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alyssaallyrion · 2 years

Text

Title: i prayed one word (i want)

Rating: M

Summary: An errant confession of forbidden love, a grief-fueled tryst in the night - war has a way of bringing out the things that otherwise would stay concealed. Only the war is over, and peace has come, and it's time to pick up the pieces.

Notes: Originally intended as a one-shot for Hyuga Week, but covid got in the way and then this turned into...well, whatever this is.

ao3 link

Chapter 1

“Neji-nii-san, Neji-nii-san!” Hinata calls out desperately, her voice trembling from quiet sobs as she falls to her knees beside him in the dirt.

Neji struggles to keep his eyes open – he’s lost a lot of blood, and searing agony piercing his entire being drained him of what little remained of his strength. The world around loses sound and color with every passing moment, as unbearable chill slowly seeps into his very bones. Neji has seen enough in his time as a shinobi to know what this means for him.

Yet even as death’s frigid breath ghosts across his skin, all Neji can think about is Hinata. Fighting blood and bile rising in his throat, Neji grits his teeth and reaches out for her. Hinata shifts forward, meeting him halfway, cupping his hand with both of hers and pressing it to her cheek. His calloused, bloodied hand seems to scrape obscenely at her fair skin, but she leans firmly into the touch.

“Neji-nii-san...” her entire body shudders with a violent sob.

“Shh,” Neji murmurs gently, trying to wipe off her tears, but his fingers do not move.

Hinata looks at him with wide, terrified eyes, and it’s more than Neji can bear. She has always been his most precious person – that is why he chose to give up his life for hers without a second thought. He wanted Hinata to survive, live a long, happy life, have a family, and grow old with the person she truly loved. With Naruto.

He’d never meant for her to look so utterly heartbroken.

“How could you throw your life away like that, nii-san?” Hinata’s voice is barely a whisper, “We had sworn that we would break the vicious cycle of sacrifice between the main house and the branch house!”

Through pain, soft smile tugs at Neji’s lips. She doesn’t realize it – and how could she? After all, Neji knows he’s always been so difficult to understand. He wasn’t dying for Hinata because she was of the main branch or because she was the daughter of the clan leader. No, the truth was much simpler and, for that, all the more inexorable: he did it because he was in love with her. He loved her deeply, with all his heart, ever since he first laid his eyes upon her all those years ago – and he had every intention of taking this secret to his grave.

After all, he had no right to burden her with his feelings, not when he knew she was in love with someone else. Not when she looked at Naruto Uzumaki as if he were the sun.

“I’m sorry I won’t be by your side to help, Hinata-sama,” he tries to speak softly, but his voice is hoarse, “But I know that if anyone can change the ways of our clan, it’s you.”

“Neji-nii-san, please…” Hinata’s voice breaks as she clutches his hand tightly, “Please…”

“Please don’t cry,” Neji rasps, barely able to lift his head to look at her. Grief-stricken and exhausted, somehow Hinata still looks heart-shatteringly lovely.

“Why did you try to protect me?” Hinata sobs, “If I had known you’d do this, I would never...Neji-nii-san, please don’t leave me.”

If he could think clearer, Neji would have kept his mouth shut, would have taken never spilled his secret, but he is nigh delirious from pain and blood loss. His thoughts are muddled, confused fragments - and truth slips unbidden before he can bite his tongue.

“I love you,” he murmurs, “I would have died a thousand deaths if it meant you could live.”

Neji’s breaths come shallow and ragged. Blood gurgles in his lungs, slowly suffocating him, and his eyelids feel impossibly heavy. The world quickly fades into the darkness, and the last thing Neji sees before he closes his eyes is Hinata’s face.

“I think I understand now, father,” Neji muses, as his mind drifts off, “What true freedom is.”

“Neji…” Hinata calls out, but he cannot answer.

* * * “Neji-nii-san,” a quiet, familiar voice tugs at the edges of his consciousness, “Neji-nii-san.”

Neji struggles to open his eyes – his entire body feels foreign and heavy like lead. He feels utterly exhausted when, after a long moment, he finally forces his eyelids open.

The world around him is nothing but a blur of washed-out colors. Neji blinks once, then again, straining to see his surroundings among faint contours and shadows. Instantly, dull pressure winds like a snake around his temples, squeezing his head, and a jolt of bright, burning pain bursts behind his eyes, forcing Neji to wince.

“Neji-nii-san,” he hears Hinata gasp somewhere beside him, “Thank goodness you are awake!”

Slowly, the world begins to take shape, and Neji finds himself staring at the white ceiling of Konoha’s hospital room. Right by his bedside is Hinata, her wide, worried eyes trained upon him. There are deep shadows under her eyes, and her cheeks look sullen, and Neji knows she hasn’t slept in days.

“Hinata-sama,” he breathes out, his voice entirely too hoarse. His mouth feels dry, and the pressure around his head winds even tighter, but the soft, timid smile that blooms on Hinata’s lips almost makes him forget about the pain.

“You need water,” Hinata says, reaching over to grab a bottle from the small bedside table.

Neji stirs, trying to sit up, but the slightest movement brings a wave of sudden, searing pain.

“Please be careful, nii-san,” Hinata frowns, turning back to him, “Tsunade-sama said you should not get up when you awake, or you’ll disturb your wounds.”

“For how long?” Neji rasps, utterly unenthused by the impending bedrest.

“I’m not sure,” Hinata responds, “She said she’ll need to examine you once you are awake.”

Neji tries to nod but finds himself unable to move his neck. Hinata shifts forward, bringing the water bottle to his lips. Usually, Neji’s pride would have forced him to refuse the help, but he’s in too much pain and absolutely parched, so he does not argue. He drinks greedily, as though he hasn’t had a single drop of water in years, and when the bottle is empty, it still doesn’t feel like enough.

“I’m sorry,” Hinata murmurs apologetically, “I’ll go get you more water.”

As she shifts back into her seat, Neji feels her hand brush lightly against his, and suddenly, bright blush blooms on her cheeks.

“I...I will be right back,” Hinata stutters, and she’s on her feet, and next thing Neji knows, she’s almost halfway to the door.

Before she has a chance to leave, the door slides open, and Neji sees Lee and Tenten in the corridor.

“Hinata?” Tenten frowns, stepping into the room, “I thought you’d left to get some rest like you promised. Do you want Tsunade-sama to yell at you?”

“Tenten, Lee-san, Neji-nii-san is finally awake!” Hinata interrupts.

Before Neji can react, his teammates are by his bedside, chattering excitedly.

“I knew you were going to pull through!” Lee exclaims, beaming brightly at Neji and giving him a thumbs up, “Gai-sensei has always told us that nothing can beat the power of youth! And, besides, you are my eternal rival, my man of destiny – how could you possibly leave before we get to have our rematch?”

“I’m happy to see you too, Lee,” Neji sighs, smiling softly, “But please don’t cry.”

But he’s too late – Lee’s already sobbing, threatening to drown them all with his youthful tears.

“What would our team do without you?” Lee cries out and shifts forward as if to hug Neji. Painfully aware of the extent of his injuries, Neji winces internally, but before Lee can hug him, Tenten stops him in his tracks, grasping his forearm with a firm hand.

“What do you think you are doing?” she frowns at Lee, “You are going to disturb his wounds! What do you think Tsunade-sama will say then?”

Lee turns pale at the thought, and Neji can hardly blame him – few people were more terrifying in their wrath than the Godaime.

“I’m so sorry,” Lee mutters apologetically.

“And you,” Tenten continues, as she turns to Neji, still frowning, “Were you just going to leave me all alone to look after these two? That’s quite selfish if you ask me.”

“I’m sorry, Tenten,” Neji chuckles, but she doesn’t let up.

“You better not try something like this again,” she says flatly, then looks back at Lee, “Go find Tsunade-sama. I’m sure she’ll want to know that Neji’s awake.”

“Of course!” Lee nods enthusiastically before giving Neji a bright smile, “I will be right back.”

With that, he crosses the room with what looks like a single jump, flings the door open, and sprints into the corridor.

“Just so you know, I would have kicked your ass in the afterlife if you left me to deal with all this energy all by myself,” Tenten sighs, sliding her weapon scroll off her shoulder. After momentary contemplation, she leans it against the nightstand and settles on a small chair by Neji’s bedside.

“Then I’m glad I’m still here,” Neji laughs.

“You should be,” Tenten looks at him with serious eyes, “Tsunade-sama really is a miracle worker. To say that you had one foot in the grave would be a horrible understatement.”

Neji frowns - while he is acutely aware that he sustained grave injuries, his memories of the war are hazy at best, all overshadowed by the recollection of blinding, searing pain piercing his entire being.

“Tenten,” he says, calm and even-toned, “What happened?”

Concern, clear as day, spills across Tenten’s face, “You don’t remember?”

“No,” Neji admits flatly.

Tenten is silent for a long moment, as if hesitating, then she asks, “Do you remember Obito Uchiha and the Ten-Tails?”

Neji nods, trying not to wince from the jolt of pain the movement causes – that much he does remember.

“Well, when he attacked Naruto, Hinata tried to protect him, to be his shield,” Tenten’s voice trails off momentarily before she continues, “And you... You chose to become a shield for her.”

It is as though Tenten’s words unlock his memories, and Neji starts to remember. He remembers the burning pain as the stakes pierced through him, remembers choking on his own blood and Hinata’s pale, tear-stained face as he tried to console her with his dying breath. As he told her that...

Neji’s heart drops as a chilling wave of anxiety clutches his throat, threatening to suffocate him. She knows. Neji feels dizzy – the secret he’s carried in his heart for so many years had been pried out of him by pain and delirium.

If he were dead, his errant confession could, perhaps, have been excused – after all, worse things have been forgiven to the deceased. Only, Neji isn’t dead – and now she knows.

Neji’s mouth feels dry as a frigid wave of fear spreads through his body, seeping into his very bones. They spent years healing their relationship from the rift caused by his father’s death, and now an ill-fated confession may have ruined everything they’ve worked so hard to build, placing an insurmountable distance between them.

Neji knows Hinata loves Naruto – he should have also known to keep his mouth shut.

The door slides open, sending Neji’s heart racing with anxiety. Hinata walks in, carrying several water bottles, and Neji cannot bring himself to look at her.

“Here is more water,” Hinata says softly, placing the bottles on the bedside table.

“Thank you,” Neji murmurs, not meeting her gaze.

“I wonder what’s taking Lee so long,” Tenten says, looking towards the door, “I really hope he hasn’t gone to Gai-sensei’s room again to attempt yet another one of his challenges.”

“Gai-sensei is also here?” Neji asks, turning to Tenten. Her words catch him off guard, although knowing their sensei, he shouldn’t be surprised.

Tenten glances briefly at Hinata before looking back at Neji and nodding. “He has opened the Eight Gates to save us all,” she explains carefully.

Neji’s eyes widen in surprise, “And he lived?”

“Yes,” Tenten nods, “Somehow, he lived.”

Silence falls upon the room as Neji slowly tries to process what he’s heard. The consequences of opening the Eight Gates were hardly a secret, and, knowing Gai-sensei, Neji had always suspected that one day he would give up his life using that technique to protect those he cared about. Yet, somehow, he survived.

“Neji-nii-san,” Hinata’s soft voice distracts Neji from his thoughts, “Your bandages... Here, let me help.”

Still unable to meet her gaze, Neji waits with bated breath as Hinata shifts closer. She leans in, reaching for his forehead bandages, and her long hair ghosts across his forearm. The sensation sends shivers down Neji’s spine, making his heart race. Her hands are soft and cool against his skin, and Neji’s breath catches in his throat as she lightly tugs at his bandages.

“Does it hurt?” she asks, looking at him with worried eyes, “The spot where the seal used to be?”

It takes a moment before Neji realizes what she’s saying.

His cursed mark was gone.

He knows he should be happy – he’d spent years dreaming of the day he’d get rid of the cursed mark, of the day he’d finally be free. Only, now these thoughts do little to quell the unease rising in his chest.

If the seal was gone, does it mean he lost his Byakugan as well?

He has always prided himself on having the strongest, clearest Byakugan in the history of the Hyuga. He could hardly imagine being a shinobi – and even just living his life – without it.

“No,” he finally manages, his voice hoarse and his mouth dry.

Before Hinata can reply, the door to his room flies open, and in marches Tsunade-sama, followed by Lee. Tsunade-sama looks as though she had about two hours of sleep in the last fortnight and entirely too much sake, but that much Neji expects. During peacetime, medic-nin worked long, grueling hours, but during wartime, they were expected to work to the bitter end – and then some.

“Good, you are finally awake,” Tsunade-sama says, walking up to Neji’s bed, “How are you feeling? I have to say, you are stronger than you appear - hardly anyone could have survived that.”

“Uncomfortable, but alive,” Neji replies flatly. “Uncomfortable” is a monstrous understatement, but Neji’s never been the one to complain about physical pain.

“Considering that your internal organs were shredded into ribbons and we had to use chakra glue to put them back together, you should count yourself lucky,” Tsunade scoffs, rolling up her sleeves before placing her hand on Neji’s forearm, “Just a little more damage and it could have been all over for you. Now stay still.”

Her chakra courses through his veins, cool and prickly, and Tsunade frowns before pulling her hand away.

“How much longer do I need to stay here?” Neji asks.

“Until I’m sure that all your internal organs have healed properly,” Tsunade cuts him off, then crosses her arms in front of her chest and adds, “And don’t even think of leaving before I discharge you.”

Neji barely stifles a sigh – the last thing he wants is to spend weeks on end in this hospital bed. He watches as Tsunade-sama picks up his chart from the bedside table and glances over it before pulling out a pen from her pocket to make notes.

“Tomorrow, I am going to have Yamanaka come in and check on your mind,” she says, still looking at the chart, “Just to make sure that the destruction of the seal didn’t have any nasty side effects on your bran. While I don’t think it’s likely, it’s still a possibility we can’t rule out just yet...”

“What about the Byakugan?” Neji interrupts before she can finish, “Has it also been... destroyed?”

Tsunade-sama is quiet for a moment, biting the tip of her pen as she studies his chart again.

“No. No, it wasn’t,” Tsunade says, frowning. She makes another note in the chart before looking Neji in the face, “Do you know why the seal disappeared?”

While Neji cannot be sure, he knows enough of the Caged Bird seal to hazard a guess, but before he can voice his suspicions, Tsunade continues.

“You were dead,” she says flatly, “It was for less than thirty seconds, but you were dead. Fortunately for you, that wasn’t enough time for the seal to destroy your Byakugan - but it still managed to damage it.”

“Damage it?” Neji echoes.

“Yes,” Tsunade nods, setting his chart back on the bedside table, “But, although the damage is fairly extensive, I imagine that with proper care and training, you will be able to restore it to its full potential. But just so we are clear – proper care means you cannot use it for at least a month until the injuries heal. Otherwise, you will only worsen the damage.”

Neji frowns, barely able to stifle a sigh – in all his years of being a shinobi, he’s overstrained his Byakugan only twice and, on both those occasions, was able to use it again only a day later. And now, he has been forbidden from using it for over a month. <i>And who knows how long training to restore its full abilities will take...</i>

It seems Tsunade picks up on his soured mood. Putting her hands on her hips, she glares at him and says, “You should be grateful you are alive at all, with all the injuries that you’ve sustained.”

Before Neji can argue, Hinata’s gentle hand is on his forearm.

“Neji-nii-san,” she says lightly, “When Tsunade-sama clears you, I will help you train your Byakugan like you once helped me.”

All words of protest die on Neji’s lips when she looks at him timidly through her eyelashes and smiles that soft rosebud smile.

“I will help you too!” Lee eagerly chimes in, “In fact, I promise to make five hundred laps on my hands around the village every day that I do not dedicate at least two hours to training with you.”

He never changes, does he? Neji thinks but cannot stop himself from smiling.

“Thank you, Lee,” he says.

“I’m also here to help if you need me,” Tenten adds, resting her chin on her hand, “And I’m sure Gai-sensei would be eager to train with you too.”

“The last thing Gai should be thinking about right now is training,” Tsunade-sama says, “So don’t go around encouraging him. Because if I catch him doing push-ups in the hospital bed just one more time, I swear...”

Neji notices the quick glance Tenten shoots at Lee as she mouthes something that seems awfully like, “I told you so.”

Suddenly, the door to his room slams open, interrupting Tsunade. In the doorway, he sees Shizune, frazzled and disheveled, breathing heavily as if she has just run through the entire hospital.

“Tsunade-sama, we need you in the operating room immediately!” she exclaims.

“I won’t have any time to eat today, will I?” Tsunade sighs, then looks at Neji, “Get some sleep - I will check on you tomorrow.”

“And you,” Tsunade frowns, turning to Hinata, “Didn’t I tell you to go home and rest? You can’t be sitting by his bedside day and night.”

“I’m sorry, Tsunade-sama,” Hinata stutters, bright blush blooming on her cheeks.

“I’ll ban you from the hospital if you don’t listen,” Tsunade adds, making her way to the exit, “So you better do as I say.”

“Well, Neji, you heard Tsunade-sama,” Tenten says, as soon as the door closes behind Tsunade and Shizune, “Looks like it’s time for you to get some rest. We’ll come to visit you tomorrow morning.”

“Bright and early!” Lee adds with a bright smile, “We’ll wake up at dawn and come see you right away.”

“That’s way too early,” Tenten argues, “It dawns at four o’clock; how is he supposed to get any sleep?”

Neji looks at her with gratitude - while all shinobi are intimately acquainted with functioning on very little sleep, on the rare occasion that Neji did have a day off, he preferred staying up late into the night and sleeping longer in the morning.

“Very well,” Lee concedes, “We’ll be here as soon as you wake up.”

“Thank you,” Neji tells his teammates.

Tenten rises from her seat and picks up her weapons scroll, sliding it back over her shoulder. She waives at Neji and heads to the door, followed by Lee, who shoots him a bright smile. They are halfway across the room when Tenten turns and looks at Hinata.

“You aren’t planning to defy Tsunade-sama, are you?” she asks, tilting her head to the side and eyeing Hinata curiously.

“Of course not,” Hinata says hastily, light blush dusting her cheeks, “It’s just that... I’ll catch up with you in the corridor, if that’s alright?”

Tenten nods, and she and Lee walk out of the room, leaving Neji and Hinata alone.

Neji’s heart is pounding in his ears as the wave of anxiety rises in his chest. He knows Hinata better than anyone, and he knows there’s only one reason she stayed behind – she has something to tell him. Hinata doesn’t look at him – her gaze is downcast, her eyes transfixed upon her hands folded in her lap.

“I’m sorry I can’t stay by your side,” she murmurs.

“It’s alright, Hinata-sama,” Neji assures her, “I will be just fine.”

Hinata nods and bites her lip, still looking at her hands. Neji wants to say something, anything to quell his own unease, yet, somehow, his mind is blank. Suddenly, Hinata raises her head and looks him straight in the face.

“Neji-nii-san,” she starts slowly, “I’m very grateful for what you have done for me, but there is something you need to know.”

Neji’s heart sinks as a shiver runs down his spine. He would have been naive to think he could have gotten away with that errant confession. His thoughts are frazzled, and his mouth runs dry as he frantically tries to come up with the words that would convey just how sorry he was for burdening her with his secret.

“The truth is,” Hinata continues before he manages to get a word in, “While I am grateful, I would have been very angry with you if you died.”

A moment passes before Neji realizes what she’s saying, and when he does, he’s surprised by the confusing amalgamation of relief and disappointment that washes over him.

“My apologies, Hinata-sama,” he offers with a slight smile, “I’ve never meant to upset you.”

“Then you better live a long, happy life,” she replies, looking at him with serious eyes. Her expression softens between a heartbeat and the next, and she adds, “Please.”

“I promise,” Neji says.

Hinata studies his face for a second, then nods, “I’ll hold you to it.”

She hesitates momentarily before getting up from her seat. Looking around the room, she asks, “Do you need anything? I could bring you your pillow from the compound – these hospital ones can be really stiff – or would you like some herring soba? I could stop by the cafe before I come to see you tomorrow...”

“Hinata-sama,” Neji interrupts, warmth rising in his chest at her concern, “There is no need - I will be just fine.”

“Ah, very well,” Hinata says, blushing ever so slightly, “But please don’t hesitate to tell me if you need anything.”

“I will,” Neji says. Hinata nods and smiles, satisfied and heads to the exit. In the doorway, she stops and glances at him over her shoulder.

“Goodnight, Neji-nii-san,” she says softly.

“Goodnight, Hinata-sama,” he replies.

Hinata walks into the corridor, closing the door lightly behind her, and Neji’s left alone in his hospital room. It seems the last bit of his energy has left with her, and he struggles to keep his eyes open. It is a losing battle, of course – as soon as his eyelids fall shut, Neji drifts off.

#neji hyūga #hinata hyuga #nejihina #neji x hinata

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