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muckrakerhq · 4 years

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PRESENTING … FONDUE FOR TWO, EVERY TUESDAY, HOSTED BY JOEY HUMMEL-ANDERSON.

featuring… this week’s guests, @ivystjamess & @lincolnonline

fondue for two is a weekly internet talk show hosted by joey hummel-anderson. fondue for two, joey, and the muckraker team strive to get all the steaming gossip while he interviews guests of his choice over a steaming pot of cheese.

[Joey's room - once again, Joey sits across from his guests, but this time it's Ivy St. James and Lincoln Clarington-Smythe; Gil the Fish is in the same spot]

JOEY: Hi everyone! Today's guests are very special, since I have here with me McKinley's biggest bitches, Ivy St. James and the new kid that is already more popular than Fiona Beckett, Lincoln Clarington-Smythe! Do you guys feel honored to be here, on what is the greatest internet show of all time?

LINK: A title I am more than proud to share. I can also say with complete confidence that the bar for internet shows is so low that I can't dispute that this one may just be the best.

IVY: okay, winnie is totally a bigger bitch than me but i'm like happy to be here before her anyway. even if it's with the new boy.

JOEY: Okay, you guys could smile a little more though, this is the internet after all. Moving on to the first question, a fan actually sent this one and it's for Ivy! Ivy, is it true that you got Danny Zuko because, just like your mom, you have what people call "man hands"?

IVY: oh my god that's like so. . . mean? i dont have man hands and neither does my mom! but if the people like really wanna know, i have my dad's hands. mine look like the exact same as his, even when we used to do jazz hands in our family dance routines they were the exact same down to like every flutter of the finger.

JOEY: I wasn't the one who sent this in, so you can blame someone named LucyQ99, because she was the one who sent it. Moving on from the story about Ivy's hands that no one asked for, the next question is for Link! Is it true that you got kicked out of Dalton because you were caught having sex with someone on the stairs and not because of a list?

LINK: Unfortunately, no, there's been a mix up in stories. I was actually caught having sex with someone on the stairs last year and I lied and said I was helping him check for STD's because 'he was too scared to see the nurse.' The list thing was totes the reason and it was unjust so please email and call your local council and accuse Dalton of homophobia, that would mean a lot to me.

JOEY: You heard it here first, I will leave the phone number and email down below because Dalton is homophobic... Anyways, next question is for both of you, who is the second hottest guy at McKinley? I'm number one, obviously.

IVY: ugh that's like so totally easy, Joey! Everyone knows it's--

IVY: actually you know what? i bet link is like SO totally unbiased from personal experience with these guys.

IVY: link, who do you like think is hottest?

LINK: Uh...okay, well, in all honesty, the bar in on the fucking floor. And as much as I know you hate to admit it, I'm gonna say Leo because he gives me big Jack Skellington vibes if Halloweentown had a film school and I'm really into that, ya'know. Also maybe Theo but only when I admire him from afar, I don't need to hear him talk, it ruins it for me.

IVY: oh my god.

IVY: PLEASE say you're joking like right now.

IVY: leo? like? mccarthy?

LINK: Yeah, and? I like the angst of it all!

JOEY: Wait, Ivy you didn't answer, and I'm not even going to comment on that, Link... This is the last time you'll be on my show.

IVY: i dated leo for like eight months! so not cool! the angst like totally isn't worth it. and from personal experience? you're like definitely better off with theo.

IVY: joey i didn't answer because there's like. . . not even a second behind you. maybe a close fifth though. . . yeah!

LINK: Listen, I'm not gonna try anything with Leo, I respect his heterosexuality! I'm allowed to admire from my bubble of him being my manic pixie dream film bro! And stop avoiding Joey's questions, you're dodging and weaving that shit. You may be McKinley's lil' actress ingenue, but you're not a good liar.

IVY: i am like . . . an incredible liar!

JOEY: Okay, that's enough talking about Leo in my room, you guys are bumming out my whole area... I liked Ivy's answer, moving on! How do you guys feel about the musical?

IVY: thank you! anyhow, i'm gonna like totally make everyone forget who john travolta even is. duh. ever thought you could cry to a rendition of sandy? no? well just like wait until you hear mine.

LINK: I'm hype. I really don't care about musicals but I was born to play Rizzo, it just makes sense. I'm gonna steal the show and Ivy and....uh...no, no, I'll get it....Jonathan? Jason?......Anyways, Ivy and the Schuester guy playing Sandy, well I'm sure they'll be great too. I've never been too pure to be pink, that's for sure.

IVY: Julien.

IVY: but yea like im sure you'll make a good Rizzo. that's a compliment I don't give lightly.

JOEY: Good! I can't wait until everyone else in rehearsal to not fit in the room because of your giant egos. And I do know what ego means, I learned that word recently. Okay, between you two, who's more talented? The people want to know.

LINK: Yeah, him. Big hair. I'll get to know him when I have to bully him on stage. And let's look at the facts; I can sing, I can act, I can dance, I can write and direct, I can and have arranged multiple Cupcakke songs into acapella versions, I can work industry standard special effects equipment, I can give you splits and dips and I dress like Sharpay Evans. Make your own conclusions on who's more talented.

IVY: Listen, everyone thinks I'm like kind of a bitch, but the fact of the matter is I'm not just a bitch. I'm a talented bitch. And if acknowledging my ability makes me a bitch then like . . . whatever! Link's stuff is impressive but at the end of the day, I managed to be successful in the arts and like a totally hot and popular cheerio at Mckinley. It's no easy feat juggling both. So like . . . the proof is in the pudding or whatever.

JOEY: There's pudding? I want pudding... Well, I guess it's up to everyone else to decide, please leave a comment and say who you think is more talented! Right, next question is a serious one - do you guys think Gil looks okay? He looks tired, right?

LINK: I mean, yeah, why lie, this fish is probably moments away from the sweet, salty grips of a literal watery grave. But, hey, I'm no fish expert maybe he just needs to pop a Zoloft.

IVY: Ew, morbid. Maybe he just needs to like nap!

JOEY: I think he'll be fine. He hasn't been the same since I found out he's a secret slumlord... [turns to the bowl] The way you treat those families is really mean and they don't deserve that, but I think there's still good in you... Right, since I like to end it on a positive note, the two of you have to say something nice about each other!

IVY: Even though he's kind of delusional about who's gonna be the Grease show stopper, for someone who came from like a private school, Link does dress nice!

LINK: Why, thank you. You are very pretty and I get what the hype is about. You have a nice face and from what I can tell you have talent and when I get famous and if you weren't straight, I'd totally consider you for a part as the Final Girl in one of my movies. I try not to work with hets, it's not personal, I promise.

IVY: i see

IVY: but just so you know, i have like two gay grandpas and i'm jewish so like when I'm inevitably the best and only option you can pull that info for the sake of being diverse

JOEY: Right, that was kind of nice! Last question of the show, did you guys have fun here? And if you say no, you're not allowed in my house anymore.

IVY: i'd never be banned from your house but yea this was like super fun!

LINK: It was a blast. I should point out though that this fondue cheese kinda tastes like, um....pure garbage. But I can look past that.

JOEY: Anyways, thanks for watching everyone and I'll see you next week for another Fondue for Two!

[The End]

#fondue for two #fft: episode ii #joey hummel-anderson #lincoln clarington-smythe #ivy st.james

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voidselfshipp · 4 years

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🌻Sunflower Au🌻

Summary: daemon falls in love with a woman, but he doesnt know how to flirt with her, shenanigans ensue.

《...》

John enters the facility, students come and go,coming in all shapes and sizes, his mother enlisted Him into this artschool, he thought that it would take more time off of him to do graffiti, but then he saw her.

She was with him in character design class,Brown hair, shaved back, green eyes with bags under them,and this big green sweater, and her name was jerico.

He couldnt Keep his eyes off of her, and that costed him the first few clases of the semester.

He needed to wow her,but how?.

Also, needed to add, that not only John was an artist but a vigilante too, pver the course of the years he took various martial arts and programming classes and courses, naming himself "Daemon"

So his brilliant brain came up with this idea.

Wow. Her. With. Your. Alter. Ego.

Altough, his relationshipp with her was going well,they worked togheter a couple of times, went to her place to work on the assigments of their shared class, and they had a pretty good friendship.

-You have a really iconic style john- jerico says as she replaces the water on the glass she used to clean her brushes- I cant quite place it,but there is something that when i see it I go" wow, thats John's work"-

She sits on the table and starts to colour another character.

-Well, yours is really iconic too-John leans back on his chair,finishing one of his sketches- they way you do the face , and the way you aply colors are kind of your trademark-

The woman blushes and shakes her head.

-Quite the Charmer, arent you-both share a chuckle and Keep working.

Hours go by and the sun sets, the moon appears on the horizon, and the stars slowly show themselves on the dark blue Sky.

-Im leaving, its late and my roomate is going to freak out- jeri says, tugging the sleeve of her green sweater.

-You sure?, this place can get dangerous at night, dont you want to stay?-john Asks leaning on the doorframe with on of his forearms, hanging over jerico.

-Please I dont want to bother, ill text you when I get home,okay?-

-You better do so, If not I wont be able to sleep tonight-

-Oh shut up- jeri playfully and softly punches him on his arm and says goodbye.

'I gotta make sure she gets there safe' John thinks , as he grabs his Gear, putting on his Oni mask.

His feet are silent as he runs on the rooftops, with his gaze on jerico, who non-chalantly walks back to her apartment ten blocks away from his.

Suddenly his eyes catch a glimpse of two men following her, he hums and observes,they dont seem dangerous,until one of them tries to steal jerico's backpack, she fights and squirms but the guy seemed to be winning the fight,until he lands on the ground and a set of shurikens pin both of the men to the nearest wall.

Then the grabs the woman and jumps, both run trough the roofs as he grabs her hand.

When the shady men finally stops pursuing them they sit, regaining their breath.

-Thanks for saving me and my bag there- she says, with a kind smile as she scoots closer.

-Uh, youre welcome, im, im--

-Oh I know! You've been in everyones mouth since you stopped those criminals some weeks ago!im so starstruck! I got saved by Daemon, THE daemon-

His cheeks heat up, If she only knew...

Or does she?.....

They sit there and chat a little bit,then daemon feels his body shiver, jerico seems to notice it as she takes off her sweater and hangs It around his back.

-You can give it to me later, ill be good to go, I have a spare one on my backpack,my apartment is just a block away-

-And how do you know I wont steal it?-both stand up.

-Because, you saved me-

They chuckle and say goodbye.

Jerico gets down the small building they were sitting on and walks, thinking of what happened.

When she gets home she finds her roomate sleeping on the couch,covering them jeri goes to her room and falls on her bed, quickly grabbing her cellphone and texting John with "you wont Belive what happened"

He sees the message pop up, as he sits on the windowsill of his house's attic window, were his room was, messaging back with" what happened?".

They Keep talking for hours until they both feel tired.

Tomorrow is saturday luckily, so they wont hate themselves in the morning.

[...]

Sunrays filter trough the blinds, daemon groans , covering his face with his hand as his half naked form walks downstairs , he hears two voices talking, but he is too sleepy to recognize them.

-John, put some clothes on, Jerico is here-his mother says

He suddenly jumps and with half-asleep , face looks at the woman, she is blushing as she contains her laughter.

Daemon bolts to his room, picking up an sleeveless shirt and throwing it on , then going on downstairs.

-its so early- he groans.

-Early?- his mother says-its twelve pm dear, its lunchtime, I invited jerico over, now sit, your friend has already set the table-

He awkwardly sits Next to jeri,muttering a hello.

-You looked cute- the woman besides him whispers- half asleep, messy,I dont get seeing you like that too often-

-Like what?-daemon asks.

-Vulnerable- she says- John, If you are trying to flirt with me,Like you've been trying these past month, Just be straightforward,no messing around-

The Mans face heat up,looking away as his mother serves the food.

-Was I that obvious?-He asks.

-Well child-his mother says- youre not EXACTLY that subtle-

-But its cute,trying to be so smooth, its nice-

They start to eat, and after it, jerico hangs out with John a bit, talking, playing some games, until its afternoon and jeri has to leave to help her roomate with some stuff.

{...}

A soft knock is heard on jerico's Window, she looks over to see her saviour from last night, daemon.

-c'mon, let me take you to a date-he says.

-Im sorry- the woman said looking at him-my heart is after my best friend, I really cant -

-Even if the person asking it is your own best friend?- John says taking off his mask- hurry up!,come on!-

Jeri chuckles and grabs her coat, opening her Window and slipping trough it, walking down the emergency stairs with her friend.

They laugh and jump trough the city and houses,running on the rooftops and climbing them until they arrive to the tallest building around,an abandoned three flored house,on its rooftop its a blanket and some candles.

-Its so corny,I know- daemon says holding jericos hand-you said to be Straight-forward so here I am-

-John I--

-Jerico, since I saw you, something is there, bugging me,pulling me to you like a magnet,I cant help it, eveytime youre near me, I have this urge to hug you, and be close to you, you are my best Friend, and I, I love you, so much...I want to be your boyfriend,but the desicion is yours to make-

-Yes,just yes, shut the fuck up and kiss me, now-

-Like , l like now, right now , now-

-Jo, did I stutter?-

Daemon pulls her on a kiss, walking backwards to the blanket and laying down on it

-took you long enough-jerico said.

-Oh shut up, If you knew that I was daemon,you would already be at my feet-

-Oh but I knew, the design?the voice?they made me realize from the moment I saw you, not even the voice disruptor on your mask can disguise your speech patterns-

-So wait,thats why you lend me your sweater?-

-Uh duh, of course,youre the only one who has my permission to touch it, even go near it-

Johns face burns red as he hides it behind his hands, Rolling on his side-

-Im such a dumbass-

-my dumbass-jeri says, hugging him from behind.

They stay in silence for a bit.

-Youre a sunflower- John mutters with his eyes half lidded.

-I think your love would be too much-

-Oh you'll be left in the dust-

-unless I stuck by ya'-

Youre a sunflower

John chuckles and kisses Jerico's forehead as they sleeply sing to eachother.

Youre a sunflower

~●~

#f/o #f/o tag #f/o community #f/o x s/i #be daemon #selfship

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oswhys · 5 years

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Dumb AC concept ideas

So this is basically a info dump of ideas for potential AC games and concepts that its been playing with in my head, it's mostly me nerding out about junk (look if I can info dump about Teotihuacan I’ll do it.) like it's ideas that I think would be cool and what id want to see in future installments, even if they aren't likely to happen. It's also written super casually cause I started making this in a burst of inspiration at like 2 am and yet still got distracted from it cause I started going on tangents. So it's a bit of a mess. I’m totally down for bouncing ideas around if anyone has their own concepts.

1920’s jazz age assassin from the beginning of unity and the abstergo employee handbook. "The lives and failures of the most degenerate Americans to ever grace the world's stage - Hemingway, Fitzgerald, and Stein." please tell me how this doesn't sound cool as shit? Okokokokokokok SO… CARS. like this dude would have a car (and of course the player can earn different cars and looks for their car and junk, including a yellow Duesenberg… like come on if he knew Fitzgerald they gotta let this dude drive Gatsby's car.) I think there can be an argument about him having a rope launcher attachment buuut maybe not??? I mean a car and a rope launcher would be dope as hell. The dude probably bounced between Paris and New York if he's a genuine jazz age junkie like how abstergo describes him and his writer pals. Also it would be cool to meet Picasso… also his base of operations should be a fucking speakeasy, like duh, like where else would a 1920’s assassin camp out? I don’t really have any plot ideas but the concept of a jazz age assassin is cool enough for me to want it this badly.

1970’s-1980’s William Miles in a corporate espionage type game, like i know he had Desmond in 1987 but he was an active filed assassin in 1977 when he was in Moscow so clearly he could've been doing other junk around then. It doesn't have to be him, i just want a 70’d-80’s assassin trying to fuck with abstergo and trying to steal animus research or something. Like Alieen Bock died in 81 and that was at the height of animus research before abstergo started really investing in it cause of Vidic. Like the surrogate initiative and the animus project are… basically the same thing really. Like knowing that Altair and Ezio were not actually related until their bloodlines crossed with Desmond. So with the memory keys being cited as an integral part of the animus project they obviously had a role to play in the surrogate project. Besides the newer games are pretty loosey-goosey with how the DNA and animus junk works now, with the spear having DNA traces or whatever and its corrupted enough that we could… choose things?? (don't ask questions just have fun i guess.) ok i’m over thinking this stuff… but come on… disco!!!!! Please please please have a disco assassination. Like… the idea of an assassin taking out a target at the disco is cool enough for me to want it. ALSO!!! If it goes into the 80’s then please for the love of god a Thriller inspired outfit would be to die for. Like i know getting the exact look would be a trademark nightmare but an inspired look may be able to get away with it. I just want some real corporate espionage type missions while dressed in some brightly colored dorky(cool as shit) 70’s/80’s fashion.

So like… ANYTHING from ancient Andean culture. So The Chimú or the Moche… that would be cool, but I'd settle for Wari and Tiwanaku. I just kinda want to see Chan Chan recreated. And Moche art was so fucking good like… idk man they're making video games that are mostly of ancient cultures now so the possibility of them making something in a more modern setting is slim to none. Like come on they're gonna want to make like idk maybe one more really ancient cultural game so they can still reuse assets again before making a whole new saga. That's just their track record. The problem with doing an ancient andean cultural video game is that there isn't a lot to work with other then our knowledge of the architecture and artistry of the ancient peoples. We have art documentary significant events but there isn't really any historical recordings so there's no significant figures to meet or events to take part in that we know of right now. BUT that also means that hey if Ubisoft wants us to have freedom of choice within the narrative this would be a great opportunity.

Speaking of ancient culturesssss ancient Mexican cultures would be REALLY cool too. Like obviously Mayans culture is the first to come to mind but AC already kinda explored the Mayans so idk maybe a more underrated ancient culture deserves the spotlight. The Zapotec and other civilizations in the Oaxaca. Like this would be really cool since we actually see a rise in raiding and conquest warfare, like theres these bas-relief stone carvings called Las Danzantes which are actually depictions of sacrificial victims, most likely foreign captives. The architecture is also to die for like i’m a sucker for talud-tablero style stuff popping up in ancient Latin america. Also do i gotta say it? BALL COURTS!!! A recreation of the ancient ball game in a video game would be cool as shit my dudes like… please i want this so bad. Like how origins depicted mummification with respect I’d love to see the same kind of loving dedication to the funerary practices of the ancient peoples. (off topic completely but some latin american civilizations had their own forms of mummification) like i wanna see the abandonment of Monte Alban and the later use of it by the Mixtecs. But the most important thing about the celebration of the ancient Zapotec would be the ability to celebrate the modern Zapotec culture, that would just be cool. Ok I’ll finish up this train of ideas with the one i really really really want to see recreated, the original Teotihuacan, before the Aztecs found it. With the pyramids being painted and covered in beautiful carvings and, of course, talud-tablero style architecture. It's basically the biggest ancient city in mesoamerica with hidden cave systems that we are still finding today and so much of the ancient city was built over because it might've been covered up or eroded to the point where no one knew it was there, or because there wasn't really anyone who cared enough to uh, not build on top of historical sites. Modern mexico city is built all around and on top of it (apparently you can see Walmart from the top of the temple of the sun…) so its a huge ancient city that was really colorful and really populated with crazy ancient tunnels underneath the pyramids that we’ve only discovered recently so how fucking cool are those possibilities? Like i just can't get over the idea of some assassin-esque person climbing up red pyramids and sitting next to statues and carvings of Queztalcoatl painted in a turquoise. Ancient farms and city life thriving. From what we know about it, like many other ancient latin american cities it was abandoned at some point, exactly why is unclear though (probably a mix of things cause there wasn't any kings really but more like… neighborhood councils (that's the best guess rn)). It was an actual city though, most archaeologists compare it to modern cities due to its city planning and its huge population. What was left behind was so spectacular that when the Aztecs found it they legit thought it was the city of the gods. This was a real fucking city and I’m crazy about it man i want it in a fucking video game my dudes.

COWBOYS PLEASE. Like i know rdr2 came out so they probably wont do it (for a while at least) and they already have the gold rush assassin so they've dabbled with cowboy stuff but… cowboys… like theres nothing else to say really… Cowboys. Also like i know how AC is pretty much ass melee combat and cowboys means guns and lots of guns and bows and probably rope darts. But… folding swords. That my shitty solution to have melee combat, like syndicate had melee and some gun stuff cause duh, but it was mostly melee. Like you can make the game centered around stealth so a lot more sneaking then combat, kinda like in unity. I have a few ideas for this one but most of them play into my own personal cowboy wish fulfillment fantasy of owning a farm with snakes for the production of venoms and other toxins. It's hard to explain but i kinda really want to see someone with a snake/spider enclosure where they produce venoms for the protag to use. The specific time period i have in mind is like 1870-1888 but it could defo go later. It's just that was peak for a lot of famous gunslingers and robberies. And Mesa Verde was basically rediscovered in the late 1880’s (its kinda weird like it was “officially” discovered in 88 but others saw it before that soooo. Also Montezuma Castle would be cool to visit in game as well. I dont have have a lot of knowledge about mesa verde or Montezuma but i know they're cool af.) the wild west is just ripe with possibility so i have some hope they’ll do one in the future but i don't see it happening anytime within the next couple of years.

Please for the love of god give me a AC3/unity dual sequel. Set in 1798 Egypt before during and maybe a little after the french invasion of Egypt. There would be a ton to work around and justify to get that to happen in universe buuuuut… i want it so badly. I have a shit ton of ideas but im saving all of that for a rainy day.

I wouldn't mind if they actually did stuff with WWI, mostly cause i really like that one WWI assassin from project legacy and Lydia's whole thing was really cool.

Ok I’m kinda on burn out after all that cause I just… its 4 AM and i’m supposed to be writing a paper but I made this big fucking oops.

#Assassin's Creed #assassins creed #assassin’s creed #this is dumb sorry i just... gotta express this shit #my stuff

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jihoonscafe · 7 years

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❧ p.cy | cherry

college! chanyeol x reader

word count : 1774 words. genre : fluff (for once) synopsis : who knew a bar of chocolate could lead to a cute boy with blue hair and a sunlit smile? definitely not you. also cherry lip gloss.

✐ sfjjksdahfjaskdhf this one is revenge !!!! dedicated entirely to @fluffyyeollie who is the best person ever :^)))) !!! n who deserves some fluff so even tho ur girl be whipping out that angst like it was her money on svt albums ,,,, she be writing some fluff bcuz if ur angst is hurting me h o n e y , imma pull out the big guns of fluff ! :^)) ,, enjoy n suffer my beautiful stars. also gay bby fuckboy bestfriend! baek is probably my fav character i have ever written bye.

[2017/30/09] 9.01 pm .: new message from byun kid

⇒ oh my god where are you?

⇐ at the party duh

[ read 9.01 pm ]

[2017/30/09] 9.07 .:

⇐ why the hell aren’t you answering bacon?

⇒ sorry i just FACEPALMED for 6 minutes there.

⇐ oh shut up you piece of shit, come by the kitchen, i am trying to steal some of minseok’s chocolate.

⇒ could you have not told me that before? i am coming, give me like a minute.

[ read 9.08 pm ]

Sighing, you put your phone down, knowing that your best friend would probably get here in half an hour than the minute he promised because of something he probably found more delicious than pizza rolls, like a boy’s lips. Problems of befriending the fuckboy, you supposed. A really gay one at that, like that boy could be some good use for spotting hot boys in a crowd but when he left none for you, it didn’t help.

You had come in the full mood to party but the allure of chocolate, something Minseok always kept hidden in his kitchen during parties, was way too much for your empty stomach to not enjoy before you got yourself hooked to the music, dancing away the night which would probably end with a drunk trip to Taco Bell.

As you waited for the chocolate to silently heat up in microwave (so you dont break your teeth trying to bite into it completely frozen), you sat yourself onto the main counter of the kitchenette, helping yourself to some "punch" which you knew was probably the slightest of fruit juice drowned in vodka, all to keep the people "well hydrated".

Your legs crossed over each other, your dress pulling up in the slightest and while you didn’t notice or care at first, the second the first creep of the night showed up in the kitchen, leering too close to you, staring at your thighs like you were a full course meal, you were wholly up out of there, getting off the counter, grabbing your chocolate and nope-ing your way out of there, like nope you ain’t getting ogled by some sexually deprived creep.

It became worse though as the guy began to follow you and you couldn’t help but grow increasingly annoyed, all you wanted was to eat your bloody chocolate in peace but this asshole wouldn’t leave you alone, so you turned as to confront him, maybe reject him so badly he would just leave the party and not go prey on some other poor soul.

That guy, with his way too overgrown beard to be sexy because he looked more like Gandalf than Leonardo Di Caprio, and his beady eyes which made him seem like a perv right from the beginning, along with his shabby clothing and lust-filled eyes, made him the very definition of "stay the hell away from me" types of men.

As he continued to eye you up, even with you straight up looking at him, he made bile rise in your throat, your face twisting into an uncomfortable shell, as you slowly pushed yourself away from him, dropping and losing the chocolate somewhere along the way (which made you incredibly upset), fingers itching to just grab some random boy and pull him into a kiss as to scare the creep away.

So that is what you did, spotting a really tall boy with his bright shaded blue hair amongst the crowd and screaming a loud "Babe!" at his direction before walking to him, his eyes widening as you silently pleaded him to play along with the little roleplay you had suddenly thrusted upon him, eyes shifting to the guy following you, as to indicate the situation.

"Please, that creep has been following me for the whole evening", you whispered, hoping to convince him and he nods before responding with a bright smile, as if you had told him some extremely amazing joke, which had caused that beautiful grin to appear.

"Oh darling, you always know how to make me smile! My precious little baby!", he cooed, leaning down slightly as the creep continued to approach, seemingly unconvinced before the boy’s calloused, probably from a string instrument as your friend Joshua would tell you, hands were cupping your cheeks, and his lips were on yours, every bit as plump as they looked, bringing a natural pink to your cheeks as he gently caressed the side of your face with the pad of his thumb, his tongue slipping between the closures of your lips, before you two were kissing so deeply, it felt as if both of you had forgotten about the creep (who had long left the scene unsatisfied) and had become too lost in each other.

As you broke away from his embrace, not quite slipping out of his grip on your waist, which he shyly removed straight after he realised, you smiled gently, still slightly breathless from that incredible kiss. Damn, if kissing was an art, than this man in front of you was the master.

Clearing your throat, you built up enough confidence to talk with him, as if you both hadn’t just kissed the life out of each other, and soon your awkward conversation led to you both sitting on the floor of the kitchen, chewing on your respective chocolate bars (and some cake which you found in the fridge which you somehow missed during your first haul), talking about the probablity of aliens and your favourite Johnlock fanfictions.

You find him oh so incredibly cute, from his ruffled dyed hair which he and his friends apparently change every month from a huge colour wheel they got in his aunt’s garage sale once upon a time and loved enough to bring to their new college dorms, all the way to his loud laughter when you tell him a joke or when he can’t even cohesively speak his own from laughing too much, with tears falling out of his eyes and his long arms hitting the ground in excitement.

He is like looking at the sun during the day, a whole bright being who shines with everything he does or says, and you for one loved to be in his soft light, which burned away your reluctance to make friends quicker than you could list the names of your favourite band’s members.

Both of you could talk about anything and by the end of the night, you both had been joined by two bottles of vodka, enough to get you tipsy but not puking your guts out on the backyard like usual when you and Baek came to parties, and had shifted into the comfortable position of you slumping against his chest, practically sitting between his long legs.

Your phone pings somewhere deep in your pockets and you shift from his warm embrace enough to pull it out and open its screen, before seeing the messages waiting for you to read them.

Relaxing back into him as he curiously looked over your shoulder to see what was happening, you opened your messages to see two messages from Baekhyun, who by now you had completely forgotten about and who was probably drunk off his ass, sitting on some poor (or not poor, the boy did have a nice ass) boy’s lap.

[2017/01/10] 1.10 pm .: two new messages from byun kid

⇒ bi5ch4 ge t su MM !

⇐ hey y/n, get your ass here and save me, baek is drunk and he wants to go to the roof and keeps saying something about singing "hit me baby", come quick to the top floor staricase before i push him off the nearest balcony and get rid of his body. - soo

"Oh for fuck sake", you curse, scrambling out of Chanyeol’s embrace, your body almost physically hurting because of the sudden cold which hit you and he chuckled as you whine about how your friends are such horrible pieces of shit and how you kinda wanted Baekhyun to fall into the pool already so he would sober the hell up.

But as Chanyeol pushes you towards the stairs, telling you your friend needed you to help him and how he should probably get going anyways, since he had a class at 7 and he hadn’t realised the time until looking at your phone.

You wave him a goodbye, but realise that even though you had talked your tongues off, you had forgotten to ask him his name. So, you ran behind his not-that-hard-to-find figure, pushing a making out couple on the way as you leaped for him, catching his hand and turning him around.

"Hey, what is your name?"

"Chanyeol, Park Chanyeol", he says smiling widely at you as you continue to hold his hand, your skin heating up as you realised you practically jumped at him from where you were and you retract your hand.

"I-I am Y/N", you say, and he says it once, tasting it on his tongue as if it was his favourite cnady and you almost died when he said it was as sweet as your lips which made you blush all thirty shades of pink.

"If you ever want to taste again, y-you are welcome to see if they are really that sweet or if it was just the lipgloss?", you say, new confidence surging at his compliment, enough to flirt with the absolutely ravishing boy who only smirked before biting at his lip.

"Only after the first date sweetheart.", he said winking as you got out your phone once again, unlocking it and handing it to him, wordlessly as your eyes filled with confidence rather than anxiety.

"Text me the details"

You state, smirk lining your lips still as he punched in his number into your phone and saved it, before typing yours into his own phone, which you noticed had a Pokemon phone cover, this nerd.

He waves you goodbye and you smile at him, a hint of adoration slipping into it, as you realise you scored a date with the cutest boy you had ever met, and you were friends with bloody Do Kyungsoo.

As he opens the door to the frat house, you watch him shift until he turns and with a wink says the one thing that had you blushing beyond belief for the rest of the night, even as you hauled a drunk Baekhyun to his dorm with his poor roommate Jongin, who was way too sober to deal with this shit.

"Hey darling, wear another flavour when you come for the date, cherry got spoiled too quick"

167 notes · View notes

ohgygia · 7 years

Photo

been reading a lot of klance fics lately so i thought i’d share it w you guys!! here’s 14 of them and definitely my favorites. comes with the title (duh), description, a review by yours truly, and link to the fic. the writers of said fics also have some gorg other masterpieces so be sure to check those out!

1. ) Smile for the Stars by maIikcutie

description

Though he's been dealt many bad cards, Lance isn't sure he can handle this one: winding up stranded, a million lightyears away from home, with only Keith to keep him company. The universe is cruel.

review

amazing a+++ fic but i strongly advise not to read this unless you are willing to live the rest of your life broken hearted and Sad. i promise ur heart will be wrecked but in the best way possible!!! a buncha artists on tumblr made art for this so be sure to check those out & also there’s a epilogue-ish thing for this that dulls the pain a lil less and its called The Stars Smile Back in case yall were interested

2. ) Dirty Laundry by Gibslythe

description:

"Two whole months of free laundry in exchange for two weeks of being my fake boyfriend. Deal?” Keith hesitated for a moment. Was this really worth it? Hardly. Lance was an asshole, and he wasn’t sure what fake dating would entail. But, free laundry was free laundry, right? “Alright, it’s a deal.” Or: Lance makes the mistake of telling his Mom he has a boyfriend coming home with him for Christmas. Keith makes the mistake of agreeing to be Lance's 'fake boyfriend'.

review:

if u love slow burn then BOY ur gonna love this !!!! mama lance is so warm i luv her !!! fake dating aka one of my fav tropes so 11/10 and i just rly love this ok im in tears

3. ) call me, beep me by safra

description:

(00:31) Do you think she gave me the wrong number on purpose? (00:31) Or was it a genuine mistake? (00:32) Like maybe she writes funny and I misread it? (00:32) Some of the numbers do look a little dodgy... (00:33) Cause, you know, her threes couldvery easily be poorly formed eights? And maybe she writes her sevens like her ones? (00:45) What (00:46) The (00:46) Fuck?? (00:47) Oh good, you are awake! where lance messages the wrong number and things kind of snowball from there

review:

i love through-chat fics therefore i am so in love with this!!!!!! your everyday "wrong number" trope but so so so much better!!! cute and happy

4. ) Seasons by fairietailed

description:

“Do you think we’ll be together, still, by the time we make it home?” Lance is quiet for a moment, thinking. Then he says, “That depends. Do you plan on going somewhere?” Keith laughs, threading his fingers through Lance’s hair. “No, I suppose I don’t.”

review:

their relationship is just SO PURE AND SOFT and so well written i'm in luuuv but the open ending will shatter and will most likely rip u apart

5. ) Don't Break Connection, Baby by princedeadend

description:

Keith works part-time as a phone sex operator and receives a prank call from Lance. This does not go as planned for Lance. Thus begins the adventure of our dear sweet idiot continuing to call Keith to fuck with him (but not like fuck fuck with him...at least not yet). And y'know, eventually having legit conversations with him and getting attached and growing on Keith. aka the phone sex operator fic no one asked for

review:

this is soooooooooo cute and adorable and wow i luv ittttt!!! made me smile so hard it hurts

6. ) He Who Fights Monsters by magisterpavus

description:

In a world where monstrous dragons terrorize humanity daily, the Garrison trains valiant Knights to slay the evil beasts and defend Earth. But when Knight cadet Lance Espinosa is kidnapped by a strange red dragon who kills its own kind, certain truths are revealed...and so are the true monsters.

review:

oh my god the buildup may be slow but i promise it's worth it like everything just falls perfectly into place !!! and its so adorable and creative and just wow not ur usual klance fanfic and that just makes it 1000x better and also,,, dragons !!

7. ) Bonding Time by magisterpavus

description:

“Shiro, I fucked up,” Keith blurted, wringing his hands. Shiro paused mid-punch, shooting him a quizzical look. “What? What happened?” “I think,” Keith whispered, “I think I accidentally roofied Lance. With my dick.”

review:

galra keith will always and forever be my fav au so this is a definite fav for me !!! i love the other 3 sequels it comes w too!! and nsfw content too dont even lie ik u guys are thirsty for that

8 .) Just Static by Jessadilla

description:

--Static---- -iro, Hunk, Kei---, nybody? I’m---- -static-- --I’m sorry guys. This is all my-- --static--cc-- ---I found my coordinates. They’re-- -stttcc- -guys. I hear something--- --scccc- -end transmission- Alone on a hostile planet, transmissions aren't getting through. How did it come to this?

review:

this fic got me sad and crying in the middle of the night )': wont leave u too sad tho the ending is pretty nice

9. ) What a Healing Pod Can't Repair by Remember_Me

description:

The compromised wormhole was ripping apart at the seams, sending everyone spiraling away in completely different directions. Lance could feel himself being pulled and bent in ways he was definitely not supposed to be. -- Stitching the team back together after everyone is separated is difficult, and for one Paladin rescue wouldn't be coming for a very long time.

review:

no words. literally no words. this was so painful and just wow the buildup will shatter u i swear )’: also poor bb lance i sob. comes with cool-looking art which makes it a whole lot better

10. ) Seen: 5:29 by SpeedOfSins

description:

AU where Keith is some important guy who has a business suit, and lance is a good housewife. (tha ts a lie, i honestly dont have a summary but this fic hurts, i have been told by at least 3 people) Written in text format

review:

will wreck u, beware!! may be short but enough to bring u to tears honestly

11. ) On Thin Ice by Minadora

description:

Once upon a time, two Canadian nerds decided to start a figure skating au about their two space sons and their wonderful misfit friends. Ten pages of headcanons later we finally put electronic pen to electronic paper and created this monstrosity. This multi-chapter fic chronicles the lives of a hockey player named Keith who gets forcibly enlisted into figure skating lessons by his brother, Shiro, to "work on his footwork". There he meets a pompous - yet talented - figure skater named Lance and gets swept away by both the sport and the skater. Enjoy the ride because it's only just started.

review:

the description says it all !!!!! a fic beloved by the vld fandom and gosh whats not to love honestly???? also the whole gang is so happy !!! (sidenote: this is unfinished and its killing me)

12. ) I bet you look good on the dancefloor by xShieru

description:

"So like in 'Step Up'?" Allura shrugs. "Now that you put it like that - yes. I guess it's just like in 'Step Up'." The smile that she sends Shiro's way - followed by a shy wave, eugh - is sickening to say the least, and Lance still doesn't believe in dance camps. - Lance McClain's dancing career begins and ends with Keith. Keith just wants to find out what Lance's deal is.

review:

if u love step up ur gonna LOVE this !!!! i love it so so so so much can i just say and wow keith is so hot ffs

13. ) thunderstruck by xShieru

description:

Lance doesn't pine for anyone ever, Keith's never been to a dance, Hunk tries his best to be supportive, Shiro is very done, and Pidge steals a car.But hey, it could've been worse.

review:

space prom!!!!!!! and cute pining gays!! whats not to love about that?

14. ) In English, Please

description:

Lance thinks he can get away with flirting with Keith if it's in Spanish. Lance thinks if he says the words angrily enough no one will catch on to the ruse. Lance thinks his secret crush is safe. Lance, my friends, is very...very wrong.

review:

two words - too. cute. i can't even with this fic

#klance #klance fic recs #leeanne's fic recs #keith kogane #lance mcclain #voltron #vld #ao3 #long post

3K notes · View notes

junker-town · 7 years

Text

Dirk Nowitzki has 30,000 points. Do you have 30,000 of anything?

I asked Twitter users what they had 30,000 of, and here’s what they said.

On Tuesday, after Dirk Nowitzki reached and passed 30,000 points, I tweeted this.

Dirk has 30,000 points do you have 30,000 of anything

— Tim Cato (@tim_cato) March 8, 2017

It was meant as a way to put Nowitzki’s incredible accomplishment into perspective, but Twitter quickly took it literally, too. There must have been a few 100 people who responded, when you count replies and quote tweets. Here’s what you all came up with.

The people who have tweeted 30,000 times

we got tweets. https://t.co/6Wrsd2MGYO

— SB Nation NBA (@SBNationNBA) March 8, 2017

This was by far the most popular response. Congrats to everyone who uses Twitter way too much! (I have more than 30,000 tweets, too, so I’m not here to judge.)

Tweets https://t.co/Ob5O5azftA

— Rodger Sherman (@rodger_sherman) March 8, 2017

Tweets. https://t.co/Jj0QJvZwI8

— Alessandro Miglio (@AlexMiglio) March 8, 2017

Tweets https://t.co/hXY7URR27Z

— PJ Clark (@TheRealPJClark) March 8, 2017

I got at least 68k tweets he needs to step it up what a fucking loser https://t.co/2HXMkafecA

— Neil Automata (@FIabbergaster) March 8, 2017

Tweets....that's about it. https://t.co/5KbdfrpSbm

— Pete (@ohcrapitspete) March 8, 2017

Had 30,000 tweets years ago https://t.co/lbVIPfX0uE

— Babyface Don Dada (@TerrenceDaGawd) March 8, 2017

I have 140k+ tweets. You tell that nerd Dirk I said "Good luck reaching that tally!" https://t.co/5kFY4FeceR

— Demetrius (@fergoe) March 8, 2017

Tweets. https://t.co/inG0bybdwB

— Meet Me At The Rim. (@MirazNBA) March 8, 2017

fam I have over 50,000 trash tweets posted to this horrible horrible website https://t.co/o7edQsD4x0

— Len Damico (@lendamico) March 8, 2017

BY FAR the most popular. There’s close to 100 more responses like this.

A few people who know their tweets are bad

bad tweets https://t.co/81IAMKaVDf

— Julius Swerving (@GoingHard_inger) March 8, 2017

Bad tweets https://t.co/xDSPZy3yus

— Mike Gianella (@MikeGianella) March 8, 2017

Easily 30,000 problematic tweets https://t.co/65AO0fF0Tb

— Camp Blo (@dances) March 8, 2017

One person who got beat by Dirk again

Tweets. Wait, no, only 20k. Dirk wins again. https://t.co/obuQQInBy6

— March Paggness (@paggawoot) March 8, 2017

People who have $30,000 in student loan debt

Student loans https://t.co/Y2dEkrJGLf

— Chris Manning (@cwmwrites) March 8, 2017

*furiously buzzing in* What is student loan debt dollars. https://t.co/sneNH1hlHn

— tony (@_2XL_) March 8, 2017

Dollars in student loan debts https://t.co/62Wv4po2qT

— Zoedingo (@Datsdat1Haitian) March 8, 2017

I got like 30k in debt beat that https://t.co/CFQPPvzb0r

— Handsome Ass Nigga (@SellCrackToKids) March 8, 2017

student loan debt https://t.co/O9mNvV8qpz

— uwm panther liker (@travis_mke) March 8, 2017

Dollars in debt https://t.co/6N76hcvUdD

— cougar bae (@iMsBianca) March 8, 2017

Sorry, everyone. Best of luck to your financial futures! (Once again, there’s at least 50 more responses like this.)

People who Skip Bayless would be proud of

Takes https://t.co/aI01a4eVWR

— Vann R. Newkirk II (@fivefifths) March 8, 2017

Takes https://t.co/paZJmXsO2G

— Chris Cwik (@Chris_Cwik) March 8, 2017

Bad opinions https://t.co/rBgbkKh00x

— Chris Towers (@CTowersCBS) March 8, 2017

People who are literalists and have 30,000 very normal things

cells https://t.co/tYzsefUEYp

— Soren (@ClutchBrodie) March 8, 2017

Cells https://t.co/ZpnmUxQ7py

— Mr. Pleasing (@MPleasing69) March 8, 2017

I'm sure I have 30000 hairs on my body https://t.co/qf5mOzeMAJ

— H. H. Gregg (@keelangregg98) March 8, 2017

Shoutout to my body cells tho https://t.co/EiBS6ywAYn

— Derek Tahara (@DerekTahara) March 8, 2017

Decibels when I speak https://t.co/9rCehSFIw6

— Zach Smith (@ZachSmith) March 8, 2017

Breaths https://t.co/FjO5SiZhgs

— X (@xaifromthebay) March 8, 2017

One high roller who’s buying us all dinner tonight

Dollars https://t.co/XmYSYYe0y2

— Frank (@FrankTheTank813) March 8, 2017

People who have 30,000 miles on their car

I have 70,000 miles on my car https://t.co/yoToVnh2Bu

— Matthew Perkins (@perk009) March 8, 2017

Just got to 30,000 miles on my car yesterday https://t.co/6vC5zJzITI

— Squid Gretzky (@BilalSquid) March 8, 2017

This might have been the third most popular answer, but it’s also the most boring so I’m only including two.

People who play A LOT of video games

I have 230,000 confirmed kills on black ops 2 so me > Dirk https://t.co/srD7WJ2sv7

— Mystic Marty (@Iverbure) March 8, 2017

Hours logged playing Mario Baseball. https://t.co/7fWTFLnisz

— Ryan Probasco (@ProbascoRyan) March 8, 2017

Got like 30,000 minutes played on Pokemon Leaf Green https://t.co/iiK34N0riT

— Jantel (@MidnightDlightt) March 8, 2017

Not even 30k points on TempleRun... https://t.co/9DVt5MsOpK

— Miguel Chines (@MiguelChines) March 8, 2017

30,000 hours I put in playing NCAA Football 2014. https://t.co/pOqBoH5RYb

— Brandon Blake (@Blake_Babbles) March 8, 2017

my Crazy Taxi high school is double that (Arcade mode) Triple that for original mode. https://t.co/h7EyCaJoGv

— MassRafTer (@mongo_ebooks) March 8, 2017

hours spent playing runescape https://t.co/vyxbDJf7sj

— Sasha Kalra (@sashakalra) March 8, 2017

There were also MANY people replying that they had more than 30,000 NBA 2K VC points.

One person who just wanted to roast the Los Angeles Chargers

the LA chargers dont even have that many seats in their new stadium! https://t.co/ZRZQ12aM7I

— Chicken Nugget (@McCartney_NFL) March 8, 2017

AND HE’S RIGHT* hahahahahah Chargers hahahahahhahahaha (*until the new stadium opens)

Three people who joined in with Portuguese answers!!

Decepções na vida https://t.co/pZRJJ2ENdK

— Augusto RipkaBarbosa (@augustorb) March 8, 2017

Gols no futiba dos broder https://t.co/N6E62KAAfA

— 10x2 foi pouco (@CFCmaicon) March 8, 2017

punheta https://t.co/jaDGe2sGaP

— Clifford Franklin (@birigdjow) March 8, 2017

The first one translates to “disappointments in life,” the second one didn’t translate well, and the third one is ... well, it’s inappropriate enough I’ll let you do it yourself. Still! Portugal, stand up!

People who have the sads :(

I have 30,000 crippling depressions https://t.co/BkHdktJ5dm

— dennis (@dennismyhero) March 8, 2017

I've taken 30,000 L's in my life https://t.co/R2MbkWVqEz

— Cinco anillos (@Cowabunga_Cole) March 8, 2017

L's https://t.co/HDJwDekCgq

— fargod (@FarbodNBA) March 8, 2017

I have 30,000 Ls https://t.co/RQVYYl9obZ

— Ninos ن (@Ninosssssssss) March 8, 2017

Problems https://t.co/V2e4kgc7HX

— Malcolm (@malcrealtalk) March 8, 2017

Hours of crippling self doubt https://t.co/XlTyeKxl6X

— 21 Saddage (@NoahHaramia) March 8, 2017

Do Ls count? https://t.co/9rcvzpXX6i

— Nelson (@TheRealestOfAll) March 8, 2017

My stress level on a 0-100 scale https://t.co/UxCPsNRezH

— Rudy (@_CoachRudy_) March 8, 2017

ignored texts https://t.co/gaP214NjKp

— yung s.a (@yungstupidass) March 8, 2017

@tim_cato i been curved that many times. that counts right?

— Hawks 34-28 (@JordanNoDiddy_) March 8, 2017

And we’ll even do a special category for “regrets”

Regrets. https://t.co/OD8q24sco1

— Brian H (@RunTheJules) March 8, 2017

Regrets, duh https://t.co/AgVuHkHNgq

— Jaz K (@MissUnndastood) March 8, 2017

Regrets https://t.co/Xt7hBIP64g

— cx (@cxcope) March 8, 2017

Regrets https://t.co/jkhxS0DStS

— Will Collins (@WilemPls) March 8, 2017

I’m rooting for all y’all.

One person who wasted way too much time on an essay that had a flawed premise

30,000 page essay on why wade is better https://t.co/z8OEOFMIMs

— Tʀᴇᴠᴏʀ¹³ (@OdellSZN) March 8, 2017

One dude who is the cops

Screenshots. Think most my age do. https://t.co/UKCb38H2Xr

— Josh Collacchi (@JoshCollacchi) March 8, 2017

People with VERY RELATABLE PROBLEMS TO MY OWN LIFE

Bed Bath & Beyond coupons in my junk drawer. https://t.co/p0WoP6Fadd

— Francis Warner (@effemwarner) March 8, 2017

30,000 dog hairs on all of my black shirts https://t.co/mxUfBBk8LN

— Trevor Grøuss (@notoriousTAG) March 8, 2017

Steve, seriously, stop emailing his wife

Steve has sent my wife 30,000 emails. Please stop emailing my wife Steve https://t.co/Qvxq7yJA22

— ryan, hey thats me! (@chasbanks3dbase) March 8, 2017

People losing hair accessories

Hair ties. I can only find 2, but the other 29, 998 are somewhere in my purse. https://t.co/RfueBLYV3r

— Carly (@nuclearcarly) March 8, 2017

Lost bobby pins, probably. https://t.co/P8hp84pc6R

— Cami Griffin (@CamiAnnG) March 8, 2017

One woman who is single-handedly keeping alive the Tony Romo jersey economic market

Tony Romo Jerseys https://t.co/5hBgj6W6wK

— Rachel Rizzuti (@Rizzuti09) March 8, 2017

One person who has clearly already set the Guinness world record

Children, I'm trying to set a Guinness world record https://t.co/L6RpMyWif4

— Steven (@ThaLiveKing) March 8, 2017

People who have eaten a LOT of food

jack in the box tacos eaten in my lifetime https://t.co/cPwOV2xZqS

— Antoine A (@sofanias317) March 8, 2017

slices of pizza eaten https://t.co/gCIXm6mfYw

— quavo fan account (@jordansawan_) March 8, 2017

Popeyes receipts! RT @tim_cato: Dirk has 30,000 points do you have 30,000 of anything

— b.wes ⚜️ (@_SaluteMeBitch) March 8, 2017

One person who isn’t quite sure how anatomy works (I hope?)

Bones https://t.co/p6GkeKPV5F

— Jessica Hudnall (@LegKickTKO) March 8, 2017

Two Microsoft Office fans

@tim_cato hours logged in Microsoft excel

— BD Wong Fan Account (@trillballins) March 8, 2017

Hours on Microsoft word https://t.co/F0Sja7wDSH

— Kirk White (@BUwMMerette) March 8, 2017

Thanks, trillballins.

One person who is sincerely a really great parent!

Hours spent combined watching three kids - gymnastics, football, dance, lacrosse, piano, art, and sign language. Dollars spent close prob https://t.co/2kHp3aYK5R

— Allan H (@FF_Hep) March 8, 2017

One banana enthusiast

probably ate 30,000 bananas in my lifetime https://t.co/J8v154vXwB

— (@UltraFlyKnits) March 8, 2017

One person who surprisingly isn’t our NFL editor RVB

Unread emails https://t.co/Quz6kV8t7J

— I Steal Followers (@YoWifeysFavDJ) March 8, 2017

One person who kind of has 30,000 points if you don’t read this tweet too carefully

No, but between Dirk and I we have 30,000 points https://t.co/l4gcpaKsFC

— Leigh Ellis (@LeighEllis) March 8, 2017

One person with a dated-but-still-funny joke format

Binders of women https://t.co/sPFc9koGeu

— swaggy mitch (@SwaggyMitch) March 8, 2017

SB Nation’s own Molly Podlesny, who sent 30,000 text messages in a month and deserves to be celebrated for it

in 8th grade i had 30,000 text messages one month and i got in big trouble & now dirk is getting honored but id like to know the difference https://t.co/3LTL21Pt6T

— Molly Podlesny (@mollypodlesny) March 8, 2017

This tweet, which makes no sense and yet I love it anyway

2+2= waffles. RT @tim_cato: Dirk has 30,000 points do you have 30,000 of anything

— tragique mulâtre (@vlado_il_milano) March 8, 2017

One person who is upset at the question

what kind of question is that everyone got 30,000 of something https://t.co/cfZ0bFFh3l

— Matthew (@Kingofthabear) March 8, 2017

And finally, one person who HAD to be like this

30,000 points isn't even a physical thing, it's simply a collection of historical events lol https://t.co/OOfmAXGisa

— Kole D Locks (@K0LETRAIN) March 8, 2017

Come on, man.

0 notes