fine at the internship, whereas Nancy could have been somewhere better for herself. I doubt they broke up at the end of season 3, but there’s bound to be new relationships for them seperately. It sucks bc I love Jancy, but s3 showed how badly they snap at one another when there isn’t a life threatening event at hand. Jopper on the other hand, I thought their bickering was adorable, but i’m getting off track, sorry lmfaoo.

Once again, I probably am not the first to talk about these, but jsyk if you steal this from me specifically i will track you down and end you. I’ve been speculating about these things since April and July, which is pretty weak tbh, but that was when i had nothing better to do LMFAO. i hope i got at least something right, but i haven’t seen many of the video store friday’s movies, which sucks bc those could really help. But whatever.

(i wrote this really late at night, and it’s poorly edited bc my eyesight sucks lmfao, but i hope you get what i mean)

And that’s it! I hope you like it, or had some sort of impact from it idk, just sharing my thoughts tbh. Anygays, if you have any questions/added ideas/thoughts of any kind, my inbox is always here, you can private message me, and comment if you want!! i love y’all sm lmfao, so excited for the upcoming content were about to get soon, byee!

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gothic-gnosis · 3 years

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okay, anyways, after my intro, lemme tell you guys abt school today

TW: drug use

so, i just talked abt myself a little in a previous post, hi, im marten lol. i go to cosmetology school, i'm 19 and im pretty much the youngest person in my class. i have an actual friend group for the first time in my life lol.

so. they smoke around me, i dont really smoke at all, i dont drink or do drugs because, with bpd and shit, my brain chemicals and judgement is already constantly impaired, id rather not impair myself further. so anyways this morning i took a massive hit from my friend's pen thing, and you know, i'm a big baby bitch, im fucking coughing, Dying actually, and another girl goes "wax just hits u in the chest, lemme get you coffee" LIKE THEY WERE BEING SO NICE TO ME LMFAO, so they took me to a bench, i sat down and i was listening to them talk about cars, and suddenly my brain felt like a fucking. clock with a dying battery.

i had to try SO hard to exist and fucking listen to what they were saying, and i was like, talking, but i felt like i wasn't really there, so i went "yo, it feels like im dreaming, like im not in control of myself but i am. like one of those nightmares where you can't run when you want to but im still in full control" and they went "woah bud, ur rlly high lol" so they bought me a coffee, and my ass was fucking Struggling to exist, in the fucking moment, i could feel everything touching my body.

it was the weirdest fucking sensation, feeling my clothes touching my skin, my hair against my neck, the weight of the chain on my neck, the weight of my phone in my uniform, my socks and my work shoes, and my tongue in my moutH FUCKING INTENSELY and i was thinking to myself "how dont people have panic attacks on this shit, i can feel EVERYTHING touching my skin rn" and i was listening to conversation but couldnt comprehend what was being said, or id respond in my head but not out loud.

so, lunch rolls around, and people sit with us, they comment that they had no clue i was high even though like 70% of my personality was gone and just in my head, so i was just floating by on auto pilot. and they decide "lets go to target", first of all bitch, yall are gonna take my high ass to TARGET? and my paranoia set in, i was like "yeah no, im gonna get kidnapped and i cant fight back because my body hates me" BUT MY AUTOPILOT ASS WENT ANYWAYS?? IT WASNT UNTIL I WAS IN A GIRLS CAR THAT I REALIZED "HEY THIS IS HAPPENING OH SHIT I SHOULDVE STAYED"

so, the reason we were going to target was because multiple instructors had quit working at the school, our instructor had to pick up the slack for the teacher who quit, he seemed hella overwhelmed, so we wanted to get him a card and a gift card for a date for him and his wife. well, you know me, ya boy marten, saw a fucking HELLO KITTY MOTHERS DAY CARD AND GOT EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO IT. so i refused to get any other card, i auto piloted to starbucks, got coffee but no matter how much coffee i drank, i still felt like i was dreaming and like nothing could fully wake me up.

so at this point, my boyfriend Judas and I are arguing because my high ass said some stupid shit, he has No idea im high as balls, so the entire time im paranoid, im worried my instructor who smokes weed on his BREAK will notice i'm high, i'm freaking out on the inside BUT NONE OF IT CAME THRU ACCORDING TO MY FRIENDS. except for when i went to the floor to just cruise thru and the girl who saw me cough up my lungs went "chile, you look so high" LIKE BRUH THAT DONT HELP. this shit was a sensation i can't fucking EXPLAIN. and i know somebody might read this and be like "this bitch weak wtf" like nah dude, i dont smoke, i live pretty much 100% clean outside of caffeine, the girl who let me have a hit has been smoking since 8th grade, shes now 28, so you can imagine that shit was strong as HELL LMFAO. i'm used to abusing speed and pain killers, its my drug of choice, i like feeling zoom, but weed is a whole fucking experience and it makes me appreciate being sober.

like i like feeling like i have control of a situation, cause bpd and shit, and the high made me feel like i had zero control of ANYTHING going on. speed made me feel like i had control of EVERYTHING. i see why my friends constantly talk abt being sleepy and shit cos tht shit made me fucking asleep while fully awake dude.

so anyways, that was my day today. typically everyday i'm in school irl goes wild, i hope anybody who read this far was entertained and totally doesn't think i'm a weak bitch LMFAO. ive smoked before i promise :((((

Monday, April 12, 2021 9:59 PM

side note, i took the hit at fucking 10 am, I didn't come down til 4 pm LMFAO bitch shit

#bpd diary #bpd blog #bpd sucks #dont judge me pls lmfao

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mousepatrol · 7 years

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8.8.17

so the reason im not posting this on the correct day is because our power is out right now. I completely forgot, but our powers supposed to be out from 8pm to 3pm which is completely stupid because the sun goes down right at 8 so that’s when I would need to start using it. I mean, they could have done it at around midnight when all reasonable people are asleep, or at least ten, when people are usually done eating and theyre just hanging out. You know? Also Im using word for this so that’s why things are being autocorrected

so, my day. Trash galore, folks.

I turned off my alarm last night because I didn’t think it was doing me any good and I was getting worried that I was just making myself sleep deprived for when school starts, so I went to bed around 3 or maybe even 4 (cant even fucking remember why at this point, I didn’t have shit to do) and then I woke up at 1145. Could have been worse but also could have been a lot better. So I wasn’t that tired bc I hadn’t been woken up 120000 times and I managed to actually be awake for a while. I fucked around on the computer for an hour and then made some pasta because apparently I cant eat anything else anymore. My appetite is shit

I ate like… only half of my food before I had to get ready to leave bc my mom was having a showing of the house and that means I have to leave. So I decided I was just going to go to the gym oh but I forgot something happened while I was going downstairs to cook

I made a short textpost about this already but I ran into my mom (who was in my brothers bathroom and I therefore thought she wasn’t home) and she told me that my dad had cancelled the flight he had for when I go back to school. So basically he was going to come out with me and help me move in even though I told him I wouldn’t really need that much help this time, since I already have all of my stuff and my new place is furnished. But when I had just gotten home, he insisted, and so he booked a flight with me. Also my parents told me that my car should be low on gas when I put it in storage so it was and it turns out that’s completely wrong so he was going to help me with my car also. It needs to go to the shop too just for like oil and stuff

Um so yeah apparently hes the biggest baby ever and my mom still wanted me to apologize to him and I think I did a good job of telling her that no, I should not apologize for my tiny bad thing (telling my dad several times to be quiet in increasingly sarcastic ways, bc I was watching jeopardy and he would not stop talking and I cant hear it when hes talking bc bad ears) when he wont even apologize for calling me a piece of shit and running away upstairs and banging things around and making me scared. That’s not acceptable and even though I recognize that I could have handled it better, I think that my response of annoyance (after days upon days of him doing this same thing while I try to tell him to not) was reasonable and honestly the things I said caused no harm. I wasn’t making fun of him. I was ONLY making jokes that had to do with the clues and turning them into ways of telling him to be quiet because I cant hear. I did tell him more nicely to be quiet in the beginning though. I really did. But he just wont stop with this shit and I don’t have infinite patience, even though it’s a lot better than I used to be

Um so yeah. Ok I wrote that for the last paragraph, interesting. But I mean im not mad about him not going, its not like I wanted him there anyway and I knew it would make me very uncomfortable and he would have to get a hotel bc theres nowhere for him to sleep, but its still a bit jarring and frankly just awful that he did that instead of either telling me okay and being quiet or I don’t know, saying im gonna leave the room while you watch it then bc I cant be quiet. Either of those would have been fine but instead of thinking internally about the things he was doing, he projected stuff onto me and just called me a piece of shit. I don’t really know how you can do that as a parent. I cant help but critique him, but at least im not just insulting him. You know? Is that reasonable? Ugh. But anyway, turns out theres a 711 right next to the storage place so if my car is out of gas I can either use the tiny bit that’s left to get it over to 711 or just like get gas from there and bring it to my car. Either way it is possible. I also just need someone to pick me up from the airport but my mom said she would figure that out. So, really, im fine. It’s the circumstance that is just very upsetting, you know. Its just not something that needed to happen and now im mad/scared of him for the rest of the time im here and im just over it as hell

Ok… so I ate lunch and then got ready for the gym bc that’s where I was going. So I went and then I actually went to target first bc I was out of soap, so I got better smelling soap than the one I had last and some more conditioner bc I was also out and I got a pair of comfy shorts that are a little too small for my ass but ill make due because I need more than one pair of shorts. And those other shorts really don’t fit me, I cannot wear them out lol. Then I went to the gym bc it was arm day and that went pretty well and I did it pretty quick so it was tiring for sure. And I came back and had a nice shower and sang against me! Songs really loud because I got tickets to see them in October that Im really psyched about and I just want to listen to them more. Oh man I love laura jane grace she is just so wonderful omg I am so glad to have her in the community its wonderful

So after all of that I went downstairs to get the rest of my pasta that I had put in the fridge, and it was like 6pm and I realized I probably didn’t want to be downstairs tonight so I also got some crackers and cheese and fruits snacks and extra water because I wasn’t sure if I was going to get to eat again (I probably only ate 500 calories today im upset L). So then I went upstairs to eat and I watched the great british bake off which is really nice and I quite like it a lot. Its calming and fun. After that I did a reply because dex replied to two of my threads today so I got one out for him since I want to get that thread going, aaaand about thirty minutes after that the power went off at eight. I had seriously forgotten about that so I don’t know, I kind of just accepted my fate

Im not really sure what exactly happened there, because I felt like I was fine before (was legit browsing dildos online lmfao like I was just bored yknow) but when the power was out I got kind of upset and just… took my plush cow and sat on my bed as the sun went down and just. Stared. Catherine, bless her fucking heart, texted me after like 30 minutes out of the blue so I luckily I had her to talk to for at least a little while. I was feeling shitty before yeah now that I think about it, after my shower I was upset and felt like I was gonna cry but I didn’t and I just sent james some snaps and he said he was gonna text me but he didn’t and that’s ok I think he went to bed because he didn’t open my other snaps. Its ok. He doesn’t need to contact me every minute for me to know that he cares. I love him so much and I sent him a quick text just to tell him that because I always do that when I feel bad just because eventually he replies and it always makes me feel good.

Ok so I cried like two times between eight and nine thirty when I was just sitting there, laying on my bed and texting Catherine about when school starts. I just felt really down because I remember having to turn the lights off around ten and it doesn’t really get a lot darker than it does in the summer at eight (I mean ten during schooltime when I was younger) and I just remember not having any light and no one to talk to or text and I couldn’t read and my parents would lock my computer out at ten so I couldn’t talk to anyone and I just remember being very very lonely and feeling like no one cared about me and not being able to talk to the people that I felt like truly did care about me. So I remember doing a lot of crying in bed in the evenings when I was like 12-16 and its just really sad, you know? i would cry myself to sleep a lot and all I could do was lay there and listen to music because ive always been really bad at sleeping so it would never come at ten even if I really wanted to sleep then. It just didn’t happen. So sitting there in my bed tonight just made me feel like this little kid trapped in this room and I cant go downstairs because im scared of people being bad to me and I cant go out and in my room I have to sit in the dark and its just all very bad. I forgot about all of that. Im an adult now and I can have the lights on when I want but I guess its upsetting for me to not be in control of that

Come to think of it, its also very upsetting when people tell me to go to bed. I talked to this one girl in my rp a lot (she doesn’t talk to me that much now, she talks to another person, I don’t know why and I do feel lonelier now but I guess she wasn’t that nice to talk to anyway so im alright) and if I was up when she woke up (8hhr time difference) she would spam me messages telling me to go to bed and I already knew my schedule but she wouldn’t shut up. I don’t know, that’s just something

Also I hate hearing people say my name. it makes me flinch every time and I think someones going to scream at me. I think that’s half the reason I wanted to change my name when I was going through gender stuff. I just didn’t want to hear that name anymore. Which is sad. Because I do love it, and maybe its not so bad when im not in this house bc its just my parents voices saying my name that really bothers me

So after 930 I went downstairs and got a candle and brought it up and I did a bit of drawing but it got annoying after about half an hour. At some point my dad came to my door and said something that I didn’t understand, so I didn’t say anything and he went away. Then I read catcher in the rye for about an hour (only got through like 35 pages) and now im writing this entry on whats left of my computer battery. Im charging my phone off of this just so it has power, since it was dying, and it looks like I have at least part of an episode of skam saved onto here so I guess im just going to watch that until I fall asleep because I always fall asleep to youtube videos. Im going to have to download some movie or something onto here so that I have that to fall asleep to in case if something like this happens again. Ok I know this was long but theres a lot of good stuff in there so hopefully this will help in therapy or something later. Things are really rough mentally right now and I just want to go home, you know. Ive wanted to go home for absolutely years, though. Idk where home is. bye

#strong blogs #8.8.17

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bbgleeproject · 7 years

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youtube

[2/6/17, 10:41:50 PM] Roxy: andie and i have a showmance already [2/6/17, 10:42:01 PM] Roxy: we had lots of banter lol

[2/6/17, 10:51:17 PM] Roxy: lollolo [2/6/17, 10:58:27 PM] Roxy: I’ve been added to a felinenist alliance and now a menemist group lol

[2/7/17, 1:40:42 AM] Roxy: oh god I’m so fucked for this game everyone knows each other like buddys for life [2/7/17, 1:40:49 AM] Roxy: they just had like a 4 hour call and its still going lol

[2/7/17, 10:31:33 AM] Ruthie: (*) WILL YOU BE TRYING TO SHOWMANCE ANYONE THIS SEASON? (*) [2/7/17, 3:35:43 PM] Roxy: Yes. U.

[2/7/17, 11:03:34 PM] Ruthie: (*) NICHOLAS WON HOH. HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT THAT? (*) [2/7/17, 11:04:48 PM] Roxy: they do that exact star thingy in dreamworld smh [2/7/17, 11:05:33 PM] Roxy: use like [2/7/17, 11:05:35 PM] Roxy: (dance) [2/7/17, 11:05:48 PM] Roxy: (dance) NICHOLAS WON HOH. HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT THAT? (dance) [2/7/17, 11:06:02 PM] Roxy: good lol we good

[2/9/17, 10:49:08 PM] Ruthie: (*) HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT NICHOLAS WINNING POV? (*)

(*) HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE PEOPLE IN YOUR CLIQUE? (*) [2/10/17, 12:32:42 AM] Roxy: Nicholas is bae and p I my cliwueare there

[2/11/17, 6:25:30 AM] Roxy: everyone isa prisoner [2/11/17, 6:25:37 AM] Roxy: americans and canadians and aussies [2/11/17, 6:25:41 AM] wolfchief1998: you are the only prisoner. [2/11/17, 6:25:49 AM] wolfchief1998: with terrible grammar. [2/11/17, 6:25:52 AM] Roxy: I’m a prisoner caasue I’m into bdsm smh [2/11/17, 6:26:00 AM] Roxy: my grammar is fine I’m just too lazy to type welll

[2/11/17, 8:15:28 AM] Roxy: And I usually theow hohs lol [2/11/17, 8:15:46 AM] Roxy: In embb3 I thre almost all of the hohs [2/11/17, 8:19:55 AM] Roxy: Lelmoo where t f ddo u even live tbh

[2/12/17, 2:08:54 AM] Roxy: LOL [2/12/17, 2:09:02 AM] Roxy: im in a weird mood [2/12/17, 2:09:03 AM] Roxy: like [2/12/17, 2:09:05 AM] Roxy: im hyperactive [2/12/17, 2:09:10 AM] Roxy: and my sexual banter [2/12/17, 2:09:11 AM] Roxy: is like [2/12/17, 2:09:13 AM] Roxy: unstoppablee!!

[2/12/17, 2:10:15 AM] Ruthie: I can tell! :P [2/12/17, 2:12:58 AM] Roxy: ;) you wanna do more than tell? ou wanna feel? [2/12/17, 2:12:58 AM] Roxy: jks [2/12/17, 2:12:59 AM] Roxy: bye

[2/12/17, 3:06:53 PM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: (lips) YOU NOW HAVE MONO. NAME WHICH HOUSEGUEST YOU WOULD LIKE TO INFECT WITH MONO. (lips)

Chrissa Elijah [2/12/17, 3:07:13 PM] moioonelmo: roxy choose wisely!! [2/12/17, 3:07:34 PM] Ruthie: GOOD LUCK <3 [2/12/17, 3:07:36 PM] moioonelmo: and ill stand by your decision! [2/12/17, 4:48:25 PM] Roxy: Lol [2/12/17, 4:48:43 PM] Roxy: Julia wants me to kiss ellijah so that nic cpuld be nommed [2/12/17, 4:50:40 PM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: Is that your answer???? [2/12/17, 4:50:54 PM] Roxy: No lol [2/12/17, 4:51:02 PM] Roxy: Its my musings [2/12/17, 4:51:21 PM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: Let us know your final decision!!!! [2/12/17, 4:54:53 PM] Ruthie: :* [2/12/17, 4:55:57 PM] Roxy: I probably wont say till abput 11 am my time during my break [2/12/17, 4:57:37 PM] Ruthie: Let us know soon! :) [2/12/17, 5:03:34 PM] Roxy: 11 is in 2hrs lol [2/12/17, 5:05:03 PM] Ruthie: :o :o :o [2/12/17, 5:05:10 PM] moioonelmo: #pressure [2/12/17, 5:05:26 PM] Ruthie: Decisions decisions [2/12/17, 5:05:40 PM] Roxy: Lol [2/12/17, 5:06:17 PM] Roxy: If I bite elijah I hurt an ally slightly and I become a sheep of the Julia rae cult [2/12/17, 5:06:36 PM] Roxy: But if I dont bite elijah I hurt the cult and they might go aftdr me for it

[2/12/17, 5:58:27 PM] Roxy: C.p this: [2/12/17, 5:59:54 PM] Roxy: As a fujoshi (google it) I cannot kiss elijah! Id prefferto watch him kiss another guy! So I kiss chrissa cause tgeir lip looks so sensual and invoting my pussy was like bitch if u dont kids this hoe im slappi, u

[2/13/17, 12:09:41 AM] Ruthie: (lips) HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ELIJAH WINNING HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD? (lips) [2/13/17, 12:26:37 AM] Roxy: Hungry

[2/14/17, 6:59:10 AM] Roxy: ugh coudlnt find anything [2/14/17, 6:59:55 AM] Roxy: elmo T_T [2/14/17, 7:01:20 AM] Roxy: elmo lol i joined an org about a tv show i never seen an episode of lol

[2/16/17, 8:54:05 PM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: (*) How do you feel about Chrissa leaving? Do you think there will be a buyback? How important is HOH? (*) [2/17/17, 12:52:26 AM] Roxy: buyback maybe idc much she didn’t care for me so meh

[2/17/17, 2:12:53 AM] Roxy: i want a new one each week! [2/17/17, 2:13:02 AM] Roxy: but idk that many ppl lol [2/17/17, 8:12:51 AM] Roxy: i wanna add chris as a guest lol [2/17/17, 8:12:57 AM] Roxy: and maybe to the guest list for main [2/17/17, 8:13:12 AM] Roxy: he isn’t very iconic but he is the leader of the survivor community we play in

[2/17/17, 9:48:22 AM] Roxy: lol [2/17/17, 9:48:39 AM] Roxy: chris i joined an org about a show i never watched and the things are about the show and i got no clue lol [2/17/17, 9:48:47 AM] Roxy: which reminds me that imma have to abstain from hoh [2/17/17, 9:49:05 AM] Roxy: it like a challenge where you gotta put a video in sequence like snces from an episode of glee lol

[2/17/17, 9:49:40 AM] Roxy: lul [2/17/17, 9:49:53 AM] Roxy: i don’t even like glee lol I’m just here for ruthie

[2/17/17, 9:00:18 PM] Ruthie: Hey, Julia, are you going to try for HOH or are you really abstaining? (lips) [2/17/17, 9:00:47 PM] Roxy: um if this thingy requiring me of editing the actual video? [2/17/17, 9:01:01 PM] Roxy: or can i random.org scenes? lol

[2/17/17, 11:22:13 PM] Ruthie: (lips) THERE WASN’T AN ADVANTAGE IN THE HOH RESULTS POST THIS WEEK! DO YOU THINK ONE WILL SHOW UP OR….? (lips) [2/17/17, 11:26:55 PM] Roxy: if it does ill be unable to find it due to my lack of knowledge of glee [2/17/17, 11:27:03 PM] Roxy: also low key if there isnt a singing comp ill cry [2/17/17, 11:27:11 PM] Roxy: and if you do it after i get evicted ill cry harder

[2/18/17, 12:41:09 PM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: (*) WITH SO MUCH GOING ON IN THE HOUSE WHO DO YOU KNOW YOU CAN TRUST?? WHO IS DEFINITELY NOT TRUST WORTHY??? (*) [2/18/17, 4:00:06 PM] Roxy: Ur FACE

[2/21/17, 4:13:37 PM] Roxy: Lol [2/21/17, 4:13:48 PM] Roxy: I dont like glee cause its too fake for me

[2/21/17, 9:55:31 PM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: (party) I’m here if you’re ready to get punished! (party) [2/21/17, 9:55:41 PM] Ruthie: PUNISH HER ASHLEY SARAH ;) [2/21/17, 9:55:45 PM] Roxy: omg i accepted al lthe punishments in dreamworld lmfao [2/21/17, 9:55:47 PM] Ruthie: (party) [2/21/17, 9:55:49 PM] Roxy: lmfaooo im ready

[2/22/17, 10:54:46 AM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: (party) WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON SUES TAKEOVER??? (party) [2/22/17, 4:08:58 PM] Roxy: Who? [2/22/17, 4:14:00 PM] Roxy: Oh lmfao

[2/25/17, 8:00:48 PM] Roxy: kurt is my fav so far cause like he is so fationable [2/25/17, 8:00:59 PM] Roxy: fuck you guys i think I’m going to watch glee episode 1 now after this collage [2/25/17, 8:01:00 PM] Roxy: ugh [2/25/17, 8:01:05 PM] Roxy: tbh i rememebr watchign episode 1 before [2/25/17, 8:01:08 PM] Roxy: casue i was curious [2/25/17, 8:01:10 PM] Roxy: never finished it

[2/26/17, 7:17:09 PM] Roxy: ;P [2/26/17, 7:17:14 PM] Roxy: side note i had a glee daydream today

[3/1/17, 11:12:19 PM] Roxy: loool [3/1/17, 11:12:22 PM] Roxy: try to save yourself:: [3/1/17, 11:12:27 PM] Roxy: this is how i tried to save myself [3/1/17, 11:12:36 PM] Roxy: [2/03/2017 2:15:02 pm] Roxyearl (EMVivor Host): 2017-02-25, 1:00:39 AM] zach: if you use the veto [2017-02-25, 1:00:40 AM] zach: sydneys going up [2017-02-25, 1:00:41 AM] zach: ive decided . [2017-02-25, 1:01:00 AM] julia rae: why wont u put up roxy [2/03/2017 2:15:04 pm] Roxyearl (EMVivor Host): tea? [2/03/2017 2:55:59 pm] julia rae: i don't know why it's just me when literally it was other people's idea [3/1/17, 11:13:13 PM] Roxy: [2/03/2017 1:50:02 pm] nicholas: yeah but you shouldn’t assume you were safe [2/03/2017 1:50:06 pm] nicholas: week 1 i had to come to you [2/03/2017 1:50:13 pm] nicholas: when i was hoh [2/03/2017 1:50:38 pm] Roxyearl (EMVivor Host): sorry i just assumed you wouldn’t be foolish enough to nom me cause its such a useless move [2/03/2017 1:50:49 pm] Roxyearl (EMVivor Host): and i never had it going for you so you’ve had no reason to either [2/03/2017 1:51:10 pm] Roxyearl (EMVivor Host): and the one person you thought i was working with bussed me so idk why you’d wnana believe what he said PLUS he nonmed me [2/03/2017 1:51:42 pm] Roxyearl (EMVivor Host): pluses its pretty obvious how bad my social game is in glee bb [2/03/2017 1:52:00 pm] Roxyearl (EMVivor Host): so i assumed u wouldn’t be foolish enough to waste your hoh like that [3/1/17, 11:13:24 PM] Roxy: XD this is my tryna save myself [3/1/17, 11:13:25 PM] Roxy: kekek

[3/1/17, 11:26:50 PM] Roxy: rather [3/1/17, 11:26:53 PM] Roxy: there were 4 noms [3/1/17, 11:26:54 PM] Roxy: *Are [3/1/17, 11:27:08 PM] Roxy: and 1 is a target of a majority pre made in this game [3/1/17, 11:27:22 PM] Roxy: so ill be safe if he doesn’t win pov

[3/3/17, 6:13:22 PM] Roxy: Yes lolits a buyback now [3/3/17, 6:13:29 PM] Roxy: It was 3-3 [3/3/17, 6:13:34 PM] nightoned: ouch [3/3/17, 6:13:41 PM] Roxy: And that hoe nicholas voted me out the hoh

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mugiwara--ya · 6 years

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the one time i actually think something thru before making a decision and all my past mistakes immediately come and fuck it up.

long ass post after the cut. if you read it that would be great.

on 2013, when i was about to get out of highschool, i knew i wanted to study graphic design on this one institute.

my mom during my entire life always told me she wanted me to go into a ~traditional university~ (if youre chilean you’ll understand) and that institutes or private universities were out of discussion. so i gave up about the institute.

also my mom didnt want me to end up like her (a secretary who has earned pretty much the same her entire life and is perpetually in debt) so she wanted me to study something that would give me $$$money$$$. design? yeah RIGHT, she laughed at my fucking face and said i wont pay shit for that.

so i got into international business, into a university that literally sucks dick but is supposedly “good” because its a traditional fucking university. but everybody knows it sucks dick lol. i got a scholarship that covered pretty much the entire cost of it (i was paying $40.000 clp monthly, about $64 usd) . but i hated it. i wasted two entire years on it. till one day i was trying to write a fucking essay or something and i finally snapped and said i dont wanna be here. i hate this. fuck this. im not doing this anymore. i was fucking miserable.

then i realized it was too late to register to take the test™ (a standardized test everyone who wants to get into a traditional university has to take, it’s once a year and you gotta register and even pay for it if youre taking it a second time) and my previous score wouldnt get me anywhere (spoiler: it was shit) so i thought. but hey they do design here. i can just transfer to that career internally so i dont have to take the test. im a fuckin genius. like literally i didnt really think about it for more than like. half an hour lmao

so i called my mom. ya know what she said? “I KNEW YOU WOULDNT LAST”. she knew i wasnt made for that career. she knew i fucking hated it. and she just watched me collapse without saying shit. without saying hey if you wanna change your career i wont be mad. she just waited to see how long i would take it. at the moment i was like oh thank god you aint mad. but now i look back and. just how fucking sadistic can my mom be lmfao. anyway.

same university different career. i went into design into that university without knowing how good or bad it actually was. because i didnt really have a choice (though i did. if only i wasnt scared to death about getting into an institute. actually no: about ASKING MY MOM if i could get into an institute) and i got an even better benefit: i was studying for completely fucking FREE. and hey how could you know. the career was SHIT. it made me HATE what i did. i was even more miserable than before because all my life i knew i was gonna end up on design. and i was terrible at it. i hated myself because i was studying for free and i couldnt stop fucking it up. my mental health was shit. i collapsed. i failed everything and i dropped out first year. my mom never knew. she still doesnt know i dropped out.

but hey that was because im fucking lazy and depressed right. that happened because i didnt have my meds for like a month. of course i was going to fail. so i tried again. same career same university, different year. THIS year.

same story.

except this time i was like no you know what? i’m not even that depressed anymore, i did my best, and i still cant fucking make it, i still hate what im doing but i still love design. so i asked around, i asked if the career was really that bad. turns out everyone knows its shit lmao

so i wanted to drop out- except they had already kicked me out bc i had failed too many times LMAO

this was on july this year. and i started investigating and asking around. for the first time in my entire life i started thinking about my education without thinking “what will my mom say”. because FUCK what she thinks. trying to make her happy has given me nothing but pain. ive wasted FOUR YEARS of my life trying to make her happy, going to a piece of SHIT university JUST BECAUSE ITS A ~TRADITIONAL~ ONE.

so FUCK THAT.

and guess what

im currently enrolled in graphic design. on the institute i first wanted to go. because guess what. ITS ONE OF THE BEST PLACES TO STUDY GRAPHIC DESIGN. AND I KNEW IT FROM THE BEGINNING.

so this semester ive been doing a whole bunch of nothing and classes start on march. im currently bored to death. but anyway

thing being, no one has told me yet if i’ll be able to renew my benefits. ive asked around and still, not a single social worker has been able to tell me. my previous university’s social worker first told me she would “email me” the info. never happened. i kept sending emails and going there trying to get some answers, nothing. i was told by another social worker that i should apply again just in case, though i should be renewing, so i did. today the “results” came out: i still have no fucking clue.

i dont know if ill have to bury myself in debt. i dont know if ill have to pay for it. i dont know if ill be able to renew my benefits and keep studying for free or at least for less. and its fucking me up. im stressed, im anxious, i just.

i just wanna study in peace and im so angry that ive wasted so many years learning nothing and wasting benefits on careers i didnt even want to be in just to make my mom happy. im so fucking angry at myself, and at her. the other day i told her all of this and she has the NERVE of saying “OH SO ITS ALL MY FAULT THEN?!” LIKE BITCH YES! ITS ALL, EVERYTHING, YOUR FUCKING FAULT. THESE FOUR FUCKING YEARS THESE HAVE ALL BEEN YOUR. FUCKING. FAULT.

so yeah i want to kill myself lmfao if you read till here sorry but i got nothing to give you but it means a lot. if you read this pls like this post lol

#personal #university

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survivorsolomonislands · 7 years

Text

Episode 1 Part 1 "Hit the Ground Walking” - Matt

YALL IM FUCKING SCREWED!!! I don’t think Karen likes me that much - she’s close with Linus. Who by the way has me blocked on facebook. So I pretty much have no options on this tribe and I’m completely fucking fucked. I’m just gonna try to band together with people who don’t talk as much and aren’t all that outspoken and aren’t cliquey and work with them to save myself bc RN!!! im looking like first boot!!!

give me like 10 idols now

oh so now you guys put a link up while ive been talking to myself for the past 2 hours.

i’m going to stab everyone with this machete and the only person who can stop me is on the other tribe (jk i love everyone here except for like the one person who hasnt responded to me yet)

“if you know how i feel then why would you say that like you put me in such an uncomfortable situation like you know I’m not happy” how this freak win all the games lately

so it’s crazy johnny is in this game and i have him blocked i hate myself huh? and monty is talking to me and ryan is so i hope i am good with this tribe i am nervous, but ready.

Oh wow. Im-back-bitches.gif. So this tribe is something else. There Karen Lexi and RTP and Karen wants us to make a solid four, but I can count and that leaves 6 people out, and 6>4 so we need at least one if not two more people. My picks are chrissa because I have a good relationship with her already, and then maybe Mitchell because we’ve been talking the most. And then if Lexi know Zachariah then that’s another one. Beyond that, there’s Dana and some other people who I can’t remember 🙃 I know I’ve been talking to one of them but idk who that is and I don’t have the energy tonight to figure it out lol.

So basically the plan for the next few days until I get back to the us is to build groundwork relationships and try to find a solid 6 to stay with until a swap or merge.

Star- They still haven’t come online and I am hoping that they are painfully inactive so we have an excuse to vote someone out first!

Johnny- Haven’t talked to him but at least he has accepted my contact request and like said he wouldn’t be here. He is a frat guy and some of these people are not who frat guys would typically hang out with so he might be an outsider

L.A.- I wanted to work with her since I saw her intro she is super chill and seems really smart I like her A LOT! If I am making an alliance she will be in it

Kaya- She’s super sweet and honestly a little angel I love her so much

Luca- Really annoying but seems to like me. He is an experienced orger so who knows maybe he’ll be in my alliance also He’s talked to Kaya a lot

Lily- I know she can beast a comp so she needs to stay on my good side. She is one of the experienced newbies and she is aware of how I play at least a little bit so I am not sure how long I want her here

Aromal- Nice guy! Kept asking me questions about everything which was sweet because it makes me seem like a good person and that im looking out for him!. Honestly his time zone might be an issue but if I stay up super late and search for an idol I can blame it on him because that will be in the middle of the day for him

Allie- She is a little SWEETHEART I LOVE HER SO MUCH! She seems super innocent nd like honestly someone I’d want to have under my wing She’s a newbie and I feel like she will be loyal to me since I talked to her right away and am helping her get used to this

Daisy- Shes gorgeous and I enjoy her company but not someone I am loyal too yet, She seems a little suspicious and kinda distant because she left me on read!

My general strategy is to align with the newbies who haven’t played orgs ever. From what I’ve noticed Lily and Daisy aren’t super strong socially so If I can get L.A. Kaya Luca and Allie all together it will be a strong alliance of 5 and I can keep them on the outside. Hopeuflly star isn’t here so we can vote them out first like easy vote, but if they arrive super late I might as well talk to them a lot to make them feel safe and be the first person to reach out to them. I love the tribe so much and I hope it isn’t chaotic, but I am going to play for sure, I want to form an alliance and start to get things rolling

Welp! I guess i’m fuckin back here to ruin my life again!

I’m starting off the same way I started off in Malaysia - forming good relationships with people. And while that may have unknowingly landed me into a minority, the relationships I formed still allowed me to pretty successful and arguably run the table during the pre-merge, setting myself up for a perfect post-merge run that was only ruined by… Applebee’s.

The one thing I should’ve done was parlayed those early relationships into more tangible early alliances. Jenn and Jimmy wouldn’t have voted Kendall out if they didn’t have an early alliance with, and inherent trust in, Isabelle; that was my undoing, and I aim to rectify that. Let’s see who we’ve talked to so far. There’s Ryan; we were talking a lot about stuff, and I feel like we’ve easily got the foundation there for a strategic allegiance. He’s confided in me that he’s worried about his position on this tribe given his history with some of these players; I can either utilize that to my advantage and make him a number, or he could be an easy third first boot. I don’t want him to be a first boot because I feel like I can work with him, but it’s good to have options.

Zakriah is probably the person I’ve talked to the most after that. We’ve got a lot of similar thoughts on Survivor and we’ve clicked really well, so I think we could easily work together strategically. She seems like she’d be a lot of fun to bop with throughout this game. She did, though, like Ryan, confide in me that she’s worried about her position in the game, given that Linus has her blocked on Facebook; another situation that leaves me with options, which is good.

Speaking of Linus, we’ve been speaking a fair amount and have reasonably bonded to some extent. I like him, and I hope that he and Zakriah don’t end up going against each other. I’ve also been talking to Dana a similar amount, and think that we’re good with each other for now, at least in terms of forging early relationships. Monty and I haven’t spoken a terrific amount, but I’m optimistic about that relationship as well.

I don’t know Karen or Lexi that well coming into this, but we’ve played games together before when they were honorary members of the Malaysia reunion chat, so there’s some familiarity there. I think I’d rather work with Lexi than Karen, but I’ll take whatever I can get. I’m disappointed in myself for failing to capitalize on these relationships more than I have to this point, but I can amend that moving forward.

I tried talking with Chrissa and she kind of just disappeared so… you’re my first boot choice :)

And Matt… the kid’s weird! It’s like picking teeth talking with him because he responds in very curt answers that make conversing difficult. But I think we actually get along and might be aligned???? But I’ve got nO FUCKIN CLUE LMFAO I honestly don’t know whether he ever means anything he’s saying and it’s just… we’re gonna watch this boy.

As for the fans I just want to fuck up the frat boy as soon as I can lmfao anybody who says that “I’m probably more unique than anyone you have seen before” makes me wanna vomit and ima laugh when I whoop his ass

I’m gonna fuck shit up :) let’s do this binches

Whew! This cast (my tribe atleast) is pretty social right off the bat. I think I’m off to a decent start, but as it stands I’m still terrified of being first boot. Alright so mini cast assessment

Jacob - Easily the most social so far. I would bet my left pinky that he has sucked up to everyone so far. He’s sweet but he seems like the type that will pretend to be your best friend then backstab you once you’re a liability to him. Good gameplay to get to the end but won’t get the jury.

Luca - My fav so far. He seems like a guy I would hate on paper but he’s super charming and likable. I would bet on him going far.

Kaya - She’s okay, we have something in similar in that we both feel like fish outta water so I might align with her.

Johnny - yikes @ that intro

Lily - sweet, likable

Zakriah - Omg so Zak is one of my best friends in the Wikia ORG community and I cant wait to meet up with him if we both make to the swap.

Linus - Another friend from the Wikia community ! Linus and Zak have a love-hate (mostly hate) relationship so its gonna be interesting to see if they work it out.

So right off the bat I feel like I hit the ground walking I guess. I’m trying to take things slow and kinda get to know people but so far there’s so many people and they honestly seem indistinguishable. I definitely need to get my ass in an alliance sooner than later though and I’m tryna work with Chrissa rn and just get meself some numbers. Wish me luck.

https://youtu.be/1TPDpOdcaP4

Ok so I am going to try and work on something in this game that I feel like I usually fail at. And its my social game. I feel like my social game is generally pretty good for pre-merge it fails once we hit merge. I want to really get some strong relationships on this tribe before a swap or merge happens. My only roadblocks are Karen and Lexi. I know both of them already and I feel like me working on my social game with them is just going to come off fake, plus I don’t know if they actually want to work with me or not. Let’s see how this goes. Right off the back I feel like I hit it off with Mitchell. He is someone I could see going far into this game with. We have similar senses of humor and were immediately talking a lot last night. He seems to be nervous about his perception as well so he could be someone I work with well i that regard. Also y'all really cast some all stars when the first thing chrissa said to me was that she was nervous to be in a game with steffen again….hun….pls

So when the Idol thing came up OBVIOUSLY I wanted to go hunting bc unlike Malaysia I didn’t have to search tumblr tags like “suicide” and “depression” to find safety… BUT having other people know I might be searching was a big no-no for me.

So what I DID do was stay up late, tell everyone I was going to bed, and then about half an hour later I went searching for the Idol. There were only two people up to begin with it seemed - I would’ve preferred it if there had been nobody - but I don’t think anyone suspects me. I didn’t find it, but that doesn’t matter so long as nobody thinks that I had anything to do with this. There’s always the chance that it backfired and that people DO think it was me but… I don’t know about thaaaaaaaaaat.

For one, by the time I woke up, Ryan told me that both Matt and Chrissa were interested in an alliance with him and myself. That’s good in and of itself, but Chrissa was one of the two people awake during my sneaky shenanigans - I don’t think she’d want to work with me if she knew I was super sneaky!! And Dana was talking to me about it, and I pretended like I didn’t even know someone had gone. “WHAT???? Someone looked for an IDOL??? No WAY!!!” My relationship to this point with Dana is painting myself like an emotional and stressed wreck so that she can relate to me and that she would underestimate me; based on the way I’ve portrayed myself to Dana thus far and my claims that an Idol search like this is way too stressful for me, I’d wager that she would bet it wasn’t me.

I could always end up looking like a fool but I thought this scheme was so fun and so far it looks like it’s working!! The only way to make it better would be to stir up some mistrust between the others about who it could’ve been. I’ll regret it if I’m first boot but I’m fuckin dancin rn :~)

So someone is looking for the idol already… interesting. It’s easy to cancel out the people who were speaking in the tribe chat a few minutes after the idol is being looked for, which is good. I could easily go into my tribe chat and explain it to people that if we all just write in our tribe chat, it’ll help to cancel people out who AREN’T looking for the idol, but I’m not gonna pull that card just yet. Let’s see if it becomes an issue. Looking for the idol on day one probably won’t get a lot of people a lot of luck. There are bound to be clues along the way, and hopefully I can snag some of those, but I’m sure already some of those items on the boat had clues in them, or even punishments, but it seems like I didn’t get either of those since I haven’t been notified about anything

oops too late

I couldn’t even control myself LMFAO

Honestly, I don’t know why I enroll myself into these games. I hate talking to people, but I still have to do it, even though I know most of these people just lay on their asses all the time and do nothing, so I don’t know how I’m going to compete when I actually have legitimate responsibilities besides going to high school for 6 hours a day and then laying on their asses for the other 18

https://youtu.be/xc0XCUl3Pfo

Well the survivor train is officially leaving the station, I have assembled my first alliance with Chrissa, Mitchell, and Ryan. Of course Chrissa will be my number one, I mean she shared her clue with me without me even asking like that’s my kind of ally. I was kind of hoping I could work with Karen this time around but RIP it already seems like I may have started throwing her under the bus, she just made the mistake of saying she was friends with Nigel and people noticed that and I’m not gonna put my neck on the line for her. Sorry? I am for sure playing to win this game, I don’t just wanna be on this train I wanna be the mofucking conductor.

g o d I don’t wanna be that person but I absolutely hate that RPDR has to be involved with the challenge. I hate how closely it’s intertwined with the TS community, and I can never stand hearing about it. Like… I always feel like I’m overreacting, but the whole concept just seems so transphobic (not to mention that RuPaul himself IS transphobic as hell), and it just doesn’t feel like an accepting community when something like that gets discussed so often. And I always hate talking about it because I always feel like I’m just overreacting, and… hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I just wish that people would realize how inherently harmful it is towards trans girls, and that it creates and fuels the stereotype that trans girls are just men in dresses and makeup. Because that’s what the dr*g q***ns on the show are. And I know this is probably not the kinda thing to put in confessionals but? Whatever, I need somewhere to put it and discourse will start if I put it in tribe chat or on my Tumblr blog.

I tried to help out in this challenge despite not knowing what tumblr is even though I’m a returning player and my entire life was came at so hard so I’m just gonna…..not

I’m the absolute worst and have completely forgotten to give a confessional this whole time so I’m probably gonna get a shitty edit oops. Anyway I’m really tired right now so I’m not sure if what I’m gonna say will make sense but a lot has happened so far I guess. I created a core alliance which includes me, Luca, Jacob and LA. They’re all super nice people and I’m hoping I can go far with them in the game. Some of the people on my tribe I just haven’t connected well with and I’m having trouble talking to them. Also Jacob told me he searched for an idol, which is crazy information that I posses, but I trust him so far so of course I’m not gonna tell anyone. I’m still a little bit confused about somethings but I’m a lot less confused then I was at the start. Also I’m not sure what 90% of the things Isaac say are because he always deletes his messages lmao.

So I accidentally forgot that Star was on our tribe because he never talks, oops. Anyway I tried personal messaging him and asked him if he’s found any interesting posts for our challenge and he said not really. I’m not sure if he’s just shy and confused or if its that he doesn’t want to try but whatever. Anyway I’m gonna be kinda pissed if we loose this challenge because like I’ve accidentally ran into way too much furry porn while searching through these tags.

It’s the third day and I still haven’t done one of these, so I figured I might as well start. This has been a really fun start to the season, the tribe seems really chill and laid back and I feel I’m getting along with a few people. Am I in a good position in the tribe? It’s too early to say. Right now I’m still just focusing on getting to know my fellow castaways!

Possibly the people I’ve been talking to the most are Kaya and Jacob. They’re really nice, and we’re also in an alliance with LA together. I really feel this has a high chance at succeeding.

The odd one out seems to be Star. He seems completely uninvolved and in case we get to tribal, my vote will probably go on him.

But yeah, fun tribe, fun start, and I’m looking to do as well as possible.

So you know how people are always like “I just wanna meet new people and have fun” and how I always say that? I feel like I am actually doing that. This challenge is mindless so it requires no real effort. I have been spending my time trying to make bonds with these people I didn’t know before and it is so much fun! I am legitimately enjoying my time in this game so far.

#thequeenstaysqueen

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