i need someone smarter than me in literacy media to pyschoanalyse the entirety of the ilum segment in jfo, and also specifically this scene

See i know th meds are semi working now whichs why the anxiety hitting me like a truck makes me so mad

𝐔𝐧𝐨𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐚 𝐘𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐮 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐧 𝐛𝐲 𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐊𝐮𝐛𝐨 🩸⚔️🗡

“𝘔𝘺 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘝𝘢𝘴𝘩 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘦𝘥𝘦. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢 𝘩𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘦, 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘧𝘭𝘺 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘸.“

jesus take the wheel.

im so unwell about q!pac no its not even funny anymore i need to put him in a terrarium up on a shelf and keep him safe up there. he doesn't deserve any bad thing, ever. i don't even care about "having a good story" or "giving your character a conflict" anymore, nah, no, if ONE (1) MORE BAD THING HAPPENS TO HIM IM GONNA LOSE IT!! IM GONNA START BREAKING THINGS!!!

he's so. sad. hes such a sad character. his insecurities about being useless to everyone are so real and so painful because he's not, all of us know that he's not, but we also completely understand why he feels that way because he's had everyone he loves ripped away from him and he hasn't been able to lift a finger to stop any of it. he's just left to sit in the ruins without any help. he's collateral to all the tragedy surrounding him and the favela 5 in general and he's. tired. not in the way that cellbit is tired (though that works, too). he's exhausted of feeling sad all the time. of crying all the time. of feeling that loneliness that gnaws holes into his bones and settles in the marrow and never leaves, not when richas' bed is empty, not when mike's bedroom has started to collect dust, not when he can't see a real, tangible presence in forever's dilated eyes. the only person he has is cellbit, and he could never ask cellbit to give up what he still has when pac has nothing to lose (and god, how selfless, how kind is that?), so when he figures the only way to get an antidote to the drug is to have the drug itself, why wouldn't he offer himself up? and if that wasn't the only reason he tried to get his hands on it, who could blame him?

maybe he took it first to just feel the effects and understand the angle it took in affecting his mind. maybe he just took it for research. do you think he had slipped by the second time? do you think he took it once and, for a short thirty minutes, found that he could forget about all the sorrow lining his lungs and breathe? do you think reality crashed back onto him after that first try? do you think he was scrambling to take it again, to go back to that...maybe it wasn't blissful ignorance, per se, but willful disregard? do you think he couldn't wait to be submerged so deep that he couldn't think one more time? do you think he was hesitant? do you think he kept promising himself, one more, one more, one more...

god he is so. so sad. i was watching phil's pov, so everything was like a neat little movie for me, and just. cellbit and forever arguing while pac was just sobbing in the background was AWFUL. just. awful. it hurt. (cc!pac was damn good at acting, too, and that DID NOT HELP.) the moment he stepped on the trap i felt like i was hit with a brick. like no, of COURSE we should NOT be putting PAC in a CONFINED JAIL CELL. ALONE. and i know it was for his own good but i still felt so so so sick. the way he immediately curled up in the corner. the way he was crying to himself. the way he instantly answered richas' birthday the moment bad asked for it. the way he got visibly more upset and terrified when cellbit started shouting at forever. what the hell. no seriously what the HELL.

and, like, oh my god, making him the one to solve the antidote? proving that even though he may have fallen to the drug (the drug which was basically created by GODS, by the way, lets be real, the federation is nawt normal), he's still so useful. he's still such an asset. he's smart and he's kind and he's charismatic and he's trusting and he's so so selfless and so so brave and so strong. tubbo put it perfectly. the fact that he's gone through all the horrible awful stuff he's gone through and he's still standing just proves how capable he is. how tough he is. cellbit calling him "my dear." pointing out the fact that he sacrificed himself without knowing he was going to come back. "i'm only afraid of being sad again." "you will be sad again. but you won't be alone." he's so. he's just. he's. im frothing at the mouth. he gave himself up to save the rest of the island from this plague that took one of his best friends and might've taken the entire island if he didn't do anything. under that stress. experiencing that level of loss.

pac is one of the toughest goddamn people on the island and if anyone on that server even dares try to imply otherwise i will do heinous heinous things, mark my WORDS.

still enjoying nocturne so heres some more demi-fiend doodles + hcs

have you seen her today?

now you have :)

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

looking up artem's year 3 cards for an ask and can report i am receiving poison damage every five seconds of exposure

i need to kill st*ven m*ffat with hammers WHAT IS THIS !!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!

dublin accent should be ILLEGAL

one of the subbiest songs ever to me.

soooo funny to go into a tag and see "i'm sorry but i don't like the thing" typa posts with zero notes. go off babe i understand the urge to voice your disappointment but nobody agrees

this might come as a shock to you all, coming from me, but i truly believe opera is the media ever

I'm mentally shook oh my god