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reviewdiaries · 8 months

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Nancy x Ace and the soulmate we choose ourselves in 4x13

And so, dear reader, our story is over. And what an ending we’ve reached. The writers once again bringing the pieces back together after pulling them apart. A beautiful swan song to a truly stunning piece of storytelling we’ve been gifted over the last four years.

This episode is filled with symmetry and things coming full circle. Everything is connected - we come back to the bluffs, we come back to the choices we make and the way those can ripple through everything. And we come back to love. It’s always about love.

Ace always thought he’d have more time. Time to understand his feelings for Nancy, time to choose to act on them, or not. Time to find out exactly what they mean to each other and whether it can stand the test of time. And he’s been robbed of it. Over and over and over again he’s been robbed of the time he thought he’d have. Robbed by Temperance, by Nancy, by fear and his own feelings of inadequacy. He tried so hard at the start of the season to push through it, to own his feelings, to be brave, but at the first sign of pain, of fear, of loss, he couldn’t do it. And he’s been beating himself up ever since.

Sure he’s had chance to grow, to find himself a little more, to come back to Nancy on a more equal footing. But the undercurrent to that is one of fear, of self loathing, of not knowing how to stop being afraid and take that step. Because that was the best kiss of his life, that was a kiss that confirmed everything he was too afraid to admit to himself. That Nancy is it for him, there’s no coming back from her, everyone else would pale in comparison to the bright technicolour world she’s exploded for him. He can try and tell himself it wouldn’t work, it’s not worth it, he’ll find another great love as much as he wanted, but it wasn’t ever going to ring true.

So he’s latched on to his ghost, to the shreds of memory woven into something else where his feelings for Nancy were muted into something closer to friendship. Latched onto the fear and the anger and the unforgivable. Always with the idea that he’d have time to unpick that, time to work his way through it. Time to maybe work himself out and start to think about breaking the curse again. Because no matter how much he told himself he could live with this half life, the grey of a life without Nancy in it, he can’t.

I’ve talked so much about how Nancy can’t keep her heart out of her eyes, and she can’t, even now. But this episode we start to see Ace return that again. He can’t keep his eyes from her. Can’t stop the bitter taste that rises in his throat everytime someone says the word “soulmates”. Because he was meant to have time. Time to forgive, time to process. And it’s barely been a day and already he can see Nancy slipping away, tied to another person and where does that leave him? He can’t compete with soulmates - he only speaks three languages, how could he possibly live up to an epic love like that?

GIF Credit @whitefluffyyeti

But slowly the cracks are beginning to form, he can’t deny it any more, the feelings he’s been burying so deep ever since their kiss and having to walk away from her. The conversation with Nick about forgiveness, the way Nancy looks to him every time someone says soulmate - every time Tristan reaches for her. He can’t help himself, can’t help the way his eyes drag to hers every time. He can’t hold onto the anger, not like that. Not in the all encompassing I won’t ever talk to you again or love you like that way he’d been trying to. No this is quieter. This is an understanding that she did something desperate in a moment of terror because of how great her love is. And that doesn’t excuse it, but it provides context for it. He doesn’t have the time to hold onto that anger, because he’s losing her with every moment of soulmate talk and he just wants to be there for her one last time, help her one last time. Be exasperated and in love with her epic Nancy-ness one last time.

And Nancy is fully owning her past selves, the wrongs her soul has committed. She has never been one to shy away from mistakes, always works so hard to try and rectify them as soon as she realises she was wrong, and this is no exception. The town needs saving, so their souls have to be separated, but more than that she doesn’t want another supernatural thing tying her down and dictating to her what she can be. She is her own person, mistakes and all, and she has spent so long over these four seasons coming to terms with that, with the duality of herself, with the pain and the heartbreak and the wrongs and all that she does to try and shine a light in the world. To be able to hold the pain and the joy at the same time and know that they’re both valid. So there’s no question that she’ll damage herself to fix this, she’s always thrown herself headlong into danger. Crumpled on the ground in agony, ripping her soul to pieces in the place that she was born, where her past self is buried, the duality of herself and the cyclical nature of it all coming home at last.

Only it’s not one last time. It’s not romantic soulmates. And he knows her better than anyone - could find her with his eyes closed, never mind the death curse bonding them together in the weave. And the relief of it, the beauty of that moment of Nancy talking to him.

Think back to the first season when Nancy locked it all inside, poured her thoughts out in narration to her diary, to the audience, but never to her friends, never to the people that cared about her the most. And Ace cared, even then he cared. And he’s always been the one to be there to listen when she finds the words. On their break sat outside the back of The Claw telling him about her mum and failing to get into college. About college, about staying in Horseshoe Bay. About Lucy and Ryan and Carson and her own feelings for Ace. Even when she couldn’t talk to anyone else she’s been able to talk to Ace. Until these last few episodes where they’ve been so off kilter, so at odds, so unable to find their way back to each other. And now finally they can talk about Nancy’s fears, about Ace’s forgiveness. Another step on the path back to each other after so long lost without a compass.

Ace isn’t afraid anymore. He’s been stepping into owning his feelings all episode, coming to terms with forgiveness, with the forever nature of his feelings about Nancy, about his place in the world. And so now, in this moment, with the love of his life in agony, putting herself through it once again to save Horseshoe Bay, he makes a stand. A selfless, beautiful, stand. He’s watched her stand up and tell the world about Lucy Sable even when it hurt. He’s watched her do the ritual to try and save them from the Aglaeca even when it meant admitting who her parents were and not allowing herself time to process it. He’s watched her sacrifice herself as bait to the wraith to save them all. He’s watched her over and over and over again put others before herself. And so many times he’s either been powerless or paralysed by fear and unable to do a damn thing to stop it. So he doesn’t even think about it. No, he does, he thinks and he does it anyway. He steps into that circle because he loves her, selflessly, selfishly, unconditionally. And there is no way he’s leaving her behind. Ever. No matter the cost. He’ll gladly pay it, bear it, sacrifice himself to help her. Love isn’t dying for each other, but he was wrong. It is looking at the flames and standing firm and protecting the ones you love anyway.

GIF Credit @whitefluffyyeti

And once they’re out he can’t keep away from her. A hand on her arm, her back, sheltering her, protecting her, reassuring himself that she’s there she’s there she’s there. The gravitational pull undeniable. And he’s done denying, done lying to himself, done telling himself that he’s not worth it, that he can live without her, that he just has to move on and let her go. Because he is and she is and he can’t. And why should he? Love isn’t dying for each other but he was willing to go into the flames, to sacrifice himself, his soul, for her. He’s not afraid anymore. He’s got this one wild and precious life and he’s finally realising that it’s exactly that, and he wants to spend it with her.

So he takes some time, because now, finally, it feels like he has a moment to breathe, to process, to snatch a handful of moments for himself to straighten it all out in his head. To put Alice to rest - Alice who got caught in the crossfire of the supernatural and he has been weighed down with a guilt that may never truly leave, but at least now he has the time to process that grief and learn how it sits within his body.

And then he goes back. Once he’s sure. Well, fifty fifty. Only Ace would never stake Nancy on a fifty fifty chance. This is more than that, a certainty deep in his bones that it’s broken, and if it isn’t, then at least he’s not letting fear dictate his life. At least he is living it again.

And the circle comes back again. Back to 4x01. Only he’s not run, not out of breath this time, not filled with a panic and a need to know. He knows. He knows how he feels, he knows how Nancy feels. He doesn’t press her for answers the moment he walks in, he takes a beat just to look at her, drink in the sight of her after time away.

But he’s certain still, in his walk, in the confident way he moves towards her, head held high. Takes his time, pauses, lets her come to him a little, talks to her, communicates at last. Tells her what he wants from life, what he’s going to do with his life, his last life. This is Ace, who has been so lost and adrift, so uncertain. We met him when he was washing dishes at The Claw, directionless, unsure. And he’s talked about finding a place with Nancy, with all of them, about feeling like he’s doing something with his life. And now finally, finally he’s getting to take that forward, secure in the knowledge that he still has them, all of them, his family, supporting and loving him in whatever he chooses to do. It’s only with that support and unconditional love that he’s been able to find his next steps, something that was missing from his parents, from his life pre-Drew Crew.

That’s what love does, it compromises our judgement, it also gives you a reason to forgive each other again and again.

Finally he’s learning, love isn’t just life and death and the be all and end all. It’s everything in between, it’s so many shades of grey. It’s the way Nancy and Ace are so entwined and couldn’t ever just be friends, stumbling over the same things again and again and again because they hadn’t yet worked out that love is more than just the two extremes. It’s a symphony of emotion, of compromise, and bad choices and forgiveness and trying, trying, trying.

Their conversation in 4x01 was hurried, shrouded in darkness and cloaked feelings, desperate and uncertain and marred by a lack of communication. And here they are talking. He’s taken his time to be sure, to make sure he’s coming to her with all the facts, laying them out one by one at her feet. Coming to her cautiously but sure of himself, leaving her to make the choice. He knows himself better now, knows her too. And it always had to be him coming back, him to follow up on the curse. Because when he walked out and walked away he broke Nancy’s heart so thoroughly she was never going to go against him and keep looking. Was never going to throw herself over and over at him for fear of the rejection she thought would be waiting for her. Ace had to be the one to come back, to say I want this, I want you. And he is, finally. Eye contact and slowly stepping into her space giving her so many options to say no, to refuse him, offering himself and this choice to her, and whilst it’s not an apology it’s a clear promise to not be led by fear again. He’s let himself be led by fear all season, shying away from any possibility of happiness, at life because he or those around him might get hurt. But he’s finally seen that life isn’t guaranteed, the promise of happiness might get snatched at any moment, and this is his one last life and by god he wants to spend it living it to its fullest.

We’ve never seen Ace this centred, this sure of himself and his choices, and it is the culmination of everything he’s been through this season. He knows his fears, and he knows Nancy’s - her fear of abandonment, of losing the ones she loves. Bess has spoken openly about her fear of abandonment, but Nancy’s fear is just as strong, and Ace knows that. And he knows what to say, how to soothe her.

GIF Credit @userneos

The mystery of who you are will never end, and I know that the next clues will have to take you on the road, but so do mine. But will you solve this part of the mystery with me?

This isn’t the end, not if they don’t want it to be. They are tied by more than just a death curse, and he is in it for the long haul. His language coded precisely for her, a love letter, a promise, a declaration of intent.

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

He offers her his hand, and everything about this is so counter to all we saw at the start of the episode with Tristan who pushed his way into Nancy’s space and presumed intimacies she wasn’t comfortable with. Everything with Ace is a choice. He always asks how she’s feeling, offers her space to talk, to explore her feelings, offers his hand, offers his strength. There is always space to say no, never an expectation that she will be there. And she chooses him, of course she does, it’s always Ace, she always chooses him, even when she goes about it in the wrong way, even when it doesn’t translate.

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

The expectation would be that they would kiss. But this is about reforging the intimacy, the bonds between them, and they have denied themselves physical touch so much of this season for fear of triggering something, for fear of repercussions, for fear of not being able to hold themselves back, tripping over some unknown line. Fear, always fear. And the simple relief of just being able to hold each other close again, tip herself up on her toes so that she slots into place against him in the space that fits her body as though it were made for it.

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

She’s learned from him though, to ask, to check in, to communicate. Finally. To ask him if he’s scared, to hear him speak, to hear what he’s thinking, run her fingers through his hair and against the curve of his cheek and step in close. Because she knows that if he’s come to her with this he’s more than fifty fifty sure, and they’re neither of them letting fear stop them now. Certain in the knowledge of how the other feels and that this is it, they’re free. Free to look the other in the eye with love and conviction. Free to step in close, and know the other won’t step away. Free to say kiss me and pull Ace in with both hands.

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

Ace led everything about their first kiss, and Nancy leads their second. Hands in his air, filled with joy and a deep rooted knowledge that this is right, he is her person, and this is exactly where she belongs. There’s so much joy in this kiss. Their first was epic, sure, cinematic and beautiful. But this is two souls who have finally found their way back to each other, unfettered by tragedy and heartache, allowed to find joy in this moment.

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

In the lightness of Ace teasing her that he feels fine, in barely being able to kiss around the smile breaking across Nancy’s face. In the assuredness in his fingers as they reach to map her jaw, find the pulse point at her throat, tangle in her hair. Paths he’s followed a thousand times in his dreams - since their first kiss, their first touch, their first moment of connection, a reference point to find each other by. The exhilaration of holding each other close and nothing shattering, the light of her torch remaining unbroken.

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

The ease with which they slip into being them again. They were so close to it before, so tangled in a way that was impossible to break - that made them miserable even trying.

GIF Credit @yellenabelova

Caught in each other’s orbit, always caught in their space, so it’s nothing to reach down and twine their fingers, lean their weight a little harder, curve fingers around bicep, waist, the curve of a neck as they capture lips in a kiss. To choose each other as soulmates over and over and over again.

GIF Credit @nancydrewcentral

#nancy drew #nancy drew cw #nancy x ace #ace [redacted]#cw nancy drew #nace #nancy drew spoilers #nancy drew analysis #nancy drew meta #naceedit #nancy drew 4x13 #nancy drew 4.13 #The Light Between Lives #My babies #I love them your honour #the drew crew

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oliveoomph · 8 months

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Bess & Addy

Nancy Drew s04e13 "The Light Between Lives"

#nancy drew #bess x addy #kiss #lesbian #wlw #bess marvin #addy soctomah #baddy #maddison jaizani #rachel colwell #s04e13 #4.13 #the light between lives #gifs by olive

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nancy-drew · 8 months

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NANCY DREW (2019-2023)

4.13 The Light Between Lives

#nancy drew spoilers #cw nancy drew #nancy drew cw #nancydrewedit #nancy drew #george fan #bess marvin #ned nickerson #ace hardy

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benzatthanin · 8 months

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NANCY DREW 4.13 | The Light Between Lives

#nancydrewedit #naceedit #nace #ace x nancy #ace nd #ace hardy #nancy drew #nancy drew cw #tvedit #*

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nacesource · 8 months

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NANCY DREW 4.13 | The Light Between Lives

#nancydrewedit #naceedit #nace #nancy x ace #nancy drew #nancy drew cw #s4 #4x13 #gif #ours #by vicki

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loveyazy · 8 months

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NANCY DREW (2019 - 2023) — 4.13 | The Light Between Lives

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prrcyjacksons · 8 months

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ACE x NANCY in NANCY DREW CW

4.13 "The Light Between Lives"

#nancy drew cw #nace #naceedit #nancydrewedit #nancy x ace #ndcw #nancy drew #ace [redacted]#ace nolastname #ndcentral #nacesource #belltries #useraurore #userdragonz #tusercarolina #userdahlias

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nancydrewcentral · 8 months

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NANCY DREW (2019-2023)

4.13 The Light Between Lives

#nancy drew spoilers #nancydrewedit #cw nancy drew #nancy drew cw #4x13 #s4 #nancy drew #ned nickerson #bess marvin #ace hardy #george fan #drew crew #admin nancy

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episodeoftv · 5 months

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Prelims, Vote 6 of 8

The top 4 finales will move on to be included in the main bracket

Propaganda is under the cut, may include spoilers

Dancing with the Stars - 31.11 Finale

The winner had been pre-decided before the season even began which rendered the entire season pointless. I also watched on the West coast so I went into the episode knowing just how rigged it actually was because the results were already posted online. I don’t expect these shows to be 100% authentic but I at least expect the finale to use actual votes instead of having the winner put it in her contract that she wins.

Leverage: Redemption - 2.12 The Museum Makeover Job / 2.13 The Crowning Achievement Job

I just Cop Daughter. What ever happened to the “good” cop just being some rando I liked those days.

Medium - 7.13 Me Without You

I'll be honest, I watched this show with my mom as a child and I don't remember too many details, but I DO remember being filled with absolute rage over the fact that they killed the main character's husband so abruptly and how they handled the fall out. This was the series finale and instead of giving a nice, wholesome ending, the creators decided to say F you to the fans and make everyone miserable for... no real reason, honestly. It wasn't even well written or well acted, from what I recall. It was just... bad. It's been almost 13 years and I am still filled with absolute rage over this stupid ending. I honestly don't care if no one else votes for this, I just want it to be known it's a Bad finale.

Nancy Drew - 4.13 The Light Between Lives

The entire final season sucked honestly. They didn’t give a proper ending to most of the plot lines simply because they didn’t give themselves enough time. And they knew it was going to be the final season so it made no sense to do that.

Roseanne - 9.23 / 9.24 Into That Good Night

Just focusing on the (at the time) series finale and not all the terrible things Roseanne decided to say and be later. This finale sucked. It was built to retcon the entire (admittedly bad) season that came before it as a bizarre fantasy of the titular character after her Husband died. They quickly and randomly undid different characters' development and swapped around couples just because.

Torchwood - 4.10 The Blood Line

Captain Jack's magical blood is necessary to heal a evil vagina running through the core of the Earth, and Bill Pullman's on hand as a cackling supervillain pedophile who dies screaming about how he's going to chase little girls in Hell. But the worst part is, somehow, all of that is boring.

Xena Warrior Princess - 6.21 A Friend in Need

They undid an entire series of redemption work with one that could only be redeemed with her death an unending torment

#prelim #wfprelim #wfpoll #poll #polls #dancig with the stars #leverage: redemption #medium #nancy drew #roseanne #torchwood #xena warrior princess

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pluckysidekick · 1 year

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Hey Drewds, just 59 days to mayhem! While we wait, I wanted to share 2 recent discoveries I’ve made of new featured actresses in Season 4 (potential minor spoilers ahead).

You may remember back in July, Maddison shared an adorable story from the golf cart that brought her out to the creepy woods with the “2 heart throbs” (Alex and Tunji of course).

There was also a young woman in the cart with them, and we all speculated on whether she was cast or crew. Well it turns out she is CAST, her name is Megan Munro, and she’s listed in the premiere episode as “Young Actress” on IMDB.

Now she and a few other returning featured actors (including Thomas Cadrot, Sharon Taylor, Ecstasia Sanders and Richard Keats who play Jonas and Shelby Glass, Officer Joyce, and Judge Abbott) are listed for 4.1, which makes me feel confident the cast listings are legit. This is in contrast to the new Season 4 episode titles that appeared this week that we have yet to receive confirmation on.

So - who does she play? Assuming “Young Actress” is a placeholder so as not to spoil her character, is she the new potential love interest for Ace? Someone who is somehow affected by the main “graves” mystery storyline? There is one other actress listed for 4.1 who plays “Corpse #3” who is also a stuntwoman, so there is certainly going to be some supernatural high jinks going on in the woods/cemetery (zombies?). Can’t wait to find out if I got even close with my speculation in The Space Between (Chapter 14 coming this week!).

OK, moving from 4.1 to the finale (4.13) and my second reveal, if you remember back on the last day of filming Riley posted a very interesting BTS video of his and Scott’s final scene at The Claw amongst what looks like a baby shower. There are a few new characters in that video revealed in that video, but the most interesting is someone named “Jessica” who was standing right behind Riley and Scott. I believe I’ve found the actress - Jessica Meraz of Major Crimes and Supergirl, who lists “Nancy Drew” as “soon” in her bio, and who certainly looks like the actress we catch a glimpse of in the baby shower scene.

Now I believe she is integral to the scene based on where she’s standing and Scott giving her a big hug. Two thoughts I had were 1. Could she be Jean’s sister? I believe from past clues Carson and Jean get married (in episode 8) and are having a baby. Back in episode 3.11 Jean talks about her sister who has a cabin in Winter Harbor that she and Carson could visit for a romantic weekend (presumably where they are headed at the end of 3.13 after Nancy cries to him about losing her soulmate sniff). It would make sense that Jean’s sister would be a recurring character as her maid of honor, throwing her baby shower, etc.

Second thought is that she is a love interest for Ryan. Reading Jessica Meraz’s IMDB resume and while she looks young, she has been in the business for a bit and could be a good match for Ryan age-wise. It’s possible this is her baby shower and there’s a time jump (she’s wearing a bulky sweater so it’s plausible), but I lean toward it being Jean’s (I’m happy with either!). Could she be Jean’s sister and Ryan’s love interest? We won’t know for a while if this storyline develops mid-season, or who knows, we may meet her in Episode 1!

OK, hope you enjoyed these little crumbs, we are so thirsty for news literally anything is welcome at this point.

#nancy drew #nancy drew cw #ace [redacted]#nace #ndcw #nancy drew season 4 #nancy drew s4 #maddison jaizani #riley smith #alex saxon #nacesource #ndcentral #scott wolf #author: pluckysidekick

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bess-turani-marvin · 8 months

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Nancy Drew (2019-2020)

Dead Man's Bluff

1.01 - Pilot 1.16 - The Haunting of Nancy Drew 2.05 - The Drowned Woman 2.18 - The Echo of Lost Tears 4.13 - The Light Between Lives

#nancy drew edit #nancy drew cw #cw nancy drew #nancy drew #mine #parallels #1.01 #1.16 #2.05 #2.18 #4.13 #ndcw #cwnd #ndedit #nancydrewedit #cw blood

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reviewdiaries · 8 months

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Nancy x Ace and the lives we guard in 4x13

Ok, so we’re a few days post finale and I don’t know about you but I’m still feeling slightly feral over some bits of it, and I particularly wanted to spend some time breaking down the feuris scene, because it is UNHINGED and I am HERE FOR IT.

Once those flames come into being, Ace doesn’t take his eyes from her. Transfixed and terrified, and Nancy keeps looking to Ace for reassurance. When she starts the process of disentangling her soul from Tristan’s, Ace flinches and moves slightly towards her, because by this time his anger is all burned out and all he wants is to go to her, comfort her, shield her from the pain. And here she is throwing herself headlong into it again.

She falls to the ground, pain etched across her face, and for a moment Ace looks lost, like a child seeking a way out of the nightmare. But this is Nancy, his Nancy, and he immediately starts looking for a way through the flames, a way to pull her out, to get to her. Shifts to move closer to her almost without thinking - as though there’s an invisible string tying him to her and he can’t help but be tugged closer.

GIF Credit @loveyazy

He charges forward, determined, but is brought up short by the flames and the fear and her insistence that he shouldn’t, that she doesn’t want him to, that he can’t. All his fears and insecurities lined up like dominos against Nancy trying to sacrifice herself for those she loves. No idea how to proceed against this maelstrom of supernatural confusion, the rollercoaster of emotions as he’s been flung from innocence to grief to anger to feeling like he’s losing her and the forgiveness laced words as they try to find their way back. This is unlike anything they’ve faced before, and Ace is filled with such longing, such desperate regret, so many weeks of holding himself against the urge to reach out to Nancy and just hold her.

GIF Credit @loveyazy

But she’s being so very Nancy about it all, and it’s adding to the confusion. Shredded by the supernatural and just fighting to keep her voice steady to protect him, to tell him not what she needs but what she thinks he needs to hear. Loyal and fiercely protective to the last.

For a moment he is poised on the brink of uncertainty, tensed to spring, already waiting, one foot planted firm, the other pushed back ready to propel him forward. He’s halfway there already to rushing through the flames consequences be damned, but he still can’t let himself trust his gut completely. Can’t let himself believe that she truly needs him.

Her insistence that he not belying the pain and muddying the waters until he can’t tell whether she’s going to pull herself back to standing and come to him, tip herself through the flames and into his waiting arms so he can get them out. But then the feuris clenches tighter around her soul and he moves, can’t keep still against the pain lining her face, the little gasp, the agonised huff of her breath as she doubles over.

GIF Credit @loveyazy

That’s the moment he can’t stand it. The moment he decides to hell with it, his soul is worth nothing if he can’t save her. If he can’t do exactly what he was sent in here to do. He’s here to be a life guard, and he will guard her life to the end. The grimace as he sets his mouth, the tiny head shake of no, not today. The feuris can’t have her, not if he can help it. Not as he forges through the flames to her.

GIF Credit @loveyazy

Something breaks in Nancy then, her resolve to hold strong and keep Ace safe. She can’t pretend any longer that she is ok, that this will be fine - collapses in towards his waiting arms with a cry. And Ace is there to catch her - he’s always been there to catch her. When it mattered he’s been there waiting with a warm shoulder and a knowing soft look in his eyes that tells her he is hers and he will love her until his last breath - in this life or the next. He’s always been steady, always caught her when she’s fallen, always held her to account when she’s slipped. And for so long she’s tried to be strong enough not to need it - not to let on how much she needs it. But now, in this moment, she breaks. Folds in against him and lets him take some of the weight. As he cries out I’m not leaving you. And there are so many layers to that, of love and apologies and regret and the times he’s walked away and cut them both like a knife. The desperate hope and the fierce regret and the pain of being cursed to always be separate. But what’s the point in staying away if that’s just going to mean he loses her anyway? He’d rather have this, knowing he did all he could, that he was with her to the last, than live a long life filled with the regret and the echoes of her cry in his ears.

GIF Credit @loveyazy

You can see the way his face changes at the last moment, as the feuris grabs on tight not only to Nancy’s soul, but now his. The way his breath stutters out with the bone deep clench of it, the slow shredding of him into a thousand pieces as his hands spasm involuntarily on Nancy’s arms, pulling her in tighter against him. The pain taking root inside him in a way he couldn’t brace for. Becoming part of him until he can barely think around it. Knows he’s meant to be doing something, saving them somehow, but there’s nothing but the slice of his soul and Nancy crying out tucked in against him, and the shudder ripping through him until he feels like he might black out from the pain of it.

GIF Credit @loveyazy

His fingers spasm against her, and it’s like knives, like every dark thought he’s ever had washing over him in a tidal wave so dark he can’t remember what daylight looks like, what a breath of air feels like. It’s just agony cut deep into his chest and hollowing out all the places where he kept himself.

There’s nothing but his arms around Nancy and the way it feels like his dad shouting at him, at all his worst fears and inadequacies choking him, his worst moments pulled like taffy from his mind and smothered over him until he can’t breathe, can’t think, there is nothing but pain and the desperate fight not to lose himself entirely in it, to haul himself that little bit closer to Nancy to try and take some of the weight, to hold her steady, to keep her close, because what else can he do when she whimpers out another cry of pain and falls against him?

GIF Credit @loveyazy

For a moment he almost gives in, gives up, lets the pain wash through him and over him, drowning him until there’s nothing left but darkness. It would be so easy to give up, to lie down and let it take him, to forget himself and everything that makes him him. Because when he stepped through the flames he had no idea, his only thought was to get to Nancy, to get her out, to try and protect her. He never stopped to consider what having your soul ripped apart would feel like. How it would splinter his mind and stop his heart and try to claw every last bit of Ace from him whilst he stuttered for breath on the bluffs and felt Nancy go slack in his arms.

GIF Credit @loveyazy

And it’s that. That moment of Nancy, of her almost coming entirely undone that brings him back. Because it is Nancy, it’s always been Nancy, it will always be Nancy. He will never love another person the way he loves her. Never tie himself so firmly to another person, take root and say here, here is where I belong, here is my home. She’s been in the feuris so much longer than him, soul snipped in a thousand places until it feels as though she’s nothing more substantial than dust on the wind. And she’s so close to faltering, so close to not making it back if he doesn’t do something. She is his hope, she is his life raft, and he remembers with a searing clarity he had lost in the pain hazed moments before that he is her life guard and he will guard her life to the last. He reaches for Nannette, can’t think beyond the pain and the feel of her slipping away from him, and the cool metal against his fingertips.

GIF Credit @loveyazy

Nancy’s cries of torment have stopped when he finally blows the whistle. Unconscious against him, but she’s there, she’s real, and he’s got her, he’ll get her home, he promised, and he always keeps his promises. He floundered for a while there where the pain and fear swamped him and kept him living in the darkness - a half life, a pretend life, where he could go through the motions and tell himself a fairy story of his happiness and hope that one day it felt real. In that moment the fear is gone - he feels scooped out, hollow, unsure whether he can still exist in the razed landscape the feuris has left behind. But he pulls her close - Temperance can’t hurt them now, not after the pain of this, the shattered waste left behind. There is nothing but the feel of her in his arms and the metal between his lips and the shrill cry of the whistle to tell Bess to pull them out.

In the last moment before they’re free of the feuris, he moves to hold her properly, tuck her head in against his, his love for Nancy like a beacon, a lighthouse to guide him home - guide them home.