*bolts upright in bed* DO MY HOUSEPLANTS KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM

Over The Years

INSPIRED BY

"Seduce Me 2: The Demon War" by Michaela Laws on Steam <https://store.steampowered.com/app/461700/Seduce_Me_2_The_Demon_War/> Fan fiction Inspo.

"My Choice" by InumbraLunaest on Fanfiction.net <https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12192451/1/My-Choice> Audio Inspo.

"Blood" by InThisMoment <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZF5m-vmDzM>

"The Magic" by Lola Blanc <https://youtu.be/XBmpvzkFwBI?si=ks9CzgrpbPy7wrso>

###

Initially, when I created this short I did not have a specific brother in mind. The more I wrote, I started to gear the narrative towards Sam slightly. The theme behind this short is growing up. When we are younger we do not think of dating someone financially stable. We want someone visually appealing, who claims to be interested in us, and swears to give us the world. As we get older and start working what we look for in our partner changes. Now, this short is not a comment about what does true love mean. Rather, it is a kind of reminder that in their 20s the brothers did not have their lives together. In essence, 18-year-old Mika slept with a 20 something who had no job, no house, and did not attend college. Granted the brothers were only here in the human world for 6 months, what's your excuse?

---

When I met him, he was unemployed and homeless. He only had a pretty face and the clothes on his back. But at the time that was enough for me because he showed me attention that boys in my school did not. He was different, and I was intrigued by the man who claimed to love me. I was not blind to other’s lust. Yet, I did not want to end up pregnant because women’s bodies change once they have kids. Also, I did not want to go through the ups and downs of labor while knowing some acne prone balding guy was the kid’s father. So, I am sorry for my weakness when I told the first hot guy to grace my presence that I loved him and hoped he was truly interested in sleeping with me. In a state of post cum clarity no I did not love this man. He was literally what the devil chased into my house. I cannot make this shit up.

Devil bait aside this steaming trash bag did not go to college. Meaning this man and his four brothers were living in my house rent-free, using electricity, toiletries, water, and eating food that my dad paid for!  Like sure the house was paid for so yay no property tax. However, other expenses fluctuate based on use. Is that not ringing alarm bells in anyone else’s mind? No? Well, damn tell me your age without telling me your age. My parents are not going to pay for five more mouths to feed. So, thanks to my grandfather and my inability to tell strays to get out of my house I have five grown ass men to feed. Five men who are home most of the flipping time! At this point, if I am not bitching to this man to get a job, I am treating my pussy like a fucking charity. What I mean is that my hole is a place his penis can run up into and have a pity party for being useless outside the bedroom. Now, hear me out, sex can pay the bills. But I should not have to subject myself to being the only fans girl or the pornstar actor’s girlfriend. I cannot explain how my mental state would tumble or how I would stop trusting this man entirely. I am prejudiced but I cannot lie to myself. At least, the guy is willing to hear me out, and he went to go get a job. This guy must love me or be willing to work for an easy lay. Either way, we have a start.

Even if we make money there are other expenses outside of bills like health insurance. Do you know not all jobs offer that and you must pay for your own? In the job world if you cannot deal with the heat you’ll crack. Let’s see how this demon adult fairs with humans who are either snowflakes or demons incarnate. It is easier than fighting for your life every day on a battlefield or having to be on high alert in case you get ambushed. Must be nice to have it easy. Whereas for me, my life is just getting started preparing before shit hits the fan. However, nothing the human world has can prepare you for the Abyssal Plains. This selfish bastard picked me knowing I would never be prepared for anything. But, what choice did I have I chose him out of every other functioning human I chose a demon. Let me tell ya, when someone says I love you, run. Run far away because that I love you will later down the line will be a floodgate of things you could never be prepared for.

That’s why I find it so funny when people ask, “hey what happens if I cheat on this being”? First off, do not claim to love someone if you plan on cheating at any point in the relationship. Save your breath. Two, be mindful of whom you bring to bed and what you say during bed. Mistaken identity and regret are not good looks on anyone. Three, be aware of your relationship. Communicate with your partner about what roles you expect each other to play and consider the goal of your relationship. Is your relationship short term where you date for the feel and experience of something new? Or is your relationship geared towards settling down, building a family, and being there when beauty fades?  I grew up in a household where I love you was reserved for when my parent was sick or stressed and not sure what to do with their me. Although, I say I love you easy to my friends and my lover, I never considered the weight of it. I still cannot say I love Sam with all my heart. No. But, I can say I love that he tries to be a good man and I hate that he tried so hard to keep me around.

Parenthood Rehearsal (Ashton Irwin Fluff)

Summary: Ashton and (Y/N) babysit her baby nephew. Based on Love Prompts: #14: “Let’s have a baby.” & #35: “This is why I fell in love with you.” (Words: 2.3k) (Request)

"Make sure the milk is not too hot." My sister says, peeking inside the stroller for one more look at her son, who is suckling on his pacifier. "You already told me that." I remind her, sighing as I try to remain patient with her. "And when you put him to bed, make sure you don't tuck him in too tight. He moves a lot and it is not safe." She states, holding up his little blanket. "Honey, can we go? We are going to be late." My brother-in-law points out, tapping at his watch. It is my sister's first time leaving her son and going out for the night, and it is even worse since the wedding they are attending is too far away for them to return tonight and pick Benny up. I can partially understand her, even though this talk by the door really gets on my very last nerve. "We have got this." I assure her. Ashton smiles and nods, rolling the stroller further into the house. This is the only way to get them to leave already. "If anything happens..." She begins and I groan. "If anything happens, we will let you know. Now leave. Or you are going to make it to the wedding after the couple leaves for their honeymoon." I hold the door for her and she scoffs, rolling her eyes. "You will see him at lunch. You look gorgeous, have fun." I try to sweeten the goodbye, but I can tell she is having a hard time. My brother-in-law mouths a thank you as his hand rests on her lower back and he guides her out of the house. "Call me before his bedtime." Is the last thing my sister says before I close the door to her face.

I make my way to the living room, where Ashton has already set up the portable playpen for my nephew. "Alright. How is my favorite guy?" I cheer at the baby, picking him out of his stroller and holding him to my chest, bouncing him to make him giggle. "I am alright. Just a little sore from setting this up." Ashton replies, even though he knows I am talking to the baby. "Bold of you to assume you are my favorite guy." I tease my husband, making him fake-gasp and touch his chest in pretend offense. "Ouch. 7 months old and he already stole my spot..." He shakes his head, walking closer to me. He leans down, planting a kiss on my forehead before he takes a seat on the couch. "One of us will have to take care of dinner." I state, joining him on the couch. I bounce the baby as Ashton hands me one of multi-textured toys. "Or we can order in." He suggests as I hold the toy out for the baby boy to grasp. "I am a horrible housewife." I sigh, earning a chuckle from Ash. "Your aunt is being funny." He says to the baby, tapping his nose. The little boy finds his hand more interesting than the toy I am holding, reaching to grasp my husband's fingers. "You are not a housewife. And takeout does not mean you are horrible." He replies, letting the baby play with his hand. "I could really go for Tex-Mex tonight." I mumble and he hums. "I could really go for it too. What time should he eat?" Ash asks, picking up Ben so he can hold him and let the kid play with his fingers. "In about 2 hours. But we will have to bathe him first." I reply and he hums. "That means we get to play with the little dude for at least an hour..." He says cheerfully. "You know, I kinda get my sister... I would have a hard time letting go of that dude too. I will probably have a hard time letting him go tomorrow." I sigh, stroking my hand over the soft hair on top of the baby's head. "A bit dramatic, don't you think?" He asks and I shrug. "He is just so cute..." I pout, taking Ben's little hand in mine. "That he is. Come on, let's give him some tummy-time." Ash suggests, pressing his lips on my forehead. Ashton lets Ben on the crawling mattress he has laid on the floor of our living room, laying aside him on his tummy as well. Ben quickly finds his way to the playpen, crawling the short distance without any problems. "Good job, buddy." Ashton cheers, scooting towards him.

I test the water's temperature with the little toy duck thermometer, seeing if the water is too hot for the little guy. "It will take us a fortnight to gather all his stuff..." Ashton sighs, undressing the baby for his bath. "She swore she would bring only the essential..." I mumble, picking the lavender wash out the toiletries bag. "She does realize he will only spend a night at our place, right?" He asks, slowly lowering the baby into his baby tub. "For her feels like a century. Come on, be lenient... It is her first time leaving him." I giggle, kneeling to wash him. "Should I go make a bottle?" He asks, standing aside to let me move with ease. "I think it is too soon. We will have to dress him up before we feed him, and by then the milk will be cold." I reply, wetting the baby's head. "I will go lay his clothes on our bed." He offers and I nod. "Thank you. But make sure you are here to help me pick him out of the tub." I flinch just at the thought of picking him up and him slipping from my hands. "I will only be gone for a minute." He assures me, walking out of our bathroom. Ben flails his hands in the water, splashing around as I use the soft-bristle brush to wash his hair. The whole bathroom smells like lavender soap and that makes me feel soft and mellow. I sigh, thinking of how it will be when Ashton and I decide to have a baby. When we got married two years ago, we decided to just take time to enjoy one another, see the world and submerge ourselves in new experiences, so having children was not a conversation we truly ever had. At least not seriously, not taking into consideration the logistics behind it. But ever since my sister announced her pregnancy, this need of becoming a mother myself was stirred up. And it got worse since Ben was born since I got to hold my nephew in my arms. It does not help that Ashton is so good with him. Fatherhood looks natural on him, and the sight of him holding the baby makes my heart race. I cannot help it, picturing him with our own baby, imagining how good he will be as a parent. But I also know he is such a good parent because he practically raised his siblings. And then he became the father of the group, the older mentor for his friends. It is more than certain that he needs a break from that role, and I understand that. Sighing, I grab the rinsing cup and wash the shampoo off Ben's head. I lather his washcloth with the cleanser and softly cleanse his skin, making sure I don't scrub too harshly on his sensitive skin. "Everything ok in here?" Ashton asks, resting against the doorframe. "Yes, we are done in a minute." I smile at my husband who picks up the baby's towel and preps it in his arms to carry him to our bedroom. I rinse the baby off and move over so Ashton can pick him out. "Oh, you smell so good, bud." Ashton kisses the top of his head as I rinse and drain his tub. "Can you handle dressing him up so I can prep the milk?" Ashton asks as we walk towards our bed. "Can you handle making his bottle?" I ask and he chuckles. "Piece of cake." He assures me, laying the baby on the changing mat. "I think I can do dress up." I reply, picking up the lavender lotion.

I finish putting on his onesie when Ashton returns with the bottle. "You are still struggling with dressing him up?" He asks with a soft giggle. "If you knew all the steps in his nighttime routine, you wouldn't be that surprised..." I state, picking up the baby and sitting on the ottoman to feed him. "Can I do it? Can I feed him?" He asks, sitting next to me. "Are you sure?" I ask and he nods. "Yeah, yeah. I'll feed him, you go take a shower and then you put him to sleep and I take a shower." He replies, motioning for me to give him the baby. "Ok, I'll make sure to be quick." I hand him Ben carefully, watching him as he starts feeding him. "Go, I have done this in the past, multiple times." Ashton says playfully. I raise my hands in defeat, walking away from the two boys.

I did as fast as I could in the shower, and despite the short length, it was exactly what I needed. I walk out of the bathroom, already clad in my pajamas and ready for Ben's sleeping ritual. Ashton is humming a tune as he walks around the room with Ben in his arms, rubbing his back softly. "I thought I was supposed to be putting him to sleep." I whisper, not wanting to disturb the little guy. "I got carried away. Can you order food?" He asks, in the same hushed tone. "Still TexMex?" I ask, taking my phone from the nightstand where it was charging. "Yes. Get the usual, I think you have the order saved on the app. Ask for door delivery and pay with my credit card, so they don't ring the bell and wake the baby up. Ask for a text upon delivery." He whispers and I shake my head. "So bossy..." I mumble, and he shoots me a look. "I have no problem with your nephew crying all night if you don't have too..." He states, looking at Ben to see if he is asleep. "Ok, ok... A crying baby is the last thing on my checklist for tonight." I reply, writing the instructions for delivery in the special field.

"I think in a minute or two, he will be ready for bed." Ashton announces, bouncing the baby to lull him to sleep. "I will stay with him, you go shower." I reply, laying his bedding on my side of the bed. Thankfully, the bed is big enough for me to sleep comfortably along with Ashton on his side of the bed. "Once he is off, we can't get out of the room. We have to watch him so he doesn't roll over." I remind him and he nods. "So, we will eat in bed. And we will read that book you bought the other day until we are off too." He states, letting Ben on his mat. The baby continues sleeping, sucking on his pacifier rhythmically. "This is why I fell in love with you. You always find solutions." I say happily, making him turn his head and plant a soft peck on my lips. "I'll be right back." He whispers, walking towards the bathroom.

I watch as my nephew sleeps, pouting over how angelic he looks, how peaceful he is. I want a baby, and I want it now. I want to have a baby with Ashton, I want to raise a child with the love of my life, I just want it. It hurts me physically being in need of becoming a mother. "(Y/N)... (Y/N)? Do I flip the page?" Ashton nudges me, making me come out of my thoughts. "Hm?" "We have been on this page for a while? Did you read it? Should I change it?" He asks. "I am sorry, give me a minute." I start scanning the page, but Ashton shuts the book and leaves it on the bedside table. "You seem a bit off. Are you tired? Do you want to go to bed?" He asks me, kissing my temple. I shake my head, taking a breath. "I want a baby." I admit, moving so I can look him in the eye. "Now?" He asks, knitting his eyebrows together. "Don't make fun of me. I want us to have a baby. I know you practically raised your siblings, and then you raised the boys, and I know you needed a break from fatherhood when we got married, but I want to have a baby. I want us to grow this family. I want a baby because..." I go on and on, but Ashton just chuckles and reaches to cup my face. "(Y/N)... Let's have a baby." He says as if it is the simplest, most natural thing in the world. "You are serious?" I ask and he nods. "Very. And if we didn't have our nephew here tonight, I would show you how serious I am about having a baby with you." He winks at me, making my eyes go wide and earning a light slap on the shoulder. "Ashton..." I gasp and he shrugs. "What? You asked for a baby... I am just saying, we can start trying." He replies, pulling me in for a kiss. "You are going to be an amazing dad." I mumble against his lips before I rest my forehead on his. "Only because you are going to make an amazing mum." He kisses the tip of my nose while stroking his thumbs over my cheeks.

My Masterlist

It’s been a long time since I’ve put fingers to keys. I’ve had some amazing cheerleaders here on Tumblr who have helped me get out of my writer’s block and actually put pen to paper. As always, feedback is most appreciated!

Warnings: cursing

Prompt: my neighbor’s at my door asking if everything is alright because it smells like something is burning and I was only trying to cook for once and this is embarrassing but they decided to help me fix this mess.

The fire alarm blared as he opened the open to check on the chicken. Smoke billowed out as a cuss word escaped his mouth. Between the blare of the alarm and the choking smoke, his heart beating loudly in his ears as the panic started to creep up his back.

Grabbing the pot holders, he reached into the oven, grabbed the glass pan, dropping it on the stovetop with a groan. “Great.” He muttered, shaking his head as he made his way over to the blaring smoke alarm.

Waving the pot holder in front of the blaring alarm, he sighed as silence enveloped the apartment.

The silence was interrupted by a hurried knock on his front door. Another groan escaped his mouth as he tried to figure out who could be on the other side. Mrs. Wilson was a crotchety old woman who lived two doors down from him and always tried to bring him stale cookies and always told him he could stand to “eat a bit more”. Or it could be the cute boy who moved in the month before. Albert didn’t want to get his hopes up but he was praying that it was the latter rather than Mrs. Wilson.

Walking over to the door, he hurriedly yanked it open as the cute stranger quickly lowered his arm. Albert pushed a sheepish grin onto his face as he leaned against the door jam. “Hi!”

“Everything okay?” The cute boy asked, raising an eyebrow in question. “It smells like something is burning and those fire alarms do tend to blare pretty loudly.”

“Just trying to attempt to cook dinner.” Albert scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “Sorry about the disturbance.”

The cute boy smirked. “I’ve seen food being delivered at all hours of the day. Why mess up the system you so clearly have down pat?”

“Do you have a name? I can’t keep calling you cute boy in my head. And for your info, I was told by a very important person to quit wasting my money on takeout and learn how to cook.” Albert shrugged. “Clearly it didn’t go well.”

The cute boy chuckled, shaking his head. “Cute boy, huh? It’s Thomas but all of my friends call me Finch. And for the love of everything holy, don’t quit your day job. Also, if you need help, I could help you - that’s kind of my job.” Finch rambled on as a smirk crossed Albert’s face. Finch grinned, shifting his weight to hold out his hand. “And cute neighbor boy, what’s your name?”

“Name is Albert, but a lot of my friends call me Red.” Reaching over, he put his hands in Finch’s, shaking it. “If you’re offering, I’d love some assistance.”

Pushing open the door wider, Albert waved his hand as Finch slipped past him. “So what were you attempting to cook that ended in this disaster?”

“Chicken - thought a nice meal of chicken, mashed potatoes and broccoli. I wanted something that reminded me of home. Didn’t know this whole cooking thing would be so hard.” Albert groaned. “Why do you enjoy it so much?”

Finch chuckled, leaning against the cupboard. “It’s relaxing and you can create a good meal and afterwards appreciate your hard work.”

“Whatever you say.” Albert rolled his eyes as Finch rolled up his sleeves and quickly washed his hands before raising an eyebrow in Albert’s direction. “What are you in the mood for? I’d say your chicken isn’t salvageable.”

Hopping up to sit on the countertop, Albert smirked, giving him a challenging look. “What’s your favorite meal to make?”

Reaching to open the cupboard next to him, Finch chuckled. “Well, now I know why you like to order food in so frequently.”

“Grocery stores scare me. They’re overwhelming.” Albert shrugged. “And most of the time I don’t know where half the items I’m searching for are located within the store.”

Finch nodded, continuing his search for whatever was going on in his mind. “Make sense. That’s why I use a grocery app to get food delivered - problem solved. But you don’t have much here. Let me go grab some supplies from my place and I’ll be right back.”

Albert watched him walk out of his apartment with a shake of his head. He tried to figure out what the hell had just happened and if his life had just changed for the better. Before he could move, Finch was back with some items in his arms, dropping them on the counter to Albert’s right.

“Now where are your pots and a strainer?” Finch asked, looking over at Albert.

A wicked grin crossed Albert’s face. “Why do you assume I have pots and a strainer?”

“Well in my search, I found a zester so if you have that fancy piece of equipment, I’m assuming you have pots and a strainer, smartass.” Finch raised an eyebrow. “Now where do you keep them hidden?”

Pointing to the cupboard below his hip, Albert smirked watching Albert crouch down, ruffling through the cupboard for the requested items. “So . . . uhhh do you have a significant other?”

Filling the pot with water, Finch snorted. “That’s the best conversation starter you could come up with?”

“I mean, I hate awkward silence so yes.” Albert defended. “My brain is all mushy since you’ve taken over my kitchen. So . . .”

Finch put the pot on the stove with a nod of understanding. “Painfully single for the last three months. I had a bad breakup which left me searching for a place. You?”

“No, I haven't had one for a while. Constantly looking though.” Albert grinned, eyebrows raised. “So, what are you making me for dinner?”

Finch rummaged through the cupboard again, coming out victoriously with a grater. “Figured you can’t go wrong with mac and cheese . . . unless you’re allergic to cheese or wheat?”

“Nope and nope. You’re good there. But I am allergic to shellfish.” Albert grinned, as a phone dinged with an incoming text. They both moved to look at their phones. Albert groaned, letting his head hit the cupboard behind him.

“Duly noted. You okay over there?” Finch said adding some salt to the pot watching lazy bubbles bubbled in the water.

Albert threw his phone down on the counter with a sigh. “Big family to do this weekend that I’m slightly not looking forward to.”

“Big family?” Finch asked, opening the box of noodles before pouring them into the boiling water.

He nodded, flipping through the photos on his phone before stopping at a family photo, showing it to Finch. “Adopted family. Jack and Race are my older brothers. Romeo is my younger brother and Smalls is the only girl and my younger sister. Jack and Race’s significant others will be there as well. It’s pure mayhem and craziness.”

“Wow big family. Any nieces or nephews?” Finch asked, quickly stirring the noodles before turning the heat down slightly. “Also, make yourself useful and grate the cheese.”

Albert grabbed a plate from the drying rack before starting to do what he was told. “Jack and his wife Katherine have a little girl named Emmie and they’re pregnant with their second; they’re not finding out the gender because they want to be surprised.” Albert rolled his eyes. “Race and his husband Spot are in the process of adopting a little girl named Noelle. They’re hoping to finalize the adoption in the upcoming weeks. So it’s even more mayhem with littles around.”

“That’s gotta be fun. It’s just me and my younger sister so there’s not much mayhem when we all get together.” Finch shrugged, watching Albert for a second. “I don’t even want to ask but you do have butter in the fridge, right?”

Smirking, a chuckle escaped Albert’s mouth. “Yes, I have butter and milk as well for your info.”

“So when you referenced that a very important person told you to stop wasting your money on take out, who were you referring to?” Finch asked as he drained the noodles in the strainer before dumping them back into the pot. He quickly grabbed the milk and butter from the fridge before adding a bit of both to the pot as Albert dumped the cheese in.

“That would be my sister-in-law, Katherine.” Albert said with a roll of his eyes. “She stopped by last week and couldn’t believe all of the takeout containers in the trash and fridge. One hastily worded text message was sent to my momma and I got a strongly worded lecture on how I’m 25 and should be able to cook and fend for myself.”

Finch threw his head back laughing loudly, taking a brief pause from stirring the mac and cheese together. “Well, I’m 26 and I get the lecture all the time about dusting and vacuuming.”

“So you feel my pain.” Albert exclaimed with a grin. “But I’m thankful for all that momma has done and will happily take her strongly worded lectures on any given day, even if they’re a lil intense and leave me a little bit frightened for my life.”

Finch nodded, and with a final stir, he clapped his hand together. “Alright, I think this is ready. Bowls?”

Albert grabbed two from the drying rack. “Alright, here’s the truest test - fork or spoon?”

“Spoon, why kind of heathen do you think I am?” Finch exclaimed as Albert shook his head.

“The kind that uses a spoon in mac and cheese rather than a fork.” Albert deadpanned, giving him a look as he drew out both a spoon and a fork from the drawer. “You’re an absolute heathen and I’m almost ashamed to know you.”

Finch dished some up in each bowl with a smirk, handing one to him as he grabbed the spoon from Albert’s hand. “Almost ashamed? You mean our beautiful friendship might live to see another day?”

“I mean, we’ll see how you did with the mac and cheese but I’d say this could live to see many days, weeks, and possibly years.” Albert said, stabbing several noodles with his fork before putting them in his mouth. He wasn’t ashamed that the most ungodly moan escaped his mouth. “Holy shit, this is amazing.”

Finch laughed, spooning some into his own mouth. “Want to amend your words about keeping me around?”

“How about you go on a date with me first and we’ll see where things go from there?” Albert raised an eyebrow in a challenge.

Finch nodded. “That can be arranged. What are you doing tomorrow night?”

“Apparently not getting take out and going out with you somewhere?” Albert bit back, before stabbing additional noodles and continuing to eat.

Finch grinned. “It’s a date.”

Thank you for reading! Many thanks to @cutesiewooren for being the ultimate cheerleader! So what did you think? If I was to continue this, what would you like to see? Any feedback would be lovely and would make my day!

Never Go Home Again, Pt. VI || JJ Maybank x Reader

Words: 3527

Series Warnings: violence / talking about abuse / toxic relationships / talking about nudes sex tapes and sex tapes / drugs / underage drinking

Pt. Warnings: boats in bad weather??

Series Summary: A new girl, a shoebox of old memories, a past she’s trying to forget coincide with a hotheaded, but selfless, boy.  teenagers getting in way over their heads

Pt. Summary: The group make headway with an underwater drone, while Y/N seeks closure from her family.

A/N: time for some insight into y/n’s history!!! also i have to go into school tmrw and i am NOT here for it 

Chapters linked in my masterlist.

“masterlist”

“Alright, keep a lookout.” JJ reminded you as you pulled up to the hotel,”We’re behind enemy lines.” he pulled out the gun, ignoring how John B argued with him as he loaded it, in full display. “Can never be too careful.” JJ reminded you.

“Hey, I predict bringing a weapon to a four star hotel will likely cause more problems than it solves.”

“Thank you, Pope.” John B sighed.

Kie leaned forward, her head sticking through to the front of the VW, “I swear to God, I’m gonna throw that gun in the ocean, JJ. Put it back.”

You reached through the window and snatched the gun off him, leaning over and handing it to John B, glaring at JJ as you pulled back out of his van window.

“”You can’t grab a gun like that!” he leaned forwards to argue, but at the look of your face when you turned around, he sighed, hopping out of the car, “Can’t forget my badge - professional bus-boy.”

“So where are we going now?” Pope inquired, following JJ to the doors.

“We’re getting the internet because only rich people have electricity right now.” JJ explained, leading you through the crowded, steamy kitchen and trying to grab some bits of food as he did, calling a greeting to a guy named Andrew. “See they got the backup generators going? Kooks don’t miss a beat.” he led you to a door, which opened to a load of computers.

“Sweet Lord, the internet!” Pope ran to the computer, sitting down, “I’ve missed you.”

“Let me get in there,” JJ spoke, “gotta check on my insta models.” you rolled your eyes, walking to the window and watching the ant’s nest of rich people thrive. You heard Pope type in the coordinates, and walked back to see what was going on. After the discovery of it being only 900 feet, and JJ telling you about the drone-camera-thing and his dad’s redundancy, you left again, not wanting to stick around for long.

--

“Pope, we’re not stealing the drone, we’re… borrowing it.” John B tried to justify.

“‘Humans are the only animal that can’t tell fantasy from reality.’” said Pope vaguely.

“Did you come up with that?” John B asked.

“Albert Bernstein came up with it,” he clarified, “but it applies to this whole treasure-hunting thing. So, which is it? Fantasy, or reality?”

“Why’re you so weird, Pope?” JJ asked, concentrating on rolling his blunt.

“It’s fantasy, but possible reality.” Kie suggested.

“Reality.” John B looked around at the group.

“Virtual reality.” JJ muttered, flicking his lighter on and going to light his blunt. You snatched the spliff off of him.

“The smell’s doing my head in.” you said, ignoring his hurt expression.

“Keep the signal clear.” Pope agreed.

“You know what your problem is?” JJ piped up, glaring at you.

“You?” You quipped, raising your eyebrow as if to say ‘I dare you’.

“No!” he shook his head, holding your gaze, “It’s that you take everything so seriously! And you don’t bother to find out what really happened. You make an assumption without knowing the full story.” he didn’t break eye contact with you. John B stopped the van, and you inhaled, holding your anger in.

“My problem,” you seethed, “Is that there is only one way to take most things. I don’t need to know the full story, because the message came through - loud and clear - regardless.” 

“Well maybe,” JJ started, the pair of you ignoring the faces of your fellow pogues as your voices rose, “if you knew the other side to the story, you would know that that’s not how it was meant.”

“Really?” you laughed incredulously, and you could tell he knew he was entering a danger zone, “Because there’s only one way to take it JJ! Please, please, enlighten me on literally any other way I could have taken it!” 

“Okay,” John B said, overpowering your argument, and drawing your attention to the shocked and confused faces of your friends, “Y’all need to sort your shit out, in the meantime, JJ, Pope, the gate’s open, let’s go, and Y/N, get ready, getaway driver.” 

You moved to the driver’s seat, grumbling about being a getaway driver as you watched the three boys run through the gate, which was crawling shut.

You waited for about ten minutes, bored out of your mind as you held a hardly engaging text conversation with a girl from your old school. Your bored brain’s trance was interrupted by the cutting sound of a dog barking. You looked through the wire gate, seeing that the guard had left the car. You jumped out of the car, slamming the door as you ran to the gate, pulling yourself up and over, jumping down the other side in a well-practiced manner, running towards the barking.

You scaled the rows of boats until you saw the guard, calming the dog down as he shouted to a boat. From your angle, you could see a rucksack. JJ.

“Excuse me?” you yelled, and the guard turned his attention to you as you walked towards him. “Uh, sorry, Officer, you left the gate open.” you lied, racking your brain for a lie to distract the man. “There was a girl with a flat tire.” Please, Kie, be there.

“I know.” he responded gruffly, and you nodded.

“Well, Sir, she’s like, panicking ‘cause you ran off, and she has to get to the ferry. You should probably help her out.”

He looked you up and down suspiciously as you played with your hair, battering your eyelashes lightly. He sighed, walking away, the dog in tow. You waited until he was out of sight, and earshot, to call out to JJ. His head appeared over the side of the boat, and then he stood and jogged down the steps to face you. You barely spared him a glance, heading towards the impound yard at the back.

“C’mon, shithead.” you murmured, hearing his footsteps follow you, catching up and joining your stride.

“Y/N,” he attempted, trying to catch your attention as you stared straight on.

“JJ,” you mocked, “I don’t want to talk about it. It should never have happened, and I’m sorry it did. Can we move on?”

You didn’t wait for a reply as you stormed off, towards the others, leaving his heart breaking in the dust.

--

“Kie,” you sighed, collecting glasses from one of the tables, “I told you, okay? He pushed me away. I mean, message received, loud and clear.”

“But you were drunk, maybe he just didn’t want to take advantage of you?” she offered, and you put the tray of glasses down, sighing and looking over to her.

“He just kind of, walked off.” you reminded her, “He just pushed me away and walked off. I felt like such an idiot - it was so humiliating, I mean he flirts with me, he asks me about all the right things, he wants to know about me, and who I am in a way that no guy ever has before. And I guess I got so caught up in my feelings that I didn’t realise they were one-sided. He pushed me away, and there’s only one way to take that. Besides, you saw how he acted at the yard.” You dropped your head into your hands. “How do I face him Kie?” you could feel her rub your back, “How do I face him, and the boys - he’s definitely told the boys - after I embarrassed myself like that?” 

She sighed, taking your face in her hands, “With your head held high, like a fucking a boss, because it’s his loss.” 

“You’re a poet and you don’t even know it.”

--

You had dined at the Wreck, still ignoring JJ and agreeing to reconvene at the Chateau in the early morning to test the drone, which was what you were now doing, as the sun began to creep over the marsh, dawn only having been an hour ago. Pope and JJ stood next to you, checking the camera, with Kie and John B in the water and you sat on the side of the pontoon.

“God bless geeks, Pope, truly man.” JJ said, looking at the screen. “What would we do without you to control the drone?”

“It’s not a drone,” you pointed out, “It’s an ROV.”

“Shut up, shut up.” He said, looking out at Kie and John B, “It’s too early for that right now.”

“Hey, once we get footage of the wreck, we’ll bring it to a lawyer in town and file a claim.” said John B.

“It’s such bullshit, why do we have to do that?”

“Well there is maritime salvage law.” You pointed out. 

“You can’t just go to the bottom of the ocean and scoop a bunch of stuff up.” confirmed Pope.

“I know, I know, it’s just, lawyers aren’t cheap, bro.” 

“JJ, we’re about to get our hands on 400 mil, and you’re worried about being cheap?” you snorted.

“And as soon as they see the footage they’ll work for a comp.” John B explained.

“How do you know all of that?” Kie asked.

“‘Cause my dad said it. Like, a million times.”

“This tether is like, really long.” Pope pointed out, “In the wrong weather it could get pushed around.”

“Then we’ll go in dead calm.” you shrugged, glancing at the storm clouds above you, “So not today.”

“So now we just gotta wait around for the right weather.” You pulled up the weather app on your phone, “Or tomorrow, thank God.” You stood up, “I gotta go anyway. I’ll be back tomorrow evening, so see you guys then.”

The pogues looked confused and you shrugged, “I have a ferry to catch.”

“A ferry?” Kie asked.

“Yeah, my brother’s driving from college to Florida to meet his girlfriend so he’s passing through, I said I’d meet him on the mainland until he leaves tomorrow.” you explained, grabbing your bag. “See you later.”

--

“Do you ever think about Mom?” you asked, taking a scoop of ice cream, making Lewis look at you, nodding slowly. “‘Cause I feel shitty, like yeah, she did some fucked up shit, and is one of the major factors as to why I’m now living in some islands on the other side of the country, but, she keeps calling me, and I want to pick up. Does that make me a bad person?”

“No.” Your brother shook his head, “She’s our mom, you’re still allowed to talk to her, even if you can’t see her. Besides, we deserve some closure, so if you can get it off her, then do.”

You nodded. “I miss her. And I miss how happy Dad was when he was around her. How happy we all were. It hurts that she did that to us.” you looked out to sea, watching the islands in the distance.

“Me too, little sis, me too.” he leant against the bollard next to him.

“So, you have a girlfriend.” you grinned at the way he blushed, “How long you been together?”

“Eight months, since the start of college.” he smiled.

“I’m happy for you.” you smiled at the thought of him finally finding the right girl, he deserved it.

“Thanks.” he grinned, “How about you? Any guys in the Outer Banks catching your eye?”

You thought about lying, but you decided you’d done enough of that for a lifetime. “There was, but I don’t think so anymore. Things are… weird.” 

“Oh yeah, what’s his name?” he nudged you.

“JJ. I thought we had something going on, but I guess he made it clear that that was fabricated.”

“How so?”

“We were like, hanging out everyday, and flirting and shit, but he kinda rejected me when I kissed him.” 

“It’s his loss, any guy would be lucky to have you. But if you need me to kick his ass, I’ll get on that ferry with you and do it like, as soon as I can.”

“You’re so extra.”

“You got friends?”

“What do you mean? You think I’m a loner or something?”

“It’s a simple question!”

“Yes. Yes, I have friends.”

“Good friends? They look out for you?”

“Yeah. I’ve known them a month and they’re already better friends than any of my old ones were. They’re the one reason I’m glad I live in the Outer Banks now. I love them, weird as it sounds. And they love me.”

You went back to the motel he’d rented you rooms in, and sat on your bed, opening your phone and staring at the many missed calls from your mom. You tapped the call button, holding the phone to your ear.

It rang twice, then the line opened with a small crackle.

“Hey Mom.” 

“Sweetie,” you could almost hear her relieved smile, “How are you?”

“I’m… uh, I’m good. I’m settling in. How’s Chris?”

“That’s great! He’s good, we’re good. Thank you. For calling back.”

“Why did you call, Mom?”

“I wanted to apologise. I’m so sorry. What I did - it tore us apart, and it was unforgivable. And now I see the situation you’re in and I wish I could take it back.”

“But you can’t, Mom. You destroyed my life, and you called to kill tow birds with one stone - pretend to seem like the caring mom you proved yourself not to be, and to clear your own conscience. Well fuck you. You really wanna know how I’m doing? I haven’t talked to any of my close friends from Cali because you made us move so suddenly that they thought I’d hid it from them. They all think I’m a slut, and I couldn’t win the fucking court case because of you! You left Dad high and dry, for a rich dude you’d known for a month!”

“Y/N,” she sighed through the phone, and you noticed that your cheeks were wet and stiff with tears.

“No, Mom. Don’t call again. Don’t try to contact me. I thought this would help get me closure, but your apology is just an excuse! I - I don’t ever wanna talk to you again.”

“I love you.”

You hung up, falling back onto the motel bed, and letting the sobs shake your body with such force that you couldn’t breathe.

--

You got back late the next day, when the sky was falling into darker hues every minute. You were tired, but you missed your friends. You dropped your bag off in the hallway and headed straight over the road to the Chateau. You found them in the hammocks. “Hey.”

Kie squealed, jumping up and tackling you in a hug that made you stumble back.

“Missed you,” she smiled, “had to deal with these shitheads by myself.” 

“Sorry.” you smiled, climbing into the hammock with her as the boys protested to her insults. 

“You missed some good waves.” John B commented.

“You guys know I don’t surf.” You chuckled. “I’m sure they were great though.”

“But you should surf.” JJ said, sitting on the other end of the hammock, both of your feet thrown over his. “How’s your brother?”

“I’m good without that hobby.” you laughed. “He’s good, enjoying college. What were y’all talking about?”

“How JJ believes in the gold.” Kie smirked.

“Oh my God, JJ, do you really believe?” John B joked.

“Totally. Wait, are we talking about four mil?”

“Four hundred mil.” You corrected, speaking softly, your anger at him seemingly having dissipated.

“I’m gonna dream about shipwrecks.” he rolled onto his side, as you and Kie giggled.

“Goodnight, Bird!” You laughed.

“Goodnight, Birdshit!” Pope mocked, making you all laugh.

“I love you guys.” You muttered, feeling Kie cuddle into you.

--

You stood at the bow, sunglasses on as you watched the waves roll out in front of you, and the wind bite at your skin, whipping your hair out behind you.

“Alright JJ, pin it here.” John B called, and you turned around, hopping off the front of the boat as JJ responded.

“Roger that, x marks the spot.” you walked to Kie, helping her with the wire.

“Alright, ladies and gentlemen.” John B pulled out the ROV, “To going full kook.” he plopped the drone in the water, high-fiving you as he walked back to Pope. Kie started feeding the wire through, and you sat down next to JJ in the cockpit, watching how he pouted when you stole his seat. “Alright, JJ, we’re right over it, ten seconds northwest.”

“Got it!” he repeated the instructions as he followed them. “Why are you in here?” 

“I wanted to sit down.” You countered, swivelling the chair from side to side.

“One hundred feet!” Kie called.

“You could sit down outside.” he nodded to the benches outside.

“But then you wouldn’t get the pleasure of my company!”

“I wouldn’t call it a pleasure.” he joked.

“Two hundred feet.” Kie’s call came.

You put your hand to your chest in fake offence, “C’mon man, you’re breakin’ my heart!”

“Sorry, bro.” he said, adjusting the steering.

“Three hundred feet.” 

“JJ why did you push me away when I kissed you?”

“Y/N, while I would love to have this conversation, now is not the time.”

“Four hundred feet.” Kie looked down, “The tide’s turning.”

“Hey JJ?” John B called out.

“Yup.” You responded for him, swivelling the seat towards John B.

“Ten seconds, easy. South-southeast.” 

You swivelled back around, repeating the instructions and ignoring the  “Yeah, Y/N, I heard.” as he turned aggressively, and you shuffled the chair back.

“JJ, twenty seconds midspeed alright? South.” John B called.

You stood up, the sudden change in weather and instructions causing anxiety to gnaw at your stomach. You grabbed a sweater off the side, pulling it over your head to keep the wind from giving you hypothermia. You went to Pope and John B, hoping to make yourself useful.

“What’s going on?” You asked, looking at the storm clouds.

“700 feet!” Kie called, and Pope turned to you.

“A little bad weather, we’re fine.” He assured you, and you nodded slowly, knowing he could see you were still anxious. 

You stumbled to the side as the waves crashed into the boat, JJ looking back at you, concerned. “This is not ‘dead calm’.” you mumbled as JJ peered out at the clouds.

“JJ, hold it steady!” John B called.

“900!” Kie called.

“JJ, we’re gonna turtle in this storm.” You said, watching the panic in your friends, as you fumbled with the sleeves. “Can I help with anything?”

“Sort the speed.” He said, moving so you could control the meter.

“920!” Kie yelled.

“Crank it north by northwest! Ten seconds!” John B called, panic clear in his voice.

“John B there’s too much current, we’re gonna lose it!” Kie yelled.

“South southwest JJ! Hard!” John B yelled, and you pushed the meter, turning quickly, working in tandem with the blonde boy.

“Half speed! Steady at this bearing, JJ!” He steered by his instructions as you slowed the boat.

“960!”

“980!”

You heard Pope yelling that you were at the bottom, and John B yelling for JJ to be steady, calling for quarter-speed. You slowed the boat again, both you and JJ looking at where the others crowded around the monitor.

“See anything?” JJ called.

You could see them mumbling, and their faces falling. They had found the boat, but came up empty. You helped JJ steer as they swept the wreck twice more, before running out of battery. You could hear Pope trying to bring the optimism back, but you knew it was futile.

“Guys, we’ve been through it three times, there’s nothing there.” you called.

“Shut up!” Kie shouted back, and you sighed, dejected.

“What? She’s right!” JJ backed you. You pulled your hand through your hair, taking the speed controls back off JJ.

“The gold could be buried, we don’t know!” Kie shouted, searching for something hopeful to say.

“If it was there, it would have been found on the metal detector, okay?” John B turned to face the group again. “Somebody beat us to it.”

You could see JJ getting frustrated, the sight of his best friend in pain clearly getting to him. “Or it was never there.” he muttered. You sighed, turning to check on your friends, who were riddled with frustration and anger. Eventually, you decided to go home.

When you eventually got back to the island, Kie pulled you aside.

“Are you and JJ alright again?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. Even if he doesn’t see me like that, I don’t wanna lose him. I talked to my brother about it, and I just feel like we should at least try to be good again.”

“You know we all love you either way right? And JJ cares about you, you guys have got to sort it out, you may have only known each other for less than a month, but I honestly can’t imagine how he’d be if he fucked things up with you.”

“You sure about that?” 

“‘Course. Anyway, you’re coming out with me, Pope and JJ, maybe JB,  tomorrow anyway.”

“I am?”

“Movie night down in the Kook Green.”

Tags: @tangledinsparkles​ @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @lolitstiana​ @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch​ @teamnick​ @thoughtsofthestars​ @obxmxybxnk​ @jjmaybankswife​ @kaelyn-lobrutto24​ @sxcretinhuman​ @alexa-playafricabytoto​ @angvelics​ @badwolf00593​

02/11/2021 DAB Transcript

Exodus 32:1-33:23, Matthew 26:69-27:14, Psalms 33:1-11, Proverbs 8:33-36

Today is the 11th day of February welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is an honor and a privilege, it is a joy to come in out of the cold and come around the Global Campfire together with you and just let it go, let any…any of the things that are pulling us in all kinds of negative directions just let them go for a minute and let this be an oasis for God's word, for the Scriptures to be read and for us to bring them into our minds and hearts. I will say it probably 100 times before this year’s over. I mean we don't have to drag the anxiety in here. This is a safe place. We’re here together. We’re here together for one reason. We don’t have to guard ourselves. We’re here together for one reason, to hear the Scriptures. We can go back into the anxiety when we’re done, We can even amp it up. We can leave here as if it doesn't matter and go right back and pick all that up or maybe we can catch our breath in here and maybe we can go back out into the world with a renewed perspective and that happens more than it doesn’t. And, so, let’s just let go, whatever’s going on. We just have a few minutes. We can take a break. If we want all that anxiousness, if we want all that depression, we can go pick it back up. But we can let go while we’re in here and see what God does through His…His word today. So, we’re reading from the Christian Standard Bible this week going back to the book of Exodus and God has been meeting with Moses on the top of Mount Sinai. He has been laying out the expectations and weaving together the tapestry of a culture that will be formed out of these former slaves who…who are Hebrew people. He’s reforming them and the people have been all around the mountain freaking out. Moses has been gone a long time up in the clouds, the…the glory of the Lord upon the mountain. And, so, they don't know what's going on. And we’re gonna see…we’re gonna some things today that shouldn't have happened and we’re going to see ourself in those things. Exodus chapters 32 and 33 today.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in the book of Exodus, the story of the golden calf, that's a pretty famous story. And so…well…chances are we've encountered it in one way or another before. This happens because Moses has been gone too long in the presence of God hearing from the Lord what he, you know, how to lead the people and what the expectations are, all the stuff that we’ve been reading for the last several days. Meanwhile this…this whole thing takes 40 days, and the people are down around the mountain going, “whatever happened Moses?” And “where do we go from here because we don't know what happened to him?” And, so, they decide to make a god, the gods for themselves to lead them forward and leave Moses behind. And, so, they commission Aaron. And we know this will story. Then God tells Moses to go down and Moses goes down and he throws down the tablets and they shatter, and this visually represents the breaking, like almost the instantaneous breaking of the covenant, the breaking of the law of the expectations of God. And he confronts the people about their idol worship. He confronts his brother Aaron about their idol worship. Aaron does all this whole back side-stepping blurring of the whole situation that we’ve probably seen so many times in our lives or even done so many times in our lives. Aaron is directly confronted about what he has participated in and he’s like, “what? How? You know. What? You know how these people are. You know how they are. And I don't really know what I did wrong. I just told them give me all your jewelry and I threw it over here in the fire and out came this idol and so we worshiped it”, which of course…I mean…it’s like, “dude couldn’t you’ve…you don't think very quickly on your feet do you? Like we can all see through this.” And Moses is just exasperated. He has been in the presence of God receiving this revelation about this people and formation. And, so, it's like quite a contrast to come down off the mountain and see what's going on. So, he grinds up the…the golden calf and everybody has to drink the water that it's poured into and then Moses goes back up onto the mountain and it gets really interesting because Moses is back up on the mountain kinda changed. Like he knows how ornery and rebellious these people are. He's one of them. He knows, but it’s like things just went to a new level. God has done so many miraculous things to rescue and protect this people. And they are around this mountain that God is descended upon and spoken. Like they’ve heard the voice of God at this mountain. It terrified them to the point that they asked Moses to be the spokesman for God and not God be the spokesman for God. So, they know God is upon this mountain and they know Moses is upon this mountain. So, Moses is back up on the mountain and God is like, “I'm not gonna go with you. It’s time…you need to lead to people but I'm not going to go so I don't destroy the people.” This is like a whole change in complexion for Moses where he's realizing deeply the gravity of the situation. He's realizing for himself no matter how good of a leader he might be and no matter how revered he may be, he's got almost 0% chance of success. Like if God doesn't go this is not gonna work knows it. So, he's pleading and asking like, “if you don't want to go then just take me out of the story altogether because there's no way.” And Moses says something really really riveting that we should be saying and meditating upon. He says, “you said” so, he's speaking to God, “you said I know you by name.” In other words, Moses is saying, “you told me you knew who I was. And you also told me that you found favor with me. So, if indeed I have found favor with you” and I'm quoting here, “please teach me your ways and I will know you so that I might find favor with you.” God's response to that is “my presence will go with you and I will give you rest.” May we remember that as we go out into the chaos of the day. Like if we’re gonna pick all that stuff up we were just talking about at the beginning, may we remember Moses and his leadership here. We don't have a grandstander, we don't have an arrogant person, we don't have a power-hungry person here and Moses. We’re seeing a leadership style here in the Scriptures as we see the posture of Moses. And Moses is a human being and has done all kinds of things including asking God to send somebody else, but here we are. We've gone through all that, and now Moses reaches this point where he realizes very clearly, there really is no other way to lead or navigate life without an acute awareness of the utter dependence that we have on God. And when we acknowledge that then we are surrendering our own power and control into the hands of the Almighty knowing that there is no other way. And God responds, “my presence will go with you and I will give you rest.” May we remember that today.

Prayer:

Holy Spirit come into that. When we surrender it feels counterintuitive because it feels like we have to put our hope and trust outside of what we can control or speculate or see it forces us into this other realm called faith, that we believe in what we can’t see or prove, that we believe in Your power, that You are mighty to save and we are not. We need to know this. We need to live this. It could rescue us from so much damage. So, come Holy Spirit and help us learn to surrender. Help of us learn to acknowledge You in all things as we are seeing built into this culture may we find all of the things that will continually remind us of Your goodness and make them a part of our practice as we are continually reminded of who we are, Your children, and who You are, the most-high God and where we are going -wherever You go where all things are made new. Come Holy Spirit we pray in Jesus name, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com, that is home base, that is that where you find out what's going on around here and how to get connected and how to find the resources that are available that surround this journey through the Bible that we are on. So, check that out. Of course, if you have the Daily Audio Bible app then you can check most of these things out as well said, so, indeed do that.

One thing that's in the app or on the web would be the Community section. This is where to begin to get connected. This is where the Prayer Wall lives. This is where we can always reach out to each other and reach back to each other. Also in the Community section are different links of places to be connected on social media. So, check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible in the mission that we share collectively to do what we’re doing and bring God's spoken word read fresh every day and offered to anyone who will listen anywhere any time then to build community around that so that we’re never alone and we’re aware of that, clearly aware of that. If that has been a life-giving source to you than thank you for your partnership. There’s a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner, or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

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And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi, everyone it's Christy and this is Tim from Kentucky. We wanted to call and let you know that we are keeping each of you in our prayers as we hear your prayer requests and I just want to say as special hello to Abigail and Desiree in Golden. I just want you to know that we have been listening and praying along with you and your names are just etched on my heart lately, just such young people with so much faithfulness to call in and we thank you so very much and will be praying for each of you. Also, I just want to let Tiffany know that we will be praying for you and Tom and also for Emily. Just all of your calls were so heartfelt. And we want you to know that your family, your DAB family is lifting you up in prayer. Also, Kingdom Seeker Daniel, brother we are praying for you. You and your wife are so very special and just praying for your children and we too are battling some issues with my husband's children. So, we understand, and we are praying for you. Also, if you would please keep Chris Thurston’s family in your prayers Pam Carlyle’s family in your prayers, Gene and also Dottie one of the ladies from our church. We…we've had to say goodbye to four of those in the past month. And, so, if you would, we'd ask you to pray for them and I just thank you for that. They’re now home with Jesus. I just wanted to ask for your prayers. Alright everyone. We love you so much and we pray each of you are having a most blessed and lovely day.

Hi, everyone it's Desiree. I called in January regarding about my mother with the drug addiction. I want to thank all…all of you guys who have been praying for my mother. She is still the same. I’ve been getting…I've been listening to all the prayers that you guys have done they melt my heart. And I want to say thank you to all of you guys, even though you may not call, thank you though for keeping Her and I in your hearts Lord. I'm thanking the Lord for all that. So, after I submitted my video, I just want to say she…after some of your prayers that you've done, she called after 8 months of not knowing what was going on with her. So, that was a big crazy time for us. And with all that's been going on though I want to say that you guys hit it right on the nail. I mean, my life has been so much better living here with my aunt and uncle. My grades are good. I'm an A, B student A+ B+ student. I still have problems with school you know that teenage little attitude. So…so, I just…I'm getting to know God so much more than I've known before. And I just want to say that’s thanks to my parents…well…my adopted parents but it's all because of them and mostly because of God. So, I just want to say thank you to all of you guys that have been praying for us and I love you guys and I'll be listening to you guys and I just want to say I'm praying for you guys as well, who have been having problems. So…

Hi, this message is for Tyler from the February 8th podcast of the Daily Audio Bible. My name is Jessica from __ California and I just wanted to say a prayer for you. You said that you've been praying because you have a pitiful spirit. And I just wanted to let you know or share that God's been working with me lately. Those are thoughts from the enemy and every time I think about, you know, I need to lose weight or condemn myself for eating something or not exercising enough, God's been just having me repeat this over and over again when one of those thoughts comes in my head. He has me say, “thank you God for just the way I am. Thank you God for just the way I am.” And I know it sounds kinda silly but actually it's only been less than a week and these thoughts are coming less and less into my mind. So, you know, I know it's hard to love ourselves sometimes and the enemy really can get ahold of us but just know that Jesus loves you so much and you're not a beautiful spirit. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. And I know people have told me that before and I'm like, “sure, sure. Easy for you to say.” But really, just believe it and just like right now actually have…I have a sheet covering my mirror, so I don't look at myself, I don't judge myself every day. I know it kind of sounds weird, but he really just has me trusting him and saying, “thank you God for just the way I am. Thank you God for just the way I am.” So, I encourage you Tyler that God loves you just the way you are, and you should be thankful for it. In Jesus’ name I pray.

This is Dave from the United States calling. This prayer call is for Haneron from New Zealand. Once I heard your call it stopped me in my tracks. You've been through some tough times. You've had the strength to call in and ask for prayer. And in detail you asked for a covering. I will be covering. This family, Daily Audio Bible will be your covering and the Holy Spirit will be your covering. I pray that you continue to call in anytime that you need strength from your covering. We will be here. And anytime give this family a call. Someone on this planet will be praying for you. I'm going to commit to a day to pray and fast for you and your family and the Holy Spirit be there for you. Thank you so much for calling and giving me the opportunity to ask our savior to pray and cover you and keep you…keep you covered as your request is.

Hi DAB family this is triple T calling to encourage those of you today who are longing for a spouse, longing for a child, longing for friendships just to be surrounded by love in a like tangible way. I know leading up to Valentine's Day and that time frame is always quite difficult on people. I have many people in my life who are struggling and just want to encourage you guys, just press into the Lord and to seek Him and just to keep going after Him and letting him be or strength, your love, you're all in all. In psalms 34 17 and 18 it says the righteous cry out and the Lord hears them. He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. So, Lord we just come to You right now. God, I thank You for these men and women across the globe. God You see their hearts, You hear the cry of their hearts Lord longing for a spouse, longing for a child, longing for a friend that they can walk through life with. God we just pray that You would open the doors of opportunity, Lord that You would give men wives and give women husbands Lord Jesus and give them together children Lord Jesus, that You would bring friendships that are unified Lord and strong and growing and encouraging and accountable Lord and just pressing into You God. Through all these things and their waiting in Your time and God we know Your timing is perfect. May You give them the strength to continue, may they press into You even more. Lord Jesus may You be their everything. All that they are, all that they have Lord may they press into You. We love You, we glorify Your name Jesus, for in Your name we pray all these things. Blessings and love. Bye.

Good morning DAB family this is Doctor John in Illinois good this morning I was listening to the prayers and I hear Greg from Washington. Brother it’s hard to hear all your troubles in your families but I guess what I hear…what I hear most of all is your love for your family and your concern. Again, your honestness and your contriteness is what I hear more than anything. And I want to read to you, this is psalms 57:15. For thus says the one who is high lifted up who inhabits eternity whose name is holy, I dwell in a high and holy place had also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite. Just know brother that He hears here. The word says there's nothing outside His hand. There's nothing He doesn't see or touch or hear. And Father I pray for my brother right now for Greg and for all these Lord that petition you for their families. Lord would you woo their hearts. Just know brother that there's a lot of people, a lot of brothers and sisters in this group, in this family, this wonderful family that are praying and believing for you that God will make a way for you. So, I pray, God bless you. Keep your head up and trust in God. Wait on the Lord and be of good courage for He strengthens your heart.

Guys, I was HELLA behind on FMLS90- but I'm still in it! Just caught up :) while I was waiting for the grocery store to open. Now I am off with my reusable bags to get my food for the week before coming home and continuing chores. I want to get as much done as possible before FOOTBALL starts!!! We're playing Kansas City at 4:25 today (@fatmaninalittlesuit I'm sure you'll be watching this game as well!) and I am SO NERVOUS. We have been... trash, lately. Last week's game was atrocious. I wish I had planned better and tried to go to the game, even though it would probably be crazy expensive and super cold, because my football buddies are in California on a mini vacation (their 3rd this season compared to my 0) and I only have local cable at home.

Anyway, here it is:

• 11/18 - How does holiday food play a role in your fitness journey? Do you have any positive or negative traditions that impact your journey? Share one of both.

Well, this was probably supposed to be about Thanksgiving feasts but here we are on December 8th! Honestly, we don’t really have any “traditions” beyond getting together and sharing a meal. In hindsight this Thanksgiving was probably my best, calorie-wise, because my brother-in-law’s sister did most of the cooking and did a lot of sides with bacon incorporated into them and, since I’m vegetarian, I did not partake. I had some DELICIOUS food, don’t get me wrong, and she made a to-die-for caprese salad… but most of the apps had bacon and several of the sides. I ended up having cheese and crackers, french onion tartlets (SOOO GOOD), chips & dip, mashed potatoes, and a plethora of vegetable sides. It also helped that I had to work overnight Thursday into Friday so I couldn’t have any wine 

• 11/19 - How does holiday stress play a role in your fitness journey? Do you have any especially stressful situations that make your physical or mental journey tough? How do / will you handle them?

Holidays don’t really stress me out, if we’re being honest. As of Dec. 6 I just need to pick up some alcohol and then some giftcards for my cousin’s kids, and I’m done Christmas shopping. I start my shopping November 1 every year. I don’t mind seeing my family -they’re dramatic, just like everyone else, but compared to my job? A few hours of family drama time is nothing. I do tend to hoard a bottle of wine to myself for the holidays but I’m not sober during non-holiday times, either, so that doesn’t really come into play.

• 11/20 - What role do family and friends play in your holidays? Are these mostly positive or negative? What do you want to change about this?

Mostly positives! I hosted my second annual Friendsgiving this year and it was fantastic. The one downside was I had been up for 44 hours but I think it went well. Honestly the only “downside” to friends/family during holidays is having to be in such close quarters with people because as much as I love them, someone inevitably has germs.

• 11/21 - Do you notice and physical / mental changes around this time of year? Do you have any strategies to deal with them?

I am always a sleepy bitch, but more so during the winter months due to the lack of sun. This M-F, not getting home till 5-6 every night, office has no window life is bullshit. We always jokes that nightshift never sees the sun but dude, until you’ve gone 5 days without sunlight, don’t even @ me. I am extra careful about taking my vitamins during this time of the year because I really do notice a difference in energy and mood without them (I have some vitamin deficiencies NOT related to my diet thank you).

• 11/22 - How do work / school commitments / events this time of year differ for you? Can this be used to your advantage in your fitness journey or are there steps you can take to minimize the challenges?

In the fall we have annual mandatory education at work which can be stressful but other than that, work does not change. This year was a little different because I picked up a second job and had orientation and have been working a lot to save up money for my many endeavors over the next 2 years (sister’s bridal shower / bachelorette /wedding, best friend’s bridal shower / bachelorette / wedding, everyone is turning 30 and wants to go all out -me included- wanting to go on more vacations, wanting to do a 29th birthday somethingl… the list is endless…. Lol)

• 11/23 - Do you have any plans to travel this year? If so, describe the challenges that creates and how you will handle them. If not, what can you do at home to set yourself up for success?

One semi-definite plan is my sister’s bachelorette in 2020! I don’t know when or where we’re going, but we’re going- which reminds me, I need to get my passport in case it ends up being Canada! I also would like to do a small trip for my 29th birthday. Originally I wanted to take a week off (I am close to vacation time caps at work) but we are OF COURSE having a new system go-live 6 days after my birthday and I’m like, top 5 most important people for the go-live. So we shall see. Perhaps a 3-day weekend for president’s day somewhere close?

• 11/24 - Share one tip with the community on how to stay healthy during the holidays.

I feel like any time I have to share a tip with the community I share the same one, but there it is: PREPARATION. For instance I have not meal prepped in 3 weeks and IT SHOWS. I’ve been feeling sluggish and gross, not working out like I should be, and not sleeping as well…. PREPARATION IS KEY!!!

• 11/25 - What are your general thoughts on gratitude and the role it plays in your mental health and happiness?

Being in healthcare puts a new perspective on gratitude. I’m answering this hella late so it’s not actually 11/25 and is several weeks post-Thanksgiving, but… yesterday I watched a daughter unexpectedly lose her mother in the worst possible way. She walked into the room and almost immediately told us to stop doing CPR. I am grateful for my family being here and healthy, I am grateful for my fellow healthcare providers, and I am grateful that this strong woman who was having the worst day of her life wanted one thing for her mother in the last moments of her life: peace.

• 11/26 - What are some past experiences I am grateful for? How did they shape my life for the better?

I am grateful for growing up the way I did. I can’t say I wouldn’t change things but being raised by who I was shaped me into who I am. I’m grateful I wasn’t just handed things and was forced to work for them. I was probably not super appreciative at age 16 when I had to pay for my own car, but as an adult I am SO happy that I learned the lesson of working hard.

• 11/27 - Who do I appreciate? Tell us about them and why you are grateful they are in your life.

Right now I am appreciating the nurse who took report from me last night! We’ll probably never meet again but thank you for listening to my rants, not judging my last-minute leaky IV (don’t worry, the patient had another one that worked fine), and for getting me out of there so quickly!

• 11/28 - It’s Thanksgiving Day in the U.S. Tell us what specifically you are Thankful for today.

On Thanksgiving I was grateful for friends, family, and awesome coworkers.

• 11/29 - What are some people / things I may be taking for granted? How can I better express my gratitude for these people / things in the future?

I sometimes take my dad especially for granted. I depend on him for things around the house that I don’t have the skills or knowledge to do, such as fix the deck or the running toilet or even hang things without punching a hole in the wall. In the future I want to express that I’d rather him teach me these things instead of just coming to do them.

• 11/30 - What are some future opportunities I have that I am grateful for?

Everyone’s wedding, and the Year of Turning 30 Extravaganza.

• 12/1 - Share one tip with the community on how to live life with at attitude of gratitude.

No one is grateful 100% of the time. I try to make it a point every day to think of what I have… friends, family, pets, house, car, food in my fridge, etc…. and remember that not everyone has those.

• 12/2 - Where are you on your personal mental health journey? What strengths and opportunities do you have?

The changing of the seasons, setting the clocks back, and the SNOW on December 1st took its toll. I am usually not a Christmas-decorations-the-day-after-Thanksgiving type of person, but this year that’s the day that worked for my family getting our trees (me, my dad, and my sister/brother in law all go together and my Dad drops the trees off with his pickup) so I decorated that weekend and began listening to Christmas music (Pentatonix, ayyyyy). It really HAS been a pick-me-up!!!

• 12/3 - What are some past experiences with mental heath work? What has worked well for you and what has not worked as well.

Personally? None. Professionally? Just what I give as a nurse.

• 12/4 - How is your mental health compared to a year ago? Are you remaining steady, improving or regressions? What do you need to do about it?

Well, this time last year I had been at my job for one day and had no idea what I was doing. Now I’ve been here for a year and know what I’m doing… 50% of the time? So my mental health has gotten better since I no longer feel like a fish out of water. It helps that I got a per diem at the bedside and have those opportunities to do direct patient care.

• 12/5 - How aware are you of your mental health? Are your your moods steady or do they ebb and flow? Are you aware when things are changing and do you have any experience / tips for heading off tough times?

Very aware of my mental health; you have to be, to survive in healthcare without getting serious burnout. I would say my moods ebb and flow, which isn’t abnormal. Tough times can be headed off by doing self care, and I don’t mean in the bath-bomb-face-mask type of way: do your laundry (and fold it straight out the dryer), wash the dishes, clean the house, meal prep… and maybe get a manicure.

• 12/6 - Have you noticed any patterns / cycles to your own mental health? Do the seasons, or specific holidays or other variables impact you in specific ways?

Not especially. Late fall / early winter tends to be hard due to the lack of sun, but I also have a vitamin D deficiency that for obvious reasons gets worse in the winter, and low vit D causes depressive symptoms.

• 12/7 - How are mental health and physical health connected? What are some of your experiences that show this in your life?

Well. In my personal and somewhat-work-related experience, being in poor physical health often has a negative impact on mental health. HOWEVER BEING IN POOR PHYSICAL HEALTH DOES NOT MEAN BEING OVERWEIGHT. Plenty of patients have normal BMIs and are in poor health, and plenty have BMIs that label them obese and are in good health. And being in good physical health does not mean you have good mental health. I guess what I want to say is that while they can influence one another, they are not directly correlated?

• 12/8 - Share one tip with the community about developing or maintaining your mental health.

Don’t let things pile up. And I mean that literally and figuratively. Clean your house and prep your food and for the love of God empty the trash from your car (no? just me?). But also… don’t dwell on things you cannot change, and don’t stew on things you can. Just do it. It will be worth the time, energy, and anxiety.

Happy Birthday to Saeran and Saeyoung!

Oof, I know I’m cutting it close, but I managed to finish a little story for the boys. It’s been so beautiful seeing all of the art posted here and on Twitter to celebrate their day. Happy Birthday to my 2D husband and muse, Saeyoung, and to my digital brother-in-law, Saeran. You both deserve the all of the best

Anyway, onto the story! 1.7k words of fluff, cake, and gift-giving. 

“Honey~ Are you still asleep?” MC patted the blanket-covered form next to her, but the only response was a quiet snore. She was worried that he might sleep through half of his birthday but didn’t want to rouse him if he was tired enough to snooze through that. Deciding to give him more time to sleep, she snuck out of bed to begin preparations for the day.

***

A few hours earlier, Saeyoung had been the one to slip out of bed unnoticed by his girlfriend. Once dressed, he headed to his workroom and gathered up everything he needed. It was tough work by moonlight and his cellphone’s flashlight. After checking the guide he’d found online, and rearranging the garden soil to look nice again, he stood up and dusted off his hands. He tapped on the new app he had created and smiled at the sound that told him everything was working. Or, so he hoped.

Back inside the house, he scrubbed the dirt from his fingernails and shuffled out of his stained clothing. MC stirred, making a cute sleepy sound as Saeyoung curled back up next to her. As he drifted off, he marveled at how his life had changed over the last year. His brother was back in his life and would wake up to his gift soon. Then there was MC…, the woman who had completely altered the course of his life. Someone who loved every side of him and let him finally drop the mask that he had long thought to be a permanent part of his existence.

***

The sun was barely up when Saeran made his way out to the garden. He was learning to love the smell of it again - the earthy scent of the soil, sun-warmed grasses, and the few flowers that had already begun to bloom. With a deep breath, he stretched his arms over his head, drinking in the sunlight and fresh air, letting it infuse his body. The sound of his phone beeping frantically shook him from his morning reverie. “What is it…,” he grumbled, pulling his phone from his pocket and unlocking it. There were several messages from his brother.

   “Happy Birthday to my other half! I know you were worried about the garden wilting if you went on a vacation, SOOOO!!! I hacked your phone, sorry not sorry, and added a new app! Check it out!”

“What the hell would an app on my phone have to do with the garden?” Though he groused about it, he was honestly curious. How would an app let him leave the garden alone without having to worry about it? On the home screen of his phone, there was a new app with an icon of a cartoonish plant sprout. It opened with a short video of Saeyoung’s goofy avatar explaining that the app-controlled a new irrigation watering system that he had… installed in the middle of the night? Saeran shook his head, subconsciously trying to hide the smile on his face. He had to admit; it was pretty impressive.

***

With a ferocious yawn, Saeyoung woke up from his morning nap and snuck away into his workroom. He cracked open a Ph.D. Pepper, relishing in the satisfying hiss it made, and flopped into his favorite office chair. Paying no mind to it creaking under him, he booted up the program he’d made for his drones. A smile, interrupted by another yawn, stretched over his face as he played back a recording from earlier. Saeran had liked his gift! Judging by his brother’s reaction, he’d done a decent enough job of installing the tubes and connections and hadn’t ruined anything in the process. He replayed the video again, sighing in contentment.

After a moment, he switched to control mode and guided the drone he had left perched outside back into the shed. With a few clicks, he took control of another smaller drone that was already in the house. He knew that MC would be mad if he found out what she was working on for his birthday but he couldn’t resist taking a peek. Keeping the tiny robot close to the ceiling, he panned the camera around until he spotted her. Heat rose to his cheeks. She was licking white frosting from a spatula and dancing around the kitchen. How could she be so cute and sexy at the same time?! A moment later, Saeran entered the kitchen but his back was to the drone so he couldn’t guess what they were talking about. Saeyoung decided not to risk moving his drone closer to find out - Saeran was always much better at spotting them than MC was. He carefully perched the bot on top of the refrigerator, out of sight. Hmm… what were they up to?

He decided to find out in person instead. Besides, he was dying to wrap his arms around MC and snuggle up to her soft form. So she would have a chance to hide anything she was working on, he called out to her from the living room. “Honeyyy~ Good morning!”

“It’s almost afternoon! Oh, and hold on a sec! I’ll be right there!”

Saeyoung snickered and leaned up against the wall as he waited for her to arrive. His brother stepped out of the kitchen first and nodded to him. “Hey. I got your gift.”

“Yeah?” Even though he had seen Saeran’s reaction to it, his heart fluttered a little at the idea of hearing his thanks in person.

“You must have put a lot of work and research into that, huh?” Saeyoung replied with a shrug. It honestly had been a challenge to figure out how to make it work and program that app. He’d even set it to monitor local weather reports so it wouldn’t waste water on rainy days. “Mmhmm. I can tell. It’s… actually pretty brilliant. And helpful. Thanks.” Saeran pointed at his brother as he walked past. “No crying on your birthday.”

“Sae, honey? Are you okay?” She had arrived right as Saeyoung was putting his glasses back on from wiping his eyes.

“Yeah, I’m… oof!”

His breath left him in a woosh as his girl ran up and hugged him tightly. She rested her cheek against his chest, nuzzling against him. “Happy Birthday, love.” Her warmth suffused him, his heart full of his adoration for her. They stayed that way for a long moment, enjoying being so close together. Eventually, she stepped back. “I’m sure you already know I’m working on something, but if you give me a minute to hide it, you can hang out while I work on lunch?”

He stayed close to her all day, his hands finding her back or shoulder at every opportunity. Even after all the time they had spent together, he still loved having those little reminders that she was real.

The day passed in quiet companionship, though Saeyoung’s curiosity grew by the hour. He knew that his family was planning something for him, but he hadn’t been able to figure it out. Finally, when dinner was over, MC asked them to stay at the table while she disappeared into the kitchen again. Silent understanding passed between the brothers, and they nodded to each other with a smile, waiting for the reveal of their cake. Sure enough, MC returned with a cake decorated much like a Christmas treat - white icing peaks topped with strawberries, but also festooned with candles. “Happy Birthday, guys~! I hope you like it!”

Saeran appeared to be mesmerized by the candles. Last year, he stayed in his room for most of the day, so this was their first real birthday celebration since being reunited. “I was going to let him tell you, but Saeran grew these strawberries in his garden!”

Saeyoung glanced over at his brother and caught a smile from him. “Seriously?! That’s amazing! I can’t wait to try them!”

“It’s nothing. They’re tiny strawberries compared to what we can buy at the store.” Saeran’s eyes darted back to the cake.

“I tried one earlier and they are much sweeter than the ones from the store. You sell yourself short, hun. Anyway, shall we?” MC began singing “Happy Birthday,” and after a few notes, Saeyoung joined in as well. Both brothers leaned in and blew out the candles together, each making a wish in their hearts.

“Hey. Do you mind if we eat our cake out in the garden?”

Tilting his head in confusion, Saeyoung agreed to his brother’s suggestion even if it seemed odd to eat outside in the dark. “Let’s do it!”

Once everyone had their plates full of cake, they headed out to the yard. As they turned the corner, Saeyoung gasped. While the garden had been entirely dark when he was sneaking around that morning, it had been transformed. Glow in the dark rocks had been added to the gravel path, making it shimmer with blue sparkles. Tiny solar-powered lanterns peeked out from between the beds. Lastly, a string of star-shaped lights bridged the two tall poles on either side of one of the beds, casting light down on a trellis filled with large white flowers. “What is all this?”

Saeran motioned him over to a picnic table that had recently been added as well. “I know you aren’t into gardening, but I wanted to make this place into something nice for you too. I thought about this kind of thing a lot when I was a kid - making a space-themed garden for you to return to.” He gazed off into the distance as he continued. “Anyway, I didn’t know how to do it then, but here we are. The white flowers are called moonflowers and only bloom at night. The other flowers in that bed haven’t bloomed yet, but they’ll be columbines, which look like shooting stars, and night-sky petunias, which are blue with white spots like stars. Of course, the ones with the big fuzzy green leaves are… red geraniums. Maybe they look like supernovas or something but they were the flowers I picked out for you long ago.”

MC turned away, crying silently as the brothers embraced. It felt like finally, after all this time, the last of the barriers between them had fallen away. Even though she had known what Saeran was planning, seeing it all together like this was amazing. They had researched ideas together, but the design and work were all Saeran’s doing. She slipped away to get the gifts she had wrapped earlier, not wanting to end their evening in the magical garden just yet.

Budget Cuts

In case you’re too busy reading my blog to follow the politics of the state of Alaska, here’s a brief rundown from an admitted newcomer. Last October when he was up for reelection, Bill Walker, the previous governor and an Independent, stepped down in the aftermath of a scandal involving “inappropriate overtures” made to a woman by his lieutenant governor. That left two contenders. The Democrat, Mark Begich, had been a US senator; Flo actually met him at our local radio station when they were both being interviewed on the same day. Ladybug and I were listening for Flo to come on and talk about university events but Begich talked for awhile before Flo’s segment; I found him interesting, but Ladybug was not impressed.

“Ugh,” she said. “He just keeps talking!” In short, most people’s view of politicians.

I think it goes without saying (does it go without saying?) that I am a Democrat – though my recent move to the “coast” of the Tongass Narrows changes slightly my status as a member of the coastal elite. Regardless, Flo and I were pretty dang disappointed that Begich lost. The winner, Republican Mike Dunleavy, was elected on the campaign promise of restoring the PFD. Allow me to explain – again, forgiving my very rudimentary understanding of the whole thing. The Alaska permanent fund was established in the late seventies, in the wake of the construction of the Alaska pipeline; a lump sum is given to each Alaskan once a year, with the variable amount effectively contingent on the price of oil. This year it amounted to about $1600 for every man, woman and child in the state; in the past it’s been significantly more. (I should note that we won’t receive it until we’ve lived here a full calendar year, which will mean 2020 for the three of us and 2021 for Bronson, I believe – the indignity of having a birthday in early January.) To outsiders, those of us who just moved here from down south and aren’t yet eligible, for example – it can feel like a bonus. But to many Alaskans, it is the thing they wait for all year. A friend here told me that there are people in remote villages who rely on the PFD to pay their bills. The day before the dividends were handed out last fall, I overheard a salty dog of an old man, possibly drunk, talking on the phone.

“I’ll get you the money as soon as the PFD comes through,” he said, like a character in the Alaska version of a gangster film: To Live and Die in Ketchikan.

And it’s not only homesteaders and people living on the fringes. This money is important to people. One of my friends used hers to buy a new oven; they’d been out an oven for eight months, waiting for the PFD. In the lobby of the aquatics center last October, watching our kids practice the front crawl, parents debated about whether to use the money for vacations or household upgrades (middle-class concerns to be sure, but I did notice that none of the people I knew actually used the money for vacations – something else always seemed more urgent.) All that to say, Dunleavy was elected in part on the basis of his campaign promise calling to restore the PFD’s former glory, and to retroactively distribute funds he felt had been taken from the people by the previous administration. Now. I’m not going to delve too deep into the politics of a state to which I have just moved. I really don’t know what the right answer is. I do know this: a budget that allows for Dunleavy to award this money also includes cuts in the billions of dollars to the Alaska Marine Highway system and the University of Alaska. Obviously, the latter of those two would be a real problem for us. If Flo were to lose his job, the life that we’ve built here over the last eight months would be impossible to maintain. We would have to move. As I write this (and “write” should be in quotation marks, since I’m talking into my notes app like an old timey doctor into a dictaphone), I’m walking down Jackson from the top of a high hill, looking out towards snowcapped mountains on Gravina Island with the waters of the Tongass Narrows gliding by below. We had friends over for dinner last night, a chaotic group of kids and babies and nursing mothers, all sitting around eating linguine and clams and talking about hiking. I called Ladybug’s school yesterday to ask about serving on their board. Things are happening for us here – things we like. Bronson was born here. I won’t be dramatic and say that I plan on dying in Ketchikan. I have no idea where or when I’ll die. (Way to bring the mood down, Bolton.) But we’ve been very happy here. And frankly, I wouldn’t even know where to go next. So as it turns out, the looming budget cuts for the state of Alaska, which are probably not even national news, well, they’re affecting us on the most basic of levels right now. I will say, we have high hopes. I could go into detail, but the gist of it is that, though small, the Ketchikan campus features a maritime academy that the governor has toured and thought very highly of. Flo thinks that may be the salvation of the school. Then again: if the marine highway system shuts down, is there any point in a maritime academy at all? Any thoughts of buying a house have been tabled, at least for the moment. All this has gotten me thinking about the ways I inadvertently implement cuts in my own little life. I didn’t go on my regular walk today, the one where I tuck Bronson into the carrier and watch his eyes grow heavy and eventually close. Ladybug stayed home from school, Flo had several meetings at funny times, and the day just sort of got away from me. So it’s evening now, though it’s still light (it’s amazing how quickly the days have started to get longer) and I’m walking by myself. I didn’t start the walk by myself, though. When Flo got home and I handed off the baby, Ladybug chimed in and told me that she wanted to come on my walk. I started to say no. I fact, I did say no. A couple of times. But she was undaunted. My brother and sister-in-law had sent her a super-secret spy notebook today and some new crayons. She put on her shoes and a little stocking hat and grabbed her notebook. Off we set: me slightly annoyed that I wasn’t getting my time alone and would have to slow my pace; Ladybug all excitement.

We did start slowly. Ladybug kept stopping me so she could unbutton her little notebook, pull out a crayon, scribble something, and then reverse the process. She pointed things out, too. “Look Mama!” Ladybug said. “It’s a ketchup and mustard house!” It was true: there are two houses next to each other a few blocks from us, one bright yellow and one bright red, that I’d never really noticed before. “Look Mama!” she said, indicating across the street from the condiment houses. “That house is so cool!” It was a wide house with two levels and a big deck that looked sort of like a duplex but wasn’t; I couldn’t tell you why it was cool, but it was. “Stop!” she shouted, still only three blocks from home. “I have to look at my map.” Ladybug pulled out her notebook and consulted the scribbles she had made earlier. She pointed us in the direction that we should head. She found some berries. She noticed buses. She ran ahead, and lagged behind, and drew pictures and talked and held my hand and laughed and skipped. Eventually she’d had enough so we doubled back, I dropped her off, and I picked up my pace. If having a newborn means falling in love with someone you’ve just met, having a five-year-old when you have a newborn, at least for me, has meant something closer to a marriage that’s headed for divorce. The newborn relationship is a series of meet-cutes: “He spit up all over me and then looked at me so helplessly that I had to laugh!” Parenting the older child now consists of button-pressing and limit-testing, of the building up of micro-aggressions that lead to epic explosions: “She threw a tantrum because I put yogurt, then fruit, then granola, but she wanted the fruit on the bottom and I LITERALLY CAN’T ANYMORE.”

Children always ask if their parents will love them less when the new baby comes along. The parents always say no, of course not, there’s room enough in our hearts for all of you. Which is true. But what we fail to mention is that it’s really easy to love a newborn; it’s much harder to love almost anyone else. When Flo and Ladybug have argued in the past and she’s come to me in tears, I’ve often said to her, “It’s hard to live with other people.“ A new baby is a person, but with respect to Magda Gerber and Dr. Sears and everyone who preaches the importance of respecting our newborns – they are still just barely people. Yes, each baby has a life of his own, and I have immense respect for what what my baby has been through up to this point and the person he already is. But. A baby is also a vessel for all of our dreams, for the things we love about ourselves and our partners; he represents the abundance of life that we have been seeking and, in his shy smile and soulful eyes, have finally found. (We had that time with Ladybug too, I should say, and it was dreamy.) A child, though, is in many ways already fully realized. Ladybug is the most intense version of herself at five, even if that five-year-old self will only exist until she turns six. For the rest of her life she will embody the self that she is at that moment, in that season, and it will be fascinating and thrilling and scary for her dad and me to behold. Right now it’s intense, because five-year-olds can be intense. They can be bullheaded, attention-seeking, and mean. Ha. Sounds like me sometimes – must be my daughter. Which is what the walk reminded me. That this girl with her notebook and her rainbow-colored coat – because “rainbow” is her favorite color – is still the manifestation of everything that has ever mattered to me. The arrival of her brother has made it harder for me to have the patience to remember that, but that doesn’t make it any less true. I’d like to think that I’ll be kinder tomorrow, that I won’t snap at her when she lifts up a table and carries it, haphazardly and seemingly for no reason, directly over the tiny bed in which her brother is sleeping. I can’t guarantee that will happen. I’m growing too. I’m trying to be the best version of myself at this season in my life, and I’m not always particularly successful. But the magic of life and of parenthood is that I’ve made no campaign promises. I have no constituents that are going to send me packing after one term if I don’t deliver. My cabinet is populated by people who cheer me on and commiserate with me and make me laugh, and I can wake up every morning and decide how best to move forward.

So if Alaska Marine represents travel and the university represents education, then couldn’t it be said I’m cutting them out of my own budget by not taking a walk with my daughter, by not learning from her and helping her learn? How can I ask the governor to keep funding these institutions unless I’m funding them in my own life?

Ladybug’s maps were so clear in her own mind; all I saw were scribbles. That’s the way it is sometimes with maps. I’m just going to keep walking and looking for berries along the way, hoping for the best.

Back to the Way Things Were Ch. 14

It's been long overdue my loves! Here we are, chapter 14. Once again, sorry for the lack of a cut but hopefully I'll be able to get into my account online besides the app. Enjoy, babes! 😘💟🎩 •*•*•*•*•*•*•*• The following month Jacob, Mara and Jack were sailed to India to meet with Evie and Henry and to get a whole other culture's assassinship in their current skill set. For Jacob this would be his 2nd cultural training and for Mara this would be her 4th since she was born and trained in America, Puerto Rico, and England. An ever so small bump had finally made its presence known, she was now 1 month and 3 weeks in with her pregnancy and both Evie and Henry were exhilarated. "I'm so happy for you both! What do you guys want to have?" Evie asked at the dinner table the same night they'd arrived. Jack had been seated next to Henry but he was too busy looking out the window. He spotted that girl he saw when they arrived at the village. She was a little older than him, 15 and one of the Indian Assassin's daughters who was very good friends with Henry and Evie. Avni, he recalled her name to be as he heard her father call for her. He went back to eating, wanting to finish and escape all the talk of the coming baby. "We're both hoping for a boy, but if not, that's alright as well." Jacob said as he spooned out some more hummus on his plate for his roti bread. "Have you both decided what you're going to name the baby?" Henry asked, his smile lines being more pronounced than when Jacob and Mara had last seen him. Mara answered this one as she noticed Jacob's cheeks puffed with food, chuckling, "If it's a boy we're naming him Ayden and if it's a girl, we decided Olivya. Both with a 'Y', we decided to be a little different." She said as she nibbled on some roti. Henry and Evie both nodded, smiles on their faces. "I happen to like that idea. But I still can’t imagine MY brother taking care of a baby. I mean, you have Jack the Lad here, but you both missed the baby stage with him, yeah?" Evie asked, wanting to ruffle Jacob's feathers. "Oi, I can too take care of a baby, the key is to not drop it or leave it behind somewhere." He said in defense. Mara gave him a sideways glance making him smile looking all innocent like. "Still excited, Mara?" Evie joked at seeing her reaction. "I mean, I'm still shocked Jacob was the one who initiated bringing Jack in to live with you. In all honesty, I'm very proud of you Jacob. It's about time you took on an initiate. Father would be proud of you as well." Evie sipped her wine, passing the clay pitcher across the table to see if either Jacob or Mara needed a refill. Jacob did, of course, he leaned over to see if his wife wanted any yet and she held her hand over her glass. "No, the smell still makes me ill. I'll pass, Jacob, thank you." She said, sticking with her water. "Alright, love. Are you well? How are you feeling?" He rubbed the small of her back before rubbing her stomach. Evie couldn't help but smile, looking at Henry who was smiling as well. "Alright, just really hungry." Mara chuckled, blushing. "The baby's been very demanding lately, hasn't he?" Jacob asked with a grin. "Ugh, don't remind me." She said, her hands covering her eyes. "What's the matter?" Evie asked. "She's been bloody starved the whole way here. Eating those, uh, what were they, dove? Almond cookies?" Jacob asked while Mara buried her face in her hands even more. "Yeah, almond cookies." She admitted shyly as he continued to rub her stomach. "Aye! Those almond cookies they were giving with just about every meal. I even started saving mine on the side." He said proudly, like he'd done a major service. Mara smiled with a shake of her head. "I think the baby likes the roti more." She said as she removed her hands from her face. "I admit, it's quite good, especially with the scallions on it. Even better with hummus." Jacob agreed. "What about you, Jack? What do you like?" Henry asked. "I liked it all. Especially the Lamb." He said, the sides of his mouth full of food debris. Mara leaned over and helped him wipe his face with the cloth, his eyes searing into her with anger. "Well, I'm going to clean up, shall we let the men have their time, Mara?" Evie asked as she got up and stretched. "Sure, I need to move around anyways." Mara agreed, getting up and stretching herself. Jacob grabbed her wrist, slowing her a little. "Are you sure? You're not tired?" He asked, his thumb gliding over the bone of her wrist. "I'm alright, Jacob. I'm going to talk with Evie and help her a bit. She shouldn't do all this which means I'm putting you in charge of getting Jack to bed." She smiled as Jacob pulled her down for a kiss. "Alright, love. I'll see you soon. Say goodnight, Jack, give everyone a hug and I'll get you to bed, lad." Jacob said, prompting Jack to hop off the chair and give Evie and Henry a hug and then Mara a two second one before siding over to Jacob. "Goodnight, Jack." Everyone said. "One moment, Greenie, I'll be right down." Jacob ushered Jack up the stairs as Henry threw his hands in the air. "After all these years, still calling me that?" Evie and Mara had finally got all the dishes in the kitchen when she hushed her tone. "Mara, I need to ask you something." Evie's voice sounded urgent and serious throwing Mara into instant concern. "What's the matter?" She asked, passing her dish by dish. "I don't mean to cause alarm, given your condition, I just want to know where my brother found the boy." She asked making Mara's mouth drop open. "O-oh…" "I saw the way he'd been looking at you during dinner. What's going on? Does he not like you?" Evie asked, concern written all over her face. Of course Evie would see, she's so perceptive to everything, it'd be hard to get one over on her. "I'm actually happy you ask, I feel like I'm going insane. Jacob found him at Lambeth Asylum. His mom was killed by Starrick back when he was still alive, before we overthrew him. He wasn't always like this either. I noticed a change ever since shortly after Jacob and I had talked about being ready to have children of our own. I have a strong feeling Jack overheard that conversation." She confided in Evie. Evie furrowed her brows. "What does Jacob think of all this?" She asked as she scrubbed the plates. Passing the cleaned ones to Mara for her to wipe them dry. "He doesn’t see it. Jack is very good about showing only me and not Jacob the faces he makes. They always seem to be behind Jacob's back. It's like I'm in the way. Now that I'm pregnant, it scares me." Evie finally met her eyes with Mara's. "I'm not going to lie, the lad troubles me. I know Henry saw it as well." She said passing the last plate on the stack of dishes yet to be dried before helping Mara dry them. "Thing is, Evie, Jacob's been nothing but a father to him. It's like Jacob is his hero. And he's teaching him to be an Assassin and he takes it very seriously. It's just me he doesn’t like. I mean, didn’t you see, he hugged you and Henry decently but he hugged me for barely a second. It used to never be like this. And I keep telling myself that it's just that he's getting older, he doesn't need me anymore, he needs a man to follow. A man like Jacob." Evie found tears running down Mara's cheeks. She let go of the dish she was drying and pulled her sister-in-law in a hug. "I'm sorry, Evie." She said, burying her face in the taller woman's shoulder. "What ever for?" Evie asked, rubbing her back. "I've been an emotional mess since I been pregnant, crying at the drop of a gauntlet. Or getting upset over the silliest of things. Like, I tripped over one of Jack's wooden cars the last day we were home and I cried over it. Don't get pregnant." Mara warned before laughing. Evie began to laugh too as she pulled away to look at her sister which quickly became uncontrollable. As they recovered, Evie wiping a tear from the corner of her eye looked at Mara. "Well, hopefully after this batch of initiates, Henry and I can focus on making a family of our own. I so badly want to, I'm well ready. Seeing you and my brother tonight… has only fueled that desire to be a mother. And look at you!" Evie exclaimed, placing a palm over Mara's small bump, "I'm so happy I'm going to be an aunt!" They giggled and hugged once more. "I'm so happy for you both. I'm truly proud of you and of Jacob. I know I was taking the piss earlier but, I am. You're both going to make perfect parents." Evie softly said before pulling away from Mara again. "Thank you, Evie. It'd mean the world to us if you and Henry were there 8 months from now?" She asked more as a question, a hopeful look on her face. "I'll be sure to bother him every day until he says yes. He owes me anyways, we've been working nonstop and I need a holiday. WE need a holiday. By then, our current initiates will have moved on and we'll be free for the first time in a long time." Evie relished the thought. "The last time you and Jacob were here was for our wedding, you still haven’t told me how much you like the way the house turned out." Evie frowned making Mara smile. "It's utterly gorgeous. I love what you've done with the place, truly. The colors are lovely and lively, vibrant. A very wonderful burst of Indian colors." Mara noted as Evie grinned. "My dearest sister, Jacob and I need to head to bed, we have an early day tomorrow right? I'm excited to get the Indian Brotherhood training under my belt." Evie nodded and gave a yawn. "You're going to love it. I can’t wait to show you the fear tactics we use on enemies, you're going to love it!" She said again, ushering Mara towards the dining room to meet up with their men. Evie sat by Henry while Mara migrated towards Jacob, sitting down and leaning against his shoulder. "There's my lass. Hello, love. Knackered? Ready to get some sleep? We've a long and early day tomorrow." Jacob asked, pecking the top of her head. "Very ready. I'm exhausted. Jack asleep?" She asked before Jacob nodded. They said their goodnights and headed to bed. Their bedroom was a big one with large windows since it was very hot in India. Jacob opened them, staying in his underwear. Mara was busy fishing out a chemise also staying in her home sewn underwear. She hated knee-length underwear of the day so she specially cut and sewed all her underwear to be shorter which she found made it easier to maneuver in. Once she was in her pajamas, she sat at the vanity that was in the room and began brushing her hair while Jacob was fussing with the mosquito net that surrounded their bed. "Bloody hell, Jack's bed had one of these. They're a bitch to figure ou- where the hell is the opening?!" He hissed throwing his hands in the air in forfeit. "Just lift it up, silly. We'll enter from there." Mara said putting the brush down and scooping an ample amount of lotion in her hands and rubbing it in. "Can you get my back, please, Jacob?" His eyes widened as he made his way to her at the vanity. "I was hoping you'd ask." He wore a cheeky grin as he rubbed the lotion over her shoulders and back, his large calloused hands working over her soft skin, kneading and rubbing. His hands slid to her neck and collarbones, no longer rubbing, just touching and then slid under the top of her chemise. "Jacob!" Mara whispered, looking at him in the mirror, "Not here! Your sister and brother are in the other room!" She grabbed hold of his forearms, her fingers never meeting her thumbs all the way around. Jacob grinned and leant down to her ear, meeting her gaze in the mirror. "I guess we'll just have to be quiet then, won't we, hm?" He scooped her up, making her squeak as he crossed the room, lifting the mosquito net. She was trying to fight him as she kept giggling placing her down on the fluffy sheets. "The idea is to be quiet, love." He said, teasing her. She frowned as he leaned down and kissed her lips, slowly positioning himself over her. "You look utterly gorgeous tonight." He said after he pulled away, running a hand through her hair. She smiled softly, cupping his face running a finger along the scar on his left cheek while her thumb traced the scar at the end of his right eyebrow making him smile. "You are devilishly handsome, you know that?" She asked looking in his eyes. "You make me blush, Mrs. Frye." She smiled as she leaned up and kissed him before pulling him down with her, her hair fanning out around her in the process. He frowned, drooping his head as he remembered them having to wake early in the morning to train. "We're going to have to put this on hold, darling." Jacob huffed as she ran her thumbs over his cheekbones. "I know, we've a long and early day tomorrow. Let's get some sleep, alright?" Mara leaned up, kissing him once more before they shifted towards their pillows, snuggling up to one another. "It's bloody hot over here, 'innit? I hate it." Jacob complained as he slipped her hand in his, interlacing their fingers together. She giggled, nodding her head in agreement, "I know, tomorrow's going to be a rough one." She shifted closer to him, his free hand resting against the tiny bump on her stomach, rubbing gently. "Do me a favor, yeah?" He asked, prompting her to look up at him. "Just, promise me you'll take it easy. For both you and the baby. Alright, Mara?" Jacob caressed the side of her face softly before rubbing her stomach again. "I promise, I will. Ok? I love you." She whispered as he leaned in and kissed her forehead and then her lips before settling down again on his half of the pillow. "I love you more. Goodnight, little dove."

Who Lets Him Walk Easily Out of the Wilderness Into Canaan

Cheng Yi

One evening, I was very happy I saw Brother Liu log onto Skype. I remembered that Brother Liu had believed in the Lord for many years and that in the past he was always doing service work in the church. But in the past few years the church had grown increasingly desolate and the faith of the brothers and sisters had chilled. He was passive and feeble, just busying himself with his engineering projects, and concerned only with his physical self. He had not come to church for a long time. It was something rare to come across him that day, so we quickly started chatting …

Without realizing it we got to talking about our own recent spiritual condition. I was going to tell him just like I used to about how my spirit was withered and dark, but something Brother Liu shared with me took me by surprise. He had a unique explanation for why the church had grown desolate, and what he said had lots of light. I hadn’t heard anything like it before. I was so impressed to see how much he had gleaned in such a short amount of time!

Seeing me so surprised, Brother Liu then took it upon himself to talk about what he had experienced during that time. He said: “Before, I had seen the situation in the church getting worse and worse, the faith of the brothers and sisters in general growing cold and weak, and most of the people following worldly trends, and that there were even some people who had left the Lord behind. As a person in the service of the Lord, I was powerless and unable to help or support my brothers and sisters. Much of the time I myself was even living in the cycle of sinning and repenting with no way to get myself out of it. My spirit had grown dark and weak, and there was nothing I could do. I had already sought everywhere, but had seen that every denomination was just as desolate as the next. I too slowly became trapped in mundane concerns and was busy with work every day, and no longer even thought about attending gatherings…. Later, from various signs I saw that the prophecies of the Lord’s second coming had been fulfilled one after the other. Especially with the appearance of the four blood moons, it was clear that the great disasters are about to come, yet we have still not welcomed the Lord. My heart full of anxiety and confusion, I suddenly thought of what the biblical prophecy says: ‘And also I have withheld the rain from you, when there were yet three months to the harvest: and I caused it to rain on one city, and caused it not to rain on another city: one piece was rained on, and the piece whereupon it rained not withered’ (Amo 4:7). I thought about a problem: ‘In the past few years, our spirits have grown dark and withered, the pastors sermonize about nothing but stale truisms, and there is no new light. It is evident that the church has already grown desolate, and not just one church which is in this condition but each and every denomination alike. What could the ultimate reason be for this? I couldn’t help but be reminded of the end of the Age of Law. People were unable to uphold the law and deviated from the way of Jehovah. For mankind’s salvation, the Lord Jesus launched His new work in the Age of Grace, after which the temple became desolate, lost the work of the Holy Spirit, and turned into a den of thieves. Could the desolation now appearing in the churches really be God leaving us to begin His new work?’ I quickly got online to see the exact place of the Lord’s appearance to do the new work. By chance, I discovered that in the entire world only The Church of Almighty God was bearing witness that the Lord has already returned and was publicly distributing on the internet the truth expressed by Almighty God. They have all kinds of videos, movies, hymns of praise, and other ways of spreading and bearing witness to God’s work in the last days. I saw that Almighty God’s words hold power, authority, and they are so heart-shaking. The debate sessions in all the movies produced by The Church of Almighty God were intense and they fellowshiped about the truth in an illuminating way to give people great benefit. They really have the guidance and work of the Holy Spirit! Seeing that what The Church of Almighty God provided for people’s lives was abundantly rich and all-encompassing, yet we were as if living in the darkness with withered spirits, I felt how vast a gulf there was between us! I then remembered the words of the Lord Jesus: ‘Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you’ (Mat 7:7). The Lord tells us to seek in all things that if we seek the Lord will enlighten us. I thought of how I had prayed so earnestly to the Lord recently, and He had guided me to The Church of Almighty God. Could the Lord’s will be found in this? I therefore resolved to actively seek and investigate The Church of Almighty God in accordance with the word of the Lord.”

When I heard what Brother Liu had shared, I felt that it came from the guidance and enlightenment of the Holy Spirit. I asked him to share without delay a method for investigating the work of Almighty God in the last days.

Brother Liu said that the first time he came into contact with The Church of Almighty God, he had no understanding of Almighty God’s work in the last days. Still, something touched his heart and he felt an urge to read the word of Almighty God so as not to miss his chance to welcome the Lord. But just then, a project that Brother Liu was in charge of was about to get underway, and he had to travel to another state to oversee the operations site. He was very busy every day, there were a lot of people where he was staying, the internet connection was not working, and he couldn’t use his computer at all, so Brother Liu had no way to read the word of God. Amid the anxiety Brother Liu was feeling about this, the brothers and sisters recommended the mobile app of The Church of Almighty God. He learned that he could use app to read the word of God online, listen to hymns praising God and recitations of the word of God, and download materials for offline access. He was excited to hear that, so he quickly downloaded and installed it. From then on, whenever Brother Liu had a free moment he would find somewhere to listen to recitations of the word of Christ of the last days, and enjoyed the watering and supply of the living water of life. In a short time, Brother Liu had understood many truths and mysteries from the word of Almighty God that had been unclear to him before. He understood things such as the reason the churches had grown desolate, the three stages of God’s work in saving mankind, how God carries out the work of judgment and purification in the last days, humanity’s outcome and destination, the beauty of His kingdom, and so on. As he listened to Almighty God’s word more and more, the confusion and difficulties that he had faced for years were all resolved and his parched spirit was alleviated …

Brother Liu spoke with great excitement, and I could feel that his spiritual condition was completely different from how it had been. Because before Liu’s faith had been weak and he was busy with work and occupied with the mundane world, he wasn’t able to bear the temptations of Satan and would always just watch TV, sometimes until very late at night, and his relationship with the Lord had grown more and more remote. Through examining the work of Almighty God in the last days, in such a short amount of time Brother Liu understood so much of the truth that had eluded him before. He had regained his faith and become strong in spirit. I was jealous at all Brother Liu had gained.

Not much later, Brother Liu said with genuine emotion that, since he installed the app from The Church of Almighty God, the best thing he had experienced had been getting his regular spiritual life back. His spirit was no longer dark and withered, and he had regained the feeling of being in the Lord’s presence. He said that from time to time when he encounters some difficulties or temptations in his life or work, and doesn’t know what to do, he opens up the app to read the word of Almighty God or experiences and testimonies shared by the brothers and sisters. When he does so, he gains a flash of insight and is able to emerge from whatever confusion and difficulty he is facing. In his heart, he affirms that the Holy Spirit is at work in The Church of Almighty God, that the word of Almighty God is the truth, and that it can solve mankind’s practical problems. The app then became a tool for spiritual devotion that he couldn’t live without. He felt how convenient and quick it was to use the app, and the more he used it the more benefit he saw. His spirit became tranquil, his mind was at peace, and he was enthusiastic in his work. What Brother Liu found even more exciting was that through a short period of investigating and the fellowship and testimony of the brothers and sisters, he had become completely certain that the word of Almighty God is the voice of the Holy Spirit. Almighty God is the returned Lord Jesus. He has caught up with the footsteps of the Lamb and attained God’s salvation in the last days. Smiling, he said that it had really been the app that had helped him the most. If not for installing it, he would never have read so much of the word of Almighty God or affirmed as true the work of Almighty God in the last days.

Brother Liu now always uses the app whenever and wherever to listen to recitations of the word of God and hymns, and to watch all kinds of gospel video programs such as movies and A Cappella music videos. Brother Liu was especially happy when he told me that the app from The Church of Almighty God has a spiritual devotion planning feature, so he won’t have to struggle to find some good content when it’s time for spiritual devotion. The personalized spiritual devotion planning feature is especially rich with classic selections from the word of God directed at the aspects of the truth that one should understand in belief in God. It also has movies, recitations of the word of God, and videos of hymns, and the experiences and testimonies of the brothers and sisters are heartfelt and moving. Those mainly describe how they experienced the judgment and chastisement of the word of God, how they gradually came to understand the truth and to know themselves, how they threw off their corrupt disposition and entered upon the road to salvation, and so on. This provision of truth allowed Brother Liu to gain a lot of new enlightenment and illumination from his spiritual devotion, something that was unobtainable and invisible in the religious world. Brother Liu rejoiced that he was able to welcome the second coming of the Lord by using the app. In his new church life, he enjoyed the word of Almighty God and obtained sustenance directly. For Brother Liu, every day is now fulfilling. As his understanding of the truth gradually increases, his relationship with God becomes more and more normal, the spirit grows stronger, and, most importantly, he has caught up with the new work of the Holy Spirit. He has gained sustenance and guidance from God Himself and is on the path to obtaining salvation. In his heart and spirit, he is becoming more and more free.

When I heard what Brother Liu shared, I was very excited, and I wanted to obtain this abundant sustenance as well.

On my way to work the next morning, I took out my phone, put my headphones on, opened the app from The Church of Almighty God, selected a hymn, and as I walked I listened to music in praise of the Creator with an incomparably sweet and joyful feeling in my heart …

Recommended ： 4 Principles on How to Be Closer to God

Title: 1 Author: Canadduh (me) AO3 Link (x) 

Pairings: Castiel/Dean Winchester,  Tags: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kid! Fic, Uncle Dean Winchester, Uncle Castiel, Dean Winchester is a good Uncle, Fluff, Parent Sam Winchester

Summary: Dean has always looked after his brother Sammy. So it was really easy to extend that care to his brother's kid. Dean watches his nephew while Sam spends five hours on self-care for the first time since the death of his wife almost six months ago. Dean and Cas talk about the future.

x

The fact of the matter is that sometimes, kids cry for no goddamned reason.

Or at least he hoped it was no goddamned reason, otherwise, he was completely lost.

The kid was fed, watered, recently changed, and had been sleeping a majority of the day. He’d taken care of his usual suspects and now had no idea what he should be doing.

Dean tried to think of what he’d done for Sammy when his younger brother wouldn’t stop crying, but John was usually there to take care of those moments. He tried to sing to the kid but the crying only got louder.

“I know, I know,” Dean rumbled, patting his nephew on the back, “I ain’t got the best voice, but it’s the only voice you got right now.”

He tried playing music on his phone with the same result. So maybe it wasn’t Dean’s voice after all?

With Metallica playing in the background to soothe his own frayed nerves Dean bounced around the living room, sushing the crying child. He really didn’t want to call Sam. It was his brothers first night out since Gabey had been born. His first time out since Jess had died.

He could do this.

“Okay, Gabriel Dean,” he said softly but firm, a burst of pride rocking through him as he kissed his namesake on the head, “let’s get you sorted out then we’ll both go for a nap, how’s that sound?”

Dean remembered holding Cas when Jess had told them what they were naming the kid. Castiel’s older brother, Gabriel, had died of cancer two months after Sam and Jess had gotten engaged. The five of them had grown up together, Gabe being a leader of sorts for their cohort. He’d kept them together when Mary, Sam and Dean’s mom, had died ten years ago.

He continued to rock his nephew as he searched for a clean pacifier in hopes of it working this time. The last one still lay where it had fallen in front of the TV when Gabey had thrown it.

“Come on, Buttercup,” Dean urged, sighing when the kid spat the pacifier back out.

He checked Gabey’s temperature again, noting that it was now at 99 and sighed. He suddenly remembered his friend Garth, a string bean of a man with a heart of gold, talking about his daughter’s teething phase at work. Dean felt along Gabe’s gum after rinsing his hands in the kitchen sink and winced at the sharp cut of the new tooth.

“Alright,” Dean nodded, “this I can do.”

He put a fresh pacifier in the freezer to cool it down before moving back to the living room to grab his phone. Dean pulled up the call app and pressed one before hitting dial.

“Dean?” The rough voice on the other end immediately soothed Dean and he couldn’t help but smile, even though Gabey was still crying directly into his other ear. He knew Cas could hear it, “what’s wrong? Is Gabey okay?”

“He’s fine, Cas,” Dean assured, sticking a finger into Gabe’s mouth for the kid to teeth on for a moment, smiling that something had finally, finally, worked, “he’s started teething and we don’t have baby Tylenol at the house.”

“Okay,” Cas said after a moment, “I’ll pick some up on my way home, I should be there by six.”

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean sighed, “could you also get some-”

“I’ll get some pie, Dean,” Cas assured. Dean knew that the other man was smiling.

“You’re a lifesaver.”

Cas chuckled, “I’ll be home around seven. Can you handle this for that long?”

Dean laughed as he pulled the pacifier back out of the freezer and stuck it in Gabe’s mouth. He couldn’t help but kiss the kid at the sigh he let out.

“I raised Sammy through his teething phase, Cas,” Dean reminded his husband, “I’ll be just fine.”

“Alright, love you, see you soon.”

“See you soon,” Dean replied before hanging up the phone and letting Metallica start again.

Gabey was now resting his head against Dean’s shoulder, his eyes fluttering as he fought off sleep. Dean kissed him on the forehead before settling down on the couch, throwing a blanket over them so it rested halfway down Gabey’s back.

“Sleep tight, kiddo.”

x

He woke up to his phone ringing twenty minutes later, shaking his head when he saw that it was Sam.

“Hey, brother,” Dean greeted. He rested a hand on Gabey’s back, glad that the boy was still sleeping.

“Hey Dean,” Sam greeted, his voice stressed, “how’s Gabey?”

“He’s doing fine, Sammy,” Dean assured his brother gently. It had taken Sam six months to get to this point, being able to leave Gabey alone for five hours. Sam had dropped Gabey off at five before heading to a spa. He was supposed to be getting dinner with a few friends after. Sam had been calling every hour on the hour since he left. “He’s teething but I’ve got it covered alright. Cas is bringing Tylenol and he’s sleeping right now.”

“I can-”

“No, Sam,” Dean said, more harshly than he intended, he cleared his throat before continuing, “What I mean is, you really don’t have to, Sam. You know I love spending time with my nephew and Cas does as well. He’s gonna be home soon with the Tylenol and then he’ll put Gabey to bed. You’ll be back in a couple hours and then you’ll sleep in the nursery with Gabey. We’ll be fine. We all know you needed a this, Sammy. It’s a big step and I’m super proud of you.”

He could hear Sam thinking and pictured his brother running a hand through his frankly ridiculously long hair. Dean smiled at the image while he allowed Sam to think it through.

“If you need to come back, though,” Dean continued after a moment, “no one will think any less of you.”

“Okay,” Sam breathed out, “okay, I’ll call you in an hour. Thanks, Dean.”

“Bye bit,” Dean said, knowing it would make Sam laugh. Dean had started censoring himself as soon as they found out Jess was pregnant.

Dean glanced down at Gabey once Sam had hung up and smiled at the same grey eyes that Jess had had. He felt a pang of sadness at the thought of his sister-in-law and closed his eyes briefly before hugging Gabey just a little bit tighter to him.

Their small family had been through a lot in the past few years but Dean was forever grateful for Gabey coming into their lives. Dean’s not sure any of them would have made it through losing Jess in that car accident if it hadn’t been for the tiny human Dean had cuddled to his chest.

Dean got up to change Gabey’s diaper and put a new pacifier in the freezer. He didn’t take the one Gabey was using back, instead, he waited for the boy to throw it. He took the quite moments to clean up the living room one handed. He made sure none of Gabey’s toys were laying around and put everything back where it belonged.

Still using one hand, Dean put a pot on the stove to boil. He and Cas had decided on pasta for dinner that night since it was quick and easy. Dean was just starting the dishwasher when he heard the front door open.

Dean grinned and brought Gabey to the hall to greet his other uncle. He could feel the love he held for the other man pulsing in his chest and he couldn’t help but tell him how he felt.

“I love you,” Dean greeted allowing the dark-haired man to take Gabey from him and laughing at the quizzical look “just thought you should know.”

Cas smiled and kissed Dean on the forehead before handing him the grocery bag. Dean accepted it and brought it to the kitchen, pulling out the Tylenol first and checking the dosage. He pulled up a milliliter of the liquid, making sure it was measured perfectly and handed it to Cas.

Dean winced at the cry coming from his nephew when Cas pulled the pacifier out. Cas looked at him helplessly while Gabey refused to take the medicine, shaking his head from side to side.

Watching Cas with Gabeywas one of Dean’s favorite activities but he knew that Cas was at a loss here. Until Gabey had come into their lives Cas’ only interaction with children had been Sam but Cas had been a child then as well.

“Hand me that, please,” Dean requested, holding his hand out for the syringe, “I know this seems cruel, but I need you to hold his mouth open.”

Cas hesitated for a moment before relenting and doing as Dean asked. Dean kissed Gabey on the head before putting the syringe in the kid's mouth, by his cheek, and pushing the liquid out. Cas let go when Dean pulled back and they grinned at each other when Gabey swallowed the liquid down.

Dean pulled the second, or fourth, pacifier out of the freezer and handed it to Cas when Gabey started screaming again. He turned to the stove after to put the pasta in the boiling water.

The room was quiet as Dean worked, getting started on the sauce. He and Cas had decided to cut back on meat recently so Dean fried up some mushrooms and onions for the sauce before adding garlic powder. He dumped in the can of tomato sauce before turning to watch his husband coo at their nephew.

“You look good with a baby in your arms,” Dean remarked, a soft smile on his lips.

“As do you,” Cas said, standing up and kissing Dean on the forehead again, “when did this one eat last?”

“Around five,” Dean said, glancing at the clock, “he’s about due for another bottle if he’s hungry.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Cas assured, kissing Dean on the lips before pulling a bottle out of the fridge and heating it up in the microwave, “we’ll be in the living room.”

“Alright babe,” Dean grinned, turning back to the food.

He had just finished up when Cas was back with Gabey. Dean had set the table while the food was cooking so all they had to do was put Gabey to bed before the two of them could eat.

“Y’know, we’re pretty lucky with this kid,” Dean remarked, “most babies would still be crying their heads off at this point.”

Cas chuckled, “you’re very right,” He kissed Gabey on the forehead, “we’re very lucky with this kid.”

Dean watched as Cas sang to Gabey, his voice a deep soothing rumble that threatened to put Dean to sleep as well. He grinned at his husband, eyes soft when the (barely) older man looked at him.

Dinner is a quiet affair, as it usually is with the two of them. Cas tells Dean about his day and Dean fills in Cas on his plans for tomorrow. Which are to help Sam with Gabey and finally fix the fencing that was knocked down in the storm a few weeks back.

“So I was thinking,” Dean hedged, suddenly nervous. He’d been wanting to talk to Cas about this for a while but Sammy had needed their support.

“Yes, Dean?” Cas asked when Dean didn’t continue.

“I’vebeenthinkingthatweshouldadoptababygirl,” Dean gets out as fast as he can before he loses the nerve again.

Cas was silent for a moment and Dean really hoped that Cas had caught what he’d said. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to repeat himself.

“And how long have you been thinking this,” Cas asked gently, grabbing Dean’s hand from where it sat on the table and running his thumb over the knuckles.

“Uh, since before Gabey was born,” Dean said after a moment, “I was going to bring it up but then…”

Cas was smiling softly at Dean and he felt something in his stomach loosen. He hadn’t been able to figure out why he was anxious. He and Cas had talked about children back when they first started dating in high school. He knew Cas wanted kids, even if the man had been nervous about them.

“And we should name her Jessica Mary,” Dean smiled through the tears in his eyes, knowing that Cas would love the name just as much as Dean did.

Cas pulled Dean into a hug, tears running down both their faces now.

“Oh, Dean,” Cas says a few minutes later, once they’ve both calmed down some, “I love her already.”

Who Lets Him Walk Easily Out of the Wilderness Into Canaan | The Church of Almighty God

Cheng Yi

One evening, I was very happy I saw Brother Liu log onto Skype. I remembered that Brother Liu had believed in the Lord for many years and that in the past he was always doing service work in the church. But in the past few years the church had grown increasingly desolate and the faith of the brothers and sisters had chilled. He was passive and feeble, just busying himself with his engineering projects, and concerned only with his physical self. He had not come to church for a long time. It was something rare to come across him that day, so we quickly started chatting …

Without realizing it we got to talking about our own recent spiritual condition. I was going to tell him just like I used to about how my spirit was withered and dark, but something Brother Liu shared with me took me by surprise. He had a unique explanation for why the church had grown desolate, and what he said had lots of light. I hadn’t heard anything like it before. I was so impressed to see how much he had gleaned in such a short amount of time!

Seeing me so surprised, Brother Liu then took it upon himself to talk about what he had experienced during that time. He said: “Before, I had seen the situation in the church getting worse and worse, the faith of the brothers and sisters in general growing cold and weak, and most of the people following worldly trends, and that there were even some people who had left the Lord behind. As a person in the service of the Lord, I was powerless and unable to help or support my brothers and sisters. Much of the time I myself was even living in the cycle of sinning and repenting with no way to get myself out of it. My spirit had grown dark and weak, and there was nothing I could do. I had already sought everywhere, but had seen that every denomination was just as desolate as the next. I too slowly became trapped in mundane concerns and was busy with work every day, and no longer even thought about attending gatherings…. Later, from various signs I saw that the prophecies of the Lord’s second coming had been fulfilled one after the other. Especially with the appearance of the four blood moons, it was clear that the great disasters are about to come, yet we have still not welcomed the Lord. My heart full of anxiety and confusion, I suddenly thought of what the biblical prophecy says: ‘And also I have withheld the rain from you, when there were yet three months to the harvest: and I caused it to rain on one city, and caused it not to rain on another city: one piece was rained on, and the piece whereupon it rained not withered’ (Amo 4:7). I thought about a problem: ‘In the past few years, our spirits have grown dark and withered, the pastors sermonize about nothing but stale truisms, and there is no new light. It is evident that the church has already grown desolate, and not just one church which is in this condition but each and every denomination alike. What could the ultimate reason be for this? I couldn’t help but be reminded of the end of the Age of Law. People were unable to uphold the law and deviated from the way of Jehovah. For mankind’s salvation, the Lord Jesus launched His new work in the Age of Grace, after which the temple became desolate, lost the work of the Holy Spirit, and turned into a den of thieves. Could the desolation now appearing in the churches really be God leaving us to begin His new work?’ I quickly got online to see the exact place of the Lord’s appearance to do the new work. By chance, I discovered that in the entire world only The Church of Almighty God was bearing witness that the Lord has already returned and was publicly distributing on the internet the truth expressed by Almighty God. They have all kinds of videos, movies, hymns of praise, and other ways of spreading and bearing witness to God’s work in the last days. I saw that Almighty God’s words hold power, authority, and they are so heart-shaking. The debate sessions in all the movies produced by The Church of Almighty God were intense and they fellowshiped about the truth in an illuminating way to give people great benefit. They really have the guidance and work of the Holy Spirit! Seeing that what The Church of Almighty God provided for people’s lives was abundantly rich and all-encompassing, yet we were as if living in the darkness with withered spirits, I felt how vast a gulf there was between us! I then remembered the words of the Lord Jesus: ‘Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you’ (Mat 7:7). The Lord tells us to seek in all things that if we seek the Lord will enlighten us. I thought of how I had prayed so earnestly to the Lord recently, and He had guided me to The Church of Almighty God. Could the Lord’s will be found in this? I therefore resolved to actively seek and investigate The Church of Almighty God in accordance with the word of the Lord.”

When I heard what Brother Liu had shared, I felt that it came from the guidance and enlightenment of the Holy Spirit. I asked him to share without delay a method for investigating the work of Almighty God in the last days.

Brother Liu said that the first time he came into contact with The Church of Almighty God, he had no understanding of Almighty God’s work in the last days. Still, something touched his heart and he felt an urge to read the word of Almighty God so as not to miss his chance to welcome the Lord. But just then, a project that Brother Liu was in charge of was about to get underway, and he had to travel to another state to oversee the operations site. He was very busy every day, there were a lot of people where he was staying, the internet connection was not working, and he couldn’t use his computer at all, so Brother Liu had no way to read the word of God. Amid the anxiety Brother Liu was feeling about this, the brothers and sisters recommended the mobile app of The Church of Almighty God. He learned that he could use app to read the word of God online, listen to hymns praising God and recitations of the word of God, and download materials for offline access. He was excited to hear that, so he quickly downloaded and installed it. From then on, whenever Brother Liu had a free moment he would find somewhere to listen to recitations of the word of Christ of the last days, and enjoyed the watering and supply of the living water of life. In a short time, Brother Liu had understood many truths and mysteries from the word of Almighty God that had been unclear to him before. He understood things such as the reason the churches had grown desolate, the three stages of God’s work in saving mankind, how God carries out the work of judgment and purification in the last days, humanity’s outcome and destination, the beauty of His kingdom, and so on. As he listened to Almighty God’s word more and more, the confusion and difficulties that he had faced for years were all resolved and his parched spirit was alleviated …

Brother Liu spoke with great excitement, and I could feel that his spiritual condition was completely different from how it had been. Because before Liu’s faith had been weak and he was busy with work and occupied with the mundane world, he wasn’t able to bear the temptations of Satan and would always just watch TV, sometimes until very late at night, and his relationship with the Lord had grown more and more remote. Through examining the work of Almighty God in the last days, in such a short amount of time Brother Liu understood so much of the truth that had eluded him before. He had regained his faith and become strong in spirit. I was jealous at all Brother Liu had gained.

Not much later, Brother Liu said with genuine emotion that, since he installed the app from The Church of Almighty God, the best thing he had experienced had been getting his regular spiritual life back. His spirit was no longer dark and withered, and he had regained the feeling of being in the Lord’s presence. He said that from time to time when he encounters some difficulties or temptations in his life or work, and doesn’t know what to do, he opens up the app to read the word of Almighty God or experiences and testimonies shared by the brothers and sisters. When he does so, he gains a flash of insight and is able to emerge from whatever confusion and difficulty he is facing. In his heart, he affirms that the Holy Spirit is at work in The Church of Almighty God, that the word of Almighty God is the truth, and that it can solve mankind’s practical problems. The app then became a tool for spiritual devotion that he couldn’t live without. He felt how convenient and quick it was to use the app, and the more he used it the more benefit he saw. His spirit became tranquil, his mind was at peace, and he was enthusiastic in his work. What Brother Liu found even more exciting was that through a short period of investigating and the fellowship and testimony of the brothers and sisters, he had become completely certain that the word of Almighty God is the voice of the Holy Spirit. Almighty God is the returned Lord Jesus. He has caught up with the footsteps of the Lamb and attained God’s salvation in the last days. Smiling, he said that it had really been the app that had helped him the most. If not for installing it, he would never have read so much of the word of Almighty God or affirmed as true the work of Almighty God in the last days.

Brother Liu now always uses the app whenever and wherever to listen to recitations of the word of God and hymns, and to watch all kinds of gospel video programs such as movies and A Cappella music videos. Brother Liu was especially happy when he told me that the app from The Church of Almighty God has a spiritual devotion planning feature, so he won’t have to struggle to find some good content when it’s time for spiritual devotion. The personalized spiritual devotion planning feature is especially rich with classic selections from the word of God directed at the aspects of the truth that one should understand in belief in God. It also has movies, recitations of the word of God, and videos of hymns, and the experiences and testimonies of the brothers and sisters are heartfelt and moving. Those mainly describe how they experienced the judgment and chastisement of the word of God, how they gradually came to understand the truth and to know themselves, how they threw off their corrupt disposition and entered upon the road to salvation, and so on. This provision of truth allowed Brother Liu to gain a lot of new enlightenment and illumination from his spiritual devotion, something that was unobtainable and invisible in the religious world. Brother Liu rejoiced that he was able to welcome the second coming of the Lord by using the app. In his new church life, he enjoyed the word of Almighty God and obtained sustenance directly. For Brother Liu, every day is now fulfilling. As his understanding of the truth gradually increases, his relationship with God becomes more and more normal, the spirit grows stronger, and, most importantly, he has caught up with the new work of the Holy Spirit. He has gained sustenance and guidance from God Himself and is on the path to obtaining salvation. In his heart and spirit, he is becoming more and more free.

When I heard what Brother Liu shared, I was very excited, and I wanted to obtain this abundant sustenance as well.

On my way to work the next morning, I took out my phone, put my headphones on, opened the app from The Church of Almighty God, selected a hymn, and as I walked I listened to music in praise of the Creator with an incomparably sweet and joyful feeling in my heart …