#no but izuku saying kacchan's a fucking moron is my favorite thing actually
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tbh I think as bkdk lovers we don't use izuku calling katsuki an idiot often enough
#baka ....... . .#no but izuku saying kacchan's a fucking moron is my favorite thing actually#I adore current bkdk but I miss izuku yelling at katsuki tbh#give me... izuku being so so mad at katsuki for dying and YELLING at him that he's an IDIOT kacchan's an IDIOT#KACCHAN WHY WOULD YOU UGHHHHRR#gimme more bakacchan.... pls.....#mad mha ramblings//#mha#bkdk#me writing this acting like I'm not a writer that is absolutely going to solve my own problem :
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He’s Mine: A BakuDeku Fic Spork- Chapter 3
Eyyy it’s time for chapter 3!
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Last time, Katsuki attempted to confess his “love,” Izuku was forced to dress as a girl, Shoto kidnapped Izuku, I ranted about people uke-fying my favorite characters, and Kirishima offered some terrible advice! In today’s installment, Shoto makes terrible jokes and lies to Izuku’s mother, Izuku and Shoto go on a date, and our helpless damsel protagonist gets attacked by a villain!! Also, I provide several of my own takes on the pairing!
Special thanks as always to @kittykatz009, @the-wizard-l, @satsuneade, and Phos! Thanks especially for the art, Satsu! LOL
Me: Thanks for the summary, Izuku, but wouldn't your time be better spent experiencing new events?
"OH WELL AS LONG AS THEY SAID SORRY, MY SUFFERING IS RENDERED MEANINGLESS! EVERYTHING'S GOOD!!"
Wiz: OH JOY
Me:
My mum shouted me
That's right. She just... threw her head back and screamed MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE as loud as she could
One of our neighbors thumped on the wall. "MAKE HER STOP DOING THAT!" I heard a muffled voice roar on the other side.
"I'm sorry!" I shouted back. "I don't know why it keeps happening!!"
Wiz: JTRHSDGF
Satsu: Oh god
Phos: Jeez
Me: Wow, okay, sure, just declare yourself someone's boyfriend without asking them first.
Wh... Where's Inko going? cOME BACK! WE NEED AN ADULT PRESENT
Satsu: Okay but why isn't Inko questioning Deku about this!???
Me: FOR REAL THOUGH
"Also, I found some girls' clothing in your bag... Honey, you know you can tell me anything. Is... everything all right? You know I love you no matter what, right?"
"mOM STOP YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME"
Satsu: HER ONLY SON HAVING A BOYFRIEND FOR THW FIRST TIME SHOULD BE AN IMPORTANT MATTER
Ndvdkfbfkfbksbd
Phos: "Truth is I got dressed up in it against my will." "Did they apologize?" "Yes" "Then that’s all right!"
Me: I'd love to say it's completely out of character for Shoto to respond to a question with a shitty pun he's no doubt spent hours coming up with... but I could definitely see him doing that, actually
but not THIS shitty pun
Not THIS one
this one... is uNBEARABLE SAVE ME
lskjfslkdj pHOS
I like how there's a lone quotation mark there, like that line was so fucking bad that even the punctuation is trying to separate itself from it
Satsu: SKBFKWBGKDBSKDJIDBFJD 😂 😂
Me: AFTER THE PARK?? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THERE? WAS THAT JUST NOT IMPORTANT??? AREN'T YOU WRITING ABOUT THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE RELATIONSHIP?? WHAT THE FUCK
Wiz: tjdafgfdhgfhg
Me: THIS PERSON'S WRITING!!! IS SO FUCKING BORING!!! PLEASE, GIVE ME SOMETHING!! THE CLOSEST WE EVER GOT TO DESCRIPTION WAS THE LOST CAT THING AND EVEN THAT WAS COMPLETELY INANE
Oh boyyyyy the next part
Satsu: They just got there and went back lol
Me: I wish this author could be stoped
Satsu: Omg she had FANS XDDD
Phos: She has tiny electrical fans in her mouth. They’re completely shorted out by now, but that’s what you get.
Me: "I'm glad I'm here with you, Tod--I mean, Shoto-kun."
"Me too, Izuku."
[silence. A crow flies overhead. Crickets chirp.]
"Well, this was nice, Izuku, but I should be getting home."
"Wh...what? But we just g... uh. O-Okay...??"
Satsu: KDBDKFBFJX
Me: [throws some rabbits in the air] Two high-up buns
I mean, you ain't wrong, Toga DOES have lots of fans, but how could you tell that from looking in her mouth??
A Japanese girls uniform? Uh... is... is there a uniform that all Japanese girls must wear? That sounds like some kind of dystopian hellscape???
Wiz: Not wearing your japanese girl uniform? sirens start up
Me:
(Guessed who it is ;))
Yeah, as with everything in your writing, it didn't take a genius to figure it out. It may take a psychologist, however.
Satsu: Poor Deku, can't really defend himself even though he has One for all's power and has defeated so many villains already :(
Me: I KNOW LIKE WHAT THE FUCK 😂
"Your cute come with me!"
Okay like... if you're going to bother putting an actual yandere into the story, let alone one who is canonically in love with Izuku/wants to murder him, don't you think her dialogue should be a little more characteristic?? Like, uhhh, "I've been waiting to see you again, Izuku-kun! Did you miss me?? I missed you. But it's okay. You'll never go anywhere without me again~" Y'KNOW SOMETHING SCARY AND UNSETTLING
Satsu: "hey cutie ;)"
Phos: That’s really good dialogue on short notice, Mom
Me: WHAT THE FUCK IS AN ALIWAY
[someone points to a girl named Ali] "about 140 pounds"
aww, thanks Phos!! <3
Why would Izuku follow her though?? He KNOWS what Himiko Toga looks like!! He has fought her before!! Good lord!!
When I saw it my body trembled and I backed up to the wall
Bitch!! This kiddo faced down the League of Villains, The Hero Killer Stain, a humongous freakshow four times his size with prehensile muscles, a performance-enhanced metalbender, several morons in plague masks, and a terrifying maniac who had rearranged his body into a titanic monstrosity with four arms, and didn't back down!!! What the fuck show are you watching???
She cut my cheek
And Izuku just... stood there, I guess, with a bit of drool escaping his semi-open mouth as he stared at nothing vacantly.
Wiz: :’))))))
Me: And then he just passes out for no reason?? I?? I don't get it! Was it because of the explosion? Did he get cut a bunch more times (but we never knew because the author was incapable of describing it to us) and pass out from blood loss? Or is he just so frightened of this admittedly-terrifying girl that he just swooned onto the ground???
Sure. Because visiting Deku is something he does all the time I guess. This is so pointless, so bad, so unbelievably boring, oh my god author I've met trees with more personality than your writing. Literally I read a book where a tree was the main character and it was one of the most interesting books I've ever read
Wiz: y e p
Me: also, there's the "my deku" again [rolling eyes]
Satsu: oh god
Satsu: Did Kacchan seriously stalk him for more than two hours
Me:
I ran to wards
I hope it was to a psych ward; that's where I'm headed after reading this.
Satsu: was it really two hours because nothing happened there apparently
Me:
And hit her in the face with my quirk. When I was done beating her up
Oh my god you idiot. You fool. You are like a little baby. Himiko Toga is not so easy to defeat. She's a notorious killer who's wanted for dozens of murders, and she's also a master of deception, extraordinarily quick-witted, and really good at knowing when it's time to skedaddle. >:C
Satsu: Two things: He didn't recognize her even though she's from the league of villains
Also, he just... Left her there.....
Jaz: I'm so offended that they butchered Toga's characterization like this
Me:
"Deku?" I asked while shaking him a bit. But he didn't respond
Oh god, he's finally succumbed to shaken baby syndrome from all these people infantilizing him
Wiz: fdghjDSFGHJ
Me:
I checked his puls
His what now?
Wiz: his puls
Me: gOD STOP SHAKING HIM OH MY GOD
Bridle style. I can only assume this means he wrapped Izuku around the muzzle of a horse
Wiz: oh my god
Me: Oh, so suddenly Inko is back at the house again??
"A crazy girl tried to kill him with a knife"
"IS HE OKAY??"
"...I mean, obviously not. Did you not hear what I just said"
Satsu: The puls 😂 😂
Jaz: Bakugou. What. The. Fuck.
Me: I went up stairs. Just... some random stairs. I went up them.
Yo but for real though... WHY DID IZUKU PASS OUT
I don't think more intense stalking is the answer, Katsuki So like... how do you say "had of" but then later use the correct "would've"??? I? Maybe don't rub your finger in his fresh wound, Kacchan??
Wiz: o w
Me: "Deku... who did this to you?!"
"Oh that? Don't worry about that. I was chasing a stray cat and it, uh, got a little temperamental"
"...were you shirtless during this?"
"Yeah!"
"........why??"
"I had just gotten out of the shower."
"................look, never mind. My fault for asking."
I like how Katsuki's like "I'll make her pay for hurting Deku" but for the past decade it has in fact been him who has been hurting Deku
Wiz: OH RIP
Satsu: OH LORD
Me: I don't get it; why is he just rubbing all these scratches? I can understand if he like, gently traced them with his finger? but you keep saying RUBBING and I'm like, what kind of strange fetish is that???
Wiz: That sounds ow fjcmv
Me: So he just intently stares at his childhood "friend" until he himself loses consciousness. Sure. Makes sense.
Inko pokes her head in later like "Boys, I made you some sna--oh. They're asleep. Uhh, I guess I should call Mitsuki and let her know Katsuki's staying over... that's nice. He hasn't spent the night since they were four"
Satsu: Aww that's actually cute, but very impossible in canon 😂
Jaz: Lol it really is
Me: that reminds me of a tiny something I wrote thanks to one of these badfics that I should share with y'all
Jaz: Hey look, it me
Me: When u stan two characters becoming friends instead of becoming boyfriends
Satsu: Omg 😭 😭 😭 😭
Jaz: FRIENDSHIP
Me: YEP
I friend-ship them so hard (':
Satsu: SLOW-BURN FRIENDSHIP
Me: SLOW BURN FRIENDSHIP ALSKDAJ;FKLD I LOVE IT
Jaz: Hey, that is AMAZING
Me: Katsuki: Fuck that. [holds up his hands, which are sparking] I burn everything fast Kirishima just puts a hand on his shoulder like "whoa, slow down there, ya little pyro"
OKAY, WHAT THE HELL! TOGA INTRODUCES HERSELF TO IZUKU WHEN THEY FIRST MEET, AND LATER WHEN THEY MEET AGAIN HE REMEMBERS HER BY NAME (and Toga looks... uhhh, a little too happy about that).
HE KNOWS WHO SHE IS
Satsu: Kzbdkfbjejdbd I'm crying at the had placed his head on his chest
Me: I'm crying at the fact that apparently Bakugou is able to wrap his hand entirely around Izuku, because I guess he suddenly has Kendou from class 1-B's Quirk now
And also "I tured my head" like oh really? Did you need a ture guide? Was it like, an Inside Out thing??
The idea of Izuku sleeping with his head on Katsuki's chest is cute, but I don't think they would willingly arrange themselves like that. It's more of a "we happened to pass out like this after being smashed out of the sky by a villain" pose, and when one of them wakes up they'd be like "aAAAH OH CHRIST OH FUCK [scrambles away like they just woke up cuddling a giant spider]"
"he moanded" oh my god save me 😂
Wiz: moanded
Satsu: Oh nooooooooo
Wiz: wh
Me: "as soon as he [let go of me] I got away from him"
Hey look, the first in-character thing that's happened THIS WHOLE FUCKING TIME
I like how Inko only exists when the author needs her to
"Coming!" I shouted back
Already? He only moanded once
WHY WAS THAT ALL YOU HEARD FROM YOUR MOM? IS SHE LIKE, FADING OUT OF EXISTENCE AGAIN? MAYBE ASK HER WHAT SHE MEANS BEFORE SHE BECOMES MIST? "HEY MOM, DO YOU MEAN HE HAS YOUR BLESSING TO CONTINUE TO ABUSE AND TORMENT ME LIKE HE'S BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST 11 YEARS OR SO??"
Wiz: :')))
Me: plus, is she forgetting that a DIFFERENT attractive teenager claimed to be Izuku's boyfriend yesterday??
Jaz: my head hurts from this
Wiz: There is so much happening but also nothing, I'm just. what.
Me: Izuku is so fucking dumb in this story that he, to use a phrase I saw in a post today, "wouldn't know how to pour water out of a boot if there were instructions on the heel"
Wiz: I freaking love that phrase
Jaz: "but Kacchan was already finished.... I guess we have that in common" WHAT THE FUCK
Me: And again, he only moanded once. Pitiful
Jaz: get these bois to a doctor
Satsu: And that's why they have to marry
Because they have so much in common
Me: Also, why is Izuku clutching his chest? Did he sprout boobs because the author has feminized him so fucking much?
He scoffed his breakfast down.
Okay.
"You call yourself a waffle? Pathetic. Eggo, you say? More like, Egad, this waffle sucks."
Jaz: WING OMG
Me: Without the umbrella? I suppose it's just as well. Even if it was raining, the author would never tell us
Jaz: THEY SPELLED “DAMNED” RIGHT OH MY GOD
Me:
while walking
oh my god, for real? couldn't you at least tack that onto some dialogue? Like, I asked while walking???
Jaz: too much work. they had to put all the effort into spelling damned right
Me: PFFFFFFFFF
The last line there is so depressing because it means the author IS aware of how Katsuki acts in canon... and has chosen to write him this way regardless
"I'm... mm [struggles to speak]"
"Kacchan?? Are you okay??"
"Yes, it's just that whenever I try to say something in-character my mouth snaps shut and I MMM-MM [flails around desperately]"
"[panicking] oH NO! WHOSE QUIRK IS CAUSING THIS"
Satsu: Ldbdkdbdkf
Me: I like how the author makes Katsuki delay telling him The Big Important Thing until after school... which adds like a whole 6 sentences to the story instead of being a "haha, you'll have to wait for it, readers!" thing
And I like how Izuku is self-aware enough to tell people where he's going and who he's hanging out with, but not self-aware enough to realize that he's in a love triangle apparently.
Satsu: Of course this is the thing I decided to do to finish my art block lmao
Me: lKJF;LGKSEJRG;AWLKJGD;LKJE;GIJW;EGJS;LKJS;GLSKGJF
Wiz: oh my god beauty
Me: IM GONAN FUCEKN CRY OMGGGGGG
Satsu: THEBIMAGE WAS STUCK IN MY HEAD, I AH TO DO IT LOLLL
Me: I LAUGHED SO HARD THAT I CHOKED ON MY OWN SPIT AND COUGHED A LOT [WHEEZES]
Phos: Oh my GOLLY THAT’S SO GREAT
Satsu: I'M SO SORRY MOM DLVDKDVDKD
Me: "Close your eyes!"
"Uhhh, Kacchan? Last time you held something behind your back and told me to close my eyes, you threw an angry squirrel at me and then recorded me running around trying to get it off me"
"Psh, that was a long time ago, nerd. I'm different now."
"That was last week, Kacchan"
"Is it--"
"It's not a fucking squirrel, all right! Just do it!!"
"o-okay!"
Jaz: that picture is so beautiful omg Kacchan isn't going to be happy you dropped those roses
Me: Mkay so if Bakugou suddenly kissed him, I think Izuku would leap back and be like "WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU PRETENDING TO BE KACCHAN"
"No, it's--listen, it's really me, okay?"
"LIAR! WHERE IS THE REAL KACCHAN?!"
"I'm right here, you moron! [puts both hands on his chest] I'm Katsuki Bakugou! Cross my heart!"
"AHA! YOU'VE SLIPPED UP! KACCHAN DOESN'T HAVE A HEART TO CROSS!!"
"Wow, that was kind of fucking uncalled for, but I guess I can see why you'd say that"
Jaz: lmao oh my god
Wiz: DPESN'T HAVE A HEART TO CROSS
Satsu: Kdbsjdhdbd
I love that when you write them it's like they go back to normal, oh my babies ;-;
Maybe the're just actors on a very bad romance series
Me: And then yeah he would absolutely yell at him for dropping the flowers and Izuku would be like "[squints suspiciously] .......Kacchan?"
"YES, for the three trillionth time. Jesus, I knew you were an idiot, but I didn't know you were THIS dumb. Now pick up those fucking flowers before I blast a hole through you"
"[clutching his own head] wHAT IS HAPPENINGGGGG"
Jaz: now THAT'S the Kacchan he knows!
Me: What a beautiful greeting for a heartfelt love letter
Wiz: they spelled damn right :oooo
Me: I know; it's almost as amazing as their utter disregard for canon
Jaz: oh jesus
Me: Izuku would stare at that letter for ages and find a hidden message in it Izuku, reading the note:
"Hey, damn nerd...
Even though I didn't get to tell you yesterday, I was trying to say that I'm in
Love with you. I want to go out with you. Let me know what you think.
PS- Tell anyone else and you're dead."
[long pause]
"...............oh my god... the first letter of each line... HE'S IN TROUBLE!! I HAVE TO SAVE HIM"
Jaz: Afudshgoudshuigdsh
==========================================================
Next time: The last installment, in which Katsuki and Shoto fight over our damsel!
#mha#my hero academia#badfic#bad fanfiction#hes mine#izuku midoriya#katsuki bakugou#shoto todoroki#bakudeku#tododeku
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